tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17909237497802667712025-08-08T19:03:44.959-07:00This is a gambler's journey to recovery. It provides links to resources for gambling and addiction. It is a journal of my experiences, thoughts, and challenges in recovery. Even though it is difficult to open up about this illness, it is worth it if I can help at least one person affected by this terrible addiction. (This blog is setup to be read from the oldest post to the most current.)Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-83491089667838344822014-12-07T17:18:00.001-08:002014-12-07T17:18:52.026-08:00

I apologize for not posting for such an extended period of time.  It has been a busy year! Things are still going well with my gambling addiction.  I tested out going back to the casino this year by pulling out a set amount of money and then leaving all of my credit cards, etc. with my husband when I went.  This worked really well for a while, but then the gambler in me kicked in

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-19341413139609473022012-08-27T21:38:00.001-07:002012-08-27T21:38:11.233-07:00

It has been over six months since I last posted to my blog.  I have to admit that I have been caught up with life.  Many times it is easy to write when everything is going well, but difficult when stress gets in the way. A quick review of the last six months: I have been self-employed since September 2011.  This has been an amazing and highly stressful experience.  It is

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-66938554464999866362011-12-04T23:56:00.001-08:002012-03-06T12:34:59.279-08:00

The holidays are coming and I want to let you all know that you are in my thoughts. If you are dealing with a gambling addiction in your life, it can be incredibly overwhelming. It has been almost 15 months since I last gambled. I can still honestly say that recovery is going so much better than I thought it would. Once I was able to find my way back from rock bottom, to start my life over and

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-31902670838223213722011-09-28T22:15:00.000-07:002011-09-28T22:16:16.403-07:00

It has been a little over a year and I apologize for not posting as often as I did at the beginning of this journey.  My life has changed so drastically since I stopped gambling.  It has been 381 days since I last gambled.  I cannot express how incredibly different and better my life is today.  In just under a year I was able to finally leave my full-time job, which was really

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-28053078337822203202011-08-21T16:55:00.000-07:002011-09-28T22:15:43.525-07:00

It has been a while since my last post.  Things are going amazingly well.  Time has gone by so quickly.  In September I reach the one-year point.  When I look back at the insanity of the gambling cycle, it still makes me sick.  Whenever I hear an ad on the radio for a casino or see a bus drive by with advertising on the side, I honestly am still disgusted.  That

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-56031422029365217062011-05-03T21:10:00.000-07:002011-05-03T22:00:01.496-07:00

It has been a while since I last posted.  I guess I have been caught up in life!  Work is busy as always, more realistically it has been much busier.  Anyhow, my recovery is going very well.  I have been faced with many unique challenges the last month and in many ways those challenges have made me stronger.  A few weeks ago we brought two additional family members into

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-65126415424145333882011-04-09T10:02:00.000-07:002011-04-09T10:02:40.654-07:00

Wow, it is April already and it has been awhile since I have posted anything new.  Between work and life I am exhausted!  Sometimes it feels like it takes everything I have just to make it through the work week.  I guess that is called life!  It is exhausting.  Anyhow, my recovery is going great.  Every day is easier and now I hardly ever think about gambling.  

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-65621362456955395792011-03-22T22:06:00.000-07:002011-03-22T22:06:09.172-07:00

After being sick for two weeks and finally feeling better, I figure it is a good time to check in!  Things are still going well.  I am surprised by that fact in many aspects.  After being in recovery for six months, I realize that life is still full of surprises and stress can be handled in many different ways.   When I gambled, I avoided dealing with emotions, tried to avoid

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-36561412372812135752011-03-13T23:00:00.000-07:002011-03-13T23:00:48.413-07:00

It has been a while since I posted anything.  Everything has been going well, just had that really bad flu so I was out for several days. I am still fighting a kind of depressive funk.  When I am stuck in the house for several days, my depressive side starts to kick in.  What is frustrating is that I am unable to pinpoint why I feel down, irritable, or sad.  It drives me

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-33481025724997083232011-03-03T18:46:00.000-08:002011-03-03T18:47:19.778-08:00

As I mentioned in a previous post, our car was hit in a parking lot a few weeks ago. The damage was under $700, but barely. I am happy to say that we were able to work with the person who hit us and will have our car repaired soon. Our other two cars are still not running, but we hope a new radiator will fix at least one of them. There is light at the end of the tunnel! I am working on

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-76670088854245091362011-02-24T17:59:00.000-08:002011-02-24T20:15:21.310-08:00

I am back from vacation and feel much better.  It is amazing what a little rest can do!  Vacationing is another side benefit to recovery!  We actually had the money to go on vacation.  We did not go anywhere warm or expensive, but it was sure nice to get away for a few days. This morning we woke up to five inches of snow so I opted to work from home.  If the boss only

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-69325606540792733742011-02-16T20:22:00.000-08:002011-02-24T20:15:09.587-08:00

After six weeks of crazy work hours and finally settling in to our new office at work it is time for vacation!  I am looking forward to four days off work and time to catch up on much needed sleep. Last Saturday I missed my GA meeting because I was sick with the flu and I am going to miss it again this Saturday, but I will definitely be back next week.  The meetings keep me grounded

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-90959833097269658772011-02-10T19:53:00.000-08:002011-02-24T20:14:55.326-08:00

