It’s the most amazing thing. You get in the water, and sit down and just let go. You float. Without having to do anything, you just float. It’s amazing how the water holds and supports you, and you don’t have to do anything. I loved that feeling.

I feel like my life is a little like the Dead Sea right now. I strain sometimes to keep my head above water. Sometimes it hurts, but then I let go and I realize I don’t have to try so hard. I have support. My head stays above water without straining.  And I just float.

There’s nothing wrong with floating sometimes.

I am forever changed by that float in the Dead Sea. Even though no life can thrive there, it’s still fascinating to me. I want my life to be overflowing with rich, life-giving waters. I don’t want to just float on and get by. But sometimes, it’s just ok. It’s what we need to do.

I continue to put one foot in front of another. I hurt and struggle every day. I wish I was better, and wish I could take back some of the stupid things I say. My days are hard, and my nights are long.

I wish I could say joy always comes in the morning. Sometimes joy isn’t there. Sometimes I just can’t get myself out of bed. Sometimes it takes every ounce of energy in me to be mommy.

Sometimes I just float.
And you do to.
And that’s ok.

The important part is that you keep floating. 

When I was pregnant with Kenzi and heard about the Blanqi maternity tank, I really wanted to try it. But it just wasn’t in the budget. I couldn’t bring myself to buying something that expensive, just to help me feel better. That’s what moms do, we would rather buy our kids ice cream instead of something to help with our horrible back pain! So when they announced they were teaming up Target to launch a more affordable line, this made me squeal! 

The Bumped by Blanqi line offers both a maternity tank and a postpartum nursing/smoothing tank.
Can I get a hip, hip hooray?!?! These retail at Target.com for $34.99. Worth every penny! I have heard fabulous things about the maternity tank too although I can’t personally say how it works.

A few of my favorite things about my Blanqi: 

*Sucks in my flabby postpartum belly (especially my “muffin top”. I ate a lot of muffins while pregnant.)
*The straps are super comfortable and don’t dig into your shoulders
*I feel more comfortable to wear “normal” clothes instead of just my husbands t-shirts!
*The under the bust cut is perfect for nursing mamas
*Stretchy, breathable fabric!

I HIGHLY really recommend this tank for postpartum!! It’s a must have!

I’m thrilled to give one away AND a $25 Target gift card!
Enter below and hurry and go get yourself and awesome Bumped by Blanqi Cami!

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Yesterday Daddy took the bigs out for donuts and to play at the park so I could clean house. {We won’t talk about how long it’s been since I’ve cleaned. Whoa.} As they came running in the door after their time out, she couldn’t WAIT to tell me all about their outing.

“Mommy, I have to tell you a SECRET!!!!!!” she whispered so quietly and so happily.

And in her tiny voice she went on to tell me about slides and sprinkle donuts and how ZoZo was scared of the ducks. Every detail her little memory could recall, she spilled it all. As I sat down to get right on her level and took her little hands in mine while she talked, I was her whole world at that moment. She was so thrilled to share her secrets and the adventure of her day.

It made my heart jump for joy and ache at the same time. 

She’s growing. We are both growing.

Just three short years ago I was holding her in my arms as my tiny baby, and now she’s exploring the world and full of adventure. How did that happen so quickly? But also just three short years ago I was a brand new mommy so unsure and so scared of what was ahead.

We both have grown so much. 

I’ve been having some growing pains lately.
And I’m doing a LOT of growing. A lot.

I’m striving to be content with where God has us, and the plan He has for us. It’s not always easy, and it hurts to be stretched and grown. Sometimes growing really hurts, and lately that is the truth. But it hurts so good.

God is using my pain and turning it into something beautiful.

Are you allowing Him to use your pain? Are you turning your growing pains into something beautiful? 

I pray everyday that my girls will grow up in a home that beauty isn’t defined by the world’s standards, but by God’s standards. I want my girls to be little princesses our the Most High, and their beauty in Him be what shines the brightest.

Because what little girl doesn’t want to be a princess? To wear sparkly dresses, high heels and a crown. It’s just in our DNA as women to want these things. My girls never see me running around in a tutu and twirling, and I didn’t even have to teach them that. Since they could walk, they wanted to twirl. They want to be beautiful. To be princesses.

