The Melthair Guide to Ale

Anchor Brewing Co. - Liberty Ale 5.9%

noreply@blogger.com (Ben) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 20:32:00 +0000

Taste: Fizz tangs and rockets; fireworks in your mouth like the 4th of July! These boys have brought liberty to my mouth sensors. I can seriously taste the handmade and entirely natural carbonation process these lads promised me on their delightful label. Fizzy and delicious in a non yellow way.

Appearance: Cloudy gold like the brass band trombones that play out in the San Francisco streets.

Would you buy 2? Hey man, if I could find a place that stocks this liberal brew I'd definitely buy 2.

Would you buy 4? When the San Francisco streets are running wild and the bells of liberty are clanging, do you say 'no, I'll stop at 2'? No, of course not! You say 'yes my good man, I'll keep drinking this bad boy until I'm numb.'

Rating (out of 7): 6****** I love San Francisco; such a beautiful city. Turns out I also love their ale. I'll be researching the Anchor Brewing Co. with feverish interest.

Location:Wimbledon, London

Rhymney - Export 5%

noreply@blogger.com (Creamhorn Records) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 18:48:00 +0000

Taste: Rhymney brewery hasn't got to best track record so far, so I approached this with trepidation. Then I noticed a silver sticker saying medal winner with a nice image of a cup. I relaxed a little. Then I relaxed even more after the first taste. Refreshing for sure, but in a wintry way. As the gulp goes in, a ham briefly licks my tongue, there's a fizz, then I have an imaginary cigar working my throat- but it's a cafe creme and it's all over so quick. This is easy to drink but I may need more action.

Appearance: A real satisfying mahogany. I would make furniture from it if I could.

Would you buy 2? In certain circumstances (see below), yes I would.

Would you buy 4? Never say never, but do say very unlikely.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * This is perfect if you need a quencher whilst climbing a snowey mountain or Rhymney Hill http://www.gtj.org.uk/en/large/item/GTJ01715/

Oakham Ales - JHB Jeffrey Hudson Bitter 4.2%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 14:58:00 +0000

Taste: A light, sharp, citrusy one from Oakham. Goes well with my ploughman's. I'm enjoying it. One for the beer garden.

Appearance: see-through yellow. Named after a brave 3 1\2 ft duelist! Sounds awesome.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. I'm
The sun.

Would you buy 4? I see no reason not to.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** not wildly different. But delicious none the less.

Location:Victoria Rise,London,United Kingdom

Ilkley Brewery - Mary Jane 3.5%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 18:17:00 +0000

Taste: whoa. This is crisp... Lager crisp. Maybe a bite from my pickled egg will mellow things out.... Yes! It worked. I'm getting some lemon flavoured wheat flavours here. I chose it for it's lightness so I'm not sad.

Appearance: straw yellow. Fruity pink bottle which drew me to it.

Would you buy 2? I'll have to wait a few minutes to see if I'll receive effects similar to partaking in the sweet mary Jane. Although I've no reference for what that feels like. So I'll guess.

Would you buy 4? if I was at an outdoor summer beer fest.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** a good deal of pleasure. Best taken with a pickled egg.

Location:Hannington Rd,London,United Kingdom

Wychwood Brewery - King Goblin 6.6%

noreply@blogger.com (Creamhorn Records) — Sat, 11 Feb 2012 15:46:00 +0000

Taste: I approached this ale fearing the average. I'm happy to be proven wrong! Harsh biscuits, cherries and alcohol burn. Smokey wet pencils on the aftertaste. Not super delicious, but not tasteless.

Appearance: A comfortable ale brown. Pleasing to the eye. I'm not over keen on goblins - too sneaky to be ale brewers surely?

Would you buy 2? Depends on the competition really... Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Would you buy 4? It wouldn't be much of an adventure.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * a good 4 starrer.

Thwaites - Frothy Moth (4%)

noreply@blogger.com (Creamhorn Records) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:29:00 +0000

Taste: Not much. Then a slight hint of green coloured fruit gums and wax. Then not much again.

Appearance: Ale is aztec gold. Moth's are a gold ale insect.

Would you buy 2? I would be drawn in and then disappointed.

Would you buy 4? No. Too uneventful.

Rating (out of 7): Not terrible - just bland. (* * * 3 stars by the way!)

