The life of a Nutter!

The next big thing?

2011-03-23T16:10:00.000-07:00

Just finished watching the movie 'facebook'. They try to portray Mark Zuckerburg as an 'idea stealer'. Maybe he is one, maybe he is not, but the bottom line is, he is the youngest billionaire in the world.

I've always wanted to be an inventor and have been fascinated by inventions. I think life is boring without all these new inventions. A wave that has hit us recently known as 'social media' has taken over our lives. This comes in the form of facebook, twitter, myspace, youtube etc...

The million dollar questions is; "what is the next big thing going to be"? I think I may have the answer. I have had an idea for sometime and I think it might potentially be useful for a lot more people. I cannot divulge any information about it right now but I hope the world will get to know it in 2011.

This idea would've never come out if I hadn't met this great, forward thinking individual last year. He just gave me all that confidence I needed and has backed me up so far to get this rolling. I am currently in the process of getting the wire frames designed. I've got a young team supporting me with the development.

Hopefully by this time next year, all of us would swap our ebaying time for this. Go figure! :)

Moat where art thou?

2010-07-09T05:26:00.000-07:00

It's been the talk of the town for the last couple of weeks. A fugitive, a father, a killer, a lover...on the run from the one's he loves and searching for the one's he hates the most. Generally we tend to run towards the one's we love and runaway when we see people we hate. But this man is different. He lives rough and taunts the law enforcement officers by sending letters threatning them. The police have combed an entire village in Rothbury and so far have found a tent, a couple of mobile phones and a few people who are believed to have helped Mr. Moat to get away.

Why is this man from Northumbria on a killing spree? Well, a few months ago another man from Cumbria went on a similar rampage. It's not a common factoral killing spree from the one's born in a town's name that ends with 'umbria'. If that was the case, then the lake district will be Britains equivilant to Chicago.

Brits are generally tougher than some of their peers around the world but since of late, they seem to have embraced the gun and killing culture of their allies over the Atlantic. This change in culture is not sudden but it seems to have popped in all of a sudden. Could it be another outcome of the dreaded recession? Are people getting more and more preassurised by their responsibiities or is it a matter of not having a proper work-life balance?

What ever it is, violence seem to be raising its ugly head in Britain. People are resorting to guns instead of mutual respect and life in blighty seems to have changed quite dramatically during the last few years. Destiny cannot be changed overnight but if society is going to accept a gun crime as a routine occurance, then a few more Raul's will emerge from the moats of this recession very soon.

The legal immigrant (short story)

2010-03-26T07:34:00.001-07:00

It was another fast drive along the M4 for Liana and her night partner, John who was still coughing away as he was recovering from his autumn flu but he knew if he wasn’t quick tonight, a few innocent lives could be lost. He was informed by Nick from the highways agency that some traffic was building up near Heathrow, so John switched on the ever so famous blue lights of his vehicle. There were many thoughts on Liana’s mind as they whizzed past various motorway signs.

Liana was a nurse employed by the NHS who was doing her internship at the Hounslow A&E. Last week she learnt that the Hounslow branch generally responded to emergencies in Middlesex but today she was in an ambulance that was driving like a bullet towards Maidenhead in Berkshire.

In her line of work, Liana knew not to ask too many questions, but even she knew that Maidenhead did not belong to the Hounslow A& E. Then again, she was thinking only for her self because she just remembered how annoyed John was when he was asked to accompany Liana to Maidenhead on this distress call. The first thing that John said was the staple four letter swear word and then a sentence that Liana would only hear in a nasty old western drama.

John was a person who would never go out of his way to do anything. He definitely was in the wrong line of work, Liana thought. Then again, he had served the NHS for nearly 20 years. Maybe he was bored with his job, but what ever it was he had no time to ponder as today’s call came right from the top. The director of the branch, Rebecca Lee herself called John and asked him to drive the ambulance. This was quite odd John thought. But even he knew not to ask too many questions from the director.

John wasn’t happy to have an immigrant intern to be his night partner that day. He was utterly dismayed to see this petite girl getting onto the ambulance with him. For a minute he thought she was not going to make it to the ambulance as she slipped on the long corridor that led to the emergency car park. ‘Careless little girl’ he thought.

