The Meaning of Life (among other things)

SHARPAY!!!!!

2008-03-13T21:39:00.000-07:00

I'm so excited!!!! I got the part!!!!!!! I wanted it soooo bad, and I got it!!!!!!! *squeal!!!!* This is gonna be so much fun!!! Bop to the top!!!

Balance

2008-02-27T20:35:00.000-08:00

This video won an Academy Award for Best Animated Short Film in 1989. It's really an intriguing piece of film, but you have to look outside the box. There's a lot of symbolism, and a lot of interesting ideas. Every time I watch it, I see more and more really deep thoughts in it. I absolutely love this film!!

2008-02-27T16:45:00.000-08:00

I can’t stop running.

It’s pitch black. I have no idea where I am, where I’ve been, or where I’m going. I just know that I have to keep running.

Sweat is pouring down my face. My hair is soaked, and sweat is dripping into my eyes, making them sting and blurring my vision. But it doesn’t matter. I just keep running.

My breath comes in short, heavy gasps. Every breath is a knife in my chest. It feels like I’m breathing razor blades instead of air. But it doesn’t matter. I just keep running.

There’s an awful cramp in my side. It feels as if there’s an arrow stuck in there, and every step buries it deeper and deeper inside of me. But it doesn’t matter. I just keep running.

My legs are on fire. With each step, the fire gets worse, until the pain is almost too much to bear. But it doesn’t matter. I just keep running.

My whole body is screaming for me to stop. But stopping would be suicide. I don’t know how I know this, I just know. If I stop, I’m dead. But with each passing step, I feel more and more like that doesn’t really matter. As if death would be a blessing. But still, I keep on running.

The air is not silent. All around me, it whispers, in voices I cannot understand. But I don’t need to understand. They’re telling me to give in, to just stop running. And I want to. I want to so badly. But to give in is impossible. Because to give in, I have to stop running. And the running is a part of me.

I feel myself slowing down. I know I can’t do this for much longer. Then I stumble. And the next thing I know, I’m sprawled across the floor. And I know, in that moment, I’m all alone. In that moment, I know.

I’m going to die.

But then, the unexpected happens. There is a light, just ahead of me. And I’m not sprawled across the ground anymore. Rather, some invisible force pulls me to my feet, without my even noticing. Or maybe, what’s changed isn’t my position, but my perspective. I stare at the light.

Light. Just a little speck, way off in the distance. But it’s calling me to it. And suddenly I know.

I have to reach it.

I find that I have strength after all. But I also find that I don’t need to run
anymore. Because if I run, I might trip. And then I will never reach the light.

And I’m not alone anymore. There’s a presence with me, a presence that wants to help me. I can’t see it, but I can feel it.

It‘s good.

The whispers are still there. I can hear them more clearly now. And I realize that I was wrong. They know that the running is a part of me, just as much as it’s a part of them. They don’t expect me to stop running. They just expect me to slow down.
So I run a little. But when I do, I notice that the presence is gone. I can’t understand the whispers anymore. So I stop. The whispers become clearer, and the presence returns.

Gradually, I come to realize that I was foolish to waste so much time running from something. What I should have been focusing on was running to something. And now I am. Something perfect, wonderful, and amazing. Something real, pure, and right.

Something I couldn’t have until I stopped running.

My Song

2008-02-26T21:19:00.001-08:00

This is my song. It's such a powerful song, and it really tells the story of my life, especially right now. It's called Stand in the Rain and it's done by a band called Superchic[k].

And the lyrics:

Superchic(k) Stand In The Rain Lyrics

College

2008-01-26T14:38:00.000-08:00

I went and looked at colleges over christmas break. It was really fun. I think I've narrowed down my choices to three that I like:

My absolute favorite was Pepperdine. Tha campus was gorgeous, and the location was perfect. And I just got this really good vibe from the whole place.

The next school that I loved was UCLA. I just got this feeling, especially when I went into the library. A feeling like, I could be anyone I wanted there. I could do anything I wanted to, and I could do it in relative anonymity, which I think I would enjoy immensly.

The last school I liked was UC Irvine. I mean, it's in the OC. It's a beautiful campus. The weather is perfect. And it's like, twenty minutes from Huntington Beach. Yeah, that Huntington Beach.

I'm still kind of in shock. In less than two years, I'm going to be a college student. I'm going to leave everything I know behind, and start my own life. It's going to be weird. But it's going to be good, I think.

Edward Cullen

2007-12-11T16:27:00.000-08:00

For those of you that haven't read Stephenie Meyer's books, I apologise because you won't have a clue what I'm talking about. And if you haven't read them, you should. They really are excellent. But that's beside the point. The point is, they're making Twilight into a movie, and guess who they got to play Edward? Robert Pattinson. You know, the guy who played Cedric Diggory in the Harry Potter movies? Yeah him. But guess what? He's ugly!

