The Moksha Express

2025-06-30T12:03:00.000-06:00

I found this quote on a website of a new clothing company that I’ve fallen completely in love with:

“We can only be mended to the extent that we attend to this holiness, and only made whole through exposing the wear we have withstood.”~ @magnoliapearlclothing @magnoliapearl 

Immediately, I felt the impact and truth of that quote. What holiness? Well…something that we become whole through having withstood. Pick a thing…a death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a home, epic move, tragic accident, long, drawn out custody battle, miscarriage, near death, betrayal, business failure, bankruptcy, etc. 

And what of, "becoming whole through exposing the wear we have withstood?” Well, to expose, not hide…to feel and not numb out, to be authentic, not phony. If not publicly, at least within ourSelves. To allow ourselves to feel all the feels of a heart-wrenching experience and not try to bypass it with repression, or suppression. To fully embrace the experience and not to pretend that you are “just fine” when you are not. 

To “attend to” means that we sit with, we care for, we be mindful of. 

And “this holiness” …this holiness is your beautiful, magnificent heart. The heart only feels deeply when it has loved deeply… and love is always holy. Rumi said, “Love is the way messengers from the mystery tell us things.” The messenger is your heart. When you attend to this holiness, you will be “mended.”

To do so, is the sign of a mature soul…and the only way to wholeness. 
One must learn the language of feelings, if one is to evolve… It’s a rare thing to transform one’s Self without all of the authentic feels and a tear or two or ten. 

Please attend to this holiness within yourSelf.  
And if you’ve never heard of the magical clothing @magnoliapearlclothing do your heart another favor and invest in one of their works of art. 

2025-06-23T14:07:00.002-06:00

The world may feel crazy and uncertain right now, but the earth still spins, the sun still rises, and the Solstice still blesses us with Its golden light.

This sacred seasonal threshold is a gentle reminder: We are not powerless. We are radiant, rooted, and rising. We belong to the Earth, and she belongs to us. Our ancestors knew this. They paused, gave thanks, lit fires, made offerings, and danced with the rhythm of the seasons.

Summer Solstice is an invitation to shine your brightest light and step fully into your power. We’re still deep in the Solstice vibe, with Neptune and Saturn in Aries calling forth the Spiritual Warrior in each of us. Not the one who fights to destroy—but the one who stands for truth, peace, beauty, and alignment with your own truth and authenticity. Do something this weekend—or this month to align with the frequency of the Sun at its peak energy. Take inventory of your strengths. Celebrate your achievements. Honor your gifts, talents and skills. Let go of any victim mentality and SHINE your brightest Light.

You don’t need a bonfire or a temple. Just step outside. Turn your routines into rituals.
Make a tiny altar with flowers and spring water.
Do a few Sun Salutations.
Whisper a prayer to the sky.
Put your bare feet in the grass and connect with Mamma Gaia.

Stay grounded.
Stay grateful.
Stay connected.

Let in the Light. Shine on, beautiful humans . We are still deep in the Solstice glow.

Can We Do Better at Being Our Brother's Keeper?

2023-05-16T09:04:00.003-06:00

I just got the news last night that my friend, Parth Gandhi, killed his son and then himself a few days ago. I haven’t spoken to Parth in a good 8 months or so, but he was a friend. Such devastating news—I’m in shock. I knew he had struggled with depression in the past and had his shadows like the rest of us. But to kill your own son—what kind of emotional state must you be in? From what i could see, Parth appeared to be a really great dad that’s had full custody of his kids for well over a decade. Parth was a brilliant man and a neuropsychologist. Nothing typical about this incident. Not homeless, not unsuccessful, just a normal guy that seemed to always be seeking community.

How did we fail him? How are we failing countless others? What can we do for the multitudes struggling in our midst? How can we be better stewards of our tribe and loved ones? How can we be a better friend to those in our circle?

These are the questions I ask myself when confronted with this devastating news. Where can we best be a contribution to humanity? What gift(s) do you have that are lying dormant because you feel small, incapable, a nobody, not smart enough, not good enough?

We think it needs to be something grandiose, but I don’t believe that. I think it’s much more simple— like inviting someone to coffee, not because you’re lonely, but because you sense that another could use a listening ear. It could be encouraging someone with a dream they have…just your words of encouragement that cost you nothing to give. Perhaps you have an extra $100 that you know you’re just going to blow, but you choose to give it to someone that you know it would make a world of difference to receive.

These are things we ALL can do. We never know when our small gesture may just be the gesture needed to save a life, to give someone hope for the future, to restore their faith in humanity.

CHOOSE to be a force for good. CHOOSE to pay attention to the people around you—your family, your children, your co-workers, members of your church…CHOOSE to notice if someone feels a little down or “off” and at the risk of embarrassment or putting yourself out, ask if you can take them to lunch, or make them dinner, or offer to babysit their kids. There is no end to the things that will cost us nothing to do, that might just be the thing that saves a soul, that soothes a broken heart, that restores their faith for one more day—that people really do care, that they matter, that they are worthwhile.

We are entering (and have been going through) perilous times. We’ve been isolated with lockdowns and inconveniences, that have made it easier now without such restrictions, to stay comfortable in our homes, to remain in isolation, to hide away. Mental illness and loneliness are at all-time highs.

I challenge you (and me) to get uncomfortable, to put yourself out there, to share your gifts and strengths, to put more effort into the uplifting of your tribes, families, and neighborhoods. I challenge you to create unity with people that don’t think like you, that have different political views than you, and that come from different cultures and traditions than you. I challenge you to see the world and its inhabitants (including animals, trees, plants, bodies of water, elements, etc) as one family. As one nation. As part of a united whole.

It is the ONLY thing that will save us in the days ahead. It’s time to restore community, to restore tribe, to unite in compassion and love.

It’s also time to unite and stand up to tyrannical governments before it’s too late. That will come much more naturally when we feel united as neighbors, and countrymen/women.

Our first step is to reach out in our small circles and broaden those circles—to be more inclusive, more tolerant, and more compassionate. To be more aware, more conscious, and more dialed into our intuition. This will require something of you—doing your own inner work, addressing your own triggers and upsets, making peace with your past and present, becoming still inside through meditation, contemplation, being in nature, and immersion in silence. Fortify yourself now so that you can give to others and be a force for good.

My heart goes out to Parth’s daughters that lost their father and brother, to Om's mother who lost her dear son, to his son, Om, whose life was cut short, and to Parth who clearly felt this was his only option.

If you are struggling emotionally, I encourage you to reach out. There are always options, you just might not see them in the moment. You are seen, you are known, you are loved by the unseen. You matter. All lives matter. All lives count. Let’s be good stewards of ourselves and each other.

Blessings Beautiful Humans. May you see the Light that is always surrounding you in each moment. May you feel the love that is present in every rainbow, tree, songbird, and bubbling brook. May you feel the presence of Spirit in grief, sadness, and heartache. May you be well, may you be safe, and may you find joy.

Sincerely and with sooo much love. ~lf

Here's to the Mamma Bears...

2023-05-14T12:02:00.001-06:00

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mamma Bears out there!!

Here’s to the Mammas that care enough about their children, to not only educate themselves but to tune into their god-goddess-given-intuition to know how to love & protect their children best—the Mammas that take seriously their role & stewardship of protecting and defending their Littles against a crazy world.

Here’s to the Conscious Mammas that want to foster healthy & strong bodies!

That choose to shield their babies from GMO, pesticide-ridden, & processed foods. To the smart Mamas that feed their children whole & wholesome food, that shop at farmer’s markets, and care enough to grow their own.

Here’s to the Wise Mamas that know their children come fully intact, with immune systems, and in the Creator's image—that choose to breast-feed to boost immunity, that have the courage to tell their doctors they will not be injecting their littles with toxins and DNA altering substances—EVER.

Here’s to the Brave Mammas that stand up at school-board meetings, knowing they may end up on the FBI watchlist as they denounce CRT, gender ideology, fake science, drag queen story time, and a demoralized public education system.

Here’s to the Mamma Bears that want to keep boys out of women’s sports and from destroying their daughter’s dreams and hard work. Here’s to the Mammas that are working to keep men & boys out of their daughter’s locker rooms and bathrooms in restaurants, department stores, and parks where girls are vulnerable and unprotected.

Here’s to the Common Sense Mammas (a rare gift these days), that know and honor the scientific FACT that women are the only ones that can get pregnant…that will not stand for being called “birthing persons”, or “chest feeders”!

Here’s to the Smart Mammas that teach the beautiful little minds they have been entrusted with, to think for themselves, to follow their hearts, and to trust their own intuition. To the Mammas that instill confidence, courage, and creativity in their little ones.

Annnnd… here’s to the real men that want to protect and honor real women. We need your strength, courage, love, and support to stand up to the ridiculous woke mob that is threatening to destroy our society and erase women.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Conscious, Wise, Brave, Common Sense, Smart, Mamma Bears doing their best on the daily to love, serve, honor, and protect the hearts, minds, bodies, and souls of ALL the precious children of the World.

You are desperately needed, appreciated, valued, honored, and revered for the greatest work you will EVER do in this lifetime. May all the Mothers (and Fathers) be blessed and protected as we carry out this sacred work on Planet Earth of protecting all of Mother Earth’s children.

May you be blessed for your sacred and honorable service. You are seen. You are known. You are valued. And you are loved.

©Laurie Frazier, The Maven

Breathe Fire? by Laurie Frazier

2022-11-20T11:00:00.005-07:00

One does not become enlightened

by imagining figures of light,

but by making the darkness conscious.”

~Carl Jung

Consciousness expands only when we integrate something from the unconscious/shadow. When we are fully aware of and embrace our own darkness within, is when we truly become whole, stop living in fear, and step into our true power.

I’ve had this fridge magnet for years with a picture of a lady in a dress smoking a long cigarette and looking cool af that says, “She had not yet decided whether to use her power for good or evil.’ (Insert mwahahahah)

What that quote has always communicated to me loud and clear is the power of choice. She is just observing. She isn’t reacting to a fucking thing. She is surveying the scene with amusement….watching all the fuckheads, deciding if it’s worth her time to retaliate, and if the entertainment value will be worth it or if she’ll be better served by just turning and walking away. She can choose either. That’s where the power lies.

If she had not integrated her own monster (see Jordan Peterson), she might be afraid. She may not know what to say or do when somebody fucks with her. She’ll have to talk to her friends about it and see what they think…yawn.

The thing is if you never fight back, if all you give out is love and light, if you let people walk all over you, and never say a peep, for you to continue with that behavior…. Is that virtuous? No. You lack courage and balls and hide under the guise of virtue signaling.

“ If you are not capable of cruelty, you are a victim to anyone that is.”

~J. Peterson.

On the other end of this scale are the pathetically evil people. They tend to be reactive, emotional powder kegs, ready to explode with any given trigger. They have no control over their choices. They are not the observer. They are the reactor. They react to their lust and addiction to sex, drugs, and alcohol, they react to their desperate need for validation, and they react when they realize they have no power or control over even themselves. They are powerless to choose from a place of goodness and morality that doesn’t involve manipulation.

Both are a result of the total denial of their shadow, and the fear of taking a deep, hard look within. It’s easier for all of them to just point their fingers in the direction of those who’ve done them wrong, or to those they themselves have wronged (reverse victim mode).

The thing about really good people is that they are consciously choosing to be so. They’re not choosing it bc they don’t know how to fight back, they’re not choosing it because they are afraid to do otherwise or are fearful of what others may think of them. They are choosing it because they can.

Let me speak for mySelf as that’s really all I know….

Because I have real-life experience of standing up for myself over and over, because I’ve verbally bitch-slapped numerous people in the face with no fear, because I have taken from those that have taken from me with no shame, because I have sent evil straight back to the sender with no concern of any repercussions…and I’m not afraid to use my darkness against the forces of evil and feel 100% justified while I'm doing it….that makes me whole—and according to Jordan Peterson, “dangerous.”

Because of this, when I choose not to return evil with evil, it’s a conscious choice because I’m also not easily triggered. It's very easy for me to walk away.

Howeverrrr, there may be rare situations when I do choose the dark, and it won’t be unconsciously or because I’m being reactive to another’s injustice. Rest assured, it will be calculated and exacting for maximum impact and all the forces of Light will be on my side if I choose to do so. My choice to invoke the powers of hell will come from ancient wisdom, the ancestors, and the law of reciprocity—not stupidity and my ego.

I believe that wherever there is the potential for the greatest good, the opposite must also be true. One must know oneSelf as capable of both— therein lies the virtue. To observe. To respond and not react. To put on your armor or walk the fuck away. These days I just ask myself, which one will be more entertaining?

What about you? Have you integrated your 'monster'? Do you know what he/she is capable of? It's not an easy task for those (especially women) who have been taught their entire lives to "be nice". It's nothing I've ever aspired to when there are soooo many more interesting things one can be.

I was fortunate to be raised by a looong line of badass women that knew how to speak their truth and had the power to control their own destinies. I passed that on to my daughters, and I hope you'll stop telling yours to "be nice".

"As for my girls, I'll raise them to believe they breathe fire."~Jessica Kirkland

2022 Another World is on Her Way...

2021-12-31T16:47:00.005-07:00

As I was reflecting on 2021 and the year ahead…the word hope came to mind. Instantly I was reminded of a self-development program I participated in almost 20 years ago where we were told, “There is no hope.” At the time, I totally bought it. I was a believer and a know-er. I didn’t need hope. It was certainly nothing I’d ever relied upon. It felt kinda like Yoda where he says, “There is no try, there is just do.” There is no hope…you just know or you don’t.

My world was pretty black and white back then. I agreed with them. There is no hope. Fuck hope. Forge through and create your own reality, bitches. That’s what I’d been doing all of my life. Fortunately for me, my super-powers have been recognizing truth, exposing falsehoods, and having faith in something greater than my physical self—even if it’s just my Higher Self.

I’ve also had a very strong inner knowing about things…my path…my mission in life…what my next steps were. I’d ponder, go within or in nature…my answers always came quickly and I’ve been blessed to never doubt that voice. I’ve taken bold steps forward towards whatever answers I’ve received no matter how crazy they appeared to those around me. I never “hoped” things would work out in my life—I just knew they would.

As I thought about this, an old scripture from somewhere came to mind—“…for some it is given to know, and for others it is given to believe on the words of another…” I’ve been blessed to always know—even in my darkest hours. But I’m clear now that is not everyone’s blessing—and it certainly wasn't mine this summer, either.

I found myself in a slump, wondering what it was all for? Why even move ahead with my purpose work and mission when the world is completely going to hell—seemingly beyond repair. Why will anyone care about spirituality, healthy relationships, politics, etc when they may not even have food to eat if things continue like this. So much craziness in the world, how would we ever be able to turn things around.

I found myself at a farmer’s market talking to a beautiful shine-y 80 year old man that had an heirloom tomato booth. I had a couple of amazing friends that showed up to remind me of who I am. And I got a clear download that my only job was to stay inspired. So I took that advice to heart and went back to work on my projects, but I was just going through the motions.

I decided to volunteer in that tomato garden. I wasn’t in that garden more than 5 minutes when I felt a palpable surge of what hope must feel like. It’s like the Light had returned to the building. It was someone’s back yard that my new friend had rented and had turned into the most beautifully organized rows and rows of tomatoes, basil, squash, cucumbers, blackberries, etc. In that moment, as I picked what seemed to be no end in sight to ripe, cherry tomatoes, the sun was peaking through a near by peach tree, there were a handful of happy people in the garden harvesting tomatoes, and all the bad news on CNN seemed to evaporate like a think fog at sunrise. This was real life. This garden community was the embodiment of hope, I thought. There were no signs of the bs being spouted on the tv here.

No gloom and doom, no death and destruction, no tyranny or antifa in sight. Just happy, healthy people, creating life from tiny seeds and harvesting the real fruits of all of their love and labor. Almost all of us volunteering…gladly accepting all the tomatoes we could eat in dynamic exchange. I recalled a time my sister took up cross-stitching right after our grand-father had passed and she called it her “cross-stitch therapy” These Saturday mornings in the garden were clearly becoming my “tomato therapy” to a world gone bad.

I became a believer in hope in that garden in the summer of 2021. I thought all could be well in the world if everyone just turned their yards into gardens. Such a small step…had the potential to change everything, I thought.