I look forward to teaching my girls about outward beauty, and letting them discover their own style. It will be so fun! As women, I think it’s really important to take care of ourselves and be feminine. But teaching the difference between worldly beauty and a beautiful heart is difficult. Very difficult.

When we received our Tommy Nelson My Princess Bible Purse, the girls were thrilled. Another thing to make them pretty! Zoey carried it around with a giant grin on her face, so proud of her little sparkly treasure.

This precious book teaches the fruits of the spirit in a practical way that even my tiny humans can understand. It gives examples to understand like that gentleness is how we treat the baby and love is that warm feeling when mommy gives us a kiss. It’s even shaped like a little purse and velcros shut with a carrying handle. Perfect for any little princess!

But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things! Galatians 5:22-23

I’m so thankful for wonderful books like this to help me teach my little princesses how to have a beautiful heart! One lucky reader will win their very own My Princess Bible Purse for your little princess! Enter below to win!

What fun ways have you taught your kids about the fruits of the spirit? 

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Depressed.

That just made me angry. Oh great, I have postpartum anxiety, am I getting postpartum depression too?
A girl can only handle so much.

I wasn’t letting LIFE in. I forced myself out to have coffee with a friend and a playdate. It was good for me. It was life-giving. Life is the best medicine. Life-giving relationships. A husband who pours into me every day. Friends that let me cry on their shoulders. Life.

Life that reminds you how precious a baby is. How amazing it is making your child giggle uncontrollably. Life that gets you out of bed excited to face each day and each new adventure with your tiny blessings. Life.

I will not believe the lies that Satan tries to tell me about myself. I will not let the hormones get the best of me. I will NOT miss out on these beautiful days with my babies because I can’t pull myself out of bed.

It’s hard.
Every day is a new struggle, but every day is also new.
A chance to have a second chance.

My heart may be weary and tired, my body may cry out that it’s done.
But I will press on, because I have been called to more.

Bring it on life, let’s do this.

So, you want to know how I do it all? The truth? I don’t. But I have some great advice to help you excel at managing multiple babies! These are some things that have really helped me through the last couple of years.

10. Make the room share move early. If you are planning to have your big kids share a room to prepare for baby, make the adjustment early. Remember they are all still babies, and give them time to adjust to all the new changes.

9. Choose one task per day. This has been a big rule for me. Instead of trying to conquer it all, I just choose one thing to conquer. Some days I do the dishes, another day I do laundry. I just don’t attempt to overwhelm myself with taking over the world all in one day.

8. Ask for help. This is the hardest for me. I don’t do well with asking for help because I feel like I should be able to do it all. I struggle with feeling like because this was my choice, I should be able to handle it all. The truth is that I can’t do it all, and I need to ask for help sometimes. Find people who you can ask for help from, and don’t be afraid to do it.

7. Find a network of moms. However you have to find them. I’m learning a lot about being intentional with my friendships. If this means you have to seek out people. Email some moms in the season you are in, you never know you could find your best friend! Have someone to send a text message to when you need encouragement in the middle of the day and to share the good days with too.

6. Make time for your husband. You are so busy all day with those little blessings. When bedtime finally comes, there’s nothing more you want to do than dig your face into a carton of ice cream and watch Pride & Prejudice for the millionth time. But there’s that man. The man that needs you. Take the time to remind him how important he is to you and listen to him.

5. Step away from Pinterest. Use paper plates. Serve corn dogs for dinner. Let your crafts consist of actual crayons and coloring books. Do not compare your parenting to those “perfect moms” you see on pinterest. Put down the mommy measuring stick and do the best you can for your babies.

4. This is just a season. It is. It will not last forever. Hug those babies. Rock them. Read to them. Don’t worry about the big things, and take time to focus on the little things. Just remember this season will end, and there will be another season to go through. Take a deep breath.

3. Do something special for your big kids. Remind yourself how much you like your kids. Do little things with them individually to focus on just them. It will mean a lot to them and a lot to you.

2. Take time for you. This is the most important. I can say it until I’m blue in the face, and I’m still terrible about it. Even if it’s going grocery shopping by yourself once a week. Do something for yourself. Anything to make you feel like a normal person! It’s so easy to get caught up your daily routine, but so important to focus on making you the best you.

