So here’s some Tuesday tough love (which is not even a category, but I’m making it one today):

You know why you’re not making the money you want to be making?

Getting the clients you want to be getting?

And/or living the life you want to be living?

Do you know why?

The reason is simple.

Nobody cares.

That’s it. It’s simple. Nobody cares.

Nobody cares what you’re doing. And nobody cares about you.

Period.

That’s harsh, so let me pat some baby powder on your ass real quick and then explain what I mean. (Because, seriously, if someone were so blunt with me, I’d demand some damn baby powder, too. And a vodka. But unfortunately it’s BYOV today, so you’re on your own.)

Let’s back up the train for a second–am I saying that people shouldn’t care about you? No. Am I saying you aren’t worth paying attention to? Absolutely not.

What I am saying, however, is that you might not be making people care enough. And by that, what I really mean is that you might not be LEADING enough.

If you’re out there and you really know your stuff, then you damn well better act like it. And the best way to act like it isn’t about playing nice, or reciting quotes, or asking questions, or jacking off on Twitter all day long and “connecting” with everyone and their brother–everyone except the people who are going to PAY YOU.

No. The best way to act like it is to LEAD THE PEOPLE YOU WANT AS CUSTOMERS.

What does that mean?

It means taking a stance.

It means having an opinion.

It means giving that opinion.

And it means doing so with unshakable confidence.

It means treating your business like a business (and not a child’s hobby).

It means showing up when you say you’re going to, and doing what you’ve promised.

It means being useful.

It means being helpful.

It means being the GO-TO person for YOUR THING.

It means knowing your shit.

And proving it.

It means understanding what your customers crave…

and then going out of your damn way to give it to them. (And give it to ‘em hard.)

It means standing up

When everyone else is sitting down

And it means having a voice

In a sea of silence.

It isn’t always easy.

But neither is swallowing the fact that you could have BEEN MORE – DONE MORE – HAD MORE – MADE MORE – LIVED MORE…

…but chose not to.

So stand the fuck up.

And lead somebody.

MAKE YOUR CUSTOMERS CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY.

Then watch how it affects your sales.

Your self-esteem.

Your business.

And your life.

Give ‘em something to care about.

And they will.

That’s when you’ll really have a business.

Anything else is just a sorry facade of a dream that could have been.

Don’t let it be. 

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother’s Blog.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Book writing is addicting.

Do you know how much ass I’ve turned down, in the name of finishing The Middle Finger Project–The Book? It’s sort of like a daily crack fix. Not like I would know anything about crack, but hey, when I used to do PR for AWeber, I drove through West Philly every day. That’s got to qualify me for something.

I was discussing marketing strategies for the book the other day with my Behind Closed Doors members, and I shared a few fun excerpts that I want to share here, too, because ultimately, I will need your help–particularly when it comes to fun things like subtitles, which I’ll ask you to vote on soon, once I get my final list together.

But for now, here’s a sample of what’s to come. Hide your children. And your booze. You will want to drink it all after this circus.

Top 10 Signs You Shouldn’t Be Reading This Book.

10. You’re offended by the title.

9. You couldn’t hold your own in a trucker’s bar while drinking Jim Beam on the rocks. (Important business skill. Like knowing how to golf or speak Chinese.)

8. You’re a racist clown. Or just a racist. Or just a clown.

7. You don’t believe in hard work, and you’re happy with the status quo.

6. You admire someone with a mullet.

5. You have no sympathy for the homeless, the downtrodden, or people who mistakenly believe spandex are a good idea.

4. You think Anthony Bourdain is a foul-mouthed idiot buffoon. (He’s not.)

3. You don’t know who Anthony Bourdain is because you hate travel.

2. You don’t hold the door for people (just because I hate you fuckers.)

1. You’ve dated me. This may or may not eradicate 50% of my readership.

If you’re reading this book against fair warning, and I receive a whiny email from you, I will promptly send someone to dump hot wax all over your keyboard before laughing cruelly and snapping a Polaroid of your reaction, which will then go directly into my secret photography collection labeled, “Told you so.” Ditto for anyone with a Jesus fish stuck to the back of their car; it’s not that I don’t like you, but we both know you shouldn’t be reading this book. God is judging you and so am I.

Other people who shouldn’t be reading this book: Sarah Palin, Anyone from Kansas, my 3^rd grade karate teacher, and Danny Tanner from Full House.

Dear Spaniard in London Who Has My Panties,

What was that?

Please reconsider your tactics for the next American tourist you bed. We really do have high expectations of your kind.

Olé!

Ashley

I go immediately. And I go alone.

When I get there, an elderly couple opens the door, and I immediately feel safe in their presence. Betty gets me a warm cup of tea, and William sits down with me at the desk, in their dim, living room style office. We begin to fill out the paperwork. The process feels a bit cold and calculated; after so many years of life, everything is really just summed up on a short couple of lines: Your death certificate.

“Date of birth?”

“4/29/44,” I respond flatly.

“Date of death?”

“Today, January 17^th.”

“Father’s name?

“Uhhhhhhh…..”

I suddenly can’t remember. Of course not. The one time I need to remember this man’s name, I can’t remember it for the life of me–no pun intended. Was it Harry? Henry? I was fairly certain it was one of those, but which one?

Fuckin’ A, grandpa.

Getting your first job out of college is a lot like sleeping with your high school boyfriend for the first time.

You’re optimistic and hopeful. Maybe a little nervous. But excited, nevertheless.

You go out and practically buy a whole new wardrobe, and then you wait with anticipation for the day to come.

And then…it does.

And let’s just say things don’t turn out to be as… fulfilling as you always imagined. And so first you wonder if it’s you. Were my expectations too high? And then you start to wonder if it’s them. Maybe they aren’t a good–fit–for me. But either way, you’re disappointed.

But unlike your high school boyfriend, however, you actually have a commitment to this new job you’ve signed up for. You can’t just leave after a month, because lord knows that would make you look like a huge _______. (Fill in the blank.) So, you stick it out. You hear the alarm clock go off every morning, and you resent the shit out of that stupid little high pitched beeping asshole sound. But you take a deep breath, and you get up and go to work anyway, armed with a 281 ounce cup of coffee to provide you with at least some minimal pleasure during the bullshit morning commute that makes you want to roll down your window and toss the whole thing right at the Chinese woman in the sand-colored Toyota Camry—mostly for braking way more than she has to, but also because she’s skinnier than you, and this pisses you off.

It was the kind of kissing that involves heaps of tongue.

Chileans, as I would later find out, love tongue. They think the tongue’s just the greatest. They’ll stick it in your mouth all day long if you’ll let ‘em. Swirl it around. Violently. Hurricane violently. Round and round and round we go! When will it stop—nobody knows! Fuck breathing. Who breathes? Only pussies breathe. This is championship style kissing, folks, where the winner takes all. All your mouth, that is. And maybe your appetite.

If you couldn’t tell, I’m having a BALL with this project. Marta, my fabulous designer, is working on the cover art right now, and The Middle Finger Project–The Book is really taking shape.

Soon, I’ll ask you to vote on possible subtitles, but for now, I’m curious: Is there something in particular you’d like to see go into this book?

