the middle finger project

Beating, Stomping and Otherwise Assassinating The Voice In Your Head That Says “You Can’t.” Violently.

Ash — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 15:21:40 +0000

It’s that fear.

It’s that dirty little lurking thought in the back of your head that moseys on up to the forefront every single time you’re finally prepared to step up to the plate and take a chance in life.

You’re not smart enough.

You don’t know what you’re doing.

People will see right through you.

This is never going to work.

Who do you think you are?

You’re a foolish ox.

Yes, that’s right, I said it: OX.

OX!!!!

Stop being so impractical.

Your! Idea! Is! Stupid!

And those pants you’re wearing?

What were you thinking?

You should really be on a diet.

OX.

How can you be successful in anything else if you can’t even lose 10 pounds?

I told you this was a bad idea.

You and your ideas.

You’re never going to get anywhere, because while you’re busy wasting all of your time twirling your hair with your head in the clouds….everyone else is working hard, saving money and building families.

And at the end of the day, they’re going to have nice, stable lives, and you’re still going to be stammering around, looking for something that probably doesn’t even exist.

You’re so naive.

You and your damn ideas.

Just do what everyone else is doing for once, and stop questioning everything already.

You try so hard to be special, but really you’re a no one.

So start acting like it.

Ox….

Sound familiar?

We are experts at beating the crap out of ourselves; which, by the way, I’ve always found interesting, since unless we were seriously abusive, most of us would never, ever, ever say those things to a friend. So why is it okay for ourselves?

That’s exactly it–oftentimes, we aren’t our own friend. We give and we give and we give to everyone who needs us, supporting them throughout their journey, acting like their rock, building up their confidence, bringing them up when they feel down, reassuring them that everything will be okay, and generally helping to validate them and their ideas, and provide as much encouragement as we can.

Because that’s what friends do.

But the moment that WE need support. The moment that WE need reassurance. The moment that WE need validation. The moment that WE need ourselves more than ever…….we pull a snide little disappearing act.

Instead of being supportive, kind and gentle with ourselves, we switch on the other voice–the fear voice. The one who just called you an Ox and meant it.

The voice doesn’t go away.

It keeps popping up time and time again, putting you down and making you question yourself, causing a whole mess of doubt, fear and neurosis.

And because it’s so damn loud, most of the time you can’t help but listen to it–like the sound of a train passing by when you’re standing right next to the track.

As a result, as the years have gone by, this bastard–this voice–is so loud, and so present, that it begins RUNNING YOUR LIFE.

Which inevitably means that YOU are NOT.

And doesn’t THAT make you a little mad inside?

The Solution to the Unknown

As most of you know, I spent the summer driving around the United States, meeting readers and lots and lots of new faces, and just generally doing A LOT of talking.

We talked about goals, dreams, ideas, plans, businesses, passions and everything in between.

And after all that talking, if there’s one thing I could identify–one principal reason why people aren’t getting out there and reaching these goals, acting on these dreams, and trusting in these passions, it’s because of that damn voice.

Fear of the unknown.

In many cases, their fear voice was saying to them:

You don’t know how to make it happen.

You’re not skilled enough.

You lack so much to be desired.

And, yeah, that voice can be a real burden. But here’s the thing about those objections: Anytime you hear yourself second guessing because you don’t have enough information, things seem overwhelming, and you don’t know how….you know what you do?

YOU GO FIND OUT.

And inevitably, you’ll find that as you learn more, you gain more confidence, and that voice gets softer, and softer, until your own finally starts being heard.

And boom.

The universe just got a little brighter, indeed.

It’s About Time We Silence That Voice. It’s About Time We Start Taking Leaps. It’s About Time We Start LIVING.

So, it’s to that end that I started a new project. Some of you probably know of it; some of you may not.

The project is called LIBERATION SEVEN. Sexy name, isn’t it just?

It’s my attempt to get those individuals who want MORE from life–but who have listened to that voice for far too long–in one place at the same time, so together, we can flat-out blast, stomp, crush, squash and otherwise DESTROY that voice and those fears, and get you on the right track to doing what it is that your soul has been calling you to do…..for how long? Months? Years? A decade? Your entire life?

It’s time.

It’s time to put yourself first. Your owe this to yourself. It’s time to start getting excited about living again. And start getting serious about making it happen.

So, the question becomes: Where, on earth, am I planning to do all of this?

On the beaches of Costa Rica, of course.

Knowing my background, was there ever any doubt?

Liberation Seven: Details

Liberation Seven is a seven day retreat, being held on the beaches of Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica, from December 7th to December 14th, 2010.

View from my favorite restaurant, La Anaconda

One of the reasons why it’s being held there–besides the turquoise water, waiters who bring you fruity drinks to your beach chair, and the monkeys that frolic around on the sand–is to get you OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE and into the unknown.

Precisely the place you’ve been hiding from.

As you’ve probably gathered, if you’ve been following the blog for some time, is my deep belief in the power of international travel as a means of promoting and supporting change. Studies show that travel does wonders in terms of personal development, because by being in the presence of new faces, new ways of life, new everything, our minds are literally freed up, and we’re unconsciously more open to change–it seems that our thoughts get shackled up by the familiar, and that’s when we start experiencing ruts. Sometimes very painfully long ruts. That sometimes last our entire lives, unless we actively decide to do something about it.

Comfort can prevent us from asking the questions that we need to be asking ourselves; while we tend to love our homes and regard them as the anchors of our identity, there are disturbing ways in which the familiar can affix us to a less desirable version of ourselves that we no longer wish to side with.

So, it only seemed appropriate–if not necessary–to hold it abroad.

That said, the retreat is centered around two primary objectives:

1. To provide an authentic immersion into the culture.

Essentially, this means experiencing life more as a local than a tourist–only by viewing the world through a different cultural lens are we able to truly reflect objectively on our own culture and, by extension, our own lives.

You’ll gain perspective that will free you to live the life you want by:

* Staying with a host family – two meals/day included

* Visiting a public school

* Attending a traditional Costa Rican celebration

* Exploring the reality of the agriculture industry

* Embarking on an authentic cuisine tour, led by a local

* Learning to dance salsa, merengue & bachata–and practicing in the disco later

* Befriending & hanging out with locals, facilitating invaluable cross-cultural exchange

* Witnessing the beauty of the Central American rainforest via a morning of ziplining

* Organized discussion session with Costa Rican locals on their cultural values and priorities

2. To help you overcome your obstacles in creating the life you desire.

We’ll be holding group discussions–one day out on a boat in the beautiful turquoise ocean, other days on the sand, others during delicious, freshly-prepared dinners overlooking the beach–also included in the trip.

You’ll be inspired to go get the life you’ve always wanted via informal workshops and discussions on:

* The difference between living and just going through the motions–and how you can start doing more of the former

* American society & culture–why you don’t have to live up to anyone’s expectations but your own, and how to figure out what they are in the first place

* Identifying your passion(s)

* Learning how to make money with your passion

* Overcoming your fears

* Location independent living-pros, cons & how you can join the mobile lifestyle

* How you can use a blog to create freedom

All sessions–both cultural activities & discussion workshops–are entirely optional. There will be plenty of free time built into the schedule as well, to allow for your own independent exploration of the culture.

The main beach of Manuel Antonio

In Addition . . .

As a way to encourage thoughtful reflection, all participants will be issued a writing journal at the beginning of the retreat, and will be asked to record their observations, feelings, thoughts and ideas on an ongoing basis. Sharing will not be required, however those interested in contributing parts of their final reflection journal toward the publication of a dedicated anthology to be published at a later date, are welcome to do so.

The retreat will be nothing short of a fun-filled, unmatched educational adventure that has the potential to change your life forever–not to mention make long-lasting connections with other like-minded folks looking to kick their life up a notch, and start taking matters into their own hands.

Pricing is as follows:

$1595 – 7 days – ALL INCLUSIVE, with exception of flight (NOTE: $200 off for those who pay in full, for total cost of $1395)

Price includes:

* Round trip ground transportation from airport to retreat location, on Costa Rica’s pacific coast

* Accommodations with a host family for duration of trip (private accommodations also available, though not encouraged in order to receive full benefits of retreat)

* All meals (2 meals/day with host family; one meal per day dining out as a group, unlimited beverages included, both alcoholic and non)

* All workshops, sessions & discussions

* All immersion activities

* Reflection journal & supplies

* One-on-one, personal consultation time

Can you see me? There I am, ziplining through the rainforest in 2004.

***IMPORTANT***: To ensure individualized attention, the retreat will be capped off at 15 participants!

A deposit of $500 guarantees your spot in the retreat, with the balance due by November 1st, 2010. Again, participants who would like to pay in full will receive a $200 discount, for a total of $1395.

Participants should plan to fly into Juan Santamaria airport in San Jose, for the evening of the 6th or the morning of the 7th, if possible. (Transportation is provided to you from the airport to our location, and will accommodate your arrival.) We will be hosting a big, authentic Costa Rican welcome lunch, beginning at 1pm on the 7th, and from that point forward host families will be arriving to pick up their students, to be followed by a group cocktail hour, welcome dinner & getting to know you session at 6pm.

Sound like fun?

With that, I extend to you a formal invitation to join us for 7 memorable days on the beaches of Costa Rica! It’s time to stop putting off living, and start saying yes to life–to the things that matter. It’s time to start saying yes to yourself. What better Christmas present could you ask for?

It’s time to put the voices to bed.

Hope to see you there!

Questions? Email me at ihavetheguts [at] themiddlefingerproject [dot] org.

CLICK BELOW TO RESERVE YOUR SPOT TODAY!

From the middle finger project, post Beating, Stomping and Otherwise Assassinating The Voice In Your Head That Says “You Can’t.” Violently.

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Slugs, Angel Hair & Vespas, Or, The One Thing That DOES Define You In This Life

Ash — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:02:34 +0000

A Sexy Little Love Affair

So, I’m sitting in the bar at this restaurant.

I’m lovingly twirling my fork into a steamy, lemony, buttery, most delightfully angelic heap of angel hair–the creamy, makes-you-throw-your-head-back-with-glee kind of pasta that, I was thinking, should probably be forbidden for nuns, because, I swear, this pasta is far more decadent than the best sex you could think up. It! is! simply! that! good!