1. Lots and lots of grace. And I mean lots of it. It’s ok to have pj and movie days. It’s ok to not leave the house for a week. It’s ok. You are doing a fabulous job, and you can’t put too much pressure on yourself. Grace, grace grace.

These are just some of the things that help me. I hope this encourages you and helps you know that you aren’t alone as a mom in this tough season! Keep up the good work mama, you’ve got this!!

What have you found that helps you?

I’m not really sure where the last two months have gone. Those first few weeks are always a complete and total blur, and this last month has been a bit of a nightmare with the PPA. I’m clinging to these moments and cherishing these days.

Her big sisters adore her. So so much.
Kenz loves to sit up in my lap and watch them play.
She lights up when Jessi talks to her. Adorable.
And sleep? Oh, she’s a rockstar. 6-8 hours a night. (Go ahead and throw things at me, I know how lucky I am!)

These past two months have been difficult. Adjusting to three has been slow, but we are getting into a routine. I’m so thankful for Makenzi and all she is to our family. I wish I could freeze time and keep her teeny for a little bit longer! There something about how you cherish each baby a little bit more.

In this season of being overwhelmed & stressed, God is doing a big work in me. He’s stretching my heart as a mom and as a wife. He’s teaching me what it’s really like to lean on Him fully and put my ideals of myself aside. I love how even in the most difficult of seasons, you can learn the most. I wouldn’t trade it, because I wouldn’t have this time with my angel baby who I adore so much!

What is God teaching you in the good and hard seasons? 

Now my everyday is different I work 12-16 hour days with three babies attached to me. They need me constantly. When my sweet husband walked in last night from work at 8:30, he handed me a snowcone and took the baby. I had spend every moment of the day with someone in my arms. (That man is a SAINT)

So yes, my everyday is different.
Different is good. Different is different.

I spend my days wiping butts. A lot of butts. (Oh….good thing they are cute!)
I put pigtails in hair and play hide-n-seek.

If I had a dollar for how many princess stickers I peel off my wood floors?
I’d have a lot of dollars.

My body has gone through a beating in 4 years. 3 babies.
That’s a beating. Like a hit by a truck kind of beating.

My mind is not well, and I take a little green pill every morning to help me stay calm and not get overwhelmed.
Different.

My everyday has changed, but it’s changed for the best. My husband is still by my side. He adores me and supports me though the most difficult season of my life. He’s the kind of man who holds my hand while I cry for no reason, and lets me sleep in every morning while he feeds our big girls breakfast. He doesn’t complain once. That’s the kind of man I get to share my life with. I am one blessed woman.

So yes, my everyday is hard. It’s not what it used to be. But it’s filled with three little girls who adore me and their amazing daddy. So I may spend my time breaking up hair pulling fights and never sleep all night, but it’s worth every moment.

My everyday is perfect.

Are you savoring your everyday?

Then you go home and you’re all on your own.

Most people can’t understand why anyone would be less than thrilled to have this new person in their home. How could welcoming a new precious little baby cause such devastation to a mom?

Maybe your doctor tells you about postpartum depression and the signs to watch for, but most likely not. Most likely you read about it a little bit in a baby book or searched google for “why am I crying so much?”. Most new moms suffer from the “baby blues”, but it ends there. If that was the case for you, you are lucky.

You might not really understand the postpartum illnesses that a new mom can suffer from. I didn’t until after having my THIRD baby! I have had three babies of my own, and watched so many of my friends have their babies. I’m just now fully understanding what hormones can really do to your body.

Let’s take a minute to really understand the different postpartum illnesses.

***********************

BABY BLUES
Happens to over 80% of new moms. It’s a stressful and exhausting time in your life, you may experience excessive crying and irritability. This will disappear on it’s own in a few weeks.

POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION
Happens to about 1 in 5 new moms. Symptoms can occur within days or delivery or any time in the first year.

Symptoms:

Frequent sadness or crying
Changes in appetite
Insomnia
Intense fatigue or low mood
Emotional numbness
Feelings of helplessness and despair
Irritability, surges of anger
Feelings of inadequacy, guilt or shame
Difficulty concentrating, indecisiveness
Anxiety/Panic
Over concern for your baby
Lack of interest in sex
Exaggerated high or low moods
Dramatic changes in your feelings from sadness to thoughts of suicide

POSTPARTUM ANXIETY / PANIC DISORDER
You may not feel depressed, but may feel very anxious. Happens to about 10% of new moms.