Liana had a very steep learning curve in her new job as a nurse. She always saw the good in people and when she was young, everyone used to say she had a kind heart. In the back of her mind, she always wanted to become a doctor. She studied bio science for her A/L’s back in Srilanka, where she was born and bread for over 21 years. Life wasn’t easy for her back then. She lost her father when she was quite young and was brought up by her mother who struggled to make ends meet on her own. Liana had an elder sister who managed to get into a local university in Colombo. She was studying architecture which was one of the lengthiest courses in the local curriculum. Liana on the other hand didn’t get enough marks to get into the medical college, so she did a course in nursing and worked in a private hospital until she was offered a work permit to go to UK. There was massive human resource erosion in the country. Everyone wanted to go abroad and make money. For Liana, it wasn’t the money it self. It had been a struggle for her all through out her life. She did not know a world beyond problems. Her poor mother was now ailing and with her sister still at college, Liana knew she had to become the bread winner of her family.

She met a traveler from the UK called Nathaniel at the A&E in Colombo once. He had tripped over in his hotel room and had a broken wrist. Liana looked after him. He was a young man who had quite a good knowledge about the world. He was quite an interesting character whose charm and wit had taken him a long way all throughout his travels. It was whilst talking to him that Liana found out that U.K had a dearth of qualified nurses. This prompted her to search for more information on visiting the U.K. After 3 months of meeting Nathaniel, Liana’s work permit to U.K was granted and here she was now, working for one of the most prestigious health care services in the world.

The ambulance suddenly came to a screeching halt. If not for the seat belt, Liana would have flown through the windscreen. Some colourful words flew out from Johns’ mouth as he overtook the mini that blocked their way. They passed a massive electronic gantry that said 12 minutes to Maidenhead. The traffic was steadily building up but the speed of the ambulance did not change.

They were just about to turn off to junction 8/9 when Liana spotted a man desperately trying to pull out someone from what looked like an expensive sports car. When the ambulance closed in, this man came running towards it and started yelling. Apparently the man in the overturned sports car had tried to over take his little micra which was now visible on the slip road. According to the owner of the micra, as soon as the expensive sports car overtook the small hatch back, it swerved and toppled over. Liana could see the small micra on the slow lane of the motorway and realized that the on coming traffic might create another accident. She requested the man to move his car to the emergency lane and moved closer to the over turned sports car. Inside was a man who was definitely in his early 30’s wearing a nice suit who was desperately trying to breathe through the smoke. He had deep cuts in one of his arms and legs. Liana managed to free the man from his seat belt and the man slithered through the front passenger side window which was broken into pieces.

As Liana tried pulling the wounded man out of his expensive car, John parked the ambulance on one side of the slip road and came running towards the scene of the accident. The moment he saw the face of the slithering creature, Johns’ face turned white. Liana didn’t see this sudden change of emotion in John’s face. She was hoping that the smoke from the toppled car would diminish and the man in the nice suit would be safe. To her surprise the smoke stopped but she could hear an ambulance speeding away from them. This is when she realize that John had sped away in the ambulance. “Why did he do that”? There was no time to ponder. Liana saw the deep cut in the mans arm and tried to find a clean piece of cloth to stop the bleeding. She had no choice but to take a strip of her white blouse as the emergency care kit was in the ambulance. She tied it around the mans wounds to stop the bleeding and then pulled the man away from the accident.

The man was trying to tell something to her but she couldn’t quite make out what he was on about. Suddenly a set of 4x4’s came whizzing towards them and a few people got off and came running towards them. One of them shouted out, “Mr. Dick, are you alright”? Even before the man could reply, there were plenty of flash lights going off. This is when Liana realized that they were surrounded by Paparazzi. These people weren’t interested about the man’s wellbeing. They just wanted a picture of him. Liana had to take immediate action. She ran towards the abandoned micra which still had its keys in the ignition. She drove it towards the mob who was clicking away with their cameras. The paps took cover as she slammed the breaks of the small hatchback. By this time the injured man was up and was looking around to find a known face. Liana opened the passenger side door and signaled him to get in. Without thinking twice, Liana did an impossible 360 and pressed on the accelerator. She drove past the paparazzi frenzy and took a left turn towards the A340. She had been on this road before but never had she driven on her own. There was a mad rush of adrenaline pumping through her body. She knew she had to get this man away from the cameras and to a hospital as fast as she could.

