The Magic Onion

Bizzaro's Trick Goes Wrong

2009-08-21T20:44:00.003-04:00

During a live show magician Bizzaro B. Demented (owner of http://magicrants.blogspot.com/) accidentally messed up on his famous eye trick, and pulled out his own eye. The audience thought it was all part of the act, but then the eye slipped out of his hand, and landed in an amazed spectators mouth. When the spectator, who choses to remain anonymous, spit the eye out it then landed in his wife's drink, (Mrs. Houchin vows to never drink a vodka and tonic again.)

Bizzaro, who was consumed watching the fiasco in bewilderment finally realized that he he had taken out his own eye, he let out a scream and ran off stage. While gone the someone in the screaming crowed stepped and squashed his eyeball.

Bizzaro is now in intensive care at the hospital. Once released he will finally be put into the psych ward, a feat doctors have previously been unable to accomplish.

We will keep you updated,

Mr. F

Another Change

2009-08-21T00:27:00.001-04:00

Today we welcome a new member to the team, a man by the name of Mr. F. His debut story will be here on Friday.

-Mr. S

Funny Video of the Week.

2009-08-20T14:53:00.003-04:00

A brand new addition in TMO each week we will be posting a funny magic related video, it could be a bad performance, crappy tutorial, MagicDude09 explosin etc... So here is this weeks video.

-Mr. S

Brain Tudor; Magician, Flourisher, Town Hall Protester.

2009-08-18T22:59:00.005-04:00

Brain Tudor (as seen in this extremely popular video) was given the chance to ask Senator Arlen Specter's (D-PA) a question at his Town hall meeting last week. Although unlike many of the protesters at the meeting Tudor's concern was not about heath care reform bill (H.R. 3200) , rather Tudor has asked Senator Specter to propose a new bill to congress. The title; P.C.R. 808 (Playing Card Reform 808.) After Brian asked this question the Senator bursted out in laughter. Tudor immediately went totally out of control and punched members of the audience. Tudor will be tried in court next year.

-Mr. S

Side Note: Our new schedule will be a new story every Tuesday and Thursday with "News Flashes" (small stories) sporadically throughout the week. If we fail to produce a story on Tuesday or Thursday, we will make it up later in the week.

Criss Angel beLIEve.

2009-08-14T22:45:00.001-04:00

Over the past few months the crew of Criss Angel Believe

and The Luxor hotel in Las Vegas have been thinking about a new magic act to replace Criss Angel's show. According to numerous sources the Luxor has not been happy with the show. Mr. Angel would like to focus more on dating Playboy bunnies and taking trips to Mexico, than performing and practicing his magic tricks. The Luxor and the Believe crew want to still want a magic show, they just want to change a few effects and the performer. Now you might be asking your self "Who will be replacing Criss?" Well The Luxor surfed the web for a magician whose knowledge of magic succeeds that of Mr. Angel’s, and they have found a relative newcomer that goes by the name of MagicDude09. Now we haven’t heard much from MagicDude09 in the past couple of months (we believe th

at he has kept himself in captivity to increase his magic skill.) He now has bought Card College Vol. 1 and can hold 48 playing cards (of the Black Tiger brand) He says that even though it is not a full deck of cards his "specks" will never be the wiser. The show will continue to keep the same name. We have a leaked copy of the new advertising poster for the show. We hope MagicDude09 the best for his professional career, and Criss the best for his bunny.

Mr. J

A Welcomed Addition.

2009-08-10T22:16:00.002-04:00

After tons of applications to become a TMO writer Mr. S and I have added someone new. He goes by the name Mr. J. You can expect his first story for the week which also doubles as his inaugural story, Wednesday. Until then if you feel you have what it takes to work with TMO send an email to TheMagicOnion@gmail.com Hey, you never know.

-Mr. N

Ricky Smith's Secret

2009-07-27T21:55:00.002-04:00

Good evening ladies and gents, I promised new posts and I am forced to deliver. For tonight TMO has finally got proof that Ricky Smith Jr. is in fact a cyborg. We have been suspecting this for quite sometimes (ever since we saw him cut a hotdog on Timewarp.) Here is an image that was taken recently. We will let it speak for its self.

-Mr. N

Email Really Crazy

2009-07-24T15:11:00.000-04:00

Quick note,

All other emails do not work. The only email that does work is Themagiconion@gmail.com

Speak with you monday,

Mr. N

Change is in the air...

2009-07-24T13:58:00.002-04:00

Salutations onion heads,

Mr. S and I have been getting quite a few emails this past week asking where the articles are. The answer is, well... they are hiding. Not really, we have been super busy updating the site and adding some awesome new features. Starting monday we will be back on our schedule of one post per day while we work on these new features. Stay tuned.

