The Mom: Informed

A Child Has No Rights.

2013-04-23T12:45:00.000-05:00

So apparently, a child has no rights because they are a child. They are humans, they are living breathing souls, but, according to some people, they should not have rights. No rights to privacy, to their own thoughts, own emotions, own space, nothing.

Ok, let's explore the right to privacy...

You believe your child has none. If that is the case, move them into the living room, remove the door off the bathroom and put everything they "own" in a box. Make sure they NEVER have a moment alone. NEVER buy them a diary. In fact, buy a white board and make them pour out their heart and soul onto it and leave it up for the world to see and make the family discuss it at the dinner table. When company comes over, have them pilfer through the box of things and allow them to peruse until they are content. Always stand inside the bathroom with your child while they use it, doesn't matter if they are bathing, pottying...whatever. Take a picture of every movement they make and post it online.

Now, tell me again that your child has "NO right to privacy". Yeah, I do believe they deserve at least a little respect.

A diary should be a safe harbor to write things you wouldn't say to another person, to express feeling that are too hard to share, to release frustrations that can't be acted upon. A way for a sane person to deal with life and emotions. To write silly embarrassing things. Private notes. Special thoughts. Prayers. They are not merely paper to write things for mom to know.

A child is a human, a person and deserves every bit of respect and rights and privacy as you or I. They are not pawns, things to own, less than.

If your child has a private diary, journal, lock box, safe corner...whatever, respect that. Allow them that bit of anonymity, autonomy and privacy. Let them have feelings and emotions separate of yours. Allow them that right to have their innermost private thoughts to be just that, PRIVATE. A child does NOT have to share their every thought or emotion with you. They OWN that thought and all rights to it.

This doesn't just apply to diaries though. It applies to a various and sundry list of things. Though they may be a child that you are in charge of and responsible for, you do NOT own them, nor do you own their feelings, thoughts or emotions. The least you can do is allow them that right.

The Pearls Suck...End Of Story.

2013-03-15T16:07:00.001-05:00

Ok, to clarify since some people are just...well, need a "Bless your heart".

I posted a picture earlier that had a collection of stupid books, baby trainers and more on it. One of the pics was of the book, "To train up a child". Someone commented defending them as great folks.

So, I countered and presented her with facts about them directly from their website. NoGreaterJoy.com It showed their advice of hitting a BABY..like 4-12 months...with "a length of weed eater chord [sic]" if they cry to be picked up and continue until they stop crying and begin to show joy again.

“Please give examples of the kinds of things for which you used the rod, both as a training tool and as punishment, for children were under 12 months.”
We never used the rod to punish a child younger than 12 months. You should read No Greater Joy Volume One and Volume Two. We discussed this subject several times in those two books. For young children, especially during the first year, the rod is used very lightly as a training tool. You use something small and light to get the child’s attention and to reinforce your command. One or two light licks on the bare legs or arms will cause a child to stop in his tracks and regard your commands. A 12-inch piece of weed eater chord works well as a beginner rod. It will fit in your purse or pocket.
Later, a plumber’s supply line is a good spanking tool. You can get it at Wal-Mart or any hardware store. Ask for a plastic, ¼ inch, supply line. They come in different lengths and several colors; so you can have a designer rod to your own taste. They sell for less than $1.00. A baby needs to be trained all day, everyday. It should be a cheerful, directing training, not a correction training. If a 10-month-old plays in the dirt in the flowerpot, a simple swat to the hand accompanied with the command “No,” said in a cheerful but authoritative voice, should be sufficient.
When your 6-month-old baby grabs sister’s hair, while he still has a hand full of hair, swat his hand or arm and say “No, that hurts sister.” If he has already let go of her hair, then put his hand back on her hair, so as to engage his mind in the former action, and then carry on with the hand swatting and the command. If you found your baby trying to stick something in the electrical receptacle, keep his hand on the object and near the receptacle while giving him a few swats on the back of the offending hand, and this to the sound of your rebuke—“No, don’t touch, No, don’t touch.” This time he needs to cry and be upset.
If your 10-month-old is pitching a fit because he wants to be picked up, then you must reinforce your command with a few stinging swats. You are not punishing him; you are causing him to associate his negative behavior with negative consequences. Never reward bad behavior with indifference. Tell the baby “No” and give him a swat. If your response is new, he may be offended and scream louder. But continue your normal activities as if you are unaffected. Wait one minute, and then tell the baby to stop crying. If he doesn’t, again swat him on his bare legs. You don’t need to undress him, turn him over, or make a big deal out of it. Just swat him where any skin is exposed. Continue to act as if you don’t notice the fit. Wait two minutes and repeat. Continue until the baby realizes that this is getting worse not better. Most babies will keep it going for 3 or 4 times and then slide to a sitting position and sob it out. When this happens, it signals a surrender, so give him two minutes to get control and then swoop him up as if the fit never happen and give him a big hug, BUT don’t hold him in the manner he was demanding. Now remove yourself from the area so as to remove him from association with the past event.
Don’t ever hit a small child with your hand. You are too big and the baby is too small. The surface of the skin is where the most nerves are located and where it is easiest to cause pain without any damage to the child. The weight of your hand does little to sting the skin, but can cause bruising or serious damage internally. Babies need training but they do not need to be punished. Never react in anger or frustration. If you loose it, get your self under control before you attempt to discipline a child.

If you read through, you will understand why I hate them with a passion and

why I posted the pictures of the cord and the plumbing line.

I do NOT advocate hitting kids. I posted all of this so you can understand my

stand and why I feel the way I do...

I Lost My A/P Parenting Card To Honey Boo Boo

2013-02-21T10:48:00.002-06:00

So, apparently, since I run a page supporting natural, gentle, A/P parenting and that means I must be "on" at all times and NEVER diviate from the "Perfect, Holier-Than-Thou" persona at any time. I must ALWAYS post things pertaining to Natural, Gentle, A/P parenting and never make mention of any activities, thoughts, actions, desires, want, needs or anything else that falls outside of Sanctimommy A/P bounderies. Because no one EVER sees the good things I post and always latch on to the one thing not A/P and will follow that thought to the absolute hilt and never waiver. Seriously folks, you need to get a life.

About Honey Boo Boo taking my A/P card:

I have seen a few episodes, but, I like Alana and Mama June and Sugar Bear. Why? They are genuine, down to earth and love each other. They are ACCEPTING (unlike many horrible A/P Crunchy moms). They do things as a family unit. They overlook flaws. Sure, they eat some shitty foods. They have no manners at home...but, I don't have manners in my own home all the time. I mean, I DO burp and fart. Maybe A/P moms don't? I dunno....

Anyway, yesterday, I posted something about them with the caption, "I like them. I don't even care." ZOMG...that got some people all freaked the eff out. "I like them"...and put them on my page and apparently, that translates into, "Ignore EVERYTHING else in the world...follow this family and do as they do because I comepletely endose them as the worlds most perfect examples of A/P parenting."

Really folks?!?! Really?

Some lady literally, threatened to post my page to all media outlets, to write up a story for NBC news based on this exchange and let me know she had screenshots. Um...chick don't realize people screenshot our page all day everyday. LOL I also am going to go out on a limb and guess that the world doesn't care if I like Honey Boo Boo or not and they for sure don't give a rats ass about my page and my thoughts enough to give a damn what "Mrs. NBC Writer" has to say about me. Friggin laughable. That's what that is. According to her and a few others, I should lose my A/P advocate card and "hang it up" and no longer advocate for babies since I "like" this family. WTF?!?!

Let me explain something to you kind people...The tenants of A/P don't say a thing about Honey Boo Boo or Reality TV or anything close to it...Let me refresh your memory:

"Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:^{[citation needed]}

Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, natural health, cooperative movements, paleolithic lifestyle, naturism and support of organic and local foods.
However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments."

Would ya lookit that? No mention of what I am allowed to watch, like, endorse or mention. Wosers...I guess that means I DO get to keep my card after all. Too bad some people can't see past their FWCC Petrol Pfau to see all the other mommas around them with Ergos. You know, stuck up, snooty Sanctimonious, I'm completely and perfectly crunchy and do it ALL...and you totally do the same thing on a lesser scale, but, aren't worth my time with your Cosco Sceneca..I have a Cleck Foonf because it cost the most type moms. Yeah...

My UNcensored thoughts(WARNING Foul language and bound to offend)

2013-01-04T20:00:00.000-06:00

.

Why is it if say extended rearfacing is mentioned and a mom doesn't want to hear about it, we get told, "There are different parenting styles". Um, I call BULLSHIT...wanting your kid safe is not a parenting "STYLE". Rearfacing IS safer. That is FACT not mere opinion. All you have to do is research it to find out, but, these "other style" of moms can't be arsed to bother. They would rather call everyone else a "crazy, AP, over protective mom". Uh huh...fine, I guess I will accept that title if it means my kid is fucking safer. Ok then, that's me, "crazy, AP over-protective mom". Whatever.

