How is it possible that a whole WEEK has gone by since I’ve written?  That just doesn’t seem right.  And the truth is that things are likely to be a bit spotty this week as well because I’ve got a big deadline at work and I’m a bit behind.

But I did want to give everyone an update on where things are here at The Miracle Journal.  Many of you have been holding space for me as I created, submitted, and then waited on word about my book proposal with Hay House Publishing.  The contract was announced last week and I didn’t get it.

And here’s the truth – I was bummed.  I cried for a few minutes.  My ego took a hit because it would have been so nice to be the “chosen one.”

And a couple days later I was over it.  I’m amazed to see how much I’ve grown over the last few years.  I had the opportunity to go through this roller coaster with Hay House once before, and it was an entirely different story.  Last time, I was devastated and used it to re-convince myself of my own unworthiness (you can read about it in this post, The miracle of dreams deferred, which I wrote about a year after the fact.)

This time, I recognize that they were making a business decision; I understand why the woman who won is a smarter financial bet for them at this moment; and I’m not taking it personally.  This time I understand that it is not a reflection of my character, or worth, or the value of my work in any way.  It’s simply not the right time yet.

It’s a perfect demonstration for me of two of the principles from The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz:

#2 – Don’t take anything personally.

#3 – Don’t make assumptions.

So now it’s on to the next thing.  I’m still going to write my book (in fact, I started it this weekend!)  I still have a very clear vision of where I’m headed.  The path isn’t quite as clear as it would have been if Hay House had picked me up this time around, but I’m still ready, willing and able to walk it.

And I’m immensely grateful and humbled by the support that I receive from all of you.  THANK YOU.

Today’s miracle: This or something better.

Last week a friend said to me, “I didn’t want to tell you about all this shit that’s been blowing up in my life until I’d found the miracle in it.” Which is sweet and all, but…well…I think something’s getting lost in translation.

It made me realize that perhaps some of you have the wrong idea – that perhaps you think I find the wonderful in EVERYTHING and that I don’t ever let things get me down. That perhaps your issues and annoyances are too petty to bring to the table in light of all this miracle shit.

So tonight, let me draw back the curtain and share with you some of the things that annoy the fuck out of me. Things that I roll my eyes at, that cause me to sigh loudly, and that at any given moment make me want to claw someone’s eyes out.

1. People at the grocery store who turn into an aisle without looking to see if there’s someone else already standing in the spot they are headed for at Mach-10…and then give ME a dirty look because I happen to be standing in the spot they now want to occupy. They should have to get a fucking drivers license to operate those grocery carts!!!!

2. People who walk down the sidewalk with a small child, paying more attention to their cell phone than to the little person with them. Actually, any person who isn’t paying primary attention to that precious small person in their life pisses me off more than I can say.

3. People who enter a room and launch into a monologue, with absolutely no awareness of what was going on before they walked in the room.  Like other people having conversations.  That might have been important.  But apparently not as important as what they need to share.  Here’s a hint: You are not the most important fucking person in the room!

4. People who don’t introduce themselves at the beginning of a phone conversation.  They just expect me to know who they are.  Confession time – even if I know who it is, sometimes I play dumb until they’re forced to tell me who they are.  It’s just so fucking rude!  (Important note – this doesn’t apply to close friends who I talk with all the time…)

5. People who drop trash on the floor, expecting that someone else (less important than them) will pick it up. Let me repeat – you are NOT the most important fucking person in the room!

6. People who say to a waiter or waitress in an imperious tone, “I’ll have the duck.”  No actually, you won’t have the duck unless your waiter or waitress puts in the order, picks it up in a timely manner, and delivers it to you without dropping it in your lap.  Would a fucking “please” and “thank you” be so painful to add?

7. Anyone who treats maids, waitresses, and other service personnel as if they are not worthy of the same respect you would give your own mother.  These people work a lot harder for a lot less money than your average office workers and aren’t given a whole lot of respect.  And you know what?  Your hotel room toilet would be a horror show if they didn’t show up and clean the shit out of it for you. It’s not difficult to smile and say hello.

