The Life of V

Audacious Faith

2011-05-18T19:08:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to have audacious faith? I've been reading a book called Sun Stand Still by Steven Furtick and it's basically about having so much faith..... you could ask God for anything! Like asking him to make the sun stand still as Joshua did in the bible. Just when the Amorites were waiting for the cover of darkness, that darkness never came. The sun did not set for another full day. Can you imagine having faith like that? God chose to answer Joshua's outrageous prayer and he expects us to have that same faith that dares to believe God for the impossible in our everyday life. Have you ever tried to achieve a task that you thought was beyond your abilities? You would think after 40 years Joshua would be ready to give up but his audacious faith allowed him to overcome his doubt and ask God to reset our solar clock. Pretty amazing huh?

We can have faith like that too if you know what to pray for. Is what you want in your life for the glory of God or biblically based? Before you ask God to do the impossible.....know what your motives are. Recently I have decided to go on a mission trip to Haiti. There is about 18 of us going and while we are down there we will be doing basic medical checks, dental work, vacation bible school, a food drive and more. One couple is going to adopt a child. But one of the main reasons for our visit is to build a house for a man named Bobby and his family. They lost their house in the earthquake. Bobby helps take care of the orphanage owned by our sister church. Raising the money for this project seemed impossible at first but through audacious faith and some really great church members working behind the scenes, we get closer and closer everyday to making this prayer a success! It is amazing what a group of people with a mission for God can get accomplished.

I know that I am going to do some work and tell some kids about Jesus but in the end I ALSO know that I will truly be the one getting blessed. So wish me luck and if anyone would like to help us with donations you can send them to Buena Vista Baptist Church 3385 Kennedy Bridge Rd Lancaster, Ky 40444 (859) 548-2868 or you can contact me for more info at vanessa.sowders@yahoo.com. Thanks so much for your support and remember to be AUDACIOUS!

Why Do We Do What We Do?

2011-04-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

Why do you do what you do? Does anyone know the answer? Is it because that's what your parents did or it is what you were taught it school? Why do people smoke when it says right on the package, "Using this product can kill you!" And yet, thousands upon thousands of people each day choose to light up or eat fatty foods or destroy personal relationships. It seems logical..... the difference between right and wrong but humans are driven by emotions that go way beyond sense and logic. Therein lays the problem.

Fear of failure is one of the strongest emotions know to man. Some people will behave as if they have no interest in improvement whatsoever to be able to avoid such a brutal emotion. No one wants to look stupid in front of their peers and will avoid it, if at all possible, by not trying at all. While others are every bit as fearful of success. It seems a bit contradictory but some people fear what success might bring into their life. They may have to change friends, they may have to change careers, leave a relationship, move to a new area or give up long held beliefs or habits. Others may fear the responsibilities which might come with that success or may be worried that if they achieve a high level now that this will become the new norm or standard and aren’t sure they want to keep working that hard.

So what is it that makes a difference in peoples lives? What shapes a person's ability to contribute to society?

Why is it that you can give a person everything they need to achieve a specific goal such as an education, money, time and support and in the end they still haven't accomplished anything but you can take someone else who has been abused physically or mentally and they become some of the worlds biggest contributors? These are some of life's biggest questions.

I believe however, with the right emotion, anything can be possible. The hungry can be fed, the wounded healed and unbelieving made to believe. But beyond the physical needs of humans, such as food and water, the next most important need is the need to be understood or to be recognized. Other main needs are: certainty, significance, variety, connection/love, growth and contribution. These needs are all connected to fulfillment. Regardless of which need tops your list remember........A life fulfilled is one that gives beyond itself.

The In Betweens

2011-03-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

I really don't like the in betweens of life. Like the weather we are having right now. One day it's 70 degrees and the next day it's 40 with a chance of snow. What the heck?! We are in between Spring and Winter and Winter is putting up a pretty good fight as its seems to me. Or how about the dust that gets between the washer and dryer or the dirt between your little kid's toes or better yet........ that dang popcorn kernel that gets stuck waaaay back in the back between your teeth! Unfortunately, when I was younger, I always dated the guy who was in between jobs at the moment or in between relationships. And don't you just hate in when u drop your car keys in between the seats where you can't reach with your hand (especially when you're running late) and you have to fashion something into a tool really quick to shimmy them out? Or the last blind date your best friend set you up on and he turned out to be a cross between Freddie Kruger and Pee Wee Herman? How about getting stuck between a rock and a hard place? Yes....these are the betweens I'm talking about folks.

And then there are the things that no one should ever get between. For instance......me and my morning coffee. Or me and chocolate chip cookies. Yes, that could possibly be cause for injury. Just saying......

How Happy Are You?

2011-02-07T16:32:00.000-08:00

I believe I have always been blessed. I have made it through some really hard times before that have left me bitter and angry at the world. But then I would tell myself to suck it up because there is always someone out there who has it worse than me. Although this was probably true, more often than not, I just wasn't all that happy. I had a lot to be happy about. I always managed to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table even though I was a single parent. I had a nice house, drove a descent car; I had my health; I had friends. I was close to my family. But still.... certain things set me off like a raving lunatic! I snapped at the kids or my boyfriend. I lost my temper easily, felt insecure and even dejected at times for no reason really.

I always figured I would find a way to make my life exactly the way I thought it should be. I'd dress up more and quit wearing sweats so much. I'd make more of an effort to remember people's birthdays. I wouldn't let the kids eat cereal 24/7 or watch so much TV or I'd spend more time laughing and having fun. I had been to the doctors office more than once trying to find a way to feel better about myself. Antidepressant after antidepressant, nothing worked for long. Either I wanted to sleep all the time or I was so chilled out I didn't even care what was going on around me. Suddenly, I realized that I wasn't depressed or suffering from a mid-life crisis. I was simply discontent. Sometimes I would look around and wonder, "Is this really my life?" And although I was dissatisfied and felt as if something was missing, I still never forgot how lucky I was.

I can remember times when I couldn't sleep well and I would just wander from room to room looking at my little angels asleep in their beds without a care in the world. We had everything we needed. Actually we had more than most, so why was I failing to appreciate it?

Now, I understand that most people can not agree on what makes a person happy but we can agree that everyone could be happier if they put forth a little effort. Studies show that happy people are more productive, helpful, interesting, resilient, healthier and likable. Happy people make better friends, lovers, colleagues and citizens. I wanted to be one of those people. I wanted to be more patient, more energetic, more forgiving, more spiritual even. And what could I lose by working on my own happiness but possibly bring happiness to someone else as a result?

I changed a few things in my life that has definitely been for the best. Instead of doing everything myself, I let someone help me. Instead of keeping personal relations at arms length, I let my boyfriend love me who is now my husband. I acquired a better relationship with God, which was the most important thing I ever did. I am more open to new things and try to get out of my comfort zone on occasion. I changed jobs and took some college courses. I am a better listener and try to see things from my kids point of view. I have a dinner once a month and invite the whole family over. It keeps us close and THAT makes me happy.

Everyone's approach to what makes them happy is unique but everyone around you can benefit from it. Ask yourself these questions:

What makes you feel good about yourself?
What are sources of irritation, boredom or frustration for you?
Do you wish you could change your job or go back to school?
Are you living up to your life's expectations?
Does your life reflect your values?
Is there something you always wanted to try?

Make lists. Write it down. Remind yourself that you are worth it and you deserve to be happy or maybe just a little happy-er. Whatever the reason.....Get Happy!

