The Little Fire Hose

Fifty Shades of F**k Up

2015-02-11T19:17:00.000+08:00

Fifty Shades fans (me included) rejoice! Our dear Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele has finally invaded local cinemas but oh boy, what a cliffhanger it was.

For those who didn't bother to read the book or download the PDF version, the first book of the Fifty Shades trilogy ended with a bit of a full stop when things just started to heat up. Not that the film was a let-down. A bit of a yes there but how should I put it? It left you hanging when you're about to cum. And that's putting it bluntly.

Sigh.

I guess I should have just read the book again and use my lurid imagination on parts where Anna and Christian "get it on". You can pretty much tell that I'm frustrated with the sex scenes and yes, I really am frustrated with the sex scenes. To start with, Dakota Johnson's boobs are oh so small they seem to disappear when she lay on her back with her arms outstretch. I thought Anna has great boobs? Christian even complimented them in the book version. But why do I care about Dakota Johnson's boobs? I'm gay so I shouldn't care?

Not big enough?

Well honey, if you're going to star in a film which headlines BDSM nudity in all its Playboy glory, a nice set of boobs wouldn't hurt. But enough of Miss Johnson's boobs (she obviously didn't get them from mom Melanie Griffith). Apparently, she wasn't signed up for the film because of her boobs. She's quite a good actress in fairness to her. However, she failed to capture Anna's innocence or hmm, sarcastic wit. Was Anna ever sarcastic in the book? I guess it was just my imagination.

And what about Jamie Dornan? Calvin Klein underwear hunk now the object of every woman's and closeted gay man's fantasy. I should put a question mark there. Jamie is fine. He's a damn good looking Irish guy with fake American accent but he fell short in the convince-me-you're-playing-Christian-Grey acting part. I know he's playing our favorite Dom but I feel like I need to peer deeper into him to see Christian Grey. Yes, he dress the part and even spoke the line "We aim to please" with that Christian Grey finesse but oh boy, you failed to get me there buddy. You failed to get me.

Not sexy enough?

So should I stayed home and watch porn instead? Was it all worth it? I'd still give it a worthy yes. I'm a Fifty Shades fan and if you're a fan as well, you shouldn't miss this. You can just close your eyes if you feel giddy watching Dakota Johnson's little boobs or Jamie Dornan's cute ass.

If you're a fan or even just read the book out of curiosity or research(?), you'll grin with glee upon the sight of Charlie Tango or the 'Red Room of Pain' as Anna call it. I even gave a suppressed squeal of delight upon seeing Wanda, Anna's trusty old Beetle and poor Jose with his crush on dear Anna.

Like what most readers did in reading the book, you can just ignore the screwing part and watch this movie for its love story. It's a good film to watch this Valentine's Day. Drag along your boyfriends and gay best friends and enjoy every sick minute of ass whipping, erotic bondage, pelvic thrust and deep moans of silent orgasm. Even if it ended with a bit of a sad note, it only leaves you craving for more. More of Anna and Christian and how will their different worlds reconcile.

A bit of a downer by the way, dear old MTRCB opted to blur and block most of the sex scene's juicy parts. Why MTRCB? Why? It's an R-18 movie anyway so why block that nice view of Jamie Dornan giving Dakota Johnson a sensational cunnilingus (a.k.a. oral exam).

I should consider applying for MTRCB membership and I should also seriously consider starting a movie blog. But first, let me go to the bathroom. So long folks!

Neverland

2015-01-06T17:12:00.001+08:00

Happy New Year!!! First post this year - an email I sent to the guy who broke my heart last year. I was in love during the latter part of 2014 but it wasn't a happy ending. Hoping to find the real one this year (fingers cross)

Hey there kid,

I remember the first time I saw you. You look so unassuming, so confident in your own skin. Even if I wasn’t instantly drawn towards you, there’s something in you that roused my curious heart. I still don’t know what that is, you didn’t give me a chance. All I know is you really are something.

And yes indeed you are. You made me write down this email for one. The rest, I can make a list out of it. But that would be a bit boring and you already know what you have. However, I don’t know what you have that made me fall in your gravity. I don’t know what you did that kept me up all night. I don’t know what you’ve done to me.

Maybe I fell in love with you. Maybe I thought of you as this wonderful idea that I am capable of loving another person again when a long time ago, I gave my heart away and never had it back. I know that sounds cheesy and you must’ve heard that particular line from a movie (it’s from Sweet Home Alabama by the way). But please hear me because the moment I realized that I allowed myself to be trap in your snare, I had no way to free myself.

Which leads me to keep my distance from you. You see, as much as I wanted to punch you every time you seem to ignore me when you’re around your friends, I still long for that little ping from you each time I stare at my office computer. Even if I know that you have no idea what my favorite book is or favorite movie or where I was born, I know in the deepest pit of my heart that I want nothing but to be with you, smell your breath, kiss your nape and hold you. Just hold you.

Now I sound like I’m begging and this email is getting too long for you to read. But I don’t want to end this without letting you know of my biggest fear. I fear that you didn’t even care and "we" didn't happen. I was a little broken when you said that you were trying to return whatever insane affection I have for you because I don’t want you to try. You don’t really have to try. You just have to tell me if I need to wake up from my daydream.

So once again kid, what are you doing to me? You don’t need to give me an answer because I don’t want to hear it anyway. I just want you to give it a thought. My heart’s a little fragile nowadays and it endured a little bruising this past few weeks. But it doesn’t matter because for a few short days, you made me believe in Neverland again and that the stars could sing and you don’t need fairy dust to fly.

I hope you’ll believe on that too someday.

Jeepney

2014-08-15T16:11:00.000+08:00

Ang init naman. Dugyut na ko sa kakapawis, kulang pa ako sa tulog. Buti na lang naka-shades at cap ako, kahit papano naitatago ko ang pagka-haggardo versoza ko. Ang ingay ingay pa nila ate sa harap ko. 'Te, wag mo nang iparinig yong nangyari sa 'yo kanina sa palengke. Di kami interasado.

Si Manong driver naman kasi, ayaw pang umusad. Isang tumbling na lang kuya bababa na ako. Alam kong kelangan mong kumita pero kelangan ko rin pong umuwi para maipagpahinga na ang aking...

Sheet. Cute ni kuya. Sakay ka na, maluwag pa dito. Kasyang kasya ka pati sa puso ko. Mukhang bagay pa naman tayo. Naka-shades din ako, mukhang mas mahal nga lang yang sa 'yo. 'Tong sa kin sa bangkete ko lang 'to nabili nung isang linggo.

O ayan aakyat na. Lola don ka sa dulo. Naka-reserve na 'tong sa tabi ko para kay kuya guwapo. Kuya dito ka na umupo. Tabi tayo. Yes!

Bango mo naman. Amoy Safeguard na green. Yan din sabon ko. San ka bababa? Sana sa 19th din.

"Boss, bayad. Housing lang."

Ay... mauuna pa akong bababa sa 'yo. Kalahating kilometro na lang bababa na ako. Di ko pa nga alam name mo, civil status, edad, complete address, shoe size, favorite color at kung may chance ba ako sa yo.

Pero alam mo. Pag naging tayo, busog ka sa kin lagi. Sarap ko kayang magmahal. Magaling pa akong magmasahe. Tanggal pagod mo sa magical touch ko. Tapos lalabhan ko pa mga damit mo. Ipagluluto din kita ng favorite mo. Sana mahilig ka sa sunny side up, yan lang kasi ang nape-perfect ko (hehe).

Usog ka pa dito. Yan lapit ka pa sa kin para close tayo. Gusto mong mag-holding hands? Ako hindi lang holding hands ang gusto ko. Gusto na kitang iuwi sa bahay at ipakilala sa parents ko. Wag ka lang mailang sa tatay ko. Mahilig lang talaga yon manutok ng baril. Dati kasing pulis. (Peace tay)

Traffic. Yeeeeeeeesssss!

