The Misadventures of Colleen & Alek

Bumpy Times

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Sun, 03 Nov 2013 01:52:00 +0000

As mentioned in previous posts, Alek and I always wanted a family. Before we knew whether we wanted to buy a house or rent, before we knew when we would get married, and before we knew what career paths we would take, we always knew we wanted kids. We even lost incredible amounts of weight to make sure it could happen.

Once you decide you are going to try to get pregnant, a new series of worries and concerns flow into your head. You start asking things like, "What if I can't get pregnant?," "What if we pass down a terrible genetic defect?," "What if we aren't good parents?" In every passing month, your questions get more desperate and a little more crazy.

For us, it was in the 3rd month that I finally got the 2 lines we were looking for. I had a toothbrush and a mouth full of toothpaste on the morning of June 5, 2013 as I hovered over a cheap family dollar HCG test. I squinted and turned on extra bathroom lighting to try to see the ever-so-faint line. I tried to show Alek where I saw the line, but he couldn't see what I was seeing. I was disappointed that he wasn't as excited as I was, but he was convinced the test was faulty and there was excess dye in the control line. We went to work and I couldn't concentrate. All I could wonder was if the line would get darker when I tested again the next morning.

That night, I eyed up the digital test I had purchased 2 months beforehand in preparation for when the line tests inevitably confused us. They say the best time to test is with first morning urine, but I had a hunch the digital one would be more sensitive and I would get my digital "Pregnant." I didn't tell Alek I was testing again, in case I was wrong and it said, "Not Pregnant."

5 minutes later, the digital test read what I knew it would. Once I gathered my thoughts, I realized I had to tell Alek. I tried to think of all the cutesy ways to tell him and all the ideas I'd seen on Pinterest for telling the Dad, but I didn't have the patience required for the planning of any of them! I settled on hiding the test in my bra, sitting on his lap and pulling out the test to show him.

He grinned widely once he put the pieces together. He looked at me, looked at the test, grinned widely and said, "Does this mean what I think it means?" We hugged, we kissed, and we hugged again. We were so excited that we had a hard time getting to sleep. Even though we were sleepy the next day, we were still so very exited. We threw ideas around as to how we would tell our parents. We had decided months earlier that if we were expecting by the time the wedding arrived, we would announce it at the wedding.

We debated telling our parents before the wedding, and then thought about just telling them with everyone else, and we decided on telling them the weekend before our wedding. The trick was getting all our parents together and not tipping them off that we had a surprise.

I went on Ebay and bought 2 books titled "All My Bad Habits I Learned From My Grandpa" and 2 others that were essentially Grandma Handbooks. The books were outfitted with envelopes containing copies of the first sonogram. The excuse we used to get them over was we were giving them their parent gifts for the wedding and all their help.

It was torture waiting for them to open their setup gifts. I tapped my feet under the table and couldn't keep still enough to sit down. The moment they finished opening the gifts, I declared that there were gifts we forgot about and I ran upstairs to get the books and sonogram pictures. I think my feet touched 2 stairs, I went so fast.

I passed out the books and said, "Open them all at the same time. They are similar and I don't want anyone seeing someone else's first." Of course, Alek's mother tore through hers the moment we handed it to her, and my Dad slowly and carefully picked at the wrapping paper. Immediately, Alek's mother asked, "Is there something you are trying to tell us?" I told her to open the envelope. My mother stared at the sonogram pictures for a few moments and finally asked, "Did you do this on purpose?" My Dad said, "I thought it looked like you gained a pound or two...." Bob said, "Sweet."

All in all, I'm happy we decided to tell our parents before the wedding so they could get all their questions and crazy comments out before we told everyone else. By the end of the night, all were excited for a new member of the family.

After the excitement of the news and the wedding settled down, I had a new worry: "What if I miscarry?" This thought consumed me right up until my 13th week of pregnancy. At the 13 week Nuchal Translucency screening, I saw that our baby was alive, well and thriving. This calmed my fears of miscarriage, but then a new worry kicked in: "What if I go into preterm labor?"

Immediately after getting back from Cancun (week 14), we started the mortgage process and began looking for houses. This is a notoriously stressful and time-consuming adventure. Alek worried about the effect that stress would have on me and baby (clearly we are both worry warts). We juggled our work schedules to accommodate two five hour home inspections on top of keeping up with sonograms, blood work, pre-natal appointments and meetings with the bank. Alek worried constantly about where he would be working and how much money he would be making. As it stood, he wouldn't have health insurance after February (his 26th birthday) if he didn't either find a new job or get hired on permanently at his contract job.

I could feel my anxiety soaring. To add to it all, our great friend Tim moved to Jacksonville, Florida. It seemed like all we've known, all at once, was changing. There was suddenly nothing I could cling to that was familiar. I told myself when I would get really worried, "The only thing stable about life is change." But it didn't do much to help me. I couldn't picture what our lives would look like in a year because everything was up in the air. The only thing I could count on was we would be parents, and I didn't know if that thought terrified me or gave me joy. Sometimes it was both.

During this time, I became so forgetful that I felt I didn't even know myself. I knew pregnancy brain was a factor, but the stress was no help. Then I would stress about the things I couldn't remember, and it snow-balled.

I finally picked up a journal and made it a habit to write in it everyday. I would write my thoughts, my fears, good news and bad. It was my last ditch effort to get my thoughts organized. It had been years since I kept a journal, but I know how much it helped previously to organize my thoughts and emotions: something I seem to have no control over right now.

The journal wasn't a cure-all, but I started to feel better. It helped that Alek was finally offered a job with free health insurance, and was then counter-offered by the job he was contracted at for more money and (also) free health insurance. It was a relief that, while money will still be tight; I am able to make small purchases on what baby will need when she is born.

Buying/nesting is my other stress manager. If I do everything I can to prepare, then my stress levels go down. With a baby on the way, we make weekly purchases such as diapers, wipes, feeding items and nursery essentials. This way, I feel like if she came early, we would at least have a few essentials on hand.

