The Mind of Microwaved

The Hardest things...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 16:08:00 +0000

OK, so on Saturday I was having a mental break down and falling to pieces in front of the world and today I feel like I could take on the world and I'm happy and ready to FIGHT, FIGHT GOD DAMMIT YOU NEVER BACKED AWAY FROM ANYTHING IN YOUR LIFE NOW FIGHT! The Abyss in case you were wondering where that came from.

So thanks bipolar! I love the fact that I can swing around so quickly. Just the other day I thought the world hated me and I should be shipped off to an island to live by myself with the rest of the mentally unstable and now I'm ready to kick the world in the face and make it my bitch.

So what the hell switches in my brain that makes me change on a dime. I'm like a precision sports car minus the sleek chassis. It has to be so frustrating to be married to me. One minute I want nothing more than for Carrie to leave me the hell alone and let me sulk and wallow in the blackness of my soul, the next minute I want to snuggle with her and spend 24 hours in bed doing things that got us two kids. My poor wife. The problem is, I know what it's like to live with someone like that.

Disclaimer, mom, you may read this and I know this isn't what you want me talking about, but it's the truth, I'm not meaning to hurt you but to show the world that I recognize this disease and that it's been a part of our family for as long as I've been alive.

My mom suffers from bipolar as well. The worst part for her is that she went undiagnosed and untreated for most of my life growing up. It was hard growing up never knowing exactly what kind of mood mom would be in each day. And now I see myself doing that to my kids and my wife. The good thing here is that I'm getting help for this now. My mom wasn't so lucky. She still beats herself up for some of the stuff that happened when we are kids. I've forgiven my mom. Now she needs to forgive herself.

I don't want to do this to my kids. I can already see Asher picking up on my moods. It's terrifying to see him reacting to me and my moods. I can see fear in his eyes sometimes (which I don't think is necessarily a bad thing all the time) and it's the same fear I've seen in my brothers eyes. That makes me feel like shit.

Any who, that was my thought this morning, how hard it must be for my wife to live with me and my moods. I'm like a fucking roulette wheel, you never know what you're going to get. YAY chemical unbalance. But I go see my doctor next week and I'm going to say "It's not working mommy" well not really but I just remembered when Asher used to say that when his toys didn't do what he thought they were suppose to do. Damn I love that little boy...

I'm going to get this fixed. I'm going to keep sane. I'm going to stay strong and I'm going to do the best I can to raise these boys right. Just like my mom and dad did. They did the best they could with what they had to work with. I understand that now.

OK, so I should wrap this up, I'm babbling. Thank you to all of you that have been reaching out to me, you all are making a difference, it's really helping and it's making me not feel so all alone. :)

Klattu Verata Nictu,
Microwaved.

We are not alone...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 21:17:00 +0000

So after my weekend maniac breakdown I've come to realize that I'm not alone with my disease and I'm not some sort of monstrous leper who should be left to his own devices and gnaw my own leg off. But some things I have learned from my melt down.

1. Don't forget to get your prescriptions refilled on time, missing several days of your drugs makes you fucking crazy.

2. Men and Women have different levels of tolerance for information that you make readily available to the internet. I'm an open book, ask me a question no matter how personal and I'll more than likely answer you, the level of truth vs. snarky may totally be based on how well I may know you.

3. Life is not fucking perfect. And no matter how hard you try and convince yourself or others that it is, you will always make mistakes. You need to be OK with those mistakes.

4. I'm a perfectionist. I've never thought I was. When it comes to art and music I like letting the mistakes happen and live in their time and space. But when it comes to my life. I want everything to be perfect and I want everyone to win. That never fucking happens. It's hard for me to deal with that. I'm not sure why that is, but that is what happens to me. The trigger on my latest round of depression probably came from unsuccessfully booking a couple of shows. It seems really petty to me now that I let that get to me, but I hate letting people down.

5. I just turned 39 years old. I think this bothers me a hell of a lot more than I thought it was going to bother me. This is it folks. When you turn 40 you're suppose to be all grown up and at that point in your career where you've achieved your goals and you've made something of yourself. Well here I am, I still feel like the low man on the totem pole at my job, my wife and I are barely paying our bills (don't feel bad for us though, some of this is our own damn fault for wanting the American Dream TM and spending too much money on our credit cards) and I'm working on a CD and trying to figure out how I'm going to pay for it. Le sigh. I wish there was a magic button that fixed everything. But I guess nothing will ever fix hard work and keeping your nose to the grindstone and that's what I'm going to do to get ourselves out of our financial mess. The job thing I don't know what to do about. I love my job. I really do. I love working with the team I work with and I love doing what I do. I just want to be higher up than I am, I figured I'd be in management now but I'm still in the exact same job with the exact same pay as I was 4 years ago... that can be frustrating.

6. It's really scary to admit that you have an addiction of any kind, not to mention a mental illness of any kind. I feel like everyone is looking at me and pointing and saying "He's fucked up in the head" which I know is not the truth and the stigma of mental illness has lifted a lot since I was a kid. But I get that damn feeling in the pit of my stomach that says "You can do this, you don't need anyone or anything to help you". I know that's not true and I need to reach out to people and ask for help.

7. Despite all of my believes that no one loves me and nobody cares so I might as well go eat worms, there are a lot of people that love and care about me and there are a lot of people that would be sad if I wasn't here any more. I'm not saying I'm suicidal but I'd be lying if I didn't say I haven't had those thoughts since high school and they've been on my mind a lot over the last couple of years. My boys are one of the biggest reasons I would never ever do anything to hurt myself. I love those two little monsters. More than they may ever know.

8. I'm a shitty partner/spouse/lover/boyfriend. Carrie deserves a fucking medal of honor for putting up with all my shit over the last nearly 13 years. I've done countless shitty things to her. I drink too much, I smoked too much. I'm mean. I'm grumpy. I'm selfish. I'm heartless. But she keeps putting up with it. My cousin Michelle texted me this weekend and asked me "How does Carrie deal with this, cause frankly if I was married to an alcoholic it would have ended a long time ago" (note I love Michelle dearly and this wasn't meant in a negative way, she didn't know a lot of this stuff about me and was rather shocked that I'm kind of a giant asshole cause she remembers me when I was sweet and young before I discovered the beauty of booze and altered consciousness). I didn't have a good answer because Carrie should have left my ass a long time ago. But I'm glad she's still here with me. She's hot as hell (even though she doesn't see it) and she is stronger than a castle wall. We have a LOT of problems right now. We both have issues that need to be dealt with and we are both NOT PERFECT but we are both working on things.

9. I want to go to England and see Liza. Long story, but Liza is the sister to Joanna who was married to my Uncle Jerry when I was a teenager and into my 20's. Liza came to the US when I was but an early teenager (she's just slightly older than I am) and we spent a whole night talking about growing up in two different countries and eating English candy (now I know why they have bad teeth). Since Facebook came around Liza and I have been able to be in touch again and I sure do miss her.

10. Music is really really important to me (well duh) and I need to keep a focus on that and not get distracted.

11. I also like to get distracted by movies and comic books and I need to remember that it's OK to take some time to just breath.

12. Breath you stupid mother fucker, it's good for you and maybe you won't be so damn stressed out all the time.

13. I really like being on the board of directors for STAGE Inc. I'm very proud that I was elected to be the president of this organization this year. It makes me feel important and like I'm actually giving back for a change instead of always taking.

14. I really like lists.

So that about sums it up. There are some other things. I realized I really like naked girls, but that's not really anything new, I came out of the womb asking the nurse for her phone number. See, my humor is starting to come back so you know I'm feeling better. Thank you to everyone that reached out to me over the weekend with advice or just the offer of a shoulder to cry on. It means a lot to me, and understand that I will be taking you up on those offers so if you see my number, please pick up, you could be the difference between me joining Cobra of G.I. Joe.

Much love,
Microwaved.

