The Love Dare Journal

Day 33 - Love Completes Each Other

2010-12-10T08:27:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

If two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? -- Ecclesiastes 4:11

Today's Message:

Two heads are better than one. We men just don't seem to ever get that figured out. We try to make every decision possible, without having all the information. We act on instinct…which is usually to defend our territory and establish our dominance.

Women think differently. It's not about that for them. It's more about security, comfort, and the nurturing aspects of life.

Beauty… versus… Brawn. It's the classic struggle.

What I have done in the past is made a bunch of decisions that effect both of us, without asking for some guidance. I need to fix that, and do everything I can to try and keep it from happening in the future.

When two or more are gathered in his name… HE will be THERE!

How could I have missed it.

Today's Questions:

Do you have big decisions to make about your finances or retirement planning?
Are you having a real problem with a coworker who's getting harder and harder to deal with, and you are grappling with the appropriate action to take?
Are you absolutely convinced that your educational choices for the children are right, no matter what your spouse thinks?

Today's Dare:

Recognize that your spouse is integral to your future success. Let them know today that you desire to include them in your upcoming decisions, and that you need their perspective and counsel. If you have ignored their input in the past, admit your oversight and ask them to forgive you.

Results:

What are some upcoming decisions you can make together?
- We discussed finances, things I should be doing in my business, and should have been doing all along. I have to do a much better job in this area to support her the way she SHOULD have been supported all these years.
What did you learn today about the role of your mate?
- She has always been there when I needed her. Without fail. She is the best partner one could ever wish for.

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Day 32 - Love Meets Sexual Needs

2010-12-07T07:47:00.003-05:00

Today's Verse:

The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. – 1 Corinthians 7:3

Today's Message:

Like a lot of people… I've been waiting to get to this dare. Just the title of the Dare is enough to make you want to skip right to it. How difficult can it possibly be?

That all depends on whether you want to read what the dare is really saying, take the time to consider it's message, and REALLY take to heart what it's asking you to do.

It's not about what YOU want. It's about what your SPOUSE wants. That may not sound like eye opening, earth shattering, foundation shaking news to everyone… but it should be. You really have to consider the message on this dare.

And it's not just about grabbing your partner to doe-see-doe. It's about making sure your spouse enjoys square dancing. If they don't…then you best learn the boogaloo, or whatever dance it takes to trip their trigger. Just be careful you're not stepping on their toes on the spin arounds.

I'm looking forward to practicing it until I get it right! I may even repeat this dare several times just to be sure!

Today's Questions:

Do you consider your spouse's need when it comes to the physical part of your relationship?

Today's Dare:

If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honors what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make this enjoyable for both of you as well as a path to greater intimacy.

Results:

Was this a satisfying experience for you?
- Personal answer- skipped.
If it didn't turn out the way you'd hoped, what do you think is complicating matters?
- More than I could hope
Have you committed this to prayer?
- Oh yeah
If it was a true blessing for both of you, what can you learn from this for the future?
- Personal answer… skipped

How beautiful and delightful you are, my love. (Song of Solomon 7:6)

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Love Dare - Day 31 - Love and Marriage

2010-11-28T14:43:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

A man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24

Today's Message:

We are long past 'most' of this. I say 'most' because there really are things that you just never get over. As the saying goes, you can forgive, but it's hard to forget. That doesn't mean that it sticks to your brain every moment of every day, but it never goes away.

When it comes to leaving, I think we did this along time ago…when we moved back to Georgia. We were never near her family and parents, so we never really had anything to leave. As far as MY family goes, there were so many rips torn in the family blanket after our father passed, there was no way it could keep us all warm and fuzzy.

Maybe that's the take away from the 'leaving' part of this message. Maybe it's me that never really 'left' my family. If I would have done that, we probably wouldn't be living in Georgia today.

When it comes to the the 'cleaving' part, I think we do a pretty good job of that as well. We have both grown closer as we've gotten older. We know that the only people we can REALLY count on, is each other.

Today's Questions:

Are you and your spouse still living with unresolved issues because of a failure to cut the apron strings?
Do either of your parents continue to create problems within your home – perhaps without their even knowing it?
What needs to happen to put a stop to this before it creates too wide of a division in your marriage?

Today's Dare:

Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet? Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right. The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it. Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.

Results:

Has this been a hard thing for you to deal with?
- Cutting the strings wasn't the issues. The real issue was breaking the ties. In other words, what I should have spending time doing was STAYING connected with her family. She misses them, and they miss her. It's not the kind of thing that makes her mad all the time, but it does make her sad. I should have ran my business more around the needs of my family and spouse, rather than the client's needs taking top billing.
How has it affected your relationship?
- The dependency on each other helped… but the disconnect with her family wasn't good. I need to fix this.
If the worse offender in this area is your spouse (with your in-laws), how can you lovingly move toward a better situation?
- We are going to visit a whole lot more. I'm going to help create that connection to her family again.

