The Mama Dance

Stop running

2012-01-21T12:13:00.002-07:00

My first time playing with the tablet.

Gratitude

2011-12-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

Source: kittengirl.tumblr.com via Loida on Pinterest

I have a daughter who can oftentimes focus on the negative things in life. She tends to want what she doesn't have and doesn't like the choices she makes. I know about how this feels because I can tend toward this, too. Last night, she told me she only remembers the bad times--when I'm stressed and being short, when her sister is freaking out, when her brother is being mean, when she stepped in on someone else's family photo that one time. Yes, she's super gregarious, full of positive energy, smiles and charisma, but she has this tendency to focus on the bad. I'm not one to say no bad shit happens and to tell her to be happy all the time. I encourage my children to feel their feelings. But I want her to be aware of all the great things in her life because I KNOW that focusing on Gratitude can be life changing. It's changed my life in huge ways. You can see beautiful when before all you saw was ugly. You can see helping hands where before all you saw was someone who stood against you. So I suggested she keep a gratitude journal and thought it would be fun to do it online. So we decided to start a blog of her gratitude journal. She loved the idea. So, if you want to check out Abbey's Happy Place, take a peek. Already, today she has seen some great things happen. And I have some things to be grateful for, too:

Kind people who give kids free balloons when theirs pop.
Making yummy french toast from a new recipe. (Who knew that adding flour made it delicious.)
Dancing to Our Song in the kitchen.
Reading Chocolate Fever to the girls and having them run all around the house as Henry Green was running and running and running away from the hospital.
And I'm grateful a practical stranger helped me to get a hula hoop to a new friend who is leaving Tucson in a couple days. People are kind.

Happy Solstice

2011-12-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

Winter Solstice...the longest night of the year...a time of releasing what no longer serves us so that we may embrace what is coming into being.

Six weeks ago we intended to make collages that represented what we were letting go of. Boy, was that collage dreary. The images are still cut out and sitting on the board where they were supposed to be glued. Before I cut out those pictures, I sat quietly and asked myself what I wanted to release. I just listened to the recording of that. It was not only the words, but the way in which I said them--quiet, like a frightened child--that was the message.

I said I needed to let go of :

Fear, hatred, judgement, anger, perfection, seriousness, baggage, frustration, old stories, the pain of being left, being unloved and being judged, worries of how the world sees me. I need to let go of the messages that it's not okay to be angry and that crying only lasts a certain amount of time. I need to let go of taking things personally. I need to let go of being afraid of Being Who I Am.

Fear came up at least three times in that session. So, as I said, I didn't create the releasing collage. Instead, I made a collage of what I wanted to bring in. It was prettier, full of brighter, more positive images. And, again, there in itself is another message--that I couldn't put into an image what I was wanting to let go of, for it was too ugly. This is what keeps me held back--that I won't explore those dark, icky places. I want to keep them buried. Because, you know, if we don't look at them, they don't exist. Right? Ha! Wrong. They keep us back, keep us from moving forward. But, as life does, it gave me the opportunity to really tread in the muck, to visit those shadow places. It's been painful to look at those parts of me that hurt, that are tender, that come from a little child afraid of being unloved, of being left, that wants to hold on oh so tight that I could just smother what I'm holding on to. There's a voice inside that's kept me safe, that tells me when there's danger lurking, that bad things might happen, that warns me. This voice DOES NOT TRUST. Yes, ofttimes it's right. But there are many, many times when it's wrong, when it sends me fear messages, messages that I should not trust. And that voice keeps me in a place of constant vigilance, of fear. Recently, I've been laughing at that voice, that little frightened child, who starts sending out a barrage of messages to be careful, to not be too vulnerable, to not trust. It's still afraid, while I'm moving forward in Trust. I had told Elijah that I wanted to create a ritual to release that voice, to thank it for doing it's work, but to tell it it's time to go. He advised against it and said something along the lines of 'you don't have to let it go, but you don't have to take it so seriously, you know when it's telling you stories.' And I do. I need to embrace The Voice and as I move forward, less afraid, more vulnerable, I can realize when it's just replaying old tape. Also, in these last six weeks, I've voiced resentments and anger that I've held for so long. I had been so afraid to speak these aloud because if I did I might just be unloved, another of the Big Fears for me. What did that do? Oh my word, it released this expanse within that's free to let in love and laughter, vulnerability, play, passion, authenticity.