Unlike You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts, this book won’t be focused on providing business advice; It’s written in memoir style, telling inspirational (and inappropriate) stories of travels, business deals, and life, but still will carry the fundamental message of The Middle Finger Project throughout–that life is short and you’re going to die soon, so hustle and remember that vodka tastes better abroad.

What? That’s the message. You thought it was about rainbows?

As a personal favor, I’d like to ask you to leave a comment on what *you’d* love to read about in the book–it’ll help me so much as I continue to push forward with this project, and we release it into the world.

Thank you for all of your support, now and always.

It’s go time, baby.

Time to finish a book.

One that I hope will help others gain a welcome, fresh perspective on life, and also make them pee their pants a little bit.

YES THAT IS AN ACTUAL OBJECTIVE.

I mean, what’s life without a little unexpected urination once and a while?

Not one I want to be living.

After all, that’s why they make underwear, you know.

THE MIDDLE FINGER PROJECT. NOT YOUR GRANDMOTHER’S BLOG.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Darling -

I just wanted to send out a dirty little love note telling you that YOUR WORK IS HOT. YOU ARE HOT. AND YOUR LIFE IS ABOUT TO GET HOTTER.

Blind faith is sexy.

Get some.

BE SOMEBODY.

Love and a Tuesday slap on the ass,

Ash

P.S. In the next couple of hours I’ll be sending out the latest segment of Behind Closed Doors to members – it’s where I spill all of my secrets, plans, and strategies for my own business, and for my clients, in order to help inspire you in yours. This group is so exclusive it isn’t even advertised on the site anymore. Thought I’d give you a chance to join, though, if this interests you. It’s $20 to join and start receiving segments straight to your inbox as they’re created  – then $20/month thereafter if you decide to stick around. (Cancel anytime in any email.)

Click here to come join us.  Before today’s is published. But shhhhhhhhhhh.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

It’s Sunday morning.

I’m sitting at my dining room table with coffee, staring out the front door of my new condo here in Costa Rica, looking at this:

That’s right. Pineapple man hooked me up with one of the new condos they’re selling. I spent a good portion of yesterday out there by the pool, barbecuing chicken with friends, having a few micheladas. (Michelada: Beer mixed with lemonade, served in a glass with a salted rim.)

He’s made it incredibly easy for Americans to come and buy here, as he’s financed it all himself, and therefore buyers don’t have to go through Costa Rican banks, etc.–it’s the only opportunity in the whole country like this. On top of that, he’s running a special program where they’ll manage and rent out your property to tourists when you’re not here, if you want, which can be ultra profitable. For that reason, there are a few Americans living here. One in particular from Philadelphia, also. What are the fucking odds?

The point is that he’s doing something that no one else in Costa Rica is doing, and for that reason, he’s created a niche for himself. And things are going well, so I’m fascinated, as you can imagine.

(By the way, if you’re interested in making a pretty damn profitable business investment here, let me know. I will get you the hook up, too. Ocean front access included, baby. $185,000. Oh, life is tough here in Costa Rica!)

Anyway.

As I floated on my back in the water–getting way too much sun–I was thinking about a past client who was having trouble getting people on board with her message. (i.e. Zero subscribers, zero clients, zero income, zero business.)

And guess what?

Before she said anything, I already knew why.

At the end of the day, it was because she didn’t have a message for anyone to latch onto.

She was wishy washy.

Unconvincing.

Vanilla.

Her uncertainty about herself translated into an uncertainty about her business–and it oozed right off of her, and onto potential prospects, who ALSO felt uncertain about her as a result.

For example: She loved to present balanced arguments in blog posts. Why? Because she was afraid that if she presented just one side (her actual opinion), she’d receive too much lash back. Criticism. Unflattering comments. And she’d lose the last shred of confidence she was clinging onto.

But here’s the thing.

If you expect people to pay you, those same people need to feel like they have a reason to pay you. And the only reason they have to pay you, is because you know something they don’t. Therefore, they need to perceive you as knowing something they don’t. And the only way that’s going to happen, so help me vodka, is if you speak AUTHORITATIVELY WITH CONVICTION.

This is not a game.

You are the authority.

You know your shit.

You have the solution they need.

And it is NOT up for discussion.

You need a belief that you can really stand on.

It’s black and white–you or NO ONE.

Because you are THE authority on your thing.

And if you don’t feel like THE authority on your thing, then go out and MAKE YOURSELF the authority on your thing. (This isn’t about deceiving people–it’s about hustling to become the best in the game for what you specifically do, and letting people KNOW about it with no shame, or hesitation, or wishy washy, or “wellllll…I’m trying to become this…..”  No. You either are or you aren’t. There is no room for gray when it comes to marketing yourself. Stand UP and stand OUT.)

Only once you start exuding the confidence of an authority, will you be perceived as an authority, and will people pay you to be that authority.

Until then, you’re more or less just the shadow of one.

And people don’t pay shadows.

Shadows are creepy.

In the comments…

I’d love to hear–with CONVICTION–who you are, who you help, and how.

Bonus points if you use all caps, since caps are cool. (Clearly.)

I want to hear it.

Even if I already know who you are.

Remember: Shadows ARE creepy.

Come forth!

Be heard.

Loud and proud, baby.

Let’s go.

*sips coffee*  *taps foot*  *bats eyelashes*  *waits patiently*  *winks* *coughs on hairball* *pretends no one noticed*

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother’s Blog.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Ever jump in a pool fully clothed?

You gotta try it.

Borderline rebellious, without landing you a spot in jail, or any unplanned pregnancies. (Usually.)

I’m pretty sure I’ve jumped into more pools clothed than the average human being, which must qualify me for something. Something other than the insane asylum. Or the WWF.

My favorite occasion, since we’re clearly having a discussion about this, was at a national sales conference in Atlanta, Georgia. There we were, myself and the other top producers in the nation, after a long day of meetings. Naturally we’re all in suits. Mine was from Victoria’s Secret. It was a skirt suit. Pencil, to be exact.

The hotel bar was closed, so the next best thing, of course, was the indoor pool area.

Joe Schmo and Bob the Builder were sighing about how they wished they could swim; meanwhile, I took one look around me and…knew what must be done. *cue ancient Chinese gong*

This would take jumping-in-clothed to a whole new level.

And I was ready.

Before anyone knew what was happening, I held my nose and took a running start toward the deep end.

When I surfaced, the looks on their faces was a hybrid of shock, delight and WTF.

And then, before I knew it, one by one they, too, tossed off their shoes and cannonballed in, business suit and all. (One guy stripped down to his boxers. He doesn’t count.)

What a blast we had.

I remembered this story yesterday, as I chased an obnoxiously large frog around my pool here in Costa Rica, trying to capture him in a plastic bag so I could bring him to my tub and examine him more closely.

I don’t know why. I just do that kind of shit.

And the point is that all of this reminded me of something I’ve been meaning to mention here on the blog, which is the difference between being serious and being taken seriously.

You don’t have to be serious to be taken seriously.

There’s a difference.

When I know my shit, and I knock it out of the park every single time, no questions asked, you bet your ass you’ll be taking me seriously.

When you’re superhuman at what you do, it affords you the luxury to have some fun with it, too.