Balance

2011-01-24T16:22:00.000-08:00

How many of us truly have balance in our lives? In today's society, I'm sure the answer to that is not many. Most of us have entirely too many irons in the fire at once. My pastor liken it to one of those jugglers you see on TV with the spinning plates. He sets his stick down and starts spinning the plate and once its going really good, he starts another, then another until he's got about 10 plates going at once.......but wait.....the first plate is getting a little wobbly so the juggler runs back to it to get it spinning fast again. I have felt like that a lot in my life with a job, 3 kids and marriages to keep going. Yes, I said marriages. I unfortunately have been married three times now. What can I say? I suppose I was never really THAT good at juggling. In the words of one of my favorite bands (Three Doors Down) " And all these little things in life they all create this haze. There’s too many things to get done, and I’m running out of days." I love that song and it perfectly describes how I feel at certain moments.

Sometimes though, when I have a minute to catch my breath, I remember that Bro. Wood said there are 5 ways to achieve balance in your life.

1) Mental Balance: Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
2)Body: 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in you body and in your spirit, which are God's."

3)Spiritual: 2nd Peter 3:18 says, "but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen."
4) Emotional: Galatians 5:22-23 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is now law."
5) Social: Matthew 6:14-15 says, "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses"

So, in a nutshell don't try to fit into this world's mold. Be yourself.....there's no one else like you. Take care of your body. Try to eat right to improve quality of life. Study your bible. Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior. Strive to maintain contentment and stability within yourself and don't hold grudges. Work on broken relationships. And remember, God can fix anything you have torn apart. There is nothing that we face in everyday life that there is not a verse that can give you the answers you seek. There will always be something to apply to your problems.

Fell in Love

2011-01-18T17:48:00.000-08:00

I remember the first time I fell in love. I mean really fell in love, not your average puppy love type. This was relentless, unconditional and all consuming love. It was cold outside, there was snow on the ground and I was 20 years old. On January 18, 1993 I gave birth to the most perfect baby girl. She was beautiful and sweet and my life would never be the same. I had never really thought much about anyone but myself until her. I named her Brooke Skyler and I was hooked and totally obsessed. Just watching Brooke sleep brought me great joy. I couldn't get anything done because all I wanted to do was hold her. I simply couldn't believe that she was real and that I created something so amazing. Brooke's tiny hands would wrap around my finger while she was nursing. She made little noises and squirmed and wiggled. She was my whole world and I would die for her.

I thought I had known what love was before. I had boyfriends growing up and I had been married for about 2 years when Brooke was born. I remember when I had told my boss I was getting married he asked me the strangest question. He said, "Vanessa would you take a bullet for this man?" I kinda looked at him funny and said, "Uh......of course!" He said that I hesitated when I answered him and if I was really in love I would die for this person. He told me that I shouldn't get married so young and to wait a few more years. I never could figure out why he would ask me such a question until I became a mother. Until I became a mother I never could imagine loving someone more than I did myself but the instant Brooke was born life as I knew changed.

I believe there is all kinds of love in the world. I love my husband, my friends, my family and my dog but a love between a mother and her child is limitless. Its love in the purest form. Nothing or no one can change it.

My baby is now 18 today and I still look at her like the day I met her for the first time. I'm sure she thinks I'm crazy but she will always be my little Brookie Bear no matter how old she gets and one day she will know how I feel when she has a baby of her own. She showed me how to love unconditionally. She allowed me to make the world more beautiful with her presence and she made me a better person.

I remember the first time I fell in love....... I mean really fell in love. It was a cold snowy day in January and I was 20 years old. It was real.........precious ......and called Brooke........Happy Birthday Baby :0) I love you!

Say What You Need To Say

2011-01-16T18:33:00.000-08:00

Other than physical survival, the greatest human need is the need to be understood, validated or appreciated. Communication experts estimated we only communication ten percent with words, thirty percent with sounds and the rest or sixty percent with body language. But how much of what we want to say is communicated through our hearts. One of the most difficult things for me to do sometimes is to say what I need to say. But to live a life with less regret, I have to start revealing my heart. To say what I need to say when the opportunity comes is a difficult yet my greatest fear is relationships messed up by things left unsaid.

Lines of communications are breaking down theses days although people talk all the time but very few are hearing each others words, let alone unspoken messages and feelings. Although we possess computers, iphones and other mobile networking gadgets most communication is non-verbal, things like facial expressions, hand and body gestures. Unfortunately by using the above modern means of communications we have at our disposal, we are only expressing about twenty percent of what we are trying to convey and we are also only able to receive twenty percent of what is being conveyed to us.

It is really important for me to express my feelings to the key people in my life. Sometimes what I'm saying doesn't always come out the way I intended. And in turn, especially with my kids, I have to work really hard to listen to them intently and see things through their eyes. However, to really listen you must first open your hearts before you open you mouth. You must first seek to understand, then be understood.

Listen emphatically. This means to listen with the intent to understand. Listening takes time but if you can take the time now to listen to a love one then you will save yourself a lot of time down the road trying to repair a relationship. Apart from time and listening emphatically we must share our troubles. For people to see my heart, I have to admit my mistakes and share my needs.

Tell the truth, truth means trust. Great relationships and great organizations are built on trust, and to build trust, you must tell the truth. We must be willing to tell the truth but also temper it with grace. If you are angry, talk about it. If you feel hurt, talk about it. If you have a strong opinion, share it. If you respect others, speak the truth. Of course truth is messy sometimes but it will build trust and strengthen the foundation of the relationship.

Finally, say what you need to say to God. Call on God and seek his guidance to help you connect with people in your life. God says, "Call me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know." Jeremiah 33:3 Be honest and if you cannot find the words, ask Him to give you the words. True communication is about connecting, sharing and understanding. We must be willing to open our hearts to listen and identify unspoken needs of others.

Take all of your wasted honor

Every little past frustration

Take all of your so-called problems

Better put 'em in quotations

Walking like a one man army

Fighting with the shadows in your head

Living out the same old moment

Knowing you'd be better off instead

Have no fear for giving in

Have no fear for giving over

You'd better know that in the end

Its better to say too much

Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking

And your faith is broken

Even as the eyes are closing

Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

Say what you need to say.

~John Mayer

Resolutions

2011-01-02T12:58:00.000-08:00

It's the beginning of a brand new year and many people are making resolutions. Most will have to do with losing weight or eating healthier. Some may try to be more positive or manage their spending better but did you ever think about what really matters most of all..........maybe your relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ? Too many times I've missed church because of a ballgame the kids had or a birthday party or I just plain stayed up too late watching a movie. Sometimes I have gotten up Sunday and there has been snow on the roads and say, "Well, I guess no church today," and climbed back in my warm bed only to risk the weather conditions come Monday morning, making sure I could collect that almighty 40 hour pay check on Friday. I've had lots of excuses but none of them relevant.

Another thing I like to do is read.......everything but my Bible. Well, that's not entirely true, I do read my Bible at night before bed but I always keep a good book on me in case I get stuck in traffic or have a long wait at the Doctors office. It's usually the latest novel or some self-help book but not my Bible. My Bible sits on my nightstand everyday or until Sunday morning when it gets to venture out to church. Shouldn't it get first dibs for my attention instead the latest addition of Better Homes and Garden? It should but that's not always the case. I have definitely been guilty of letting everything and everyone get in my way of having a better relationship with God and studying His word.