As 2022 looms with as much uncertainty as the previous two, may I offer a glimmer of hope on this literal dark moon in which we enter the new year. Seems an appropriate entre, though. The Dark Moon occurs approximately two days before the New Moon when the sky is completely dark. Often correlated with a dark night of the Soul moment. It’s one of those in-between moments when the light of the waning moon has dissipated, but before the ever so slight, shimmering crescent of the New Moon appears. If there were one symbol of hope, I'd choose a new moon for sure—or a garden.

We find ourselves in a dark place, some of us are lacking hope that the light may ever return at all. It is always darkest before the dawn. But the dawn always comes and the sun always rises. At this New Year’s Eve, as we recall year’s past attending parties, making merry, setting our resolutions, and a flurry of activity, may I suggest something a little more meaningful and more appropriate for the time we find ourselves…perhaps a moment of rest and reflection on the past year.

This is a time of stillness and wisdom. It’s a completion of a cycle, so before we forge ahead, what is it that we would like to leave behind? What have you simply had enough of…what is it that you will no longer stand for? Are you ready to end that toxic relationship or that job that no longer sets your soul on fire? What old, worn out ways of being just aren’t working for you anymore? What would serve you best to let go of?

In Numerology the year 2022 equates to a six year, the planet Venus, and the tarot card of The Lover’s. Many think The Lovers card is all about romance, relationships and new partnerships and while it is, it’s also about a turning point, a choice making year—even a crisis point year. Will you choose one path over another…will you take this direction or that…will you choose to stay in a relationship or choose to move on…or perhaps you will seek to bring together seemingly opposing factors into one harmonious unit.

We all have a choice to make this year. Will we choose love or will we choose to remain in fear? Will we choose to unite…or succumb to the separation and segregation being foisted upon us? Will we choose freedom or comply to more tyranny? This is not a year to be in the middle of the road.
As Venus retrogrades in Capricorn and hovers around Pluto…this energy is asking us to re-evaluate what is important to us on a soul-deep level. What do we value…really? What is the most authentic thing for us in this new space that we find ourselves? Who do we want to move forward with in this new world to come? What and who sets your soul on fire? What goals are worthy of your time, energy and effort?

Maybe these questions feel heavy. It’s been a pretty dark couple of years…if your hope is waning, if it’s difficult for you to imagine a new, more beautiful world… I got you. I believe, “Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.”

In order for the new to come, there must be a death of the old. I believe this is what we are experiencing. Apparently we were just too comfortable to notice the shit show that was and has been all around us…from how our children have been being educated, to big Pharma getting out of control, to our country accepting all the processed foods, pesticides and additives that smarter countries have banned, to fraudulent elections and power hungry politicians that feel no responsibility to their constituents, to the fake news media, to a healthcare system that cares nothing for science, to exalting that which is toxic and banning all that is truly healthy, to censorship that is obvious even to the ignorant, to promoting neither safe nor effective jabs over boosting one’s natural immunity…FFS….you can’t not see ALL of this?! I’m ok to see a massive demise of all of the above! Let it all come crashing down.

My hope/trust/belief/knowing is that a new Earth is on its way. One where we unite not only as neighbors and countrymen/women, but citizens of the world. I believe countless humans around the globe have had enough and are standing up for their rights and their freedom.

I believe more parents than ever are finally taking an interest in their children’s learning and are banning together to create alternative homeschool/neighborhood alternatives.

I believe good doctors, nurses, natural paths, herbalist, acupuncturist will one day ban together with therapist, shadow workers, counselors and coaches to holistically heal their patients.

I believe that one day a prescription of forest bathing, yoga & meditation, eating live wholesome foods, or getting a pet to care for will be as common a cure and more effective than a slip for pain pills or anti-depressants.

I believe one day we will no longer accept toxic pesticides on our food, or tolerate processed and artificial foods on our grocery shelves, but will opt for farmer’s market’s, neighborhood gardens, and learning to grow our own food again.

I believe one day, we will all do work that we love, that feels meaningful and purposeful and no one will settle for a job or a relationship that is not their authentic truth. I believe in a world that welcomes the creation of free energy, free internet, and creative and innovative invention in all areas of life.

I believe that new Earth is on its way. To assist in the ushering in of this new Earth, may I suggest, on this New Year’s Eve and day, some quiet time for re-evaluation…for re-thinking, re-imagining, re-aligning with your heart-centered desires, gaining clarity on your highest values. Perhaps simplifying your life to its barest essentials so that you may have the energy to take action on what is the most important to you, and where you can make your most joyful and authentic contribution to a world that is in need of YOU, your Light, your positive energy, and your wisdom.

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.”― Margaret Mead

I believe that as each of us begins taking some kind of deliberate action, the Light will return. Such a small steps…can change everything. It’s not hard to imagine, with enough people involved in various areas, how quickly things can change for the better.

Look at the impact the Frontline Doctors have made. People all over the world want change. WE are the majority. Pick a thing. Choose something you are passionate about and get involved!! Be the change. Soon that small glimmer of hope will turn into the Light of a hundred suns and dispel the darkness that has enshrouded us and we will indeed find ourselves forging a path to that other world on her way.

Much love, blessings and hope for a new dawn in 2022.

2021-12-21T10:40:00.004-07:00

Happy Winter Solstice to All.

It is at the darkest point in the year, that the world unites to celebrate the return of the Light. Not when it’s at its brightest…but when its been through the darkest night of the Soul…and a small flicker of light breaks through at the end of a very long tunnel.

When the darkness gives birth to the Light. That’s when we cheer…when we have just a glimmer of hope that the Sun is returning. It’s been one of our darkest years for sure…but out of the darkness is born the Prince of Peace. Out of the ruble and destruction of the past can a new world emerge.

May we turn our gaze inward at this time, acknowledge the heaviness of our own darkness, the hell we’ve been through, the separation and isolation we have felt, and just embrace it and let it go.

It’s time to excavate our own Light, give birth to the Christ consciousness within and dream a new world into being. Who are you? Why have you chosen to be here at this time on Earth? What authentic gifts will you choose to bring forth to bring this new dream into reality?

WE are the ones we’ve been waiting for…no one is coming to save us. Only unity will save us. Love is the answer. Choose freedom over security, devotion over duty, and wisdom over knowledge.

Align with the energy of this Winter Solstice as we move boldly forward into the future.~laurie frazier

*Just a lil instagram post from 12/21 #wintersolstice #winter #winter2021 #lauriefrazier #mavenofmoksha #BEAUTIFULSILENCE #silence #light #returnofthelight #wintersolstice2021 #geminifullmoon #venusretrograde #christconsciousness #surya #sunworshipper #stonehenge

Ode to 2020

2021-04-06T11:18:00.006-06:00

Found this on my computer...something I started writing in January and never really finished or edited...just posting almost as a journal entry...

Thank you 2020 for all your Fuckery to wake people up
For people to see that conspiracy theories we’re not just theories. 
For people to be alerted to the dangers of vaccines
For people to appreciate a free economy and the beauty of owning your own business. 
Thank you 2020 for waking people up to the possibility of losing their freedom.

Thank you 2020 for helping us to appreciate mobility, free travel, and toilet paper 
Thank you 2020 for helping us to appreciate breathing clean air  and not being silenced 

For alerting us to the evils of censorship and
the so very obvious fuckery of the main stream media 
Thank you 2020 for alerting us to the truth of the deep state in collusion with the main stream media, Big Pharma, and the Central Banking System 

Thank you 2020 for that perfect fucking 20/20 vision to see truth more clearly than ever before. What a godsend you have been to our planet. 

Thank you 2020 for showing us that if we curtailed some of our unnecessary travel how quickly Mother Earth will repair herself without being a part of the Paris Accord or other green new deal bullshit.

Thank you 2020 for helping us to see how important our relationships are or just how dysfunctional and fucked they are because we had to spend more time with each other.

Thank you 2020 for helping us to see that we could do a lot more work from home than we ever thought possible, but also that we like going to our place of business for the social and communal aspect.

Thank you 2020 for helping us to figure out that we could design a different life for ourselves, for helping us to find new ways of making money...
For helping us lose jobs that we hated or to lose a business that we loved and how important that really is to us— or not. 

Thank you for the downtime to hear ourSelves think.
Thank you 2020 for helping us reevaluate every fucking thing in our lives and for helping us see blessings in the simple things. 
You won't be forgotten any time soon.

Range, Transformation, & the Spring Equinox

2021-03-19T21:57:00.042-06:00

I’ve been a spiritual teacher for 40 years now…seriously. Around the age of 14-15 I joined this group called Fellowship of Christian Atheltes. When I ws a junior in high school I was VP and as a senior I was President of that group. One of the things I taught were attributes of Christ…what the Bible said about it and how we could be more like Jesus. In college, I was part of a group called Jews for Jesus, and I ran my own Bible study in the dorm while majoring in Theology and World Religions. In my early 20’s, I started reading Deepak Chopra, Gary Zukav and Elkhart Tolle. I became interested in Eastern Religions and ways of life. When the Secret came out, I bought it for everyone I knew, sent it out for Christmas with a note saying, “Here’s what I’ve been trying to say for decades, all in one little DVD. Enjoy.”

Then came the Moon Show, that had an almost 7 year run…I get requests all the time to bring it back. And most know I’m a Chopra Certified instructor & and an Ayurvedic Wellness Counselor. Blah, blah, blah…over the past year, if anyone had visited my Facebook page, none of that would have been evident. I took a deep dive into the political arena and current events. Many of my social media followers did not like it, and I lost a lot of “friends.” I’ve had many people let me know that I needed to return to my old Self…that they didn’t like this Laurie, and they wanted all my old posts back. Others weren’t so gentle with their criticism.

I’ve been sitting with that for a few months, “toned it down”, and have been contemplating all of this. Was it a mistake to be so public with my opinions in this hostile environment? Should I stop posting things that are controversial? Should I go back to my peaceful planet? Get my “followers” back? “Ewww” are the words that spill out of my mouth as I write these lines….and a big, “Fuck no,” is my answer.

It’s like growing up a girl you’re expected to choose—are you going to be smart, beautiful or funny? Because you certainly can’t be all three. And now…am I going to define mySelf as spiritual or political? Am I going to write about how to tap into your inner intuition, find your purpose and passion, or shall I share the horrors of socialism, communism, and experimental inoculations? Hmmmm. Decisions…decisions.

First of all, I’m certainly not going to allow anyone to tell me what to do—crossed that bridge decades ago—ask my mother. I’ve been the boss of me most of my life. Here’s the deal, people—we can be ALL the things.

When I graduated from Boston College, I wanted to go to law school and get into politics…I ended up getting married instead and getting into motherhood. Throughout the years, I leaned much more to the spiritual side, and when there where issues that were important to me, I’d speak up—like fluoride in the water, or having to vaccinate my kids (which I did not do). I always felt like politics was such a corrupt system (on both sides) and that there just wasn’t much I could do—no difference to be made—so I stayed out of it. And all those years, my life stayed pretty much the same. I got exemptions for the vaccines that I refused, I traveled the world, bought water elsewhere, and political ideologies came and went with each election. Same, same.

We are no longer in that #samesame place. Shit has gotten real. Our civil liberties, our constitutional rights, our inalienable rights are hanging by a very short thread, and are disappearing with every letter I type. What we do now—makes a difference—to our children, our grandchildren and to our quality of life. To me….those things—freedom, god-given-rights, free travel, what I do with my own body/temple IS SPIRITUAL. It is the classic battle between good and evil. And for me—I’m not about to sit back waving the rose quartz Love and Light Wand, whilst burying my head in the sand repeating meaningless mantras and affirmations. Sorry, NOT SORRY. I have a voice, and I’m going to use it—whenever I feel so inspired to do so. I’m going to share the things I learn, know and believe—my intention is ALWAYS that it is for the betterment, health & well-being of others within my reach.

This all seems to fall into my old category of #toomuch. Why is it that people want to limit us and put us into a two-dimensional container they can understand? There’s Susie, she is super hot, there’s Mike he is a techno wizard, there’s Annie she’s a spiritual guru, Andy—he’s a conspiracy guy and Joe…well he’s just a lazy fuck. I think it makes people feel safe, they think they know you, how you’ll respond to things and it makes them feel safe. If they put you in a box, allow you to have your one thing you’re good at or known for—then at least they can feel superior in a different category. Heaven forbid you are sharing the same gig.

But that’s not me—and, I’m sure it’s not you either. We’ve got range. I used to say that with a bestie of mine when we were in the dating world. I’m not just a pretty face! I’m smart, too…and sometimes—I’m fucking funny. I have a variety of interests and several areas of expertise. I can have a great conversation with just about anyone on the planet. I don’t fear life…I’m not afraid of people. That makes me a lil formidable I guess…a tad dangerous. I’m not afraid to call a spade a spade or walk mask-less into any given place of business.

I’ve been feeling a huge shift coming on…a transformation of life as I know it. For the past 5 years, I’ve been isolated on a mountain top during the snowiest winter on record, I got rid of all of my stuff (again) to go off and be a humanitarian indefinitely in Romania & Nepal, almost died in India, got the message I was “off-purpose” and was told to go home and write my books. Having no choice as I was literally at deaths door, I came back. And, I’ve been writing for 3 years…almost exclusively, and mostly in self-appointed lock-down. I’ve completed two books, completely different one that is currently being edited, to be released SOON. The other is one in a 4 part series that I hope to have out the end of the year.

During this “quiet time” I met someone. A perfect some one for me, and he says I am the perfect someone for him. It’s better than I’d even imagined in all my silent manifesting. Could not be happier together….and It’s been complicated. When we met he was in the process of divorcing. As both of my divorces were over in 2 weeks or less because there were no issues—I basically said,”…you can have it all, I’m out,”—twice, I didn’t think it would be a big deal. Well…apparently divorce isn’t that simple for most people, and this divorce is now going on a year and a half. Funny…I’d already started writing, Get A Fucking Divorce, Already and let’s just say, it’s given me a lot more material to work with…coincidence? Ahhh the Universe is always fucking with me in the most playful and humorous ways. Well, I’d like to think I’ve not created this long-drawn-out situation…we’ll see. Ask me next year when my book is selling off the shelves!

So back to transformation…it’s coming for me. I’ve been a request for it. The quiet life is on it’s way out. I adopted two very active Bengal Cats a couple weeks ago—they’ve already changed my life. I’ll soon be a published author and a bonus mom to 4 young kids! I have several other businesses in the works that will begin unfolding.

My man and I took a drive to look at some beautiful homes in Park City on Sunday. I barely touched my wrist and my Mala beads of ELEVEN YEARS that I wear nearly everyday, just fell off! I purchased these sandalwood Mala beads at the Chopra Center when I began my certification in the Chopra teacher training program. I was definitely starting a new path—I became a life coach soon after. They have been with me all over the world— Bali, Bora Bora, London, Paris, Rishikesh, Singapore, Japan and through at least 4 relationships.

Mala means prayer, so they’re like prayer beads, not a lot different from my Catholic rosary. When I put these on in the morning I feel like I’m putting on the “armor of God”, as I have used these “prayer beads” in daily meditation for years. They’re kind of like my security blanket. And just like that, with no strain or pressure, they just let go. A broken Mala symbolizes a broken cycle. It's a sign to bring new intentions into your life as your current ones no longer serve you—which is exactly what I’d been doing.

It was definitely “a sign” and it wasn’t lost on me that I’d been talking about transformation non-stop. I’ve been actively creating what I want my new life to look like. The day prior, I decided to do an in-depth cleanse for 21 days…felt like it would be the necessary reset and transition into the next phase of my life. And… I had a chat with my snake, Verdi, of 16 years, to let him know what’s up. Turns out he sheds at approximately the time I’m going through major transformations. That was yesterday for him. Today my landlord said the home I’d been in for 3 years had sold so now a move is on the horizon—so if you know of a magical place…! Meanwhile, the Universe continues to speak of my unfolding transformation…right as the vernal Equinox arrives tomorrow.

