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5 Myths About Female Orgasms

2012-09-25T02:51:00.001-04:00

We’ve come a long way since the days when science doubted the existence of the female orgasm. Today, a woman’s sexual satisfaction is a major field of study and the average couple has spent a great deal of time trying to improve her experience. This is certainly appreciated, but some of you may be trying too hard; her level of satisfaction may already be everything she could hope for. That’s right: You may be striving toward a goal that has been based entirely on myth. This misinformation circulates with surprising frequency and you may be shocked (if not relieved) to learn how wrong some of them are. Read on as I discuss, and set right, the 5 biggest female orgasm myths around.

All women want a G-spot orgasm

Put in the simplest terms possible: This is a load of crap. While it’s true that many women lust for G-spot orgasms, it’s a complete orgasm myth that all women desire such a thing. For many women, having the G-spot stimulated - even "correctly" - results in a sensation that can only be described as extremely uncomfortable. It can make a woman feel like she needs to urinate immediately, and that’s never fun. It can also cause her to feel pain, and not in a sexy S&M kind of way, either. In fact, the whole stimulating the G-spot thing can annoy some women to the point where it completely turns them off for the rest of the evening. Yes, some women love having their G-spot stimulated - but many don’t.

Women need a skilled partner to orgasm

Many men pride themselves on their ability to make a woman orgasm (and I'm sure your skills are definitely appreciated), but the ultimate responsibility for a woman’s orgasm belongs to her. It’s perfectly normal for a woman to have difficulty achieving a vaginal orgasm - that’s why God invented the clitoris. Meaning: She can still achieve a fabulous orgasm even if her lover is a virgin with limited experience and know-how. A man’s efforts are certainly helpful, but if she’s not achieving orgasm she has no one to blame but herself. Additionally, many women suffer from performance anxiety just as men do. If a woman falls into this category, even the most skillful of men wouldn’t be able to make her orgasm, regardless of his efforts.

Women need to orgasm to enjoy themselves

This orgasm myth couldn’t be further from the truth. Sex feels good whether you have an orgasm or not, and when combined with the right level of intimacy, the experience can be immensely satisfying regardless of whether or not she climaxes. Many women even prefer foreplay to actual sex and orgasm. Why? Because, for some women kissing, hugging and caressing are more satisfying than anything you see in porn flicks. If you combine these acts of affection with slow and steady penetration, most women will be perfectly content at the end of your love session.

Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms

This orgasm myth is a bit like comparing apples and oranges. OK, not exactly, but you get the idea. The basic point is this: Both are perfectly lovely and they can be equally satisfying. The only reason vaginal orgasms are regarded as the Holy Grail of ecstasy is how infrequently they occur. Statistically speaking, it’s estimated that 30% of women will never even experience one and only 30% do so with regularity. That means you have a very good chance of dating or marrying a woman who will never achieve a vaginal orgasm. Unfair as that may sound, clitoral orgasms are not to be taken lightly; they can be absolutely earth-shattering under the right circumstances, and some women prefer them. Clitoral orgasms are wonderful and there is no reason to pity a woman who hasn’t experienced an orgasm through vaginal stimulation.

Women can’t ejaculate

Anyone who still believes this orgasm myth has clearly never seen a good porn film. Women can definitely ejaculate, and some can do so more forcefully (and with more volume) than men. It’s a relatively new acknowledgment in the scientific community, so the research still leaves something to be desired, but there’s plenty of evidence to support the claim. We know that women ejaculate through the urethra, just like men. Female ejaculate contains the same substances male ejaculate contains, and it’s produced in the "female prostate" - an organ which is extremely similar to the male prostate, albeit smaller. Women seem to ejaculate primarily through direct stimulation of the G-spot (some scientists believe this is actually the urethral sponge), but not all women can or will experience ejaculation. So, if she doesn't have a gushing end, don't think she didn't enjoy herself, just try again another time.

orgasmic mythology

So there you have it: Five female orgasm myths totally debunked. While it’s admirable to concern yourself with your woman’s pleasure and level of satisfaction, you’re not solely responsible for her orgasm. If she doesn’t have one, she could still be having the time of her life. If, however, you really have your heart set on making her holler, I recommend asking her to masturbate for you, which will provide plenty of insight (and quite a show) into how she prefers to reach orgasm.

4 Best Ways To Make Her Orgasm

2012-09-25T02:35:00.003-04:00

"Because smell, sex and memory centers share close quarters in the brain, the scent of arousal leaves the most lasting impression."

She’s arching her back, moaning and groaning, and giving Meg Ryan a run for her money. You're feeling great about yourself and loving how it's going, but you're not alone if these moments are sometimes accompanied by a nagging worry: What if I can't get it right a second time? What if this is all just luck?

Well, some of it is out of your hands. Many women will tell you that an orgasm is nigh on impossible if she's not in the right head space. If she's distracted, worried or feeling uncomfortable, you can be the world's greatest lover and still fail to give her real pleasure. So the first thing you need to do is relax and recognize that it's not all about you. On the other hand, any man worth a place in bed beside a woman knows that he bears some responsibility for sexual satisfaction. For that part of the equation, read on for our for tips to make her orgasm.

Put on musky cologne

Smell is the strongest of the five senses when it comes to sexual functioning for two reasons: First, since anything musky mimics testosterone, it’ll kick her libido into high gear. Baby powder can have a similar effect by activating her “scent print,” which links babies to procreation. Second, because smell, sex and memory centers share close quarters in the brain, the scent of arousal leaves the most lasting impression. The second she gets a whiff of your musky cologne, she’ll be transported back to the last time she smelled it on your body.

Warm up her feet

Every guy knows that when a woman hits the sack she loves to wedge her cold feet between his legs to warm up. Warm feet do more to make a woman physically comfortable than just about anything else - even more so if you want her completely naked, which is not likely to happen if she’s cold, even with the lights off. What most of you probably didn’t realize was the importance of warm feet in increasing the likelihood of her experiencing an orgasm.

According to Dutch scientists from the University of Groningen, the odds are increased by 30%. Maybe leaving the socks on isn’t such a bad idea after all. If you want to try something sexier, a foot massage with a warming gel can do wonders, especially if you concentrate on the pads of her toes and the webbing in between, which are linked to her nether zones according to reflexology charts. Moreover, lips, hands, feet, and genitals get the lion’s share of brain space, where feet and genital centers are neighbors, making them share sexy information. Why else do you think women call shoe shopping “retail therapy” - especially when they’re not getting any at home and feeling bummed out? So socks or stilettos, you choose, as long as they’re keeping her tootsies warm.

"Whether you’re kissing her there, stroking her or gently teasing her with a tickler, just make sure your moves are curvy."

Focus on her 10 o’clock and 2 o’clock

When zoning in between her legs, just as you appreciate her indulging more than just your package, she’d like you to go for more than her hood ornament. If you run your tongue around her clitoral head, concentrating on the 10 o’ clock and 2 o’clock marks on either side, and then gently slip your tongue beneath the hood, you’ll have her moaning from the intensity. While bang-on is too sensitive, those two sweet spots will make sure that she takes a licking and keeps on ticking, thanks to the bulbs hidden just beneath. The best way to pull off this maneuver is to have her straddle your face as you lay comfortably on your back. She’ll get to lean into the headboard so she can drive the action with ease, since you’ve put her in the driver's seat.

Kiss the right side of her spine

Touch on the right side of a woman’s spine makes her melt more so than the left side, perhaps because the left side of the brain controls her right side and it's the logical side that can talk her into anything. Whether you’re kissing her there, stroking her or gently teasing her with a tickler, just make sure your moves are curvy. You’ll cover more mileage, not to mention get better mileage out of your touch, since it’s significantly more intense than a straight touch.

climax trickery

Time for you to take your tricks for a test drive. With all that attention, her skin will be flushed, her pupils dilated, parts of her shaking, and those she can steady, she’ll be pushing into you -- until she’s done and can’t take anymore, that is. Now that’s how to make her orgasm for real and, trust us, you'll be able to tell the difference.

Breakup Advice:

2012-09-25T02:15:00.003-04:00

There is never a good time to break up with someone, ever, so when you know you want out, you should just buck up and do it." Everyone has been dumped or dumped someone, but there is a formula for success in this game to make sure both parties survive the ego bruise.

Where was I when I discovered the trick to kicking the craziness that comes from getting dumped?

I’m glad you asked. I was at the supermarket checkout, waiting beside the magazines. I seriously saw God in an issue of US Weekly. OK, it wasn’t actually God in the US Weekly; it was a tiny, pocket-sized book about dealing with breakups. I don’t know how it got there (my guess is it fell out of an issue of Cosmo), but I was convinced that this travel-sized self-help book was specifically there for me.

I burned through it before it was even my turn to pay for my discounted tortilla chips. I don’t remember much of what the book said, but what I do remember is that it used the word rejection about eight million times. A girl who I was gating had just dumped me. I knew the breakup was coming. In fact, after a year we had started trying a "companionship" thing (a.k.a. "Friends With Benefits"), which basically just allowed us to still enjoy each other sexually before we had officially ended the relationship. When we officially broke up I wasn’t surprised (I broke it off, but only because she wasn't in to it anymore), but it hit me hard later. I wanted this too, but she made the final call. I was rejected first. Seeing her every night was torture. During the days, while working, I felt focused and free. I rarely thought of her, but come time for us to settle in for the evening, I found myself unable to resist her beauty and charm, as though that would change things. Rejection. Screw it. It was then that I realized how much of getting dumped is just an ego bruise.

There Is No Good Time To Break Up With Someone, Ever

How many times have you heard someone who was just dumped say, “And on New Year's, so brutal” or “How could he/she do this so close to my dog’s birthday?” Get real.

Dumpers: There is never a good time to break up with someone, ever, so when you know you want out, you should just buck up and do it. It’s far crueler to stay with someone out of pity, fear, cowardliness or laziness. While we’re on the subject of ripping the Band-Aid off, if you have been hanging out with someone long enough to need to actually break it off to get out of seeing him or her, then a text is not an acceptable method of communication!

Dumpees: Life sucks. Toughen up. You are not alone.

Take A Break

I once had a two-year relationship with this girl we’ll call Mia. Mia was an incredible girlfriend. She had manners, she was hot, she was driven, witty and she was a slayer in bed. It was only when Mia and I broke up that I realized the magic of not speaking and how it can save your life after breaking up.

Dumpers: Do not text, phone, email, Facebook, Instagram, tweet or communicate with the person you broke up with for at least half the amount of time you were together, or until the person you dumped says it is OK. And even then, proceed with caution.

Dumpees: You know what rules about Facebook? You can hide people from your feed without deleting them. This is what you need to do when you have been dumped. (While we’re on the subject of Facebook, never put your relationship status on there, seriously. It sucks when you break up.) You also need to email the dumper and say you cannot speak until you feel OK. The person will get it. Plus, he or she probably doesn’t want to talk to you for a while either. Ban yourself from communication and if you run into each other in public, say hello politely and move along. Restraint is what it’s all about here.