I remember the day I got saved. I was coming back from Lexington one evening and because I didn't go to church that morning, I thought I'd go to the evening service to make up for it. It didn't really make up for it but I told myself that to make myself feel better since I was too lazy to get out of bed that morning. Anyway, I was alone......kids were gone, boyfriend gone. It was just me. I suppose there was a reason I stopped that night because I never went to the evening services.......never! My pastor preached a sermon that night that was especially for me, I think. It was Matthew 15:26-28 The Faith of the Canaanite Woman. I had had some problems with one of my daughters so this particular sermon hit me at my core. I cried through the whole thing. Now, this was a new church that I had just started attending so not many people knew me. I'm sure there were a few who wondering why this lady was sobbing in a pew all alone. Well, something about those words let me know that I was not alone with my problems and if I would just let him, Jesus would help me and everything would be alright but I had to let Him help. I am a control freak by nature. I want things a certain way. I want my socks to match, I want my towels folded just so, I don't like it when my food touches on my plate and I always have to drive. So, the concept of turning my life's problems over to someone else simply crippled me in the past. But that day I didn't care. I didn't care who was watching or the fact that I looked like a raccoon with mascara smears all over my face. I asked my Lord and Savior to come into my heart and change me and ......He did. When I left the parking lot of the church that night I felt better than I had in years. I felt......happy. I felt genuine happiness and a high that no nerve pill (that my doctor had me on) could ever produce. I had such good news to tell my family and no one was home. My boyfriend was at work, my youngest was at her dad's and my two oldest were out of town. Could I have waited until my family was with me to make my commitment to God? Probably, but I believe that day, at that moment He was speaking to me. And although I was alone.... in a new church.... surrounded by strangers, I was with family.

Now, it hasn't been easy trying to change my "evil" ways. I still curse more often than I should. I judge people too harshly when I know it's not my place and I haven't exactly been beating the bushes to spread the good news about Jesus Christ but one of my daughters did get saved and baptized. My boyfriend Zach, who is now my husband, also got saved and then baptized on the same day as me. Apparently I have inspired at least 2 people and isn't that what it's all about? Bringing people closer to God one soul at a time.

So, for my New Year's resolution instead of promising myself to get in shape and eating healthier, I think I'll feed my soul and try to be a better Christian. I believe that's a resolution I can keep.~ Happy New Year!!

Life is too short

2010-11-18T16:40:00.000-08:00

"Life is too short to be little." We are only here for such a short time yet we lose irreplaceable hours worrying over little things that in a years time won't be remembered by us or anyone else. Instead we should be devoting our time to worth-while undertakings, real relationships and great thinking. Everyday is a day the Lord hath made: let us rejoice and be glad in it. So the next time you let yourself get down in the dumps about really nothing at all, remember the battles won and lost by a giant of the forest:

On a slope in Colorado lies the ruin of a gigantic tree. Some people estimate the tree stood for some 400 years. It was a seedling when Columbus landed and half grown when the Pilgrims settled at Plymouth Rock. During its lifetime it had been struck by lightening 14 times and survived countless avalanches and storms across four centuries. With all its age it never withered. In the end, however, the giant was brought down by an army of beetles who ate their way through its bark to destroy its inner strength with their tiny but incessant attacks. Something so small did what no storm or lightening blast could ever do.

Aren't many of us like the giant of the forest? Surviving the storms of life only to be brought down by little beetles of worry in our hearts. Let us not allow ourselves to be upset by small things but remember that "Life is too short to be little"~Disraeli

Formaldehyde and You!

2010-11-05T17:12:00.000-07:00

What comes to mind when you think of the word Formaldehyde? Dead bodies maybe? Well, you would be right but it goes so much further than that. Formaldehyde ( a recognized cancer causing agent) has been used for decades to embalm bodies for open casket burials but it is also in your everyday items. Producers use Formaldehyde and Formaldehyde releasing agents in our personal care items to ensure a longer shelf life especially in creams and lotions that can spoil due to bacterial and fungal growth. (National Cancer Institute)
On average, the normal household contains at least 150 Formaldehyde tainted products in the home. But not only is Formaldehyde in our personal care, cleaning and beauty products.........it can also actually be IN our home....... as in the materials that your house is made out of such as plywood, glue, fiberboard, particleboard and timber paneling.

As far as cleaning products go, look for labels that say "Non-toxic to humans and aquatic life," or "Biodegradable." While reading labels is great, beware of the tricky manufactures synonyms that don't usually call attention to the fact that they do contain Formaldehyde or Formaldehyde releasing agents. For a list of products check out the Household Products Database at the U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services at
http://householdproducts.nlm.nih.gov/index.htm. From there you can look up a specific item such as Dawn Dish Liquid and see what the exact ingredients are and the harmful effects that may occur.

While there you can also browse other categories such as pesticides which have been linked to ADHD in children. Exposure to pesticides in kid-friendly foods like strawberries, blueberries and celery appears to increase chances that children will be diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD. Kids with high levels of pesticide residue in their urine, like the widely used insecticide Malathion, were more likely to have ADHD. An estimated 4-5 million U.S. children are affected by ADHA and about 2.5 million kids take meds for the condition according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Pesticides prey on the nervous system of insects and have a similar effect on mammals, including humans. The best advice for parents is to buy organic whenever possible. The Environmental Working Group, a consumer advocacy organization, advises shoppers buy organic versions of fruits and veggies that grow in the ground or are normally eaten with the skin on, because they are most likely to be contaminated. Wash all fruits and vegetables with a produce brush and rinse frozen versions as well.

Just a Few Reasons I do Green

2010-10-13T02:34:00.000-07:00

I work for a green company and try to do my part in the "Going Green" revolution but many have yet to join the band wagon. Going green means different things to different people, but at its simplest it involves finding ways to reduce the environmental impact of everyday activities. Reducing waste, using fewer resources and finding alternate methods for activities that have a large carbon footprint offer numerous benefits both to your bottom line and the health of the planet.

Did you know that half of all Americans live where there are unsafe levels of air pollution? According to Environment America emissions create pollutants that take a toll on the atmosphere. Recycling, reducing energy use and using alternative energy sources help create cleaner air. One way you can help clear the air in your home is by getting rid of chemicals in your cleaning products. Melaleuca offers all natural alternatives to cleaning your home without harmful fumes or chemicals using highly effective products with plant derived ingredients.

Whether in landfills or tossed on the side of the road, contaminants can seep into the ground water when hazardous waste and electronic equipment have not been properly disposed of. Lakes, streams and oceans all suffer from the effects of pollution. National Geographic suggests that by 2050, a third of people on Earth may lack a clean and secure source of water. Switching to green energy sources and ensuring trash is recycled rather than tossed away helps the world's waterways stay clean and contaminant free. Marine life suffers from pollution in the oceans, and toxins in the water supply can lead to illness in many types of wildlife. Also most detergents contain phosphates and fillers that pollute our water ways. Switching to Melaleaca's Mela Power Laundry detergent is not only safer for our steams but because it use natural enzymes to attack stains it saves the wear and tear on your clothes and they last longer. Fun Fact: Mela Power is preferred 2 to 1 to Tide in Taiwan.

To meet their basic needs, every American will need 37,687 lbs. of new metals, minerals and fuels each year, reports the Mineral Information Institute. These are all non-renewable resources that can be conserved through the use of alternatives, such as copper recovered from recycled electronic devices, bauxite recycled from aluminum cans, or solar and wind energy.

By walking or riding a bike instead of driving, you'll save a pound of carbon for every mile, says the Nature Conservancy. You'll also get into much better shape. Eating less red meat, which takes more energy and natural resources to produce than vegetables, also benefits physical health. The exercise you get when you use more physical energy to get around is good for your mental health, too. To help you maintain physical and mental well being try our Vitality line vitamins powered by Oligo. Patent pending Oligo is the only all natural substance that makes our vitamins 9 times more soluble that the store bought brands.

Making energy-efficient, environmentally friendly changes in your lifestyle can be good for your wallet. Reducing electrical and water usage in your house lessen the burden on the energy grid, and also lower your utility bills. Driving less means having to put less gas in your car, and with high fuel prices, this can be a significant savings.

When you make an effort to keep items out of landfills, you may find new means of disposal that bring in a little extra cash. Depending on where you live, recycling bottles and cans may bring in a few extra pennies. Instead of dumping an old computer, consider selling it--what's obsolete to you might be valuable to someone else. At the very least, donating items may be good for a tax write-off. For more information contact your local recycling center.