May they all be one, as You, Father, are in Me and I am in You. (John 17:21 HCSB)

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Day 30 - Love Brings Unity

2010-11-27T08:39:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:
Father, keep them in Your name, the name which You have given Me, that they may be one even as We are. – John 17:11

Today's Message:
This is the whole 'flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone' thing. It's reviewing the Trinity and how it relates to marriage. It's reviewing Christ and the church and how it relates to marriage. All good points. All hard to implement or follow. I think you have to focus on the ones that matter. You won't agree, or support each other on every front.
I understand the concept, and I appreciate what it's saying. It's just hard to do. Especially when there are so many differences between men and women in general. I like football…she likes the Lifetime Channel. I like steak…she prefers shrimp.
That being said…those are just 'things'. They aren't important. The important things concern themselves with what you are as a person. They are about politics and religion. They are about things that matter.
That being said, I think the thing that matters the most to my spouse is my insistence on being self-employed. I need to think about what would make her the happiest as well as make our retirement years better.
I'm looking forward to what this dare can do though!

Today's Questions:

Husband – What would happen in your marriage if you devoted yourself to loving, honoring, and serving your wife in all things? What if you determined that the preservation of your oneness with this woman was worth every sacrifice and expression of love you could make? What would change in your home if you took that approach to your relationship on a daily basis?
Wife – What would happen if you made it your mission to do everything possible to promote togetherness of heart with your husband? What if every threat to your unity was treated as a poison, a cancer, an enemy to be eliminated by love, humility, and selflessness? What would your marriage become if you were never again willing to see your oneness torn apart?

Today's Dare:
Isolate one area of division in your marriage, and look on today as a fresh opportunity to pray about it. Ask the Lord to reveal anything in your own heart that is threatening oneness with your spouse. Pray that He would do the same for them. And if appropriate, discuss this matter openly, seeking God for unity.

Results:

Did the Lord open your eyes to anything new that might be giving the fuel to this point of disagreement?
- Actually, he did. But not in the way that one would think. Yesterday was not a good day for me personally. I spent most of it on the couch watching football games. I used to do this with our kids, but since they are all pretty much grown up…most of it was by myself. My spouse was at work…and I just kept thinking about how I allowed my self to get into this position. I should have been doing something else. I could have been doing something else… IF…I only had a few bucks in the bank account. But because I have allowed others to mistreat me in my business world, this is where I am.
How do you intend to respond?
- I'm going to focus more on the needs of my spouse, which in turn focuses me on the needs of my business. I'm either going to turn it around by the first of the year, or I'm going to seek employment.
What do you hope to see god do in your spouse as well?
- I hope she will forgive me.

The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! (Deuteronomy 6:4)

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Day 29 - Love’s Motivation

2010-11-24T08:25:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

Render service with a good attitude, as to the Lord and not to men. – Ephesians 6:7 HCSB

Today's Message: Honestly, I'm not exactly sure what the purpose of today's dare was. Maybe it will be revealed to me in the future, but for today it didn't make much sense at all. Maybe it's because I do most of this stuff anyway. Maybe it's because I am thankful everyday for my spouse. I'm not sure.

I'm going to do the dare…I'm going to keep following the daily readings… I'm going to do this out of obedience…

I trust I'll find out why at another date.

Today's Questions:

What is the source of your love for your spouse? Is it based on godly principles?

Today's Dare:

Before you see your spouse again today, pray for them by name and for their needs. Whether it comes easy for you or not, say "I love you," then express love to them in some tangible way. Go to God in prayers again, thanking Him for giving you the privilege of loving this one special person – unconditionally, the way He loves both of you.

Results:

How will this change of motivation affect your relationship and reactions?
- Not at all. As I said I've been doing this all along anyway for many years.
What does this inspire you to do?
- Rather than waiting for her to get home from work, and then her fix her dinner; I sat out a plate and had her dinner all ready and warm for her when she got home. (this included having the coffee ready). Since this is not the first time I've done this, it was not ground breaking territory, but it did make me realize that she never stops thanking me for the things that I do for her. Even if it's the same old stuff over and over again.
What does it inspire you to stop doing?
- Nothing really. Maybe procrastination, but that's about it.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (Joshua 24:15

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Day 28 - Love Makes Sacrifices

2010-11-23T07:51:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

He laid down His life for us. We should also lay down our lives for our brothers. – 1 John 3:16 HCSB

Today's Message: We spend a lot of time together. But we also spend a lot of time apart. Sometimes the time apart is spent in doing things that are valuable to the relationship. Sometimes it has no value on the relationship. Those are the times that are what some people refer to as 'me' time.

This lesson isn't saying that you should give up 'me' time… but perhaps you should take a look at what that 'me' time is really costing in terms of your relationship.

If it's something that is taking you further away from where you WANT your marriage to be…then give it up. (This is true for ANY relationship).

Spend time doing things that will strengthen the relationship rather than things that will take away from the relationship. Find out what your spouse needs…and do everything you can to fill that need. That… is true in everything.

Find a need - fill it.

My wife needs to know right now that our business will support us. If it won't…then I need to drop it. I've been self employed for almost 25 years, and have continued to make the same mistake. I've allowed OTHER people's needs to get in the way of my relationship with her, my family, and my friends. It has to stop.

Today's Questions:

What can you do today to help your spouse?
Can you keep the words "How can I help?" at the top of your mindset, on a daily basis…when it comes to your spouse?