Catching up...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 18:58:00 +0000

OK, so the last time we talked it was in July when my remix album dropped, did you guys get it? NO? Then what are you waiting for, it's free or you can pay me a couple of bucks so I can make more music. It's up to you. Either way I'm cool. OK, on to serious stuff. About six months ago I was diagnosed with bi-polar disease, I guess it's a disease now and not a disorder or anything of that nature. Ever since then I've been taking medications to help level me out. Well they've been kind of working. I don't have the extremes like I used to but I also don't really feel like me all the time. Like today. I'm easily irritated. I'm also two weeks into my new found sobriety and I'm freaking out. I mean REALLY freaking out. I know some of you may know this but a lot of you don't. I'm an alcoholic. I have been for years. I've used alcohol as my crutch going all the way back to high school. I dealt with a lot of bull shit in high school much like all of you probably did too. I was picked on cause I was a nerd. So by my junior year I discovered pot and alcohol and their wonderful abilities to make all the pain go away. It was about this time too that my mom moved out and it was basically me just me and my brother at home. My dad was either working as an over the road truck driver or as a plumber which meant late hours and early mornings or not home at all. Both my brother and I starting using drugs and alcohol to escape the world we lived in. I tried to pretend my mom leaving wasn't "that big of deal to me" but it was. So it was about this same time that I started working at Hardee's and really made some good friends in Hampton finally. People I trusted and people that I liked being with and people that I felt cared about me. A lot of them used too, but some didn't, I always ended up hanging with the ones that used more than the ones that didn't. Pretty soon my life just got out of control. My brother bought some eye drops at Korner Whipple (he charged them on our family account, do any of you remember being able to do that? No money, no check no credit card you'd just walk into the store and buy something and say put it on my dad's account...) any who it was the final straw for me. I tried to stab my brother with my car keys, punching him repeatedly in the back trying to kill him. He ran into the house to get a knife and I pulled a bb gun out from underneath my car seat. I was going to kill him or vice versa. This is all stuff that I hate to talk about that happened a million years ago. But after this happened I went to live with my mom in Clear Lake. There life changed a lot for me. I quit caring what people thought about me and I also quit drinking for the first time (and doing drugs). It's not like I quit caring about what people thought about me in the extent that I hated every one, it's just I decided to be myself and quit trying to fit in. My life changed for the better. I met some great friends. Some of whom I'm still very close to to this day. I met my first girlfriend and the girl that eventually gave me my um... manhood? LOL! If she reads this I'm sure she'll laugh at the time we were at the park after the drive in closed and the State Troopers found us, my mom on the other hand probably won't laugh.

Then chaos came in the picture again. That same girl and I broke up. My mom told me she was moving to Minneapolis (with little warning I had two weeks to find a place to live to graduate high school) and I had just recently found my biological father and was dealing with the ups and downs of that. 18 years of guessing and then finally talking to him for the first time was quite a blow to my fragile ego back then.

Needless to say, I found the bottle again soon after that as well as drugs. It was all too much for me to handle. I moved back to Hampton with my dad and my brother finished high school and worked in Mason City. But boy howdy did I start partying. First it was in Clear Lake at Marty's house with Jackie. Then it was in Hampton with Troy and Mike... beer, booze and drugs flowed freely and I was starting to get way in over my head. Then Jay and Rob came swooping in a saved me and we all moved to Mason City to go to NIACC.

That first year I was pretty unsuccessful. I spent more time in the booze than the books but we had a lot of fun that year. I eventually met Robbi who I dated for a long time and who gave me reason #2 to sober up again (that and I wanted to do really well in college cause the real world sucked). Jay, Rob and me lived together for a long time in Mason, for a good portion of it the three of us lived in a one bedroom apartment. To this day it's still some of my best memories ever. I remembering listening to Hellsville by the Legendary Pink Dots and Chris Connelly's Whiplash Boychild record on Rob's awesome stereo and getting creeped out. LOL! So much fun.

Then I moved to Hampton again after Jay went to Davenport to go to school and Rob went to Des Moines for a job. I finished at NIACC and then Robbi and I went to UNI. Robbi and I only lasted about a year together at UNI until we imploded. I don't think it was her fault at all, as I've learned especially over the last few years is that I'm a terrible spouse, partner, boyfriend. After Robbi and I split there was no reason to remain sober any more. I plunged back into my alcoholism in a big way again. I nearly ruined my last year of college but Eric Lange had faith in me and kicked my ass into shape to get me back on the right track. Not only that he stuck by me and made sure that I completed my degree. I owe a HUGE debt of gratitude to Eric.

Well just shortly after I finished college I had just had my heart broken yet again by someone and I was spiraling again when I met Carrie. She gave me yet another reason to get my life together. I've spent years giving her the credit for saving my life. If it wasn't for her I don't think I'd be where I'm at today. So when I met Carrie we had fun for a long time. But I was a drunk. I was playing throughout the midwest in a band and I was bartending at Steb's. All I did was drink. Well after I left that band, I started another one and then another one. Then EMT. I had a lot of fun in that band but I started drinking again, WAY too much so on Thanksgiving of 2002 I quit drinking and remainded sober (except for my holiday six pack I had every year) for six years until 2008. It started slowly. a little bit here, a little bit there but never too much.

Jump forward until about two weeks ago where I'm staying up until 4 AM in the morning with two small boys counting on me to get up in the morning and I'm sneaking gin and mixing it with flavored water in the basement all night so I can escape from the world I live in. Why do I need to escape?

I don't know, but I'm ruining my marriage. I'm screaming at my kids and I'm scared to death of the world I live in right now. I want to hide I want to cure this pain. I'm lonely. I'm scared. Not to mention my head feels like shit. It feels like when I move my head I'm drifting in space. I can't think clearly.

What does this have to do with anything? What does this have to do with my bi-polar? I don't know. But if any one else out there is suffering or has as much fear as I do right now, let me know cause I feel like the only person sailing on this giant lonely fucking sea all by myself.

New Remix album out TODAY!

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Thu, 21 Jul 2011 18:32:00 +0000

<p>&amp;lt;a href="http://microwaved.bandcamp.com/album/remixes"&amp;gt;REMIXES by Microwaved&amp;lt;/a&amp;gt;</p>

Download the songs and enjoy them ya'll!

Grrrrrrrrrrr.....

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 20:39:00 +0000

I just want some freaking peace man. I just want to be mellow and let life be mellow for a while. I'm tired of all of this. There is drama every where I turn. I don't know how to gain any balance in my life at all. I don't know how to moderate anything, I'm either all or nothing. I'm frustrated beyond belief and I just want some damn peace and quiet for a little while or at least a few weeks where there isn't any drama. I'm tired of everything. I just want to work on my music, read some comic books, have fun and laugh again.

I'm tired of being a fucking adult all the time. I'm tired of all the responsibility. I want to feel fulfilled in my life. Or at least like I'm doing something right for once.

I'm probably spiraling right now as my last counselor would have put it. If so fuck it. I just want to lock myself away from all the drama and the pain and the noise and be alone and get some shit worked out of my head. I just want to find some peace. Some happiness. What does it take to be fucking happy in this world? What does it take to find that peace? Am I not the man I thought I was? Am I forcing myself to be someone I'm not? Am I destined to let my family down?

I'm a some random piece of shit that will just pay child support and never see my kids and slowly drift away from them creating a larger and larger rift between them and myself until the don't recognize me any more? Will I sink deeper into this fucking hell of depression that I've been in for months and finally lose everything that I have now?

I'm losing hope that there is any way out of this mess. My head is pounding right now. I'm tired, I lack any energy at all. My world seems constantly grey and filled with emptiness. My wife is there and she tries, my kids are there and they are wonderful but it doesn't quite quench that thirst inside of me? What more could I want? Why am I such a fuck up and searcher? Why can't I just be like everyone else and be happy with the world the way it is?

Why must I let everyone around me down. Rarely have I written a song that so fully envelopes the way I feel right now than my collaboration with Sean "Satyr" Tracy of Produkt. Check it out ya'll.