8. People who make an oblique reference to something with the obvious intention of forcing me to ask them what they’re talking about.  I don’t like being manipulated into having the conversation you want to have.  If you want to tell me something, just fucking say it! Don’t make me responsible for getting it out of you.

9. People who assume that just because when they did x and y happened, it therefore is true for everyone else, and they spend a lot of breath being the fucking expert by telling everyone else how things ARE in the world. Really???? Are you sure that your experience is the only valid one in the room????  Yep, that one bugs the shit out of me.

Well then – perhaps not your usual Miracle Journal post, but an important one (and unusually profanity-laced one) nonetheless.

A little shit falls in everyone’s life.

Everyone gets annoyed and pissed off and cranky – even people who look for the positive.

Everyone has their trigger points (and if someone tells you they don’t, they’re lying.  Because if they really didn’t have any trigger points, they wouldn’t need to say it, they’d just live it.)

Part of what’s super important to me on the Miracle Journal is to NOT blow sunshine and sparkles up anyone’s ass.  When there’s shit in my life, I tell you.  But I don’t broadcast that shit on the internet until I’ve processed it.  Because the internet DOES.NOT.NEED. one more person spewing their unprocessed shit.

But that DOES.NOT.MEAN. that I’m not sharing my shit SOMEWHERE.  I have a group of friends, mentors, and loved ones who I lean on all the time.  I wouldn’t be able to do what I do without them.  I’d be curled up in a hole under a rock in CrazyTown if I couldn’t call them when the shit is hitting the fan.

So let’s make a pact, okay?  No more of this, “I’m not going to tell you about shit until I’ve found a miracle.”

I am a coach.  I work with people while they’re in their shit.  That’s the point.  And if you choose to share your shit with me, then hopefully you’re not out spreading it around somewhere else where it could get you in trouble. Like the internet.  Just sayin’.

I am now officially declaring today SHARE YOUR SHIT day.  Since apparently I’ve started it by sharing mine. 

And in honor of SHARE YOUR SHIT day, I’m going to make a very special offer – a free half-hour coaching session to the first 10 people who set up an appointment by clicking here.  Yep, completely free.  To SHARE YOUR SHIT.  And hopefully, by the end of the half hour, to see your shit from a new perspective.  Because that’s the goal of SHARING YOUR SHIT.

Let’s do this, ‘k?

What are the things that annoy the fuck out of you?  Head down to the comments and sound off!

Last night I talked about all the classes I’ve been taking, and how I’ve been feeling a bit like my head is going to explode.  Well, tonight I’ll share the other side with you – that I’m gaining SO MUCH insight into how I want to move forward as a coach, speaker and teacher.

I’m also being asked on all sides to create a picture of who YOU are. Ya know, all of you wonderful soul sisters and brothers out there who show up to read The Miracles.  In order to create presentations, articles, and stuff that will be really useful to you, I want to know what you’re looking for.  So tonight I’m asking YOU for a favor – tell me! 

There are seven questions and you can answer as few or as many as you like, in as many or as few words as you want.  No need to put your name anywhere, so let it fly – say whatever you’re thinking!

I appreciate your willingness to help me to help you.  Sending you big hugs and kisses….

PS – here’s an extra little goodie. Yesterday I sent out a Miracle Minute email titled “When kids get it REALLY right!” I think it’s worth a second look if you’ve already read it…and a first look if you haven’t!!!! Click here to read and then subscribe to get next week’s email up above (right under my picture!)

It’s time to come clean.  I need to unburden my soul.  I’ve had an intervention with myself and here’s the cold, hard truth:

I’m a class-aholic.

Yes, it’s true.  In the past three months, I’ve registered for five classes.  FIVE.  All business/professional development classes.  All running at roughly the same time.  And all getting ready to make my head explode.

Have you noticed that I haven’t been around quite as much lately?  It’s because I didn’t want my brain to explode all over your pretty little monitor.  It was really me doing you a favor.  You’re welcome.