Parenting styles that differ are those that hover their child when they are climbing on the jungle gym and those that don't. Those are parenting styles..things that wouldn't really matter wither way. Not choosing to do something potentially dangerous or not dangerous.

Using CIO or not using CIO...ok, if there wasn't studies out that PROVE that a baby all alone in a room crying for hours until they give out and pass out was bad for their brains, then this could be called different parenting styles...but, since it can't. Don't tell me that allowing your under 2 month old to cry for even 30 minutes with you nowhere in sight is just your way of parenting. Again, I call bullshit. You just can't be arsed to parent at night. Oh and I am not talking about those that took care of baby's needs, that are actively involved. I am referring to the, "I need sleep. Let baby cry...he will fall asleep." folks.

If you put cereal in the baby bottle to "help them sleep", or you prop the bottle up "so you can do stuff". That is NOT just a different parenting style than me. Again...I call BULLSHIT!! Cereal in a bottle is wrong. There ARE warnings against it because it is a choking hazard and if your kid can't eat it off a spoon, they aren't ready for solids. Again...all FACT. You just don't care to learn and don't want to care. You can't be arsed to research and learn and care. And don't give me the, "my baby has reflux" spiel. Did you know that the cereal in a bottle remedy is an OLD outdated one? Yeah...feed baby smaller amounts frequently instead of massive bottles and reflux can generally be helped. Try it.

I know...I haven't been in your shoes..blah, blah, blah.

Nope... he slept with me, I fed bottles by HOLDING him, even at night. Every 4 hours. Well, that was after the first month where I nurse 2 straight hours. Stopped for 30 minutes then he nursed another 2 hours. Yeah...24/7.

He would drink a bottle every 4 hours, he slept all night long from 3 months because he knew I was there and would happily get up and feed him. There was no cereal in his bottle ever either.

Now, is that to say I am perfect and I never did anything wrong. NOPE...
I did plenty wrong. I turned him forward facing at 6 months. BUT, that was before there was even a 1 and 20 law or internet or extended rearfacing researched here in the US. The law was 20lbs at the time and I turned him, but, I did use a 5-point harness and I did keep him in a seat longer than everyone else.

My next kid...will be rearfaced until the max of his seat, will sleep with me and NEVER CIO, and won't have a bottle at all if I can help it. Why? Because I am adult enough to research, to see where I went wrong and try better. To acknowledge that my way was wrong and there are better ways. I have the ability to research and change and understand and not be caught up in my pride.

The thing is...I WILL continue to try and educate those that care to know about these things and you can continue to ignore it. BUT don't you dare try to excuse your unwillingness as merely a different parenting style. Tell it like it is, you just don't care to know better and I will still be here when you do decide to care.

Newtown, Connecticut Tribute 12/14/12

2012-12-15T21:45:00.002-06:00

The names and birth dates of the victims:

Charlotte Bacon (2/22/06), 6 years old, female

Daniel Barden (9/25/05), 7 years old, male

Rachel Davino (7/17/83), Staff member, 29 years old, female

Olivia Engel (7/18/06), 6 years old, female

Josephine Gay (12/11/05), 7 years old, female

Ana M. Marquez-Greene (4/4/06), 6 years old, female

Dylan Hockley (3/8/06), 6 years old, male

Dawn Hochsprung (6/28/65), Principal, 47 years old, female

Madeleine F. Hsu (7/10/06), 6 years old, female

Catherine V. Hubbard (6/8/06), 6 years old, female

Chase Kowalski (10/31/05), 7 years old, male

Nancy Lanza, 52 years old, female (mother of shooter Adam Lanza)

Jesse Lewis (6/30/06), 6 years old, male

James Mattioli (03/22/06), 6 years old, male

Grace McDonnell (11/4/05), 7 years old, female

Anne Marie Murphy (7/25/60), Staff member, 52 years old, female

Emilie Parker (05/12/06), 6 years old, female

Jack Pinto (05/05/06), 6 years old, male

Noah Pozner (11/20/06), 6 years old, male

Caroline Previdi (9/07/06), 6 years old, female

Jessica Rekos (5/10/06), 6 years old, female

Avielle Richman (11/17/06) 6 years old, female

Lauren Rousseau (June 1982), Staff member, 30 years old, female

Mary Sherlach (2/11/56), Staff member, 56 years old, female

Victoria Soto (11/04/85), Staff member, 27 years old, female

Benjamin Wheeler (09/12/06), 6 years old, male

Allison N. Wyatt (07/03/06), 6 years old, female

GUEST POST!!! That Mama Gretchen ~ "Why We Will Be Waiving the Hepatitis B Vaccine"

2012-12-06T05:00:00.000-06:00

"This post was originally published at That Mama Gretchen"

source

As soon as most American babies are earth side they are poked with their first vaccination - Hepatitis B in accordance with the CDC recommendation. This at-birth vaccination is the first of three shots for Hepatitis B. Some resources claim that the three shots provide a lifetime of protection, others believe the immunity provided by vaccination is short-lived stating that, "Between 30-50% of vaccinated individuals may lose their antibodies within 7 years."

So why is this seemingly controversial vaccine routine for newborns? The CDC website simply states, "to protect against Hepatitis B". But are the majority of newborn babies truly at risk of contracting Hepatitis B?

Often times, the answer is a resounding, "No!" Of course, as with all vaccine decisions choosing to waive the Hepatitis B vaccine is a case by case scenario. Each family must research and determine their individual risk before coming to their own conclusion. In our case, neither Jemma or baby brother will be vaccinated for Hepatitis B as newborns.

Here's why ...

WHAT IS HEPATITIS B?
Hepatitis B is an awful virus which plagues many people around the world, many of whom are children. Hepatitis B is caused by the hepatitis B virus (HBV). The virus interferes with the functions of the liver and activates the immune system, which produces a specific reaction to combat the virus. As a consequence of pathological damage, the liver becomes inflamed. A small percentage of infected people cannot get rid of the virus and become chronically infected – these people are at high risk of death from cirrhosis of the liver and liver cancer.

Most people who contract Hepatitis B experience flu-like symptoms and recover on their own without medical intervention. It is a small percentage who experience chronic issues.

HOW IS IT CONTRACTED?
For us, this information was the biggest contributor to our decision. Hepatitis B can be contracted from:

Prenatally, from mama to baby - if mama has it, baby may get it too
Unsafe needle use - drugs, unsterilized needle use, blood transfusions, etc.
Unprotected sexual contact
Sharing personal products (razors, etc.) with an infected person

Our family doesn't fall into any of these risks, and therefore, the risk of the vaccine is greater than the risk of contracting the Hepatitis B virus.

WHAT IS THE RISK OF THE VACCINE?

In 1996 only 54 cases of the disease were reported to the CDC in the 0-1 age group.
That year there were 3.9 million births, making the infected percentage just 0.001.
That same year the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (VAERS) logged 1,080 negative reports for the 0-1 age group, 47 of which were death.

Simply, for every child with Hepatitis B there were 20 that were reported to have severe complications. And, in most cases, only 10% of adverse reactions are reported to VAERS which means ... Traditional medicine is harming 200 children to protect one from Hepatitis B.

Adverse reactions range from diarrhea to nausea to allergic reactions to seizures. All of which can be life threatening to a tiny newborn.

I hope this information is helpful for new parents as they evaluate their family's personal vaccine plan. It is amazing to me that someone somewhere thought it would be a good idea to vaccinate all newborns for what is commonly known as an STD. I'm thankful such a vaccine exists, some people do need it! Who knows, my children may need it someday based on circumstances, mistakes, or travel, but at birth, they surely do not. As a parent, it is my job to research and screen what my children come in contact with whether it be something influential like particular TV shows or something potentially harmful or unnecessary like vaccinations. It takes time and energy to research these details. It even takes a little bit of guts to share my findings and decision with you! But I'm happy to do it, for my children's sake and for the benefit of sharing knowledge amongst parents striving to do the very best in caring for their children.

For us, the Hepatitis B vaccine will definitely be waived, verbally with our care providers and in writing on my birth plan. What are your thoughts on the Hepatitis B vaccine?

iv class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> Gretchen is the mama of two little ones, Jemma and Max, and the wife to one fabulous husband. Almost 3 years ago she started blogging at That Mama Gretchen when she was expecting her first baby and working full-time in marketing and sales. Since, she has become a stay at home mama who blogs all about her passion for birth and natural parenting … all while chasing a toddler, snuggling a newborn, whipping up simple meals, and trying to get dressed everyday.

GUEST POST!!! That Mama Gretchen ~ "The Placenta Report"

2012-12-04T05:00:00.000-06:00

This post was originally published at "That Mama Gretchen"

Check out this rad button?

I'm going to give you all fair warning on this post. If you aren't feeling the placenta love - read no further. I know I have some family and friend readers who might think twice about our relationship after the placenta report. Then again, I know I have some super crunchy mama friends who will be utterly fascinated like me.