*sips chardonnay*

*wonders if it’s normal to be in lust with your pasta*

*thinks about researching it*

*decides against it, because clearly it is possible. Eat, Pray, Love, hello.*

*determines that Italy must be next destination*

*also determines that chardonnay is, in fact, an excellent travel planning tool*

*cringes at thought of beautiful Italian man wearing excessively tight jeans*

*vows to go with it, if it means riding on the back of a vespa*

*wonders if he’ll feed me pasta on the back of a vespa*

Damn.

How is it that in a make believe fantasy that involves the country of Italy, tall, dark, mysteriously stubbly men, and the wonders of Limoncello, my thoughts zoom straight back to platefuls of boiled dough?

*sigh*

There I am, in all of my glorious gluttony, debating things that only the voice in MY head would debate, when in walks this couple–which is actually the real point of the story, despite my pasta-obsessed ramblings. (Is this what my college English professor meant when he said my writing was far too flowery?)

The Mr. & Mrs. & Their Plate of Calamari

The couple that enters isn’t just any couple, easily noted via the, errr, interesting choice of footwear the Mrs. is donning–a hot pink flip flop, complete with oversized matching hibiscus flowers adorning the thong–in addition to a matching hot pink sun hat, all serving to complement the lime green tee shirt that reads, “Oh crap! You’re going to try and cheer me up, aren’t you?”–in rhinestones, of course.

“Someone got a hold of a Bedazzler,” I muse to myself.

Despite her questionably loud attire, I look at her, and I look at her husband, who went a far more basic route with simple khakis and some tube socks, and there is something about them that just makes me happy.

“Are ya outta ya god damn mind?!” she says to him, in a tone that is half serious, half taunting–and 100% reminiscent of Fran Drescher’s nanny days.

“What?!” he replies, flicking his hands backwards into the air. “You always like to sit on the right! Whatdya moanin’ fohr?”

“Ye-ah,” she replies with playful condescension in her voice, “But not when it’s right next ta an open door. Afta all these years, you’d think you’d know that I can’t take a draft.”

“How the hell didja survive our wedding day?” he says. “There were doors open in the god damn church, you know.”

“Did you just curse the church?! Shame on you!”

“Shame on you for not just telling me what seat you wanted from the beginning.”

And naturally, me and my angel hair can’t help but giggle to ourselves at their conversation. They lovingly banter on, until they notice me watching from a couple of barstools down (because, obviously, this is a couple that eats at the bar), at which point they begin to speculate out loud about how amazing my steamy, lemony, buttery angel hair goodness looks.

They look at the plate, then at me, then back to the plate with such admiration, as if I had invented electricity, or perhaps the airplane.

“It’s very good,” I tell them. “It’s had me dreaming of Italy for the past 20 minutes.”

She whacks him in the arm with the back of her hand. “See? I knew we shoulda ordered the pasta.”

Of course, once their plates had arrived, they begin insisting that I sample some of theirs–apparently the calamari is top notch, and I simply must try it.

I refuse, telling them that, to be frank, those squiggly little legs just aren’t my cup of tea, and so the Mr. begins hunting down the circles with his fork, proceeding to fling several onto my plate, seeming absolutely ecstatic as he awaits my reaction to my first bite of the deep fried cephalopod–which, in case you were wondering, happens to be in the same family as the slug.

Precisely why I order angel hair, man.

After we go back and forth for a while–this team of strangers enthusiastically offering me their food, me wondering just how obligated I now am to offer them my angel hair, despite all inclination to do so–they eventually finish their meal, get their bill, and leave, and I am left in peace to finish my chardonnay and perhaps beckon the server for another.

Food For Thought (Hate This Phrase But Hey–It Fit)

The encounter has prompted me to think–not about elderly, Jewish woman fashion trends, nor about the number of diseases that one could potentially contract from sharing food–but about bigger picture things. You know, that whole life thing.

I watched these two people, who had obviously lived a full life, and suddenly it was just so strikingly clear: At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what you did for a living. It doesn’t matter if you had 1 bedroom or 5. It doesn’t matter whether you could ever afford the heated leather seats, or the touch-screen GPS. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a villa on a lake, or a private bungalow on the beach. It doesn’t matter if your Christmas gifts aren’t extravagant, or your birthday gifts modest. It doesn’t matter if you have an iPhone or a flip phone, a mac or a PC, a flat screen or a big ole box of a television. It doesn’t matter if you’re stylish or not, if you can afford the designer label or not, or if you even care about those things at all.

None of it matters.

What matters, at the end of the day, are the people sitting next to you at the bar.

It’s the people that make our lives worth living, and make our memories worth remembering.

It’s the people that make our heart race with joy, and our rooms filled with laughter.

It’s the people that make the wine taste so good, and the pasta taste all the more better.

It’s the people that make a story have a purpose, a painting have its beauty and a song have its moment.

It’s the people–from the good, to the bad, and everything in between–that not only share your reality, but actively serve to construct it, that truly matter.

Because at the end of the day, you can’t take your heated leather seats with you. You can’t take your black granite countertop, your fancy Prada shoes or any of the money you’ve worked so hard to save.

All you have are your memories, as you partake in the one and only thing that truly will ever serve to define you in this life: That of shared experience.

As they walked out of the restaurant, hand in hand, it was me who was staring at them with admiration–here were two people, who by themselves may have had nothing, but together, had the world.

They had each other.

And isn’t that enough?

From the middle finger project, post Slugs, Angel Hair & Vespas, Or, The One Thing That DOES Define You In This Life

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How to Deal When the World Collapses Right On Your Face

Ash — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 21:03:21 +0000

Note: Would have put an image here, but since I’m publishing this from the car as we drive through Arizona, as I’m tethered to my cell phone, it’s pretty much impossible. End note.

“But, but, but, but, butttttttt….nothing’s going my way and everything is wrong and, and, and, and, andddd I might just slather myself with a vat of butter and slide down the Grand Canyon to my death because because because because becauseeee….my life sucks….and and and and AND on top of it all I’m having a bad hair day, some idiot cut me off in traffic, I spilled coffee on the shirt I just had dry cleaned, my boyfriend doesn’t ever want to share his feelings, and I can’t cook a grilled cheese without burning it for the life of me….*gasp*…and and and why why whyyyyy doesn’t anything ever go my wayyyyyy?!?!”

It’s easy to let the little things get the best of you. I know that every time I burn a grilled cheese, a small part of me dies inside. Which is every time, actually. But I don’t really die inside; rather I just learned to love charred bread. Mhmmmm! See how easy that was?

Beyond the magical undertaking of perfecting a grilled cheese, we tend to get wrapped up in all of the here-and-now details of daily life. We become hypersensitive to events as they occur by the hour, letting them affect our mood, our perception and our outlook on things. And sometimes, it does feel like everything is happening at once, and the whole world is collapsing on your head and–dammit–you never even got to go to France and here the world is, collapsing on your face, silently mocking you with every minor setback. How dare it! Such an inconsiderate bitch, that world.

The good news is that France isn’t all that great, anyway.

But the bad news, my friends, is that when you’re in the process of putting yourself out there in the world, becoming an entrepreneur or fighting the status quo, trying to live life on your own terms, the little things that go wrong multiply 10-fold. The uncertainty of it all is to blame, and when you don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next, and you’re attempting to forge a path where there wasn’t one before, life inevitably becomes a little bit more complicated. And with those complications, comes frustrations. And more than ever you want to lather yourself with butter and heave yourself over the edge of the Grand Canyon. (What? That isn’t how you imagine plunging to your death?)

So, entrepreneurialism can be tricky. The issue is further compacted when you’ve got all of these details to deal with, and on top of it you don’t get any support from anyone, since no one actually believes you can do it and they all think you’re off your rocker. Pshh–practical people.

But, if there’s one thing that’s kept me going through challenging times, it wasn’t cheesy motivational quotes, hugs from Mormons or even excessive amounts of liquid courage.

What do I do when I get down?

(Besides find a cute boy to flirt with.)

I think of the stories.

When I’m 72.489 years old, I want to have stories. I want to have stories, and I want to have stories that are worth telling. I want to be able to think back on my lifetime, and think to myself, “I can’t believe I survived that shit.” Because to me, that means that I actually got out there and I pushed myself. I pushed myself past comfort zones, over lines, and into places that only those who dare to go, can be found. I want to live fully, and with intention, without regret, and with far too many memories for even the biggest of scrapbooks.

I want excitement.

I want to be exhilarated.

I want to feel every range of emotion.

I want to understand others.

I want to see their lands.

I want to share myself with the world.

I want to feel alive.

I want the wind in my hair.

And nothing more but the knowledge that no matter what goes wrong, I know I will have lived.

And at the end of the day.

I will have the stories to prove it.

P.S. I’ve actually never been to France. That was a blatant lie. France, please forgive me for my harsh words. And then give me a baguette and some really expensive wine.

From the middle finger project, post How to Deal When the World Collapses Right On Your Face

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On NOT “Following Your Dreams”

Ash — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 21:53:14 +0000

Gag. Gag. Gag.

You know, this whole “follow your dreams” thing is getting a little old.

Coming from me, that’s probably surprising.

But the problem is that so much of it is fluff. So much out there encourages you to get moving, and start “living the life of your dreams,” while frolicking on a big white puffy cloud and nibbling on a tray of bon-bons. Let’s all join hands now in our camel-colored moccasins and braid one another’s hair while singing to the god of daydreams, already.

The truth of that matter is that nobody knows what a damn bon bon is in the first place, and secondly, that nobody knows what their “dreams” are, either. EXCLAMATION!

Did that sound like me yelling? Because I was totally yelling.

Just Like Everything Else, We Do Whatever Society Tells Us To

So since there’s all this newfound hoighty toighty pressure to “follow your dreams,” and since most of us, by and large, do whatever the hell society tells us to do, here we are running around like a pack of rabid tortoises (yeah, tortoises), drooling all over ourselves and trying, with no avail, to become all “enlightened” and “free” and “happy” and “zen” and “I-don’t-know-why-I’m-doing-this-but-I-only-own-100-things-ish-because-clearly-I’m-not-a-good-person-if-I-own-more-than-one-pair-of-shoes.” Assuming tortoises wear shoes, of course.

I guess that’s what they call a movement. Don’t even get me started on how annoyed I’m becoming with that word. Movement…crusade…tribe…cult…still-not-thinking-for-ourselves. Aaacck.

Anyway, back to the flock of tortoises. Here we are, trying to make like foxes and run into the wind, but there’s one little problem (besides the fact that if we really were tortoises, those shells would be crazy heavy to run with):

WE HAVE NO IDEA WHERE WE’RE RUNNING TTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yelling. Again. Pardon my exclamation point.