Okay, I’m really (mostly) just joking.  I’ve been blessed to meet up with some incredible teachers and incredible classmates and this time has been a really fertile learning ground.

But yesterday, I finally said “Enough is enough.”  I contacted three of my favorite new people (all of whom I met in a recent class, by the way – two of them you met in this post and the other I’m sure you’ll meet in these pages soon.)  I said to them, “I signed up for another course. This is ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY the last online class I’m taking for the next few months. Full stop. Okay? ‘Cuz this is like the fifth one in the last few months. It’s like a drug. And apparently I can’t stop any time I want, so I’m asking all of you to slap my hand next time I say I’ve found another class I want to take.”

They are now my sober-class companions. 

I remember about a year ago having a conversation with a friend about income and debt payment.  I said something about every penny going to debt payment and she reminded me that money paid for professional development is important too.  The return on that investment can be far greater than the interest paid for another couple months on the debt.

And that’s where I feel I am right now.  The cost of all these classes is technically covered by my federal tax refund.  I would have liked to apply that completely to debt, but I think these classes are the kind of investment that is going to pay off for a long time to come.

So that’s my story at the moment.  I’m soaking in a TON of new knowledge.  And I’m trying to keep my brain from exploding.

One of the qualities I committed to during my oceanside commitment ceremony a couple weekends ago was self-care, so I’m also being really careful to sleep a full eight hours each night.  And I’m finding that I need to give my brain a little unwind time each night, so I went to the library and got a stack of novels on Saturday.

Which reminds me to tell you – I just finished the most WONDERFUL and MAGICAL book this morning.  I highly, highly recommend it – Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore.  Get it!  Read it!  Love it! 

Today’s miracle: The more I learn, the more I have to offer.  The more I have to offer, the bigger the miracles in my life appear. (And Mr. Penumbra – seriously, he’s a miracle.  Get the book.)

For those of you who are reading this on The Miracle Journal site, you’ll notice that things are looking a little different around here!  (If you’re reading it elsewhere, please click here to get the full effect!)

It’s nowhere near done – I have tons of stuff I want to do, both visually and with words.  But you know how I like to be transparent about things, so I thought I’d let you in on the process.  Instead of doing things behind the scenes and doing a big unveil, I’m going to try things out here in the open.  Because as much as this is my site, I also hope that you’ll think of it as a place for you to share your hopes, dreams, and inspirations…which makes it your home as well as mine.

So tonight is the first revision.  There will be MUCH more to come.  I hope as you see things that you like or dislike, that you’ll leave a comment and let me know.

What do you think so far?  Please head down to the comments and let me know!

With love and gratitude,

I’m kind of stumped for what to write about tonight.  It’s not that there isn’t amazing stuff going on.

There is SO much amazing stuff going on, I can’t just pull out one single thing to focus on and create a coherent narrative out of.  It’s like a huge ball of yarn and I can’t find the end.

Instead I’ll tell you about the thing I’m letting go of.

On Jan. 1, I joined a group of women to work on releasing weight.  I was completely invested in the process and I had a plan that I thought would work well for me – a series of new habits that I wanted to install in my life slowly over a period of time.

Then, on Jan. 3, I got sick.  Really, REALLY sick (Read the post - Releasing and letting go).  Some of you may remember me writing about being in bed for 10 days. And then another couple of weeks of recovery after that.  I lost about 6 pounds in the process, but it was definitely NOT the best way to go about it!

Once I was healthy, I planned to join the group again. But then I dived into the book proposal and video for Hay House and that was all I could focus on (Read the post - Will you love me even if I fail?). There was no room in my head or spirit for anything else.  So I put the weight release group off until I’d turned in the book proposal.

But when the book proposal was done, I had joined a class for women thought leaders that took all of my attention (read the post – I believe).

And now that has ended, I’m taking a branding class and have two more classes on the horizon, plus several weekly phone calls with brilliant colleagues to support each other to greater heights.

Today I finally admitted to myself – my weight is not a priority for me right now.

Would I like to lose 20 pounds?  Absolutely.

Am I willing to do the work to make it happen right now?  No.