I did not put those images down on that poster board, instead I went ahead, even when I was afraid, and confronted those parts I wanted to release. I did the work. And, so, today, this Winter Solstice 2011, I have so much more room to accept what is coming in. And, boy, am I excited for what will unfold...and another trip around the Spiral.

I am in deep with you darling

2011-12-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

This is our 20th year together. In just the last few months since our 19th anniversary on September 23rd, we have grown so very much. Has it been easy? Has it been painless? No. But when you let down your armor, the tender parts that have been protected since you were a wee little one have to get used to the exposure. It's like cutting your nails really short. It feels so different. So strange. But this...this opening...this falling...it is so much better. Authentic love. Interdependency. Vulnerability. It's what we strive for, I think. It's what all humans want--to reveal and to be accepted for Who We Are. Why has it taken so long to be able to be so real? I don't know. Many people go a whole lifetime and don't do it. Each year we've taken steps closer to where we are, but somehow in this 20th year of us we decided to fall in. That's why this song is so perfect. It's our new song. It's a good one. Give a listen. And may you fall in. May you be in deep with someone.

Kids, food and creativity

2011-11-18T11:42:00.001-07:00

The girls and I have been having fun cooking together this week--whole wheat blueberry pancakes, whole wheat banana muffins, chocolate chip cookies, Snickerdoodles in the Easy Bake Oven, meatballs. YaYa's palette has really changed. She's having a hard time finding food she enjoys. Cooking together has helped. She LOVED the pancakes and muffins. Once, when she was really hungry and was saying there was nothing she wanted to eat in the house I asked her what she felt like eating. She said carrots. Well, we had carrots. It just wasn't something I thought to offer. So I got her some carrots. She ate those and was open to something else. Allowing your child to know what they want to eat and not forcing them to eat something they don't want is important to keeping them in tune with their body. They aren't trying to be difficult. Tastes change...even in adults. Don't make food a battle. Be creative.

Diagnosing the Dis-Ease

2011-07-27T14:01:00.002-07:00

This blog post is right on. It inspired me to write this. My youngest has been prone to outbursts and lashing out for quite a while. We talk with her about it, about how it affects others and so on. We've just known that's the way she is and we try to work with it. Then at the end of last year we had lots of interaction with family. The first was a visit from E's grandma. Her 90-year-old husband was a practicing psychologist in his life and he told me that what I needed to do when she had an outburst was to turn my back and ignore her until she acted in a way I approved of. Uhhhmmm...yeah...no thank you. To me the message to my kid would have been I love you and will give you attention...as long as you're acting like I want. That was dismissed promptly. To turn my back on my child in a time of need is about the last thing I want to do. (Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn is a book that's influenced my parenting philosophy and if you haven't read it, pick it up. It lays out the reasons that this tactic might work, but the implications of doing so.) Next, we had the holidays. Christmas+lotsa family+presents+noise+lights+toys+overload=Outbursts. I got looks from my family and it made me uncomfortable. I had to cancel Christmas dinner so she wouldn't be put through the overstimulation and I wouldn't be constantly trying to monitor so an outburst wouldn't happen. I talked with my family and they were just concerned as to why a then 3 year old was so angry. I decided to do some research and in the end found out that my youngest is a Highly Sensitive Child (HSC). It was really helpful to know what was at the root of the distress. At the height of her sensitivity, smells bothered her. She would have an outburst while we were cooking a meal because she couldn't stand the smell. Loud sounds bother her. We have a friend who visits who she really likes but he has a loud laugh. She avoided him for the next few visits after he laughed loudly at something she showed him. Too much sensory input bothers her--noise and lights and loud talking all at once. She had a hard time not getting what she wanted. Clothes bothered her. Extreme temperatures bothered her. Hunger pangs bothered her. All of these things led to outbursts. After reading The Highly Sensitive Child by Aron, I realized what was going on. For a while, I drew in. I kept us away from people who didn't understand. I tried to alter the environment as much as I could to be less overwhelming. I realized there were two outfits that were comfortable and kept them clean. I talked with her about breathing through the intense emotions. Seven months later, I find her breathing, eyes closed, on her own to center herself, or she hums. She's trying new things...like underwear and food that looks different. She's much happier and less sensitive. My brother-in-law who hadn't seen her for a few months remarked that she's much more outgoing and my husband replied, "Slow and steady." We've not tried to change her. She is who she is. We've just tried to give her tools and create an environment that's more comforting. Can you imagine feeling every little thing intensely? Wouldn't that wear you down? We understand. It's been a blessing to find the cause of the Dis-Ease and to help her navigate her world. Had I been a parent who believed she was just trying to manipulate me, I'd have instituted time-outs and punishments and turned my back to her and then how would she feel? Broken, alone, misunderstood. So before you attempt those tactics to make your child act in a way that's more convenient for you, look at what's going on, attempt to diagnose the Dis-Ease. It will help your child and it will help your relationship. And really that's what it's all about--relationship. How we treat them now teaches them about relationship--how they should treat others and how they should expect to be treated by others.

