The Marriage Lounge

~God Has Something in Mind~

2012-02-22T11:00:00.001-05:00

What do I do when things seem to have reached its peak in marriage? After reminiscing about what seems to be the highlights of our lives together during the earlier years of marriage, I wonder if I can expect more to come. There is nothing really wrong with my husband and I but the fact that I want, I desire, I need more is consuming my thoughts and a lot of my time. I realize that my pursuit of “more” is a good thing; however, I have yet to get over the hump of “what’s next”. Is there anything left for us? What do I do?

Signed a Very Hopeful Wife

When couples experience a plateau in marriage, it is up to them to take the time to reflect, discuss and implement a plan to go forward. First, it is important to reflect on the reasons why you married and what you love about each other. Second, a couple should discuss the current state of the relationship and what needs to change in order to bring some excitement and fulfillment back into their lives. Third, a plan should be put into place to follow and move forward.

There are times when marriages become leveled because couples lose interest in pursuing deeper levels of love. But no matter how great your marriage has been or currently is there is more in store for the both of you.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

As people, we run out of ides but God does not. He has in store a plethora of awesome and exciting adventures to last a lifetime; however it is up to us to take hold of it. How awful it is for a couple to call it “quits” because they assumed that there was nothing greater to grasp in marriage. Whether you have been married 10 years or 100 years, God always has something new for each couple to discover!

Here is a helpful prayer to get you started:

God, help me & (your spouse’s name) to follow the plan that you have for us so that we can experience a greater love in you and therefore each other. Help us not to settle for less than Your best for our marriage, In Jesus’ Name Amen.

Until Next Time…..Remember “A Better You, A Better Marriage”

P.S. Feel Free to Comment! We love comments!!!!

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What's On Your Mind?

2012-02-16T18:34:00.000-05:00

There are many aspects of marriage that are important but there is only one that constantly “screams” pay attention to me! Some say couples need more love, money, forgiveness, a new start, etc. However before any of those things existed, a thought was born. And most often (99% of the time) failure or success in marriage begins with a thought. Therefore, as we learn to change and control our thoughts according to sound doctrine (God’s Word) we will win in marriage, in life.

Everyday our minds are bombarded with approximately 5,000 thoughts and what we do with them really matters. Most people fail to recognize the power behind their thoughts and are then clueless to the reason why they are getting the results they are getting in their lives. Contrarily, there are those who refuse to think negatively and therefore receive spectacular results which are usually credited to their perseverance. Perseverance is without a doubt important in marriage but the decision to persevere began with a thought.

For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he. Proverbs 23:7 KJV

It is as simple as thinking that your marriage will fail and some time after, you find yourself in divorce court. Or you can practice visualizing your marriage being resurrected from the dead although there is no evidence of promise; as a result you experience a “marriage made in heaven”.

Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. Romans 12:2 NLT

So in our relationship we should evaluate where we are as individuals and as a couple to determine areas that need change. We must begin to change our thinking with new and correct information. For example, we should research what God says about the processing of our thoughts, read books on the topic, attend seminars and other profound information. And once we find the information that applies to our relationship then we must be willing to let go of the old mind-set that got us where we are in first place and accept the new ideas.

Blessed is the man who finds wisdom, the man who gains understanding Proverbs 3:13

Lastly, we should implement the “new and improve” thoughts in our actions. How will we know if our mind has been renewed? We determine the extent of change by the fruit that we bear. If our mind has not been renewed, we will eventually return to the old ways of thinking and behavior.

Final Thought:

While we continue to improve in the area of controlling our thoughts, remember that a better marriage begins with “you”; a better “you” begins with a healthy thought!

Learning the Meaning of Words ~Mark Gungor

2012-02-15T15:06:00.000-05:00

What Is Valentine's Day?

2012-02-11T11:55:00.000-05:00

The origin of Valentine’s Day began with the life and death of a man. A bishop by the name of Valentine stood against an Emperor's decree that Roman soldiers could not marry. He married them in secrecy because he thought the Emperor's edict was wrong and went against the glory of young love. Once Valentine's acts were discovered, he was martyred. In memory of Valentine's deeds, Pope Gelasius declared him a saint and the day of his execution, February 14th, became known as Valentine's Day.

