Happy Mom Day

2025-06-25T18:41:00.001-05:00

This was written in 2022 but still rings true and as I re-read it today I wanted it somewhere other than just on Facebook.

I had a good cry this morning when I wrote the date and then I ended up long journaling and chatting with my Father for a while. My first thought when I wrote the date was: ambiguous loss. Ambiguous loss is a loss that is now and not yet. Ambiguous loss sucks.

June 24, the date these two beautiful ladies made their appearances (5 years apart), has been "Mom Day" for us for all of our lives technically. Now this date carries sadness with the joy (if you've seen Inside Out or if you've been alive very long you likely know this is almost always true).

I was 22 when my mom (left) went into the hospital for a surgery that didn't end well leaving her in the health care system for the rest of her life. In so many ways I lost her that day though she didn't actually die until I was 24. That was my first real taste of ambiguous loss.

The dear lady on the right became my "mom-in-love" when I was 21, nearly 23 years ago. We have been losing her gradually for the last 7 or so years due to early onset dementia. It's hard.

I can distinctly remember the last actual conversation I had with my mom. In fact, I was on my MIL's bedroom phone while we were visiting them for Glenn's brother's graduation, a couple days before her surgery. I have no idea when I had my last actual conversation with my mom-in-love. It hurts. Sometimes appropriate words come out of her mouth. One night when they were visiting over Christmas I cried when I went to bed because when I gave her a hug and said, "good night, mom, I love you," she replied with "I love you too." She even kind of sang me happy birthday on Sunday even though she got lost after the first couple of lines. I miss her. She's still alive but, oh, how I miss her. Ambiguous loss is complicated.

I'm so proud of my dads who are such examples to me of selfless love. My dad visited my mom every day for those 20+ months, spending time reading to her and talking to her even though it was only ever a one sided conversation and he was battling his own health struggles. And my dad-in-love? Wow. He has been so amazing as he has tenderly cared for his wife, being her caregiver as he has gradually lost more and more of her.

Thinking about ambiguous loss this morning prompted me to go and find a podcast to learn more about it and I found a conversation with the lady who coined the term on On Being. I appreciated her stories of working with all kinds of people and how she's learned that suffering is part of life and grief isn't something you get over but something you learn to live with. It was interesting to hear that the "stages of grief" were actually created for the dying person, not the person who lost someone or something and, at the end of her life as their creator was dying, she decided they weren't actually true. Grief isn't linear. It's messy.

I've found that to be true. Grief is messy but the suffering I have experienced has made me who I am today. I can now better understand and walk alongside others who suffer and comfort them and point them to Jesus because the Spirit has comforted me.

We've all experienced a lot of loss of all kinds. If you are struggling with a loss, ambiguous or otherwise, and want a listening ear send me a message and we'll put a time on the calendar to chat.

Happy birthday, Moms. I'm so glad you have been a part of my life.

https://onbeing.org/programs/pauline-boss-navigating-loss-without-closure/#transcript

Finding Peace in the Psalms in an Election Year

2024-09-21T00:46:00.002-05:00

TLDR: engage in the Psalms to help you get through election season

How are you handling this election season?

I've noticed a lot of anxiety and anger and other-ing online about the upcoming election. It has broken my heart and saddened me when I read de-humanizing things and see people re-posting things to “other” people who are made in God’s image and deeply loved by Him. I have been contemplating how I should approach this election with both a deep trust in God's goodness and a desire to love others well.

Recently I was listening to The Practice Church podcast and this month they are doing an experiment in politics. Through the sermon we were encouraged to examine our own political activity, explore our political triggers, imagine the life that is possible with a kingdom-centered vision, design our experiment (decide what to refrain from doing and what to make time to do), and commit to the experiment and make a plan to track it.

After talking to God about it I decided that, to help me keep a kingdom perspective, I want to modify my normal practice. In the past to prepare my heart for upcoming changes that I know the date for (our wedding, moves, the start or end date of various seasons) I have often done a Psalm countdown, reading backwards through my favorite songbook. It is a great centering practice to help me acknowledge my emotions and keep my focus on Truth. I’ve been “soaking in the Psalms” for 4.5 years since I started my initial Psalm countdown to leaving West Africa back in February of 2020. That countdown, of course, was adjusted and prolonged a couple of times with closed airports and canceled flights. When I got to the States I didn’t know what to do after being in the Psalms for ten months so I started a Psalm countup and I’m on my tenth pass through the Psalms since returning to the US. I love the Psalms because they are so real. The laments. The words of hope in the darkness. The challenges not to fear. The reassurance that God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. God’s heart for the needy and oppressed. I have needed those words when I had no words in the many dark days we’ve had over the last 1400+ days. The Psalms have been my home, my solace in the darkness and unknown. I decided to start a Psalm countdown to the election to add to my countup and I loved reading Psalm 56 that morning. “When I am afraid I will put my trust in You… What can mere man do to me?... You have taken account of my wandering; Put my tears in Your bottle…This I know, that God is for me...” Oh, so good. I love it. What. Great way to start! Today my countdown took me to Psalm 46 again and I read it to H with joy, “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though [all kinds of bad things happen]… Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.” What a great perspective amidst unsettling world events.

I recently read Psalm 37 and noted that in previous passes I had written “election 2020/return to the US” and “election 2024.” It’s a great reminder not to fear, that the wicked will not always win and an encouragement of how to live well in troubled times in this world that is not our ultimate home - delighting in Him, resting in Him, being patient and humble, gracious and generous, doing good and being a person of peace because we take refuge in Him, knowing His timeline is not mine. This Psalm keeps coming up in my heart and so I’ve also decided to try to memorize it before the election. It’s 40 verses though so we’ll see. As I was working on verse 3: “Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness.” It reminded me of Jeremiah 29 where the people in exile in Babylon are encouraged to build houses, plant gardens, get married and have kids, and seek the welfare of the city where God had sent them. I often feel like I am in exile here, not where I thought I would be at this stage, feeling like a foreigner in this confusing place we’ve returned to, and God has used both of these passages to challenge me to be fully present and invest in the people and place where I live for however long He has me here.

I have also decided to avoid politics as much as I am able on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday and to severely limit the amount of time I spend reading or listening to political things on MWF. I want to choose news sources that encourage me to trust God and to love God and others (my neighbor and my enemy) well. I also want to put off anger and fear and to approach everything with hope, curiosity and a willingness to be a learner and to change.

It’s been over a week and I am so thankful for the work that God has done in my heart and the hope He has given me through these practices of addition of time in the Psalms and subtraction of time wasted online.

So, what are you doing to order your heart this election season? Is there anything you’d like to add or stop during these next few weeks? I encourage you to take some time and think about it. If you'd like to try the experiment there are some really great questions to help you at this link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1hL8kqRYgYvDPSWPrqW-ME2ddWllheXrR/view?usp=drivesdk

The rest of the Practice resources are available here: https://thepracticechurch.com/2024/09/the-liturgy-of-politics-2/

The Maas Update

Happy Mom Day

Finding Peace in the Psalms in an Election Year