(And, yes, there are times we've been less than perfect in dealing with an outburst. But, we learn about what triggers us and try to do better next time.)

Motivation

2011-03-25T21:19:00.000-07:00

The other day Elijah and I were talking about what motivates Isaiah. I said it was knowledge. Elijah said it was challenge.

I asked Isey today, "What motivates you?" Without a thought he said, "Myself." I said, "Yourself, huh?" He came back with, "It's nothing outside of me." What a great answer. I told him that I had said knowledge and he said, "Uh huh." And I told him Elijah said challenge and he said, "Yup." Anyway, I just think it's fabulous that at 13 he had an answer so quickly and was so sure it was himself. If you would have asked me that at 13, HA! I don't think I would have had an answer.

I am so grateful that the graphic design course at the Tucson Museum of Art was available. It's given him the tools to get some of the things in his head out in visual form in a medium he feels comfortable with.

Thinking about motivation...I think I found motivation when I had Isaiah. I was motivated to be the best mom I could to him. I am still motivated by my family. They push me to be the best me I can be. Sometimes I fall short (way short) of what I'd like to give them, but I keep trying to be better.

What motivates you?

He's 13!!!

2010-12-28T23:53:00.000-07:00

I love the life I have!

2010-12-22T00:33:00.000-07:00

There are often several things I see in a day that make me think we're doing something right with our children. They can spend loads of time on something they are interested in. They ask brilliant questions. They show immense amounts of love and kindness and understanding. Of course, there are times when the shit hits the fan and they are all pissed off at each other. But today was a damn good day and I like to bask in the good days. While my brother-in-law was sitting in our livingroom visiting with us, my 5-year-old daughter waltzed in and declared, "I love the life I have." There are many days when she says, "This is the best day of my life," but to hear her say, "I love the life I have" made me feel so good. This is especially meaningful to me since there was a long time where I was certain we were doomed to forever fight. We did not get along. She was not happy. She always wanted more. She hit. She didn't share. She told you how she felt and she didn't sugar coat it. She didn't like being treated like a kid. She wanted things to be fair. She wanted to make important choices in her life and she wanted to be respected, listened to and trusted. I considered myself a damn good mom. When Abbey was born, Isey was seven. I went to parenting classes. I treated him with respect. I was an attachment parent. But still there was a LOT of control involved in our relationship. He was okay with this, as some children are. Abbey was NOT. AT. ALL. It was exhausting and humbling to have a child who tested my patience, who called me on my stuff, who demanded to be heard, who didn't want to choose from the two shirts I picked out, but wanted a different one. I wasn't sure what to do. I did what I'd done with my son. I gave her choices. I put myself in her shoes. But still, I was the parent and she was supposed to do what I wanted her to do, because I was the one who knew everything. I was caring about her and thus I was pushing my agenda on her. Nope. Wasn't happening. So I realized I needed to change the way I was doing things, because the way we were going it wasn't working. I listened to her more. I tried to work out mutually satisfying solutions. I talked. A. LOT. What once seemed so important became less important because most important was my relationship with my child. She did not want to sleep early. She did not want to eat right when she woke up. She did not want to bathe everyday. She did not want to wear clothes all the time. She didn't want to wear a jacket just because it was winter. She didn't like some clothes because they were itchy. She knew what she wanted and what she wanted was me to listen to her and respect her. When I began to do these things our relationship changed. For a while, I thought things changed because she'd matured but recently I went back to trying to control an area of her life. And she went back to be really unhappy about it. The fighting began. I backed off, took a different angle, and things returned to center. She's one of my greatest teachers and I'm so thankful for her.

I love the life I have!