And now, the report ...
I'm three weeks into my placenta consumption and feeling great! I'm not going to give all the credit to my placenta, but I'm givin' her alot. Yes, I've determined that my placenta is female. The non-placenta credit goes to Dominic and my Mama who have been super supporters of my transition from pregnancy to postpartum - lots of yummy food, hugs, and help with the wee ones.

Here's how it all went down ...
After birthing my placenta a solid 40 minutes after Max was born on the bathroom floor, we moved the bowl and placenta into the bath tub. I got stitched up, settled into bed, and then midwife Kat gave Dominic and I a placenta tour. This not only allowed her to make sure everything was fully intact, but it gave us a chance to check out the amazing organ that nourished Max for so long. Luckily, Christine was there to capture the tour in photographs.

Kat wrapped my placenta up in plastic, took it home, and proceeded to encapsulate it. Encapsulating is a process similar to drying and curing meat, so when it is done, it's almost like beef jerky. Then, Kat diced, minced, and pulverized my placenta into a dust and poured the dust into tiny pills. She delivered them to me Friday evening (Max was born Thursday morning) so I could start taking them right away. In the beginning I took 25-30 pills each day; now I'm down to 5-10 each day. I was taking so many because Kat special ordered mini pills for me (size 2s instead of the normal size 0 or 00). I stink at taking larger pills - like, I tragically gag and Dominic can't stop laughing at how pathetic I am. Kat found them through Super Supplements for mamas like me who are interested in encapsulating, but have pill gagging issues.

My jar of pills

I'll definitely encapsulate with future pregnancies. The benefits can't be beat and for $150 it is a worthwhile investment in my sanity. I've found my mood to be quite normal. Whatever that means :) I'm not very teary - I think I've only cried three or four times compared to multiple times each day with my first postpartum experience. I feel overwhelmed, but positive. My milk came in at 36 hours compared to 3 days with Jemma. And, when it came in, it was much calmer and more gradual ... not the painful experience I had with Jem where I was bawling in the shower. I think the biggest clincher was my when my Mom told me that she feels I'm doing really well. She sees a difference which makes me think I'm not making up the placenta awesomeness :)

Here's my first post on placentas for those that missed it. I opted to skip the smoothie and go straight for the pills; more due to timing and respect for my Mom's Vitamix than anything else :)

And, some additional resources that I've enjoyed reading:

Code Name: Mama - Placenta Smoothie Recipe
Carolina Placenta Lady - Placenta Smoothie Recipe
Placenta Encapsulation Instructions
Placentophagia

Gretchen is the mama of two little ones, Jemma and Max, and the wife to one fabulous husband. Almost 3 years ago she started blogging at That Mama Gretchen when she was expecting her first baby and working full-time in marketing and sales. Since, she has become a stay at home mama who blogs all about her passion for birth and natural parenting … all while chasing a toddler, snuggling a newborn, whipping up simple meals, and trying to get dressed everyday.

GUEST POST!! That Mama Gretchen!!! "TIPS FOR CREATING A BIRTH GUIDE"

2012-12-02T10:00:00.000-06:00

This post was originally published at "That Mama Gretchen"

I bet your britches you're asking WHY create a birth plan in the first place. Well, here are my initial thoughts:

First off, call it a birth guide (or birth preferences), because that's what it is. A birth guide outlines your hopes and wishes for the best possible birth while taking into account potential rabbit trails.
A birth guide gives mamas control in an often unknown journey.
It ensures that your "most importants" are explicitly communicated.
It gives your partner a quick reference. Lord knows Dominic doesn't want to memorize all my hopes and wishes :)

With all that in mind, here are a few tips for creating a birth guide:

WRITE AND REWRITE
When you sit down to write your birth guide, travel back to college and go with the rough draft/work in progress mentality. The first round shouldn't be the last. Once you punch out your initial thoughts have your partner review it. Make adjustments and plan to discuss what you've come up with at your next prenatal appointment. Many times your care provider will ask thought provoking questions and add necessary details. Once you develop your final guide, present a copy to your provider for your file and their reference. It doesn't hurt to ask them to sign it as well! Then there is no doubt you are on the same page.

BE SUCCINCT
Yes, I'm the one who could write a novel with helpful graphs and photos as my birth guide. But, I'm sticking to one page using bullets and simple sentences. I also plan to write a "In Case of Transfer/Hospital Birth Guide", but that is a separate document.

BE PERSONAL
Attitude and tone are super important in a birth guide. You're not the expert (that's why you are partnering with your care provider), but you are an informed parent who is responsible for the final decisions made for mama and baby's health. Birth plans are becoming increasingly popular and I'm assuming many care providers see the same thing day in and day out. Don't be afraid to make your guide personal - fun and witty or add a picture or two. If it stands out to them, I think there is a higher likelihood that they'll pay attention to your requests.

COVER THE BASICS
Consider including the following categories in your guide:

Environment - lighting, temperature, music, number of people in the room
Labor - procedure preferences, eating/drinking plan, comfort methods
Birth - preferred position, access to a mirror, who will be present, cord clamping, skin-to-skin, placenta plan
Postpartum Recovery - breastfeeding, duration of stay, rooming in, baby bathing, visitors
In Case of Emergency or Cesarean - who stays with mom and who goes with baby, reuniting

ADD A DISCLAIMER
You may or may not need this little tidbit. But, some of my birth guide requests are less common and I want to remove the crazy factor for those who might be more mainstream. This especially applies to my hospital guide. It will go something like this:

If the situation becomes life-threatening for Gretchen or our baby, we will of course yield to any request for life-saving intervention, upon the briefest of consultation. In the strong likelihood that we have the normal birth that we are expecting, we ask that you refrain from any routine interventions or measures that we have not previously agreed upon.

Thanks to Hypnobabies for the eloquent wording!

SHARE IT
Birth guides aren't just for parents and care providers. It is important to include your support team so they are informed of your wishes too. Share your plan with family and friends who will be intimately involved in the birth of your baby. Especially those who will be visiting shortly after. You want them to know that some of your wishes extend through your recovery. A birth guide is a great communication tool that allows everyone to be on the same page.

CONSIDER A NEWBORN PROCEDURE GUIDE
There is quite a bit of commotion after baby's arrival. If newborn procedures don't fit into your one page birth guide, don't hesitate to have a newborn procedure guide. Having an outline of preferences and procedures specific to this time is key to continuing the vibe you hope to establish for your birth.

Have you written a birth guide?

What were some of your key points? I'd love to hear!

Still questioning whether or not a birth guide is for you? Read Adriel from The Mommyhood Memos post, 4 Reasons to Write a Birth Plan. It's excellent!

Nursing covers...just because you want to wear one, doesn't mean it needs to look like Omar the Tent Maker made it.

2012-11-30T19:50:00.001-06:00

I'M NURSING DISCREETLY...YOU CAN'T SEE A BIT OF SKIN AND NO ONE CAN TELL WHAT I AM DOING BECAUSE I COVERED UP!!!!!

What the fuck is this?

You could live in this thing!!

There are some smaller options if you really want one...

An UdderCover is slightly less noticeable and ridiculous.

The Loved Baby Shawl is kinda cute.

This is the Moboleez.

And here is a Baby Bond..Simple, Discreet and NOT ridiculously Ginormous.

Hell, a shirt over a tank and just for shits and giggles, a receiving blanket would do the job. Please don't fall for the HUGE ass tent thinking it will make life easier.

GUEST POST!!!!! "The Mommy Wars" ~ Teresa Graham Brett

2012-11-22T06:00:00.000-06:00

Teresa Graham Brett is a coach(link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/parent-coaching.html) consultant, and author who founded Parenting for Social Change (link: http://www.ParentingforSocialChange.com) in 2009. Bringing together her experiences in higher education as a social justice educator, trainer, and administrator with her experiences coaching parents, she provides parents with transformative learning programs that help them to parent with trust and respect. She is the author of Parenting for Social Change: Transform Childhood, Transform the World (link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/about-book.html) and the Guide to Liberation Parenting (link: http://www.parentingforsocialchange.com/guide-liberation-parenting.html)

The Mommy Wars

I had a recent conversation with several college-aged women about my identity as a mother and my identity as a woman. It has been over 10 years since I took on the role of being a mother. But I claimed the title “mom” with a great deal of reluctance.

When I became pregnant, I was in the middle of my career (or so I thought) as a university administrator. My first encounter with the liability of being pregnant and being a mom came during a conversation with my female boss about taking on additional responsibilities in my role as associate dean.

During the conversation, I revealed to her that I was pregnant. Her response to me was that perhaps we should wait to see how my pregnancy went before giving me additional responsibilities. If I had a difficult pregnancy, then I would not be able to handle what she was proposing I take on.

That was my first skirmish in the mommy wars.

I soon decided that I needed to start looking to go to another university. It became clear to me that I had hit the limits of my ability to move up in my career in my current situation. I started a job search when I was about 4 months pregnant.

The dean of students position became available at one of the universities I had always wanted to work at, the University of Texas at Austin. I applied without hesitation. When the time came for me to interview on campus. I was 8 months pregnant.