Everyone keeps preaching that we need to follow our dreams (guilty of this), but how can we do that if we haven’t first taken the time to figure out what those even are?

I talk to people every day who become frustrated; they’ve tried several paths, haven’t been happy with any of them, and are starting to get discouraged. They’re starting to believe that resigning themselves to life as a secretary might be the better route, after all. And you know what? If you’re happy being a secretary, then fantastic. But many of you won’t be. But it’s the easier path, so you’ll take it. Because you’re frustrated with trying so hard to follow your dreams, but you’re still not happy. But that’s just because you don’t actually have a clue what your dreams even are; you’re just sort of throwing things up there until one sticks. And that’s sometimes an effective method…but it’s not very efficient. And since we’ve only got, oh…say…40 years or so, you might want to consider an alternative.

We’re a fast food nation. We demand speed. We want everything on the double. And dreams are no exception. So instead of taking the necessary time to figure out what they are, we opt to dive into whatever we think might suit our fancy at the time. And then we’re disappointed when we realize that–wait a minute–we aren’t that crazy about this or that after all, and since we aren’t crazy about it, we don’t put the necessary time and effort into it. And if we aren’t doing that, then nothing’s going to happen–certainly not dreams coming true.

This Is Not About Soul Searching

If we want all that sexy enlightenment and freedom and happiness and zen, we’ve got to take the time to figure out what path will bring us those things.

Most people assume that they’ve simply got to do a little “soul-seaching.” (Quotation marks are clearly the highlight of this post.) So they sit down, pour themselves a cup of coffee, do a little thinking, and then assume that they’ve got the answer.

If only it were that easy.

This is not about soul searching. Sure, that’s nice and all, but soul searching is incredibly limiting.

The only things that we know, are that which we’ve experienced. So in doing soul searching, we’re actually performing an inventory of the things we’ve done in the past.

But what about everything else out there that we haven’t yet experienced?

If you really want to increase the quality of your life, and find some zen happiness once and for all, the key is not soul searching. The key lies in getting out there and doing things that you haven’t done before. Because clearly, the things you’ve already been doing haven’t been that compelling–or you’d probably be on the road to sexy happy zen land by now–or at least have a better idea of where it lies on a map.

It requires some guts, man! It requires some risk-taking. It requires new experiences. And it requires you to get off your butt and start doing something–not just thinking about what you already like. There’s so much out there that you don’t even know you like yet, and one of those things might just be the very thing you’ve been missing this entire time.

NEW IS NECESSARY.

Stop being a chicken.

Go be somebody.

AFTER you figure out who that somebody is that you want to be.

From the middle finger project, post On NOT “Following Your Dreams”

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Why Stereotypes Piss Me Off (And How They’re Ruining Your Life)

Ash — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 15:58:13 +0000

A Little Story From My Childhood

We were only in the 6th grade. I had been friends with Angie since I moved to the area in the 1st grade. She was my first friend, as a matter of fact, which is why when I walked into the locker room to change for gym class and I heard my new friends–the “cool” crowd–picking on Angie, taunting her and insisting she still played with unicorns, I had to defend her. Despite the fact it was only 6th grade, it didn’t make cliques any less real; I should know since I was a member. But it was in that moment that I saw how I could use that position to do good.

I rounded the corner and interrupted their catty laughter: “You should talk, Veronica–wasn’t that a Barbie collection that I saw at your house last weekend?” Their laughter halted and it was apparent that no one knew how to respond. “Lay off of Angie,” I warned. “She’s cool.”

At that time, I was one of the “popular” girls–I had a middle school romance going with Vince, after all–so they backed down without much of a struggle. It prompted me to think, however, what happens to all who don’t have someone in their corner?

Pick On Someone Your Own Size

Whether it’s an innocent young adolescent girl, or a poverty-striken family, or a member of a minority, or perhaps an new immigrant, people everyday are getting picked on–both directly and indirectly–by those in a position of power. The motivations vary, but more often than not, those people likely don’t have someone backing them up–they’re left to defend themselves against a world that can be cruel, to say the least.

Worse, oftentimes those getting marginalized are being marginalized not because of something they’ve done, but because they fit a certain stereotype. The American-born latino who gets called a wetback and is looked upon as stupid, dirty, lazy, or amoral. The Jewish person who is automatically labeled as greedy nit-pickers. The Italian who is joked with about being violent, ignorant or otherwise associated with the mafia. The African American who is perceived as a trouble-maker, drug user or gang member.

Stereotypes teach us, via implication, how we’re suppose to perceive and treat others. The problem with that, however, is that stereotypes aren’t real; they’re merely an unfortunate, overgeneralized, oversimplified association. What better way to dehumanize someone than by reducing them to a handful of traits? By using stereotypes to guide our opinions about others, whether consciously or unconsciously, we are marginalizing not only them, but ourselves. We’re alienating ourselves, via misguided logic, from the people that make up this planet–and all of the incredible relationships, new experiences and learning opportunities–because we’ve allowed stereotypes to dominate our beliefs.

Stereotypes Are Everywhere–And They’re Royally ******* Things Up

Yet, stereotypes don’t just affect human relations. While the stereotyping of humans is likely the most prominent–and most detrimental–we tend to develop stereotypes across all aspects of living. One in particular that stuck with me just the other day, as we held our meet-up in Chicago, was something that writer Nina Yao brought up:

“Growing up, I loved art, but my parents warned me not to take it on as a career, unless I wanted to end up a starving artist. Instead, I went to school for business.”

The starving artist.

Oh, how hearing her talk about her long lost dreams being put aside, all in the name of a stereotype, added such a solemn note to my day; the common belief being that if you become an artist, you will be poor.

The implications here are so, so many, namely that those who pursue creativity as a career can be typecast as economically naive, foolish or irresponsible. Imagine all of us out there who have surrendered our passions to this belief, mistrusting our instincts, and instead gone out and gotten that safe day job? Society seems to separate art and business, hence perpetuating the starving artist stereotype, as well as perpetuating the number of lonely, overworked, uninspired, dispassioned souls out there, who are merely the victim of an attempt to be responsible.

For us, responsible erroneously does not mean being responsible to ourselves (and hence following the paths that secretly make us light up inside); rather, responsible means being responsible to the arbitrary economic and social standards that have been set forth to us by society. And this seems to be exactly where we all go wrong.

Stereotypes can be damaging on multiple fronts, but when it comes to that of selecting a career–and, consequently, selecting what your life will be on a daily basis–stereotypes can be the ultimate sabotage.

Many argue that stereotypes are stereotypes because of a set of statistics that back them up, and therefore are based in truth; however, what most people fail to realize is that stereotypes don’t conclude anything about a person, nor a career. You cannot possibly know the outcome of something until you engage with it–it’s as simple as that. You can try to predict through stereotypes–sure–but in doing so, you’re more likely to do more harm to yourself by marginalizing yourself from a world of opportunity that could have otherwise existed. But you’ll never know, because instead of finding out for yourself, you listened to everyone else.

No matter what, I beg of you–please, please, please don’t do that. Stop listening to what everyone else says, and what everyone else wants you to do. Trust in yourself. Trust in your instincts. Trust in your ability to make things work, even if they do go awry. You don’t need everyone else’s validation or permission to do what it is you want to do. When it comes down to it, all you need is your own.

From the middle finger project, post Why Stereotypes Piss Me Off (And How They’re Ruining Your Life)

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24 HOURS ONLY – Pimp Your Website for Less Than You Spent On Your Mom On Her Birthday

Ash — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:25:46 +0000

Okay.

This is huge.

Bigger than an elephant on steroids.

Bigger than MC hammer pants.

And quite possibly, even bigger than that Inception movie that everyone’s talking about. Yeah, that’s right. I said it.

MAKE US YOUR BITCHES FOR THE DAY

Most of you know by now that I’m touring across the United States with Colin Wright & Andi Norris, stopping in 23 cities and hosting a number of meet-ups with readers. Awesome.

Well, as it turns out, we’ve got a day of rest. And we can’t stand it.

So we’ve decided to give back. We’ve talked with so many people during the first half of our trip who are super motivated to get started with their projects, but are lacking the funds to get off the ground–be it with the website, logo, branding, copy or simply the know-how on where to even start.

So, since we’ve got this free day, with a reliable internet connection (for once) since we’re at Colin’s parents’ house, we’re going to get a little nuts down here in their finished basement. Quite possibly with wine. Because apparently, Missouri has incredible wine that nobody knows about. But shhhh.

It’s called Reader Appreciation Day, and we’re going to conduct a marathon…..starting….NOW.

For the next 24 hours only, we’re going to be working like fiends, designing logos, building sites, making all sorts of sexy flash animations (okay, so they’re doing that stuff), writing copy, developing press releases, or consulting with you on any number of topics–if you can dream it, we can help you with it. Well, unless you want Andi to dress up like I Dream of Jeannie & come over to your house to give you a back rub. Though, then again….I might be able to pull some strings….

AND WE’RE DOING IT FOR LESS THAN YOUR SPENT ON YOUR MOM FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

Because you’re rad. And we can’t sit still. So let’s do this. Here’s your chance to stop procrastinating your project, and start making things happen for yourself. Ándale!

Below is a list of services and their super low prices. Just fill out THIS FORM and we’ll get started working feverishly. FURIOUSLY. MADLY. BREATHLESSLY.

And in the end, you will have something sexy. For mad cheap. And you will love us. And forevermore you will remember to send us wine. Whenever you want us to do cool shit. Just like this.

Send us your needs, and we’ll rock your world! CLICK HERE…OR DIE. That was dark, wasn’t it?

P.S. THIS ENDS AT 12PM ON WEDNESDAY, JULY 21ST, 2010, at which point we’ll be taking off for St. Louis. Make it happen!

LIST OF ZEE SERVICES. MOST THINGS $100-$200, WITH EXCEPTION OF SITE BUILDING, WHICH MIGHT BE A SMIDGE MORE BUT WON’T BREAK YOUR BANK. OR YOUR LEG. ORRRR YOUR HEART. WHICH IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING.