I look with wonder at all that is before me with gratitude. Goodness, magic and mercy seem to follow me all the days of my life. You can expect that I will continue to broaden my “range”, as I hope you will do the same, ever evolving. I will always be that Spiritual Soul first—that is my come from in all that I do—it’s my core and my foundation. Knowing mySelf, trusting my intuition, and following my heart are what I do best. You can find me spreading my wings and playing the role of author, relationship transformer, and activist. Time for Laurie 5.5

Blessed Spring to you all…may we cease resisting our own blooming and embrace all there is to unfold in grace and perfection.

How Do You Curate Beauty?

2020-03-23T19:53:00.001-06:00

On March 13, 2020, in the early days of the covid-19 quarantine, I made a very simple post that said this,

“This is a corona-free zone. Don’t contribute to the chaos. Please. Do whatever is in your power to stay out of fear. Your anxiety, panic, hoarding mentality, and chaos contributes to the collective vibe. Energy... it’s a thing. Clean up your space by being positive, sharing your toilet paper😂, talking about your grandkids, your new projects and things you’re passionate about. Be kind. Have compassion. Tell some jokes. Eat healthy delicious food.

If you’re going to tap into your fear.... maybe dig a lil deeper and see what it’s triggered within and what it’s really about. Do some work around it. It won’t be just about this dumb virus. There will be more. Learn to be the peace within which is your birthright. But it’s a practice, peeps. It requires some conscious effort like meditation, spending time in nature and silence. If you did any of that more than tapping into the crazy, you’d be good. Peace in Peeps.”🙏🏼💕🌙

Below it I’d taken a picture of me in that moment, legs crossed in my fave leggings, eating some delicious organic coconut yogurt with nuts and a bowl of berries on the side, I had a beautiful version of Hare Krishna by Wah! playing in the background. In the picture happened to be this huge book of Buddha in pinks and blues that perfectly matched the rug I’d intentionally placed it by. What you can’t see is that I’d just read a beautiful verse form the Rig Veda. On the picture I wrote:

Relax People

Eat some healthy food

Read some uplifting books

Listen to some holy tunes

Make yourself a cup of tea and…

Breathe

I was surprised by how many shares and likes that simple post received. For me, it was just a very typical morning in my life of how I’ve started my day for years and similarly for decades. Carefully chosen organic healthy food, holy, inspiring music and texts, meditation and mindfulness. It has created a rock-solid foundation for me that keeps me grounded and at peace amidst all kinds of storms and chaos.

I believe that what we seek, we will always find, whether it’s positive or negative. When I was a young teen, I had a poster I’d hung near my bed of some people hiking on a beautiful, sunny, autumn day. The quote on the poster was from the Bible Jeremiah 29:13 “And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.” I kept it for years, brought it to college with me and it gladdened my heart and inspired me so much. I was clear, that if I had a question, I would find the answer.

I used to say I was a seeker of truth, reading all the holy books, venturing out to all the different churches, investing in a degree in theology from the Jesuits at Boston College. I was a serious seeker. What I’ve come to see is that I’ve concurrently been a seeker of beauty. In fact, I can hardly separate the two. I can so relate and feel straight to my bones the line from Keats poem, Ode on a Grecian Urn:

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all

Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

Beauty—it’s one of my highest values. I see it everywhere and in everything. I find it in places that most wouldn’t, in my own heart-break and devastation, in the joyful faces of people in India living in abject poverty, at the end of fall, just before winter when everything is dead and colorless. I see beauty. I can’t not see it in literally everything.

I create beauty in my surroundings, inside and out. I decorate my home not by anyone else’s standards, but by that which brings joy to my heart. The perfect whimsical pillows in just the right spot, the fuzzy rugs, and blankets, the holy statues gathered from around the world of Buddhas, goddesses, and planets. I have altars in various rooms and live plants and bonsais that become friends. I place bird feeders out every window and keep them filled to attract more friends that delight my 5-year-old-heart at every sighting. Outside I make every yard I live in better than when I found it, raking old leaves, gathering unwanted debris, planting herbs and flowers, putting up twinkly lights in all the right spots, setting up cozy sitting areas, fire-pits and hammocks. I create beauty.

I curate beauty by knowing who I am and what delights and inspires my Soul. I love this verb ‘to curate’. It means to collect, select and present information or items for people to use or enjoy, using your professional or expert knowledge. A curator is a keeper or custodian of a museum or other collection. A curator has expert knowledge and gathers that which is relevant. Become a ‘conscious curator’ of your Soul and surround yourself with all that brings you joy and nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Do you know what those things are?

For starters, I buy the healthiest, most delicious organic food that my budget allows. I prefer to mindfully prepare my food to going out to dinners, or take-out. I enjoy infusing my food with love for those I have the privilege to share it with. I surround mySelf with the most inspiring, high calibrating books and refer to them often and share what I’ve found with those around me. I like to buy things that have spiritual meaning and significance to me to place around my home to inspire. I only buy clothes that I absolutely love, in fabrics and colors that I find nurturing and comfortable to be myself in.

It makes sense that I’d also curate my friends and the people I spend time with. I’ve let go of many that drained my energy and vitality with negativity and victim mentality. I hold close to those that are authentic, can tell me like it is, and that feel good to my heart. It’s a much smaller circle, but what it lacks in breadth it more than makes up for in depth, sincerity, and warmth.

In these more quiet times of quarantine and social distancing, use your time wisely. Remember that old saying, “cleanliness is next to godliness.” I hated it as a messy kid, now however, I totally get it. Messes and disorganization distract us, it’s like background noise you don’t like. A friend of mine calls it psychic drag. Go through your home, if you don’t love something, give it away or repurpose it. Clean up the piles, manage the paper, hang up your clothes, and organize all your stuff. Now everything you did externally, go within and do some spring-cleaning of your Soul. Let go, forgive, move on, quit your addictions, write the letter, send the text, make the phone call. Integrate, purge, embody, transform.

Any area of your life you’ve declared a disaster zone, clean it up, fix it or let it go. How can you make these areas more beautiful? First, you can inject love. Love is always the answer, no matter the question, a wise lil owl once told me. Second, you can change your perspective about the situation, by seeing the 10,000-foot view. What’s good about the situation, or what could be good about it? How could you re-frame things to write a better story that is more in alignment with the truth you want to live?

You have been gifted some much-needed down-time. Ask yourSelf the big questions like who am I, what do a really want and what is my purpose here? If you find it difficult to just rest in the quiet and be with yourself without turning on the tv, or incessant social media, ask yourself why. What are you avoiding? What don’t you want to see? Survey all areas of your life for what’s authentic and what isn’t. What areas light you up and make your heart smile and which areas feel heavy, no fun and out-worn? Where do you see beauty and where does your life deserve an overhaul?

The things that are true for you, that are genuine and authentic, will always be beautiful. They will energize and enliven you. The things that are fake and false, that insult your soul, are not for you and will never be sustainable. When you try to be that which you are not, it is life-draining. When you try to fit in at a job you hate, with friends that don’t share your values, or do things just because everybody else is or you feel it’s what’s expected of you, it will always feel heavy. Fake, false and inauthentic equals life-suck and soul-less. Authentic, true and genuine equals beauty and soul-full.

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know." Choose beauty. Choose truth. Choose you. It’s all you need to know. #ISEEBEAUTY

“I am certain of nothing but of the holiness of heart’s affections and the truth of imagination. What the imagination seizes as Beauty must be truth whether it existed before or not. For I have the same idea of all our passions as of love, they are all in their sublime, creative of essential beauty….”~John Keats in his letter to Amy Lowell

Rescue Mission To Reclaim the Neglected & Abandoned

2020-02-12T18:51:00.002-07:00

Photo Cred: @kimzier11 Instagram

Does anybody else love exploring old and abandoned buildings? I've had a passion for this since I could walk. What’s that?!? What is in THERE? With wild abandon I still charge past the no trespassing and do not enter signs, as if they were invisible and certainly never intended for me. Those are for people that live in fear and follow the rules for their own safety and all the other bullshit they were taught. I certainly wasn’t afraid of crumbling buildings, overgrown weeds, or snakes and spiders that may have been lurking around the next corner. Nor did the thought of bums that may have taken up residence concern me, ‘cuz well… I made friends easily. I certainly wasn’t going to worry myself with getting in trouble, because who was going to be in any of these godforsaken, abandoned places anyway? Besides, if some law enforcement happened to show…remember—people like me. None of that ‘what if’ shit ever registered with my head-strong lil Aries Soul. The rules were never for me, and when confronted with one, it always felt like a challenge to be immediately broken, just because it dared to exist in my presence.

I came across a picture today of an old, deserted Victorian home, similar to the one in which I grew up in Maine. I was struck, as I always am, by my love and intrigue for the abandoned and neglected. My first remembrance of this was as a child, exploring Mrs. LaSalle's all but forgotten, scary building behind her home. She was an elderly, unkind woman and former teacher. Inside this odd building were damp and dusty books with pictures of naked body parts and galaxies that surely contained the mysteries of the Universe to a 6-year-olds imagination. To make it even creepier, a real-life skeleton lurked in the corner. There was never much light in there, it had a weird smell and you can imagine the crazy stories the neighborhood kids would make up about this mysterious place. I was warned repeatedly not to go in there but the place just oozed with the dark and unknown and I couldn’t help myself.

I’m taking a couple of classes currently, one on depth psychology and the other on the shadow and astrology, so I decided to explore this curiosity a little more. This fascination of neglected and abandoned buildings has been a theme in my dreams and in life has expanded into retrieving, reclaiming and renovating places like that. The home I’m in now was abandoned for over a year when it landed in my lap, in desperate need of some TLC. Needless to say, with a little help, lots of cleaning, painting, love and sweat equity, I’ve shined it up to a proper palace worthy of this goddess.

AddPhoto Cred: @szary.burek on Instagram

When I lived on a beautiful property I called The Enchanted Cottage, I went to work (often with the assistance of others—but always driven by my love of the place) at reclaiming the forested acre lot. It was completely over-grown and hardly walkable. By the end of my 10 years of devoted service, there were twig-lined paths, a renovated tree-house, and countless herbs, flowers, and bird-feeders scattered perfectly about. Many of the trees I’d climbed myself to place twinkly lights and hang wind chimes to make it extra magical.

Why, though? Why couldn’t I just find the perfect spot from the beginning? Why did I always have to feel like I was rescuing something? Well… enter junior psychologist. Maybe it's because I’ve felt abandoned, neglected and unwanted. Hmmm...way to go Sherlock. It's always been my core wounding. I have been reclaiming myself through rescuing birds with broken wings, feeding small, wild creatures, and providing a roof and warm meal to various friends and family members in need for years. I’m the one inviting all those folks with no place to go for Thanksgiving or Christmas over for dinner. I’ve always gotten into homes bigger than I needed just in case…somebody else needs a spot. I’ve never wanted anyone to feel abandoned on my watch, or to feel alone without assistance in a cold, cruel world. Always providing a message of hope for the weary traveler of life. “Ooh, child….things are going to get easier and brighter.” Oh…how sweet, lil Laurie. No….that wasn’t it.

It was all just bread crumbs from my soul regarding my deepest shadow desire to be loved and nurtured arising from my deepest shadow fear of being rejected and abandoned. For someone to say to me, you…YOU are worth saving. YOU are worth my time, effort and industry to see that you have all that you need to thrive, dear one. I adore all that you are. Every crack and crevice, every shadow and unexplored dark and dreary place within…every pettiness, meanness, and smallness. I will love all of those places inside of you every bit as much (and maybe more) as all your magnificent, outstanding, exceptional and exquisite places. Your brilliant, sacred, and beautiful Soul I will revere along with your grace, freedom, and wisdom. I embrace all that you are, with every bit of my heart and soul. You will never want for anything and I will always cradle you within my arms like the wide-open Universe holds its treasured stars, planets, and galaxies. You will be cherished and adored as if the hope of all humanity resides in your perfect blossoming and unfolding. You are that important to all of creation.

Is that not our deepest desire? To be loved and cherished exactly as we are in this moment, and all past and future moments? To be so cherished that none would ever dream of casting us off?

We are that important to all of creation. We are here to heal ourselves from our perceived brokenness over lifetimes. We are here to gather up all the seeming fragments of our Soul over eons of misunderstood abuse, poverty, rejection, and abandonment. We are here to feel all of the rage, shame, guilt, apathy, fear, pride, and grief of those lifetimes and transmute and transcend it all to higher levels of consciousness where all of it is accepted, honored and embraced. Where none of the shadow aspects of humanity are left behind but are loved into wholeness. We feel, therefore we are. We embrace all because we are one.

Where have you ever felt rejected and abandoned, and how can you go about not doing that same thing to yourSelf any longer? How and where do you deserve reclaiming? How can you give yourSelf that gift? Where have you been orphaned? What aspects of yourself have you just completely neglected like some red-headed step-child? Is it your health? Weight? Spirituality? Anger? Desire? Your passions? What have you put on the shelf and said, ‘you will have to wait’…or 'you don’t deserve this or that' or 'that isn’t important right now'? And how dare you deny your Soul its very life, breath, and passion? Who are you (shell/ego/boss) to say your art will have to wait…finding love will have to wait…taking care of your body will have to wait… being angry will have to wait? How dare you? How dare you deny yourself well-being, vitality, excitement, and joy. For what? And 'til when? (When do you get to reclaim and renovate your Soul?)

This isn’t about blaming or shaming somebody for not giving these things to you. This isn’t about finding the right somebody that will be all that for you. It's about reclaiming ourSelves, ourSelves. It is about loving ourSelves and our perceived stories of being cast-off, abused and abandoned and making it right within ourSelves by refusing to continue the abuse. It’s about us loving us enough to allow ourSelves everything that we need and desire. It’s about feeling worthy and giving ourselves permission to eat the cake, paint the picture, explore unchartered territory within ourSelves. It's about having the curiosity to explore those hidden depths of our own psyche like a lover. It's about feeling all the love and compassion of our Higher Selves, knowing all was purposeful and for our benefit. It's about giving ourSelves permission to fully love the entirety of our own Selves with the wild, ecstatic abandon of the Divine that resides within us.

I realized my love for this exploration of seemingly dark and abandoned places has translated so beautifully into my life’s work, mission, and passion. Through reclaiming and renovating my own Soul, by acknowledging, loving and embracing all the parts I felt were unlovable, undesirable, and unwanted within mySelf, I can now love and honor them in others. Where there was judgment, I now find acceptance.

I've come to the realization that what I find lurking in the shadows of another has become the most beautiful to me. It is their darkness I long to embrace, the perfection in their seeming imperfection that holds my intrigue. Perhaps it's because they hide it from most and I feel honored and trusted when they allow that aspect of themselves out in my presence. Maybe it's because it's the most intimate and vulnerable place within us and as such feels so fragile and everything in me wants to provide a soft landing for its exploration.

I believe the work of self-discovery into our own depths is the greatest journey we'll ever take. To excavate what we've demonized or abandoned, to find what we've suppressed, repressed, denied and projected in all the various ways and then to lovingly bring it to the surface and into the Light is an act of tremendous courage and bravery. There is nothing more exciting or intriguing to me than the reclamation of seemingly lost Souls (to themselves, only) and their restoration to wholeness. It's always a beautiful thing when our wounds turn into wisdom to heal and bless others.

So…how do you approach shadow work? Have you taken that deep dive? Do you plunge in head first, with intrigue and excitement like me, or are you the more cautious, trepidatious type? Maybe you’re afraid of what you may find in that abandoned building—a bum, robber, rapist or monster? Maybe it feels like an old lean-to— dangerous, dilapidated, and unsafe in there? Perhaps you read the 'do not enter sign' and you believe someone else knows better than you and you should definitely take heed of the rules. Maybe you fear the consequences of disobedience? Or perhaps you've cast an invisible cloak around your shadow a long time ago and don't even think yours exists. Just notice, what's your typical jam when it comes to this kind of Soul work.

And if you don't know where to start and you happen to deserve a guide, I may just be your girl! Blessings beautiful, shadow explorers. May the Light of your own Soul guide you on your path to freedom and Self-love.

Peace—A Simple Start

2020-01-08T23:28:00.002-07:00

Dear Humans…

So you’re not a world leader…what can you do to create peace on Earth?