And I know this is true because there are some other things that I’m willing to commit myself to heart and soul – building my brand, building my business, rocking my own world.  And I can do that no matter how much I weigh.

A couple hours ago I sent an email to my weight release group bowing out.  It was a hard thing to write.  I feel a little sad and a little guilty.  And a lot relieved.  Because I’ve finally been honest with myself.

In order to be present with what’s most important, I’m letting go of what’s less important right now.
(click to tweet)

Today’s miracle: Letting go of things that aren’t top priority so I have more room on my plate for things that ARE top priority.

This weekend I had an adventure that I thought would be very solemn and meditative, but ended up being hysterically funny in the best possible way.  And I came out of it with a ring.  But perhaps I should back up a bit and tell you the story from the beginning… 

The final assignment in the class I’ve been taking with KC Baker was to create our own commitment ceremony.  The idea is to make a wholehearted, full-bodied commitment to my work in the world for the next year.  To say that I know that in going full-out for my dream, fear and uneasiness might come up, but I’m not going to back off.  I’m going to feel the fear and keep pushing forward anyway for a solid year and see what happens.

Side note – It occurs to me that I have never fully articulated the vision of “my work” here with you.  Notice how weaselly I’ve been about making the commitment to my work, not even sharing with you what I envision?  Yep, there’s a perfect example of how I have been backing off and not playing with my full deck of cards.  So here is my vision – I am fully embracing my own power and courage to share my wisdom with the world as an in-demand life coach, speaker, and writer.  I already AM all three of those things; I am now moving onto a bigger stage by claiming my gifts as a teacher more fully.

So, back to the story…

KC suggested that we do a commitment ceremony.  And I spent two weeks trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do!!!!  I had NO idea what to do, where to do it, how to do it, what to say, or any of a thousand other little crazinesses.

On Friday night, I finally had a conversation with God that went something like this: “Okay God, this clearly isn’t working because I don’t think I’d notice an idea if I tripped over it. If you want me to do this, you’re going to have to show me how.”

I woke up on Saturday morning knowing EXACTLY what I wanted to do…like magic!!  Or, you might even say, a miracle…… 

I called my mom and told her to pack a bag, we were heading to the coast of Maine for an overnight.  Once we were there, I combed one of the rocky beaches for a bunch of smallish rocks and brought them back to the hotel room.  I then painted each of them in bright colors and wrote the qualities that I am choosing to embrace in the coming year.  I went out to the rocks for a second time and found a big mother rock and painted my vision on it: “Supporting people in moving from GRAY to TECHNICOLOR.”

On Sunday morning, we went down to a sand beach.  We were carrying a whole bunch of rocks, so we didn’t want to walk too far; I also wanted to be as close as possible to the water but far enough away that if the tide started coming in, we’d still be okay.  My plan was to do the ceremony, then bring all the rocks home with me (including the vision rock) and make some type of altar with them in my apartment.

I set out the rocks – the vision rock in the center with all of the smaller rocks surrounding it:

Set up far away from the water

So I started the ceremony.  I was really focusing on the energy of each quality/principle and how I want to interact with it in the coming year.  I was connecting with the energy of my vision.  I was completely focused on the rocks and what they symbolized for me.

For instance, I got to the quality “flexibility” and talked about how I know that sometimes I make plans and the Universe has a different idea.  And in those moments, no matter how hard I try, the Universe is going to win, so I’m choosing to embrace flexibility and allow myself to go with the flow…

At which point the first wave hit.  Out of NOWHERE, suddenly the rocks were under water!!!!

We ran up the beach about 20 feet to stay dry while I hoped and prayed that all of my rocks would still be there when the water receded…because I wasn’t even a third of the way done with my ceremony!  And surely this was just one rogue wave that came up that far – after all, just 10 minutes earlier, the waves were at least 40 feet away!

15 minutes later

Thankfully all the rocks were still there a minute later when the water receded, although a few had been flipped over.  So I threw off the hunk of seaweed that had gotten caught on the vision rock and went back to a much-accelerated conversation with my rocks.