Worthless (Feat Sean Satyr Tracy of Produkt) by Microwaved

can you believe...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Tue, 17 May 2011 04:48:00 +0000

I'm writing this post from my phone? What an interesting world we live in today. It seems that technology may finally catching up to science fiction and soon the whole world will be in the palm of our hands.

Hello Monkeys...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Tue, 10 May 2011 19:26:00 +0000

So hey, how's it going? I know it's been awhile since we talked. I've been busy with life and stuff. I'm writing a new album. Yep, it's gonna be so good. I'm working on a lot of music with different people. Good people. People that I trust and that I think can compliment what I'm doing. I'm looking forward to sharing with you all.

I'm still working at KWWL. That is going well. Still doing commercials and all a dat plus I write a blog now for KWWL.com too. It's called Critical Mass I like to write at that blog. I wish I had more time to write there than I do. I love writing about everything that I write about there. It's a lot more open than this blog so I have to watch what I write about but it's a lot of fun! I've had the opportunity to meet a lot of neat people through it!

I'm now a father of two beautiful boys and they are doing just great. Asher got a check up from Mayo a couple of weeks ago and his high blood pressure issues seem to be fully resolved and we don't need to see Dr. Kramer again unless Asher his another high blood pressure at some point in time, but it's looking unlikely now. That's both good and bad. I love going to Rochester and I really like Dr. Kramer so I'll miss seeing both of those places. We are headed back up to Mayo this Friday though for Asher's lung doctor check up to see how his asthma is doing. I'll gorge myself on Indian food as usual too.

Elliott is the new boy in the house and he is a real charm. Totally happy, smiley and cheerful all the time. He is an easy baby. If we would of had him first I think I would have been better prepared for what Asher was like, but having Asher first has made me really appreciate how easy Elliott is. Honestly I have nothing to report on Elliott other than how easy he is. No health problems, no sleeping problems nothing. He's a great easy baby.

The last time I was intensively writing on this blog I was in the midst of loosing weight, well the weight got away from me again and I'm trying to work up the courage, will power and energy to get back to working out and getting this weight under control again. It's hard being nearly 40, your body just doesn't work the same as it used too. But I'm gonna get back on that horse and chase after it.

I'm gonna try and up date this blog here more often with personal stuff and stuff about my music. Use it as a platform to talk about the things that are flowing in my head. I hope I can get some readers and I hope you'll come along for the ride.

His first sequencer!

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 20:33:00 +0000

The boy really playing his keyboard.

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Elliott in Summer gear.

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Mon, 11 Apr 2011 00:35:00 +0000

Our Future Panther?

The Spider & The Fly

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 19:10:00 +0000

Just read this book for the very first time to Asher, what a charming little book. Think I'll need to track this down and add it to our home library.

Backstage at Music as a Weapon!

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 01:30:00 +0000

Me back stage at Korn/Disturbed/Sevendust Music as a Weapon tour in Cedar Rapids Iowa 3/25/11!

That's one tired baby.

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:42:00 +0000

Elliott crashed out in my arms!

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The Boys!

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 23:20:00 +0000

Here is Asher at four years old with his baby brother Elliott who is just 3 months old. They are both great boys but their personalities couldn't be any different.

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My album is available!

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 18:06:00 +0000

I should get back to writing on this here page shouldn't I?

Well just in case you're still reading this, my album is now available.

You can download it for FREE or pay what you'd like for it.

Man I should really find time to get to this once in awhile...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 21:08:00 +0000

So what to say, what to say. It's seems like years since I've written a blog, and I guess in Internet world it probably has been years. Life has been catching up with me. I guess Facebook can be kind of blamed for that. I seem to spend a lot of my free time at work there goofing off chatting with old high school classmates and such. Funny really. It got me to thinking about something. I've got a lot of my old classmates on there from Hampton and I wonder sometimes what people think about me when they see the picture of me on their page. Do they remember me as a dorky guy? Do they see me as I saw myself them? What kind of memories come up for these people about me. That seems pretty narcassitic doesn't it, me me me. Well it is my blog I guess. So I guess what I'm saying is when I see their profiles I have tons of memories come flooding back. Like Gina and driving to Mason City and me hitting the ditch on highway 65 cause the Chevette couldn't work up the speed to pass a car. Or Megan who was my first junior high girlfriend. Or Kevin the only dude I ever got into a fight after school with. How do these people see me? Are they positive memories or negative memories, or complete apathy for me? I'm curious about that but not nearly curious enough to ask anyone or conduct and experiment of that nature. I guess I would be afraid of what the answers could or would be. Facebook is far more personal than Myspace though. It's very very interesting to say the least. It will be interesting to see how this interweb social networking effects society as we move forward in life.

Other things of note. So all I really wanted for Christmas and my birthday this year was a record player that could be hooked up to my computer via USB so I could transfer my old vinyl records to mp3. The reason for that being my only request is because Carrie and I bought a 42" LG LCD TV for ourselves for our Christmas gift to each other. It's beautiful and I'm loving every minute of it and we got it for an amazing price so I'm pretty happy about all that. But back to my main point. So I asked family just to give me cash for my birthday and Christmas and my mom came through first with $100 which just happened to be enough for the turntable. I scooped it up off of Amazon.com and boy am I impressed. So far it's been a dream. Easy to use, the software is easy (which it should be after using all the recording software I've used through the years) and the sound quality is wonderful when it's done. I've transferred over so far Carole King's "Tapestry", Wings "At the Speed of Sound", Chris Connelly's "Stowaway 12" Single", KMFMD's "Vogue, Money and Split 12" Singles", Danielle Dax "Where The Flies Are 12" Single", Pop Will Eat Itself "Very Metal Noise Pollution" EP and Bing Crosby's "Merry Christmas" for Carrie. Other then a few unfix able glitches from the detoriation of the vinyl on the older records the quality is just as good as CD. I'm very very happy with my purchase so far. The worst part about all of it is though, the time. It takes forever to do this. Hours upon hours to do it well. But so be it. I enjoy it immensely.

And finally the real reason your reading this: Asher. The kid is doing great. He is a happy and healthy nearly 23 month old boy. Not only that, but his doctor at Mayo has called his high blood pressure RESOLVED. And we don't need to go back to Rochester for another check up until he's nearly in Kindergarten (I never realized how much of a German word that was until I wrote it). That is exciting news. Apart from that he is totally down with horses, swimming, eating and being a rough and tumble little boy. He loves to wrastle with his mom and dad and it just a delight to have in my life. I have so much fun with Asher every day that we are together. He is such a great boy and his vocabulary gets bigger and bigger every day. I'm very proud of my son. Also for the first time I'm gonna say this about myself. I'm proud of myself as a father. I don't mean to toot my own horn or say I'm better than anybody else. But I've finally gotten the hang of this dad stuff and I think I'm doing a really good job at it. For the first time I feel like I've got it. Now watch something will probably throw a wrench into that, but that's exactly how I feel right now.

So with that, life is really good. I'm happy with the things that are going on and I'm happy to be sharing my life with my beautiful wife and wonderful son. Until next time.

Wow really May was the last time...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 12:37:00 +0000

I knew it had been awhile since I got on the blog, but I didn't realize it had been this long. A lot of things have happened since May. Some good, some terribly bad. Things that have kind of changed me, and things that have reaffirmed that things still need to change.

First off, Asher is doing wonderful. He is such a big boy now and looks more and more like a little boy every day. He is losing that baby look and now looks so much like a toddler that it's uncanny. Asher is also doing quite well with his language. Carrie and I got him a Baby Einstein DVD of sign language and with in three days he was signing, Hungry, Eat, Drink, Night Night, More, Help and Bath. It's really cool. Asher can basically tell you exactly what he wants and needs. And when he asks please for something he shakes his head as if saying yes. It's so cute. He also now says thank you, through inflection and sign. Asher also has a plethora of words that he can say. Eat, Bear, Help, Night Night, Thank You, and a ton of others that I'm forgetting right now. It's really pretty amazing. He also knows all of his animals and does their sounds as well as all of his body parts. He is just the most amazing thing that I have ever seen or been a part of. And this summer has been a lot of fun. We went to the Franklin County Fair with my dad and then a couple of weekends ago we went to the Iowa State Fair in Des Moines. I had been there a few times in my youth, but hadn't been there in many many years. On the other hand it was Carrie's first trip to the fair and Asher's as well. It turned out to be a heck of a lot of fun for all of us. Asher got to pet some cows, sheep and a pig as well as eat many new foods like a corn dog and a monkey tail (a frozen banana on a stick dipped in chocolate).