I flew down to Austin believing that there was little chance I would be hired given that I was so pregnant. I gave the 2 ½ day interview my all and decided to let the chips fall where they may.

My second skirmish in the mommy wars came during the interview. I sat in the dean of students’ office with the interim dean. This was a man who was holding the job until a permanent replacement was hired.

He looked down at my belly and told me three times during the 45-minute interview that this job was a 24/7 job. It was clear he didn’t feel I was up to the job, considering my state.

My new boss felt otherwise and offered me the job. We moved to Texas. My boss, all my peers (the other associate vice presidents) were all men, who either had no children or who had older or grown children. I was 12-18 years younger than all of them, and I had a newborn baby.

During the time I was there, I pumped for 2 years. I was nursing the entire time I was there. I left work occasionally at 4 p.m. to nurse him and returned to the office when I had a late program. I worked 60+ hours a week. I was on call for emergencies 24/7.

How often I pumped, when I left the office and returned in the evenings, the fact that Rob and the baby accompanied me to some social functions, the fact that Rob stayed at home and we didn’t hire a babysitter while I did the evening and weekend functions solo, were all topics of gossip and conversation.

Daily skirmishes in the mommy wars.

When I decided to leave that career, even after being offered the top position in my field, vice president for student affairs, I received a call from another woman, a generation older, who I had considered an ally. She chastised me for thinking that another baby would get in the way of my job.

I realized that my experiences in academia as a woman, a mom, had kept me from claiming that title. Even as I wrote this website and my book, Parenting for Social Change, I rarely used the word mom or mother. I always used the gender neutral term “parent.”

I had internalized the belief that being a mom is not enough, or that it is a liability. Moms are not given respect in our culture. Moms who stay at home with their children are not valued. The unpaid work done by mothers is not seen as contributing to the family in the same way that paid work is.

I had bought into those lies.

The real war that I was fighting wasn’t with those around me. They only mirrored to me my insecurities. They mirrored the beliefs I had internalized, that I was less when I was a mom.

Even since I left my career, I have believed, at times, that I am less valuable to my family because I don’t make the same amount of money now as a consultant, author, or coach as I did as a dean of students. I have believed that I am not as worthy.

And yet, in my heart, I know that the work I do in my role as a mother with the children who share my life will have a greater impact that any work I did at the university.

My willingness to parent, to mother, in a way that affirms their dignity and rights will create more change than the many years I tried to create social change in any of my university positions.

As a culture, we value the big actions, the titles, the positions of power. We believe that is where the change is occurring. We believe that is where we most influence those around us.

And yet, it is in our small day-to-day actions, the ways we live our lives congruent with the values of mutual respect and trust that really matters.

It is the ways we hold ourselves accountable for our mistakes and learning that really makes change over the long term.

It is the ways in which we empower the children in our lives, as moms and dads, that results in a better world.

The mommy wars are over for me. Mostly.

I still sometimes struggle with the identity. I still sometimes think my value is reflected in the money I bring to the family. At least now when those thoughts come into my head, I understand where they come from. And, I let them pass on through to their next destination.

GUEST POST!!! "Children Are The Mirror" ~ Teresa Graham Brett

2012-11-21T10:15:00.001-06:00

Children are the Mirror

I have often said to myself and others in the last 5 years that whatever we are triggered by in others is usually a reflection of something we are unwilling to face within ourselves. Of course, I wasn't the first person to say this. Many spiritual traditions, such as Buddhism, espouse such a belief.

Over the last several years I’ve struggled with my relationship with money. This struggle has been on-going throughout my life, but when I worked in my career as a university administrator, I was often able to keep it at bay.

When I left the “safe” world of the institution where I received a regular paycheck, I’ve had to confront this struggle at a deeper level. I’ve known that I am constrained by my fears and beliefs about money. But for whatever reason, I haven’t been willing to look at it until recently.

As the youngest child in my life has grown, he has been my mirror for all the challenges I have about money and the decisions I made as the person who used to be (and often still is) the primary income earner in our family.

I made a decision to challenge myself to squarely face my fears and what I believe about money within myself. When I go into that place of being fearful, I usually feel it in my stomach. So when my stomach starts to hurt and I tense up around some financial issue, this has been my cue to take a pause and explore the beliefs and feelings I’ve been avoiding.

One evening, he began collecting spare change and asked me to give him some money to go get a toy. I asked him to give me a few minutes to think as I began to feel that familiar pain in my stomach.

I lay on the bed and decided to invite the fear to come out of hiding. I just said to myself things like "I need to let myself feel this" and "I invite and welcome this feeling and fear into my consciousness."

It took about 10 minutes of embracing the feelings of fear and the pain in my stomach for the answer to break through the surface.

By inviting the fear in, I realized how I believe that I always make bad decisions about money. Growing up I would hear my mother say this about my father. I feared that I was like my father and couldn't handle money.

The fear that whatever decision I made about money was a bad one was one that constantly lived in my subconscious. Whether it was giving him $10 to spend on a toy, or my decision to buy something to eat for myself when I was out of the house and hungry, or my decision to add a second bedroom onto our small house.

Every decision I made about money, no matter how trivial, was connected to my belief that I always made bad decisions. I even remember how as a teenager, I would question my own decisions believing that I was bound to screw it up.

These decisions were not always about money. I’ve lived in this confusion on a daily basis. I remember many times how I would ask for clarity from others. I would call Rob on the phone or talk in person with him about a decision I was trying to make.

I would question every decision I made no matter how small and he would show up and be my mirror. He would mirror back to me my belief that I could not do it right.

And in that fear and lie, I would be triggered.

It kept me from seeing what he was doing was just the desire of a four year-old child wanting money to buy a toy. Instead I saw his actions as a confirmation of how much I had screwed up in my life. That is quite a burden for a four year-old to carry.

Realizing that I lived in fear of making a decision about money, because I knew I would mess it up, was a big one for me. And, as soon as the realization hit me, my stomach pain went away. I felt this weight lifted off of me. I brought out from my subconscious this belief that undermined me and which I used to punish myself. By bringing it out of hiding, I released a lot of its hold on me.

This break-through allowed me to be present with him around his desire to go buy a new toy in a way I had rarely experienced. I could make a decision and not have it be clouded by my self-imposed confusion.

I could make a decision and not have it be tied to my underlying belief that I always made bad decisions. And, because I made bad decisions, I would pass this trait onto him. That's a whole lot of twisted crap floating around!

Your issue may not be money. But there may be ways in which the children in your life reflect your fears. The situation you hate to enter into with them, because it is rife with conflict, may be because you are holding on to some deep beliefs (or lies) that keep you from being clear and present.

What are the lies you are holding onto about yourself and how do those manifest in your relationships with the children in your life?

It can be a challenge to go deeper and allow the fear to surface. The fear may be rooted in some very traumatic experiences you had as a child. The depth of that pain may make us even more afraid to allow it come to the surface. You may need some support to allow yourself to go there.

But, if we choose not to go deeper, how might we be impacting our current relationships? How might our actions today be influenced by what we choose not to look at in our past?

When we avoid the pain and fear, it maintains it's hold on us. The people in our lives, especially children, bring that fear and anxiety to the surface. If we choose not to face it within ourselves, we can easily project it on to them.

Our lack of clarity, our confusion, our unwillingness to go deeper and expand our awareness of ourselves, directly impacts our relationships with children.

Our work, then, is to face our fears and uncover the trigger. This "work" is really not work in the traditional sense. It is about love and acceptance of all the parts of our experiences, past and present. It is an honoring of those things we have hidden away. It is a love of what those experiences and feelings have to teach us.

Ultimately, it is about loving ourselves unconditionally, just as we hope to do with the children in our lives.

A TM:I, Community Built Website

2012-09-19T14:06:00.002-05:00

I am really interested in hearing more from all of you guys. I would like a lot more input and involvement from the TM:I community regarding parenting topics. So, I plan on asking a QOTD (question of the day) on the page and on the forum. I'm hoping to turn this into a growing community that everyone is involved in and has input in.

I'm hoping to eventually to have a whole website with all the info we can gather in one place and all you guys as contributors. I also would like to link to various other bloggers and sites and links in a categorized way. That way, it will be easy enough to have all the parenting info you could want in an easy to find place.

Is this something you guys would be interested in? Let me know why or why not and what you'd like to see and hear about and anything else that might help. You can comment here, on the page, or on the forum.

When it comes to AP parenting, ignorance knows no bounds

2012-09-18T18:46:00.001-05:00

When it comes to AP parenting, ignorance knows no bounds

Usually, I am not a fan of labels, BUT, I can understand the appeal of a parenting label to help with finding a community and support in the journey. This label, however, comes with SO much misinformation and judgement that it is hard to "WANT" to be called AP. Like the assumptions that if you are "AP" it means your marriage is failing, your kid NEVER sleeps, you nurse until the kids are 20, your kid is attached to your side 24/7 (and by attached, they mean literally), your kid rearfaces until 18, your kid only eats Baby led organic veggies, they co-sleep until high school...and so on. Honestly, NONE of this is AP. Not one thing. In fact, none of that is "Crunchy" parenting. Hell, while we're at it, that's not even something "extreme" parents do.