The Kernel Brewery - Export Stout London 1890 7.1%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:10:00 +0000

Taste: Tastes natural. Like a pine cone encrusted with soil or a pair of well loved gardening gloves. It's enjoyable. I'm going to savour this one. It's a confusing one to drink on the precipice of spring. It tastes very autumnal.

Appearance: I'm hoping that this is a recipe from 1890. I'd get a real bang out of a thing like that. Beer is too dark to see.

Would you buy 2? I'm going to buy one and store it for 60 years. It should do the trick when I'm ninety.

Would you buy 4? I could buy four to share, or to savour over 4 nights.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Well done!

Location:The Chase,,United Kingdom

Magic Rock Brewing - Cannonball 7.4%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 22:34:00 +0000

Taste: Smells really hoppy! Ouch! So hoppy, it stings my tongue. So many hops. It feels like I'll never know moisture again. It has less of the sweetness of the stronger 'Human Cannonball'. It's delicious none the less.

Appearance: Weak tea. Cool bottle art as usual.

Would you buy 2? I would. But I'd be searching the shelf for Human Canonball.

Would you buy 4? It could be done,

Rating (out of 7): 5***** a fruity, hoppy pleasure gulp.

Location:Sofa

The Kernel Brewery - IPA Black III 7.4%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 20:51:00 +0000

Taste: The third incarnation of an already six star beer still has a brave smell and it's half a percent stronger this batch. That's a bonus.... My god! That's the best feeling beer I've ever tasted! It has the feel of cream. Cream that tastes like beer. It sticks all over your mouth touching every tastebud. Still tastes like coffee and yoghurt with a hop crumble.

Appearance: Black oil. I like that the three in the name is written in numerals. Like a film. Or a clock.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. A supping beer can't get any better.

Would you buy 4? Immediately.

Rating (out of 7): 6****** quite amazing.

Location:Victoria Rise,London,United Kingdom

Harviestoun - Old Engine Oil Porter 6%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 21:18:00 +0000

Taste: oily rag. There's no doubt that it's been used to wipe down an old steam engine. Quite bitter. But pleasingly thick. Not bad at all.

Appearance: dark. Oil black. Good info on label.

Would you buy 2? yes. Happily.

Would you buy 4? Buying four really would be the ultimate reward. For the brewers.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** much better than the wet and wobbly whiskey aged one I had from harviestoun.

Location:Sofa

Young's - Winter Warmer 5%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 14:22:00 +0000

Taste: Hot wet alcohol. It's nice. I can't taste it on account of my cold. But the boozyness is doing a world of good.

Appearance: berry red. But brown.

Would you buy 2? Yes please. Then put me to bed.

Would you buy 4? Why not. There is no offensiveness to be found.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** a nice winter pint.

Location:Riverside,,United Kingdom

Sam L. Smith - Yorkshire Stingo 8%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 19:39:00 +0000

Taste: after being stuck in traffic for two hours on a Friday evening. This is needed dearly. So, unsavoury as it is, let's review this ale in a nice hot bath... Okay, I'm disappointed. I was expecting strong, sweet tasting booze. But deceitfully, this beer tastes weak! (I might add that I have an almighty cold so my taste buds may not be active) its working now. I can tell it's eight percent. But for a beer that boasts an ageing of over a year I expected wild tastes beyond my craziest dreams.

Appearance: weird beano bottle art reminds me of the Chandos pub in trafalgar square. Is that the same Sam smith? If so... Stay away from their pure brewed larger. It's deadly. Oh, beer is maroon.

Would you buy 2? I don't know? Maybe. Yes why not. It's pretty nice. Not offensive.

Would you buy 4? Only if I had been lost in the. Welsh mountains all day, then I stumbled across a pub, which within lay an open fire. Then I'd order four.

Rating (out of 7): 4**** I've been harsh.

Location:In the bath

Corsendonk - Dubbel 7.5%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 20:25:00 +0000

Taste: I had a hankering for a Belgian beer, so here we are. I'm mainly tasting those dried raspberries that you you get in Country Crisp cereal. Or raspberry blancmange. I'd prefer if it tasted stronger. It's a bit of a wet blanket; hard to lift but not very tasty. It's pretty interesting, but I'm sticking with the blancmange description...

Appearance: Mysterious bottle is hard to read, and I'm not sure I got the name right on this post. Beer is dark.

