The Life We Living

The first time

2012-01-09T14:22:00.000+03:00

Has it been that long really?..It feels like the first time. The jitters, butterflies, sweaty, anxious but I'm hoping that the expression on my face doesn't sell me out. I want her to know that I know what I'm doing. I need to be the guide during this little truist.
She stares back. Expressionless. Not even a blink. I am now confused. What should I do? Let me make the first move..
I lift both my hands. Slowly move them towards her. Her bust. I touch. I touch again. First with my right hand then with the left. I press. It really is the first time! I press again. And again, and again... Soon its a non-stop melodious chatter of keys being pressed. On the keyboard!
The thoughts are transferred. The words formulated. The sentences completed. One paragraph. Then its two. Three. I should stop. I can't. My fingers keep moving. Touching and pressing. And she reacts. I can see the expression on her face now. Still cold but at least I can read the words on her face. She has read my mind. All that I have thought is now written all over her. Excitement galore.
I look at her one more time. I need to confirm that we are on the same page. She still stares back but with my thoughts on her pretty little face. Contented I press the last two times. [CTRL + S]. I then click on the Publish Post button. And I'm done.
And folks that is how my first article this year was born.
Happy new year everyone.

Time, only time will tell

2011-08-10T17:24:00.000+03:00

It has been long since I honoured this social digital media dedicated to me and the world at large with the fine touch of my literary paraphernalia(fingers, eyes and the can't-do-without Medulla Oblongata) , and its all for good reason though.
I have been busy working my way up the Forbes' list . I am now a wealthy man. Very wealthy man. Right now I'm untouchable in the backseat of my last-born, most precious and most adored baby, the Maybach 67S, with the twin turbo charged V12 Maybach Engine under the hood. Riding around town checking on my investments, and my investments are vast.
As vast as my investments may be, I have not diversified. I only risked my hard earned mode of exchange(for those who did not do business studies in primary school, I mean money!) in real estate. And boy have I invested. From 20 bedroom mansions to my 'house on the hill' known as the State House, with rooms full of cash, and big boy toys..
Yap the castles am building may not be on the ground but its just a matter of time before I transfer them there. Making a toast to being rich. Ola!

Me, Her, Him and Her

2011-07-25T11:37:00.000+03:00

She calls it a mistake that should never have happened,a fault of cosmic forces that bumped us together,driving us out of our appointed trajectories into a similar milky way,now we float together in the same galaxy.I say thats sheer poppycock,absolute hogwash.I listen to her as she goes on and on with her unprobable theory,her lips rapidly moving as she tries to convince me."you see life in the city is random as city people cannot see the stars" she says mystically.Its almost as if she knows what she is talking about.I repress an urge to smack her on the face,you see her face is just too smooth for that.I watch her lips once again,the rapid movements gets me into a trance,I cannot hear what she is saying. I look at her tiny eyes,after forever i lean over and we kiss,but only for a moment.
At times she looks at me timidly.Tell me what we have is purely physical she says.I look at her dead in the eyes and say yes dear its only physical.She quickly buries her head at the crook of my shoulder.Is she relieved or is she depressed.I do not know or maybe i do not know her that well.You see when i say its purely physical am lying,how can it be.No it cannot.But now with hindsight i can say she wants more out of this.I want more to,but we are afraid,too afraid to disturb the universe (i think this is the phrase she would use)The consequences would be too heavy to bear,not just for us but for another as well.Maybe we should leave it at that,but cam we?
The third party is an innocent bystander,a pawn in this deadly game of love and seduction.Something like that guy who gets hit by a bus while walking on the pedestrian path or that unlucky guy who gets struck by lightening in an expansive field. A casualty of love.Now its my turn to develop a theory.In this world you win some and loose some.You cant have it all.Its a selfish theory coz am having it all. Well time is all we have.With time the chips will fall into place.
I look at my watch its four in the morning.I have not slept a wink.I should just as well go and sleep,some stories are after all too personal to write.I move to the bedroom,flip on the switch,my girlfriend is already asleep.I curse myself,funny how i did not think of her,a fourth casualty caught in this web..God i did not even think of her,am i that selfish??