Be With What Is

2010-12-03T09:48:00.007-07:00

Yesterday, my husband and I were throwing on old tunes as we cooked dinner together. "Jessie's Girl" and "867-5309" were some that I picked. I was a Top 40 kinda gal when I was younger. Elijah was playing English Beat, Oingo Boingo, Thompson Twins. Now, I knew the hits from these bands, but he had the albums and listened to them all the time while at military school. He was one of those cool California kids my small-town-kid-self woulda went gaga over. I told him so. I told him I could imagine seeing him while I was on vacation and falling into a deep crush with him. I'd imagine scenarios of how we'd meet again and my 12-year-old self would hold onto visions of him, while my heart ached to hold his hand. I asked him if he had any of these types of crushes. Nope, he said. I told him maybe it was a girl thing. But you know, maybe it's just a Tara thing. It was an interesting step into the past. I'd forgotten those particular tendencies of mine. I'd forgotten the intense emotions and deep longing I had for what I didn't have. I'd like to say that that was an adolescent thing, but as I grew into adulthood I also wanted what I didn't have. I was pining away for what was just out of reach. So, when "Hold Me Now" by Thomspon Twins came on, and Elijah grabbed my hand and we started slow dancing in the kitchen, I got lost in the dance; and then I remembered a time when I pined for a husband who would dance with me. I remember years of no dancing. I was so sad during those times. I love to dance. For years, I wished he'd dance with me and then I just let go of it, knowing I had what I had and that was a (mostly) non-dancing partner. And then something happened, he started dancing with me. Not only did he start dancing with me, but for one anniversary he got us salsa lessons. And now, we dance.

This is a perfect example of a lesson I learned a few years back, Be With What Is. Don't be attached to what you don't have. Enjoy the Now, and you'll be surprised at the magic that can happen. When you put all that energy into wishing things were different, you have no space to allow life to be, to evolve. This lesson has changed my life dramatically. Mostly I learned this from two of my Wise Teachers, my daughters. I give thanks and praise for this life, this now and I am ready with open arms for what is to come. AND I honor that woman that was, that woman who had longing. I honor all parts of me--past and present me.

Isey turning 13

2010-12-01T16:52:00.007-07:00

My son will be 13 on Winter Solstice. I am looking forward to it. If he just keeps getting awesomer and awesomer (yes, I know it's not a word), we are in for some great years. I know many people in America are afraid of teenagers. I know some who don't like them, and as my son pointed out, some who don't trust them. We trust our son. We are connected to our son. We listen to our son. We respect our son. And we support our son. When he was little, he liked to please us. It was his way. And as he hit 9 and 10 I would tell him, "Don't do it for me, do it for you. Make yourself happy. You're the only one that matters." I'm not saying I urged selfishness. I urged him to do what he wanted, what he would enjoy, what would bring him pleasure and meaning. I am convinced this was a good thing. He knows what he loves. When he becomes interested in something, he follows his interest with intense focus. And when he needs to rest, to allow those things he pursued to sink in, he does. I have faith that he knows what's best for him; that if he listens to his inner guide it will lead him right where he needs to go. I've watched as he stands up for himself, as he calls it as he sees it, as he comes into himself and pursues his dreams. It's great to stand by him as he becomes more of him, instead of pushing him to become something someone else wants him to be.

How do you spell LOVE?

2010-10-14T23:56:00.001-07:00

With my first, I would have answered this with more questions. "L-l-love. What's the sound of the first letter? Yes. llll. llll. What says llll?" I no longer do this, at least I don't do it much. So when Abbey asked me how to spell love, I said L-O-V-E. She said, "okay, again." And I spelled it again. She wanted it slower. So I said, "L" and waited and she asked for the next letter. I said, "O." She then asked me to write it down. So I did. And then I stayed where I was, doing what I had been doing. This is something else I've changed in the way I relate to my kids. With the first one I would have been right there, seeing what he was doing, finding ways to make what he was doing better, helping him. Read as...getting in his way. The ways I've changed aren't just because of logistics, because you just can't be THAT involved with more than one. Getting out of the way is a conscious choice. We are homeschooling much differently now. We are following our children's lead, respecting their choices, providing what they need, but not invading their learning journey with our agenda. See, had I been in the room with Abbey all up in her face about designing the I Love Mom message, there's no way that it would have been as cool as it is. I wouldn't have used the word magnets to make a V. I wouldn't have used two game pieces to make an M, nor a hair tie for O. There's no way. I'm not that creative...and it's so out of the box....*so* out of the box. So perfect. I could not have let perfection happen so beautifully. I would have been all up in there trying to "do it right." This is why I'm so thankful for this learning journey we are on. My kids are able to do things in such magnificent ways it blows me away.

The cure for itchiness

2010-07-30T13:22:00.003-07:00

Just say yes. Yes. Uh huh. Yup. Of course. Sure.