We are living in what feels like very uncertain times where nothing feels stable anymore and everything seems to be changing and undergoing massive disruption. Rest assured, this is on purpose. Radical transformation is necessary on every level of life from a world perspective between governments and nations, to our blessed Pancha Mamma in upheaval with fires and calamity all about, to our justified concerns about the quality of our air and water, to the perversion of our food through pesticides and GMO's, to the whoredoms of big pharma at the absolute detriment of our health, to the bastardization of religion at the detriment of our spiritual well-being, to the destructive programming of our sacred littles in public education. (Think Jesus overturning the tables of the money changers in the temple court.) That’s how I see what’s happening in our world right now. Transformation, overthrow, do-over—it’s time. The universe, earth, humans, animals, and plants say ENOUGH! Whatever we’ve been doing isn’t working—or it’s working perfectly to wreak enough havoc so people have to up their give-a-shit-quotient and wake up from their Muggle-Slumber. This won't be a quick fix and will require all hands on deck.

Change is challenging for many of us. And if you're of the ilk that attempts to keep everything in your life ‘status quo’ and smooth-like, this may be an even more difficult time for you. The upset in our personal lives is just a microcosm of the macrocosm. Our current state of global affairs is simply a reflection of our planetary collective (un)conscious. No person, organization, world leader, or institution of any kind, is to blame other than ourSelves. This is OUR collective doing. Every bit of it. We can no longer point our fingers outside of ourselves and blame another because we are the other. We will NEVER heal that way. Separation, duality and an 'us vs them' mentality are what has us in this place.

What can lil old you possibly do to make a difference in this crazy world?

First of all, you can stop complaining, bitching, moaning and whining. Until we step out of our personal victim-mentality and take radical personal responsibility and ownership for the heaven or shit-show of our lives, and actually do something about it and stop blaming and/or expecting our government, our ex, our parents, our boss, etc to fix it, bail us out, or save us—we will remain in this mess. Nothing will get better and like Edmund Burke said, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men (and women) to do nothing.” Most of us have all been doing NOTHING for way too long, and it is exactly the reason we are here now. Regardless of what we’ve been programmed to believe, we are NOT helpless. We contain all of the power—we just don’t realize it.

How do we fix it? How can we create peace, when we’re not the ones with access to that red phone? I have a few ideas. Let’s keep it simple for now.

1. Stop clinging to a life you hate because of your fear. Let it go. Let go of everything that enslaves you. It's costing you! If you are in a marriage, partnership, job, religion, or personal belief system that feels like it is draining your life-force and vitality, get the fuck out. If you are in a marriage because you are afraid you can’t make it on your own, or your church/beliefs told you to stay no matter what and it isn’t authentic for you—it’s killing you. Same with your job, if you dread it and can not find anything about it to like—it’s killing you. As David Whyte more eloquently puts it, “Anything that does not bring you alive is too (fucking) small for you.” And allow me to add, if it is too small for you, then it is most likely draining you. If it is an energy suck and not an energy boost, your mood and level of consciousness will remain low af. When your emotions are resonating at the frequency of apathy, anger, grief, shame or guilt, your health will also be in the gutter. HOW YOU FEEL MATTERS! If it’s not life-affirming, it’s life draining. Ask yourSelf if how you are living is nourishing your Soul or if it’s toxic? You can not change the world living in a toxic environment. Change it or get out!

2. Follow your heart and your authentic bliss….it will lead you right into your life purpose. What do you care about? What makes you cry? What lights your soul on fire? Almost always our dharma is connected to how we can assist and serve others. What is your gift? How do you bring Light into a dark world? What is that thing you do that always feels like a contribution and makes you happy and proud inside? Do that!! Pursue THAT!! Do more of it! Either figure out how to earn a living doing it or do it on the side as much as you can. It will bring you joy!! Joy is a high frequency!! It will attract more good things and give everyone around you permission to live in their own joy.

3. Cultivate inner peace. No, it’s not that hard. Once you have courageously let go of what is toxic and are boldly pursuing that which is nourishing, you will inevitably experience more joy and clarity. Knowing that you are on the right path of liberation and purpose creates an environment of inner peace and is an absolute byproduct of your clarity and vision. From the alchemist "To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation." When people everywhere start stepping into their own brilliance and power, and not waiting for someone else to do it for them, they will develop a sense of self-worth and confidence. Their happiness will grow when they are BE-ing the Light instead of draining someone else’s. We can not expect peace in the world until we can create peace in our own families, tribes, and communities. If you can’t divorce consciously and amicably without a war, you are to blame for wars between nations. If you’re a hater, you add to the collective hate vibe on the planet. Figure that shit out! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist. As is the microcosm, so is the macrocosm. YOU ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE—whether you consciously know it or not. Choose to be conscious about what your contribution is to the collective.

So what can YOU do? CREATE PEACE in your own sphere of influence. Stop pointing the finger of blame elsewhere and look inside yourself. It’s the ONLY place YOU can make a difference, initially. Want world peace? Transform the anger, rage, bitterness, and apathy in your own Soul first. Then, you will be liberated from your chains that bind, your heart will feel light, your mind will be clear and YOU will be BEING the fucking change, already. Imagine what would be possible if you dropped all of your toxic bullshit, you might have beautiful expansive ideas instead of hateful contracting ones. You would be free to pursue your truth and purpose instead of spending your time seeking revenge and placing blame everywhere outside of yourself.

Imagine if we all acknowledged our own part in the devastation of our planet and decided to make an about-face and at least rectify our own negative output with something more authentic and positive. Imagine a wave of that across our beautiful planet. Imagine refusing to commiserate with all the Muggle’s complaints about the President, and world affairs. Imagine instead, sharing your bliss about what you are doing that helps you feel joy and creates peace within YOU. The world is waiting for us to wake up, show up and shine. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. Release your toxic life and relationships, follow your heart, cultivate inner peace and for fuck’s sake, BE NICE. That is the way we TRANSFORM the world. One crusty Muggle conversion at a time.

How to Harness the Power of Navaratri & the Goddess for the Processes of Fall

2019-10-02T11:49:00.001-06:00

pic found on SewaGroup

Navaratri-Nine Nights of the Goddess

What I’ve found over the decades of being a junkie for spirituality, is that traditions, mythologies and even megalithic structures from all over the world, not only point to similar things, but most of them also point to the cycles of nature in some way. It is clear to me, that the Divine, spells it all out for us in every direction that we look, that what is going on ‘out there’ (in nature and the cosmos) is also going on within ourSelves. One of those traditions that show up in fall, is Maha Navaratri. I’ve been in love with this holy-day since we first met!

Navaratri is a special celebration from the Hindu tradition that honors the goddess and is venerated in India and Nepal. It occurs about five times a year with the most celebrated being Spring and Fall as it marks the turning of the year. It commemorates the dance of the Divine Feminine for ushering in the shift in the seasons. It’s a portal in time, marking a transition between the seen and unseen, spirit and matter, and the dark and the light. It’s a time when we feel like we are straddling both worlds and we are neither here nor there, but somewhere in between in the netherworld. Probably for this very reason, that you hear that the veil between worlds is thin at this time and is ripe for contacting ancestors and angels.

The most significant/potent of the two Navaratri celebrations is during Fall, that’s why it’s called ‘Maha’ Navaratri. ‘Maha’ means great, ‘Nava’ means nine, and ‘ratri’ means night in Sanskrit. So essentially, it means the great nine nights of the goddess. This ‘holy’-day coincides with the Vedic lunar calendar and is thought to be the most powerful ten days of the year. The ancient seers/rishis of India identified Navratri as the time for the destruction of evil forces due to the power available at this time, to let go, destroy, release, transform and transmute our darkness into light. It is associated with a death cycle as the days get shorter and the nights get longer and life is being called into silence. Being closely linked with the seasons and with nature, it supports transformation, letting go, and healing. It invites our own deep dive into consciousness, awareness and our own inner wisdom.

So the story goes that each year during Navratri, the Great Mother manifests herself in the warrior form of Durga/Kali to battle the evil demon Mahishasura, who represents the dark forces that threaten the existence of goodness. The Goddess/Divine Feminine/Shakti Energy (Devas), descends to the Earth plane to awaken the Earth from a deep slumber. Her mission is to destroy the demons (Asuras) that could be interpreted as all types of negativity, evil forces and disharmony like the ego, greed, lust, laziness, fear, ignorance, sickness, anger, poverty, and jealousy that threaten to destroy our creative life and spiritual progress. She battles Mahishasura for nine nights and is victorious in the demons’ destruction on the 10^th day.

It’s the classic battle between the light and dark, the good and bad, and the conscious and the sub-conscious that takes place within all beings. The story shows good triumphing over evil as the Devas/goddesses personify courage, universal love and self-discipline that overcome the Asuras/ego-driven nature of desires and greed. It is also a reminder that what is going on ‘out there’ in nature, when we are in the balance of light and dark, is also going on within ourselves, and that we, like the Devas, have the power to heal, transform and integrate those polarities within ourSelves.

Navaratri is the celebration of the goddess in all of her forms. In many traditions, she is not simply an energy, vibration or frequency. She is the mega-divine female, the Mother Divine—the counterpart of God the Father, create-ress of the phenomenal world. The invitation during this sacred time is to align with the powerful forces of this Divine Feminine/Divine Mother Shakti energy in the form of Durga, Lakshmi and Saraswati who represent power, abundance and wisdom in their most auspicious forms. They are each celebrated for three of the nine nights.

The power-house of this goddess trinity can be invoked to assist us in these shadowy processes of fall. Let’s take a look at how allowing the glorious light of the goddess to enter our consciousness, can assist us in transmuting our own darkness. It’s only fitting that we begin with Durga/Kali as she is the first aspect venerated at Navaratri and the most bad-ass for our own descent into darkness that initiates our own path to enlightenment. In fact, she should definitely join Archangel Michael as the feminine patron saint of our Beautiful Darkness journey.

First of all, who is this trinity of feminine badasses?

Durga aka Kali: She is the warrior goddess extraordinaire—complete with belt of dismembered heads. She wipes out, purifies, uproots, and transforms. She offers protection from enemies and dark forces.

Lakshmi: She is the goddess of wealth, fortune, beauty and health. Lakshmi is said to bestow inexhaustible wealth on her devotees. She is the goddess of the home and ensures you have everything that you need. She offers support and nurturing in all areas of life.

Saraswati: She is the goddess of wisdom, the creative arts, music, skill, speech and education. She is the goddess of consciousness. On Navaratri she dons a more ferocious form to eradicate ignorance and impurity in the world. She bestows right knowledge, understanding, creativity and artistry. She blesses her devotees with clarity, discrimination, wisdom and attaining excellence in the arts and sciences.

In order to have all-around success in life, believers seek the blessings of all three aspects of the divine feminine, hence the nine nights of worship.

I like to think about what it looks like, in our modern world to embrace and embody each of those aspects of the goddess and how I would invoke their energies. For the purpose of the particular work in this book of fall and the shadow, this is how I see these energies manifesting:

As I was meditating on Kali and how I could invoke her for shadow work, I saw her with her sword and her eyes were firey to illuminate truth from bullshit. I have always seen her as a fierce ‘momma bear’ energy, like someone who would be looking out for your best interest in a ferocious way. My request or invocation was that she would embody us, in a way that we could see with her eyes, the truthfulness of our lives. In other words, if Kali were surveying your life (imagine her eyes behind yours), she wouldn’t mince her words, her tongue is like a sword. If she were to see you in a toxic relationship, and you tried to tell her that it wasn’t that bad, she would rip you a new one with clarity and truth. She would call a spade a spade and say, “WTF are you doing here? Do you not know your worth?” She would take her sword and slash that relationship in half. She would pick up that addiction, that you have been justifying as ‘not that bad’, and lift it over her head and smash it to the ground into a thousand pieces—because she loves you.

I see Kali as an energy that would illuminate and awaken our own consciousness to all of our negativity, self-sabotage, and playing small ways. She would wield her sword of truth to illuminate any toxicity or inauthenticity in your life and in your sub-conscious. Her tenacity and eyes of fire would have you see with brutal honesty, all that is no longer in alignment with the truth of you and your dharma, and aid you in rooting it out. I see the fire shooting out of her eyes, like a super-hero burning to the ground, all that isn’t authentic.

As you courageously take on this work, you too, will wear your own slayed demons around your belt of accomplishments from that which you have transmuted from your own shadows—alchemically having transformed your darkness into light and power.

When you use the energy of Kali, just know, blood will be shed—your own. When you see yourself with her fiery eyes, there will be no more excuses, you will instantly be incinerated at the first untruth or self-deception that comes forth from your lips. All your excuses that have justified your bad behavior will evaporate, and you will be left witnessing the harsh truth of you. If that weren’t enough, you will see all the ways you have betrayed yourSelf and your own Soul and you will be left bleeding out on the battlefield of your own interior.

However, as devastating as this may initially appear, it is the first step on your path to enlightenment, often called the dark night of the Soul. It is a death of sorts, to all that is inauthentic and toxic to your new growth and evolution. But just like the promise of the sliver of the new moon that comes after the dark moon, and the Winter Solstice that celebrates the return of the light when it is at its weakest, when you are lying lifeless from your harrowing battle, Maha Lakshmi comes to your aide.

Ahhhh momma Lakshmi. She always reminds me of my grandmother, the goddess of the hearth and home. My grandmother was the glue of our family. She had a large, Victorian home in Maine, that you could always count on being well nourished there in her care. She provided us all with home cooked meals, a roof over our head, and a listening ear in hard times.

How I envision Lakshmi, in our work of the shadow, is the great nurturer and goddess of self care. When you find yourSelf bleeding out at some of the devastation the radical, fiery-eyes of Kali has brought to light, call on Maha Lakshmi. Embody her loving care as you bestow yourSelf with some creature comforts. Put on your favorite sweater, make yourself some warm soup or a cup of tea. Beautify your surroundings with flowers, a clean space, and cozy blankets.

Do all that you can to nurture yourSelf while you are undergoing this dark process. If Kali were the body/embodiment, Lakshmi would be the heart. To see yourSelf through the compassionate eyes of Lakshmi, picture the grandmothers, taking you in after you just got beat up by life. How would they nurture your Soul? What creature comforts would feel the most nourishing to you at this time? Don’t deprive yourSelf, pamper yourSelf. Show yourSelf some Lakshmi Self-love and care.

I like to picture Lakshmi as the attending nurse, that comes while my Soul is in the ICU unit. She is going to breathe life back into me and show me that beauty exists on the other side of my pain. She is here to shine the light of hope that all will be well—like the celebration of the Light on the Winter Solstice. Part of the gift of Lakshmi is not only material wealth, but spiritual wealth as well.

When you have re-gained your strength, are feeling better, and Lakshmi has taught you how to nurture and have compassion for your wounded Self, in comes your wise counselor, Saraswati. She will assist you in turning your wounds into wisdom by processing all that you have gone through.

Saraswati is going to aide you in comprehending, making peace with, and transforming your past, and your shadows and the masks that you wear to hide them. She will act like an alchemist and transmit to you how everything you have undergone, has had meaning and purpose and was for the growth of your Soul. You will gain great wisdom as you submit and surrender to her counsel.

You can invoke the wisdom of Saraswati, to know what music would be best for the processing of different emotions, and which essential oils would be powerful to facilitate bringing up and healing past wounds. You can request her inspiration while you use any of the creative arts of drawing, writing, painting, or singing as a means of therapy and inspiration for others.

Her wisdom will guide you to connect any dots of your past pain with your own dharma and life purpose. Often our greatest strengths come from our deepest wounds, and become a gift when we can share those stories of over-coming with others in their times of need.

Aligning with the energy of the goddess at Navaratri, supports the process of fall and assists us in shining the light of awareness on our shadows, knowing what deserves to be released, and letting go of what is no longer serving our highest, authentic, expression. As we let go of our darkness, we create space for our inner light and wisdom to arise.

It matters not if you are male or female—the Divine Shakti power that sustains life, exists in both men and women as receptivity, nurturing, vulnerability, beauty, inspiration, fertility, prosperity, joy, intuition, and community and are available to all of us. In a world where It appears that the goddess has long been forgotten, and is no longer a living presence for most people in our modern, industrial, patriarchal society, we would do well to bring Her back into our awareness. When our connection to Her is weak, we suffer financially, physically, mentally and emotionally. The Shakti power brings everything that is enlivening, nurturing and inspiring into this world.