It was so much fun, and then that night we stayed at the Hilton Garden Inn in West Des Moines right by the Jordan Creek Mall. After a quick swim and some down time we headed over to the mall to do a little shopping. We didn't buy anything but it was cool to get out and about. We also ate at the Cheesecake Factory which was pretty good. The last time we ate there was for our friends Brad and Melissa's wedding.

Other than that Asher is growing up nicely. He continues to be a huge fan of fruits and vegetables and still shuns meat to an extent. He'll eat it but he doesn't go after it like he does fruits and veggies. He's a good kid and he still eats well. But he's gotten so tall and skinny now!

Asher really has been the best part of my summer so far and the time that the family has got to spend together! On the converse some things really were trying this year.

Of course the tornadoes that wiped out Parkersburg is on every bodies mind, but that didn't affect me really so that wasn't that troublesome for me. Although I've driven through that town a couple of times now and it looks like a bomb was dropped in the middle of the town. If you remember the pictures in your history books of the air raids in Europe during World War II that is what Parkersburg looked like. It's really scary and humbling all at the same time. I can honestly say the first time I drove through there I had big tears in my eyes.

After that was the floods. It brought national media coverage to our neck of the woods for more than a week. To say that the floods didn't touch every one's lives in the Cedar Valley would be a grievous understatement. My house was fine, we were far enough from the water that we had nothing to worry about, but my office was completely destroyed. We had 7 inches of raw sewage come up in the basement of my office and we had to do an emergency evacuation of the building and downtown Waterloo. Then once we could drive back into Waterloo I had to come and salvage what I could of my office. So here I am in rubber boots and rubber gloves hauling out 6 years of my stuff to a small office on the mezzanine. Keep in mind I've been in my own private office for a few years and had grown quite accustomed to my peace and quite. Then I'm moved in with the marketing department in their storage closet that has a sink that I've been told past sports guys used as a urinal when they were too lazy to walk downstairs. Not to mention that every person on the mez washed their dishes in that sink.

Nothing like having 10 distractions a day of people just wandering into your work area. I hated every minute of it. Not only that but as many of the Cedar Valley residents know the station was off the air for long periods of time. We had the flood but we also caught on fire. Yeah, we were actually on fire at one point in time. So when we aren't on the air, we are losing revenue. So I'm now being told to get all of my work done as quickly as possible so we can start getting revenue back into the station. One problem with that. My editing computer happened to be one of the loses from the flood. I was stalled out and catching hell.

In the end it all worked out. While doing some things I found an office on the third floor that was not occupied and we asked (my co-worker and I) if we could move up there. After one of our sports guys rattled off a round of f-bombs while I had a client in my "office" and showed no remorse the decision was easy for my boss. Go ahead. I painted the walls and hauled all of my gear up. I'm now moved into a big cozy office that is all mine! Yay me.

Things have settled down to an extent but things are still very busy around the office and the dust is still settling, but it gets better every day.

Also this month Carrie and I as well as the rest of Carrie's family suffered a major loss when her Great Grandfather passed away. Floyd was one of those rare men you meet in your life. Hard working, very kind and very warm. I always felt comfortable around Floyd from the first time I met him. He was a kind soul and a very wise man. Not only will he be missed by his children, his grandchildren and his great grandchildren, but I'm gonna miss him too. He told amazing stories and was with it up until the very end. I have some regret with his passing that I didn't handle the situation well with my wife and her family, but I just don't know what to say about death and loss. I'm not very good at that stuff. I wish I was because I feel like I let Carrie down. When it happens next time, I will be better at it.

Well I suppose I should probably get to work now. I'm off to Galena Illnois today for a shoot and then back to Waterloo for another one. I'm gonna try and up date this blog a little more often from now on, it is rather cathartic to type away on here!

The Time Has Come...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 21 May 2008 13:26:00 +0000

Read that like the song "Beds are Burning" from Midnight Oil. Nothing there to read between the lines, I've just gotten lazy about writing blogs. I need to start doing this some more, it's cathartic but after the experiences earlier this year I've been more than a little gun shy to share things with the interweb world. But here we go.

Since I last blogged we took a trip to Florida to see Aunt Jill and play on the beach. It was a lot of fun but I learned a few things more about Florida and why I could probably never live there.

#1. They lack good comic book stores. After searching for a little while on the interweb and finding a couple of them Aunt Jill only had one in her town that we could find and it was pretty crappy. Not a lot of comics and way too much Magic and D&D stuff. Not that there is anything wrong with all that, there isn't if that's your cup of tea, I'm just much more of a straight up comic book guy.

#2 The used book store we went to was grossly over priced. Perhaps I wasn't looking in the right place but jeez, 15.95 for a used Clive Barker graphic novel that I could probably get at my local comic book store. Come on people the term used denotes that it should be less than new unless it's a very rare item like a first printing of Moby Dick signed my Herman Melville himself.

#3 No used CD/DVD stores. I'm not sure why we couldn't find any since here in my neck of the woods I can choose from CDs+ right here or trip down to Cedar Rapids or Iowa City to find good used stores. That was a pretty sad thing actually to not find any stores like that. You can always find a little gem at places like that and generally pretty damn cheap. The worst part about it all was that I was OK with spending some money too.

#4 Florida isn't the best place in the world for geeks like me. I found very little geekry going on around there. No iconic inner nerd t-shirts. No cool hats with cool logos on them like Spider-Man or Marvel comics or even off the wall type of stuff. It really is the land of beautiful people with money and cars and lots of free time to look good.

Not that Florida wasn't fun, it was. Asher and I had a blast digging in the sand and playing with his toys. Asher loved being in the sand and playing. He loved being in shorts and a t-shirt and spending everyday with his parents. It really was a ton of fun and I enjoyed almost every single minute with my wife and my son. Heck I even enjoyed the time I spent with the in-laws as well. They're good people, they're just different than me and it's not always easy for me to see their point of view, which causes friction, but that's how life is.

Another fun thing we did in Florida was go to a beer tasting. As most of you know I don't really drink anymore. For years it's been a six pack of micro brew and imports at Christmas, but over the last year I've kind of let other times happen in my life where I was OK with having a drink with a meal or a social event. I think I've finally got control of it. So Jill wanted to take me to a beer tasting with her friends, and folks, it was the best time I've ever had with Jill. She and her friends frequent the establishment where the beer tasting was happening so there was a sense of family and welcoming vibe that was really appreciated being so far from home and the beer guy I can't say enough good things about him. A very knowledgeable guy who I would totally hang out with if he lived here in Iowa. So I tried a series of different ales, stouts and what not. I've found a new stout that made me fall in love with the dark beers all over again. Old No. 38 Stout is the name and it's a thing of beauty. When I told the brew man that I loved Guinness he scoffed at me and said you have no palette then and poured me this stout. He was right I got my behind schooled. I also tried a pale ale that I really liked but the name escapes me now. On the beer front I tried something else new that has become something of a staple in our house now since both Carrie and I fell in love with it.

This my friends and fellow readers is an Austrian Beer (I got it right wife) called Stiegl and it's a mixture of beer and lemonade that could be the perfect summer beer ever created. It is absolutely delicious and is available here. You should really pick yourself up one of these to try. It is so good.