Dati palagi akong naba-bad trip pag matrapik dito sa C-5 kasi anlapit lapit ko na lang pero naii-stuck pa ako sa traffic pero ngayon, ipagdadasal ko na sana forever nang matrapik dito para forever na din ako sa tabi mo. Andami ko pa namang plano para sa ating dalawa. Gusto ko papatayo tayo ng bahay sa gitna ng bukid sa Bulacan para wala tayong kapitbahay at masosolo kita palagi. Tapos mag-aalaga tayo ng mga baka, baboy, kabayo, manok, shokoy. Sige aso na rin kung yon ang gusto mo. Wag lang Siberian husky at baka di yon sanay sa bukid.

Oy bhe natulo na pawis mo. Pupunasan ko ha? Wala nga pala akong panyo dito. Papaypayan na lang kita. Ayoko pa namang naiinitan ang mahal ko... My god, mahal na kita. Mahal mo din ba ako? Pag minahal mo ako di ka magsisisi. Kaka-open ko lang ng savings account sa BDO kaya secured na ang future mo at ng mga magiging ampon natin. (di ko kaya magbuntis, sorry)

Waaaah! Malapit na akong bumaba. Natatanaw ko na ang bintana ng kapitbahay namin. Ano number mo para matext kita. Papaloadan pa kita kung wala kang pangreply. Wag ka namang suplado. Feeling ko pa naman may future tayo. Ayaw mo ba ng commitment? Sige payag na ako kahit friends na lang. Basta may benefits: emotional, intellectual, spiritual at physical benefits.

Ayokong pumara. Derecho na rin kaya ako ng Housing para hatid kita at mahaba haba pa ang bonding natin. Feeling ko kasi talaga may spark tayo. Na-feel mo rin ba yon?

"Para"

Ay pucha, sino yon? Manong driver wag mong ihinto 'tong jeep mo. Nasa gitna tayo ng kalsada. Derecho tayo ng Housing. Manong wag kang huminto, wag... Shit ka manong.

Pano yan bhe. Hanggang dito na lang ako. Basted naman ako sa yo eh. Sana makakita ka ng mas higit pa sa kin. Yong mamahalin ka kahit sa panaginip niya. Kasi ako, mahal na mahal na kita sa sampung minuto na nagkadikit ang malaki mong braso sa balikat ko. Take care ka lagi ha coz I care.

Ops lumingon sya. Smile naman diyan. Kainis ka. Guwapo guwapo mo talaga. Hatid na lang kita ng tingin. Ba-bye...

Hay... sayang si kuya. Cute sana. Makauwi na nga. Teka, nasan wallet ko?

Ay pucha!

Welcome Welcome!

2014-07-14T07:40:00.000+08:00

Well look at that. I have a new follower! Welcome to my blog Sepsep (for some reason I find your username somewhat kinky, haha!). Thank you for following my little blog. I know, I'm not as prolific as you when it comes to posting new blog post each month but I'm trying my best. (Sep maintains his own blog so you kids better read it, here's the link)

Anyway, I'll start a new practice from now on. Everytime a wayward soul follows my blog, I'll lay out a welcoming red carpet by posting something about my latest blog follower. I'll make you feel special by dedicating my entire writing skills (if I have any, hehe) writing "stuff" about you and for the first episode, I want to talk about my 9th blog follower Sep (I hope it's okay if I'll call you Sep because my naughty brain gets to think of something else when I mention Sepsep)

So here we go. Based on my research, my 9th fan(?) goes by the name of Geosef Garcia. I'm yet to confirm if this is his real name because I have an ex named Geo Garcia... I just made that up, sorry.

Moving on.

Sep is the eldest among children of four boys and nope, none of them are gays except for dear ol' big brother Sep. Sorry for outing you here, man. I'm into boys too so maybe we could uhmm, uh... go out on a date maybe? Haha.

Oh boy, shouldn't have said that. Sorry Sep, just run out of things to talk about. I mean, we're not yet Facebook friends or something. But should you decide to take me out on a non-romantic date, you can look me up on Facebook. Just type "cute single guy desperately looking for a date" in the Search field and you'll find a terrible mugshot of me wearing a green t-shirt and silly smile. Just try not to get distracted by my charms. I get distracted by it sometimes. Well, most of the time really...

Oh enough! Haha. Welcome again Sep and thank you for following my blog. I hope you click on the follow button because you like the shenanigans I post here and not because you think I'm hot. Just kidding. I'm not kidding about the date though.

So there.

The Fault in Our Stars

2014-06-07T22:28:00.000+08:00

"I'm in love with you and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and oblivion is inevitable, and that we're doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only Earth we'll ever have, and I'm in love with you."

That my friend is a perfect line to deliver if you want to get laid after a romantic dinner in Amsterdam. Courtesy of Augustus Waters played by the dreamy Ansel Elgort, who by now made his way to a million girl's hearts just as Robert Pattinson and Taylor Lautner did after Twilight, you'll never go wrong winning the girl of your dreams while saying these lines with a lopsided grin.

But enough silliness as 'The Fault in Our Stars' which opened last June 6 has proven once and for all that a book about teenage romance and cancer can be a sure fire hit. A little heads up to those who'll attempt to watch this film by their lonesome. Don't make the same mistake I did dragging my lonely ass in a movie theater if you don't want to be caught sitting and sobbing alone while around you are a dozen smooching couples.

Just try your best not to pay attention to the love birds seated to your left and right because this movie is one hell of a cry-fest and a must-see for all you crazy romantics out there. You don't need to read the book to understand that this is a story of two teenagers who fall in love while having cancer. The film captured all of Gus's humor and Hazel's cynicism in a narrative so faithful to the beloved novel which every young people easily fell in love with (although I kinda feel it misses something I can't quite figure out, yet).

Augustus was a real treat to the girls. I can sense all girls and girls at heart (wait, I belong to that sub-specie) now wanted an Augustus for a boyfriend. Who wouldn't want a boyfriend who looks like this?

And Hazel? Well, Hazel narrates the story and young actress Shailene Woodley was as honest and vulnerable as her book version. Jennifer Lawrence, you better watch out because here's one who'll give you a real run for your money, or Oscar trophy.

On a more serious note, I feel that the film and the book begs to answer our own heart's questions, or more like our soul's struggle to understand: understand the infinity of the Universe, the mystery of Life, the tragedy of Death, the wisdom of God and the joys and sorrows of Love.

Anyway, after watching this movie or reading the book, I encourage you to fall in love like Hazel Grace and Augustus did. Love after all, is the sweet spice of Life and it never grows old. Okay?

Okay...

Funny Commercials

2014-05-13T20:19:00.000+08:00

Hello y'all naughty boys and girls! Let's have a good laugh watching these funny commercials. Warning: video number 1 is sort of NSFW so better enjoy this in the privacy of your own bedroom.

That look of anticipation on the hairdresser's face was similar to mine, hehe. Lucky kitten by the way. Very lucky. Oh well, here's some more.

Just shave your balls if you have a hairy one. You don't want an Afro down there.

Damn. That ice cream must be that good it's worth licking that statue.

This one I find cute. Makes me wonder why can't we have similar commercials shown in this country? Not in the next 50 years maybe.

Had a great laugh at this one. And next is this evil of a cute little girl.

Last on the list is Snuffy the Seal's triumphant return to the sea. Really a bad week to be a seal, hehe.

Coming of Age

2014-04-27T08:01:00.001+08:00

I stayed up late again last night and had an overdose from watching gay-themed short films on YouTube. There's something about short films that made it appealing to people with short attention span like me. Don't get me wrong, I love watching feature-length films but they should be action packed like a porn movie, hehe. Anyway, I found that most short films, especially gay-themed, depicts coming-of-age tales like this one.