There is so much more to this power-house trinity of goddesses! What I’ve shared above, is how to utilize the energy for a specific purpose. I’ll be sharing more about how to invoke different archetypal energies with each turn of the wheel of life—coming up next with the Winter Solstice, then the Spring Equinox and culminating with the Summer Solstice. Meanwhile, do your own research, ask yourSelf how you embody each one of those energies and how do they play out in your life. Where have you abandoned the goddess? Which goddess archetype do you feel more aligned? Which energy comes easy and which is more of a challenge for you—the brutal honesty and momma bear quality of Kali, the Self-love, nurturing and compassion of Lakshmi or turning your wounds into wisdom, like Saraswati?

Embody, invoke or propitiate these goddess energies as your own spiritual practice dictates. Follow your heart. Create your own rituals. Set up a sacred alter. Light a candle. Meditate. Chant an ancient mantra to one of these or other goddesses, or make up your own. Place a picture or a statue of your favorite goddess in a prominent or auspicious spot in your home or yard. Be more conscious and aware of honoring the goddess in all of her forms throughout your day. Bow. Have gratitude. Allow the Divine Feminine some space to be embodied within yourSelf. Love. Flow. Create. Happy Navaratri. ©Laurie Frazier ~excerpt from Beautiful Darkness

Using Crystals to Represent the Energies of Kali, Lakshmi & Saraswati to Facilitate the Processes of Fall

So if using crystals are a part of your practice, or you would like them to be, or if you have no clue what I’m talking about right now, let’s keep it simple. Crystals, rocks, stones, etc carry specific energies, as do herbs, animals, elements, and seasons. Whether they truly have the energy that they’ve been used for for hundreds/thousands of years or whether they don’t, for me, they have the energy ((( I )) bestow on them. It is my intention that empowers the ‘thing’ to hold that energy for me.

When I have a particular goal, something I want to manifest, create or let go of, I will often set up a sacred space a.k.a. alter, that I put carefully chosen items on to represent whatever it is that I am working on. Just the focused act of contemplating that particular intention, and choosing what I do to represent it, has power. Every time I walk by that sacred space, I am reminded of what I am working on, if only momentarily. The physical representation in my home of my mental construct, assists me in bringing the particular goal into fruition.

As I intentionally choose the things I do, I am clear in my mind that I am choosing what I choose, for very specific reasons. Sometimes, the same item will represent different things, at different times. For instance, a feather may represent harnessing the element of air and another time, it may represent something I am letting go of, thus making myself ‘light as a feather.’ The power comes in my clarity and my specific intention for that particular item.

I prefer to go with the flow and tap into the energy that has already been used for hundreds of years, like a feather representing air, a candle representing fire and a rose quartz having the energy of love and compassion. Like a Sanskrit sutra, which is simply a mantra with meaning, that has been chanted repetitively for thousands of years and is believed to carry the specific energy of its meaning by the mere chanting of it—particular items, because they have been used for thousands of years for specific ends, go with that! Because why not? It’s like a stone rolling downhill—that’s the energy you want to tap into. And, there are always things that hold specific meaning for me and nobody else, I use those just as often.

So that was a long introduction to saying here are the different crystals I would use to harness/represent the energies of the goddesses above, Kali, Lakshmi and Saraswati as the particular way that they manifest during our shadow processes of fall.

Kali: Any black stone like obsidian, black tourmaline, etc. Why? Because black stones are known to absorb negativity. I had an experience once, while teaching in an addiction treatment facility, where one of the patients that had just relapsed on heroine, was holding my black tourmaline and this fist size stone broke in half in his hand! No kidding. I was like, this shit is real! So get some black stones/crystals, if it resonates with you, holds it in your hand while you are meditating on these heavy emotions, carry it in your pocket or bra. Maybe on the left side, by your heart ladies, to absorb all that resentment, anger, and disappointment. I suggest that when you use it, you communicate with it and let it know its job. “Beautiful crystal, please absorb any negativity that resides in me.” “Thank you for holding my negative thoughts, emotions, etc.”

Be intentional. Connect with whatever you are using. Hold it in your hands, close your eyes, notice if you feel anything whatsoever—warmth, vibration, tingling, coolness. Do it often. As you let go of your heavy stuff, you will become more sensitive. Keep tuning in. Let these items/objects/oils/rocks/plants/etc speak to you. Also, speak to them. Let them know what you would like them to represent for you. Conjur up the feeling, power, emotion you want them to carry, while you are holding it and imbue them with it.

Apparently, back in the way back machine, crystals used to be used to carry messages from one kingdom to another. Yet another lost art. I digress…

Lakshmi: Although Lakshmi is known most for the quality of abundance, in this work of the shadow, we are harnessing her aspect of being the goddess of health and well-being and invoking her for Self-love and care. In pictures of Lakshmi, pink often seems to be one of the predominant colors. As I meditated on her, and how we could best use her energy in the dark work of fall, she came to me as a nurse and a care-taker, like a really good grandmother. The stone that best represents that to me is hands down, rose quartz.

Rose quartz is the stone of love and compassion. It feels very Venusian, which Lakshmi also represents being the goddess of beauty and the home. Get a nice big chunk of it for your alter, a smaller one for your pocket, or buy it in jewelry and wear it. One can never manifest or harness enough love and compassion—especially Self-love.

Every time you see this warm pink stone, ask yourself, “What can I do to nourish me?” “What do I need in this moment?” Also ask yourself where have you not been caring for you and showing yourSelf some love. How is that Self-talk going? Are you being kind to you? Is there an environment of friendliness within yourSelf? If not, please remind yourSelf that having compassion for you, is the only healthy way to do this work. If you find yourself being more of a hater, put the work down. You don’t get to play here without the loving compassion of Lakshmi. Let this pink rock be a reminder to you, with every glimpse, to love you some you.

Saraswati: Without question the crystal I would use in honoring the quality of wisdom in Saraswati in this situation, is amethyst. Why? Because purple is the color that represents the crown chakra and also the sixth or sixth sense, and both are connected to inner and divine wisdom. Amethyst is a very high-frequency, purifying stone that is not only used to protect against negative energy, but is also known to awaken higher consciousness.

In other words, because we are invoking Saraswati, to assist us in turning our wounds into wisdom, it requires us stepping out of our egos and tapping into our Higher Selves. Our Higher Selves, can see with different eyes, the big picture. Using our intuition, we can see how everything we have gone through is also pointing us in a direction, cultivating strengths, and creating skills we didn’t have before the challenge. Using the energy of Saraswati, amethyst, and our own intention we can alchemize our weakness into strengths, and make chicken soup, out of chicken shit (as my grandmother used to say) or more pc, turning lemons into lemonade.

Again, none of this is necessary. Wether you see these goddesses as real for you or merely archetypal, whether you believe crystals and stones inherently carry the energy I’ve shared or they don’t, it matters not. Real or imagined, fairy tale or quantum physics, we are simply pointing to something. We are more powerful than we can even imagine. Our beliefs create our world. I choose to align with those that not only feel resonate to my heart and Soul, but ones that give my life more meaning and a magical quality.

I choose to be an active participant with the Divine/Higher Self in the co-creation of my life. I like to set clear intentions, and align myself with the energies present for a more effortless and graceful flow to my experience. I enjoy feeling intimately connected to nature, the seasons and the elements—which includes, but is not limited to trees, plants, animals, and stones. Mythology, archetypes and story-telling give me an anchor on which to align my own experience and have a greater understanding of my world. Connecting all of these dots, harnessing all of the energies I resonate with to manifest and create what I desire, makes me feel like an alchemical wizard and magical af—if only in my own mind, which is all that ever matters, anyway. ©Laurie Frazier ~excerpt from Beautiful Darkness-A Journey through the Shadows to Emotional Freedom

The Fall Equinox—the First Step on Your Path to Enlightenment

2019-09-21T11:35:00.000-06:00

"Blessed Fall Equinox.

May you journey to the depths of your own shadows

and discover a beautiful darkness,

the likes of which you have never known." ~laurie frazier

If you are a spiritual seeker—a new initiate perhaps, and heading out on that psychonautic journey of self-discovery, just like we prepare for winter in the fall or before going on a long hike, there are preparations that deserve to be made for spiritual advancement on the path. And if that journey corresponded with the seasons, which I believe it does, that journey would begin with the Autumn Equinox. I could quote things like Joseph Campbell who said, “The goal of life is to make your heartbeat match the beat of the universe, to match your nature with nature” or the Hermetic Law, as above, so below; as within, so without, to better convince you, but that’s better left for my book BEAUTIFUL DARKNESS. For the sake of brevity, Fall has a few main themes: the harvest, darkness and purification. Which all distill down to one thing: clearing our space.

Applying these themes to our lives would look something like this:

Harvest: In order to clear our space, we get to take an honest accounting of it. It’s a time of recapitulation. What do I have to show for myself? Who have I been being? What actions, thoughts, beliefs, and awarenesses have I been swimming in? What’s been fruitful and what has not? Where am I making progress and where have I come up short? Where has my harvest become unacceptable and no longer a reflection of my current consciousness?

Darkness: Just as the Fall Equinox in the northern hemisphere, begins the descent towards the shortest day and the longest night at the winter solstice, before we can ascend into the Light of consciousness, we must first descend into the depths of our own sub-consciousness/darkness. It’s time to shine the light on all of our dark places, to acknowledge, be accountable for and either integrate, transmute or purge what we find there. All in preparation of clearing our space.

Purification: One need look no further than the falling leaves to asses that letting go, is a major theme of fall—and why is it even called ‘fall’ in the first place, huh? Once you take that accounting and see your own darkness, now the question begs, what are you ready to let go of? Of all that shit— toxic emotions, unhealthy relationships and habits, addictions, limiting beliefs, your past, what is no longer serving you? What can you see that would be a hinderance to your spiritual evolution? Yuh…that. An integral piece of this purification process is forgiveness. You can’t really move forward without it. Forgiveness of yourSelf for all the shitty things you’ve done, not only to others but yourSelf. And forgiveness of everything you deem unforgivable that you mistakenly perceive has happened to you and not for you.

A tall order…not gonna lie. However, essential to your progression, growth and evolution. No magic wand of love and light, holding rose quartz, or smudging yourself with sage will ever take the place of your own accountability and actually doing this work for yourSelf. It’s like that. You are in the process of giving birth to the glorious Soul you came here to be. Like I said to my purging friend in the middle of a plant ceremony, “Giving birth is never pretty…but it is always worth it.” There are beautiful gems of wisdom and self-awareness to be mined in the darkness of your own be-ing. Don’t miss the show.

If you’d like to take a deeper dive into this, I’ll be doing an on-line work-shop on FB on this very topic. DM me for details at https://www.facebook.com/laurfrazier . I have other resources available as well as one-on-one coaching. My book BEAUTIFUL DARKNESS— A Journey through the Shadows to Emotional Freedom, will be out in the Fall of 2020.

#lauriefrazier #mavenofmoksha #fallequinox #autumnequinox #shadowwork #darkness #mabon #samhain #halloween #WritersLife #Fall #Awareness #Enlightenment #Consciousness #NatureHeals

Trust Your Heart—Not Your Stories

2019-08-01T11:49:00.000-06:00

Did you know, that your heart is the gateway to your Soul? That your heart contains 40,000 sensory neurites and can think, feel and learn independently of the brain? The heart's electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain. It’s magnetic field, is the strongest rhythmic field produced by the human body. Unlike the brain, the heart has no judgment or ego and is without fear. *Info from Greg Braden

All that seemingly trite bs to follow your heart and follow your bliss…it’s a thing. It’s more than a meme on Insta and it isn’t anything to be taken lightly. If you go through life, never tuning in to what it has to say, you will have missed the entire point of your life. Yuh…it’s like that.

And newsflash….the voice of your heart, is not the voice of your parents, spouse, children, church leaders, life coach, therapist or even Jesus, Buddha or Krishna. It is the voice of your very own Soul, your Higher Self, and it contains all the mysteries and secrets as to why you are even here. It’s no accident that it is the first organ that develops in an embryo and it’s your very own internal guidance system. To ignore it, to put your heart-felt desires aside for what you’ve been programmed to believe you are ‘supposed’ to do or ‘should’ desire is to deny your very being.

To quote Morpheous, “To deny our impulses is to deny everything that makes us human.” If you find yourSelf on a little higher frequency than the average blue-pill-er, I’d say it this way, “ to deny our “heartfelt desires” is to deny everything that makes us human. To be human also includes being spiritual. In fact, we can’t really be spiritual, any more than we can be human, as it is just something that we are. You can’t really tell a squirrel to just be a squirrel for it is inherent in his very being. We need only remember, that the nature of our souls/beings is eternal.

There is an epidemic in our western society and that is we have forgotten who we truly are—that we are powerful beyond measure, that we have a mission and a purpose that only we can fulfill. Life is sooo much more than your 9-5, nightly news and mortgage. We did not come here to be blindly devoted to another’s programming. Upon awakening, you will recognize all of the ways your soul has been imprisoned and therefore, impoverished, and you may have a strong urge to liberate yourselves from the veil of unconsciousness.

I believe we are a species with amnesia, I think we have forgotten our roots and our origins. I think we are quite lost in many ways. And we live in a society that invests huge amounts of money and vast quantities of energy in ensuring that we all stay lost. A society that invests in creating unconsciousness, which invests in keeping people asleep so that we are just passive consumers or products and not really asking any of the questions.

- Graham Hancock

What are those pesky lil questions, you ask? They’re the ones you avoid because you don’t really want to know because to acknowledge what you discover, may cause you to have to take some action, or make some major changes in your life, and change can be scary. Ya know what’s scarier…staying stagnant, stuck and enslaved. Living a life where the lights are half-on til they go out completely, slowly dying in a prison of your own making because you are unable to speak your truth. Many of you refuse to speak your truth because you tell yourselves that you don’t know. The truth is, you won’t even ask the questions, because, deep down you already do know. You think if you can just avoid crystal clarity, you can continue in your half-awakeness....which is exactly where the term, “ignorance is bliss” came from.

But is ignorance really bliss? Is pretending really blissful, or does it feel more like survival? It’s much easier to feign happiness without that crystal clarity. Just allow the din of all the other voices to out-weigh your own. This is what it looks like: you have a belief that you should and are supposed to stay married against all odds, though your heart is screaming otherwise. So, to avoid the unmistakable voice of your heart, you turn up the volume of the programming that repeats, “you’re doing the right thing, you’re doing the right thing…” Then your brain chimes in with all the other voices that let you know in no uncertain terms how you believe you will be perceived by all those that matter to you and surprisingly all that don’t if you were to do otherwise. Then you come up with more noble-looking thoughts to disguise the voice of your soul a little more like….”I made a commitment…how will this affect the kids….I’m being selfish…” and on and on it goes till the raging flame in your heart becomes nothing but a flicker that you dismiss as the desires of the flesh. Then you give yourself a pat on the back for ‘choosing the right.” But did you really?

Here’s what else ‘ignorance is bliss” looks like, you have the hunch that your partner may be having an affair but instead of confronting them, you metaphorically put your head in the sand or stick your fingers in your ear with more noise, “la, la, la, la, la…..” Somehow, you think if it remains unacknowledged, then it doesn’t exist—but the heart always knows. So more noise is required to squelch your intuition and keep yourself safe from the truth. But are you really safe?

We have been completely socialized into not trusting our own intuition, natural abilities, inner knowing, and intelligence. We prefer our desires carefully tucked away in some nebulous cloud, such that we can’t even access how we feel about things, what we want, what or whom we authentically love, or who we truly are. It’s just easier this way and way less messy. We live our lives in the shadows of others expectations while rejecting the true Light of our own Soul, and heart. This is slavery. To look to another for approval, invalidate your own Self, and put your life in the more capable hands of someone else’s, be it individual, church, government, or society.

What this truly is, is lazy. You don’t need a rule-book to know it’s not ok to take somebody else’s stuff or their life. As a conscious, eternal being, you do not need another to tell you what is right for your life. There isn’t one rule for everyone that says if you got married you should stay married. It’s different for everyone. Only you know if your marriage can be truly transformed and by that I don’t mean putting a simple band-aid on it with another trip to the therapist or ecclesiastical leader.