-Mr. N

Email Crazy

2009-07-15T16:05:00.002-04:00

Hello all,

Just want to give you the rundown on our emails;

To contact Mr. N directly email, Mr.N@themagiconion.com

To contact Mr. S directly email, Mr.S@themagiconion.com

For all story ideas, picture submissions, hate mail, etc.... email, Contact@themagiconion.com

Lastly for all advertising inquiries email, Advertise@themagiconion.com

Hope to hear from you all,

Mr. N & Mr. S

P.S. There are no spaces in any of the emails.

Who are Mr. N and Mr S. ?

2009-07-14T22:55:00.005-04:00

Who is Mr. N and Mr. S you may (or may not) ask? Well you have come two the right place. I almost feel like an opposite of Eric Cartman in "The Coon" episode of South Park. The question isn't "Who are we?" The question is, "Who cares who we are?" Since the start of TMO we have gotten hundreds of emails asking who we are. In fact replying to those emails was enough to drain our comedic genius last week, hence the lack of stories. So to remedy this situation we have created a new hunt (search) for our identities, it waill be called "Jerka Trova." We will leave clues all over the site and internet as to our true selves. The first person who puts all the clues together and sends an email with both of our identities to TheMagicOnion@gmail.com will receive a signed copy of Dan and Dave's "AndThenYouSuckAtLife" shipped on the house.

Clue #1 a picture of Mr. S; Here it is.

Jerka Trova

-Mr. N

P.S. That is not really Mr. S

P.P.S. We do not endorse asian strip poker as previously shown.

Rene Lavand Embraces Cardistry

2009-07-13T16:07:00.002-04:00

Cardistry took a very unexpected turn over the last week as professional magician, Rene Lavand, decided to take on cardistry in addition to his usual magic. For those of you who do not know who Rene Lavand is, please get your head out of your buttocks. He is a one-handed magician. (He lost his hand in a car crash at the age of nine.)

"Well I obviously cannot do things like Pandora, but I did invent my own one-handed Sybil cut and I'm working on getting The Cobra down," reported Rene Lavand in a recent TMO interview.

Unexpected indeed.It seems that even the old time magicians are starting to embrace this art form which has only recently over the last few years started getting popular. We here at TMO are more than interested in seeing the One-Handed Sybil, but it seems that Rene refuses to release a tape at the current moment due to the fact that it's not quite perfected. We look forward to seeing this impossible-sounding cut soon.

Until then, we'll just keep wondering how the heck someone with one hand can somehow be a cardist. In the words of Brian Tudor: "Coming up with one-handed cuts isn't [Profanity Removed by TMO] easy."

-Mr. S

D&D Sues..... D&D?

2009-07-07T22:22:00.001-04:00

TMO recently heard that the famous cardists Dan & Dave Buck are suing Dan White & Dan Hauss over the founding of their new company, D&D.

"It's blatantly obvious they are copying our designs," explain Dan Buck (or Dave Buck.... We can't tell). "They think they're so badass because they work for David Blaine."

"We work for David Blaine bro. They Buck bros don't know crap," explained Dan Hauss to TMO. "Listen to me, as long as I work for David Blaine, the Buck bros can't do [Profanity Removed by TMO]. They seriously have ego trips because they were on TV once or twice on Time Warp. They are so full of [Profanity Removed by TMO]. I work for David Blaine man. Seriously."

"We were starting a magic company?" asked Dan White when asked for questioning.

For those that don't read past articles, Dan White & Dan Hauss were starting their own company called Dan & Dan (or D&D for short). They recently announced they would be coming out with a DVD called The Machine and later next year the dynamic duo were set to release a 3 disc set known currently as The Trinity. Both projects were to feature Dan White's coin work and Dan Hauss's gimmicky genius.

TMO will be following the lawsuit very closely. Tomorrow is the first hearing. You can count on it that TMO will let you all know how things went.

More on this as it develops.

-Mr. S

Site Reminders

2009-07-07T14:46:00.007-04:00

Hey everyone these posts are going to be posted every Monday as friendly reminders to everyone about all the different things we have on here. Yes, today is Tuesday, but you will have to live with it today! Anyway, here we go:

1. Stalk us!

Follow us on Twitter!
www.twitter.com/TheMagicOnion (Copy and paste if not clickable.)

2. Subscribe via RSS!

On the right side of this page, you should see where you can subscribe to us via RSS.

3. Friend Us On Youtube!

Friend us on Youtube to see our videos!
www.youtube.com/TheMagicOnion (No videos yet, but there will be some very soon!)

4. Send Us Your Ideas!
Contrary to popular belief, we are not idea machines! We are constantly looking for new ideas. Send us different ideas to write about! We are not idea machines! We do have many ideas, but at some points, we do get writers' block! Send all ideas to:

TheMagicOnion@gmail.com

User-made articles may get posted as well! (We will not guarantee this.) If we like your article, we may post it if you ask us too! (If not specified, all articles will be labeled as anonymous. If you wish for your name to be posted along with your article, please give us permission in the e-mail. Thank you.)