Would You Buy 2? I might not. I wouldn't be sad if I had already purchased two, however.

Would You Buy 4? no chance. That's crazy talk.

Rating (Out of 7): 4**** tiny dehydrated raspberries.

The Kernel Brewery - IPA Columbus Summit 6.8%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 23:29:00 +0000

Taste: Nectar. Too good for words. The Kiwi's have a lot to answer for. The first sip quickly descended into a discussion about UK high gravity beer tax and the ignorance of UK government officials and their perception of the ale drinking market. To the bureaucrats down at city hall a special brew tramp and an ale connoisseur are the same thing on paper.

Appearance: It's cloudy, forgivably, and golden. Sample, but in a nice way.

Would you buy 2? Yup. It's a good-time beer.

Would you buy 4? Yes. But I would need it in writing that I Would be "taken care of" after I have drunk them. These are a strict mistress.... Did you know Beyonce just had a baby?

Rating (out of 7): 6****** As sweet as a trip to the Rotorua Agrodome. Where you might see the best sheep pyramid on earth and where I received a certificate of 'udderance' for milking a cow on stage.

Windsor & Eton Brewey - Conqueror 1075 Black IPA 7.4%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 22:51:00 +0000

Taste: This beer is set nine years after whatever William the Conquerer did at the battle of Hastings. Perhaps the sequel to those events. Oh god... I love ale, It's so stouty. F**k! It's bloody. Like a battle... It's giving me a feeling of Euphoria because I haven't drunk ale since Christmas and I've been reading Game of Thrones. Tastes like all my favorite things; Marmite, Whiskey, Licorice and Cigars.

Appearance: It's got Facebook and Twitter icons on it. It's a vain attempt to drag a medieval ale into the twenty-first century. The label actually lowers my expectations... Quite eighties. Noughties taste.

Would you buy 2? Yeah. But I didn't buy the first one. The person typing this review bought it for me.

Would you buy 4? No. Too stouty... You can't drinks four of these.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** Best served after a whole block of blue cheese, a whole bottle of Port, a bowl of Peanut M&M's.

Magic Rock Brewing Co. - High Wire 5.5%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 18:30:00 +0000

Taste: Hop smack! Right in my face. Some kind of fruitiness there too. It feels creamy in my mouth, but I'm tasting and reviewing a rich pasta sauce at the same time as this. This is pretty wild stuff.

Appearance: Bright eyes, burning like fire. Candylion bottle.

Would you buy 2? Yes. I'd have two. Life's to short not to.

Would you buy 4? Although I want four, clearly. As a man who lives in a house. I can clearly see that the grapefruit build-up in your body would start to reach dangerous levels. So let's leave it.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** progressive beer. More magic from the rock.

Mikkeller - Beer Hop Breakfast 7.5%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 19:38:00 +0000

Taste: It's way dense.... Massy. It folds into your mouth. It's like slime or big goo. It won't go down. I physically have to suck. Smokey! It's like a bonfire being stamped out by teens. Metallic too, like girders. I. Ron. Butterfly. Hoppy and dry too.

Appearance: Black holes. Mysterious bottle.

Would you buy 2? Yes. But I wouldn't know where from. Oh, the beer boutique in Putney apparently.

Would you buy 4? Over time. Four in a row and you'd 'become' gravity. Eventually pushed down into a big thick paste.

Rating (out of 7): 5***** in hind-sight I don't think I would be able I take two in succession.

Location:Penwith Rd,London,United Kingdom

Ascot Ales - Posh Pooch 4.2%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 20:58:00 +0000

Taste: Fruity rainwater with floating hop flowers. Very refreshing. It went well with our celebratory Chinese New Year meal. Lemon peel lips.

Appearance: on the orange side of brown. The pooch doesn't look so posh. They should have drawn on a scarf and pipe.

Would You Buy 2? I think I could, you know. It may not be the most interesting taste. But it is very easy going.

Would You Buy 4? Why not!? I'm feeling relaxed.

Rating (Out of 7): 4**** almost a five.

Location:Clapham, London

Otter Brewery - Otter Head (5.8%)

noreply@blogger.com (Creamhorn Records) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 17:42:00 +0000

Taste: Furry on the tongue, a big hit of iron. Like licking a rusty steam engine. Or maybe the taste of oxygen rich blood. You've cut your lip after licking a traction engine at the New Forest fair and your trying to rinse your mouth with ale and fermenting grass. That's the only way to describe the taste. Complex and good!

