In fast-paced environments, reacting can start to feel like leadership.

Problems come up. Someone needs an answer. A decision has to be made—now!!

So leaders jump in, fix what’s broken, and move on to the next thing. By the end of the day, they’ve been busy, helpful, and are now exhausted.

But reacting isn’t leading. It’s surviving.

Over time, constant reacting creates patterns we don’t always notice.

Teams begin to wait instead of think. Leaders feel like everything depends on them. Frustration grows on both sides. And before long, the question shifts from How do I improve? to Why does this keep happening? That’s usually a sign that the wrong questions are being asked.

I was reminded of this recently in a conversation with restaurant operator and consultant Vince Lanni on the QBQ! Podcast. The restaurant industry is a perfect example of a high-pressure environment. Tight margins, fast pace, and very little room for error. Vince described leadership as the difference between “plugging holes” and “steering the ship.” Both feel productive, but only one actually moves you forward.

This is where the QBQ comes in.

• Why didn’t they do this right?
• Why does this keep falling back on me?
• Why won’t people take ownership?

Accountable leadership sounds different:

• What can I do to anticipate this next time?
• How can I make my expectations more clear?
• What can I do to help my team succeed without me stepping in every time?

Those questions don’t ignore problems. They address them at the source.

In our conversation, Vince shared how many of the issues leaders complain about—turnover, inconsistency, missed details—can often be traced back to training, communication, or systems that were never fully thought through. Reacting fixes only today’s issue. Leading reduces tomorrow’s. That shift doesn’t require a new title or more authority. It simply requires better questions. When leaders move from reacting to leading, something important changes. Teams start thinking instead of waiting. Accountability moves closer to the work. And leaders stop carrying everything themselves.

So here’s the reflection I’ll leave you with:

Where are you reacting right now, and what QBQ! could you use to help you lead instead?

If you’re interested, I talk more about this idea in a recent episode of the QBQ! Podcast. The link is below.

Our four kids love all things “plain,” so I ordered two quarter-pounders with cheese at the McDonald’s drive-thru but … NO CHEESE. And … PLAIN.

I was handed the order, and pulled around the side of the building to check the burgers … there was cheese! Ugh. I ran inside and talked to the first person I saw, which happened to be the manager, Megan. I told her what had happened, and she taught me something. She explained that even when trying to order the numbered “meal,” which is listed as “quarter pounder with cheese,” I should use the words “quarter pounder hamburger,” “plain,” and “meal.” This should solve the problem!

She also found the employee who had taken the order and taught her how to enter the order differently when customers say “no cheese” and “plain.” We then chatted and laughed a bit, and when the food was ready, I thanked Megan heartily and jogged out to the van.

I handed my oldest the bag of food. As I got buckled, I excitedly began telling the kids about the interaction—how fun it was, how this manager took the opportunity to “coach in the moment” not only her staff member but also me. As I rambled on, my son, Joshua, hesitantly said, “Mom?” but I didn’t stop talking. “Mom?” …. “MOM!” I stopped and said, “Oh, sorry. What?” He didn’t speak but showed me the quarter pounder in his hands with no cheese, but … not PLAIN! Ketchup, mustard, pickles, onions. Oh, the horror!

I slumped. “Seriously??” I trekked back inside. Megan saw me first and said, “Oh no. What’d we do?” I explained that while her cook had gotten the NO CHEESE! message, the “PLAIN” message hadn’t been delivered. Megan exclaimed, “Oh no! That was me! I was so focused on teaching about the ‘no cheese’ quarter pounder that I forgot to say ‘and also PLAIN!’”

She, of course, got about fixing the problem—again. When she handed me the bag of burgers, I said thanks and started out the door, but she stopped me, saying, “Hey, you should probably check those in here, just to be sure!” We laughed as I did so, and both cheered when we found PLAIN with NO CHEESE quarter-pounders. I went on my way.