Aren't they adorable? I love Olle. He's like a little brother I never had. Kevin's fine but Olle got all the juice. And what do you think of that kiss? I think it was sweet, young and innocent. A little tongue would make it hot though which reminds me of my well, my own first kiss with another boy.

It was back in college when I was 19: less complicated, a bit conflicted, naive, curious and ready to explore. The guy was a classmate but we rarely talk even if we live in the same neighborhood. I don't know how it all started but I remember him smile and I think I smiled back or maybe I grinned like a monkey because I have a huge crush on him. And then came the casual chat, a little hi, bits of hello, a wink here and there. This guy is playing me I think but no, he was curious to know me too.

So it began like that and it was fun. But I have no idea what's in store for me when we started going out. I never went on a real date back in high school because the idea seemed so clichéd for me but I'm glad that my first date was with a boy I so wanted to kiss - which was hot by the way. He was the first boy I ever kissed. There were many other boys right after that but he was something special. Who wouldn't forget their first kiss? I still remember every sweet breath of it, every second that my lips touches his, his tongue exploring my open mouth, his hand on my nape while the other holds my back, pressing me close to him, close to his body, engulfing me with an unfamiliar intoxicating warmth.

He was a year older than me so he knows his stuff and he taught me well. Most tricks I know in bed I learned from him. He was a good teacher and I was an eager-to-learn student. But it all came crashing down when that dreaded four-letter word joined the picture. I fell in love with him.

Turned out Mr. Sunshine wasn't in for it. The kiss, the touch, me exploring every sexy nook and cranny of him and him exploring me as well, it was all but nothing for him and so he ended up breaking my young little heart. That was my first heartbreak and it put an end to my innocence. I was devastated but I learned a lot from it and emerged as a boy well-educated with the ways of the heart and in some ways, I see it now as a day I come of age.

I just hope ours was a happy ending like Kevin and Olle. I don't know where is he now. He appears to be not on Facebook but I still dream of seeing him again. We all want to see again the guy or girl who first broke our hearts, right? See if they still have that charm that captured our sweet innocent hearts or ask them why? Why they have to break our heart? But nah, it's better we leave them where they are: the first page of our diary of broken loves.

Someone's waiting for you out there. You just have to look for him, or her, because sometimes, they feel like they've waited long enough.

A Leap of Faith

2014-04-26T14:30:00.001+08:00

Hola.

To my dear 8 followers, sorry if I was absent last month. Sam, my little boy toy of a laptop, was kidnapped for 41 days and I was only able to raise the ransom money last week (thanks to my new job). How I miss this little guy. We stayed up late last night doing things we both love: watching porn, reading Wikipedia, Facebooking, downloading the latest episodes of 'Scandal' and 'The Crazy Ones', checking Cristiano Ronaldo's profile, and watching some more porn - gay porn to be exact.

So anyway, it was pretty much the same since February except that I now have a brand new job. Was actually forced to look for one when my savings was running low and I ran out of creative excuses to ask for help from my parents. In short, I can't be a bum.

But yesterday, I found myself looking at job ads, printed a copy of my resume and scheduled a 9AM interview with a headhunter. Perhaps I'm not happy with what I'm doing in my new work or maybe, I'm scared of what I just committed myself into that I wanted my way out.

Sigh. That's very typical of me.

So there I was at 9AM sharp at the sparkly lobby of the building where this headhunter's office is located and when I was about to step in to the elevator, I realize that I couldn't do it. I realize that there's no point in finding another job that offers less stress because I chose to accept my new job in the first place and stress will always be a part of everything we do. Even sex can be stressful sometimes.

And so I took a small leap of faith. Faith in my own talent that I will survive the rigors of my new work. God help me though and I hope that when I get to read this little blog post by next month, I'll get to joke at myself how much of a chicken shit I was. Wish me luck and oh yes, I'm still single (now why the heck should I mention that?)

5 Second Moment with Atom Araullo

2014-02-20T09:37:00.000+08:00

To all the girls (and pa-girl) out there, here's an uninterrupted 5 second eye to eye contact with ABS-CBN reporter Atom Araullo. You can rape the replay button over and over and over and over and over and over again. I just did that and still get the same reaction everytime.

10 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Quit Facebook

2014-02-13T01:11:00.000+08:00

Facebook recently celebrated its 10th birthday and launch a zappy, somewhat corny, 'Look Back' video montage of every photos and status updates you shared from the time you joined. This was followed by everyone flooding your news feed sharing their own 'Look Back' videos which almost made me wanna jump off a cliff.

Don't get me wrong. I love Facebook as I think it's a great avenue to stalk people. It's the pointless parade of unnecessary status updates that really unnerves me: Friends who post how they feel every other hour, or where they dined. God forbid but they even take a picture of the food they've eaten; A photo of their recent ultrasound which is kinda creepy for me; Change of status from being single to complicated to in a relationship and back to single like it's an annual change of season. I was guilty of this one I admit but took down the post a long time ago when I split with boyfriend number 3. But the most annoying of all is the ever notorious selfies.

Selfie is what irks me the most. Thanks to smartphones with front and rear cameras, every single human being can now take a mug shot of themselves anytime, anywhere, everywhere even while doing their business in the toilet. A little Camera 360 and voila! My acne-ridden friend can now post a decent photo of himself.

But enough of my tirade as I might alienate my Facebook friends. Instead, let me confess that I have unfollowed some of my friends who are guilty of the crimes I mentioned above. I even came close to deleting my Facebook account as I got feed up with all of my friends' nonsense, which leads me to create a list of reasons why I shouldn't quit Facebook. Facebook isn't so bad after all. Even my dad thinks it's hilarious. Not that he's on Facebook (he has a Twitter account I learned) but it can be a great way to cure boredom on a lazy, stay-at-home weekend.

Now I came up with 10 reasons why you shouldn't quit Facebook and I must say, it's quite a compelling list to make me stay on Facebook. I'll just skip the terrible status updates next time if I wan't to keep my sanity. Now on to the list:

1. Everyone appears to be on Facebook

Well, not really everyone but my niece's nanny, my barber, my doctor, my former boss, my next door neighbor, even my 65-year old single aunt are on Facebook. It's like you're an alien from another planet if you're not on Facebook or any social media. In fact, one of the first questions I always encounter when I meet new people is "Can I add you on Facebook?" like it's given that you should be on Facebook.

2. Facebook allows you to reconnect with long lost friends, high school and college buddies and even estranged exes.

Thanks to Facebook, I found my bestfriend back in high school whom I haven't seen for 12 years and man, was she hot! Thanks to Facebook too, she found her estranged husband who left her 10 years ago. The guy's with another woman now and my bestfriend can finally file an annulment after a decade (Divorce is not allowed in my side of the world) Now that's what I call a long-delayed break up.

3. It's a fun (and legal) way to stalk your crush

Who's not guilty of stalking their crush on Facebook? We've all done it and let's admit, it's fun, right? Thank you Facebook. Now I know my crush's favorite hang out, what he had for lunch, where he lives, where he partied last night, his birthday, his favorite color and everything in between that will make me a good researcher for Nielsen. Let me add that you had once downloaded your crush's profile photo and made it your wallpaper. I did that, once. Now ain't that A-level stalking.

4. You'll have a good laugh at some of your friends' status updates, shared photos and comments

Except for the annoying ones, you find yourself mostly laughing at your friends' status updates like the one above. I even have a friend (a guy I dated once) who posted something about the infamous (and severely exasperating) Flappy Bird saying something like "Instead of playing Flappy Bird, why don't you come play my bird?" WTF. Not funny dude. Not funny. I know your girth and length and it ain't fun. Ops. Moving on.

