This article is not about rejection on a date or rejection for a job application, but for people who are in a long lasting relationship.

Have you ever been rejected? Hurts doesn’t it? Yeah it really hurts when it happens, but most are taking it far to lightly. A simple rejection can destroy all trust built up between you and it doesn’t matter how big your wallet is or how big your heart is. Let me tell you a story:

I have been rejected numerous times, but for me, it’s a part of life. Some things works and some things don’t. I get over it pretty quickly. This is important, people are different. When I have rejected someone I love and that person really feels the betrayal, I am quite shocked at first, but then I realize the major mistake I have made. A lot of trust that I have built up could be gone in an instant. That is the danger and power of rejection.

So what should we do? Should we just accept everything? Should we always agree and never disagree? Of course not, but there are ways to limit the blow so to speak. Here’s a scenario, you are working on your latest project and your partner is working on his or her schoolwork:

* Honey, can you help me with the schoolwork?
- Uh, I’m a little busy here. Can I Work?

FAILURE!

You might not even realize it, but what you have unleashed is a snowball that keeps on rolling. If that person can’t handle rejected as well as you can, then you both are in trouble. It might seem like a small thing to you, but this is huge. A rejection like this can hurt really bad and make you out to be a bad person even though you are not. Here’s what you should do instead:

* Honey, can you help me with the schoolwork?
- Sure honey! I’d love to! Just finishing up here. Can we do it in about 5-10 minutes?

This is an honest question. You can argue that the first one was a question too, but the devil is in the details. In the beginning you open up with a massive confirmation. You would LOVE to help. This alone makes a huge difference and makes your partner feel like you really care for him or her. In 99% of cases I bet the answer would be:

* Great! Take all the time you need honey, I will be here waiting.

Then all is smiles and happiness. If you did a massive rejection like the first scenario, then it would be a blow that could be very hard to recover from. I have done this myself sometimes without thinking and I still feel guilt and pain from it so be respectful to the one you love and never ever reject that person. This is a person whom you love and care deeply for, a person who rely on you to be a loving and caring person.

I hope you have learned a thing or two about rejection and how to proper formulate an answer. Always open up with a massive confirmation, this is the key, no matter what it is. Even if it pains you to say yes, just do it anyway and the rewards will be many. Like I said before you don’t need to agree with everything, but this is not the issue here. Always confirm, then you can ask a question whether it will be appropriate to do it a little later.

What do you think of rejection? Answer in the comments section below.

Love, movies, love and movies. They go well together don’t they? From cheesy pickup lines to epic love.  I love a great love story and these 15 songs that I have selected for this year’s valentine special.

I dedicate these gifts of love to my wonderful wife Kei and to all the love out there. Enjoy!

Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You

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The Bodyguard (1992)

Richard Marx & Donna Lewis – At The Beginning

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Anastasia (1997)

Phil Collins – Against All Odds

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Against All Odds (1984)

Berlin – Take My Breath Away

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Top Gun (1986)

Righteous Brothers – Unchained Melody

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Ghost (1990)

Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes – I’ve Had The Time of my Life

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Dirty Dancing (1987)

Maria McKee – Show Me Heaven

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Days of Thunder (1990)

Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On

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Titanic (1997)

Joe Cocker & Jennifer Warnes – Up Where We Belong

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An Officer and a Gentleman (1982)

Bruce Springsteen – Secret Garden

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Jerry Maguire (1996)

Aerosmith – I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing

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Armageddon (1998)

Bryan Adams – (Everything I Do) I do it for you

Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991)

Peter Cetera – The Glory of Love

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The Karate Kid, Part II (1986)

Bette Middler – Wind Beneath My Wings

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Beaches (1988)

Roxette – It Must Have Been Love

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Pretty Woman (1990)

Happy Valentine from us to you.

Wishing you all the best in life and love.

Enjoy this love song from Marc Anthony – My Baby You.

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Why do we laugh, or more importantly how do we laugh? We laugh when we are having fun, and fun, ladies and gentlemen is where we all want to be in a relationship. Just because you have 7 children and up to your neck in bills and stress doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t have fun. The problem is that we can’t see past the seriousness of our own life. Yes life is a serious matter, but the trivialities of life have a tendency to keep you trapped inside an endless loop of seriousness.