Today's Dare:

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now?
Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?
Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

Results:

How much of your mate's stress is caused by your lack of concern or initiative?
- I have to admit that it was a lot more than I imagined, and yet I did KNOW what those concerns/stress were BEFORE we talked about it. They are mostly centered on the way that I have managed the financial aspects of my business. I think I have always made them second behind my customers, in other words my customers came first.
- That in itself is just so wrong, but it's also indicative of the issues surround us (the world) today. While there are some that do genuinely care about others, there are far too many that are using their religious views to take advantage of situations. I have allowed that to happen. But I'm on top of it now.
When you expressed a desire to help, how did they receive it?
- Great. We talked for nearly an hour about various situations that we both needed to get off our chest. Nothing was really hurtful, angry, or misdirected. Most of it had to do with what I said above.
Are there other needs you could meet?
- Yes. And I am going to start today by writing emails to people that owe us money. I'm not going to be angry, but rather 'you owe this… how do we proceed from here?"

Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)

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Day 27 - Love Encourages

2010-11-22T09:22:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in You. – Psalm 25:20

Today's Message:

If you're told enough times that you aren't good enough, smart enough, or talented enough to do something… pretty soon you begin to believe it. Sometimes it makes the difference between success and failure. It's true in business, and it's true in your personal relationships.

I think I do a good job of encouraging my spouse in her daily job at work, but I'm not sure I do a good enough job in the things that she would say really matters to her. For example, she's a great artist…and yet there isn't anyplace in the house where she could sit down and do that.

Another example is that when she decided to learn how to use ancestry.com … she got really good at it. But does she get to practice that? No. Why? Because I've taken over her laptop to perform the tasks required of me for my business. We can't afford another one right now…but the truth is that's not her fault. She's not the one that isn't collecting money that is owed to us. That falls squarely on me. Although I am working on that part of the business, I'm probably not working on it hard enough.

I need to start taking a better look at the things that she likes doing, and support her more in those things.

Today's Questions:

Does your spouse feel like you are constantly berating them, or would they say you encourage them in the things that are important to them?

Today's Dare:

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

Results:

When you place high expectations on your spouse that they don't feel internally motivated to attain, what does that tell you about yourself?
- That you need to reconsider what you're asking them to do. Communication is important. It's possible that you don't provide them enough encouragement for them to WANT to do what you're asking. Most of the time if I ask for something that I really need, my spouse does everything they can to provide me that. That wasn't always true though. It's really been different since I began working on positive affirmation a few years ago.
What are some better ways to deal with these disconnects?
- Try to keep all the negative that doesn't have any real effect on the outcome, to yourself. It's important to give honest feedback, but just because I don't like a particular 'thing'… it doesn't mean I should hurt my relationship BECAUSE of it. It's simply not worth it.

Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds. (Hebrews 10:24)

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Day 26 - Love is Responsible

2010-11-20T06:59:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

When you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. – Romans 2:1 HCSB

Today's Message:

Yesterday was about forgiving your spouse. Today this is really about asking for forgiveness for things you have done, that may still cause issues with your spouse. I guess I should have known this was coming, but it still leaves a little uneasiness in your stomach to have to do this. Plus, I'd bet I could do this for days and never run out of things. Where I think she is 'all that and a bag of chips'.. I on the other hand have A LOT of areas for improvement.

What I should do is focus on the recent stuff… the things that I probably could, and should be doing something about. Career, kids, health, etc are all things that I'm sure she wonders why I don't pay as much attention to them as I should.

Today's Questions:

Are you taking responsibility for your own faults?
Have you said or done things to your spouse – or to God – that are wrong?

Today's Dare:

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing. As for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse. Do it sincerely and truthfully. Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well. No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love. Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

Results:

What does your mate need to see in order to believe that your confession was more than just words?
- Just as yesterday's confessions was a trial and personal… so are today's. I took a little different approach in that I asked if there was anything that she hadn't forgiven me for…and that's when she let me know there was. We talked about it for a little bit and she said she did forgive me. I guess now I know though… some things never go away completely.

Each one must examine his own work … in regard to himself alone. (Galatians 6:4)

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Day 25 - Love Forgives

2010-11-18T08:40:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:

What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, I did it for your sakes in the presence of Christ. – 2 Corinthians 2:10

Today's Message:

Is about forgiving your spouse for things that they may (or may NOT) have done. For me, this isn't really an issue. I think we passed this mark several years ago, in some situations that I won't share in this journal. The fact that I MAY have shared them years ago was probably what caused some of the issues we had. That's probably some of the benefits of following the concepts of this book.

Love is protective. Love is honorable. Love is trusting, kind, patient…etc. The list can go on forever. There are so many things that is required to truly say you 'love' someone or something.

If anything, I should be asking her about forgiving me for things that I have done. MOST of that has to do with finances and career choices made by me. I think it put too much pressure on her, as well as the rest of my family. It's not about the money. It's about the personal relationships that were hurt because of me not handling my business correctly. I have time to make that up though… and I am working on it.

If there is anything that I have not forgiven her for that I can say here, it's probably something that is ongoing. I'll think about that today and act on it later.

Today's Questions:

Is there anything that you haven't forgiven your spouse for?

Today's Dare:

Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today. Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well. Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long. Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."