Let's look at some labels and what they ACTUALLY mean. We will start with AP, the most misunderstood of all...

Attachment parenting, a phrase coined by pediatrician William Sears, is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory in developmental psychology. According to attachment theory, the child forms a strong emotional bond with caregivers during childhood with lifelong consequences. Sensitive and emotionally available parenting helps the child to form a secure attachment style which fosters a child's socio-emotional development and well-being. In extreme and rare conditions, the child may not form an attachment at all and may suffer from reactive attachment disorder. Principles of attachment parenting aim to increase development of a child's secure attachment and decrease insecure attachment.
When mothers are taught to increase their sensitivity to an infant's needs and signals, this increases the development of the child's attachment security. Sears's specific techniques of attachment parenting remain under study.

Per Dr. Sears' theory of attachment parenting (AP), proponents such as the API attempt to foster a secure bond with their children by promoting eight principles which are identified as goals for parents to strive for. These eight principles are:

Preparation for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting
Feed with Love and Respect
Respond with Sensitivity
Use Nurturing Touch
Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally
Provide Consistent Loving Care
Practice Positive Discipline
Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

These values are interpreted in a variety of ways. Many attachment parents also choose to live a natural family living (NFL) lifestyle, such as natural childbirth, home birth, stay-at-home parenting, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling, unschooling, the anti-circumcision movement, natural health, cooperative movements, paleolithic lifestyle, naturism and support of organic and local foods.
However, Dr. Sears does not require a parent to strictly follow any set of rules, instead encouraging parents to be creative in responding to their child's needs. Attachment parenting, outside the guise of Dr. Sears, focuses on responses that support secure attachments.

Hmmm...I don't don't see any of the misguided attitudes listed up there. It doesn't say AP parents need to breastfeed, co-sleep forever, or cloth diaper or wear their kid. That's odd because there are SO many people that say you have to before you can be AP and SO many people that claim they HATE AP parents and what they are. Turns out, they hate themselves, because MOST parents fall under AP if you look at the principles alone.

Crunchy parenting is really what Silky people dislike, they just confuse the two since a lot of AP parents do crunchy things. A crunchy parent, DOES believe in:

Natural childbirth and/or home birth
No infant circumcision
Breastfeeding according to WHO recommendations and using baby-led weaning
Baby-led solids
Cloth diapering
Reusable menstrual products
Fertility Awareness Method for birth control and conception
Co-sleeping (bed sharing)
Baby wearing (slings etc.)
Buying organic and local foods
Vegetarianism/Veganism
Rejection of “Western medicine” in favor of homeopathy, herbs, naturopathy, chiropractic, etc.
Not vaccinating or using an alternative vaccination schedule
Homeschooling
Gentle Discipline

See...there is a difference. AP and Crunchy are NOT the same thing. You cannot lump them together. So, it is NOT AP you loathe. You might loathe Crunchy parenting.

Another label is Silky. A Silky parent is polar opposite of Crunchy. If Crunchy does it, Silky doesn't and vice versa. Silky parents:

Formula Feed
Induce
Get Epidurals
Put baby in its own bed/room day 1
Use CIO
Put baby in PCD(Plastic Containment Devices)
Feed baby cereal early plus jarred baby food
Vaccinate on time and fully
Spank
Disposable Diapers
Circumcise

You get the picture.

Lastly is Mainstream parenting...they enjoy a mix of all the styles.

When you start labeling and griping and throwing fits and hurling insults at people, at least get it right. Don't accuse everyone of being AP when they are really Crunchy, or call a Silky a Mainstream mom. Seriously...all the AP bashing is just getting ridiculous and causing people to avoid it like the plague. And it's not even their fault.

(Click here for link to the original post I am responding to)

So, Miss Detachment Parenting Mom, most of us AP moms think your daughters life sounds like hell. And poor dad that never gets to see his daughter awake at night because you put her to bed at 7:30 so you can have romantic single people supper...and go on childless couple trips. I mean...that just sounds über fun. NOT! I actually enjoy my kid. He also managed to sleep ALL. NIGHT. LONG. from 12 weeks old, in my bed, even when I wasn't in it. OH EM GEE!!!! How on earth did I accomplish that feat without throwing my kid in the crib in another room and using St. Sleeps A Lots book? And really, 12 hours a night? No baby needs to sleep like that. And not a lot of adults can pull that off. Not without an Ambien. Maybe that's how you got by...

JOIN US IN OUR NEW FORUM!! WE CAN DISCUSS THIS AND OTHER TOPICS. CLICK HERE

Our Website Is Up and Running

2012-09-16T12:11:00.000-05:00

Come visit us:

The Mom: Informed

FCK you FB and all you DMBA$$ people that report pictures wrongly!!

2012-07-27T12:56:00.001-05:00

This is a picture of a mother desperately trying to feed her child with something that should be free and plentiful. Something that the majority of people in America take for granted. Breastmilk. In America, the majority of women that give birth are well fed, healthy and not lacking basic needs. Another thing they have are options. They have the option of nursing their child with full, free flowing milk from their breasts. They have the option of using donor milk from another mother with full, free flowing milk from her breasts. They even have the option of choosing to use a man made concoction, breast milk substitute in breast substitute bottles. Formula and bottles intended to replace moms breast when mom is not able to provide/produce milk of her own. These are options that most of us have here. You would think that since most of us have FREE, plentiful and healthy milk in our breasts after delivery that would be the first option and that the majority would choose that. However, that is NOT the case. I hardly ever see a lady here choose to nurse. They always just go for the bottle because its "easier", because it isn't "gross", because it is "just the same". And that is fine, really. You have that choice. You have that option. You have the ability to get to choose. Sure, there are valid reasons why you cannot choose to nurse and for that we are all thankful for formula. But, this lady in the picture, she doesn't get to have options. She nurses. Her child isn't thriving, he is barely surviving.

So now, for my point, I am not saying you have to nurse, that formula is evil or anything judgmental against anyone. What I am saying is that I would like for everyone to at least realize how much you have, how privileged you are, how lucky you are that you even had a chance to choose how to feed your kid and even if nursing was not an option, you have the option of donor milk or formula in your arsenal. You weren't forced to starve while trying to nurse your equally starved baby.

When you look at this picture, your first reaction should be sadness, horror and pity. It should NEVER be sarcasm, puns and derogatory statements.

When you see this picture, your first reaction should not be to report. It should not be thought of as nasty, gross or sickening.

NO nursing mom should be thought of this way. Not one with free flowing milk and certainly not one as desperate as the one above.

STOP reporting them. What the fuck is the matter with you that reporting this picture makes any kind of sense? The picture should cause you to think, to feel sad, to want to do something to help. If it makes you feel guilty, then perhaps your subconscious is trying to tell you something. Maybe you should rethink your life and fix that. Reporting the picture, however, is ridiculous.

Gallery Of Babywearing

2012-07-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

Babywearing is not only awesome, it's convenient and good for baby. Most everyone that knows anything about wearing a baby knows about Bjorns or Snuglis. Those are NOT good for baby's hips or spine. So, I want to show you some carriers that aren't as well known, but, are excellent for baby. Moby Wrap and Ergo are good carriers, but, again...very well known. I am hoping with this post to introduce you to a world of carriers you may not have known to exist.

First, I'd like to link you to a few great posts explaining about carriers and reputable places to buy them.

http://betterbabywearing.blogspot.com/2010/03/babyweaing-overload.html

https://spreadsheets.google.com/pub?key=p1IiFbzF2Rif1tmPRn4j4XA

http://www.theportablebaby.com/carrierfeatures.html

http://paxbaby.com/

And now for the show...Starring WRAPS!!!

Didymos Black Hemp Pfau

BBSlen Red Currant

Girasol

Didymos Ellipsen

Didymos Mille

Didymos Agave

Ellevill Jade Forest (Double Rebozo Shoulder To Shoulder [DRS2S])

Ellevill Zara Sun (Double Hammock)

Ellevill Zara Sun (Front Wrap Cross Carry)

Vatanai

Ellevill Zara Caffe

Girasol Light Rainbow Diamond Weave (Front Wrap Cross Carry [FWCC])

Girasol Fresh Grapes (Double Hammock)

Ellevill Wraps

Ellevill Wrap

Girasol

Didymos Nepomuk

Hoppiz

Mexican Rebozo

Simon

Storchenweige (w/17mo. 27lb. baby)

Storchenweige

Storchenweige (w/3y/o 40lb kid)

Vatanai+blueberry+wrap

Ellevill Zara

girasol+ardent+in+a+double+hammock

girasol+frigga+in+a+rebozo

Didymos Elberg Fish

Didymos+mystic+petrol+hemp

+25lb,+27+month+old+in+a+girasol+woven+wrap.+Double+hammock+carry

Bara Barn Salsa (Rebozo)

Bara Barn Salsa

Gypsy Mama Bali Breeze (GMBB)

Oscha Starry Night Forget-Me-Not 5

Storchenweige Lily size 6

Storchenweige+Lily+size+6

Vat maruyama Fwcc

Winered+Cashmere+Swallows+7

back+carry+in+a+Vatanai.+Very+lightweight+&+supportive

Amitola Cream weft 2 (ruck tied in front)

Girasol Clover Azul Pacifico (4) ruck tied in front with a preschooler

Tandem wearing Donau in front, Tri green in the back

Tri Green

Natibaby Green Flamingos

Girasol Snow Rainbow Diamond Weave

And now some Soft Structured Carriers(SCC), Mei Tais(MT), Bobas, Kinderpacks, Podaegis(PODS), Wrap Conversion Mei Tais(WCMT), Becos and few others.