And the second wave hit.  Thankfully, I had JUST finished addressing each of the rocks in a rapid-fire monologue. In quick succession, the third wave hit.

As we watched the water bathe the rocks, I turned to my mom and said, “I just hope they’re all still there so I can take them home.”

And she, in her incredibly profound Mama way, said, “Maybe you’re supposed to leave them here and give them back to the ocean.”

I resisted for a moment, but then I realized she was right.  The whole thing was absolutely perfect – I was in one of my favorite places in the world, the weather was perfect, I found the rocks there, I put all of the energy of my intention into them, and now I was sending that energy back out into the world from my favorite place.  And who knows where they might end up?

I’m sure the little ones will travel, and perhaps the salt water will take the paint off of them so that no one will know what they are and what they hold inside.  But I have a lot of joy thinking about someone seeing the big rock, the one that is least likely to move…and the one that holds my vision.  “Supporting people in moving from GRAY to TECHNICOLOR.”

And without any knowledge of what that means or where it came from, what kind of shift could that cause for someone?  Perhaps that’s exactly the sign from the Universe that someone was seeking.  And thanks to the ocean (and my mom) I was able to participate in giving it to them.

I am unbelievably grateful for how everything happened.  And for the fact that this sacred ceremony of commitment was punctuated by SO MUCH laughter!  It truly couldn’t have been any better.

Today’s miracle: I set an energy and intention in motion, and now the ocean is carrying it to every corner of the earth.

My commitment ring – binding me to my vision.

A couple of times I’ve written in these pages about particularly powerful and important dreams that I’ve had.

Two years ago, I wrote about a night when I woke up and couldn’t remember my name or who I was, but felt completely at one with the universe.

A couple months later, I wrote about a dream that showed me the joy of falling in love with soul mate again when I find my “person.”

And now there’s a third major dream to add to the list. Last night I had a dream that is almost certainly demonstrating some major internal shifts – and the funny thing is that without the dream, I might not even have consciously realized they were happening.

Since I was a young girl, I’ve had dreams of waking up to find someone (or something) in my room – a presence of some sort. I would open my mouth to scream, and nothing came out. Not being able to make any sound made the scary thing even scarier, which in turn made me try to scream even louder…which made it scarier…which made me…well, you get the idea.  It’s a dream that has always scared the bejeezus out of me because it felt so utterly real.  And not being skilled in the art of conscious dreaming, I always felt completely helpless to do anything different.

The dream has become less frequent as I’ve gotten older.  There were times when I’d have it several times a week.  Now it doesn’t show up that often, but it’s still pretty unnerving.

Last night, in my dream I woke up to find a shadowy figure standing across the room.  There was moonlight streaming in my window, so it was very clear that there was a human-like form in silhouette.

I opened my mouth to scream, and just like always, nothing came out but a rush of empty air.  I was terrified, and I drew in another breath to try to scream again.

But before I made the second attempt, something new happened.  I closed my mouth.  I let the breath go.  And I surrendered.

I don’t remember the specific thought, but it was something like this – well, this screaming thing isn’t working.  I wonder if there’s something else I can try.  Wait, why am I screaming anyway?  What if that thing over there isn’t really scary?  What if I’m making it up and there isn’t anything over there at all?  Maybe I don’t need to scream at all.  Maybe I’m okay.

And with that, a wave of the most intense heat that I can imagine rushed through my body.  The heat even made a sound as it moved – like a car makes driving by really fast.  I was completely consumed by the red-hot energy that rushed through me.

The figure disappeared.  And I went back to sleep.

There are about a zillion metaphors and lessons in there – the biggest being that I get to decide whether to be scared or not.  The shadows that have scared me for so long are not only not so scary, they’re probably not even real.  In fact, I probably made them up.  And when I surrender to the experience, the shadows disappear and an entirely new level of power and strength fill me at my core.

I must admit that I’ve been a little shaky all day today.  Knowing all that stuff intellectually is great, but my energetic and emotional bodies are still catching up.  But even through the shakiness, I know that something BIG happened last night.