Dick felt a bit dazed and fainted twice in the car. This was due to the loss of blood. He looked at Liana and gave a very bemused look. Liana could now see the massive 4x4’s following her. It reminded her of something out of the discovery channel where a young Deer cub was being chased by a pack of wolves. Liana managed to pass a few traffic lights just in the nick of time and managed to loose the paps for 5 minutes. This gave her enough time to squeeze through the traffic in front. She was now in front of the Hounslow A&E. She drove the car right into the corridor that led to the emergency car park and pressed on the breaks bringing the car to a screeching halt. Luckily there was an unattended wheel chair outside and Liana didn’t spare a moment. She quickly managed to get Dick onto it and pushed him into the A&E. Liana’s colleague Esther who was near the reception and hearing the commotion, came running into help her. Esther managed to open the emergency theatre door where they could see men in masks waiting for their next emergency victim. Liana felt relieved when she saw them. She knew her job was done. Dick held her hand as if to thank her for all what she had done for him.

Everything was coming back to her now. John leaving the scene, the paparazzi, her crazy drive to the hospital… So many questions sprung up in her mind but were disturbed by the loud news bulletin which came out of the ceiling hung TV. The news presenter looked a bit ruffled by what he had to read on the tele prompter. He paused for a minute and then started slowly. “The leader of the British National Party, Mr. Dick Frin met with an accident on the M4 whilst driving back to his constituency after taking part in a controversial BBC news night programme this evening”. Things were beginning to be clear inside Liana’s mind now. She had just saved the life of a leader of one of the most hated political parties in the country; the BNP. Liana just remembered one of her colleagues telling her long time ago that the media should not give these racist parties any coverage. Liana responded to him by saying if they were racists, then the best thing to do was to let them appear on television so that the public would get to know about their real cause and motivations. After all, it’s a democratic country and we should allow freedom of speech, even though this freedom will be categorically misused by them.
Liana still couldn’t understand why John left the scene, leaving her to deal with the situation. Maybe it had to do something with her wife who left him and got married to a staunch BNP supporter. It does sound a bit petty, but John was a very stubborn man.

This whole thing certainly has been a surreal experience for Liana.
The following morning’s papers had some great headlines. One of them had this in its front page as the main headline ‘Indigenous BNP leader saved by migrant nurse’.

Where is home?

2010-02-08T00:46:00.000-08:00

A question that is asked by many but only a few have an answer to it. The migration of humans and the advancements in communications technology means that we are closer to each other than we have ever been. However, why do we always yearn to go home when the time comes? Is your home the place you were born? If that's the case, for an American kid under social care, his home could be a hospital. If your home is where you grew up, then he would be lost as he would've lived in many households in his life time. Some say that a house is not a home until people start living in it but does that mean you want to go back there at any given moment in time?

A man sitting next to a fireplace watching white flakes falling down from his front window might think that this is not his home. At least he knows what his home is not. Life poses man with strange but with interesting questions. It all depends on how man responds to them. Most of us talk about our home in high esteem as it gave us a lot of fond memories. But for some, it could be the other way round.

Life is all about moments. A home is where we've had most of these moments. It could be good, bad or life changing. We endeavour to visit these moments again and again by being there in person or in memory. Home is where life was a beautiful song. The water tastes differently than anywhere else in the world. Home is where you are ushered with eternal love. Home is where you are accepted for who you are. Home is where you want to go back even after you've run away. Home is like a boomerang that whizzes past your ears when ever you hear a similar voice. It might be in the north pole or in a slum in India. Home is where you want it to be.

And that' where I'll be soon....