Don’t Ask Questions When You Don't Want To Know The Answers

Just don’t. Don’t ask about who your ex is sleeping with or what she was doing with that guy at that bar. Ignorance is bliss.

Focus on Yourself

Dumpers/Dumpees: You are now single. It’s time to focus on yourself and what you want. This is a liberating time. Never forget that. Breaking up is not the end of the world. There will be another relationship, another great love and another bad ending. It’s just life. We all do it and we’re all still here, aren’t we?

The Only Way To End It:

2012-09-25T01:44:00.002-04:00

"Sometimes it only takes a few dates to realize she’s not right for you, but those few dates mean you owe her some kind of gesture."

Nobody likes being blown off. Over the course of my illustrious dating career, I have been broken up with, rejected before I could open my mouth and dismissed outright. You can’t expect to get out there and not take some hits -- they’re par for the course. I’m not here to lament those ego blows we take when we stick our necks out to meet someone new. I’m talking about the unexpected hits we take when we’ve met a woman, things are progressing and, suddenly, without warning, we’re checking to see if our phones are still working. There’s a brief period of denial followed by a numbing disbelief. Wasn’t it going well? What the hell happened?

I have a deep resentment for the unexplained-radio-silence move. For that reason, I do everything I can to be sensitive to women I decide not to pursue after the initial stage of courtship. Breaking up with someone after only a few dates is a little bit like firing someone you haven’t hired yet. It’s awkward, it feels almost unnecessary -- but it’s a situation that is virtually inevitable if you’re single. Sometimes it only takes a few dates to realize she’s not right for you, but those few dates mean you owe her some kind of gesture. I have been in many discussions with friends about what our responsibility is at this stage, and I always come back to a basic rule: Do unto others as you would have done to you. Silence is the easy way out, but it may come back to haunt you.

As always, passivity is the worst course of action. I have tested this theory a number of ways in my life: standing at the back of a line to a club hoping to get in (had a great night reading wall graffiti), ignoring a problem at work (spent weekends trying to repair the damage instead of waiting in line at clubs) and, of course, blowing off a young lady after a few dates by not returning calls or texts (confronted while in line at the club in front of others). We know there are ways to manage these situations, but we too often choose to sit back and hope for the best. This is called the path of least resistance.

You may think you’re strategically cutting your losses when you launch “operation ignore her existence,” but this swiftly changes when she decides to launch “operation not-so-fast-buddy.” By this point you have relinquished control and have no way of predicting the volatility that may follow. You have no way of knowing if she is going to decide to call you an asshole in front of your new date when you bump in to her again. All you had to do was grab the wheel, and you could have steered the ship into calmer waters.

I found myself on a fourth date some years back. Each night out was an escalation of things, both sexually and, to a certain extent, in terms of our personal connection. But I was checked out. She was great, but I wasn’t looking for someone to introduce to my mother. True, maybe I could have let this nugget of information slip before we landed on my futon on that last date, but I was curious to see if the sexual chemistry would change the dynamic and maybe increase my level of interest. Also, I wanted to have sex. We did. It didn’t.

Many male friends suggested I slink quietly into the background and do what many refer to as the “slow fade-out.” But then it occurred to me that I would really hate if that was done to me. Actually, it occurred to me that it had happened to me in the not too distant past, and it had left me reeling. So when I was confronted with the shoe being on the other foot, I decided to go against the grain of my male posse and take an original approach.

"Much like you would never burn a bridge with a client, it is never worthwhile to leave a woman with a poor opinion of you."

I told her the truth. I told her that we had fun, but I am not in the same place and that we should both move on. She thanked me for my honesty and we parted ways as well as I could have expected. I felt better and she got the honesty she deserved. By taking the initiative, I avoided finding myself again with vodka and cranberry juice dripping down my face after a spiteful former lover expressed her disapproval of my complete avoidance tactic. True story. The fact is, there was a benefit to taking control. I treated her with common courtesy, and that will make it easy to meet her gaze should we run into each other.

Much like you would never burn a bridge with a client, it is never worthwhile to leave a woman with a poor opinion of you. The world is a small place, and we never know where mishandling a relationship can come back and bite us. Reputation is a powerful thing, and given how easily people can get in touch via social media, it can precede you more easily than ever. If your particular reputation starts involving numerous incidents of abandonment without explanation, you’re in for some awkward conversations. Believe it.

The flip side to this is that a good reputation can start having some real positive effects on your dating life. If it didn’t work with the girl you met at that party, but you ended things with class and a dose of respect, that same girl may know other girls you are interested in pursuing. Now when she is asked about you, much as she may want to hang you out to dry, she’ll probably admit you’re a stand-up guy. “Sure, he ended it, but he wasn’t a jerk about it. Maybe you guys will be a better fit” is much better than, “He’s an asshole. He just completely blew me off.” People talk, and if you travel in a relatively small social circle, it is important to manage these awkward endings with as much decency as possible.

It’s worth mentioning before I sign off that I’m talking specifically about relationships that haven’t turned serious yet. Breaking up from a committed relationship obviously requires a different approach. But making an exit before things get serious can only be handled one way. You need to be straightforward. You need to make it clear that you are happy to have tried, but are moving on. At the very least, she will have to respect that, and, at most, she will speak highly of you for doing so. Everyone deserves closure. Think of it as a favor to your future self.

10 Most Romantic Photographs

2012-09-25T00:36:00.001-04:00

... of all time!

I may be a little selfish in this post by hogging up all of the 10 spots with just one couple, but aren't they just the most adorable couple you've ever seen? :-)

6 Things Women Do To Push Men Away

2012-08-30T16:25:00.000-04:00

When it comes to dating disasters, do you ever wonder, "What went wrong?" or "Why did he break up with me?"

The truth is, most often women don’t know why things fell apart-- because they unknowingly played a role in it. Fortunately, David Good, a former "Bachelorette" contestant and winner of the reality TV show "Bachelor Pad", has the answers. An expert on dating do's and don'ts, Good is helping women get inside the minds of men in his book "The Man Code: A Woman’s Guide to Cracking the Tough Guy."

“In short, 'The Man Code' is about insisting on a man who exhibits pride, chivalry, and respect. It’s also about finding true happiness with a guy who’s a man among men,” says Good.

Good thinks every woman should look for a Man Code man, “They are a little rough around the edges but are honest and straight forward and will treat a woman with respect and treat them like their queen once they decide to make that commitment. It's about honesty and earning a man code man's trust. Once you get that, you are theirs and they want everyone to know it.”

So, how can women avoid losing a "Man Code" type of guy? According to Good, there are some specific things that women do to push great guys away. This list is not just based on his own experience, but feedback he's received from other men.

6 Things Women Do To Push Men Away

1. Wanting a Man to Change

Many women get in a relationship thinking they can change the man. If a man makes a change for a relationship, the benefit must outweigh the consequences of that change. “I get it: You don’t want anything to make me as happy as you do. But if you’re willing to chase this result by eliminating everything else I might love from my life, then I don’t want you”, says Good.

2. An Overwrought Sense of Urgency

"Man Code" men liken romance to playing poker. “It’s better to conserve emotion for only the most meaningful circumstances,” Good says. While men pay attention to overall themes, women tend to sweat the small stuff. He wants women to know that ulterior motives are not a Man Code man thing to play at, if he’s out late with his friends, he’s just out late with his friends.

3. Sex on the First Date

Unfortunate but true, the "Man Code" man is chivalrous but also “red-blooded and carnal” like most guys. If a woman offers sex on the first, any man will probably take her up on that. A woman that can walk away with a goodnight kiss and leave the man guessing appeals much more to men. They like the thrill of a chase.

4. Talking Things to Death

According to Good, women need to think of love as "quiet." In other words, it’s what you do when no one is looking, how you find their hand when things are bad and tell them it’s okay. If you hear “I love you” constantly it loses it’s value. “Love is the result of the events in our lives, not the result of talking about the idea of it,” assures Good.

5. Disloyalty

Loyalty is everything, it is the currency of our lives, declares Good. When women are disloyal to other women, it tells the man they will be disloyal to them, too.

6. A Failure to Let a Lion be a Lion

In the same way that a women wants to feel taken care of and protected, a man wants to know he’s the one that made her feel that way. Good explains, “With a look or word, you can empower us.”
Good has one powerful piece of advice for women: Don't forget why your man fell for you. Woman AND men seem to stop doing the little things they did at the beginning of a relationship that made it fun. Think back and try doing some of the little things you "used" to do for him.

Winning An Argument With Your G-friend

2012-08-30T16:19:00.003-04:00

The basic rule for coming out on top in a dispute with your significant other — don’t be a jerk. Here’s how to keep yourself in check.

You are going to get into it with your significant other every so often. It’s no fun for either party, but as a man, I’m willing to concede that it’s even less fun for men. Why? Because women can express their emotions like it’s nobody’s business. And guys? Not so much.

And since women already have the upper hand, I thought it only fair to share a few tricks to help you emerge victorious from battle … or at least with fewer scars than usual.

Don’t Tell Her to “Relax”

There is nothing more inflammatory than the r-word. Especially when it’s flippantly thrown in the face of a woman who is already on her last good nerve. And since it’s impossible to rationally discuss an issue with a red-eyed, fire-breathing dragon (which is pretty much what I turn into whenever a guy says that word to me), I urge you to avoid this expression and any variation of it — settle down, take it easy, etc. — at all costs.

Talk In the First Person

Instead of saying something like, “You don’t appreciate me,” try, “I feel like I’m not being heard when …” or “I don’t feel appreciated when …” It may seem like a small thing, but sentences that start with “I” sound much less accusatory than ones that start with “you.” And when your girlfriend doesn’t feel like she’s being verbally attacked, she’ll be more open to hearing what you have to say. And that may even lead to her apologizing. Maybe.

Leave Your Friends’ Opinions Out of It

Every woman’s greatest fear in life, aside from dating an axe murderer and the possibility that her daily non-fat latte actually contains lard, is getting stuck with the “crazy” label. So even if all of your buddies think that she’s being totally ridiculous for demanding expecting you to do something like text her while you’re hanging out with them, she doesn’t need to know they think she’s nuts. A) They’re your friends, so of course they’re going to have your back. B) Telling her will only make her feel awkward around the friends you name the next time she sees them. And C) It’s guaranteed to drag your argument into overtime — and that severely damages your chances of coming out on top.

Don’t Make Empty Threats

The United States of America does not respond kindly to threats, and neither does your girlfriend. So if you give her an ultimatum —“Unfriend your ex and quit following him on Twitter or we’re so done” — you better be prepared to follow through. Women are nasty mental ninjas who will call your bluff, which will either force you to follow through and leave, or back down with your balls in hand.