My nesting instinct has always been strong, and I've always dealt with varying degrees of anxiety. When we bought a new TV a few years ago, I had to make sure our whole bedroom was clean for it. Same thing for when we bought a new book shelf. All the time I ask myself, "What am I going to be like when I'm ACTUALLY nesting for a baby, not a TV or piece of furniture??" The truth is: I don't want to know.

My anxiety and habitual nesting deeply influenced the timing of the baby shower. My mother wanted it to be after the Holidays. The thought of being huge and pregnant (or possibly already having the baby - you know where my fears lay) actually made me physically sick. I knew all too well that as my due date approached, I would have our entire baby registry purchased already, even if it left us broke. Alek's mother wanted to host, and left the choice up to us. I researched online on the common baby websites such as thebump.com and babycenter.com to get advice on when an appropriate time to have a baby shower is. There was a range of reasons such as being too big, fatigued and uncomfortable to set up the nursery to the baby that couldn't wait to meet everyone, but the advice itself was unanimous: the sooner the better.

Ideally, I would have liked to have the shower in December. But we all know the challenges that the month of December brings. But lo and behold... there are still people that question our decision. Much like the stranger that gives you unsolicited parenting advice, some people just can't help themselves. "Why are you having the shower so early?"..."Timing issues" I answer. "What if you go into labor early and the baby is so early she doesn't make it?"...... I didn't actually have a response for that one, but I thought, "Geez, like that thought hasn't haunted me a hundred times every day. Thanks for bringing it up again." I remind myself... opinions are like assholes, everybody has one. But just because you have one, doesn't mean it needs to see the light of day. Or in this case, be heard by an already frazzled, stressed, emotional pregnant woman.

I have a few other comment favorites to leave you on:

"You want to deliver naturally? I don't think you can do it. You'll get halfway through and beg for drugs." Thanks for your faith in me.

"Natural birth? Are you a hippy?" Yep, want to see my braided pit hair?

"You plan to breastfeed? That's really challenging and most women give up. And don't you want your husband to share the late night responsibility?" When my husband grows mammary glands and produces liquid gold breast milk, we can share the responsibility. Once she's born, my needs aren't first. Sleep included.

"Wow - how much weight have you gained?" Enough, I assure you.

"You don't really look pregnant." Thanks for telling me I just look fat.

"Why do pregnant women rub their bellies?" First and foremost... my belly itches. Second, she's kicking and it feels cool.

Thanks for reading, everyone. I will dazzle you all with crazy preggo thoughts again soon.

2012: Year In Review

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 01:01:00 +0000

Seems like yesterday I was posting my year in review for 2011. Time flies when you aren't paying attention!

Some people, just before the New Year, say things like, "Ugh - here's to hoping that NEXT year is better!!!" or "Maybe next year will be my year." I'm a firm believer in making things happen for yourself and sitting around waiting for good things to fall in your lap will leave you frustrated, hopeless and no further than you were before. So if you feel you needed a nudge in the direction of taking charge, I hope you got it here!!

So in chronological order, I will go through my year!

January 2012 - We kicked off the start of the new year with our Barrett Christmas party!

February 2012 - The Superbowl! As usual, Alek and I started at my Uncle Pat and Aunt Gina's house, and ended our night with the Brennan crew just down the street from our house!

March 2012 - I had a brachioplasty/mastepexy combo to remove excess skin from weight loss. Although it was hard and painful at times, it was worth all of it!

April 2012 - For the last time in my life, I enjoyed too much red wine. We called this "White Trash Easter" and is the sole reason that even the smell of red wine now makes my stomach turn.

My wonderful family and friends also threw me a benefit to help pay for my skin removal surgery! It was wonderful to get so much support!

May 2012 - I enjoyed a wonderful day with my family at my cousin Gina's baby shower! Later in the year, we got to meet Dylan!

June 2012 - This was a big month! I turned 26, Melissa graduated from high school and I picked out my wedding dress!

July 2012 - We went on a family trip to Conesus Lake, NY in the RV and rented a boat for the day! It was a ton of fun!

August 2012 - We said, "See you Soon" to our dear friends Jess, Zach and little Avie before their move to Florida with a throwback to 1997 party that included a cake fight (the first sleepover Jess and I had when we were 11 included a cake fight)!

September 2012 - We spent another weekend at Darien Lake, but this time it was for Fright Fest (Darien Lake turns the park into a Halloween Themed amusement park)! It was an unseasonably cold/wet weekend, but we had a blast and I especially got a kick out of the red dyed water (blood) fountain.

We also spent the weekend with our wonderful Barrett Family at Allegany's Camp Turner campsite. As always, it was a weekend well spent with a loving family!

October 2012 - We made the trek to Florida to visit Jess, Zach and Avie for Avie's 1st Birthday! Despite Hurricane Sandy, we had a blast anyway (I'd do it again even if it included getting stuck in Chicago for another night)!

November 2012 - We celebrated Charlie and Owen's 2nd birthdays Halloween style and of course enjoyed Thanksgiving (and Black Friday shopping - which allowed Alek and I to complete our How I Met Your Mother DVD collection!). Jess, Zach and Avie also made a surprise visit and my beautiful bridesmaids picked out their dresses!!

December 2012 - I went ahead and had my revision surgery done on my left under arm - Alek took great care of me and I return to work tomorrow! We had a legendary End of The World Party, and to add to the excitement of our upcoming wedding, Alek and I got a TON of kitchen items for our new home! For our Christmas tree, we got 2 new ornaments :-)

With such a long engagement, I started thinking 2013 would never get here! But here we are: 6 months before we tie the knot and I couldn't be more excited! This is the year we get married, go off on our own, and Alek will finally get the piece of paper from UB that says he is a Computer Engineer!

I hope everyone has a happy, safe and rewarding 2013! The best is yet to come!

Day-Of Emergency Bridal Kit Creation

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Fri, 17 Aug 2012 12:31:00 +0000

Okay, so it won't be the most interesting blog entry I've done to-date; however I needed to shed some light on just how monotonous and time-consuming (we won't even talk $$ because that's another ball of wax) weddings are.