This is the history of Valentine’s Day, but what does it mean today? Most people have no clue as to why this celebration exists. We buy gifts for our love ones in celebration of our love for them. However, after February 14^th has passed and becomes another memory or day in history, many continue their lives with little to no enthusiasm for showing their expression of love for their love ones.

What does Valentine’s Day mean to you? When you celebrate this day, what is the message that you want to relay to your spouse about your love for him or her?

For married couples, Valentine’s Day seem to be an opportune time to renew love, vows and commitments to one another. It can also be a time to remember why you fell in love with each other in the first place.

Whatever your reason for celebrating, remember that love is an action and not an emotion; when Valentine’s Day becomes a mist, your expression of love for your spouse should be a continual celebration throughout the year!

~Being the Friend Your Spouse Needs~

2012-02-07T20:47:00.001-05:00

A Picture Perfect Couple is the Couple Who Has Mastered the Art of Friendship

The most successful couples are not stars in Hollywood but those couples who have learned to become the best of friends over time. Why? The answer is summed up in Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times”. And after reviewing how God defines love in 1Corinthians 13:4, we understand just how important friendship in marriage really is. Therefore, we should make every effort to guard and cherish the bond that we have with our spouse. However, if we fail to cherish this bond and take it lightly, the foundation of marriage will be compromised.

As a dog returns to his vomit, so a fool repeats his folly. Proverbs 26:11

Whenever God reveals to us the things that “eat” away at our relationship, we must respond quickly. We must first be willing to change. Second, we must be cooperative and allow God to help us. Whether it is cheating, drugs, porn, lying or gambling, we must be adamant about being delivered and staying away from that destructive behavior.

He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends. Proverbs 17:9

We have all heard the saying “There is only so much a person can take”. If we consider this truth when relating to our spouses, we may be reminded to monitor how we treat them. Repeating offenses are detrimental to our relationships. Therefore, we cannot expect our spouse to accept our behavior if we make no effort to change. Additionally, we must put ourselves in their shoes and ask ourselves how much would we be willing to put up with; because it never feels good to be in the shoes of the offended.

No one wants a friend that will trample over them and discard their feelings by taking advantage of them. And when we learn to become a friend to each other, we can experience levels of love that we could never have reached otherwise.

If you find yourself in a place where you are repeating the same offense, ask God to deliver you and make a conscious effort to change; it is up to you. If we take our friendship for granted, there will be a heavy price to pay, one that we’ll regret and may not be able to recover from. We must learn to value the “friend” within our spouse and know that there is no greater relationship on earth except the one we have with God.

Remembering this year’s theme, “A Better Me, A Better Marriage”, let’s learn to be the "best-friend" that our spouse needs and desire!

What God Wants Every Married Couple to Realize!

2012-02-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

What Is A Marriage Made Of?

2012-01-30T13:56:00.003-05:00

“Don't be misled--you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant.” Galatians 6:7 NLT

Have you heard of the saying, “Whatever you put in a marriage is what you will get out of it”? This quote is very profound and is the answer to many mysteries in marriages. Although many couples confess to giving their relationship their “all”, this confession is sometimes true and other times far fetched. Additionally there are couples whose relationship seem to be ideal but will plateau at some point.

First we must understand that although God sees two married people as one, each individual is responsible for their own actions; hence our 2012 theme, “A Better Me, A Better Marriage”. As a result we must ask ourselves, “Am I giving everything I got for this marriage?” IF the answer is yes then the next question is, “Have I done all that I can do for my marriage?” Although we all have the ability to build a successful relationship, we do not know everything there is to know in order to execute successfully; we constantly need to renew our minds through education and practice.

Marriage is like the medical field; doctors never complete the learning process in their profession because someone is always discovering new and improved medicine and new ways to heal the body. As with marriage, new ideas and biblical truths are constantly being discovered; so we must continue to educate ourselves with new information and practice what we already know.

“Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7 NIV

“But you have planted wickedness, you have reaped evil, you have eaten the fruit of deception. Because you have depended on your own strength……” Hosea 10:13 NIV

Maybe you have prayed but never read any books on marriage. Maybe you have read books on marriage but never attended a marriage seminar. Or maybe you have done all the above but never made the necessary changes within yourself i.e. forgiving offenses, repenting for something you did and (or) correcting bad habits. And there may even be past hurt trapped deep within that you have yet to let go of; as a result your spouse is suffering because of it.

Whatever the area may be, it is time to give a little TLC and discover what you can do to make it better. If you sow into your marriage half-heartedly, then your harvest will be one of pain and regret.

What if our marriage seems fine to us? Then we must remember to never allow comfort to stop consistent progression. It is vital to constantly seek ways to improve our relationships with our spouses no matter how “good” we think that things are. Just think of marriage as a steep hill; if you do not push and continue to go forward, you will go downward.

Until Next Time……..If you want more give more; if you want less than God’s best then settle with what you already have.

“So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.” Galations 6:9

What Are Your Thoughts Toward Your Marriage?

2012-01-26T15:09:00.000-05:00

~Use Wisdom and Show Restraint~

2012-01-23T22:14:00.002-05:00

“Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5 NIV

In a very tough and trying economy more people are working longer hours. How does this economic shift and desperate need to survive affect marriages? More and more marriages are becoming less of a priority because of a lack of time and energy; additionally, this effect also results in a lack of zeal for the relationship and even divorce. Therefore, it is plain to see that spending time as a couple must be placed back at the top of the priority list.

When approaching any subject that is as delicate as how we spend our time, we must first consider the way we think. For example, if you and your spouse have recently welcomed a new baby into your life -instead of focusing on all the time that is already taken- you must think of a way to make time. This will take creativity on your part but you must ask yourself, “how much is my marriage worth to me?” At first you may only discover an extra thirty minutes to an hour between the new baby and work but if that’s all you have for now then you’ve got to make it work!

Being a stay-at-home mom with five children while my husband works 12 to 13 hours a day is very challenging for us but we manage; failing in marriage is no option for us. Making time for each other cost us up to two hours of sleep everyday and we block out at least four to six hours on the weekend just for us; in our minds the sacrifice is worth every minute. Fortunately, we do have older children that can look after the younger ones but if your family is structured differently, find a sitter or put the child(ren) to bed early. If this is not favorable for your family then an alternative would be to rise early in the morning for a breakfast date and intimacy. NO EXCUSES ALLOWED FOR SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES!

Considering the financial strain on some families as a result of the economy, there is still room for creativity. Here are some tips, but always seek God for more wisdom and what is best for your family.

1. If possible, ask if your schedule at work can be restructured. You can go in an hour early and leave an hour early. Or consider forfeiting your lunch break on some days in order to leave work early.

2. If #1 fails then meet your spouse for lunch to focus on your relationship.

3. If you both are working jobs to pay bills, find ways to lower your bills etc. eliminating cable, internet, house phone, dining out and (or) shopping sprees, credit card bills or even down sizing from a bigger house to a much smaller house that is both comfortable and economical.

If you are able to reduce debt and lower your monthly obligations, you can consider taking another job with better hours or working one job instead of two. But if you are working long hours or multiple jobs to make “ends meet” then believe God for a promotion and for a better job that is more suitable for your family; I am.

“A greedy man stirs up dissension, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper. Proverbs 28:25 NIV

In relation to our 2012 theme “A Better Me, A Better Marriage”, how is this topic relevant? Well since you are the one reading this post -if a lack of time is an ongoing issue for you and your spouse- then challenge yourself to make the first step. Whether you are first one to begin to pray and seek God or the one to present a strategic plan to your spouse about increasing your time together; it is now up to you.

