The Maternal Experiment

Dear Online "Pharmacies" and "Pharmacists"

2026-10-18T14:02:36.576-07:00

RE: A Current Peptide Provisions Complaint

I am writing to advise you en masse that you are fucking killing people. We have moved so far out of the weight loss portion of this twisted game show that we're allowing death to be shipped from places like Florida via a plug in Utah who does NO due diligence on the "patient" they think they're helping (I'm actually not sure how much due diligence your entire industry is doing to understand what the fuck you are shipping to people).

Sadly, when we have to reach out to one your plugs after losing a loved one they act astonished. So taken aback. I mean, your company and its plug only skipped a battery of tests and discussions with trained professionals tasked with treating our loved ones IRL. "How could that go sideways?" they'll ask in one way or another. The excuses and feigned surprise don't matter as you read them through tears anyway.

I was personally informed by one of your Utah plugs how great my loved one said they were doing as if lying is not a normal human behavior. This interaction does exemplify one of many human behaviors I am personally getting sick of which is playing stupid when it's time to pay the piper for your choices. Get your bag or buy your version of pretty but once someone calls you to the floor or shit goes sideways you just need to repent and start that Karmic scrubbing. But, instead of triggering a deep soul searching that could save future lives, maybe even their own, your plugs will eventually land on blaming our loved ones for ordering in the first place.

Now, at face value this initial tack of blame I admittedly struggle to fault you or your plugs for as I prefer fair arguments that acknowledge nuance. Yes, our loved ones are adults and can make their own decisions but, suspend a perfect reality for one moment and picture a desperate person whose health is declining while they're still young or before they feel ready (are we ever ready to deal with terminal illness?). We should always try to acknowledge where personal responsibility begins and what that requires in these situations. With that said, can you explain how we should blame a person we care for as we watch their internal daily battles with a body that no longer follows their orders and limits a life they so desperately want to live? Tell us how we blame that desperate brain for seeing your bullshit claims passed not only through the internet's current crop of grifters cloaked inside the term "influencers" but possibly a nutritionist he/she trusted for 2 years or a close family member who is already playing this game of Russian roulette and seem to be fine. Hell, you've got that Peter Pan reject Kennedy at our HHS drinking that blue shit and propping up this stuff.

In my opinion, until you people are willing to collaborate with doctors who actually treat your customers and start doing your own batteries of blood tests prior to and throughout your "treatment" of ANY person you should be shut down. Better yet, you should be brave and shut yourselves down until you know what you're doing.

Sadly, you must see us as collectively ignorant? Easy marks. There's a site out there right now ready to ship Ketamine in a colorful kit to your home so that you or someone you love can lay there unsupervised trying to trip your way out of your trauma. No deep dive into what that trauma might be or if the Ketamine would even help your particular situation. Just a questionnaire, quick video conference and don't forget to upload that credit card. What if my loved one has heart issues they didn't disclose? You send a heart monitor with your kit which seems sketch when it comes to safety. I can order online Ketamine but God forbid our local marijuana shops use the banking system. I have to watch a ton of news segments and documentaries telling me how detrimental the THC levels are nowadays. YOU and companies like you are detrimental to our society not THC. God forbid you people get ahold of that plant. You'll probably find a way to make that poisonous too.

To the online "pharmacy" half of this Faustian deal, I hate to tell you this but in my eyes you are no more than legitimized drug dealers and the people you hire like the one I found in Utah are simply the plugs or middlemen for a new drug trade. You are drug dealers similar to what we are watching today in the fentanyl space or like that family of opioid creators/pushers still living the good life off of societies' pain. Out here in these internet streets selling laced atrocities to ensure your pockets stay puffy while ignoring the pile of injured people slowly growing in your wake.

To the plugs, you are not innocent either. A week long course or some pile of books you bought from your employer does not a scholar make. You know damn well you were never in the medical field and from what I can tell none of you seemed to have even bothered to take one medical course so yes, you are aiding and abetting in the killing of people too. For the 20 you help you may have killed one dad, mother or child. Maybe you people could do something using your position on the inside. You could insist the company do better. Make suggestions on how to involve doctors who treat the people you're talking to. The other option is to stay complacent and get that commission. The blood stays on your hands no matter how you legitimize it.

In closing, to rectify this matter, I would like a competent explanation from you on who allowed the propagation of this Kalshi version of healthcare. Those people need to be punished. I would then like at least ONE of you faux pharmacies to come forward and temporarily close to allow for the research needed to make your business safer and probably more effective. Companies like yours are selling poison in gas stations and shipping potential health bombs complete with needles all over the country and there seems to be no recourse. It wasn't, isn't and will never be okay.

Sincerely,

Citizen 78

Dear PUBLIC SERVANTS C/O Our Current Politicians

2026-10-15T13:08:46.100-07:00

RE: A Campaign Strategies Complaint

Before you read on I do understand that as citizens we're advised the best way to contact your type is at those various catch all telemarketing type numbers which are assigned to our resident state that we all know are answered by the youngest and greenest in your offices. This complaint however, carries a more umbrella vibe meaning it applies to EVERYONE repping ANYONE out there in Washington DC. I don't know if you all have a general phone number but honestly, I wouldn't call it if you did. I'd rather use my words here for my own enjoyment than waste them on leaving a message with a government worker who's probably more beat down and directly disrespected by what we call our nation's capitol than anyone I know.

I am writing this general complaint to implore you to change your STYLE of campaigning. This complaint will not read as new to you nor do I feel I have come up with some Mensa like discovery in the crazy world that has become campaign season.

Now, with that obligatory preface of my opinion out of the way, let me get back to the specifics of my complaint and my imploring of you.....

Please, please, please stop wasting your time and money on the negative version/opinion of your opponent. I understand how it started but I feel like it has gotten completely out of hand. I am an "unaffiliated" voter which I love. You may take that lack of alignment as you please but, what it means to me, is that I expect you to actually EARN my vote. I truly do not give a fuck which DC cult you have affiliated yourself with, I vote for YOU based on what you SAY and how your ACTIONS back those words up not your opponent's worst stance on some currently trending topic. I don't trend vote in general because I have this crazy personal theory trends are temporary and after watching 40 something years of them come and go they don't seem to provide a solid knowledge base to make a decision the system has pounded in is so high stakes and important to my voice.

As you might already be putting together the way you run affects a voter like myself particularly hard because you seem to only run on the most out there, emotion triggering opinions and non-contextual "bad" things about your OPPONENT. I actually don't know if you're stringing anything together. I may be giving you politicians too much credit in that you would actually take the time to read something like this in such an non-viral format and actually giving your own fucks about any of it or, that you still possess the skills needed to process and understand what we the people are saying. What I do know, is after watching ads or trying to read your blurbs all I come away knowing is how much your opponent wants to kill my unborn baby or all of the mistakes they have made on their own fucked up path that lead them to decide to run for a vital, hard and over exposing position they feel they're now skilled enough to hold.

While women's rights are unarguably important (I'm a card carrying chick myself) and I do want all of our representatives to be good to the people they encounter throughout their personal lives what I actually NEED from you is sadly not going to help or abolish abortion though I am hoping what I am asking for could help the babies I made that are now beginner adults in their futures. Additionally, I regret to inform you remedying my issue will not help you with that toxic relationship you found yourself in Junior year of college where, after a horrible hallway break-up, you got straight black out drunk and ran through the college dorm areas naked and ugly crying only to open the yearbook that summer and find horribly angled photos of that wayward long ago decision while cuddled up next to your now future first lady or man which have mysteriously found their way to current day TMZ or PAC ads run on a YouTube loop right after your pole numbers began to register a little too hopeful on the national scale.

Now that you know a few things I don't need you to inform me on it seems only fair to inform you of a few items I would like to se all of you present some forthright and effective solutions for.

I need to know what the fuck you're going to do about our food. I am an 80's kid and I remember when Hostess tasted like dessert not the packaging it comes in. I tell my kids about how the hostess cupcake's little signature hard frosting squiggle used to actually taste like vanilla. I dissected those cupcakes like a first grade surgeon just to preserve and eat that squiggle separately before carefully replacing the rest of the frosting and eating the cake. Or, how I don't remember having very many food based recalls as a youngster or even young adult. Toys, music and household appliance recalls felt normal but the amount of produce issues we have seen in recent years is far outside of my 48 year wheel house. Something is up there and I don't want my children or grandchildren to pay with their burgeoning health so maybe take some of that "we need to help bail out the banks or the world will end" energy and put it towards getting that good quality food back for them. Hey, bonus for you should you take this food challenge, it could ALSO help fix a piece of that healthcare system you all seem completely unable to do anything with but talk about.

And, what the fuck is your plan for the INFRASTRUCTURE? Not the current signage and forever projects or continuously telling me how stupid Biden was for fixing some random bridge in a place you deemed undeserving. Instead you should tell me how we're going to fix HWY 101 or at the very least what YOU would have done differently at Biden's bridge because according to the people around it though not an emergency it was in heavy disrepair.

The 101 highway I feel is one of our most beautifully placed stretches of road ferrying our vehicles north to south on the west coast with views that remind you even Mother Nature takes vacations. What isn't beautiful about this old and important stretch of road is in several areas it is a bumpy, lumpy danger zone. When you create a whole commercial maligning your opponent for fixing ANY infrastructure at all while we drive on highways that traumatize our tires and suspension systems like an abusive parent you begin to lower the collective voting bar to "well, at least a bridge got fixed". I don't have to remind you that cruelly lowering expectations is more detrimental to our actual future than global warming or AI. You've created apathy in your constituents through neglect and abuse instead of creating trust and realistic hope through simply performing. Now that I have processed that, it's actually sad how many of you are so okay with this failing of people you're there to help as public figures or your own cowardice in breaking from the pack to represent the people back in the state that put you there. I guess when your family reaps the bennies the rest of us shrink into background noise pretty quick.

Okay, jumping off my little soap box and back to the main point of writing to all of you on that hill; your campaigns have wandered too far into the sludge that is social media rage bait and then you or someone on your teams have heavily mixed that sludge into your chicken little service announcement rendition of editing you're applying to every aspect of your campaigns. People like me who vote both critically and independently based on their ACTUAL experience in their very real corner of this world need to know what you are FOR much less than we need to know what alleged evil your opponent is about. Bring your opponents up within context. Juxtaposition could help to create a quick yet informative commercial. Your actionable plan for the economy versus their plans for the economy. Don't talk so much about the uteruses or the emotional items we all know are triggering and lead us nowhere. Talk about real repairs for our school system and how to let us trust the companies who made that burger we're lifting to our lips.

Convince us you're trying to help ease the harder parts of being us. Improve the lives you seem to have forgotten you were never meant to lead. We invited you there to SERVE.

Sincerely,

Citizen 78

Is This How School Should Be?

2026-07-19T14:15:15.986-07:00

This post has been sitting in my drafts since 2022. Thought it was worth the post today as education seems to still be stunted under Mrs. McMahon and Randy Weingarten. Enjoy!