Merchandise that has to be shipped a long way has a much larger carbon footprint because of the amount of fuel needed to transport it. Food purchased from a supermarket may be shipped by plane from the other side of the world, using a lot of fossil fuels, says the Nature Conservancy. Buying items that are locally grown and produced lowers carbon emissions and boosts the local economy. Support your local farmer whenever possible.

Post War Divorce

2010-09-29T11:31:00.000-07:00

Something I read makes me think about the past and how screwed up it was at one time. I look back at my previous marriages and cringe at the remembrance of some memories. My first marriage didn't really last that long and I was sooo young that I barely remember most of it. I hardly ever count that one even though it did yield two beautiful children. Now, my second marriage I thought would be the death of me. I think one tries harder the second time around because who wants to be a two time loser right? I stayed and took things that I normally wouldn't from anyone else but I think my biggest problem was I could never truly be myself in that relationship. Oh, to the outward appearances we looked to be the perfect couple but behind closed doors it was a totally different story.

I worked a twelve hour swing shift and took care of his elderly grandparents that lived next door. Both in diapers, both needing a full time nurse, not someone who was just trying to figure out what the hell she was doing. I would cook most of the meals for them, wash piss soaked sheets, clean crap off of them when they messed their diapers, give insulin shots and dole out meds like I knew what I was doing. Then I would try to take a nap, keep my own house clean, cook, help 3 kids with homework, give baths, adhere to other wifely duties and then go work 12 hours in a factory. All the while my husband worked a 9 to 5 job, never cooked or cleaned or did laundry. He would come in at 4:30 and proceed to fall asleep in the chair watching the 6 o'clock news. But I didn't mind because I was in love. Me being in love meant.....I will do without sleep for 36 hours at a time so I can take your grandpa to the doctors office at the VA, I will clean shit off a 80 year woman's behind with a smile, I will work an extra 20 hours a week to buy those $2500.00 wheels and tires for your jeep baby, I will bring your dinner to you in your recliner....no don't get up, I will lay your clothes out for you before I go to work, I will pay all the bills, I will protect you from your insecurities and pain, I will give you all my time, my devotion, my body, my soul, the moon and the stars if I am in love with you. That's just the way it's always been with me. I will give until I am totally depleted and left lifeless or until someone else comes along who knows exactly what to say when I'm at my lowest, to shift my focus and the process starts all over again.

Now, I don't doubt that my husband loved me, we just couldn't figure out how to NOT make each other desperately miserable. I resented him because I had to do everything and he resented me because he didn't feel needed in the relationship. I gave him whatever he wanted and never said no to anything, so he thought I just didn't care what he did or didn't do. I was busy being Super Mom and Wife of the Year and although he got to reaps the benefits, he didn't feel that I loved him enough. He said I treated "personal time" like one more job I had to get done before I got to finally go to sleep. I thought I was being the perfect partner but as my resentment grew, so did his distance until finally there was nothing left to save. You can love someone and still resent the hell out of then. We are perfect examples of that. Even now I think we both morn our marriage years later. There were good times and lots of them. Moments I miss. But those moments are blind to you when you are going through a divorce. You forget about them until after the fact.... when your life is left in ruins around you. Broken promises and hurt feelings littered everywhere. They say no one has ever die from splitting up the furniture but there were times I thought I would....I wished I would, so I could be released from all this pain.

One of the hardest things about leaving is my ex husband has never forgiven me for it. He feels I have destroyed his life somehow...... although he's gone on with another relationship. And no many how many times we apologize and offer explanations for what happened to our marriage it's never going to banish that missing piece of me, that constant reminder, that I was the one who chose divorce over him. That is the guilt I feel every time I see him. Although we both did some pretty crappy stuff to each other during that time, he has never lost the sadness in his eyes and I know I am responsible for putting it there. Funny thing is, if someone else hurt the other one, we would be the first in line to dole out an ass whoopin'. I remember this one instance in court, for an unrelated case when my ex was called to be a character witness against me, when a lawyer asked questions about our marriage and we both started crying. He was on the stand being questioned. The lawyer was talking about how I had done this and that to him during our divorce and my ex goes, "Well yea, but we were going through a divorce and those things happen but she is totally a victim in this case." The more the lawyer talked the madder he became and started defending me like no other. After wards, outside the court house he tells me he didn't know if he was a help to me or not but he tried. We hugged and cried a little and he walked away. My attorney turns to me and says he has never seen two people love each other more and wonders aloud as to why we got a divorce. My response was and still is.....We love each other but we just can't get along. We both have very dominant personalities that clash and bang together with no respect for the other. Sometimes things are just that way. Life isn't always fair and we don't all have happy endings but at least we can maintain some sort of peace amongst ourselves. We do have a beautiful daughter and for her, I will always be grateful. She is the light of my life and his.

Things that make me happy

2010-09-22T00:03:00.000-07:00

Tonight, like every night, I am having trouble sleeping. Now my grandpa used to tell me the reason he napped all day is because he never slept good at night and I just thought he was full of crap and had his days and nights mixed up. I guess what he said was true because the older I get the harder it is to sleep at night. So, tonight I decided I would take a long bubble bath and read a little while I soaked. I also had a glass of wine for good measure thinking if I couldn't go to sleep after this, something has got to be wrong. It doesn't get any more relaxed than this. Of course it didn't work but as I was sitting in the tub, up to my neck in bubbles, I thought to myself..... I have a pretty good life. I should probably be more thankful than I am but sometimes we get so caught up in the process of life, we forget the good stuff. Such as bubble baths for instance. Most of the time I'm lucky to get a quick shower with all the running I do. But, that also got me thinking about the other stuff that makes me happy like fresh sheets on the bed or the smell of rain after a storm. Getting prime seats at the movies or fried apple pies. Hitting all the green lights in a row or the moment of anticipation just before a kiss. The feeling you have when its the first time with someone special. Hot coco, warm blankets and marshmallows. Hanging with friends, crying at weddings and hometown football games. (Even though I don't understand football.) Basketball......now there's a sport. Go Cats!!!

Watching my kids grow. I love everything about them. They make me the happiest. Especially Brooke, when she laughs. That kid has the best laugh....EVER. Her nose wrinkles up and she has the biggest grin and a giggle that comes all the way from her toes or Courtney when she dances in the kitchen and acts silly to make me smile. She is comical and comes up with the craziest stuff to make me laugh until I cry and Jaylan because she'll always be mommy's girl and she is the bestest snuggle bunny hands down.

Other things that make me happy are: a great cup of coffee or getting the milk to cereal ratio just right. The cool side of the pillow and when they play all my favorite songs on the radio. Laughing so hard, no sound comes out at all. Turning off all the lights during a thunderstorm. Sleeping naked every chance I get. Walking on grass with bare feet. Driving around with the windows down on warm summer nights. Puppies! Finding money in the dryer. Book stores and good conversations. Getting something with someones actual handwriting in the mail. Old pictures of the kids when they were little. Good memories and good friends. Heart felt compliments from someone you love. Good advice taken. Church on Sunday when the preacher is all fired up! My family. A new tube of tooth paste and the first scoop of peanut butter. A large peach sweet tea from Sonic.....easy on the ice. The perfect rare steak with a big ol baked tater with butter AND sour cream. When babies fall asleep on you and you are afraid to move. Watching scary movies in the dark. Holding hands or catching lightening bugs. Hearing from an old friend. Getting text messages. Getting my hair washed by someone else. Sleeping like a rock and waking up whenever. Vacations! Realizing that I am blessed with wonderful people in my life. These are just a few of the things that make me happy. So, how about you? Leave a comment and tell me what makes you happy.