Results:

What did you forgive your spouse for today?
- There really isn't anything to forgive my spouse for. About the only thing I can think of is that she picks up my coffee and other things before I am finished with them. That's about it.
How long have you been carrying the weight of it?
- There isn't a whole lot of 'weight' with this one. If there is any weight at all It's the weight of realizing just how special she really is, and trying to figure out a way to return all the love coming my way.
What are the possibilities now that you've released this matter to God?
- Possibilities are always endless with God.

Really, what I've gotten out of today's message… is that I am truly blessed with a great wife and friend. I will pray for those that may not find themselves in the same position, and hope that they find a way to fix whatever it is that is broken.

Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing. (Luke 23:34)

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Day 24 - Love vs. Lust

2010-11-15T07:00:00.003-05:00

Today's Verse:

The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever. – 1 John 2:17

Today's Message:

I don't think it's a coincidence that we were just talking about this at Half-Time last night. Not directly, but indirectly. We were reading scripture from the daily reading of 'Stand Firm" and the discussion led to men's addictions to porn, sex, and other things of a sexual nature.

I kept trying to drive home to everyone that it wasn't JUST about sex. It's not JUST about porn. It can be about anything.

For example, I am self employed and in my case I spend WAY too much time working on things that my customers will NEVER pay me for. And I'm not just talking about a 'little' bit of time. I'm talking about huge volumes of time.

I keep a record of my hours…I just don't always bill for them. I ran some reports that showed I was working a minimum of 70 hours, and yet my maximum billing for any of those weeks was 23 hours. That means I was either 'addicted' to the work, or addicted to the concept that there would be a monetary reward.

That being said; what I have to determine is exactly what is causing this type of behavior and fix it.

Today's Questions:

What are the things that you REALLY lust after?

Today's Dare:

End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed – today – and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.

Results:

What did you identify as an area of lust?
- Working all the time as a form of escape, or over achieving, or maybe even something else. Some might think that because I work on the Internet it's about porn, but it's not. I think it's trying to be more than I am. It doesn't matter. What I do know is that it has consumed a large part of my life and I need to stop it.
- Food. Yep.. That's right… I over eat. I have to learn how to control it.
What has this pursuit cost you over time?
- I don't know my kids as well as I wish I did. I allowed my time at work to replace time with them. It hurts me to know I allowed this to happen. What hurts the most is that it was for people who didn't appreciate what I was doing for them. All of this effected my relationship with my spouse, although I do think I have worked on this and am well on the way of fixing that.
- Food - just one look at my physique tells the story. Below all this abuse is high cholesterol and a heart attack waiting to happen. The self perception is damaged as well. I can fix this.
How has it led you away from the person you want to be?
- By working too much I didn't pay enough attention to what she wanted. The BAD thing is …the rewards for work never happened. I know the reason for that is because it wasn't FOCUSED work… but now it is… and things are working better.
Write about your new commitment to seek Him 0 and to seek your spouse - rather than seeking after foolish desires.
- Now I am doing my studies, going to church…and being involved with people who understand the limitations that we ALL have. I'm committed to not allowing others to make THEIR unreasonable expectations my unattainable goals.

Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil. (1 Peter 2:16)

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Day 23 - Love Always Protects

2010-11-10T08:56:00.002-05:00

Today's Verse:
[Love] always protects. – 1 Corinthians 13:7 NIV

Today's Message:
Is very powerful and thought provoking. What's ironic about the message is that if you read my response to yesterday's dare… I thought that there were many dares that just didn't seem so challenging. This one on the other hand… is VERY challenging.
When you read through the list of threats in the message there may be one that jumps off the page to you. If there is…then pay close attention to it. If there's not, then take the time to meditate on what threats there may lurking in the shadows concerning the relationship you have with your spouse.
Make no mistake… there are ALWAYS challenges to the relationship. It could be that extra burger and fries that you pound down every day. It could be the magazine that you read about the best vacation places in the world… yet you never take one yourself. It could be your job. It could be your customers. It could be A LOT of things.
Make a list of them. Be aware of them. Make sure you are aware of the damage they can cause. Be very mindful.

Today's Questions:

Is there anything, anyplace, or anyone that is threatening your relationship with your spouse?

Today's Dare:
Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

Results:

What did you throw out first?
- I can't do it all at once, but I am throwing out the concept that I owe everyone in the world some sort of explanation about everything that I do for them on the business side of things. I work in IT. It is not possible to explain to everyone exactly how everything works, or why they broke something by clicking on that little button on the internet that says 'Sexy Kitten Katie is looking for you!" By accepting that kind of responsibility, I have allowed others to damage my ability to provide for my family. I have to stop, stand up, and make sure that I don't allow that to hurt my relationships anymore. It's not acceptable, and not expected by in a true Christian walk. That doesn't mean I shouldn't be charitable… just don't be stupid.
Are there others that need to go as well?
- Yes. And I am working on those. Just this morning my wife asked me if she could put the old TV I've been saying I was going to fix…out by the trash. I told her that would be fine. LOL… 'just let it go'! :-)
What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God?
- I hope that it will allow me to take at least ONE vacation sometime soon. I hope that it will allow me to get a car that we can depend on. I hope that it will allow me to stay current on my house payments. There are a lot of things this will do for my relationships.