I am an avid self-diagnosed class-A procrastinator. It's terrible. But 2 years ago, when Alek and I were first engaged, I made one huge yet simple promise to myself: "I will do whatever I can, as soon as I can, to prevent myself from turning into bridezilla in the weeks prior to the wedding or, even worse, having to drop details or ideas simple because I didn't start them soon enough."

Which brings us to why, with 11 months to go before the wedding I am making paper flowers pomanders (got the idea from Pinterest - starting to think the App should be blocked from my phone!!), putting together escort cards, and making my day-of emergency bridal kit.

Maybe this is a phenomenon for the modern bride with an iPhone App that is assisting with wedding planning, but I get a huge kick out of crossing something off my "to-do" list and virtually watching it disappear! So being in for a cheap thrill, i.e. an easy check-off, I opted to purchase everything for the emergency day-of kit thinking it would be a 10 minute stroll through Wal-Mart. Of course, I was wrong.

First of all, I did my homework and googled all of the top lists of recommendations for bridal kits and then formulated a combination of my own list through an App called "Easy Note." As described, it's a super simple interface that allows you to add items "to-do" and then tap to complete them.

The adorable roll-up tote I bought on sale from TheKnot.com for $15:

Here is the list I formulated:

- Mini Sewing Kit
- Bandaids
- Mouthwash
- Listerine Breath Strips
- Nail File
- Krazy Glue
- Oil Blotters
- Dental Floss
- Hair Ties
- Bobby Pins
- Eye Drops (redness relief)
- Chapstick
- Lighter/matches
- Comb
- Hair Brush
- Small Mirror
- Lint Roller
- Tampons
- Clear Nail Polish
- Hand Lotion
- Q-tips
- Hair Spray
- Kleenex
- Wet Wipes
- Static Guard
- Wrinkle Releaser
- Baby Powder
- Corn Starch
- Blister Prevention
- Tylenol
- Ibuprofen
- Gas-X
- Acid Relief
- Contact Solution
- Deodorant
- Safety Pins
- Corsage Pins
- Drinking Straws
- Tweezers
- Earring Backs
- Pantyhose
- Cotton Balls

1 1/2 hours later, Alek and I reach the register and are taking jabs at the total cost for all of the mini versions of the items listed above. He guesses $35 and I guessed $75. Our total was $69.65. I had an unfair advantage as I was keeping tally as I placed items in the cart and Alek had to guess based on appearance.

When we got home, I unwrapped any excess packaging such as display cardboard and made a hilarious attempt at stuffing all the items into the roll up bag. After some shifting into different compartments and putting soft items only into the flap area, I have a nice rolled ball of emergency items!

Hopefully no one has to move the bag around too much - not too sure how strong the Velcro is!!!

Kim, trying to make my life more simplistic as always, said "Those are things that some women are bound to have in their purses - I would just ask around rather than put all the work into a kit." Normally, I would agree... But I'm preferring to invest the time now so I'm not scrambling later! ;)

Saying "Yes" to My Wedding Dress!

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Mon, 30 Jul 2012 01:40:00 +0000

The disadvantage to having a 3 year engagement is the amount of time you have to think and then over-think the definition of your "dream wedding." For the first 2 years of our engagement, I was told it was "too soon" to really dig into the details so I mostly tried to pretend that it didn't exist. Aside from physically saving up money, life was the same as it was before we were engaged. Once we (finally) hit the 1-year mark before the wedding day, I gave myself full permission to go into planning mode!

Before I continue, I should address the "elephant in the room" and briefly talk about the disappointment of deciding to not have our destination wedding in Cancun. We were told that the resort would help us put together the wedding of our dreams. We were supposed to talk to one wedding coordinator for the duration of our planning period and this person would also be on-site for the entire event. As it turned out, most of the time it's too good to be true!

During the Cancun Wedding planning process, I was informed that chair rentals for just the ceremony on the beach ran $8/chair and the dance floor was $638. Table decor and set-up was $300/table and the nickel and dime-ing continued from there. My frustrations began to mount and upon discussing my cake options (chocolate, vanilla, or cheesecake) I finally asked myself, "Is this what I really envisioned?" The sinking feeling in my stomach got worse and worse. Finally, Alek and I discussed our options and decided to keep the wedding in the Buffalo area and dive into planning!

A feeling came over me that I didn't expect: excitement! I felt like a BRIDE! I hadn't realized it until that point; but I never let myself get excited about the Cancun Wedding because there was so much that could go wrong. I couldn't rationalize the full ball gown I always envisioned as a little girl because Cancun is so hot and muggy, so I settled on finding a tea-length wedding dress. Then I was flooded with the creative ideas I kept turning off in my head because they would be too difficult to plan from afar. I thought I was the only one feeling this way until Alek took my hand and looked at me with a big smile on his faced and asked, "Is it bad that I'm excited about this? I'm sorry Cancun didn't work out, but for the first time this all feels real."

Now, let's get back to wedding dress shopping!! And no worries - there are no spoilers here! "THE" Dress is not pictured!

To keep within my budget, I decided to start with David's Bridal for my first boutique. I called a month ahead of time and secured a Tuesday appointment so that things weren't too hectic. June 19th, to be exact! I cleared the date with my Mom, my MOH (Monica) and my Bridesmaid (Jessica). I even took the day off from work!

It was the Thursday before the Tuesday appointment, and I was having dinner with my Mom and Alek at a local Chinese Buffett. I had received several Emails during the week about a huge semi-annual sale at David's Bridal, but the sale was ending the day before my appointment. To be sure I could get the pricing, I called David's Bridal and asked a sales associate if they would honor any sales pricing a day later. On the phone, I was told they would. But during dinner, I got a funny feeling that told me perhaps the sales associate was misinformed. I asked Alek and my Mom if they would mind stopping at David's Bridal since we were close and just re-check in person.

I gave my gut instinct a high-five as the sales manager apologized to me and said while she couldn't honor the sales pricing the day after, she would happily move my appointment to an earlier date. I completely understood the situation as I realize it's a franchise and pricing isn't determined by individual stores. The manager also gave me the opportunity to try on a couple dresses that day and come back Saturday as well!

