the little wheel

selah.

2015-06-02T22:38:00.002-07:00

breathe in. breathe out. repeat.

disposables // #5

2015-05-11T21:23:00.001-07:00

guess what? christmas came again! okay not really, it's may yada yada yada. but basically! ;) i'm so thankful that i decided to do this disposable project. it's really helped me appreciate my life and the gifts of people i get to share life with! here are the latest gems:

it is well.

2015-04-20T01:24:00.002-07:00

Tonight I am really grateful and I want to express that.

I feel as though I am the only person on campus as I sit here with my coffee and a book open to write my paper and most days I would be really upset at myself for that, but i've been thinking lately how balance isn't really a thing.
Sure, there's a level where we all need to take care of ourselves but there's also a part of me that says, well, it's not that simple. We have good days and we have bad days and sometimes days are fuller than others, but all are good, even when they're bad, because each day we have the opportunity to live our lives as witnesses to the good work that Jesus prepared far in advance for us to do and so, some days are going to be like this one and i'm going to be up late working on homework, but that is a gift because I am alive and have the promise that I am not alone.
I have life and I get to do everything as an act of worship and reverence to my God.
And that is really sweet.
Tonight, as I write this paper for my theology class, I am reflecting on how that almost didn't happen. I could have very well decided not to study theology and not to have listened to all the voices that told me to consider it.
But then that wouldn't be nearly as fun and not nearly as formative.
So though it's late and i'm all alone, it is well.
"And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17
Amen.

restless

2015-04-05T02:27:00.001-07:00

Oh God, my God. Please come near. God of Jacob, God of my parents and family, please draw near.

God, I need to know that you hold me and cherish me and call me yours, even now.

God my mind, it envelopes me and it overwhelms. God, good and faithful God, it's 2 am on Sunday, the Sunday where we await your resurrection anxiously but I can't help but think of everything but you, God.

Instead my mind wages wars against me and I cannot move what I believe to be true about you into my heart.

God, my God, please draw near and lend your listening ear.

God, the words of Paul come to mind. Please take them as an offering:

" I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me." (Romans 7:15-23 NIV)

Lord, please forgive me. Lord please take me, shape me and redeem me.

In your name.

disposables // #4

2015-03-08T22:07:00.000-07:00

More disposables. Yey, yei, yay!!!

a lenten prayer of repentance.

2015-03-05T17:22:00.000-08:00

The other day I had the honor of sharing a prayer at our school's lenten chapel service on the sins that the church has committed against african americans and people of color.

I felt so privileged to speak but also so scared because it's not often that I speak up in this way, let alone around a topic so hard as the racial injustice that exists in our society and country because it's a topic that as a person of color, I feel is so personal and goes so much deeper than a prayer could ever say.

Yet, I'm sharing this because the other day Intercessors 4 Justice asked if they could share it, so perhaps someone else needs to hear it too. This is not all encompassing and was inspired by Habakkuk 1 and Psalm 13:

How long, Lord, must I call for help but you do not listen?

Or cry out to you, Violence! But you do not save?

Why do you make me look at injustice?
Why do you tolerate wrongdoing?

How long must we wait, Lord?
When will justice come?
Why should the nations say, “Where is their God?”

Destruction and violence are before me; Lord.
There is strife and conflict abounds.

Therefore the law is paralyzed and justice never prevails.

How long, Lord?

How long must we wait before the social and economic conditions that adhere to color in our country are no more?

How many more of our black and brown brothers and sisters need to be arrested, pulled over, incarcerated, killed with little to no explanation as to why.

Placated by nothing but “sir, mam, please calm down”

Lord, how long?

Lord how long must some live in fear and mistrust of the very individuals whose duty it was to protect.

Lord, how long?

Lord, how long before the church joins in saying, no more instead of aiming towards preserving its own right to life.

To say this American dream, this life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is not good enough for us if it does not include all who are made in your image.

Lord, how long?

How long?

Holy God, we come to you today pleading that you would give us a hunger for justice. God, you who know all and see all, help us to see the error of our ways and rescue us from the temptation to see one another as enemies. Lord, plant in us instead the ability to see one another as individuals made in your image and to hear one another’s stories for the real experiences that they are. Jesus, forgive us for the systems we have created that elevate some and lower others and give us courage to speak honestly about our own prejudice and the ways in which we have participated in perpetuating them. God comfort those of us who are frustrated, help us to avoid bitterness and indifference and give us a righteous anger that leads to action and reconciliation.