Symptoms:

Panic attacks
Intense anxiety and/or fear
Rapid heart rate
Hot or cold flashes
Chest pain
Shaking
Dizziness
Insomnia

POSTPARTUM ANXIETY / OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER
It is estimated that as many as 3-5% of new mothers will experience these symptoms.
The most misunderstood and misdiagnosed of the disorders.

Symptoms:

Anxiety
Depression
Repetitive Behavior
Excessive Cleaning
Intrusive, repetitive thoughts

POSTPARTUM POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER
About 1-6% of women stuffer from this disorder (PTSD) following birth.
This is caused by a real or perceived trauma during delivery or postpartum.

Symptoms:

Prolapsed cord
Unplanned c-section
Use of vacuum extractor or forceps to deliver
Baby in NICU
Lack of support during delivery

POSTPARTUM PSYCHOSIS
The most severe and the rarest postpartum reaction. It occurs in about 1 in 1000 women, usually within the first three weeks after the birth. The woman will experience a break with reality and symptoms are severe. Requires immediate medical care.

Symptoms:

Delusions 
Hallucinations
Irritations
Hyperactivity
Decreased need for sleep
Paranoia
Rapid mood swings
Difficulty communicating

***********************

I used to be one of those people that thought only the “crazy” moms had this stuff. The moms who weren’t strong enough or didn’t enjoy being a parent. Until I realized it can happen to anyone. It can happen to you and me. Perfectly normal, happy moms who love their lives can fall victim to hormones.

The most important thing to know?
It’s not your fault.
You didn’t do anything wrong.

Did you hear me? I’ll say it again. IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT.

The first step: admitting something is wrong and asking for help. That’s been the hardest part for me. People always tell me, “if anyone can handle three under three, its you!” And “you’re supermom!”. Although this encouragement is great, they are also what hurt me.

I believed in my head I was supermom and I could handle it all. So when I started feeling out of control, I had a hard time admitting I needed help. If I’m really as great of a mom as everyone says, then I can handle this and won’t have any problems.

Thankfully someone was there to pick up the pieces of me and push me to seek guidance, advice and medicine. It’s ok to take the crazy pills. I really struggled with this. Only nutty people take that stuff, and I’m normal! (That was my first mistake in actually thinking I’m “normal”.)

It really is ok to take medicine to help.
Jesus is our ultimate healer, and I truly believe I can be healed from this but I feel at peace with what modern medicine can offer me also. I first put my trust in Him as my healer, but still know that it’s ok if he doesn’t take it away. He’s still on the throne whether I’m crazy or not.

And the best part?
God can still use you. He can use your story. The reason I’m so open and honest about my journey, is to hopefully help someone else who is struggling. Just because you have a “mental illness” does not mean that God can’t use you. There were tons of crazy people in the bible that He used in big ways!!!

I hope that you will take the time to understand how serious postpartum illness is. Be there for your friends, your sisters. We as moms should not be doing this alone. I pray that if you are a mom suffering in silence you will take that step to get help. Email me, reach out to a friend or just call your doctor.

But DO something. Please don’t suffer alone.

I’m exhausted. My heart is weary. I desperately cry out to God to end this season, but I’m still trudging through the mud. I want the mountains to move. The feelings of being overwhelmed cloud my mind and flood my emotions.

I ache.
Physically. 
Emotionally. 
Spiritually.

Somehow through it all, I have joy. I have hope. I know that God is doing good with what Satan meant for harm. He’s crafting my weakness for His glory. He’s teaching me that I can’t be the perfect mom. It’s unattainable. But I am the perfect mom for my babies.

I’m learning that I grasped too tightly to myself as a mom. I held myself as up an idol and thought I was the example that others should follow. I bragged on how easy motherhood came to me, and how I was such a laid back mom. So that was ripped from me. I am overwhelmed with anxiety to the point of uncontrollable panic. 

I am currently crying my way through reading Desperate. It’s rocking my world, and I’ve been reading this quote over and over…and over again. Clinging to it, and the truth that Jesus is on my side.

I am not my bad days. I will not let the dark tell me who I am. I will give only God the authority to tell me who I am. I will choose to be a participant in my own life; I will not let this life or my dark days control me. -Sarah Mae, Desperate