My inner princess twirled with excitement! I had been counting down the days until I could finally try on gowns and now it's happening 3 days sooner than planned! Luckily, I was already wearing a strapless bra, however; my shamrock socks made the footwear situation interesting! I felt a little sad that Monica and Jess weren't there, but I soothed my guilt by telling my Mom and Alek that no final choices were to be made until Saturday (the earliest!).

I never intended Alek to be with us for dress shopping, but I wasn't bothered by his presence. He's always been honest about how I look in clothes and he's been known to tell me an outfit I was wearing looked silly. I so enjoyed dress shopping with him on that Thursday, that I also asked him to come back with us on Saturday!

The first dress I tried on was one I had book-marked in magazines and iPhone Apps. I was so sure that it would be "THE ONE!"

The First Dress I Tried On!

The sales associate, Karen, helped me into my first-ever wedding dress and I shuffled outside to my on-lookers. My Mom LOVED the dress and didn't want me to try on any others. Alek also nodded and said I looked beautiful. I liked the dress, but I wasn't prepared to stop at the first dress I tried on. Also - the dress was HEAVY!!! I tried to see myself wearing it for an entire day and I just couldn't.

The Second Dress - Vera Wang's "White" Collection

Karen had asked me to describe my perfect gown, and I immediately said "ball gown!! The bigger the better!!" She came back quickly with the gown and helped me into it. I walked out, and was again told I looked beautiful (isn't Alek so wonderful??) but I couldn't see ME! All of the hard work at the gym was hidden under what felt like a TON of fabric. I felt like my radius was about 4 feet!

The Third Dress - also Vera Wang!

David's Bridal associates called this one the "fern" dress. The fabric was so light and airy and gave me such a wonderful shape! It became a contender to be "THE" dress! Check out the back!!!

Buttons all the way down! Gorgeous!!

And then there was the final dress I tried on Thursday night - the dress that completely added to the confusion and became the 2nd contender to the "THE" dress! Jess later (on Saturday) nick-named this one the "buttercream cupcake" dress.

Buttercream Cupcake!

I walked out of the bridal boutique very confused! I never thought I would be the bride stuck between 2 dresses! My Mom and Alek tried not to sway me, but I knew that I wasn't going to decide anything until Saturday. Monica and Jess would certainly help me out with this decision!

The next day, after sleeping on those 2 dresses dancing around my head, I decided I should try on MORE dresses! There was just one dress out there for me, and I shouldn't have to choose between 2. There is a dress out there that would blow the other 2 out of the water! My Mom didn't agree - she told me she was already too confused! I made a list of additional dresses I wanted to try on at my appointment on Saturday.

Saturday finally arrived and me, Alek, and the ladies were ready to rock! This time I had my heals and headpiece with me too! We also had an adorable little addition to my posse: Avie (Jessica's 9 month old)! Alek took on the role as baby wrangler and the girls really focused on helping me find "THE" dress!

Avie!

Isn't she adorable?!

Don't worry - Alek had a blast watching Avie! She's such a great baby!!

This was the first dress I tried on for Saturday's session! This dress was so forgettable that if Monica hadn't taken pictures of me in it, I wouldn't have remembered trying it on!!!

The next dress was "THE" dress!!!! And every dress afterwards was compared to "THE" dress! No pictures here, though!!!

Dress Three

The third dress was actually picked out by Jess - and had I not been comparing every dress to "THE" dress, this one would have been a contender! The shape was flattering and it had the ball gown feel without being overwhelming in size, but it just wasn't "THE" dress!

The Fourth "Feather" Dress

The feather dress was fun and flattering - not to sound like a broken record, but it wasn't "THE" Dress!!

The Spanish Dress

This one was brand new to David's Bridal and was drop-waist (which didn't do anything for my figure). I had no problem nixing this one!

I felt huge in this one!

I felt like the lace-up back made my rear look HUGE!

Me in the "buttercream cupcake" Dress!

Just to make sure I still loved "THE" dress, I tried on the 2 dresses that had me confused on Thursday. I suddenly didn't like the Buttercream Cupcake Dress as much!

Me in the "Fern" Dress!

Same deal for the "Fern" dress - it was pale in comparison to "THE" Dress!

As a finale, I put "THE" Dress back on and felt my smile from ear to ear. Other brides and associates kept walking by and commenting on how great I looked! My Mom loved the dress and all were in agreement - I had found my dress!! Karen handed me a bell and I rang it and everyone in the shop clapped! It was a wonderful feeling!! To make matters even better, my Mom handed me an envelope with cash that paid for the entire dress!! I felt like the luckiest girl in the world!

Above all else, I am so happy I trusted my gut and didn't try to decide between 2 dresses! I would also like to call attention to how different I look in the dresses in comparison to the size 2 models! I am relieved I wasn't tempted to purchase my dress online.

I have been asked if it bothers me that Alek knows what dress I'm wearing - my answer is: Not At All!! He's my best friend and the one whose opinion really matters on our wedding day.

As for seeing "THE" Dress - you'll just have to wait til the big day!!!

Skin Deep

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 01:20:00 +0000

3 weeks post-op

Like most people who are overweight, I would think to myself “If I lost weight, I would look like so-and-so” or “once I lose weight, I’m going to get into that bikini.” Little did I know, losing weight was going to be only half my battle. Excess skin is the #1 plague of any individual who loses a massive amount of weight. Luckily, I had blinders on for that fact, because if I had known the journey ahead of me, I may have chickened out and just decided to stay the way that I was for the rest of my life. Sometimes I feel like having the excess skin is worse than the weight. At least when I was heavy, I was proportional. But then I remember the energy I have, and the support system that sticks with me through everything. I remember that I have the courage to get through more than I could imagine.
Researching plastic surgeons was never something I thought I would be doing. Part of me felt vain. I would say to myself, “You lost the weight – shouldn’t you be happy the way that you are?” and “You are so selfish to finally be at a weight you are happy with and still look in the mirror and be unhappy about what you see.” It took my close friends and family to remind me that sometimes working really hard deserves a reward, and if you trip up and become discouraged with something, it can cause you to relapse and give it up altogether. I thought of the money I was saving with medical expenses. I thought of all the money I already saved by living healthy. That’s when I decided that step by step, I need to have the excess skin removed.