Laughing has been a proven medicine for centuries and like the saying goes: You laugh, you live longer. I want to change it to: You laugh, you love longer. Me and my wife are 32 and 28, but sometimes we act like we are 15. We joke around and laugh with each other a lot and I wonder if we’re the only ones doing that. The answer is that we aren’t. I observe other people and their relationship and the ones that are going well are usually filled with laughter. The ones that are miserable look that way… miserable. Laugh a little! Live a little! How do you keep it light and funny in your relationship?

1. Don’t take yourself so serious!

A lot of people get easily offended these days. It doesn’t take much to piss these people off and it’s a certain sign that they are way to serious about themselves. You can have a plan for life and be responsible, but I don’t see why that should stop you from laughing and be self-conscious about it. Life is too short and that’s why you should mix your well-ordered life with laughter and joy.

2. Make it a point to laugh.

I had a period in my life where I was too serious and had trouble laughing. I became aware of this through friends and I made a conscious decision to let myself laugh more. The way I did it was to order myself to watch at least one Seinfeld episode every day and nothing gets me laughing more than Seinfeld (except for my beautiful and funny wife of course). Take certain steps to start laughing more, whether that means watching funny videos on YouTube or talking to your funniest friends, do it today!

3. If you can’t laugh, smile.

Every bit of laughter starts with a smile. Well maybe not, but it’s incredible how a smile can change your situation into a more pleasant experience. As silly as it may sound, look at yourself in the mirror, make funny faces and smile. It will surely tickle your funny bone and you will feel a lot better. If you do this every day, you will feel much better and smiling becomes natural to you. Yes, you can forget how to smile, I did once, but now I can’t stop smiling and laughing together with my wife.

I love being able to smile and laugh with my wife and I know she does too. I’m one hundred percent sure that it’s a recipe for a long lasting and fun relationship. We have had our share of bad surprises in life, but we find a way to get through it all with a little laughter and a lot of love.

Try it today with your partner; try to smile, and then laugh. Make silly jokes, even if it means that your partner looks at you funny. It’s happening to me all the time, but it’s a funny thing, it’s with love. Sometimes I do silly things, I can burst into song at any moment, make up silly rhymes. My wife looks at me with a funny look like she’s wondering what happened to me. I can see that inside she is laughing and I am laughing too.

Live, laugh, love!

photo by Keiya Tillnes

I found some cases with people who married without love, Now the marriage is almost 5 years old and some couples already had a child. They told me that they were not happy, some of them said they felt suffering with this situation and wish they had a second chance to go back in time that they decided to accept that marriage and said NO.

But why, what exactly happens? What makes them brave enough to gamble with their love and feelings? It is like “Ok, let’s try and see, maybe later I can love you, yeah who knows, at least i can learn to love you, but if its not, hmmm we will see what we can do later”

There are so many reasons that makes people feel trapped when they decide to get married even there’s no love in their hearts. Some things that i found out are:

1. Family: This is the biggest reason that i found why people get married without love. Your family likes that person, they think that man or woman is the best for you, your family and that persons family has a close relationship, your family push you to marry him, but that is your family not you! Something that we have to realize here is that it’s not our family who will be married with that man or woman, not them who will spend every day together with that man or woman for the rest of their lives, sleep in the same bed, sharing a home and life together but us. What i think about this situation is that you can listen to your family of course, I believe they want the best for you, but you should not just accept this. At least ask the time to know that person better first, see if you have chemistry or not and after you try to be close and know them better, but you found that you haven’t any interest or feelings for that person, tell your family. I know that in some cultures or countries it is really hard to speak loudly about what we want, the family is too dominant and take the freedom. But remember that no one have the right or claim to your happiness, we are the creator of our own life and happiness. What i am saying here is please do not gamble with your love and happiness. it is so great if finally you can love that person during in time, but what if it’s not? will you be ready to spend your days with regret?

2. Age: Another strong reason is age and it is mostly happens with women in some countries and cultures. They think that they are not so young anymore and make the decision to get married just for status and to avoid the negative thoughts and perception from the people you know. I know age is big issue for some people but that does not mean you just pick up someone and then get married with them without thinking about your own feelings. I have an example here. There is a man, he is almost 40 years old and he is falling in love with some girl. The problem is that girl is younger than him. She is not even 15 years old and in the woman is clearly not ready to get married. That man can’t wait that long to get married and his family also started to push him because they think he is to old to be a single man. Finally, he chose one girl that want and is ready to get married with him. What happens next? Now even he is already married, he could not forget his girl, the one that he loves. He could not push her away from his mind and it makes him feel suffering and unhappiness. He knows he made a mistake, because now he is a married man, but he could not help it and wish he could turn back time.