--

We thank you for your continued support of The Magic Onion!

-Mr. N & Mr. S

Aaron Fisher, Not Fat......Big Boned

2009-07-06T22:29:00.007-04:00

In unusual TMO fashion I will start this story off with a question. How may of you heard about Aaron Fisher being almost 5,000 pounds and losing over 4,950 pounds of weight? Well that story is a lie. Although he did lose 4,950 pounds, it wasn't weight it was bone mass. Aaron suffers from a rare disease called bigbonedaphobia (this has no connection with the rapper sharing the same name.) "Aaron has suffered from this condition since he was five" his mother claims. Below is a a recreation of Aaron's skeleton before he had bone reduction surgery.

-Mr. N

Our Apologies

2009-07-04T08:20:00.002-04:00

Our sincere apologies for not posting the news yesterday. The TMO team got held up in Iran. Well we're back now and we'll be back later to post our news! Normally we would not do updates on the weekend, but this is an exception.

We also wish to say happy Fourth of July! We hope everyone has a great day today.

See you all soon!

-Mr. N & M r. S

Violence Growing Exponentially High in Iran

2009-07-02T22:06:00.004-04:00

Several days back, TMO posted an article about the Iranian protests which were meant to force the United States Playing Card Company to start re-printing Jerry's Nuggets.

http://themagiconion.blogspot.com/2009/06/iranians-protest-for-jerrys-nuggets.html (Copy and paste if not clickable)

TMO reporters were on location in Iran to witness the terror that the United States Playing Card Company had caused. When I managed to jump through many hoops to speak with Mr. Phil Doci, the United States Playing Card Company's president, he really did not shed much light as to their plan on settling the issues in Iran. "What goes in Iran is none of our concern. Our branch in Iran does a fine job printing cards as does all of our facilities. We look to a brighter future and we hope that Iran can grow used to using plastic cards. They may not have the same quality as the cards printed in the United States, but they are the best we can print in Iran. We have the best cards you will find over there."

Well Mr. Doci reached his goal for a brighter future when earlier today the United States Playing Card Company's printing facility in Iran was burned to the ground when refusing to print Jerry's Nugget playing cards.

"This is [Profanity removed by TMO]. Why they [Profanity removed by TMO] can't just print us our [Profanity removed by TMO] cards is beyond me. I'd rather die than use their pieces of plastic [Profanity removed by TMO]," stated one of the protestors present in the United States Playing Card Company's building burning.

President Borack Obama has yet to come up with a plan to help Iran from becoming nothing more than a Jerryless anarchy. "I believe that in America, we have our own issues to worry about. Iran is going through a tough time, but I believe they will get through this."

Things are getting pretty heated in Iran. Let's hope things get better soon.

-Mr. S

New Bicycle Back Design

2009-07-02T21:58:00.003-04:00

At 11:00 PM yesterday TMO team was busy breaking into the USPCC. What we found was shocking. The USPCC has plans to change the Bicycle Rider Back design into something more modern. The documents we found *cough* *cough* stole *cough *cough* have shown that the main market group for the new design is women of the maternal type. Here is the new Bicycle Rider Back design.

-Mr. N

D&D Unveiled.... Dan & Dan?

2009-07-01T22:40:00.004-04:00

Dan White and Dan Hauss, two magicians known for their work with famous street magician David Blaine, have started their own magic company to release material. Their name? Dan & Dan. This struck us as a surprise as it has an astounding resemblance to the other magic/cardistry company, Dan & Dave. TMO had a small interview with Dan Hauss about the new company.

PLEASE NOTE: Dan Hauss had red eyes and could not walk straight at the time of the interview.

--
TMO: So what made you two decide to go out on your own?

DH: Well we had the fanbase to do it. We could make more moula if we went out on our own.

TMO: Well that makes sense.

DH: No, it makes dollars.

TMO: Are you being funny?

DH: Huh?

TMO: Ok. Anyway, I wish to switch gears a bit and ask you about the name behind your company. Why Dan & Dan?

DH: Well it was simple. It matched us and the way we felt and stuff. Dan & Dan. Simple, clean, and straight to the point. It's just us so we thought the name would be awesome. That, and of course it was original.

TMO: Right. Now are you aware of Dan & Dave Buck? The name of their company is Dan & Dave. Many may accuse you of copying their company name. Care to comment?

DH: Listen man. Dan & Dave can take their Jerry's and shove them up their [Prafinity Removed by TMO]. We came up with the name first.

TMO: Anything else you wish to add?

DH: Legalize crack.

TMO:Is that all?