I have been saying no more than I should. I could give the various reasons for doing so, but none of them are justified. It didn't feel good. It didn't feel right. And it certainly wasn't easier. No rightfully makes anyone feel stifled, angry, held down, resentful. Hearing it over and over from a parent can make the word powerless, and even worse, it can make the child feel powerless.

So I decided to do something about it. I decided to say yes. But for me I had to have a visual. I love spreadsheets and lists to check. I'm not organized. Don't even begin to think that, but when I'm working on something I like to see a visual of progress being made. (I think this is particularly funny because I have despised the concept of "rewards" for my children so much. Is a rubberband a reward? No, but it sure does resemble a gold star in ways.) So what I did was get 10 rubber bands and put them on my left wrist. When I said yes joyfully, I moved a rubber band over to the right side and if I said no, I'd move it back. After a short time, 10 was not enough. So I put 9 red rubberbands on and three yellows. The yellows would mark 10 yeses and I'd move all the reds back to the left. By the time I went to bed, I had said 29 yeses and I was a whole lot happier than I'd been in the last few weeks. And so were the kids.

So what did I say yes to?

Reading. This was asked of me while I was working out. I had a few sets left and I wanted to finish because this has become a goal of mine, to take care of myself, so I told Abbey that I would read when I was done lifting. She accepted this. When I was done, there was lots of cool wind and I was sweaty and DID NOT want to read on the couch or in the bed so I said let's read on the trampoline. So that's where we read. And she brought me roses. And we read in the breeze. And it was lovely.

Buying marshmallows. Yes, a trip to the store just for marshmallows. Just me and YaYa. She was a happy camper.

Planting seeds.

Mr. Misty's. And asking if they'd let Abbey have a sample of blue raspberry, to which they said yes.

There was one hasty no--to watching Word Girl. It wasn't on the DVR anymore. It just wasn't possible. But wait! That switched to a maybe when I realized it might be on the PBS website. It was and so I hooked the laptop up to the TV and they watched Word Girl.

There was yes to Abbey, 5, sharpening a knife and then cutting grapes.

Yes to Yaya, 3, making her own Gatorade.

Yes to dancing with them in the rain.

Yes to swimming in the rain.

Yes to a little more sugar in already sweetened Honey Nut Cheerios.

Yes to reading at 1:45AM when I was zonked.

There were more in between, big ones and little ones, but yeses that made them feel good. And there were some I didn't count.

Everyone went to bed happy, including me.

The power of yes is amazing. It can cure itchiness.

Yes!

Itchy times

2010-07-29T09:58:00.004-07:00

We go through itchy times, times when we aren't at our best. Now is one of those times. The kids are sick. YaYa is going through a rough patch. She's angry. She may be extra angry because of all the snot in her nose, but she's angry and lashes out easily at the slightest problem. I haven't slept well because the kids have been sick for a little over three weeks, and hell, I haven't slept well in years. I haven't gotten out. I've been working a lot (for me). Elijah's deciding whether he wants to go to graduate school and if he does whether he goes full or part time. It doesn't help that there MAY BE a time crunch included in this. He MAY have to be done with his degree by 2015, or else to become a nurse practitioner he'd need a doctorate. No one will answer his calls to guarantee him that he'll be done with the program in time, or what happens if he's not. And admittedly, we're putting ourselves through hell regarding a purchase. We are thrifty folks. And we bought our first house last year. We need an air conditioner in the family room and it's killing us to make the purchase. We have done all sorts of research, talked to many people, and really what it comes down to is forking out the money is like pulling teeth. And we all know what anxiety the dentist brings. So everyone in the house is pretty snarky.

Thankfully, there are really great times mixed in with the miserable ones--the night swims, walking in the rain, making up games, reading in bed, learning new songs on the guitar and keyboard, getting in shape, eating well, make believe, fresh tomatoes and basil.

And sometimes I forget those are there during the itchy times, that those good times happen. I focus on the negative. I want it to be all sunshine and lollipops every moment of every day. And it's not. And I get down. And I bag on myself. And then I'm more itchy. Yucky spiral.

So yesterday, I was told to take some time for myself. After I gave a new resident the keys to his apartment, I met a friend for coffee. We talked for almost three hours about itchiness, about how we choose to parent, about how we can beat ourselves up, about how expectations can get in the way, about living in the moment, about our own self-discipline, or lack thereof, and that of our children. It was a necessary break for me, one I should take more often.

Because when I came home I was less itchy, more creative in solving problems the children had, better able to handle the late night, or should I say early morning, requests with love and a light heart and not a snarky attitude. I was willing to read at 1:30AM when usually I'm just too tired.