I can hardly wait to see what happens next!

Today’s miracle: When I allow myself to see beyond the shadow, I’m filled with a whole new sense of my own power.

Tonight I discovered a true unicorn that makes me super happy – a gluten-free, dairy-free burrito that’s actually YUMMY!  And not only that, the flavor I had comes with its own little packet of guacamole. 

I just had to share…

It’s the EVOL burrito and it was quite delicious.

I try to make most of my own food, but there are times when I really need a meal that I can pop in the microwave and not have to think about.

The funny thing is that I was already thinking how perfect and unlikely those things were together…and then I went to their site to learn more about it and discovered that they call this particular one “The Unicorn.” 

This isn’t a formal product review – I’m writing this because it really was a miracle for me tonight to have this in my freezer.  And next time I’m at the store, I’ll probably get a bunch more to keep in the freezer for nights like tonight.

Tonight’s miracle: Finding a unicorn.

If you had told me four days ago that I was going to write this miracle, I would have told you that you were flippin’ crazy! And yet…it’s funny how life works.

As you know, I submitted a book proposal to Hay House Publishing in March. It’s a highly competitive opportunity given to people who have attended their “Speak/Write/Promote” program. According the paperwork they gave us, we had to submit our proposals by March 18 and they would announce the winner of the book contract on April 18.

So last month I hit the “send” button and tried my best to not think myself into a frenzy over it for the next four weeks.

In the meantime, I took the amazing class with KC Baker that I’ve been raving about so much recently. Because that class was so intense, it really did take my mind off waiting for the answer from Hay House.

Which brings us to Thursday. April 18. ANNOUNCEMENT DAY.

At about 8 that morning, I started checking the announcement page. For the first half of the day, I was pretty good – I checked it about once an hour. But as the day wore on, I got obsessive and started checking it about once every 20 minutes. And then every 10 minutes. I was practically jumping out of my skin all day. In fact, I told my editors at the newspaper that they should just give me busywork that day because I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything important.

By 9 p.m., there still wasn’t anything posted. I was trying so hard to keep my cool. And I was losing. I had talked myself into the firm belief that I had not won and that I should probably just go outside and eat some worms.

And then one of my comrades in this book proposal adventure posted a message on Facebook saying, “Anybody else miss something today…???”

Which opened the floodgates – all of us who had been waiting with bated breath jumped into the conversation about how nerve-wracking it was to keep hitting “refresh” all day, waiting for the announcement.

Finally I took myself to bed. I had so emotionally exhausted myself that I actually slept!

Friday still didn’t bring an answer.

Near the end of the day, the same colleague who had posted the first message the night before let us in on some startling news.

“I talked with a rep at Hay House just now,” Jay said. “He said the announcement will be May 13, 2013! He said there was a mistake on the website and the dates will be changed there ASAP. He also said the deadline wasn’t until April 11th!”

Okay, so let me get this straight – not only do we now have to wait another three weeks for an answer, but we didn’t even have to turn in our book proposals until last week??!!!?????????

That was a kick in the pants. I totally could have used that extra time for the proposal.

But here’s the miracle…

The class I took with KC was utterly transformational for me and the work I do. I experienced my work at an even deeper level than I’ve ever gone before. I allowed myself to get really honest and vulnerable with myself about what I want.

I wrote my “I believe” statements.

I wrote my Miracle Manifesto.

I made some KICK-ASS friends and new colleagues.

And so much more.

And that all happened because I was able to utterly and completely devote myself to that course for six weeks.

If I’d been working on my book proposal for Hay House for those extra weeks, there’s no way I could have submerged myself so completely in KC’s course. In fact, I probably wouldn’t even have registered for it.

So all in all, the Universe did me a HUGE favor by giving us the wrong date. I got my proposal done AND got to participate in the Women’s Thought Leadership Society. I couldn’t ask for anything better!!!!

I’m willing – and even grateful – to wait for another few weeks, because I’ve been given such a great gift.

Today’s miracle: Another stinky pile of poo has been turned into fertilizer for a beautiful new garden.