Making New Friends in Unlikely Places

2010-09-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

I have been anemic for as long as I can remember but in the last year or so my anemia has gotten worse. I've always been tired and low on energy but considering how busy my life is, fatigue is not acceptable. Things needed to be done and I'm the mommy. However, this last year has been somewhat difficult. I get winded climbing stairs and had some rather significant weight gain. Not having enough blood causes my heart to pump harder trying to get what little I do have to the other parts of my body. This causes me to have trouble breathing at times and slows down my metabolism considerably. I've been to the doctor several times over the past year for test on my thyroid and other things. I've had a colonoscopy (that was fun, not!), an upper GI, an ultrasound of my uterus, scan of my kidneys and numerous blood tests......which by the way makes no sense to me. I'm only producing about a 1/3 of the red blood cells a person needs. My hemoglobin was at 8.2 the last time they took blood. At 7.0 a person needs a blood transfusion. If the hemoglobin drops below 7 then you start to risk damage to organs such as the lungs and heart. So, if I don't make enough blood, then why do they keep taking it from me to test? Don't I need all the blood I can get?

Anyway, I started my iron infusions this week at our new Commonwealth Cancer Center to see if maybe that will work instead of giving me a blood transfusion. I'm hooked up to an IV for 4 hours a day, every Friday for 6 weeks. This past Friday was my first. They take me back to Wing A and show me around, giving me a tour of the place. There's a little kitchen with a microwave and refrigerator. An ice machine and coffee maker and snacks of various kinds. And then..... there is the other patients. Mostly cancer patients going through their chemo treatments. I think I was the only one in the room who still had my hair besides the nurses. One particular patient was my neighbor Deborah. Before I get hooked up, I decide to grab a bit, since I'm going to be a while, and then go potty. When I return to my chair, my IV pole is already there along with some pills in a little cup. Deborah instructs me to take them and I do so figuring she knew what she was talking about. I take my place in the chair and a little nurse comes by and asks if I need a pillow or a blanket. I decline thinking I am probably the healthiest one in there room and she should probably be helping the cancer patients more. Of course the nurses a very complimentary to everyone back here in Wing A. I just feel guilty for being in this place and the only thing wrong with me is anemia.....but, this is where my Hematologist is so, this is where I need to be for the moment.

Deborah is staring out the window when I offer her a magazine I brought to spend the time. She is very pale, gaunt and wears a little UK cap on her bare head to keep her warm. She declines at first then changes her mind. She asks me about my infusion and I tell her my story then, she tells me hers. She has just recently been diagnose with throat cancer on July 4th and I had noticed the trache sticking out of her throat. She talks with a horse voice as I listen. She has been sick for a while but her regular medical doctor has yet to figure out what's wrong with her. Finally she gets bad enough for an emergency room visit one night and is diagnose within 30 minutes of her arrival with cancer. Something her doctor hadn't been unable to detect in previous months. She is given 0-6 months to live but treatment has been good to her and now her prognosis has become a 98% chance of remission. She tells me this is something very positive coming out of a very negative situation. Deborah will start radiation 5 days a week for 8 weeks soon and is looking forward to getting better. She says this with a smile on her face. Deborah tells me I look tired and should probably take a nap. The medicine has made me rather sleepy. She explains taking a nap makes the treatments go faster. It's raining outside now and a nap sounds like a good idea. I close my eyes and drift off as she flips through my magazine. I awake a little while later to my nurse switching out my IV bags and Deborah is getting done with her treatment. She hands me back my magazine and asks if I had a good nap. I reply as she gathers her things. She tells the nurse she will see her again tomorrow and turns to me and says she hopes I start feeling better soon. She brushes my hand as she walks by and I think "Wow" to myself. I think she's more worried about me than she is herself. I'm not sure what to say and just kinda a nod in recognition. She shuffles off out the door and I wonder if she'll be my neighbor again next Friday when I'm here again. I hope so I think silently to myself as I watch the rain misting outside my window.........

My Accomplishment

2010-09-07T20:04:00.000-07:00

So, today I'm going through my filing cabinet and run across some stories I had written and some little journal entries. One of them was called My Accomplishment. I think I wrote this when the girls were maybe 3, 4 and 7 years old and I still feel the same way.

Yesterday was my birthday and here I sit depressed as another year has blown by me and I wonder what did I accomplish this past year that was all that amazing. Nothing that I can think of....then I hear the kids playing outside. I don't think there's a sound sweeter that the giggling of three little girls so, I step out into the evening sun to see what all the hub bub is about. They don't even notice me standing on the deck watching them. They are too consumed in play. Jaylan is lying in the grass limp and lifeless pretending she's dead. Eyes shut as tight as she can get them, trying not to laugh while Brooke and Courtney stand over her crying. "Poor princess Jaylan has died!" "Now we must bury her beneath the magic tree," they shout. Then Brooke grabs Jay's arms and Courtney her legs and they drag her down the yard to our Mimosa tree.There they pull the pink blooms from the tree and sprinkle them over Jaylan's body and say a few inaudible words I can't hear for the distance. Suddenly, as if by magic, Jaylan rises from the grave and says, "I live!" "I live!" Then they dance in a circle, holding hands like little fairies and sing songs. I guess this means Jaylan has escaped the evil wrath of the Warlock Midnite (played by our dog) and lives to rule her kingdom for another day. Then I realized that the biggest accomplishment, I've ever made or ever will, is giving life to these incredible little girls who teach me everyday more about life than I will probably ever teach them. Thank God for little girls.....

A Chattanooga Good Time!

2010-09-07T11:29:00.000-07:00

I just got back from a weekend with friends in Chattanooga, Tennessee. I absolutely love Chattanooga! It's one of the cleanest cities I've visited and has lots to offer. One of the things this city has is great food. I visited the BoatHouse Restaurant right on the Tennessee River for lunch during my stay. We all ate deck side enjoying the beautiful weather and the awesome smells coming from inside the kitchen. All your meats are cooked with wood giving my Beef Brisket with Au jou and horseradish sauce a savory mesquite flavor sided with olive fries and a homemade slaw. For an appetizer we also enjoyed some of the best calamari and fried onions I have ever tasted. I took some fabulous pics out by the waterfront as boats floated by with a beautiful golf course and stately mansions as my backdrop. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the temperature was perfect!

However, just because I was out of state, that was no excuse for missing the UK/Louisville game......off to the Chattanooga Billiards and Cigar Bar. There we took our seats to see Kentucky draw first blood with the first touchdown of the game just minutes after kickoff. My friends had a running bet.....Lige for Louisville and Chelsey for UK. Of course I had to side with Chelse on this one and we dogged Lige hard everytime UK made a play. It was all in the name of good fun, good cigars and ice cold beer though. What else could you want? Suddenly the owner (Phil) walks up to us and asked if we would rather watch the game in the exclusive Havana Room? It is members only folks! The computer on the door has to read your fingerprint to get in! How exclusive in that? And of course we graciously excepted his offer. Duh! who wouldn't? The room was beautifully decorated with large overstuffed leather chairs, couches and ottomans. Stained glass lamps sat atop wooded side tables. Bookshelves were covered with memorabilia and trophies and pictures of famous people adorn the walls. Signed autographed this and that... with piles of Cigar Aficionado magazines laying here and there. Sweet cigar smoke hung in the air as a little waitress wearing a football jersey ran in and out catering to our every whim. I was impressed to say the least. I took my place on one of the fat leathery sofas and kicked my black Chuck Taylor's up on the coffee table like I lived there and listen to my sister Bev and Phil talk of days gone bye. I watched and giggled as I listen to Chelsey and Lige argue back and forth about the game. I even got to see my buddy Steve on TV (covering the sports for News Channel 27 back home) following Joker Phillips after the game. Kentucky won of course, so now it's off to dinner at the Chattanooga Macaroni Grill for some wine and Chicken Marsala to celebrate. Whoohoo!

