The Littlest Winslow has moved! Check me out at the new address: thelittlestwinslow.com!

Huzzah, muthatruckas! Thanks for all your continued visits and comments!

Adios,
Nick

Technically, this was yesterday’s Bacon quote, but I’m making it today’s Littlest Winslow bacon tidbit.

“I’ll have the smiley face breakfast special. Uhh, but could you add a bacon nose? Plus bacon hair, bacon mustache, five o’ clock shadow made of bacon bits, and a bacon body.”    – Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

mmm, bacon.

The anticipation is destroying my LIFE right now, man. (I literally have a Scream 4 clipping from EW on my fridge right now. NERD ALERT!)

If the new No Doubt record drops in April as well – I shall declare it the MONTH OF THE WINSLOW. Or Winslow Week. Or something extremely, much more ridiculously clever than either of those suggestions.

Well, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Junior High-aged children are odd. The oddest, in fact. It’s hard for me to ever remember being in this type of mindset.  It’s a time in your life when your hair means either absolutely everything to you or absolutely nothing to you.

I’ve drawn this conclusion upon observation; consider this post an ethnography.

There’s a student in my class, a bump on a log, a do nothing little darling.  This dumpling stands about four feet high, and close to three feet wide. His blonde hair falls limply over his eyebrows, his eyes covered by a pair of transition lenses that don’t seem to lose their tint quite quickly enough when we return from recess.  This leaves him sunglassed at the beginning of my class (which is just annoying, and quite frankly a bit unnerving).

But, back to the topic at hand…as previously stated, this star pupil stands a mere four feet tall, if that. This means, of course, that the majority of the eighth grade in the building along with myself literally look down at this child. Last Friday I looked down and dry heaved.  The amount of dry skin flaking off at the crown of his head was enough to make you vomit.  It appeared as if earlier in the morning, he had decided to perhaps, pour a box of instant mashed potato flakes on his head.  Obviously, I can’t be the only one who notices this because I’m talking nickel sized flakes here.

And I’m not.

A group of eighth grade girls notice during mass. They are gagging and pointing, and what am I supposed to do? I want to gag and point, but I’m the adult here. I give the girls a look. A “cut it out” look, cause no one is taller than an eighth grade girl, no one can look down at the crown of their heads and gag.

Poor little do nothing darling, I hope he discovers the importance of shampoo soon.

What’s on the telly, you ask? Why, Parks and Recreation, of course…finally!

Though way lame, NBC decided to shaft Parks to mid-season last year to make way for the new and absolutely despicable Outsourced. Although Outsourced is still in the running to become America’s Next Top Comedy, NBC did keep its word to our favorite Rec department, and for that, I commend them!

If you haven’t seen the show, or watched some of Season 1 only to leave it behind, I highly suggest you check it out tonight. Here are 3 fantastical reasons why you should be watching Amy Poehler and her gang of department misfits.

1) Because it’s way better than The Office. With the Pam/Jim tension gone, The Office has struggled to keep this reviewer vested in its story lines. Less office pranks and more Andy = a show at the end of its run. And let’s not even talk about Carell’s departure again. Consider that horse beaten to death.

2) Because Ron Swanson is one of the best comedic characters currently on TV. Nick Offerman plays Leslie Knope’s deadpan superior with ease. And who can resist that sexy mustache?

3) Because of this video (and, yanno, Rob Lowe and Adam Scott have been added to the cast). R.I.P. Party Down, but viva la Parks and Rec!

Season 3 starts tonight at 9:30pm on NBC. Be there or be square. Foo.

The Interweb is all a-buzz with Ricky Ricky Ricky. If you haven’t heard about his…interesting (read: fucking hilarious!) take on hosting the Golden Globes, then surely you are dead.

But check this! Gervais will charm your small screen again when he reprises the role of David Brent on next week’s episode of the U.S. version of The Office.  The leak on the street states that Gervais will have a “small cameo” in the January 27th episode of the NBC sitcom, and will apparently “bump into” Michael Scott. At some point. Somehow. Maybe.

It’s been no secret that I am totally against The Office continuing without Carell, but hey, let’s enjoy this while we still can. We’ve got Amy Ryan back in action (woooooo!) and a little run in with David Brent! It’s a pretty OK time to be an Office fan.

But seriously. NBC needs to put this show down like Old Yeller.

(The spoiler will be located directly under the Survivor logo – read easy til then, and read below that to know who the returning douchebags castaways are.)