The difference between Luoz, Luos, Jeng', Mjaluo, and Mjaka?

2011-07-13T11:06:00.000+03:00

1. Luoz - are all over the world yaani diasporic, highly educated and articulate. I mean Obama type of people... They will die supporting
Arsenal FC, Brazil , All Blacks, Harambee Stars and Gor Mahia.

2. Luos - are born and raised in Kisumu, probably went to Kisumu
Boys/Girls High schools, then joined Maseno University or Kisumu Poly,
work along Oginga Odinga Street in Kisumu and have never travelled past
Ahero! They adore boda boda and Guinness.

3. Jeng' - were probably born and raised in Nai (read Nairobi ),
lived in Lang'ata or surrounding. Have been to shags once or twice for
grandy's funeral coz paros insisted. Says his/her shags is In upcountry
somewhere in Nyanza. You say "amosi omera" to them and they respond
"niaje jo vipi". And they are only seen during Gor and AFC matches at
City Stadium.

4. Mjaluo - was born in Mombasa , speaks swahili sanifu, broken
English and no mother tongue. Full names are Otieno Abdalla or Anyango
Amina.. Is a Muslim, lives in Ganjoni or surrounding and thinks Kisumu
people are "watu wa bara".

5. Wajaka - are born and raised in Eastlands
predominantly Ololo, Okongo, Jeri, Salem , Bangla, Ofaro, Marish, Mbote,
and Huruma. They have never gone past Ungem and they only know that they
are Luos because of their second names. They know Kisumu is a town near
Nakuru, where you pass ukiishiia kwa kina mbuyu..

N/B.

All of the above have some things in common i.e;

* They throw stones anyhow, anytime.

* They vandalize the railway in Kibera (whatever their location)

* They don't read Katiba because someone reads for them.

Male Rules...!

2011-07-13T11:01:00.000+03:00

We always hear "the rules"from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
1.Saturday
• Saturday = sports. It's like the full moon or the rising sun. Let it be.

2.Shopping
• Shopping is NOT a sport. And no,we are never going to think of it that way.

3.Just Say IT
• Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
• Subtle hints do not work!
• Strong hints do not work!
• Obvious hints do not work!
• JUST SAY IT!

4.Yes and No
• ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

5.Six Months Limit
• Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. Infact, all comments become null and void after 7 days

6.Problems
• Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

7.Crying
• Crying is blackmail.

8.Speak only..
• Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

9.Directions
• Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

10.Fat?
• If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

11.Confusion
• You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
• Not both.
• If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

12.Colour Vision
• ALL men see in only 16 colours,like Windows default settings.
• Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
• We have no idea what mauve is.

13.Scratching
• If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

14.What’s Wrong?
• If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

15.Answer
• If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

16.What to Wear?
• When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really.

17.Thinking
• Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
– Sport, or
– Cars

18.Clothes
• You have enough clothes

19.Shoes
• You have too many shoes

20.Interpretation
• If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry,we meant the other one.

21.Shape
• I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Paper Doesn't Judge

2011-07-11T10:05:00.000+03:00

I came across this poem and couldn't believe that it was actually written by a 13 year old...the talent out there is amazing...

Paper Doesn’t Judge

Insert something meaningful here;
Something that will cause your eyes to brim with tears
Something that will tug at the corners of your mouth, until - at last
- You smile.

Conjure up in your empty mind, thousands of words;
Short words, long words, complicated words, mashed-rhyming- slang
words
Try to find words that make you want to jump for joy.

Grab those sentences that describe;
His shining teeth perfectly
Those that capture the essence of her round eyes like a photograph.

In this paragraph you will place;
Something original, something ground breaking
Write here, for yourself, something wrenching.

Show me the words that will end world poverty;
Teach me how to write romance
Scorch the blank empty page with tales of knights and seven seas.