You will be restored if you remove unrighteousness far from your tent. (Job 22:23).

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Day 22 - Love is Faithful

2010-11-09T07:36:00.003-05:00

Today's Verse:
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord. – Hosea 2:20

Today's Message:
If you think that you have had it rough to keep your wedding vows… think about Hosea. Gomer was a terrible wife. She left him to have numerous affairs and was simply not an example of what you would want from your spouse. But, because Hosea had unconditional love for her… he stayed the course.
You're not perfect. Most of the time that will be followed with 'and neither is blah blah blah'… but the real message here is for YOU. PERSONALLY. It doesn't really matter what everybody else does. They aren't in charge of what YOU do. You're the one that has to answer to that. You're the one that has to pay the price for your decisions.
You have to decide that, even though you aren't in control of the big picture… you can at least manage those things that you are responsible for. YOUR love for someone is something that YOU are responsible for.
If you've said you were going to love someone 'for better or for worse'… you need to remember the 'worse' part as well.

Today's Questions:

Is there anything in your marriage that has caused you to split from your spouse?
It can be fixed if you believe in the things that brought you together in the first place. Do you?

Today's Dare:
Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

Results:

Why is this kind of love impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? Because it is the kind of unconditional love that Christ showed us when he died on the cross.
How does His presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided? Because it allows you to focus on love, regardless of consequences, rather than love because of reward.

Today's challenge is a lot like many of these challenges that I've gone through. I do them from obedience, but the truth is… I believe my wife and I already have this type of love for each other. Yes, it does help remind me of this… but it's things that we do already. If you are reading this journal…and you haven't been doing these things for your spouse, then you should definitely start. I will have a long lasting effect on your marriage. How do I know this? Because there was a time when we DID NOT do these things. There was a time when I took her an everything around me for granted. Not any more.

I have chosen the faithful way. (Psalm 119:30)

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Day 21 - Love is Satisfied in God

2010-11-03T07:36:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:

The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire. – Isaiah 58:11

Today's Message:

     This is about where you place your trust. What's really GREAT about this lesson, is the way that it fits in EXACTLY with the way my mind is working right now. I was just thinking about the infallibility of God vs the undependability of Man yesterday.

      That statement doesn't mean that you can't depend on your spouse… because you can. However, the truth is your spouse will fail you at some point. Whether it's not fixing your favorite dessert, not spending enough time with you, or not fixing the coffee just exactly the way you want it. Your spouse is human. It's going to happen.

     However, God will never fail you because he is Spiritual. He is…in a sense… above the fray. The things that he battles are not those of the flesh. It's very comforting to focus on the things that REALLY matter, rather than those that will soon pass.

Today's Questions:

Where do you put your trust?
How do you show that trust?

Today's Dare:

Be intentional today about making time to pray and read your Bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one – a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.

Results:

How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective?
- I think it will make me take a look at the underlying causes for some of the things that bother me. I think it will let me relax some and really understand that I'm not in control of anything. Yes, I can control some things…such as how much food I put in my mouth, how much money I spend on something, and how much time I spend with my family vs my work; but I can't really 'control' those things in the much larger view.
- I think it will make me trust in God more. I think sometimes that is a very large part of the battles that I carry on with others. Why should I argue with someone who is obviously not playing under the same rules as I am. Even if I win…they will just change the rules in their favor anyway.
How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?
- I should spend more time in prayer. I should spend more time listening and reading the scripture. I can remember to ask "What does God want me to do?" when it comes to my decision making.

You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing. (Psalm 145:16)

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Day 20 - Love is Jesus Christ

2010-11-02T07:20:00.004-04:00

Today's Verse:
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.Romans 5:6

Today's Message:

     This message is about unconditional love… agape love… or whatever else you choose to call it. It's about trying to comprehend that someone …a long time ago… gave up their life so that you could live.

      At least that is my interpretation of the message. Honestly, these messages confuse me in that they begin by saying 'he loved you even when you didn't love him'. That throws so many questions up about 'how do you know that?" or "what makes you say that? I think I've always believed in and loved a higher power.
      That being said… the questions surrounding this still boil down to exactly how much faith you REALLY have. Is it enough to believe no matter what you might come up against?

I'm going to work very diligently on this change of heart.

Today's Questions:

Are you sure you understand John 3:16?

Today's Dare:

Dare to take God at His Word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace."

Results:

Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?

      After reading this dare, I decided to read another bloggers response to this question. Honestly, it wasn't much help. I've never been one to follow those that express their feelings through crying, wailing, falling on the floor…and all the while having a sort of 'hidden' smirk beneath it all.

       I realize I'm not to judge. I realize I can't read another person's mind… but I don't think we are given the gift of discernment so that we can ignore what it tells us. Sometimes (not always) If you can't tell that someone is telling you a lie…then your discern-a-nator must be broken. I think it's what you DO with that lie that matters.

Anyway, I wound up calling some accountability partners and asking them about this dare. All of them admitted the same thing. Sometimes we get all teary eyed, and sometimes we don't. That's just the way it is.

      I prayed this prayer… I understand it's power… but I am still learning more about it every day.