Fib If You Need To

File this tip away, because if you don’t need it soon, you’ll definitely find use for it down the road. When a woman gives you the stink-eye and hisses, “You don’t even know what you did, do you?” Lie. Nod your head, and ask her if she wants to talk about it, or if she needs time to cool off. It’s like those “Need a moment?” Twix commercials — she’ll be so caught off guard by your response that she’ll falter, giving you a few precious seconds to rack your brain, identify your offense, and get a stronger game plan in order.

Sexual Body Language

2011-01-09T15:26:00.000-05:00

Sometimes it can be hard to tell what’s going on with your girl: Is she enjoying herself? Are you doing it right? Is she satisfied? Women can be hard to read, especially when it comes to sex. Though, all in all, if she is getting off you are bound to know about it on some level. If you’re not so sure and need some reassurance, check out her more subtle signs -- her sexual body language.

She will show you -- hopefully in no uncertain terms -- how you’re performing. Her body will display some overall signs of arousal that she can’t fake, but remember every woman is different. So, yes, it can often be just as difficult to get nonverbal feedback on your performance when there are so many variables. So, we've put together some general sexual body language signs that she's getting exactly what she wants from you.

Rapid breathing

Our breath when resting is a very peaceful and tranquil movement of air in and out of our lungs. It has the delightful title of "inspiration" for breathing in, and "expiration" for breathing out. When a woman is turned on, however, this breath comes in urgent puffs and probably has some involuntary moans escape with it as the air is forced quickly past her vocal cords. The increase in heart rate when her body prepares for orgasm means her internal organs and muscles are demanding more oxygen. If you can hear her breath change, you’re on the right track. If you can feel her heart thumping, you’re well on your way. This is her sexual body language giving you signals that she's aroused. However, if she's breathing normally after having her "big orgasm," perhaps she’s a big faker.

General writhing around and body movement

If your girl is curling her toes and writhing against you, chances are she's probably enjoying herself. Grinding and pushing against you means that she's really getting into it. If she's lying there limp, then things probably aren’t happening for her. Try changing positions, or stop entering her and warm her up from the beginning with your mouth or hands and see how her sexual body language progresses from there.

Thrusting hips

When she meets your thrusts, you’re doing something right. It's pretty safe to say that if she's matching your body movements and is in time with you, then she's getting something out of it. Good sex is often very synchronized, as that is how our bodies are designed to produce orgasm; repeated movements in the right spot build to a climaxing. The trouble is finding the right spot, of which there are many. If she isn’t meeting your thrusts then her sexual body language is telling you that she wants something else, so change positions and see how she responds.

Arms splayed out

If she's holding herself close she may not be feeling wild abandon -- her arms may be around you, her hands may be on your chest, above your head, wherever, except they're being held in close to her own body. If she's on top she may need her arms to maneuver herself and give herself some leverage to get the best angle. This is certainly not a definitive gesture, but can be useful. Her body should be responding to the situation at hand. She shouldn't be worried about covering herself up or where her arms are. If her arms are stretched wide, either held out to the side or splayed out on the bed sheets, you can bet her sexual body language is telling you you're right where you need to be and she's comfortable (and enjoying the ride).

Vaginal muscle movement

You have one of your most sensitive parts inside one of her most sensitive parts -- with each movement inside of her you can feel the walls of her vagina, the muscles and flesh. The vaginal wall is an incredibly strong muscle and she will probably use this to some extent for her own pleasure during sex. You may also feel the contracting and relaxing during orgasm -- her vagina spasms and this will clench you to some degree -- but not always, so don’t use that as a benchmark. Some women do have great control, and those who do are likely to have better sex and orgasms in general. If you don’t feel any clenching, don’t panic. You may know already by the feel of her vagina when she's not far away from orgasm -- she may let you enter further, or the overall sensation may be "just right" for you both. Only you can tell, so pay careful attention to her sexual body language and what’s going on inside of her.

learn the language of lovin'

Women love sex as much as men do, but what's sometimes missing is the self-knowledge, and of course a skilled partner who brings out the erotic best in himself and her. If you're unsure as to whether your lover is enjoying herself during sex, there is a need for more investigation. Communicate verbally and non-verbally; ask her what she wants you to do, carefully watch and listen to her responses to what you’re doing and don’t assume that what worked for your other girlfriends is going to work for her. Every woman (and man) has different tastes and won’t necessarily respond to the same touches, so try a few different things and don’t stick to a routine. Experiment, tease, tantalize, change positions. When you hear her moan, you’ll know you've hit just the right spot, so don't stop there.

The Definitive Book of Body Language
Winning Body Language: Control the Conversation, Command Attention, and Convey the Right Message without Saying a Word
The Power of Body Language: How to Succeed in Every Business and Social Encounter
Body Language For Dummies
Body Language 101: The Ultimate Guide to Knowing When People Are Lying, How They Are Feeling, What They Are Thinking, and More

Open Relationships...

2010-12-31T23:33:00.000-05:00

Persuade Her To Have An Open Relationship

Better Man in brief ...
For an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea.
To sell the concept, you need to focus on how she will benefit.
Make sure she knows it is only about sex, as emotional infidelity is more of a concern for her.

"Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom..."

You make her No. 1, but you don’t want her to be the only one. Open relationships offer sexual variety with other people, which immediately sells you on the idea, but what about your girlfriend? Having an open setup could result in the relationship breaking up. Hey, some relationships just don’t make it once they’ve tried the open road. If you have breakup on your mind, perhaps ending the relationship is your best bet rather than suggesting you widen the playing field a little.

However, if you want to keep your relationship a priority in your life, but you just want to have some new experiences, perhaps you’ll be one of the lucky ones who finds that bringing outsiders into your relationship will add some spark to it. It’s good to bear in mind that for an open relationship to work, both parties have to be keen on the idea. When trying to awaken your girlfriend’s interest in open relationships, here are some ways to go about it.

1- Plant the idea

Instead of focusing on your needs, let her be introduced to the idea of open relationships in a more objective way. During a hot night together, why not suggest renting an erotic movie or two? Choose movies that involve threesomes and try to find quality porn that has a bit of a story line if possible, especially since a huge chunk of erotic films out there are not always liked by women. (Note: Avoiding porn that features facials or other acts she’ll view as degrading is also a must.)
Watching a steamy flick together won’t only add some spice to your sex life now, but it could also make her turned on by what she sees, thereby planting an idea in her mind that she might want to take further.

2- Encourage the fantasy

Now it’s up to you to encourage her wildest dreams. Often, the best sexual communication occurs outside of the bedroom, so take some time to share your erotic fantasies with your girlfriend and let her do the same. This is a great way to nurture trust in your relationship, but it also encourages her fantasies to become reality. For instance, if she tells you that she has previously fantasized about sex with another person, hear her out and encourage her to describe it to you. Once her mind is open to the thoughts, her body is more likely to follow.

"Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives."

3- Hang out with swingers

Taking things to the next step can involve hitting some swingers’ clubs to meet swingers who are fun, young females. Your girlfriend will see that the act of meeting and picking up swingers is definitely not the same as asking someone out on a date. There’s no trying to get swingers interested in who you are; rather, it’s all about having a sexual experience and then moving on to others. Period. This is sure to put your girlfriend’s mind at ease: Swinging is carefree and noncommittal. You leave your emotions at the door while gaining sexual stimulation.

The bonus? There’s no guilt of going behind your partner’s back or betraying them with your cheating ways because it’s all out in the open.

4- Sell the benefits

One of the biggest mistakes men make when suggesting an open relationship to their girlfriends is that they focus on what they want and completely forget that she has to be on the same page for it to work.

But if a salesman is going to sell you a new body lotion, he’s not only going to tell you what its benefits are, he’s also going to show you how it’s better than the current one you’re using. So, when discussing open relationships with your girlfriend, focus on how the change to your relationship can benefit you both more than your current setup. For instance, she can still reap the benefits of your current relationship, but she doesn’t have to feel sexually limited; she can take that career opportunity overseas without carrying the emotional baggage of the relationship. Find the good things that an open relationship can bring to your lives. If she sees this for herself, she’s more likely to become interested in giving it a try.

5- Make it about sex

It has been said that when it comes to infidelity, women are more likely to have emotional affairs whereas men focus on the sexual satisfaction. This backdrop of information shows you the glaring truth: Often, women will associate sex with something more emotional, or they think that sex will lead to love. This could be the undercurrent that is preventing your girlfriend from wanting an open relationship as her fears could include the thought that you’re going to be falling in love with the new women you’re sexual with.

be open

You have to nip this one in the butt, guys. Ensure she knows your relationship is the sexual and emotional priority -- the main act. All extras in the movie are there for purely sexual adventures. If you keep the emotional stuff out of the equation, she will not see it as a threat, and the good times can keep on, er, coming.

Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships & Other Adventures
Redefining Our Relationships: Guidelines For Responsible Open Relationships
Love Unlimited: The Joys and Challenges of Open Relationships
Eyes Wide Open: Avoiding the Heartbreak of Emotional Promiscuity

Your Erotic Net Worth

2010-12-31T23:27:00.001-05:00

Erotic capital, as described by sociologist Catherine Hakim of the London School of Economics in her 2010 paper on the subject, consists of a collection of attributes including physical fitness, good grooming, superior social skills, and sex appeal. When taken together, these qualities form a powerful personal asset. Of course, the more of each element of erotic capital you possess, the higher your overall erotic net worth. To date, however, this concept has largely been written about in relation to women, though men are equal proprietors of erotic capital.

We all know men with a high erotic net worth: George Clooney, Justin Timberlake, Anderson Cooper, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, and Jay-Z come to mind. Peter Griffin does not. What makes erotic capital a big deal is that the greater your erotic net worth, the more financial success you'll have and the more social and dating advantages will come your way. To figure out what your erotic net worth is and how you can increase it to your advantage, read on.

Sex appeal

You don't have to look like a movie star to have sex appeal. What you do need is the right body language, a healthy dose of confidence, a talent for flirting, and an amazing cologne. Whereas closed body language, typified by crossing your arms across your chest, keeping your hands in your pockets and slouching, gives off the impression that you are a defensive person; open body language shows that you're comfortable with yourself.

For men, facing others head-on with your spine erect, your head held high and your feet about a foot apart conveys a dominant, self-assured, in-control attitude, which is a huge turn-on for women. And because women are programmed to pay attention to smell when selecting a mate, you should also choose your fragrance wisely, doing your best to track down the juice that complements your natural body odor. Use humor to flirt and learn to read female body language -- if she looks at you, then looks away, then looks at you again, she's interested.

