This woman was telling the camera that even though she lost 200 lbs (she lost an entire ME and still weighed 400 lbs), she still had hygiene issues. No duh. Basically she said that no matter how clean she tried to keep, she always smelled and therefore always carried perfume with her. Yes, that’ll help. You get fat roll stink from all that roll cheese and add perfume? So what, flowery roll cheese smell?

This prompted me to write the people at  about a new product idea called Roll Cheese Febreze. I’m sure whoever gets this will do a company wide Action Alert about how awesome the product is. Here is the actual letter I have sent the company.

To whom it may concern. I understand that your product doesn’t just mask smell, it removes it. I was recently watching a show on a woman who weighed over 400 pounds. In this program she mentioned no matter how much she washed, she always smelled because of her weight. To mitigate that smell she used a lot of perfume, but of course, that won’t take away the smell will it? You will just have flowery foul body odor. This is why I think you should make a special product that eliminates this odor, instead of covering it up. You can call it “Roll Cheese Febreze”. As in, this product will remove the smell from your roll cheese and not cover it up. With over half the population of the United States and Canada being considered obese or morbidly obese, I bet this product will sell well.

If you produce this product, will I get royalties?

Sincerely,

Mike

If I do get royalties, I think I’m going to be rich! Or sued. Whatever.

A man, that could lactate. As in, milk comes out of this mans man boobs.

Apparently this is a rare condition affecting only a few men out of hundreds of thousands. My first thought, I’m glad it’s not me. My second, eww gross.

Then I had another thought. A much less self serving thought.

This is how we solve world hunger.

Here’s the plan. We find all the men that lactate. We then further separate the morbidly obese men (these shouldn’t be hard to find, it’s North America after all). We send some of these morbidly obese men overseas to feed all the hungry, where the enormous morbidly obese fat stores will keep the milk flowing for weeks and the people fed.

When the morbidly obese people are slim, we rotate them out and back to America to gorge on cheap all you can eat buffets, and once they’re morbidly obese again, we rotate them back to the third world to feed all the people again.

You may ask, why can’t we send women? I’ll tell you. Because men cant’ get pregnant.

And world hunger is solved, and you are welcome.

Point being, I firmly believe our modern first world society has hit its peak and has been in decline for 40 years at least. History speaks that societies end before new ones begin, and more often then not it’s a violent ending. Ours will be no different.

Ok, so the world might end. Am I dumb to be a little paranoid? Most people say yes, but pardon my french, those are the people who are going to die. HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA naysayer! DIE! DIE DIE DIE!!!

Whatever. See, the thing is, being prepared for something that won’t happen is way better than not being prepared for something if it does.

So here’s the thing to think about. Think about it good. When you turn on the tap and water comes out, do you ever think about what it takes to make that happen? How about when your furnace comes on? Or when you drive somewhere in your car? Or what it takes to keep a fresh and stocked grocery store? Have you ever thought of what would happen if all those were taken away?

Most people don’t. Which is why if and when something bad happens, longer than three days, people will be totally and completely lost. When that happens, friends and neighbors will no longer be friends and neighbors, because it’ll be you and yours. That’s all that will matter.

This is why end of the world experts say one of the most important things you need to have are weapons. Because in the face of death, your neighbors will have no problem killing you over a can of spaghettios, because that can will keep them alive for another few days. This is what desperation breeds. Don’t believe me? I don’t care. It wasn’t me that said it but it makes complete logical sense. I plan to be prepared enough (I hope) that I don’t need to kill anyone over Chef Boy R Dee, but I’ll be damned if anyone’s taking my Ravioli!

The other thing is that the city is the LAST place you want to be when complete chaos erupts. It takes thousands of tonnes of food and things running into a city on a daily basis to keep it running. That’s cut off, and the city starves very quickly. Then you have a vast population stuck in a small surface area competing for meager resources. See the note above. SO. One of my favorite hobbies is interior camping. I have most of the equipment I need to set up a camp. I’ll have the weapons to get me some game and hopefully I can make a go of it.