In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them. (Isaiah 63:9)

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Day 19 - Love is impossible

2010-11-01T06:30:00.004-04:00

Today's Verse:
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God. –I John 4:7

Today's Message:

     This message is a difficult one. Not only to grasp, but to try and live. Honestly, I'm not sure I'm there. Not from the standpoint of my personal relationship with my wife, but my personal relationship with others. (because.. In my mind… that REALLY is what this is about)

     I have customers that don't pay me for my services. It happens all the time. And I know I'm not the only one that this happens to.

     So how do you 'love' them unconditionally? And I know that I'm not perfect myself, but today's society makes it so difficult.

Back on subject though… to love them through Christ, rather than through ourselves.
     That may be the only way to get it through to them what the work means to you.

Today's Questions:

What does agape love really mean?

Today's Dare:

Look back over the dares from the previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you?
Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love?
Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

Results:

What do you believe God is saying to you?
- That I'm not paying attention to many things that can help me. I am good enough. I am smart enough. He doesn't want me to work the kind of hours that I work for ME… but that if I would work those hours for HIM… everything would work out. That's going to be a difficult thing to do from the standpoint of perspective, but I have to work on this.
Is there a stirring in your heart?
- Yes… but there's always a stirring in my heart. People in general are a tremendous disappointment to me. I put too much of my faith in them, instead of where it should be.
What decision have you made in response to that?
- I'm going to work on my perspectives of who I work for and why. They might argue with me, but God will not allow them to argue with him.

This is impossible, but with God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)

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Day 18 - Love Seeks to Understand

2010-10-29T08:34:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:

How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding. – Proverbs 3:13

Today's Message:

It's the question everybody asks everyday they are on earth. If you're breathing, and if you care about others… especially your spouse… you want to know 'What does "fill in the blank' really want.

According to the message today, the way to get that answered may be easier than you think. Just ask them. But ask them in an environment of trust and relaxation. If you scream at the top of your lungs "What do you want from me?", you'll get a different reaction that you will if you ask them during some personal down time.

Today's Questions:

Do you know his or her greatest hopes and dreams?
Do you fully understand how they prefer to give and receive love?
Do you know what your spouse's greatest fears are and why they struggle with them?

Today's Dare:

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

Results:

What did you learn about your spouse today that you didn't know before?
- This was simply not possible to do today. There were other plans, work schedules, and organizational things that couldn't be moved. I did stop by and get her some more of those chocolate cashews I've mentioned in another post. That went well.
How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times?
- I'm going to have that dinner at another date, to be determined during my daily planning session.
What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?

Acquire wisdom; and with all your acquiring, get understanding. (Proverbs 4:7)

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Day 17 - Love Promotes Intimacy

2010-10-28T07:54:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. – Proverbs 17:9 NIV

Today's Message:

It's about trust. It's about not being judgmental. It's about not telling everyone in the world about your spouses imperfections while trusting them to hide yours. It's about loving your spouse even though they aren't perfect. It's about realizing your imperfections haven't barred you from being loved. It's about feeling safe and warm. It's even deeper than what Robert DiNiro referred to in 'Meet The Parents' as 'that circle of trust'. It's just between the two of you.

I realize when I go over this lesson how many times I have broken that trust. I don't think I did it viciously, but it's impossible to tell how she may have taken it. It could have been the simplest thing. It may have been telling someone about the dinner she made last night. It could be about the way she drives. It could be anything that causes distrust in your spouse.

Don't do it. If you've done it, then apologize and ask for forgiveness. If you're not sure that you've done it… then apologize and ask for forgiveness.

Today's Questions:

Have you ever done anything that would cause your spouse to distrust you?

Today's Dare:

Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.

Results:

How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise ?
- It's not that easy for me, but it is getting easier. Just by paying attention to the things in this Dare has made me more considerate of the things that I might blurt out about her (and others). It may not always appear to work on the OUTSIDE.. .but on the INSIDE…it is churning away.
What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
- That she is working on ways to help me….even when I don't know about it. The things that she mentioned today were eye openers. I'm going to keep listening.

I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine. (Song of Solomon 6:3)

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Day 16 - Love Intercedes

2010-10-27T09:19:00.003-04:00

Today's Verse:

Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers. – 3 John 2

Today's Message:

This message is about praying for your spouse. If you don't pray for your spouse, who will? If your spouse doesn't pray for you… who will?

Prayer brings things to the front. It brings them into the conscience where most people can start acknowledging whatever it is that they are praying about exists. I'm not a psychologist, but I believe that is the way it works. We focus on what we think about. Find our treasure, find our heart. That sort of thing.

So by praying for your spouse, you are more aware of the things that you would like to see in your spouse.

The problem with this dare for me is that I KNOW my heart needs more help than my spouse's. I'm married above my stature. I'm over married. I'm fortunate to have her as my wife. Any other woman would have given up on me by now.

Today's Questions:

Do you feel like giving up on your marriage? Jesus said to pray instead of quitting (Luke 18:1).
Are you stressed out and worried? Prayer can bring peace to your storms (Philippians 4:6-7)
Do you need a major breakthrough? Prayer can make the difference (Acts 12:1-7).
Has your scolding or nagging been working?