DESIGN
Logos, one-sheets, business cards, stationery, banners, ads, posters

DEVELOPMENT
Websites, blogs, Flash banners, forms, technical support, installations, content analysis

PRODUCTION
Editing, color correction, animation, slideshows, formatting, uploading, technical support

MARKETING/PR
Press releases, content analysis, copywriting

WRITING
Posts, pages, sales copy, greeting cards, haikus

CONSULTING
Entrepreneurship, branding, business, design, blogging, writing, relationships, lifestyle design, marketing, PR, social media, travel, publishing, brainstorming, strategizing

OTHER
Chit-chatting, karaokeing, playing online video games, watching us dance, interviews, tell us jokes and we’ll laugh at the right times

ZEE END. MAY YOU HAVE A VERY PLEASANT DAY. AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO PURCHASE YOURSELF SOME JALAPEÑO POPPERS. BECAUSE THEY. ARE. AMAZING.

From the middle finger project, post 24 HOURS ONLY – Pimp Your Website for Less Than You Spent On Your Mom On Her Birthday

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The Real Value of Travel (Come Sneak Away to the Beaches of Costa Rica, If You Dare)

Ash — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 05:47:37 +0000

A Sexy Story With a Lesson

We sit in near silence, the only interruptions being an occasional mojito-induced outburst of nervous laughter, the sound of my silver chandelier earrings gently clinkering together, and the relentless tropical rains that steadily pelt the top of the canvas roof of the 4×4 automobile we are in.

It’s shamelessly cliche, where we are and what we’re doing there, parked at the edge of a cliff overlooking the warm Pacific waters at 2 o’clock in the morning, but the way his deep-set, dark brown eyes pierce my own, I suddenly understand women everywhere who have ever dared perpetuate such a cliche; it is these exact moments, right here and right now, that fill us with unexpected fervor, invigorating every hidden fantasy that we’ve secretly harbored, longing for a moment just like this one. For the first time in a long time, I feel alive. In more respects than one.

He slides his hand over the top of my exposed thigh, delicately running his thumb back and forth over my skin, and with the other reaches over to me, gently cupping my face and pulls me into him. It’s one of those moments when you both know the kiss is about to happen, so you frantically try to lick your lips right before it happens without the other person noticing. Fortunately for the sake of my love story, he doesn’t notice. As a matter of fact, after that point, I wouldn’t say we noticed much of anything.

The way he kissed me that night, with a fiery intensity that would linger on my lips for days years to come, was the beginning of the end. It was in that moment that I first felt a strong connection with another human being that was different from me; it was in that moment that I first discovered the universality of human emotions. People from foreign countries had always seemed, well…foreign, but the opposite, as I was to discover, held more truth. When it comes to things like love, I learned, no one is foreign. As it turns out, everyone is exactly the same.

People Are Travel

Over the following few months that I would live in Costa Rica, I was stunned to have this same lesson sneak up on me time and time again. We weren’t just the same when it came to matters of the heart, but with all of the elements that make us human. From our deepest fears, to our desire to fit in; from our need to bond with one another to our need for time alone. In many ways, we were essentially all the same, simply having been molded in sightly different ways by our respective backdrops.

And it’s precisely this realization that brings all of the value to travel; without the people, travel would be nothing more than a fruitless change of scenery. A slideshow, if you will, that does nothing to engage you, but is something you simply witness from your corner of the room.

Furthermore, while many people assume that the majority of the benefits of travel lie in experiencing the differences, on the same token, it seems to me that the greatest benefit of travel actually lies–surprisingly so–not in the differences, but in the similarities.

Sure, in many respects, the differences are opportune. It’s the differences that allow us to best step out of our own lives and into that of another, enabling us to more objectively reflect on our own realities and, with that reflection, be enabled to better understand ourselves and who we want to be. It’s the differences that allow us to either appreciate aspects of our lives we never gave much thought to prior, or on the flip side, reject other aspects that we never much cared for in the first place. It’s the differences that give a destination its character, enriching our world and, in the process, enriching us.

But as I’ve discovered, it’s through the examination of the differences that we accidentally unearth the similarities. And its the similarities that teach us the big lessons, when we’re able to witness that quiet interconnectedness and, by extension, witness ourselves in others. Seeing ourselves in others allows us to see the possibilities in our own lives; to see that there are others who are just as content with their lives, if not more so, than we are, yet they’re going about it in a whole new way. Seeing ourselves in others opens us up to new opportunities. Seeing ourselves in others expands our method of thought. It shows us that there are other ways of doing things, and that we aren’t limited to just one. Seeing ourselves in others gives us permission to be who we want to be; not merely the person we’ve been told we should be.

That night out on that cliff, despite the seeming frivolity of the situation, I saw a glimpse of the person I aspired to be. One who acts with intention, and lets passion dictate the course, rather than stifling logic. One who recognizes the importance of feeling alive, instead of just being alive. One who understands that play can be more important than work, and and one acknowledges that people are more important than things. This is who I want to be. This is who I have decided to be. This is who I am. This is what matters.

Wish You, Too, Had a Cliffside Latino(a) Lover & A Whole New Perspective on Life?

I gained immeasurable wisdom from that first trip to Costa Rica, as with every subsequent trip I’ve taken and time I’ve lived there. Most notably, I’ve learned how to be the person I am, in a world that promotes being the person society wants you to be. I’ve learned to take big leaps, and how to land gracefully no matter where I land. I’ve learned that risk is never as risky as it seems, and that only good can come from playing with it. I’ve learned that important careers aren’t important unless you’re happy doing them, and sometimes, the best career choice is the one we were most afraid of. And I’ve learned that living is as you define it.

Over the past year, I’ve seen many readers struggle with the same types of life questions, leading them to wonder “what if?” a whole lot. I’ve seen many become proactive and take chances, but I’ve also seen others want to be proactive, but just not know how.

Most of all, I’ve seen people who want to change, but are still paralyzed by fear.

So I decided to do something about it.

I’m proud to announce to you Liberation Seven–a seven day retreat on the beaches of Costa Rica, designed exclusively for those who are serious about living life on their own terms. It will be held from October 7th to October 14th, and will include group discussion sessions out on a yacht, ziplining through the rainforest, during fresh seafood dinners and on the white sands of a national park, as well a host of other activities–all optional, of course.

But regardless of how many incredible things we do, the real value will lie in the experience of a new culture, looking at life through a new lens as a way reflect and promote positive change in our own lives. I want to facilitate that experience for you, and have the opportunity to engage with all of you on a new level and really dig into ways that we can start taking the leaps we need to take, and start living the lives we want to be living.

***The best part? If you sign up before Monday, August 2nd, get $300 off the cost of the retreat!***

Want to Learn More?

If you’re interested in learning more, jot down your email address below and I’ll shoot you some messages with the latest information. Alternatively, if you’re all sorts of pumped and ready to indulge in endless mojitos, rum drinks and ice-cold Costa Rican beer with a group of like-minded folks with the same goals, you can go right ahead and sign up here with a deposit. Otherwise, if you have any questions, feel free to email me at ihavetheguts [at] the middlefingerproject [dot] org.

Hope to see you in Costa Rica! You only live once, right?

From the middle finger project, post The Real Value of Travel (Come Sneak Away to the Beaches of Costa Rica, If You Dare)

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Are You Your Own Dream Zapper?

Ash — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 16:09:24 +0000

Why Not Take The Leap?

I’ve been meeting a lot of truly smart, savvy, remarkable people lately. So many are saying to hell with the safety net, and are leaping toward their passions, and haven’t looked back since.

On the same token, however, so many of those smart, savvy, remarkable people are not.

Frankly, this makes me want to burst into tears and heave a cartful of lemon tarts at someone.

I’m dangerous like that.

Being a naturally curious person, I’m prone to asking why a lot. Why aren’t you leaping toward your passion? If you’re not happy where you are, then why not change it? What’s preventing you from living the life you wish you were?

I have this annoyingly obsessive need to know the answers to these things. We’re capable of doing so much, yet don’t take advantage of the opportunities that are available to us. By “doing so much,” that isn’t to imply that more is better, because it’s too often the case that we’re already doing so many things that we’ve created a self-imposed prison of sorts; we’re prisoners to our own lives, and we can’t get off the treadmill.

It isn’t a matter of quantity; it’s a matter of quality. It isn’t about doing more; it’s about reflecting on what it is we’re already doing, and assessing whether or not what we’re doing make sense in line with who we want to be.

You are the sum of the collection of things you do.

On the surface, that may sound superficial–I am not defined just what I do, but what I think and what ideas I have!

Sure thing, cowboy–ideas are great, but an idea will only take you so far without action.

If you aren’t willing to take your ideas and thoughts and turn them into something tangible, then in a tragic sort of way they become nearly useless. Sure, there’s some value in critical thinking by itself, but there needs to be a product of that critical thought in order for it to truly become meaningful.

Ideas are magical. They have the power to transform your entire life, if only you’ll pay attention to them and then do something with them. The only time something is “just a dream” is when you allow it to be. In this sense, we’re not just prisoners to our own lives, but we’re volunteering to be.

Top 5 Excuses (You Make) That Zap Your Dreams

Throughout the conversations I’ve been having with folks, I’ve noticed a common theme emerging. It seems as if the following 5 excuses are most popular on why people aren’t doing what they wish they could do:

1. I don’t think I’m good enough.

Someone call the self-esteem police; this one is just not going to cut it. Ever. First of all, “good” is a relative term. As long as you know more about a topic than someone else, then you will be filling a need.

Second, if you really aren’t very good at something you’d like to do, you’ll never become any better at it if you don’t start somewhere. Don’t let lack of experience prevent you from doing awesome shit; start small and build from there.

2. I don’t have the time.

Doing awesome shit is a priorities game. You’re absolutely right–there are only 24 hours in a day, and sometimes we’re limited not only by hours, but by how much creative, emotional and physical energy we have at any given time. Sometimes you’re just not in the zone; hell, I’ve been having a hard time myself getting in the zone as we work from the car. As I type this, I’m writing with my mac on my lap in the passenger seat, en route from Wilmington, North Carolina to Orlando, Florida.

I get that.

But here’s the thing: Nothing’s going to change if you don’t start making time. We aren’t super heros; you can’t do everything at once. We need to carefully pick and choose our battles.

What are you fighting for? In other words, what do you dedicate most of your time and energy to? Is it helping you achieve your goals, or is it standing in your way?

3. I don’t have the money.

Money simply isn’t as important as we make it out to be. Most people assume that in order to start a business, for example, they’ll need to come up with so much capital and then find an office and then hire employees, etc. etc. etc. We start imagining all of the details, and we become overwhelmed by them. Frustrated. Intimidated. Scared. And we chicken out. We make excuses. We tell ourselves that it isn’t the best time to be starting a business right now, anyway, and that maybe our job isn’t so bad–at least there’s free coffee, right?

