Three Little Birds

14 Days in Italy - Part II

2025-06-18T09:33:00.000-04:00

So you’ve packed and prepared… here’s what to expect once in Italy. Just a few tips to make the most of your time in this magical place!

Create a shared iPhone photo album between you & your travel mates

I can say that this was so great, my husband took some awesome photos that I appreciated having without saying, “Can you send that to me?” And vice versa. Also that way, only one of us had to have our phone out the whole time LOL.

Speak to the staff. They’ll take care of you.

Italians are (for the most part) affectionate, friendly people who like connection. We loved that, because post-pandemic it seems like everyone forgot how to be kind and communicate like humans. I made sure to smile, look them in the eye, and try to learn a few words in Italian to show some effort and not look like a clueless American. Specifically, if you get to know your hotel staff and treat them with kindness, they’ll watch out for you and take good care of you. We even got to know our main waiter in Sorrento at the hotel (because we were there for 6 days), and he told us all about his lemon farm at home and invited us to come see it next time we were in Italy.

Ask staff for recs on food/gelato.

Every single time we asked the front desk or concierge for advice on great food or gelato, we were never disappointed. We will never EVER forget our last night in Florence thanks to our front desk guy telling us about a place we would have probably never considered otherwise. The food and experience was simply incredible.

Gelato

Speaking of food, gelato is Italy’s ice cream and we ate a LOT of it. Tips: don’t go for the gelato that’s brightly colored - if it is fluorescent or bright in color, it’s not authentic. For example, you’d think pistachio gelato would be green but in reality it’s a greenish-taupe color. Go for muted colored gelato. Another thing: if it’s mounded high, that means it has a lot of air in it and you will pay the same price for half the gelato amount. Don’t fall for the eye-catching mounds, go for those in metal containers that are flat across the top. Last tip: the cannoli and Nutella flavors were my favs.

Grazie

Say thanks. It goes a long way. And how to pronounce it is so important (I heard one tour guide correcting a traveler and saying how it means a lot to Italians when we say it correctly as it shows we are trying). It’s NOT graciAH nor is it gratz-EE. It IS: GRATZ-ee-eh. If you’re super duper thankful, you’ll say “Grazie a mille” (“thanks a million”).

Tipping

Half the time, your tip is included in your bill at the restaurants. Look for the word “servizio” - if it’s not there, it’s not been included. The travel blogs all say that tipping is not a huge thing there like it is in the USA, and that waiters don’t rely on tips like they do here. So small change or 5-10% is perfectly fine at restaurants. Also of note, you may notice a table charge added to your bill (“pane e coperto”) for the bread and olive oil - it’s rude to not accept the bread and olive oil in Italy so just go with it. Embrace the culture. We ate bread, olive oil, and balsamic with every single meal there. Tipping tour guides and porters for your bags did not seem very common among any travelers but from what we had read, it was the right thing to do. So we did tip tour guides (20 Euros for a full day, 10 for a half day) and porters (2-5 Euros), and they always seemed super grateful.

Trattoria vs Osteria vs Ristorante

We learned that these are not all the same. If you want a full meal with several courses, go to a Ristorante. If you want a place that excels in their wines and happens to have a small menu of food (which was always good), go to an Osteria. If you want something that generally has authentic food, but isn’t super fancy, go to a Trattoria.

Spotting a tourist trap vs authentic Italian food

Our tour guide on our food & wine tour gave us this tip and we lived by it the whole time (and it never let us down)… stay away from those places who have a huge sprawling menu (their food isn’t fresh because they have to keep such a large inventory of different items), who have pictures for every or most item, and who have menus outside with multiple different languages. Those are supposedly tourist traps! Most of the menus had English translation below the Italian food listings.

Be prepared to eat a lot of bread, olio, pasta, & pizza

Bread/olive oil/balsamic is a staple with every meal. Embrace it and enjoy it. I am not an adventurous eater, and there’s a LOT of seafood in Italy… so I ate a ton of pasta and pizza and I wasn’t mad about it. Literally the best of both that I have ever had in my life.

Try all the food!

With food in mind, and knowing how picky I am, you can imagine that this was a little hard for me. However, “when in Rome”… right?! In Florence, you gotta try the Florentine steak - it’s an experience - I got the filet version and it was incredible. My husband got the real deal (it’s a T-bone brought out on a sizzling hot plate and cooked rare to medium rare) and he did a number on it! Venice is all about sardines in every way you can imagine, and surprisingly I did try those and they were really good! Sorrento is all about lemons - and again, I wasn’t mad about it! Haha! They even put lemon slices in my Coke Zero - weird, but okay! :)

Water

Obviously, it will be hot. Plan to bring a lightweight water bottle to fill up as able (Venice, Florence, & Rome all had public water fountains and it was good, cold water), or plan to buy bottled water often. Another note on water: they love sparkling water there… not our thing… but they will ask “Still or sparkling?” - if you’re not into sparkling water, “still water” is plain ol’ regular water. They’ll bring it to your table in a big glass bottle for you to refill yourselves.

Take away

They don’t use the term “to go” there. It’s called “take away”… so when you order a cappuccino or food to-go, you’ll say “take away.” Also, if you plan to do take-away and not sit… don’t sit. We got scolded LOL.

Espresso Corretto / Grappa

There’s espresso and then there’s the espresso corretto. This is translated to mean “Corrected Espresso” - it’s “corrected” with a shot of alcohol, usually one local to Italy called grappa. It’s like drinking straight up motor oil. Unless that’s your thing - then order away!

Paying for bathrooms

OK, enough about food and drinks (although that was the highlight of our trip, clearly)… let’s talk about something most people may or may not know… public bathrooms are not free. I knew this, but it shocked my husband. It’s usually anywhere from 50 cents to 3 Euros to use, and often they won’t accept anything but correct change (and are unapologetic about it, even if you’re doing the pee-pee dance). So with that in mind, keep your change! We often would just order something at a cafe (like a water or cappuccino or a little snack) and that would be our “in” to use their bathrooms. Also a word of advice: the bathrooms often don’t have AC.

Pick-pockets

We’ve all heard about this issue in high foot traffic areas like the train stations or pretty much anywhere in Rome, and our guys that would take us to and from the train stations reminded us about it every single time. We just wore our sling bags or book bags in front of us or on the side under our arms, and really had no worries other than being a little more diligent. I never felt unsafe. Never.

Guided Tours

You won’t be able to really appreciate the rich history unless you do some tours and/or experiences while you’re there. We did a food & wine tour, a couple of bus tours (one for Tuscany - highly recommend ___ - it was awesome), and a couple of audio tours. You can do self-guided audio tours and we did that for the Pantheon and it was a great way to do it at our own pace. We booked our guided tours through our travel agent, but she used (and we used) the Viator app. You can also use TripAdvisor or go straight to the source.

Here’s a list of the specific tours we did (just copy & paste them into the Viator app):

“Eat, drink and repeat: Wine and Food tasting tour in Venice”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

“Dolomites Mountains and Cortina Semi Private Day Trip from Venice”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I think we’d like to be able to go into the mountains a little more & maybe do some hiking but that’s just us - this was somewhat a superficial look at them, more like photo ops at each stop but still an amazing experience

Accademia Gallery Tour (Michaelango’s David in Florence)

Recommend-ish ⭐️⭐️⭐️
I think we could have done this one by self-guided audio tour instead but it did allow us to skip the long line, so that was nice

“Small-Group Wine Tasting Experience in the Tuscan Countryside” - out of Florence

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Be prepared to 1) drink a lot of wine (like full glasses), so pace yourself… 2) spend some money because this will be the best wine you’ve ever had and you’ll be convinced to buy a bottle or case :D… 3) have a lot of fun

“Cinque Terre and Pisa Tower Tour from Florence Semi Private”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Word to the wise here from us by learning the hard way: when you leave the van after the 1st stop, take all your things because for the rest of the day you’ll be traveling by train & boat to your destinations. In all transparency, it was this particular tour guide’s first day and he failed to mention that to us, but they made up for it by retrieving our book bag and getting it to us at the next stop!
I do wish we would have had more time in Cinque Terre. Pisa Tower was just meh.
You’ll take a ferry at one point and I really could have used some Dramamine. Pre-medicate if you can! They did say it’s not usually that rough, but several people got sick on the ferry.

“Small Group Tour: Colosseum & Roman Forum with Arena Floor Access”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was an amazing tour!!!! Our only regret is that they have a secret underground tunnel tour that we didn’t get to do, but this was one of the coolest things we did.

“Early Morning Vatican, Sistine, St. Peter’s Semi or Private Tour”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
My only issue here was since it was a private tour (just the 2 of us with a guide), she didn’t wear a microphone and we didn’t have headsets/earphones, and it was crazy busy so it was really hard to hear her. She also had a very strong accent so it was hard to understand her.
This was a cool experience, but visiting the Vatican and trying to take it all in is like drinking water from a fire hose. I’d really recommend spending a full day at the Vatican to be able to take it all in.
Last word of advice: don’t visit on a Wednesday. They close St. Peter’s Basilica on Wednesdays, so we didn’t get to see it sadly.

“Day Trip to Capri and Blue Grotto From Naples & Sorrento”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
This was a bus trip, and is what broke us of bus tours LOL!!! We loved it, and honestly if they had not included a semi-private BOAT tour of Capri to see the coastline at the end, I would have not loved it as much. The boat tour at the end sincerely MADE this trip so wonderful, like a cherry on top. The bus itself was fine, but super hot and we felt a little rushed. But honestly you can’t really see it to its full capacity without the bus.
Blue Grotto will close for high tides, high waves, and unacceptable/unsafe conditions. So PRAY for good conditions, because this one tiny sliver of this day will be a core memory for this trip. It’s that awe-inspiring and cool.

“From Sorrento: Amalfi Coast Small Group Boat Day Tour”

Highly recommend ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (I’d give 10 stars if I could)
Amalfi and Positano are incredible to see from the coastline, but wildly busy with people and super hot. In Positano, walk up to Hotel Poseidon and check out the view across from the hotel for spectacular photos and breathtaking vistas of the Positano coastline.
You get to swim. In the Mediterranean Sea. Enough said.
Word of advice: sit on the left side of the boat for the best views of the coastlines when leaving Sorrento and while on the way there, and on the right side on the way back.

Bus tours

A specific moment about the bus tours…These are GREAT… until they’re not. LOL! In general it’s a fantastic way to get around these areas and experience the best of each area with a local and a smaller group (the buses are smaller). However, the buses are often warm (and in one case, it was stifling), and the days can be long and tiring. The drivers can be aggressive (not in a bad/scary way, just got a little nervous at times, haha). We ended up cancelling our last tour by bus and opted for one by boat - best. Decision. Ever. If you are planning on seeing any coastlines (like Capri, Amalfi, Positano, etc), do the boat tours instead. They will still drop you off in the towns at the marina to give you time to explore each area, but then you get to hop back on the boat and get those glorious breezes and gorgeous views.

Use the hotel laundry service, or pack some travel detergent (?)

This might be over the top, but after the amount of sweat our clothes received each day, hand-washing them was just not going to get it for us. We did pack some travel-size laundry detergent but… nope. We packed about 5 outfits that we could interchange with tops/bottoms to get us through the trip and not have to pack too much. But that meant we had to get them laundered. For us, having the hotel handle it while we were out for the day was worth the extra expense. They do have laundromats, but who wants to waste 2 hours or more in a laundromat while vacationing in Italy?!

Timing of popular experiences

Venice - do the nighttime gondola. It’s not hot, very pleasant, and really romantic. In Rome, all the popular tourist attractions will be busy unless you go very early in the mornings or very late at night for the Trevi Fountain, etc. Try to see the Trevi Fountain & Colosseum lit up at night if you can.

Be prepared for crowds… and heat.

We went in early June and the heat was like a furnace. If you go in with the mindset that you KNOW these places will be hot and crowded… that people don’t know how to walk any faster than a snail’s pace… that people do not know how to move over on the sidewalk when you’re coming up on each other head on… and just accept that you cannot change it, you’ll be mentally prepared for it and less irritated when it actually happens.

We hope you enjoy Italy as much as we did!!! We can’t wait to go back!

Italy in 14 days - Travel Tips

2025-06-18T06:54:00.000-04:00

Want to see Italy but feel overwhelmed with how to make it all happen? Love a seamless yet “in the moment” type of trip? We’ve got you covered with all the lessons we learned along the way in our 14 day journey through Italy (some learned the hard way). This will be tips for the actual travel part, packing, & preparation. I’ll do another blog post on tips for when you’re actually there. Here we go!

Book a travel agent.

We used Pandy Hinson with TravelMation - her services are free for you, but are priceless. She’s been there/done that and can arrange pretty much every single detail. This saved so much time and headache.

Book business class.

Especially if you’re going to fly a red-eye or basically anytime that could involve any amount of sleep. It’s cheaper than first class but pricier than economy. But the best parts - at least on our flights - were that you get TONS of leg room, ability to lay down, a real pillow & blanket, and amazing food/drinks. We flew Lufthansa into Frankfurt from RDU, then Frankfurt to Venice.

Plan to see as many cities/towns as possible.

We met lots of other travelers here who had only booked 1-2 cities and then regretted it. It’s a long flight, and not cheap - so make the most of it by doubling down on all the best places to see and go. We did Venice (included Dolomites) —> Florence (including Tuscany) —> Rome —> Sorrento (included Capri, Amalfi/Positano). Choose your own adventure!

Pre-book your transfers to/from airports, trains, and hotels.

Best. Decision. Ever. It may be more costly but I’m telling you it’s worth every single penny. We saw so many frustrated travelers dragging luggage on nasty, cobblestone streets, up hills, in the heat. It looked completely miserable. Meanwhile, we rode in air conditioned Mercedes vans with a professional driver who met us at the airport, each time we checked out of a hotel, or arrived to another train station. He unloaded our bags and got us to the doorstep every time. WORTH IT.

Checked bag vs. Carry-On

This topic alone sparked so many comments on my Facebook post in the weeks prior to our trip - to carry-on only or to check a bag? The simple answer: don’t try to be a hero. Check the bag. Not because you can’t put your stuff in one carry-on. You definitely could (although it would be exceptionally difficult!!!!), but the biggest thing is… you’re in ITALY. You’ll want to buy things. Lots of things. Souvenirs, gifts, mementos (we brought home all our corks we used from our wine bottles, a champagne bottle, etc). Check. The. Bag. We tried to be carry-on people, with the exception of only 1 checked bag. It wasn’t enough. We ended up buying a big check-bag from a Samsonite store in Rome. LOL.

Skip packing the fancy clothes.

We thought - hey, we’ll be dining in Italy… we’ll need a sport coat (the hubby) and a few nicer dresses and some high heels. None of those EVER left their spots in the suitcases. Yes, you’ll want to dress nice here - the fashion is more than just casual. But not high heels & fancy dress kind of nice. More like pretty sun dress with fashionable sandals or espadrilles for the ladies & thinner (because it’s HOT here) Polo shirts and thinner chinos or nice shorts with Birkenstocks or loafers for the guys.

Shoes.

Here are the shoes you’ll need: very comfy tennis shoes (1 pair that goes with everything) & very cute but comfy sandals/Birks for the evenings. That’s it. Honestly. Sorrento is especially known for its handmade sandals & shoes, so you’ll end up probably buying a pair (or 3 in my case) while here. Otherwise, you’re going to be doing a LOT of walking. Like minimum of 10K steps per day - some days we got over 25K steps. I did not think this through and only brought a couple pairs of socks. Given that laundry is a challenge (more to come on that in the next blog post), I recommend bringing at least half of the days in numbers of pairs of socks. I learned the hard way & had to find a Nike store in Rome to stock up.

Sunscreen. Seriously.

I don’t know what it is about the sun in Italy, but everywhere I looked people’s shoulders, backs and faces were terribly sun-scorched and burned. Being that I specialize in skin health, I was more conscientious about sunscreen more than most and only got a mild sunburn on my back when I fell asleep without reapplying one time. However, one thing you’ll not think about and what got a ton of travelers in trouble: the walking through the city streets for hours. The sun is beating down on you. Here are the specifics that worked for us to avoid sunburn in Italy:

Apply sunscreen to your face, ears, neck, chest, shoulders, arms, legs, and feet before heading out for the day.
Pack one regular size sunscreen - not travel size - in your checked bag. Pack one travel size one (or a travel size empty bottle to transfer some into) for your every day bag that you’ll have with you during the day to reapply every 2-3 hours.
Reapply every 2-3 hours. Don’t skimp.
Wear a hat when possible. Make it stylish - you’re in Italy for goodness sake! ;)

Invest in a couple of good power banks for your phone.

For those who don’t know, power banks are portable phone chargers. You’ll be using your phone to navigate pretty much everywhere and this drains the battery. We used one made by Clutch most days due to their slim, lightweight design. On bigger days - when we were out for 8+ hours, we used a larger one by Anker.

Adaptors for your electronics

To charge any electronics or use any hair styling tools, you’ll need to bring an European adaptor. Take at least 3 - one for either of you to charge your phone and a 3rd for miscellaneous so you don’t have to keep unplugging the one for your phones. Some hotels did have regular US outlets, but don’t bank on it (most did not).

Bring a sling bag or cross-body bag for your day-to-day meandering/tours.

We used it for our power banks, chapstick, sunscreen, etc. I can’t think of many times we went without at least one of us having a sling bag.