5. You can safely track your boyfriend or girlfriend

Another form of stalking, this time stealthily watching over your boyfriend or girlfriend's recent activities which doesn't involve you. Bad news is, you mostly end up in a nasty fight if your guy or gal was tagged in a photo that suggest some sort of flirting with another life form, or is in a different place when they said they were home that evening. Word of advice to you boys and girls out there - if you're in a relationship, make sure you keep your lies and extracurricular activities out of Facebook. Facebook can be a death trap you know.

6. You'll be well-informed about the latest news or gossip, intrigues and scandals which involved people in your friend's list

Who doesn't love juicy gossips about your boss and your colleague's nasty affairs? What about news that your high school classmate, who used to be a hottie, is now a nottie with 5 kids from 5 different men? Or your friend's hunk of an ex turned out to be gay? Or your neighbor screwing his dog? Or... okay enough.

7. You can have copies of photos of yourself with your friends

This is where tagging photos become fun. In case you went out with your friends and you have no handy camera to capture those Kodak moments, your trusty old friend always have one and you can simply ask them to tag you in the picture when they post it on Facebook. Word of caution though. Please don't tag people who are NOT in the picture because it's annoying. Why tag me when I'm not in that friggin picture? Please explain or you can just talk to my lawyer (huh?)

8. You can let off steam through your status updates

This one I found a bit annoying. But I get to try letting off steam on Facebook once and man, did it feel good. Plus, your friends' likes and comments make you feel validated and supported. Just don't overdo it next time because if you have issues, better not post it on Facebook. Talk to your friends instead. It is much healthier that way. Like farting.

9. You'll get a heads up that today is your friend's birthday if you're bad in remembering birthdays

I'm part of this online group called cantrememberimportantdates.org so Facebook's birthday reminder is such a big help. I used to keep my friends and family's birthdays in my mobile phone's calendar but I long abandoned the practice. Thanks to Facebook, a little birthday greeting on my friend's wall and I can be a good dear friend. I don't even need to give them presents except that, they still demand for presents, especially the ones I kept since college. Maybe I should find find a new set of friends. Those who don't ask for gifts during birthdays and Christmas.

10. You can stay in touch with your friends in case you change geographical location

No matter which part of the planet you are, you can't escape Facebook. You can always chat and share with friends and loved ones even if you're about to eat your breakfast while they're about to go to bed. No more expensive phone calls or emails that would take at least 24 hours for them to respond. But then again there's Skype and Viber but Facebook will always keep you stay connected with your dear ones even if you're in the moon.

All About Steve Grand

2014-02-12T12:11:00.000+08:00

In case you don't know him, Steve Grand is an American country singer-songwriter who made quite a buzz last year with his 'All American Boy' music video. The guy got talent, that pretty much is obvious. But what made Steve hit the musical headlines was his sexuality which he tapped into his music. Just watch the video below and you'll know what I'm talking about.

It's very rare, or perhaps a first, for an artist to make music about boy meets boy romance. Now if you love the video, wait till you see our guy Steve bare his other 'talent' right after the jump. Now I want my own Stevie. I'll check Grindr and see if I could find one.

Ain't he hot?

Damn those underwear

Don't drop the towel buddy

Hot stare. Feel the heat now?

Now that's one lucky boxing glove.

If you can zoom in, check out the burning bush

Nice underwear. I wonder where can I get one of this.

Soaking wet. Towel please.

Nice ass buddy. Really nice...

I wonder what we'll see if the red blanket was removed. The Leaning Tower of Pisa maybe?

I'm totally distracted. I don't know where to look. His eyes or... down under.

Alright, the eyes then... But it's more fun to look down there.

I didn't realize that wearing nothing but sneakers and underwear would look so hot. But it's Steve Grand so yeah, the guy's hot

Look this way buddy

Yeah we get it, you have a sexy armpit. Man, everything in this guy is sexy it's infuriating!

Wanna get in?

Green American Eagle boxer brief. I'll take a note of that next time I go shopping.

Wooooh!

Now selfie should only be allowed if you're as hot as Steve Grand. I'll campaign for that in Facebook.

Timoteo brief, hmmm. I want one in blue and green.

Yeah. Oh la la

Now this will make me hurry to get home if I have a hot guy handcuffed in my bedroom.

And it shifts to the right!

Whatever you do buddy. Don't. Drop. The towel.

Arrrgh! Please stop looking at me like that. You make me go weak on the knees.

Take it off. Take it off.

rawwwrrrr!

Okay. Enough of Steve. Now I need to get to the shower to lower my temperature. I think I just had a fever.

Gay and Confused

2014-02-09T14:46:00.000+08:00

(Disclaimer: I am not confused. That was me a few years ago. Right now, I'm pretty sure I'm gay the last time I check and I only used the title for the lack of better words for today's post)

I rummaged through my Yahoomail today and found an article I've written for a Yahoo group I used to join. Is there still some active Yahoo groups? Anyway, it was written by my 24 year old self. I remember writing it while sort of half drunk and brokenhearted. Around that time, I just ended a 3 month relationship with a guy I met in a bookstore. The guy was boyfriend number 1 and he was, as cheesy as it may sound, my great love.

What struck me was how honest I was when I wrote the article. It made me appreciate my 20s more despite of all the mistakes I made. Well, that's what you were really suppose to do while you're in your 20s. Make as many mistakes as you can and by your 30s, hopefully you learned enough for you to make the right choices so when you hit your 40s, your life will really begin.

But back to the article. I was still in the closet at that time and have less experience about love, life and sex. I'm a late bloomer, poor me so when boyfriend number 1 came along, my world was rattled. But more important, after reading what I've written years ago, I realize I made peace with myself a long time ago and embraced who I really am, and I couldn't be more happier.

Alright enough of this crap and here it is, the 24 year old me: conflicted, naive and closeted pouring his heart out.

This is for people who like me, got some loose screw somewhere. Actually, I don't know how to start this. No. In fact I don't know how should I end this.

Now if you people find me messed up, that's fairly okay. I actually consider myself deep in a mess since high school. Maybe that's the reason why I always screw up. I screwed up when I was in school. I screw up at work and I screw up big time in life and love.

Ah yes. Love...

When was the last time you people fell crazy in love? Me? I say it was just a month ago. For more than 3 months, I was with this wonderful guy I met (of all places) in a bookstore. I'll skip the generic description here as I may fill the entire page narrating how... how... adorable he was. How much I enjoy kissing him or spending my entire weekends with him. Watching the sunset or simply cuddling up with him in his room doing the censored stuff :-)

Anyway, the first few weeks was smooth sailing but I came to that point where I realized that hey, I'm more than just in love with this person. I am actually willing to do anything for him. I almost came close to "come out" to my family and tell them that "Mom, Dad, your son is gay. I am gay and I am in love with the guy I brought here two nights ago. You know, the guy I introduced as my officemate. We're actually planning of living together, if you approve."

But of course I didn't say that. I don't want my father to have a heart attack or hear my mom pray the rosary. (You can pretty much tell I'm from a conservative Catholic family, huh)

But I actually lived half my life fearing what if my parents found out that their eldest son is gay. Call me pathetic but I'm one of those closet folks whose major phobia is coming out of their secluded closet. Only four of my closest friends know that I am like this. People in the office have no single clue that I get a boner everytime I see our hunky security guard.

Sometimes I even hate myself for being gay. I often ask God "Why am I gay?" It's like being gay is twice the burden, twice the pain.

And that's the reason why I moved away from my guy. Pretty shallow, huh? My bestfriend kicked me in the ass when I told her that I broke up with my boyfriend. She told me I'm an idiot. Secretly I agree with her. But you can't make me admit that to myself.