I also tried something of a new taste for me as recommend to me by Jill's friends. It's a bit of a twist on the old Black and Tan (Guinness & Bass) or Snake Bite (Guinness & Hard Cider) and folks it was a real winner but it's something that must be done in moderation cause it's just that rich. First get yourself a Chocolate Stout preferably a Young's Double Chocolate Stout then get yourself one of these bad boys Lindeman's Framboise. I did this with their Raspberry flavor. Poor half a pint of the Framboise into your glass then with a spoon drizzle the stout over the top of it, trying hard not to mix the two. It's pretty easy really the stout naturally seems to sit on top of the Framboise just like with the Bass or the Cider. Try keeping the head small and fill the rest of the pint glass with the stout. Then sit back and enjoy. It's kind of like a Raspberry Chocolate cake. It's very heavy though and actually very potent alcohol wise so be careful. Once you've had one the second glass which will finish off the stout but not the Framboise you'll probably be done for the evening. It was enough to almost put me under the bus so drink at your own risk.

Enough with the beer. Onto Asher. The boy is doing great. He is getting so big and his abilities are growing and changing daily. He can now point to all of his body parts when asked. He knows, face, hair, head, feet, arm, eyes, nose, mouth, ear, teeth and so much more. He can go up stairs quite easily and he can go down some stairs. He is starting to say words too. He can say eye, arm, thank you, I love you, but keep in mind this is all in Asher speak which we as parents recognize as what he's saying but you the reader would probably call us completely nuts. We went to Iowa City last week and took his blood pressure machine back to the U of I. June 11th we are headed to Mayo. We've decided to switch back to Mayo. It really is about the same amount of distance between the two and well we liked both doctors at the time and so it was an easy decision after the last few fiascoes in Iowa City. Carrie and I both agree that we'll miss going to Iowa City but hopefully we won't have to do this much more at Mayo either. I'll fill in everybody on what happens at Mayo but both Carrie and I are thinking they are probably going to tell us to not worry about it and just do yearly check ups at Mayo to follow up. Well that's what I think at least. Asher is really doing great and I'm having a blast being a dad.

Onto other things. I'm playing a show at The Reverb next Thursday night. Should be a lot of fun and this time I'm going to project my video on a big screen and play behind it. Should be fun. I think I've also secured an old friend of my Kyle Christianson from Iowa Falls to shoot some photos of the show. I realized the other day that I have no current photos of myself and my music since I lost the 60 lbs of weight. I need to fix that. On the other side of the coin I made my goal of 60 lbs and have been holding steady there. I feel really good and I'm pretty proud of the weight loss. The bad thing is that I have no close that fit me properly for work. I've been picking up t-shirts and what not to wear outside of work, but all of my work shirts are huge on me and I feel kind of like a dork with these huge shirts on me. I'm now self-conscious about it. First I was self-conscious about being fat now I'm self-conscious about being skinny. What a jerk eh? And lastly, hopefully they have finally found out what is wrong with my back. It's a muscle thing and yesterday at the pain clinic I got four injections of cortisone into the injured muscle. The doctor (whom I really liked) told me I would feel like I got hit by a truck the next couple of days and friends he wasn't kidding. I feel like crap and I hurt like a son of a gun. I've been taking ibuprofen 800 and as long as I don't move I'm OK, but boy howdy I try and move around a bit and I feel like somebody kicked me down a flight of stairs, then stomped on my back and then decided to light my spine on fire from the inside out. I know it's all for the better. Today at noon we are putting some lydocaine patches on it so hopefully the pain will be much more manageable. I have to go back in a month and will probably receive another round of injections. The first two shots didn't hurt, the third one was a little uncomfortable and by the fourth one I actually cried out in pain. The doctor warned me, but I wanted to be a tough guy since Carrie and Asher were in the room with me (I was told to bring a driver in case you all thought I was a wimp and couldn't do it on my own). I made it through though. The cortisone felt really weird going into the muscle though. Oh well.

Life seems to be going pretty good right now, we are all very happy, pretty healthy and doing fine. I would like to give a big shout out to my buddy Chuck Hoffman who posted on his blog the other day that he and his wife are expecting their first child. Congratulations buddy, maybe one day you child, Asher and Max can all start a band together and we can sit be and be proud fathers together!

Asher...My Best Friend

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 14:22:00 +0000

I know I always try to come up with witty titles to these here blogs, but this one I wanted to be special. Asher is the best little buddy I could ever have hoped for and I have a wonderful time spending my time with him. I'm so very proud of my son and all he's accomplished in his nearly 14 months on this mortal coil.

So instead of the usual way I write these things, I'm going to do this a bit more conversational and just let my thoughts flow about Asher. I will try and keep them organized, but I'm afraid a father's love is a bit hard to contain in one direction. So here we go.

Asher, right now buddy you're almost 14 months old. Just a couple of days away and it still seems like yesterday that you honored us by joining your mother and I on this Earth. It's been the wildest ride of my entire life. As you will learn as you get older I don't subscribe to any religious belief, but you are a blessing if there ever was a blessing to be had by some unseen deity.

You've given my life a purpose apart from wanting to be a filmmaker and a rock star, both are unattainable dreams, but being a father is not. I never wanted to be a father, I was afraid I wouldn't be any good at it, but it's easy with you. You bring out the best in me. You make me want to be a better man and a stronger human than I ever thought possible. Your smile and laughter make my heart fill with a joy I've never known. Even when we're having a bad day, I can't help but smile when I look at you.

You've accomplished so much in these fourteen short months as well. When you first came into this world you were hooked up to machines to help you breath and IVs to send medicine to your body. From that little helpless boy you've grown into a very active toddler. You easily walk about the house meandering from room to room searching for something new to discover or play with. You take some bumps and bruises and you take them all in stride. You do such a wonderful job at walking and getting to the places you need or want to be. You make me so very proud every time you take a step, whether it's to grab a toy or play in the dog's water. You are amazing and to see you motoring about the house makes me beam with pride.

You also are such an accomplished eater. You make me so proud because you are so good at it. Your mom and I never have to worry about you eating. You eat everything you get your hands on. Sometimes that scares us, but I couldn't ask for a better well rounded little eater. You love every vegetable we give you, well except for brussel sprouts, but you might like those when you get older. If it's fruit you eat it from avocados to oranges, heck you even liked a lemon that your Great Grandfather gave you at Red Lobster a couple of weeks ago. You've tried so many new foods. Pasta still continues to be a very favorite of yours, as well as carrots. Your mom and I are still working very hard to keep the bad stuff away from you and we're very proud that the few times you've tasted sweet stuff you've outright rejected it. Hopefully your good eating habits continue through out your life.

Let's not forget your pets either. Taffy and Raja would be lost with out you in their lives and you love your pets. Last night Taffy came in from outside and was covered in mud. We had to throw her in the bath and get her cleaned up and you wanted to help. So you put the shampoo bottle on her over and over again and then gave her a ton of kisses, which helped her feel so safe while mom washed the mud from her face and paws. And Raja, she has adopted you as one of her kittens I think. A couple of weeks ago, I was giving you a bath and you weren't having a very good time and you were crying a lot. Raja came in the bathroom and insisted that I release you. She meowed and nudged me and tried to help you. Your pets really love you and you really love your pets.

Asher, you've also picked up some new words over the last few months. You've got Mama and dada down pretty well now, but you've also picked up Night Night when you're tired. Also you like to say Num Num when you are about to eat something. Plus you can say Cow and Meow. The meow is pretty darn cute. And lately your mom reads you a book about a little chick trying to find it's mommy. When she reads it to you she uses voices and you've been trying to copy the voice of the chick. It's really very cute. You're getting so big right before our eyes it's amazing. The other thing you like to do is wander about the house talking in your own little language. It does something like da da da dad da da da da with varying levels of volume and emphasis. It's pretty funny. And oh so entertaining.

You've gotten so big and I am so proud of you Asher. So many times I just sit and look at you and wonder what kind of man you're going to turn out to be. Your such a good boy now that it's hard to fathom that you could turn out any other way than a kind, generous, tender loving man.

