And wasn’t she right.

I did love it.

Because most businesses would be afraid to declare something so potentially off-putting.

But smart businesses, on the other hand, don’t avoid being off-putting—THEY STRIVE FOR IT.

Because for every one person who said, “Ugh, not my kind of place,” there were 5 other people who thought, “Now, this is my kind of place.”

And the only way both parties could tell?

Is because the business wasn’t afraid to tell them. 

I’m pretty sure one of the things on my Top 10 List of Life’s Secret Weapons That Everyone Should Know About Because They Help You Get Ahead Faster Than Everyone Else on the Planet is this:

Learning how to make an unforgettable,
cannot-be-ignored kind of STATEMENT.

This is likely why I favor obnoxious bauble necklaces and blog headers that take up the entire screen. Not like I know anybody who would do anything like that.

But, naturally, it goes back to my favorite proven academic theory: Go big, or go the hell home.

Which is why I was so delighted when I received an email from a woman named Jessica, with a link to this:

Bam. Huge statement.

She didn’t just write an email. She didn’t just “inquire.” She didn’t just do what 99% of the population would have done.

Rather, Jessica, here, made herself impossible to ignore.

And this is exactly what I’m talking about.

Instead of doing the acceptable, do the exceptional.

Instead of doing the expected, do the unexpected.

Instead of doing the standard, do the outstanding.

And, you know, every other antonym. 

Because guess what?

The world doesn’t need to prove itself to you.

You need to prove yourself to it.

Over and over and over again.

Until the world finally glances over at you, nods, and quietly says, “You’re in.”

There are a few things we need to get straight.

Shall I make a list? Because lists seem to be in. And lists also mean I don’t have to figure out creative ways to transition paragraphs and actually think COHESIVELY. Because who does that shit on Fridays? Not me. Thinking cohesively, I’m pretty sure, is only reserved for Tuesdays. The rest of the week is some amalgamation (I actually spelled that right on the first try – na na na na na) of scattered thoughts, spurts of inspiration and at least fourteen servings of cheese. Pepper jack. Don’t mess with the me when I’ve got a knife and a block of cheese in my hand. MOMMA BEAR AIN’T MESSING.

Anyway. Those items we need to get straight. They’re about what it’s like to actually run a business. And actually make it work. And, you know, actually be a human being all at the same time. 

Because I’m pretty sure you’re beating yourself up for stuff that you shouldn’t be. Because you just don’t know that you’re not the only one. And you probably don’t have as much pepper jack as you should–let’s be honest. And so I present you with:

THE OFFICIAL SHORT LIST OF SHIT YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT, EVER:

1. Chipped toe nail polish.
   This is obviously number one on the list because my white toenail polish, which was once quite chic looking, has been chipped for two god forsaken weeks straight. And even I was feeling like this was, quite clearly, the end of the world. What does this say about me?! Am I letting myself go?! Why can’t I just DO IT ALL LIKE SUPER WOMAN ALL THE TIME? But guess what?–my toenails may be chipped, but my intentions? Are certainly not. I’m making some BIG things happen. And if making big things happen requires chipped toenails? Then SO BE IT. Amen, pass the cocktail sauce.  
2. Being a total fucking basketcase.
   Do you know how stressful it can be to have all your livelihood, your future, your financial well-being, your reputation, your happiness, and, you know, YOUR NAME on the line every single moment of every single day? I’ll tell you the answer: It’s incredibly stressful. So stressful you might start biting your finger nails uncontrollably (not like anyone I know has ever done that), snapping at anyone who even so much as texts you (what! the! fuck! you want to hang out with me? can’t you see how BUSY I am?), and waking up in the middle of the night like a total psycho, unable to sleep and tortured by your never-ending to-do list. IT HAPPENS. And it’s going to happen a lot. So you’ve got two choices: Accept the fact that sometimes, you’re just going to get all basketcase-ey, or beat yourself up for getting basketcase-ey. But here’s a hint: The former is going to make you less basketcase-ey in the long run. And we like long runs. Even when there’s sweating involved. 
3. Just not being able to do it.
   Sometimes, you’re just going to suuuuccckkkkkk. You’re going to be overwhelmed. You’re going to be overworked. And you’re going to be overstretched. And as nice as that opportunity that just landed on your desk is–MAYBE EVEN THE ONE YOU’D BEEN DREAMING ABOUT–sometimes, you’re just not going to have to decline. Sometimes, you’re just not going to be ABLE TO. Because the great opportunities you currently have on your plate, require that you sacrifice other great opportunities. But sometimes, that’s okay. They’ll be back–and just when the time is right. Of this I am convinced.
4. Eating the fucking dinner roll.
   This is metaphorical for CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK. In my case, I’m famous for nit-picking on myself for the smallest of things. Like…eating the dinner roll when I should probably just, ahem, push it aside and gnaw on a brussel sprout. But you know what? So what if I ate the dinner roll? I also drank two liters of water, took a bike ride, poured my heart into my work, laughed with an old friend, and did an amazing fucking job at life. I WIN.
5. Totally screwing it up. 
   Because you know what? This is all a work-in-progress. This life. This business. This day. THIS MOMENT. And even you. It’s all a work-in-progress. And works-in-progress are not perfect. They’re messy. They’re slipshod. They’re chaotic. Disheveled. And imperfect. Imagine walking into the construction site of, say, what’s projected to be the future world’s tallest, most beautiful skyscraper. And you immediately just start yelling at the top of your lungs, “WHAT IS THIS SHIT? WHY AREN’T THE MARBLE FLOORS IN YET? WHAT ARE THESE THINGS ON THE FLOOR?!?! NAILS?!” No. You wouldn’t do that. Because you’d know it’s a work-in-progress. And it’s on its way. But right now, today, it might not be there yet. But that’s okay. Because soon, it’s going to be the world’s tallest, most beautiful skyscraper. And everything’s going to work out. But you’ve got to have some patience in the building stages, because ’round these parts, there are no magic genies. And it’s all a work in progress. And this is all just a very obvious metaphor for the fact that you are the future skyscraper. And it’s going to be messy for a while. And you’re going to leave nails on the floor. And IT’S OKAY. Because don’t forget–most of the rest of the world isn’t building anything.