CBS announced the cast on its official page with photos, bios, videos and more! The two mystery members are marked as question marks, giving us a grand total of 18 tribe members. EW has a slammin’ photo gallery including brief bios and little blurbs of fun facts. Check it out!

The Winz is not so sure how we feel about the new “twist.” Redemption Island sounds like something too close to a Real World/Road Rules Challenge and we all know Survivor is far superior to that. So they vote someone out and then get them back when they win a duel? Won’t that deplete almost all of the tension at Tribal? “Who cares who is voted out, they can just win the Redemption round and return!” Yikes.

Another side note – more than half of this cast is from the L.A. area. (Casting department getting lazy, Probsty?) It’s been no secret that Survivor does a ton of recruiting for the show, as opposed to old-school video submissions/interviews, but enough is enough already. Some of our best cast members were every-day normal-guys! The over-abundance of recruiting techniques (i.e. – finding castaways in Hollywood bars) makes it less possible that they’ll find the next Rupert, Jane, Denise or Big Tom – and that can and will mess with the show’s dynamic. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow…but someday.

I’m extremely leery about this one, folks. Regardless, the new season starts February 16 on CBS.

And now for some other Survivor business:

As you may have noticed, I didn’t really chime in regarding the Nicaragua finale. It’s probably because the entire show ended with a big: MEH. It’s boring to watch someone “Colby” their way to the final (Australia-Colby, not Heroes-vs-Villains-Colby!). It’s boring to watch a final tribal when it’s so blatantly obvious who is going to win. And goddammit, HOLLY was voted out!

Who wasn’t rooting for Holly!? It would’ve been an epic redemption story! She was shaky and shady during her first week, but totally upped her game as the show progressed. Even though she didn’t win, I’m still a huge fan of hers and found her story to be both interesting and compelling. And if the show continues to recruit, we can say goodbye to the Hollys of Survivor!

Nicaragua was a mediocre season, at best. Maybe this is why producers decided to bring back…(spoiler below!)

Russell Hantz and Boston Rob. Ugh. Somebody kill me, please.  If there ever was a reason for this die-hard fan to stop watching the show – I think it would be Hantz’s third appearance in four season coupled with Boston Rob’s fourth.

This better be fucking good, Probst.

Reality Blurred reports that Kathy Griffin’s Bravo reality series My Life on the D-List is officially over, because, well, Griffin is no longer a D-Lister. This pretty much seems like a no-brainer.

Griffin hinted at the show’s conclusion in mid-November, but with Bravo’s announcement of four Kathy Griffin comedy specials airing this year, the official cat has been let out of its official bag.

“It was a really tough decision because I think of the D-List as pretty much my baby for the last six seasons and I also think it was really time to stop doing it. Reality is great, but I really didn’t set out to be a reality star. So now it’s time to spread my wings and show that I’m a little different than Kate Gosselin. I’m not saying better, but maybe separate myself from the pack a little bit,” she told People.

In a press release, Bravo’s Andy Cohen said the network is “giving Kathy Griffin an unprecedented four new stand-up comedy specials on Bravo in one year. Kathy’s quick fire humor and ability to tap into pop culture make for must watch television.”

I dig Griffin and I’ll miss her sweet and innocent mother, Maggie. But not enough to actually read her book. (Sorry, Maggie!)

In the episode entitled “Bad News,” Marshall and Lily are still trying to have a baby, as they visit a fertility doctor to make sure everything is A-OK down there (enter: Barney Doppelganger…finally!). The episode offered a fun little countdown that would eventually drop the bad news bomb.  Starting at 50, the numbers counted down, displaying a different digit in every scene until the big WHOA moment of its final seconds: Lily gets out of a cab to tell Marshall that his Dad has died.

Ok, so check it: First – I can’t lie – I didn’t even see the numbers the first time around. Props to Doom for bringing this to light. Second – and the reason for this post – Hannigan, you have broken my heart. Again. For the millionth time. And I love you.

It’s just like: bad news, BAM!, she cries and my life is ruined. That’s how it goes down. I’m convinced that when Alyson Hannigan cries, 25 babies die somewhere. Damn, man – she kills me every. fucking. time. Remember that little ol’ show Hannigan was a part of – Buffy the Vampire Slayer? (I’m thinking about Season 4’s “Wild At Heart” and Season 6’s “Grave” in particular). Aly brings the hurt every single time.

I’m feeling a picture post coming on, because dammit, I want you to feel the pain too.  

That’s it! That’s all I can take.  Someone give this woman an Emmy, already!