The Uptown Bar closed a couple of days ago. The Current took the time to put together a short documentary of people talking about their memories of the bar.

I have dozens of pint glasses from the place, and accidentally innumerable free glasses behind.

I lived at 33rd and Fremont – just a few blocks away – for five years, and I hit the Uptown often. Back in the smoking era, the place reeked. The food was uniform and uniformly bad. The bloody marys, however, were excellent. It makes me feel old to see the place go.

*Fashion: Whoa. Sonic Fabric Neckties. Ties made from 50% polyester thread and 50% cassette tape. That you can listen to. WHAT? [ohgizmo]

*Language: All Sorts has a collection of collective nouns, including “a fixie of hipsters,” which I could have sworn was an old neologism.

*Books: Who are the 10 best rats in literature? I agree with the Orwell and Camus, of course, but no rats of NIMH? Also, there was a dead rat in the basement of our building the other day. I didn’t go look at it. [shorties]

*Games: You can now play Rock Band on your iPhone. You could also technically create a robot to play Rock Band on your iPhone. Like this guy did. Not very sporting. [neural]

*Consumerism: Matches are everywhere. “In remote rural communities, where television, radio or even street names are almost non-existent, relaying information is a pressing issue. Matchboxes may contain the solution.” [marginal revolution]

*Booze: They make whisky flavored condoms. I’m drinking an old-fashioned right now! Actually, those two things have nothing to do with each other. At all. [buzzfeed]

*Things: If you’re marvelously pithy, you can enter this Significant Objects contest, wherein you need to right a story of a thing in 6 words or fewer.

*Twitter: Read these four things.

*Today’s grade: F.

*Look: Chris Ware in the New Yorker. There are iPhones.

*Alert: Some Taco Bells serve cupcakes. I would like mine filled with hot sauce. Please. (That’s not a euphemism.) [harper's]

*Green: Check out this vinyl that’s been bent, pounded, shaped and reused.

*The future: Eric Schmidt, CEO of Google, says that in 5 years, the web will be dominated by Chinese-language content. Get this: I don’t even speak Chinese. Also, ICANN has approved non-Latin characters for domain names.

*Food: Anthony Bourdain is doing some animated web-only short video bullshit that isn’t even about food. Also, it looks like there could be zombies. Or their close brethren.

*Beer: I cannot agree with this list of the 25 best beers in America, but I can drink them. With vigor.

*Gaming: Watch this dude play Guitar Hero without a guitar. You will note that I sometimes also play Guitar Hero without a guitar, but that my score is always zero. Always. [waxy]

*Local: Guides to eating in Minneapolis from Zagat and Treehugger. [ht]

*Fall: It’s decorative gourd season. [spin city]

*Today’s links: F.

If these guys did this around me, I would not look around in confusion, but simply put my head down, walk fast, and keep walking until I was home behind locked doors or dead. That is not a judgement, but a simple statement of fact.

I wrote some super-crazy / stupid / entirely boring fiction piece about a one-man band once, but I can’t remember if it ever got published. I will go look it up now. Watch this:

[the presurfer]

Please don’t make me recommend this anymore than I already just did.

[urlesque]

Holy balls, is this real? Vivaldi via accordion.

[harper's]

I like the spinning.

*Language: Esquire’s “State of Modern Language for Men” has many points with which I disagree. Firstly, “dude” has not been retired. It has been made so ubiquitous that it’s utility is approaching infinity. Learn the difference, assholes.

*Consumption: The American List helps you buy American. I guess. [joshspear]

*Bono: Bono thinks it’s time to rebrand America. Even his attempts at striking a self-deprecating tone reek of smugness. And eelpout.

*Sport: Parahawking is skydiving with hawks. Sure, but I would like to see this done by a person wearing a suit made out of meat. [neatorama]

*Networking: Sarah Palin has a profile on LinkedIn. It doesn’t look like we’re that closely connected. [jimray]

*TV: I struggle to NOT link to The Mad Men Power Rankings on a weekly basis. And if you think THAT sounds like an internal battle, ask me about my love for getting really fat and talking about how bald I am.

*Today’s grade: Weak.

There’s a guy in his underwear in this.

*Games: How would you like to try to dress Karen O? I mean, online. It’s all above board, I assure you. I should also disclose that I’m singing “Maps” right now. The “maaaaaaaaa-aaaa-aaaaaa-ps” part of it. [buzzfeed]

*Graphics: If you’ve been wondering which countries produce the most beef, you can look at this chart with crazy dots on it. [marginal revolution]

*Twitter: You should read these five things.

*Sexual theory: Regender answers the profoundly unasked question, What would this site look like if all the genders were reversed? Note, too, that the murkier in-between grounds of sexual identity are ignored completely. [mefi]

*Punctuation: I have always loved the interrobang. WHY!?, you ask. Hard to say. It was invented in 1962. But that’s not why I love it so much.

*Employment: Money magazine compiles some sort of list of the “50 best jobs in America.” Somehow, Senior Internal Auditor is only 41. Criminal?!

*Music: My colleague Hans wrote about how his 11-year-old daughter is making him like Taylor Swift for one of Slate’s blogs.

*Today’s grade: F.