Maybe I'm a classic example of a crazy old fool. Idiot or not but my boyfriend I guess, failed to make me accept what and who I am, and he was just so perfect for me he scares the shit out of me. He doesn't deserve someone with no direction, someone who thinks Neverland exist, someone who could hear music from the stars when there is none, someone who spent half of his life daydreaming.

Gees, I think I need to find myself a shrink.

I just hurt a beautiful guy and I'm paying dearly for it. I wish I could tell him that I cried the hardest when I let him go. Three months was indeed short to call this true love but somehow, I'm glad that I was able to experience what real, genuine and selfless love is.

How I wish I was braver. No. The truth is I wish the world was brave enough to accept people like me and Neverland really exist and the stars could really sing.

Back to Blogging (and the perks of being a bum)

2014-02-08T14:06:00.001+08:00

I owe this little guy some serious writing when last year, I mentioned that I will take him out of snooze world and share some of my misadventures but all I did was the opposite. So baby, here we are again and we're back to blogging...

Oh boy, I just called my blog 'baby'.

But what the hell. I'm single, I'm out of work (I just quit my job last month) and I'm living a bum's life with a few cash in my savings account but oh yes, I'm loving every single bit of it.

So here's some real perks of being a bum. Now I don't recommend to my 8 loyal followers to quit your jobs and follow my lead but just in case I convince some unfortunate wayward soul who get to read this crap and follow my lead, below are some delicious gravy you'll get once you choose to make yourself an ass of a bum:

1. No more dragging yourself out of bed every morning because you no longer need to get to work at 9. Don't you just love curling around your bed, morning breath and all, and stay in that blissful state when the world around you begin its daily morning ritual of rush hour traffic, people hurriedly walking in every direction to get to their offices and you, running late for work. Bonus if you have a warm body to curl up with. Would be such a bad idea to leave your guy or gal cold in bed just because you need to go to work.

2. You'll no longer have an excuse to skip your workout or early evening jog because you have all the time in the world to do that which by the way, will make your muscles and running shoes really happy.

3. Number 2 is really for health buff bastards (God bless their souls) but for lazy ass like you and me, you'll have more time to splurge on TV, video games, some little porn and ice cream and potato chips in between! Think about it, you can have DVD marathon from sun up till sundown just because you can. Don't you just love the idea? It's like having cherry whip vanilla ice cream and unlimited butter cookie all day minus the unnecessary calories.

4. If you're a book person like me, you can go back to reading the books that are gathering dust in your bookshelf. Let's face it, having a full time job tends to withdraw you from things you love to do like reading. But if in case you can still find time to do the things you love while juggling endless paper works and deadlines, I hate you! But seriously, nothing beats a good read and a sip of frothy iced coffee during those lazy afternoon without thinking about next day's work. But I guess this is boring for some so let's move on to number 5.

5. Which is picking up a new hobby. I'm seriously thinking of taking dance class or dating every guy I meet online. Wait. That's not a hobby. But anyway, having all the time in your hands will give you the opportunity to start doing new things. Plus, it'll keep you sane in case you feel like hanging yourself in the bathroom for being out of job.

6. You'll have more time to spend with your loved ones. Imagine: movie dates or night stroll with your boyfriend or girlfriend, catch up dinner with your best buddy, not missing your nephew's children's party, beer session with dad or helping mom plant new daisies in your family backyard. I'll skip the last three I think and go for movie dates, night stroll and catch up dinner. These are healthy activities which help keep relationships stable and happy. So bless you for having more time to spend with your loved ones. I know you missed your nephew's children's party at some point because you're stuck at work. I missed my niece's party once and she never forgive me after 3 years (just kidding)

7. Best of all - no more demanding bosses, tensed meetings discussing action plans and bitchy officemates whom you really don't want to work with. No more end of day reports or deadlines, analyzing figures that wouldn't really help solve world hunger or dismal stat reports that makes you feel like you wanna shoot yourself by lunch. Believe me, I've been there and having not to think of it all feels... liberating.

So, wanna bum around? Just give me a call buddy and I will be your bum date.

To Chad

2013-09-01T19:39:00.001+08:00

Ey buddy, welcome to my blog. If in case you noticed, the last post I made here was a few months ago so basically this little thingy is kind of in a limbo. But after my visit to your center this weekend, I'll try my best to write more especially that I am now starting a whole new page of my crazy crazy life.

I love what you do by the way and you're really funny when you're not in that 'counselor' mode. Keep it up buddy. Hope you'll also find your one and only as I'm trying to win mine now. Wish me luck on that part.

Good night and stay happy.

Single and ready to mingle

2013-04-19T19:53:00.000+08:00

I hate being single. I used to love it after I came off a 3 year relationshit but now, the novelty of singlehood is starting to wear off and it sucks especially since I'm way pass the gates of Thirtyland.

But it sucks big time if you're gay because lately I started to notice that most of my prayers include the line "Dear God, where the f**k is he?" But seriously, where on earth are you brotha? Are you also waiting for me to come busting your single heart and make you fall in love like crazy?

Gees, I'm 32, I'm gay and I'm single... Thoughts like these make me depress. Now I'm starting to worry about my marketability. Am I not that attractive? Am I fat? Am I sporting the wrong haircut? A few days ago I have to ask my officemate if I'm ugly just to convince myself that I still got the "it".

I'm ranting I know and if you're still reading this I have something to ask you: can you give me a date? Any guy will do as long as he's clean and won't scream like my sister on the sight of my morning wood.

On that little note, I'm outta here.

The Little Fire Hose Reboot

2013-04-09T00:08:00.001+08:00

The Little Fire Hose is back from hibernation. After 8 months of deep freeze, I'll get this little naughty bastard out of snooze world. So what happened to my little universe this past 8 months? Lemme see...

1. I got promoted (yes! finally)
2. I'm officially single (oh yes!)
3. I enrolled myself in a gym
4. I lost a pound of body fat (hehe)
5. I have a new laptop (his name is Sam and he's my current boy toy)
6. I got a fake tattoo
7. My roommate got his girlfriend pregnant (sorry for announcing it here bro. don't worry nobody's reading my blog, except for my father)
8. and my crush finally noticed that I exist!

Yeah. Lame. I know. Nothing much happen. But at least my crush finally noticed me after 'salivating' for him in a distance for over a year.

Aside from that, nah. Nothing much happen except that I survived last December 21st hoax apocalypse and Finding Nemo's finally having a sequel!

So there, you can pretty much tell that this will be another pointless tale of pointlessness. But I promise to keep this little blog interesting and to my 8 followers (God bless you wherever you are folks) - thank you for your invisible support. But please make it visible next time by posting some random comments here.

Swear to God, Yahweh and Allah, if you folks post a comment, I'll give you some freebies. I'm thinking of free tickets to Celine Dion's soon-to-be Manila concert which would probably happen in the next... uhmmm... next... basta next.

Till my next post folks. I'm outta here.

The Perpetual Loser

2012-08-21T16:18:00.000+08:00

That's what I call myself 2 nights ago when my friend and I went out last Saturday night. Bonding with your friend is healthy to keep the friendship going, right? But what if you both end up liking the same person? Will you risk the friendship?

Sounds familiar, eh? It's like a plot from some cheesy movie: Boy meets Girl (in our case it's Boy meets Boy). Boy likes Girl. Boy introduces Girl to Bestfriend. Bestfriend likes Girl and Girl fell in love with Bestfriend and Boy was left broken hearted. That was the exact situation we were in (or more of me) last Saturday night. I was on the flirty mood while my friend who just came out of a nasty break up a few months ago (he's still on the healing-my-broken-heart stage and I'm-not-in-a-rush-for-new-relationship kind of phase) simply tagged along for the fun.

He first saw him sitting in the corner and told me, "That guy looks cute". And sure he was cute with his glasses on and boyish grin. He's like Harry Potter, only hotter and with shorter hair. Mr. Potter is with a friend too, who seemed to have drowned himself in several bottles of beer he's already half drunk ready to pounce on any hot blooded guys gyrating on the dance floor. He seemed to have the hots on Mr. Potter based on the way he looks at him, or maybe it was just my imagination.