Social skills

Even if right now you feel extremely nervous in interpersonal interactions, it's possible to turn your social anxiety around and become the guy in the room that everyone gravitates toward. Men with a high erotic net worth are charming, persuasive, playful, witty, polite, and good conversationalists. To become adept at socializing, read voraciously and stay on top of current events as well as what's hot in film, television, business, and technology. If you’re crunched for time, seek out good all-purpose websites like the New York Times. At the same time, recognize that being the most interesting man at the party doesn't always involve dominating the conversation.

Making others feel at ease is often as simple as projecting a sense of calm and asking open-ended questions (those that don't involve simply a “yes” or “no” answer) to encourage others to talk. In fact, because most people love to talk about themselves, showing an interest in others and listening attentively with steady eye-contact will trick them into finding you fascinating even if you reveal relatively little about yourself. Also, don't take yourself too seriously, as the capacity to laugh at yourself and take life's mishaps in stride shows self-confidence, which is infinitely more appealing than being uptight.

Physical fitness

Having a high erotic net worth is practically synonymous with being in shape. A sexy body indicates virility and vigor, which in women's minds translates into stamina and dynamite sack sessions. What you're aiming for is a V-shaped physique, which you can achieve through a combination of weight lifting and cardio.

If you're presently overweight and finding it difficult to motivate yourself to hit the gym, consider that obese people earn 10% to 15% less than average-size people. The right clothes will also go a long way toward creating the illusion of a perfect body, so favor V-neck tops over crewnecks and single-breasted blazers over double-breasted toppers. Studies also suggest that taller men earn more, so give yourself a height advantage with shoes that have a half-inch heel.

Self-presentation

The way you dress and style your hair all have a major impact on the first impression you create. Sure, over time, many people might be able to get past greasy hair and tattered jeans to see the real you, but being negligent about your grooming routine and your wardrobe will cost you -- on the job in terms of salary (better-looking people earn more) and in the dating realm. To dress your best, know where to splurge and when to save. Develop a signature style by determining what colors and cuts are most flattering on you.

One thing incredibly stylish men have in common is the ability to wear trends without looking like fashion victims. Their secret is limiting themselves to one or two trend-driven pieces per outfit and ensuring that the rest of what they're wearing is classic. When it comes to your hair, get it trimmed every four weeks, use the right kind of shampoo and conditioner for your hair type and avoid working too much product, like gel, into your mane. Be diligent about keeping your facial hair in check and whiten your teeth every six months.

Lastly, pay attention to your hands. No, you don't need to get a manicure, but to women, having rough dinosaur skin running over our bodies is akin to getting sandblasted, so slather on some hand lotion every now and again.

Sexual competence

While possessing the previously mentioned elements of erotic capital will certainly increase your chances of finding yourself between the sheets with a potential mate, poor performance in this department will send your erotic stock plummeting. Fortunately, sexual skills are learned rather than innate, so, start reading books and articles on the topic to improve your bedroom know-how. Focus on finding ways to increase your sexual stamina, such as tantric practices and Kegel exercises.

Equally important in enhancing your sexual competence is figuring out the fine points involved in giving great oral sex and committing to the time involved -- it takes most women around 20 minutes to achieve orgasm on average and a mind-blowing finish will immediately secure you a top spot on her list of lovers. Bonus points for asking about her fantasies and then making them come true.

Finally, devote energy to enhancing your erotic imagination by relentlessly searching for creative ways to switch things up and keep your sex life spicy. Also, even if she doesn't seem like a girly girl, all women go gaga for a little romance, so don't be shy in this area either.

maximize your erotic net worth

By now the value of erotic capital should be clear. You hopefully also have an idea of where you might be falling short and have learned concrete ways in which you can send your erotic net worth soaring. Of these five attributes, some will require more determination than others to develop, but as studies show, you'll be mightily rewarded for your efforts.

Erotic Diary of Misty Mundae
HOT N NAUGHTY! Extreme Erotica (erotic fiction)
Loving Sex - New Erotic Seduction
The Power of Mesmerism a Highly Erotic Narrative of Voluptuous Facts and Fancies
Loving Sex - Erotic Nights 3 DVD Gift Set

Male Fetishes

2010-12-31T23:18:00.001-05:00

Hi Man Shed,

What are the most common male fetishes, and are there more men into fetishes today than before? I want to see where I stand compared to other guys.

Thanks,

- Alan R., Middletown, NY

Fetishes have been around since the dawn of man. A good rule of thumb is that anything can be eroticized and made sexual. If you can think of it being a fetish, then it’s been done, from an inanimate object to a body part and everything in between.

The most popular male fetishes vary and often have something in common: proximity and accessibility. One often gravitates toward the turn-on and puts themselves within its reach. Common fetishes include feet, shoes, body parts, lingerie, and power exchange (domination/submission). Each of these is present in most daily activities and can be relatively easily accessed.

Today, less common male fetishes are becoming more popular with the internet. Those who once felt alone now find online communities and websites dedicated to their particular sexual interest. There is strength in numbers. No longer does the diaper fetishist need to feel isolated as there are websites filled with people with similar interests and admirers. Whatever you’re into, I guarantee there are people who get turned on by your fetish.

big girl attraction

Dear Man Shed,

I’m sick and tired of my guy friends making fun of me for liking big girls. It’s so annoying and I’m over the jokes. At first it was funny or whatever, but I’m over it. Why do I like larger women, and can I change this? I’m just not into skinny women.

- Robert P., Panama City Beach, FL

Why would you want to get rid of a blessing like this? You know what you want and what turns you on. Some people spend a lifetime still trying to figure this out with no luck. And, you’re not like every guy chasing the same stick figure model at the bar. You can focus your attention on a woman who may appreciate your efforts more.

A little more cushion for the pushin’ is becoming more popular as a mainstream desire. The waif look is dying fast and curves are making a comeback. I’m not sure what your definition of a larger woman is, but does it really matter? We like what we like and rather than focusing on how to change your attraction, why not focus on becoming comfortable and confident with your attraction.

Friends give each other a hard time about a lot of things, and the more strength and resilience you show them, the more likely they’ll give up on their criticisms and judgments. I know they’ll call you names like chubby chaser, but don’t let it get to you. Find a larger woman who makes you feel excited and fulfilled. Eventually, you’ll teach your friends that happiness can be found in a variety of shapes and sizes. Besides, how well has chasing the stick figures worked out for your friends?

cheating girlfriend

Hey Manshed,

My girlfriend of two years just told me that she slept with somebody else a few weeks ago when she went away for the weekend with her girlfriends. I’m so mad at her. Right now I love her and I hate her -- I mostly hate her. I go back and forth with both of these thoughts, and I can’t decide what to do.

I’m staying with my parents right now because I can’t live under the same roof as her. I don’t know if I should stay or leave her. Everyone gives me the same lines -- follow your heart or everything happens for a reason or something like that. Can you give me some straight advice and not the fluffy generic comments?

Thanks, I really appreciate it.

- Anonymous

OK, advice minus fluff coming right up. She made a big mistake. We know this. But she told you and was honest about her mistake. That’s something to consider and respect in my book. She could have lied or said nothing. Even though trust has been shattered, her honesty should count for something.

Take into consideration the past two years. Was it a healthy, happy, pleasant two years or one filled with fights and unhappiness? Did she earn the right to a second chance over those two years? No matter what, eventually you have to get over this. You get to decide if you’re going to get through this with her in your life or without her. You make the choice. Can you see yourself with her long-term, even forever? If you can, be careful not to let your ego and stubbornness fuel your decision. Everlasting love is something that shouldn’t be given up on so easily. If you never saw yourselves growing old together, then what are you really debating here? Pack up and move on.

One last thing, if you have any skeletons in your closet, consider cutting her some slack. You know what I’m talking about. Remember the Latin stripper from last summer’s Las Vegas bachelor party that you’re never supposed to talk about?

backdoor lovin'

Hello The Man Shed,

My wife and I have been experimenting with anal sex and we try to follow the suggestions of how to make it safe and pleasurable. We read that it is not wise to use an enema as the chemicals can be harmful to the lining of the rectum. She is following a good diet that is high in fiber and we make sure she has a bowel movement before we begin anal sex. However, there is still some fecal matter left and this makes her uncomfortable, more anxious, which impacts penetration. Any suggestions?

- Mark V., Miami, FL

Wow. You sound extremely knowledgeable about anal sex and I’m happy you’re both experimenting with it. Everything you described is great preparation and you’re well on your way to having some great anal sex. We’ve been conditioned to be self-conscious about our bowels, so it’s understandable that it can trigger some anxiety.

My one-year-old niece takes the largest diaper dump in the history of mankind, and the family talks and laughs about it, yet the slightest trace of feces during sex paralyzes us with shame or anxiety. You’re right about certain chemicals in enema solutions that can be irritating to the rectal lining. One thing you can do is use a water enema. Humans are primarily made of water and there’s nothing harmful about a little room-temperature water up your bum. For water enemas, take the advice of your shampoo ingredients: Rinse and repeat. You can purchase an enema bulb at most pharmacies/drugstores or sex novelty shops. There are even attachments you can purchase that connect to your shower. This should do the trick and hopefully lead to less anxious anal encounters.

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Women's Body Issues:

2010-12-31T22:50:00.002-05:00

Women's Body Issues: Their Fault Not Ours

Better Man in brief ...
Women's desires to approximate a model-size ideal causes issues -- not men.
Men like a woman with a little meat on her, so go ahead, ladies: eat up.
Ultimately, people should strive for healthy weights -- neither too skinny nor too fat.

"Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women."

’Tis the season for peace, joy and weight gain. After Christmas and New Years, we will all jiggle a bit more. Women will feel like kicking themselves for their weight gain and will suffer from self-loathing that lasts long past the chocolate free-for-all of Easter.

What women don’t know is that many men get Yule logs in their pants when they see extra curves on the ladies. Did any of us really swear off Jessica Simpson when she gained a few extra pounds after her divorce? Sure, Kirstie Alley blew up too far to handle, and she was looney-tunes long before the weight gain anyway. Still, a little meat on a woman is sexy.

Weight and sexual attraction

There was a beautiful woman in my office that every man lusted after. She was one of those women who never saw herself as attractive, which gave her a great personality without the usual inferiority issues. She had perfect curves, large but not unmanageable breasts, and I often thought of how delightful it would be to hold onto her ass as I did her doggie style. That’s just the romantic in me. When she got divorced, another woman told me that this goddess admitted to having a crush on me. I had one of those “should-seek-medical-help” erections for days even without Viagra.

Her divorce crushed her and she started losing weight. Her breasts shrank, her hips and butt disappeared and, as became more and more able to hide behind a broom handle, my sexual desire for her disappeared. She was just too skinny.