Music, Lyrics and Religion

2009-12-28T15:52:00.000-08:00

I just googled ‘music and lyrics the movie’ and there were over 36 million resulting pages/articles. Now that’s impressive by any online standard. During the movie there is a scene where a cheesy teeny pop star by the name of Cora using a seated statue of Buddha as her main background/stage props. The image of Buddha has all of a sudden become this chic commodity, something that Europeans have embraced for all the wrong reasons.

The image of Buddha has been used in many contexts in the recent past that includes bars, music, films and even as a sign that divides the male and female toilets at a restaurant in Germany.

We don’t come across ‘Jesus bars/pubs’ or the head of Jesus being used as an ornament in a garden. But why are eastern symbols, especially of Buddha’s used in such weird ways? I really don’t know the answer to this. As a man of the world, I know that some people like to receive attention even at someone else’s expense. Moreover, I know that this is a day and age where most men lack originality so they get caught up in trying to be creative by using a widely respected belief totally out of context.

I was watching the music and lyrics movie with wifey today and as mentioned above, one of the scenes had a massive statue of Buddha as a prop on stage for a cheesy rock concert. Once the statue turned, out came a lass clad in mere rags from the back of the statue. Imagine if the prop was of Lord Jesus and if a woman wearing a bikini sprung out of his back? Will this be accepted by the pontiffs around the world?

Then again, we live in a democratic world and freedom of expression is a right that anyone can exercise. How ever what people tend to forget is that this right has to be exercised responsibly without undermining or hurting someone else’s belief.

Buddhism is not a religion, it’s a teaching, hence there’s lack of control and more chances of it being misused for pleasure of another. A person who sees differently can always misuse someone else’s belief. Maybe that’s why Hitler used the Hindu symbol ‘swastika’ as the symbol for the Nazi party of Germany.

The love for ancient symbols is one way of trying to find one’s origins. For some others it’s a way of being creative. What ever it is, man’s love for curiosity and stupidity hangs on a mere thread and his love for attention will not slip away to the doldrums that easily.

For a pessimist, this movie would be an utter humiliation but for the optimist in me, the Google search I did gave me some hope. In a day and age where curiosity creates interest, having 36 million people search for a movie that has a scene with a cheesy singer with her background prop as Lord Buddha is promising because if 1% of those 36 million searches for Lord Buddha, that makes it 360,000 hits for Buddhism.

The elephant's grave yard

2009-11-24T10:28:00.000-08:00

It's a funny world...this corporate life. It's a big money making machine that get's you involved in the process and changes your whole outlook. Sometimes it even changes your personality. Why the sudden anger towards the corporate world you may ask. Well it's not a sudden thing but something that has been brewing for a long time. Even while I'm having this thought, there’s a twat in clutches walking around the building saying 'he's milking it', which means he is using the opportunity to gain undue advantage.

The corporate world is such that, the people who do work their heart out never get appraised properly where as the plonkers who are a bit mouthy tends to go to the top. Well...I shouldn't generalise I guess, but I thought the companies in good old blighty would be forward thinking. Sadly, that's not the case. Having worked for a couple of reputed companies so far, (not trying to boast by the way), I'm yet to meet a manager who knew what he/she was talking about. They are all good at talking but hopeless in planning and managing.

My current organisation however is an elephant’s graveyard. There is a myth that all elephants go to one place to die. If anyone wanted a picture to go with this, my current organisation is it. There are people who should be at home watering their plants, instead they're bothering everyone here by poking their fingers into things they know nothing about. And then we also have the ones who couldn't make it to the top during their younger days, now trying to make their mark.

Oh this life is hilarious. Coming from a third world country, how much did we struggle to create sales. We had only 5% of the total population who could spend on what we sold. Out of the 5%, another 2% were spoilt so much for choice. There were some elephants who were left in these companies too. But they were all political elephants.

As they say, beggars can't be choosers. I chose this path and I have to live with it or work around it. Until I start my own graveyard that is. Let's see where I'll end up in my quest to find my grave yard.