Oftentimes, I see small business owners hesitating too much.

Hesitating to be themselves.

Hesitating to put it out there.

Hesitating to have fun.

Hesitating to run their own business they way they secretly want to.

Because they’re scared they won’t be viewed as professional.

Or they won’t be taken seriously.

And then they’re going to go bankrupt and live off a steady diet of corn flakes and slices of processed cheese–the orange kind.

I’ve got news for you.

When you do your job better than any other motherfucker out there?

That’s pretty serious.

And you will be taken seriously.

The caveat? As long as you actually know what you’re doing.

On the other hand, if you don’t actually know what you’re doing–say, you’re some random Tommy Numb Nuts with no background in anything who just decides to start “coaching” people–then you probably should be worrying about this.

Because no one’s ever going to take you seriously–whether you act serious or not–because you’re work is not seriously good.

Now that I’ve hit that pleasant note, I’m off to do some more writing in my hammock.

This was this morning:

Because you know why?

That book I’ve been talking about?

She’s getting written, baby.

When I say I’m going to do something, I damn well do it.

And if you’re gonna roll with me, you damn well better be following through on your INTOXICATE 2012 ideas, too.

Let’s GO.

It’s time for you to show the world who’s boss.

It’s time to start getting taken seriously.

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother’s Blog.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Whooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! It’s time!

(If you knew me in person, you’d know that I really do “woo” a lot. It’s obnoxious, really.)

So let’s get right to it:

1. THE SALE

Starting RIGHT NOW, Monday, April 30th, at 12pm EST / 9am PST, lasting only the next 72 hours, TMFProject readers have a special fucking chance to pick up my own You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts ($40); a physical copy of Chris Guillebeau’s newest hardcover book, The $100 Start-Up,  (it doesn’t hit the shelves until May 8th for the general public); and 17 other top business courses on freelancing, sales, advertising, and creating passion-based businesses from my colleagues...at a ridiculous discount.

Everything together is worth $1005, if you were to buy it all separately.

Right now, for only the next 72 hours, the TMFproject crew can pick them ALL up for only $100 flat.

You should take advantage of this. It’s a chance to put your Intoxicate dreams into effect – without having to break the bank to get educated on HOW.

There’s a 100% money back guarantee.

Put your money where your mouth is.

This is a no-sissy zone.

Take off your SKIRT and GO.

Click here to buy starting at 12pm EST, April 30th. (Remember – for the next 72 hours only. No exceptions, heart throb.)

2. THE WINNER

As you may know, we recently ran an initiative on the site called INTOXICATE 2012, where we challenged one another to get serious about the one thing we feel like an asshole for not having done yet – that one nagging little dream that needs to become a damn reality, already.

As a part of INTOXICATE, I offered the opportunity to win a complimentary One Night Stand copywriting package (worth $997).

First of all, allow me to say how entirely honored, floored and downright inspired I was by everyone who entered. (There were a lot of you badasses!)

The time you took to really take the questions seriously, and by extension, take your dream seriously, was not just impressive, but beautiful.

THANK YOU.

That said, a winner had to be chosen. That was, by far, the hardest part. Every single one of you had such compelling entries, and dreams worth fighting for.

However, I’m happy to announce that, since I couldn’t just pick one….I’m awarding THREE.

That’s right.

Three.

Without further ado, the winners of a complimentary One Night Stand are:

Simba Russeau

Autumn Tompkins

Georgina Pijttersen

I’ll be contacting you ladies, and also, if you entered the contest and haven’t heard from me yet, you’ll be hearing personally from me, too.

With their permission, I’ll also be sharing a few details of the businesses we’ll be working on, and why they were selected to win.

So proud of all of you!

Thank you, once again, for being a part of the TMFproject community and crew.

You inspire the fuck out of me.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Before I explain the origins of this remarkable photo, I’m pretty sure we should think up some awesome captions together.

I’ll go first.

Anything but Donkey Kong!

Too many boobs!

Stop tickling me, Rudolph!

Father Time eats his first pot brownie.

Protesting razors since 1000 B.C.

Don’t ask me why I have the need to torture us all with this kind of stuff. I’m pretty sure it has something to do with the 5th grade, when Mr. Martin, the guidance counselor, used to show up in the classroom with a stuffed dolphin named Doo-so. That shit would scar anybody.

But seriously – what caption would YOU put? Leave it in the comments – this could be funny.

That said, you may or may not be wondering who that poor man in the photo is, and furthermore, why I’ve published such a random, unflattering collection of images of him.

If you’ve been following The Middle Finger Project for any length of time, you already know the answer to the latter: I published it for no other reason than it was funny as hell. As for the former, however, the man in that photo is Bruno, pronounced Bruuuuuuunoooooooo, and Bruno is from Italy.

Asti, Italy, to be specific, where they apparently make baller champagne.

And Bruuuunnnnooooooooo hangs out here in Costa Rica, day in and day out, sharing his stories of having spent a lifetime owning a small bookstore in his pueblo. We’ve talked much business–in broken Spanish, mind you.

He is leaving next week to go back to Italy.

I will miss him.

Which is precisely why I photo bombed him today without his consent–hence the arms flailing. I’d say you should have saw the look on his face when my Macbook fired off a bunch of snapshots of him when he just thought he was going to look at Google Earth, but you DID see the look on his face.

And that’s basically the extent of that story – but how could I resist sharing that photo?

Brrruuuunnnnnoooooooooooooooooo!

That said, I really just wanted to remind you to show up tomorrow, Monday, at 12pm EST to ze blog.

If you need a reminder, here’s why. (Hint: Lots of stuff on sale.)

Don’t bring your kids.

Things could get ugly.

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother’s Blog.

P.S. Seriously – what caption would you put on this collection of images? Exercise those creative juices! I want to hear ‘em!

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

I have a very important piece of advice for you.

When in a foreign country lookin’ all sorts of sexy at the mall (read: for once, there isn’t a mix of sweat, dirt and men’s cologne dripping down your neck) and the ATM eats your only debit card?

Don’t storm out of the bank like a crazy person.

It’s not very becoming.

Particularly when it’s the one day you don’t have on waterproof mascara. Because then you look like even more of a crazy person. A crazy, drugged out person. Look out, here comes the crazy, drugged out, enraged American girl! She might have a knife. Or a chainsaw. Yes, definitely a chainsaw, judging by the size of her purse.

No wonder why I haven’t gotten any ass here.   *nods profoundly*

So that happened.

Furthermore, I should mention that Monday will be the day the winner of the complimentary One Night Stand is announced, and it’s also the day I will give up vodka forever. I spent last night hobnobbing with pineapple man and some other powerful dudes in town–while witnessing a 3 million dollar biz deal go down.

You see, me and pineapple man’s thing together seems to be dirty martinis. He had never had one before he met me. (See what I do to people? I’m a corrupter of the highest degree. Here! Here’s a vodka-soaked olive, and some more vodka on the side! Eat it! Drink it! Do it! What are you waiting for?! DO IT!)

Too many martinis later, I’m telling pineapple man (and pineapple man’s adorable, giggling dad) how I plan to revive the entire town and its economy using the internet. I might have also swore up and down that my next book was going to be all about them–the secret (and not so secret) lives + business strategies of the most powerful men in Costa Rica.