Anyway, Mr. Potter's friend is equally hot. Who wouldn't fall for a hot bod skinhead? But I only had my eyes on Mr. Potter, although there was this really good looking guy in cute shirt who's giving me the eye earlier but oh boy, he turned out to be with his boyfriend so hands off compadre. Now it's just Mr. Potter I have to play my charms with but wait, my friend here likes him too. What's a boy gotta do?

Play the good friend I did and let them get to know each other. There are still other guys in the bar anyway... But me likes Mr. Potter so much I so wanted to wrestle him out of my friend. But I'm not that kind of friend so I just drowned myself in 4 bottles of beer, already feeling like shit on my 5th and ready to pounce on any hot blooded guys... where's Mr. Potter's friend anyway? I could give him a blow, I mean go. No, I mean we could dance together. Two boys miserably jealous over our friends' newfound love.

I don't know how the night went by. Guess I was too drunk to notice but it ended with a really nice twist. I was able to get Mr. Potter's number. Well my friend has his own excuses. It was lame really, said that his phone's dead and he doesn't memorize his number. The truth is my dear friend isn't prepared for something like it. Remember, he's still in that healing-my-broken-heart shit. But I have Mr. Potter's number so why complain? I was just to forward it to my friend a little later though, as he told me, and then we said our goodbyes.

The morning after. Well it was late afternoon really when I woke up with a bit of a headache (and a broken heart), and to my utter joy, Mr. Potter texted me. Yipey! Apparently my friend haven't texted him yet and he's wondering if my friend really do like him. Oh I do like you bro, I really do. But I never went out of my stupid way telling him that. I'm a good friend, remember? And what do good friends do? Kill them and steal their potential boyfriends. Nah. I told Mr. Potter that me thinks friend is still asleep and I'll talk to him tomorrow.

So here I am. Having found an excuse to write something on my little blog. My friend really do like him, a lot. But he's just a bit too afraid to initiate the start and as a good friend, I told him to give Mr. Potter a chance. Go out with him, get to know each other and take it from there. My friend is a great guy and he deserves someone better, even if that someone is someone I also like.

Jeez, now I'm a loser. I think I am. I'm already listening to Linger by The Cranberries and it's playing on repeat.

Friends with Benefits

2012-08-17T20:08:00.001+08:00

No I'm not talking about the movie. I was actually about to title this post as Wanted: Friend with Benefits. But that would make it sound too wanting like I'm in the lookout for a friend with benefit or fucking buddy to put it more bluntly.

(pause)

Erm yes, I'm actually in the lookout for a friend with benefit. There I said it. My sex life is zero and I'm looking for someone to scratch my back. (I hope my friends in the office won't be able to read this as I think I gave them the impression that I'm having an active sex life when I'm actually having none... oh like they care anyway, heh heh)

Now let's go back to what I want to tell you. I'm not a boyfriend material so I was thinking of switching to something conventional. Something you can call quick fix when you want to scratch an itch without feeling guilty about it. Life would be a little less complicated if we have this option, dont you think? But I guess you won't agree much on me here especially if you're into forever and happy ever after. Believe me, I do believe on that fairytale shit but I guess for someone like me, forever doesn't apply or maybe there could be forever for people like us but it's a case of one out of ten... now I'm starting to sound like I'm pessimist.

For a moment I thought she means 'wind' and 'cliff'. Silly me.

Sigh. Why sex has to be so complicated? Can't we have sex minus the complications? I mean, can we have really good sex and make it look like it's the dreamy part of the foreplay? By the way when I say foreplay I mean date. Yes, that's how call it. Whenever I go out on a date, (like I go out on a date that often) I always think how long will I have my clothes on. But that's another story.

But just think about it. Life's a lot sweeter if we have someone to go to bed every weekend nights, share a kiss or two, rub your back and have an effing good time like an off-and-on switch where you text your 'friend' and ask him 'Hey buddy, are you free Friday night?" Then you'll go through your usual Mondays to Fridays and look forward to weekend with your 'friend'. I'm like talking about a weekend friend here so week nights with your buddy would be fine too or any given night or day of the week, if your horny meter's really spiking.

No emotional strings, no 'I love yous', just plain sex and it's not even physical intimacy just, I don't know, plain fooling around maybe? My dad would call it plain bullshit but bullshit or not, at least you know what you want and knowing what you want separates you from an indecisive teenager to a master adult, or more of a sexually active adult. Just don't forget to use condoms.

So, friends with benefits anyone? Or maybe not.

The Amazing Spider-Man

2012-07-19T20:45:00.000+08:00

I know I know. Spiderman opened in this side of the world weeks and weeks ago but I only got the chance to see it this afternoon when I was half-suicidal about the state of the world economy...

Okay to be honest, I was a bit reserved about watching Spiderman's reboot. I mean, why re-create another superhero movie when the last of the 3 films wrapped up merely 5 years ago? Is Hollywood running out of big budget films to produce that re-creating Spiderman headlined by an all new cast is the only thing they could think of releasing 6 months before the end of the world? (uhm, that's according to the Mayan calendar)

Why not resurrect Titanic (that one came out in a remastered 3D version last April) or Back to the Future (there's talk about a remake which Daniel Radcliffe would love to star in) or better yet, ET which by the way scared the 5 year old me when I watched it in Betamax (Betamax what?) back in the 80s. ET is no cutey excuse me.

So after much delaying, procrastinating, dilly-dallying and delaying (oh I already said that), I decided to spend my afternoon in my favorite cinema after being depressed by the Euro debt crisis and its overspill to our precarious economy (believe me, I was really depressed). Booked the 3:05PM screening I did and bought a liter of C2 Green Tea (to keep me awake just in case) and buttered popcorn (to munch if I get bored) and pretend that I'm watching this film for the sake of making an entry on my blog which dear Lord, has only 3 followers and an average of 10 daily pageviews (I think I'm really depressed now).

The verdict ?

Pleasantly surprise is all I can say after I emerged from the cinema having enjoyed 136 minutes of webslinging, wall crawling, spider bite, teenage romance and that skin tight red and blue Lycra suit worn by fresh face Andrew Garfield (I love the smile, bro).

Spiderman became human in that film and all his flaws were stripped naked like a Calvin Klein underwear commercial. I love the awkwardness of the teenage Peter Parker and in some way, he became one of us: ordinary guys who once upon a time, were bullied by a really cute bully. Even with the mask on, it feels like he's not Spiderman but Peter Parker in disguise.

It was a plus for me that Spiderman was reduced to a mere alter ego of the very human Peter Parker. As compared to Tobey Maguire's, Andrew Garfield's Spiderman is fearfully vulnerable which makes him all the more human. I also love the fact that they finally became faithful to the comic book by deciding Spiderman's web to shoot from his self-made artificial web-shooter; unlike Tobey Maguire's organic web-shooter which by the way, is terribly terribly ecky. Yikes! I have spiderwebs coming out of my wrist!

Another plus for me is Gwen Stacy played by the wide-eyed Emma Stone. Sorry but I can't help but compare the incredible chemistry between Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield versus the barely-there chemical reaction between Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst. Stone's Gwen Stacy and Garfield's Peter Parker look real good together. Way better than Bella and Edward or Beavis and Butthead (the latter is not a pair in a romantic sense by the way). I felt for Peter when he asks Gwen for a date. Actually he didn't ask. It was just hilariously awkward and when they finally kiss... oh boy, I can't believe I'm writing this but I'm sounding like my teenage cousin. But when they kiss, my toes actually curled (I wonder why up till now, maybe it's the C2 Green Tea).

Aww! Don't they look good together?