Lastly, WATER.  Water is one of the most important considerations you can make. I wrote an article on my other website, The Truth of Water.  Click Here to read how to be prepared for water shortages.

I really don’t know everything and even if I did it’s still a crap shoot. This is why I’m reading up on the subject, and you should too.

Here’s how I sum it up. Paranoia won’t cost you too much except a bit of money and a corner of your basement for the equipment. Be prepared and know how to act and if it ever does happen, act on it. Your job, OUR job, is to survive long enough for the chaos to die down, the idiots who are going to die, die (and there will be a lot of them). Once that all happens, I firmly believe the more intelligent of us who did survive will band together in small groups, setting up small communities and letting the strengths of numbers take over to build a new life.

Anyone that wants to come with me, make sure you have a pack and your survival gear. If you’re a good looking woman between the ages of 27 and 38, you are more than welcome to share my tent.

/end paranoia!

This year for my birthday, I’m going to solve two problems. Well, I’m going to lesser the burden on a couple of problems.

In many countries around the world, Military service is mandatory. Usually at age 18, you are required to provide two or more years of mandatory military service.

Well, I propose we introduce a similar concept in North America, but it won’t be military service.

It’ll be exercise service.

You see, every able bodied citizen MUST commit to at least 1 hour a week of riding a stationary bicycle.

But it won’t be just any stationary bicycle. The bicycle will be attached to a power generator.

Yes, ever person will be required to pump cycle power back into the grid for a least one hour a week.

This will not only reduce our dependance on fossil fuels, it will perhaps take the edge of North Americas morbid obesity problem. Maybe.

Think it’s a good idea? Pass it around. Maybe it’ll be the next green movement.

Jon Gomm is amazing.

And funny.

And if you’re not from over there and you don’t laugh at this, you need a colonoscopy. Or something.

Dad: Hey, see that girl standing 3 feet behind us? I bet she’s a lesbian!

Me: You realize she can hear you, right?

Dad: And you see that really really fat chick waiting in line for ice cream?

Me: The one that looks like she can bodyslam both you and me, and is also in earshot?

Dad: I bet you she’s her girlfriend!

Me: Ok old man, time to go.

Awesome.

Also, Shop at Amazon.com, ok?

I wish I was a bird.

Because then I could just fly away.

Complete freedom, soaring in the air.

Then it occurred to me.

If I was a bird, then I’d walk funny.

So I didn’t want to be a bird anymore.

Then I had another thought.

I already walk funny, so what’s the difference?

Now I want to be a bird again.

============================

Everybody visit COMPUTER CHOICE. Why not? I help you find the best computer for your needs, and I DON’T CHARGE YOU! It’s FREE! Ok, you still have to buy the computer. My finding service is free. But I have spend the last 10 years evenings and weekends watching, and learning from  computer geek friend while he builds and services computers, and I am passing that knowledge on to you.

COMPUTER CHOICE. Go there. Now.

One of the things that I come across quite often in my travels is the question “What kind of computer do I need? There’s so much choice what do I buy?”

And it’s true. There’s a lot of choice and often people buy computers that are so powerful they don’t use but a percentage of the power. Or worse, they buy cheap and are frustrated when their machines can’t do the things they want.

So, I went and created

Computer Choice

Basically, it’s a free service that gives you a few things:

1. A free quiz that asks you questions to help determine the best product for your needs
2. A free consulting service, fill out a form and I’ll find the best types of machines for your needs
3. A product directory showing good examples of computers in every category for every need.

And a few other things.

So, I hope anyone that reads this finds some use for the free computer consulting service. Even better, help me get the word out. Add a link to your blog, tweet it, facebook it, tell your friends about it. Please?

Thanks!

Click Here to see some DIY Barebones Computer Kits, and give it a go yourself.