Okay, well maybe not ugly. But he's not Edward hot either. And in all his pictures on IMDB, he looks like he's stoned or something! I don't like it!

Their choice for Bella, on the other hand (Kristen Stewart) I like. She's the girl from In the Land of Women and The Messengers. She's good. She could do Bella (and she doesn't look like she's stoned, which is a huge plus)

EDIT: Okay, a friend of mine showed me this video of Robert Pattinson, and now I'm thinking that he might do okay as Edward. At least, I hope he'll do okay (warning: if you haven't seen the movie Vanity Fair, and you don't want the ending spoiled for you, don't watch this):

Boredom

2007-10-23T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm a bad girl! Hahaha. I'm bloging from school!

Edward just left! *tear*

Life.....

2007-10-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

Why is it that life can never be simple? When you finally solve one problem, another one grows in its place, and the problems always get worse. They say that what cannot be cured must be endured, and it is that which makes us stronger. But what if the thing that is supposed to make you stronger breaks your heart? And what if the price you pay isn't worth the lesson learned? How do you fix things?

Laminin

2007-10-21T14:18:00.000-07:00

Now there is no way on earth that I could explain this as well as Louis Giglio, so I'm just going to post the video. But first, let me give you a little background.

Laminin is the single most important protein in your body. It's the protein that holds everything together. Without laminin, you would fall apart.

Now, watch this video:

Isn't that amazing! The cross is what's holding us together. It doesn't get much better than that.

Laminin

Hahaha!

2007-10-06T10:45:00.001-07:00

It works! Awesome!

Does This Work??

2007-10-06T10:44:00.001-07:00

I'm trying out one of the features of Microsoft Word 2007. If this works, then I don't even have to log in to post stuff‼ How awesome would that be? Okay, let's try this out.

MEOW!

2007-10-03T08:10:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know how to get a kitten to shut up without killing it or hurting it or something? Because mine is getting on my nerves!!!!!!!!!!

Pointless rants

2007-10-01T19:01:00.000-07:00

Oh my god. Diane Duane commented on my blog. She is like, one of my idols. If I could write half as well as she does, I would be really happy. As it is, I'm stuck with my mediocre writing and my dreams of being published. It would be so amazing to get published, though I suppose you have to actually finish a novel first. But then, I guess that's the problem, actually finishing the novel. I have a great story, and it all falls together great in my head, but I can't connect the beginning to the end. If I ever finish my book, I would be really happy, but I don't know that I'll ever be fully satisfied with it. Maybe one day I will, but I don't see that happening in the near future. There's life for you. You work and work and work at something, but you never get to the end. Even when you finish one thing, it leads to a whole new project. You finish a book, you have to get an agent. You get an agent, you hace to get a publisher. You get a publisher, you have to market your book. And then what happens if your book becomes popular? Then you have book tours, signings, and you probably end up trying to write a sequel. And the cycle starts all over again. And it just keeps going and going, until you die. And then, what happens when you die? Are you reincarnated as someone else, beginning the cycle all over again? Do you just cease to exist? Or do you go on to some form of afterlife? I hope there's an afterlife. And I hope it's full of books, music, and my friends.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest......

2007-09-30T15:57:00.000-07:00

......is actually a really good movie. When I found out last year that my high school was doing this play, I got a little freaked out. First, it was because I had never heard of it. Then, after I found out what it was about, I got even more freaked out. Insane asylums? Lobotomies? Evil nurses? What was our director thinking?

Still, I love acting, and I decided to do the play, just to broaden my horizons. After all, you can't hate something you've never tried, right? So I tried out, got a part (a totally awesome part, by the way) and soon realized that I needed to see the movie. So I rented it. I had no idea it won Best Picture. Let alone Best Director, Best Actor, Best Actress, and Best Screenplay. The big five, right? How bad could it be?

It was awesome. I absolutely loved it. Though now that I have seen the movie, read the book, and read the script for the play, I have to admit, it is the weakest of the trio. Chief Bromden's importance to the story is never really revealed, and you never really see the change that takes place in him. In the book, he narrates, so you always know what's going through his head. In the play, every scene is ended or began by a monologue from the Chief, where his confused thoughts come to life and you can see the changes taking place in him. In the movie, he's just sort of there. Though I have to admit, I was disappointed that my favorite scene from the movie, Cheswick's "I want my cigarettes, Nurse Ratched!" was not in the play. I love that scene! Cheswick is hilarious! I was looking forward to watching my best friend, who got cast as Cheswick, do that scene, and I was more than a little disappointed when I got the script and learned that it wasn't there. However, it is replaced by another scene that, while it isn't as funny, is still funny, though it also has significance to the storyline. In this scene, which takes place at the very end, Cheswick, Scanlon, and Martini are discussing some of McMurphy's more hilarious antics that didn't make it into the script. It is a slightly depressing scene, however, as the audience can clearly see Chief Bromden suffocating McMurphy in the background.