Euros vs credit card payments

It’s best to exchange dollars for Euros from your local bank before you leave, best to do so 1 month before leaving (sometimes they have to order it). You can exchange at the airport or basically every couple of blocks while in Italy but the exchange fees are tremendous. Also, most take credit cards with the exception of Amex. Just let your CC company know you’re traveling internationally so they don’t flag your card the first time you try to use it (ask us how we know). They do also have a lot of ATMs. We didn’t take our debit card, but thankfully most of their ATMs accept “tap” function on your Wallet app, so maybe add your debit card and CC to that.

Travel Size vs Full Size Toiletries?

If you’re checking a bag (I recommend), go with full size of the items you’ll use a lot. For me, that was:

Skincare
Body lotion
SPF

Travel-size for items otherwise:

Shampoo / conditioner (but ONLY if you’re a shampoo snob like me, otherwise they provided us with those in the hotel)
Body wash (I did run out of mine, but a full size would be too much… I would have been great with 2 travel size body washes… ended up using the hotel body wash and my skin paid for it)
Toothpaste
Hairspray
Hair products (I love the tiny size Moroccan oil for traveling)

Washcloths - you may need them

Half of our hotels provided washcloths, but apparently that is not a common thing in Italy. For 1 of the hotels we didn’t get some from, we simply used the small towels allotted for the bidet (since we weren’t into that thing, lol). They do make travel washcloths that are small dry discs but when you wet them in the shower they become a thin disposable washcloth. We had brought some just in case, so used those in one hotel. Not my favorite option, but was useful.

So those are our top recommendations for traveling to Italy. Next up, we’ll share what we learned while there so you can benefit! :)

"Up" - A review of Sally McRae's NC Trail Running Camp

2019-10-15T15:43:00.001-04:00

Up.
A direction toward a higher place or position. A term that's used frequently in the trail running world...
Pick your feet up...
Keep your head up...
Keep your heart up...

That first statement would be the necessary mantra to avoid catastrophic injury on the trails during my time recently in the NC mountains at Sally McRae's trail running camp (when it didn't happen, I felt the reason for this mantra's purpose, haha). The last statement would be the one that keeps the fire burning for running and for life when it seems the last ember is burning.

It's been almost 3 weeks since I arrived at Camp Grier with butterflies in my stomach at the thought of meeting my trail and ultra running idol, Sally McRae. When I found out my husband had gifted me the opportunity to go to this intimate running camp with Sally for my birthday, I knew I'd not only get to finally meet her (I'd stalked her on Instagram forever and in person when we went to spectate at Western States 2018 - she had paced Lucy Bartholomew that year and I chickened out when I had the chance to say hello... I even put a "Sally quote" into each daily bag at TransRockies for morning inspiration to meditate on), but I'd also get to know her on a more personal level. I loved the idea because her posts were not only the most inspirational on the 'Gram, but also because I knew that beyond her almost 53K following was a real person who goes through struggles just like I do. To hear & learn from her would be so valuable.

And of course, it was! Genuine... that is a word I'd use to describe Sally McRae. You can't fake a laugh like that. She spent the time to get to know each camper on a one-on-one basis, to the point you actually become - gasp! - friends. Me, now friends with Sally McRae, was something that felt so surreal. Before all the "friendship" was established was the meeting. Mariana and I arrived as some of last campers to the camp, but immediately were greeted by Sally who recognized my face and called out my name! Whaaaaaaat?! Haha. We hopped in her minivan and rode up to headquarters, where she personally gave us some Nike Trail Running swag - a pair of shoes and a sweet hat! She took us to our cabin, which was a dorm-style cabin at Camp Grier in Old Fort, NC. On the way to the cabin, she declared, "I can't wait for you to meet everyone!! These people will end up being some of your best friends!!".... 'Ok Sally', I thought, 'how cute.' And even smirked. At Sally. Behind her back of course. 'I'm not here for the other people, I'm here for YOU girl.' I tucked the thought away as we arrived, and some ladies met us at the door and immediately began introducing themselves and helping us with all many bags! They seemed nice enough. Maybe they won't get in the way of me getting to know Sally. Haha!!

We head on down to the main cabin and meet up with the rest of the campers and the other coaches - Brandon, Adam, & Jason. Chelsea would also join us later. We do introductions and are forced to find someone we don't know and tell them facts about ourselves and memorize those facts about your new friend. This chick made a beeline for me, and I thought she seemed really friendly. I learned her name - Karen. We hit it off and I immediately liked Karen :) We were instant friends. 'Ok... maybe I can make a couple friends while getting to know Sally,' I thought to myself.

We went for a group run with a local running group that evening and I fell in step with another girl - Eileen - and I found myself once again finding an instant connection. What in the world! Eileen and Karen remain 2 of the folks in my mind with whom I will seem to always have a heart connection. As the hours and then days passed of running breathtaking (both literally & figuratively) mountain passes, more people grew into my heart like the kudzu that grows on the sides of the mountains and trees there. Jen, Marjorie, Nikki, Kristin, Gail, Lisa, Angela, Lexi, Wanda... no particular order but each amazing in their own unique way. Each sharing their life's story... their dreams, goals, fears... around stoked campfires, amid songs sung (screamed?) in stale vans, with Fireball or beer sometimes coursing through the veins. It's amazing how this group of women inspired each other, cheered each other on, even cried with each other... we women have a reputation for cattiness and competition... but not here. Not at trail running camp. These women are now my trail sisters, along with Sally. She no longer was Sally the celebrity but had become another "sister" to share life with in these 4 days, easily blending into the back row of our newly founded dirt church. And you could tell she was loving it, how (as one of my sisters Marjorie put it) this "mountain minister" brought so many women and men together as one family and would sit back with an immense grin on her face, having orchestrated the whole thing. Even the guys were so fun and hilarious and inspiring (John - the harmonica king and trail dad, Aaron - the hip hop DJ, Magnar - the real runner of us all)! The coaches - Chelsea (her sweet kind demeanor, always cheerful), Jason (his quiet encouragement and exquisite skill), Brandon (his eclectic playlist, exceptional dirt road driving, and golden calves - hahaha), and Jason (his guitar and folksy voice lingering across campfires, his choice of lack of clothing on cold days, his hippie handmade pack, his amazement at the beauty of trails he's run hundreds of times).

Sally took the time each morning to go over not only warm-up tactics and fueling strategies, but life lessons about injury and disappointment. I could write about all that we did and it would be interesting and you'd marvel at the elevation gains, the steep mountainous trails (very few switchbacks!!), the adventurous side of me coming out and trying zip-lining (from what seemed like 100 ft in the air) into a lake, and so much more. But what really struck me - besides the heart connections made that day - was the life lessons we learned. Sally spoke of her injuries she's sustained over the years, and reminded us - if we couldn't run anymore, who would we be? We are still people of value, with or without running. It's about the people that meet us at the aid stations and the finish lines, that meet us for early morning runs together, and those that inspire us to do better, be better. It's about the people, not the podiums. It's about the little things, like picking up your feet when running on technical trails - something we know to do but what we often forget when things get monotonous or tiring. What's the first thing you let go when things get tough or you get tired? Often they are the most important things. If you don't pick your feet up, you'll trip and tumble. I know this firsthand - don't ask ;)

One of the mantras of Sally's, also known as Yellow Runner (that's another story for a different day) is Keep Your Heart Up. Certainly, it's a reminder that if we literally run with our heart up, our shoulders square up instead of hunching and we are less likely for injury to find us on long runs. Everything changes when we have the right heart posture. Just like in everyday life. Things may get dark and hard... if you know me and my family and our story, then you know we've seen our fair share of those times. But ...keep your heart up. Find the right posture - if your heart is up, your head is up. Where your gaze is, your heart follows.

I gained confidence in those 4 days that I can actually run mountains. I gained lifelong friends. I gained a killer playlist on Spotify. And my heart was lifted. Thank you Sally.

"I am a student for life, sometimes learning the same lesson repeatedly. It's okay to feel weak; it's okay if you miss the mark; but it's not okay to give up. Keep going; and remember that the very small circle of people who know ALL of who you are; your highs and your lows; and the preciousness of your dreams... THEY... they are golden. Hold them close and thank them often." -- Sally McRae

Control Freaks

2018-12-05T08:00:00.000-05:00

So we are control freaks. There. I admit it.

We are 100% Type A control freaks. We are list-keepers and item-crosser-offers. We adore predictability. We like to plan ahead, make arrangements, put away for the winter, know what's ahead of us and then basically orchestrate the steps before, during, and after that "thing". We will ensure that we are taken care of.

"What wrong with that?" you might ask. Self-sufficiency is a good thing. To a point. Glorification of your own self-sufficiency is ~~sometimes~~ always a sure-fire way to separate yourself from spontaneity, from freedom of guilt, and from our Creator. The Creator of the stars and blue birds and mountain ranges and the desires of our very own hearts.

Let me back up and give you some insight into this revelation I/we had this evening. But first I am going to rewind even further. When we were matched with our birthmom 3 weeks ago, we found out that she was due in 3.5 weeks. YIKES. With our other adoption experience, we had 6 MONTHS to plan, get to know our birthmom, decide on a name, get all the stuff we needed, design a fabulous nursery, even fly out to meet our birthmom. Establishing a relationship with her allowed us access to her via phone/text/email at any time. She was wonderful about voluntarily sharing all updates from the doctor visits (which she never missed), wanted us to be in-the-know all the time (sometimes it was way too much TMI, haha), and we felt included on the whole experience. It was not an "easy" experience, not by a long shot. If you read our blogs back then you know the whole month spent in OKC was long, dramatic and full of faith-building. Haha. But looking back, it allowed the planners in us ability to somehow feel somewhat more in control of a situation that we truly had no control over.

Cut to this 2nd adoption. With 3 weeks left with a birthmom who literally could "go any day now," we went into a whole 'nother realm of planning. How do you plan for a baby in just 3 short weeks? And it's a girl, and we have all BOY stuff. We had to scramble to figure out work arrangements (trust me when I say it's not easy when you're the sole nurse practitioner of a VERY busy GI practice)... nursery setup with a husband who can't put any weight on his left leg at all (thanks to family who came to set up cribs & shelving & stuff)... ensure we have the basics for a new baby (all our stuff was outdated/expired like car seats, etc). Balance that with the knowledge of Christmas coming and realizing you needed to finish up Christmas shopping and wrapping before the arrival of said-baby... and still trying to work full-time, keep the family fed, maintain homework/school/normal everyday activities... and you have one extremely run down female over here.

Not only did we have a LOT of scrambling and planning-and-executing-said-plan, but this adoption has been very different. First of all, we will probably miss the birth because this delivery will likely progress quickly. Also, the birthmom is very private and did not necessarily want to meet or talk before the delivery (which is fine, and totally her choice!). But we know NOTHING. We don't know how her doctor visits go unless the agency she's with updates us. We don't know how she's feeling - both physically and emotionally, mentally, spiritually. I've been praying that God fills her with peace and comfort during this time and that he keeps baby girl safe and healthy. That's all we can do. But the "not knowing" has been eating me alive. I am one that in order to plan, I must "know". In "not knowing" I can't plan ... I can't plan my emotions, my responses to her choice of giving this baby life and then placing that life in our hands. I can't prepare my heart for the unknown!

Today we had a pre-placement meeting by phone with our adoption group, AIS. Since we felt very lost (communication has not been as clear this time around with a different situation), they met with us to set the expectations of adoption in Florida.

"Plan to be there for 2 weeks after the baby is born" --- ummm we had planned on 1 week, thanks very much. (Not that we can control that, but that is what we had PLANNED, haha)

"Anticipate that you will probably not know which hospital she delivers at until you land in Florida." --- we knew the hospital our 1st birthmom was delivering the baby at, and not only that, we even visited the hospital and planned the quickest route!

"You will probably NOT get a hospital room this time to spend all your time from birth til discharge with the baby." --- we got our own room at the hospital in OKC and he stayed with us except to go to the nursery for checks. I feel this was an ideal way to bond with our new baby, and we won't necessarily get that luxury this time. This was a MAJOR blow to me today. We will probably have to stay in the hotel unless at the hospital nursery or in her hospital room.... and like I said she is very private. If I were her, I wouldn't want total strangers in my postpartum room.

When we hung up the phone, although I felt much more informed, I also felt very anxious and overwhelmed. I felt very small... all of this - everything - is out of our control. We can do nothing but show up and pray. The emotions overcame me at that moment, and as the tears fell and fell, we held hands and prayed for peace. Peace for T, our birthmom, and her selfless loving decision she's made for this baby girl. Peace for Zane as we transition into a family of 4, and anticipate that we may miss Christmas with him and be away from him for 2 whole weeks! (Thankfully if it looks as if we are spending Christmas in FL, my mom has already said she will fly him down to be with us)

And lastly, we prayed for peace for us. For us to remember that we don't have to lean on our own understanding - it won't make sense anyway from a worldly point of view. For us to rely on Jesus' lordship over ALL in this situation - the unknown included & the things we cannot control. For us to recall his promises He made to us in the past and kept and the promises He's made to us for our present and our future that He will once again keep. For us to lean on Him, trust in Him, even in the total darkness of the unknown. We don't have to crawl around in the dark on our hands and knees praying for light. He IS the light and we just hold on to the edge of his garment and let Him lead us to the promised land.

I actually find it comical that God would choose to place us - the control freaks, the planners, the list-makers - in this very situation. Isn't that just like God, to use our situation to prune the dead fruit from our own lives during the waiting period of his harvest? As we learn to trust in Him and not to our own understanding (Proverbs 3:5,6), we become free to not need to plan. To know that He is in control and that nothing surprises HIM! So here we are, days - perhaps hours - away from the call. And we are totally not in control... and we are learning to be okay with that.

Ch-ch-changes

2018-12-04T20:01:00.002-05:00

We have had quite a few changes going on. I’ll give you a quick version, so try to keep up. 🤣

Justin had major ankle surgery. About a mile in to a long trail run, he had a sudden sharp pain in his left ankle. Long story very short, he had a bone chip lodged in his ankle joint along with severe tendinopathies of the ankle joint (thanks for decades of repetitive ankle rolling). On Oct 24, he underwent surgery to repair all this - it’s called micro fracture repair. The tendons were all tightened up and reconstructed, holes were drilled into bones to stimulate a faux cartilage to grow (it’s complicated). He’s been 100% NON-weight bearing since that time. Not a lot of pain, but simple things like getting in and out of the shower, going up steps into the house, helping with laundry, etc are all much more difficult. I’ve (jokingly of course) said that Justin’s been “useless” to me these last few weeks. Haha!! So helping him get his knee scooter to the jeep with the garage door closed because I’m in a towel only had been the most entertaining thing for our family until recently. 😂 He gets to begin mild weight bearing TODAY with 2 crutches. He is an ultra runner that is used to running a minimum of 30-50 miles a week, so this has been a major blow for him. Overall, he’s been super busy and this has helped to keep his mind off the fact that he can’t do what he loves the most.
Knowing that this major surgery was coming up, Justin scurried to try and finish up a big project - built in shelves upstairs. He almost finished, but not quite before the surgery day. They look amazing!
My bestie is having a (surprise!) baby, so we threw her a fabulous shower. Can’t wait to meet “strong and courageous” Joshua.
We were matched with a birthmom to adopt again! There’s so much to say about that, that the rest of the post will highlight that. 😊

We began the process to add to our family through adoption in the summer. We use Adoption Information Services, if anyone is interested in their program. We went through the process this time quietly, without announcement or telling hardly anyone. We wanted it to be a surprise, but it was soooo hard not to tell! We began telling family and close friends in July/August of our intentions. Of course, they were so excited for us! Our first home study went off without a hitch, and was literally the day after we returned from TransRockies Run (our 120 mile adventure in the Colorado Rockies). I remember being so sore that I could barely sit down to chat with our social worker! haha!

After a few options for birthmoms fell through, we were notified that we were going to be parents for the 2nd time on Nov 16th! I remember waiting by the phone for DAYS, knowing our profile had been shown to a potential birthmom and feeling so strongly that this was "the one." I was seeing patients in the office that Friday, and when they called me I was in a patient room (of course!!)! When I came out, I checked my phone like I had a thousand times that day and saw a missed call from Georgia and I knew right then and there. I called them back but got voicemail. Drats! I called Justin, and got voicemail. Little did I know they had called him next and told him Congratulations! He called me as soon as he hung up and I was standing outside of my office in tears and a huge grin on my face! I immediately called my family and he did too, and it's been ON ever since. Our birthmom is due December 11th, and so any day now we will be headed to Florida to meet our little baby girl if all goes according to plan! We've been so touched by so many people's encouragement and support once again. I've been in a literal whirlwind trying to prepare the house and work for this major change, especially since Justin's not been able to help a whole lot. Somehow, we've made it and are ready for baby when the call comes! The nursery is kind of a boho chic theme, and I can't wait to share the final result with you all when everything is on the walls. The only thing we still haven't decided on was a name...

My Story

2018-10-18T23:25:00.000-04:00

My eyes are heavy with the haze of anesthesia as I feel the weight of a warm post-op blanket cover my body. I’m suddenly aware of the pain. And then my eyes shoot open and I slur with a heavy tongue and a raspy voice to my husband there at my bedside in the sterile recovery room, “Is it over?! What did he say?!” There’s a pause and a sigh and I suddenly feel a weight in that moment, you know that heaviness of a moment that you know will change your path from here on out. “Babe, he said there’s nothing he could do…” Hot tears stream down my cheeks and the pain of a surgery meant to pave the path towards bringing life into this world is now a dead end.