3. Low self confidence: Some people think they don’t deserve to get happiness, don’t deserve to get the man or woman that they want, for them it is too good to be true if there’s someone who wants to be with them and marry them.

whatever the reasons are, i think it is to risky to put your whole life in the uncertain situation in the future. The most important thing that we have to know here is our self is deserve to get a happiness, love yourself, appreciate and respect your freewill and dream. life is to short to fulfill with regret because you made a wrong decision. But if you already made it, all is come back to you now, especially when you already had children. Instead that cried and regret your life, think positive and grateful for whatever you had now. You can do a lot of positive activities and share your love to all people who need it. When you give more love, you will get more too.

Lets share with us about this topic will love grow in time? we glad to hear your thought and comment :

I really hope all people will get the happiness in this life.

I recently read in a Welsh newspaper about a man, Brian Lewis, is charged with murder of his wife Hayley Jones. The reason? She flirted on Facebook (allegedly). Seriously, is this what the world has come to? Apparently she was chatting up men on Facebook and the father of four strangled her to death. The stresser in this situation was that she put her status to “single”

This is not the only case of net jealousy that ends badly, but it’s a grim example. There’s obviously a lot more to it than the newspapers say, but as sick as it is, I can see it happen. I know someone who has a husband that flirts online and when he got caught he simply said: “Hey, it’s just the internet, it’s not real!” Well excuse me, but the emotions it stirs is real, very real. Some people are more jealous than others, and as proven here, it can end in murder.

Anyway, this was just a rant from your normally patient patron. Keep it safe kids!

photo by Keiya Tillnes

But how about sharing dreams? have you ever thought about sharing dreams together too? you share your hopes, your goals, and in the same time you wan’t them to do the same thing to you. Having dreams is very important for me, i can see my future in every dream that i have, my goal, my purpose  and it makes my life meaningful.

When i got married, it doesn’t mean that i stop my dreams. luckily i have a husband who always support me and believe in me.  And i think i’m a greedy wife, I not only try to fulfill my dream, I also  try to fulfill my husband dreams too. making his dreams become mine.

One of his biggest dreams is to become an author. he wants to see his book that he wrote in the book store, read by many people and can share inspiration to others through it. And yes he already wrote his draft in that time. the problem is he never move to the next step, to finish it and then publish the book. And i said to my self, “Hei, why not do some thing, why not make it come true?  you can do it, don’t you wan to see your husband happy and proud when he finally get what he dreaming of?”

In that time, i still live separately with my husband. I’m still in Jakarta and he is in Norway. Suddenly everything just start, i met people who can help me to produce this book. I contacted my husband and tell him. “Love, I want to publish your book in here, in Jakarta” First time he was not believe what i said, how could i suddenly tell something about publishing his book. but i said to him ” i’m serious, and i need you to support me”, finally he said “ok,  i believe in you, make it come true, love. I will help you anytime you need it”. i still remember all the process was very short. first i had to set up a new publishing company and we decided to use the name Lestari Publisher. while he works with his final draft, i’m starting to look for the paper, printing service and made a production plan. I decided to keep his book still in english version even i published it in indonesia and thats a part of this dream, to make his book can be spread to another country.

After 3 weeks of crazy work, because we don’t have enough people, only me, my friend that become my partner and my brother who help me, we finished the book and made 3000 copies of the first edition. And before i fly to norway i still need to do one thing,  and that’s to launch it. I choose a small donut cafe called J´co donut in Jakarta as an event place, i invited my close friends and relatives. In that launch i said to all people who came and support us, that i feel very grateful and precious because i can feel the most wonderful feeling when i accomplish one of my husband dream. Without realizing it, I made my husband dream become my dream, and i know if my husband is on that place, standing beside me, he will be proud of himself like i am really proud of him.

Couple of hours after the book launched, i fly to Norway to be back together again with my lovely man. I arrived on August 8th, 2009, our 1st wedding anniversary day and i’m not coming with empty hands. I dedicated that book as a wedding anniversary gift to him.

Now we are still working to spread this book to everywhere and we really hope our love energy can be connected and felt by all the people who buy our book.