And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19 NLT

"A Better Me, A Better Marriage Campaign"

2012-01-16T14:44:00.000-05:00

Since we all have a little selfishness in us and all too often get caught up in Me, Me, Me, let’s make this year all about “ME”. Besides, I’m always hearing people say “It’s all about me” so let’s focus on it because there is some truth to it! So where do we start? Do we start with our dreams and goals? Should we make a list of our needs and wants? What about highlighting our accomplishments? Where do we begin?

In 2012, the Marriage Lounge has begun a campaign entitled “A Better Me, A Better Marriage”. The point is to focus on how we can become better individuals to enhance the lives of others, specifically our spouse. That’s right, no more pointing the finger!

“Whoever gives heed to instruction prospers, and blessed is he who trusts in the LORD.”

Proverbs 16:20

I heard a preacher say that he prayed to God and asked God to change his wife. Maybe you’ve prayed that prayer. Maybe your words were different but your motives were the same. Well God answered this pastor and it went like this: “You change”. That’s it, very simple and to the point. I’m sure that the pastor was a little disappointed by the response God gave. But the question then became, “What was he going to do about it?” He could either walk away prideful with no intentions on making any changes or adjustments in his life or he could seek God further on what changes he needed to make.

After the “light” came on, he realized that if things were ever going to get better between him and his wife then it would have to start with him. As God began to show him how to improve, he listened and obeyed. As a result to his obedience and humility, his wife began to change without any knowledge of his conversation with God! WOW!!!! That pastor got what he wanted from his wife; however, focusing on him was the prerequisite that God gave him.

It’s easy to run from responsibility but no matter where we go, responsibility will follow us until we take hold of it. It doesn’t necessarily mean that things are always our fault; however, God does expect us to do all that we can to pursue love in our marriage. And we puruse love by considering our spouse over ourself and making the necessary changes to adequately express our love for them.

“Nevertheless, you are doing the right thing if you obey the royal law in keeping with the Scripture, "You must love your neighbor as yourself." James 2:8

Transformation of ones self takes humility, effort and guidance from God; it also takes time. But if we commit ourselves to a “God-like” makeover –no matter how painful it may be- we’ll get what we want in the end just like that pastor.

Until next time, remember change begins within first!

Image: Stuart Miles / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

CNN: Steve Harvey 'I don't have female friends'

2012-01-10T11:29:00.001-05:00

What do you think? Can a spouse have friends of the opposite sex?

From A Man's Point of View

2012-01-10T11:02:00.001-05:00

What do you think makes a marriage work? Hear some responses from Steve Harvey as he share with a few men before they take the plunge.

The Thought That Counts!

2012-01-09T17:55:00.001-05:00

Have you ever done something and later found out that your actions (although innocent to you) left your spouse feeling angry, frustrated or hurt? To you the issue seemed minute or non- threatening; however your spouse saw it differently. A great example of this would include a husband who forgot to call home after discovering he had to work late. To him it may not be a big deal but to his wife who is at home worried, it is.

Rule of Thumb: Before doing anything consider how you would feel if it was done to you. Or as the saying goes, “Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you”.

There was a discussion amongst married couples about men who cheat and the double standards that they live by. (Sharing this, I am not insinuating that all men are cheaters or double-minded) One husband discussed how there are men who believe that it’s okay to cheat on their wife but would despise their wife for doing the same to them. How crazy is that?

Well, as ridiculous as it may sound, we often treat our spouses the same way. There are numerous things that we do and say that we would not want done or said to us.

How can we reverse this cycle? Think before you act; only a thought can be changed before anyone can be affected by it. Once you do something it is done and if any damage could be done it has taken place. We can apologize for our actions but cannot erase what we did. Therefore every decision we make should be carefully considered with our spouse in mind.

There are times when decisions have to be made that may not be appreciated in the “right now” but is in the best interest of the couple. For example, a wife is frustrated about her husband’s adamant disagreement on spending money for a trip that they really cannot afford. She has been planning for weeks to see her family that lives in another state but current circumstances does not warrant the couple to make this trip. The wife’s initial reaction is based on emotions and as a result she is hurt and disappointed. Later she realizes that postponing the trip was best.