It was my 4th surgery to restore order to my uterus and ovaries, which were a tangled mess of endometriosis & scar tissue from a condition known as Asherman’s Syndrome. When I met my husband, I had already had one surgery that seemed benign enough, but it led to the eventual difficult journey of infertility. Of course we didn’t know it then, that I would never be able to conceive. When we were dating, Justin said to me as we spoke of the future one night under the stars, “You know I’ve always wanted to adopt.” How precious, I thought, and I agreed that would be great… after having our “own” children one day, of course. Funny how the path we see ourselves walking is actually never even on the map, isn’t it?

Ten years later, I find myself hiking with Justin to an amazing spot called Roan Mountain… hand in hand with my amazing 7 year old son, Zane. He came to us through the miracle of adoption. Our path to Roan isn’t easy even if you’re not a kid. It’s rugged, 3 miles one way up a small mountain range in east Tennessee. What were we thinking, bringing him with us on this hike?!, I think to myself, knowing how tough it is ahead of us. Have you ever hiked with a 7 year old?? I don’t know about you but every time it seems we envision a perfect hike full of “the-hills-are-alive-with-the-sound-of-music” moments and usually we end up with nothing but whining 10 minutes in and the kid ends up eating all the snacks, crying because his feet hurt, and a piggy back ride for miles is the end result, along with declarations like “I’m never doing this again” and “Buddy I can’t carry you anymore” (but yet we still do). You swear you’ll never do this again! AMIRIGHT? However, that day, by some miracle, instead of whines and crying and gnashing of teeth, Zane was bounding up the mountain like some giddy mountain goat way ahead of us. “Don't worry, Mama… you said we can do hard things, right!” We come to a clearing and it’s breathtaking. It’s difficult to describe the majesty of 360 degree views of the Smoky Mountains all around you, sun rays shining down like they are a stairway from heaven to the doorstep of the mountains below, and the vista of the valleys below.

Maybe you’re like me 10 years ago - it seems you’ve found yourself on a path to nowhere. Sure, your path may certainly be the tough road of infertility. Or maybe it’s divorce, or living paycheck-to-paycheck. Perhaps it’s the loss of an infant or a parent or a friend. Whatever that hard thing is, our tendency is to want to scream, “This isn’t how it’s supposed to go!” We have expectations of our life’s journey, with the picture perfect marriage, 2 kids, and no hardships. Wouldn’t that path be so much easier?! Hiking a flat, perfect trail to the end of a beautiful vista or mountaintop would be ideal, right? The challenge of thorns, mud, boulders, steep climbs, or even rain is not welcome. We seek the mountaintop but not the journey to get there. I get it. No one has 4 surgeries to try to get pregnant and not get devastated when you’re told by the best experts in their field at age 26 and an empty womb, “We wish there was more we could do. But the best thing you can do for your health is to have a hysterectomy.” That’s not the path I wanted to walk. But the path He has for me is good. It may not always be easy to traverse - heck, it will sometimes feel as if we can’t even crawl - but it is good. Because HE is good.

God’s word says in Proverbs 3:5-6 to “Trust in and rely confidently on the Lord with all your heart and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know and acknowledge and recognize Him, and He will make your paths straight and smooth [removing obstacles that block your way].” (Proverbs 3: 5-6 Amplified Bible)

It’s easy to read this and say that we do trust in the Lord “with all our heart”… but then forget the rest. And the rest of it is essential to the making-of-the-smooth-paths part. Do not rely on your own insight or understanding. I consider myself an expert in all things medical. I am a nurse practitioner, and before that was an RN, an have been in the medical field for almost 20 years. My medical knowledge tells me that fertility is always possible. Technology advances all the time, knowledge in the field grows daily. At some point, I had to let go of the path I had drawn on my own map and follow the one God had forged before the beginning of time. I had to quit relying on my own insight and understanding of the situation. In doing so, I had no choice but to fall into His arms and fully trust His plan. It didn’t make to sense to me then. But God had another plan for our family. He knew that the amazing little boy he had planned for us would not come about through our own making. He knew the absolute joy he would bring to our lives. He knew the thousands who would read our blog as we traversed the trail of adoption, and the handful who would find relationship with Jesus through our journey. He knew the redemption plan he had for Zane’s birth mom through our own faith exposed like live wires in a delicate situation. He knew that through the thorns and steep climbs and the rainy days of infertility and the hard journey of adoption that ultimately He would bring glory to his name. I just had to let go. And looking back, his peace was the trailblazer that, in the end, made the path straight and smooth. Our own feet stumbled along the way, but all along His peace reigned in our hearts.

As you hike this treacherous path today, lean on Him… not your own understanding. It doesn’t make sense to our carnal minds. But as you lean on Him, you will begin to “know and acknowledge and recognize Him.” And his peace will make the paths smooth in your heart. And then one day, you’ll get to that clearing… and it’ll take your breath away as you see His hand of majesty on what He’s created just... for... you, sweet friend.

And just so you know, our “perfect” hike up the mountain ended with walking back down in the dark (one of us without a light source) and giving a piggy back to one very whiny, tired 7 year old.

Tips for the TransRockies Run - Logistics

2018-09-07T08:46:00.003-04:00

A stage race is something that takes a lot of preparation - not just with physical training - but in planning ahead!! During my long week there in the remote Colorado Rockies, I gave a LOT of thought as to what worked and what didn’t work for us, what items I could have left at home and what things I could not have lived without, items I wish I would have brought with us, and certain reservations/amenities worth the extra money. Here is a compilation of those thoughts for those of you considering TRR or for those of you who’ve already made the leap and are now scratching your heads at where to start… beware, it’s a long post!! But I looked for something like this before we left and found nothing.

Reservations / Amenities

Hotel/cabin reservations before the race - you will need to book early, like as soon as you register, if you want something good and in downtown Buena Vista. We stayed at a gorgeous cabin about 6 miles out of town - this doesn’t sound like far away, but there are NO cabs/Ubers/Lyft drivers except 2 in the whole town. The TRR shuttles are wonderful about shuttling you around town but really don’t want to leave the town of Buena Vista. We befriended our shuttle driver, Ray, and he kindly took us to and from our cabin after he found out we were paying the one and only “Uber” driver in town to take us back and forth (we had to eat and had packet pickup in town). But he said the TRR folks really didn’t want him driving all the way out there to us (taking him away from the other runners). Although the cabin was phenomenal (the sky of stars and Milky Way were insane), if you don’t want to worry about getting to and from the pre-race festivities, I’d suggest booking at the Surf Chalet - it’s right at the start line and was unique and beautiful!!!
Hotel reservations after the race - we stayed at the Osprey Hotel and were very happy about it. It was a little more than we usually spend on a hotel but totally worth it after camping out in tents for 5 nights straight, plus it’s right near the finish line which comes in handy when you literally cannot walk another step! HAHA!! It’s also just a very short walk to the village for dinner and the post-race banquet.
Sleeping pad - reserve it early with the TRR crew (done online). These pads were about 1.5-3 inches thick (my first one was 2 inches but had a hole in it and it was promptly replaced on night 4 with a cushy 3 inch one). They are totally worth the fee (we paid $69 for each rental), since we didn’t have to pack them in our suitcases (which would add to the weight, and believe me we needed the extra weight allowance when packing!!).
Massage package at registration - not needed. There is a massage package you can buy on the front end when registering… it is a special type of massage/physical therapy type of bodywork - we initially bought it, but got refunded once we realized it was beyond the regular type of massage offered daily at camp. It’s more expensive, and the massages they offer at camp are TOP NOTCH.
Massages at camp - 100% worth it. For $50, you get 30 minutes of pure bliss. And after roughly 20 miles of running at altitude each day, it was the best part of my day. Make sure you book your desired time slots for each day at packet pickup - don’t wait til the day you want the massage. These book up quickly, and if you change your mind you can always cancel it (you don’t pay for your session until you receive the massage). Be advised - if you’re funny about privacy, you may not want the massage. You’re getting the massage with about 6-10 other people (both men and women), and although they take great care in ensuring you’re not exposed, your massage is done in a tent with other runners. I did not find it was a big deal. :)
Athletic Trainers at camp - the group at the 2018 TRR was Medicine in Motion. I’m telling you, they saved my race. I developed blisters by Stage 2, and each evening before dinner/after showering, I would go see my friends at Medicine in Motion and they’d redress those bad boys and get me ready for the next day. Also they offered some athletic training treatments as well like the TheraGun (a vibrating gun that helps with tight muscles), which I used on my hip flexors a couple times, and KT taping as well. And best of all, their services were FREE! Utilize these guys every day to maximize your race outcome!

Routines that Helped Me

Run all day with your phone in airplane mode to significantly save battery life
Add a brightly colored ribbon to your bag to help identify it. It will have your number on it, but this certainly helps.
Each day after returning from your run, you will pick up your drop bag from the finish line AND your big duffel bag upon arrival at camp. Sometimes the finish line is NOT at the place where you’ll be camping for the night. On those days, I put a change of shoes in my drop bag. Believe me, you’ll want to get those shoes off at the end of the run, haha!
Upon arrival to camp, I had the luxury of a fabulous husband to set up camp so I could go on and get my shower. Even if you don’t have that luxury, it’s important to go ahead and set up camp as soon as you can. You never know when a rain storm will hit in Colorado! And you certainly don’t want to be setting up camp in the rain! You can certainly wait til after your shower is done or even after dinner, but it’s nice to also have everything ready to go in case you want to catch a quick nap. At least set up your emergency blanket on the tent floor and let your sleeping pad inflate :)
Sleep in your running clothes that you’ll run in the next day
Each afternoon or night I found it helpful to pack up & prepare so as to avoid the morning stress the next day (it’s nice to do it while there’s still sunlight obviously). This included the following:
Shower bag (placed just inside my duffel bag to avoid it getting wet from condensation)

running undies for the next day
bra (this was the last thing removed & place into my shower bag at night before going to sleep) :)
clear container/bag for toiletries
shampoo, conditioner, body wash (they have some body wash in the showers but you never know and I like my own moisturizing body wash because CO is so drying to your skin!!!
lotion (travel size)
hair detangler (I love “It’s a 10” and put it in a travel size bottle)
brush (I love the Wet Brush to get through my hair quickly)
razor
toothbrush & toothpaste (best feeling ever is brushing your teeth after a long run, and it’s easier to do it at the provided outdoor sinks rather than with your water bottle up at your tent)
Ziploc bag from tomorrow’s running clothes (to put your dirty clothes in)
Camping Towel & washcloth (I used the Norwex body cloth for my washcloth since it’s microfiber and dried quickly)
Easy slip on shoes (I wore the Croc ballet slippers) - you’ll take these off before entering the shower truck and leave them outside. If you’re germaphobic and want shower shoes, then you can take them but they don’t want you wearing them INTO the truck (i.e. bringing in dirt/grass)
clothes for the next day at camp (I wore the same 2-3 pairs of pants [like Nike joggers or Columbia camping pants and actually wore a different tech long sleeve every night, but this is optional… dress is very casual around camp!)

Running/Hydration Pack (hung from the top of the inside of the tent to avoid it getting wet from condensation)

filled bladder (done the night before, laid on the tent floor since the weight was too heavy to hang from the carabiner)
filled soft flask (optional; I used this for Gu Roctane powder for fuel in addition to my Gu gels/chews, but once I ran out of the powder every day on my run, I’d use it as back-up water. It’s easier to fill a soft flask at aid stations than a bladder!!)
nutrition (I used Gu gels, Gu Chews, & Honey Stinger chews to equal out to about 200 calories per hour)
sunglasses
Chapstick
Squirrel’s Nut Butter (I LOVE their smaller travel size stick for throwing into my pack, and use it as needed during the run - lifesaver!!!)
ear buds (optional; the sound of nature and getting to know your running friends is paramount at this race, but I used my ear buds once when I hit the wall and needed some motivation)
baby wipes (optional; there are no porta potties on the course!)
Required gear (gloves - I put in a cheap pair that would pack light; hat - I packed my favorite Oiselle beanie because it is so lightweight and warm; emergency blanket; rain jacket/wind breaker - my husband and friends packed very lightweight windbreakers which made their packs super light. I packed a light rain jacket, which my husband made fun of because of the bulk it added to my pack as well as some weight… however, when an unexpected very cold rain storm came and lasted for about 3 hours, no one made fun of me then - ha!!! I was the only warm one!! If you can find a waterproof windbreaker that is super lightweight, I’d recommend that).

Duffel Bag

Basically your dirty clothes (in ziploc bags), the rest of the week’s clothes (running and for camp), sleeping clothes, sleeping bag & pad, shoes, camping stuff, and shower bag all have to fit in there. Don’t worry, it’ll fit! It’s like a fun game of Tetris, haha! By night 3, you’ll have it down pat! Just pack as much as you can the night before so you can concentrate on breakfast and getting ready the next day!

Packing Tips

The list TRR gives the runners ahead of time is a perfect starting point. I will add a few more to the list I found helpful and also list a few things you may or may not want to consider…

Must Haves

CAMPING STUFF:

Extra emergency blanket - lay this under your pad to minimize cold/wet pad and sleeping bags
Clothespins - your clothes will be wet as will your towel and washcloth, and it helps to pack away DRY dirty clothes instead of wet ones :)
Carabiners or S-biners - we used these to hang up our packs inside the tent to keep them dry
Microfiber camping towel - we used _____
Microfiber washcloth - we used Norwex body cloths
Headlamp 1 per person
Water bottle - you’ll need to stay hydrated even after running to avoid altitude sickness
Battery pack - this was essential for us. Not once did we have to visit the charging station in Chillville which was super nice. We charged our phones, watches, ear buds, etc and never had to worry about the battery pack going dead. We like this one:
Camp pillow
Sleeping bag - if you’re going with your significant other, and your budget allows, get the sleeping bags that can attach to each other to allow for snuggling (which also helps maintain warmth!) :)
Camping blanket - this may seem optional, however, we NEVER got cold sleeping with this blanket in our sleeping bag:
Drawstring bag to carry your jacket, money, water bottle, etc around camp (you could use the same bag as what would be your drop bag in the mornings, but I liked to have my drop bag already packed and ready before heading out to dinner
Drop bag for each morning - I usually went to the start line with my puffy coat and a pair of cheap sweatpants on, which I shed right before start and shoved them into my drop bag and turned that in maybe 10-15 min before the gun went off; I also usually had a change of shoes (either the Crocs as mentioned above, or the Altra Tokalas), my water bottle (in case we had to ride the shuttle back to camp), and possibly money if you’re at Stage 4 when you end at Mango’s (you’ll want to try their avocado bowl or fish tacos and the margaritas!), hand warmers perhaps.
Ear plugs - I actually did not use these but most people did… there was a concert nearby on night 5 leading into Stage 6 that was really loud and went late into the night.

SHOWER STUFF:

Small to medium sized thin/collapsable bag to put your shower items in to take with you to the shower truck
Clear toiletry bag to see all your toiletries easily
Easy slip on shoes (I don’t recommend flip flops because I get blisters between my toes sometimes, and did this week, and flip flops would have made me cry)
Travel size toiletries
Razor for the ladies
Q-tips (travel box)
Toothbrush & toothpaste

CLOTHES:

Puffy coat - we are huge fans of the Arcteryx brand
Sweat pants for the start - not everyone had these and I feel like I always started warm and not cold like many others
1 pair of nice warm socks for sleeping in (you can wear the same ones each night!)
1 pair of long johns/fleece leggings for sleeping (wore the same one each night)
1 long sleeve soft t-shirt or thin fleece shirt for sleeping (wore the same one each night)
Running clothes for each day - there were some who said they were only packing 3 outfits and rotating them… please don’t do that! HAHA!! We are all so dirty and smelly and there ain’t no Ajax out there, baby!
Clothes for camp: I took 1 pair of camping pants, 1 nice pair of warm joggers, and 1 pair of jeans… never wore the jeans until the banquet night, and at that point you will have your regular suitcase back, so you’d be fine with 2-3 comfy pairs of pants to rotate through - you only wear them a few hours each night before crashing! Shirts - I brought 2 short sleeve tees, but could have gotten away with just one (they give you one at packet pickup anyway!); I brought 3-4 long sleeve t-shirts/tech shirts and rotated between them.
Clothes for the banquet - remember, you’ll have your suitcase by this time… so you won’t have to pack this stuff into your duffel bag! I made that mistake and it took up way too much room. Most people wear jeans and a nice top, but some ladies wore comfy dresses. I wore a nicer pair of jeans and a wrap top with my Croc ballet slippers :)

ACCESSORIES

Shoes - 2 pair for running (1 will definitely get wet on Day 4 when you run in a creek for about 1/2 mile); 1 pair of comfy slip on shoes (I brought 2, the Crocs ballet slippers and the Altra Tokalas)
Socks - For Stage 1, I highly recommend the STEPHANIE sock by DryMax… it’s thin and allows your feet to stay cool due to the drying technology, which is nice since Stage 1 is notoriously very hot!! For the rest of the stages, I loved the Swiftwick Flite XT Five or the Pursuit Four.
Rain jacket or windbreaker
Toboggan for sleeping in - I decided to take 2, one to sleep in that was thicker and warmer, and one to keep in my pack
Beanie for pack
Gloves - I brought 2 pair, one thin/cheap pair for the pack, and another pair of waterproof/warmer gloves. I am SO GLAD I brought the waterproof pair, since Day 5 was super cold and super rainy and I was the only one with dry warm hands.
Buff - you will need this on Day 6 in Vail because the winds on those mountains are cold! Many people packed their packs with a buff every day.
Gaiters - you will need these for sure on Stage 1 because it’s super sandy like the beach! Many runners ran with them every day, and I could see how they would definitely help!
Running hats/head wraps/ponytail holders (bring extra!)
Sunscreen
Watch and charger
Phone charger
Money clip/small wallet
Squirrels’ Nut Butter or some sort of anti-chafe (I also like Trail Toes specifically for my feet)
Nutrition for the race - Gu was a sponsor this year, so we got access to a lot of gels but I wouldn’t rely solely on that… I’d bring my own just in case!