Appearance: Everyone likes otters. The ale is a solid reliable brown. Reassuring.

Would you buy 2? To feel rustic, yes I would.

Would you buy 4? With a friend, I'd buy four. Drinking more would be tough but rewarding.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * * Not to everyone's taste maybe, but it's an eventful ale

Arkells - Bees Organic Ale (4.5%)

noreply@blogger.com (Creamhorn Records) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 17:22:00 +0000

Taste: A touch bland and then a gone off pickled egg slaps the roof of your mouth. Uurrrggh. Distinctly unpleasant aftertaste. Where's the honey? Why do ales with bee based labels always seem so enticing? This is a disappointment. Hang on, it is improving... Not by much though.

Appearance: Ale is the colour of lager and blood mixed together. A sort of orange.

Would you buy 2? I'd rather not.

Would you buy 4? Not on the agenda. It's not even subject to status.

Rating (out of 7): * * ( maybe harsh, but the blandness is it's downfall.)

Newby-Wyke Brewey - White Squall 4.8%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 01:36:00 +0000

Taste: The professional staff of the Bournemouth Weatherspoon have kindly given us half a pint of free line cleaner in our beer. That, or this is one tangy, insides-cleansing gulp! Bread and butter and pine cones.
Appearance: Sample. Not good. Nice pump art though. Nautical.

Would you buy 2? We accidentally did. Never again.

Would you buy 4? My motor functions are shutting down....

Rating (out of 7): 2** just awful.

Location:Christchurch Rd,West Parley,United Kingdom

Monteith's - Black beer (5.2%)

noreply@blogger.com (Creamhorn Records) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 14:28:00 +0000

Taste: Ooooh, smokey metal action. Tastes of cigars and a fine ham, mixed well with a slight bitter fizz. Aftertaste is all about the charcoal.

Appearance: Actually, a very very dark red. Pretty much black.

Would you buy 2? Yes. Yes I would.

Would you buy 4? Are you under an umbrella in the rain? If yes, buy four! Is the sun out? Think again.

Rating (out of 7): * * * * * (a fine New Zealand ale!)

Ascot Ales - Alligator Ale 4.6%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:06:00 +0000

Taste: Whoa! Smells good, but the first taste is that of swallowing salty water with a dose of sand. Let's see how this pans out... It's hoppy, bitter. Best suited to sitting on a picnic table in a pub garden.

Appearance: Orangeade. The sleazy alligator on the bottle sealed the deal when choosing this one.

Would You Buy 2? It has a warming aftertaste. In turn, I am warming to the ale. I'd buy two.

Would You Buy 4? It's grown on me in a matter of minutes. I reminds me of butter for some reason. This is pretty good! Four please!

Rating (Out of 7): 5***** what a confusing beer. It's smacked me upside the head.

Location:Clapham

Brewdog - Trashy Blonde 4.1%

noreply@blogger.com (Darren Woolridge) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 18:39:00 +0000

Taste: I was worried by the smell, but actually, the first sip is much better than I imagined. The fruitiness from the smell stays there, but there's a hint of sweetness to the beer still. It's actually reminiscent of Orangeboom, the student lager of choice. But in a good way.

Appearance: The first Brewdog bottle that isn't insulting. Well done. Beer is blonde.

Would You Buy 2? I'm not so sure. The metallic taste is coming to get me.

Would You Buy 4? No chance. Hang on... Maybe as a round for four friends or well-wishers.

Rating (Out of 7): 4**** it's a good time beer. But the time being had, is a little boring.

Location:Goodenough Rd,London,United Kingdom

Jennings - Soggy Bottom 3.8%

noreply@blogger.com (Rich and Pip) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 12:38:00 +0000

Taste: Taste buds too cold to work maybe. Or is it actually just quite bland and tasteless?

Appearance: Calamitous, but also shiny, and pleased as punch.

Would you buy 2? No, the temptation of finding another pub with better beer is too strong.

Would you buy 4? Not today, I'm hoping for something more delicious.

Rating (out of 7): 3*** Disappointingly average.

Location: Chapel-en-le-Frith, Derbyshire