Now, finish this - if you would be so kind - with a happily ever
after;
With a tragedy, with woe, with tears and with laughter
And when this story is done, it will be beautiful.

The world is yours to take and paper does judge.

Truly true love??

2011-07-08T16:13:00.002+03:00

I have just read the tragic story of a 12 year old girl from India called Mumpy who committed suicide so that she may donate her eyes to her father and her kidney to her brother...Tragedy is that the suicide note was discovered just after she had been cremated!
This got me thinking just how kind one can be to take their life for the the good of others..
As much as I am angry at the loss of that innocent life, I am also amazed and inspired by her resolve to ensure that her dad and brother lived a good life..
But this only leaves lots of questions unanswered..
Would the dad and brother have accepted these gifts?..
If they did, would they have lived comfortably with the parts knowing very well their origin?..
If they didn't accept...wouldn't they be guilty for the rest of their lives?..
Hope little Mumpy found what she was looking for..!

7/7

2011-07-07T16:38:00.003+03:00

This is a somewhat interesting day...
I woke up to Sexy Dance(Fally Ipupa) on TV...
Took a matatu and the same song was on the Classique105 playlist..
Got to work early(kama kawaida) and one of the ladies in our office comes in with a cup of tea and sandwich...for me!
Almost did the Sexy Dance!..
Its now 10am and I leave for a 12o'clock town meeting with a client. The venue?...Steers, Muindi Mbingu Street.
I get there on time and wait up for her.
When she arrives she orders a fruit juice cocktail and a slice of Mexican Fiesta pizza each...boy am I on a roll...
Another Sexy Dance moment right thurr..
Meeting is over and after our sign offs I am headed to GreenCorner to meet a friend, catch up before I head back to work..
Am almost at GreenCorner when gunshots rent the air and teargas all over the damn atmosphere..
Shuuut!!
Anyway now am back in the office, my eyes are cleared up, and a cousin wants to meet up for an evening drink.. Let's see where this goes.

Ohh btw I hear there were saba saba unga demos, and main campus demos...not sure teargas ilikuwa ya gani but I hope I inhaled the right one! Peace.

The Chips - Funga Act 2011

2011-07-05T15:55:00.000+03:00

1. Section 2(1) provides that a chips shall always appear in a club looking fresh. Sweaty mamas wakae home.

2. A chips shall never ask for payment after a night of secluded fun in a secluded place. Chipsing is free. Asking for credit, fare back home shall be taken as asking for payment and will result in disciplinary action.

3. Chips should never come to the club with mummy, daddy or girlfriend issues. Clubs are happy places - shida zako wacha home.

4. Chips should never leave stuff at a man's place so as to get an excuse to come back later. Any stuff left shall be properly disposed by the man and he shall not be liable for any loss whatsoever.

5. Chips should remember the way out of the man's residence because on the day after, no chips should expect to be seen off the stage. In fact if possible, don't wake the man up… just leave QUIETLY.

6. In relation to sub section 5, a chips should never ever steal or borrow anything from the man's residence. This offence is tantamount to treason and is punishable. It should further be noted that going with the man's jacket or pullover just coz its cold shall be deemed as stealing.

7. A chips shall practice full disclosure before she's fungwa’d. Full disclosure includes disclosing whether her hair or teeth are fake, whether she has a medical condition, or whether the club's neon lights makes her look hotter than she really is.

8. Chips shall leave other pals after meeting with the man. Bringing an extra mama will be taken to mean that the man is being propositioned for a 3-some.

9. No chips shall disclose any secrets that the man might tell her when he's tipsy. Neither shall she disclose to other people where the man lives. It is a serious offence for a chips to warn other chips that the man is a serial chipser.

10. No chips shall come to the club at "that time of the month" and if she does she should disclose this in good time. Failure to disclose this before proceeding to the man's residence, the said chips shall reimburse the man full costs e.g. cab fare, cost of drinks, Opportunity cost (i.e. the cost of incurred by foregoing/ missing out on the other available chips).