Three aspects of this outstanding interaction stand out for me:

Her Enthusiasm

Megan’s persona was infectious. She was energetic and friendly and made me, as her customer, feel seen and valued. We’ve lived near this McDonald’s for almost ten years, and I’ve never had such a fun experience interacting with a manager (which, based on the picky preferences of my family, we have to do often!). She clearly enjoyed working with her team and being in charge.

Her Presence (Coach Moment-to-Moment)

Megan was present. She was the first to greet me as I walked in, even though she oversaw several employees. In the moment, she chose to coach her drive-through gal, teaching her how to avoid this exact situation in the future. I’m sure there are times Megan and other managers need to be in the back office, handling “manager things,” but her presence with her people is always crucial. In our book Outstanding! we write, “Real coaching is about managers being engaged with their people—moment to moment.” You can’t be engaged if you’re hiding in the office!

Her Ownership

She owned it all without being a controlling boss. Her sense of ownership pushed her to teach her employee, interact well with me, and, biggest of all in my opinion, humbly admit her mistake when having to correct the problem a second time! If we asked her, “Who’s accountable for the results of this store?” I’m 100% certain she’d raise her hand and enthusiastically say, “Me!!!” Ownership is a good thing.

What one lesson do you take from this story that you can apply today?

“Outstanding organizations never forget who pays the bills.”

After a hectic week of business travel and kids’ activities bleeding into a busy weekend, I enjoyed sipping coffee and catching up on everything at my desk on Monday morning. The kids were off to school, and I had nothing on the calendar except “catch.up.”

When I peeked into my “junk” email, I groaned. There I saw the “your dog food shipment is on its way” notice from Chewy. Ugh. I meant to cancel that. We had a full bin and a bag sitting in the garage. Peggy Sue, our one Pug, did NOT need another massive bag of dog food! I had also not seen the “your auto-ship is scheduled to ship in 3 days. Make changes now!” email sent the week before. 

Completely my fault.

So, I logged into my Chewy account to make the change that would prevent me from receiving another bag next month. There I saw the “Questions? Call customer service at this number” notice at the bottom of the screen. I briefly considered it but decided I didn’t care enough to make a phone call. Then I noticed the “Chat now.” And do I ever love online chat options?! I hopped on and was instantly greeted by a representative. Our conversation:

Christen: Hi, my name is Christen. How may I help you?

Kristin: Is there a way to cancel the order that is processing to ship today? I don’t need the food.

Christen: I’m happy to help you with that, Kristin! Please wait just a moment while I pull up your account.

Kristin: Thank you!

Christen: I’ve processed a refund of $86.32 to the Visa. It will be posted to your account in 3-6 business days. There’s no need to send anything back to us at this time. Please feel free to donate this to a local shelter or rescue.

Kristin: WONDERFUL! Thank you so much.

Christen: It’s my pleasure! Is there anything else I can help you out with today?

Kristin: No, that’s it! Thanks for making this so easy.

Christen: I wish you and the Lindeen family the best from all of us here at Chewy!

I was shocked. If Christen had said, “I’m so sorry, but there’s no way stop the shipment now,” I would’ve been disappointed but understanding. I was accountable; I’d forgotten to change the auto-ship. Instead, I was delighted by this fantastic customer service. Simply outstanding!

A day later, I had a new problem: The dog food arrived on my porch, the product we didn’t need but received a refund for and were encouraged to donate. The thing is …. I feel like now I have an ethical dilemma! I could keep it, stick it in my garage, and call it free future food. But I feel guilty about that …

But, in the end, my opportunity to donate (or not) came about because Chewy does precisely what we teach in our Outstanding! book: They never forget who pays the bills.

Customers.

Does your organization treat customers like this? Is your organization outstanding?

Did you know? Kristin facilitates workshops on John’s book “Outstanding! 47 Ways to Make Your Organization Exceptional”. Want to learn more? Click on the Be Outstanding image above!