Optional Items that I Found (our would have found!) Helpful

Clothes Line - we did not use one, but brought it just in case. Most people did not use one, but a few did and I could see how it could help.
Tent lantern - you hang it in the top of tent, nice if you’re having to pack at night or get ready in your tent in the mornings. Just don’t forget to get it out at the end of each morning before leaving your tent!!!
Mini camp chairs - we didn’t use these, but saw others had them and thought, “that would be nice!”
Air/fabric freshener for the tent and your pack
Playing cards - this was so much fun once you’re not completely exhausted (for us that was around night 2 of running) - we taught our friends how to play Rummy and had a lot of laughs
Hand warmers - I brought these, and they would have been helpful if I ever remembered that I had them… ha!!
Extra pair of warm socks (I brought 4 pair and that was way too many!! I wore the same pair every night to sleep and another pair with my Altra Tokalas around camp each night)
Makeup - give me a break, haha! I’m being serious! Y’all know I don’t go anywhere without my makeup, but it was super light every night (no eyeliner, etc)… however many went fresh faced too :) It just felt feminine to put on a little makeup after looking haggard on the trails all day!
Face cleanser and face lotion - it’s like a spa after a long day on the trails
A journal and a pen - at the end of every day, I was completely exhausted so my writing wasn’t inspirational but just recording all the happenings of the day will be helpful to look back on and recall small details
Your own food - I’m not sure how the future TRR food will be, but sometimes the breakfasts left a little to be desired and I suffered on the trails by not eating enough breakfast (one can only eat so much oatmeal and breakfast potatoes, amiright???)
Nail clippers
Gum or Listerine breath strips (I found the latter really helpful on the trails; you do a lot of mouth breathing out there due to the altitude, and the breath strips were a quick and easy way to cool off the mouth mucosa on the trails)

Organizing

The duffel bag they give you is generously sized at 90 liters but you’ll be surprised at how quickly this thing fills up!!!! Be smart about your packing to maximize space, because you’ll need to fit your sleeping pad and sleeping bag in there as well!
I organized my packing into gallon sized ziploc bags by their “functions” first, as follows:
Camping Stuff (see below for full list, but this includes clothespins, carabiners, etc)
Back-Up Running Stuff
Daily Running Stuff (I.e., gels, Roctane powder, SNB, etc) - this is where I put my running undies in as well. You’ll see why later.
All other clothes (I placed these in a jumbo size Ziploc bag)
I then made a gallon sized ziploc bag for each running day (labeled with “Day 1,” “Day 2,” etc.), that I put my socks, sports bra, top, & bottoms in. Note that I did NOT put my running underwear in this bag, as I simply put on tomorrow’s undies after my daily shower (which was obviously done after each day’s run).

Transrockies Run - Race Recap - Stage 5 (THE RAIN) & Stage 6 (The Quitting Legs)

2018-08-25T22:24:00.001-04:00

"You don't need a 'WHY'.
The day you were born answered that.
You are ALIVE.
There is only one of you.
And you get ONE life to do all that is in your heart.
You don't always need an explanation.
You don't need people to understand.
What you need is 'TO KNOW'.
KNOW who you are.
KNOW your life is valuable because you simply exist.
KNOW that nothing is impossible."
- Sally McRae

Here we are at the last 2 stages of the 6 day Transrockies Run (TRR6). If you've read all my posts about the race up to this point, you da real MVP. Haha! Stage 5 and 6 were probably the most challenging for me! By the time we toed the line at Stage 5, we'd run 74 miles in 4 days straight, and had already climbed 11,491 feet, which is a lot -- however, we had 8,509 feet of climbing to go in only 2 more days! So our hardest days were ahead of us for sure!

As you can see, I'm not feeling Stage 5... bahaha!!

The pre-race briefers the night before stated that the chance of rain for Stage 5 was 30%. HAHA. When we showed up at Mango's to wait for the start that morning, it was drizzling. We all put our rain jackets on and just hoped that it would stop soon. It was chilly to start, but the rain wasn't pouring, so we took off at the start just knowing we'd be taking these jackets off within a mile... Unfortunately, the rain didn't let up. And the wind kicked up. And it got cold. We were moving as quickly as we could but climbing requires us to slow down. I was the only one of the 4 who had a real water resistant jacket, so the other 3 got really cold really quickly. And the rain kept coming... pouring at this point. All the other runners began to get cold too, and it started to get scary cold. I began to verbally check on my husband and friends frequently, who admitted they were freezing. There was the real threat of hypothermia at this point. Andres began running up and down the hills to try and warm up and even that was not working. We were required to carry 1 emergency blanket (like a Mylar blanket) per team, so we had 2 emergency blankets for the 4 of us... not enough. Mariana was the coldest, so she got one. We saved the other for any worsening conditions. Mariana looked at me and said, "At the aid station, I want to drop out." I immediately responded, "Me too." I was serious, and I knew she was too. It was a very low point, and quitting sounded so much better than continuing on in this freezing cold rain risking hypothermia! About maybe a mile from the aid station, I turned to Mariana and said, "We can't drop out. There will be many who drop out today. Let's be 2 of the badass women that don't!!" Although she didn't say anything back, I knew she agreed. I know her fighting spirit and her determination. She'd worked too hard to get here, overcoming a chronic stress fracture and working beyond the effects of a beta blocker (a medication used to treat long QT syndrome - Mariana has a defibrillator, but you'd NEVER know it!!). We began singing our theme song for the week, "Three Little Birds" by Bob Marley - it was a song we heard on the beach together the week before we left for CO, and said then that we would need that mantra over and over at TRR. Mariana and I also played our game, "Would you rather..." which basically consisted of "Would you rather run in this crap or in our usual long run weather of 80 degrees and 99% humidity?" That was a hard one to answer. LOL!!! We finally hit the first aid station, and all the runners were chilled to the bone. There were aid station volunteers running around like crazy, giving each and every runner an extra emergency blanket and working to make sure we all got warm and were safe before leaving the checkpoint. Once we all felt safe enough to move on, we kept moving due to the continued rain and cold.

Stage 5's comic relief was in the form of "Santa"

We began to climb and had it not been raining and miserable, it would have probably been one of the most beautiful parts of trail we ran all week. It was so pretty! The rain began to stop, but it was still chilly. We continued to wear our jackets/emergency blankets long after the rain stopped - that's how cold it was!

Our singletrack opened up into a beautiful meadow at the Vail Ski Resort. The breezes were still cold and we were still wet but the sun was out and it was beautiful... we put on arm sleeves, buffs, and changed out our wet hats for warm toboggans. As we ran the switchbacks into Vail, our spirits lifted and we were able to find our dry ultrarunning humor again. We ran up some gorgeous switchbacks to the ridge above Vail and the cold breezes plus the warm sun were a metaphor for our runs that week - uncomfortable but beautiful at the same time. When we got to Checkpoint/AS 2, which was actually at the ski lift at Vail, we felt good and ran down into the valley and town of Vail itself. So so pretty. As we ran down the sidewalk and saw the finish line, we hopped on our hubbys' backs and rode it in piggyback - haha!! Also a metaphor, we relied and leaned on each other for this entire run!! When we got to the finish, and Mariana and I laid down in the lush green grass there, we had a good cry - this run was so hard and so awesome and so overwhelming in many ways. I am not a finish line cryer, but this one did it for me!

We went into Vail Village and got some amazing dinner at a German restaurant - we all got gnocci - it was so good to feel like a real human again! We went back to camp & I got another massage that night to work out some kinks. I slept well that night for sure!!

___________________________

Stage 6 - our last day. Our last stage. My legs were very tired. We had around 23 miles ahead of us and around 5200 feet of elevation on this one... last... day. Even though my legs were feeling the fact that I had run around 100 miles, there were no real concerns of injury or pain. I can do this, I kept telling myself. We began this run like we'd done the last 5 days - with "Highway to Hell" playing. I swear, I never wanna hear that song again!! haha!!

There's not a whole lot to report on this stage, except for the fact that we did about a million switchbacks as we climbed and climbed and climbed. We saw some beautiful scenery and the aspen forests were so captivating and breathtaking. It was just hard!

After getting to the top, the trail went into a good steep downhill that was pretty technical and rocky. It took a toll on my right calf, and halfway down my calf felt like it was separating from the bone. It was so so painful that I was resorted to a bad limp all the way down. The 3 amigos had beaten me down to the bottom, not knowing how bad of shape I was in. By the time I met them, I was in tears from the pain. Mariana and Andres went on, thinking I may be out of the run altogether. I stopped many times over the next few miles trying to work out the knife in my calf. This pain altered my gait and soon my right hip (that one) was starting to ache. I was slowly falling apart.

Before the downhill section that almost broke me. haha

I knew the longer I was out there, the longer I'd be in pain, so I tried to run some here and there. We somehow ended up on a single-track that seemed truly endless. I'm sure it was pretty. But I was just so over it by now and ready for it to be over. Someone put me out of my misery, I thought. I didn't just think... I whined out loud... a lot. Bless my poor husband!! Bahaha!!

I distinctly remember saying, "If we don't get off this trail soon, I will go absolutely insane!" The single-track was so tight you had to run with one foot in front of the other and the grass so thick and tall there were times you couldn't even see your feet!

We finally came into Checkpoint 2, and the volunteers had all apparently heard of my struggles on the trail and also told me that Andres had sent Mariana on up the trail but had waited for us about 20 minutes. We'd missed him by about 5 minutes. He said later he wasn't sure if I was out or not. Thankfully I wasn't! The more I moved, the less pain I felt. We left Aid Station 2 and ran down into the town of Avon, this time on pavement and sidewalks. This lasted for a couple miles, and I was able to actually run at really good paces - it felt good to run all out!

We hit up our last trailhead for our final climb, once again it was hot and dusty and I was so over it. I pulled out the trekking poles one last time and put one foot in front of the other and did the darn thing. It was so hard. By the time we got to the top, we found our friend Steve, aka "Thor", for one last laugh.

As we started down the long last downhill approaching the finish (about 3 miles or so), we saw a fox but also my legs began to give up completely. I don't know if it's because my brain knew we were almost done or what, but the pain was so unbearable in my legs. It wasn't an injury-type pain, but more of a "we're done, why are you still moving us??" kind of pain. My hips/pelvis felt like jello as did my quads. My legs were essentially screaming. I was trying to run downhill and was shuffling instead of running. Al...most...there... Relentless forward motion...

We turned a corner, and there was a bridge, and beyond that the finish line. We crossed the bridge and I made an ugly cry face and I could feel the hot bubbly emotion coming from my chest and out of my eyes. I really didn't want to make an ugly cry face for the pictures, haha! I tried to pull it together, and we stopped running and simply walked in, hand in hand, into that finish line. Justin stopped and pulled me to him, kissed me so sweetly, and then swept me off my feet into a dip. It was picture worthy ;)

We crossed over and received our buckles and Mariana met me there, where the tears found themselves once again falling and my chest heaving with emotion. "That was so hard..." I found myself saying... "Yes it was...," she answered.

Yes. It was.

All that work, joy, triumph, heartache, frustration, physical therapy, massage, stretching, foam rolling, Aleve, steroid shots, tears, laughter, heat and humidity training, and so much more were done. I said I would never run again... but here I am, can't wait until I can run again! I miss the beauty of Colorado, but moreso the beauty of the trails. I miss the camaraderie of friends, new and old, pushing me and sharing in the beauty and pain. I miss card games. Transrockies tested me more than any other thing I've done, both physically and mentally. I still can't believe my body allowed me to climb mountains at altitudes of 12,600 feet or run 120 miles in 6 days. Our bodies can do so much more than what our minds tell us. We just have to get out there and show up... every day... and somehow, it just happens.

Transrockies Run - Race Recap - PART FOUR (Stages 3 & 4)

2018-08-24T22:44:00.004-04:00

"And then the sun rises.

Again.

Faithfully.

A NEW day is YOURS.

Yesterday remains to never change.

Tomorrow is not yours to touch.

Only TODAY.

Live all your days.

The hard, the joyful, the frustrating, the rewarding, the scary, the crazy.

Treat them as gifts.

Precious & unique.

Live all your days...

Gratefully."

- Sally McRae

Stage 3 started us off in the town of Leadville... an old mining town that is a pretty sleepy little town that sits at 10,152' above sea level. That's where we slept the night before, on a high school baseball field... so we started out day 3 already slightly hypoxic. We had 23.8 miles (give or take, depending on your GPS) and about 2500' of climbing ahead of us. I was nervous that AM - how would my hip hold up?? I had never ran (or even walked!) that many miles in a week at that point, much less for 3+ days in a row! I was a little sore but overall the legs felt refreshed at the start. As we walked to the start chute, we saw Rob Krar hanging out at the start (he was going to fire the gun that morning) - he waved us down to come get a quick pic with him which was such an honor, since he's such a legend in the ultrarunning world. It's hard to remember he's just a cool guy like Justin, and that he considers Justin & Andres friends :)

Once again, "Highway to Hell" came across the sound waves, and the butterflies stirred up again in my tummy! We made our way through the town of Leadville on actual road (a rarity at TRR) before hitting up the trailhead around mile 2.5 or so. From there, it was straight up a little mountain, and the boys took the opportunity to show off and run up the whole freakin' thing... leaving me and Mariana in the dust! Hahaha!! At the top of the hill, we saw Rob again (he had driven up there, saving his legs for the Leadville 100 miler coming up in the weekend ahead - which he WON), and he got a pic of us and later I found out he posted it on his Facebook. We felt like rockstars!! Bahaha!! Thanks Rob for making us feel like a part of the ultrarunning community, even if we literally walked up that entire mountain. ;)

Rob with Andres & Justin

Thanks Rob for texting me the pic! We look miserable!! Bahaha!!

The downhill once again was difficult for me, and Andres & Mariana flew on down the trail. However, it didn't seem half as hard as it did the day before and I was encouraged at how well I felt! Hooray! That fabulous feeling didn't last long though... about 0.5 miles out of the 1st aid station (mile 4??), I suddenly felt very short of breath. This was a different shortness of breath than I'd felt all week. Something felt very wrong. I could not get my lungs to expand at all. The only way to get some sort of air in was to put my hands on my knees and do pursed-lip breathing, a technique I've used to help many COPD patients as a nurse and NP. My fingernails were turning blue. What seemed like it lasted an hour probably only lasted 5 minutes before the air finally came back to my lungs, but I was short of breath for the next hour or so. When talking this over with my friends later, I'm sure I had become acutely hypoxic... we'd slept at a higher elevation than ever at 10,000+ ft, and I started out the first half a little dehydrated (I didn't drink enough water before or during the first few miles), and it was a perfect storm for altitude sickness. Thank goodness it did not last all day, as it could have done.

Our entertainment for the day - Wonder Woman! Hahaha!!!!

Another climb came around mile 5.5, and at that point it began to drizzle off and on. It wasn't a downpour except for about 20-30 minutes, but enough that we ended up having to wear our rain jackets coming into Checkpoint 2 around mile 10. Justin said, "Tara, I'm not walking in this rain... we're going to have to run some." Basically, he laid down the law, and I said yes sir... bahaha!! As we crossed the highway out of Checkpoint 2 and hit the Continental Divide trail, Justin began making me do run/walk intervals to motivate me to run. At first, I resented him for that but after a few intervals, I fell into a groove and the running came easier and easier.

The rain stopped, and we hit up some of the most gorgeous single track trail we saw throughout our time in Colorado! It was so pretty in fact, and my legs felt so good, that I basically ran long stretches from mile 15 to the finish. The last few miles of trail before coming into Camp Hale were my favorite kind of trail - they reminded of the trails at Cliffs of the Neuse and suddenly I found my groove! Justin said, "Where's this girl been the whole time??" I was flying around the trails and having such a blast! By mile 20, we came into Camp Hale (read about that cool little place here), and Justin said, "T, I think we can break 7 hours at this pace... it'll be tough, but let's try." That's all I needed to hear, and we basically sprinted it in the last mile (I was running a 9:30 pace at one point, and after 74 miles in 3 days, that's a sprint!!). Finish time: 6:57. Boom. I was so happy and tired.

Camp Hale

The long road of intervals into the finish

We found Andres and Mariana who finished about 15 minutes ahead of us. After showers and dinner, we broke out the cards and taught them and Mimi how to play rummy. That began our love affair with rummy that week, and we played every chance we could get after that :)

We fell asleep that night in my favorite area of the week, Nova Guides. The views were gorgeous. It was super chilly at night though, so sleeping included going to bed with running clothes on, then fleece leggings, wool socks, long-sleeve t-shirt, and a thick toboggan. It sounds way worse than it was. It was kind of fun actually. The hardest part was not having cell service that night, nor the next night, so we couldn't talk to our little man!

__________________

Day 4 brought Stage 4, which was running from Nova Guides to Red Cliff for 14.5 miles with 3200 feet of gain, reaching an altitude of 11,670 feet. No big deal... we'd run 74 miles so far without major hiccups (except for my hypoxia episode on Day 3), so the nerves were much less starting out on day 4. I knew the initial climb would be tough, but I was looking forward to getting my feet wet - literally! We would have a stream crossing later on in the run and it is notorious for its refreshment to hot piggies! Plus our friend Mimi, who came to volunteer with tent setup, was going to get to run this one, along with all the other volunteers, so I was stoked for her!