It’s a fine example of voluntary self-imprisionment at it’s finest.

The truth is that it doesn’t have to be that complicated. It doesn’t have to be that big. We can start moving toward our goals inch by inch, and readjust as necessary. We don’t have to start out having all of the bells and whistles; maybe we just get started doing some probono work to build our reputation, in order to find some paying clients who will help fund our growth.

Everyone started somewhere. Having a lot of money isn’t necessary to do awesome shit; having the courage to take positive forward steps is. Imagine the goal, and then figure out a way to make it happen. Don’t let a lack of funds deter you from exploring ideas that could change your life for the better.

4. I don’t know how.

This might be the least valid excuse of all, and we need to pick it up and chuck it out the window, right into the dumpster.

If it turns out that you don’t know much about a given topic, then dammit, GO FIND OUT. In the age of information, if you’re willing to dedicate a little time, then you can become nearly expert at almost anything. Don’t be lazy–this is your life we’re talking about here.

5. I don’t have a degree in X.

In the past, this argument might have been more acceptable; nowadays, however, it’s been rendered obsolete, thanks to the internet. Degrees are nothing more than red tape; in reality, anyone can go learn the same amount of knowledge themselves through books, podcasts, forums, blogs, web searches, etc.

Let’s say tomorrow I decide I want to become a web designer. I don’t need to go to a fancy design school and take out a ton of loans to do so; I simply need to get resourceful and start consuming information, start practicing, and start seeking feedback from those with more experience–not hard to do. Hop on Twitter and leverage the incredible power of networking.

Then I brand myself as an expert in X, and start taking on clients. Boom. I’m a web designer. Just like everything, there’s a learning curve, but it’s absolutely one worth riding on two wheels until you get your bearings. Obviously this might not work for all fields, but there’s a lot you can do on your own. It’s about having the confidence to get started.

Whatever you do, do not let yourself become one of those “if only I had….” people. You will never forgive yourself.

Be bold. Take chances. Revel in the unknown. And remember that there’s no proof that says that life was meant to be serious. Get out there and play with it. Engage with the world. See what’s out there.

And always, always, always have faith in yourself.

At the end of the day, it’s all we’ve got.

P.S.

If you need some help getting started, this might be something you’re interested in.

From the middle finger project, post Are You Your Own Dream Zapper?

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When Being in Control is a Disservice

Ash — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 19:24:08 +0000

Me & Andi, in Portland, Maine--our first stop for the Status Quo Smackdown Roadtrip 2010

I’ve got little patience for excuses.

I proactively call myself out whenever I catch myself making excuses in order to either procrastinate or invent reasons why I shouldn’t put myself out there.

Why?

Because sometimes, putting yourself out there is nail-bitingly, blood-curdingly, will-drive-you-to-drink, flat-out terrifying at times. It’s far easier to continue doing what we’ve always done, or to take the easier route, than it is to risk our pride, financial stability and comfort in knowning what to expect on a day to day basis. Risk invites the prospect of humiliation, self-doubt, uncertainty, instability, and often far more work than we imagined.

But on the flip side, risk also invites some highly attractive prospects: self-fulfillment, self-confidence, personal growth, professional growth, exhilaration, excitement, and much hotter sex, of course. You don’t think the kama sutra was created by play-it-safers, did you?

Essentially the primary difference between risk takers and non risk takers is a matter of control; risk-takers are okay with not having it at all times, while non-risk takers tend to need it more.

Risk means uncertainty. Uncertainty means loss of control. But the big question here is: What does loss of control mean?

If we assume that oftentimes, risk is avoided in order to avoid loss of control, then it’s important to analyze why loss of control is so greatly feared.

Must we have control at all times? What are the consequences if we don’t?

Naturally, for each person the answer to the latter will vary, but examining that answer is the only way we can move toward taking more risks. Truly ask yourself: What’s the worst that could possibly happen? Oftentime, the worst that could happen isn’t nearly as bad as we build it up in our minds to be, and by looking at it through a more rational lens, we can reduce our fears, stop making excuses and start taking action.

Risky Roadtrips

As many of you know, I recently embarked on a cross-country roadtrip with fellow bloggers Colin Wright of Exile Lifestyle and Andi Norris of Instigationology.

To start, there are a million other things I could be doing this summer that would be safer alternatives, guaranteed to provide me with a more steady income and the assurance that I’ll be able to pay my bills on time.

And to many people, safe is appealing. At times, safe is appealing to me, too. Safe is warm. Safe is welcoming. Safe is familiar. Safe is reassuring.

And while those things are pleasant–sometimes imperative–the opposite of safe can be just as appealing, and even more so. It’s called vulnerability.

Being vulnerable allows us to greet new experiences with the tender innocence and openness necessary to grow. To allow ourselves to be taught. To grant ourselves the right to not know, and to be okay with it. To recognize when discomfort is in our best interest.

And for me, this roadtrip is doing just that: It’s making me vulnerable in a number of ways, and I’m allowing it to, because I believe that the benefit of taking the risk will far outweigh the benefit of feeling secure.

As always, it comes down to priorities.

And right now, mine favor the value of experience over security.

If you’re interested in learning more about our trip and finding out where you can meet up with us, visit www.waybelowstatusquo.com for our itinerary. So far, we’ve completed our Portland, Maine stop and will be leaving Philadelphia tomorrow to head to D.C. The purpose of the trip was to meet readers, have the opportunity to put faces to names, and serve as a conduit to bring like-minded folks together. So far, we’ve been thrilled with the turn-out, and hope to see you in your closest city! Visit the live blog for the most up-to-date information on what we’ve been up to, and where we’ll be, or follow me on Twitter: @TMFproject.

From the middle finger project, post When Being in Control is a Disservice

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Do You Have The Guts?

Ash — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 15:02:40 +0000

I can vividly recall the first time I wrote a resume.

I typed away on our clunky, oversized HP desktop, silently muttering words that shouldn’t appear in any resume each time autoformat would sneakily attempt to take over my painstakingly-created bulleted list of achievements.

To this day, autoformat and I remain sworn enemies–and with reason, might I add, since I always felt that autoformat was more or less the electronic version of those pushy people who insist on offering unwelcome, unsolicited advice. I never cared much for those jerks, either.

I sat there staring at the blinking cursor, trying to summon my mightiest qualities and craft them into professional-speak jargon that would be meaningful to potential employers:

Have tons of shit to say & secretly think I’m smarter than you because
that’s what every 20 year old thinks —–> skilled & knowledgeable

Will work my ass off if you just give me this one chance, because I have no idea
how I’ll pay off my credit cards if you don’t —–> committed & dedicated to the profession

Promise not to steal your money, your job, your husband or those stupid little
chalk-like pastel-colored mint candies everyone puts in a bowl on their desk —–> trustworthy

Will hear what you’re saying to me while simultaneously texting my friend
about happy hour, updating my Facebook status, checking my work voicemail
and sipping on my Dunkin Donuts coffee —-> talented multi tasker

Guaranteed to complete a task in half the time because I’ll likely go against
company protocol and work smarter, not harder, without you knowing —-> takes direction well

Will refrain from using phrases like “yo,” “I’m down,” “ain’t no thang,” & “whazzzup!” —–> excellent communication skills

Will happily accept drinks from the cute guy in the cube across from mine
& will not be mean to the girl who made me feel like an idiot for not knowing how
to use the copier —–> works well in a team environment

And voila–just like that, I had myself a professional resume, full of BS buzzwords that have become the standard. Do a Google search for resumes, and see how many of these you see come up over and over and over again. It’s almost comical, because it’s no secret that not every candidate holds all of those qualities, nor does every job require all of those qualities, but such buzzwords have become as expected as the resume format itself.

Interestingly enough, many of these buzzword qualities point to the ability to essentially be a cog in a wheel. Takes direction well. Works well in team environment. Multi-tasker. Committed. Essentially this means you’re efficient, you’ll do as you’re told, you won’t cause too many problems, and you’ll do it for a really long time.

And in the past, this was precisely the type of worker that was needed: One who kept his head down, took orders from above and performed the necessary functions in order to keep the company running smoothly.

So over time, this is the type of worker that has become valued–whether or not, in present-day, it makes sense to value these qualities.

No Matter How Impressive Your Resume, There’s One Thing That We’re Missing

Yet, the one quality that has become so incredibly necessary, as we move into a technological age, is the one that is most overlooked by traditional companies.

Creativity.

Sure, many times it’s like a bonus quality we might add onto our resume–creative thinker–and hope it scores us extra points, but it’s never the skill that’s highlighted, nor praised. (With the exception of creative fields, of course, but that’s an exception.)

The reason for this is that creativity, by and large, isn’t always tangible and, furthermore, it’s a skill that’s highly subjective in nature. Therefore, it’s hard to measure. And if it’s hard to measure, it’s hard to see. And if it’s hard to see, then there isn’t too much value attached to it.

Yet, as we keep moving forward, we’re bound to start seeing creativity take the lead as one of the most important skill sets out there.

Why?

Because creativity fuels ideas. And in an internet-age, ideas are what’s fueling the world.

Your Boss Isn’t As Powerful As He Seems–Anymore, That Is

In the past, there was a much greater distance between those with power and those without.

Those with power were the guys at the top, and those without power were the guys working for the guys at the top. In order to have any upward mobility, the guys without power would have to get permission from the guys with power. Power, in this sense, was a commodity that was given in tiny fractional increments, in order to keep the guys without power feeling like they were getting somewhere, essentially keeping them happy and PRODUCTIVE.

In the past, ideas were not for the guys without power to worry about. The guys with power were the ones that came up with ideas. Once an idea was born, the guys without power implemented the ideas. They did what they were told. The end.

However, with the advancement of technology, this is all starting to change. And it’s changing drastically.

Technology has afforded us many luxuries, but perhaps one of the greatest is a more equal distribution of power–without having to get anyone’s permission.

Now, with the use of the internet, we can create our own power. We can be our own boss. We can BE THE GUY AT THE TOP. We can LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD.

We Can, But Will We?

But there’s one very important condition involved in creating our own power: We have to be creative. The very thing that was de-emphasized in the past, is the now the very thing that will be running the future.

In order to take advantage of the opportunities that the internet allows, creativity is necessary to spark ideas. Essentially, the internet has given us a platform to be our own boss, and create a business out of whatever it is that our hearts desire–as long as we’re creative enough to imagine how we can find the intersection between our passions and what it is that others need. It’s a basic matter of supply and demand, tweaked to reflect modern day capabilities.