Actually, both of those things sound like pretty good plans, so perhaps I won’t give up vodka after all . (Did you actually believe me, anyway?)

Last but certainly not least, Monday is going to be a whiz bang of a day for another reason, altogether.

Chris Guillebeau has generously offered to make his new book, The $100 Startup, available to US here at The Middle Finger Project, before it hits the shelves on May 8th. In ze book, he goes through 50 examples of original, unconventional businesses that were started using $100 bucks or less, showing their financials and exactly what they did to get where they are – and guess who’s included? Why, my dear friend and international sexpot of a wedding photographer, Kyle Hepp, who you last spotted with me in Patagonia, Chile, when we took a vacation together, and this picture was published.

Seriously. Do not travel with photographers. They won’t just capture your best moments; they’ll capture your most embarrassing, too. Jerks.

But either way, I’m VERY excited to see Kyle’s name in print. She deserves it.

So that’s fucking exciting, and on Monday ONLY, you’ll be able to pick up your copy, here on The Middle Finger Project, before it hits the shelves. (It’s a hard-cover BEAST. And who the hell doesn’t like a hard-cover BEAST of a book? At the very least, you can swat your mother-in-law with it when she acts naughty. Or your lover.)

Along with the book (holy shit there’s more!) you’ll also snag access to 18 BIZ COURSES – including my own You Don’t Need a Job, You Need Guts, for those who have an aching, pissed off urge to do something more meaningful with their lives–and all at a 90% discount.

It’s $100 bucks for everything, valued at $1,000. (That includes The $100 Startup.)

Seriously.

The point is this: Show your filthy face on Monday, 12 noon EST.

If not for any other reason than because I’ll certainly have some interesting male suitor stories by then.

And I was just kidding about your face being filthy.

I’m sure it’s delightful.

Unless you are any of my ex boyfriends reading this, in which case your face is not delightful, but probably twisted into some contorted mix of disgust and hatred.

But if that’s the case, why are you reading my blog?

Sucker!

Gosh I’m an asshole. Seriously, who let me have my own website?

Monday. 12pm EST. Don’t stand me up. I know where you live.

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother’s Blog.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

So this past week, I took a motherfucking vacation.

And do you know what?

I’m going to take vacations all the time! It’s been decided! Vacations are just way too great to not take! Why aren’t people vacationing all the time? I hereby declare every last week of the month vacation week. Not only do you get to drink (obnoxious amounts of ) fruity umbrella drinks without an ounce of guilt, you also get to do cool things like burn the shit out of your pasty ass skin ON PURPOSE, and haphazardly throw yourself off of a cliff high above the tree tops in the jungle while relying on some little fucking pulley to KEEP YOU FROM PLUNGING INSTANTLY TO YOUR DEATH.

Can you imagine the field day the iguanas would have with your body?

I know that I’m living here, technically, just as I lived in Chile and Spain this past year, and while it may look like I’ve been on constant vacation for years, I haven’t been–I don’t think I’ve shut my laptop for an entire week since the days when AOL was macking the whole dial up scene, and people actually drank bubble tea.

So I’m pretty sure that the point of this blog post is to tell you to go take a damn vacation already, because it was OH so good for mental clarity and regained focus. But obviously it wouldn’t be as much fun if I just came out and said that, so instead, I’m going to rub my vacation in your face so hopefully, by the end of this post, you’re gritting your teeth and hoping I get kidnapped by Colombian guerilla warriors (who would totally be good-looking) who would slowly torture me day in and day out for months on end using unsanitary sheep shaving tools and/or cages full of mosquitoes.

Here is an obnoxiously boastful list of the things I did last week (that I hope you hate me for, as to light even more of a fire under your ass):

1. Doggie paddled beside big, bright yellow fish in the Pacific (Who I thought were going to nibble my toes, but didn’t. Picky bastards.)
2. Slugged a delightfully rum-filled watermelon daquiri alongside of million dollar yachts
3. Met (and then ran from) a scarily inappropriate man who is building a hedonism resort behind his sushi restaurant, and wanted my help selling time shares to dirty old men who want to hang out on their balconies and gaze at hired naked prostitutes (Got the tour! Fucking shoot me!)
4. Videotaped my best girlfriend from the United States hilariously singing N-Sync at an obscure karaoke bar on a dirt road in backwoods Costa Rica
5. Ran a 36 mile stretch on jet skies with a big, muscular black man who fed us pineapple in the middle of the ocean, once we cut the engines
6. Held an iguana, fed a baby deer, saw exotic cats and watched a baby monkey on its mother’s back
7. Ate the world’s best Peruvian food
8. Spent a morning out on a boat, sportfishing and drinking beers at 8am with one of the area’s most well-known restauranteurs.
9. Explored a far-away mountain village by car–and then by foot.
10. Nearly assaulted a man going house to house on a dirtbike, stopping to peer into the windows of each home with big, giant binoculars–but then realized he was from the electric company, reading the meters. (Oops!)
11. Danced meringue so much, sweat started pouring down my face, causing makeup to drip into my eyes and burn them so bad I had to sit down.
12. Tried my very first Bloody Mary. (That’s right. My very FIRST. I know. You’re shocked.)
13. Attempted to go horseback riding 6 kilometers to a series of waterfalls in the jungle (but totally missed the start time)
14. Went wave diving on one of Central America’s most well-known surfer beaches
15. Drove fearlessly through downtown San Jose, the nation’s capital–a feat in itself.
16. Ziplined through the rainforest–AND did a special line, 1 kilometer long, over a teak plantation.
17. Thought of a brilliant new business idea, and documented initial concepts + ideas
18. Sipped fresh coconut milk from a dude with a machete.
19. Took hilarious photos of any and every man with a mustache, automatically naming him RAMON. (The best Ramon was behind me in a gold 70′s style car with silver rims, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a look that said, “Try me, motherfucker.”)
20. Was asked to lunch by a guy’s mother via text message, after meeting the guy just once. (Why waste time?)
21. Typed this blog post while lounging pool side, eating papaya
22. Remembered that no one ever said life was meant to be taken seriously.

That’s only a partial list, but you get the idea. Holy mother of fun.

Though, I’m pretty sure that even if you don’t happen to have Costa Rica in your backyard, just closing your laptop for a few days and remembering that YOU’RE WORTH IT would do the trick.

You’re worth taking the extra time.

You’re worth the luxury of sleeping in when you need to.

You’re worth cutting yourself some slack.

You’re worth doing things the way you FEEL LIKE DOING THEM.

You’re worth a break.

You’re worth the opportunity to get outside and breath fresh air.

You’re worth that 3rd cup of coffee.

You’re worth the extra long shower.

You’re worth the more expensive version.

You’re worth the nice bottle of wine.

You’re worth taking the time to HAVE FUN.

You’re worth allowing yourself to be ridiculous, and create a Ramon photo collection.

You’re worth feeling what you want to feel.

You’re worth doing what you want to do.

You’re worth your wildest dreams.

And you’re worth carving out the time to nourish them.

So instead of hiking up your bootstraps, how about ripping ‘em off for once, and taking a damn vacation, already?

Everything will get done.

Everything always gets done.