There have been three things that have helped me over the last couple days--Watching this beautiful show on the Buddha while I walk on the elliptical. Going to meet my dear friend, and having this song play as I was on my way to meet her.

I feel renewed and the itching has subsided. Let's see what happens when everyone wakes up.

Gotta love poop

2010-07-16T09:12:00.003-07:00

After a wonderful night swim, the girls and I were in the bath--a bubble bath, of course. Abbey, again, began to explain what the difference was between the foam zeroes and the two letter O's--the letter O was more round, whereas the zero was skinnier and the inside wasn't an oval, but was pointed. Makes sense. So I took her two O's and sandwiched them in between two P's. Nothing better than getting a kid excited about a word than making that word POOP. I said, "This says poop." Giggle. Giggle.

(And this is where it takes off. I've done this before and there's been no real interest. No questions. I drop it. Some people think you have to TEACH a kid to read. If they aren't interested, there's a problem. Make 'em sit. Make 'em pay attention. Give them instruction. TEACH them. Yeah, no thanks.)

"How about this?" she says, and she removes an O.

Pop.

She replaces the leading P with a T.

Top, I say.

Then I put in an M. She knows what M says. Mommy is her favorite word to write. Next to Abbey. :) She figures it out. Mop. YES! Eyes wide.

I put in an H. She thinks. Hop. YES!

I'm reading, she says.

Yes, you are. You are teaching yourself to read! And it went on from there with the -ops.

And Dad was called in.

And we cheered her accomplishment.

That's how Abbey's teaching herself to read. Support. Fun. Play. Following her lead. Answering all her questions. We've read to her--books, signs, games, TV show titles. We didn't make it annoying. We just made it what we do. She's working it out.

Learning happens

2010-04-07T10:03:00.002-07:00

It has been a great pleasure watching Abbey's learning unfold. She showed me early on that she needed no teacher. So except for those few times where my husband or I sat down with the crazy notion we should teach something, she has learned organically. She lives her life next to us and when she has a question she asks. And we answer. When cooking with me, she's asked about numbers or why we put salt in cookie batter. Currently, she's constantly asking me things like, "What's 70+80+60+12+8," or the like. When I hear that first number, my brain turns on to remember her string. Just the other night while I was driving she asked, "What's 70+70+70+70+70+80." I answered, "430." She thought for a moment and said, "but I didn't say 30." I just said, "Well, 70 times 5 is 350, add 80 and you get 430." No more. That was it. She was quiet for a while, then went on to another string of numbers. I know she was trying to process what I said. I also know that if I had gone on some grand explanation, her brain would have just shut off. She's getting it. I know it.

Last night, while she was bathing, I was reading Alice in Wonderland to her. She sat in the tub and enjoyed this very much. She then sat on the edge of the tub near where I was sitting, looking over my shoulder. I turned the page and a chapter title came up, "What's that?" I put my finger under the text and I said, "Chapter 5, Advice from a caterpillar." In the past, there was one point where I followed the words in a book with my finger. This seemed to irritate her, so I stopped and haven't done it since, until this incident. I began reading again and she enjoyed some more. Again when the chapter title came up she wanted to know what it said. I followed with my finger, "Chapter 6, Pig and Pepper." I read some more and when I read the word Duchess, she wanted to know which word it was. I pointed it out to her. Then I thought, "she's ready for me to use my finger." I began reading with my finger under the words and she'd stop me when I got to a quotation mark, an em dash, the space when a paragraph starts. "What's that?" "Why is that space there?" I find these questions fascinating. She's decoding the English language. She's not beginning with the words, but with the punctuation. Whatever works for her.

In our house, learning happens without teaching—with support, but without lessons. Learning happens with joy, with ecstasy, and sometimes with frustration. Learning happens when it's allowed to unfold naturally, gently, wildly, crazily, quietly, noisily. Learning happens. It just does.

Woken at 3:30am by my 12-year-old

2010-03-15T06:10:00.002-07:00

Sometimes unschooling can be messy, like when I'm woken at 3:30am to the sound of the sewing machine...and now I can't get back to sleep an hour and a half later. But my heart swells when I get a message on the Touch, "He's done. He's pretty cool, a little oblong." When I think about what some other 12-year-olds are doing, I'm so happy my issue with my kid is him waking me up as a result of him making something inspired by the Pi Guy plush doll I gave him for Pi Day. Yeah, I'll be tired tomorrow. But that's okay. He started a project. He worked through frustrations when he couldn't thread a bobbin and when mom asked him to stop using the machine so she could sleep. He completed the project by hand. He's proud of the result AND he knew he could share with me when he was done...not that I'd be pissed because he was awake so late, or because he woke me. I *could* use the sleep but I value our relationship much more than that, and who knows what genius could come out of one of these late night Creativity Fests. Look at Oblong Guy. He's pretty genius, if you ask me.

