THE MAINSTREAMER presented by HIPSTER RUNOFF

NSFW: Pharrell Williams GETS LUCKY as he watches his fiance NIP SLIP!

Carles — Thu, 23 May 2013 19:15:21 +0000

Pharrell BB! U r ToTaLLy up ALL nite 2 get lucky!

I see ur fiance's NIP SLIP! U really got lucky seeing a b00b! U look HAPPIE and HORNIE abt it, bb!

I love ur new song with the robots! Those two robots are HOT. It is kinda true that technology is kinda taking over because I haven't made love to a man in years--i have only been able to use my lil rabbit vibrator that I bought at #SpencersGifts. I need new batteries soon, but I am also scared of the rise of the machines. But at the same time machines will never steal all of ur money, use ur kitchen as a meth lab or force u to live in a basement for 6 years.

But u know what? I was actually happy when I was trapped in a basement with 3 other women for 6 years. We were REALLY good friends, but I missed the POP CULTURE.

LOVIN the new GET LUCKY song, PharellBB! It sounds JUST like the music that I listened to when I was in my 20s. I can't believe how old I'm getting, but at the same time, I have a lot of wisdom from lots of heartbreak and painful shit that makes me who I am. But at the same time, I sorta suck at life. I wish I was Pharrels fiance! She looks SeXi and EtHnIc!

U rlly GOT LUCKY bb!

That's honestly a cute nip, tho! I wish mine weren't such ginormous saucers. Its emberresing. I wonder if they have nipple reduction surgery. #ashamed

Maybe u got NIPPY!

Rkelly who? #TeamPherrell
Chad Hugo who? #TeamPharrell
Slip who? #TeamNip

NSFW: Miley Cyrus shows off her BANGIN TANKINI BOD!

Carles — Wed, 22 May 2013 21:45:32 +0000

Miley BB! I love LOVE LOVE the new #Tankini!

Well I think it might be a 1 piece, but i REALLY need to get a #TANKINI in order to take myself in the sun. I calculated that if I lose 7 lbs per week on my new diet, I will only lose 59 lbs in 7 weeks. I will still be considerably overweight, and it will be #EMBERRESING to take my fat ass to the pool in my apartment complex. I just want to be able to bring a six pack of Mikes Hard Pink Leminade to the pool and chillax while getting some rays. I hate tanlines tho! hehe. maybe 1 day ill be rich and have my own pool.

Miley is honestly perfect and I would literally kill some1 in order to trade lives with her. Seriously if u want some1 murdered plz comment below and i will contact u so i can do it for u if u can promise me that I will magically be traded places with Miley Cyrus.

I need to cut my hair too! I want to go as short as u but i dont want to be in another lesbian relationship. The last time I was in 1, I dated some1 who was exactly like me, and I sorta got to see all my faults (physical, mental and emotional) in some1 else.

Ur right Miley! BIKINIS are OUT! #tankinis and #1pieces #4evr!

Please comment, share and like this post if u wear #tankinis

NSFW: Alanis Morisette shows off her BANGIN BIKINI BOD

Carles — Tue, 21 May 2013 21:02:14 +0000

Alanis BB! U look BANGIN ON the effing beach!

R u having a BBQ? Invite me nxt time, bb! I wanna get a tattoo. Who is ur artist? Does he know how 2 draw butterflies good?

I rlly need some #selflove after a very rough stretch that has found me unemployed and unloved. I am VERY thankful that I have #Obamacare tho. <3 :-) He's honestly the only black guy i would EVER date again.

I OUGHTTA KNOW that u have a BANGIN BIKINI BOD! After so many years I thought u were a BEAUTAFUL artist, I shouldve known that u had a BEAUTAFUL body to match. I honestly need to hit the gym soon. Summer is coming up. I went to the doctor yesterday because I've been having serious pain in my tummie. I was hoping that the doctor would tell me that I could get lap band surgery, but even if so, I would have to lose ~150 lbs. I am sad, but I want that surgery so that I can lose a lot of weight and finally go to the beach.

It is TOTALLY IRONIC that I didn't realize u were this perf. <3

So I've been okay. I got into a relationship for a while and it was good but i think he didnt know what he wanted and i was moving too fast. I proposed to him, then he told me that I should get lap band surgery and I would be prettier. In a way, he was right, but I knew that some1 who was my true love would love me for being ugly, even if i was fat.

I need to be more like alanis because she went thru a lot of heartbreak with Uncle Joey from FUll House and she turned lemons into lemonade.

Sometimes I wonder when im gonna die and if im gonna die alone. No one cares about me. Every one hates me. I just lost my job. Things are going to shit and there was a tornado. I need to start going back to church because i feel like my life went off the rails when i stopped.

howeve you been?