There are many things being diagnosed within our failing school system. Low pay for teachers, over inundated classrooms, poor student achievement, bullying, technology. The list goes on and on. What isn't being discussed is the lack of will to educate. Due to the many issues we all feel we need to focus on and the many teacher walk outs or protests the thing getting lost is the actual children. We discuss the children as if they're not in the room while ALL of them are most literally in the room. As a parent with a child who is experiencing emerging behavior issues I can say that all of the "issues" being discussed have done nothing to assist my actual child. Each meeting we have that seems to place all of the blame on him and our family while ending with a reiteration of how many other students must be serviced over our struggling child lead me to think the "issues" are leading to something far more detrimental. In constantly discussing how put upon the adults in the system are and how no one is paid their true worth there are children without a diagnosable issue being thrown into the cracks because no one could possibly have the time nor patience to help. But there is plenty of time to tell my family how under paid and short staffed the school is.

My son is an awesome human. My husband and I enjoy him thoroughly. He is 12 and currently experiencing that sensation many children experience where he'd like nothing more than to challenge authority. Test everyone who dares to tell him what to do. My husband and I don't spend all of our time centering on each wayward thing he says nor do we assume every action is his downward spiral to an adulthood of thievery and devastation. We do not allow him to be disrespectful but when he is told to do something and mumbles under his breath that he "hates this place" or the task is "stupid ass shit" we don't stop to make a deal of his mumbled words. We simply remind him of what he needs to do and move on. I understand that he'd like nothing more than a reaction so I choose my battles. His school cannot say the same. Though he has had 1 or 2 teachers since beginning middle school that seem to be able to work with him there are several that somehow have found him to be completely uncontrollable. In their intense need to advise us of how bad our child is and how he is absolutely ruining it for every other child in his class they have lead myself to believe my son is hopeless. Though I don't feel this way when he is with me I am lead to feel this way each day the same teachers kick him out of class for one infraction or another. Since many of his more extreme behaviors are displayed at the school (and it was this middle school only) I have a hard time not placing some of the problem solving onus on the school. However, when I make the mistake of asking about the teacher's behavior management techniques or what is done when he gets into an argument I am met with combative denial. As I have said before I am also constantly reminded of how put upon the teacher's and staff are and how my child is robbing his classmates of their education. Never do I truly feel as if my child matters. I believe he is picking up on this as well. The issue here is as a parent I don't want to hear about the trials and tribulations of a public servant that has chosen their profession with full knowledge it came with lower pay than deserved, benefits it would take A LOT of time and patience to earn and situations that would be less than ideal to work in. Now I know this sentence could start quite the fire among the educators of the nation but just hear me out.

Prior to motherhood & running our family business I was a 5th grade teacher. I originally wanted to attend college to be a creative writer but, a very effective college counselor advised me that being a writer didn't entail college unless I was going into a field such as journalism or textbook writing. He advised I find a degree that could pay the bills while I pursued my writing passion. After discussing degrees with this wise man and discussing my goals we landed on education. I wanted to do something that made a difference. I had no passion to be a doctor nor the stomach to handle what the medical profession entailed. Teaching felt right. He encouraged me to take the first course and see what I thought. After doing so I knew that was where I needed to be. I locked in and went for it. I took classes on how to teach the basic subjects, create exams and grading rubrics, write lesson plans, behavior management and psychology. As I got deeper we began our on site interactions and through those I found my appropriate age group as well. Many teachers find themselves in bad situations because their personality or expectations do not match that of their chosen age group. As I went through my courses I had several great professors who not only prepared us for the tasks of the job but the reality of it. We were told we would never be rich teaching. That if we wanted to be wealthy or even paid reasonably we should either pursue other careers or marry well. We were told that parents had changed and the supportive systems we remembered were very rarely in place if at all. We were advised that class sizes were growing with no relief in site. None of the issues found on those picket signs were a surprise to me. I cannot speak for everyone else though. During my student teaching I had a glimpse of some of the issues no one was discussing nor writing about on signs. I witnessed children who did not conform for whatever reason or who displayed their emotions in a disruptive and inappropriate manner be labeled "a problem" or "always in trouble". One such child was in the 5th grade class I spent all of my student teaching in. He was a hard case for sure. He was highly disruptive even somewhat violent at times. He was a small child with a hard look. The teacher I worked with was a white Mormon woman in the middle of a divorce with 2 children at home. To say she was interested in dealing with this child would be an overstatement. I believe she advised me some children "just can't be saved". I didn't see this. I saw a young boy with little to no coping skills and a huge chip on his shoulder which was being enlarged through improper handling at school and probably at home. I gravitated toward this child though he showed little interest in me. I don't remember how it happened but slowly he let me in. He told me how his mom worked all of the time and he stayed home with his teenage brother who was also in a gang. The gang members would often hang out at the child's apartment and he was treated as a tiny mascot. The older boys were rough with him and out of necessity he grew a hard layer over what may have been a normal child's behavior. He told me how the teacher I worked under could never understand him and that he was often sent out of the room for his infractions. The child felt no connection to the school or his home. He loved his mother but she was stuck too. She was a single parent doing her best. Once I showed genuine interest in this child I was able to deal with him during some of the times he decided to be disruptive or inappropriate. My lead teacher would assign me to him during assignments she thought might set him off or allow me to step outside with him when he acted up instead of simply sending him to the office to be dealt with. I'd like to say this boy completely changed that year but as they do the school year ended and I went on to finish up my credits and graduate, As fate would have it the teacher I was student teaching under took a new job and I was happily hired to replace her at the school I had student taught at.

I thought about that boy often and would refer to him when we discussed behavior management and child psychology. I was not aware of the difference I had made until I began my first year of teaching my own 5th grade class in the same classroom I had met the young boy. At the end of one day I was saying goodbye to my current students at the door as I always did and realized the boy was waiting outside my door. I invited him in and as he carefully walked around the room asking about the changes I had made and making polite conversation. I realized in that moment I had made an impact. After that initial visit that boy came to my class every day after school for several weeks. Sometimes I would have him help me with stuff sometimes he would just wander around quietly while I worked. No matter what the time entailed I allowed him to drive the narrative. Through being genuine and showing concern this child felt wanted for the short period of time I had with him. Though he stopped coming at some point the fact he came back at all was powerful. This child and I did not share the same background. We had very little in common but somehow he saw me as a safe place. This is what is missing. Teachers willing to go over and above. They're over inundated and underappreciated but in the end the children are the ones paying for it. It's the adults who must accept their lot in life and either do their job to and PAST its fullest or find other employment. If they're worried about their pensions then assume work in other areas of the state. Hold signs for road work or fix sidewalks. Work in the lunch room for fucks sake. Don't stick it out at a job that has such a profound effect on other human beings. Human beings that do not have the tools yet to understand that their demands are too much for you. And definitely stop taking out your frustrations with the parents or administrators on these children. They're not asking for any of this. We as adults know full well what we're getting into but children are simply moved about like pawns. If I have to watch one more teacher complain about pay from a system their state government broke while a child sits at home losing any hope of pay for themselves someday I think I'll scream.

Teachers are worth their weight in gold. They should all be millionaires but that isn't going to happen. So what is the answer? Spend the little money you have to make a sign and refuse to work until the union's demands are met (let's face it folks teachers are not running shit)? Or should you hike up your boots and hit up the community at large for help? Spend that sign making/picketing time creating a few more effective fundraisers (sorry, bake sales are just not it anymore). Extend your reach beyond your district and start hooking up with other state's districts to brainstorm solutions. Maybe a state to state sharing system to ensure all schools have supplies? Take that brain power you waste thinking of all of the things you're not getting and find ways to get the kids the things they need. Would it be at all possible to begin teacher sharing using technology? Have international cohorts where teachers trade classes for a day with each other from other nations. Find our weak spots and see if we can enlist places who excel in them to help. The saying "it takes a village" doesn't only go for child rearing. It applies to educating. Right now the village is full of idiots and they're turning a very beautiful thing like free education for ALL into a grievance fest that ends in political demands our children will never benefit from.

I have one definite money saver. STOP buying these boxed programs from the text book dealers. Stop buying software that promises to analyze the child and set the curriculum for you all in one place (I am looking at you Accelerated Reader and your newer homey Iready). Maybe put that boxed education money into teacher pay and training so they can get back to creating their own lesson plans based on agreed upon standards. Start creating lessons that apply to this Google generation of kids who have too much information at their finger tips. You're sitting there obsessing over the writing process while the child needs to know how to safely and effectively search the internet for information because the way we used to obtain information does not apply and will apply less after we are gone. Comprehension and critical thinking are no longer bound by books, it needs to be applied to their actual daily lives. Those lives are online. I heard or read somewhere to raise your child for the world they'll inherit not the world you knew. This applies in spades today. I was of the generation that straddled the no internet/internet time. I was there before AOL or Instagram. When home computers were a luxury of the very rich. I had a pager in high school for goodness sake. My kids on the other hand can fact check me as I am lecturing them. This is what needs to be addressed. We need to update our antiquated systems of educating. Meet this generation WHERE THEY ARE not based on what we went through. I believe this power lies in our teachers not the tech companies selling one size fits all "holy grail" programs. Teachers know better how to assess their students & then intervene. Accelerated Reader simply demands so much data each year. Those stickers all over your car are simply supporting the program seller not your child. I would watch my students pick the easiest books so they could get through the tests quickly or select a book not based on want to read but on how many points the system deemed it worth. I don't even want to discuss how we had to use this crap program on 1 computer shared between 35 kids. Between this and the 1 hour & 45 minutes of "Trophies" (we had numerous in-services on using Trophies none of which gave us answers on how to make it effective) we had to get through teaching the kids to read felt impossible. From what I understood a love of reading & a will to do so must be fostered first. Then you move into the mechanics of words. Then into comprehension and so on. What I understood didn't matter though because the school had paid a huge sum to Harcourt for their Trophies program. It HAD to be used. What if that money had been redistributed to pay us more or offer actually helpful TRAINING in-services? What if the school hadn't removed the classroom chapter book packs from the library to replace them with the Trophies textbooks but instead bought us a more diverse selection of said chapter books and then let us do our job creating lessons and projects based on State standards AND student needs?

New Year?

2011-01-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

Where the hell is the time going? I feel like I am going to wake up one of these days complaining about my hip replacement and rushing the fridge for my Ensure fix. I don’t remember a time in my life when the years went by so fast. In high school it felt like it would never end (in a good and bad way). I think that having kids is a lot like pressing the fast forward button on the remote controlling the movie of life. I spend so much time going from one phase or one first to the next that before I know it my oldest is 7 months away from entering the school system and my youngest isn’t far behind. Where did it all go?
I think it is the constant suspension you live in as a parent. Watching these people I made grow and thrive while fighting against the person they have made me. I have struggled since Remy’s birth with losing my self in the boys and I worry that I have taken for granted the years up until now. I have memories of them as babies but it all feels so rushed. Should I have appreciated more? Should I have worried less about who I was supposed to be after them? Should I have just stopped and enjoyed the sweet smell and stumbling steps along the way?

With this year I am realizing that I struggle less with the stay at home mom I chose to become. Seeing how secure, healthy, smart, and happy my boys are is slowly showing me that my decision to give up the career I worked so hard for was not wasted. I went into teaching to make a difference and found out quickly that with the current climate that was impossible. After staying home with my kids these past 4 years I am realizing that the difference I wanted to make with everyone else’s kids is being made right here in my own home. Everything I wanted to offer strangers I am here to give my own children. In college I always said if I reached just one child it would make it all worth while but, now I am reaching two in a more thorough way than I could have ever achieved in the school system.