Children in need

2009-11-20T14:17:00.000-08:00

It's a big show tonight. Everyone's collecting money for the kids. The last time I switched on the TV, I heard Terry announcing some staggering amount which was collected within the space of a few hours. Everyone's been chipping in with their pounds and not pennies tonight. Gary Barlow had organised a massive do at the Albert hall and ended up being on stage with former band mate Robbie Williams. All young and old seem to be getting together for a common cause tonight.

It’s an interesting time in good ol’ blighty. For 364 days of the year everyone hates kids but once a year everyone collects 365 million quid for them. The mood in the country has definitely swung towards the better, at least for today. They keep on show casing kids who looked after their parents and kids who have had trouble during the year gone by. These kids are the hero’s of the night. The money collected apparently is spent towards making these kids happy for a day. Nothing against the kids but this money collected, which is similar to the GDP of a small African state could feed millions of kids world wide. I know it's not the time to talk about the distribution of wealth but one tends to wonder about this vast disparity.

For a society that sends a greeting card to their parents once a year and calls it mothers day or fathers day, this is a big deal. I just wish if these people could be sent to the so called third world countries to show how kids treat their parents. They’ll be amazed to see the bond kids have with their parents. Those so called third world societies are very rich in culture and treat their elders and look after them. In a similar fashion, the parents look after their children and devote their whole lives to these kids.

For this new breed of blights who follow celebrities instead of a religion and think death is a good career move, they certainly could learn a thing or two from the rest of the world.

This is it!

2009-10-31T08:18:00.000-07:00

I was never a fan of pop music nor any type of fake, made up things that tried to rid people of their hard earned dosh. I do enjoy a bit of reggae music, light banter and a bit of the west end type of stage plays. Never did I realise that I was a fan of Michael Jackson's; until yesterday that is!

It was my sister in law's birthday and wifey and I decided to take her to MJ's movie 'this is it' as she was quite a big fan of the man. I was never keen on watching this as I always thought that this was a money making stunt by bitter investors who couldn't make their money from the O2 concerts.

I always thought that MJ's story was one which was blown over proportionately. However, I realised that the man was indeed a true entertainer. It's a bit sad that I only realised this after the man's death.

The movie/documentary starts with a few interviews with some of the dancers who had come to take part in this concert from long and far as Australia. Some of them were in tears when they were speaking on camera and then it struck me that these people didn't know that MJ was dead at the time of these recordings. These were recorded before the death of MJ and the dancers were still in tears, such was the aura of the man. Imagine how distraught these dancers would've been after hearing the fate of their long time idol!

During the movie MJ gets involved in almost every aspect of the project. Starting from the music to the nitty gritty bits in various rhythms etc...The man certainly knew his music. All men taking part in rehearsals looked as if they were living a dream and creating part of history and all of them looked as if they wanted to be there. Money would've been a factor for them to be part of this gig but I know for sure that it was not the main motivational factor. If I'm to go by Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, this was the moment they achieved 'self actualisation' or 'realisation'.

The 50 year old Michael Jackson was a far cry from what he was during his youth but he was a different man on stage. He commanded as if it was his own. He reminded me of a man possessed by music and I felt the enthusiasm and the passion that was running through this man. It was as if he had brushed aside all the criticism and risen as the great phoenix itself. The man was moving as swiftly and gracefully as an Olympic level ice skater and singing as good as any pop star alive today. This man had obviously been living and breathing his music, he know every step, chord and beat in his music. He epitomised the true meaning of the word 'passion'.

The movie ends with a song that we all never got to hear whilst the 'king' was alive. Generally when a movie ends and the names begin to appear on the screen, one by one, everyone tends to get up from their seats and walk down towards the exit slowly. But for the first time in my life I saw a movie theatre full of people, seated until the last note was sung and the last frame was shown. We all celebrated the life of a man who was surely a king to many people. Michael Jackson is physically no more but I have a feeling that we will not stop hearing about him anytime soon. He has left such a legacy and I'm sure the man will live longer in every one's hearts. If we were to take Shakespeare's greatest line literally; "all the world is a stage and we are mere actors", then this is the time do it, this certainly WAS IT.

What is love?