Every situation is different but if we follow the “rule of thumb” for the most part, as couples we can make better decisions. However, in order to do this, it is vital that we practice demoting “self” and promoting our spouse by making him or her priority. When we make our spouse a priority our actions will follow.

Until Next Time: What are you doing to promote a healthier marriage? Remember complacency is detrimental!

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image: Louisa Stokes / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

~Speaking Out In 2012~

2012-01-03T13:59:00.001-05:00

Your voice is meant to be heard. In 2012 with all the elections coming up it is important to speak up and express our thoughts, needs and desires. Cultivating “silence” gives way to unnecessary stress, pain, regret and unresolved issues; therefore we must be aggressive when it comes to making our requests known. If we are going to aim for change in any area of our life especially in any relationship, some of our innermost thoughts and feelings must be brought to the surface.

Take Action

When seeking a companion, adamantly people are determined to be forth coming about what they want and what they despise in a relationship. However, in a marriage relationship sometimes those needs and wants can seem nonexistent or irrelevant as a result of failing to communicate them to our spouse. Whether we keep quiet in an attempt to maintain peace or we’re just negligent in relationship-building, we tend to give way for our deepest desires and (or) concerns to go on unnoticed. The point is unless we speak up no one will know how we truly feel which can cause unnecessary strain on our relationship.

The Act of Assuming

Over the years I’ve realized that not only do Travis and I have different views on things but that he is no mind reader. There are times –because of our growth together- that he may be able to discern how I feel but that is not always the case; sometimes I just need to open my mouth and speak up. Additionally, I’ve learned how to approach him when expressing my concerns, my pain and even my joy; it’s not always what we say but how we say it that makes the difference. We must remember that our spouses are not “mind readers” so it is vital that we avoid speaking to them with a preconceived notion that “they should already know how we’re feeling” or “that they are just being inconsiderate about the way we feel”.

It is also important to not react negatively if your spouse does not respond the way you want them to. For example, do not fret if your spouse doesn’t jump up and down because your best friend is getting married or that you aced your college exam; it does not mean that he or she does not care.

Each heart knows its own bitterness, and no one else can fully share its joy. Proverbs 14:10 NLT

In 2012, I encourage you to (in a loving manner) let your voice be heard even when it’s difficult and requires you to be vulnerable. Be aware that relationship-building takes time and effective communication.

Image: taesmileland / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

~Congrats To All Couples~

2011-12-28T14:23:00.002-05:00

As the year 2011 comes to an end, it is important to take a moment and be grateful for another year. According to the numbers almost one million couples to-date have gotten a divorce in 2011. This report is very disturbing and disheartening; however I am thankful for all those who pushed past the breaking point by fighting for their marriage, making adjustments and making wise decisions along the way.

Before constructing a list of “New Year Resolutions”, the accomplishment of successfully making it through another year is to be commended. Maybe every thing that you wanted to happen did not happen and you may have endured what seemed impossible to face but you and your spouse are still here.

And of course it goes without saying that God gets all the glory for every challenge that we overcome because He provides the strength needed to do so; but “faith without works is dead” and “all hard work brings a profit”. This means that as couples we must work hard to do what we can do and trust God to do what we cannot do!

Prior to celebration, we would like to send our condolences to those around the world who unfortunately has lost their husband or wife this year. Travis and I both pray that God will continue to give you the strength and comfort needed to continue this journey of life. May God’s peace fill you, His arms comfort you and His love cover you during this difficult time.

To all others, join with Travis and me in the celebration of God keeping us and causing us to triumph yet again! We raise our glasses of ………sparkling cider to all of you!

“Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Mark 10:9

~Are You Prepared For What You Are About to Face?

2011-12-24T12:43:00.001-05:00

If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small ~Proverbs 24:10

Growing as a couple requires mental strength. A weak-minded individual will not be victorious in battle and may even die before the war is over. If you consider the men and women who put their lives on the line everyday, physical training is a prerequisite before entering the battle field. These soldiers must train in multiple weather conditions, they must be educated on weapons and they must also be mentally trained to make quick decisions in hopes to protect themselves and their fellow soldiers. Can you imagine what would happen if an inexperienced and uneducated soldier was sent into the battle zone?