While clothes hide a few extra pounds on a person, with the exception of muffin-top hip-huggers and too-small midriff-showing tops, the same can be said for women who are too skinny. I once had a woman appear nude and willing out of my bathroom, but the sight of her ribs and bony hips turned me off. I quickly came up with an excuse to keep from having sex with her. To this day, I don't think she ever believed I turned gay while she was disrobing in the bathroom.

Women’s body issues come from other women

Many women believe it is men who force the ideal of the size-three figure on a woman, but it’s not -- it’s other women. As comedienne Carol Leifer wrote for a Seinfeld episode where Jerry and George ask Elaine how women torture each other if not by giving wedgies, she replies: “We just tease her about a body part until she develops an eating disorder.”

If you want the truth, ask a comedian. It’s advertising and fashion that lie. Are those male-dominated? Well, fashion is, but I doubt that most male designers really have much more than a professional interest in women's breasts and asses. The women’s publications are not run or written by men -- and in a recent Marie Claire blog post, a female writer penned a brutal review of the show Mike & Molly for daring to show overweight people on TV. That show, meanwhile, has actually climbed to the top of the CBS lineup. The viewing public speaks.

Maura Kelly: case in point

Maura Kelly, the Marie Claire author who attacked television "fatties," has a profile picture that makes her look like the type of woman who shows up to a second date wearing a wedding dress with mascara ready to smear into tears at a man shocked at the thought of such a commitment. She writes: “While I think our country's obsession with physical perfection is unhealthy, I also think it's at least equally crazy, albeit in the other direction, to be implicitly promoting obesity. Yes, anorexia is sick, but at least some slim models are simply naturally skinny.”

"I'm sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them "My Princess," which caused further personality problems of a different sort."

She went further into the zone of insensitive stupidity by continuing, “to be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine [sic] addict slumping in a chair.”

It was only after 3,971 shocked and angry comments appeared in response to the piece that Ms. Kelly admitted to being an anorexic. (Most probably a “plump girl” who hated herself into lifelong sickness?) She admitted to anorexia but has probably kept the bulimia hidden deep in her “fat clothes closet.” I have dated that type. Note the past tense. It will stay that way.

Women, accept yourselves

Ms. Kelly, to her credit (or her willingness to bend to public humiliation, depending on how truthful you wish to be), wrote an update fumbling to explain her thoughts. A passage in her bio: “Though she's in her 30s, she's never been in love before -- and has started to wonder if she ever will be. She's decided she has to start making dating her job if it's ever going to happen,” says it all. Ms. Kelly, it won’t happen unless you learn to like donuts, Chinese buffets and -- more than anything else -- yourself for what you are.

Ms. Kelly, however, is not the only screwed-up woman in a position to be heard by gullible girls. After working for two years at a fashion magazine, I was shocked by how the female staff, all former models, treated each other. The competition to fit into the teensy clothing samples submitted by fashion designers for article reviews was fierce, and the women were passive-aggressively cruel to each other. And not always passively. These were the ones who were heard as the voices of the “modern woman.” They also had incredible food issues.

When I started dating one of the tall, lean fashion editors, I was quickly perplexed by her need to spend four hours in the gym every day. We went away for a long weekend and her one “must-have” was a place with a gym. She explained she couldn’t miss a day at the gym and her first love, the Stairmaster, or she would go into depression. Her other addiction was to about 20 pounds of carrot sticks daily.

Men are not to blame

It wasn’t until I met her parents and her mother showed me a high school photo of her daughter that I realized her problem. My girlfriend hadn't been fat in high school -- she was healthy, but still thought herself “too fat” due to the fashion magazines she worshiped, with articles by the likes of Ms. Kelly -- closeted freaks that cut themselves because mommy told them to not eat so many potatoes at dinner. I’m sure daddy, like this woman’s father, loved them, gave them hugs and called them “My Princess,” which caused further personality problems of a different sort.

Women are crushed by societal pressure for an ideal of “beauty.” Fake breasts, puffed-up lips, collagen injections and anus bleaching -- a woman should never bleach her anus due to the ideals of beauty; she should just do it to make her feel good about herself.

eat up, ladies

Being healthy is important. Any person who can’t walk up a flight of stairs without having a heart attack has a problem. Clothes that are a size (or five) too small for your figure look sloppy. If a value-meal at McDonald’s is considered an appetizer, then there is an eating disorder. We should all strive to be thin enough to be healthy, but you won’t find me complaining if you’re built for comfort instead of speed. Have a merry Christmas, ladies, and have a good helping of turkey, stuffing and dessert. There are many of us men who will help you work it off... Well, maybe ;-(

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Life Without Ed: How One Woman Declared Independence from Her Eating Disorder and How You Can Too
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Henry Jaglom's Eating - A Very Serious Comedy About Women and Food
Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds

Get The Carefree Girl Back

2010-12-01T23:00:00.001-05:00

When you first started dating, your priorities were getting to know each other, having fun and being romantic. But once you drifted out of the honeymoon orbit and reentered the real world, chances are you found that your daily routine, with all its work, house chores and other responsibilities, took over. It’s no wonder that you somehow lost your carefree, fun-loving girlfriend in the process. But here’s how to get her -- as well as the fun spirit of your relationship -- back for a sequel.

Provide a secure environment

One of the real fun suckers in any relationship is unnecessary stress. This can be due to insecurities or jealousies, which usually boil down to one person not feeling confident in the relationship. Many women feel that they can’t enjoy a committed relationship unless it’s towering with stability, so what’s vital is that you zap those silly stressors by being open and honest with each other. If she feels secure in the relationship, she will let her guard down. That will translate into both of you having more fun.

Get away from each other

Of course, when you first started dating all you wanted was to spend time cocooned together. But life has to go on and now you probably find that, between work and all your other activities, you don't get to spend as much time with each other as you used to. Although your immediate reaction to this realization could be to cram in more time together, don’t let yourselves become glued together at the hip because that’s a surefire way to smother the flame.

To keep it burning for longer, it helps to spend time away from her. Hang out with your friends and let her have time with hers, too. This time apart is important because always being in each other’s space, especially if you live together, can lead to something fun becoming boring. What you want to do is make the time you do spend with your girlfriend as special as possible.

Do something fun every week

Organize a weekly date night and schedule it into your planner so that you make it as important as a business meeting. Note: Spending time together by default (for instance, doing household chores) doesn’t count as quality time.

Make your dates more inventive than the usual dinner and a movie, so that you look forward to them as much as you did at the start of your relationship. Think bonfires on the beach, trips to the zoo, a wine-tasting excursion, or a picnic in your living room. You could also think up some fun activities or hobbies to pursue together, such as trying out a new sport. These will be great bonding experiences and both of you will anticipate the weekly adventure. Having fun in your relationship keeps it alive.

Go on vacation

Research from the Netherlands found that simply planning a vacation causes a big boost in levels of happiness. The study was published in the Journal of Applied Research in Quality of Life and surveyed happiness levels among over 1530 Dutch adults, 974 of whom went on a holiday during the 32-week study period. The results found that anticipating a vacation led to happiness. So just planning a holiday can bring some excitement to your relationship. Getting away from the routine of daily life is great because you can spend time doing what you love and enjoy quality time without interruptions. There are no stressful family or career issues causing you to miss out on the fun you can have in a fresh environment.

But don’t let the fun stop when you return home. Try to incorporate that carefree feeling into your real life in small ways. For instance, if you enjoyed taking time daily to chat over a glass of wine, try to do that in evenings; likewise, if you both felt rejuvenated at trying new activities during your holiday, consider taking up some classes where you can learn something new together.

bottom line

Getting your carefree girlfriend back is not about trying to change your girlfriend or backtrack to the honeymoon phase (which isn’t built to last, by the way). Instead, it’s about trying to keep the relationship as enjoyable and exciting as possible, instead of letting yourselves fall into a rut.

Secrets of the A Game: How to Meet and Attract Women Anywhere, Anyplace, Anytime
The 7-Day Dating and Relationship Plan for Gay Men: Practical Advice from the Gay Matchmaker
Conservative Scare Tactics Dating Movie about Heavy Petting DVD (1958)
Swimsuit Singles
What Women Wish You Knew about Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships

Getting Her To Have Dirty Sex

2010-04-23T00:22:00.000-04:00

The minds of men are frequently occupied with sexual ideas that would repulse the average woman. While this is the typical case, don’t assume that your girlfriend doesn’t have a dirty side. One of the advantages of being in a long-term relationship is the opportunity to share your sexual fantasies with each other and try them out. Unfortunately, it may be a challenge to get your girl to reveal her nasty inner thoughts.

In order to determine if the girl you’re with is open to experimenting with dirty sex, start off by testing the waters with a few questions on the more innocent end of the sexual spectrum. Try: “Have you ever tied anyone up or been tied up?” “Do you own any sex toys?” “What do you fantasize about when you masturbate?” “What is something you’ve always wanted to try?”

These questions should get her to open up and start sharing some intimate details of her sexual personality with you. Then you can lead her down the path to dirtiness and hopefully get her to have dirty sex. If she gets scared off or grossed out by these questions, you have yourself a non-kinky girl -- too bad for you.

Still, even the innocent can be corrupted. Here are our suggestions to help you get her to have dirty sex.

Tell her about your fantasies

If you get the feeling that she’ll be receptive to taking a darker turn in your sex life together, take the first step by revealing some of your secret fantasies. Dole out a little at a time and see how she reacts. Hopefully, she’ll share some of her inner thoughts in return; when she does, make sure you show plenty of enthusiasm for her ideas if you want to get her to have dirty sex. An important thing to keep in mind when having this sharing session is to keep it in the realm of fantasy. Don’t start telling her about dirty sex you’ve had in the past with other women or your whole plot will come to a screeching halt.

Make it new for both of you

Approach the dirty experimentation like it’s new for both of you. Think of something you’ve never tried before and suggest that you try it together. If she knows you’re starting out on a level playing field, she’ll be more likely to let her inhibitions go and get wild with you. If you want to get her to have dirty sex with you and you act like you’re an expert in the area, chances are she’s going to freeze up on you instead of enjoying herself.

Play a sex game

So you’re both open to the idea of getting dirtier in bed together. Now, how do you get started? Talking about it is a lot easier than actually introducing the nastiness into your sex life. A sex game might be just the thing to help you get started. Visit a sex shop and check out the card and board games they have for sale. These are usually aimed at couples that want to add some excitement to their love life and they should give you some ideas. Or, use your imagination and make up your own game together at home. The idea is to get both of you to open up and start trying things out. If all else fails, you can always fall back on the old standard of Truth or Dare.

Watch porn or read erotic stories

Get each other in the mood by watching porn stars get it on or by reading some stimulating erotic fiction. Even if she’s not normally into watching porn, when you’re trying to get dirty with each other, she may be open to incorporating a video or two. Erotic writing of a less-than-professional caliber can be found all over the internet, but there are also quality sexy stories available from people with actual skill. Take a trip to the bookstore together and pick out something that looks promising.