5 month old in Beco Gemini at the Great Wall of China

dad wearing sleeping 2 week old in Beco Gemini

Mesh Full Blanket POD

And finally, Ring Slings and Pouch Slings:

http://sesasha.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/babywearing-adventures-the-hug-carry-or-a-cross-wrap-front-hold/

http://sesasha.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/babywearing-adventures-the-rucksack-carry/

http://s1117.photobucket.com/albums/k588/jzuwayed/baby%20wearing/#!cpZZ1QQtppZZ20

BABY IN THE CAUL PICTURE!!!!!

2012-06-26T17:51:00.002-05:00

http://theskepticalmother.blogspot.com/2012/06/twin-babies-born-by-csection-one-still.html

Reposting and linked here because the world should see this and Facebook whiny babies can't do a thing about it!!!!!!

What NOT To Say...

2012-06-17T22:00:00.000-05:00

What NOT To Say: Tools For Talking With Young Children

"Let's raise children who don't have to recover from their childhood"~Pam Leo

Did you ever find yourself talking harshly with your child and feel like there has to be a better way to talk to them? Do you want to practice a more gentle and respectful parenting?Well, here's your handbook...

In this book, Sarah MacLaughlin has chapters dedicated to phrases to avoid and provides alternate wording to use instead. She has real life stories and situations to convey the message in an easy to follow and use way. At the end of different sections and points, she also provides you with a list of books you can read to your kids in order to help them out with communication as well.

You will learn how to effectively speak with children to set limits, while maintaining respect for the child. You'll learn why threats, labels and confusing language can cause issues and what to say and do to avoid the pitfalls. There is SO much info packed into one tiny book. A very thorough arrangement of tips and more.

All in all, this is an excellent resource it have in your arsenal if you have a small child. In fact, it might be a good idea to have anyone around your kid to read this book. Parents, teachers, grandparents, caregivers.

The back of the book also has a nice list of books for parents to read as well, so, between that and the kids books listed...you should be set for a long while on learning for both you and your child.

Special Giveaway!

Please comment about phrases you avoid and what you choose to say instead, so that you can enter to win an ebook copy of What Not to Say: Tools for Talking with Young Children, in the format of your choice: PDF, epub, or Kindle format. Sarah will be giving away one copy at each blog stop and will announce it on the comments of this post tomorrow. (Other stops during this Blog Tour are listed here: http://sarahsbalancingact.blogspot.com/p/blog-tour.html)

Also, be sure to enter at Sarah's site (http://sarahsbalancingact.blogspot.com/p/blog-tour.html) for the Grand Prize Giveaway: a Kindle Touch. Winner will be announced at the end of the tour after July 15th.

WINNER HAS BEEN CHOSEN: Carmen!!!

Please contact us via e-mail: themominformed@gmail.com

THE PROBLEM WITH KIDS TODAY

2012-05-25T21:04:00.003-05:00

One statement I truly despise is one that contains the words: "kids today" and lump them all into some imaginary box where they apparently all whine, moan, act up, feel entitled, are without manners and so on...I am utterly sick to death of hearing this phrase. If you say you don't spank, then, apparently that means you do nothing in the way of discipline and allow your child carte blanche to do as he/she please with no consequences, redirection...anything. If you bring up anything about kids, there will ALWAYS be that one person, you know who I am talking about...that one that says: "Kids today are out of control and awful, they have no manners, no discipline and are so rude and wild. They all act entitled."

Well, I've got news for you person..."kids today" are no more crazy and wild than yesterday, last year, or a hundred years ago.

Um, first of all, this isn't a problem with "kids today". It is a kid behavior paired with adult perception issue. Not to mention, this has been going on since the beginning of time. Seriously.

Let's take it back some:

1963

A little further:

1907

Kenneth John Freeman, for his Cambridge dissertation published in 1907

"The counts of the indictment are luxury, bad manners, contempt for authority, disrespect to elders, and a love for chatter in place of exercise. …

Children began to be the tyrants, not the slaves, of their households. They no longer rose from their seats when an elder entered the room; they contradicted their parents, chattered before company, gobbled up the dainties at table, and committed various offences against Hellenic tastes, such as crossing their legs. They tyrannised over the paidagogoi and schoolmasters."

A little further:

A.D. 1274

"The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of
today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for
parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as
if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is
foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest
and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress." Peter the Hermit

And still further:

8th century BC

I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on
the frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless
beyond words.

When I was a boy, we were taught to be discrete and respectful of
elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise and impatient of
restraint.
--- Hesiod, Eighth Century B.C.

So, you see, "kids today" are exactly how they have ALWAYS been and how they will forever be. This isn't new or odd or weird or different. This is how it is. That saying isn't an excuse to be rude to kids and teens or to belittle them or to have no hope. It is a sign that YOU are the one perceiving their behavior through prejudiced eyes and closed mind. Open your heart and your eyes and realize that "kids today" may in fact be a product of "parents today" that were "kids today" at one time.

Want something better than "What To Expect"?....

2012-04-17T05:00:00.003-05:00

The Other Baby Book

"This ain't your mama's baby book"

Seriously, this book is so unlike the average books you will find touted by friends and family. In fact, the first thing you encounter upon reading this book is a poem about holding your baby all the time...

They told me babies should not be held:

It would spoil them and make them cry.

I wished to do what is best for them,

And the years went swiftly by.

Now empty are my yearning arms;

No more that thrill sublime.

If I had my babies back again,

I'd hold them all the time!

~Unknown Mama

See? How many books do you see advocating holding babies instead of training them?

Next up is an introduction to the book and its ideas and values along with explaining how it's set up. There is also an introduction to the authors. Once the "nice to meet you's" and "how do you do's" are out of the way, the book moves into: BIRTH!!! Pushing, prepping, locations and more...it goes over many options and strategies. They cover a LOT of info and leave out the scare tactics. From birth, it moves fluidly into info on things involving the baby, like: eye drops, cord clamping, skin to skin and so on. After each chapter, they even provide you with a list of various other books to check into for even more in-depth learning. Each chapter also includes quotes from real moms, from the authors and helpful info from doctors and experts.

Would you believe it also includes info on vaccines, circumcision, co-sleeping/bed-sharing, CIO, bathing, baby wearing, baby led solids, elimination communication and cloth diapering...? See what I mean about being different?

I should also add that while it IS geared toward the more natural side of parenting, it does cover the other side a little as well and gives options and info. Which wasn't necessary as they are providing info for this side of things where there aren't as many informational books. IF you are truly wanting other info, you can read one of the million usual books on the book store shelf.

This would make a GREAT gift for an expecting mom. If you know one, do her a favor and get her this book and hope she chooses to read this over the popular ones she is sure to be bombarded with.

If you care to connect with the authors of this book feel free to follow these links:

website: www.theotherbabybook.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/TheOtherBabyBook

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/OtherBabyBook

Pinterest: http://pinterest.com/otherbabybook

This post is stop #8 on "The Other Baby Book Virtual Book Tour"

Click HERE to visit the virtual book tour line up!!!

Why no one breastfeeds anymore...

2012-03-19T09:04:00.000-05:00

I happen to have "liked" many parenting, breast feeding and birth pages on Facebook. One thing I have noticed about ALL of them is that despite posting daily about normal behavior in babies, especially breastfed ones, about how to successfully breastfeed, and more, at least once a day and sometimes as much as every hour a mom asks the page a question that baffles me.

"My baby wants to eat every hour or two at night and I need sleep. Why is she doing this and how can I stop it"

"My baby is using me as a pacifier. What can I do?"

"My baby nurses once a day and I give him LOTS of solids and water and juice and bottles of formula while I am at work. My supply seems to be dwindling, how can I get it back up?"

"My baby is 2 days old and not acting satisfied after nursing, so, I let him nurse for a minute and then give him a bottle of formula. How can I get him to nurse more?"

These are just some of the questions I have seen and they all can let me know a few things about modern society that help me to know exactly why hardly anyone breastfeeds or why they quit early if they do.

We are under the impression that a baby should eat quickly and remain satisfied for hours after a feed(like the modern formula fed counterpart), we believe that babies should go to sleep immediately once placed in a crib and should sleep soundly for most of the night(8 hours is good, but 12 hours is best), we believe that sucking beyond feeding and for comfort is for pacifiers only because breast aren't pacifiers(even though pacifiers ARE breast substitutes for when the breast isn't available to be suckled), we are under the impression that breastmilk isn't supply and demand and should turn on and off like like a faucet(even doctors and nurses don't seem to get this one).....