In closing, stop beating yourself up, because those bruises on your heart aren’t very flattering.

And the next time you find yourself getting frustrated, irate, unreasonable, idiotic, steamed, ticked off, and/or otherwise angry at yourself for not doing everything perfect all the fucking time, you should:

a) Read this post.

b) Smell some flowers or something.

c) And watch this video. Because if this video doesn’t make you realize how human we all are? You are officially a robot and I’m convinced you’re the love child of Johnny Five, and if you don’t know who Johnny Five is, you should probably just stop reading this blog because I’m not even sure what I could ever say to make up for THAT.

THE END.

*This post inspired entirely by a conversation with Meg Worden, who I love, who keeps me sane.

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When you take on a job, sure, you might earn $5,000.

But what’s the cost of earning it? 

If you have to forfeit 3 other projects (and your favorite Wednesday night TV show) for a combined total revenue of $15,000, you’re not making money. You’re losing it.

As an example, when our team embarks on a copywriting project, oftentimes we get asked for consulting advice, too–from how a program should be structured, to what a service should include, to what price points should be…and more.

Unfortunately, we can’t offer that type of advice for liability purposes; we’d need a separate contract for that. (Take note, business owners who are operating without contracts or half-assed ones – if this is a concern for you, I think you’re going to really love a new project I’m working on for you in conjunction with my lawyer, set to release in early June, and primed to cover your ass–more on that hot tamale soon.)

However, let’s say legalities weren’t an issue, and we decided to offer some type of $500 consulting add-on–which, again, we could do if we wanted to put it in the contract.

Sounds like a great upsell, right?

Wrong, and here’s why.

Because consulting takes time, and it takes energy, and it takes a lot of it. It isn’t something you can just throw out there off the top of your head–you’ve got to be strategic. You’ve got to investigate. You’ve got to dig deep. You’ve got to form an educated opinion, based on a client’s specific circumstances. In short, you’ve got to do a good fucking job.

And while that’s all good and well, if I have to dedicate the rest of the working day to doing that, then I can’t use it to do other things. Things like: Writing a book proposal, marketing our company, creating life-changing workshops and retreats, building useful resources, and more. In other words–all of the other high leverage activities that are much more useful to a whole group of people, instead of just one person, and are also more profitable, too. (My favorite win win.)

So when you frame it like that–which makes better business sense?

Allowing for a $500 consulting add on, maybe selling 4/month for a total of $2,000…because you feel obligated to.

…Or giving yourself the bandwidth to make an extra $100,000 this year through smart, higher leverage efforts?

Because if you could have made $100K doing something else, then offering your consulting add-on for $2,000/month or $24,000/year in revenue minus expenses (like employee salaries), then at best you’ve just lost $75,000.

At worst (and more realistically), you’ve lost more than that.

My point?

It isn’t that you don’t want to help people. It isn’t that their money isn’t perfectly good money.

It’s simply that you need to pick and choose your business battles.

And pick and choose your business strategies.

Put on your cost-benefit analysis thinking cap.

Be smart.

And while you’re at it?

Don’t run around having unprotected sex business, for goodness sake.

It’s poor form, and then I’m going to have to come visit you in the slammer, and then you’re going to be all mad I didn’t bring cookies, and then I’m going to be all, “But I don’t bake cookies,” and then you’re going to grimace and fling a spoonful of porridge at me.

And then I’m going to be pissed.

I’ve got a theory.

Don’t tell anyone, because if they take it to heart, they might get even better at this business thing, and then what’s going to happen is that one year from now, you’ll somehow find yourself eating red velvet cupcakes at their book signing instead of your own, except you won’t just be eating one cupcake, you’ll be eating several, because that’s what people do when they’re feeling subpar, right? THEY BINGE EAT. I hear that a lot of people binge eat on cupcakes, which is why I just used it as an example, but me? I’m more of a mozzarella stick kind of girl. Got any of those? Because if not, I don’t want anything to do with your book signing. Come to think of it, I’ll just get my own.