Let's not forget to mention the stellar cast of support from Martin Sheen playing Uncle Ben and dark-haired Sally Field as Aunt May to Rhys Ifans (remember him in Notting Hill?) as The Lizard as well as Denis Leary as Captain Stacy, Gwen's over-protective dad who towards the end of the film played a crucial role in the demise of the Peter-Gwen romance (argh, I hate you ol' man)

"I'm going to throw you out of the window now." Very funny line from Spidey to Gwen.

But the demise of Peter and Gwen's budding romance is only a tool for Peter to grow into his alter ego's demanding character. Remember, he wasn't born a superhero unlike Thor or Superman. And unlike Tony Stark who donned the iron suit for some unknown egotistic reason, Peter chose to wear that tight Lycra suit to fill the void in him after Uncle Ben's death.

Darn, can hardly wait for the sequel. I wish the world won't end 5 months from now as I still need to watch the sequel to this hands down reboot of our favorite action hero: The Amazing Spider Man.

Now lemme go get some sleep.

Magic Mike

2012-07-16T19:03:00.001+08:00

Whatcha gonna do on a boring Sunday afternoon with nothing else better to do than sit in front of your computer playing Plants vs. Zombies? (yes, I still play that) Why not go out and see a movie? Heard Magic Mike just opened last Friday and I hate to admit this but I was one of those who were hyped to see Channing Tatum wiggle his magical mike. Thanks to my rowdy bunch of officemates, Magic Mike became a must see movie on my weekend to-do list.

So there I was in my walking shorts and favorite yellow shirt heading to the nearest cinema and trying my best not to look excited at the prospect of seeing Channing Tatum's and Alex Pettyfer's ass-sets. The queue wasn't that long but oh boy, I'm the only straightlooking(?) fellah in the queue as most in line are throngs of giggling girls with their gay bestfriends.

I felt so oddly out of place even if I'm so out of the closet. Maybe I should've forced my officemate Donna to come watch the movie with me. She could be the giggling girl while I'm the gay bestfriend, hehe. But there's no turning back now and I found myself walking towards the darkened hall of Ayala cinema where I could almost smell the overexcited female (and gay) hormone in every seat.

As I settled uncomfortably beside a straight guy who was obviously forced by his girlfriend to watch the movie, I can't help but grin at what I'm about to watch. It felt like like my first time in a gay bar!

After the usual coming-soon-movie trailers, the lights were dimmed for the main event and with bated breath, I wasn't disappointed when 5 minutes into the movie, Channing Tatum's ass swing into full view to the delight of shrieking girls.

Channing Tatum and Alex Pettyfer. Now who do you think is hotter?

Channing Tatum is physically gorgeous and Alex Pettyfer is just wickedly handsome with a perfectly shaped bottom. Kudos to Matthew McConaughey too for the chiseled abs and class A performance. His solo dance number is well-rehearsed but nothing beats Channing's dance routine. This guy is a dancer indeed. He could raise your blood pressure and body temperature by humping the floor like a mothafucka. I swear, you'll end up with a 20-20 vision when you see him gyrate in thongs, hehe.

A personal favorite is when the boys performed as a group. Man, I was grinning from ear to ear as them boys wiggle their muscled buttocks. But what made me burst out laughing was when I caught a glimpse of the guy beside me. He has this look of a pained expression, like he's about to puke any moment while beside him, his girlfriend giggled like a 14 year old.

Poor guy, he must've felt what I felt when I was queuing for the tickets earlier. I'm almost tempted to give him a nudge and offer my hand for him to grip. He looked kinda cute pa naman. Too bad he's straight. But who knows? Maybe he's a closet queen trying so bad to act like a hotblooded pussy-chasing straight guy or else his parents will deny him his inheritance.

Back to the movie.

There's no denying that Magic Mike is a movie made for girls and girls at heart (like me). How many films out there can you see gyrating male strippers? The last to come in mind is The Full Monty and that disappointing Rob Schneider comedy flick Deuce Bigalow. Both movies of course paled in comparison to Magic Mike's testosterone-filled hot muscle dance action. My 62 year old virgin aunt who's still waiting for her dream boy will be absolutely floored in watching this movie. Maybe I'll buy the DVD when it comes out and send it to her as a Christmas gift. I can almost imagine her making a sign of the cross. I love you Tita.

Joe Manganiello in a fireman get up. Now all he need is a fire hose and we're all set.

So, did I have a good time watching Magic Mike? Hell YEAH! All the more reason for you to come out of your cubiholes and run to the nearest theater and just enjoy yourself with your girlfriends as Channing, Alex, Matthew and the rest of the boys of Xquisite club dance their way to your liquid dreams. After all, they're the boyfriends you'll never have.

Dolphy 1928 - 2012

2012-07-11T12:34:00.000+08:00

I'm not really a huge Dolphy fan nor am I fond of local showbiz but upon hearing of Dolphy's death all over the news, I felt compelled to write about his enormous contribution to Philippine cinema most especially to the gay community. As we all know, Dolphy is one of the first to take the role of a homosexual man into mainstream cinema. This leads to the likes of Joey de Leon, Michael V., Ogie Alcasid and even Tirso Cruz III to follow suit without fear of bigotry and alienation in donning serious 'faggotry'.

Without Dolphy, people would definitely have biases towards gay people. It's true that the media's influence on public opinion is humongous and Dolphy's portrayal of a gay man from Facifica Falayfay to Markova has somewhat put on the public's consciousness that gay people are here to stay and an essential part of the society. I may have my own bias on Dolphy's gay roles given his depiction of homosexuality is synonymous to how the Filipino public stereotyped PLU (people like us): effeminate, loud, cross dressing faggots in heavy make up with a boylet in tow.

I state the latter with animosity given the fact that not all of us can be boxed within such a description. Most of us, especially those in the closet, are far from what Dolphy portrayed in his movies. Most of us don't wear make up or cross dress or effeminate Although a good number of us would mask our somewhat feminine characteristics with a sweaty dose of gym workout and weekend fun runs, I know quite a lot of gay man out there who are surprisingly undetectable. Unless you are equipped with a well calibrated gaydar, some of these men are totally straight acting you'll have a big surprise of your life when you learn that they too are eyeing your hunky next door neighbor. But I won't delve into that as it will require another article.

Which takes me back to Mang Pidol. As I write this, a lot will be written about Dolphy's life and work. From countless newspaper articles including that piece from the New York Times which reads Dolphy, Comedian Adored By Many Filipinos, Dies, to endless parade of TV specials and re-runs of the Comedy King's films and TV shows. Mang Pidol had a prolific career and we all grew up laughing at his brand of slapstick comedy. One role in particular stands out in my memory: Lino Brocka's Ang Tatay Kong Nanay

In this review from fellow blogger Oggs Cruz, Dolphy played the typical gay beautician Coring, who is left with a baby by his former ward, Dennis (Philip Salvador). The baby grows up (the boy is played by a very young Niño Muhlach) thinking that Coring is his real father.

During its closing sequences wherein Coring (played with a pitch-perfect sense of both comedy and drama by Dolphy), dressed as Ms. Spain in a low-budget gay-version of an international beauty pageant (again, a testament to Philippine ingenuity), answers a question by the pageant host. Brocka's camera then lingers to Dolphy's exaggeratedly painted face; and Dolphy owns the close-up, delivering his lines with subtle emotionality and tender grace. His manner of answering felt like his character bore the aches of the entire Philippine gay community on his shoulders, and you can easily feel for him. Just when you are drawn to his character's poignant soliloquy, Dolphy snaps out of the mood with a joke, and you laugh, although still teary-eyed.

Mang Dolphy, you're truly one of a kind. Thank you for the years of laughter you've given us. You will surely be missed.