Then, you add in the fact that "breastfeeding is a private thing reserved for mom and baby alone and hidden from view of the world.", that daddies "absolutely CANNOT ever, ever bond with baby unless he gets to bottle feed at least a million times.", that " breasts are sexual ONLY and only for your husband to touch because a baby touching them is child porn and exposing he child to sex.", that "breastfeeding is GROSS and that formula is WAY easier and full of SO MANY vitamins and minerals that breastmilk doesn't have"., and "everyone and their mom and sister and grandma and best friends and dog had formula and are JUST FINE even though they all have breast cancer, hypertension, strokes, diabetes, asthma....and so on." .....

Every ad you see has a bottle fed baby, every show you watch has a bottle fed baby, every family you see in town is bottle feeding their baby in public, every doll you own has a bottle, every book you read has a bottle fed baby...

Your mom keeps telling you that baby isn't satisfied if he wants to eat every 2 hours and you should formula feed, your grandma thinks it's gross and tells you to formula feed, your hubby doesn't want you to nurse in front of ANYONE and wants you to formula feed, the doc thinks baby is a little lighter than average and wants you to formula feed, your best friends baby was formula fed and slept all night from day one(she also allowed baby to scream until it passed out from day one)...

So...If you have believed these things, saw these things, heard these things and were told these things....

It's no wonder we all quit. How could you not? It's just failure waiting to happen and IF, IF you happened to nurse beyond the first day, week, month or year...you deserve a standing ovation. Think of everything you overcame. The obstacles are MANY. The help is few.

How can we counteract ALL this that is SO against breastfeeding? Can you think of some ways?

Gallery Of Extended Rear Facing Kids (Our Attempt At Making ERF The Norm)

2012-01-10T11:37:00.005-06:00

Extended Rear Facing, meaning longer than one year old IS safer (http://themominformed.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-much-proof-do-you-need-and-how-much.html)

As of right now, the law here in the US states that you must keep your child rear facing until at LEAST One year old AND 20lbs. It does not say that you cannot rear face past One and past 20lbs. There is NO law that says they HAVE to turn forward at age one or 20lbs. That means the at One year old AND 20lbs, you child is at the BARE MINIMUM age and weight that they can be turned, it in no way means they must be turned. In fact, the AAP says that it is best if you can keep them until age 2 at the very least.

Despite this, I still see TOO many parents turning kids early, or at one because they think it is the law, or because they think their kid under age one is "too long"/"too big" to rear face any longer. So, I wanted to create this posting to show OLDER and BIGGER kids rear facing and prove to the world that MOST kids CAN comfortably rear face way longer than everyone seems to think.

If you would like to add your child or know someone that would like to add theirs, please send the pictures and all info about the child's height, torso length, weight, age and carseat make/model/brand if possible to themominformed@gmail.com .

Lorelei (10 months, 20lbs, 29 inches) and Eliza (3 years, 28lbs and 36 inches)

rocking the Graco My Ride 65.~Nyssa

Morgan at 18 months old 24lbs 33in RF in a Graco MyRide

A few days after her second birthday. She is 30lbs 36in tall and still RF in the Graco MyRide

Riley Marie, 19 months!

Nathan, age 30 months, 30 lbs and 32 inches tall,

rearfacing in a 2007 model Britax Boulevard

The next two pictures Nathan is 3 years 7 months, 38 lbs and 38 inches,

Naomi is 13 months, 20 lbs and 28 inches, both rear facing in Radian XTSLs.

Nathan is now 5 and forward facing, but Naomi is nearly 3 and

still rearfacing as is her 1 year old sister Natalie

2.5 year old, Andrew, RFing in his Graco MyRide 65,

enjoying a drink after playing hard at the park!

He was 26.5 lbs in this picture, 34 inches tall.

He's still rear-facing now at 28lbs and 36 inches tall. :)

Here's Grant! He's just over 12 months and

just over 20lbs with NO plans to turn around!

Pictured here loving his Diono Radian and all of its legroom!

Lyrik, 19 months old, in a my ride 65.

The other seat is a britax frontier 85

5 point harness for my 5 1/2 year old

Here are my RF pictures, my son stayed RF until he was 3yo and 35lb
and 37 inches long,
The picture at the Orange car show how you can have RF children in an
extremely small car, it is a Kia Rio, Plenty of room for mom and dad
too, he is 2.5 years old and 30lb there, the last picture he is
2years 9 months old and 32lb, the first picture he is 1year 4 months
old and probably 26lb

River is 2 years 8 months and 26 lbs and still rear-facing.

She wears 3T clothes so she is pretty tall.

Seth is 5 yrs 4 months and in a 5-point harness.

He is 35lbs and wears 5T clothes so he is smaller. ;)

Justis RF at age 4. He is now 4 yrs 5 mos old and still RF

3yr old, 32lbs, and 5 month old 17 lbs. RFing in Radians

Parenting Series: TTC

2011-12-08T11:33:00.000-06:00

Yesterday's post was about what to do before you stat trying to conceive. Today's post is all about TTC(trying to conceive).

First things first if you paid attention to yesterdays post and followed every tip in it, you would know about charting and how your body works already. If not, let's get down to business shall we?

THE most important step in TTC: CHARTING!!!!! I suggest buying the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" if you prefer to not buy a book, try their online site: "tcoyf", or try online tools for charting on sites like, "Fertility Flower", "The Birthing Site" or "Just Mommies".

This will all help you to know not only the best time for doing the BD(baby dance), but, how to recognize when ovulation is about to occur, when it has passed or when it doesn't happen at all. Keeping track of everything from menstrual cycle beginning, end, length, frequency, timing of sex, cervix position, basal temp and more can help eliminate guess work for you and the doctor and can signal potential problems along the way.

We'll start with the basics:

The first day of your period (Not spotting, but, the first day you bleed red blood) is Day 1 of your cycle. You will start counting from there. Mark this on the chart and mark every day, plus the flow on the chart (heavy, medium, light).

Mark the consistency of your cervical fluid (Dry, Sticky, Creamy, Wet, Slippery/egg white)

Mark cervix position and how it feels(low/closed, mid/partial, high/open)

What is your basal temp(before you move, walk, talk, drink or get out of bed, take your temp at the exact same time in the exact same location(mouth, vaginal, rectal) and do this consistently to find your basal temp pattern) Your temp should stay pretty consistent until just before and during ovulation. Your temp should dip slightly followed by a rise just before ovulation occurs and continuing until ovulation is over and your period is about to start(unless you are pregnant, it should stay elevated).

You should note when sex occurs.

All of this combined can help you to better understand your body and when the best time is to conceive.

Another important thing to remember is to relax and not get too caught up in the process and make it clinical. Know that it can take months to years to become pregnant even if you are following everything. Don't give up or stress out.

I hear tell that Mucinex is helpful in causing a women's body to create more EWCM(egg white cervical mucus) which is THE most fertile cervical fluid.

Do NOT use any lubricants or saliva in the vaginal area when TTC, those are both caustic environments to sperm. You CAN use "Pre-Seed" or actual egg white (although that grosses me out to even type that.)

Like I also said in the last post, already be taking prenatal vitamins(make sure they contain at least 400mcg Folic Acid or more) and live as though you are already pregnant. No smoking, alcohol, drugs or foods that aren't allowed. Get fit or be trying if you are overweight, start eating healthier.

Having regular sex is the best way to get pregnant right away. Couples often try to time everything perfectly for ovulation but do not have sex when they think they are not ovulating. It is true that sex that is not within the time of ovulation will not result in pregnancy. However, because women do not always ovulate when they think they will, having sex three times a week will help a woman to cover her bases, so to speak, and not miss an opportunity to get pregnant.

There are also potential ways to up your chances of having a certain sex baby. Now, it doesn't up it a lot and isn't guaranteed, but, it also doesn't hurt to try. In fact, this method when performed correctly has a 75% success rate. LOL Intercourse -Timed Gender Selection – In the 1970s, two doctors released two different books offering directions on how to conceive a baby with the gender of your choice. In 1971, Dr. Landrum Shettles and David Rorvik wrote “How to Choose the Sex of Your Baby,” and revealed that sperm with male (Y) chromosomes move faster than sperm with X (female) chromosomes but do not live as long.

To conceive a boy, have intercourse on the day of ovulation or one day after. To conceive a girl, have sex two to four days prior to ovulation.

Use any number of methods, such as:

tracking your natural fertility signs such as: basal body temperature, your cervical mucus, and your cervical position

using an ovulation predictor kit

using an ovulation tracker/calculator

Shettles offers other tips for tipping the scales when it comes to conceiving a baby boy, too.