My boys have made dreams come true I held long before they were even an idea in my head. I have spent too long worrying about all having them took from me. I should have spent it seeing all they had given me. So what if society defines your self worth based on how much you make and what you achieve. I am achieving more than my past station allowed. Someday they will need me less (if at all) and then I can find out who I was supposed to be but for now, starting with this new year, I am going to enjoy just who I am. A stay at home mom to Lash and Remy. Two little people who make the years go faster but also make them much more rewarding.

Time or circumstances may creep in like a thief and take the ability to make Lash, Remy, and Dave my sole focus. So, since you can’t get it back, from this year forward I will no longer squander this gift of time Dave has worked so hard to give to us. Life isn’t passing me by, it is escorting me into a very bright future.

Happy New Year to anyone still reading. Let’s all remember to love ourselves and live up to our own expectations and forget about those others place on us. You are the only one you have to impress.

Thanksgiving

2010-12-01T09:36:00.000-08:00

I know I have not been around much lately and I have many excuses. We went to England in October then it was in and out of San Francisco for a Niner game but mostly, I have been very lazy and uninspired. During my impromptu hiatus I have started but failed to finish at least 5 posts so in an effort to re-engage some of the followers I fought so hard to pull in I will be wading back into the blog pool.
As we all know last week was Thanksgiving. A day of food and family and ours was right on par. My mom and her husband came up from Arizona and my stepchildren made their first solo drive from California to Vegas. My father, brother, and pseudo SIL also joined us. It was a smaller gathering than most but enjoyable none the less. Dave cooked his second Turduken and that shit was great. He made the first one last year but this year he really honed his technique. I don't usually like duck but, when it's layered with turkey, chicken, and stuffing it is awesome. Dinner went well (the eating time is always greatly disproportionate to cook time on Thanksgiving) and I would venture to say everyone had fun. At least I did anyway.

Friday we got the teenagers up at 245am to join the fray that is Black Friday. As readers who've been with me from the beginning may know I fucking HATE Black Friday. People act like crack smoking homeless folk when they hit those doorbuster sales. Everyone is wondering around in loose fitting sleepwear type garments with glazed eyes and slack mouths frantically grabbing up a bunch of useless shit that cost 40 bucks the day before but now in the wee hours of the morning is selling for 18.99. They then stand in 2 hour lines to run up their burgeoning credit card debt. The only reason I consented to another Black Friday outing was my husband's yearning for the 350 dollar red enamel 10 piece Claphalon cookware set that was selling at Kohls for 179.99. Dave always has something he needs come Black Friday. The nice thing is it's usually specific and at one store so we aren't wondering around in the mosh pit of shoppers all day.

After purchasing our new cookware set (which is beautiful and well worth the inconvenience) along with a few other items we ventured to the Target next door to "take a look". What greeted us was a line wrapping around the stupid store which we had no interest in standing in. That was when we made the decision to go home and get back to our original activity, sleep.

Before you say to yourself "Wow, what a tranquil and uneventful holiday Sabreena had. She is quite the lucky lady." be aware there was a trauma. You CANNOT have a four day weekend filled with family and glutenous amounts of food without drama. My mom and her husband brought their very old and very sickly dog with them for the weekend. By Friday afternoon I think the dog had just had it with my kids. My youngest Remy was being chased by his brother and ran over the old bastard who turned around and bit right into Remy's little leg leaving a nasty but non-life threatening puncture wound. I calmed my baby and cleaned him up explaining that the doggy needed to be avoided at all cost. That advice was not to be heeded.

Later that evening Dave and I took my stepchildren out for a little toddler free time. Upon our return home we found a note explaining that the dog had bitten the same child again but this time in the face. I aroused said child from his slumber to find his lip bloodied by what looked like 4 new bites (which looked deceptively worse that night). I did not panic and run to the emergency room which I am glad for because the next day the cuts were smaller and already healing. My mom on the other hand left early and feeling horrible. We closed out the weekend with couch time and a Superman movie marathon.

Now it is five days after the attack and Remy is fine. The puncture wound is struggling to close and his mouth is a little scabby but his condition is nothing compared to what it could have been. However, when asked how his Thanksgiving was Remy pulls at his lower lip and answers "The doggy ate my face". Ahhhh memories.

Bedtime Lockdown

2010-10-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

I am about to share with you a part of our bedtime routine which makes some mothers cringe. Now, now, don't let your mind wander because I do not have any cages laying around the house or a Tuff Shed converted into a toddler prison in the backyard. What I do is much more humane and in my experience has been suggested by experts. I lock my children's doors from the outside when they go to sleep at night. That's right, after 730 Lash and Remy lose their household privileges and are forced to stay in their rooms to do the unthinkable. SLEEP.

After you get over the original shock of hearing a mother say she locks her children's doors you may start to wonder about the possible fire hazard. Fear not good people. It's not like I have a padlock on the doors or several chain locks that would be impossible to slide in an emergency. No, we simply turned their knob locks around so the little locking mechanism faces into the hallway. In case of fire or unwanted intruder all we have to do is turn the little thingy and the boys are free!!! I have also discussed this around my firefighter brother in law and he didn't seem to disagree with it and usually he'll speak up about safety no matter what (like when we were installing our car seats without having them checked) so I took his silence as his blessing.

Now that the fire concern is out of the way and you have not decided to stop following the blog of such an evil and sadistic mother allow me to explain why I added locks to our night time routine and what information later vindicated my decision.

If you read my blog back in February you might know that my husband and I went to New Orleans for our annual 7 day kid less vacation. During our break from parenting duties my husband's mom kindly came to Vegas and watched my little dudes. She does a great job and my boys get to stay in their home while we are away allowing them some shred of normalcy without their lifeline, me. Upon our return home all seemed well until I went to bed that night. Around 10 or 11 I woke up suddenly to see a tiny little shadow scurrying around the hallway. This had never happened before because my children have been great sleepers since they were 4 months old. They had both been moved into toddler beds months prior and had never broken the golden rule of "stay". Though I knew the shadow was one of my toddlers it freaked me the fuck out. It was like one of those horror movies where a doll has come alive and is creeping around your house giggling wickedly. I got up and found my oldest Lash in the hallway. He informed me he was on his way to Remy's room for some play time. I sleepily admonished him and put him back in bed threatening bodily harm should he get up again. Though he went back to sleep that night every night after that one or both boys would get up throughout the night. I was perplexed to say the least (and tired as I hadn't had to night wakings since they breast fed).

After like 3 days of that nonsense I interrogated my father who lived with us at the time and he explained that it was something that started on day 2 of us being gone and that he had been the one to constantly put them back to bed because my mother in law is a hard sleeper. He also explained that she didn't address the situation thinking they would sleep sooner or later. She also thought they would sleep in the next day to make up for any lost sleep (which they never did because no matter what time they go to sleep or how many hours they lose at night they are up at the ass crack of dawn). I was worried because though we have a gate at the top of our stairs, my boys being the monkeys that they are, have often tried to climb the gate which leads to a straight drop down the stairs. I pictured being woken up to a broken and crying 2 year old laying lifeless on the stairs in the middle of the night. Not a picture to have in your head before bed at night.

The drop from our gate at the top of our stairs

I discussed the issue with Dave and the solution we came up with to keep Lash and Remy safe from themselves as well as preserve my much needed sleep (you haven't seen a bitch until you've seen me working off of 4 hours of sleep) was to turn their knobs around and lock them in. I know you've moved from fire terror to concern about the mental health of my kids. What would locking them in at night do to their psyche? Would they feel unloved like a dog left at the pound to rot? The answers are they're fine and no. On the first night of "Lock Down: Houston House" I explained to both boys that we would be locking their doors because it wasn't safe for them to wonder the house at night. I let them know that I had monitors for their rooms and would be able to hear them if they needed me but they needed to go to sleep and stay in their bed (or room at least) until morning. They were wary at first but have become totally used to it. Lash locks his door that leads to his Jack and Jill bathroom (a bathroom that goes through to the bedroom next to his). I placed a little potty in his room so he could relieve himself at night if he needs to, so no he isn't being denied bathroom privileges. This has worked well and though the boys still get up when they are first put to bed, they are safe and end up in bed because it is the only option after they have played for a while.

About the information that vindicated this decision. It did not come from those around me because though none of my friends judged me, none of them agreed with me either and all of them admitted they could "never" do that. I was actually vindicated by a professional (all be it one I watched on TV but a pro none the less). I was watching reruns of that show Raising Sextuplets with the sweet blonde, her anger management dropout husband, and their 6 toddlers one day when I came across an episode dealing with getting the sextuplets to stay in their rooms at night. The producers of the show brought in a sleep expert from Parenting magazine who told blondie and her agro boy to do exactly what I had already done. She explained that when children are babies their crib is their safe place at night but once they graduate into a toddler bed their bedroom becomes their crib. She explained that you must safety proof it (which I have totally done in Lash and Remy's rooms) then lock the door so they are in their safe place. Over time they will learn to just go to sleep (which my boys re-learned after a few weeks). Up until that point I was pleased with my results but wondered if I was doing something wrong. Turns out I was doing something right. I was keeping my boys safe even though those around me felt it was a radical and maybe unacceptable idea. Thank god I am a maverick when it comes to motherhood and follow my instincts not magazines and other moms or I may have had that broken toddler thought become reality.

I don't foresee locking them in forever (though when they're 16 we may turn the joint into San Quentin) but for now it seems like more of a safety requirement. Lash can unlock the front door now and Remy isn't far behind on that skill so until they can fully understand the consequences of such actions as well as the importance of sleeping they will keep their locks. And I will keep my sanity.

What about you? Do you think locking them in is a negative thing which will damage them irreparably or have you gotten an idea from this post? What do you do to keep your little creepers in at night?

I Curse Therefore I Reap II

2010-09-15T13:39:00.000-07:00

Several months back I wrote a little post called I Curse Therefore I Reap about my oldest son's less than stellar word choices. When I wrote that post, I believe I wrote mostly about Lash and his occasionally wayward mouth, little did I know that Remy was the key to a shitload of hurt in the fowl language department. He is 3 going on 40. He is entertaining but inappropriate with his words. A few minutes ago he called me a "dumbass" because I told him it was time to go take a nap. He has mastered cursing so well he has ventured into the forbidden arena of creating his own curse words such as his favorite "jerk ass". Remy has gone so far as to brave calling me a bitch for which he was spanked and issued a timeout (in answer to the gasp of concern and disdain you just issued, yes I spanked my son's little white ass because no matter how funny he sounds saying a curse word or how unacceptable strong parenting has become, he IS NOT going to disrespect his queen and creator. Call CPS all you want but don't forget to include Remy's ill conceived portion of the incident in your report).

Lash has outgrown curse words, going from saying them sometimes to policing others for their offenses. Remy is a different beast all together. While Lash is mature and sweet, Remy is impulsive and often angry. When Lash can be reasoned with Remy will have none of your bullshit and will call it as such. While Lash used his limited curses in the context of conversation Remy uses his for anger and pure shock value. It amazes me how far apart 13 months can be when it comes to children. Having children so close it also amazes me how utterly different they really are. Though Lash went through a short period of trying out the nasty words Remy seems to relish them using them more often than Lash even knew how to. He will say a curse word to one of us then cackle like a witch from one of those contrived Disney movies we all grew up with. Our family videos are littered with happy times punctuated by Remy's little voice calling out "shit" or "God dammit" from somewhere off camera. Different though they are, we do love them equally and try hard not to compare the two because that isn't fair to them. Remy is artistic and Lash is analytical. They should never be exactly the same. Even when it comes to something as unacceptable as cussing.