I'm proud of you Asher and I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday little squirrel!

Love,
Daddy.

Klaatu Verada Nictu

It's been awhile since I've written a blog eh?

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:11:00 +0000

Over the last month it's been pretty insane at work. Somehow I have moved up the ladder here at work with the account executives and I'm now the number one guy for them all to go to. They even started requesting me for projects. That's not how things are suppose to go, usually they put in their production request form and then Jason or myself gets the project depending on how much work either of us have at the time or if it's a returning client of ours. Well I've now gotten two projects on my plate because the sales person requested me specifically. That's all fine and dandy but I've got a ton more work to do than Jason right now, and it feels that way to me. I think now is the right time to strike with the iron of job hunting as well. I think if I get a job offer from somewhere else I will be able to re-negotiate with the powers that be here for more money to stay. We will see. As far as everything else goes things are going great.

On April 3rd, Carrie, Asher and I along with Carrie's mom Deb are packing up the bags and heading to Panama City Beach Florida for a week to see Carrie's sister Jill. The last time we went, I didn't have a lot of fun. I was actually pretty miserable. It was a different time in my life and I'm determined to go in it this time with a better attitude than last time. I'm much more in control of my life and my world and I have my feelings and stuff in order. I'm a much happier person now than I was then. I'm also going to look for ways to make it more fun for myself this time. I don't have a lot in common with Jill or Deb, which can create conflict. I like to do stuff, they like to sit on the beach but I'm really going to try and find stuff to do to have fun too. Also Asher will be along so that will be fun. I'm also working on understanding that I won't be able to be so rigid with the way I do things. I've always been guilty of being too rigid and not being able to just go with the flow. I'm going to go with the flow. If Asher goes 6 hours with out a nap, well then so be it. I'm really going to try and do this to the best of my ability. Wish me luck, I can be a bit of a freak about stuff like this.

The weight loss is going great. I'm now down a total of 54 pounds. I have six pounds to go until I've reached my over all goal. I may go down another five pounds after that because according to my BMI index until I'm down to 154 lbs I won't be in a healthy weight range. So I think I'll get down to that amount and then be done with the loosing weight angle and start working on shaping my body a bit more. We will see though. Once I've reached my goal I hope that I don't get complacent and then start to stray from the exercise. I need to do the exercise, it makes me feel good. I don't like getting up at 5:00 am, but you know I'm a better person with the exercise. The endorphins alone are awesome for me.

So what about Asher you say? Well here is what's going on with him. In early February Asher got pretty sick so we took him to the doctor and he had a case of RSV. That's some pretty scary stuff, but we caught it early enough that he didn't need to be hospitalized and all we had to do was some breathing treatments at home. So all is well that ends well with that.

Yesterday we went and saw Asher's cardiologist Dr. Chandra and here is where we are at with Asher's high blood pressure. Asher has been off of his enalapril now for two full weeks and his blood pressures continue to be the same as when he was on the medication. The blood pressures remain elevated but they are not at dangerous levels really. Some are higher than they would like but most are falling in the safe range. This is awesome, but there are a few more hurdles before we declare this case solved. First Dr. Chandra wants us to do blood tests and a UA and something else in one month. He wants Asher to be a "clean baby" and he is going to systematically test all of Asher's systems to see if there is anything abnormal. If he finds nothing then we will go back to Mayo and have them do a renal ultrasound again and just double check all of our work and make sure that this his hyper-tension has resolved itself. If all checks out correctly, then we can declare Asher to be a normal baby boy, excuse me toddler! This really excites me and I'm really looking forward to being done with all of this. Plus, we only need to check Asher's blood pressures once a week from now on! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Not that it is hard to do, but anyone who has ever had a toddler will understand how hard it can be to get a 13 month old to stay still for any amount of time! So it looks like his health issues are going in the right direction for us.

I missed Asher's 13 month birthday on the blog in February so I will try and post a more detailed Asher blog in the next few days.

Other than that, everything is going well and Carrie, Asher and myself are happier than we have ever been in our lives and really looking forward to a week away from the record breaking snowfall here in Cedar Falls!

Klaatu Verada Nictu

Must see this as soon as possible...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:04:00 +0000

Imagine reading that with an exasperated breath.

Check this trailer our kiddos it's solid gold I tell you solid gold!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR THIS!

Something new...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 22:01:00 +0000

I'm sitting at my desk, sick right now wishing I was at home and not here. I would love to be playing some Marvel Ultimate Alliance or Guitar Hero III instead of sitting at my desk, but I need to work.

I've re-opened the blog to all again. I need an outlet to communicate with the rest of the world and I need a space to write out my thoughts on music, movies, art and all that. I will keep my thoughts to my son, my wife, my friends, my love of music, movies, books, art, theatre and comics and leave everyone else out of it from now on.

With that in mind, read on readers and peruse all that is my sordid weird life!

The Boy Is Sick...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:01:00 +0000

Well Asher is right smack dab in the middle of a terrible bout of crud right now. He's got a cough and a runny nose, maybe a bit of a low grade fever and definitely a sore throat. It's heart breaking to watch him struggle with the coughing and the sore throat. Poor little guy, I wish I could make him all better, but of course it has to run it's course. Carrie took him to the doctor yesterday because he was wheezing at times. The doctor said his oxygen saturation was good and it didn't appear that he was having any trouble breathing which was a relief. I just hope the little guy gets better soon. No one likes to be sick, and I'm worried about him. I guess that's just being a parent.

Last week we went and saw a cardiologist for Asher here in Waterloo. We had an echocardiogram and an EKG done on Ash. Both came back normal with no traces of thickening of his heart or any problems at all. Dr. Chandra said everything looked great. He also had a few things to say about Asher's medication. First and foremost was the fact that the dose we are giving Asher is basically like giving him flavored water. For Asher's size the dose we would need to give Asher would be 2.75 ml daily. As of that day we were giving him 1.4 ml daily. Dr. Chandra was quite confused why Iowa City was doing things the way they were and decided that he is going to do some research on Asher's case and see what's going on. He also told us to ween Asher off the medication over the next two weeks and after that cease the medication. Asher's blood pressures, while still high, are close to normal levels and obviously the medication dosage is so low that it's not effective at all. So after those two weeks Asher will be medication free for two weeks and then we will see Dr. Chandra again on March 4th. We will continue to do his blood pressures once a day to moniter them and if they stay normal we are probably going to call this case closed and decide that Asher probably grew out of it. All good news, but it leads me to a few questions about Iowa City.

First, did Dr. Porter simply "do something" with Asher to apease us? Carrie and I were pretty adimit about getting something to happen to solve Asher's high blood pressure issue. Was putting Asher on such a low dose of medication his way of keeping us happy at the same time not doing anything and just waiting it out? Would he have even done this if Carrie wasn't so educated in the medical field and knew what to expect and the compications of Asher condition? I just feel like we were kind of tricked or perhaps they were all sitting around the office talking about us. "Oh you know the Wilkinson's with their little note book of questions and demands for a care plan...we'll just throw them a bone and keep them happy until this kid grows out of this". That's how I feel like we were being treated. Not to mention during our last appointment there we drove down before the snow hit and then we got a big snowstorm. Everybody in the office were scurrying like rats on a sinking ship to get out of there before it got bad and we were suppose to do an echo and they just botched it and said "they weren't prepared". Iowa City has left a bad taste in my mouth and if Dr. Chandra thinks he can handle Ash then we are going to stay with him. If Dr. Chandra thinks it's beyond him then we are going to Mayo. AH, the more I think about this the angrier I get so I'll move on from there.

Any who, Ash is walking like a champ now, he's getting his balance and having a lot of fun doing it. He sure is an amazing little boy!

I've also been scanning some old pictures for nostalgia purposes and putting them up on myspace, I'll post a couple here too so you can see how much I've changed in the last 15 or so years! Enjoy.