Everything except YOU.

And no, pervert, not that way.

Unless that’s really the truth, in which case, you should probably work on that, too.

The Middle Finger Project. Not Your Grandmother’s Blog

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Andddd here we are – the final (official) day of INTOXICATE 2012.

(Sort of. Even though I’m relentlessly going to harass you about YOUR THING for months to come. And I sincerely hope you harass me about mine. Using nice words, of course.)

Anddddddddd, I’ve been waiting for this day to come, because I’ve got a surprise for you.

(Unfortunately the surprise does not include Brad Pitt. Though, did you know that one of our very own TMFproject crew members, an actress, once kissed Brad Pitt on set? I shit you not. Don’t worry, M-dog, I won’t reveal your identity here. But admittedly, I’m still pretty jealous.)

The surprise is in the two videos below.

You have to watch them both–despite their Parkinson’s-like shakiness–or risk being executed by one of my top secret spies, who will surely cut you with a rusty old fishing hook first, because they are jerks like that.

RE: The shakiness–what can I say? I was walking with the iPhone. (And probably dancing a little, because I dance non-stop.) As much as I’d like to think I’m talented enough to walk, hold an iPhone, talk to you, and film the surrounding area while maintaining everything perfectly stabilized, I’m not that talented.

So suck it up, because I think you’ll find them worth a watch.

Note: The first video is me walking through town in Quepos, Costa Rica, where I’m currently living, and where I lived as a teenager, as well as part of my early 20′s. At one point, a man on the street asks me if I want a beer. I’m pretty sure there could not have been better timing than when I was recording this video for you. The second video, on the other hand, is with our surprise guest. NOT TELLING.

Also good to note: I’m not that much of an asshole. My grandmother had Parkinson’s, which clearly gives me full rights to make asshole-sounding jokes about it. Granted, I never met her, but still…it counts.

With that, I’ll leave you with ze videos.

I raise my lemontini to you.

And to intoxicating ourselves with possibility.

And then fucking acting on it.

Last but not least – final submission instructions to enter to win a complimentary One Night Stand:

Take the three pieces I had you write here, here and here, and then include one final Word document writing a letter to Oskar, telling him anything you’d like about youself, your biz, or anything YOU decide – and then attach everything together in ONE email to ash {at} themiddlefingerproject.org with the subject line, “CONTEST.” In the body of the email, please give me a brief introduction, and tell me why you want to win a One Night Stand. That’s it! Easy.

*** Please send everything together in one email.***

If you submitted a response to me prior, please re-send with all contest responses in one place, with the appropriate subject line. This is important, because if not, I will absolutely lose track of you. And I don’t want to do that.

I’m fairly certain that there will be a high volume of entries, so I’ll be picking a winner by Monday, April 30th.

Thank you to everyone who’s participated in our initiative.

I can’t wait to see what kind of crazy shit you pull off in this one crazy life we’re granted.

Go big or go the hell home, right?

I know you got this.

With much respect and lots of vinegar (and maybe a donkey?),

Ash
@TMFproject

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

I spent the evening talking marketing (and drinking too many lemontinis) with Carlitros and an interestingly powerful man who owns a pineapple plantation, a beach front hotel, a brand new, gorgeous condominium complex and some other entities. How many fuckers do you know that own a pineapple plantation?

Exactly.

(I have, of course, arranged a tour of the pineapple plantation for next Thursday–I’ll have to shoot some video for you to see. Pina coladas will undoubtedly be involved.)

We were talking marketing because pineapple man’s new mission is to sell these amazing condos he’s built (seriously, I want one)–except, he’s no good at selling. So naturally this is where the fun begins; another round of lemontinis are ordered, as I get all sorts of hot about marketing ideas, practically sliding right off of my seat with giddiness.

Finally, he looks at me and says, “YOU. I want YOU to sell these condos.”

To which I responded, “Impossible.

To which he responded, “You can’t?”

To which I responded, “No one could.”

To which he responded, “What do you mean?”

To which I responded (amist another sip of martini), “You can’t sell condos because you aren’t selling condos.”

To which he responded, “Yes I am.”

To which I responded, “No you aren’t.”

To which he responded, “Esta loca.”

To which I responded, “Why do people come to Costa Rica?”

To which he responded, “To experience nature, to enjoy the weather, to relax, and to unwind.”

To which I responded, “Then, that’s really what you’re selling, isn’t it?”

The point–as you’ve probably heard me say before–is that THE PRODUCT ISN’T THE PRODUCT. THE SERVICE ISN’T THE PRODUCT. THE EXPERIENCE IS THE PRODUCT.

And the experience is what you need to focus on–when you’re selling yourself, when you’re selling your ideas, when you’re selling your projects, when you’re selling your products, or when you’re selling your services–or anything else.

At the end of the day–even when you’re selling the most basic of products–the customer is buying it because it will, in some way, make their life better. That’s always the underlying motivation.

That said, as a part of Intoxicate 2012, I want to challenge you to now think about how you’ll sell your product/service/idea/project–even if it’s in selling it to yourself.

Because, frankly, you could have the best product in the whole wide world, but if you can’t sell it, then it doesn’t matter. And that doesn’t just mean physical products–that means your ideas, too. Even if you’re setting a goal to travel the world, say–you still have to sell the idea. To yourself. And to the people that matter to you.

In the comments, I’d love it if you’d share what you’re REALLY selling–because, just like pineapple man, he isn’t selling condos. He’s selling the experience of Costa Rica.

And that’s what he needs to focus on–not the condos themselves.

If you’re entering the contest to win a complimentary One Night Stand, I’d like you to write more in depth on this topic–before, you wrote selling me on the idea, but now I want you to sell me the experience. What’s the greater experience involved with what you want to do? Why does it really matter?

As always, write it in a Word document, and keep it with your other entries–Tuesday will be the final day of Intoxicate (not Sunday), and I want to share that video with you that I think you’ll like. Then, I’ll provide instructions for submitting your entry. Deal?

INTOXICATE 2012, BABY. C’MON. TAKE OFF YOUR SKIRT. LET’S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD. AND LET’S SELL THE HELL OUT OF IT, SHALL WE?

And now…off to show pineapple man how to sell some real condos.

Thank god for aspirin.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Annndddd intoxicate 2012 continues!

{Read post 1 of the intoxicate series here.}

On a Friday night. Except you’re probably not reading this on a Friday night. Because you’re probably doing something all cute with your significant other. Or maybe you don’t have a significant other, in which case you’re most likely out drag racing cars, a la Fast and the Furious. I know that’s what I’d be doing. I’m pretty sure it’s going to become my next hobby. Which pair of heels should I race in today? Fuck the meaning of life; these are the important questions.

Speaking of life, this morning I was with my friend Carlos (who we call Carlitros, because–get it?–litros as in litros of beer?) taking a leisurely ride around the beach. But instead of the usual conversation one has while tooling around up at the beach–you know, like the weather, the tide, the iguanas–we suddenly find ourselves in a conversation about death.

Of course we do.

Don’t ask.