For several reasons, I decided that the top half of my body is where I should start. Same as washing a car and washing in the shower. Always start at the top. So I decided: arms and breasts. 2 surgeries, the same amount of recovery time. Also, with our wedding looming a year a half away, I figured the scarring would be less scary looking and everything else (tummy specifically) could be hidden in a girdle under a wedding dress. Arms, however; there is no girdle for that one. And I’ve always envisioned a strapless gown for myself.

Once I decided what type of surgery I wanted, it was time to research surgeons to do it. Researching a plastic surgeon is scary, even in New York where we have nice laws that protect us (unlike some states, such as Florida). All these websites tell you to make sure you feel comfortable with the surgeon, that there is a lot of experience, and that the pricing covers aftercare and anesthesia fees, etc. And then several of the surgeons charge fees to even evaluate you and see if you are a good candidate. I paid $50 to one surgeon just for him to tell me that he isn’t as qualified as the first surgeon I seen and I should go with Dr. Bruce Cusenz. I did appreciate his honesty, though. I have to give him that!

I’m sure that everyone will be highly amused to find out that the main reason for selecting Dr. Cusenz to do my surgery was his neat and tidy handwriting… Alek and I agreed that anyone whose living is earned by keeping a VERY STEADY hand should have nice handwriting. That surgeon who took my $50 and told me to go with Cusenz too? … his handwriting was AWFUL and he wrote in lazy shorthand!! If his hand didn’t have the stamina to write full sentences, how could he adequately perform surgery?! So there it was: I had decided.

Desperate to make sure I got a Friday surgery date like I wanted, I called Dr. Cusenz’s office and paid a $525 deposit to secure March 2nd, 2012. It was crazy of me to do: I didn’t even know if I would be financed and I already let go of $525 “wedding dollars” through me and Alek’s joint account that I didn’t know I would get back if I was denied personal loans.

On my drive home that day, I was sweating from thinking about how I was going to tell Alek that we paid a deposit on a surgery we didn’t know if we could afford. I’m the impulsive one – he’s the logical one. I had imagined it in my head: once we were eating dinner, I would casually say, “so, I really wanted to make sure I had the surgery on a Friday, and I really needed to let work know what days I’m going to be gone, so I put a $525 deposit on my surgery.” Alek was still cooking dinner when I got home. Even though I had played it through my head, I walked into the front door, into the kitchen and said, “I did something really dumb and put a big deposit down on my surgery today. And it’s non-refundable!” Alek stood up from putting pork chops in the oven, shrugged, and said, “So? It goes towards the cost of the surgery, right?” Of course it did. That was when I officially gave up trying to predict Alek’s reaction to situations.

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when I was financed for the surgery at $200/month - for several years. This is the price that people who experience a huge weight loss pay. It's a shame that health insurance companies don't pick up any of the tab. What's even more upsetting is the knowledge that if I had decided to go through with gastric bypass (although I never really considered it), skin removal would be covered.

The weeks leading up to my surgery were a blur - I cleaned the house like mad woman and prepared movies and handheld games to keep myself occupied through my recovery. I even set up a "group" on my phone of people Alek needed to text once I was out of surgery. I bought tons of protein shakes and placed everything I would need within reach of the recliner we put in the downstairs living room.

I was surprisingly calm when I arrived at the surgery center. I was quickly called back to the surgical preparation area and donned a surgical gown and anti-embolism stockings. My surgeon came in and drew all over me and the staff put a "mood sticker" on my forehead. The surgical team who would be working on me came over and introduced themselves (there were 8 of them!) and after answering many, many questions, I was finally wheeled into the operating room (after kissing Alek goodbye, of course!). I recall moving myself onto the operating table and then having a mask put over my face. I was told "breathe deep 3 times." I breathed once, twice, and then a third time.... and then everything went dark.

Anti-embolism stockings. I wore these for a week!

I woke up (what I felt was) 2 seconds later and immediately read my vitals. My blood pressure was good and my heart rate was good. But I was VERY nauseous. I didn't even know if there was anyone around who could hear me, but I cleared my throat and said, "I'm nauseous!" - a nurse came immediately and gave me something for it. I looked around the best I could and noticed a woman in a bed next to me who didn't come out of anesthesia yet. Shortly after waking, my surgeon came in and said, "I removed enough skin to make a briefcase! You did well, but your left arm gave us some trouble. You started to bleed too much so we had to close you up quick."

I didn't quite understand what that would mean to me, but I was still feeling sick and groggy. I was anxious to see Alek. Luckily, I didn't wait much longer before I was wheeled into another room where Alek quickly came in and looked me over. He asked how I felt frequently and my answer was always, "nauseous." A nurse came in and gave me benedryl and moved me to an upright chair. I fell asleep in the chair.

I'm not sure how long it was, but eventually I was able to get dressed and head home. I fell asleep during the car ride and vaguely remember walking myself into the house and plopping directly into the recliner and falling asleep again. I slept most of day and stayed awake only for 10 minute increments of "How I Met Your Mother" before falling back to sleep. We had a small scare the first time Alek emptied my drains (I had 4 total). They were mostly blood and I was faint from the anesthesia still. I watched as he poured my blood into the cup and felt my face turn white and my whole body became clammy. My world started to go black and I felt Alek catch me and prop me onto the toilet. We developed 2 rules after that: 1. I was to sit in the toilet while Alek emptied my drains and 2. I wasn't allowed to look at my drains while they were being emptied.

The biggest annoyance was having the drains. They needed to be emptied a couple times a day and I had to wear clothing that buttoned or zipped. Alek joked that the liquid looked like "unicorn piss" and that I was "the Kool-aid Man" but took care of me regardless. Everyday he washed my hair and helped me clean up. He made me breakfast every morning and made sure I had access to quick meals and protein shakes while he was at school or work.

I had several visitors during my recovery - which was great as I am easily bored! I am VERY thankful to the people who sent me flowers, came to visit with balloons (or without balloons - I just appreciated the company!!), and sent me texts/Facebook messages asking how I was feeling. I am so very lucky to be surrounded by so many amazing people!