We no longer have to wait for anyone to give us a promotion in order to start doing the things that we want; the only person we have to get permission from is ourselves–often the hardest part. It’s not a matter of whether we can or not; it’s a matter of whether or not we have the guts.

That’s where the rubber meets the road.

Do you have the guts?

Every time I feel myself falter with a wave of self-doubt, I get angry about it, and then I force myself to do what it is I’m hesitating to do. Do I want to let something as ridiculous as a little self-doubt ruin what could be something incredible?

In 50 years, I want to look back and say that I had the guts.

The Domino Effect of Ideas

Creativity is the most important skill to be harnessing, because creativity breeds ideas. And ideas–whether they seem frivolous, distant or impossible to you now–are the currency of the future. Ideas propel us forward. But best of all, an idea won’t simply lead you to one place–ideas have a domino effect, in that one idea will lead you to an abundance of doors that would not have been open to you prior. Acting on ideas automatically produces exponential growth.

For example, this website. I started The Middle Finger Project in November of last year, with the intention of simply communicating my thoughts to the world. It was a simple idea, and one that I had conviction in, but not a huge set of expectations. Nine months later, I’m creating an entire career out of it–something I never anticipating happening.

Another example is the coast-to-coast tour I’m about to embark on on the 4th of July. The idea started as a joke in a comments section between Colin Wright, Andi Norris & I. It was a wild idea, but now, a few months later, we’ve got sponsors and we’re headed across the USA to bring our message to a broader audience.

Imagine what opportunities might come as a result? Opportunities that would have never revealed themselves to us, had we decided to stay behind a computer screen.

Ideas are the most powerful thing in the world. If we can learn to trust in our ideas, and trust in ourselves, the world is truly up for our taking.

50 years from now, don’t you want to look back and say you had the guts?

From the middle finger project, post Do You Have The Guts?

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Why Rule Breakers Run the World

Ash — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 13:42:41 +0000

I’ll admit it–I’m a tad embarrassed.

I can’t decide if I’m embarrassed in light of the nonchalant display of nudity that is currently lounging alongside of me–quite proudly, and with reason, if I do say so myself–on this clothing optional beach, or if I’m embarrassed for another reason–perhaps at my own relative prudishness, something that seems to stand in stark contrast with my normally quite liberal, open-minded ideals.

Either way, it’s causing me a bit of uninvited self-doubt.

My inability to look at the naked man alongside of me without feeling the heat instantly rush to my face serves as the unexpected reminder that, just maybe, there’s a part of me that’s still subconsciously tethered to the rigid, puritanical ideals that have shaped the belief system of our nation–one of the belief systems that I’ve been so meticulously attempting to unpack, examine and, in most cases, reject in favor of a less inhibited way of life.

But here it is now, staring me in the face, daring me to put my money where my mouth is.

Yet here I sit, in my white two piece and floppy straw hat, strewn comfortably across a lounge chair in the shade, as those that surround me unabashedly prance about in a friendly game of nude volleyball.

On this court, sports bras are obsolete, and–by gosh–shorts? Don’t be silly! Stuffy and antiquated, I tell you!

I have never felt so overdressed in a bikini. A string bikini, at that.

And so I wonder: What is it that prevents me from untying my top and revealing–ahem–nature’s work?

Where’s This Nude Beach, Anyway?

I should mention, of course, that I’m in Negril, Jamaica. As I write this, there are yellow-colored, cartoonish-looking crabs gliding sideways across the sand in front of me, as the transparent Caribbean water teases them with the possibility of whisking them away at a moment’s notice. The water is approximately 82 degrees fahrenheit, the sun is beaming across it, and there’s a gentle breeze tickling my face and, of course, there’s the well-endowed man to my right who’s tickling my reality.

The infamous bruised leg. Only me, I swear.

Since arriving two days ago, I’ve gone sailing with a decidedly charming Jamaican; attempted water skiing, managing to severely bruise the entirety of my left inner thigh; finished Liz Gilbert’s Committed while floating aimlessly on a raft in the bay; had to forcefully reject a Jamaican teenager’s advances–the DJ of a nightclub–who insisted he loved me within, say, 3 minutes and 26 seconds of meeting me; and bore witness to what was quite possibly the most captivating dance performance I have ever seen–an African dance, performed by a group of incredibly well-built, cut and extremely fit Jamaicans. Let’s just say I couldn’t keep my jaw closed, with the types of moves these guys were pulling off.

And, of course, as it’s the theme of this post, let’s not forget the nude beach, mon. As a matter of fact, as I write this exact sentence, there’s a couple in the buff passing right in front of me, sprinkled with an assortment of tattoos. (Sorry, no flash photography allowed!)

It Always Comes Back To…

This brings me back to the topic at hand: The limits of my very own unconventional thought patterns being tested by such a simple, almost superficial exercise that I can’t seem to pass.

And what it comes down to is the same thing that it always comes down to: Deeply ingrained cultural beliefs that shape our entire perception of the world. Culture is so incredibly powerful in that we aren’t as independent in our thoughts as we like to believe; rather, our thoughts are filtered through our given cultural lens, and modified as such. It’s unavoidable–everything you do, read, see or hear shapes your brain, and as such, if everything you do, read, see or hear occurs within a fixed cultural context, then it follows that you brain is, in essence, largely a product of your culture.

To give a basic example, check out this picture.

Look at the guy in the foreground. How does he appear to feel? Happy? Sad? Mad?

Most of you reading might say that he looks mad. I would agree.

And that would perfectly align with the findings of the study, which were that Westerners, whose thought is heavily influenced by individualist culture, tend to isolate the man in the foreground, assess his facial characteristics, and then assign an emotion.

However, interestingly enough, when the same study was replicated with non-Westerners, or members of collectivist cultures that emphasize the importance of social relationships over the individual, non-Westerners routinely looked at the people in the background to get clues about the man in the foreground’s emotion, proclaiming him happy. (They know this by performing a series of eye scans on the subjects as they analyzed the image.)

How Puritan Culture Influences Our Modern Day Thought

So, back to the Puritans. As we all know, they formed the backbone of our culture, and as such, the backbone of many of our perceptions.

Since their influence seems to have had a fairly large impact on us personally, then it seems logical to mention their beliefs, as a sort of indirect internal investigation of sorts.

In brief, to reduce the corruption of the hierarchy that they experienced with the Church of England, they wanted to “purify” things and follow the scriptures to a T. They had a very strong belief in the supernatural. Their lives were bound by and run by religion.

To a point, anyway.

Eventually, even the Puritans own strict religious demands became too much for them to sustain. The experience of American living had taken the edge off of the zeal of the second generation, and efforts became more focused on the building of a society. Yet, the demands of standardized thinking in line with rigid Puritan intolerance wasn’t all that compatible for a growing society, and so began the initial decline of original Puritan ideals. Business became more important, and soon we see the rise of–ta da!–the ever-famous Protestant work ethic that we hear often referred to today.

Through the Protestant work ethic, the Puritans were able to experience economic success–one of their largest lasting contributions that is easily identifiable in modern day America, with the heavy emphasis on the value of economic prosperity and social status. In addition, it could be argued that America’s relentless aura of superiority had its roots in the Puritan movement as well.

On a more positive note, the Puritans also believed in self-determination, and that each person has the ability to do good. Albeit not the only source, this is reflected in the individualist culture we have today.

And while religion may have taken a backseat to business that isn’t to say that the influence of Puritan religious beliefs aren’t present today. Many of the high moralistic demands and standardized values that we have today echo those of the 1600’s.

These guys meant business; for example, education for the masses was not to educate, per say, but rather so the people could read the bible for themselves. In terms of their views, sexual morality ranked at the top, recreation received disapproval, and Saturday night celebrations were outlawed. Damn. So much for spin the bottle.

It makes sense, as these Puritans weren’t just Puritans; they were the radical Puritans who had risked everything in the name of their beliefs, and came to America–likely another reason for our independent spirits. (Though, I do find it a bit of a paradox that they were the original rebels, yet upon having arrived, outlawed all forms of rebellion.)

In Hellfire Nation, James Monroe suggests that the Puritanical desire to create a just society–and its moral fervor in bringing about that just society–which sometimes created paranoia and intolerance for other views, are at the root of America’s political landscape. Interesting.

The Naked Truth. Ha.

And so here I sit, still bikini clad, and now with a sense of guilt for being bikini clad. Somehow, I feel as if I’m the one getting the odd stares. I am tempted to make a sign out of a piece of cardboard and prop it up next to myself that reads: Blame it on the Puritans. However, as much as I’d love someone to blame for my reservations, the truth is that my perceptions aside, I’m still in charge of my actions.

And I think that’s the important lesson here, when we bring it back to the greater theme of unconventional thinking.

Many of us allow our perceptions dictate our paths in life. In this case, the perception is that nudity is something to be embarrassed about, and so my actions reflect that perception. However, on a larger scale the most obvious example of this is our perception that success means lots of money; so without further contemplation, our actions reflect that perception and we seek lots of money. Or our perception of what constitutes a respectable job; based on such perceptions, we form our lives accordingly.

But, just because we perceive something to be, doesn’t always mean that it is, or that something we don’t perceive, isn’t. As such, sometimes it’s better to question those perceptions and, at times, operate outside of them. Our perceptions should not define our lives; our actions should. And in taking a bold step of action, our perceptions are continuously molded in accordance with our experience, and hence, more accurate.

And isn’t that where they should be coming from? Not simply inherited from a set of past ideals, but actively created as we live, move, and navigate the world that surrounds us?

So while culture does play a large role in giving us our initial perceptions about things, that doesn’t necessarily mean that we must bow to them. This is where the rubber meets the road; there are those who will continue to do things the way they always have, limited by their own beliefs, and there are those who, instead, will embrace difference, allowing their beliefs to be continually reworked and remolded, essentially providing them with a very powerful freedom that few experience.

That is the freedom called living.

From the middle finger project, post Why Rule Breakers Run the World

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To Create The Life You Want, Passion Is Not Enough

Ash — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 06:00:35 +0000

Sometimes, you just know.

Just like I knew, the very first time I heard the most beautiful Spanish being spoken by a blonde-haired, USA born girl who had studied abroad in Mexico, that I, too, would someday have foreign adventures fueled by a lustful curiosity, a carefree spirit, and heaps of naivety that would eventually turn into some of the most powerful wisdom I’ve acquired.