Start of Stage 4

The climb would prove to be the most memorable and difficult of the week! It was pretty much straight... up... a... mountain. No switchbacks to help ease the pain of climbing. Nope. Suck it up, buttercup. It took us almost 2 hours just to complete miles 3 through 6. I'm not even kidding. My trekking poles were my best friends that day.

Best viewpoint I could find of our climb that day - pictures don't even do it justice.

Steve's comic relief get-up on Stage 4! What a great motivator he was, and a welcome source for a good laugh!

The top of McAllister Gulch - worth the climb!

Reaching the top felt almost euphoric, and the views atop McAllister Gulch were just jaw dropping. After lots of pics, and a phone call to my mom at work (the only time we had service in the 48 hours before/after that point), we headed into the wide open trails where we saw the infamous Mount of the Holy Cross (which was hard to see without snow on it to highlight the cross), and I was feeling pretty good. My hip was a little achy, and some of the downhills were tricky with the loose rocks underfoot so we took our time initially. After a couple miles, the loose footing improved and my hip worked itself out, and I let myself enjoy the fun ride of the downhills without completely trashing my quads. It was so much fun, hopping from side to side! We found our way to Wearyman Creek, which is a creek that also runs the length of the trail for about a half mile. The depth ranges from inches (during dry seasons) to knee deep (in rainier years) and is really really cold. This year, it was basically about a foot deep, sometimes a little deeper. There's no way to avoid getting your feet wet, although I saw some people trying! Not for me - it was so fun splashing my way through it!

When we came out of the creek, we hit up the aid station with handfuls of Skittles and chips (my go-to the whole week), and took off down the gravel road towards Red Cliff. I was feeling good, and ready to knock Stage 4 out of the park. Suddenly, my right foot/toe caught a large embedded rock, and it severely jarred my right hip. I felt a searing stabbing pain in my hip flexor and thought I might be sick for a second there. I stretched it and coddled it, but it basically reduced me to a limp and I could only jog for small stretches before resorting to a walk again. It finally let up the last half mile or so for me to jog it in to the finish at Red Cliff and I was very bummed since I had felt so wonderful all day.

Margaritas and the yummy avocado bowl at Mango's (a little restaurant in the town, right at the finish line) helped to cheer me up before heading back on the shuttle to Nova Guides.

After another wonderful shower, dinner, a massage for me (one of the best ever!! OMG!!) and the Stage 5 briefing, we all went to Chillville and played cards until we had to turn on our headlamps to see. What great memories!

We bundled up in our sleeping bags and felt ready for Stage 5 the next day. Little did I know that Stages 5 & 6 would be the most difficult runs of my life...

Transrockies Run - Race Recap - PART THREE (Stage 2//Hope Pass)

2018-08-23T19:46:00.001-04:00

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do, than by the ones you did do." - Mark Twain

We woke up after my first night in a tent and I thought, that wasn't so bad! I slept well (probably from exhaustion), and the temps had been unseasonably warm that first night... I clearly took that for granted, haha!! We loaded our duffels onto a pickup truck and watched them leave down that loooong hill to the bigger trucks where they were promptly loaded. Good, I thought, that's one less thing to worry about. Now that I had one stage down, I should have felt a little more confident. However, I knew one of the hardest days was ahead of me in Stage 2 - it was Hope Pass, where we'd climb to our highest elevation of 12,600 feet. This was my nightmare... you remember the one about me not being able to breathe and turning blue and slowly dying from pulmonary edema?! Yep I was being dramatic, looking back, but I had NO idea what to expect and just knew it was going to be hard. However, my mantra for that day (and the rest of that week) was "relentless forward motion" and I was determined to finish this stage upright.

We ate our breakfast, which at the time was delicious with crispy and slightly peppery breakfast potatoes, oatmeal, fruit, and coffee (there were non-vegan items too, such as pancakes, eggs, & sausage). That meal would get really old really fast that week. Haha!! We then loaded onto buses and were transported up to the starting line, which basically took us down a winding dirt road that was all uphill. My ears were popping from the elevation change, and we would start at an altitude higher than I'd ever been in my life, much less that I'd ever attempted to run at. I. Was. Terrified.

We attempted to remain calm with goofy antics and even some yoga poses by my yogi friend Andres :)

When "Highway to Hell" began playing, I was all but hyperventilating from altitude and from nervousness. Some deep breathing exercises with my eyes closed help to settle my nerves and my heart rate and breathing. Soon the countdown reached "ONE" and once again we were off on another adventure for the day. This day would be 14.5 miles with an approximate gain of 3185 ft according to my Strava. We started out on the trail, and running did not seem as much of an effort as I thought it would be - we were on a flat section of runnable trail. At mile 2, we hit the aid station and everyone began pulling out their trekking poles... oh crap, here we go. We immediately began a very steep climb, steep even for switchbacks, on a single track trail. We all chatted to try and avoid the obvious strain this insane climb was already taking on our respiratory rates and heart rates. Mixed in with runners of all walks of life and even other countries, we talked about everyone's line of work which ranged from banking (obviously) to podiatry to surgery and all in between. This was one of the hardest climbs of the week not including Stage 4!

Halfway up this part of the climb, someone said, "Everyone turn around & look!" This was our view from behind!

To give you an idea, it took me 49 minutes to do mile 3 and 44 minutes to complete mile 4. Like WHOAH. Finally the single track opened up a little to a little bit wider switchbacks, and we knew we were almost to the top... you see all the "runners" like ants above us on the switchbacks headed up to Hope Pass.

You can tell by our faces that the switchbacks up to Hope Pass were getting higher and therefore more difficult!

The groups of runners began to thin out a little and it really just became the 4 of us for most of the last mile of climbing up to Hope Pass. We joked a lot, laughed a lot, which really helped to make this arduous climb a little easier. At 12,000 feet, Justin announced we had hit that mark and I stopped for a few seconds to recognize the moment with gratitude. So far, the climb had been so much easier than I ever imagined!! No it was not easy, but I wasn't blue and dying!

Almost to the top! Just after reaching 12,000 feet.

Suddenly, we hear cheering and we know we're almost there. I can see Steve, the guy who is there for comic relief for the runners, and he's at the top of the pass dressed like Gandolf from Lord of the Rings. It was hilarious. And as we summited the top of the pass, we all stood there and hugged and grinned and laughed. Twelve thousand six hundred feet later, we had made it! Breathless, we took a million pics and then soaked in the 360 views of pure amazing creation before heading down the single track switchbacks on the other side of the pass.

The downhill initially was a relief - I could breathe again, and it felt great to be running and not slogging up a mountain. I soon realized, however, that this very rocky singletrack headed downhill would also mean torture for my toes and toenails! We hit a more wooded section of trail that opened up and allowed us to run maybe 2-3 people wide, but I couldn't keep up with my gazelle-of-a-friend Mariana. Downhills are her jam! I knew about 3-4 miles in of continuous downhill running that my quads were turning to straight jelly & I would not be able to sustain any sort of running after the downhills were over. I slowed down (Justin did too, since we had to stay together as a team). Suddenly, I was super frustrated and my legs were killing me and I was sure I'd already lost a couple toenails. Hot tears came, and then I was mad at myself for already crying on day 2. That anger brought more tears. Haha. Miles 7-10 were tortuous, because they should have been easy running but turned into 20-30 minute miles.

View from the top of Hope Pass down into the valley we would run into.

A small example of our downhill adventures after Hope Pass

After mile 10, we were nearing the infamous Interlaken Hotel. I was feeling better because I had finally figured out I was cranky & needed a Snickers, um I mean gel. With renewed energy, I told myself I didn't want to be out there all day. So I started running a tenth of a mile, walking a tenth of a mile, until I was able to run longer.

I remember this section so clearly - it was where I made myself run despite my pity party!

The Interlaken Hotel - the history is so interesting about this - read the link on it above.

Dexter's Cabin - a beautifully restored home open to the public but in the middle of nowhere on this trail, just like the Interlaken!

We finally finished. And although I wasn't particularly proud of my effort, I was so happy to be done.

It was a long, hard fought day, and when we arrived at our camp I was so eager to just get a shower and relax. We walked over to the tarp to pick up our huge duffel bags... and they were nowhere to be found. Nowhere. We had the volunteers and staff helping us look for them, but we ended up having to go tent to tent and look in each one (well over 100!!) to see if someone had mistakenly picked up our bags. No luck. The race director, Houda, got involved, trying to help us locate our missing bags. I was so exhausted and frustrated, here came another stream of tears! One of the volunteers was so kind, and offered me her clean clothes and towel to go get a shower and relax until they were found. As she was pulling out her clothes from her bag, Justin came running up and said that our bags had been located... at a nearby hotel! Apparently our bags got mixed in with a load going to a hotel where some runners had gotten reservations. Thank GOD they found those, because we had nothing otherwise!!

That night we had more energy than the previous night so after Mariana and I got massages we hung out in Chillville, ate lots of potato chips (that would become our nightly snack), and enjoyed each others' company before retiring to our tents. We did it. We summited Hope Pass and lived to tell about it. We didn't have anything to be nervous about the rest of the week, right?? That confidence was short lived, as we received our race briefing for the Stage 3 that night... "This will be your longest run of the week," the course director told us, "and the most elevation gain you will have had up to this point." Great... now I was nervous again! Little did I know the scariest part of my week was in store for me the next day...

TransRockies Run - Race Recap - Part TWO (Pre-race & Stage 1)

2018-08-22T20:31:00.001-04:00

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller

When we arrived in Denver on Sunday afternoon, we were picked up by the TransRockies shuttle and rode about 2-3 hours to Buena Vista with other runners. The ride was long, I had to pee, and it was either -40 degrees or 140 degrees on that bus!! I was so happy to arrive in BV. However, it was dark by the time we got there thanks to a traffic jam on the interstate headed out of Denver. The shuttle wouldn't take us all the way to our cabin because apparently 6 miles is "way out of the way" - my smart hubby had already arranged for an Uber driver (the only one in BV!!) to pick us up after we caught dinner in town and take us up the mountain to our cabin. We would later befriend a different TRR shuttle driver who would make sure we got to and from town without having to arrange for an Uber - so thankful for our friend Ray!!

shuttle ride to BV

Dinner was at Eddyline, and we were starving. They didn't have a lot to offer our entire table of vegan diners, but they tried to accommodate us none-the-less. I skipped on the usual celebratory glass of wine due to the altitude, which can make dehydration worse (and dehydration leads to altitude sickness).

We arrived at our cabin in the dark, so we couldn't really tell too much about it. We all found our rooms and decided to step out onto the back deck to check out the views before heading to bed for the night. What an amazing sight to behold. There were no lights out our way, so all we could see were the trillions of stars and even the incredible Milky Way. I wish I had my nice camera with me and I would have gotten a million pictures. On top of that, the Perseid meteor shower was at peak, so we all simply took a seat and watched the show, in awe of the nighttime sky dance above us. God's creation literally takes my breath away. It will always be one of my favorite memories.

The next morning, my eyes opened to catch a glimpse of pink coming over the Rocky mountains in the distance outside our huge window in our loft bedroom. Justin was awake too, and he was thinking the same thing I was - we made a huge pot of coffee, layered up, and caught a gorgeous sunrise together with the hummingbirds fluttering around our heads. What a fabulous way to celebrate our 13th wedding anniversary!!

Soon, our friends were up enjoying the views with us and shortly we all headed into town to grab lunch and go to registration/packet pickup. Lunch was at Simply Eatery & was delish!! We then walked down to packet pick-up, where we would hang out for a few hours before the required meeting at 5:30 pm. I lingered at the entrance as my friends waltzed right in without a second thought... for me, walking into the fenced in "Chillville" full of vendors, athletes toting huge black duffel bags, and adirondack chairs waiting for visitors simply meant a point-of-no-return... commitment to this thing. I took a deep breath, and walked in. Here we go, I thought.

We got our bibs - Team Flatlanders, aptly named and chosen by my oh-so-hilarious husband - numbers 21-1 & 21-2. We got a t-shirt. We got our humongous duffel bags that we would pack our lives into every day and lug all around before and after our runs. We bought hats at the little store, more stuff at the vendor booths, and took pre-race photos of us goofing off. There was a DJ playing great music, and the atmosphere was fun and relaxed. My nerves started to settle down. We were happy to see our friend, Rob Krar, there hanging out with everyone after he had just completed a 100 mile bike race in nearby Leadville. The guys attended his running camp a couple years ago (best Christmas gift ever... gives self a pat on the back...), and he's been super supportive of their running endeavors ever since.

The meeting commenced with the usual... who's from what countries, who's running their first trail race ever (brave souls!), etc. Then sh** got real when the medical guy gets up and proceeds to tell us that Colorado is like #1 in lightning strikes in the USA and "here's how to know if a lightening strike is imminent... the person in front of you's hair will stand on end..." - how reassuring!!! Bahaha!! Anywho, after the meeting, we grabbed dinner (I don't remember the name of the restaurant, how sad) before heading back up to the cabin to pack our massive duffel bags for the race of our lives.

_____________

I hopped out of bed pretty well in order to make sure I was ready. Boy my tummy was ready, haha! Our shuttle picked us up at 6:05 am, and we proceeded into Buena Vista to the start line where we were so early that not all the tents were done being set up. We dropped our duffel bags at their appropriate spot, and waited inside the lobby of the Surf Chalet, a trendy hotel literally 100 feet from the start line.

Nerves were high for a few of us, and I still wasn't sure I could do this. Selfies were taken, drop bags dropped off, and we danced around to the DJ's music until AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" began playing. From reading up on our adventure, and from talking with Andres & Mariana (who ran it in 2013), I knew this was basically the ringing of the bells to signal the start of the race.

The gun went off, and off we went trying to keep a slow steady jogging pace. Every runner around us were already panting thanks to the altitude, and I realized I was also one of them. We ran and we walked. Stage 1 had begun. We had 20.5 miles ahead of us for the day, with 6 days of running and about 20,000 feet of elevation gain to be found over those 6 days. So we drank lots and lots of water and paced ourselves nicely. I filled my bladder up twice during Stage 1's run. By mile 14 or so, it had gotten very hot. We came up on a blind runner being guided by 2 sight guides, and quickly fell into pace with them. We got to know Kyle very quickly and learned so much about his visual impairment and how he really did not let that hold him back from pursuing his ultra-running goals. Kyle is a class act and was awesome to watch how he and his guides communicated every nook and cranny of that course each day. If you're reading this Kyle, we hope you'll come see us in NC like we talked about!!

We stopped for a couple minutes (for some reason, I cannot remember why), and Kyle kept on. We were about a mile from Aid Station 2 when we saw another runner waving at us from way off the course in the tree line. It was really hot - and a runner who had been chasing the leader (literally) had become dehydrated and overheated and had wandered off course. He was disoriented and could not even stand - he tried, and almost passed out on us. We laid him down on the hot dry ground and began working to cool him off. Justin called Houda, the Race Director, to try and get medical down there to help us. Tim, the runner, could not keep anything down and despite our best efforts, began to show signs of heatstroke, with uncontrollable chills and further disorientation. A couple other runners stopped to help and we all stretched out emergency blankets to create a shade. Another runner gave him salt in powder form which he was able to keep down. Medical was on the way, and thankfully he was starting to turn around. I had used all my water from my bladder to squirt on Tim to cool him down and I myself was starting to feel light-headed and overheated. I knew I needed to head to the aid station or else I would be in the same situation. Once I knew he was doing much better, we headed up to checkpoint/aid station 2. We hadn't been there maybe 5 minutes, when look who comes strolling in along with our other friends who had helped but TIM!!! He had refused medical help from the EMTs and had walked his butt up the hill to the checkpoint. He looked like a different man. I could NOT believe it. He walked/ran with us and the other "medical team" the rest of the way to the finish line. I don't feel we did anything beyond what anyone else would do in that situation, but he was sincerely grateful for our help and over and over kept telling us thank you "for saving my life." He said, "I am going to be telling my kids about you for years to come." I hope Tim is doing well!

This was not staged... there was also a detached but fresh mule deer leg on the course!

The famous tunnels on Stage 1

Buddy the Elf visited us at Stage 1 ;)

My hip felt great in Stage 1... no issues. The heat was almost unbearable. I was starving by the time we hit the finish line, so I promptly down 2 stroop waffles covered in nutella and marshmellow cream (yep, I dropped the vegan thing at that point). They were so good going down, but in hindsight, they were a terrible idea after having run in such hot conditions. By the time we got on the bus (and had to sit in the very back), I was so nauseated I just knew I would vomit right there in that bus. haha!! Thankfully I did not, but when we got to camp, I was very green around the gills and the pain of that climb and the 20 miles had also set in... I was miserable! On top of that, we had to trudge up a very steep hill to get to our tents - it was like a cruel joke. Thankfully the TRR volunteers took our huge duffel bags up the mini-mountain in a truck for us. I somehow managed to get back down to the showers and get a shower in the shower truck. If you've never taken a shower in a shower truck, let me tell you, it's an experience the first time. All modesty is basically out the window for the women! Don't worry, there are shower curtains, but to get to the bench, you pretty much have to put it all out there in that truck. Oh well, we got to know each other pretty well over the next 6 days, hhahaha!!

I think it took me an hour or more to get over the nausea. We went to dinner and the post-race meeting (which discussed the next day's stage/run), then trudged back up the hill and fell fast asleep. But not before learning the first night of camping how to get organized with that duffel bag to get it all together for the next morning - what a fun game of Tetris that was, trying to fit our sleeping pad and bag into that duffel the next AM! I slept fairly well considering that was my first time ever in a tent! We woke the next morning, got ready, grabbed our drop bags, and thankfully we didn't have to take our duffels down the big hill. We watched our duffels get loaded onto a big truck and I remember thinking, "OK, well at least I know our bags are headed in the right direction!" ...Or so I thought...