Beyonce ToTaLLy rides SLUTWAVES with sexi UNDERBOOB photoshoot!

Carles — Thu, 10 Jan 2013 20:52:33 +0000

Beyonce BB! If I had 2 guess, I would say u NEVER had a BB! Blue Ivey Carter CANNOT be real! Defanately an ALIEN BABY bc I can't see stretch marks ANYWHERE!

Ur gonna have 2 share ur post-baby weight loss secrets with me even though I never had a baby and I probably weight 2x as much as u without a second human inside of me. Ur abs look great! Do u do crunches or situps? I need 2 start working on my #core, bb!

Ur SO different than all the other slutwavers who just show off their bodies! Ur totally authentic pop diva! #Vh1DivasLive I always RESPECT how u don't have to SHOW OFF UR BODY is a SLUTTY way just to get attn. UR a REAL SINGER with a REAL VOICE! I LOVE the underboob look. I probably can't achieve that look bc my b00bs are huge, pancake titties that droop down emberressingly low. I guess I could, but my shirt would cut off beneath my belly button and people would be like 'wtf'

Let's play football, bb! Look at that badonkydonk!

I hope Jay-Z totally makes u feel like a natural woman, bb!

Alicia Key who? #TeamBeyonce
Destany's Child who? #TeamBey
Kimye baby who? #TeamBlueIveyCarter

Sideboob who? #Teamunderboob

NSFW: Ke$ha releases pix of herself giving a BJ, sucking on a peen! #slutwave

Carles — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 20:38:11 +0000

OMG Ke$ha! I can't believe it! That is DEFANATELY not a real hotdog (I took a Photoshop class at technical trade school before I dropped out).

Is that a picture of you sucking a peen? Just a year ago, u were MODELING with CUM all over ur body! Now u r sucking on a peen! BB u NEED to stop #sexting. U NEED to find a guy u can TRUST instead of 1 who takes pix of his peen and u sucking on it and his cum all over u! I dated a guy who insisted that we filmed all of our sexual encounters. I am still trying to scrub the internet of those videos bc they are on so many underground sites. :-(

This is TOTALLY not safe 4 my work compy. I hope that I don't get fired. But at the same time, I kinda wish I could see the peen. I haven't seen 1 in so long, and they are usually very soft and flacid when they see me. :-(

At the same time, Ke$ha looks good, bb! I think she actually looks very pretty with a peen in her mouth. I would probably look more like I am eating a chili dog. :-(

U look kinda like Jon Travolta eating a weiner, bb!

Lady Gaga who? #TeamKe$ha!
Slutwave4evr!

PREVIOUSLY
NSFW: Photos of Ke$ha covered in cum + semen are 'leaked'

#DJStolen

OMG! Taylor Swift is dating Harry Styles! #HAYLOR

Carles — Wed, 05 Dec 2012 18:00:52 +0000

Taylor BB! I thought that u were NEVER EVER EVER getting back 2gether with N E 1!

However, at the same time, I am VERY happy for you and I'd love to go out for coffee with you and talk about your new life, your album, and where you see yourself in 5 years and you could also listen to me answer similar questions but I would give you more attention because you are much more famous and interesting than me.

I CANNOT believe that you are dating Harry Styles! He is the HOTTEST Hottie McHotHot from the 1Directions. Except for the ethnic one, but he reminds me of my exBF (same haircut). I sincerely hope that Taylor Swift is HAPPY now because she used to be in the bleachers instead of a cheerleader, just like me.

OMG yall look effing keut 2gether! I wanna shop where yall shop! Except they probly don't make close in my size. I honestly need to start thinking about my New Year's resolutions because I need to lose enough weight to get lap band surgery.

BieberSwoop who? #TeamHarryStyles
Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber = #JELENA who? #TeamHAYLOR
Reba McEntires who? #TeamTaySwift

Justin Bieber shows off his teen boy happy trail and #SWOLE #SWAG muscles

Carles — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 18:33:17 +0000

Justin BB! Is that u? I remember it like it was yesterday, u had a Bieber swoop and the smile of a lil angel. O:-)

Now ur a GROWN ASS MAN, or should I say a GROWN ASS TWEEN! Look at ur body, bb! So much SeXy BODY ART and look at those MUSCLES! I'll bet u could DEFANATELY squat me, but it would require a VERY strong lower AND upperbody because I have put on some poundage in the past several years.