If you brush the faux clouds away and tune in, you will just know. You already do know. You’re just afraid. You are the only one that knows if your relationship is toxic to your soul. Only you know if you are or will ever be lit up by your partner, or if you will always feel like you have to dim your light around them. Only you know if you (or they) are merely tolerating, attempting to thrive on scanty rations, or if that person will ever be able to truly fan your flames or not. Laughing, eh? “Fan your flames?” Your partner has no clue as to how to ‘fan your flame’? Maybe because they don’t know who the fuck you. You’ve been pretending so hard, for so long, to be that which you thought they wanted you to be, that they have no clue who’s under all of those masks. Who’s fault is that?

Whenever we ‘pretend’ to be that which we think others want from us, it can never last without sucking the life and vitality right out of us. It is not easy to be that which you are not—and it is even more difficult to step into the truth of who you really are…at least initially. I promise you though, once you do, it will become even harder for you to pretend ever again because you will feel so happy and free-living the life of your choosing, it will take an army to get you to go back to your old fake ways.

So…put your hand on your heart, take several breaths, tune in to your heart space and ask yourself some questions. Am I in love with this person? Am I able to be my authentic Self with this person without dimming my Light? Are my dreams supported in this space? Can I be truthful with this person without fear? Would this person love me if they knew who I really am? Looking into the future, is this the person you want to wake up to in five years or even next week? What do you think this person loves about you? Is that the truth of you or a facade? Do you feel like you are a better you with this person by your side, or more like a fraction of yourself? Are their parts of you, you feel are rejected or would be if you released them?

And to be accountable, where is it that you have created the disconnect between the two of you? Is there any resentment that you could let go of? If you were to forgive them for any perceived wrongdoing, would the spark come back? Where have you closed off your heart and why? Do you think it would make a difference if you opened it again? Is there someone else you’d rather be with? Can you love your current partner as much as you do somebody else? Could you let that third person go completely to dive whole-heartedly back into your marriage without feeling like you just lost a piece of your soul? When you think of the next few years with your current partner, does it feel heavy or light?

Time to get real? Would your heart be better served by moving on, or by staying together? If you let go of all of your should’s and ought to’s, how (you believe) your children may be affected, what your church has to say, and all the opinions of others—what would your big, beautiful heart weigh in? In other words, Fuck your rules, what does your heart say? But how do you know it’s your heart? Easy. Your heart doesn’t tell stories, nor does it justify its answer. The heart is clear. Vanilla or chocolate? The answer is immediate, and it needs no justification. I choose chocolate… because….no! I choose chocolate because I fucking choose chocolate! Because it is the truth of my soul. Period the end. Nobody is wrong here. The heart chooses what the heart chooses. To ignore it is to fight an unending battle for the rest of your life by going against it. Notice all the stories you will have to create when you do go against it. Just notice. I’m staying because…the children…I made a commitment,…the lifestyle…FFS!!

The heart wants what the heart wants and it isn’t bad and it isn’t wrong. Your heart is the gateway to your Soul. It always knows the way. Within your heart and its unequivocal clarity, lies your courage. When you find that, there will be no stopping you.

"Never regret anything you have done with a sincere affection; nothing is lost

that is born of the heart." ~Basil Rathbone

Remember who you are—that you are eternal, but that this earth life is temporary. Trust your heart—not your stories, or the programmed voices in your head. Choose which one you will allow to be your master—your divinity and higher Self or the voice of the masses. Figure out the difference. Your life is waiting. ©lauriefrazier Excerpt from the upcoming book, Get A Fucking Divorce, Already!

The Longest Night—Winter Solstice Significance

2018-12-22T08:08:00.000-07:00

DARK NIGHT OF THE SOUL

“Darkness has its teachings….” is a line from Trevor Hall song. Darkness contains some of our most profound lessons.

Light is not born from light—but out of darkness. When we are born, we come out of a dark womb. Jesus was born in a manger, other savior-types were born in caves. We all come from darkness into the Light.

It is at the coldest, darkest point in the year, that the Light is celebrated on the Winter Solstice. Not because the Sun is at its strongest or brightest then, but because of the promise—the promise of light and warmth to come. The Winter Solstice marks the shortest day and the longest night, in other words, the longest period of darkness in a 24-hr period in the entire year. It’s a passage from darkness into Light; a portal of sorts. Like after a dark night of the Soul, when you barely reach the other side, with skinned knees, broken heart, and beat-the-fuck-up. But you know, you just know, you will be ok—you will survive this, too. The point when you realize that there is finally light at the end of the long, dark tunnel. It is a glorious moment.

There is something here that is more palpable, than when you are at the pinnacle of all your glory and have reached the goal and are now basking in the light of your hard-won accomplishments. There is something about this moment, something magical when you pass the darkest threshold. You feel like you can finally stop holding your breath, you are flooded with gratitude like your life will go on—it’s a rising-from-the-ashes-phoenix-kind-of-moment. That’s where the celebration begins. You got to the other side! You braved the solitary journey that only you could make. You emerge from the depths and there is your Divine Team of Light cheering you on. This is the vibe of the Winter Solstice. It’s a victory kind of moment. “You made it!!” You have emerged from the darkness.

It’s as if in that darkest point, you went through a death of sorts. Whether it was a battle with addiction, the end of a toxic relationship, a personal battle fought within, or a huge loss/setback of sorts. It’s part of a cycle dedicated to death, dying and a stripping away of lingering attachments that are no longer aligned with your Highest Self. It’s a process of whittling down external and material things, that are no longer authentic for you. And often, it’s that which will give you the greatest lessons to lose, whether that is your health, a loved one, a career, a home, wealth, etc.that show-up. I think sometimes the things/people we identify with most, get stripped away to show us that we are not that. We get to realize that we are not those things we so desperately attempt to identify with. We are not our coveted careers, our prized relationships, our precious possessions, our most brilliant ideas and thoughts, or even our life’s work. Those things do not define us.

You died to something in this dark space, and you birthed a new Self in the process. And the Universe cheers your hero’s journey. And it is out of this darkness, pain, agony, and heartbreak that the Light is born within. For without darkness, we could not know and appreciate the Light. That’s why this moment is so miraculous. Some don’t make it to the other side. Some die. Some fear death so they don’t even attempt the journey. Many are paralyzed with fear, afraid of the dark, especially their own darkness and what may be lurking in the shadows.

But not you. You are brave and courageous. You were born to do this!! You chose the evolutionary path. You wanted to learn as much as you could in this lifetime—just in case you don’t get another one! You, brave warriors, ‘chose in’ to every bit of it. You may not remember that, but allow me to remind you-you did. You are having the exact experience that you came to this particular planet to learn. Yay, you!!! Yay for all of your many challenges and perceived struggles. How much have you learned there in the dark? I venture to guess it was a lot more, not to mention more meaningful and significant, then anything you have ever learned in the Light.

Would you trade it? Would you choose easier? Never. You would not be the you that you are now. We need look no further than to butterflies and chicks. Huh? If you help them get out of their own cocoon or shell, they will not survive. The must do it themSelves. If makes them strong and ready for their next incarnation/re-birth. Evidently, it’s part of our human journey, as well. “Into every life, a lil rain must fall.” It shows us who we are, what we are made of, and how we’d like to show up differently next time.

When you shift your perception from life is happening to you to that of life is happening for you and that you are actually a request for all that shows up, then you have real power. Contrastingly, when you believe that life is happening to you, that there is nothing you can do about it, and that you are at effect, it’s as if you envision yourself a tiny sailboat being tossed to and fro on the big-bad ocean. All these waves (problems, people,& challenges) are coming at you and you can’t even take the helm. You are a helpless (and often a hopeless) victim. Life is happening to you and you are at its mercy.

When you understand that you are accountable for everything that comes into your space, then you have a beginning point. A launch pad for your life! What if there really were no one to blame for anything? What if you knew that your soul was actually a request for every challenge that has come into your life? It’s the good news and the bad news. Bad news like fuuuuuuuuh!!! I created all this?!? Yes, you did, on some level.^⁠1

Good news, in that, you are not a victim!! Congratulations!! If you unconsciously created all the chaos and crap in your life, imagine what you could do with some conscious intention directed to your thoughts, actions, and emotions. What would you choose to create if you knew you were the master of your destiny? How will you enlist all the powers and forces available to you to do so? How will you show up as the powerful-creator you have always known/wished yourSelf to be in the world? What would that even look like for you? Who would you be if you took charge and were just accountable for all of it? It’s a place of power and empowerment.

News flash!! This is where your life actually gets really fun and you can start playing with some really cool ideas, concepts, energies, quantum physics, astrology, etc. Many of which we will discuss in this book. But for now, start thinking about what you would like your life to look like and what has been in your way? The way I see it, the only thing that is ever in the way of my success, is me. So start thinking about all of the excuses you have for your own mediocrity…those reasons you have told others and even bought into yourself about your parents, your childhood, your ex, job situation, etc. Write them down. How do they make you feel?

They are not the truth. And none of them are reasons that you can’t create and have your best life.

So align with the energy of the Winter Solstice to think about what you’d like to birth. It’s a time of germination, of reflection and resolution. It’s a time to dream and to plant seeds. You have come through a lot, you’ve let go of, or been stripped of much. How will you recreate yourSelf and emerge from the cave? What seeds of authenticity do you want to plant and nurture? How can you become more YOU? As you envision and conjure a more authentic life for yourSelf, what does that look like? What does it feel like?

In a brilliant poem by David Whyte, he declares, “Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you.”

Here’s to letting go of all that is just too small for you, and to dreaming, envisioning and conjuring your biggest, brightest, most authentic Self. It’s a journey you want to take and a path worth following—your journey, your path, your life.

Spiritual Significance of the Fall Equinox

2018-09-22T23:37:00.004-06:00

Spiritual Significance of the Fall Equinox

https://youtu.be/DRgD0MUSq-w
https://youtu.be/DRgD0MUSq-w

Eid Al Adha and Trusting the Voice of Your HigherSelf, Like Abraham

2018-08-21T22:22:00.001-06:00

Eid Al Adha and Trusting the Voice of Your HigherSelf, Like Abraham

I have always LOVED learning about the traditions of other cultures and religions. For me, it helps me to see how we are all ONE. I have this belief, that if I can show the world what is important to different religions and cultures through their holy days, celebrations, and traditions that they will see that we are more the same than we are different. I often find that there is a reason the tradition is still around and that there is something beautiful to be learned if one digs a little deeper. Such was the case with Eid Al Adha.

I encountered this Muslim holy-day, just by accident. I learned that it commemorates the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son to God. It is called the Feast of Sacrifice. As you know in the Bible story, God commanded Abraham to offer his only son, Isaac, as a sacrifice. After Isaac is bound to an alter, and Abraham is about to slay him, a messenger of God stops Abraham at the last minute, saying, ”… don’t harm the boy. Now I know that you fear God because you have not withheld from me your only son.” The point was that he was willing to obey the voice of his god. I always like to turn these stories around as to what they may mean for me, and if there is something here for you, too, well—bonus!!

Let’s break it down. Abraham represents us—you and me. God, for me, in this story, represents my HigherSelf. My HigherSelf represents the eternal/god-like aspect of mySelf. My HigherSelf represents my truth, my heart and my essence. My HigherSelf is all about the evolution of my soul and if it is not Source, it is my direct connection to Source. (Insert your own beliefs here.)

After decades of personal reflection and tuning in, I know the voice of my HigherSelf well, as Abraham knew his Lords’. I can distinguish between it and the voice of my ego. Isaac represents all that we hold dear—whatever it is that you value above all else. For some it may be your wealth and career, for others, your relationships, and/or your things. For Abraham, it was Isaac.

I believe there is a Universal lesson/test to be learned and overcome/conquered in this beautiful story. I fully understand why it is celebrated, for I celebrate the conquering of this lesson within mySelf, for it is no small accomplishment.

Let me tell you what it’s like to pass this test. For me, it’s been just like it was for Abraham with countless blessings that continue to unfold as a result. When Abraham passed the test, all of a sudden, he found a ram stuck in a thicket that provided him with his sacrifice and burnt offering. So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. When he did that, the angel showed up again speaking for the Lord and said, “… because you have done this and have not withheld your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky… because you have obeyed me." When I listen to that voice, I never cease to be blessed and am always provided for when I do.

In my life, there were times where I felt that everything I held dear was being taken from me and I was not a willing participant. It was devastating and completely crushing to me at the time. I fought it with all my might, felt victimized, done wrong and was full of anger, rage, grief and sorrow. Nothing seems to work out in that space and the journey feels all uphill and frought with angst.

As I have grown and become more aware, I’ve learned to willing surrender and give up everything I have, know and love, to answer the call of my HigherSelf. That willingness has allowed me to pass this universal test of Abraham over and over. It has made my life much more effortless and I am always blessed beyond measure when I stay true to the voice of my Soul.

Two of my more recent examples of heeding that call and sacrificing all, were for love and another was to be a humanitarian. Both situations I felt were the highest and best thing I could imagine to do with my existence, at the time. I felt completely compelled by my HigherSelf. Both times I was in ecstatic places in my life. First was at the Enchanted Cottage, doing the Moon Show, youth group, and teaching, coaching and speaking all over the place. Life was sooo good. I thought if I ever left that cottage, it would be kicking and screaming when I was dead. That place was like my Soul-mate. I was extremely attached and I knew it. When I was presented the opportunity to move to Detroit to be with a man I loved, which would require giving all of that up, I knew I would have to be super clear about it. When I had clarity, and knew that it was the right choice for me, there was no doubt about my answer. I said yes, willingly and joyfully with no looking back. Unequivocally—just like Abraham did. (If you are having a hard time with me comparing myself to Abraham, get over it, please. It’s a metaphor…and—I’ve had to give up my children at times too, not just a home and career).

The second time, I’d spent a winter in ice-olation , on Solitude Mountain, and I could not have been more in love with that place, or my time there, when I felt called to leave it all once again to be of service in the world. When I agreed, immediately, an opportunity arose to go help build a school in Romania and another opportunity in Nepal. I willingly went overseas and gave it all away— again. Funny. I didn’t spend more than one month in either place, before I got the message it was time to go home. The second time, the message was to go home and write my book. I didn’t listen, and got to experience near death. I’m working on that book, now :)

Abraham had no doubt the voice he heard was that of his HigherSelf. As a result, he did not question or hesitate. He knew what I knew. When you feel the voice of your spirit calling you to do something and you feel no doubt about it, know this: It doesn’t always mean that it is leading you to some blissful experience or even the Promised Land. That thing you feel called to do, may be leading you to a devastating, life-altering, or heart-wrenching experience. But guess what? It is always leading you to an evolutionary experience and that is why you are here: To grow your soul, stretch beyond your current capacity and experience the full range of humanity. So like Abraham, I willingly submit with a ‘sign me up!!’

There were people in my life that felt I shouldn’t be going to Detroit or to Romania. I knew exactly what they knew, and that was that it may not go according to plan. What I knew that they didn’t, was, that whatever happened, was EXACTLY what my Soul needed to grow. I was at peace with that—whatever the outcome.

All I needed was the clarity from my HigherSelf that I was on purpose and that my heart and HighestSelf were leading my choices not my logic or ego. Just the act of giving up everything I knew and loved— from people I adored, to a career that I was in love with, to places that lit my soul on fire, was in and of itself, an amazing feat that most humans would find difficult.

I wanted to know myself as a human that was not trapped by my attachment to people, places and things. I left it all willingly, it wasn’t taken from me. There is a big difference between learning to be ok with what is, once it's been taken, and willingly giving up what you love and are attached to. I joyfully submitted to the flow of my life. I knew without any doubt, I was exactly where I needed to be.

Do you understand the courage it takes to do such a thing? Can you even comprehend the kind of confidence and character those choices might forge within you? Do you know what it’s like to trust yourSelf and that Higher Voice within you so much, that you would step into the unknown, knowing full well it may lead you to your demise or ultimate death? I do. It is nothing you will ever know, until you experience it for yourSelf. It’s priceless.

Learning the law of detachment and how to let go of all that is precious to me has been a theme in my life. Detachment has been such a great teacher for me. It’s taught me to give up the need I may have had to control any outcome and to trust what is organically unfolding.