For those of you who are familiar with the play or the book, I got cast as Scanlon, who, if you've only seen the movie, is building a bomb to blow up the world. He's a hilarious, slightly schizophrenic character, who is over-protective of this box that he has which he is building his bomb in. At times he is surly and unapproachable, and at others, he seems perfectly normal, except for this box he has, which he obsessively checks on every couple seconds. He is completely paranoid that someone is going to steal his bomb, or worse, blow up the world before he gets there.

I am soooooooo excited about this play. Its gonna be the best play we do all year, I think.

Frustrating Poetry

2007-09-30T15:51:00.000-07:00

I didn't write this!!!!! It supposedly has a lot to do with the book A Wizard of Mars, which is the next book in my all-time favorite series (the first one is called So You Want to be a Wizard....they're written by Diane Duane. Go read them!!!!!) though sadly the book doesn't come out for at least a year. But yeah, this is a really ominous poem......it worries me a little bit.....considering what I know about the book so far.......

EDIT: I absolutely can't believe that Diane Duane commented on my blog!!!!!!!! *fangirl scream* thanks so much for the correction! I can't wait for your next book!!!

The one departed
is the one who returns
from the straitened circle
and the shortened night,
when the blue star rises
and the water burns;
then the word long lost
comes again to light
to be spoke by the watcher
who silently yearns
for the lost one found.
Yet to wreak aright,
she must slay her rival
and the first world spurn
lest the one departed

no more return...

Ominous, foreboding, and frustrating..........

High School Musical

2007-09-23T15:26:00.000-07:00

WHY? Why, why, why, why, why did it have to be High School Musical? Of all the musicals we could possibly do, why did it have to be that one? It's so......High School Musical....

But no, I'm going to be open minded.....I'm not going to judge a musical before I act in it.....who knows, maybe it'll be fun! I could be......oooooh, I could be Sharpay! I mean, I've got the whole package going. I'm tall, blonde, I can do the whole bi-atch thing, and I could drag whatever poor sap got cast as my brother around the stage.....

But still, High School Musical.......*sigh* Well, what cannot be cured, must be endured.......

Chris Crocker

2007-09-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

Is a person who needs help. Now. His videos are not helping Britney Spears in any way. All they are doing is showing the world that Chris Crocker is a poor soul who needs to seek therapy of some sort. Anyone who makes out with their brother has serious issues as it is, but when you go off and say that you're going to kill yourself if Britney Spears dies, that's going way to far. If you're reading this and you're a therapist, will you please go find Chris Crocker and put him in a mental hospital?

If you haven't heard of Chris Crocker, go here http://www.youtube.com/user/itschriscrocker. but I warn you, he is very free with his language. If you are uncomfortable with anything above the crap level, don't watch his videos. Ask someone else about them.

I love.....

2007-09-12T08:27:00.000-07:00

Wednesdays. It's the middle of the week, which means we're halfway done with school, plus, thanks to the block schedule at my school, I have all my easy classes today, which means I have to do very little. And, thanks to this new teacher collaboration thing, school doesn't start until nine!!! And to top it all off, cast lists are supposed to be posted today. But we'll see how well that goes. Knowing our director, it could be Thursday, or Friday, or Monday. Or possibly even Tuesday. Who knows.

Auditions

2007-09-10T17:40:00.000-07:00

A necessary evil. I love acting, but I hate auditions. I think its mostly the judging thing. Its not like you're just acting to have fun, its like, you're being judged on how well you can perform a monologue that you got five minutes ago. It's not even indicative of real life. You don't have weeks and weeks and months and months to memorize your lines and figure out how to say them just right and figure out exactly where to move and when and what your facial expressions should be....you have like, ten minutes. Plus, everyone else is out there practicing their monologues, so that makes it harder to concentrate. And when you know you're the next one on the list, you know you should read over your monologue one last time, but you're too nervous. And then she comes out. "Next!" and your heart stops beating. You go into the theater, and you see "the panel" just sitting there, waiting for you. So you go up and you tell them your name, and your grade, and you confirm that you can go to all the rehearsals, and then you do your monologue. You know you mess up a few times, but you keep going. You just take it in stride. And then you finally finish, and they ask you to do it again, only without looking at the script. Of course, you don't have your monologue memorized, so you try to look at the script without being to obvious about it. Then finally they let you go, and you breathe a sigh of relief. "Break a leg," you tell your friend. (In theater, its bad luck to say "good luck.") And then you get to sit and tell everyone how you think you did okay while your best friend sweats it out in the audition room. And then she's done, and you both leave, glad it's finally over. And then you get to wait for a week until they tell you which part you got (if you even got one).