I know the blame falls squarely on the shoulders of my husband and I. After writing my previous post we have learned nothing. I just feel lucky Remy hasn't picked up more choices in words during Dave's football season rants (we're 49er fans so you can imagine the language that ensues on Sundays from August on). My Monday and Tuesday commutes to daycare and preschool could make a nun blush sometimes. Somehow, some way, we are going to have to learn to better curb our enthusiasm for use of the "bad words" in order to provide a better example and therefore live up to the expectations we place on our children. That is the starting point, and until we make a change Remy's little bouts of tourettes will get no better.

Poor little dude, if we're his only hope he doesn't stand a chance. On the bright side, at least he's verbally prepared for his eminent time in the public school system.

What do you think? Am I a bad parent or is this all par for the course? Am I the only one with a potential trucker on her hands?

Day 3

2010-08-25T14:47:00.001-07:00

Today is day 3 of Lash’s first week of preschool and I have to tell you I have felt emotions I am not used to when it comes to my kids. I mentioned a few posts ago about the new found sentimentality but along with that came insecurity, anxiety, and guilt. I had no idea what an emotional shit storm school would bring (and this is just preschool for one of my children). I have spent so much time looking forward to school as some type of escape and the path back to my freedom as a person that I didn’t know it would feel more like depression than liberation. Lash, the intelligent little adventurer that he is, was so excited on the first day. I dropped him off with the other sour faced children then proceeded to bust a tear or two in the front office on my way out (don’t worry, he was not within view of his blubbering mother). It’s not like I wasn’t happy, I was nervous for him and sad that such a huge part of my life is coming to an end. Though he only goes 3 days a week I know this is just the beginning of chaotic days and activities without mommy. Since the boys turned 2 and 3 it has been so overwhelming that I almost couldn’t deal and just wished for more me time and to be doing something MORE with my life. Watching that little dude leave me for the day snapped something and made me realize I have been doing something MORE.

As people we are so programmed to believe that only high paying respectable jobs are honorable accomplishments. Don’t get me wrong, these are important and have helped our society to stave off the upcoming entitlement generation. It makes people strive and work but, what happens when you step out of the race to raise a family? For me, the first year was fun and being that I was pregnant with Remy during most of Lash’s first year it was also a blessing. As the years have worn on, I have started to feel brain dead and worthless. Like I wasn’t giving back and I was losing myself in the monotony of child rearing. I watched my mother go through the same thing at a young age and I finally understood why she tried so hard to get out there and reclaim herself.

Watching my oldest son go to school was rough but it was last night I had my Aha! moment. I realized that my self worth is still intact because I am creating PEOPLE. I have been blessed with the ability to be here day in and day out for the formative years of my children’s life. I have been able to educate and show them things that working full time may not have allowed (don’t get yo panties in a bunch working moms, we’re all doing well in our own damn ways). Though I haven’t brought home a paycheck in almost 4 years I have done a job most would not enjoy. I have done it well too. By no means am I done, it’s only preschool after all, but I am shaking off that feeling of uselessness that was starting to swallow me. As I watch my son take on school like it’s nothing I can see what being home has done for me and my family. As their days become filled and mine empty I do hope to do something part time (what that may be is a topic all it’s own) but instead of wishing to be doing something more I now hope to just be able to do what I have been doing. I am fine with being a SAHM and I’m not going to be hatin on it anymore.

It’s only the 3rd day and soon he won’t be so excited but on this 3rd day I feel good about my boys and myself as a mom. I fuckin rock the mom thing like it’s no one’s business and my paycheck is not only what I receive but also what I am giving back to the world. My boys will be happy well adjusted adults. I am doing the job of giving the world something it is starting to lack, motivated and decent humans (fingers crossed because no matter what parents do kids can go either way). Preschool has awakened more than sentimentality, it has given me purpose and direction (as well as some much needed break time). You’re never too old to learn and at 32 the lessons just keep on coming.

Blog Stalk Fridays with CB

2010-08-20T20:43:00.000-07:00

How to Play:

1. Take my fabulous new button

2. Post it

(in your post, on your sidebar... I don't give a fuck as long it's there!)

3. Then link your happy ass up!

CB is the author of a blog I recently found and now follow called One Crazy Brunette. She wips my ass in the cussing department but looks like a lady doing it. If you're brave enough link up and post the button above.

How to Have Fun at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum

2010-08-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

Several weeks ago my husband was online and saw that Madam Tussuad's Wax Museum at the Venetian Hotel had gained a wax figure of MMA fighter Chuck Liddell. Due to the fact that we are total MMA fans and we needed to get the boys out of the house ~~before we tied them up in their rooms and ran away from home~~ to entertain them, we decided to make a rare trip down to the Las Vegas strip (locals avoid that shit whenever possible) and check it out. My kids haven't been down there in a while and were amazed by all of the hotels. I have never seen two people so enthralled with a parking garage. We could have hung out in there and they would have been perfectly happy but, we wanted to see the museum and I think my youngest, Remy, had a hankering to feel the camaraderie of the roulette table (not, he prefers the lavish bars like mommy and daddy).

We walked through the casino which is a very slow process with two short legged, bobble head toddlers and made our way to the counter to buy tickets. Upon entering the first room it was overly crowded and everyone was taking pictures with the figures so you couldn't walk without being a fixture in some tourists family memory. We made our way to our first wax figure of the legendary Jenna Jamison (that's right, the porn star) and this was the photo we decided to take:

Now, though we thought this was hilarious many around us did not follow suit. The boys had no clue they were just happy to be out and taking a pic. Little did any of the tourists know we were just getting started and if they were going to be near us during their tour they were going to be displeased further. Next to Jenna's waxy form was Brittney Spears and Dave was up next:

After giggling like idiotic Middle School kids we decided to try and get ahead of the crowd and went to the next room. It was my turn to take a picture with golfer and known manwhore Tiger Woods.

If this looks awkward it's because I was very embarrassed and did not get my head as close to his crotch as we had planned (not a problem for the hookers he cheated with). Just so you can see we aren't completely immature with little to know respect for our children here's one of our normal pics with Chuck (the inspiration for this naughty trip).

Yes, the face I am making here is stupid but that's how I roll (plus I hate pictures of myself and feel awkward in front of a camera). The next room held every one's favorite "alleged" child molester Michael Jackson. Can you guess who posed with him? If you said our kids then you're right (no prizes though, who do I look like, Bob Barker?)

We had told the boys to stand with their hands in a stop pose which if you look closely Lash is doing. I think Remy has some of the "Jesus Juice" in his sippy there and that may be why he seems a little more receptive to Mr. Jackson's presence (like the lucky boys who visited Wonderland). One of the last few pictures exemplifies how quickly kids can learn and then emulate any behavior:

Here you see sweet Lash molesting Madonna of his own free will. All I told him was stand next to her but he, much like his father, is a leg man (maybe because he can't reach the boobs yet).

In our defense we had fun so fuck all the tourists who were too good for our crass behavior in front of our young offspring. We took some normal pictures but these were the fun ones and reveal our sense of humor and the classy people we truly are. Besides, it was much more fun than the expensive and totally shitty Gondola ride we took afterward. The boys love boats and we were enjoying our time out so we thought we'd take the Gondola around the hotel, little did we know that shit does not go around the hotel but stays in the pond out front with a 5 minute period spent under a bridge sweating your balls off. Being a Las Vegan I welcome everyone to come here and spend money to boost our economy but I do not suggest this rip off of an activity. Spend your money at the bars, in the casinos, or at the restaurants. Do not take the gondola ride. It is expensive (they charged us full price for Lash even though he's only 3) and the ride itself does not justify the price. You'd be better off riding the double decker public transit buses up and down the strip for 7 bucks.

In the end, it was a fun day and we look forward to our next debaucherous family outing. Just wait till we hit Disney Land when the boys get a little older. The happiest place on earth has nothin on the Houstons from Las Vegas.

Do you do crazy shit like this with your family or am I the most inappropriate mother on Earth? When you see someone acting like we did do you express your distaste and utter disgust via facial expressions or do you mind your own business?

The Best Award Evah!!!!

2010-08-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

My friend Nanny over at Naughty Mommy Reviews created this badass award which I coveted from the start (who doesn't want an award attached to hotness) and today she has been benevolent enough to bestow it upon me. Being a 32 year old mother of 2 and looking the way I do I have been aware of my MYLFtastic hotness for a while but Nanny's recognition has added a few more notches to my narcissism belt. The rules for the award are as follows: Make a post with the graphic and post the graphic on your blog. Nominate 5 other sexy blogs and let them know via comments with a link so they can grab the graphic. My nominees are:

1. Crissy
2. Aunt Becky @ Mommy Wants Vodka
3. Robin @ Mass Hole Mommy
4. Dr. Heckle
5. Mary @ Pajamas and Coffee

Thanks again Nanny, and to those I have nominated, accept it and be gracious because I chose you above all the rest. You're never too good for a random award dammit!

Preschool Perspective

2010-07-29T08:41:00.000-07:00

Baby Lash Vegas Houston

My 4 year old is starting preschool next month and that fact is causing feelings in me I am not used to. I am not a very sentimental person. I am often the mom without the camera during a party or major life event. I am the mom who treats her kids like little adults causing other moms to describe me as “not very maternal”. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my boys, I am just not that sentimental about things. Until now. I think I’ve been caught up the last 4 years in the day to day care and survival of having two children that are only 13 months apart. Being with them 24/5 has left me a little burnt out on the whole “oh my gosh” of motherhood at times. Last week that all changed when I toured the first preschool for Lash and realized he was leaving me for the real world. I actually felt sick to my stomach during the tour and could not bring myself to register him that same day (Lash and I went back and took care of the registration together).

The school was great but the realization of how old my son really is hit me like the swine flu and I couldn’t deal. When did he get so big? Are the staff and other kids going to treat him the way he deserves? He has been in daycare 2 days a week since he was 1 but that is a small in home daycare which is more like family than daycare. School means many different people and kids, new influences and attitudes. It means others are going to help shape and create the mind I have had the major task of building over the last 4 years.
I think back to when he was small. When he learned to talk or walk and I wonder, did I appreciate that properly. Did I do enough with him in the short time I had him all to myself? I know I am not the only one who feels this because mothers go through it ever day but sentimentality is an unfamiliar feeling for me. In my mind the days when he is obsessed with me and me only are ending, he might like his teacher better. He may find a little girl with short chubby legs and pretty hair to take my place in his sweet little heart. Most of all, it’s knowing that he is not a baby any more. He is officially a little man out to find his way in the world (I know he’s not moving out or anything) and this fact distresses me a little. I never realized how attached to my sons I had become until Monday of last week when I realized this was going to change everything.

School is a good thing and I am totally excited for him. He is a smart outgoing little dude with much to offer any classroom but, up until this point, he has been all mine to mold. I guess I have been oblivious to the way the years have flown by and visiting and registering Lash in preschool was an official end to my whole head in the sand attitude. Though he will only be going 3 days a week this is a precursor to Kindergarten and then 1st grade. Preschool is just the beginning to a whole career of education away from me.