It wasn’t something I ever questioned; it was simply something that I knew, with every fiber of my being, that I was going to do.

At that point, I didn’t have the money to do it. I didn’t have a passport. I had never been on a plane. And at age 19, there still remained many, many life lessons that I had yet to learn, such as knowing when someone was trying to take advantage of me, or, more importantly, when to pass on the tequila.

But logistics didn’t matter, and my lack of knowledge only further proved how desperately I needed the experience.

That’s called conviction.

Passion Isn’t Enough

We’ve heard it over and over that we need to have passion in order to start living with intention; that meaningful lives can be created through following one’s passion.

Yet, while true to some extent, it’s also a myth, because passion alone is simply not enough.

Rather, there needs to be a delicate balance of passion, but conviction as well. Being passionate about something is great, but it’s rendered meaningless unless we have the courage–the conviction–to actually do something with it.

When Passion + Conviction Combine . . .

Sarah Vandiver, founder of Sis Hope, a sparkling gem of an organization that serves to empower women in developing countries, is a fine example of the beauty that can come at the intersection of passion and conviction. She is someone who just knew. (P.S. That’s not an affiliate link. Sarah is just bad to the bone and needed to be talked up. Someone should probably send her mounds of presents for being so damn driven.)

Sarah wrote a humbling email to me last week, thanking me for my work here at TMF, and telling me a bit of her background. Like so many of us, a few years ago she had her life all planned out. She was headed straight to law school on a scholarship, and had the world at her fingertips. Or, so it seemed on the outside.

But on the inside, something else was happening. There was an inner turmoil, as she described it, and without being able to explain to family members and friends exactly why, something about law school just didn’t feel right.

So what did she do?

She threw caution (and those heavy law books) to the wind, ditched her plan, and instead, decided to do something she had only dreamed about since she was a little girl, growing up in a small, rural town.

Sarah went to Africa. Uganda, to be specific.

In her words:

“One week before classes began I knew something more was out there. I had never really stopped to analyze why exactly I was going to law school, I was just going through the motions. I started asking myself questions like, ‘Why exactly do I want to go to law school? If I could do anything with my life, what would it be? What motivates and inspires me? If I die tomorrow, what will I regret that I ‘didn’t get to do’?‘

My answers to these questions made me realize that I did not belong in law school. So I ran. I ran to find to follow my heart, I ran to find myself, and I ran to escape ‘the shoulds’. Long story short, I ended up in Uganda and the rest is history. It was a life changing trip.”

While in Uganda, Sarah felt a deep connection with the women there, as if they were family, despite their differences. She was in awe of their strength and resilience, but also shocked at some of the unnecessary hardships these women faced on a daily basis, such as not having the proper tools to manage a menstrual cycle. To improvise, they’d use tree bark. (I’ll say it one more time for emphasis: Tree bark. As in, the substance once used to make canoes. Probably not the most absorbent material, if I had to guess. Indeed, the things we taken for granted.) Yet, beyond being incredibly uncomfortable, the bigger problem that Sarah identified was the impact such a small detail had on young girls’ educations.

More often than not, young women would miss significant amounts of school each month, simply because they didn’t have the resources to prevent embarrassing leaks and stains and all of the other complications that come with being a woman on her period.

And just like that, her future revealed itself to her. She knew she had to do something to help. Enter: Sis Hope.

In her words:

“I started a social business, Sis Hope, that sells Fair Trade purses, totes, and eco friendly bags. For every bag purchased, we give a menstrual kit to a girl in need in Uganda. One to One. My dream is to keep girls in school everyday, even during their period.

While Sis Hope is new, I’m working everyday to grow and develop it. I have big dreams, and while I’m following the unconventional path compared to everyone I know, I’ve really never been happier.”

Voilà. Passion + Conviction to do something with it.

I was incredibly inspired by Sarah’s story, and thought you might be, too. Click here to check out Sis Hope–the bags are very, very cool.

Don’t Be a Sissy (Yes, That WAS the Most Appropriate Heading)

I cannot stress the incredible power of creating a life out of your interests, and the things that truly awaken you inside. While it may not always be easy, it isn’t impossible. Do not let logistics set up a roadblock; decide what it is that you’re aching to do–whether it’s travel, make art for a living, start a non-profit benefiting Ugandan women, or whatever it may be, and make a commitment to yourself to pursue it. Then, slowly but surely, begin to figure out how to make it happen. You won’t regret it–just ask Sarah.

By the way . . .

On a related note, Chris Guillebeau’s Empire Building Kit was launched again today, and is now available for purchase again.

If you already know what lights you up inside, but don’t know how to proceed, don’t let that prevent you from taking action; start figuring out how to start making money from your passion (the hardest part), which is what the Empire Building Kit is for. I encourage you to go check it out here.

From the middle finger project, post To Create The Life You Want, Passion Is Not Enough

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Life Isn’t As Serious As We Make It Out To Be

Ash — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 12:32:49 +0000

This Isn’t Actually a Love Story

In a strange sort of way, love has been one of my greatest teachers of life.

It has taught me patience.

It has taught me compromise.

It has taught me dedication.

It has taught me intimacy.

Not to mention the importance of a snappy comeback.

But perhaps most of all, love has taught me something that no other teacher could quite as eloquently:

Love has taught me impermanence.

We go through life entering and exiting relationships, both romantic and platonic. Our ability to do this relatively frequently has never ceased to amaze me–to have been, at one point, so painstakingly close to someone, only to turn around and hardly know that person at all. I’ve always found that to be a strange (read: agonizing) phenomenon that I attempt to avoid at all costs–ask any of my poor, tortured exes, upon whom I notoriously force post-relationship friendship that usually involves heavy Facebook stalking and the occasional sarcasm-laden, inside-joke-filled phone call to inquire about the other’s well-being.

Yet, as to be expected, there are simply some who cannot go down that path. No matter how hard I try to hold on, for the sake of honoring a bond that was once shared; for the sake of valuing authentic human connection, sometimes it isn’t enough. For them, once the romantic element has been removed, all that remains is a hollow abyss, laced with shadows of something that once was–not something that is.

And perhaps they’re all the wiser for it. Perhaps I’m the idealistic fool for ever having imagined that where love once was, it will always remain.

Because it doesn’t.

As much as we don’t like to imagine it this way, what with our promises of forever and our hopeful vows of devotion, sometimes, the truth is that love–whether we like it or not–is impermanent.

Just like most things in life are impermanent. And that’s truthfully the point of this post.

The Value of Impermanence

Contrary to how it seems, the truth is that impermanence is actually one of life’s strongest selling points. It’s unique value proposition, if you will.

No matter how hard we try to resist change, change is unavoidable. With a few major exceptions, such as death or that red wine stain on your carpet, nothing–nothing–is permanent.

And it’s absolutely fantastic.

At first glance, coming to terms with impermanence seems like a depressing idea. However, if we can learn to not only accept, but embrace this idea, our lives can only be improved. By remembering that nothing is permanent, we’ll be less hesitant to take risks, for one, which is one of the biggest benefits. For example, I receive numerous emails from hard-working professionals on a regular basis who have either gotten laid-off or are desperately needing a change, but are just lacking the confidence to veer in a new direction. They worry it won’t work out, and they’ll have thrown away their career. They worry they won’t like it as much as they thought they would. They worry that they’ll be putting everything in jeopardy. They worry that they’re being irrational and senseless. Essentially, they worry they’ll fail.

And it rips me to shreds every single time, because I just want to reach out and give them a comforting pat on the back, and then push them as hard as I can and with all my might. Sometimes, all we need is a little nudge.

Because truth be told, if it doesn’t work out, so what? You can always, always go back to doing whatever it was you were doing before, because no change is permanent. But if it does work out, you’ll only be all the more happy you decided to take the leap.

Life Isn’t As Serious As We Make It Out To Be

When making decisions, we have this disabling tendency to imagine everything in terms of forever and ever. We think that if we don’t pick the right career, the right path, the right husband, the right job, the right time to have kids, the right amount to save, that the world will come crashing down around us. All of this pressure that we’ve built up for ourselves, doesn’t exist naturally. We are the ones creating it, and we are the ones perpetuating it

We take our decisions very seriously, and their outcomes even more so. “But what if I do this, and then it doesn’t work out?” Contrary to popular belief, the world actually does not end. It keeps going, and we keep going. Life isn’t as big of a deal as we make it out to be.

Change is inevitable. Nothing is permanent. Why not use that to our advantage and start taking more positive risks?

From the middle finger project, post Life Isn’t As Serious As We Make It Out To Be

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How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World)

Ash — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 14:41:08 +0000

See that baby face up there? That’s my friend Karol–pronounced like Carl–who is a writer, traveler, & all around adventure-seeking bad ass over at Ridiculously Extraordinary. Right now he’s living in Poland, but before that he was downing noodles in Thailand, dodging kangaroos in Australia, and doing the zen thing in India, to name a few. Today is a big day for him–it’s the launch of his latest book, How to Live Anywhere, where he details exactly the various methods he uses to earn money online in order to fund his travels and, essentially, gain the freedom that we all crave.

In order to help him spread the word, I begged and I pleaded and did everything short of propose marriage if he would be so kind as to grace us with a guest post. Fortunately, Karol was more than happy to, and even more fortunately, I didn’t actually have to propose marriage because, after all, what if he had said yes? Though, I suppose on the bright side, since money bags over here is doing so well with his online projects, he could have taken us on a wicked honeymoon–with a butler, even, I bet.

My two favorite quotes from his book:

1. “The balance between recklessness and frightened paralysis too often strays

to the side of paralysis. Do your homework, but don’t let fear

keep you from realizing your dream.”

2. “You need to start thinking about what you’re going to do

before you get the money or else your life will only revolve

around the money.”

Score.

So, if you’re in the market for a layout of action steps that you can take in order to start making money online & be able to go on wild and crazy adventures around the world, I’d strongly encourage you to check out his book here:

And now without further ado, I bring you the one and only, Karol Gadja. I can’t pronounce his last name, either, so don’t worry.

How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World)

I read Ash’s work because she’s starting a revolution and it’s fun to watch. Maybe you’d like to start a revolution and change the world as well. I hope so. We need more revolutionaries.

Before we get into the nitty-gritty revolutionary world-changing bad-assery we’ve got to figure out how to change the world.

To change the world, you first have to define your world. Once you’ve defined your world, you rule your world and anything goes.