Victoria's Secret

2012-07-07T03:59:00.000+08:00

Now here's something that my father will enjoy. Surprisingly, I had the best time of my life oggling these gorgeous women it made me think that if all girls in the world are this sexy, beautiful and scorchingly hot... I'll definitely convert and swear off boys, hehe. Seriously. Who wouldn't want to be with these women? Orlando Bloom is one lucky bastard to land on the lap of Miranda Kerr. Now I wish I have a bombshell of a girlfriend wearing nothing but Victoria's Secret lingerie all day long. Oh no... I'm not hearing this but I'm turning straight! My mom would celebrate. Nooooooo!

Anyway, enjoy these random photos of winged angels wearing a pair of bra and panties. To my ol' pops, this one's for you (naughty grin)

Mrs. Orlando Bloom wearing the 2.5 million dollar Fantasy Bra from last year's show

Goddess Adriana Lima

... and over here is an ample view of the goddess's backside. Oh la la

Brazilian bombshell Alessandra Ambrosio. This bejeweled back piece features 105,000 Swarovski crystals embedded onto the 23 carat gold plated antique copper wings, making it weigh a whooping 22 pounds! I wonder how she managed to carry it

My favorite angel South African Candice Swanepoel. Now don't you just lurrrve those darn legs

Looking good Rosie. We all know of course that she was Sam Witwicky's girlfriend in Transformers: Dark of the Moon replacing Megan Fox. Honestly, I'd still go for Megan. Rosie's hot but Megan got all the 'right' stuff.

Moving on to Karolina Kurkova before she was pregnant in 2009

and the Queen Heide Klum on her last strut on the Victoria Secret runway

Catch that flying kiss!

I hope it's not Chupa Chups

Maroon 5's Adam Levine and girlfriend Anne Vyalitsyna. Heard they split up two months ago. Good for you Adam. My officemate Donna is single and she's way hotter than Anne.

Nah, must be fake barbell or she wouldn't be able to walk in heels.

Marissa Miller and the $3 million Fantasy Bra. Now who on earth would buy a $3 million bra?

Katie Perry during the 2010 show. Now take a closer look at Katie's cameltoe. I swear, it gave me nightmares.

What you lookin at punk?
- sorry, we can't help but look at your flower

Angel ready to take off

Mrs Kings of Leon Lily Aldridge. Sorry Caleb but honestly, I hate the way she walks.

Chanel Iman all dolled up. Tweet tweew!

Oh no girl, I think you had too much diet. Can someone hand this girl a donut or something?

In the red corner, here comes Erin!

Hot mama Doutzen Kroes. I can almost hear my brother say MILF

and finally here comes Behati

So long folks! Hope you enjoy them pictures.

Call Me Maybe

2012-07-05T07:55:00.000+08:00

I'm so loving this song. I'm not really into pop but it's hard not to dance and sing along this song plus the video is totally hilarious. Wonder who the guy is? Maybe I could ask for his number. Thank god he's gay! Sorry Carly but the boy is ours, hehe.

Just waiting

2012-07-03T17:25:00.000+08:00

I've been planning to come up with a blog of my own since last year. I actually conjured a mental draft of how my posts would read like and what type of audience I wanted to reach out. Then yesterday morning after being up all night surfing the net waves for some soft core porn and Lifehouse, I decided to write a blog. The plan was to write a blog for gay people like me. But then midstream into writing my first entry I hastily shifted gear and declared, let's make a blog that everyone can read - that even my dad would read, and so here you are reading this aptly titled blog THE LITTLE FIRE HOSE.

Shoot. I swerved far from the plan I think. The plan was to create a gay blog where I could pour my aching heart out and write about everything that goes inside my notoriously flipped mind. But that would be a boring read and I bet I wouldn't attract your attention even if I paste my photogenic mugshot (like I'm photogenic) here. But forgive me and just let me write this one.

Hey You,

I have waited for you but you didn't come. I tried to look for you but you were nowhere to be found. Why don't you just tell me where the hell you are? Are you waiting for me too or you're just looking in the wrong chatroom or in my case, the wrong bar? Just so you'll know, I can't wait to meet you. It's okay if you're shorter than me. Hell, I'm only 5'4 and that's not a very complimentary height especially if you're in this country. It's okay if your best singing voice is only heard when you're in the shower. I wouldn't mind listening to you sing in the shower. That may sound kinky but I think it's sexy.

I've always wanted you here with me. Maybe you could share some ideas on how to flirt with the office cutie or how not to flirt with the office cutie because I don't have to - since I have you. It would be great if you're the person sitting beside me everytime I watch a movie and not some snogging couple or God forbid, a kid who can't stop himself from talking.

Life may be less boring and I wouldn't be blogging if you're here. Just here beside me trying your best not to laugh when I did something stupid or laugh when I crack some silly jokes that I borrowed from some jerk I heard on the radio. You don't have to worry because I'll be the coolest date when you decide to go out with me. You don't need to be Anderson Cooper because even if he's gay, I bet my next paycheck that he wouldn't go out with me. You'll never be an option nor a Plan B because you'll always be first on my long list of priorities. Well, the list would change from time to time given how disorderly my life is as of the moment but this I can assure you: even if you had a bad day in the office, you can always look forward to end your day with me and laugh your worries away.

I can't promise you anything and don't worry, I won't expect great things from you. I know you're scared to give your heart away especially to someone as complicated as me. But I guess it won't hurt if I'll tell you after our 5th date that you are a very special person and if you'll allow me, I'll tell you how much I really love you.

I can't promise you forever even if I ache to spend forever with you. I can't promise that it'll be happy ever after and I'll be an ideal boyfriend who'll sweep you off your feet. I'm not an inch close to that. However, I'll try my best to be the right guy for you. I'll try my best to cook your favorite meal or please your mom even if I'm not good at both. I won't complain if you borrow my shirt or occupy the whole bed when you come to sleep at my place. I'll listen to your tirade and try not to zone out when you start talking about things that amuses you but bores me.

I promise to be there for you when your day feels like shit. I'll make sure your day won't end without you feeling okay so that tomorrow we could see each other again and share each other's stories about our long day in the office.

So where are you again? Perhaps we've already met or were you the one sitting next to me on the bus this morning? Perhaps you were the one in front of me while I was waiting in line at McDonald's or you were that cute fella I bumped with the other day on my way to work. Wherever you are, please know that I'm right here sitting on the grassy park behind the Stock Exchange busy typing away one blog entry after another. Patiently waiting for the sun to come down. Patiently waiting for a miracle for my slow Internet connection to finally speed up. Patiently waiting for you to sit beside me. Patiently waiting for you to smile and say hi.

I'm just right here, patiently waiting for you.

Anderson Cooper

2012-07-03T06:20:00.000+08:00

Anderson Cooper is gay! Yeeeessss!!! I have a big crush on this guy since I first saw him on CNN a few years back. In fact, I only stay on CNN for more than 15 minutes if Anderson Cooper is on. Who wouldn't love that platinum blond hair, impish grin and lingering stare? Oh man, I think I have a new mission statement now: meet Anderson Cooper. Anderson, if you'll ever come into my side of the globe, I'll probably be the first one to line up for a photo op with you. Then I'll ask you out for coffee or go see Spider Man in 3D... Don't worry, I'll buy the tickets but you should pay for the popcorn, dude.

On a serious note, I'll quote Mr. Cooper's emailed response to journalist Andrew Sullivan concerning his coming out:

"The fact is, I'm gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.

I have always been very open and honest about this part of my life with my friends, my family, and my colleagues. In a perfect world, I don't think it's anyone else's business, but I do think there is value in standing up and being counted. I’m not an activist, but I am a human being and I don't give that up by being a journalist."

Well Mr. Cooper, now that you've finally come out, I say "Come here and have a date with me please!" Oh no that sound desperate. I'm outa here.