Because of this whole experience consider this sentimentally challenged mom schooled and reborn! I will have a camera on that first day of school and I will keep every preschool memento my husband will allow (he hates hoarding of any kind). I will appreciate the day alone preschool is giving me with my 3 year old Remy, and I will try to make those days as memorable as possible. I will remember that my boys are just kids and will therefore often act in a manner that shows no common sense or impulse control and I will try to readjust my expectations of them because of that fact.

My first course of action in my sentimental awakening will be to appreciate my kids and their firsts more. If my husband and I do this whole parenting thing right my boys will grow up to be secure and contributing men that do not live with us. Though, after the feelings that came with something as simple as preschool I can only imagine the temporary breakdown that will ensue the day I have to drop them off at college or help them move into their first apartment in another city.

Fallout from the Housing Crisis or Karma?

2010-07-14T20:25:00.000-07:00

I truly believe in Karma. Not in a overly new age hippy way, but I do subscribe to the belief that what you put out is what you get back. When I was younger I did not hold this belief and lived my life accordingly. But, as I’ve aged like the fine wine that I am, I have made decisions and dealt with people in a manner that is as honest and non destructive as humanly possible (sometimes fall out is unavoidable but I do my best to make it as small as I can). I think some of my earlier years are catching up to me though.

Recently our neighborhood has seen a rise in crime. My husband has lived here for over 10 years and though the neighborhood has changed rapidly due to the recession he has been slow to catch up. Feeling safe and usually being completely distracted (a phone grows out of his ear from morning till night) Dave had been less than vigilant with locking our cars. Now, he has done so in the past with no repercussions but in the last 2 years someone has marked our cars as easy targets (duh) and taken advantage. We have had about 5 “get ins” (cannot call them break ins when you leave it unlocked) which resulted in the theft of a wallet, GPS device, jewelry, and other little shit which didn’t matter. Though I was perplexed and felt completely violated I have started to think it might be Karma having her PMS revenge on my husband and I for past actions. As teenagers we both shoplifted. We never stole from an individual deciding instead to “stick it to the man” and steal from large stores. I don’t think we realized until later that shoplifting affects everyone because it costs the stores which in turn costs everyone. Needless to say, these actions were a part of our history and we learned valuable lessons from committing our petty crimes. We both ended our thieving ways before entering our twenties but, Karma, being the vengeful and lazy bitch that she is, seems to be paying us back now. The losses we’ve had hurt but if this is Karma, we have accepted our medicine and now are vigilant about our cars and belongings. We repent our sins.

I mentioned previously that it might be Karma because my second thought (and what I feel is the more solid theory) is that maybe these incidents aren’t Karma but the unmentioned after effects of the foreclosure boom. The reason I think this is because these thefts are happening to those who remember to lock up their shit as well as those of us that don’t. A recent example is my neighbor across the street took his son camping this past weekend and someone stole his box trailer from up the street. These fools pulled up with a truck and hooked that bad boy up rolling away like they owned the shit. My neighbor is the nicest guy and that trailer has been in this hood for years so why the hell now? Is Karma rearing her ugly head at our neighborhood collectively or has the explosion of renters and short sale procurements brought an element to our neighborhood for which none of us are prepared?

I am in no way saying all renters and people lucky enough to swoop up a 250,000 dollar home for 50,000 are bad people. In fact, until I married Dave I was a permanent renter with no hope of ever owning anything (husband numero uno was not a productive team member). What I am saying is that the renters and short sale buyers we’ve seen move into our area recently are less than impressive folks (of ALL races). They’re the type of people who do not care for their yards or their children. They are folks who move 25 people into a single family residence and then take up all available parking. They are couples who move in with their teenage children then seem to disappear leaving said teens to roam freely into all hours of the night. It is a diverse yet disappointing group of newbies to say the least.

Since we live in Las Vegas many would think the criminal element would be everywhere but I have to tell you that the area we live in is pretty (or was) quiet until this whole recession debacle hit. Now we have thefts, loud people hanging out on the street behind our house at midnight, and beat downs of the poor old dude that works graveyard at the gas station on the corner. That is why I wonder if everything is Karma or if the news and government has left out a very important repercussion of the housing crisis.

If all of the bad juju was limited to my husband and I, I would attribute it completely to Karma but since it’s spreading like crabs in a nightclub bathroom stall I am beginning to think we need to get our move on. We have always discussed buying property and building our own little compound but it seems some unknown force is pushing us to stop discussing and start doing. It’s sad when having neighbors becomes the plague and all you dream of is enough property to separate yourself from everyone and anyone around you. To get your house far enough off the street and your property wall tall enough to block out the world at large so you can keep safe those possessions you may have forgotten to lock up but did not forget to PAY FOR. What happened to the days of neighborhood barbeques and occasional egg loans? Evidently our neighborhood has traded those days in for petty larceny and geriatric bullying.

What do you think? Karma or social deterioration brought about by the sudden easy access of shady individuals to quiet, law abiding neighborhoods?

Happy Father's Day to The Man I Chose

2010-06-18T08:40:00.000-07:00

My past Father’s Days have always been about my own father but, since I’ve had children that focus has shifted to the man I married. My husband Dave is one of the greatest men I’ve ever met. Not only is he a caring and attentive husband but he is an excellent dad. Dave loves our kids and shows it to them in so many wonderful ways it is as if he was meant to be a father. I saw this early on when I watched him with my stepchildren. Dave always makes time for them when they’re having a problem and he spends any time with them that he can get. When they were young he would drive 8 hours round trip on Fridays and Sundays just to have them for the weekend. The attachment his older children have to him is sweet and natural, cultivated through years of his being there and showing unconditional love.

Dave’s relationship with our two young children has been equally amazing to watch. No matter what he has to do (his job is super demanding) he is always aware of how much time he’s spent with the boys. If he feels like he hasn’t been around enough he will come home and pick one or both boys up and take them to work with him for a while or he will set aside special time during his days off to do something fun with them. When he’s worn out on the weekends and just wants to relax he somehow finds the extra energy to play with the boys and make them breakfast. When we go on road trips (which we do often) he draws the boys the cutest little detailed maps with land marks they can easily identify so they have some understanding of where they are as we drive for hours and hours. Dave makes up little songs that include our boy’s names which he has sung to them since they were babies and which they now sing with him. As I mentioned earlier, every Saturday (sometimes Sunday) he gets up with the boys and makes them a huge egg breakfast allowing them to help even though cooking with a 2 and 3 year old is an exercise of insanity. Dave is always looking for new ways to give my boys experiences and memories whether it be staying in a cabin in the woods or spending as much of the summer as possible on our boat (we’re about to attempt camping soon which is not something I look forward to but Dave insists will be an integral piece of their childhood puzzle).

These are just some of the many ways my husband is a great father. I couldn’t have found a better man to marry and have a family with. I can honestly say he is a more hands on and active dad than my own. If there was a Father of the Year award he would get my vote hands down. I know that no matter what the next 15 years of my children’s life brings Dave will be right there helping and loving them all the way. His work ethic, emotional support, and excitement for the little things in life (like smores cooked over a fireplace blaze) is envious and will provide the best example of what it means to be a father and husband my boys could have. Because of Dave's influence, my boys will be given the chance to grow up to be stable, self confident men. So, this Father’s Day, I am celebrating my husband, because in a world of fathers he is the rule not the exception.

I Love You Dave!!!! Thank you for our wonderful little family and your unwavering companionship. Here’s to all of the Father’s Days we will celebrate during our life together.

The Instyler is the Shiznit

2010-06-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

A year ago I bought the Instyler (pictured on right) which is an item that is, in my humble opinion, the best hair straightener EVER. I have gone through like 3 flat irons and had finally given up on straight beautiful hair until I saw the infomercial for the Instyler. For months I watched those boring commercials like they were a new episode of E!'s The Soup and thought about buying one but they were so expensive (100 bucks +shipping on their website or 109 bucks at Bed Bath and Beyond). I am not one for spending that much on styling tools (I've also got a bad case of shopper's remorse and have to have a bag full of shit after spending 100 dollars anywhere) so I sadly decided there was no hope for one in my future. Then one day after forcing my husband to watch and discuss the commercial for the thousandth time he ~~exasperatedly~~ sweetly suggested I go on Ebay. There I found a seller who has access to cosmetically defective (small chips in the handle) Instylers directly from the manufacturer which she can then sell for much cheaper. The one I bought only cost 60 bucks with free shipping. The “chip” that is supposed to be there isn’t even visible. It was the best purchase I ever made and now I would totally spend 100 bucks just to replace mine. It not only straitens in minutes but it works on the nasty deep set kinks that I have in the back of my hair. I have odd hair, it is straight in the front and some parts of the back but underneath there are these stubborn hard to straighten waves. Even my hair stylist struggles to blow dry it straight, but the Instyler straightens that shit quick style. The Instyler works better because it has a brush on one side and a rolling iron on the other. The brush separates the strands making straightening easier and quicker while the rolling iron straightens and gives you the ability to curl the ends under or flip them out. It has 3 heat settings so you can customize the heat to your hair type (my haggard ass waves require the highest setting). The Instyler is made to straighten, curl, or flip your hair so it is completely versatile. One of my personal benefits is it straightens quickly (15 minutes for whole head ) so I can straighten my hair before my boys make the decision to burn the house down or break the washing machine. Here are my Instyler before and after pics:

Why should you believe my opinion about this product when dear departed Billy Mays is selling you shit 24/7? Because I consider my husband and myself “As seen on TV” aficionados. We have ordered by phone and bought in stores several TV products such as the Snuggie (I know it’s cheese but it works and it’s soft. I have a pink one), the disposable razor blade sharpener (not good, they’re disposable for a reason), Shoes Under (totally sucked and nothing like commercial portrayed, it was flimsy and the shoe compartments aren’t sealed not to mention it doesn’t fit under my bed), the EZ Cracker for eggs (great product for toddlers who want to help cook and moms who don’t like egg everywhere), and many more. We even go on shopping trips to Walgreens specifically to see what "As Seen on TV" products they have. I know it’s weird but for us it's also fun. My deep knowledge of TV products is why you should follow my lead and purchase an Instyler. This has been by far the best TV sold item I have found. If you have really curly hair or even ultra fine hair that is hard to curl I suggest buying one. You will not regret it. If you’re like me and cannot stomach 100 bucks for hair tools here is the link to the Ebay seller I used and generally sells them for 60-70 bucks Offbetti. Click here, Intsyler , for the company’s website to read other reviews and view additional product information including more before/after pics.

This is a personal review of a product I love. None of the companies spoken about or reviewed requested this post. I received no money or products in return for this review. This post contains my personal opinions on certain products and in no way represents the companies that produce them or any of their current customers.

Teachers Make Easy Targets

2010-05-26T16:25:00.000-07:00

I am livid with the current discussion regarding education. Being an ex teacher I am becoming more and more personally offended for myself and my ex colleagues who are also my friends. Lately the discussion about education has come back to the forefront and many of the reasons the system is failing are being either completely ignored or blatantly lied about. Where the hell are the teachers? Are we as a group so beat down that we’ve just given up and will let everyone say what they will? Where the hell are the unions we pay dues to so that they will represent and stand up for us in situations like this? I am appalled at the current education climate as well as where everyone is placing the blame.