I am disappointed to mention that due to my left arm "mis-behaving" during surgery, it seems that a revision surgery will be needed to make my left and right arms symmetrical. Due to the bloating and bleeding, the surgeon was not able to match my skin as well as my right arm so there is still a bit of access "jiggle" in my left arm.

Even with this set-back, I would still do it again because I'm worth it and I worked hard for it!

It Started With a Cup of Starbucks and Ended With An Engagement

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:38:00 +0000

Since Alek and the English Language are often at odds, obviously it's me - Colleen who is keeping up with this blog. I would like to share a story about a cup of Starbucks Coffee.

It's no secret that I'm an optimistic person. I get excited about a 5:30 AM drive to the gym that features all green lights the whole way. I get a real kick out of pull-through parking spots. I'm a little frazzled sometimes, yes. A little air-headed, definitely. Head in the clouds sometimes? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, I'm going to put a positive spin on an absolute pile of shit. It's just what I do. But life wasn't always that way for me.

I'll start from the beginning...

I was fresh out of High School and just started my first "real" job at a collections agency, Capital Management Services (it was part-time and at night, but I wasn't flipping burgers or cleaning toilets). My parents needed me to get the job to help cover the gap between my State/Federal student assistance and my education costs at Buffalo State. In my own brilliance, I also decided to take on 19 credit hours (more bang for my buck, I figured) in addition to working the 20 hours a week at CMS. To make matters worse, I didn't have a car. My mother was always a 3-11 worker and would so kindly pick me up from CMS and take me back to Buffalo State at the end of our shifts. During that time, I thought "If only I had a car - I would shave off so much time by not waiting for busses or waiting for my Mom." So I got a car.

Bank of America financed my loan, and decided they should also hand an 18 year old a credit card with a $2,000 credit limit. I took it, duh. Buying books alone for 1 semester runs close to $600. But then I needed work clothes. Then gas to get to work. In all honesty, having that job cost me more money than I made. By the time I realized this, it was too late. I had a car to pay for and a maxed out credit card.

Things with Alek and I were stressed. He was still in High School and I was a college woman. I thought I was so smart and "worldly." We fought a lot - mostly over things I can't even remember now. Actually, to be quite honest, I don't remember a lot about the 3 years that followed.

Looking back, Alek and I were both quite depressed. Once we were both at Buffalo State College, we worked at the same place and went to school at the same place. We car-pooled together, even. At midnight, we would finally arrive home and would eat an entire daily allowance of calories in 1 sitting and watch who-knows-what on TV til 2 AM. We fooled ourselves with the notion that we would get up for classes by 9:00 AM. Needless to say, we didn't go often, and we both failed miserably. Alek and I were both on academic probation.

My only real vice was shopping. I would charge outfits that I swore would make me finally feel better about my body (they didn't) and would buy dinner and snacks to no avail (those didn't help either). My finances spiraled out of control and I finally just gave up. In 4 months time, I had 3 charge-offs and 2 on the way. I managed to settle one out but the damage was done.

Things stayed like this for quite some time. I dodged collections calls and developed a coping mechanism which entailed; "What I don't know can't hurt me." Eventually, I enlisted in the help of a Consumer Credit Counseling Agency and made small payments towards my debts. I didn't care about my credit, I just wanted the phone calls to my parents' house to stop!

My grades at Buffalo State College were so poor that all of my financial aid was cut and the entire amount for the semester was due before I could register for classes again. Coming up with $2,000 in a matter of 2 weeks was simply not an option for me, so I dropped out.

I began working full time at CMS but things didn't get much better. I dodged bills and my spending habits were still out of control. My student loan payments came due and I dodged those, too. I reached my all-time high weight of 290 and joked myself with the intention of joining a gym. I went twice.

One night, on the way home from work, Alek and I had a discussion about our future. This talk was memorable because we never talked about our future at all, but this night was different. It was the night we realized we were both very depressed and heading down the wrong path. We both agreed to see our doctors about anti-depressants. As Alek always said of anti-depressants, they are a crutch, not a cure-all. I began to feel better about myself and cared more about my future. I worked out a couple of my bills and went for a promotion to become a Supervisor at Center One.

Since I was feeling a little better, but still needed a nudge, one day I started a "reward" program for myself. In order to be able to buy my favorite drink, an Iced Caramel Macchiato, I had to say one nice thing about myself. And those Iced Caramel Macchiatos were the only thing I was allowed to buy. My lunches were packed at home, and my other spending purchases were at a stand-still.

Even though I was feeling better, and was working towards being more optimistic, Alek was slower to follow suit. As he stayed drudged in his negative emotions, and I began researching ways to become fit and live a healthier life, Alek was still struggling with living day to day life. After 6 years of being together, I couldn't get him to talk about our future. Slowly, I gave up on him. I found reasons to fight with him and we started to grow apart. I figured he didn't plan to stay with me but just didn't have the energy to talk about it.

Although I felt detached from Alek and our relationship was headed south, I still considered him my best friend. So I decided the best thing to do was just be his friend. So I packed up and went to my parents. It lasted all of a few months, and we seen each other very often in between. I missed him, and I missed the way we were before depression had taken us down.

Alek made an honest change and worked hard at digging himself out of his own hole. We actually went on dates and eventually, Alek asked if I would be willing to give our relationship another try. I was reluctant at first. What happened if we fell back into the same hole we were in? What if we were 2 people that were just better off not together? What would happen if we stopped taking anti-depressants?

We ditched the anti-depressants, and much to our surprise, we were fine.

One night, after a great date and a long conversation, Alek and I decided to give it another go. It turned out that while discussing our future, we both discovered that we wanted to be parents, and have the same shared views on what we wanted our lives to be. A few months later, we decided to become husband and wife in our favorite place on Earth (Cancun) during the year of my lucky number (13).

I tell myself that it was the Starbucks Coffee that brought it all on, and I still hold a place in my heart (and cup holder) for my occasional cup of coffee. Although now, I prefer a Venti Iced Americano with Sugar Free Vanilla and Cream and only allow the treat once per week (I have a wedding to pay for!!).