Today's Dare:

Begin Praying for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

Results:

Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past?
- Yes.
What did you choose to pray about?
- Personal
Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
- Praying isn't foreign to me. Praying for my wife isn't foreign to me…. But praying for her heart is. I think she has a wonderful heart. But, I do believe in obedience, so I will continue to add this to my prayers.

If anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He listens to him (John 9:31).

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Day 15 - Love is Honorable

2010-10-26T07:03:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:
Live with your wives in an understanding way … and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. – 1 Peter 3:7

Today's Message:
Is about respecting your spouse. No matter what.
Sometimes, it may not be easy, but it is the way to effective communication with them, and effective communication will improve any relationship.
What I read and related to was about paying attention to your spouse. Stop watching TV. Stop 'Facebooking', and stop staring at them with a blank expression while they are talking to you.
Stop listening only to the surface message, but start listening to them with greater attention to what they are telling you. It's important to understand the person that you are going to spend the rest of your life with. They might be telling you the one thing that can make EVERYthing better…for both of you.
I'll have to brag a little here though and admit…. I started listening better to her several years ago. It really does work.

Today's Questions:

Are the things you do honoring your spouse, or appeasing them?

Today's Dare:
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

Results:

How did you choose to show Honor?
- We ALWAYS go to lunch together on Monday. Usually, she pays the bill from our 'joint' card. Today, I paid for lunch. And when she called to pick her up at work, I went personally and got there early. I didn't send my son, I didn't leave 10 minutes later… I just got up and went.
What was the result?
- She was surprised by both actions. Big smiles..hugs all around!
What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
- I hope that I can get some of my finance back together by the time our 28th anniversary comes up…next week.

I will also honor them and they will not be insignificant. (Jeremiah 30:19)

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Day 14 - Love Takes Delight

2010-10-25T07:28:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life. – Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB

Today's Message:
Well, I work too much. I work even when I'm not at work. I work regardless of anything else that is going on… I work. I have customers that for some strange reason think it's ok for them to call me, on a Saturday/Sunday and just start up with questions about computers?
Why? Because I chose to let them do that to me. It wasn't their choice. It was one that I made for them.
I did it because I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I did it because I was trying to help them. What I was actually doing was enabling them to take large chunks of my life and make them joyless. I allowed them to do it. They couldn't have done it had I not let them.
I did it because I didn't spend enough time with my spouse. I didn't look for the fun that we had before I turned into whatever it is that I am now.
So today's message is about taking just a little bit of time to spend with her, doing whatever it is that she wants to do… so that we can find that happy place again. Today's message is about NOT working so much that I don't spend time doing something she likes. Even if it's just for one day….
That's where I'm going.

Today's Questions:

Where is your treasure?

Today's Dare:
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just to be together.

Results:

What did you decide to give up?
- Watching football while working on the computer. I didn't do it. It wasn't as hard as I thought it might be.
What did you do together?
- Nothing out of the ordinary…although I did ask if there was anything that she wanted to do. There were a lot of reasons that we didn't, most of them about money… we simply didn't have any.
How did it go?
- See above. We did have an enjoyable day though. Went to bed early… no fussing… no issues.
What new thing did you learn (or relearn) about your spouse?
- She's pretty much content about where we are at. There are things that she probably needs or wants, but she never complains about not having them. I on the other hand think about them constantly, and realize I need to work toward fixing what's wrong here. It doesn't have to do with my wife… it has to do with the choices I made concerning careers, and how I've allowed others to take advantage of me. That's the part I really thought a lot about yesterday. How those choices to serve others have affected my families life…and her's in particular.

Give me your heart … and let your eyes delight in my ways. (Proverbs 23:26)

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Day 13 - Love Fights Fair

2010-10-24T08:48:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:

If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. – Mark 3:25

Today's Message: Is about agreeing BEFORE IT HAPPENS on the ground rules of any disagreements that you may have. The examples given had to do with 'not going to bed angry', or 'never mention divorce' and 'don't bring up things in the past'. All of these are good ground rules, but they may not be the ones that you (as a couple) will need. Yours can be 'don't talk about how often he goes golfing' or 'how many pairs of shoes does she need'. And that's IF you can get your spouse to agree to them.

If you can't…then make up your own. You probably need to do this anyway. That way when (not IF) it happens, at least YOU will know that you are keeping within the boundaries of what you consider a fair way of settling disagreements. Just remember… to REMEMBER them when it happens.

Today's Questions:

When you are in a disagreement with your spouse, do you fight fairly?
Do you bring up the past, or do you focus on what today's disagreement is about?

Today's Dare:

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

Results:

If your spouse participated with you , what was their response?
- We don't really argue a whole bunch. Both of us agreed on that. However, we did come up with some rules… see below.
What rules did you write for your self?
- I have to learn how to not be so 'flame mouthed' as she calls it. When I get angry…really really angry… I dispense language that is not very nice. REALLY not very nice. I have to curb that.
- She has to learn how to just 'drop it'. Rather than walking around for an hour and coming back to say 'and another thing'. She needs to make sure that it really IS 'another' thing, and not just the 'same old thing' using different words.
- I also have to learn how to not be so 'obnoxious' during those times. I'm the kind of person that will say 'I know what you are, but what am I.' during those times.