Ok, so when I wasn't eating and spending time with friends I did go on top of the Lookout Mountain to get some breath taking views and pics of the whole city of Chattanooga. Just a few of the attractions Chattanooga offers is the Incline Railroad, Ruby Falls and Rock City. Then there is always the Tennessee Aquarium and a scenic tour of the river offered by the Southern Belle River Boat. As far as down town and the arts scene goes.........Chattanooga’s arts scene is second to none. Take in one of the nation’s largest collections of American art. Discover the many galleries and emerging artists at places such as Bluff View, NorthShore and Southside districts. This is truly a treasure of a city and worth stopping in to take a look. And while your there, check out the City Cafe' for breakfast and don't forget to shop at the many outlets stores down Gun Barrel Road. Yep, that's really the name of the road. Go figure! So, next time you find yourself in Tennessee, stop bye some of these places and tell them Vanessa sent ya! Probably won't do you any good but it's worth a try! lol

Morning Walk

2010-09-06T08:45:00.000-07:00

I wake up at around 9:00 am....... stretch and yawn and slide out of bed. I say slide because that is exactly what I do. I have a huge king size bed that hits me above my waist and since I am a shorty anyway, I practically look like a 4 year old climbing into my bed every night........ And every morning slide off the side and land on my feet to start the day.

I step out on the porch to test the morning air and temperature. Absolutely perfect weather for a stroll through the neighborhood. Not too hot.....not too cool.... just right and off I go. Most everyone has decided to sleep in I suppose. Some houses are very quiet. No one seems to be stirring quite yet except for old Mr. Nantz 4 doors down. He's out shuffling around in his garage with it's doors open wide, tinkering on some new project I'm sure. He notices me and throws a hand up. "Good morning!" he says. I smile and reply, "Good morning to you!" and walk on. Now Mr. Nantz used to own the local pool supply store here in town and put in my first pool about 17 years ago. Him and his wife moved here this summer from a gorgeous two story house in Rowland. I guess the house had gotten too big for them to handle so they found a perfect little single story on my street to meet their needs. I discovered this one day, out walking, when I saw him outside building a little picket fence around his back yard. "Mr. Nantz, is that you?" I asked. And although he is a spry as a spring chicken, I think Mr. Nantz is up into his seventies, he still remembers me and where I live 17 years ago. "Hey, Vanessa!" "How are you?" he says. "Wow, you remember Mr. Nantz?" I ask. "Well, of course I do." "I put that pool in for you a few years back out there in Maywood." he reply's as I stand there stunned as to why I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday but here this little old man remembers the day we met almost 20 years before. He hasn't changed much. Still looks the same after all these years just a little more white headed than before. I remember this memory as I move on down the street.

Around the corner the windows are open at Mr. and Mrs. Bradshaw's and I can hear pots and pans banging and cabinet doors closing as she prepares breakfast this morning. I can also here Mr. Bradshaw complaining in the background about Mrs. B leaving the stove on last time and nearly burning the house down. I smile as I pass by secretly listening in on the conversation. I approach the corner....I can go left or right and still make it back to my house. I decide to take the long route this morning. It's quite a bit hilly but I can use the exercise I tell myself. To the right I go.....

I soon come upon a couple out walking and a mother and daughter with a little dog. So, I'm not the only one out of bed enjoying this day. We all wave as we pass each other and comment on the weather. Everyone is friendly and smiling. I don't know everyone in my neighborhood but I do know a few of the family's that dwell here. Like the Johnsons and the Kidds and the Harris's and then there is Mrs. Belcher and Mrs. Davis. No matter how many walks I take through the neighborhood, I always notice something different, whether it be an old oak tree or some new flowers or maybe just a little fountain in someones yard that I probably passed a hundred times. Everyone's grass has turned brown and the leaves are starting to turn their fall colors. Winter will soon follow.

Now I'm starting my climb up Edgewood and it seems its up hill all the way. I just stare at my feet and analyze the cracks in the road. I ponder on how long the cracks have been there and I look at the pebbles that have been moved up and down the street by someones tires. Wow, there's a 75 cent sticker stuck to the pavement from a previous yard sale. A tiger stripped cat is sitting in the road just up ahead looking at me lazily. It just yawns as I walk by. Almost to the top now...... legs burning, heart pumping, breathing harder. I make it to the end of the street and take a right on Hilltopper Drive. I can see my house....home sweet home. Yay! I start to catch my breath as I approach my driveway. I stumble up the steps of the porch with heavy feet and satisfaction. I fall into my wicker rocker and just close my eyes. I can hear a buzzing above my head as I open my eyes to a hummingbird sitting on the side of the feeder I recently hung. I make my own sugar water for the feeder and I assume he approves. He hovers for a few and flys off happily.

Ok, time for coffee........Happy Labor Day everyone!!!

Take Your Vitamins

2010-08-28T03:59:00.000-07:00

Recently I've discovered a new vitamin which contains Oligo. It's called Vitality for Women by the Melaleuca Wellness Company. One of the things that makes Melaleuca vitamins stand out is the fact they are 10 times more soluble than store brands. The earth gives us all the minerals the human body needs, however eating dirt is not really a workable option for most. Oligo does what fruits and vegetables do naturally and Oligo has 5 times the greater antioxidant protection than any other brand.The science behind these great vitamins discovered that minerals release free radicals into the body during digestion. Free radicals can actually cancel out antioxidants. Oligo keeps minerals soluble and available for absorption. Tests using live, intestinal cells demonstrates Oligo solubility through intestinal walls and not only just the intestinal track but Oligo offers major protection for the heart, lungs and liver from the damaging effects of free radicals in the body. You would have to take 33 Centrum or 15 One a Day to equal one Vitality pack from Melaleuca. The Vitality pack contains a multivitamin and mineral supplement that has 24 essential nutrients to deliver maximum mineral availability and antioxidant protection. A calcium supplement blended with magnesium, phosphorus and vitamin D to promote strong bones. A cellwise supplement to protect against free radicals which also promotes healthy skin using olive oil and grape seed extracts, lycopene, carotenoids and vitamind C. And last but not least, a supplement with two strains of probiotics to improve absorption and maintain digestive health.

For those Lipitor users with high cholesterol there is Phytomega. Using both Omega-3s and plant phytosterols, Phytomega can lower triglycerides by 26% and LDL cholesterol by up to 29%. Phytomega is nature's answer to high cholesterol.

And hey, if you love your dog, they got that covered too with ProCare dogs treats powered by Oligo for joint protection and healthy coat.

If you are interested in receiving information about Melaleuca products please contact me at either www.homeandhappy.fourpointwellness.com or just email me at vanessa.sowders37@gmail.com. I would be happy to answer any questions. I hope this blog was helpful.

Grownups

2010-08-24T18:22:00.000-07:00

I recently watched the new Adam Sandler movie Grownups . I love, love, loved it! That's almost exactly like it was growing up for me. Playing out side in the dirt on long summer days. Not wanting to come in at dark because I was too busy chasing lightening bugs. Making mud pies and eating apples right off my Grandpa's tree (without washing them first). I drank water straight out of the hose, not the bottle. I played in the creek and took long trips over my Uncle Tob's farm with my cousin Tootie looking for arrow heads. I know what it feels like to step in cow poo with bare feet! My other cousin Cindy use to make me hoola skirts with limbs from the old willow tree in front of the house. My siblings and I grew up without cell phones, DVD's, computers, video chat, Nintendo, Playstations and surround sound. Our family had one TV in the den and only 5 channels.My Mother smoked when she was pregnant and took aspirin for a headache. There were no locked doors or child proof cabinets. I rode my bike without a helmet and rode in the back of the truck every chance I got.

I can remember my Grandfather's work shop. He would spend hours in there working on stuff and sometimes I would help. It didn't matter that I was a girl. He viewed me and my cousins the same.....he treated us ALL like boys! So, I was a very big tom boy growing up. I hung tobacco, put up hay and fenced right along with the rest. One day I walked in the shop and asked my Grandpa for some tools because I wanted to build a fort down by the woods. He told me no and to run along a play. I was determined so I proceeded to build anyway. I had a hatchet (don't ask me why I owned a hatchet) that I used to cut down small trees. I used vines or bailing twine to tie the logs together. After about 3 hours of working on my "project" I see my Grandpa walking through the field towards me with something in this hand. I figuring at this point I'm in big trouble for cutting down trees but he just walked up with a coffee can full of nails, a hammer and a little hand saw. He sat the items down, turned and walked off without a word.