2009-10-12T15:09:00.000-07:00

Well...that certainly is an age old question isn't it? What is this thing called love? I sometimes feel that we are so engrossed in our own little worlds that we tend to forget the true meaning of this four letter word that expresses one of the purest feelings in the human world. Why do they call it 'falling in love'? I know it's a bit of a cliché, but then again... is it? Love is not something that you critically evaluate nor will it ever have a critical path. I'm sounding a bit too 'project managementish' now. Seriously, the more I think about it, the more confused I tend to be.

Love was easy when I could recall someone's telephone number by heart. Love wasn't complicated when I knew I called only her. Love was easy to understand when I was 16. I would be lying if I didn't say that love wasn't exciting then. Love had more meaning when I held her hand and looked into her eyes. Love was a journey that I longed for. Love never took the upper hand. More importantly, love was simple when life was simple.

But when the six letter 'change' replaces the four letters of 'love', things tend to go in different directions. After all, change they say is the only constant in this world. Who am I to contest it? But there is a tiny inkling still persisting in my mature heart wanting to recall that telephone number. The outcome of this will not agree well with the social norms of this so called mature world. That's just how it is. The 6 digits that I remembered by heart have become longer as change has worked it's way through the receivers line and made it an international call now.

I have enjoyed life and seen the world in different lights. The lessons love has taught me still lingers on in my ever pounding heart. Nothing will be forgotten. Life will continue and so will love. Yet, once in a while when everything stops, the mind likes to revisit the glory days and bask in those pleasant rays of hope. This is the only true illusion in life. Love...

Waves of Good bye

2009-10-02T02:19:00.000-07:00

I wrote this sometime ago after hearing a story of a friend, who's fiancée had been swept away by the tsunami waves in Srilanka. A tsunami had just hit a set of south pacific islands and many more 'Annas' would have been swept away.

This is a tribute to all those who lost their lives and for the souls who lost their loved ones.

There she was, in her best Sunday attire
Prettier than the bright morning sky
Walking down the isles of Galle with my child to be
Was my lovely Anna in her own Lankan way

Swaying to the beautiful tunes of the morning sea
The trees sang a song of their own that day
A lone pelican kept on looking at the sea
Praying for some morning prey or for all of us ashore

The waters were calm, yet they had some bite
Anna was playing with the fresh morning waves
Her sweet ways reminded me of an angel who had lost her way
All I had was glad as I admired my bride to be all day

Suddenly the wind had a howl and the sea a roar
The sky turned grey and the birds flew the other way
The children cried and the music died half way
As Mother Nature sent her seas to take us away

Many save me's, and I love you cries, were heard side by side
Anna's eyes twinkled like a dear fearing a hunter's arrow
She kept her hands on our future and waved her last goodbye
As I watched the mother of my child being swept away forever

The Kingdom of Mercia and the lankan connection

2009-09-24T13:41:00.000-07:00

It's just been revealed that a lone man going walkies in the midlands (some where in Staffordshire I think) with a metal detector has just discovered one of the most valuable and the largest collections of Anglo Saxon treasure! Amazing isn't it? Experts have so far established that there were at least 650 items of gold in the haul, weighing more than 5kgs (11lb), and 530 silver objects totalling more than 1kg (2.2lb) in weight. Copper alloy, garnets and glass objects were also discovered at the undisclosed site. This also includes warfare paraphernalia, including sword pommel caps and hilt plates inlaid with precious stones.

And guess what? almost all of these precious stones are said to have come from that tiny island in the Indian ocean we all love. Yep, from our beautiful Srilanka, known as Ceylon then or maybe by a totally different name, who knows! The important thing is, our stones have been discovered on English soil and we're part of one of the biggest archaeological finds in UK history and maybe world history.

I can just imagine all the visa lawyers tip-exing their clients' application forms now. For the question where they ask, do you have any relatives in the UK the answer is now going to be, yes the Anglo Saxons. Do you have any means of proving that? Yes, please speak to the British Museum. Do you have enough financial means to support the course you're attending? Yes, please refer the valuation given by the museum but I hear it's a seven figure sum. For all holiday maker visa applicants one of the most popular questions on the visa form is, where in the UK are you going to visit? The answer is now going to be, Staffordshire.