Initiate

You are probably going to have to be the one to make the first move if you want to get a little nastier in the bedroom. Even if you’ve piqued her interest, she’s still not likely to start things off herself. Start talking dirty, set the mood and hopefully she’ll follow your lead.

she may surprise you

For most women, revealing their private, filthy thoughts may be difficult, let alone actually acting on them with you. Once you get her comfortable talking about it, disclose some of your own secrets ideas, gather some inspiration and try new things. You may be surprised to find out that your girl is more of a freak in bed than you would’ve guessed.

My Erotic Fantasies - Volume 1 (Jennifer)
Dirty Love (Unrated Edition)
Dirty Words: A Literary Encyclopedia of Sex
Deluxe Dirty Minds
Sex Style: The Unreleased Archives

How Tiger Screwed All Men

2010-04-17T13:17:00.000-04:00

The Tiger Woods Backlash Every Married Man Must Endure

He’s back and all is well once again in the world of golf. Or so it would seem given the warm reception Tiger Woods received as he walked up to the tee at Augusta National to begin his quest for a fifth Masters title. Tiger might be back on the golf course, but the average married man is probably still in the rough. Tiger’s troubles have raised the specter of infidelity, and that's hit a raw nerve in many marriages -- and the backlash for rocky marriages is even more substantial. The golf world may have forgiven him, but men shouldn’t be so quick to overlook what he has done to his family. The repercussions of his actions will have to be endured by many married men for some time to come.

She now thinks the male libido is abnormal

Going into rehab for sexual indiscretions has never been a plausible excuse for why men cheat. Most consider sex addiction and rehab treatment to be a lot of voodoo psychotherapy. Men like sex. So do women. Whom you have it with is a choice, and the whole idea of a man using the reasoning that he is addicted to sex and, therefore, must cheat on his wife has become more about hiding out until everyone and their lawyer can get the storyline straight. This was never more clear then when South Park spoofed Tiger’s rehab sessions as a cataclysm of sexual healing for America. Funny and sarcastic? On South Park, yes, but in the real world many women now think all men have abnormal sex drives that will cause them to stray. Thanks a lot, Tiger.

She will always be suspicious of texts

If your own marriage is filled with doubt then you’ll likely find your lovely wife looking at you sternly when your phone rings at an odd hour. She’ll stare at the number and wonder who it might be (and you will do the same when her phone rings). Text messaging was already getting a bad rap with teenagers sexting one another in school. Now, however, she’ll wonder if you’re doing what Tiger did. Then again, if you have more than one phone like Tiger she probably should be suspicious.

She will always be suspicious of trashy venues

If you once frequented Vegas or the local strip joint with your buddies for a guys' night on the town, you’d better start to like staying in because the closest you’ll get to an all-nighter with the boys is watching The Hangover -- again. Nights at adult clubs were suspect anyway, but Tiger crossed the line so egregiously that what she might have tolerated as “look but don’t touch” venues are now brothels in her mind. Perhaps Tiger should start a college fund for all the dancers whose tips have dropped off since last November.

She now knows men secretly desire trashy women

She’s always thought you were better than all the other primitive men out there; after all, that’s why she picked you. However, now that Tiger Woods, a man with more money and an impossibly beautiful Swedish wife, has been caught chasing porn stars and trashy lounge women on the PGA tour, let alone bringing them into his own home for sex after a quick stop for Subway sandwiches, you have little chance of being her knight in shining armor anytime soon if your eye has been wandering. She now knows that no matter how trashy the woman may be, men will look. This is yet another Tiger Woods backlash every married man must endure.

She will not let you off easy

If you are stupid enough to cheat she won’t be the stoic politician’s wife. Not now. Now she has Elin Nordegren to emulate and you don’t have the fame, money and influence to walk in the side door of the hospital when she lets loose on you with your golf clubs, tennis racket or baseball bat sitting in the garage. She won’t be standing near you in public, and don’t even think about using the flimsy excuse of sex rehab because if Elin isn’t going to sit in group therapy with Tiger to save his sorry butt then neither will she. Tiger might be mending his ways with the golf press and the public with lunches at Augusta and creepy ads with his deceased father’s voice, but Elin is not even in the country. So, Tiger might be back on the links and you might go back to work too if you cheat, but she won’t let you forget it -- and she shouldn’t.

the tiger woods backlash

No one can forget what Tiger has done. Forever there will be women with more stories to tell about late-night meetings, text messages and cell phone calls. If you liked him before the Thanksgiving 2009 revelations, then you’ll like him once more and proclaim him to be a golfer of ultimate focus in a time of personal tragedy. If you hate Tiger Woods, then you’ll be appalled at the way the sports media will revel in the rise of Tiger 2.0, reborn from his private transgressions and in touch once again with Buddhism -- whatever that has to do with cheating and lying to your wife. Tiger may go on to greater golf success but the backlash on married man won’t subside any time soon. Maybe, just maybe, all schmucks everywhere with less money and fame should thank Tiger for being so stupid. His poor judgment is a reminder of what all married men have at stake if they cheat too.

How I Play Golf
What Women Wish You Knew about Dating: A Single Guy's Guide to Romantic Relationships
I'm not great at advice, may I interst you in a sarcastic comment? Men's tee Shirt in 12 colors Small thru 6XL
Best Man Advice

Player Strategy : From Seafood to Sex

2010-04-12T01:12:00.000-04:00

How To Get Her From The Table To The Bed...

There’s always a need for timing and tact when attempting to get a woman into bed. All women are different, but for the most part there are several approaches that will typically result in success -- provided you are patient, observant and talented in the intimate arts.

So, how do you make the transition from dinner to bed? This is an especially big challenge because most ladies have a variety of requirements, beyond holding their attention, that must be met before they even consider sharing themselves, and even the best of men aren’t mind readers. Therefore, we have to examine a few general options that could potentially pertain to a large number of presumably receptive females. It’s about preparing in advance, maintaining a certain amount of subtlety and knowing when the time is right to make the final move. To make the transition from dinner to bed is a series of steps, just like anything else in this crazy game -- but how to begin?

Take her to a sensual dinner

No woman can resist the allure of a perfectly planned evening, punctuated by excellent food and even better company. But it goes beyond merely paying her a few carefully worded compliments, holding doors and pulling out her chair. It’s about preparing for the ultimate goal, which means you should put an emphasis on the atmosphere; leave her suspended between appreciative pleasure and excited surprise. This should be like no other meal she’s ever experienced.

You will make it unique by focusing on her senses; the sights and smells of her surroundings should place her in a state of loving receptivity, and this requires precise attention to detail: the lighting, the manner in which the courses are served and, certainly, the courses themselves. You will eat well, but light -- nobody is feeling amorous when stuffed. Perhaps a bit of sushi or an arrangement of original appetizers will be both exotic and strangely enticing.

Make an evening of it

Regardless of your confidence, effort is always required. These days, it seems as if guys think they can get away with a standard dinner at a mediocre chain restaurant, a quick trip to the mall and a “Man, you look hot tonight” comment. Most women are sick of this lax approach to a romantic, sensual evening. And be original, for crying out loud. Everyone does the dinner-and-movie bit, so how about taking her to the opera instead? Dressing up is something women tend to enjoy and whether you do or not, it doesn’t change the fact that formal wear does indeed make us look and feel better about ourselves.

If not the theater or opera, perhaps a gallery opening or a moonlit walk in the park, or maybe it can be more casual; maybe you can return to your place and attempt to make a dessert together. The bottom line is that effort will always be rewarded, helping you make the transition from dinner to bed, and an hour or two of doing the mundane and expected doesn’t qualify.

Stop for a nightcap

So, you’ve managed the dinner and she’s enjoying herself immensely. But you get the feeling that in order to maintain -- and perhaps even enhance -- her amorous feelings toward you, it’s best to keep her warm. Usually, the best way to accomplish this is to stop for a nightcap toward the end of the evening. A club or bar isn’t your target, though; those places are designed for singles and offer nothing in the way of intimacy. You already have your girl; you just want to sit for a bit, talk and take in a cocktail or two in order to keep her in the correct frame of mind.

This isn’t about getting her drunk, because if she is, the entire idea of a beautiful evening together flies directly out the window. This is merely about the aforementioned warmth; it’s about making her pupils dilate just a tad and ensuring that when you return home, the bed is a guaranteed destination.

Stop on the couch

Many men don’t quite realize that foreplay actually should begin outside the bedroom. Women appreciate a prequel, a hint of what is to come; it excites them and if done correctly, a receptive lady’s eyes will glaze over with lust before you get anywhere near the bedroom.

The couch allows you to have a nice, quiet, intimate conversation after dinner. When she speaks, she knows she has your full attention -- which is a huge turn-on for her to begin with -- and after several humorous anecdotes and a few hesitant touches by both parties, things can escalate easily from there. Just make sure you do move from the couch to the bed. Not only is it far more comfortable, but it seems to boost the woman’s confidence level. Just going at it out there on the couch lends the experience a campy, almost porn-like atmosphere, which doesn’t always work for a first-time encounter.

tricks of the trade

There’s no real “trick” to make the transition from dinner to bed. Sometimes, it may feel like trying to solve the puzzle before the moment of truth and all women are indeed different. But in reality, the majority will respond to a carefully designed evening that elicits trust, confidence and, of course, those innate female drives to feel a man’s touch.

Players
Player's Handbook Volume 1 - Pickup and Seduction Secrets For Men Who Love Women & Sex (and Want More of Both)
Players: Con Men, Hustlers, Gamblers, and Scam Artists
How to Be a Player

Myths About Orgasms

2010-03-18T01:43:00.000-04:00

We’ve come a long way since the days when science doubted the existence of the female orgasm. Today, a woman’s sexual satisfaction is a major field of study and the average couple has spent a great deal of time trying to improve her experience. This is certainly appreciated, but some of you may be trying too hard; her level of satisfaction may already be everything she could hope for. That’s right: You may be striving toward a goal that has been based entirely on myth. This misinformation circulates with surprising frequency and you may be shocked (if not relieved) to learn how wrong some of them are. Read on as we discuss, and set right, the biggest female orgasm myths around.

All women want a G-spot orgasm

Put in the simplest terms possible: This is a load of crap. While it’s true that many women lust for G-spot orgasms, it’s a complete orgasm myth that all women desire such a thing. For many women, having the G-spot stimulated -- even "correctly" -- results in a sensation that can only be described as extremely uncomfortable. It can make a woman feel like she needs to urinate immediately, and that’s never fun. It can also cause her to feel pain, and not in a sexy S&M kind of way, either. In fact, the whole stimulating the G-spot thing can annoy some women to the point where it completely turns them off for the rest of the evening. Yes, some women love having their G-spot stimulated -- but many don’t.