Lord, in your mercy, forgive us.

disposables // #3

2015-02-10T23:10:00.000-08:00

Guyz, guyz, I was finally able to finish this round of disposables and it's so exciting to me! As you may or may not know, i've been dying to get a load of these because a lot of them are from my trip to visit family in Mexico just last break. They turned out great, I only wish I had taken more!

Oh sweet Lord

2015-02-08T12:40:00.002-08:00

Please give me strength.

mornings and nights

2015-02-04T10:11:00.004-08:00

Good morning Lord.

I just wanted to say thank you.
For your provision and the life that you give.

I am especially aware today, God, of how you are making all things new. But also, that this newness doesn't exactly come smoothly or easily but is a process that takes time and space and tension and us as your people seeking after your Kingdom on Earth as in Heaven.

God, today, please help me to live in this liminal space and to be okay with being uncomfortable.
I think that sometimes I want still waters and peace more than is good for me and I want to be okay being in the wilderness too, trusting that you always know what I need more than I do.

God, morning and night, my life is in your hands.

xx.

anthem

2015-01-24T21:12:00.002-08:00

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid. When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet."- Proverbs 3:24

disposables // #2

2014-12-14T16:01:00.000-08:00

So far taking only disposables has been tough. It's keeping me on my toes for sure. Here is the second set that I was able to get printed.

Hi God,

2014-11-23T01:11:00.001-08:00

Thank you for today.

Thank you for rest and sleeping in and for my bed.

God, so often I forget what a gift it is to even have that when so many other people in the world--in my own backyard--don't have one to sleep on.

God, be with those individuals tonight and give them warmth, comfort, hope.

Father, thank you also for nature, wind, rain and the leaves that make up this season.

I'm constantly astounded by you and how you crafted the earth and everything in it.

I guess what I'm saying Lord, is thank you.

For being faithful and loving but also God.

Lately, I question so much--safety, good and evil, mankind's ability to live in peace and harmony--and whether we'll ever fully be able to live into reconciliation. The world seems to me to be falling apart and then I read about you and your acts in the Old Testament and I just feel so overwhelmed by both your mercy and righteous anger. And it's both challenging and humbling. Jesus, I want to be okay with not knowing and have greater faith to trust you enough not to question why you do things the way you do. But I also want to have the kind of relationship with you where I'm also not afraid to ask. Not afraid to question or push or challenge you but not from a place of fear, or pride or righteousness because all that I am is because of you and all that I have is yours. Lord, not mine. Not my doing or my merit or my standing but all because of you. Because you called me forth into being and for you my life was made.

So Lord, would you be kind to me?

Would you lend your ear and be patient with me. God, I want to serve you so bad. To love you with all my heart, soul, mind, strength and to love my neighbor as myself (a conversation for another day) and put blood, sweat and tears into any work I do. But day to day, it's hard.

I'm impatient and rude with people. I'm ungracious with my housemates or inconsiderate of others. I think terrible things or forget to take care of myself. I get distracted and want to be lazy or I just plain want to take the easy route.

Lord, in your mercy, please do kindly by me. Please remember how you call me beloved daughter and friend and please continue to make me yours.

God, all my days, I want to spend with you. All my heart, I want to fill with you.

disposables // #1

2014-11-01T11:09:00.000-07:00

In an effort to discipline myself from my daily use of my iPhone camera, documenting everything, all the time, as I tend to do, I've committed to documenting my year with disposable cameras. Already, i'm finding this to be really hard because I can't take a photo of everything since a disposable camera only has so many exposures on it. And even when I do take a photo, I can't look at how it turned out right away and retake it if need be, because what's done is done. I've also found it really rewarding though! There's something so fun about raw film, edited with nothing but natural light.

Anyway, here we go, the first of many to come:

A Letter to the Lord

2014-10-22T09:19:00.001-07:00

Loving God,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for the smell and sound of rain, for people who wake up early to make me coffee with a smile and a "how are you?".

It really means the world.

Thanks also for Fall, God! It's truly one of my favorite seasons.

And God,

Today especially, thank you for your relentless love.

God, it all just hit me super fast, one minute I was fine, and the next I felt like it was all crashing down on me.

It's hitting me today too Lord. That I can't do it on my own and that i'm not supposed to. That you didn't design us as machines to operate nonstop and without breaks but that you designed us uniquely and creatively to be salt and light to the earth but also to live out of our Belovedness as sons and daughters and not to get our worth out of our work-how much we do or who people say that we are.

So today Lord, would you draw near? Would you give me the strength and food I need to live this day faithfully, not out of a desire to be known for my own sake or to do my own will but yours, Lord?