Book signing, that is–not mozzarella stick. Though, the two would be lovely together. Hold me to that, will you?

Deep fried cheese aside, the most profound theory you’re going to read in the next thirty seconds of your life is this:

People? They’re LAZY.

That it’s.

That’s my profound theory.

Which isn’t really a theory, since it’s more a blanket statement, but a blanket statement can be a theory, can’t it?

People are lazy. 

Every one runs around complaining they actually have to learn something these days.

People complain about having to learn, complain about having to try, complain about having to try again, complain about having to earn, complain about having to suffer, complain about having to work at it, and complain that it doesn’t just come easily.

Which is funny, since this is not some sort of great disadvantage, because nothing comes easily to anyone, okay? That Michael Phelps character trained every single day for FIVE YEARS without taking a break. What have you or I done every single day for five years? (Vodka doesn’t count.)

That’s how highly-paid experts are made.

They get unlazy.

And they make progress.

And then one day, they know more than you.

That’s how this learning thing works.

So guess what?

Now that you know that the rest of the world is lazy, there’s one very important implication:

You barely have to do anything to get ahead. 

Did your laundry? Two points! Read a book? You’re in the lead!

When the rest of the world is lazy, it means that you’ve got an opportunity to not be lazy.

You’ve got an opportunity to do something.

To stand out.

To make it happen.

And get your walrus on. (What, you didn’t envison your business like a walrus? Well you should. It weighs 4,000 pounds. Now that’s a heavy hitter.)

NOTHING IS UNTOUCHABLE.

(Except maybe those cupcakes. That shit is bad for you.)

Find your USP.

Differentiate yourself.

(Meanwhile, you’re all, “Stab, stab stab, I’m the same, I’m the same, I’m the same – how am I suppose to “differentiate” life coaching?)

And so you take a drink, because these are the types of things that drive people to drink, and you stare at some arbitrary chart you’ve made up in a sore attempt to try and figure this garbage out before EVERYBODY GETS AHEAD OF YOU AND THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD LEAVES YOU BEHIND AND YOU’RE LEFT WITH NOTHING BUT A BROKEN PENCIL STUB AND AND EMPTY BOTTLE OF CRYSTAL HEAD VODKA (because those guys are my favorite and this is my imaginary scenario).

Take a Motrin and siddown.

Because there’s a cure to this insanity.

And that cure is this:

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It’s not just about being unique.

It’s about finding a unique way to tell your story.

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My writers and I are currently working on an exciting new copywriting project for Keuka College, up in the Finger Lakes of New York. (Jealous? Don’t be. I don’t get to swim in the finger lakes. I just get to look at drool-worthy professional photos of them.)

Yesterday, the marketing director and I had a talk that went like this:

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Ash: I’m pretty sure we want to stay away from anything that features a white guy, a black guy and an Asian girl hovering over the quintessential chemistry beaker, saying things like, “Good job, Jake!” or “Way to go, Sammy!” Or…anything that sounds like this.

Keuka: THAT IS HIDEOUS. I hate everything cliché.

Ash: Well here’s the thing: The advantages to coming to Keuka are the same advantages that going to any small school has: Small class size. Personalized attention from professors. A pretty little campus dotted with elm trees. (Or some other wholesome-looking tree that inevitably makes every other tree feel inadequate.)

Keuka: Yes.

Ash: So the problem becomes this: All of your competitors are touting those same advantages on their brochures, and their website, and their everything, too. So you become indistinguishable in the eyes of prospective students, who aren’t just picking a college–they’re picking a new home–and since everything else seems relatively the same, you’re basically forcing them to pick based on some arbitrary detail like cafeteria selection. (Not what you should be competing on–especially if your chicken patty could use a little facelift.)

Keuka: Yes, Ash, wise one. Continue. (Just kidding. That was never said. But again, this is my version of the story.)

Ash: One time, a neat marketing agency worked with my alma mater, Wilkes University, to create a personalized billboard campaign targeting individual students at local high schools who had been accepted, but who hadn’t yet decided. The New York Times wrote about it. It was very effective. It was a great way of not just saying the same thing as everyone else (we care! we give personal attention!), but actually demonstrating it.

Keuka: I love you. (Again, didn’t happen, but who’s keeping track?)

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But as you can see, this is exactly what I’m talking about when I say it’s not about being unique–it’s about telling your story in a unique way. 

How can you relate your truth in the most interesting way possible?

Wilkes certainly found a way.

Keep your eyes peeled for familiar messages, being told in new ways, and you’ll suddenly start to notice this happening everywhere–sort of like what happens when you see a new car you’ve never seen before, and then suddenly YOU SEE IT EVERYWHERE.

Like that.

Only more educational.

Because when too many people become “unique,” their uniqueness isn’t unique; it’s commonplace.

So the new challenge isn’t to be unique.

It’s to let people see the real you, in a unique way. 

Bring me to your granny’s birthday party, and I’m sweet as a lemon square. (My favorite.)

Bring me to meet the parents, and I’ll bust out the pearls.