I am approaching five months in recovery.  It sounds like such a short amount of time, but when you consider how much power gambling had in my life, it is quite a while.  There are so many positive things that have occurred since I quit gambling.  Obviously our finances are improving and I am not stressed out all of the time about trying to find money to replace the money that I

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-46001000089676927692011-02-02T20:59:00.000-08:002011-02-02T21:05:04.759-08:00

I am checking in to say hi and let everyone know that everything is going well.  The office move has taken up all of my time so time is flying by.  I worked 148 hours over the last two weeks!  Needless to say there has been little time to think about much of anything let alone gambling.  In the past my job and stress was one of the biggest triggers for me to gamble.  The

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-91551244140214935782011-01-29T12:00:00.000-08:002011-02-02T20:59:36.262-08:00

I missed my GA meeting this morning.  My husband and daughter went to the doctor.  The baby has had a fever for several days so we had to put her on a different antibiotic and my husband still has the flu.  Apparently I must have needed sleep after the long week because I slept straight through my alarm until 11:00 am!  I am bummed that I missed the meeting this morning, but

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-26983359386994379802011-01-28T20:13:00.000-08:002011-01-28T20:15:12.884-08:00

Well, it has definitely been a long week.  We moved the office Wednesday night.  That involved coming into work at 8:00 am and staying there until 5:00 am the next day!   Needless to say, I worked from home yesterday after a brief period of sleep.  Today included 10 hours straight of unpacking boxes and moving boxes - how fun. Now I think I need a week off! The great thing

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-15439087322614961912011-01-25T23:25:00.000-08:002011-01-28T20:14:49.380-08:00

I am checking in to say that everything is still going well.  Since our office at work is moving this week, it has been extremely crazy!  It has definitely left me with little to no time to think about gambling. In the past, the stress would have driven me straight to the casino, but surprisingly, it does not seem appealing to me anymore.  I feel very lucky.  Thoughts of the

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-60241899028482585652011-01-21T00:51:00.000-08:002011-01-28T20:14:37.117-08:00

I apologize for the lack of posts over the last week or so.  Our office is moving before the end of the month and of course, I am coordinating everything :-).  The good news is that when you are working 12 hours a day you do not have time to think about gambling!  I am sure this post will have grammatical errors/typos since I will not be awake long enough to proof it before I post

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-67738185115076385462011-01-12T22:28:00.000-08:002011-01-28T20:14:23.155-08:00

Today was one of those days where you knew straight from the beginning of the day that everything would be a challenge.  I won't bore you with the details, but let me tell you, at some point I just had to laugh because it would be pretty hard for anything else to go wrong!  Nothing important, all trivial little things that added up to utter exhaustion at the end of the day! In the

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-7559450618449561712011-01-08T17:51:00.000-08:002011-03-30T20:46:48.292-07:00

It was great to go back to my GA meeting today.  I missed one week and it felt like so much longer.  Today I was brought right back to how I felt the day I attended my first meeting.  I felt horrible, worthless, desperate, and every other imaginable terrible feeling and it completely overwhelmed me.  Hearing the story of another member's pain and despair was difficult, but so

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-54073282617591020432011-01-06T19:43:00.000-08:002011-01-08T18:07:08.749-08:00

I apologize for not writing sooner.  The holidays were extremely busy and I had knee surgery just after Christmas.  Everything went well and I am up and moving around again which is nice. Last Saturday was the first meeting that I missed.  I feel like it has been forever!  We had a New Year's Eve party and it was a lot of fun.  This holiday season was so much different

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-69353030173702423662010-12-29T18:12:00.000-08:002011-01-08T18:06:46.620-08:00

It was pretty busy over the holidays so I did not have much time to add to my blog.  I had minor knee surgery yesterday so I worked from home today and will do the same tomorrow.  Talk about perfect timing with the snow we got this morning! Things are still going very well.  I cannot believe that we actually had money left over after Christmas!  During all of my gambling

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-71923011241506233632010-12-23T21:58:00.000-08:002011-01-08T18:06:33.112-08:00

Today I was thinking about all of the things that happened this year.  It is amazing how fast time goes by.  The thought that keeps bothering me is that I really only remember the last three months.  Prior to that I lived in my own personal (made up) reality.  I spent my time within the four walls of a casino or when I was not gambling I was stressed out about the money I lost

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-31118157467180377192010-12-17T15:47:00.000-08:002011-01-08T18:06:13.322-08:00

Tomorrow is my 90-day mark since I started GA.  It is an exciting step toward my recovery though I understand that it will likely get more difficult as time goes on.  I am dealing with a lot of anxiety over this.  It is intimidating to look ahead and know that there is so much work to do toward my recovery.  When I first started GA I thought, well, I'll probably go for a year,

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1790923749780266771.post-68125051867663115822010-12-14T22:00:00.000-08:002010-12-15T21:02:14.062-08:00

When I first started to consider the idea that I had a gambling problem was when I no longer used our available funds, but banked on the fact that I would win more than I gambled.  My "way out" was getting payday loans.  (Thankfully I did not have credit cards since I already had poor credit from raising three kids on my own for nine years.)  This spiraled very quickly out of

Jolenehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11126521202956192789noreply@blogger.com2