Now don’t get me wrong, as you see in any profession there are bad employees and teaching is no different. It is impossible to have perfect employees all around no matter what the job. The problem is, one bad teacher can ruin many so weeding them out is very important. At the same time, blaming teachers as a population for the downfall of public schools is completely unacceptable. If anyone sat down to think about it, there are many ways to seek out the defective teachers and none of them have to do with “Standardized” testing. As far as standardized testing goes I feel that was the final straw in the downfall of public education. For one thing there is nothing “standardized” about our children. No one person learns or performs in a “standardized” way so why is so much riding on such tests. They use the tests as a means of doling out much needed funds and have thrown around the idea of linking the tests to teacher performance. If you want to know how a teacher performs then you have to SEE it live. There needs to be more unannounced classroom observations done by principles or district officials. Someone should observe several lessons in different subject areas on an unannounced basis throughout a particular week. Then at the end of the week to get an idea of student performance and teacher effectiveness graded assignments from a random few of the observed subjects should be requested. Since the teacher doesn’t know when the observation will happen or which subject results will be required there can be no lesson faking or grade padding. If this is done a few times over the course of a school year (or a school quarter) you will get a view of teacher effectiveness because those students should be performing better over that period of time. The person observing will also see the more visual activities which make an effective teacher such as questioning students to insight thinking, proper lesson planning, knowledge of subject matter, etc. While I appreciate the need for one neat little package that says pass or fail education is not a place where that should be expected.

The other night on the news it was mentioned that it wasn’t the parents or the government taking down the public schools and after my teaching experience I beg to disagree. The school at which I taught was in a low income area with a high turnover rate (many kids moving in and out throughout the year. I had one girl move in and out of my class 3 times throughout the year). During my parent teacher conferences I would work hard to start off with the positives about my students then delve into the areas where they struggled. Many students as we know struggle with reading. I would advise parents that reading is not taught in the manner that math or social studies is, that I was giving them the strategies to help them read but in order for their children to successfully read they would need a platform to practice those strategies. We did some of this in class but I asked all of my parents with struggling readers to read with their kids for 15 to 20 minutes per night. I have to say that almost 70% of those parents told me they didn’t have time and 2 or 3 gave me the great “Isn’t that your job?” answer. I understand being busy and coming from a town with many people working odd hours I offered alternatives like reading to siblings or whatever caregiver that stayed with the child while they were at work. No dice. I also offered to stay after class for an extra hour 3 days a week to offer math tutoring. I offered this to all students then made sure to let parents of my struggling students know because 5th graders aren’t great at making the decision to stay after and get help. Only 2 kids showed up. Even though I hunted my struggler’s parents after school and begged them to make their kids come 2 showed up. One mom told me her daughter (who could not do multiplication in 5th grade and was one of the kids I was extra worried about) just did not have a “mathematical” mind and wanted to be a mom when she grew up so there was no need to push. Another example was this great report I assigned for social studies. Each student was to pick a historic figure they admired or were interested in then study and investigate the person for a multi format report. Only 3 students had parents that were willing to take them to a public library to get information. Since our school library was limited I went to the public library with a list of each student’s choice and checked out as many books as I could to bring to class and check out to my kids so their reports wouldn’t be limited (I did this on similar reports we did on the states). Without parental support, I was swimming against the tide at all times. In addition to teaching many of my students had tumultuous home lives so I spent a lot of time trying to help them focus through the haze of nasty divorces, drug abuse, and violence.

I don’t want to come off placing all blame on the parents because our federal and state governments need to shoulder the majority of the blame. The standardized tests I mentioned earlier have made the local governments go crazy. Here in Las Vegas we have a school district the size of Los Angeles yet we only have 1 superintendent. Now this person (following in the foot steps of his predecessor) along with the assistants and other decision makers in the district have purchased programs to be used throughout the school day which take all creativity and thought out of teaching. My day as a teacher found me with a 1 hour and 45 minute reading program which consisted of a text book that took some of our most loved chapter books and broke them down into 25-30 page atrocities. Then we had to do 45 minutes of math (another scripted text but with less rigidity) and an hour of language arts (text based program also). The students had an hour for lunch and an hour for electives (P.E., art, music, and library). At the end of my day I had to squeeze in social studies and science intermittently. Since they no longer had time to read chapter books I would also squeeze in 20 minutes after lunch during which I read to them. I was able to read them Matilda and Bridge to Terebithia during the year. Because of this, they were motivated to check out books and read at home on their own (I provided the books because they could only use the library once a week so I purchased over $700 in books for my classroom library which I then checked out to them myself).

In college I was taught to make lesson plans based around chapter books like Where the Red Fern Grows or Bridge to Terebithia but here was this one book with a program I had to follow (I had an actual script). Remember book reports, gone. In boxes in storage I have several lessons for all elementary subjects I made up myself according to the district standards. These lessons included tasks that were meant to reach all learners. We were taught everyone learns differently so lessons should include ways to reach each child. There were 7 main learning styles which we built our lessons around; Linguistic, Logical, Spatial, Musical, Bodily, Intra/Interpersonal (to find a description of each go to The 7 Learning Styles b y Stacy Mantle or Google “7 learning styles”) . I was never allowed to use these lessons even though they were written with the required learning. I was made to use the magical programs the district spent a fortune on but offered little support with. If you’re a teacher or parent you know about in service days when teachers go to school for training and kids get a day off. We spent these days with “specialists” of the reading program, constantly asking how to personalize the program without compromising it. They could not answer the questions, advised us to stick to script, and they would try to figure it out later. Teachers used to be effective because they would take the expectations of the district and use it as a framework to create a lesson. I don’t know about teachers in Ohio but here in Las Vegas, we don’t have that freedom. With the day being so full, we also don’t always have the opportunity to go back and redo a lesson the majority of the class may not have gotten. The local governments also have an issue controlling class size. I had 35 students at one time. A private school can usually provide a 16 to 1 ratio giving teachers there the ability to provide better one on one care when needed.

Another very rarely addressed and slightly large problem is the new belief that anyone can teach. Here in Las Vegas and at several schools throughout the country we have a program called Teach for America. It is a program which takes graduates of other professions such as political science or accounting and offers them a full or partial pay off of their school loans in return for teaching 3 years in a struggling school (this financing option was told to me by the Teach for America student I worked with making it heresay so I have included the link to the program's website above for those who wish to investigate). These students get 2 years of “training” and then are sent into really rough schools to try to save the world (and their future bank account). While most teachers have 4+ years of education these folks are coming in with a year of the basics and are motivated extrinsically. People who chose to teach know there is little to no financial reward which is what sets them apart, but you get a psychology major looking to rush through 3 years of teaching so he won’t have school loans and what kind of education do you think is going to be handed out. I worked with one of these students. He was a very young, nice guy who majored in political science and entered our grade level with big ideas for how he would run a classroom. The problem was he was going to run it from a political point of view and the students weren’t having that. Because teaching was not his chosen profession his passion fizzled quickly and by the middle of the year we were doing everything to get him to the end. The poor guy had little to no real classroom management training, did not understand lower income families, and could not relate to his core audience. That guy left the program the following year and sought out a job in his original field. Teaching can not be done by just anyone. Would you allow a program called “Surgery for America” where graduates from other professions got a condensed overview of the field of surgery then were released perform tonsillectomies on the general public for 3 years? Maybe if teachers got some respect back and the profession regained some of it’s public regard there would be more motivated and effective teachers. I know respect is earned but I feel in this case it has been taken so that the public and politicians can avoid their share of the responsibility for the current education debacle.

Understand, I am not saying all parents are bad, the government sucks, and all teachers are greatest people ever. I am trying to speak out on behalf of teachers who at this point and time are taking the brunt of the blame for a flailing school system which we should all be sharing blame for. I have been watching people this week talk about the obliteration of public schooling as we know it. This system was set up for a reason; people have the right to a free and GOOD education. As long as we keep seeing kids in all 50 states as standardized this will never be a reality. I believe teachers need to be held accountable but I also believe they need the freedom to control that which they are being held accountable for. Districts like Las Vegas need to dump these magic bullet programs and go back to old school ways of offering information. By standardizing our way of achieving funds we have standardized the manner in which we teach. I believe funding should be fair and when it’s based off one test for all that is an impossible feat. Here in Las Vegas students in the wealthier areas perform better because they have the mental and physical support system they need which in turn earns them the funding. What about those kids whose single parents work 2 jobs or who have parents who were never worthy of children in the first place. Those children are not going to perform the same. Maybe funding should depend more on real academics. Break it down by state in a more real life way. The information and standards a school district in a rural area deems important is not going to be exactly the same as a district in a metropolitan area so why would we give students from such differing areas the same exact test to determine their worth? Break it down, individualize schools and programs, and then go into the actual schools and classrooms for your results. If Washington wants to judge a teacher they need to back off of the school districts and allow them to empower their teachers to create their own lessons using their own districts standards as a framework. Then, education bureaucrats and district employees need to come out from behind their desks and go observe what is happening in classrooms. As I said, if you watch actual lessons then take the results on a continuous yet sporadic basis you will receive an honest view of what that teacher is doing. If you want independent thinkers with the skills needed to perform in society quit placing them in a standardized box and stop trying to place blame in one place for the failure of all. It truly takes a village to educate our children and for a long time now all inhabitants of our village have been failing to do their part.

I’m sorry this was so long but I’ve been mulling this over for a while. I may take heat for this post but these are my opinions based on my experience in one of several school districts and they in no way reflect the opinions or experiences of all teachers in America. Though, I am guessing they represent more teachers out there than I think.

Dudes vs. Chicks; Parenting

2010-05-20T14:27:00.000-07:00

I know this topic is not one of originality, but I have decided to blog about my personal take on it based on my experience with my own Mr. Wonderful. It has been said and written about before, men and women are different (duh). I could not agree more. We are different in many aspects, especially parenting. These differences often lead to strife in relations between the sexes because while men are relaxed and seem to inherently understand we all do things in different ways, women believe our way is right and men are unqualified to make their own decisions on how to perform the daily parenting tasks. So, for your amusement here’s some of the parenting differences in my home, Sabreena vs. Dave edition:

Feeding: I am anal about feeding times. My boys eat breakfast upon waking, lunch at noon, a snack after nap, and dinner by 530 (I let up on weekends occasionally). Snacks are not sweets and if they get any sugar it’s after dinner. My husband on the other hand does not subscribe to this philosophy. Breakfast is the same but lunch comes when he gets hungry or if he wants the boys to go take a nap. Snack can be a cookie and should he buy them candy it is immediately consumed with dinner as an after thought. Snacks themselves can be overly frequent under Daddy’s watch as well. Now, I don’t starve my boys, but I keep snacks to a minimum so they will eat their main meals. Dave will feed them snacks all the way up until dinner or lunch. Our ideas on feeding are very different and though I don’t agree I am just thankful he remembers to feed them and usually grateful to get a break from the responsibility.

Servicing the Beasts: For whatever reason though my boys are 2 and 3 I am still in that baby phase of getting them what they need right away (notice I said need not want, I’m not crazy). Should they require beverage service I will usually stop what I am doing to get it. The boys need something that is out of their reach? Mom will get it right away. Dad on the other hand, it could be ~~days~~ minutes before he takes care of it. If my husband is doing something he can drown them out until their little voices grate on my nerves and I end up doing the deed. Don’t get me wrong, he does not neglect them and will eventually fulfill the need, but he makes them wait longer than I would. I actually admire this quality as they are old enough now to wait a few extra minutes and they do need to start sharpening their patience skills. Dave’s like Super Hearing Loss Man and I am constantly jealous of his sound blocking powers.