Fail to plan...Plan to fail...

2009-09-21T13:23:00.000-07:00

The English are quite good at planning things. Especially planning to mitigate losses. What baffles me is the fact that most of them are not scared of things going wrong. Actually, they're scared of things going right and not knowing what to do!

Our in house marketing guru, who mind you is a mild mannered guy is one of them. We planned a campaign together to launch a brilliant product that would bring us immediate revenue as well as much needed standing in the profession. Having done all the hard work of planning the build up and launch campaign, this guy just lets things linger on.

In the meantime, a rival organisation throws a spanner at the works by taking legal action against us for being anti competitive. Now, when I heard this, my first reaction was absolute rage. I thought about the whole family tree of that organisations' CEO. All of them would've sneezed that day. I won't delve much into this organisation and what it did as I might start using foul language on this lovely blog! :)

Now my friend, the marketing guru on the other hand called for an immediate meeting to inform everyone about his plan to fire fight, which mind you was not too bad and then he ran around the building like a headless chicken telling people what to say and what not to say.

A few pain staking months pass by and we now hear that we could finally launch our product! I for once was ecstatic. I was expecting another headless chicken moment from the guru any minute. How ever, what I came across was a dejected man who was so afraid that he reminded me of a little boy who's just about to sit for his first exam.

Now this man was insane. We plan our entire summer for this great moment and all he could come up with were reasons to delay the launch. We have a great platform to launch this product and this man is afraid that we would receive a million phone calls from interested parties. Come on now! I would rather have this problem as opposed to not having anyone interested in our product. When I told him this, he did what any bloke with a bullish mentality would do. The guy pounced on me and and tried his luck at being loud at me.

Big mistake! I'm not sure what I told him exactly at that moment but judging by his reactions, I think he was about to cry and run towards his mummy!

and the award for the most annoying office laugh goes to.....

2009-09-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

Oh that noise! she laughs...she phones her friends and laughs. She calls her husband and laughs. She calls down stairs and laughs. To make things worse, the laugh follows up with a 5 minute chat and an old woman's gargle! I know I shouldn't be complaining about this new woman at office but I hate that laugh. If there was a cockney laugh, this would be it. If there was an award for the most annoying laugh, she would win it hands down. Why am I moaning then if she's laughing? well...she snorts and then she tries to talk in between. I'll mind this if it didn't disturb my work but this laugh is something else. Imagine meditating in a temple and a monk suddenly comes and whacks you on the head! If you can't...then imagine living in a glass house and a naughty kid pelting the house. I tell you, it's that bad. Daniel hates her, Hayes despises her and I...well...you know what I feel about her. I know that this sounds like a Wendy Whatmore poem but if you were part of this organisation, you'd recognise that laugh from a mile. The worse thing is that she's new and she laughs like a cow. I'm not saying that all new people shouldn't laugh...then again I did say it didn't I? That's because this laugh is making me go insane! If this blog dries up in the future, it's simply because I'd be behind bars for attacking a woman who had a wild laugh.

When wifey went berzerk...