11. We live in a dangerous world. Chips shall accept to be eaten with sauce. Not vinegar or mustard but sauce. Always remember, kuna chips imekarangwa na transformer oil.

12. Chips shall accept the fact that they are CHIPS. Any insisting on otherwise is an offence. The only exception to this provision is when the man expressly, in writing or orally, tells the chips otherwise or a certain period has passes and the chips is still lungulain the man. However, this period shall be set by the senate in consultation with parliament. In that case, the chips will be required to make an offer for change in status quo and the man shall accept. Only then shall the chips become the legal wife of the man.

Simplify it please!

2011-07-01T17:17:00.001+03:00

Today my boss asked me a very hard question, "Are you diverse?"
What would the answer to that question be if it was directed to you?
But before you tell me that, let me tell you what I said...I said nothing!
Now you are probably wondering what the hell I was thinking...
You are right!
You see, I didn't answer because I didn't know what to say..But before you start blaming me, blame the boss first for not explaining what he really wanted to know.
I was thinking hard, thinking about me, my interests, my hobbies and more so my friends. You have probably come across a saying stating that, 'show me your friends and I will show you what kind of a person you are.' Its true!!
I have got a whole assortment of friends and I might classify them into several groups:..
   1. Genuine friends - these friends are the people who would tell you anything without necessarily minding if that sh!t hurts or not...and will light up a stick later and smoke it off with you.
    2. Cover friends - heard of the saying Never judge a book by it cover? Well, you should be very careful with these ones because what the say might not necessarily have your best intentions at heart. They will tell you with a straight face that that chic is bad then when you off her case they go ahead and ....!
    3. The bad ass - These are the friends I guess I've learnt a lot from. They will very well know that whatever they are doing will have major repercussions but they will do it anyway and face the consequences later. They are high on a drug and its called f*** it!!
    4. Ma-ordinaree - also called salamu-pals. These ones are just there! They provide for greetings whenever you meet and that's just about it. A typical conversation between them would go like:
You: Hi..
Them: Hi..
        You: You good?..
Them: Yap, I'm okay...you?..
        You: I'm great...
Them: Ok...good to know...see you around...
        You: Ok...bye
        Them: Bye.
5.Crazy - now this is one group .............(note my lack of words)! They are the kind who believe that when you are out having fun you gotta do anything that you want to. You will be in a joint in Westlands and next thing you know they are suggesting that since you are near the Nakuru highway, the night should climax at Nakuru...so a few minutes to midnight you start a Nakuru-bound journey!...or you might be at a house party somewhere in the suburbs and next before you know it, its 2am and you are headed for a swimming pool in a restaurant in the opposite direction! But these escapades always make one hell of a story..

Oh, back to my story...you see I have not even exhausted the list but the different kinds of things and traits and interests that you can pick from all my friends...
You can now see how hard I thought and why I drew a blank!
Anyway I will now share this link with my boss and let him decide for himself if I am diverse or not!
Peace.

Wanna be rich?..Riches are waiting for you...

2011-07-01T16:17:00.000+03:00

    In my quest for financial freedom I have started up many business ventures, partnered with many people and failed miserably....but there were those few times when I broke even, point is...I did not make it.
    I thought I knew it all, from how to manage a small business, how to inject profit back into the capital, how to save the profit(in my M-Pesa!) etc but that led me straight to a fast lifestyle that I could now support from my M-Pesa account..
    You are probably wondering where I'm headed with this but it's simple...I now got it...Financial freedom will soon be my best friend...we shall run this town and I will no longer be on the slow nor fast lane...I will be on the fastest lane.
    All I need is to get a big hall, corporate sponsors(I got a few in mind already), a visual media station partner and interested people joining the bandwagon and I promise y'all there will be better days ahead. Only 5 positions are available and the faster they are filled, the faster your bank accounts fill up. So hurry hurry hurry before its too late! Its about time we had our own church, where we shall preach wine and drink vodka and use a whole lot of other intoxicating stuff! The Church of the Holiest Non-Hypocritical Earth Trodders.