Bedtime Business (i.e. Prelude to Happy Hour): Now this particular part of the day is almost never done by my husband. He has put the boys to bed maybe 4 times during their short lives so far. When I do bedtime we do “jammies, teeth, story, nigh night” (exact verbiage used in our home). The pajama tops and bottoms always match, I do the teeth brushing to ensure maximum cleaning, and after story they get covered completely with blankets. The few times el Dave has done this chore it has gone much differently. Pajama components rarely match (some don’t get put on at all), he will skip teeth, and his half ass blanket job leaves most limbs exposed. As I said, he rarely performs this part of the day so when he does I leave him to it, happy it’s not me.

Showering: We both shower with the boys most times. I am in charge of baths when we do them but to save me the time on the weekends my husband or I will take them in the shower with us. I wash the boys with their Johnson & Johnson no tears products faithfully. Dave, on the other hand, has been known to use Axe shower gel and occasionally no shampoo. Let me tell you, hair does not smell too good after a shampoo-less shower.

These are just a few examples of how differently things can go down in my home depending who is on duty. Most of the time we’re both on but as with any good team each player has their parts (I play majority of the parenting positions though). I don’t always agree with how my husband does things I am so glad he does them. I am thankful I found a man who not only loves and takes care of me but is also hands on with our walking genetic reproductions. I have sat back and let up on my expectations because he needs to be able to do things his own way in order to enjoy parenting on his terms. If I get in the way or demand he do things in a certain manner he will not have the interest in helping out that he does now. Sure, any man will do as they are told, but my man actually gets to enjoy caring for his children because I am not hovering over him all of the time reminding him of how wrong I think he is. He parents his way and I have mine. His way of parenting is different but it allows my boys to connect with him in their own personal way. We stick together on important things like discipline and rules but as for the day to day stuff we are different and that’s good for us and our kids. I watch too many women micromanage their men around their kids and in turn I see some of those men just going through the motions of care. They love their kids but aren’t getting to enjoy coming up with their own little daddy rituals. Some men aren’t allowed the freedom women have to stumble through parenthood and find your own way of doing things because they have mama hen clucking at them too much.

My point is, I have learned that if I let Dave put his own spin on the day he has fun with my boys and actually looks forward to his portion of the care. As long as the boys survive and are happy (and I get to shrug off some of the pressure) who gives a shit how it was done (except the teeth thing honey, that has to be done even if it’s half ass because the lack of that activity has the potential to cost us mad Benjamins later in life).

I’m Becoming a Poor Man’s Martha Stuart

2010-05-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

A running theme for some of my days is boredom. Not every day, but most days, I am straight up bored. I like to be with my boys but their topics of conversation are limited and let’s face it, Play Doh lost its luster like 25 years ago. A recent activity I have found to stave off this boredom is to go to the craft store and find little projects to do (only 2 have been done to date). Now, I am a very creative person. I feel I have a flair for writing when I put my mind to it. However, artistic, I am not. I love to do art but the product is usually reminiscent of my kindergarten projects. I attempted a scrapbook while pregnant with my first son and I have to admit it is in a closet with one page done (the photos on said page are from his ultrasound signifying how far I got). My first project since that failed scrapbook was these name plaques I made last month for my son’s bedroom doors:

The name plaques kicked off my project extravaganza (more ideas than product right now). I felt I did well with those damn plaques even if they are rudimentary (my kids liked them and saw them as a testament of my love). The actual painting of the plaques also had a calming effect amidst my chaos. I realized that I could shut out all of the noise and drama of a two toddler home when focused on a project. Though I am not a crafter in nature and I admit I was one who scoffed at and occasionally made fun of those who were, I can now see why people become crafters.

Once I finished the plaques I began perusing Michael’s website for something else to do and I noticed a link to Styrofoam wall art. Not believing Styrofoam could make art of any kind I looked over it and decided I liked what I saw. The directions were easy enough and I began to believe I could pull it off so I went in to get the materials and began "creating". After several adhesive mishaps (the site failed to add that almost no glue works on a porous surface like Styrofoam) I found the right stuff. How strange the right product was actually named “Styrofoam adhesive”. As for the overall project, that shit was harder than the directions let on and not at all as enjoyable as the plaques. I found myself rushing to finish after making the first square. I wanted to give up several times but couldn’t because the materials cost like 60 bucks and I did not want to be a wasteful heathen. I charged forward and as a result of my ~~buyer’s remorse~~ dedication this is the final product which hangs on my bathroom wall:

I have been looking at my “wall art” for a few weeks now and I guess they’re not that bad. I do not, however, suggest working with Styrofoam to anyone. I have realized that pre-fabricated projects are more my speed (as seen in the plaques) so I think my next project will be along those lines. I’m better at finishing something that has already been started than I am at creating something from several variables. Pre-fabrication, It’s a good thing.

The next project I would like to do and am currently searching for is wooden bookends I can decorate for my boy’s rooms. I am also debating on whether or not to try my hand at jewelry making (just because you can doesn’t always mean you should). As for my homemade home design I may be retiring from that though I have to admit my home is full of temptation. I have a blank wall in my living room that needs a little something and I would like to create a center piece for my dining room table. Decorating these two spots in my home may be best left to a Bed, Bath, and Beyond shopping trip but if this boredom sticks around I will probably get brave again. Maybe I’ll just try finishing a scrapbook because you can now buy those almost ready made which is right up my ally. But then I’d have to select and print all of the pictures and pick a design (ugh) Martha Stuart I am not.

Do you admit to crafting on occasion or are you a proud crafter? Have you attempted to decorate your home with your own homemade stuff?

My Super Sweet Birthday/Mother’s Day

2010-05-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

If you read my previous post My Impending Super Sweet 32nd Birthday then you knew of my plans for last weekend. Saturday was my birthday followed by Mother’s day Sunday which made for a weekend all about yours truly. Since there was a very important UFC event on Saturday my husband and I made my birthday plans of dinner and a show for Sunday night.

Saturday we had some friends and family over. My husband barbequed some good food and we watched the fights. I am glad we decided to watch live because Sho Gun put Machida down leaving Sho Gun open to fight the douche bag Anderson Silva. This is important because Machida and Silva are ~~butt buddies~~ friends and refused to fight which would have left us fans with a stale mate. Now we can dream that Rua will kick the shit out of Silva someday (a feat which has yet to be done). The day of the fights we went to the store to get the food and my kids helped me get a cake. Now this cake became quite the embarrassment of our shopping trip. How, you ask, can a cake embarrass? Because of what we had written on it. My husband is a lover of nicknames and gives them to pretty much everyone he comes in contact with. My oldest son Lash is referred to as “Baby Vegas” while his younger cohort Remy is known as “Ram it Down”. Some of the other names are “Tea Bags” for our friend Tammy, “Habie” for my sister in law, “Flanders” for my step daughter, and so on. Now his nickname for me is the culprit behind Saturday’s shopping gate. Due to my utter lack of pigmentation my husband has always called me “White People” or “Whitey”. Everyone gets a kick out of it and he uses it so often my children refer to me as “whitey” on occasion. So, out of family tradition this is what we had written on my cake:

Not realizing how this could be taken until I was at the bakery counter, I began to profusely explain this name to the Hispanic baker who had to write it on the cake. She laughed and was good natured but I still blushed and freaked out a little. We collected the goods and moved on to the register where we encountered another Hispanic lady. Again I started to babble my explanation while the lady laughed and my husband told me to let it go. With the whole Arizona thing going on I was mortified that my birthday cake might make people think we were going to a white supremacy rally or something. Everything went okay though and our friends got a kick out of the cake and the story.

Sunday night my husband and I escaped the house and our little terrorists for dinner at Serendipity 3 followed by Peepshow with Holly Madison. Dinner was so good. I read mixed reviews about the restaurant but we liked it. It was a little loud but the food made up for it. I had a NY Strip Steak Sandwich which has steak, eggs, and bacon on garlic bread and it was super yummy. After dinner we walked over to the Planet Hollywood hotel for the show. It was a really good show. Based on several fairy tale females, the characters such as Little Red Riding Hood and Peter Pumpkin Eater’s wife were finally portrayed in the way every man imagines, hot with tendencies toward stripping. The music was bad ass. They actually had live singers and those bitches could belt. As for Holly Madison, it could have been any star up there and the show would have been great. My husband and I thought Holly was pregnant at first because her tummy has gotten a little rotund. At the beginning of the show she seemed to be trying to cover it up with a robe (we later realized she was actually trying to play her character as coy because she ended up topless in a g-string sans the robe). My opinion was that all of the late night drinking and buffet diving is getting to the poor girl. My husband says it may have been the contrast between her and the svelte dancers. I decided I am right and Hef’s little ex concubine is indeed showing some signs of hard ass Vegas living. She did okay in her role as Little Bo Peep for the most part, but the majority of the show is held up by the singers and dancers. Should any of you come to Vegas soon I suggest this show as long as you don’t mind partial nudity and suggestive content.

Overall, it was a great weekend. My husband took care of everything and I got to relax. Having access to such great entertainment whenever we need it is a definite advantage of living in the city of sin. I got some great gifts which included jewelry from Swarovski (my husband’s new favorite store). Becoming 32 wasn’t so bad and the past weekend is now going down as one of the greatest weekends in my history (so far).

My First Award

2010-05-10T18:02:00.000-07:00

Thank you to my new friend Jacqui over at The Ins & Outs of a Stay at Home Mom and Wife for my first award. I like this one because I like to think of myself as a “Versatile” blogger (gloating is now done). As with most awards there are some guidelines the recipient must follow and they are as follows:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic!

4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award.

I have taken care of number 1 in the opening paragraph above. As for number 2, here goes:

1) I have lived in Las Vegas for 16 years. I am now a true local and my kids were born here. An amazing fact to all of those who believe all you can do here is party.

2) Even though I am a chick and a heterosexual, I enjoy a good strip club every now and then (probably a product of fact #1 above).

3) I moved 17+ times growing up and I was not in a military family.

4) I met my husband 17 years ago but did not date him until 4 years ago.

5) I would like to get my Master’s Degree in school counseling and help high school students pick reasonable paths for their future.

6) I’m deathly afraid of spiders to the point of not being able to sleep in a home where I know one is roaming freely.

7) Though I always speak to the contrary, I would like to have a third child. Maybe even a girl.

I have hand picked the following 15 bloggers to receive this award from me (hopefully they take it and play along):

Nacia @ Moms in Boyland

Aunt Becky @ Mommy Wants Vodka

LLuvia @ I’ve Been Thinking

Robin @ Mass Hole Mommy

Keely Mann@ Mann Land 5

Dr. Heckle @ Dr. Heckle

Gas @ Brakes and Gas

Lisa @ Smell the Coffee Lisa

Leslee @ Waiting for the Click

Dina @ Family Sanity Reviews

Holly @ Domestic Dork

Erin @ Cultivating Rosebuds

The Obnoxious SAHM

Confessions of A Semi-slacker Mom

Jennymac @ Let’s Have a Cocktail

As for number 4, I will be contacting my chosen bloggers tomorrow. In the interim go check them out.