My first band Lintscreen this is around 1993 and I was dreading my hair

Carrie and I when we were first dating at my apartment on the hill around 1998 or 1999

This was a press shot for my first solo album under the name Experimental Mind Therapy this in 1998

Guitar player Andy and I discussing our plans for world domination with my first band Lintscreen

Klaatu Verada Nictu

P.S. Speaking of those magic words, last Friday night I went and saw Army of Darkness on the big screen at the College Square Theatres for $4. It was amazing! It was also completely sold out!

My editing computer isn't working...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 13:47:00 +0000

and I'm waiting for my IT guy to get in to take a look at it and figure it out. I'm in the middle of a huge project for Upper Iowa University and one of my monitors on my editing computer just went to crap on me, so what to do? I know, I'll write a blog about two things I've been thinking about.

So as anyone who knows me knows that the band Ministry is a huge influence on me, musically and artisticly and in particular one of Ministry's former vocalists (there have been many along with Al Jourgensen) Chris Connelly. I first discovered Ministry and Chris in the early 90's. I believe it was 1991 when I first heard The Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Taste and was completely blown away especially by the song "So What" which featured Chris Connelly up front on the vocals. The song put a voice to my discontent of my late teens and early twenties and Ministry went on to be the soundtrack to most of my college years. While Ministry evolved and changed members Chris was releasing solo albums as well working with groups like Pigface. I first discovered Chris' first solo album Whiplash Boychild in an ad in Alternative Press Magazine (back then that magazine was my freaking bible not so much any more they focus too much on crappy bands now but back then oh boy Jason Pettigrew; I wanted to be him) it had a big line like "Featuring the vocalist from Ministry and the Revolting Cocks" and it was on Wax Trax! Records, I was sold. At the time I was living with Jay and Rob in a one bedroom apart with way too big of a stereo for our domain but the sound was amazing. Somehow one of us picked up the record, I don't remember who, probably Rob since he was as much into music as I was. Any who we picked it up put it on and turned off the lights and what an experience. Whiplash Boychild was as far away from Ministry as you could get but was still just as dark and scary as anything the Ministry camp could conjure up. We never listened to it with the lights off again! I fell in love with Chris and his style and sound, especially his voice from that point on. On a side note, I still want to cover Ministry's "So What" since it was such an influence on me.

So Chris then releases his second album Phenobarb Bambalam. Holy Amazing Album Batman. Again it was dark and scary but some of his other influences started making there way in too, including a wonderful little "jazz" like diddy called "Too Good Too Be True". Again Chris blew me away and I was hooked. So when his third solo album came out I was at NIACC and was taking a journalism class and was writing for the NIACC student paper LOGOS and I put two and two together. I love music, I love concerts, I love talking to rock stars, hey lets go to concerts and talk to rock stars for LOGOS. It was surprisingly easy to set up interviews with most of my favorite artists and LOGOS was more than happy to publish my "underground" music stories even though the only two I ever did for LOGOS was Pigface and Chris Connelly in 94 (I eventually went on to write for a zine started by myself and at the time current band member Doug DeGenero which was internet only and this was before the internet is what it is today so I never offically saw any of my interviews actually in print with Industry's Cry). Any who I gave away the punchline there didn't I? Oh well. So Chris' third album Shipwreck came out and it was a masterpiece. I'm not speaking biasly either, even Rolling Stone gave it a five star review calling it brillant (I'm obviously paraphrasing here since it's been like 14 years since I read that review). Any who, I'm jumping all around. I forgot to mention that after Phenobarb Bambalam was released I was in Kansas City visiting my mom and picked up a copy of Chirs' imported single "July" which has one of my all time favorite spoken word works called "Trash". I loved the single and cherished it but somehow it got ripped off from me. Before that I had decided I was going to write Chris Connelly a fan letter and tell him how much his music meant to me. In that letter after I blathered on like a school girl about how amazing he was and how much he had influenced me and helped me "get through some tough times" I told Chris that I had the single at one time but it had been stolen. Chris sent back a wonderful letter as well as a copy of the "July" single that he signed just for me. AMAZING!

That sealed the deal. So on his tour for Shipwreck I got an interview set up with his people and I drove to Minneapolis to sit on his tour bus, interview him and watch him perform at the legendary Minneapolis venue First Avenue. I met Chris and we hit it off right away. Chris has a wonderful Scottish accent and a softness about him that I wasn't expecting. He was very kind to me and treated me like a friend more than just a fan or even a snot nosed college journalist angling to meet some of his idols. He gave me a wonderful limited edition poster that he had created specifically for the tour and he gave my girl friend at the time a limited edition vinyl single of some stuff he and William Tucker were working on. It was amazing. So now that you've read this far your probably wondering where this is leading too. Well two things really. Chris and I have kept sporadic contact through the years. I once registered for his forum on his website but only posted on there once a very long time ago but he remembered me. Then with the advent of Myspace we connected again and have chatted every once in awhile. He and his wife had a son just shortly before Asher was born too. Any who, I've asked Chris for an interview again and he has agreed but what I really want to get to is that Chris has released a new book called Concrete, Bulletproof, Invisible + Fried: My Life as a Revolting Cock, here's what the cover looks like.

I got my hands on a copy of the book on Wednesday after work and I'm almost done with it. I think I only have 20 pages left to go. I'll I have to say is, if you are even the least bit of a fan of Chris Connelly, Al Jourgensen or the Chicago Industrial scene you need to read this book. Chirs lays it all on the line to what was going on at the time and spares no one from "the scene". Everyone is in the book from major players like Nivek Ogre (Skinny Puppy) and Trent Reznor (Nine Inch Nails) to sound techs like Critter and tour managers like Jolly Roger (who I accidently made fun of at a Pigface show). This is one amazing book folks and it reads like a who's who of the 80's and 90's industrial scene in Chicago. You need to read this if your even a casual fan. Hell I'll even through a link on here to pick it up from Amazon. Just buy this book and read it. It's an easy read and the prose flows nicely from one thing unto the next. Chris is an enjoyable speaker and the book is written as if he is directly telling you this story. I love it!

Oh yeah there was something else I was going to talk about too and that is my desire to open my own retail store. For some reason this is a dream that just keeps sticking with me. I want to open a retail store that sells Movies, CDs, Comics, T-Shirts and what not. Not the mainstream stuff either, the stuff you can't get anywhere else. It's a pipe dream I know especially with everything going to digital downloads and what not, but it's something I just can't get out of my head. Oh well, maybe someday.

As the dust settles...

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 13:46:00 +0000

I'm back to blogging. Sometimes the world is very strange. I'm going to give this invite only thing here a shot for awhile and maybe in a few months make this public again. We will see.

So we will put all this behind us and move on with our lives.

First up Asher is going to be having and echocardiogram next Tuesday February 5th at the Covenant Clinic here in Waterloo. Asher's doctor (Dr. Neuman) believes that Dr. Chandra can do the echo and read it successfully unlike when Asher was a little guy. That's great news for us for two reasons, we don't have to travel to Iowa City or Rochester Minnesota to get the test done and secondly we can get the test done a whole five months earlier than expected. What they will be looking for is any kind of thicking or damage to Asher's heart caused by the high blood pressure. Dr. Porter in Iowa City didn't seem particularly worried about this so hopefully all will be good. After we see Dr. Chandra then with his advice we will decide if we are going to continue going to either Iowa City or Mayo. If Dr. Chandra believes he can handle Asher's care we will stay here, if he thinks it's too much for him, we will probably switch to Mayo since Dr. Porter left Iowa City. I'll keep you all posted.

Well I bought my first pair of jeans since I started my weight loss back at the last week of July 2007 and low and behold I've gone from a size 40 (sometimes 38 sometimes 42) down to a size 32 in pants! HOLY CRAP! They are a little tight in the waist right now, but Carrie says the fit wonderfully, and there not too tight that I can't feel comfortable in them, just a little tighter than I'm used to. I'm still loosing weight, but not at the pace I was before. Next Monday February 4th is my next goal date and I'm afraid I won't reach this goal by a long shot. I was hoping for another 20 lbs but it looks like it's only going to be in the neighboorhood of ten pounds total. It's ok, I've increased my workouts to 40 minutes and the last two weeks I've dropped most of the weight that I couldn't loose through most of December and January. But after these last two weeks the weight seems to be melting off again. Only about ten more pounds tell my final goal weight. I feel great!