Extraordinary me

2011-07-01T12:45:00.000+03:00

I am an extraordinary mwananchi, yes I am. Extraordinary I say and I will tell you why.
First for you to understand this, you need to know about the ordinary type.
The ordinary type: Wake up in the morning when the alarm goes off to switch it off, take a snooze, wake up again when their subconscious alerts them that they have overslept, look at the watch and realize they are 45 minutes late on their schedule...after this everything is done in a rush! Take a shower, dress while eating breakfast, throw the wallet, hanky, coins in your pocket while brushing their teeth(sometimes chewing gum will do!), half-walk half-run to the matatu stage, hop into the first matatu, arrive at the place of work an hour or more later, then act as if nothing is wrong.
This does not necessarily apply to job goers. It applies to those going for dates, interviews, rendezvous, visitations etc..
And now the main question comes up..what makes me extraordinary? Well, it's simple! I am extraordinary because I do all the above and there's nothing I'm willing to do about it!!!!!

I want to marry her

2011-06-30T14:56:00.000+03:00

   So now I'm supposed to move back home, but I love my independence so much I can not let it go. I switch on my rebellious mode and stand my ground that I am not giving up my 4 walls....and where does that lead me? I lose my sponsor aka dad.
    June then starts and am still hoping that the sponsor will change his mind and send me the rent. I get excited at the arrival of every text message and disappointed after opening them. It not from M-Pesa! Mid-month arrives, and nothing is forthcoming so far. After ignoring the landlord's calls, I muster up courage and go see him. I explain to him my situation(its actually a lot of bullcrap) and he says that he can wait for the rent.
    Three days later I'm hooked up to some hustle that earns me half the rent so once again I go up to the landlord and hand him the money. Then I have to 'explain' why its half and after a little more 'explanation' am off on the road. I gotta pay that rent you know?
    A few days later, a friend calls to tell me that he's flying out and that he's a drink-down then a farewell party in 2 days time...Still living on the fast lane I find myself getting to the drink-down 2 hrs late but its his day and other than myself, he's the only one who has arrived for the drink-down. A few glasses later the rest of the guests arrive. I don't remember most of that day except for one thing, him travelling means that there's a vacancy somewhere!
    Wednesday the next week I go ambush his former boss. I tell him I could take up any position in his company, explain everything about me to him, from when I was born to what I currently do, my favorite meal etc, and why the company really needs me. He seems so convinced then he asked for my CV.....Bummer!! Of all things? I must not be serious.. I explain to him why I don't have it(another wheelbarrow load of bullcrap) and the next words he says really get me offguard!, "I want your CV on my desk first thing tomorrow morning. You start tomorrow!"
    And that's how I got my contractual attachment, officially became a taxpayer and my landlord need not worry anymore...All because of Lady Luck who I really want to marry.

Metamorphosis

2011-06-30T14:17:00.000+03:00

....I have never really been the type to put my thoughts down on paper(in this case: my fingers on the keyboard) but well a really wise man, who I believe was black and came from deep in the Congo Forest, said there's always a first time. This Is It.
    A certain friend of mine has always been telling me that I'm living on the fast lane, that I need to slow down etc..well I did exactly that and look where it got me: Quiet thursday to sunday nights, boring and sooo predictable routines on weekdays, but hell!...am not complaining.
    I'm still trying to explore the many interests I had/have and I'm actually having a ball, but damn this is hard. The withdrawal symptoms are almost incapacitating but I am getting better..I can confidently say things are now clearer in my head and thanks to this 'kutulia' I now know the meaning of being at peace with myself. Not wanting to disappoint anyone and not struggling to please everyone.
    Anyway with this new found hobby I hope to get you to view the world from my perspective and we shall have one hell of a ride..