How the Gratitude Beep changed my perspective today

2010-01-26T12:02:00.004-07:00

I walk the dog alone everyday at 10:30. Today, the girls woke up early and both wanted to go on the walk with me. After spending 15 minutes getting them ready, only one decided to go. The 15 minutes trying to dress Aria wasn't needed in the end, but no harm, no foul. Abbey and I took off with Isis. And Isis began to drag me, which she never does. I suspect this is because we were going at Abbey's pace. Abbey and I looked at some tracks and scat along the way. We saw the bird that followed me the day I spotted the coyote. It's only the second time I've seen it. I may have got a good picture this time. Abbey went on the trip because yesterday, when we were driving, I showed her where I walked Isis under the road. She thought this was cool and wanted to check it out. After walking half a mile, she wanted a drink. OOPS! I don't bring water for myself and didn't think about it today. We got to the bridge and Isis was afraid to go down. She was fearful the other day and sped through the tunnel. She remembered where we were going as we headed down there. She stopped dead in her tracks. Watching Cesar has taught me a few things. I was confident I could get her down there. I knew what I needed to do. I needed to help her face her fear. I grabbed her harness and pulled her onto the cement. Once she stepped on she was fine. She went through the tunnel a little quickly, but came back through calmly. Abbey thought it was the coolest thing ever. We found a grocery cart covered by mud and she wants to go back and dig it out. This sounds like a trip for Dad. The part that made me grateful was coming home. Abbey was tired, hot, thirsty and cranky. I was carrying her on my back while trying to walk a dog that wasn't cooperating and I was beginning to get thirsty, too. I began to think of the women who walk through the desert in the scorching heat of summer with their children to come to America for a better life. Instead of being miserable, I was grateful that I live such a prosperous life, a life with freedoms to raise my children as I wish, where clean water and abundant food is available and so much more. Having lived with my Gratitude Beep for at least three weeks, my outlook has changed. I no longer dwell in the negative, but look for the good in things. Right now, I'm grateful for my Gratitude Beep and how it's changed my outlook, and a dog and kids who teach me important lessons such as patience, compassion and tolerance. I'm really grateful for such a fabulous life.

Math, math everywhere

2009-08-10T13:21:00.004-07:00

Inspired by the brownie making in Scooby Doo and the Ghoul School, the girls wanted to bake. We made some Devil's Food cupcakes. While helping me, they both wanted to add the eggs. I had read what we needed to add to the cake mix a minute earlier. Abbey said to Aria, "Aria, we can both do it. We need to add four eggs. We can each break two." She said this without looking at the eggs, without even seeming to think about it. She just knew that 2+2 made 4. I was surprised. Math in the kitchen. It happens.

2009-08-10T09:26:00.000-07:00

When you walked in the front door before
Now when we walk in the front door

2009-08-10T09:25:00.000-07:00

Cabinets out, switches in, lights in, water line for fridge going in
pony wall, new duct, lights up
we added three more lights

Kitchen remodel

2009-08-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

Before
Before
During
Claude left half the wall up so we could visualize

What have we been doing?

2009-08-10T09:03:00.001-07:00

As I said in the last post, we got a house. We've been spending all of our time working on it.

Outside:

Completed irrigation-not all the trees and bushes had irrigation to them, although they had a line running by them underground. Elijah dug and added spaghetti lines to these.

Began digging the vegetable garden-we are getting manure delivered to us free once a week. It has to go somewhere. Elijah's working it into the vegetable garden.

Began digging for in ground trampoline.

Removed unhealthy citrus tree.

Pulled weeds.

Attempted to repair the pool, failed. Called the home warranty people in. they fixed it.

Battling against a green pool and leaves. Constant.

Cleaned out the Jacuzzi. Not an easy job.

Need to do: Get Jacuzzi repaired. Pump not sounding good.

Inside:

THROUGHOUT:

Took down popcorn ceiling.

Textured all ceilings.

Removed all funky fans with electric chains hanging down and ran electricity into the ceiling for new fans.

Installed new light switches that will run fans.

Removed window coverings.