Day after day, I remind myself that happiness isn't a destination, it's a journey. And it isn't something that happens, it's something you decide on. That day, with that cup of Starbucks, I took control of my emotions, my future, and my life. Thanks, Starbucks.

Goodbye 2011 - Hello 2012!

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 06:13:00 +0000

Everyone always sees a new year as an opportunity to have a fresh start - a chance to change things for the better. I'm a "cup half full" type of person, so let's take a moment to relish in our personal accomplishments of 2011 rather than beat ourselves up about what we need to be doing better:

This certainly is NOT a weight-loss blog... but seriously. We lost a lot. It was work. It was emotional. It was crazy! Alek lost 80 pounds and Colleen lost 120.

Alek obtained a 3.2 GPA for his fall semester at UB!
Alek finally quit his job at CMS and took a leap of faith to an internship at Calspan where he was able to dip his toes into the world of integration and programming! Then, he was hired as a part-time employee!
Colleen and Alek opened a "First Home Club" account at First Niagara and took another step towards a house of our own!
Colleen began actively pursuing a plastic surgeon to perform a Brachioplasty and Mastopexy in early 2012 and (once healed) finally go out and find that dream wedding dress!
Colleen and (sometimes) Alek learned that going to the gym at 5:30 AM is possible and not quite as painful as previously anticipated.
We learned that with the help of friends you can accomplish anything - including the mudding, sanding and painting of our beloved "Club Blumpkin"

Club Blumpkin

Our Room!

Also with the help of wonderful friends, we finally turned our bedroom into a more adult bedroom - matching bedspread and all!

Colleen and Tim

Colleen actually got the guts to join the Center One softball team!
Alek learned that the only way to tailgate is by going with your closest friends, and if you run into the middle of Milestrip road, Colleen will get angry and yell.

Colleen and Alek learned the value of good times with good friends. There is nothing like them!
Colleen was reminded that parents aren't around forever, and any moment can be the last you share. Luckily, all is well. But a quick shout-out to Colleen's Dad and his quit-smoking efforts! We all know he can do it!

The Boys

Colleen's Mom & Dad

Christmas 2011

Season Opener: Ryan, Alek, Colleen & Tim

We hope all of our friends and family have a safe and happy new year! We look forward to seeing everyone in 2012!

Colleen's Low Carb Chocolate Chip & Walnut Cookies

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 23:48:00 +0000

Colleen's Low Carb Chocolate Chip & Walnut Cookies

I know some of these ingredients sound strange, so at the bottom I will explain where you can find them!

What you need:

2 Sticks of Butter (not margarine)
1 1/2 cups "Cup for Cup" Splenda (cup for cup is easiest, otherwise see conversion instructions)
1 cup packed Splenda Brown Sugar
1 cup Ground Flaxseed Meal
1 cup Walnuts, chopped
1 1/4 cups Soy Flour
1/2 cup Gluten Flour
1 egg
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 package (1 1/3 cups) Hershey's Sugar Free Chocolate Chips

Heat your oven to 375* F.

Mix It Up!

Melt butter in the microwave for 2 minutes or until liquid. Combine butter and both sugars with a mixer. Splenda may cause the mixture to appear a little on the grainy side, but will not effect the cookies. Add the egg and vanilla. Mix very well and add baking soda.

The Dry Ingredients

Combine the ground flaxseed, soy flour, gluten flour and salt in a separate bowl. Once incorporated very well, slowly add the dry mixture into the wet mixture. Add the chocolate chips and walnuts and mix well.

Roll into 1" balls and place on baking sheet. Place in oven for approximately 10 minutes, or until cookies are slightly brown and puffy. Cookies will retain a very round shape and will not expand very much. Allow the cookies to cool for about 2 minutes before transferring off cookie sheet.

How to find the "weird stuff"

The Soy Flour, Ground Flaxseed and Gluten Flour can be found just about anywhere. I've seen them at The Christmas Tree Shops, Big Lots and Tops.

I've only had luck at Tops as far as finding Sugar Free Chocolate Chips.

Happy Baking!!!!

Low-Carb: Tips and Pointers

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 02:56:00 +0000

Low-Carb is usually associated with the famous Atkin’s diet that was popular several years back or the newer low-carb diet – South Beach. I’m not sure what you would call my variation of the diet, but in general it’s just lower carbs than what average America is accustomed to consuming. No worries, I’m not going to tell you to avoid caffeine, gluten, or alcohol like the Atkins diet does. So long as these items fit within your carb/calorie budget, go for it.

Here are some high-level tidbits:

• Low carb is a lifestyle. NOT a diet.

• You can figure out a substitute for anything you are craving (get creative)

• www.MyFitnessPal.com is your best friend. Create an account ASAP!

• Weight loss does not come down to carb counts or fat counts – the bottom line is still to create a calorie deficit. If you create a calorie deficit of 500 calories per day (through diet, exercise, or a combination of the two), you will lose 1 pound in a week. 1 pound ~ 3,500 calories.

• While exercise isn’t needed, it will certainly get you to your results faster. And everyone knows results = motivation , and that is a powerful thing in the world of weight loss. It’s the only time in your life where the “snowball effect” can be a good thing.

• NET Carbs (I.E. Carbs that impact your blood sugar) are the carbs you want to keep low. You still need fiber in your life if you happen to like pooping. Otherwise, you’ll be backed up worse than the Kohl’s line on Black Friday.

• DRINK WATER!! TONS AND TONS OF WATER!!!! (Same reason as above – pooping is important)

• Sugar alcohols (artificial sweeteners) are great – in moderation. Not to talk about poop AGAIN but… sugar alcohols in excess can have a laxative effect. Which can actually be helpful if you didn’t listen to the fiber and the water bullets listed above.

• The reason why low carb works so well is it actually makes you to feel satisfied for longer, therefore allowing you to eat less frequently. This happens because Carbs impact your blood sugar. Your blood sugar rises after consuming a high carb meal and shortly after, (due to an over-abundance of insulin your body has released to convert the sugars into fat), you begin to feel very tired and most often, you crave more carbs – and then the cycle starts again. When you start your day by not introducing too many carbs, you can be in control of your appetite from the start.