And you wonder why we all hate auditions......

Braces...

2007-09-10T17:20:00.000-07:00

HURT!!!

Great Music

2007-09-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

I have a thing for older music. Like, the Great American Classics by Rod Stewart....ahhh. That's real music. Here are a few of my favorite songs:

Autumn Leaves...this is such a beautiful song. If you get a chance, listen to it in French, the original language. It is absolutely beautiful. I wish I could find it on youtube.....

Summertime...another beautiful song. George Gershwin was a musical genius....its so sad that he died so young. I love everything he's ever written

this song always makes me cry...it's so beautiful...

Georgia is such a beautiful state...this song totally captures the scope and beauty of it.

I'm not a big Kathryn Mcphee fan, but this was the best version of this song I could find. And I really do like the song.

This one is so long, I had to upload it in two parts. But it is such a good song! And the clarinat solo at the beginning.....*sigh* absolutely beautiful. I love the part where they're ice skating. It's so beautiful.

I think that's about it...I might add more later, but I'm done for now.

Angry Rant

2007-09-08T12:46:00.000-07:00

Why do people have to be so rude? What makes it okay for him to laugh at me when I complain, but when he complains, I'm supposed to give him all this sympathy and crap. That's hypocritical in itself, but then don't call me a b**** behind my back. If you have something to say to me, say it to my face. And if you're so mad at me, tell me and give me a chance to fix it, don't just ignore me. That's just rude.

And another thing. Don't get mad at her for telling me what you called me. You should know better than anyone that we tell each other everything, and she would never keep something like that to herself. You would tell me if someone said that about me, so don't you dare get mad at her. If you do, we're done. You are so important to me, but right now, I would give all that up, because you've never treated me with all the respect I deserve. I respect your feelings, and sometimes you need to return the favor. When I'm complaining about life, don't laugh at me and say "Well that sucks." Show a little sympathy! Sometimes it feels like you take me for granted. But I can be gone in a moment, and then how would you feel? Would you miss me? You probably wouldn't even care. You have no idea how much I've sacrificed for you. I've felt every possible human emotion for you, and yet I still haven't given up on you. I would die for you in an instant, but would you extend the same courtesy to me? And if I did die for you, would you care? What if I died right now. And who knows, maybe I could. Life just sucks that way. If I did, would you regret being mad t me, or would you just stay mad at me for all of eternity?

I never wanted to be mad at you. I never wanted to feel so broken and empty like this. And only you can do this to me. And yet, I trust you not to. Maybe I shouldn't trust you anymore. Maybe I should take back everything I've ever felt for you and just end everything here. Except, I know I never could. You're just too important to me. But I don't know if I'm all that important to you. So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I need to know how much you care, because otherwise, I'm just going to give up on you.

And another thing. I love you. I never stopped, and I don't know if I ever will. But I'm going to stop trying to force myself to get over you, and just let it happen when it wants to. But I know you don't love me in that way, and I'm perfectly happy to just be friends. I don't want you in that way. Not unless it will make you happy. Because that's all I want. If you're happy with someone else, then you should be with that person. If you're happier without me in your life at all, just say the word and I'll disappear. And I don't want this to affect our friendship, because I don't know how to live without you. I just want you to be happy.

And......yeah, that's all I have to say on that subject. For all you people who read this and got confused, I apologise. And to the one person who read this and understood exactly what I was talking about........don't make me say it again....

Fights

2007-09-07T16:40:00.001-07:00

I hate fighting with friends. It always makes me so mad! Especially when a friend is mad at you for no reason! Grr...I wonder if Charly strangled him today....

No, that's mean. I don't want him to die. I just wish people would tell me when they're mad at me, instead of just ignoring me for the entire period. If you're reading this, YOU RUINED MY DAY!!!!!

Jerk.

World's most hilarious video

2007-09-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

Well...maybe not. But it is pretty funny!

Majors

2007-09-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

I love band. I play clarinet and Alto Saxophone, and I absolutely love it. I really want to major in music, but I can't really see a practical application for it. I mean, what can you do as a music major? Teach band? I don't want to be a teacher, I want to be a writer. Which means majoring in English. But I hate writing essays. I love writing fictional stories, and I love reading, but essays? Eww. I don't want to over analize books. That takes all the fun out of reading. So maybe I shouldn't major in English. But what career can you turn a music degree into? I supose I could play in a Symphony Orchestra. Or I could work for MJF. Hmmm...life is so complicated.