Women need a skilled partner to orgasm

Many men pride themselves on their ability to make a woman orgasm (and your skills are definitely appreciated), but the ultimate responsibility for a woman’s orgasm belongs to her. It’s perfectly normal for a woman to have difficulty achieving a vaginal orgasm -- that’s why God invented the clitoris. Meaning: She can still achieve a fabulous orgasm even if her lover is a virgin with limited experience and know-how. A man’s efforts are certainly helpful, but if she’s not achieving orgasm she has no one to blame but herself. Additionally, many women suffer from performance anxiety just as men do. If a woman falls into this category, even the most skillful of men wouldn’t be able to make her orgasm, regardless of his efforts.

Women need to orgasm to enjoy themselves

Vaginal orgasms are better than clitoral orgasms

Women can’t ejaculate

Anyone who still believes this orgasm myth has clearly never seen a good porn film. Women can definitely ejaculate, and some can do so more forcefully (and with more volume) than men. It’s a relatively new acknowledgment in the scientific community, so the research still leaves something to be desired, but there’s plenty of evidence to support the claim. We know that women ejaculate through the urethra, just like men. Female ejaculate contains the same substances male ejaculate contains, and it’s produced in the "female prostate" -- an organ which is extremely similar to the male prostate, albeit smaller. Women seem to ejaculate primarily through direct stimulation of the G-spot (some scientists believe this is actually the urethral sponge), but not all women can or will experience ejaculation. So, if she doesn't have a gushing end, don't think she didn't enjoy herself, just try again another time.

orgasmic mythology

So there you have it: Five female orgasm myths totally debunked. While it’s admirable to concern yourself with your woman’s pleasure and level of satisfaction, you’re not solely responsible for her orgasm. If she doesn’t have one, she could still be having the time of her life. If, however, you really have your heart set on making her holler, we recommend asking her to masturbate for you, which will provide plenty of insight (and quite a show) into how she prefers to reach orgasm.

Male Pleasure Positions

2010-03-18T01:36:00.000-04:00

As always, we’d like thank our readers for their relentless pursuit of perfection in the bedroom. If not for your tireless efforts, many women would never have known how incredible an orgasm can be. Therefore, in appreciation of your never-ending attempts to satisfy the fairer sex, we’re taking a moment to encourage a bit of well-earned selfishness in the boudoir with a few male pleasure positions. While the following male pleasure sex positions can certainly drive a woman wild, their primary function is to provide maximal sexual pleasure for you.

Read on as we tell you how to get the most out of the best male pleasure positions for vaginal and anal sex.

Cowgirl

It’s no surprise that this classic male pleasure position has stood the test of time; maximum penetration for both partners allows for some of the best sex imaginable. It makes our list for one simple reason: She does all the work. You’re certainly welcome to help her along, but most of the physical work is carried out by her. This means you can lie back and enjoy the view as she bobs and jiggles her way (and yours) to orgasm. The cowgirl also provides maximum penetration, which equals maximum stimulation for you.

Tip: If she’s especially self-conscious about her body, try suggesting the reverse cowgirl instead: It’s the same idea, but facing the opposite direction. This position will feel just as good while alleviating any concerns she might have about feeling overexposed.

Around the bend

Deep thrusting is a primal sexual urge experienced by most men. Unfortunately, many traditional positions prevent thrusting to the hilt, which can leave a little something to be desired when it comes to sex. This male pleasure position, however, in which you bend her over the nearest piece of furniture, will satisfy that urge from the moment of penetration. With her legs spaced and her rump in the air, you’ll be able to thrust deeply without having to worry about injuring her during the act.

Tip: If she complains about the lack of intimacy, you can resolve this by simply leaning forward until your chest is touching her back; this will make her feel more like you’re having a shared experience, and less like she’s only there for your own pleasure.

Inverted rear

This is another male pleasure position that makes thrusting easy. Lie down on your back and have her lie on top of you while facing the ceiling. Grab her thighs and spread her legs apart until she’s in a reverse straddle. Due to her positioning, her mobility will be limited, but yours will be relatively unencumbered. Once she’s in position, you’ll be able to thrust as deeply as you like, for as long as you like -- preferably until she’s screaming your name.

Tip: Wild sex in this position can make it difficult for a woman to stay balanced; be sure to keep a firm hold of her thighs to help her stay on top.

Full mast

You’ll need a relatively limber woman for this male pleasure position. While she’s lying on her back, raise her legs until they’re positioned at a 90-degree angle in relation to her body. Kneel in front of her and place her legs against your chest while keeping them firmly held together. Not only will this position provide yet another means of deep thrusting, but the action is also likely going to be far tighter than usual, thanks to her thighs being drawn together.

Tip: Occasionally, when the thrusting really starts to get good, men have a tendency to raise a woman’s back further away from the mattress than comfort permits. Forceful thrusting can exert a significant amount of pressure, so make sure her back is getting enough support as you drive her to ecstasy.

The lotus

As with the cowgirl position, this male pleasure position requires her to do most, if not all, of the work. You’ll need to sit cross-legged on the bed (or floor, though that won’t be very comfortable after a few minutes, trust us) and pull her onto your lap. The idea is to have her straddle you via wrapping her legs around your waist, and then raise herself up and down until you’ve both collapsed in a heap of spent pleasure. If she’s having trouble moving up and down, rocking back and forth is just as mind-blowing and less stressful on the lower back.

Tip: Lean against a wall or headboard during this one. Not only will it support your back, but it will also give her something to hold onto, which will make it far easier for her to ride you.

Doggy style

Doggy style -- the staple of the porn industry. Perhaps one of the most animalistic scenarios when it comes to sex, this male pleasure position is all about getting one’s rocks off. A relatively easy position to deliver the goods from, doggy style gives you deep penetration at the pace of raw lust. Not only is this position straight to the point, but it’s also straight to orgasm with the least possible effort.

Tip: Many women complain about the lack of intimacy when it comes to doggy style. This is because men often go through the motions without any other type of contact. To make her feel more connected, try a bit of dirty talk, gentle hair tugging or even mild spanking.

male pleasure matters

Even though we’ve approached these positions from the angle of male satisfaction, most of you will still do your best to please your woman first, regardless. This is exactly why we’ve selected these male pleasure positions for you -- they’re guaranteed to blow your mind even if you’re concentrated on pleasing your woman first. Add these male pleasure positions to your sexual repertoire, and don’t be afraid to be a little selfish every once in a while; your woman knows you’ve earned it.

Women & Anal Sex : Loves & Hates

2010-03-18T01:28:00.000-04:00

Anal sex is just one of those things: She either loves it, or she hates it. There is very little in between. Most women have tried it at some point, and a fair few of them will never dare again despite their hankering to be one of the "lucky ones" who love anal sex. The reason for this avoidance is clear: pain. If there was no pain, there was probably pleasure. Hence, love or hate.

It is true, however, that while you're trying to "get it right" there are likely to be some painful moments; however, practice makes perfect and it’s the ability to maneuver oneself and try different styles that allows anal sex to be pleasurable.

We've decided to let you in on what women love and hate about anal sex so that you can enter the situation sufficiently informed and ready to rock her world.

the allure of anal sex

For men and women, anal sex is a different, tighter sensation -- it’s a little bit naughty and it provides some variety to normal sex. Anal sex has a tang of taboo attached to it, though this is falling away: The taboo status of anal sex gives it better credence among the adventuresome and timid alike, and this adds to its attraction. Once tried, however, anal sex can quickly lose its appeal for women (and some men). Here we will discuss some of the reasons why women love and hate anal sex.

why does she love anal sex?

Let’s start with the positives:

Because anal sex feels good

Women love anal sex because it can feel absolutely incredible. It's different in sensation and it doesn’t feel like anything else she may have felt before -- it's deep inside, it's not her clitoris and is not in her vagina, but feels strangely like both in a sort of mixed-up combination in another part of her body. The rectum, once it’s ready, literally swallows the penis up and can’t get enough. The back passage transforms itself into a sexual playground. If the clitoris and/or vagina are stimulated while you are inside of her, it can take her to another sexual realm. Anal orgasms are possible.

Because anal sex is naughty

People love to be a little bit naughty sometimes, and anal sex is one of those things you can do completely privately, and nobody will ever know you were naughty except you and your partner -- which is part of the fun. It is also often a "first time for everything" type of activity that can also be nice -- doing something you've never done before, ever.

why does she hate anal sex?

Now for what goes wrong:

Because anal sex hurts

Anal sex is not easy to master when you haven’t done it before. For a man it may seem straightforward -- in, out -- but it isn’t this simple. Women hate anal sex primarily because it hurts. It can cause cold sweats, shivers, extreme agony, and a massive chemical release into the blood stream that causes pain. This is highly unpleasant, but may be endured because A) She wants to like it; and B) She wants you to like it.

If you're not very careful, if you don’t warm her up properly, if you don’t go slowly enough, you will probably hurt her. This really minimizes your chances for trying anal sex again. Do your best every time and you have at least a fighting chance at having another go.

Because she's worried about a mess

Anal sex is obviously a hot spot for mess. The idea that you could penetrate her butt and come out in a sticky situation is hugely embarrassing for her before it’s even happened, and for this reason she may avoid anal sex altogether. Women spend so much time making themselves look and smell beautiful that to have something ruin her hard work can be mildly devastating. Worrying about mess can be alleviated by using an anal douche before engaging in any anal play. Try taking a shower together too, and make sure her bowels are emptied at least an hour before starting.

important facts about anal sex

Lubricant is essential

The anal canal does not produce its own lubricant, so it is imperative that you use a good quality lubricant in all your anal adventures. It is advisable to use a silicon-based lubricant because they tend to last longer and don’t dry up very quickly like some water-based lubricants do. Don’t use sticky petroleum-based products like Vaseline, as they clog up the walls of the rectum and are much too sticky.

Tease her

It is important that she is very turned on before you even go near her butt. When she's turned on, her body is much more open to you than if she is only mildly turned on. She needs to be aching for you to touch her there. Then, when you start to touch her closer to her anus, she will respond with moans and groans instead of a tense grimace. Rub her body all over with oils, relax her, love her, adore her, and caress her. Get her to the point where she is begging you for it, and do this without putting a single thing in her -- tease, tease, tease. Anticipation is one of the greatest sexual tools you have -- use it to your advantage.

Condoms and hygiene

Disease can be passed through unprotected sex -- this includes anal sex. The wall of the rectum is very thin and permeable. However, using condoms can be better for both partners, for other reasons. Women may not like to have a bottom full of semen, which quite frankly is a fair call. After the disruptions of anal sex, the semen mixes with the contents of the rectum and it can get a little "upset" in there. Using a condom avoids this trouble.