The phone rang, and Matt answered with a peppy “Hello, how can I help?” I explained the situation and told him I was calling to see if the app was wrong and if some tables were still available for our large group. Matt asked to put me on hold, which, at first, irritated me a bit. He must have heard it in my voice because he quickly explained, “I have to run from my office to the host station up front. Hang tight!” When he picked up the line again just a minute later and started tapping buttons, he was muttering to himself, “I can move them here, and them there, and that table here … .” And then the words I’d hoped to hear, “And …. Yep! Got you in. No problem.”

I was truly in shock. “What? Oh wow! Really? It’s a Christmas miracle!” I exclaimed, with laughter in my voice.

He said, “Well, sure! The system online is always going to play it safe. But you call here and talk to a human, and we’ll always do our best to get you in.”

Was what Matt did all that remarkable? Maybe, maybe not. Some might even say, Well, he was just doing his job; he should do his best to get in every person who calls for a reservation. Did he go above and beyond? Possibly, since other staff might’ve just told me, sorry, we’re booked. In essence, though, what he did do was … he was human.

Some might even say, Well, he was just doing his job; he should do his best to get in every person who calls for a reservation. Did he go above and beyond? Possibly, since other staff might’ve just told me, sorry, we’re booked. In essence, though, what he did do was … he was human. In a world where almost everything can be done online, and technology continues to expand our horizons, there’s just something to be said about the genuine joy of talking to a human. A human being who wants to help, do his or her job well, and …  be outstanding! How does one become outstanding? By asking accountable questions (we call them QBQs), “What can I do to serve?” “How can I go above and beyond?” “What action can I take to bring joy to this person right now?” Matt represents a restaurant chain claiming to be “the home of celebrations.” Well, we were surely celebrating that day after one employee chose to take a small action to delight one customer on a beautiful December day.

It doesn’t take much to be outstanding.

Brandon was taken aback, and quickly said, “Well, no ma’am, I’m not. Different technicians come based on demand and scheduling. Is there something specific I can help you with?”

“No. I’m really upset. I wanted the same guy to come back. Why didn’t the same guy come back?”

“Well, like I said, it just depends on the scheduling for the week. Why, may I ask, did you need that particular technician to come back?”

“Because I want to YELL at him! He did a horrible job! ….”

And from there, the customer launched into a 4 minute monologue about how horribly the previous technician had cared for the lawn. 

Luckily, Brandon knew of QBQ. He’d read the book and knew the material. He easily could have responded with lousy questions like “Who scheduled me on this route today?” “When is that other tech going to get his act together?” “Why is this happening to me?!” or “When are we gonna get better CUSTOMERS??”

But how did Brandon respond? He listened. He went to his “happy place”, as he calls it, and let her share her frustrations. He could have easily interrupted her and said again, I’m sorry, but I’m not that guy, so I’m not going to listen to this. He could have responded abruptly, rudely, defensively … but in that moment, he asked himself this QBQ, “What can I do to respond in the best way in this precise moment?”

A powerful QBQ to ask when confronted by an angry person is: “What can I do to respond in the best way in this precise moment?”

WITH SILENCE.

And so, he listened. And when she paused to breathe, he said, “I’m so sorry ma’am, let me get right to work making your lawn look beautiful.” That is how QBQ helps us in those moments—when someone’s yelling and mad and angry, QBQ helps me pause, collect myself, and ask a question that leads me to the best response or action possible.  And sometimes, that’s simply to say NOTHING. 

Last week, my post-three-hour “Personal Accountability & the QBQ!” workshop chat with one of the owners of a pediatric dental group here in the Twin Cities gave me insight into her—and her partners’—mindset. These highly ambitious, successful, energetic women could have easily fallen into the trap of complaining about their staff: 

“Why don’t they embrace this material?” 

“When will this generation learn how to work hard?” 

“Why can’t they appreciate all that we offer them?” 

“Who will get these young people to take it to the next level?” 

“Why do I have to invest so much in training and development?” 

But that’s not the vibe I got last Wednesday. Nope—each and every owner of the practice humbly shared personal reflections and examples during the session of how she needs to grow and change—using the QBQ! Each one modeled self-awareness and committed to growth in front of their team. 