(to be continued...)

Transrockies Run - Race Recap - Part ONE

2018-08-21T21:49:00.001-04:00

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." - Eleanor Roosevelt

It is Day 2 of the Transrockies 6 day stage race. My right hip is out of joint thanks to completely tearing my hip labrum. I am vomiting profusely and cannot breathe. My lips are blue and a fellow runner's pulse oximeter states that my heart rate is 210 and O2 saturation is 79%. I have a wet cough that can only mean pulmonary edema. I am dying.

That was the way I had 100% envisioned Transrockies Run (TRR) to go... thankfully it did not go that way at all!! I was truly terrified of the altitude and of the climbing and of the many, many miles that I had not trained for thanks to a right hip issue that flared up about 6 weeks before the race. I did not know what to expect.

The reality is... that altitude definitely made it hard to breathe. At times my HR approached 190 beats per minute and I have no idea what my O2 saturation was, but typically it's in the high 80's for people that have not yet acclimated to altitude. If you're wondering, normal O2 sat is 96-100%. It was hard to breathe at times, especially when climbing those mountains that at times seemed to go straight up. I even had a moment that we've not been able to rule out flash pulmonary edema (you'll have to read the follow-up blog posts to come to hear about that!). So yes, the altitude is real and it is hard and it sucks. But it also got easier, and it wasn't a difficulty breathing in the sense of panic and fear. More of a "I feel super out of shape" difficulty breathing. And knowing I was still running full out by day 6 at high altitudes with a smile on my face and joy in my heart made it feel so much more bada**.

The reality is... my right hip remained intact and to this day is not painful at all. I had a few moments of pain, which was more acute, after catching my toe on an embedded rock, which then jarred my hip. The pain was temporary, lasting maybe a couple hours at most, and never really held me back except in one stage (you'll have to read about that in a later post too ;), haha). I went through hell and back to make sure I got to that start line healthy and with a hip that was in good shape. I would not have been able to be there at all if it weren't for my physical therapist, my chiropractor, my massage therapist, and my orthopedic provider. An MRI arthrogram states I have a right hip labral tear. I have also been told I probably have ileopsoas tendinitis.

The reality is... the climbing was hard. But I expected it to be. So it came as no surprise. What did come as a surprise was how hard the downhills would be. No one sees that coming... all most think about is how easy the downhills will be to run, how fun they will be, how much of a relief they will be after such huge climbs. And certainly they were mostly "easy" and fun and a relief. But they were also leg trashers. My legs have never been so shredded as they were after the downhills on Stage 2 and I cried from the pain the downhills brought.

____________

A little background: I do not consider myself a successful ultrarunner. My 2 ultramarathons were disasters. So when Justin (my husband) signed me up for this last year ("Surprise, honey! You get to run 120 miles with me in August 2018!"), imagine my lack of enthusiasm. Bahaha!! I ran another full (my 4th) in December 2017 at Kiawah Marathon, which was a 4 month lead up (and a PR, by the way). Then I ramped up my mileage and training after that for the Grayson Highlands 50K which occurred in March 2018. So I basically began training for TRR in August 2017 -- one entire year before the actual race. Thoughts of TRR and its training basically consumed me, and mostly it was associated with fear and dread. "There's no way I'll be able to run 120 miles in 6 days... no way," I'd say over and over again. How about those positive affirmations, huh?! HA!!

One of our last long runs in Umstead before TRR

About 10 weeks before TRR, I had a "come-to-Jesus" meeting with myself and made myself realize that this thing was really, actually happening and I needed to straighten up my attitude and my outlook about the race or I'd be showing up with fear and dread on race day. I decided I'd go into it with positivity and "embrace the suck" as we ultra runners say. I began following my close friend and running partner's plan, which included a lot of back-to-back runs, lots of hills and elevation gain runs, and lots of mileage. Because I'd not properly ramped up my hillwork training, and hills were basically all I did for about 2 weeks, my right hip flexor got mad at me. I tried everything and nothing was helping the pain; it was only getting worse. I gave in to having the MR Arthrogram. That experience was not as bad as I had imagined, but it gave me the diagnosis I'd dreaded - labral tear. Thankfully, my orthopedic provider knew my goals and what I'd been so faithfully training for in Colorado, and they agreed to help me to get to the start line in one piece. My PT gave me amazing stretching exercises, as well as helped me understand the mechanics of how to get my glutes and core firing so my hip flexors would chill out and not take over. I received 2 steroid injections 6 days before I toed the start line - one in my hip joint and one in my ileopsoas tendon. Let's just say those were "fun." I also tried to stick to cross training to keep my fitness up.

All of us ready for our adventure in CO!

We met up with our fabulous running adventure friends, Andres and Mariana, along with our other friend Mimi (who signed up to be a volunteer!), at the airport on Sunday morning - 2 days before the start of the race. Ideally, it's good to get to the race 2-3 weeks ahead of time to acclimate, but who has that luxury??? HAHA!! So 2 days it was. Honestly, I didn't really feel the effects of the altitude at all until we began our first uphill climb on Day 1 of the race, and even then it was not awful. Maybe I would be okay after all.....

(to be continued...)

Race Recap - Grayson Highlands 50k

2018-05-16T20:32:00.000-04:00

Running is a road to self-awareness and reliance ‑ you can push yourself to extremes and learn the harsh reality of your physical and mental limitations, or coast quietly down a solitary path watching the earth spin beneath your feet. — Doris Brown Heritage

I almost titled this one... "The day I broke up with running." Haha, just kidding, sort of, not really. May 5th, 2018 was certainly a day to remember.

Honestly, this really was the race that broke me. Humbling is another word I'd use to describe that day. You'll see why... fairly quickly.

I went into this race knowing I'd not done enough training - my weekday short runs were not consistently long enough (they really need to be 6-10 milers, and I consistently did 4-6 milers)... my weekend long runs were interrupted by life (it happens) but also by a crippling fatigue that began in January of this year. I went to my doctor after 2 months of the severe fatigue, all tests were normal (my Vitamin D was a little low, as well as my B12, so these were replaced)... by the time my fatigue improved, it was late in the training cycle. As I ramped up the mileage despite a lack of a good long-run foundation, my body rebelled during training. My last long run (20 miler) was a straight up disaster between dehydration and nutrition and so many other things.

So going into a race with this kind of elevation and mileage undertrained was my first mistake. My second, honestly, was thinking I still could do it. Don't get me wrong, I am GLAD I didn't DNS ("Did Not Start", in the running world)... half the battle is JUST SHOWING UP to the start line in these things. I knew that I'm NOT a quitter, so if I showed up, I was gonna finish this thing. And I knew it was going to hurt, and I had already emblazoned my mantra for this race into my mind before the clock started - "Embrace the Suck."

The morning of the race, I fueled up despite my tummy doing flips. GI-wise, I felt ok, but a little uneasy and was nervous about potty-breaks as I knew there were NO porta-potties or restrooms on the course and yall know how your colon works with coffee. And on race day, I can't go without my caffeine. So I had about 1/4 cup of coffee from McDonald's on the way to the race and ate my little bagel while the guys ate their fried chicken biscuits and hashbrowns!!! I seriously do not understand how they can stomach that mess on a huge race day.

To this day, I think the lack of caffeine had a huge role in the snowball effect of the avalanche that was to come. Which is sad, because it shows how addicted I am to caffeine.

There was the threat of rain and thunderstorms for the entire week leading up to the race and even the night before was not looking good at all. I went to bed fully prepared to run in the rain. However, we awoke the morning of to find dry skies that lasted all day! A few rumbles of thunder here and there, and some rain for about 5 minutes total, and that was it! It looked like things were looking up for us. The race course had been switched back to the high country at the last minute, to allow for us to see the gorgeous views that Grayson Highlands is known for (it had previously been moved to the lowlands due to the threat of lightening). We were stoked, especially to see the ponies on the course.

We began around 8:15 am, and we started off around the middle of the pack on road towards the trailhead from the visitor center. For these 2 miles, it was literally all downhill, in a good way. haha. My splits for those 2 miles were an astoundingly-fast-for-me 8:30 pace. I knew we'd slow down once we got to the climbs so I told Justin we were "banking" some time for later. Little did I know, I would SO NEED that banked time.

By mile 2.5, I realized the rocky course was going to be a major issue for me. The course was at this point all rocks. I'm talking rocks ranging from the size of my hand to the size of a large man’s foot in general. This makes a size 6 foot very difficult to traverse these type of courses without twisting your ankles. (I counted how many times I twisted my ankles during this race just to keep my mind distracted – sick I know… but it was 16!!) My shoes suddenly felt way too big, as my feet were sliding all around in my trail shoes and I had begun to already - 3 miles in - develop blisters on my feet. Oh boy. I sat down to tighten them significantly and found myself in (dried up, thank God) horse poop. Not the way I wanted my race to start. I hoped that this was not a sign of things to come.

Miles 3-6 or so were not too bad, although involved a TON of climbing, including narrow cliffs beside gorgeous waterfalls. The runners were tight like sardines at this point, but everyone was in great spirits and chatting back and forth.

I just love the ultra running community - NO EGOS, nothing to prove, NO discussion of pace or of PR's... just a love for running and the outdoors. If you're interested in running an ultra, and pace or PR's is your focus, I'd suggest you stick to road running/non-ultra distances. Not to say the ultra-runners are not a competitive, fast, or insanely beastly group, but they honestly leave their egos at the door and usually are an extremely humble group and it is SO REFRESHING. Anyway, I digress.

Miles 6-10 were, according to my data on Strava, supposedly downhill. I couldn't tell. HAHA. Seriously. By mile 6, I knew I was in trouble. The rocky course had continued, to my dismay. I had truly hoped the rocky course was going to be short-lived, but alas it continued through the entire race almost. In addition to the rocks, mud, and water crossings (I didn't mind getting muddy or wet, except for those too-big-gosh-darn-shoes!!!), and the whole climbing mountains thing, we were at a max altitude of 5432 ft. For many, that's not a lot of altitude, but for someone who lives and trains at sea level for all but about 1 week out of the year, that was also apparently a problem.

At mile 10, the headache came. With a vengeance. It never went away. It was making me nauseous. I found myself thinking, "this is the worst headache I've ever had in my life!" ...and that made me panic. Because as an ICU & ER RN educator years ago, I drilled it into my nurses' heads that the "worst headache of a patient's life" = subarachnoid hemorrhage. Then I began to worry I was having a SAH/stroke. I drank coca-cola at the aid stations, ate food (thinking maybe I needed calories), tried everything including aspirin (I know, I know, if it was a bleed I would bleed out with it, but hey I was desperate). FYI, this headache did not go away until I got back to our cabin that evening. All I can figure is the lack of caffeine, but it could have been a lot of different things, or all of them together (altitude, neck tension, dehydration, etc).

Me "not feeling it" - these were typical trails except the part on my right was runnable here - most of the course, in my opinion, is not runnable as the trail is the rocks you see on the main trail here.

Between the headache and the climbing and the rocks, I was ready to be done by mile 11. Seriously. Not even halfway in. The only thing that helped was seeing the gorgeous views (when I could see them; most of the time my head was down making sure I didn’t fall on the rocks or slip in the mud), the ponies (who acted like our presence was not a surprise at all) and steers, and my husband’s constant attempts to bring my spirits up and make me laugh. My first 50k was difficult with its technical trails and climbing… but for reference, it had about 1500 ft of elevation… this one had 4700+ ft of elevation.

I got to mile 17’s aid station and they were phenomenal. I had worn crew socks instead of higher socks (rookie mistake) and so mud and dirt had gotten inside them and rubbed blisters on my heels. They helped me get them cleaned up and I threw some Squirrels Nut Butter on those bad boys. Then they heard me say I was struggling, so they made me do a shot of pickle juice followed by a Coca-Cola chaser and a grilled cheese sandwich. For the next couple miles, I felt like a new person. I will never forget that hot pickle juice though. Haha!!

However, that feeling didn’t last long and it was all I could do to make it to the last aid station at Mile 21. I thought I’d never get there. And when I did, all I wanted to do was lay down on the picnic bench. I’ve truly never felt more weak and tired than I did in that moment. The aid station volunteers and Justin tried everything to get me moving again, and I’m so glad I didn’t sit down or I probably would have DNF’d.

When we hit the trail for the last 7 miles after that, we shortly ran into the course sweepers (they were probably 2 hours behind us on the trail)… nothing lights a fire under you knowing that you’re about to miss the cut off! We began running – really running – for the first time in a few hours. I ran when I could, power hiked the rest. The last 5 miles (really mile 23-26) were all straight up a mountain & for some reason Justin decided at this moment to leave me and head on up... leaving me to my misery & my solitary thoughts... and all I could do was put my hands on my thighs and keep praying and keep going. Embrace the suck. Do not quit. Keep breathing… in … and out… yes it hurts, but it will be over at some point. Just keep moving.

Coming up that last major climb (there were more after this, but this was the last of the God-awful one)

These gorgeous hosta or some sort of other-worldly plants were blooming all around us the last couple of miles - it felt like we were in a different world!

When we had 2 miles left, we had caught up to these 2 girls that we had been passing back and forth with for the last half of the race. When we finally passed them around mile 27, I turned to Justin and said, “Whatever happens, I want to finish before them.” It was the only thing I felt I could be proud of that day. And it gave me a goal to set, knowing that they were hot on our trails and I could hear them talking behind us. Their voices got softer and softer and I knew my running was putting some space between us. We came up a pass where a volunteer was sitting on a huge boulder above us, cheering us on and letting us know we were literally almost there. Justin told me to turn around and look behind us – it took my breath away. There was the mountain …way off in the distance (I wish we had gotten a picture)… that I had just climbed and came to the other side of. I felt very small in that moment, but not in a bad way. The race humbled me physically and mentally, but this mountain I was looking at showed me that I had done it. I had scaled that huge mama-jama and came out on the other side a different person – stripped down to the raw, the real, the gritty exposed human that races like this are meant to reveal. We may not like what we see, because what it reveals is a vulnerable tiny person in the vastness of God’s amazing brilliant creation. It’s hard to see yourself in this moment – we often think highly of ourselves, especially when we’ve trained hard and when we do well. It’s not easy to see the reflection of true raw vulnerability staring back at you. But that’s the beauty of these ultramarathons. They strip you down to bring it all back into perspective.

Soon after, we crossed the finish line among a small handful of people. Nothing showy or fancy about ultramarathons – very different that the hub-bub of road marathons where there’s a DJ, and an announcer yelling your name, and throngs of people screaming for you. In the muted cheers, we find our friend Daniel who has finished a beastly 2.5 hours ahead of us, and is kind enough to video the finish.

I won’t bore you with the aftermath where I almost passed out in the car, quite literally, on the way back to our cabin. But I will admit this: I broke up with running that day. ‘Who wants to be in what feels like a one-sided relationship?’ I thought. I give and give in training and cross training and foam rolling and yoga and stretching and eating healthy… and all running can give back to me is 8 hours of pure torture and living hell?? Oh you best believe that ‘running’ kept trying to woo me back in over the next week. It wasn’t until I began to process my thoughts for this post that I began to realize that this wasn’t necessarily a one-sided relationship. Running has given me so much in return… yes, physical and even mental anguish (especially that day!). But also mental toughness and fortitude. To push through even when you feel like quitting… when you feel like you might just literally die. To get to the other side of that mountain so you can turn around and say, with God’s help, I did that.

Running is not always so dramatic. It's not always out to teach a life lesson or be so profound. Often times, it is fun and challenging in a feel-good way. Thank goodness. So I laced up this week and allowed myself to recover the best way I know how. With a little easy run. We’ll see where this courtship takes us.

This is what 8 hours on this course looks like. :) Tired, muddy, stripped down to the bare minimum, and kinda faking that smile.

The definition of ultramarathon training

2018-04-15T14:50:00.003-04:00

In an effort to try and explain what it’s like to train for an ultramarathon, or “ultra” as we call it, we first need to define what it is! An ultra is any distance longer than a marathon, which is 26.2 miles. So a 50k is about 31 miles. To train for these, most people need good quality runs of longer distance (I.e. 6-12 miles a few times a week) and a good long run (usually done on the weekend, consisting of varying but longer distances). As you can imagine, this training takes time!! A lot of it!!

When both you AND your spouse are both training for ultras, it also takes a lot of coordination of schedules, compromise, and patience. And acceptance that neither of you will be able to really run the recommended 4-6 times a week due to each others’ time required to get in training runs... especially between jobs, raising small children, church/volunteering, and trying to maintain a social life! I’ve often considered letting my goal go of trying to do another ultra (I even talked about it this AM!) just because honestly my hubby is an AMAZING runner - way better than I am - and he deserves the chance to hone those skills to their utmost ability. I truly believe he could do insane things, like win these 100 mile races he does. But being the self sacrificial and humble guy he is, he is not willing to let me drop my dreams. Sometimes that “dream” feels more like a nightmare when in the throes of peak training! Haha!!

I’d like to give you a glimpse of what training for an ultra really is like. So here goes...

Ultra training is...