Through detachment I’ve learned the impermanence of all things and that it’s because everything is so temporary and potentially short-lived that it’s all so beautiful. That alone has deepened my sense of gratitude, such that it has become a way of being for me. I know one of the reasons the things I loved became so easy for me to let go of, was because I appreciated them so much every day and never took them for granted.

There was rarely a deer that entered my yard, that I didn’t stop for a moment to acknowledge, feed, or commune with. Rarely a client session or class I finished, that I wasn’t grateful for the opportunity to do what I do and have it bring me such joy. Nobody important in my life that I hadn’t expressed how big for them was my love. Because of the depth of appreciation, I felt no regrets.

I am grateful for all of the experiences, circumstances and events of my life—the heart-breaking to the blissful, the near-death to vitality, the scarcity to the abundance. I know that it will all pass. I am so clear that it is all for my benefit and can recognize it as such in the very moment, not just in hind-sight.

What I have learned is total trust. Trust in mySelf, to recognize the voice of Spirit and what’s up next for me. Trust and courage to follow through with what I hear and know. Trust and knowing that all is working out in my favor for the evolution of my Soul. Knowing that an army of the unseen is cheering me on for the brave earth warrior I have become.

So Eid Al Adha...I will celebrate you, along with my Muslim sisters and brothers. I will celebrate my own willingness, like Abrahams’, to give up all that is dear to me, for my Soul’s journey and evolution. I will celebrate, that because of the attunement and obedience I have cultivated to the voice of my HigherSelf (or whatever it is to you want to call it), and because of the positive outcome of heeding that call over and over,— I have total trust that all is unfolding perfectly in my life. Knowing this, there is little to fear and only beauty and presence left to experience through this lens.

If the Great All that is, is for me, who can be against me? There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, the eye cannot say to the ear, I have no need for you, like joy can not say to pain, I need you not. We all need each other, we are all just walking each other home. We all have things we value, and those things come and they go for all of us. Only by knowing pain and losing what’s dear, do we know what’s dear and appreciate joy. The same thing that gives us joy, will inevitably be the source of our pain. It is all as intricately intertwined, as we are as the human race. Christian, Muslim, Jew…black, white, yellow….American, Russian, Korean…first-world, third-world…we are all one humanity, all citizens of Planet Earth.

I bow to my fellow humans, may we continue to raise the collective consciousness, by seeking first to understand that we are more alike than we are different. May we celebrate our differences, choose love over hate, peace over power and unity over separation. I see you. Through my lens of oneness, you are all a beautiful marvel. Eid Mubarak!

"May Allah/God/Source/Universe/HigherSelf flood your life with happiness on this occasion, your heart with love, your soul with spirituality, your mind with wisdom, wishing you a very Happy Eid.”

~Muslim greeting on Eid Al Adha

8 Tips to Forever Young

2018-04-04T16:38:00.000-06:00

Some Words of Wisdom Approaching My 52nd Birthday...

Something interesting happens inside of mySelf every year 2-3 weeks before my birthday. I get super excited with anticipation, like a kid awaiting Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. I start feeling even more energetic, more beautiful, and more bad-ass. Truly though. It’s like I don the Wonder-Woman cape and sassy pants and cannot be stifled, hushed or dimmed. In true Aries fashion, let’s just say, I get a lil full of my cute-lil-Self. I start taking more selfies, being flirty, wearing cute clothes and let’s not forget that very confident attitude—oh wait, I do that shit all year. Anyway you get the idea.

Call me crazy, but I have always been happy and excited to get another year on this planet under my belt! I signed up for the evolutionary fast-track in this life so there never seems to be a year without epic challenges or events. This past year I spent a good bit of my time in Solitude mostly snowed in for the 10 months that I was there. Then I left indefinitely to do humanitarian work by myself on the other side of the world in Romania, was planning to stop in India, do a lil yoga and sight-seeing, then off to Nepal for more humanitarian work with no return date. While in Romania, I got several messages (inner-voice/higher-Self/aka God) to return home, work on my book and do what only I can do. My stubborn Soul refused to listen and went off to India where I contracted Dengue Fever by a freaking lil mosquito (a.k.a. the gods) and was literally dying and HAD to return home! It has seriously taken me a good 6 months to fully recover. Anyway, enough of all that drama, it’s a new year approaching for me and I’m excited.

I’ll be fifty-two!! Yuh, you read that right. What woman is excited to be 52?? I AM!! For some reason, I always feel like my life is just beginning. While most people tend to see their lives as starting to walk down the mountain at this fifty-year midpoint, I feel like I’m just about to hit the peak and stay there for the next 2-3 decades before I start that decent—if I ever do.

So what are some of my secrets to looking and feeling at least 10-20 years younger? Wouldn’t you like to know. I freely share, you can start now and it will help. However, the things I’m going to share, I’ve been doing for DECADES…so I got a good jump on most of you…just sayin. It’s never to late to grow young!!

Here they are in no particular order:

1. Drink lots of water!! Drink good water. Drink the best water you can afford. (I like Water & Wellness PH balanced water about $10 per 5 gallon.) Drink more water than you drink any other beverage. And never drink fucking soda pop!! WTF don’t you know that shit is POISON?!?!?! Have never had more than a splash here and there for my ENTIRE life!!

2. Eat good, clean, healthy and organic food!!! Eat lots of veggies and some fruit!!! Avoid bread, flour, sugar, pork and artificial everything. Eat grass-fed, organic meat, if you eat meat. Do your research and never stop trying to figure out what makes your body happy.

3. Meditate & do some fucking yoga already…yes, it is for EVERYONE!! “Gee, I wish I hadn’t meditated or done yoga today!”, SAID NOBODY EVER!! I’m not even going to comment more. Do your own damn research. There are more benefits than all the fucking pills you pop for every bullshit disorder you have that you wouldn’t even have if you did these two things semi-regularly!! For fuck’s sake!!

4. Take in some nature! Don’t miss the show happening all around you no matter where you live!! Nature is happening and it can teach you a lot about life and about yourself if you have eyes to see and ears to hear. Nature heals whatever ails you from a broken heart to life-threatening diseases.

5. FORGIVE already. Stop carrying your stupid grudges. Nobody cares about your victim story because we are never victims!! Life is showing up for you, only ALWAYS. Your Soul is a request for whatever comes your way. Get over yourself. Forgive your shitty parents, they were doing their best. Forgive your ex—you were no gem either! And guess what?!? It’s all in the PAST!!! Even if it happened yesterday. It doesn’t even exist anymore. YOU are the only one carrying ‘it’ around. It’s time you let ‘it’ go before ‘it’ kills you because I can tell you, it is having a deep effect on you and has already shortened your life.

6. Accept & Allow all that comes your way. Say yes to life. Say yes to whatever makes your heart smile. Allow yourself to love whatever it is that you love, (as long as it’s not creepy). Just be okay with whatever happens in your life, make the best of it and move the fuck on. Don’t get stuck. Don’t get stuck in the pain, your story, the heartache, the bull-shit, the success, the money or lack thereof, but feel it all. Keep moving with grace and gratitude. All is as it should be. Trust in that.

7. Create your own spiritual practice with something you feel truly connected to and that resonates deep within you. Feel free to explore different traditions, religions, and cultures. Nothing is taboo. Just because you love Jesus, doesn’t mean you can’t love and learn something from Buddha, too. Jesus won’t be mad, I promise! And for the sake of hell, don’t be a Mormon, Catholic, or whatever just because your freaking parents are!! That is NOT a good enough reason!! If it doesn’t resonate with you, have the balls to do something different!! You will not go to hell for having your own thoughts and opinions, but you will live hell on Earth when you adopt everyone else’s thoughts, opinions and beliefs that do nothing for your own heart.

Doing the opposite of all the above will make you old, send you to your grave early and make you unattractive!

And finally #8 Drum-roll, please!!!!

8. Life is fucking magical!! Never forget that! The Universe exists to surprise you. It is always beckoning you with every ray of sparkling sunshine to come into the Light and play!! With every bloom of Spring, it shares it’s vitality. When you are open, self-aware, brave and courageous, this beautiful planet will show you ‘six impossible things before breakfast’!! #ForThoseWhoHaveEyesToSeeAndEarsToHear #ThroughTheLookingGlass

Life is too short to feel old!! You know the old adage, ‘you are only as young as you feel’? Spoiler Alert: You choose your feelings! Take your cues from nature and Spring forth into life, stop refusing your own flowering and start fucking blooming some shit! Stop being stingy with your gifts, another reason you feel old—all that talent bottled up inside. Share and shine, peeps. It’s a new day.

And in the words of Bob Dylan, “May your heart always be joyful

May your song always be sung

And may you stay

Forever young.”

Much love and vitality on your journey, friends <3 3="" font="">

A Self-Possesed Woman-How to Be One, Have One and Keep One Around. Listen Up Men.

2018-02-06T00:22:00.000-07:00

Any self-possessed woman is going to have spent a good amount of time alone in her life, for that is how she becomes,”self-possessed”. And what exactly does the term, ’Self-possessed (woman)’ mean? It means that she belongs to no man, no religion, no dogma, no geographical location nor a political party. It means that she has spent quality time in her life getting to know and understand herSelf. She knows who she is. She knows who she is because she has lived consciously. At some point, she has recapitulated the times in her life that she may have lived unconsciously, and understands that now, and is unwilling to do so again— at any cost. She has lived and experienced life in a variety of forms, and she knows what works for her and what doesn’t. She knows where she has compromised and she knows the damage that compromise has had on her very Soul.

A Self-possessed woman cannot be owned, possessed or treated like an acquisition. She can smell, hear, see and sense that coming from literally miles away. Why? Because she has done that before. She has been bought and sold, compromised her truth and dreams for a younger girls fantasies and fears. Most self-possessed women take several decades to ‘grow’. But once she’s clear, she is a force. She can hold her own. She is S-O-L-I-D. She is solid in her beliefs and she knows what she values. She is no longer enticed with promises or dangling carrots of security, comfort, and luxury. She knows how to make her way in the world and that her freedom is the most coveted thing that she can possess….high above fancy homes and BMW’s.

This woman has unshakable confidence, and because of it, can be quite intimidating and unnerving to most men. It is not the kind of cocky confidence she may have had in her 20’s based on her body, appearance or pedigree. This confidence comes from deep within. It has roots like a tall and beautiful oak tree. It is a self-assuredness that no longer needs to size up the competition or look around and see how she ‘measures up’. She has no concern for such foibles of youth. It matters not to her what other women are doing or how they are living and behaving. She is clear about herSelf, what she values and what her requirements in life are.

In order to have one of these rare women in your midst, you must also be a rare and self-possessed man. Know that this woman does not want to own you, limit your freedom nor does she want to restrict or constrict your life in any way. She does not want to be the ‘boss of you’ that was your mother's role, and/or your ex’s. She desires your unwavering devotion. She doesn’t want to ‘run the show’ or ‘tell you what to do’. She desires a man that respects her intellect, trusts her intuition and seeks her counsel. She does not expect you to follow it blindly, but to weigh her thoughts, ideas, and opinions along with your own and then for you to make wise and authentic choices. If you always do what she says, or change your opinion too easily to match hers, she will not be able to trust or rely on your strength and knowledge.

If this woman has chosen to be in your space, it’s because she deems you a worthy companion and life partner. An equal. This woman realizes that there will be some areas where you know more than she does, she counts on you for that. She also trusts that when you are in doubt, you will consult her. She doesn’t want (or need) the final say. You will know when it’s right to give it to her, but not from a space of insecurity.

A self-possessed woman also comes with strength of character. She has probably made choices in the past that she would not make again. These past choices most likely came from a place of fear, lack of power, insecurity, and rebellion. Being self-possessed, she has now acquired these things (confidence, internal power, security) and has no need to make rash or impulsive choices. She weighs the consequences of her actions and as a result is trustworthy. She employs both head and heart when making important decisions and weighs the consequences of her actions on all involved. She does not need to be babysat. She does not need to be told what she should do. If she wants your opinion/advice/counsel she is not above asking you and will not have a problem doing so.

This woman requires freedom and space. She is an autonomous creature. Try to pin her down, define her or your relationship with her too quickly, and she will be on her way out before you do it again. Don’t try to consume her time, plan into a far-distant future or get pouty when she says she needs some alone time. Understand, it’s not about you and it most likely never will be. You own you…and let her own her. She will find you much more attractive that way and may just want to be around you more often—which was your goal in the first place. Tell her you're interested and back the fuck up.

~just some ramblings from a self-possessed woman on a summer night that wanted to come out into the light now that the coast is clear ;)

Be Your Own Damn Guru

2017-07-04T14:33:00.001-06:00

Be Your Own Damn Guru

Funny enough I’m writing this on the US Independence Day…a day synonymous with freedom. Freedom has always been one of my highest values in life. I seem to keep putting myself in situations where I experience the exact opposite just to once again realize how very important it is to me, and hopefully to you as well. How else could I be the Maven of Moksha? (Moksha means freedom, btw)

So I didn’t come on this journey or to this ashram to find myself, discover inner peace & happiness or seeking the answers to any of life’s big questions like most people do. I’ve done all that in my past 36 years of endless seeking, study & practice. I came to this ashram to immerse myself in the culture as a life experience, first of all. I also came for the regimen of yoga, meditation, and believe it or not, the healthy vegetarian food. I also enjoy kirtan and chanting and have that music playing wherever I am most mornings and often throughout the day. I just wanted to immerse myself in “real ashram” culture along with many others I intend to explore.

I have incorporated, adapted and integrated many aspects of the yogic lifestyle into my own for decades. In my OWN way. In a very personal way, that after all of my PREVIOUS seeking, I have put into practice, modified and adjusted to suit MY Soul.

From the beginning, the extremely regimented schedule that begins at 5:20 am and concludes at 10pm, with attendance taken at each satsang, meditation, prayers, yoga and lectures felt quite extreme to me. Along with having to get in essence a ‘hall pass’, just to walk down the road for chai. On this schedule there is barely enough time to write a few notes to Self, let alone a full blown blog, or have a real conversation with someone from your homeland. Or even time to think and assimilate this new lifestyle you may have voluntarily put yourself into, unbeknownst all the rules.

Since one of my Jedi Spirit Hacks is arriving at no thought in about 30-90 seconds, I’ve often used some of my meditation time to contemplate and ponder various things, from what fascinating place I want to visit next, my last smoking rendezvous, wondering what spices were in the tasty curry tonight, and how I would have taught the last lecture differently. I think about how I would improve this place, if I were running it lol. I’d definitely shake it up a bit, (Osho would be proud). I often wonder how the director of this place, who I find to be a very intelligent and spiritual man and an excellent yoga teacher, can do this same schedule day after day, after month after year! How?!?

Tonight was about the last straw for me. It was movie night. I had forgotten and was kind of excited when it was announced. The movie (if it can be called that) was on the founder of this ashram called Swami Shiva-Something-or-other. I thought, cool I’m finally going to see what this guy is all about! Apparently the entire staff of devotees, didn't share my same enthusiasm because when they heard what I heard, everyone one of them got up with their things and walked straight out!! After the first 2 minutes I understood why.

Wanting to give it a chance, I stayed for about 12 more. I rarely walk out on the worst of movies because I’m an eternal optimist and my rose-colored imagination thinks at some point something super redeeming is bound to happen. I was already clear that would not be the case tonight.

I knew it was going to be pretty pathetic when the entire intro was nothing but this Swami having his picture taken, half naked with his belly and boobs exposed and in a big overcoat for the rest of the endless pics. It showed him in various places being photographed ad-nauseam. The last portion was filled with mindless followers pandering and offering prostrations to this man, accounting for about 90% of film, as if this were to somehow validate him and make up for his extremely remedial and often misguided teachings. This is when I walked out, went to my dorm, got a bottle, walked down to the same area to get some clean drinking water where I could see more of the same guru worship on the big screen.

The other 10% (which is truly a stretch) was about 5-8 minutes of the most remedial spirituality I have heard and seen since kindergarten of (insert your religion of choice) studies/brainwashing. The film extolled “HIS PHILOSOPHY” in horrible graphics, in these basic words: Serve. Love, Give, Purify, Meditation, Realise.

One of the things that made me chuckle was seeing them shoot video of Swami X giving out what I’m sure were nothing more than pennies/rupees, after just having taught to give selflessly, humbly and in secret. Oops!!