One of the owners spoke up and said, “I need to stop asking ‘Who dunnit?’ questions!” Since everyone in the room laughed, it must be true. She said, “We were chatting here at my table and agreed there needs to be some kind of ‘penalty flag’ for people to throw when I start to blame again.” 

I love that team mindset when a group is committed to implementing QBQ. While I like to say, “personal accountability is just that—personal,” there’s no reason a team can’t agree to help each other along that journey. Yellow flags, red flags, gentle, humble reminders to use the QBQ—whatever works to help us, young or old, on the journey toward greater Personal Accountability.

Is your team—and each member of it—practicing Personal Accountability? 

I was in Philadelphia teaching “Personal Accountability & the QBQ!” and facilitating a discussion on content from our Outstanding! book. Around 50 people leaders and senior directors invested 4 hours of their day to learn, contemplate and share ideas. At one point, we were engaging in a discussion around the QBQ (an accountable question), “How can I improve my communication?” 

I wandered the room, hearing snippets of conversation. At one table, an HR leader said, 

“Lately I’ve realized my meetings with my team members have been very task-focused. Which is great and keeps us moving! But I want to improve at making space for them to share about anything on their minds.” 

Another gal jumped in, saying, “Me too! I’ve started taking 5-minute walks with my people. No agenda, just a quick catch-up.” 

A senior director added in, saying, “I realized I hadn’t been face-to-face with one of my key teammates in a while, and I knew we were both in the city that week. I texted her and asked to meet for lunch—and was really looking forward to connecting! On that day, we sat down, and she immediately met my eye, looking worried, and said, ‘What’s wrong?’ I said, ‘What do you mean? Nothing’s wrong!’ She breathed a sigh of relief and said, ‘Oh good. You tend to only want to meet when something is wrong!’ That made me realize I want to grow in connecting with my employees.” 

A handful of other participants indicated similar desires to become better at creating space for connection, and specifically, improving their listening skills. I loved hearing these kind-hearted leaders expressing their desires to make sure their employees felt heard, and valued! My thoughts drifted to my own boss (AKA my dad, creator and author of QBQ!) and realized a tip I could share with the group. I pulled their attention back to the front, and said, 

“One thing my dad started doing years ago, that I find myself now doing, is making sure to ask, ‘Anything else?’ It’s a simple phrase that allows the other person to add to the conversation. (My sisters and I actually joke about how sometimes, we’re out of things to talk about and yet Dad keeps asking, ‘Anything else?’ over and over. ‘No, Pops! There’s nothing else! Thanks for asking, but I gotta go!’)”

The group laughed with me, and I went on to share how I’ve been using the phrase to connect with my 13-year-old son, who, just like these managers and their employees, I can often be too task-oriented with, firing off questions like, “Joshua, did you brush your teeth? Take your vitamins? Do your homework?” “Joshua, can you help your brother? Take out the trash?” And then I find myself asking a lousy question internally like, “Why don’t I feel connected with my son? When is he going to share more about his life with me?” 

“Any of you parents in the room feel this way sometimes?” I asked. Many raised their hands, affirming this reality of parenting teens. 

I’d realized the better question was, “How can I create space for him to share?” And my dad’s trick of “Anything else?” came to mind. I’d used it with Joshua at bedtime a few nights before, and it worked so well that I actually had to tell my child, “Okay, that’s enough sharing! We need to go to bed!” The group chatted about this for another minute or so, and moved on in the program. 

Later that afternoon, after my program had wrapped up, I was sitting in on a session that the company’s internal trainer was facilitating. He made a statement and asked the group what they thought of it. One guy raised his hand, and offered a conflicting opinion of what was being discussed. The trainer said, “Well, thank you for sharing. ….ANYTHING ELSE?” with a twinkle in his eye. The whole group laughed, the tension was diffused, and the trainer came over to fist bump me. 

Is there a person in your life you need to say, “Anything else?” to the next time you’re in conversation? QBQ! is a powerful tool that helps each of us—whether you’ve known the material your whole life, or just learned it this morning—to ask, “What can I do to improve?” and “How can I make a change?” 