Having the constant conversation with your spouse, which usually starts like this: "When are you running this week?" OR "When can I run this week?"
Missing your mid-week run because you're just too tired and asking to have your husband's mid-week run day.
Having your husband go for his run anyway but getting up earlier than usual to allow you to still get your run in - you know, the one you were too tired to get in the day before :)
Getting up BEFORE dawn, wearing all kinds of lamps on your head, lights on your body, and reflectors anywhere you can fit them.
Still dodging cars despite all above measures to be seen because people cannot drive, are too busy looking at their phones & driving, or simply don't care.
Going to bed early even when friends/family are still up and having fun without you.
Having extremely understanding family and friends who know after a while what to expect.
Having amazingly SUPPORTIVE family and friends who not only tolerate but often ENCOURAGE our crazy shenanigans.
Using sticks of lubricant on areas you never thought would get chafed, but they do, and you don't know until you get in the shower... and vow to never let it happen again!
Learning to run with insane amounts of fluid - usually in a backpack made for running - and still running out of said fluids on a long run.
Learning to run with gas and knowing what to trust and what not to trust ;)
Learning - sometimes the hard way - which foods the night before a long run will equate to a terrible run the next day.
Becoming extremely open about your bowel habits with your running partner, even to the point of scooting off in the woods or a port-a-potty at a construction site if you're lucky, in the presence of your running partner.
Letting your running partner borrow your wipes if they forget their own and then be their look-out for coming cars
Aid stations that go beyond gummy bears, to include real food and lots of beer
Cheering for each other, because ultra runners don't compete against each other - there's no room for cockiness or pride here.
Learning to love trails, because most ultras are run there and not on endless boring roads.
Sore ankles, and unsightly toenails, and blisters on feet
Torturing yourself with foam rolling and dry needling, but also rewarding sore muscles with Epsom salt baths and rewarding your 1500+ calorie deficit with a burger or a Bojangle's biscuit.
Dodging tree branches and learning really quickly how to pick up your feet because your toe WILL find a root.
It's seeing God's astounding creation first hand, like many others will never see, and being breathless from that more than from your running.
Allowing yourself to run slower because, hey, you gotta run a lot of miles and 30+ miles usually aren't run fast
Getting over yourself. Really quickly. That usually happens on your longest run before a big race, when you're raw and vulnerable and feel like the worst runner on planet Earth. Ultrarunning is not for those with big egos or something to prove.
Getting all your long runs in and never feeling "ready" to run your ultra race. It's (in my case anyway) always about second guessing your training and yourself and your fortitude.
Showing up for your 30+ mile race anyway, still raw and vulnerable and perhaps underprepared, but somehow also brave and hopeful and doing it scared out of your mind.

"The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open." --Chuck Palahniuk

Starting back the blog!

2018-03-27T21:58:00.001-04:00

It’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I’m naturally quite an emotional person... shocker I know 😂 I’ve found that mentally I process these emotions through writing. I’ve been this way since I was young. Being a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, nurse practitioner, runner... I wear lots of hats and sometimes I wear them simultaneously. Haha. Lately I’ve felt quite overwhelmed in these roles and have also been wanting to share more details about my running, training, and races without filling up the character quota on social media. No one wants to read diatribes on a race recap on Facebook. Lol. But, if you’re here, that means you’re interested and for that I am grateful that you’ll indulge me by allowing me to spill my guts from time to time as I work out what it means to be all of these things and find balance somehow! Thanks for coming, I have a few ideas for blog posts that are fresh and forthcoming! Ready to start writing! “See you” soon!

PS- I realize my “look” and header DESPERATELY needs updating. I’ll do that in my spare time. Bahahaha!

Race Recap: Forest Freak 50k

2017-05-14T11:14:00.001-04:00

Obvious disclaimers:
1 - Long post alert
2 - I know I haven't blogged in a very very long time. Sorry 😁
3 - It will be split into at least 2 parts because I wanted to tell the backstory as well.

••••••
I am an ultrarunner.

Those words still don't seem real. But yet on May 13th, 2017 I made the surprising dream of being an ultrarunner a reality.

I've witnessed the incredible ultrarunning community in action now for a couple years through my husband's many races and through my crewing and volunteering. It is heartbreaking and heart-changing and the most amazing thing to watch. And I wanted to be a part of that.

Plus if you know me pretty well, you know I'm not into trendy or what everyone else is doing. I've been known to go the opposite way of trendy. If everyone else is doing a certain thing, it turns me off to that thing. There's nothing wrong with that popular thing, I just have become a person who bucks the status quo for unique experiences and who doesn't want to do what everyone else is doing. So ultrarunning is on the rise but still quite an enigma, especially among women. Watch the mini-movie "Life in a Day" highlighting several women from the Western States 100 Endurance Run (including my favorite, Kaci Lickteig a.k.a. "Pixie Ninja") and you'll want to run an ultra too. 😊

I personally only know a handful of ladies who've finished an ultra in eastern NC. They are a rare, tough, bad*** group. And I wanted in. I wanted to be one of the only chicks I knew crazy enough to accomplish it.

Knowing my schedule (working full time, wife, mama, family, friends, church, etc) I began to look for one that I could do within a reasonable time frame for training while it was still cooler outside. I set my sights for May. Knowing my complete hatred for hills but my obsession for nature, I wanted a flat trail race. Hahahaha. If you're not a runner, let me tell you - flat trail races are hard to come by. I picked the Gamelands 50k. And 2 weeks later, they made the announcement that they wouldn't be holding the race in 2017. Bummer.

I researched some more and picked the Forest Freak 50k, which is associated with the Knock on Wood Race Series put on my Upstate Ultra in Greenville, SC. If you can run an ultra coordinated by these guys, I'd highly recommend it ...the RD sends out witty emails to keep it fun, the race has a small town feel (I believe only 35 signed up for the 100 miler & maybe 100 signed up for the 50k?), it's held at a nice park with awesome facilities to hold such an event. And the course - the course was absolutely gorgeous. There are no words to describe the breathtaking beauty of this 5.02 mile loop. Little did I know that that beauty would also be a beast that would chew me up and spit me out with a vengeance...

Week 3 - Technology try-outs & my first "real" long run

2013-07-21T18:02:00.003-04:00

We are in week 3 of my half marathon training. It's still hard to wrap my mind around that concept. You see, I am all of 5'1" with a short torso and short legs. There is literally about a half inch between my bottom ribs and the tops of my hips. Nope. This body was not built for running.

But I'm running anyway.

Justin and I are still tweaking our running schedules around each other's running schedules and our crazy life. This week I ran on Wednesday morning and Thursday evening for my short runs. Then my long run was on Saturday with Amber. More on that later.

Wednesday morning was a nice little run. Since I didn't get up to the 4 miles I wanted the Sunday before, I did 4 miles that morning. Walked a bit still but I can tell my endurance is improving. Pretty little sunrise to start the day off just right!

One thing I did try was my husband's Garmin running GPS watch in lieu of using the RunKeeper app. I LOVED it!!! Now, these things are not cheap. So I will not be getting one as fancy as his. But I am definitely getting one. This thing does everything for you, and the GPS rarely fails. It vibrates when you hit whatever milestones you want to hit (time or mileage, or both). I loved knowing I could just glance at my wrist instead of having to pull my phone out of the Spibelt I was wearing. Try-outs for this baby was a success!!

These manly hands are my hubby's... not mine... now don't you feel better knowing that? ;)

Thursday night I ran with my fast little friend Alicia. I will consider this run a "tempo run" because we kept between an 8:30 and a 10 minute pace! Whew! I got a mile and a half in and had to walk a little bit :/ If I have to keep up a fast pace, obviously my endurance suffers. I decided I would cut it a little short and make it a 2 mile run since the pace was so fast. The last thing I want is an injury to sideline me. Here's the specs for that run. No pretty pictures. No time... we were flying! Haha!

Sorry for the blurriness... And that average pace is misleading since I walked twice during that recorded run. Average pace was more like 9 minutes!

The long run is a run that we do when we are training for a longer race like a half. It's done once a week and the mileage varies from your baseline maximum you can do upwards to the race mileage. I did 5 miles on Saturday morning with Amber. I forgot Justin's Garmin GPS watch so I was going to go off of hers. My goal was to run at least 2.5 miles straight, since I have not yet gotten to that point.

Here's why I love Amber. We talked so much during our run and she knows how I like to do the bare minimum, so she didn't tell me when we got to the 2.5 mile point. I ran to 3.25 miles and was a little winded. So she agreed to walk for a quarter mile and then we ran the rest to 5.1 miles! I was so proud of myself!!

So although I have no sunrise pics this week, I do have a pic of us after that run (which ended up being 5.65 miles with the cool-down walk). We enjoyed each other's company & it was definitely the most fun run I've ever had.

Forgive our hair and lack of makeup... this is AFTER, remember!

On a side note, anyone wondering about the Buffalo Creek Greenway at the SRAC... it is gorgeous and we felt very safe (well, maybe having 2 ferocious-looking dogs with us made us feel safe too)...

Here's a pic of the Greenway, although I didn't take it. I'll give the others the credit for it :)

http://www.visitsmithfield.org/outdoor-adventure/89-buffalo-creek-greenway

Looking forward to this week's runs!!! :)

H2H -- Week 2: Timing is Everything & a Lesson Learned

2013-07-14T22:05:00.000-04:00

Week 2 of my half marathon training is over, and I feel I've made some progress!

However, thanks to the intense rain & storms we seem to have at least once a day (usually in the evenings, it seems)... and thanks to the heat & humidity of the evenings here in eastern NC... and thanks to having a fun little family at home that I don't want to miss a single minute with... I have decided I need to work in some early morning runs instead of my usual evening runs.

Now, if you know me pretty well, then you know I am NOT a morning person and my husband has to drag me out of the bed each morning at the last possible second before being late for work. So getting up early (say, 5:30 am) is TOUGH!!!

But Tuesday morning I did it (although I hit snooze a few times and got up at 5:50am instead)... I have a goal to increase my "run-straight-through" mileage by half a mile each run until I am able to get back to my baseline of being able to run straight through 3 to 4 miles like before. Tuesday I ran 1.5 miles before stopping (and I was ready to stop!! I was, as we like to say in eastern NC, "give out"). Total mileage was 3.1 miles.

Here was my sweet reward for getting up early.... a gorgeous sunrise.

Can I just say I am so thankful for a God that loves us despite the mess we've made of this world to still give us gifts like sunrises, sunsets, rainbows, waterfalls, etc?

Anyway, Thursday was a hectic day and rainy if I remember correctly.... so I did my 3 miles on the treadmill. Ho hum. I must say, I think my calibration on the treadmill is off... it's saying it's taking 4 minutes longer to do the same distance on it as I do on the pavement. AND if I'm going to have to do some of the short runs on that TM, then I need to get a "Where's Waldo?" poster in front of me to keep me entertained or something.

Friday was date night, and me the hubby caught the new Superman flick. But I was soooo excited when one of my best friends answered a text in the middle of the movie that said she might consider running in the half marathon with me in November!!!! You don't understand how much I love this girl :) She's like... in my mind, y'all! :) This is Amber -- she ran the 10K with me.

I ran my "long run" this evening (which was supposed to be 4 miles), despite the fact that I seriously could have gone to bed around 8pm. I made myself get out there. You have to force your body out there sometimes. I read somewhere that if you really don't wanna go running, just lace up and tell yourself you'll only run for 5 minutes, and if after 5 minutes you still aren't feeling it, you can stop. Usually, once you've run for 5 minutes, you're good to go.

I absolutely love this route I took tonight. It gives both gorgeous sunrises and sunsets. I took it Tuesday too... but my GPS on my RunKeeper app didn't fail me on Tuesday like it did tonight :( ...I had to go off of landmarks, where I thought I might have turned around at the 1.5 mile mark on Tuesday. So needless to say, I was a little off... I ended up only running 3.4 miles. I was pretty disappointed when I got back to my Mac and put in the address at which point I turned around "half-way" and it only said 1.7 miles. Grrrrr!!!! To make this frustrating run even worse, it had to have been about 100% humidity, and the BUGS! The bugs were like curtains I had to run through!! They were going in my eyes, nose, mouth, even the one ear I leave my ear-bud out of! I was pulling dead gnats out of my sports bra before I showered! :) Anyway, THEN, as if that wasn't enough, every time I pulled my phone out to snap a pic of the amazing sunset views, it would turn off my music. I was about to lose my mind over this run!!!!

Thankfully, it was in those moments of taking in that breathtaking sunset that I kept whispering, "Thank you God..." This sunset was one of the most stunning ones I've seen in a long long time. And it occurred to me that He was trying to teach me something here...

Amidst the frustrations of life, we can get distracted by them and miss the sheer beauty of it. If we keep a heart of gratitude & praise despite those frustrations, He will reward us and show us things we never knew could be so beautiful. We must always look ahead, and not lose our focus on the reason we are on this journey... and while this rings true for running (keep your head up, don't look down), I always find that "running-lessons" usually are life-lessons too.

And thanks to this gorgeous view & a new fab playlist, I was able to (almost) run the entire 3.4 miles tonight (with the exception of stopping for pics and coughing up a lung thanks to a gnat and trying to get my phone to behave & restart RunKeeper and my music... hahaha!!!).

Anyone have suggestions on the bugs? I think I will start borrowing my hubby's Garmin running watch & just use my iPod Shuffle for my music. Don't worry... I'll still keep my phone on me for safety & for capturing moments like these above to share with you.

Have a great week!

Hysterectomy to Half - Week One

2013-07-06T14:35:00.001-04:00

Well I want to just start out by saying how much I love you guys!!!! Amazing support and encouraging words. Thank you so much!!!

Also I wanted to just put a couple disclaimers out there... #1, please seek your primary care provider's advice before starting a new exercise program... #2, any photos taken during runs will be crap-quality due to using a phone :).... #3, push yourself this week beyond a limit you've set on yourself by saying "can't".

I have done 2 of my 3-4 runs this week. Not ideal. Considering I have 2 more days and it's the middle of the day at the beach so running today (in the heat and humidity) is outta the question! Tuesday's run was with my friend Alicia, who can't be taller than 4'11" but who carries a pace of about 8:30 miles (super fast for a shortie like the both of us, and super fast for me especially!!). My usual pace is about 10-11 minute miles right now (embarrassed to share, but told you all I'd be completely honest)....thank goodness Alicia slowed her pace to mine a bit. Got a 3 mile run/walk in that evening - it was HOT!!!

Got another humid run in yesterday... got up at 6:15 on a Saturday at the beach, leaving my sleeping toddler (don't worry, my mom was there).... my body was like, all in sleep-in-it's-vacation mode but I showed it who was boss! Did about 5 miles in the 95% humidity down Topsail Drive to the big bridge, went up and over it (twice obviously).

I wanted to just do 4 miles but I also wanted to see that view of the Intracoastal Waterway I love from the bridge. The view won out. And because of that I ran an extra mile. Go me :) I got to see alligators popping their heads up out of the marsh water, a turtle, a couple crabs, and a little mouse! I took my headphones out so I could enjoy the sound of crashing waves :)

I'd love to hear what routes, sights, and things you took in on your runs (or walks or bike rides) this week!!!!

Hysterectomy to Half Marathon

2013-07-01T21:28:00.001-04:00

Yes you read that right. And yes, I have lost my mind.

Well maybe not. But I have questioned that notion lately, ever since I decided my next big goal in life is going to be to run a half marathon. :)

Here are the facts:

I started "running" in 2009, when I started training for my first 5K, the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure 5k.
I have no idea what sparked my interest in running!
I trained for 3 months for that 5k, and finished, although in a miserable time of 45 minutes. :) wow.
I ran off and on (more "off" than "on") after that time. I did not run another race until 2011. My time was better.
I ran another 5K in November 2012 after completing the C25K (Couch to 5K) program. My best time at that point. I was SO proud of myself.
I joined the Rock Steady Running Club in Princeton in January 2013. For the first time, I felt challenged to do better. To push myself beyond my self-imposed limits. And I was officially addicted to running.
I ran several 5Ks after January 2013, and one 10K. The 10K was 1 week before a total hysterectomy for Stage IV (end-stage/"metastatic") endometriosis, bilateral endometriomas (one as large as a softball), Asherman's syndrome, and multiple intrapelvic adhesions.

This is me & my handsome hubby after finishing the 10K... he smoked me! ;)

So now that you are caught up....

You can see that I'm a quitter. No really. I do have a history of quitting when the going gets tough (or when I just get lazy). Which is why I ALWAYS have a race (usually a 5K) on my calendar to keep me motivated, which has worked to keep me running since January of this year!

Whatever your motivation is, use it to your advantage!

So you may also see that I like a challenge. That 10K was no joke. But I wanted to push myself even further. So I ~~lost my mind~~ decided to sign up for a half marathon!!!

I have 19 weeks. ~~Doomsday~~ Race day is November 10th (The Outer Banks Marathon).

To keep me motivated, and to inspire others who may have been (or may currently be) completely out of shape and unable to run more than a quarter-mile like myself in the beginning, I want to document it in a sort-of series on my blog, called Hysterectomy to Half.

I don't want pity for the hysterectomy (because I feel fine, and it's just a springboard for where God wants to take me!). I want to show other women that major surgery or life obstacles don't have to slow us down or make us inactive. Take life by the horns! I practically begged my surgeon to let me start running at 3 weeks, and although I got the okay, my protective, loving husband made me wait until 4 weeks postop. I am SO not where I was before surgery!

Will you journey with me over the next few months as I throw myself into brutal training?? Will you pray that I won't have an injury that may sideline my training? I will be brutally honest about my training - the good, the bad, the ugly.

I do have a draft of a personalized training plan... but it's in the hands of one of my closest friends who just happens to be a marathoner (Boston marathon finisher, baby!!!). She is critiquing it for me & giving me pointers. I will share it when it's "done".

Can't wait to hear the suggestions, encouragement, and even the naysaying! Bring it! It just makes me want to push harder and farther than this little 5'1" body can go :)

Comparison & frustration: What to do?