Bring me anywhere, and you’ll get sweet, demure Ashley.

But bring me to a board room?

And it’s shark time.

If you’re like most people, the mere thought of pitching ideas, speaking in front of a room, or asking for the sale is nauseating. But for some sick, alien-like creatures like myself…it’s the most thrilling thing in the world. 

There’s nothing better than nailing that delivery. Having a roomful of people on the edge of their seats. Commanding respect. And landing the deal.

Most people, however, are under the impression that being able to do something like that well requires natural talent. An outgoing disposition. A go-getter attitude. And a thick skin.

But most people are slightly, respectfully, (really) wrong. At least when it comes to this little fun-filled arena of anxiety-inducing affairs.

Because in a situation like this, it isn’t about what nature brought to the table (though a solid set of dimples never hurts). It’s about what YOU bring to the table. 

And what you bring to the table can be learned.

For example, in our Brandgasm class, I’m teaching about how, when most people go into a meeting to sell something, they inevitably open with some variation of the line, “Thank you for taking the time to meet with me today.”

But guess what: That’s a piss poor idea, because the minute they open their mouth with something like that, they’ve already lost the sale.

When I was in advertising, I’d always open a meeting with, “Ladies, gentleman, I’m glad I could find the time to come meet with you today; I’ve only got 20 minutes, so let’s get started.”

And there’s a big difference in those two opening statements. One assumes a submissive position; the other assumes a dominant position. It demonstrates to a prospect that they, as a prospect, are the commodity–not you. There’s a million people you could be doing business with. But…there’s only one you.

And by extension, they, as the prospect, need to be selling you on why you should do business with them–and not the other way around.

It’s a simple change of mind set. And if you walk into any meeting with the perspective that you’re doing them a favor?

Everything changes. 

That, however, was not something I came out of the womb instinctively knowing. It’s something I studied. Something I read about. Something I experimented with over the years. And something I learned.

And that, really, is the point of it all.

Anything is learnable.

Pitching. Business chops. Marketing. Writing. Design. And anything else you want to throw into the mix.

You can do this.

You can do anything.

And you can be damn good at anything, too.

But you can’t just wing it and expect to be a pro.

You’ve got to learn how.

So the next time you royally screw something up? Instead of berating yourself for it–go read about how to do it better next time.

Because piss poor never won any awards.

Speaking of speaking, I’ve just agreed to keynote at this year’s WE Mastermind Cruise Ship Retreat–a group of entrepreneurial-minded women that come together on A CRUISE SHIP (hello) and sail around the Caribbean while learning how to up their game in business, marketing, and revenue. The lovely Pam Slim, author of the famed Escape From Cubicle Nation, spoke at the retreat last year, and it’s going to be seven serious days of pow-wow, laughter, brainstorming, inappropriate inside jokes and UP LEVELING. Oh, and margaritas on stark white beaches whose oceans look like swimming pools. Want to come to the Caribbean with me and 20 other business-minded chicks for a week? Grab a snorkel and go here to read about it.

People.

They’re a curious breed.

But they’re a (really) necessary part of your business. And your success. And your 80th birthday party, because who wants to go to an 80th birthday party with no attendees? Not me.

As it turns out, learning how to talk to them (all people, not just the 80 year old crowd) is one of the most important skills anyone–you, me, Superman and anyone public speaking alongside Obama–could ever learn. (If you’re speaking next to Obama, first, congratulations, but second? Good luck not coming off as a sub par ant of a human.)

This past week, one of my new business partners, Jenny, flew down to meet me here in Costa Rica for an intense week-long strategy session. There were mojitos. And massages. And spiders the size of your hand. And also, synergy.

You know, that whole thing where, when the right two people get together, you’re more capable of big, bold, fireworks in this world than you are as individuals.

And one of the things that Jenny is strikingly good at?

Good old-fashioned SCHMOOZING.

Oh, is she a schmoozer. She schmoozed everybody in town, including pineapple man. And all these years, I thought I was good with people. If I’m good with people, Jenny is the wonderbra of social interactions. (Sorry, J-Fo – didn’t mean to reduce you to an undergarment, but hey, you *ARE* an excellent support structure.)

Jenny’s the kind of person that can walk into any social setting, and within 3 minutes, will have befriended at least 5 people, a waiter, the waiter’s wife, and the grumpy asshat seated at Table 5.

She’s got an incredible knack for endearing people to her almost instantly. (Except our photographer. We did a team photo shoot while she was here, alongside our right-hand woman, Meredith, and he was a tough cookie to crack. So, he can be the exception. FINE.)

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When I asked her what her trick was, she slugged her mojito and proceeded to tell me this:

1. Touch people, already. Appropriately. They aren’t a rare specimen in a museum–they’re another human being, hoping to connect with you, too. Because isn’t that what we all want? Have the confidence that they’ll want to talk to you as much as you’ll want to talk to them. And then, reach out and touch ‘em. A touch on the arm goes a long way to communicate your sincere interest in them, and it’ll force them to give you their attention. Every time. (Note: Men have gotta be careful with this one. Fine line between, “Wow, you’re a fascinating person and I’m interested in knowing you” and “Hey, how ’bout me and you take a little walk…” Aim for sincere, not creepy. And for the love, ixnay on the “friendly shoulder rub.” (You’d be surprised the shit we women encounter.)