My generation and the one before survived being put to bed on our tummies in cribs painted with lead based paint. We fell out of trees, broke bones, got in fights and no lawsuits were ever filed. We walked to friends houses by ourselves. Tried out for little league and those of us who didn't make it just had to deal with disappointment. We ate biscuits and gravy every morning for breakfast, drank a gallon of Kool Aid a day and never worried about getting fat. Germs were never considered when sharing your ice cream with your best bud. What Mama said was gospel and we got our butts busted on a regular basis. Sunday was a day of rest and spending time with family in church.

And out of this generation has come some of the best innovators of all time all because we had the freedom to try, fail and try again in a time before lawyers and government regulated the life out of us. Before they took God out of our schools and hope from our lives. I'm proud to have grown up in this time and wish my kids had the experiences that I had in a time that was more innocent than now. It scares me to think of what kind of world my kid's kids are going to grown up in....

So, if you got to grow up in the 50's, 60's or 70's...rejoice for being one of the last generations of kids being kids! Tell stories, share memories and pass down favorite times in your life. Let them know how good WE had it.........

Influence

2010-08-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

No matter who you are or what you do, everybody wants the ability to influence others. Whether it be in business, relationships or simply trying to get your 3 year old to eat peas, influence is the one thing that effects us all. Influence transcends gender, color, age, background and all walks of life. It can be positive or it can be deadly depending on the circumstance.

Consider a girl who wants love but doesn't know where to look. She wants to be close to someone but doesn't know how to trust. She becomes defiant, drifting, desperate and debilitated. Her family and friends want to be able to influence her but don't know how to go about it. The fact of the matter is we can't talk our way into influence.......we have to behave our way. Ever heard the saying, "Actions speak louder than words"? If we want to influence the people around us, our actions have to match our words. A perfect example of this would be Ghandi. Anything Ghandi ever thought, he said. Whatever Ghandi ever said, he did. One man who brought a country to its knees by his own example.

I once worked for a guy who used to tell me all the time, "Vanessa, nobody cares what you know until they know how much you care." Unless we are willing to build relationships by example, our influence will always be limited. It took me a long time to understand this. I went through a lot of frustrations and self-evaluations. Sometimes it's hard to look in the mirror and admit that maybe you were wrong or maybe you didn't handle a situation properly. Some people however, will always blame someone or something else for their lack of influence. They refuse to pay the price of change on which the "Holy Grail" of leadership rests.

Recently our community suffered a devastating lose. A friend of my daughters and a beautiful young girl took her own life. I can't imagine the pain that must have consumed this child or the version of reality that she lived on a day to day basis. I went to a Seventh Day Slumber concert a few months ago and was moved by the amount of teens who where truly hurting. When front man Joseph Rojas told his story and then asked the crowd how many of them had felt like or had attempted to take their own life hundreds of hands shot up. As a mother my heart broke in two and I wanted to take each any everyone of those teens home that night and show them that someone did care about them. As a parents, teachers and community leaders we truly need to re-evaluate our circle of influence among our kids.

“I understand what it means to hurt so badly that suicide seems like the only option,” says Rojas. “I know what it means to be abused, to be addicted, to feel abandoned and empty, hopeless and depressed, lost and confused. But I also understand what it means to be accepted by a King and loved by the creator of the universe. We are a generation who has no clue who we are. Our young people are searching for purpose, a reason to live."

I urge everyone to try to lead by example. Pay attention to what's going on in your communities and homes. Understand how you can use your influence to make a positive change in someones life. Most importantly, know that someone out there cares about you and has been through it too. You are not alone in this world.

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Texting.......from across the hall.

2010-08-04T20:23:00.000-07:00

So, I'm talking to a friend on Face Book last night and she's telling me that her son has invited my daughter to the lake for the weekend. My friend Donna wants to know if Courtney's going or not and I'm telling her, "I don't know. I'm in the bed with my laptop but I will text her and ask." I text my daughter, who is across the hall, on my Iphone, to see if she is going to the lake or not. I then reply to my friend Donna on Face Book telling that in fact Courtney is going to the lake this weekend with her son. Seriously, have we gotten so lazy folks? I suppose so. I do however, remember the first time we got a microwave, a cordless phone and a VCR. Man, I thought my family was livin' well. I still had to set tobacco plants, help get in hay and work in the garden growing up. Real manual labor and it didn't matter if it was 110 degrees outside. My kids get mad if I ask them to check the mail in the middle of the day! "But Mom, it's sooo hot outside." "Do I have to right now?" Everything is "I'll do it later," but when they want something, they want it right then.

I know that I had it better than my parents and our kids have it better than us, but is it really benefiting them in the long run? I mean my kids don't know how to boil water people! I sometimes wonder what would happen if we lost everything we had and had to start over. I mean everything......no car, no house and no cell phone. Oh... I know.... scary thought huh? I mean go back to Little House on the Prairie days. How do you think our children would fair? Well, I don't know how long mine would last, but I'd probably blow my own brains out to escape all the whining that would be going on.

Other things have changed since I grew up. Our kids are living in a faster paced society. Most children have a cell phone by the age of 11 and the percentage of both parents working outside the home has increased. Seventy percent of women with children at home work outside of the home. (Leadership in Action, July 2010) Twenty eight percent of families eat dinner together seven nights a week. Teenagers eat fast food more often and parent-child communication has been on the decline. (Leadership in Action, July 2010)

Lucky for me, I can work at home now and be here to listen to my whinny kids. I can text them from the kitchen to see what they want to eat for supper. It's not the solution, but it's a start. I used to have to work a 12 hour swing shift. Now I work with FourPointGroup around my family's needs. I work when I want for as long as I want. Some days, I don't work at all...... I just sit with my girls and listen to them complain about this and that. Yea, they are spoiled and they can't do anything but at least I'm here to teach them.......just as soon as I get off Face Book. haha

Truly, I have found that most people who work for themselves are in a higher tax bracket. According to the U.S. Dept of Agriculture more American's personal income is coming from government benefits and less and less from private wages than ever before in history. Economists report a downturn in jobs with private employers combined with governments handouts is creating a trend that could become unsustainable. USA Today reports that benefits from Social Security, unemployment, food stamps and other programs have reached a record high during the first 3 months of 2010. In fact 1 in 2 Americans receive income from govt programs. 1 in 5 Americans hold a govt job or are dependent of federal spending. 1 in 5 Americans receive Social Security or other govt pension. About 19 million receive food stamps, 2 million get subsidized housing and 5 million get educational grants. (Christian Science Monitor) If private businesses continue to deteriorate the govt won't be able to tax private wages to support their expensive programming. More than half of all Americans receive some sort of income from govt programs.

I work for a company that has been in business since 1985 and owes no loans and has never asked for a govt bail out. We have continually made a profit every year for the last twenty five years no matter what the economy looks like. So nowadays I'm able to sleep better knowing that a have a secure income with a company that allows me to spend time with my kids and tell them about the good ole days when I had to walk to school... bare foot.... in the snow..... up hill both ways just like my parents did.