After one of the words encompassing his profound philosophy is flashed on the screen, (not sure if it was Give or Serve), a clip is shown of Swami X in which he appears to be wearing sumo-wrestler-like-garb (aka robe wrapped up like a diaper) and barefoot, gathering water in two pails, from a river and then hacking at the dirt with some hoe/rake-like tool. Obviously attempting to show that the Swami actually did manual labor as opposed to just being pandered to, though his large size begs to question the truthfulness of that fact. It was a 100% staged Hollywood scene. In a similar contradictory scene, he is shown with his feet on top of a man kneeled on hands and feet.

Looking back on what the film portrayed, it never showed him doing yoga, he certainly didn’t look like a yogi, nor did it even show him meditating, though his teachings said it was the ONLY way to God realization, the ONLY way to inner peace and happiness. I don’t know about you, but I’ve been around the ‘spiritual block’ a time or two or three, and when somebody tells me their way is the ONLY way or the ONLY truth, I head in the opposite direction.

If you have really done your homework, you will find that there are as many ways to God/The All/Source/Universe, or simply your Higher Self as there are people. I will save my prostrations for the Sun, the greatest life-giving force in the galaxy, other celestial bodies, my deities/angels/ancestors of choice, and most importantly my own Higher Self.

I am an eternal being on an expansive, evolutionary journey. Know ThySelf, Love ThySelf, Thou Art God. The day of the guru is on its way out. It’s fine to have people to look up to and find teachers that resonate with you, you can learn much from others, from spiritual texts like the Bhagavad Gita, Bible, Rig Veda, Kabbalah, Zohar and many others. As you seek, certain philosophies you encounter will feel good to your Soul…keep those until they don’t. Don’t get too attached to your own dogma. Hold it lightly. It is not who you are, nor is it the truth of you. You are not your beliefs.

You are on an evolutionary path—it is not meant to be static. To paraphrase a quote from the Bible, ‘When you are a baby, you drink milk, when you are old/more mature in your understanding, new and greater truths (solid foods) will be revealed to you. If you are so attached and egoically identified with being this or that religion or belonging to this ashram or that particular sect, you may dismiss something that could change your life and move you forward in your own evolution. When you understand, that you are not your religion, or even hard-earned beliefs, you can easily put the old teaching down to embrace the new. Just like graduating from kindergarten or out-growing your clothes when your young. You don't say that kindergarten was stupid, or that it was the wrong clothes…they were perfect in that moment—and you’re here now. Open your eyes. Learn to trust yourself and your own-heart. Don’t ever put your spiritual evolution in somebody else’s hands, not the priest, rabbi, swami, bishop or even your own parents. Train your ears to listen and your eyes to see. Meditation is good for that…but so is a walk in nature, spending time alone and in silence, dropping judgement and labels and being true to yourSelf. It is your life, it is your Soul. Follow your heart, it knows the way.

Peace In.

**I want to state that I am sure all ashrams are quite different, and while I’m not a fan of the regimented schedule or some of the less than profound philosophy, I haven’t spent much time researching any more of this Swami’s teachings. I’m sure he has some good things to share…but so do you & I. And I’m sorry, but for the entire staff to walk out before the movie began, was sooo telling. If The Secret were playing, they’d have no problem watching it over and over…just saying.

I also have no doubt that for people with a lot of questions, stress, hectic lives, and hectic minds get a lot out of this type of routine, call it a re-set of sorts. It’s also great for someone, that wants to eat healthier and get used to how to eat for a vegetarian. One thing I’d do if I were running the place is have a cook book of all the different food they make here because it’s pretty good.

Funny, it’s a 2-week program, starting on the 1st and ending the 15th. I’m a finisher, a completer, though for some reason I only paid through the 6th, although I got the rupees to pay for it all—inner-knowing, I bow to you!

Needless to say, It’s waaaaay past my curfew now, just after 1 am, I won’t be going to Satsang at 6 am to bow to Swami-Something-Or-Other. And—I’m sure you’ll be shocked to know, I snuck off to swim in the crocodile infested lake with about six other female rebels earlier today…sporting a nice tan and feeling more like mySelf, ha! I think I’ll roll out of bed for yoga at 8am!! My days are numbered here. Woot-Woot

Don't Refuse Your Own Flowering—Say Yes to Life!!

2017-03-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

Our whole purpose in this moment— and in life, (simply being a string of moments strung together over years), is to simply say yes to life. Say yes to what life is requesting of you and yes to what the human experience is presenting. Both blessing and loss are contained in the above. Saying yes to your gifts and special talents, and accepting life when it is not only less than your ideal but when it is fucking devastating and tragic. Accepting what is with grace. With no why me or victim mentality. To quietly be ok with whatever is. The Divine Within, has an understanding, even an appreciation,(however deep that may be), that this Earth School has lessons for your Soul that can not be bypassed.

In the background of our resistance to certain events, circumstances, and situations, there is an inner knowing that life is always happening for us and forging our Souls with every heartbreak and joy. Like the blooming flower or a singing bird, there is in us and our humanness an imperative to thrive and offer our own brand of beauty and magnificence to the planet. It is in our nature and DNA to be all that we were created capable of being, complete with all of our unique passions, and talents.

Somewhere along the line, for many of us, we lose ourSelves and our true nature. Whether it be the challenges of life, the banality of the day to day existence, or the distractions of modernity (including but not limited to: electricity, the internet, and busy-disease), something has caused us to feel removed and separate from nature. We believe we are different than nature. Because of this, we no longer trust our own natural cycles of dying, birth and re-birth. David Whyte says it best, “We are the only species that can refuse our own flowering”.

Unlike the flower that just blooms and fulfills the measure of its creation effortlessly and with no self-doubt, we look at our talents and we judge them as not good enough, and ask, “Who am I to be, do or have x?” We may also realize that we have to die to what no longer serves our highest good and is no longer genuine, in order to birth a more authentic life that awaits us. It can be terrifying. We may allow the lower emotions of shame, guilt, insecurity, fear and grief to creep in and paralyze us.

We are afraid of what we may have to go through to fulfill our destiny, we get scared and flat out refuse our soul’s request. And that refusal haunts us. Deep down, we know it is our destiny. We know if we don’t follow the path of our heart, we will leave this world hating ourselves and being disappointed that we lacked the courage to do the thing we were born to do. How many lifetimes have we chosen to play a small game? How many more will you choose to do the same?

I think that now more than ever, people are starting to wake up and desire more meaning and significance for their lives. They are feeling the gaping hole in their soul of a life unlived and embraced. Some are also feeling the hollowness of living a life to please others, i.e. parents, partners, children, church, community, etc. So much so, that you don’t even know who you are anymore.

It’s time for a rescue mission. Time to plunge the depths of what is authentically true for you. What lights you up and what makes your heart smile? Time to dust off those dreams and talents and emerge with a new commitment to yourSelf and your Soul. Erin Hanson said, “There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?” Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”

Mary Williamson asked In "A Return to Love" "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?

She says that “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others.”

When we free ourSelves from our own fears and start living a life of full expression, people around us are inspired and feel liberated to do the same.

In these words, we can hear a solution to our own refusal and smallness, and that is saying a big fat yes to life. We remember and realize that the gifts that we are born with are certainly not ours to horde. We get to stop being greedy with our magnificence. Stop refusing your own flowering. Allow yourself to unfold. Trust and have patience with the process. Allow your Light to shine brightly. Share your gift unabashedly. Find the compassion and courage necessary to be the you you were created capable of being and just say yes to what life is requesting of you.

“And the day (has come) when the risk to remain tight in a bud (is now) more painful than the risk it (takes) to blossom. “(Slightly paraphrased from Anais Nin). Now is the time. “What are you going to do with your one wild and precious life?” (Mary Oliver) Just say yes beautiful peeps, and Shine On, Shine On!!

Romantic Musings of the Human Soul....

2017-03-08T10:57:00.000-07:00

I believe it is the greatest desire of the romantic human Soul to be ‘seen’ by the other. To be known. To have the right somebody really want to know you. To have the other see inside the machinery that is you and wonder why it all works and runs the way it does. To wonder why the pieces are connected the way they are and just what makes you tick in the particular way that you do. And once they have taken a long, hard look, realize that they don’t know you at all and that you are so much more than what they initially thought, and are seeing with their physical eyes.

The truest mate, will see your glory and your dysfunction and cherish both equally. He will not confine you to the limited walls of your past, present or even perceived future. He will just allow, watching with love, offering water when you’re weary and sunshine when you deserve a lil extra sparkle. Holding the space for you to dance in the world with him by your side.

****There's more to this, but I'm keeping it to mySelf for now.

I See Beauty

2017-01-19T19:20:00.000-07:00

I wish you could understand how my heart breaks when confronted with the beauty of this lil Planet that I love so much. And I’m always confronted!! I live in this constant dualistic dynamic of so much joy I can hardly contain it and in the same moment, my heart is breaking knowing I may never see a sunset exactly like this one ever again.

Then there is this other place I go, that this may very well be my last life on planet Earth. Deep breath. I lose it every time I have that thought. Most people won’t get it…but it is as real as anything gets for me. The knowing that “this is it.’ Crushes me. To my knees. I have lived my whole life in awe of this planet’s beauty. Everywhere I have every been. From India and Detroit to Bali and Bora Bora and everywhere in between. I have a vivid memory of being a child in Maine, high up in one of my favorite trees, just watching how the Sun danced playfully from leaf to leaf as the wind gently blew. Noticing how it made the green of the leaves different hues depending on which angle the Sun was hitting it. I tell you then, what I consciously know now, that I was imprinting that beautiful memory into every fiber of my being, Soul, and DNA so that I could carry it with me into whatever incarnation next awaits me. This is what I have been doing for my whole life as Laurie Frazier and I have no doubt many others. Taking visual notes of my Beloved. How she feels in summer, how she smells in spring, her many colors of fall, and her heartbreak and purity of winter. I feel her heartbeat within me. I feel her strength and energy course through my blood. I feel her vibrancy in my unwavering health and her exuberance in every Sunrise. I feel her peace at sunset as she dims the Light.

If I leave anything of myself behind, may it be my eyes, that you may see the all-encompassing beauty of this Big Blue Marble, Spaceship Earth. There has never been a planet like Her, I am sure of it. There will never be another like Her, just like there will never be another you. See Her. Appreciate Her. Teach your children to appreciate and enjoy Her many wonders. Don’t miss Her show. Please care for Her. She needs you.

Let Her in and She will give you comfort in your darkest hour. She will nourish your Soul, not only with oxygen from her verdant forests, water from her powerful seas, and ambrosia from her bounty but with breath-taking beauty. For humanity can not live without any of these things. Beauty has been more sustainable than bread for me at many times in my life. I completely get Sun-gazing. Nature heals on the very deepest level. I dare say, there is nothing that can’t be healed by simply inhaling Her. Deeply. Into every fiber.

If this were your last life here, how would you treat your sacred human existence? You don’t have unlimited time here…our days are indeed numbered. What will you do to ensure that your grandchildren get to enjoy her like you have? What will you want to see before you leave here? Will you be more present when you do? What is it that you will miss most? What can you do before you leave so that you will have no regrets? What do you want to know and experience in this sacred human temple? Seriously, I really think you deserve to ponder these things. Because what if?

Just some random thoughts on a snowy winter eve….

The Father I Never Had

2017-01-12T00:12:00.001-07:00

My dad died last night. I never knew him very well. I saw him maybe a couple of handfuls of times in my life. I heard he had brain cancer just two weeks ago. Then yesterday that he was in a coma expecting to die, as I was returning home from a trip to Hawaii. I had a moment on the plane,—hoodie up, tears running down my cheeks, looking out the window, as to to hide them from the friend I was flying with.

I began the drive home, up my mountain in blizzard conditions only to turn onto my dirt road in treacherous conditions. At least 6 feet of snow had fallen since I left and things just looked different. I pulled into a drive-way I thought was mine, and after doing the 6 point turn to get into it, realized it was not my house. The safest thing for me to do was to back-up all the way to my house. When I arrived, seeing snow half way up my front door and 100 yards down to get to it, I just started laughing and laughing. I had an overweight 52 lb suitcase, heavy carry-on and 6 bags of groceries to get into the house. And lil me, all by myself.

I laughed again at the absence of the masculine in my life. My father, never having fathered me, on his way out, and 4 months earlier a man I had moved half way across the country for, expecting to build a life with, having utterly dismissed me after a month with no real reason. And about three months earlier, ending even a friendship with a long-time lover and friend. Not to mention, leaving my son to live with his dad when I moved. Major losses of the masculine presence for me.

And there I was, in the middle of a blizzard, looking at my snow-engulfed house, just me, myself and I—oh, and the big snow, wind and darkness. I smiled. Proud of myself for even making it home, in a blizzard, backwards…getting stuck once and getting myself unstuck without even getting out of my Subaru. I thanked Archangels Michael, Gabriel and Raphael for the safe passage I had requested. And my lil heart expanded again in that moment. Feeling my utter physical aloneness, feeling my own courage and with an inner-depth of knowing that I am never really alone. That the unseen is as present with me as the seen, that my trees and mountain, which I’d already greeted hello, were as aware of me, as I was of them. My lil girl heart believes that they were also just as happy to see me again as I was to see them.

I donned my metaphoric wonder-woman cape (sounds better than big-girl-pants), got my two smaller bags out of the car and maneuvered my way down the driveway to my front door. The snow was literally mid thigh and much higher in other places. I laughed the whole way down in disbelief at the sheer amount of the white stuff. I dare say, even growing up in Maine, I have never seen this much snow in my entire life. I devised a plan on the way down, (as we woman must do, without the proverbial man in close proximity)…and the laughter continued. I’m kind of a little person, and I’m not that physically strong, so short of taking all of my over-packed crap out of my suit-case in 10 trips, (which did not in the slightest appeal to me), that suitcase was not going to make it in. Then I saw the sled…and laughed some more.

You HAVE to know, attitude is everything. I just accept and often laugh at it all. Not withstanding the broken-heart, btw. I just simply TRUST, that whatever is happening, is for my highest good. Then I SURRENDER to the moment and ACCEPT it just the way it is, with no complaints. A simple, “So this is what is happening now…” often goes through my head. And I say, “Ok, now what?” And wait for the answers to come as they always do. I also ALLOW my feelings to be felt about whatever the situation has brought up without shaming, judging or criticizing mySelf. Sometimes it’s feeling alone, sad, broken-hearted, angry, or frustrated. I OBSERVE what my lil human-self is experiencing. I am also con-currently aware of the real truth of my Soul which is my big joy, gratitude, humility, and reverence for this sacred human experience. That's the feeling that has been so over-riding within me for some time now. It’s the BEST!! Seriously. I am always just laughing at my life. Often when most would be crying and/or pissed.

But I digress…I was going to write about the weird feelings that my virtually unknown, absentee father’s death has spawned within me. I think i was feeling a re-triggering of his abandonment from my childhood. I think the most painful part for me is that I felt so sad that he did not want to know me. His own biological creation. Why doesn’t he want to know about my good grades? Why doesn’t he want to know that I’m running half the clubs in school and president of my youth group? Why doesn’t he want to know why I’m majoring in Theology at Boston College? Why doesn’t he want to know that I’m married, have kids, divorced, married and had another kid? Why doesn’t he want to know if I'm ok…if I have what I need, if I have food and a roof over my head? Why doesn’t he want to know how awesome I turned out in spite of his absence?

I may never have the answers to those questions. It is what it is and what it was. And…I’m here now. I may always feel that abandonment, that lack of interest, that feeling of something being missing in my life. And…I’m ok. And…I wouldn’t change a thing. I am who I am today because of his absence. It made me strong. It made me independent. It made me self-reliant. It made me seek outside of mySelf and then back in, to the only love I will ever truly need. My own. So my resourceful, “I can do it, mySelf.” attitude hiked that little purple sled up to my car and put my very large, red suitcase on its side on top of it as I laughed all the way down to my front door.

I got a message that my dad had died at 2am, just a few hours after I’d arrived home safely. I like to think he’ll be one of my angels now and that what ever prevented him from being with me in this life, will no longer be an issue for him from the other side. I love you, Dad. Forever grateful for all that you were and all that you weren’t to me, for both have forged my Soul.