After my last show at The Reverb Cody asked me if I would put some mix CDs together of industrial music so they could play it at the club for their Industrial Dance nights. I was totally down with this and I've put my first one together. I figured what better place to post the track listing then here and share it with my buddies who dig the same stuff as me. So here it is:

The Reverb Industrial Mix 1-27-08 - Disc 1
1. "I'm Afraid of Americans (V3) - David Bowie - I'm Afraid of Americans Single
2. "No Name No Slogan" - Acid Horse - Wax Trax! Black Box
3. "Suicide Beauty Queen" - Blue Eyed Christ - American Whore
4. "Tomorrow Never Knows" - Danielle Dax - Blast the Human Flower
5. "Everyday is Like Sunday (Guitar Mix) - Armageddon Dildos - Lost
6. "Waste Not, Want...More" - Attrition - The Jeopardy Maze
7. "Random" - C-Tec - Darker
8. "Exile on Mainline" - Chemlab - East Side Militia
9. "Stowaway" - Chris Connelly - Whiplash Boychild
10. "What it is to Burn" - Drown - Hold On To The Hollow
11. "Death Saves the Derelict (Of Mice & Men Microwaved Mix) - Circus of Dead Squirrels - Outdoor Recess (This is a remix I did for them)
12. "Love's Secret Domain" - Coil - Love's Secret Domain
13. "10 $ Bill" - Cop Shoot Cop - 10 $ Bill Single
14. "It" - Cubanate - Cyberia
15. "Nothing Stays" - Cyberaktif - Tenebrae Vision
16. "Bloodsuckers (Die Krupps & Biohazard Remix) - Die Krupps - Rings of Steel

So there you have it. There's even links to check out the bands to learn more if your interested. It's funny, I was trying to avoid too many Wax Trax! bands since it's a huge influence on me and I wanted to make this pretty diverse, but I couldn't escape it I ended up with 6 of them being at one time on the label or connected to it. Jeez!

Well until next time I'm out of here.

Klaatu Verata Nictu

Happy Birthday Asher!

noreply@blogger.com (Microwaved) — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 13:23:00 +0000

Well Asher turns ONE YEAR OLD today! Last year at this time Carrie was just about to get into her room and into the tub. What a crazy day it was for all of us. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life through the years, and I will make more mistakes as in the future, we all do, but the one thing that I've done right is Asher. While it's been the hardest job I've ever done, it's also been the most rewarding. So here's Asher's 1 year update.

Nicknames: Ash, Bubby, The Boy, Buddy and lately we've been calling him Butters (I'm not sure why but it kind of just rolls off the tongue).

Weight & Height: We will find out his official height and weight on Friday at his 1 year check up, the other day though I jumped on the scale with him and he weighed in at around 25 lbs!

Hair: Well Ash is getting more hair, especially on the back of his head and it's what Carrie calls a toe head blond. There really doesn't appear to be the red in it that was so strong when he was younger.

Favorite Foods: I don't think this kid dislikes any food. Although his first experience with cake wasn't so hot. Other than that the kid will eat almost anything we put in front of him (with passion), that includes all the vegetables you can imagine that are safe for him at this age!

Asher's first experience with cake!

Favorite Drink: And the drink stays the same. Milk and Water.

Favorite Toys: Now that we are month after Christmas we can see what he is picking out that he likes the best, which really isn't one thing in particular, but in all honesty his favorite toy is his bear. He sleeps with it at every nap and bedtime and if I had to pick one thing that he likes more than anything else it would be bear. Apart from that he likes all of his toys, and of course spoons, straws, remotes and phones.

Favorite Stuffed Animal: As I said before it's really his bear that is his favorite, and apart from that it's his life stuffed animals Raja and Taffy that he really enjoys. He is always trying to give Taffy kisses which just grosses Carrie and I out!

Favorite Person: I still think Mommy is his favorite person in the world, but I see a look in his eyes when he watches me do stuff. I wonder if babies like Ash identify with their same gendered parent? I was working on some safety stuff in his room this weekend and he was really watching me and what I thought was actually learning from me. So I really think mommy is his favorite, I do think he's watching me and figuring out what a daddy does.

Bedtime: His bedtime remains the same as last month, we really try and get him down between 7:30 pm and 8:30 pm. Most of the time we are successful, except of course for the weekends. Carrie doesn't get home until 8:00 pm or after and Ash goes to bed shortly after she gets home.

Wake-Up Time: I would say that apart from his weekends he gets up later and later, sometimes pushing the 9:00 am mark.

Naps: His naps are pretty consistent with last month. While he tends to take a shorter morning nap for me I can almost always count on a solid 2 1/2 or 3 hour nap in the afternoon and then another quick short hour nap in the late afternoon (around 4:30 pm) to keep him fresh for when Mommy gets home from work.

What He's Saying: He continues to work on the words Cat, Dog, Mom or Momma and Dad, and he has also added Num Num to the equation. I think he actually knows what it means too. When he picks something up off the floor that he thinks may be food he says Num Num, and then proceeds to try and put it into his mouth. Notice I said try, he's very rarely successful at it because of our vigilance. But he tries.

The pets getting in on the birthday action

Latest Accomplishment: It seems like he has an accomplishment spurt over the last month. He stands all on his own now for longer periods of time. He also is taking some steps toward objects that he wants. We've been working with him on this trying to get him to take more and more steps, it's slow going but he will get it. He now also gives kisses freely when asked for one as well. On top of that he is also trying to whistle, which is pretty darn cute if you ask me!

Likes: Asher LOVES music. I don't know if that's an every kid thing or not but he loves music and dances to it when ever he hears a good beat. That's the other thing, he doesn't just dance when he hears music he waits to see if it has a good beat and then boogies down. Not to mention that he can now drop it like it's hot while using the TV stand for his balance. It's way too cute!

Dislikes: As of Saturday he dislikes Birthday Cake (we're going to try it again tonight for his birthday to see how it goes) and apart from that he doesn't appear to dislike a whole lot of things. He is a very good baby and doesn't really get upset or angry about anything. He does get frustrated about certain things but rarely does he dislike anything really.

What gets said most often about Asher: He continues to charm all walks of life with is smile and personality so it's probably no surprise that everyone continues to tell us how handsome he is and how happy he seems to be.

Best Known For: His contagious smile, contagious laugh, sharing, excellent disposition and all round awesome baby.

Health: We see his doctor on Friday for his year check up and we will see where we are at with his health. So far he's only had one ear infection (knock on wood). As far as his high blood pressure goes, well it seems to be going up again and Carrie and I really need to make a decision next week if we are going to continue going to Iowa City or switch to the Mayo Clinic. Our doctor in Iowa City took another job in Michigan or Wisconsin and we would have to basically start all over with another doctor and we don't know how we feel about Iowa City after our last disappointing appointment there. We will make a decision next week on what we want to do next. Other than those little problems Asher appears to be very healthy and happy.

How He's Like His Daddy: While Asher doesn't necessarily have a temper really, he can get pretty frustrated and holler at what ever it is he is mad at, that is like me. It's one of my flaws, having a hot head and I think Asher may have bit of that.

How He's Like His Mommy: So far Asher is just like his mother in his understanding, compassion and ability to share with other people. He is also like his mom in the way that they both light up the room when they enter it. You know if they come into a room together it's kind of like an eclipse. It's so bright it could damage your eyes, but you have to look because you're drawn to them. I'm drawn to these two, and I love them both dearly. This is still so true that I don't want to change a word of it.

So there you go, a year later and it's amazing to see how Asher, I and the rest of the world has changed. It's amazing what a year can bring for you.

Klaatu Verada Nictu