A Four Point Mom

2010-08-02T20:13:00.000-07:00

The life of a working mom is difficult to say the least. She is up at dawn fixing breakfast and getting children ready for school, then off to work. Then after putting in a full work day, it's back home for dinner, laundry, help with homework, a bedtime story and the rest of the work she didn't get finished at the office, only to get up and do it all over again. Needless to say that 40% of women today have taken on the role of bread-winner. (Leadership in Action, July 2010)

Mommies definitely know how to multitask which makes them exceptional workers and very valuable to employers. A Four Point Moms fit that description too, however we are able to put our families first. How you ask? Four Point moms can work part time or full time and still contributed thousands of dollars to their family incomes without having to report to an office. By working from home, they can benefit from having the best of both worlds: a home life and career. At FourPointGroup, LLC we help moms earn an income from home so they can be with the ones that mean the most. Build your own business around your family's schedule with FourPointGroup, LLC instead of having to live your life around a un-fulfilling dead end job. Find real, lasting freedom from lost time with loved ones and financial stresses.

I just want to say joining FourPointGroup, LLC was the best decision I have ever made for me and my family. I now can be with my daughters, be at all their events and relish every precious moment as they move closer to adulthood everyday. I never knew how much I was missing because I wasn't there, but now I love my life, I am closer to my family and I am living well. Come join me in living the dream while working with a company rooted in value and strengthened through unity. Welcome home to FourPointGroup.

What do Shalane Flanagan and Flood Waters Have in Common?

2010-07-27T20:44:00.000-07:00

Ever heard of Shalane Flanagan? Well, she is an Olympic Bronze Medalist who also holds four American records for the indoor/outdoor 10,000 and 5,000 meters and a handful of other National Championships titles.(Leadership in Action, July 2010) More importantly she is one of our customers. Shalane understands what FourPointGroup is all about. The four points of wellness are: physical wellness, personal wellness, financial wellness and last but not least environmental wellness. This is what we stand for at FourPointGroup, LLC and I am happy to be a part of this business. Not only am I able to support my family from the comfort of my own home, but I am being environmentally aware and personally fulfilled in the process.

What once was a mere secondary income became one family's saving grace. Not so long ago when flood waters left over 2,600 people homeless, Executive Director Rhonda Hendrix and her husband Michael almost lost their home as well. Micheal did not work for nearly 3 months. Fortunately, they were able to rely on the residual income they received working with our partner company and managed to put the pieces back together. The Hendrix's were able to remodel their home and replace some the their belongings without having to worry about the financial strains of not having flood insurance. (Leadership in Action, July 2010)

Having time for what matters most is another advantage to working at home with FourPointGroup, LLC.
"Spend time with those you love today. One day you'll either say 'I wish I had' or 'I'm glad I did.'"--Zig Ziglar. Work with a company that puts ethics and integrity first. Working with FourPointGroup, LLC you play a vital role in the account set-up, customer service, marketing, and training for an internationally known company. Part Time and Full time positions available from your home office. We are looking for key members to place in leadership roles who are dedicated, passionate, and goal-oriented. No experience is necessary as we provide extensive training, but dedication is a must.

Glitter in the Air

2010-07-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Glitter in the Air by Pink and as unusual she put into words feelings we have all had from time to time. She talked about the breath before a kiss and I thought to myself, "I totally know what she is talking about." The breath you take right before your lips touch, it's like magic.

Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on the ring to prove you're not alone
Have you ever been touched so gently you had to cry?
Have you ever invited a stranger to come inside?

No one can write lyrics like this unless they can feel them with their soul. There is a big difference between putting pretty words on paper and pouring your heart out blood and all. Moments when you thought your body would actually rip into and the pain would totally consume you. There have been times in my life when I was so happy I could bust. Everything was exciting and perfect. Nothing or no one could bring me down. Then there have been instances when I thought I had lost my mind. The little voice in my head, putting in overtime, trying to convince me the world was plotting my demise. Bitter as an unripened blackberry and sharp as the thorns that come with it. I have experienced moments of clarity during these times in my life. Learning how strong you are and how much crap you can take definitely comes in handy when your back is to the wall.

Past relationships that I have had in my life have brought me both joy and pain. But for the most part I wouldn't change the time I spent with those people. My first marriage made me a mother for the first time. The feeling a mother has toward her child is probably the most indescribable feeling in the whole world. I mean, I simply can never put into words what happened to me when I became a mom. How can you love something so unconditionally that just cause you the worst physical pain you will ever experience in your life? I don't know how but the instant Brooke was born that 24 hours of labor and the 60 minutes I pushed..... simply vanished. I can honestly say I was sad the whole time I was pregnant with Courtney because I loved Brooke so much I didn't think I could love Courtney the same. Of course when I saw her, all the sadness disappeared and I loved her just as much but differently some how. Jaylan increased my love even more when she came into my life. Three sweet little girls who have now grown into teenagers with so much life ahead of them. I'm excited to see what they do in the world.

Although friends have come and gone, there have been a few that have withstood the test of time. People that I am so close to, I would feel as though I lost a piece of my soul if I were to ever lose them. People who you can be away from for years and the moment you reconnect.... it's like the days never passed between you. Friends that keep your secrets and know who you really are but still love you anyway. I have had the privilege to experience some of these precious people as well and the ones who weren't so precious but taught me a very important lesson about human nature.

Regardless of how my relationships ended or why they ended doesn't mean much to me these days. The ones that I still have close to me are the ones that mean the most. My kids, my better half and my great friends keep me sane more often then not....... but the most important relationship I have is with my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and he blesses me everyday.

Close your eyes and trust it, just trust it
Have you ever thrown a fist full of glitter in the air?
Have you ever looked fear in the face
And said I just don't care?

Plan B

2010-07-24T18:14:00.000-07:00

Personal issues with my kids caused me to quit my job about four months ago. Granted I had been working in a factory for more than half my life, so I figured I would be ok with what I had in retirement until I finished my degree in Psychology. A degree that I have been working on the past couple of years. I figured that I am still young enough to replace any monies that I may spend from my retirement accounts while I try my hand at working from home. I have given myself a year to finish my degree and establish a strong home based business. So far so good. Well..... put it this way, I am not starving, in fact I have probably gained 10lbs in the last four months, so the business aspect has been decent. However, any time you start your own business, be prepared to struggle for the first few months to a year before you actually see a real profit. I am basically holding my own, making about as much as I would have made if I still worked for someone else.

I am very serious about working from home. I treat it as I would any job. However, most days I do work in my PJ's. I get up, make coffee and then adjourn to my home office. There I work on my computer, make calls and do the basics that every business entails. The only difference is I can get up and go throw a load of laundry in the washer in the middle of a conference call or cook my kids something to eat while I do a presentation. And.....if I do want to take the day off, I can do so without having to ask my boss. This is the best part about working for yourself.

With the economy in rehab and the job market still in a stall, a steady job has become as valuable as a winning lotto ticket. People are dipping into their nest eggs, cars are getting repo'd, homes being foreclosed and jobs are being eliminated everyday as a result of companies trying to cut costs. Many of us are finding that our plan A just doesn't pay the bills anymore.

I chose to join a organization that was BBB accredited and our CEO sits on the United States Chamber of Commerce. His name is Frank Vandersloot and the organization is FourPointGroup, LLC. With our business the cheese hasn't moved and for anyone who owns their own business, we can be the plan B when your plan A isn't doing so well. We have a recession proof business with highly consumable products that people need anyway. We are partnered with a science-based wellness consumer products company that manufactured over 350 products that are safe and healthier for you family and home. A green company that makes green when every other industry is struggling. Not only do we hold a Better Business Bureau's Torch award but we are feature in INC 500 magazine. We have a 95% reorder rate because our products work and work well. Our partner company has been in business for over 25 years and is debt free, meaning we have made a profit every year without having to rely on government bailouts when times get tough. A business where you can grow a steady residual income and will it to your children when you're done.

Now I am not suggesting you quit your job like I did, but at the very least, work part time and see for yourself. Work with a company that has a phenomenal track record, who is financially sound with a strong management program and unique consumable products that are competitively priced. Work around your life when you want to work. You can have a family and a career working from home. So, if you'd like this month to look better than last month or this year to look better than last year, check out our plan B and decide for yourself.