DH: Your mother makes a good steak dinner.

TMO: Thank you for your time.
--

Dan White was not available for an interview due to his pre-arranged meeting with David Blaine.

The dynamic duo is rumored to be releasing a DVD called The Machine and a 3 disc set tentatively titled The Trinity.

-Mr. S

Matheiu Bich Plans to Release a Practical Magic Effect....Kenner Disapproves

2009-07-01T19:20:00.004-04:00

French magician Matheiu Bich has announced that he will be releasing a new magic effect that will be 100% practical. This may be a shocker to you since you are used to effects such a TnR and Exile that are about as practical as a broken condom. Although Matheiu refuses to comment on the details of the affect we have reason to believe that in some way shape or form it involves latex gloves. After the announcement made by Matheiu, Chris Kenner was outraged, he had to be escorted off the stage before he hurt anyone. Apparently Kenner loves Bich's impractical crap more than he loves his practical crap. We will continue to update you on this story as the month progresses.

-Mr. N

The Magic Onion Featured on Devils Advocate Production's Website

2009-07-01T13:22:00.008-04:00

World famous underground magician, Daniel Madison, has taken a liking to our news web site. He has actually listed us as one of his friends on his links page. Check us out!

As fans of his work ourselves, we are grateful to see that he has taken a liking to us. Thank you Daniel Madison.

Go to www.DevilsAdvocateProductions.com (Copy and paste if not clickable.) and click on the FRIENDS OF THE DEVIL link.

As a small update while we are on the subject, we here at TMO would like to say congratulations to Daniel Madison as he has just decided to undergo a dangerous operation which will darken his skin tone so that he may go out in the sun without having to worry about being burned due to his albino skin. (In case you don't read past articles, Daniel Madison is rumored to have albino skin due to the fact he refuses to be seen in color in any video.) We wish him luck in the future with his sensitive skin.

To see what he will look like, watch this video of Daniel Madison using the FONG deck. (This video is edited to give Daniel Madison colored skin. The editing process took a long time to give him a good skin tone. Hence why the video was filmed in February and uploaded in June according to Theory 11.)

The FONG Deck from Daniel Madison on Vimeo.

-Mr. S

Briant Tudor Arrested for Drunk Driving

2009-06-30T21:50:00.003-04:00

At first, we did not wish to post this when in the rumor stages. Well minutes ago, TMO received the confirmation. The Wallnut Creek Police Department has the famous XCMer Brian Tudor in custody.

"He was potentially dangerous and had me scared to death when I first attempted to arrest him. He did not go easy," reported Officer Johnson.

Security tapes show Brian Tudor actually throwing cards at the helpless police officer. Officer Johnson reported Mr. Tudor was not making any sense.

"I believe he thought I was challenging him to some sort of card stunt battle of some sorts."

Officer Johnson claimed Brian Tudor said these exact words after being arrested: "If you want to battle we battle! I love the battle. That's what I do. That's how I came up. Anybody will tell ya man."

Brian Tudor is currently being held at the Wallnut Creek Mental Institution for the Mentally Impaired. He has been sentanced to 8 years in person for drunk driving and resisting arrest. He also has a $2,000 fine for littering, is required to attend 5 alcohol educational classes, and will be required to attend mental therapy twice per week for the next 2 years.

-Mr. S

Paul Harris Sex Tape? Shut the Front Door!

2009-06-30T20:15:00.006-04:00

As you may have guessed from the unusually revealing title. We have word that Paul Harris has included a sex tape as an easter egg in the True Astonishment series. This easter egg can only be viewed in a computer with a dual DVD slot that has the DVD's 6&9 in the slots. Apparently this sex tape was shot with the lovely women in the Stars of Magic DVD and is extremely hard core. We here at TMO would love to give you a detailed description of the tape but we could only imagine that it would induce the same reaction as the infamous "Two Girls, One Cup" and we just had our HQ carpets cleaned ergo, it aint gonna happen.

SPOILER ALERT: Eric Mead does make an appearance.

-Mr. N

Another Update!?!?!?!?

2009-06-30T15:02:00.002-04:00

I know, I know we are starting to be as annoying with these updates as our former President Elect. But here is a little goodie for you all to snack on. We have just added an RSS feed to our site, if you would like to subscribe the link is in the sidebar. If you would not like to subscribe... well we will unleash this guy.

-Mr. N

Follow Us on Twitter

2009-06-30T00:04:00.002-04:00

Ladies, gentlemen, magicians, and Criss Angel, we have created a Twitter account!

Stalk us! We will update Twitter daily with links to our newly updated articles and we will update Twitter with some other material not on our website! So follow us... or feel our wrath.

www.twitter.com/TheMagicOnion (Copy and paste if not clickable.)

Cheers,

Mr. N & Mr. S