Took out carpet.

Removed molding.

Picked paint.

KITCHEN:

Picked cabinets. After three weeks of searching, we finally went to Ikea. I loved the Akurum Adel Medium Brown. Had a fellow unschooler/handyman put them together. They are sitting in the family room waiting for the finishing touches on the kitchen.

Knocked down and built up kitchen wall. Adding a breakfast bar.

Put in can lights.

Added light to pantry.

Ran a water line behind the wall for the refrigerator water.

Bought a new to us slide in stove.

Searched for used appliances on Craigslist. Looked at many. Considering buying new.

BATHROOMS:

Repaired leaky sinks.

Took down all hardware.

Painted hall bathroom.

Repaired toilets.

FAMILY ROOM:

Removed paneling

TO DO:

KITCHEN :

Sheetrock/drywall work in kitchen

Paint kitchen

Install cabinets

Pick and install countertop

Get new appliances

Lay needed tiles

THROUGHOUT:

Buy and install fan/light fixtures

Buy and install window coverings

Paint

KIDS BEDROOMS:

Lay laminate flooring

MASTER BEDROOM:

Pick/buy/get installed carpet

BATHROOMS:

Decide if we want to redo at all or wait until later

Our house!

2009-06-25T09:00:00.003-07:00

We got a house. *doing a Happy Dance* We never thought we'd get a house. We thought the apartment complex we manage would be enough for us. Free rent, free utilities. It's been good and we've been smart. Instead of spending all that money we saved in rent and utilities, we've saved it. Not with the idea that once we saved enough we'd buy a house, but just because spending on stuff just isn't our gig. I really, truly never allowed myself to dream about owning a house. All those vision boards I've ever made were so symbolic. There was never a house on it or car or vacation or thing. It was always words like hope, harmony, pleasure, love. Images of beauty and togetherness. Our perfect living situation quickly grew to be unsatisfactory once we began adding more children. Raising one child here was fabulous and two might have been, but three? We didn't fit. There's no yard in our bigger three bedroom apartment. We just grew out of our place. I have always talked about buying a house with the Mama Tribe, should I do it? You all own homes. Is it worth it? But I never really thought I could do it. I was afraid to take that financial commitment on. Then I talked with AstrologerDawn, a life coach friend of mine, and she did what she does best, asked me some questions that led me to my own answers. Then she gave me a name of a loan officer friend of hers and the ball was rolling! Things just lined up and we were putting an offer in on a foreclosure. And my heart got broke when we lost it. But I emptied my sorrows under the Full Moon and the next week we found our place. Better than the first. It has a pool and "cacuzzi" as Abbey calls it. It has a huge backyard and a place for chickens, a raised bed garden. It's near the desert so Isey can roam. It's not in the middle of town, but 15 minutes from downtown. It feels like we're really far out. There's rabbits and other wildlife. Yet we're within five minutes of shopping and the library. I didn't get excited until Sunday. I've allowed my self to stay unattached but now I'm so giddy. My own place. Ree-haw! We're not moving in yet. We could--if we wanted to live in 70's blue shag and mint green walls. We're gonna do some work on it, make it our own. Then we'll have a new place filled with hope, harmony, pleasure, love. So excited to start our new adventure. Did I say Ree-haw?

Ree-haw!

Update

2009-05-09T20:50:00.003-07:00

Allowed myself to get married to that property and got it swooped out from under us. Still in mourning. But it's just a house. Yes? Yes. It's just a house. But hearing that we were the highest and best and we were just waiting on the bank's stamp got us so excited. We were thinking about the plans for the place--solar panels, water harvesting, permaculture. Then, we got the bad news; someone made a cash offer and could close in a week. No more foreclosures or short sales for me. I don't have the heart for it. I told Elijah it feels like I've been betrayed by a lover--the pain feels like that. Ewwww! Under the Full Moon last night I cried and let go--or tried to. We're gonna go out looking again on Monday.

Besides buying the house, we've been sick. It began three weeks ago with Abbey getting hives--bad. She looked horrendous and itched like mad. We all have gone through sore throats, coughing, fevers, runny noses. We're mostly better. Illness is really hard when you have a big family because it inevitably runs through each of you at a different time, so you're homebound for an extended period of time. You start to get on eachother's last nerves. It's no fun! Yesterday everyone was finally good enough that I didn't have to comfort them, or myself, and was able to do a bit of cleaning. But my house has REALLY seen better days. Anyway, just a quick update. We're all still here. Done with illness, but still searching for our first house.