Be of the same mind toward one another. (Romans 12:16)

Day 12 - Love Lets the Other Win

2010-10-23T08:45:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse: Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests others. – Philippians 2:4

Today's Message:

Is about allowing yourself to 'lose' so that you can 'win'. It may not seem to make sense at first, but if you think about it… it's genius.

I don't know how many times we've had disagreements. Obviously, none of them were so important that it caused an unmendable tear in our relationship though. So, what that means is.. .even though I lost some discussions, and she lost some discussions… we're still here. At this point, I can't really tell you what any of those disagreements were about. That's how trivial they really were in the long run.

So, I need to pick something out (I'm going to read this journal to find it) and then.. Just let her win. Doesn't matter what it is… it doesn't really matter anyway. What matters is that I'm willing to bend.

Today's Questions:

Are you willing to bend to demonstrate love to your spouse?
Or are you refusing to give in because of pride?

If it doesn't matter in the long run – especially in eternity – then give up your rights and choose to honor the one you love. It will be good for you and good for your marriage.

Today's Dare:

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.

Results:

What issue did you choose?
- Honestly, there isn't one. I even asked her if there was anything that she could think of that we had disagreed on that she felt like we needed to revisit. There wasn't. And we didn't have any disagreements yesterday, so there wasn't anything to actually use this dare on. I'll keep this in the back of my head though.
What did giving in cost you?
- Nothing…. Since I didn't have an issue with it. I'll revisit this when it happens.
How will this help you in the future?
- I already know that there is a disagreement coming up that I can just smile and say 'ok honey… you win!" That will definitely help me out in the future.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. (Romans 12:18)

Day 11 - Love Cherishes

2010-10-22T05:23:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. – Ephesians 5:28

Today's Message:
When you get married, you should take on the responsibility for your spouse's well being. This doesn't mean in a 'selective' way. You have to take on the whole package. Just because you don't like the way that they chew their food, doesn't mean you don't have to eat with them. You do have to eat with them. You made that decision when you said " I do." For better, or for worse….that's the person you've decided to become one with.
You wouldn't take a hammer and hit yourself in the foot with it. So why take abusive actions and hit your spouse with them.
So something nice for her/him today. That's the message.

Today's Questions:

Are included in the dare.

Today's Dare:
What need does your spouse have that could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

Results:

What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate?
- I met a client at Starbucks. When I got ready to leave, I stopped and got her a cheese danish. When I got to her work place, she made a statement that let me know she didn't have any coffee. So I went back to the truck, got her my coffee…and gave that to her.
What did you learn from this experience?
- It's just coffee. There's more of it in the world. That small gesture made me feel good about not being so possessive about everything.

Answering him, Jesus said, "What do you want Me to do for you?" (Mark 10:51)

Day 10 - Love is Unconditional

2010-10-21T06:17:00.002-04:00

Today's Verse:

God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ dies for us. – Romans 5:8

Today's Message: To love unconditionally. Not because of what someone can do for you, or what they can give you, but because you choose to love them. Truthfully, you have to choose to love them, regardless of whether they choose to love you back.

The type of love they are describing is not 'friendship' or 'erotic' love…but what is called 'Agape' love. The active choosing or deciding to love someone, or something …regardless of their condition. The author emphasizes the

Today's Questions:

Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your commitment?
How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?

Today's Dare:

Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse --- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.

Results: It's really not that unusual for me to do something 'out of the ordinary'. In fact, I'd say that 'ordinarily', I do things exactly as described in today's message. But, since I had to make a conscious decision to do this… I chose to make breakfast for her yesterday morning. She loved it, I loved it…and it started the day off together perfectly.

The result is, I'm considering making her breakfast EVERY morning now :-)

He who trusts in the Lord, loving kindness shall surround him. (Psalm 32:10)

Day 9 - Love Makes Good Impressions

2010-10-20T08:53:00.004-04:00

Today's Verse: Greet one another with a kiss of love. – 1 Peter 5:14

Today's Message:

There is a lot to this message. It has to do with first impressions (although you've known your spouse for years). It has to do with being supportive. Affirmation, self worth, and a whole lot of other things that can strengthen a relationship.

After being married for(ever) XX years, we take each other for granted. Sometimes that warm fuzzy feeling that you had when you were courting, turns into a hot and irritable feeling. Remembering things that you should have forgotten a long time ago on first sight… will have a different effect that thinking of how new and fun this new time that you are going to spend with each other. That is one of the points of this message.

Each time you see each other is a chance to talk about things that have happened, things you've experienced, and share. Don't start it out on a sour note. Start it out positive.

Today's Questions:

o Think about your greeting.

• Do you use it well?

• Does your spouse feel valued and appreciated?

• Do they feel loved?

Even when you’re not getting along too well, you can lessen the tension and give them value by the way you greet them.

Today's Dare:

Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them

Results:

o When and where did you choose to do your special greeting?

• I chose a very simple approach of calling her Sweetheart, Shnog, and Honey every time I saw her, and chose to ask her if there was anything that I could do for her. The results were smiles all day.

o How will you change your greeting from this point on?

• Well, I've pretty much been doing this for a long time now, but I will try to do it with more enthusiasm. This definitely works. It puts you both of you in a positive mood from the minute you see each other.

For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love. (Philemon 7)