I think his UNDIES and HAPPY TRAIL are so sexie! I would love to lick all the way down that hairy goodness to find out what's under the undies! Selena is SO lucky to have such a HOT guy to stare at IRL. Most of my BFs are honestly kinda scary and even I'll admit that I settle for them. I need to really take care of ME before I go and get into a relationship. I've honestly lost sight of who i am and need to go to therapy, start exercising, hanging out outdoors and eating less fastfood. I swear I will do all of those things as my new years resolutions, but until then, I'm ordering Papa Johns tonight! Yummy! #JohnsFavorite

Justin BB! Take a peen penis pic! I swear I won't share it with n e 1!

U look #SWAG and #SWOLE! Ur so #SWOLESWAG! #Protein #MuscleMilk

Justin Timberlake who? #TeamBieber

Taylor Swift dyes her hair #seapunk

Carles — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 18:53:49 +0000

Taylor BB! Ur jumping on the #seapunk trend too? First Miley Cyrus died her hair #seapunky, and then Rihanna TOTALLY went #seapunk on SNL. Every1 is DEFANATELY goin #seapunk.

I need to get in on this #trend because it is ToTaLLy #trending IRL.

Taylor who is that hottie?!? I don't know who he is, but 1 thing is for sure: Yall are Never EVER EVER getting back together, just like me and my ex. Except at the same time my ex probably wouldn't take me back and I would take him back in my life even though he used to be a #relationshipbully to me and sometimes the neighbors would call the cops because he would yell at me when I made the mac and cheese 'too cheesy' but that's just how I like it. I also bake it in the oven with bacon bits.

Taylor looks FLAWLESS! She looks #punk AND from the #sea. I want a #punksea makeover ASAP!

I wanna go to yalls hairdressers so I can be more #seapunk.

Sometimes I feel like the closest I'll ever be to #seapunk is eating at Long John Silver's. But honestly I love the lil crunchies at the bottom of the plate. #TeamFriedCrunchies

Lady Gaga who? #TeamTaylorSwift
Leanne Rhymes who? #TeamTaySwift!

Ke$ha shows off her slutwave A$$ on the TODAY show, TANKS hard

Carles — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 22:57:20 +0000

Ke$ha bb! Ur s0oo0o fun and remind me of the time I popped bottles in the club then was in a gangbang. Even though the club part was fun, I regret the gangbang, but sometimes ur music reminds me of the part where every hole in my body was filled with a penis.

I just LOVE slutwave music! I love Ke$ha's flawless GLAM look! Even when she takes pix covered in man's semen cum juice! Matt Lauer DAFANTELY got a hard on while he watched this performence. He even got a nice lil glimpse of that PERFECT a$$

and she can SING too! #beautaful-voice

Ugh I need to start working out so I can really TONE UP my BODY. Maybe I will start wearing camo, but I am afraid that men will think that I am a GI Jane lesbian. One of my exes broke up with me by saying that he was drafted into the war against Saddam Bin Laden, but it turns out he just got a new job at a Car Tint and Alarm installation place and never wanted to see me again.

Ke$ha looks FIERCE! I CANNOT wait for her new album to drop because I will hear it on the radio while I drive my car.

Lady Gaga has NOTHING on Ke$ha. This is HER time!

Kitty Purry who? #TeamKe$h@!
Tay Swift who? #Keshat

PREVIOUSLY
NSFW: Photos of Ke$ha covered in cum + semen are 'leaked'

Judge Judy shows off her BANGIN BIKINI GILF BOD!

Carles — Mon, 19 Nov 2012 21:31:52 +0000

OMG! WHO IS THAT SEXI 20 YEAR OLD?

Wait, that is JUDGE FREAGGIN JUDY! You have been found GUILTY in the court of UR A SEXI BITCH, bb!

I had never seen her without her ROBE on, judging convicts, criminals, robbers, rapists, and lunatics in the court room. She is looking SEXI in her BANGIN BIKINI BOD.

I actually went on a judge TV show with my ex. He stole all of my belongings, blackmailed me (that is not a racist comment, it is a word), and even stole my beloved dog. He extorted money from me, imbezzled from my job, and also committed adultery, which is a sin (against GOd's law). Anyways, I thought I had a good case, but then I was found GUILTY and had to pay him $2300 AND give him my Dell laptop. Oh well it was dying anyways but sometimes I do miss that TV.

I wish Judge Judy had JUDGED me because I am a FIERCE BIYATCH just like her! I don't wanna go to jail! I'm scared of creditors so I am glad I dont have a cell fone rite now.

I wanna go swimming with u! U look good, bb! Send me diet tips soon. I'll sign up for your email newsletter and u can just find me thru there if u wanna meetup sometime.

The law is lookin good!

People's Court who? #teamJudgeJudy