2013-06-23T22:08:00.000-04:00

So a couple weeks ago I blogged about the epidemic of comparison. I promised an "answer" of what we can do about it personally. I've spent some time in thought, meditation, and prayer (my best thought processes came during my runs, when unfortunately I don't have anything to write or record those thoughts....). That's why it's taken some time for me to wrap this up. Also I want to make sure that whoever reads this knows I am also struggling with "comparison syndrome" especially when it comes to social media, so this is also for me. As Paul states, "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me." (Philipians 3:12). So here we go... be prepared - it's a long one!

First, recognize that this is a human flaw, a weakness in our flesh. Lisa Terkeurst said, "...I desperately need God's truth to bump into my weaknesses every single day. Only then can I get out of the shadow of doubt and into the life-giving reality of who God has made me to be. And see it as good. Not perfect. Not even close. But good. And good is good."

Only can we get out of the shadow of comparing ourselves, our lives, our family, and our situation with others, can we understand and embrace who and what God has in store for us.
Let's start by asking for forgiveness and for Him to help us in our weaknesses. This will be a daily exercise! :)
"If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." Galatians 6:3-5 (NIV).
Let's call a spade a spade. This is a sin called jealousy and/or envy. And it calls for God's grace and mercy. I am so thankful for that!!!

Second, get real. A friend of mine (thanks Mandy Ramsey!) said, "I've [always] thought that social media allows us to create the life we want people to think we have all the while looking at others fake lives and hoping to have what they have." What wisdom! But such a simple truth.

We will never get over comparison syndrome and our frustration with it if we don't get real about social media. Very few people are going to put their "bad hair day" pic or the negative aspects of their lives on Facebook. Rather, people put their best on Facebook. Believe you me, I would NOT put a pic of myself without makeup on Facebook or Instagram! HAHA! So if you're seeing a pic of me and thinking I have great skin, then you're sadly mistaken. But isn't this the truth?? Why would we compare our worst to someone else's best? That is not fair to us or to God! Let's start by comparing apples to apples people!
Here's a great example of this.... have you ever spent some time on Pinterest pinning away these gorgeous rooms? Did you realize they usually cost thousands of dollars to create that "look"? Check this out - Southern Living magazine is my all-time favorite for ideas and inspiration. Each year they put out a new "Idea House" which will make the decorator in each female (or male!) drool. There's gorgeous pictures of the 2013 Idea House with beautiful flowers in each room, arranged and gorgeous. I have no green thumb, so seeing those pics makes me pine for "that look". If you'll click HERE, you will discover that all those flowers were flown in and arranged by a world-renown floral designer for that "photo shoot"! If you or I moved into that house, within 6 months, we would probably be lucky to have a dandelion in a vase.

Take a break. If you find yourself with comparison syndrome, maybe you should quit looking at others' profiles and pictures. Makes sense to me anyway. During this siesta from social media, take the time to examine your heart and work on the next steps. Maybe you can return on a limited basis at a later time. In the religious world, this is called "fasting."

Celebrate others' good. My wise friend Mandy also made me aware that Lysa Terkeurst in her book Unglued says, "comparison steals celebration. And a life void of celebration is a life empty. We stop celebrating our own good and have a really hard time celebrating others' good." Allow yourself to be happy for others instead of being jealous of what they have/do/are and instead of wondering why God didn't give you that.

Celebrate your own good. Can't find any good in your life? Ask God to reveal to you some positive characteristics. We are ALL blessed in some way. We live in a first-world country with "first-world problems" like if we have enough bathing suits for our vacation... let that sink in.

Ask God for contentment. Sometimes we must realize that God did not intend for us to have all this "stuff"or live such fancy extravagant lifestyles. Some of these people that are doing so are either incredibly blessed financially/physically/etc., or they are in an incredible amount of debt in chasing that lifestyle. Quit chasing after a dream God never placed on your path. It may be distracting you from your own path and incredible amazing journey He has already laid out for YOU!!! We will need to pray about being content with what we have. This is not a natural human instinct.

Make a list. Call it what you want. A self-improvement list... A bucket list... A to-do list... Just make a list of those things you want to accomplish, to experience, to change. My pastor finished up a sermon series recently that encouraged us to include God in our list-making (as our Guide), and also to continually examine our motives for WHY we have listed these things. If it is to make yourself look better in the eyes of man, scratch it! Galatians 1:10 says, "For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." (ESV). If, after prayer and careful examination of your heart and motives, you realize it will either benefit God, others, and/or yourself (in an non-selfish way), then go to my next point. :)

By the way, it's okay to have some dreams that make you a better person. Just because you list "lose 20 pounds" as a goal doesn't make you selfish or superficial necessarily! If we see someone's picture of 6-pack abs, become envious, and continue to eat Krispy Kremes, then there's a gap in that goal! Break the envy and put down the doughnut. Some goals to better yourself may actually result in a happier, healthier you. That may stream down and positively affect your family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers you meet. In my opinion, it's ok to have self-centered goals as long as you don't become self-centered.

Make a plan to "git-er-done". You want to take a vacation? GREAT! Just realize it doesn't have to be on the coast of Spain in order to be enjoyable. Save up money, work hard, do what you've got to do in order to make that dream a reality (within reason of course). And enjoy what's in your own backyard. Quite literally - the coast of North Carolina has some of the most beautiful beaches in the world! You can find a cheap motel and get your toes in the sand within hours.

Don't just sit idly by as life happens. Make it happen. Get off the couch. Turn off the TV, computer, iPad, cell phone. Get outside. Some of these people you envy are just "living the life they love, and loving the life they live." Sometimes it's just as simple as that.
Here's a good example of making a plan... If you are a Pinterest-er (yes that is definitely not a word) like myself, create a board of stuff you've actually tried, and make a plan to try one thing off Pinterest a week/month/etc. It holds you accountable to actually follow through on your dreaming instead of just dreaming.

Look to Jesus. Make the Lord the focus of your life and everything else dims in comparison to His glory. This sounds so simple. Why do we make it so hard? Why do we complicate it? My favorite line to one of my favorite worship songs says, "I'm sorry, Lord, for the 'thing' I've made it... And it's all about You..." Here's that song in case you wanted to hear it.

I could do a whole blog post about the contents of this song. Wow, it stirs my heart!!!!

So, what are your thoughts? Do you agree, disagree? What do you have to add? I'd love to hear from you guys!

Keeping up with the ______ .

2013-05-31T11:23:00.000-04:00

Fill in the blank. You know you can. We all have that person (or probably more true: that family) that we try to "compete" with... even if we don't mean to or realize it. In my own opinion, I feel that social media (Facebook, Instagram, whatever) has magnified this epidemic of trying to be *that* family.

This soap box is brought to you by a recent article I read by Steve Wiens HERE.

The picture perfect family with perfectly dressed, well-behaved, nutritionally optimized, sugar free genius kids that don't ever watch TV or demand to watch YouTube on the iPad for hours (ahem) is something I am sure you have never tried to create. Ha. Right?! Unless you don't go on the Internet (hence this is your first time, EVER - welcome!) or have an incredibly amazing ability to be holy, then you, like I, have battled with this mind-set.

Maybe it's not the kid(s). Maybe it's that you want to have *that* body, or *that* house, or be able to run for 13.1 miles and can only run 3... minutes. Or maybe it's that you envy those that go out every weekend and seem to have the "perfect" life set to pictures on Facebook of pretty people, tons of friends with everyone laughing and smiling, little martinis in hand, and always seem to be on a vacation (you know this because they are posting pics of their feet in the sand with a caption of "toes in the water... toes in the sand..."). Or maybe it's that they seem to have the perfect job. Or they seem to have all the time in the world. Sound familiar yet??

And Facebook is making it worse.

I have seriously debated on taking more of a real break from social media recently because I have felt God tugging on my heart in this regard. I want to be thin, be able to run a marathon, have a gorgeous tan, have no muffin top in a bathing suit, go to the beach, have a boat, live in a gorgeous home, drive that car you just posted a pic of, lose weight as fast as that person did, be creative (how does she make all those wreaths??), work in that department, be able to cut out all sugar & TV & chicken nuggets in my kid's diet, and have a kid that knows how to spell supracalifragilisticexpealidocious. Don't spell check that.

I want all that. Why can't I have all that? And then that becomes a struggle within us and before you know it, we are miserable and never happy despite how much we have or how hard we work. Teddy Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." And God said, "If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load." Galatians 6:3-5 (NIV).

So what then? How do we get out of the rat race or the hampster wheel and experience the life God intended for US and not someone else? I will get back to you on that... haha. I don't claim to have all the answers, but through my quiet times and bible study, I am working on a post to answer that question. In the meantime, begin to pay attention to your attitude as you peruse Facebook today. Where is your heart? I know where mine wants to go... and I am claiming, "He's still working on me... to make me what I ought to be..."

Here's what I do know. Most people put their "best" on their social media pages - their once-a-year vacation to the beach is what you see when you are logging on during your 10-minute lunch break at work. ENVY. Their 25 pics of their friends at the bar last night (everyone is happy, happy, happy) doesn't show their puking later on that night, their insecurities, their innate sadness and emptiness, their utter loneliness despite the number of "friends" around them. But you don't see that. You have multiple little dictators hanging on your legs as you try to go to the bathroom, and you see smiles and drinks and friends. ENVY.

Stay tuned for the second part of this "soapbox"... :)

*My pics were taken off of my Pinterest account HERE.

And on the 7th day...

2013-05-26T21:54:00.002-04:00

So it's been 7 days since my hysterectomy. I am at the 7th day of recovery and for the FIRST time, I don't feel as if I'm in la-la land. I haven't taken any narcotic pain medication since postop day 2 so I guess it was the anesthesia that has made me so out of it! The pain is lifting slowly. I told Justin today I was just ready to wake up in the morning pain-free. I am noticing a very weird sensation of my inside organs "sloshing around" (for lack of a better term) when I turn over in bed.... anyone else with this surgery ever have this sensation?? I don't know if it's just gas bubbles or if it's really what it feels like.... maybe from them taking out so much scar tissue as well (??). And I'm having A LOT of muscle aches in my mid-back, especially my shoulders, and in my neck. It doesn't respond to much other than a heating pad!

Anyways, enough of my whining! As most of you know by now, the surgeons were able to do the surgery all laparoscopically which is fantastic! :) As I sit here tonight listening to the rhythm of my softy-snoring hubby, and having just laid my little miracle child down in his bed, I am in full knowledge that I am blessed. I had so many fears of post-hysterectomy "what-ifs" like "What if I regret not trying the fertility route more?" or "What if I feel like I gave up on God?" or "What if I turn into an estrogen-deprived bitty?" ??? I am SO glad to say none of those fears were founded. So far. :)

And I am so glad the pain is getting better. I am realizing all you take for granted- bending over to pick up your shoes, shaving the legs (although no worries, I am getting it done haha), and especially being able to pick up my 2 1/2 year old. He is trying to understand about being gentle and that I can't pick him up or play rough like I usually do. It's gonna be a long 3 weeks until I meet up with MD again for my post-op appointment!

Nine Weeks Yesterday

2013-03-20T22:54:00.001-04:00

So my family & closest friends already know by now, but we have scheduled my total hysterectomy... it is in 9 weeks, as of yesterday. May 21st. Emotions are high and mixed. I think what made it harder was that I was confronted with speaking to Z's birthmom on the phone the other evening. Hearing her voice reminds me that he is not from my own womb (I often forget that, actually!). And it makes the reality that my womb will never grow a life that much more difficult. I am sad and there is a sense of loss. But strangely, I am a little excited as well... I will finally have this "mess" behind me. And it IS a mess. Literally. My specialist/surgeon at UNC has to have a colorectal surgeon to assist with takedown of the severe adhesions to ensure my sigmoid colon is not perforated, given that the left side of my uterus is attached to that part of the large intestine. I am hoping that removing the 9cm mass on the left ovary and 4cm mass on the right ovary (along w/ the ovaries themselves and the uterus, of course) leave me a little room in my tummy to begin wearing the right size clothes again!

What's making this all seem "right" is something I took away from a recent sermon at church, where we are doing a "One Month to Live" series. (You should check it out by the way, HERE). My pastor was talking about not allowing something temporary affect us in the permanent. In the long-run, my infertility is not a problem I want to define ME as a person. It's not a permanent problem. I can still be a mother. God has chosen a different path for me and for my husband and for our family. That path does not include carrying a baby. I have come to terms with it, although wrestled with God about it, praying that someone would offer a "healing prayer" or a miraculous baby would just show up inside of me one day... but now I know that it's time. Time to let it go. I've kept the faith and fought the good fight. And now God is saying, "Let it go." This temporary storm has been one that has brought me & my husband closer to the Lord, brought Z to us, even brought a few in as new followers of Christ. And now, this will be just part of the story of my life, a thread in the fabric of my life... it isn't over yet for me! I anticipate with excitement how God will use me in another way to help others, maybe with infertility, adoption, or other struggles we've been through. I've allowed this temporary "mountain" hold me back long enough from the dreams and the future God has for me. I'm not giving up, I'm letting it go. And I'm only looking ahead.

The Latest Update

2013-01-30T20:03:00.000-05:00

Been too long since I last blogged! Isn't that what I always say?! Anyway, got the blogging bug again today after sharing with my new coworkers our story about how we met Z's birthmother. They have not heard about our month in Oklahoma yet. But I can't wait to share it with them! It's so funny how I remember that looooonnnggg month in OKC (waiting and then worrying if T would actually change her mind about giving us the gift of a lifetime) and often forget about the amazing miracle of how it came to be. After telling that part of the story today, it reminded me how, without God's miraculous provision we would have never even gotten the opportunity to get to that month in OKC. Isn't that the way life goes sometimes? We forget the miraculous steps that got us to the end point? I know I do anyway. When we look back on our amazing journey toward becoming parents, I am in awe of how God met the financial miracle - we did not have the money, but had to have SO MUCH (all of it to be exact) up front in order to even be considered for the adoption. We had no idea how we would do it, and in the end, we did not do it. God did. I am so thankful for his hand in it all because it makes it that much sweeter when I look at this little kid standing in front of me kissing other babies on our iPad right now!

Z is now 2 years, 3 months old and a little fiesty, funny fireball. We like to say he retained some of the Latino fiestiness in his genes, and most days, we love it :) Some days, it's quite a challenge, as his temper can be exhausting. We have been told, several times by several different daycare workers, nursery workers, and the like, that he's strong-willed. I prefer "independent" and that he knows what he wants and goes for it. ;) I hope he is always that way.

He loves to dance and especially loves to sing! His favorite songs to sing include "Happy Birthday" (it's a constant in our house), "Wheels on the Bus", "1-2-Buckle my shoe", "Old McDonald", and "Itsy Bitsy Spider". He reminds us to say the blessing before our meals. He's trying to potty train and I swear I don't know how parents don't end up in the looney bin after potty training! HAHA! He loves fruit of any kind, but hates pretty much any veggie (but strangely loves field peas??). He prefers meat over carbs, and water over milk (he's getting really good at drinking out of a water bottle). He adores trains, fire trucks, tractors, "big trucks", anything construction-related, and his iPad. :) He has started reading to himself too (not really, just making up stories as he turns the page but he is hilarious!).

Some of you may know, but most of you don't, that Z's birthmom got pregnant again... several times. She lost 2 of the babies by miscarriage, but to our knowledge has remained pregnant and healthy and is due any day now. Many were angered by this information, and made kind of hurtful remarks like, "Doesn't she know what's causing it?" or "Can't she keep her legs closed?" or "Why is she not on birth control?". These questions I can't answer. But I do know that she has told us she wanted to be a mom, and wants to do it right. I pray for her and for the baby, and trust that God is in control of the situation. I say that those questions are hurtful, because I have a lot of love in my heart for this woman who gave me & J such a wonderful gift in our son Z. I guess I just wish people could be more sensitive. I haven't heard from her in several months - would you please pray with us for her health and the health and well-being of the baby?

On another note, I am loving my new job at a local gastroenterology practice and am learning every single day! GI has not always been my strong suit, but I am totally digging this challenge! In addition to my many roles there, I am taking over the care of our Hepatitis C patients. For me that is very rewarding because a lot of these patients made poor choices earlier in their lives and even though many have changed their ways and are trying to make a good life for themselves, are now paying the consequences of those earlier poor decisions. Most people, if they found out someone did IV drugs or snorted coke in their remote past, would shun them or have nothing to do with them. I love showing them the love of Jesus! It really sounds cliche, but it's the truth. I really love my new job!

I am excited about building a home in June! We've narrowed it down to about 4 house plans. I've discovered there is no perfect plan out there. How annoying! This is what I'm hoping the exterior will look like!

Traditional Exterior design by Richmond Architect Island Architects

Many have asked us what our plans are for growing the family in the future. I have asked God to give me a peace about having a hysterectomy. I can't get a feeling for anything, but certainly don't feel uneasy or "not" at peace with having it done. So I think that will be occurring this year sometimes. Unless it's a true miracle, our hopes of pregnancy are zero. Which is okay. Sometimes I get a little annoyed with the same comment: "Well, you know I knew so-and-so, who were told they couldn't get pregnant and did!" I wish people knew how much I loathe hearing that comment. :) I love that people are trying to be encouraging but infertility is such a difficult thing, and it would be nice if folks would be more supportive of the fact that I CAN'T have children. But, God has given us the gift to be able to adopt children! And for this I am so thankful. We are hoping to adopt 1 or 2 more within the next year or two.

So that's an update on the Mc's. Feels great to be able to update my family & friends that we don't see very often! Love you and miss you guys!