2. Speaking of sincere interest in THEM, actually have one. Ask them questions about themselves. Drop everything in your brain, and actually give a damn about their answers. When you can make other people feel important to you, you’ll be important to them.

3. Take off your girdle and relax. Nobody cares if your smile is crooked. Have fun. Laugh with them. Be genuine. And be genuinely happy to be having that interaction right there and then. Whether it’s the CEO of Nike, or the bus boy at your local watering hole, serve up the same twinkle in your eye, and love the act of being human together.

Okay, so she didn’t really say that last part about being human together, and I totally edited it in, but I think that J-Fo’s onto something, here.

Because that whole connect with humans thing? It’s not going anywhere.

And if you want to thrive in this world? In your business? In your relationships? In your life?

You’ve gotta get better at this.

I’m convinced Jenny could walk into the Donald’s office tomorrow and walk out with a billion bucks, a box of cigars and his cell phone number. Why do you think I’ve recruited her to work with me?

The question that remains is:

Could you?

Work on this, and you can have the world.

Work on other stuff, and you can have a piece of the world your future boss is presently negotiating.

Employment freaks me out.

It’s hard to imagine putting all of your intellectual, emotional, and physical energy into a company – with nothing to show for it at the end of the day. Or, the end of your life.

Maybe a savings, if you were disciplined enough, or a 401K, but aside from that, you’re left with a former title and a few keepsake peppermint candies.

That’s because when you’re living off a salary that someone else grants you, you don’t own your lifestyle–you rent it.

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It’s in this same vein that freelance work freaks me out.

While you seem to be working for yourself, what you’re really doing is working for any clients you can get. In other words: Everyone else, except for yourself.

The big problem with this revenue model is that when you dry up, your business doesn’t just dry up–it dies. So you’re still left with nothing…except maybe a balloon from the mental ward. Do they still use the term? Mental ward? (I sort of like it.)

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And then you’ve got a third option: Start your own business.

Except here, a “business” doesn’t just refer to a transient and highly dependent (read: needy) means of generating revenue (freelancing); it refers to a business that, if left to its own devices, can still run itself.

Without you there, slaving over the cauldron every moment of every day. (Another money word–cauldron. When’s the last time you used that in a sentence?)

This isn’t a novel concept. It’s something that’s often discussed in the business world. What isn’t often discussed, however, is why it’s so damn important. (Because if it were, more people would feel a sense of obligation to themselves to make it happen.) A few of my whys:

You don’t want to end up in the mental ward.

You’d like a semblance of a life.

You don’t want to live by everyone else’s deadlines.

If go visit Aunt June, she’ll be pissed if you’re on your laptop the whole time.

It’d be nice to have some equity in the world.

Your self-actualization will go through the roof.

Your income isn’t directly related to the number of “billable hours” you work–they’re all fucking billable.

Business growth isn’t directly related to your exhaustion.

You now own an asset…instead of being an asset. (As long as you do it right.)

You’ll have leverage. And leverage makes the world go ’round.

Here in Costa Rica

…I’ve been (humbly) approached numerous times by separate business owners who want me to do work for them. To help them market themselves. To write for them. In sum, to help them build their businesses and make money.

The question, of course, becomes: How will doing that help me build my business and make money?

The answer: It doesn’t. 

In fact, doing work for them would cause me to lose money, because it would pull me away from building my own companies. My own assets. My own wealth.

This mentality is crucial.

You’ve got to be meticulous when it comes to your business decisions. Which are the ones that will thrust you forward? And which are the ones that will hold you back? 

But what if I really wanted to help those business owners? And what if I wanted to do it in a way that didn’t hold me back? Is it possible?

Sure.

But it involves a different approach.

Instead of scrambling to expend my limited resources (time, energy, money, etc.) in helping each business owner build his/her own assets, I would be much better served by building my own asset (think: a website dedicated to Costa Rica that drives traffic) – and then allow them to benefit from it as, say, advertisers, for example. And guess what? They’d be better served, too.

That’s the difference between spotting an opportunity versus merely taking an opportunity.

And it’s also the difference between being in business, and merely doing business.

Because when you do business, you make money.

But when you’re in business?

You make a lot more than money.

You make a life. 

One where having your cake, singing in the rain, and stopping to smell the roses aren’t just metaphors.

…They’re how you live.

Sometimes it’s too easy.

Too easy to say yes when you want to say no.

Too easy to end up spending all of your time–maybe a lifetime–pleasing everybody who asks you to.

Too easy to let people cross, squash, tap dance on, and bulldoze right the fuck over your boundaries.

And too easy to lose grasp on your most wildhearted dreams because of it.

It’s too easy.

We’ve got all sorts of stuff around being liked, not wanting to “seem selfish,” and doing what we “should do.”

But while you’ve got your panties in a bunch worrying about appearances, the real you suffers on the inside.

And so does your business, your revenue, and, frankly, the whole world. Because you aren’t showing up for it with your sharpest smile and your best Easter clothes, and then everyone gets cheated. (I know that I, personally, love a good pastel colored frock.)

So I wanted to share some of my own hard and fast rules on doing business when you have a tendency to be, well, a little bit of a pushover.

Because you don’t build a successful business by letting other (well-meaning) people tear it down.

Time to arch that spine.

5 Business Rules for Pushovers

1. When everyone’s demanding your time, your default answer for everything is now: Let me check my calendar and I’ll get back to you.

Let me check my calendar and get back to you. Let me check my calendar and get back to you. No wavering. No waffling. No scrambling for an excuse. Say it with conviction. Stand confidently in your statement. And then take the time to decide if it’s something you want to do–or not. When you have respect for your own time, other people will, too.

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2. When it turns out that you do have to decline a request, channel your favorite American Idol judge and simply say: It’s a no for me. Sorry.

You’ll be surprised at how powerful the word no is. You don’t need to temper it. You aren’t being short. You aren’t being rude. It’s simply the answer to their question. Again, no need to give reasons. No need to justify your decision. No need to provide proof. Just no. Don’t say, “Well, right now it’s not looking too good…” or “I’m not entirely sure…” or “Would it be okay if I say no?” or anything else that invites a challenge. If you really want, you can add something like, “That doesn’t fit in with my established timeline right now,” but no matter what, make sure you say a firm no. Guilt-free.

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3. When clients scope creep you–AKA innocently and well-meaningly add to their list of requests because they’re so excited that they’ve got you and they’re loving your work (a huge compliment, but sometimes tricky to navigate when you’ve got other commitments on deck)–you do what any professional should do.

If you have the time on your calendar, you let them know you’ll issue a change order form and will invoice them the difference. Simple. On the other hand, if you don’t have the time, you let them know that you’ll be happy to help, but since it wasn’t a part of the original project timeline, the earliest you’ll be available is X date. And there you have it. (Note: You should have this policy noted in your contract.)

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4. Speaking of contracts, if you don’t have one, you’re crazy. (Or just didn’t realize how important this is.)

The easiest way to avoid confrontation with your clients, with your accountants, with your contractors, with your whomever down the road…is by making things clear up front. Clients not getting you feedback in a timely manner? Include the number of days they have to give feedback listed in your contract…and make them initial by it when they sign. Running a co-branded workshop/course/retreat (also known as entering into a joint venture agreement)? Make sure you state each party’s responsibilities, who’s paying for what, and when, exactly, everyone’s getting paid. Not to mention other important things, like what happens if one party cannot carry out their duties, and who has rights to the content thereafter to reposition, re-use or re-sell. You better believe we had all of this locked, signed and sealed with a kiss for the Brandgasm course. If you’re sitting there panicking right now thinking, “Holy smokes, Ash is right,” don’t worry. My lawyer and I are actually developing something to help everyone out there on a budget who needs to legally cover their ass…coming soon.

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5. Don’t take shit from people. Period.

Too often, the shit we deal with every day is the result of red tape, bureaucracy, and a flawed attempt by a big organization to create order. That guy from your bank who claims that even though you’ve been in Costa Rica for months, your travel notice just expired so your card has been blocked, but no ma’am, unfortunately we can’t unblock your card because you’re calling via Skype and our system unfortunately won’t register Skype dial pads for you to enter your PIN so SORRY HAVE A NICE DAY. That guy? Fuck that guy. “Please put me on with your manager” is all you’ve gotta say. And say it again and again until you get someone who can help you.

At the end of the day, the fact of the matter is this:

The things that prevent us from being more assertive in business and in life are made up in our own heads. We obey imaginary rules that dictate what we can or cannot do. And ultimately, we end up living by those rules. Or worse–everybody else’s.

And when everybody else is running your life and your business, I’ve got some bad news.

They’re running you, too.

And the last time I checked?

Slavery was so 1850′s.

1. Gawk. Learn a thing (or two.) Get inspired. Giggle like crazy.

And size up the raw beauty that is humanity–in all its patterns, glory, weirdness, cracks, eccentricities (can’t believe I spelled that right), and unpasteurized honesty.

Go here to do all of that ——> www.humansofnewyork.com

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2. Someone needs you to believe in them right now.

Because we’re humans. And we need one another. And just maybe? Believing in yourself isn’t always enough. We need the support of others. Give some. Get some. And be amazed at what we can do when we all fucking hold hands and jump in.

Watch this video. (And you thought you cried yesterday.)
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3. Don’t just give a fuck. Give a huge fuck.

Borderline self-indulgent, I wanted you to see the interview I did with Bern at Your Great Life TV on giving a huge fuck. Because while I connect with you via these types of love letters every week, it’s not the same as connecting in the flesh. While video isn’t exactly the same either, it’s a close second. And if you’re my kinda people, I want you to know the real me. And more importantly, I’d love to know the real you, too. So no matter who you are, if you’re reading this right now and you’ve got a video of yourself somewhere on the internet, link me up to it in the comments. Any video. (Minus the porn – you can hang onto that.) Video of you jumping. Singing. Dancing. Talking. Eating. Laughing. Pranking your Aunt Judy. Whatever. Let me get to know you a little.

And in the meantime, click here to watch my interview with Bern.

(I’m serious about that video. Who are you, beautiful human? Show me. I’ll watch ‘em all. And HAPPY FRIDAY. Let’s live a little, shall we?)

Watch this video.

Right now. Before you do anything else. And preferably with a small furry animal alongside you. (Or a vodka. Equally comforting, and less smelly.)

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 Click here to watch the video on YouTube.

There is so much we can take from that video, but most importantly:

1. Only by putting yourself into someone else’s shoes, can you empathize, and ultimately say the things they need to hear in order to help them choose you instead of someone else. For example, if you’re a weight loss coach, you might think that your clients want to lose weight. (Naturally.) So in your copy, you might write, “Want to lose weight?” (Just like your competitors will.) But in reality, while those people want to lose weight, what they really want is to stop feeling like everyone is secretly watching their thighs jiggle with every step they take in their too-tight shorts. What they really want is to have sex without having to contort themselves into just the right position so their stomach doesn’t hang. What they really want is to feel on par with (and just as fashion savvy and creative as) other women gliding by in their mint-colored skinny jeans. What they really want is to feel like they’re normal. And those are the thoughts that are plaguing the insides of their skulls every single day. So use those thoughts to write your copy, and you’ll find that all the sudden your target market’s going to be begging you for your availability. Because, suddenly, you’re the only one who gets them.

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2. The best promotional tools–whether it’s a video like this one, a commercial on TV, an ad for a service, or even a simple product description–don’t talk about what they do. They make you feel. Because the feelings you just felt when you watched that are going to stick with you far longer than the feelings you’d get if this video had a check list of the top 3 reasons their hospital is the best in the area for, say, treating cancer. And when you’ve got no choice but to stick out in a sea of sameness? Unforgettable isn’t a luxury–it’s a MUST.

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3. Don’t be an asshole. You never know what someone else might be going through. And you never know when your smile could, just maybe, change everything.

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Want other great examples of this?

Watch this or this or this or read this or this.

And then whisper sweet nothings in my ear forevermore because all of those MADE YOUR DAY and you have no idea what you’d do without a blog called The Middle Finger Project in your inbox. (I frankly don’t know what I’d do if I couldn’t write it.)

(Maybe ski. I’d probably learn to ski.)

(No I wouldn’t.)

I have a THESIS.

Remember that word?

Thesis.

Sounds smart, so I decided to make one.

You ready?

My thesis is this:

We’re all a little lonely inside.

And maybe outside, too.

Despite Twitter and Facebook, co-workers and colleagues, friends and family, and the thirty thousand nods, smiles and courtesies of strangers…

…There’s still a small part of you that feels companionless.

It’s a big, big world and you’ve got big, big ideas, and you’re doing it all with a big, big heart.

But it’s all too easy to feel small.

Separate.

Solo.

Stag.

Solitary.

And maybe even a little scared.

Like late at night when you’re falling asleep, and the thought ricochets around in your skull that there’s still something missing.

What to do? Who to call? Which insane asylum to pick?

While I’m no expert on the subject, I’ve been doing this solo thing for a while–and much longer than I like to admit, given that it makes me feel old, and then I remember I have wrinkles, and then my mind darts to cellulite, and then I get urges to violently trip passersby in a misguided attempt at revenge on the universe.

Not like I’ve actually done that.

Anyway, over the years, I’ve come up with my own little cure for this kind of itis.

And you know what it is?

Not yoga. Or “connecting with nature.” Or hiring someone to speak to the dead. Or calling my high school boyfriend.

Rather, I call upon my group of go-tos.

The people that are on the same wavelength. Who get what you’re doing. Who know where you’re coming from, and can finish your thoughts.

I call upon them to remind me that I’m not alone. And to have a laugh. And to feel that connection with someone who makes me feel SEEN. Understood. And fucking sane.

This is why the private Facebook group for our copywriting workshop always is such a hit. This is why we’ve started another one for Brandgasm 101 students. (Registration closing tonight, by the way.) And this is why, soon, I’ll be starting two online support groups, led by me, respectively called Private Parts and Private Hearts: Small Business and Small Living Support Groups, because nothing here at TMF is TMI. (Cute, right? THANKS, BRAIN.)

Because we’re in this together. And that’s not a line of bullshit. It’s a line of truth.

I’m supported by people every single day who make what I do possible: From my fantastic, knows-all-the-details-thank-god lawyer to my creative, makes-me-look-oh-so-good designer…

From my right hand woman, Meredith, to my other right hand woman, Jenny (who’s flying down to Costa Rica on the 8th for a pow wow–photo shoot pending!)

…and soon, by new and upcoming copywriting staff members, too.

And every single day we all come together to make it all possible. Through our actions, our skill sets, and most importantly, through our mutual support. 

It isn’t just me.

It could never be.

Because if there’s nothing else that I’ve learned along the way, the secret to a successful business?

Is to hire people who are smarter than you.

And that’s exactly what I do.

Hell, it’s even why I partnered with Shatterboxx to create Brandgasm. (You think I know how to create a graphic for the life of me?)

The key is in finding the right people who get who you are, and what you’re doing…

…and who will help you get to where you’re going.

Through their words. Through their ideas. Through their knowing glances. And through the mutual understanding that we’re only here on this planet one time around, and god dammit, we’re going to milk our turn for all that it’s worth.

So help us God, wine and every single fuck up we make along the way.

Amen.

He sat in the far corner of the room–no clip board, no notepad, no smile.

I couldn’t make out his face–the room was dark and the curtains were drawn.

I waited for Al Pacino to bust down the door, cigar in hand.

I was seated near the door, at a table, with a woman named Carol opposite me. I was to address Carol–not the man in the corner–and, most importantly, stay focused.

I trembled as I pulled a box out of the garbage bag. It was a brown cardboard hexagon-shaped box. One I had bought at a craft store two weeks prior. One I had labored over. Sweat over. And one that I hoped would change everything.

“This,” I started, pointing at a scanned, shrunken newspaper article that I had pasted to one side, “was the stone wall I built for my friend Jill.”

Carol’s face remained indifferent.

“She passed away when we were in middle school.”

I slowly rotated the box. “And this, over here, is when I led our volleyball team to a district championship as Captain.”

“I bet your mother was very proud,” Carol interjected.

“My mother never saw me play volleyball.”

I quickly glanced away and continued on with my carefully planned monologue, pulling a second box from inside the bigger one. Another hexagon.

With each turn of the box, I listed yet another arbitrary achievement–Honor Society President, Student Council Secretary, Yearbook Staff–before pulling out an even smaller hexagon box and rattling off more of the same. I had spent hours scanning, shrinking, and painstakingly pasting evidence to my hexagon boxes.

“And this,” I said, “is a copy of the eulogy I gave, as I led my father’s memorial service,” before rotating the box to show another side. “And this is the estate sale I held thereafter.”

“How old were you?”

“Fourteen.”

She made a note. The man in the corner did not make any notes.

It was then, however, that I pulled the remaining box from the stack–the smallest, and seemingly least important. I paused, placing the tiny box on the table, and mustered the courage to look her in the eye to say the one thing I had really come to say.

I took a deep breath.

“But none of any of that matters,” I began. “Not the awards. Not the recognition. Not the hardship. And nothing I’ve just gotten done telling you about.”

I had her attention.

“Because if you would do me the honor of opening the last box, you’ll see why.”

I slid the box toward her. She lifted the lid.

Inside was a plush red something, tucked neatly inside.

“What makes me a future entrepreneur,” I said, “is that, right there.”

She pulled it out of the box.

“HEART.”

It was then that, despite the shadows, I noticed a small smile spread across the founder of Monster.com’s face. Andy McKelvey then stood up, walked over to me and shook my hand.

One week later, I had won a fully paid scholarship to a private university, including room and board and a brand new laptop, worth over $120,000.

I accepted the award on stage, and watched as the other winners’ families surrounded them with flowers, proud faces and dinner reservations at fancy restaurants.

I silently snuck out the side door.

Everything was going to be alright.

It wasn’t until many years later that I was convinced that what I had said in that interview room at Penn State University wasn’t just a well-executed line to win a scholarship.

It was the truth.

And throughout the years would I come to discover just how true it actually was.

Because as it turns out, no matter who you are, what your circumstances are, or how little you’re starting with…

…heart will always, always, always be your number one asset.

And sometimes, all we need to do?

…is remember to access it. 

I hate rules.

No swimming after eating.

Let him call you.

Sorry, our video library can only be watched from within The United States. (Stab. Stab. Stab.)

No white after Labor Day.

And other silly rules like stay on your side of the road.

…I kid, I kid.

That last one can slide–as long as we’re not head to head, rounding a curve at the Indy 500.

But there is one rule, however, that I think is pretty nifty.

It’s called The 100 Rule. 

And if you’re running a business and intend on running a sale? You should know it.

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The 100 rule is this:

If what you’re selling costs less than $100, offer a percentage off.

If what you’re selling costs more than $100, offer a flat amount off.

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Why?

Because the way you frame it affects how generous the sale appears–even though it’s the exact same, expressed two different ways–and in turn, affects how successful your sale is.

:: Take that $25 homemade candle you’re selling. Which seems like more of a deal: 20% off, or $5 bucks? The percentage, of course.

:: Now take that $2,000 service you’re offering. Now which now seems like more of a deal? 20% off, or $400? You guessed it–four hundred whoppers.

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It’s all about the art of positioning.

Because psychology plays a fundamental role in whether you make sales…or not.

It also, apparently, plays a role in securing second dates, so I guess we should all pay attention.

After all, you never know when you’re going to have to whip out this theory when the check comes.

How can we frame this tip to appear even more generous?

Oh, I know, The 100 Rule.

Your date won’t think you’re weird at all.

Don’t worry.

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