The singular, only reason I am telling you this story is because what came out of his mouth next made me laugh for approximately 11 minutes straight, and clearly, while intoxicating ourselves with possibility, we can all use a good laugh. (Poor guy. He’s totally reading this right now, and he’s totally plotting to run me over with that car the next time he sees me, I’m certain.) Carlitros, who speaks impeccable English from having spent a part of his childhood in the United States, turns and looks at me, and says in the most serious of tones:

When you die, do you want to be creamed?

I lost it. In fact, I’m losing it right now, as I write this.

Do you want to be creamed?

Fantastic.

So, while we’re on the topic, I thought I’d take a moment to kindly remind everyone that–guess what!–you’re going to be dead soon! And maybe even creamed!

So even more reason to stand up, and start pursuing your ONE THING that we talked about yesterday.

Speaking of that ONE THING – let’s talk more about it.

Today, as a part of INTOXICATE 2012, my challenge to all of us is to get more up-close-and-personal with our ONE THING. (Even if you said in yesterday’s comments that you had a variety of things, you’ve got to start somewhere with one, right? Pick. Be decisive. Be in control. To hell with wishy washy. Choose. Make one thing fucking happen first. And then you can move onto the next.)

The way I want us to get up-close-and-personal with our ONE THING is a small task, but a difficult one, nonetheless.

Know what I want you to do?

Name. It.

As in put a name on your ONE THING. Call it something. Give it an identity.

Writing a book? GIVE IT A TITLE.

Starting a new business? PICK THE DAMN URL.

Going to pick up and travel? GIVE YOUR TRIP A NAME. (Personally, I like Operation: James Bond.)

Injecting some new excitement into your life? CALL IT MISSION: ___________.

I don’t care if you’ve simply decided to celebrate your vagina more often – CALL THAT MISSION SOMETHING.

Whatever it is that you intend on doing, make it personal. Give it a name. And any other details that will make it come to life, with a real, live identity.

Why?

Simple.

Because if you had no choice but to throw newborn baby into a dumpster (horrific, but bear with me, because that’s precisely what we do with our dreams every single day): Which scenario would make it more difficult for you?

An anonymous, naked baby with no name.
Or a baby girl named Sophia, with blonde curly hair, and hot pink booties, who can’t stop smiling at you?

Name it.

Give your ONE THING an identity.

Make it real.

As always, I’m right here doing this with you, so here it goes.

I mentioned in the comments last night that I’ve been kicking around the following title + subtitle for my book:

The United Nations of Sex

A disturbingly impulsive, vodka-slugging writer flees to South America
in search of fulfillment and other typical horseshit (but all she has to show for it is this
hilariously inappropriate collection of stories from the foreign men she bed.) (Mostly.)

Sounds like something I’d author, right? Clearly any book I write will require an obnoxiously ridiculous subtitle.

And, shit. As I just took a step back, I realized that perhaps the title of the book should simply be: The Middle Finger Project. But I’d want to keep my obnoxiously ridiculous and long subtitle.

(What are your thoughts on this? Leave ‘em in the comments – I want your opinion!)

I think the toughest part of the writing process will be in marrying the entertainment value, which I want to be a central selling point, but also the serious, big picture, meaning-of-life theme. But I’m up for the challenge. That’s what my goal has been with TMF all this time–taking typical, dry business advice and talk, and turning it into something people actually wanted to read. Something fun to read. And while fun may not seem like a worthwhile end goal to many, for me, it is the ultimate.

If I can produce a piece of work that injects more fun into people’s lives, making them laugh and experience pleasure, I’m pretty sure that my work is done.

But it’s taken me a long time to understand that. Like I mentioned yesterday, for a long time I felt that this piece of work had to be groundbreakingly meaningful, deep, and ungodly amounts of insightful. And that’s what caused a lot of the procrastination.

But when you tap into why you really want to do your ONE THING, and discover, for example, that the reason is because it’s FUN, more than anything else, then slowly, but surely, things start to come into focus.

And you can saddle up and ride ‘er on into the sunset.

So today’s homework: Give your project an identity.

The more detail, the better. For example, I know that the paperback version of my book would not be shiny, if I had any say. (Matte covers look much more sophisticated to me, thankyouverymuch.) I know that the artwork would involve lots of black and white, and a splashy pop of bright orange-red, with a rocker appeal mixed with the feminine–like leather and pearls. (Actually, if you haven’t seen the header on the new About page, go check it out. It would feel like that.) Actually, maybe it’d even include some texture, somehow. I know that I’d want the physical experience of reading the book to be as good as the mental one, and therefore would push like hell for luxuriously thick pages, with big, giant, bold chapter titles. I know I’d include a whole host of funny footnotes. And hell, maybe even a treasure hunt within the book, like I just did on the site, to unlock some type of bonus chapter that could be read online.

The details are important.

Lay ‘em out.

What are the details of YOUR THING?

Leave ‘em in the comments for me to see what your ONE THING feels/sounds/tastes/looks like.

And for those of you entering to win a One Night Stand, I want you to take it a step further.

Don’t just stop at naming your project, and providing some details–but sell me on it. Pretend that I’ve got the magic key that will allow you to do, have or be whatever it is that you’re trying to achieve, and sell me on why you’re the person to do that thing. Why is it YOUR ONE THING? What is it about that thing that lights you up? And why are you the person for the job, so to speak? (Mold this prompt to fit your situation.)

Again, write it down in a Word doc, save it in a special folder for the contest, and hang onto it until Sunday – I’ll have you submit everything to me at once, so I can keep all entries organized. (If you send each piece to me individually, I guarantee the demons of the TMFproject inbox will promptly hide it.)

Here we go, baby. Intoxicate 2012: Life shaken, not stirred. And definitely straight up.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

Hi.

First of all, thanks to everyone who stopped by the launch last night, said hello, and left kind words. I’m so humbled and grateful to be a part of this community we’ve built, you and I. THANK YOU.

Second, today we’re starting INTOXICATE 2012: Life shaken, not stirred–a just-for-fun initiative to inspire us all (myself included) to intoxicate ourselves with possibility and, more importantly, take action on the one possibility we really want to turn into a reality.

But here’s the thing.

I don’t do woo woo.

You know this.

So I kept trying to figure out a way that I could provide real, actionable inspiration, without saying the same old shit you hear everywhere, all the time.

Because, frankly, if I hear someone say one more time, in some fake, overly happy voice that, “You can do it!”–or anything else decidedly parrotish–I will have no choice but to stab them with a splintery toothpick, right in underneath their fingernail, until they BLEED and beg for mercy.

So instead, I’ve decided to take a slightly different approach.

Starting with the video tours of Costa Rica I wanted to do.

They’re not going to cut it.

They’re me trying to be woo woo, and I hate them.

So, I’m scratching that for now. (Though there’s one I really, really want you to see, that I know you’re going to love – but I need to do some translating and subtitling first.)

And I’m fine with that. That’s the beauty of owning your own biz – you get to be the creative director. And you know I don’t pull any punches.

SO, we’re still marching onward with the initiative, and the contest to win a complimentary One Night Stand along with the initiative, so onward we go.

So do not fucking stop reading now.

Do not.

Here’s the thing about possibility.

It’s fucking endless.

We’ve got so much possibility, we don’t know what to do with it all. As members of the Western World, we can do a lot of whatever we dream. The problem occurs, however, when there are too many dreams to pick from.