It’s a wonderful memory that we will share with our future children, i wan’t my children to see their father’s book and with pride say “that’s my daddy’s book, he wrote it”

click www.fallenearthangelsreborn.com to see the official website from my husband book Feel free to visit and leave your comment or get interactive with him.

I believe that nothing is impossible and impossible is nothing, as long as you have faith, you believe in your self, you can pass all burdens to achieve your goal.

Hope everybody can fulfill the dreams in your hearts.

Another day, another week. Realized or not, we consumed our life time day by day. It become shorter in every minutes. The question are ; Had we found the meaning of our life? Had we love enough?

Remember, we never know when or how we will leave this world. When that thought came to my mind this morning, i told to my self that i don´t wan to have any regrets. I want to spend my whole life time for people that i love, i want to share my happiness with them. I wan to love more, i wan to giving more.

Hope all people that watch this video can find the true meaning of our life  and find the answer, for whom do we live?

Have a wonderful day. Keep smile and love.

VIDEO INSPIRATIONAL OF THE WEEK

For whom do we live video is a touching commercial ads from insurance company in Thailand.

Hi all,
Very glad to write again after busy months to prepare all things that i need to follow my lovely man to his country. Yup.. i leave my country to be with him. Yes, its a bit sad to leave my family, friends and things that i love in Jakarta, the city that i live for 28 years my life.

So after almost 22 hours duration flew from Jakarta to Tromsø and transit in 3 places, Singapore, Frankfurt and Oslo, finally i landed in city where my husband born and live. I still remember when i was out from the plane and walk to the baggage claimed. I saw a man, the one that always full my mind, my dream and my heart, a man who for almost one year separated from me physically, now in front of me, open his arms for me and hold me tight.. oh God, it´s so good can kiss and hug him again.

And now, here i am, from the busy and crowded place in Jakarta, the capital city of Indonesia, move to quite and peace place in Tromsø, Norway. So many things to adapt. different taste of food, cold weather, unfamiliar language and culture, but the hardest part is waiting until my permanent resident to be approved. It´s so boring, because in that waiting period, I´m not allowed to work, to take norwegian languange course, or even to travel outside Norway, hffff….I think i really need activities to kill my time.  I mean what can be worst than that? at least i have more time now to do my writing hobbies and the best part is I´m here, live together with my husband as a normal husband and wife life. (sounds like our libefore bit unnormal ;p). I really happy because of that and i mean it. i know there will be so much things that i need to face in the future, but i´m not affraid, i have him now beside me who always suport and believe me.

You know what amazing is? First I´m so worried that my visa will not granted by Norwegian embassy in Jakarta, so many things makes me feel uncertain. even my husband call them almost twice a week to make sure that we can get visa for me (we apply for D visa so i can come and wait my permanent resident in Norway). It´s said that mostly their reject D visa application and only very special case can be approved. We do everything best that we can do, we pray a lot, asking a lot and my husband even sent letters to the embassy and tell them in the end of his letter “please give love a chance” (oh, can you imagine live so far away from your husband for so long? its tough)

Finally, love once again prove the power, i got my visa and come to the place where i should belong, at my husband side. So no matter how hard the situation it is, remember,  love will leads you back.

Hope everybody have a lovely day

happy-family

When I was 20 years old, I never thought about having a family on my own. Even when I was 25 I didn’t feel that it was a necessary thing, it was something I could do without. I thought about one of my uncle who never had a family, never had a wife, never had children. I said to myself that he’s doing alright, he has a lot of money because he can spend it all on himself. It’s a selfish life, but it didn’t seem so bad.

I didn’t know what love was back then, and I didn’t know what it could do to me. I never knew how good it felt waking up next to the one you love, just smiling at each other. I never knew how wonderful life could be if someone was there to listen to me talk, really listen. I didn’t know that loving someone so much would feel so good and the even better feeling of being loved. My wife truly loves me and I didn’t choose that. That part is out of my control, but being without control never felt so good. What I can control is choosing to have a family I can be proud of, that can make me happy.

Family is a wonderful choice to make, but back before I had any family of my own, I thought I was king of the world, I thought that was as happy as I could be. There’s nothing better to realize that there’s more out there, more happiness. I love my wife so much and she loves me back, what can be more wonderful than that? One day, we will choose to have children who will make their own choices. They will grow up and create their own stories and opinions of happiness.

There’s so many fates out there and a lot will make bad choices, but many will make great ones. I wish that everyone who chooses family will never regret to have made that choice. I know I don’t.

What choices will you make?