“Therefore, prepare your minds for action…….” 1Peter 1:13

In a marital relationship, countless battles are either won or loss based on mental preparation and awareness. If a couple fail to realize that an “enemy of unity” is constantly attacking their relationship, they will be prone to defeat. As a result, the husband and wife will attack each other instead of the evil behind the war. Physically, we tend to use our physical senses to determine the cause of the fight like the predator and the prey. However, it is vitally important that we strengthen our minds in order to sustain our relationship and win the war against marriage.

“Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1Peter 5:8

In 1Peter 5:8, we are warned to stay alert. How do we stay alert? By educating ourselves through books (the Bible & Books on relationships), confessions of positive affirmations (affirmations of what you desire your marriage to be regardless of what you currently see) and prayer (there is no way to obtain the type of marriage that God has in store for us without His help).

The latter part of 1Peter 5:8 is why couples must be mentally prepared. The enemy prowls like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour; he is in search for the weak-minded. It does not mean that if you are strong mentally, he won’t try to come after you. However, his plan is to find an area where you may be struggling (porn, finances, lack of awareness, faithfulness, selfishness, poor health, low self-esteem, etc) attack that area with the mission to weaken you mentally and therefore cause you to faint in adversity.

Consider Proverbs 24:10 again: “If you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small” It is not about physical strength because sometimes our health is attacked with no fault of our own. However, mentally we are contributing to its overall health or weakness by what we say, do and believe.

What are you doing to maintain a healthy mind? Remember that your marriage depends on how strong you are mentally.

OTHER THAN "I LOVE YOU"

2011-12-19T18:59:00.000-05:00

What happens when you’ve been doing the same routine day after day, month after month and year after year? Sometimes we begin to long for something new or a new way to get things done in hopes that our interest will continue to be captured. Not always do we want to terminate something such as working to make a living; we may just want to be our own boss instead of working for someone else. And that is okay because change and growth are both good and you cannot have one without the other, especially in marriage.

How many times do you tell your spouse that you love them? Do you remember how you felt when he or she told you that they love you? You may only be able to describe that moment as being one of the best moments in your life. When said with meaning, there is no other phase that compares to “I Love You” and as spouses we do not mind hearing it over and over again.

In marriage it is always refreshing to try new things. For example, instead of always saying I love you, try saying “I need you” or “I desire you and only you”. Not only is it a positive confession but it reiterates how extremely important your spouse is in your life and how incomplete your life would be without them.

I wouldn’t replace “I love you” with any other phrase because there is no substitute. However, these positive confessions can stir up feelings that sometimes lie dormant unless triggered by extreme emotional situations i.e. a big argument or the regret of an undesirable outcome like separation or divorce. As a result, it is often times too late for “I need you” or “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me”. Therefore, be encouraged to say all that you can say to exude how you feel about your spouse while you have the chance to say it.

Until Next Time……..Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say, Every Word Counts!

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN!

2011-12-16T17:27:00.001-05:00

How important would you say a yearly trip to the doctor for a check-up is? What are the possibilities if you and I never took that trip? Can you just imagine the countless number of people that die every year because they refuse to visit a physician? And considering the small amount of time you spend in one visit, it doesn’t compare to the impact it can make in the years to come. But why do people avoid these vital visits? No one likes discomfort and no one likes facing the unknown which may disturb their current reality.

Likewise, it is extremely vital that we have routine check-ups with our spouse. It is common knowledge that if we want to continue to get better at something, we must consistently access where we are. We must also accept the truth of the assessment and be willing to make the necessary changes to improve.

Do not act out of selfish ambition or conceit, but with humility think of others as being better than yourselves. Philippians 2:3

Furthermore, there must be a sincere willingness to listen carefully to our spouse’s view of where we are as a mate. Although we may not agree at times but it’s their view and it’s our responsibility-within reasonable expectations- to try and change our spouse’s view. For example, if you want your mate to think of you as a pleasant person to be around but he or she sees you as an argumentative person then you have to figure out how to change that.

Thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways (your previous and present conduct) and how you have fared. Haggai 1:7

Holidays for my husband and me are about reflection. We are thankful for where God has brought us but are consistently looking for opportunities to go to the next level; complacency is not an option!

I encourage those who are serious about going to the next level in their marriage to conduct a routine check-up with their life-partner on how everything is going. Remember, marriage is what you make of it; if we don’t invest in it we can’t expect to get anything out of it.

Here are some questions you may want to ask:

~How am I doing as a husband or wife?
~Ask what he or she need from you?

The depth of the conversation and list of questions will differ for each couple. However, afterwards it is imporant to do two things:

~Affirm what you will do to meet each other's needs and how you both will proceed to improve
productivity.
~ Agree to hold each other accountable

Happy Holidays!

Something Old, Something New !

2011-12-12T23:09:00.001-05:00

“My marriage is not working; I’ve done everything that I can do.”

Hundreds of couples every day are debating if their marriage will survive. The claim is usually that everything that could be done has been done. But that is not always the case. A more truthful statement would be, “I’ve done all that I know to do. As couples, no matter how long we’ve been married it is naïve to think that we’ll ever arrive at a place where we’ll know all there is to know about relationships.

Hanging out with more mature and successful couples, reading books on marriage, praying for wisdom and attending counseling sessions are all ways to discover what a couple has yet to try to strengthen their marriage. Maybe you’ve tried showering your spouse with gifts but what they really want is R&R. Maybe you’ve tried counseling but never praying together to seek God for guidance. (Praying together has definitely brought Travis and me closer). If you have tried “date nights” it may be time for a vacation or something adventurous.

I don’t know about others but I love to try new ideas and experiment with new things to help Travis and me on this amazing journey together. Furthermore, spontaneity is very healthy for a relationship, it keeps things interesting. Along with being spontaneous, it is also helpful to try new methods for solving problems and expressing your sincerity when being apologetic. The more things seem repetitive, the more it may seem insincere.

It’s all about going the extra mile to help the relationship not only survive but thrive and climb to new heights.

Feel like trying something new? Here are some ideas:

~Nothing says “refreshing” like a vacation. It is one opportunity that will help you both to get away from the day-to-day hustle and bustle.

~Men, try cards and candy instead of flowers. Or maybe your own written words or a nice massage when you need to apologize or express your love for her.

~Women, hear your husband out when he’s trying to make a point or make a Point or decision (we REALLY DON’T KNOW EVERYHING).

~Try figuring some things out on your own as a couple instead of always relying on everyone else i.e. parents, friends and family.

***Whatever you do, don’t give up, try something NEW!

~ Do you have some ideas that you don't see listed? Sure you do.

Comment and share with us your "something new" that is working for you and your spouse.

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~When I Found You~

2011-12-07T11:16:00.000-05:00

~Picture Perfect Moments To Remember~

2011-12-06T13:44:00.001-05:00

Moments are happening all the time whether good, bad or ugly. How heartwarming is to look back on moments that make you smile, laugh and sometimes cry? Years ago, I created an “Anniversary Photo Album”. It’s our moments that we share with no one else. (Just kidding) Because we have five children, their precious little faces are in some of the photos. If none of our reliable babysitters were available during the times we planned our anniversary vacations then our babies came along. However, it didn’t matter to me because my goal was always to create moments that would be memorable and enjoyable.

What are some of your most favorable moments? Do you take the time to reflect? Sometimes, it’s encouraging to look back and see where you’ve come from in order to remember where you are going (your goals and dreams as a couple).

Travis and I were at Busch Gardens in 2004. We had an artist sketch us and it was pretty interesting. You really can't tell that she drew Travis first and then me. When it was my turn, Travis continued to tell jokes and say silly things to make me laugh so I tried to keep a "serious" face the whole time. LOL

Travis and I were at dinner. We went to visit the Biltmore Estate in N.C. that year. It was so much fun but of course the best part was just being with my best friend.