And that’s when we get deer-in-the-headlights syndrome, and freeze up like idiots.

Because we’d rather make no choice, than make the wrong one.

But I believe that deep down–or not so deep down–you know which dream you really want.

You know which one.

All the other ones? They’re bullshit dreams. Filler dreams. Dreams that are more practical. Dreams that might produce more income. Dreams that might be easier to accomplish. Dreams that don’t make you risk as much.

But no matter what, they aren’t THE dream.

And even if you pursue them, you’ll forever feel empty, because you damn well know they aren’t.

By the way, I know that dream is a dumb word.

I know that somewhere along the way, this word became fluff. I know that somewhere along the way, it became looked upon as foolish to be a dreamer. And I know that even I flinch when I hear the word.

But that doesn’t mean you should discount the meaning behind the word.

So here’s what I think.

I think that we need to call bullshit on ourselves.

And here’s what I want us to do, starting tonight.

Chuck all the filler, bullshit dreams aside. Chuck the “explore the possibilites” happy horseshit. And instead, pinpoint–exactly–the ONE THING that’s making you feel like a loser, BECAUSE YOU AREN’T DOING IT.

That might sound harsh, but there’s something that’s making you feel like a total asshole, isn’t there? That one thing that you know you have the potential to do..but haven’t gotten started, for whatever reason.

PINPOINT THAT ONE THING.

I’d love it if you’d leave a comment with even just one word saying what that one thing is.

Alternatively, if you’d like to enter the contest to win a complimentary One Night Stand, tonight’s action that I want you to take, is to write to me, in a Word document, telling me in detail what that one thing is–and why you feel you haven’t made it happen yet. It doesn’t have to be fancy – it just has to be REAL.

Then, hang onto it.

Throughout the rest of the week until Sunday, I’ll be asking you to take an action each night, and then on Sunday, send everything to me at once. (Though I promise, the video is the most time consuming.)

And since I’m asking you to admit to your ONE THING, I’m going to do the same.

I have an admission to make. And that admission is that I haven’t been living up to my own standards. For me, there’s ONE THING that I have yet to do, that I feel like a huge loser for not having moved forward with.

Because (this kills me to say this)… I might be a little scared.

Nervous it won’t be good enough.

Good enough for me. 

And moreover, scared that I won’t be good enough, to make it good enough. Ever.

And worst of all, scared that, once I do accomplish this, there’ll be nothing left to pursue in this world. Nothing else to look forward to. Nothing else to bring meaning to my life. No other goals. Just emptiness.

And that emptiness is horrifically, bloodcurdling frightening.

But do it, I must.

And that?

Is to write.

By write, I don’t mean copy write. I mean write. I mean tell stories. I mean make people laugh. I mean add to the greater conversation. I mean take my experiences, and create meaning for others out of those experiences. I mean to help humanity connect. To help others feel like they aren’t alone.

I want to help others:

Live loudly. Live freely. Take more risk. Give a damn. Be ridiculous. Drink too much. Overwhelm themselves. Love other humans from other places. Learn from them. Engage with the world. Feel as much as they possibly can. Tremble with emotion. Pulsate with anticipation. Be happy already. Remember who they are. Realize they can do whatever the fuck they want. Get empowered. Have fun. Laugh like a crazy person. Remember what’s important. And what’s not. And, most of all, have a blast doing whatever it is they’re doing. Life is short. We’re all going to die soon. Have a good time. Make it worth it. Be who they yearn to be.

And maybe even have some great sex, too.

I want to write.

I want to write a book.

And dammit, I need it to be good.

It needs to EVERYTHING I’VE GOT. Otherwise, it’s bullshit.

So that’s my confession.

The one thing that I desperately need to do for my soul, that I haven’t, because I’m scared. There’s a million excuses I make for myself–well, I’m too busy with TMFproject. Well, I need income. Well, it’ll get done little by little. Well, I don’t know exactly which direction I want to go with it.

It’s all bullshit.

Smoke screen.

Reasons not to have to get started. Because once I get started, that’ll mean I have to finish.

But I’m here, aren’t I? Right alongside you. So let’s do this motherfucker.

I’m in if you are.

So now it’s your turn.

What’s your ONE THING?

What’s the thing that’s making you feel like a loser, deep down, for not having pursued yet? And why haven’t you?

Don’t hold out on me.

Intoxicate 2012: Life shaken, not stirred. And, apparently, balls-to-the-walls honest, too.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

It’s officially 9:55pm EST / 6:55pm PST, and….

The new TMFproject IS HERE.
Products + Cash IS HERE.
INTOXICATE 2012 IS HERE.
And we’re going to get wild tonight – shall we? (This is the part where you take me by the arm, and we strolling the grand ballroom together. (I do not trip like I would in real life.)

But read fast!

Because there are two mega time sensitive CONTESTS below, and you need to act NOW to win, so go go go go go! Read!

Lightning Round Instructions (Do now!)

1. Sip martini.

2. TIME SENSITIVE!
If you wanted to pick up the Products + Cash program, GO GO GO! The first 50 people tonight will get a free month’s membership of my exclusive Behind Closed Doors group, so you can see exactly what I’m doing behind the scenes to market myself + kill it. Go! (I’ll notify you.)

3. ALSO TIME SENSITIVE!
The fun part! To kick off Intoxicate 2012 – a week long initiative designed to help us all light a fire under our asses, and intoxicate ourselves with possibility – I devised a fun little treasure hunt on the new blog – FIRST INDIVIDUALS TO COMPLETE AND EMAIL ME THEIR ANSWERS WIN PRIZES!

1st person to successfully complete AND EMAIL first with his/her answers will win a year long subscription to Entrepreneur magazine, a super stylish World Map Flask (picked out by me!), and a bright ass red Moleskin journal…so you can keep exploring your possibilities, and recording your ideas once the week is over. GO!

The first 10 people who successfully complete and comment with their answers below the 1st place winner will win a bright red Moleskin, courtesy of myself + TMFproject. HOT.

ash {at} themiddlefingerproject.org

NOW GO!

Read the other shit after!

Read the clues right below, comb the site for the answers, and then shoot me an email as fast as you can to win!

HERE’S WHAT YOU’RE LOOKING FOR, PIRATE!

1. There’s a bigggg video. Find it. Twice in the background, you’ll see a red, circular sign of a sushi restaurant. What’s the name of the restaurant, and what’s the name of the neighborhood in Santiago, Chile I shot this video in?

2. On the About Page, find the About Me Version (there’s several!) that lists a whole bunch of emotions. Find the emotion that corresponds with this statement: When I found myself up until the wee hours of the night writing for the blog, which told me I was finally on the right path.  What emotion is listed?

3. Write exactly three sentences about a time you felt that same emotion.

4. Find the category of blog posts that sounds like it would hurt. What’s the category called, and what’s the title of one post from within that category?

5. In the Start Here page, what type of animal meat do I reference?

6. Find the place you can shop on the site. Pick your favorite TMFproject product. And re-name it. The more clever and inappropriate, the better.

7. Tell me one thing you’re good at.

8. Tell me why the fuck you hang out at TMFproject.

THE END!