• Do not make the mistake of limiting your Carb AND fat intake! Your body still needs fat as an energy source (and most of the time, manufacturers reduce fat by replacing the fat with carbs! Yes, really! Check it out for yourself!). So please, stock up on half and half for your coffee, 2% milk, full fat cottage cheese… you get the idea. Your bottom line is Carbs and calories. Protein is also important if you are weight training.

• Read ALL food labels! You should always be aware of what you are consuming, even if you aren't "dieting."

• In general, keep your carbs to 30/day and spread them out EVENLY throughout the day. If you eat all 30 in one sitting at breakfast, you’ll be face to face with a sugary pastry in 2 hours, tops.

• Once you reach your goal weight, you can slowly increase your daily carb allowance to 100 Carbs/day (this is the USDA daily recommended amount).

Foods that Make Colleen Happy In no particular order:

• Eggs
• Sausage
• Bacon
• Lavish Wraps
• Soy Flour
• Ground Flaxseed
• Cheese

• Michelob Ultra
• Pepperoni
• Steak
• Chicken
• Fish
• Chicken Wings (be sure they are not breaded – ask!)
• Romaine Lettuce
• Butter
• Ceasar Salad (Yes, full fat dressing)
• Green Beans
• Broccoli
• Celery
• Ham

• Russell Stover Sugar Free Candies (watch the calorie count and sugar alcohols)
• Green Peppers
• Burgers (sans bun)
• Hot Dogs
• Pork
• Asparagus
• Olive Oil

No-No Food Groups

• Starches (Potatoes, rice, noodles)
• Breads (Whole grain, white, whatever… no) But of course, there is an exception – Weight Watchers has a sliced bread that is 3 net carbs per slice. Read the labels and check it out
• Flour
• SUGAR
• Ketchup (I only mention this one because most people have no idea how much sugar is actually in it!)

Things You Will Notice After 2 Weeks

• You’ve lost weight! (Okay, that was an easy one)

• You have more energy

• Your critical thinking skills have improved (animal fats are still #1 recommended before a big test)

• Your 2 PM “slump” has magically disappeared (go ahead - think about it! Bet you didn’t realize it til I mentioned it!)

• If you cheat, your stomach knows it and will retaliate the next day

• Your desire to nosh on a big bowl of pasta has decreased dramatically

• Real sugar tastes bitter

• You are hungry MUCH less frequently and could go from breakfast to dinner and actually forget to eat (although you should not as this is a known metabolism killer!!) but hey, it happens.

• You’ve figured out and perfected a low-carb variation of 1 of your favorite foods.

So... you wanna know my favorite low-carb variation of food?

Low Carb Chocolate Chip and Walnut Cookies!!!

Recipe to follow!

Weight Loss FAQ's

noreply@blogger.com (Colleen & Alek) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 01:30:00 +0000

Not like we could hide it if we wanted... but obviously Alek and I lost a ton of weight. Quite literally, about 200 pounds between us. Weight loss of this magnitude comes with a lot of questions, and I want to answer them! We'll call them the "Weight-Loss FAQ's" or WLFAQ for short.

WLFAQ #1: What motivated you to lose weight?

Colleen's Answer: "While being overweight, there comes a point in your life where you realize the list of things you won't do or even try is longer than the list of things you will do or want to try. When you live your life around being heavy, you are limiting yourself and your life. In addition, I've always wanted to be a mother. And I was having a hard time picturing myself being able to run after kids. Kids also have this crazy way of looking to parents for guidance and setting a good example. I need to be that example."

Alek's Answer: "To make Colleen happy. I knew she really wanted to do this, and I wanted to be that support system. In hindsight, losing weight was truly something I needed to do for myself, too. But it was absolutely a positive change in my life."

WLFAQ #2: What was the most difficult part of losing weight?

Colleen's Answer: "You're going to think the hardest part was the diet and exercise, but that's just not true. Those were the easy parts. Confronting your own self-worth and self-esteem issues was hardest for me. There is still a part of me convinced that my heavier self wasn't worth my family's love - let alone Alek's love and there is still a part of me that is afraid that if I were to become heavy again, I would be worthless again. People look at me differently, hold doors open for me, offer to help me carry things, and are generally more interested in me as a person now. These noticeable changes in how I'm treated don't help that negative mindset about my former self I'm struggling with. Yes, Tyra Banks, heavy people ARE treated differently!

Oh, and clothes. I am unbelievably tired of spending money on clothes. I can't invest in anything "nice" because it won't fit for long, and I keep thinking of all the money I could have spent on our wedding instead."

Alek's Answer: "I sound like a jerk, but buying new clothes was the worst. I had to completely start over."

WLFAQ #3: How much more weight do you plan to lose?

Colleen's Answer: "I'm probably within 15 pounds of my goal weight. I hate to give a goal in pounds, because 1 thing I learned is muscle takes up more room than fat... so the number on the scale doesn't mean much to a person who weight trains 5 days a week. Believe it or not, I still weigh 176 right now. I also (unfortunately) am carrying an estimated 10-12 pounds in excess skin. I may not lose much more from the perspective of my bathroom scale."

Alek's Answer: "I don't want to lose anymore weight. I'm working on finding what I can eat on a regular basis to maintain my current weight."

WLFAQ #4: How do you find time to go to the gym everyday?

Colleen's Answer: "I literally had to 'make' time. I decided to wake up an hour earlier, hit the gym at about 5:50 AM, shower and go to work. I used to go after work, but things such as weather, being tired, having errands to run, or plans with friends interfered more often than not. Not much can happen at 5:50 in the morning to prevent you from going - and our evenings are free!!"

Alek's Answer: "Colleen is our time manager. When she tells me to wake up, I wake up! Although I am mentally not awake until about 10 minutes before our workout is done!"

WLFAQ #5: What did you eat/how did you do it?!

I recently spent the time typing up a high-level description of what we eat and some pointers. I will put that into a separate post! :)