Travis and I will never forget these moments. These moments constantly remind us of how special our friendship and marriage really is.

TIME IS RUNNING OUT FOR CHRISTMAS GIVEAWAY!

2011-12-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

Christmas Giveaway!

As Christmas arrives, we at The Marriage Lounge have decided to do a Christmas Giveaway. As an appreciation to all of our readers, we want to give away a Holiday Gift Basket to one special couple. Here is how you can receive an entry for the Holiday Gift Basket.

~Subscribe to The Marriage Lounge by email. We want you to stay in the loop with all of our updates!

~Send us an email @ themarriagelounge@gmail.com and tell us about your favorite post on the blog and why.

~Now that our Facebook page is up and running, stop by and show some love and support by liking the page.

Once the winner is chosen, we will send you an email to get more information so that we can send you your prize!

Again, thanks for all of your support and lounging with us as we continue to help strengthen marriages around the world, one couple at a time!

Entry for Giveaway ends December 15th

I MAY BE RIGHT BUT MAYBE I'M WRONG......

2011-11-30T13:54:00.000-05:00

How many times have your spouse offended you? Do you find your self saying "you made me mad?" Or do you hear yourself saying, "If he or she would change then I would change?" I've learned over the years that even when I'm right, I could be wrong. Why? Because in 2Timothy 2:22 we are encouraged to pursue peace which is the opposite of strife. So even though what I say could be right, the manner in which I said it may not be.

So how can we promote peace? By simply letting go of offenses or by refusing to become offended. Travis and I learned the hard way. We both learned that getting offended or holding on to the offense takes hard work. It never feels like it (especially when in the moment) but it is definitely much easier to forgive an offense than to hold on to it.

Additionally, we can blame others for what we do or don't do but it never releases us from being the responsible one. Maybe your spouse has hurt you or has been very insensitive to your needs, the right and most fruitful thing to do is just to respond in love. It doesn’t' mean you never confront things or express the way you feel but it means to guard your reactions.

"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace......." 2 Timothy 2:22

BEING NAKED WITH YOUR SPOUSE

2011-11-29T17:49:00.000-05:00

Every relationship evolves from two people with a past, different upbringings and two people who are alike in some ways but different in many ways. And sometimes those differences can clash. For example, Marcus who knows how strongly his wife feels about the Opera neglects to tell her that he absolutely hates it. As a result he regrettably attends every event that she asks him to attend. He feels that if he reveals how he truly feels, she’ll either “fly off the handle” or be really disappointed.

What do you think? Should he tell her or should he continue to go along with the program?

THE TRUTH REVEALED

Most people try to avoid being honest about certain things in order to keep the peace. But eventually the truth comes out somehow; sometimes the truth is unveiled in an argument. In Marcus’ case, it may go a little like this: “And by the way, since we’re being honest I HATE THE OPERA!

Being naked in marriage means to be truthful with yourself first and then with your spouse which in turn puts you in a vulnerable place. It requires you to lay everything out on the table i.e. your thoughts, your fears, buried pain, disappointments and how you truly feel about things. Being vulnerable also helps to build trust and a sense of closeness with your spouse.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

You must also know that most things are time sensitive. If your spouse asks you a question that requires you to reveal how you feel then be honest at that time. But if you need to speak about something that has really been bothering you, the best time to discuss it is when you are both in a good mood and during a time when there are no distractions. (If they are working on something or watching their favorite show on TV, you may want to wait until you can have their undivided attention) It also may be a good idea to consult with your spouse to see when a good time to discuss is.

BE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT IS REVEALED

Additionally, as spouses we must also be mature and gentle when handling our spouse’s vulnerability. If we become very angry, resentful or take lightly our partner’s honesty, it can be very devastating to the relationship. Also, the vulnerable spouse may find it easier to be dishonest and (or) refrain from being vulnerable ever again.

So what about you? On a scale of 1 to 10, how naked are you with your spouse?

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