On Earth as it is in heaven, give me, give us, Your ears to hear things the way you do, Your eyes to see what we would otherwise be quick to ignore and Your hands to do your work.

Lord, all that I am, I lay it down.

Amen.

pumpkins and patches

2014-10-19T23:53:00.000-07:00

Cheers to friends and sunshine and a God who created it all. I may be regretting this trip to the pumpkin patch in a few hours when I'm still up working on this paper but I'll say it was worth it!

Thoughts on relationships and being human

2014-10-15T00:17:00.001-07:00

Life has been a lot of things lately.

Mostly good, new and exciting.

But also not so good.

There are a lot of not so good things I've been purposely avoiding because it hurts to think about them and then there are things I have been ignoring because I'm removed from them and it's easier that way.

Even still, I'm kind of in awe of it all and super thankful for it.

For how life works and the blessing and hardship that it is to be a human.

How it is that God not only puts up with us but faithfully and relentlessly loves us, parents us, teaches us the way in which to go time and time again even when we inevitably disobey or fail him.

We give up. He persists.

We fall down. He picks us up.

We mess up. He forgives.

I am so ungracious with myself and others so easily and I often wonder why that is. Why it is that being in relationship with others is so dang hard.

And yet, God trusts us to be in relationship with one another when he could just as easily have kept us to Himself (not that that's in His nature). Trusts us to love and care for one another, to be reconciled with one another. Man.

This resonates with me right now as I've messed up a lot in the relational department lately.

God is faithful, honest, and constant and I desire to be more like that.

Rest

2014-09-14T23:57:00.001-07:00

Went on a really good date with Jesus just the other day. He's always so faithful in giving me rest and He's so worthy of my time.

Let's talk about: Illegal Immigration

2014-08-09T16:03:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, I just lost like, all of you. But hear me out.

Have you been keeping tabs on how many stories there are these days of kids who are being detained at the US border?

KIDS. Children, literally, being jailed. I mean, can you honestly tell me there in't something wrong with that? That your heart doesn't break a little bit at the sound of that?

Anyway, if you've been following me on Instagram then you'll know that i've been thinking about it.

And I know I really don't have a large readership on here, which I'm really okay with, but, on the off chance that you're actually reading this. Literally, really, actually reading the words on this screen, do you have any thoughts to share?

When you think about illegal immigration, where do your thoughts tend to go? Are your thoughts negative? Positive? Neutral? Is it something you think about at all or is it something you'd prefer to avoid because it's awkward or uncomfortable?

Really, I am just curious. My goal isn't to try to sway you tot think like I do nor is it to give you "all the right answers," (surprise, I don't have them!) I really just want to talk about it.

'Cause I think it's important. Besides, when I started this old thing that was the goal, to talk about the things that I found important or meaningful.

Anyway, I've said so much lately that I don't want to share what I think right away but if you're curious you can follow that link above from Instagram and you'll get a sense.

SO, any thoughts, book recommendations, website links to share?

I'd really appreciate it

xx.

Today

2014-07-26T22:52:00.002-07:00

Teach me to number these days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom.
Teach me to number these days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom.
Teach me to number these days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom.

Amen.

Life Lately

2014-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

Life lately is celebrating family birthdays and exploring my backyard to remember why I love the Pacific Northwest. Life lately is relishing in the rain while holding a cup of coffee after the heat of summer. Life lately is pressing into God's word and listening to His still small voice and all that He would have me hear. Life lately is Him picking my head up, smiling at me, calling me His beloved.

Life List

2014-07-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while watching the World Cup (*hugs Argentina*), my mom and I were discussing the Cristo Redentor (Christ the Redeeemer) statue in Rio de Janeiro.

I've known my mom's wanted to go for a while because every time she sees the statue on television she talks about how pretty it is and well, I can take a hint.

So, being the dreamer that I am, I got to looking up what it would take to get there. It was silly at first but then once we saw pictures and reviews we really wanted to go and now we've started talking savings.

Because I know my mom, I can't count on her being super serious about going and mind you, i'm still a college student with student loan debt to pay come next summer, so we can't go right away, but I do want to make it my personal goal to take her one day.

Anyway, amidst all the dreaming (we talked about visiting the Statue of Liberty too!), I realized why it is that so many people have bucket lists. I mean, if we don't write it down and make it a tangible goal to go, then it's never gonna happen is it?

So i've decided to start my very own.

I'll call it a life list* because i've never liked that it's called a "bucket list." What even is that, you know? Besides, I don't want this to be a "I have to do this before I die" kind of thing, but rather a "these are the things I want to do in my life" thing.