Word to My Mutha

2010-05-07T08:18:00.000-07:00

My mother has been reading my blog recently and ~~demanded~~ suggested that I write an ode to her post. Seeing as mother’s day is Sunday and she gave me ~~a bad ass birthday gift~~ birth I graciously agreed. Plus, my mom is a really great lady. From her I learned what it really is to be a mother and woman. She always loved us and no matter what, stood by us. There was a rough time when she and my father divorced several years ago and my brother and I chose to alienate ourselves from her for a while. My mom could have gotten angry and bitter with us and though she occasionally handled our anger without the proper amount of understanding she hung in there and waited for us to have our emotions out (it took like 5 or 6 years, we be some grudge holding ninjas). When we finally decided to come back around, she held none of it against us and took the relationship right back to what it was before. Forgiveness is always guaranteed with her.

When I was young my mother stayed home with us until we were in school. She did attend college while being a SAHM but never let it get in the way of her duties to us. Watching her get her education later in life while trying to raise two toddlers showed me it is never too late to better yourself and no matter what happens in life you can preserver. My mom was not perfect but she was honest, kind, and educational. She used to take flack from my father about her need to allow us to explain our less than acceptable behaviors. When kids weren’t supposed to have a voice, she provided ears and expected us to put some reason behind our choices (my brother’s bullshit skills are excellent as a result).

As a teenager I went through a very rebellious bitch like period and my mother and I often ~~kicked the shit out of each other~~ argued. She was very controlling and always up in my business. I detested it and at times her. It wasn’t until I had my kids that I understood what the hell she was doing (cliché but true). I was actually lucky to have a mother who was so involved in my life because though I did my fare share of bad things and was far from perfect I had more to fear and someone to answer to unlike my friends with less involved parents. I was also armed with the knowledge and background to choose my sins wisely and work through bad periods without being damaged by them. This also came from my mother. She never hid any of her past from us and in knowing all of her screw ups and wrong turns we were able to understand what we were getting into most of the time (not always, like I said, informed not perfect).

Now that I am an adult I can go to my mother for anything. She usually takes my side, she doesn’t judge me, and she tries her best to help. We still have our issues (especially after long periods of time together or when she tells me something I don’t want to hear) but I completely appreciate her for who she is and all she has given me.

A more selfish and generic reason I am thankful for her is her awsome genetics. She looks great at 56 and I am positive her ass has another 10 good years which gives me hope for my physical future. Looking at her, I have a vision of me at 70 in my beach side condo located in a beautiful yet debaucherous retirement community dancing around to “Baby Where’d You Get That Body From” by the Black Eyed Peas.

All joking aside, I love you mom. This mother’s day my gift to you is thanks. Thank you for being my mom and now my friend. I haven’t always shown it but I appreciate you. If I am half the mother to my boys that you were to my brother and I then I will consider myself successful. This parenting shit isn’t easy but you took it and ran with it and for that I am eternally grateful. So, I would like to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and all of the bad ass moms out there. We’re all doing a very tough and sometimes thankless job to the best of our ability and though we don’t always feel it, we are appreciated. You go ladies!!!

My Impending Super Sweet 32nd Birthday

2010-05-04T13:10:00.000-07:00

Since I have had very little blog inspiration lately and 2 Cent Tuesdays did not catch on the way I’d hoped I have decided to post about a very big event happening this Saturday. My 32nd birthday!! In fact, this weekend will be completely about me. Having a birthday Saturday and Mother’s Day on Sunday makes for a very narcissistic weekend. Birthdays are one of the many times living in Las Vegas really pays off. The celebration activities are endless and this year my husband and I will be throwing down Vegas style. We will be issuing this throw down Sunday instead of my actual birthday on Saturday because Saturday night is reserved for UFC 113. Lyoto Machida and Mauricio ShoGun Rua will be having their rematch. If you saw the first fight you would understand the importance of putting off a birthday outing to watch the event live because Shogun was robbed the first time when the fighters allowed the outcome of the fight to be made by the less than knowledgeable judges. My husband, little ones, and I will be joined by a few friends and family members to watch the fights and have some cake while my husband and I reserve our energy for Sunday’s debauchery.

Sunday night is our night on the town sans kids. My husband and I will begin the night by having dinner at Serendipity 3 located inside Caesar’s Palace. This is a new establishment I have wanted to try for a while now. I have read mixed reviews but as always I will decide for myself. Let’s hope it is good. Amazingly we got dinner reservations for 7pm even though Sunday is Mother’s Day and restaurants become over crowded family mosh pits every year. After our quiet dinner (and cocktails) we will be moving on to Planet Hollywood to catch Peepshow with Holly Madison (and more cocktails of course). If you haven’t been to Vegas or don’t know Holly Madison she has been in this stage show based on Little Bo Peep and Red Riding Hood for like a year now. It consists of a little less fairytale and more of a Vegas staple, bare breasted dancing showgirls. We have wanted to see it for a while and felt that my birthday was the perfect excuse. We purchased great seats right in front of the stage. My husband met Ms. Madison on a flight a few months ago and according to her if you sit in the front the lovely ladies come down and interact with you so we may get VIP access to those dancing breasts. I will let you know.

Though my kids won't be joining us for Sunday night's outing, they are so sweetly excited because they now truly understand what a birthday is and cannot believe mama gets one too. My 3 year old, Lash, has a list of items he would like to purchase for me which includes a “choo choo train” and a “neck-a-lace”. Luckily my husband will be escorting my little minions out Saturday afternoon to shop for their offerings of mama worship. He is great at leading them to purchases more along the lines of a necklace than a choo choo train.

I know normally age is supposed to freak us out and make us depressed but I gotta tell you, I am just not there yet (maybe because I’m still relatively young). However, this is the first year I have started to notice the physical signs of my age. Until about 4 months ago I had just completely ignored what age was doing to my face. I have lines in my forehead which have deepened over the years and the skin on my face has taken on a different texture. Even though I have just recently joined reality and noticed the signs of my slow physical demise, my mind still feels pretty young. Now I completely understand the sentiment that age is how you feel. If it’s true my ass is still 25. In yo face wrinkles!!!

Aside from my new wrinkle reality I am excited to get older. The older I get the more I understand myself. I have gained a confidence that I never experienced when I was younger. To me, this self awareness is well worth the remnants of father time’s exuberant tango across my face. I am now declaring myself a MYLF (mother you’d like to f*c*). I plan to be hot and feel young well into my 60’s. Wrinkles, saggy bits, and all. But, we will just have to wait and see. All of this self indulgent aplomb aside, something tells me those pesky little midlife years may not be as kind and could potentially crush my current expectations. I highly doubt it though. That being said, here’s to me and my 32nd year on this planet.

What are your feelings about your aging process? Do you get depressed around birthday time or do you celebrate like you just won the lottery?

My Absence Excuse; Blog Block and Laziness

2010-04-28T09:12:00.000-07:00

I am attempting to think of a great post topic. I have been out for a while but that's because I haven't had anything to post about. I feel posting just to post is a let down to my readers (all 7 of you) so I usually forgo blogging until I feel inspired. Which I am not just yet. I have thoughts, many thoughts, but nothing has quite made it over the threshold of thought and into the fruition of product. I will come up with something I promise. For now, just know that I am sitting around ignoring my kids and racking my brain for a topic that will pull me out of my blogging block. As I have said in previous posts about being blocked, I would love to be a writer but get blocked so often it would take me 20 years to finish one short story. In fact, the bulk of my writing is first chapters to books and a few finished short stories. I suck (literally and figuratively). Oh well, a girl's gotta have a dream and right now my dream is stuck in procrastination. I will post soon so please don't forsake me yet.

Theaters; A Brave New World

2010-04-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

For about the last year and a half my husband has been itching to take our sons Lash (3 ½) and Remy (2 ½) to the movies. Based on the toddler regime which rules my house and my days I have cock blocked this idea to no end. The fact that my kids can barley sit through their 30 minute cartoons or any movie on DVD led me to believe movies at a theater were not in our immediate future and had resigned myself to the fact we would not be enjoying theater flicks as a family until the little dudes were well into high school. Because of this resignation no one was more surprised than said husband when, last night, I gave in and agreed to take them to see How to Train Your Dragon this afternoon. Now, being an ex teacher and therefore trained in the fine art of preparation, I took some time last night to show my little guys the movie trailer online as well as a picture of what the inside of a theatre looked like. Then, my husband and I explained theater conduct and expectations along with how the day would go leading up to the movie (if my 3 year old does not have a schedule laid out prior to a promised event he will spend the day asking when we are leaving so advising “after nap” or “before lunch” buys us some peace prior to any outing).
This afternoon after a less than sufficient nap, a reiteration of conduct/expectations, and the required potty break we were off to the Orleans hotel and casino to take in our 2:40 matinee. We were all excited, even yours truly who had cringed at the mere thought of such an adventure in recent weeks. As my husband drove he expressed his excitement at the prospect of spending several of the upcoming 115 degree Las Vegas Saturdays in a movie theater with our precious offspring.

We arrived 10 minutes before the movie and got in line to purchase our tickets. That’s when Remy spotted the Kid Zone (a place for parents to drop the kids while they watch a movie alone) and here is his reaction to being told we were taking in a movie instead of playing there:

Lash on the other hand could care less about Kid Zone and wanted to get his movie on.

After purchasing tickets and calming Remy we got popcorn, soda, and each child got to pick a candy. Then we rushed to the theater (in the farthest reaches of the place) and sat in our seats. I exhaled a sigh of relief when I looked back into the theater and saw it was mostly empty. That meant few people to annoy should anyone’s attitude go downhill (present company included). Here are my cuties watching the previews:

I am now going to do something amazing and admit I was totally wrong. Our toddlers are badass. We made it through the whole thing which I had thought was impossible. Lash peed 4 times and both boys ate half a box of Junior Mints each. Toward the end of the film they had to stand and watch but we were in our own row so this was fine and at 2 and 3 years old completely expected. The movie itself was good but the fact they can now go to movies is even better. Las Vegas in the summer does not make for an enjoyable park experience unless you like heat exhaustion and 3rd degree slide burns.

I think for the next movie we’ll aim for a longer nap and less candy because Remy had a fit filled come down and Lash became completely deaf to any directions upon returning home. Being tired wasn’t a total loss though because my husband made a great dinner and the boys went to bed early allowing us to watch Strikeforce on CBS in peace (hopefully Hendo wins to celebrate his migration from UFC). This mom thing isn’t so hard. After patronizing a movie successfully I think I’m ready to conquer my fear and loathing of the kiddie mosh pit they call Chuck E Cheese. Or maybe we’ll just see another movie.

I Added Pages!!!

2010-04-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

I am slowly getting better at this blog design thang. First I found out how to add customized templates freeing me from the oppression of the boring ass blogger templates. Then I learned how to use widgets (and avoid some that totally screw your computer). Now, my friends, I have added pages to my blog (as seen up above under my title). Instead of my "About" section being on the side bar you can view my description of myself in all of its glory on its very own page. I also added a "Pictures" page to give my blog friends a little visual peek of that which I call my family. If you would like to send me an email in lieu of a comment there is now a "Contact Me" page with a form you can use. I am hoping this declutters my sidebar and makes some of the more useful things like finding out who the hell I am easier for anyone who decides to read my musings. Anyway, a pat on the back to me and enjoy my new pages.