Condoms may also protect the penis from any stray fecal matter, though this is generally not a problem, and if it does occur can be washed off easily with no harm done. Men may like to wear a condom so they last a bit longer -- the condom desensitizes the penis somewhat, and allows for longer lovemaking.

what not to do

Do not ever put your penis into a woman’s body without her express permission. Do not treat her body like a scoring device. She is not an object for you to ejaculate in or on, and if she is kind enough to share her beautiful butt with you, treat it with respect and be happy you were allowed close enough to breathe her in at all. Don’t ejaculate inside of her if requested not to. Don’t slam, jackhammer or be forceful either.

what to always do

Always use lube. Always wear a condom if requested to without acting like a baby. Do as you are asked at all times -- anal sex is a delicate situation and she needs to be able to trust you.

Gender presumptions and anal sex

When a heterosexual couple thinks of anal sex, it is generally man-in-woman anal sex. To get a good understanding of what it's like -- and how to improve your performance -- it is necessary and helpful for you to open your mind to the possibility that anal sex is not something that only you do to your female lover, but something that you could do to each other.

Scared yet? Don’t be. If it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. Anal sex takes a lot of practice to perfect, and experimenting with one another is a fantastic way to deepen your connection and enhance your sex life and relationship. It does not have to involve sex toys. You can use fingers, tongues, oils, lubes, and any number of other things. Experiment, and let your own body be loved. It will pay off.

backdoor shenanigans

Anal sex is many things to many people. Do it right, and you’ll get to do it again. Do it wrong, and you may be doomed forever. Well, probably not forever but until she forgets how bad it was the first time around.

There are hundreds of anal sex guides online -- explicit instructions on how to do it right. If you read at least a dozen of them, you’ll probably have a good idea about how to start off. The best piece of advice we can give you is to make sure she is hot for it before you start. Then you really can’t lose.

Things That Scare Her In Bed

2010-03-18T01:19:00.000-04:00

Sex can be an intimidating experience for a variety of reasons, but there are some things that can happen in bed that are likely to truly scare your partner. In order to avoid freaking her out, keep a few guidelines in mind when it comes to weird, unexpected or downright frightening acts like these.

New territory

The first thing that could scare a woman in bed is asking her to do something that she’s never done before. Depending on how confident she is, a request for something she has no previous experience with may have her shaking in her boots (or stilettos, as the case may be). Before you spring a new idea on her, get a feel for her knowledge and comfort level on the subject. A simple: “Have you tried (insert intimidating sexual act here) before?” can go a long way to not scaring her before you get started.

Choking her

Wrapping your hands around her neck and giving it a little squeeze might be perfectly OK if she's been warned ahead of time that it’s something that turns you on, or certainly if she is the one that requested it. However, choking her out of the blue during sex is a surefire way to scare her in bed. Many people genuinely enjoy rough sex, violent role-playing and even some real pain, but if you haven’t discussed your predilections with your sexual partner well in advance of getting into bed with her, you must not spring something like this on her while getting it on.

Unexpected anal play

Some women are turned on by the idea of anal stimulation, while others find it disgusting. Before you know which kind of woman the one you’re in bed with is, do not go anywhere near her ass. Unexpected anal penetration is pretty much guaranteed to scare her in bed. Even getting too close to the general area with your fingers, your tongue or a toy can be enough to freak out some women. Get an idea of her views on the act before you try anything anal.

Extreme sex props

Battery-powered sex toys and handcuffs may be a normal part of your sex life, but if you’re with a new partner who hasn’t yet checked out your toy box, don’t whip these things out while you’re in bed with her. Most women would be able to handle a simple vibrator or maybe a blindfold, but if your idea of fun props includes shackles, ropes, whips, and textured butt plugs, you may want to ease her into the idea before you bring out all your toys. If you’re up to the level of prostate milking sticks, Electotorture or speculums, keep this stuff well hidden until you know for sure that she’s cool with your fetishes.

Psycho dirty talk

Most of us can appreciate a little dirty talk in the bedroom. In the heat of the moment, all kinds of things can come out of your mouth if you’re not careful. The downside of this is that actions aren’t the only things that can scare her in bed; your words can do the job just as well. Maybe you started off by whispering a fantasy in her ear, but once your voice takes on a serial killer-like intensity and you start getting into too much psycho detail, your little story takes a dark turn and she makes up some excuse about having to wash her hair or get up early in the morning. Keep these demented little tales to yourself if you want to avoid scaring her in bed.

scary sex

Naturally, what scares one woman in bed might make another woman all hot and bothered, so you never can tell how she’s going to react to a certain kink, fetish or unusual practice -- until you ask her, of course. The kinds of women who are into these things probably aren’t going to shy away from talking about them. On the other hand, if you bring it up and she bolts, it’s better that you find out early on that you’re sexually incompatible.

#1 Reason To Hide The Remote

2010-03-18T00:16:00.000-04:00

VIDEO : How To Cure a Hangover

2010-03-08T02:14:00.001-05:00

Partying like a rock star is fun while it lasts, but the true measure is whether you can function the next day. Learn to cure a hangover and you'll be shipshape in no time!

Why Women Hate Strip Clubs

2010-03-02T01:45:00.001-05:00

Getting together with some friends and spending the night at a strip club might seem like good, clean fun to you, but chances are your girlfriend has a decidedly more negative view of your chosen activity. Why does she get so angry when you stumble home smelling like booze and cheap perfume? It’s not like you had sex with another woman, right? It turns out she has a bit of a different perspective on the situation.

Here at The Man Shed, we believe that there’s nothing wrong with strip clubs as long as you’re going to them for the right reasons -- namely, to have some fun with friends. If you’re heading to a strip joint with the intention to get off with a stripper, you’re giving guys a bad name and you'll never be a Better Man with those goals.

If you are indeed a decent guy who occasionally likes to hang out with his buddies while innocently appreciating some exotic dancing, yet your girlfriend simply can’t get over it, she may be what we refer to at The Man Shed as a beautiful pain in the ass. We’ll help you figure out if her protests are justified or if you’d be better off without her.

Here's why women hate strip clubs and the naked truth about her claim.

She’s worried you’ll cheat

Despite your insistence that you follow the strict no-touch policy most strip clubs have in place, she may still be concerned that you’ll stray. After all, it is a highly sexual environment fueled by plenty of alcohol, which results in an atmosphere that makes indiscretions all the more tempting. She knows that you’ll be thinking with your other head while you’re there and she fears the lure of infidelity might win out over your loyalty to her.

The naked truth: The average, decent guy does not go to a strip club with these expectations, but we can understand how she may get this impression. Explain to her the function of strip clubs to men: they are recreational spaces for chilling out with friends, not somewhere a guy goes with a sexual agenda. If she persists in her suspicion, she may be a beautiful pain in the ass.

She suspects you’re comparing

Strippers generally have the kind of bodies that men idolize. They wouldn’t have their jobs if they didn’t. Your girlfriend may be feeling insecure that she is being compared to these fantasy objects -- and that's a big reason why women hate strip clubs.

The naked truth: This has nothing to do with the strip club and everything to do with her lack of self-esteem. Everyone is insecure at times, but if this is constantly a big deal for her, she’s probably a beautiful pain in the ass, or at least has deeper issues that go far beyond the strip club and should be discussed.

She thinks it’s degrading to women

Many women hat strip clubs because they think that these venues are degrading to women and encourage chauvinistic attitudes. The idea of a group of drunk, horny men hooting at a girl taking her clothes off on stage for money is probably not exactly what the feminists of the sexual revolution had in mind.

The naked truth: She does have a bit of a point here. This reaction has more to do with her moral position than it does with an assessment of you or the relationship, so it’s tough to hold it against her.

She thinks it’s trashy

Your disapproving girlfriend may be considering your reputation when she gets huffy about you going to strip clubs. She may not want you to be seen in such an establishment simply because she thinks it doesn’t speak well of your character. She views the strip club as a place for seedy, deviant guys and not for her mature, evolved Better Man. She may also be worried about your professional image, should anyone important see you there.

The naked truth: This is definitely food for thought. Are there people in your life that you would be ashamed to be seen by as you’re stumbling out of a strip club? If so, maybe you should acknowledge that you are putting your image at risk every time you do.

She wonders why she isn’t enough

Some women believe that what a girlfriend provides you with at home should be enough to satisfy your sexual side. She doesn’t understand why you’d want to go watch some other women take off their clothes when you could be at home touching and being touched by your loving girlfriend.

The naked truth: She obviously doesn’t have a very good understanding of male sexuality. If you’re looking but not touching, this is more about her issues than it is about you or the strip club. She is a beautiful pain in the ass.

She thinks you're wasting money

She might think that you’re spending too much at the strip club. It’s all about money for the dancers who want to take as much of it from you as they possibly can. Add to that the horribly overpriced drinks and a night at the strip club can add up pretty quickly.

The naked truth: If you're having tough times with money or have a savings goal for a big purchase you’re trying to make, she is within her rights to question you forking out your cash at the strip club. Fun is fun, but keep your priorities in order.

strip tease truths

Some of these reasons that women hate strip clubs are understandable while others are a little ridiculous. Most of them stem from your girlfriend feeling insecure and a little reassurance from you that she’s the one you love and are devoted to may be all she needs to feel more comfortable with the idea of you spending time at the strip club. On the other hand, she may very well be letting her issues overpower any reasonable argument and, in that case, you may be better off finding a girl who is a little more confident and a little less of a beautiful pain in the ass.

BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN

2010-03-01T18:46:00.000-05:00

* We got off the Titanic first.
* We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
* We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
* We can cry and get off speeding fines.
* We’ve never lusted after a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
* Taxis stop for us.
* We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
* Free drinks, free dinners, free movies.
* New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
* No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
* We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
* If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
* We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her ass.
* We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
* We have the ability to dress ourselves.
* We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
* There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.
* We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
* We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes

Dictionary of Men’s Sayings

2010-02-28T18:23:00.000-05:00

“I’M GOING FISHING.”
“I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a lake with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”

“IT’S A GUY THING.”
“There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”

“UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” or “YES, DEAR.”
Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.

“IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN.”
“I have no idea how it works or what I’m trying to explain.”

“WE’RE GOING TO BE LATE.”
“Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac.”

“THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR.”
“Are you still talking?”

“IT’S A REALLY GOOD MOVIE.”
“It’s got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women.”

“YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS.”
“I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle identification Numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot your birthday.”

“I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES.”
“The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”

“OH, DON’T FUSS. I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL.”
“I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I’m hurt.”

“HEY I’VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I’M DOING.”
“And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon.”

“I CAN’T FIND IT.”
“It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”

“WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?”
“What did you catch me at? Which time?”

“I HEARD YOU.”
“I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next 3 days yelling at me.”

“YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE.”
“I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”

“YOU LOOK TERRIFIC.”
“Oh, God, please don’t try on one more outfit. I’m starving.”

“I’M NOT LOST I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE.”
“No one will ever see us alive again.”