So, here goes, Elizabeth's very own life list:

1. Visit Rio de Janeiro and Cristo Redentor with my mom

2. Visit New York City. Once with my mom, once on my own. Seriously, some of my favorite bloggers are based in the Big Apple and uh, Law and Order anyone? I'd love to drink some bad coffee out of those little blue cups. Haha!

3. Finish reading all of the books that I own

4. Reverse my financial family tree

5. Document one year of my life with a disposable camera. I know a guy who does this and I love that it's becoming more of a thing! No more instant gratification.

6. Live somewhere other than in the Pacific Northwest, for a year

7. Learn another language (Preferably French, Latin or Portuguese)

8. Learn how to play the piano

9. Finish learning how to play the guitar

10. Get out of student loan debt

11. Own a dog

12. Trace my lineage

13. Buy season tickets for a team that I love

14. Write letters to people that I love for a year (minimum, once a month)

15. Learn how to make espresso

16. Read my bible through and through

17. Donate money to a charity that I love

18. Visit every US National Park

19. Take photos in a photo booth once a month, every month, for a year

20. Graduate from college!

21. Fall in love

This list will grow, but since i'm 21, I thought that 21 was a good place to stop while I keep working on this :)

Stay tuned for the updated list!

*inspired by this life list

A (School) Year in Review

2014-07-03T19:30:00.000-07:00

In light of recent events, transitioning from school to summer and being really sick (i'm talking nausea, chills, sleep all day kind of sick) the last few weeks or so, i've been really off my game.

so to catch you up on where I have been lately, it's here: thinking and reminiscing on the blessing of what this last school year was for me.

so, without further ado, i give you (my) school year in review:

september:

i got to spend the better part of september training to be an RA at SPU and then about a month later being joined by my ~~babies~~ residents (i liked to call them babies but they didn't like it as much). it was quite the privilege to serve with my RA Staff despite our ups and downs and my floor, man, for them, there are just no words. these women blessed me beyond what I deserved. we may have been small but we were fierce.

october:

ah, october. a beautiful time filled with ferry rides, retreats to Camp Casey, skipping rocks, sitting around campfires and making new friends. oh, and being really *happy* campers, of course(hah!) i miss those faces.

november:

a time for going and coming home. a reminder to be thankful and a time when you can share your city with your family. what could be better?

december:

a time for missed train rides (and making the best of them), the festival of lights with my beautiful family and a time for celebrating (¡21!) in the city of my birth

january:

a time to stress while watching football games and subsequently celebrate the Seahawks Superbowl Championship. a time to get out of the city and a time to celebrate snow (!!!) and most importantly a time to reconnect with old friends and to remember the gift of life. life is short and a privilege, let's not forget that.

february:

a time for adventure, trying new things and making new friends and a time to grow in patience as planes got delayed, flights got cancelled and we were sent to Las Vegas in the middle of midterms. did i mention it was a time for adventure? hah! in all seriousness though, february was more about intentionally learning about the things God's heart cares about like shalom and reconciliation.

march:

a time for rest and to reconnect with my family and more importantly my favorite little man, a time to learn about what love does and a time to explore new places.

april:

phew, april! what a month. april was a time to step outside my comfort zone and campaign for a student government position at my school and a time to celebrate when i won (!!) running in an election was the scariest thing i've ever done but also the most humbling thing i've ever done. it's crazy for me to think that people actually believed i could represent them well and for that i am so thankful. aside from the election, april was a time to explore new and familiar places with friends :)

may:

a time to celebrate a good year and to look towards a new one, a time to suck it up and pay for the ticket to the concert of your favorite band (needtobreathe) that you really, really wanted to go to and a time to enjoy it. a time to be thankful for the blessing of a floor that you got to share life with this year (something you too often took for granted)

a good month.

june:

a season that was "supposed to be normal," and how i wish it had been. a hard season but more than that, a season more so defined by how a community responded to a tragedy and a season to mourn but also dance because though the events of that tragic day changed those of us who were a part of it, they also reminded us of the gift of life and that love wins. that life is still good and that light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot understand it.

overall, this year was a beautiful one. a year that i did not and could not have made happen on my own, but instead, one where God guided my steps and was evident, a year where i was stretched beyond my own limit, and where i learned and grew a lot.

i can't believe this marks my third year at SPU and that just one year from now I will have graduated (eek!)

however, if the last three years are any indication of what's to come, i know that one year from now, i will be looking back on my four years saying with full confidence, God has been good and all manner of things have been good.

yes, indeed, God is good all the time.

and all the time, God is good

xoxo,

Elizabeth

currently listening to: hide away by ben rector

Moving Forward, Not Moving On

2014-06-26T17:24:00.000-07:00

These last few weeks have been some of the hardest and darkest weeks of my life.