I have regular conversations with people who have seemingly big dreams and big goals. World changing goals like ending poverty and AIDS.

Here’s the problem: Those goals are admirable, but unapproachable. They’re so far out of grasp that they’re almost not real. Like a beauty pageant contestant who says she wants to end world hunger. Be honest with yourself. Choose big goals that you can take action towards accomplishing right now.

Make your world smaller and then you can instigate real change.

For example, instead of eliminating world poverty, how about helping just one family in need?

Back when I lived in Orlando, FL I belonged to an entrepreneurial organization for a short while. Every holiday season they would somehow, some way, find a family that was struggling and proceed to rock there world. How? Food, gifts for the kids, cash, clothes. Each member of the club would bring something to the table. When all 50 of us came together with something small we managed to change the world.

Yes, it was a small world, but it was a powerful change none-the-less.

I’m not saying you should do exactly that, but once you’ve defined your world you give yourself an immense amount of power to

revolutionize.

Now, 3 ways to start a revolution and change the world (your world):

1) Start A Blog: Write The Revolution

Simple. Get a Web host that has 1-click install of Wordpress (most Web hosts do nowadays) and write your revolution. If you’ve already got revolutionary ideas to write about, great! If you think you’re just normal and can’t change the world, you’re wrong.

Seriously, you are unique. There is something fantastic inside you that the world needs to know about. Tell us. Share. Revolutionize!

Like I mentioned earlier we need more awesome people to spread their awesome ideas. The Middle Finger Project is about rebelling against mediocrity. Go! Kick ass! Inspire others to kick ass!

2) Engage In Long Term Travel: Encounter The Revolution

This isn’t about getting holier-than-thou or pretentious. It’s like this: Travel teaches you to respect people. Travel forces you to make bold actions. Travel allows you to face your fears and come out on top. OK, sometimes you’ll fall flat on your ass, but you’ll learn how to deal with that as well.

And I don’t mean travel as in going to Paris for a week or taking a 3 day holiday to the beach. That’s fun too! But I mean traveling by getting down and dirty. Extending yourself. Getting out of your comfort zone. Leave for a month, 2 months, 6 months, 3 years!

I get e-mails every day from people who wish they could live in a new countries and experience new cultures.

My response is always: You can!

Not only do we need more bad asses spreading their ideas via written form, but we also need you spreading your ideas live, face-to-face with people in every city and country on this big blue ball.

(Editor’s Note: Have a big announcement coming to the site in the next couple of weeks related to this topic. For those of you who have been aching to find your appetite for life once again, & are interested in exploring travel as a medium for doing so, you might just have your chance.)

3) Start A Business: Enable The Revolution

It’s more difficult to start a revolution while you’re living life at a day job. It’s not necessarily easy to get rid of a day job and

change the world, but since when was being a revolutionary supposed to be easy?

What I can tell you is that freeing up your heart, mind, and time from a day job is worth it. I’ve worked for myself for 10 years, and every day that I wake up I’m more inspired to initiate change in my world than the day before. The passion grows consistently. In another 10 years I might just explode. (Thankfully, science is on my side, and that is unlikely.)

Starting a business that allows you the freedom to do what you want enables you the freedom to change the world.

From the middle finger project, post How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World)

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Introducing the World’s Newest Form of Religion

Ash — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 04:40:49 +0000

We hear it all the time:

FIND MEANING IN YOUR LIFE.

It’s become the advice du jour. The magical solution to our woes. The on-call prescription for disappointment with life. The hope we hold onto, when our own has abandoned us.

In a sense, the search for meaning has become a religion of its own.

We worship its ideals, and bow at its implications. We’re kept awake at night, hoping to form a relationship with meaning. We want to feel its presence so deeply in our lives, but at times, we tend to lose faith when it doesn’t manifest itself to us right away.

In many ways, meaning has been put up on a pedestal as a savior.

Unlike traditional forms of religion, however, this religion–the search for meaning–is far more compelling in terms of conversions, because there are many who have walked before us who have actually seemed to find it. I certainly don’t need to go door-to-door pedaling copies of the newest testament in hand (whose cover would likely feature a Hanes underwear model, because I’m the one making this all up and I’ve decided that Hanes underwear models should be plastered on as many objects as possible within my line of vision, thank you very much) because the proof is in the pudding. We see other people leading these lives just oozing with meaning–you know the type–and by golly, we’re just dying for someone to take a chicken baster already and just douse us with all their might. (Overboard? I’ll settle down with strange image-evoking metaphors.)

We want so desperately to find meaning in our lives, that when we don’t find it instantaneously, we stomp up and down, cross our arms with frustration, and march on back to the land of superficial happiness. Superficial or not, at least it’s readily available. Big screen, big screen, who wants a big screen?

It’s the easy way out.

Truth be told, the search for meaning is hard. It sounds like a bunch of lollipops and fun in the sun, but it’s a grueling process if you’re starting from scratch. Even the goal itself–meaning–is rather vague and elusive. What does meaning, well…mean, anyway? If we don’t have a clear idea of what meaning is in the first place, how are we suppose to go out and get some?

My answer:

Meaning is emotion.

When that one thing drives us to truly feel–be it elation, somberness, excitedness, worry, etc.–it brings us meaning. Something can only mean as much as we feel it. For example, writing to me is highly meaningful, because of the feelings that come with it. Intense joy. Fear. Pride. Wonder. Challenge. Satisfaction in knowing that no matter how fleeting life can be, words are permanent. Fascination with the human ability to communicate. Amusement when attractive readers from Indianapolis ask me to weddings. You know, the usush.

In many cases, relationships become meaningful to people, because of the feelings they attach to them (rapture, exhilaration, enchantment, sensuality, security).

In other cases, hobbies like sports become meaningful to people, because of the feelings they attach to them (loyalty, unity, pride, pleasure, desire to have an excuse to drink beer).

Meaning is not inherent; it is derived only when we assign meaning, which we do because we feel strongly about something.

As it turns out, feelings are running this crazy, crazy world of ours.

Not just individual feelings, but collective feelings as well. It’s precisely how societies are formed, with their expectations and cultural norms; the group, as a whole, shares a general feeling toward something, and as a result, that something ends up representing great meaning for a society. Take funnel cake, for example.

Therefore, it seems to go without saying that when we deny ourselves the ability to feel; when we push our emotions to the side, and aimlessly keep on doing what we’ve always done, meaning will never reveal itself to us. It can’t. Because it’s personal. And if we don’t take it personally and run the emotional risk, then we’ll remain indifferent to life, to the world around us, and to ourselves. And not only is that unfortunate, but it’s incredibly boring as well. You might as well be dead.

Risk equals reward. Risk equals reward. Risk equals reward.

From the middle finger project, post Introducing the World’s Newest Form of Religion

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the middle finger project

Beating, Stomping and Otherwise Assassinating The Voice In Your Head That Says “You Can’t.” Violently.

Sound familiar?

The Solution to the Unknown

It’s About Time We Silence That Voice. It’s About Time We Start Taking Leaps. It’s About Time We Start LIVING.

Liberation Seven: Details

That said, the retreat is centered around two primary objectives:

In Addition . . .

Pricing is as follows:

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

Slugs, Angel Hair & Vespas, Or, The One Thing That DOES Define You In This Life

A Sexy Little Love Affair

The Mr. & Mrs. & Their Plate of Calamari

Food For Thought (Hate This Phrase But Hey–It Fit)

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

How to Deal When the World Collapses Right On Your Face

Most Commented Posts

On NOT “Following Your Dreams”

Gag. Gag. Gag.

Just Like Everything Else, We Do Whatever Society Tells Us To

This Is Not About Soul Searching

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

Why Stereotypes Piss Me Off (And How They’re Ruining Your Life)

A Little Story From My Childhood

Pick On Someone Your Own Size

Stereotypes Are Everywhere–And They’re Royally ******* Things Up

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

24 HOURS ONLY – Pimp Your Website for Less Than You Spent On Your Mom On Her Birthday

Okay.

MAKE US YOUR BITCHES FOR THE DAY

It’s called Reader Appreciation Day, and we’re going to conduct a marathon…..starting….NOW.

AND WE’RE DOING IT FOR LESS THAN YOUR SPENT ON YOUR MOM FOR HER BIRTHDAY.

LIST OF ZEE SERVICES. MOST THINGS $100-$200, WITH EXCEPTION OF SITE BUILDING, WHICH MIGHT BE A SMIDGE MORE BUT WON’T BREAK YOUR BANK. OR YOUR LEG. ORRRR YOUR HEART. WHICH IS PROBABLY A GOOD THING.

ZEE END. MAY YOU HAVE A VERY PLEASANT DAY. AND WHILE YOU’RE AT IT, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO PURCHASE YOURSELF SOME JALAPEÑO POPPERS. BECAUSE THEY. ARE. AMAZING.

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The Real Value of Travel (Come Sneak Away to the Beaches of Costa Rica, If You Dare)

A Sexy Story With a Lesson

People Are Travel

Wish You, Too, Had a Cliffside Latino(a) Lover & A Whole New Perspective on Life?

Want to Learn More?

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

Are You Your Own Dream Zapper?

Why Not Take The Leap?

Top 5 Excuses (You Make) That Zap Your Dreams

1. I don’t think I’m good enough.

2. I don’t have the time.

3. I don’t have the money.

4. I don’t know how.

5. I don’t have a degree in X.

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

When Being in Control is a Disservice

Risky Roadtrips

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

Do You Have The Guts?

No Matter How Impressive Your Resume, There’s One Thing That We’re Missing

Your Boss Isn’t As Powerful As He Seems–Anymore, That Is

We Can, But Will We?

The Domino Effect of Ideas

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

Why Rule Breakers Run the World

Where’s This Nude Beach, Anyway?

It Always Comes Back To…

How Puritan Culture Influences Our Modern Day Thought

The Naked Truth. Ha.

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To Create The Life You Want, Passion Is Not Enough

Passion Isn’t Enough

When Passion + Conviction Combine . . .

Don’t Be a Sissy (Yes, That WAS the Most Appropriate Heading)

By the way . . .

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

Life Isn’t As Serious As We Make It Out To Be

This Isn’t Actually a Love Story

The Value of Impermanence

Life Isn’t As Serious As We Make It Out To Be

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these:

How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World)

How to Start a Revolution (Or 3 Ways to Change the World)

Now, 3 ways to start a revolution and change the world (your world):

If you liked that jazz. . .check out some of these: