The Miller Melting Pot

My Chocolate Shop

2022-11-22T20:53:00.012-05:00

Emerging from a Cocoon

2022-05-10T17:29:00.037-04:00

So much time has gone by since the last time I wrote a blog post that it is difficult to choose from the many things I could write about. I am going to summarize the last two years in bullets, and resolve to revisit each of them in detail in a future post. And breaking from my usual of writing about things that have happened in my life in the past, I am going to comment on things I look forward to in my life in the future.

In Feb 2020, A trip to Frankfurt, Germany over the kids' Ski Break. There I watched the stock market peak and then crash over pandemic fears. This was my last travel before the pandemic took over globally.
In Mar 2020, California went into shelter-in-place and then increasing levels of restrictions on public activities. This was the start of a life of relative isolation and all its accompanying consequences.
Moving homes. I moved first from our Shubert Dr place to renting in a condo complex, and ultimately closing on a home in the same complex. The complex has a pool which was heated and kept open throughout the winter of 2020. And also a rec room where I played much ping pong and pool.
Remodel. First-hand experience remodeling the new home. Removing/adding wall. Gutting and redoing bathrooms, DIY-ing click-lock floors, baseboards, the works. Shopping for finish material, managing permits, plumbers, electricians, budgets and timelines like a boss contractor. A ton of experience under my belt now.
Dealing with 20 year old fears. I overcame my fear of the deep end of the pool under the guidance of LifeMentor, who taught me different levels of swimming techniques and exercises that I never saw in my swimming lessons a couple decades ago. After almost 20 years of knowing how to swim in theory and only doing so in water where I have the reassurance of being able to stand and touch the ground and surface for air, I didn't know I had it in me to make it to this new milestone. I came close to panic-drowning once in the early stages of my new found confidence. Then worked over the next few months on overcoming fear of panic-drowning by mastering the next level of calm assured confidence in the water. All my swim lessons and experiences will fill multiple future posts.
Overcoming 35 year old fears. After some childhood experiences, I have lived with a kind of panic and fear of getting too close to dogs. While I had a desire to want to get close to dogs and dogs often approached me wanting to connect, I was not able to outgrow what happened so many years ago. I was one of those persons that crosses streets or walks to the edge of the sidewalk in order to avoid any encounters with dogs. Now the newest addition to my family is a rescue puppy who will be a year old next month. She is my shadow, and spends most of her time close to me or literally touching me. I have a new understanding of dogs and I walk and play in dog parks with dogs that reach up to my chest, without experiencing any kind of fear like before. Even I never thought such a day could ever come in my life. Rani will be the subject of many posts in the future.
Level up in culinary skills. I mastered a plethora of new techniques and recipes for foods, some of which I never knew of before. From flavor complexity based recipes like Beef Rendang and Korma to technique based recipes like Mille Feuille, Dalpuri and perfectly puffed Loochi.
Epicurious. LifeMentor introduced me to the world of fine dining, and even some Michellin star restaurants in the Bay Area. The biggest takeaway is that fine dining is about the experience more than only the food, and just like art, it is ok to have likes and dislikes in fine dining just like in ordinary everyday food, do not go into a fine dining experience with the expectation that everything will taste good and perfect to you.
Basketball. I went to my first Warriors games, watched Steph Curry and Le Bron James play, and once even stood on the same court while the Warriors and the Nuggets players arrived on it before the game started. All of this also courtesy of LifeMentor.
Introspection. I amassed a whole new lexicon of psychobabble and new learnings about the human psyche, and have been applying them towards understanding myself and myself in relation to others around me. This alone can continue to fill many future posts for the rest of my life.
Work, school, home. All of life got isolated into the square footage of our dwelling unit. Work meetings, classrooms, simultaneous PE classes for both N and A. And even job interviews done from home, as I switched to my new job in 2021, leaving one lovely family at Pure Storage and moving to another lovely family at AWS.

Aspirations for the future. I discovered life at a different level in these last couple of years, and I am going to continue to spend significant time in the future on self-discovery and self-improvement. I discovered new activities and new people, formed new bonds, lost some old bonds, and developed new interests. Some will stick with me for life I imagine, some I might outgrow, yet others I will work on with intention to sustain lifelong. I will explore my psyche and try to answer the difficult questions I ask about myself. I will learn to accept my flaws, work on them to the extent I am able to, forgive myself and be kinder to myself, and actively look for joy and peace. I will work on my health and physical well-being so I can have a reasonably healthy life ahead. I will look to approach new things and approach people in new ways, and actively forge bonds. I aspire to find happiness from within, and see it also in others around me. I aspire to cultivate more hope and less regret, more compassion and less complaint, more letting go and a less disciplined approach to living life.

Fusion samosa

2020-02-02T16:26:00.000-05:00

Over Christmas break, I observed some samosa making in Kolkata. The hardest part of it is probably getting the dough right. It would take some practice, doing it a few times to get a feel for how to get it right, and then perfecting over many attempts. We love samosas, however its not something we'd eat often. So there is little scope to learn and get right over many attempts. Its also a relatively time-consuming process, with low ROI of yielding nutritious delicious food with limited time for cooking. Which means that I needed to devise a shortcut. I have tried samosa-like spiced turnovers with refrigerated Pillsbury dough before. Those are a tasty food in their own right, with some resemblance to samosa. I wanted something a little closer to the real samosa. The best I could think of was a tortilla, which has some similarity to the raw white flour dough that samosa are made of. I gave it a try and here are my fusion tortilla-samosas. Also a picture of samosas (the real deal) made by my mom in Kolkata.

Peacocks On a Rooftop

2020-01-20T15:59:00.000-05:00

Seen early one morning from the balcony in Bani Park, Jaipur. The peacock is the national bird of India. Someone was tossing handfuls of grain out on to the rooftop to feed birds, and this beautiful pair alighted to partake.

Here I sit in California looking out at the cold drizzly morning, remembering the sunshine in a more tropical climate, less than a month ago. Kolkata was balmy, like a pleasant summer, it did rain, almost like the monsoons, for two days during our visit. Jaipur was cooler, but still warmer than here. Like California, its situated in a desert. So the temperatures dropped sharply at night. During the day, we sometimes saw high 70s during our visit.

Sharing a bit of nostalgia from our last travel experience, while I warm my feet over the vent on the floor.

Three Weeks, Two More Pins, One Holiday To Remember

2020-01-12T15:09:00.000-05:00

Hawa Mahal (Wind Palace) in Jaipur, India

A whirlwind of sights, sounds, smells, languages and experiences later, I am home again. Three weeks of thought-provoking tastebud-titillating intellectual stimulation. Two new pins on my travel map - Jaipur and Ajmer - and a few other places I have been to before but not in the same way, or not with A and N. A and N missed 3 to 4 unexcused days of school, but what they hopefully learned and experienced was way more than what they would have gotten from those days missed from school.

There will be a lot to decompress, process and reflect on, and it will happen by and by, some of it making it into this blog. But for now, a few high-level observations.

Language. Most of the time, I find it difficult to speak Bengali or Hindi when I am here. English seems a more natural choice to think in, and express myself in. Somewhere into the trip after a few days of hearing a lot of Bengali and Hindi around me, a switch flipped. And I spontaneously shifted to using more Bengali in Kolkata and Hindi in Jaipur. Effortlessly. Hindi has never been a useful language for me beyond watching movies, until now. The ability to speak Hindi convincingly enough to appear local turned out to be beyond valuable.

View from our hike at the Peak in
Hong Kong

Political Climate. There was quite a bit of worry among family members aware of our itinerary because of the time we planned to spend sightseeing in Hong Kong. Primarily because of the recent political climate and protests as seen on news coverage. Our time in Hong Kong was amazingly peaceful and uneventful. Breathtaking views of the island from the Peak were some of the most excitement we encountered. However, different story in Kolkata, which was supposed to be a quiet peaceful time. Days before our trip, the National Register of Citizens (NRC) and CAA/CAB (Citizenship Amendment Act/Bill) started to gain international news coverage, with stories of protest marches and rallies - some peaceful, some not so much. During our trip, at the iconic Victoria Memorial, we literally drove into a protest in preparation with hundreds of truckloads of protesters dressed uniformly, wielding flags, coming in from the suburbs. The streets were flanked with Kolkata mounted police (police on horseback, something propagated from colonial British times.) On another day, we stepped out of the Kolkata Zoo to be caught at the start of an anti-protest government-sponsored rally with truckloads of people blaring songs on loudspeakers and waving flags.

Health. N had a fever when we started out from home. He slept for a significant part of the first 15 or so hours long flight to Hong Kong, which helped him recover. N also got a case of travelers' belly in Jaipur which lasted a day. I caught something on the last flight back home, and came down with a bad cold and sore throat the first day back home. Otherwise, we've been fortunate to have been alright throughout our travel. Two days before our trip started, I noticed that one of our flights had changed and we hadn't been issued tickets, so I called the airline. The agent was eager to help, in more ways than I asked for. She asked if we needed any special meals like a kids' meal. I mentioned my shellfish allergy, and she promptly put me on a non-seafood meal option for all our flights. It was coincidental but extremely lucky for me and wise of her. I took note that the kids' got breakfast choices had things like shrimp dumplings, and Beau got a seafood pasta as one of his lunches, and all three of them got meals that included various appetizers of shrimp and crabmeat. One downside to my special meal, though, was that the airline had a few other kinds of special meals. And they had some parts of the meals that were appropriate for multiple special meals, not just shellfish allergy. So while the other three Millers enjoyed desserts like chocolate brownies and caramel coffee cakes (which I'm sure were seafood free), I got stuck with desserts like jello and fruit, which while seafood-free were also gluten-free, low fat, low cholesterol and simply sad. Luckily they still gave me the ice-creams.

Food. This will be many future blog posts. There were once familiar tastes I had not experienced for more than a decade, there were well-known dishes and desserts from the Indian subcontinent and even Kolkata that I had never experienced before. There were new tastes iconic of the places we visited, such as lassi served in a clay cup and laal maas in Jaipur, and rice noodle rolls and char siu bao in Hong Kong.

Lassi in clay cup, iconic Rajasthan culinary experience

Culture. This will also be many future blog posts. There is so much to process and internalize for myself. I'm also curious about the perspectives of the kids and Beau on all of this. The people aspect of it is all-pervasive, such as taking note of how the concept of FIFO queues worked (or didn't) in India, the opportunities of some every day corruption and dishonest practices in Hong Kong, the random acts of compassion from strangers such as from security guards at some of the monuments in Jaipur. There is much to learn even about business from the people aspect, such as looking at a mall in Kolkata, housing stores for many international or western brands, but still operating on a largely Indian way of doing business. For A and N, this was their first taste of the third world at an age where they can understand and internalize from their cultural surroundings.

Digital Abstinence. For much of the trip, we had very limited access to the Internet. I unplugged completely for days at a time. It was a new kind of freedom and relaxation. It also forced me to interact more with my immediate environment, and I had more time and leisure to observe people, happenings, even birds and stray dogs. But I'm also happy to be back to being connected to the digital world again.

Home. A couple days in Kolkata later, some part of my memories came back and there was a distinct feeling of comfort and home. It made me wonder how it would be to come back to my real home in California. Or what really home is. And when I walked into my home in California, it felt like coming home. Home is not just one place for me anymore, I can seemingly adapt to a sense of feeling a certain degree of comfort in very different environments. And anywhere in the world could be home for me.

Remember You

2019-12-13T18:37:00.000-05:00

Where did you go on this day so many years ago? I may only find out when its my time to go there too. Or maybe there is no place at all. In the beginning, it hurt so much knowing I'd never see or hear you again. And there were times when I forgot, and I didn't hurt. I still hurt today. Wherever you are, if you are anywhere at all, I hope you do not hurt, and that you are at peace.

Birthday Post

2019-12-01T01:12:00.000-05:00

A couple of weeks late, but the month is not over yet. Here we are, the birthday people! I'm not writing a full-fledged post today. I wanted to write all about your Sportsmanship Award, and your Most Improvement Athlete Award from Cross-country, and your record 4 Outstanding Behaviors from 4 different classes, and all the wonderful things your various teachers say to me about you. And although I'm skipping out on all the details, and pictures of physical awards, I want you to know how happy and fortunate I feel every day to have you as my child. You are and always will be the best birthday gift in my life. Years from now, when I won't be around anymore to celebrate another of my birthdays on the same day as yours, any essence of me lingering in the universe will still be watching you with joy, and cheering you on with every mile and every milestone in life.

The Weekend Of Women Power

2019-11-04T19:22:00.004-05:00

A Camel Called Lego

2019-07-22T21:04:00.001-04:00

Me, MiniMe and Lego

In the last year or so, we have enjoyed several opportunities to observe wildlife in their natural habitats. Seals in La Jolla, where you can get way too close to them; elephant seals from a safe distance in Santa Cruz and in San Simeon; watching packs of orcas hunting sea lions while on a cruise in Monterey Bay. ( Report of the pod of orcas showed up in the NYT shortly after. May require a subscription or free account to read.)

I have also had a few interactions with creatures in captivity through some of the events arranged by the company I work for. Last year - feeding manta rays at the Monterey aquarium. And this weekend - a camel ride at Long Branch Saloon and Farms near San Mateo. The weekend event was open to employees and family, and had ample entertainment for all ages. The most novel was perhaps the camels. It was unusual and unexpected, next to the usual farm animals in petting zoos you find in this region of the world. The camels were brought down from Oregon specifically for this event. The camel we rode on was a 13-year-old male camel named Lego.

Sitting on the large warm body of another sentient creature, where I can feel the life and breath of the creature underneath me, is an odd feeling. I'm now a bit torn and not sure of how I feel about this. I did realize the controversial aspect of it as I waited in line for our turn on the camels, but only now am beginning to fully process all of it. In particular I'm reminded of a book I read in the early days when I could barely read, and lacked the emotional maturity to process some of what I was able to read - Sona's Adventure (probably earlier than the recommended age at that link), and my book was (probably translated) in Bengali. The parts I distinctly remember were when the crow ridiculed Sona the camel for his flat feet, long neck and hunchback hump; my eyes would well up with tears and my heart sink with sadness. But today, I marvel at the majestic camel, and psychoanalyze the crow with all his insecurities.

The Fourth of July Grill

2019-07-04T20:23:00.001-04:00

Cake Prowess

2019-07-04T20:01:00.000-04:00

This is a cake I baked and decorated about a month ago for A's birthday party. A helped decorate as well, and this was an informal party at home with her friends. There are no food allergies to motivate baking birthday cakes myself anymore, so it was purely for fun. This is the fourth birthday party cake I have baked for A. One previous cake can be seen here. I have to dig up pictures of the other two. Through these data points over the years, I have discovered that I have a propensity for making pink colored cakes (on request from A) but the cake within is always robustly chocolate with fruit flavorings and fillings.

The Milky Way at San Simeon

2019-06-16T17:15:00.002-04:00

Hello, is anyone out there?

Gazing at the night sky was a big component of our latest road trip along Hwy 1 to Big Sur. What a fascinating way to stretch vacation time from the early hours of day into the wee hours of night. Enjoy nature by daylight - watch elephant seals, wade in the Big Sur river, kayak in the Morro Bay, lunch on the pier looking out at the ocean, hike at Jade Cove. Afternoons filled with some relaxing downtime in the hot tub. And as the sun begins to set, we take a walk on the beach, watching the spectacular colors of the sky at sunset. Come nighttime, we spend a quiet contemplative hour finding the Milky Way in a cloudless sky.

No high-end camera, so no pictures. But it seems fitting to share my exploration of art instead, my dabbling with acrylic on canvas while studying and imitating the style of Van Gogh in Starry Night. I had a New Years' resolution of finding at least three new things to try this year. One of those has been painting with a different medium - opaque acrylic. And this was a fun painting that took me an entire rainy Sunday in January.

Warrior in the Water - Big Sur River

2019-06-14T00:10:00.003-04:00

Family kayaking in Morro Bay

2019-06-13T22:52:00.002-04:00

Kayaking in Morro Bay

2019-06-13T22:50:00.000-04:00

Salmon Creek Falls along Hwy 1

2019-06-13T22:42:00.001-04:00

Aligned with the horizon on Sand Dollar beach

2019-06-13T22:38:00.000-04:00

"My First Mango"

2019-06-01T16:40:00.002-04:00

Happy Birthday

2019-06-01T00:55:00.001-04:00

Where was I : the US and the World

2019-05-26T20:08:00.002-04:00

Bad Homburg, Germany - view from living room

There are some days when I like nothing better than to be curled up at home, doing the bare minimum in providing supervision, entertainment or snacks for the kids, binge watching a show that I have newly discovered and gotten hooked on. There are days when the weather is too cold or too rainy, or I'm just too tired or too peopled out, and I spend the day at home engaged in some reclusive, intellectually stimulating, rejuvenating activity at home.

But once in a while there comes a day like today when I am stuck at home, not by choice, not to engage exclusively in something that makes me happy, not to indulge in a new hobby or activity that has taken my fancy. Simply because I am too ill to be anywhere else, but not quite sick enough to be asleep while I recover. These are the times when home feels like the most miserable place on the planet. Lying listlessly in bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling those restless little balls of energy bouncing around in various parts of my anatomy, free associating the jumble of memories and thoughts ricocheting inside my head.

After watching a Kabuki play in Tokyo, Japan

I have memories from my childhood of when we would be sitting cross-legged on the ground eating, with those restless little balls of energy bouncing around inside me, and I stretch a leg out in front of me. To be admonished and reminded that little girls that stick their legs out like that end up with in-laws that live far away from their parents' home. An old wives' tale meant to instill fear and hence obedience in easily-molded little minds. Because in that place and culture, in-laws, strangers acquired as family through an arranged marriage, strangers that would take you far away from anyone and anything you knew or loved, were the equivalent of the resident monster under your bed. Except every time I heard that admonishment, I checked out the freckle under my foot. Another indication, by a different old wives' tale, that I was destined to travel the world.

Outside the Louvre in Paris, France

I would quietly wonder if that would indeed be my passport to a kind of freedom I had only read about. Christmas cards my father received from work that he passed on to me to enjoy - pictures of fluffy white snow, evergreen trees, little kids in colorful hats and mittens skating on frozen lakes, snowmen with stick arms and carrot noses. Books where I read about places far away where little kids rode their bikes down the street; or walked to the woods behind their house set in the midst of lush greenery and flowers; or had endless numbers of picnics of sandwiches and scones, root beer and ginger ale, various foods and drinks I did not even know what they looked like; all the while solving the latest mystery with their group of friends; friends they could hang out with, whisper secrets to, laugh with and cry with while they looked out for each other; kids who never got beaten or yelled at, never got picked on, never got bullied or left out.

Would I really be able to go far far away from home to all those utopian places? Where I would eat and drink delectable foods whose textures, consistencies, and other parameters didn't bother me so much that I'd rather starve? Where I would have a friend to laugh with, cry with and share my secrets with? Could it really be so simple, all I had to do was stick my leg out in front when no one was looking?

Berlin, Germany - old and new architecture*

Fortunately for me, all the surreptitious sticking out of my leg, and that much-treasured freckle under my foot (and the opportunity of an education that would open the door to the world for me) did pan out. I did get to see some of those places I had only read about. And I did eventually find a friend or two to whisper secrets to.

Here on the map are the places I have been to in the US. And here are the places I have been to in the world. These are not exhaustive, and I will continue to update as I remember. In the map of the world I realized that there are entire continents that I have never set foot on, so there is much of the world still to explore. I tried to add in (with a different color to differentiate - read the map description) some of the places I know of that Beau has lived in or visited. Those markers are a bit broad, marking names of entire countries instead of towns or cities, because I either don't know or don't remember the details.

(* A building that was partly intact and partly destroyed during WWII and subsequently reconstructed, creating a juxtaposition of old and new styles of German architecture)

Where Was I : California

2019-05-20T21:45:00.002-04:00

We have lived four and a half years in California now. We had visited a few times before, and have made several road trips across the country that have passed through the state as well. I have seen a significant bit of the state, and it deserved a map of its own, separate from the rest of the US.

While I have many pictures of the scenic beauty of California from the rolling foaming oceans to the snow-capped peaks, from lush greenery and colorful flowers to vast stretches of golden desert, and everything in-between, this one stood out with the memory of watching stars and constellations in the night sky - a valuable and humble reminder of each one of our insignificances in the grander scheme of things.

Map of places in California I have been to

Where Was I : India

2019-05-19T16:29:00.000-04:00

Rain at an unusual time of year for California kept us indoors all weekend. Feels cooler and reminiscent of the monsoons I remember from India. I associate that feeling with khichudi, and made a feeble attempt to make a fusion version of it in the Instant Pot. All those memories feel like a distant past, that I only occasionally remember. I thought back to what I remember from my time in India, a time when I lacked the mental maturity and alternate perspectives I possess today. Memories that come under scrutiny after having seen quite a bit of the rest of the world.

I decided to note down on a map the few places in India that I remember having been in, whether it was for days, weeks, or years. I also noted down Dibrugarh, where I spent a little time and have no memory of, having been about one year old. And Mumbai where I remember spending a few hours in the airport, although I never ventured out to the city.

Marked on a Google map

I will be repeating this exercise on maps of other parts of the world.

The khichudi didn't turn out to be of a photogenic quality. So instead I dug up a foggy memory of a foggy morning spent at the Taj Mahal in Agra, with probably the most recognizable image that, to the rest of the world, is iconic of India.

Happy Easter

2019-04-21T22:05:00.001-04:00

"When in life we are challenged by situations we can not control or change, we are faced with the choice to change ourselves." My favorite yoga instructor's words that struck a note with me this week.
At the Easter service today, the pastor spoke of the devastation of the Notre Dame Cathedral, touching on its architecture and how the architects had planned for the event of a fire and the roof of the cathedral did exactly what it had been designed to do. The roof burned, the stone walls survived, and with infinite generosity people have already started pitching in to rebuild and restore the cathedral. He also spoke of the Sri Lanka church attacks from this morning, and brought it all together with a reminder of our resilience in the face of crisis.

Some more of my yoga instructor's words this week roughly to the effect of "If the present moment feels stressful, think back to a moment in the past that felt peaceful, and know that there will a future moment different from the present. You can change what you feel in your mind by changing the moment you hold on to you."

The pastor, the yoga instructor with a Psy.D degree - I am always wary of my mind being manipulated by trained experts. And yet, sometimes my mind wants to suspend reasoning, and simply believe because it needs to believe. Perhaps doing exactly what it has been designed to do. My own mind is better at manipulating itself than any external expert. And therein lies its greatest strength and its greatest weakness.

So I share with the world some treasured moments from a visit to Notre Dame.

Slange var

2019-03-30T14:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, an afternoon of adulting with Islay single malt samplings (at work, though not work-sponsored; courtesy some colleagues who are generous with their own alcohol.) Today, a kids' birthday party in the park. In between, the perfect breakfast of champions. Cajun fries, leftover spicy Thai and a fried egg. Protein, fat, spice, salt. And of course, everything tastes better with crushed black pepper and a squeeze of lime.

Celebration

2019-03-10T23:20:00.000-04:00

Celebrating this moment with you as your budding talents blossom. I felt torn between wanting to be there in person as you received this and going for my work-sponsored skiing activity. The skiing was planned long before we knew you were going to win this award on the same day as I'd be gone. You gleefully picked out all the snow-appropriate clothes for me on Amazon, looking forward to using them yourself once I had gained enough confidence to take you along on a trip of our own. You even modeled them for me as we pretend made snowmen and had an impromptu snowball fight with balled up socks as we put away our laundry. Every time I came up with an excuse for why I should not go until the very last day before the trip, you rationalized them away with me. You told me it would make you happier that I was off making a first-time experience of my own than if I was sitting there with you for a second time repeat award. I am proud of you in more ways than I can describe right now.