Today marks three weeks since the school that I attend experienced a school shooting where one of my classmates was killed and three others were left wounded and since that day I haven't been the same.

As much as I want to believe that what happened on that Thursday was just a bad nightmare and that it wasn't real, i'm forced to enter into a new reality because the events of that day were real and they fundamentally changed my life.

June 5th, 2014 will forever be marred with memories of sorrow; my friends crying, holding each other up, sleeping together because the thought of sleeping alone was too much to bear and my school gathering in corporate worship and prayer to mourn together.

Memories of grief.

These last five years (for me) have been filled with sorrow, with deep, deep sadness as i've lost family, friends and classmates, year after year without ceasing and not just to natural causes but to disease and car accidents, things that I just don't know how to make sense of.

So when I first heard news of the shooting my initial response was numbness; emotional desensitization and I was really good at it for a while.

I put on a brave face and I sat with my friends in their shock and their grief, listening to story after story about where people were when it all happened.

I can't do it anymore.

The reality is that the place that I have come to call home these last three years did experience this and no matter how much I want to remove that from my memory, to close my eyes and cover my ears, nothing will ever stop that from being true.

This week my baby cousin of eight months and two other family members of mine passed away.

And before I could even begin to be angry at God (like I have been) or to ask why, I learned news of something else: My aunt had her baby (my cousin) this week too.

You see, no matter how much I want to be cynical and bitter, she is a reminder to me of the gift of life.

Death comes and people pass away but life also comes and brings us newness of life.

So I hold on.

I take a deep breath and take heart because maybe, just maybe, that's my answer.

Though the events of that tragic Thursday shook me to the core and left me with many unanswered questions, I must not forget my history with God. I must remember how He saved me from death and called me into life and I must not forget that He is the Crucified and Risen King and that means that evil and death do not and will not have the final say.

I must remember that God is with me and for me and I must, must, must remember that life is fragile and a gift.

Not a privilege, not something that we deserve, but a gift.

At some point we have to begin to move forward and for me that time is now.

I will choose joy because I refuse to be eaten alive by grief. One day at a time, one step at a time, moving forward.

Not moving on, not forgetting what this circumstance has taught me but moving forward and remembering to never take anything for granted.

"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior." (Psalm 27:4-9 NIV)

Starting over.

2014-06-18T17:07:00.004-07:00

I need to start over. I feel like i'm trying too hard. I just want to process through words.

Welcome to my time capsule.

That Northwest Bridge

2014-04-04T23:01:00.001-07:00

On Saturday we took a trip up to Shelton, WA and later Tacoma, WA to see #thatnwbridge that we keep hearing about on Instagram and let me tell you, it was beautiful.

Super scary, no doubt. What with it being abandoned, rickety and about 347 feet above the ground but Vance Creek Bridge (or Vance Creek Viaduct as it's called by the Skokomish Valley that it's located in) is worth taking a trip out to see. You have to walk on a trail about half a mile and a half but it's not hard and it'll lead you straight to it.

Though it was ~~raining~~ pouring literal cats and dogs we took advantage and had a blast. I wouldn't normally call myself a scaredy cat when it comes to heights but without support on the bridge, this was a little different. Good things though, cause luckily my brother was there too and with a heart of adventure himself, I made it through just fine with his help.

Take a look for yourself:

When we were done walking on the bridge and taking a few pictures we could without getting our cameras and phones wet we headed out to find something to eat cause man, the cold and rainy weather takes it out of you. We found a place called Rosewood Cafe in Tacoma and it was delicious. I highly recommend it.

Afterwards we stopped at Point Defiance Park which is a pretty location that I wish we had had more time to see cause time flew by us! Lots of families walking and lots of birds.

Finally, we went to visit Life Center Church in Tacoma to hear Bob Goff, author of Love Does speak on love and loving your neighbor. Tough stuff to hear but if you've ever read about Bob or heart from him then you know he can deliver a message. Bob spoke with energy and conviction and left us all encouraged to love God, love others and do stuff.

Seriously, have you read his book?

Cause it's superrrr good.

Anyway that was my weekend. Now i'm back in Seattle attempting to finish off my last quarter of my junior year off strong. Yikes! That came by too fast.

xoxo,

Elizabeth