Anything else? 

“I was having a rough rough day today, and I started getting some of those negative thoughts.  I’ve been training your QBQ course and working with our teams over the last year.

All of a sudden I heard your voice, “Don’t jump into the classic pity party…and the pit of despair.”

I flipped my mind into QBQs.  I know we all struggle, but I wanted to let you know that your advice and training does help. ”  

 ~Brooke

Change takes intentionality. Learning the QBQ! is the first step; practicing and reinforcing the new habit happens over time. And when an individual chooses to dive in and try, great life change can happen!

This is why I do what I do. Time and time again, I’ll teach personal accountability, and share the QBQ! principles with a group, and individuals will tell me how the material changed their thinking. How relationships have improved. How teams have been strengthened. How perspectives have shifted and goals have been achieved.

It’s a wonderful thing to know you’re making an impact on people’s lives. Interested in knowing more about QBQ! training? I’d be happy to chat.

I was part of a team of leaders taking middle school students to a camp in the Rocky Mountains along with three other adult volunteers. The director had organized several borrowed vehicles for the journey. I was driving a mini-van packed to the brim with six noisy girls and their stuff. It was bedlam. Sixth to eighth graders equate “van ride to camp” with “candy and sugared beverages binge!” Not long into the trip, an emergency bathroom break was required, so our caravan pulled into a gas station in a little mountain town. I was the first to park. Minutes later, in the van again, I began to back up. That’s when I heard the sound no driver wants to hear: Frantic honking mixed with the sickening thud of crunching metal. I had reversed my way right into another youth leader’s car! Jumping out of my BORROWED vehicle, I learned that Ben, another leader, had parked right behind me. Oh, Ben, I thought, why would you do that?! Immediately, lousy thoughts bombarded my brain.

“Who parks like that?”

“Why did he do this?”

“Whose idea was this bathroom break anyway?!”

“This is the students’ fault! They distracted me!”

Trying to keep my composure, I became very aware of six pairs of eyes and six noses pressed up against the windows of the van, watching my every move. And in the car I hit, there were five more young faces watching me. Talk about a chance to “role model”! So, I shoved the lousy questions aside and set to work, asking, “What can I do to fix this?” I ran inside, purchased duct tape, and together, Ben and I began taping his now dangling side mirror back on. Then I saw the massive dent in Ben’s driver side door and thought, Oh, man. Bummer! When the youth pastor came over to check on us, he stood with his hands on his hips and kind of shook his head as if to say, “Silly little volunteer. You need to be more careful.”

When it was time to go, we all got into our cars. Still shaking a bit, I was ready to move on— physically and emotionally. But then I saw something I couldn’t believe: The youth pastor, with his car now moving backward, slamming right into a cement pillar! The back of his borrowed van swallowed the pole. All I could do was watch. The Sugar High Gang in my vehicle immediately became deathly silent. They were now waiting—again—to see how I’d respond. I opened my door, got out, and walked over to where the pastor was now standing surveying the damage. Moving in close, I put my arms around his waist and squeezed him tight. He looked down at me—since he’s a foot taller—and I looked up, smirking. Now staring into my husband, Erik’s, eyes, I didn’t say a word. Not being able to stand it anymore, with guilt and shame written all over his face, he said, “Fine, I admit it! I had been thinking some really prideful thoughts about you and your little accident!”

It was a marvelous moment.

As the oldest of seven Miller kids, I’ve grown up knowing about QBQ! and its message of personal accountability. But it’s like being a pastor’s kid: You hear it so much it’s easy to forget how powerful it is. But on that accident-prone day in the Colorado Rockies, I was reminded of how practical—and necessary—asking The Question Behind the Question really is. That day at the gas station could’ve turned out much worse if I had succumbed to the temptation to ask lousy questions, and a terrible example would’ve been shown to the youth.

Plus, I’d have missed a perfectly precious moment with my husband, one that I will never forget. In fact, I may even mention it to him now and then—just for fun.

Kristin E. Lindeen
QBQ! speaker/workshop leader