2009-08-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

All of us who are making a slight contribution to the society by being employed should know and would know that a manager is horse shit in the form of a human being (most of the time). Ironically, according to wikipedia the word manager derives from the Italian word 'maneggiari' which means to 'handle a horse'.
Yesterday wifey had a bit of a rough day with her manager. Come to think of it, the manager got roughed up by wifey. My lovely wife, who's come up the hard way doesn't take shit from anyone, not even from me. She (my wife that is) was asked to help out another department of the company she is working for and being the multi tasker and the quick learner she is, this was peanuts for her.
But what she didn't realise was that her present boss didn't know how to do half the things my wife did. Am I doubting the credibility of my wife's boss? Nope, not in the slightest. I just think she's a twat who's got to where she is now, through her friends in high seats. (this is true by the way)
So during my wife's tenure at this new department, the work at her old department hadn't been done. So when my wife finally came back to her old department, there were piles and piles of files she had to sought out. Don't worry my wife is not a filing clerk, she just happens to work in an organisation that believes in the environment so much so that they even print their shopping lists.
Anyways, my wife was not a happy woman yesterday and to make things worse the manager had kept on asking her to send emails confirming how long it would take her to get the remaining work done. There comes a point when everyone looses it. After a few emails here and there, wifey had gone directly to the big boss and told him about the horse shit she had to deal with. Then the big boss had called horse shit and tried resolving this. Big mistake!
F words had been flying and personal attacks had been made and both wifey and horse shit have had a go at each other. According to reliable sources from inside, wifey had won the battle and horse shit had been put in her rightful place.
Wifey had come out of the 'den' as the victor and literally had a 'paparazzi' moment when she stumbled upon a heap of employees waiting outside the den trying to get the goss. I find human behaviour quite interesting. We all love supporting an under dog but if he/she is loosing then we go towards horse shit even though that's not what we believe in. I guess wifey had proved a point or two to everyone there. She was even offered a cup 'o tea by the cowards outside! What can I say, it was certainly entertaining and made me realise that the more you keep your head down, the more they try to wash their hands over it. Never heard of that line before? Tough!

The Gentleman's game

2009-08-27T08:12:00.000-07:00

Cricket is intertwined with the word gentleman somehow. Maybe the long bearded W.G Grace (not so graceful looking) would've had something to do with it. Or maybe it's Bradman who did it. I really don't know who did it but I do know who is trying to get the word out of cricket.
Playing for an English county is everyone's dream. A shy man from lanka managed to get into a club on the sly once. This was a dream come true for him, especially after playing soft ball cricket in the sub continent. Toiling hard to get a wicket on the flat and dry sub continent was a distant memory when his balls started to swing and cut. He was promoted to the first XI after just one practice session. Brilliant isn't it?
So as a normal lankan would do, he invited fellow lankans to join the club. The problem with us lankans is that where ever we go, we make it our own and create a sense of belongingness in our minds. What a waste of time was that!
So as the story goes, the lankans really enjoyed the first few matches. They managed to get the side into winning ways again. But then there was a loosing streak and the blame culture and the hot potato syndrome crept in. Everyone started to pass the buck. The Wheezle who captained the side had a row with a self appointed selector/player. The opposing teams had 13 players on their side most of the time, due to these arguments/rows of the pink team's players. Oh yah, I forgot to mention, pink team was the name of this very small county team. A nice name for a bunch of boys who fought like girls! No disrespect ladies but your slender ways are not always positive!
Anyway the bottom line is, 2 of the 4 lankans were dropped from a crucial game and the other two followed suit and dropped themselves. Life in England does teach you many things. One of them is to never judge a book by it's cover and never ever think that you belong to a gentleman's club. (don't take the meaning of gentleman's club literally though) Life in the land of the queen can be very un-gentleman like most of the time. The racist sledging on the pitch sometimes continued off the pitch. Thanks to Bombay onions and Sikhs, we are still surviving!

Working from home

2009-08-27T06:22:00.001-07:00

Never heard of the concept before until I came to England. The English are a strange lot you know. They don't work 'till late, most of them have re-arranged their body clocks according to the wall clocks at work. Yet, they do work hard, I mean very hard. Sometimes they work from home. I know it's not a novel thing, but for shysly, it was quite an unusual but a very useful thing. He got his weekly marketing done, went to the bank, took the car for a service and then logged onto his laptop at around 5pm to check his emails. For him, that was working from home, in true lankan style. The Germans once invented a ticketing machine for buses which was fool proof. But a Srilankan managed to break into it and misuse it so that instead of ten printed tickets, it gave out one. The wrong tools in the wrong hands can have a devastating effect.

Life of a nutter

2009-03-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

A grey morning in England...surprise surprise. I've just started 'blogging'. Some serious stories will come out of this keyboard in the years to come. Let us see how it goes. Need to open the mind drawers to dig up some memories of yester year.

Life is not always black and white. There are some grey areas too. We love to talk about the grey areas but we hardly see the colour in that grey. Let me not fool around with these colours and bore you to death.

As they say, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.