***Once you’re done, email answers to ash {at} themiddlefingerproject.org on the double, and then read on for more launch goodness!***

If you’re back in action, swing down below and say hi in the comments – I’m here live in the comments section, interacting and high fiving you, so even if you aren’t feeling like treasure hunting it up, leave a comment below, say hi, and/or upload a picture of yourself with your dirty martini!  (Remember? You were suppose to do that?)

Now.

Ze other goodies!

First of all, a huge thanks to Marta Spendowska, from PolishLab.com, for all of her amazing talent and hard work on the site. Just look at how sexy! She is worth every penny times 10. Believe it. (Hire her.)

Second. A huge thanks to YOU for sticking around, hanging out, using way too much profanity with me, and being a part of this community. We’re in this together, yo. THANK YOU.

Third. INTOXICATE 2012 will be carrying on through the rest of the week, and starting tomorrow, I’ll be publishing videos with prompts each night at 9:55pm EST / 6:55pm PST so we can intoxicate ourselves with possibility – and get the ball ROLLING.

It’s time to level up, baby.

Tomorrow, you’re going to LOVE the video I have in store for you. Absolutely fucking love it.

So stay tuned!

Anddd…last but certainly not least…

I mentioned an opportunity to win a One Night Stand copywriting package (now worth $997). Totally still on for that! Here’s how you can win:

Each night, tomorrow through Sunday, you’ll be asked to perform a task, when I publish at 9:55pm EST / 6:55 PST. The winner will be s/he who has performed each task successfully through Sunday, and from there, who stands out the most as someone who really damn well needs it. After all–sometimes we just need someone to cut us a fucking break. I want to be that someone.

Got it? So that starts tomorrow.

That said, it’s time to kick back, have a martini, and bask in the possibility, baby.

Hop in the comments, say hi, upload a photo of yourself, if you wish (preferably with martini in hand!), and tell me what possibility YOU want to pursue this year–but haven’t yet.

HAPPY LAUNCH DAY!

Let’s make this year stupid good.

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.

In my best manly announcer’s voice: LET THE COUNTDOWN BEGINNNNNNN!

There’s just one day left before…

…it gets vodka-soaked, loud, crazy + wild up in here! (More than usual. Which is hard to beat.)

The other day, I mentioned that on Wednesday, April 11th, we’d be launching the new, more robust design for the TMFproject website. (You’re gonna love this shit.) I also mentioned I’d be running a contest to give away a complimentary One Night Stand copywriting package (now worth $997). I also mentioned that Products + Cash: A Beginner’s Course on Creating + Selling Your First eBook, Online Course or Digital Product Like a F*cking Pro will be available for sale once again. (Seriously hot. Click here to view the contents.)

But what I didn’t tell you about was the all fun we’re about to have.

Because on Wednesday, exactly at 9:55pm EST (6:55pm PST), not only will we launch all of those things; we’re also launching something else. (No. I’m not setting up an online brothel. Jerk.)

On Wednesday, April 11th, at 9:55pm EST, we’ll kick off a just-for-fun initiative I’ve classily decided to call INTOXICATE 2012: Life shaken, not stirred.

Essentially, INTOXICATE is a week long digital party, lasting until Sunday, where I’m going to virtually take you on vacation with me here in Costa Rica, posting a new video each night at exactly 9:55pm from somewhere on-location, obnoxiously prompting you (probably with a martini in hand) to reflect on the possibilities you have to intoxicate your life with possibility and shake things up for yourself.

Life shaken, not stirred.

I believe that too often, we don’t give ourselves enough time to really think. We don’t give ourselves enough headspace. We don’t give ourselves the opportunity to really reflect like a motherfucker on what it is that we most want to do, and how we’re going to make that happen. Because we get caught up in the rush of our every day responsibilities and schedules. And the things that should be a priority–like the quality of our lives–take a backseat to things that only seem urgent at the time, but really aren’t.

So this is a call to INTOXICATE OURSELVES WITH POSSIBILITY.

And vodka, if you so desire. Once per day. At 9:55pm EST. Here on the blog. Through Sunday, April 15th.

***And to celebrate the kick-off and the launch, at exactly 9:55pm EST on Wednesday, I’d love for us to all have a community cheers with a dirty martini at that time. I’ll be having one. And I’d love it if you’d join me. For real.***

I ask that if you do come to the party, that you upload a photo of yourself in the comments section with your dirty martini. I’ll be uploading photos as well, live chatting in the comments until 11:55pm EST. (If you show up with a beer, I suppose I’ll let you slide. I realize that not everyone can hang with the likes of a girl from Scranton, Pennsylvania. Bwahaha.)

The inspiration for INTOXICATE came from just a few days ago, when I spent four hours at a restaurant called El Avion, writing in my journal and staring out into the Pacific. This was my exact view:

I looked out into that ocean, and naturally a view like that just inspires possibility. It just looks free. Uninhibited. Like anything might be possible.

And I started thinking: Shit. I wish my TMFproject crew were sitting here with me, looking at this view right now. They’d really appreciate it.

And then I realized: Well hell. I can always show them. And maybe inspire some fresh possibility in their lives, too. Because that’s precisely what I’ve been doing this last week–contemplating fresh possibility. And you’ll be hearing more about that as the week of INTOXICATING OURSELVES goes on, too.

SO. THAT SAID. Here’s what you need to remember:

1. Kick off + launch at exactly 9:55pm EST / 6:55pm PST this Wednesday, April 11th! Don’t be late or I’ll virtually slit your throat.

2. Stop by, check out the new site, come chat with me in the comments, bring a martini, and upload a photo of yourself so we can have a virtual cheers!

3. Contest rules + instructions for how to win the complimentary One Night Stand will be posted during the launch. Keep your eyes peeled.

4. Products + Cash: A Beginner’s Course on Creating + Selling Your First eBook, Online Course or Digital Product Like a F*cking Pro will be available again for the first time since November–in case you need this, here’s your chance. (It’s exclusively for service providers who need to build an additional revenue stream. Many of you might remember me saying that last year, $57,264.87 of revenue was through digital products. It’s no joke. This course will help you play smarter in business and do the same.)

5. I’m so going to school you at martini drinking. All. Week. Long.

6. I was just kidding about slitting your throat. That’d be violent.

-

I’m beyond excited for Wednesday.

Let’s have some FUN, shall we? (Note: Site could be down at some point today, while we drink extra vodka and make sure everything’s a go. Do not be alarmed.)

I better see you there.

Until then, cabrones!

Bonus points for anyone who knows what that word means. Dare you to use it in a sentence in the comments section.

P.S. In case you’re wondering why I picked 9:55pm EST, it’s because I was born at 9:55, and weirdly enough, so was my mom. Clearly a great time of day.

P.P.S. YAK

P.P.P.S. Even more bonus points if you can use both cabrones AND yak in the same sentence.

P.P.P.P.S. There is no such thing as bonus points, really, but you still sort of want them, right?

Apparently, these posts were a big hit:

• The 67 Emotions of Online Success: My Story
• Bullshit & The All Mighty Dollar
• Education & Wage Slavery: Hand In Hand?
• Entrepreneurs + Marriage: Possible? Or Possibly Hopeless?
• INTOXICATE 2012: DAY ONE: CONFESSIONS.