Have sex in a position that encourages deep penetration to deposit the weaker “boy” sperm closer to the cervix

When a woman orgasms, it changes the pH level in the vagina to be more alkaline, an environment where the Y-chromosome sperm thrive

Create an alkaline or acidic environment for the sperm by douching with a special solution prior to intercourse

The prospective father-to-be should drink coffee prior to intercourse

It is also said that man on top positions, keeping hips elevated and remaining in a lying down position for 30 mins or more after sex will also increase your chances of conceiving.

I think that about covers it. Have fun baby making. :)

Parenting Series: Preconception

2011-12-07T16:27:00.000-06:00

I decided that I would like to start a whole series of posts starting from preconception all the way through to older kids so that we can feature all stages of parenting and perhaps encompass any stage that a reader may be going through. So, in going along with our theme, today's post is all about preconception...

Honestly, most parents never went through preconception. LOL They just found out they were pregnant then started in on everything, so, if you are wanting to plan on TTC(trying to conceive) then you are one of a lucky few. :)

For starters, I suggest sitting down and discussing with your partner what you plans, ideas and personal beliefs in parenting are before you go one step further. Make sure you are both on the same page in everything or at least have compromised and researched things together to get an idea of how you both feel. Make sure you are financially stable enough to handle it. Not saying you shouldn't if you aren't wealthy, just look at your situation and think about it. If you are still living at home and have no job and your partner is also jobless and living with mom, chances are, you can't afford a kid right now. Also make sure you are PHYSICALLY safe, domestic violence tends to rise drastically during pregnancy. If you are not sure of your safety, do NOT try to conceive. Chances are it will only lead to more violence and not less.

Now, make sure you are already eating right and this goes for both the prospective mom and dad. Mom should start taking prenatal vitamins with at least 400mcg Folic Acid 3 months before TTC. Most vitamins now come with a DHA supplement as well. If you are already eating right, taking a vitamin and exercising, you are on the right track to being healthy and fit enough to sustain a pregnancy. As a side note to eating healthy, apparently Goji Berries and Kombucha have fertility boosting properties. It helps to treat yourself as already pregnant healthwise before you try.

Another good thing to do is to get both you and your partner to a doctor for a check up, mom to an OB/Midwife for a preconception visit. You can rule out any health issues or needs before becoming pregnant.

If you haven't already, you should look into charting and learn what EWCM, Basal temp, luteal phase and more are. There are books (Taking Charge Of Your Fertility), websites (Fertility Flower) and paper charts to help you learn your body and cycle so that you have the best chance of conceiving. Also by charting or even keeping a fertility journal, you can start to spot issues if there are any to talk with your doctor about. It can really help with pinpointing a problem that may arise. For instance: an anovulatory cycle, PCOS and more.

Stop drinking and smoking BEFORE you even start TTC. It's best to give this up long before you start rather than trying to stop and being pregnant all at the same time. this goes for the father as well. Secondhand smoke is not good for the pregnancy either.

If you are on any prescription drugs, be sure to discuss with a doctor if you need to switch or stop taking them before you even become pregnant. Be sure to use Acetaminophen ONLY starting before TTC and throughout pregnancy. Ibuprofen, Aspirin and Naproxen are NOT approved for use during pregnancy.

Right now, before you even begin TTC, do yourself a big favor and RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH!!!! Find out if you want an OB or a Midwife, do you want to deliver in the hospital, birth center or home, do you want to deliver naturally or with an epidural, will you deliver on your knees or sitting up, learn about delayed cord clamping, nursing, water birth, kangaroo care, co-sleeping, vaccines...EVERYTHING to do with pregnancy and babies. There is a lot to learn and plenty places to find the info. It also helps you tremendously in pregnancy and through labor if you have studied up enough and are confident in your choices. If you aren't, then you can be easily scared and swayed into choices you may not agree with or enjoy or will feel guilty about later. researching and reading prevents most of this.

Most of all, relax and have fun preparing to try for a baby. take the opportunity to do some non kid things before you get started.

Gallery Of Nursing Moms and Babies(Our attempt to make breastfeeding the norm and not the feared)

2011-12-05T10:30:00.007-06:00

A beautiful display of babies fed straight from the breast....Nothing here is wrong, ugly, gross, sexual, shameful, to be hidden, for mom's sick pleasure or anything else negative you can come up with. If YOU see something icky, wrong or sexual here, YOU need psychiatric help. And to Facebook: Bite me, you can't delete these!!!!

Here is a picture right when my little princess Olivia was born.. I Love this picture. She was looking for the breast right away. ~Heather (Aww...a newbie to the bewbie. LOL ~TM:I)

Isn't nature beautiful?!

Thanx for your efforts on FB!

Carmen feeding her little one.... (Thank you, it's my pleasure ~TM:I)

This is Stephanie and her bundle of goodness!!!

(I want to pinch some cheeks! ~ TM:I)

Nursing, in a wrap, with our Supplemental Nursing System.~Nyssa

(P.S.: TM:I thinks this is fantastic)

My sweet Lexi nursing .. 23 months old ~ Margaret

(Who says that kids need to stop at one or sooner? ~TM:I)

Me feeding Gianna on my wedding day 8months old ~ Arielle

(Awww!! ~TM:I)

Suzy's little boobie monster.

(Has the newborn, boobie bigger than head phenomena going on. ~TM:I)

Nursing my 15 month old while 40 weeks pregnant ~Serena

(Awesomesauce! ~ TM:I)

Stacie and her nursling enjoying some outside feeding and the sunshine!!

(Kudos to you momma. ~TM:I)

Joslin and her bitty baby... (Aww...I want one!! ~TM:I)

I just have to say... I love your blog/Facebook page!! PLEASE keep up the good work. I'm delighted to be able to share a favorite picture of my little Bobby quietly nursing (though this was several month ago, he's more of a gymnast while nursing now).

Thanks for all that you do!

Sincerely,Rachel

(Thank you Rachel. I appreciate you and your comment. Makes me want to keep going stronger than ever. ~TM:I)

Ellie as Yoda nursed by me as Princess Leia

Ellie nursed during the Komen Oregon Race for the Cure, she's the newest member of our race team "Just in Case" ~Cyndi

this is mommy Abby and baby boy Jack (now 4 months). we live in chicago, il. there is one where you can see my nipple (oh my!) so not sure if you can use it but its my favorite, he stopped to give me the stink eye for talking while he was eating. he likes it quiet! thanks for taking the time to do this.
(You're welcome!! And I love the "stink eye")

(Stink eye)

Billy with mom Caroline (Sweetness!! ~TM:I)

That is my baby boy, Jackson, at 12 weeks.Christie
(Lovely and an awesome nursing necklace to boot~TM:I)

Thank you for being such a strong and informative voice on facebook. I love your blog as well :)
Kim and my beautiful 4 month old daughter Summer on a cold winters eve
Much love. (Thank you!! ~TM:I)

1st pic: Taken about an hour after my 2nd son was born.
2nd pic: About a month old. ~ Kimberlee (Sweet little one)

This is a photo of my 3rd son. Still in the hospital. Maybe one day old. At this point in my life I'd been either pregnant or breastfeeding (or a combination of the two) for 5 years ;-)Molly (Love the hat!! ~TM:I)

Picture #1: nursing my daughter immediately after my VBAC. With my firstborn daughter, I ended up not even getting to hold her for hours, so nursing and holding my baby right away was such a wonderful moment.
Picture #2-#5: nursing her in the hospital
Picture #6: post-nursing cuddles and milk-coma! ~Kylie
(Glad you got to hold after the VBAC! ~TM:I)

My two week old son happily enjoying moms milk. :)~Amy
(He looks blissed out. ~TM:I)

My son Jack, he has Downs Syndrome and is still breastfed at 15 months! We were told not to expect him to breastfeed and after he was whisked away to a different hospital for 48 hours we were told again not to expect him to feed as we had missed the window of oppurtunity, this is him a few minutes after coming back to me feeding like a pro!x~Jenny (Absolutely wonderful!!! ~TM:I)

Gabriel, 3 months.
Oh, and I'm Kathryn Plasencia from facebook or ~kp~
from Mommyhood By the Handful.Have a happy day =)
(The hand on the boobah is awesome!!! ~TM:I)

My 9 month old nursing as we are choosing bridesmaids' dresses for my wedding. ~Ashley

(What a cool pic!!~TM:I)

First i want to tell you how much i love your page and blog. It is so nice to feel connected with other mamas like me. This is Silas at one day old. This is the first nursing photo i took and you can see how he felt about it. Thanks for letting me share, i love the message you are sending with this. -celina

(Aww, look at that little hand. And thank you so much!!! ~TM:I)

This is Stephanie and her bundle of cuteness!!!

(Yes, baby IS nursing here)

(Apparently, baby LOVES to hold a handful of

breast while she eats too!! LOL ~TM:I)

(Don't even think about it!!)

(First feeding. Look at the vernix!!)

(Bright eyed)

Zachary nursing, 6 months, love that boy! ~Emily

(Look at those eyes!!! ~TM:I)

It's hard to see he's nursing......right after our shower,

nursin naked :) both of us.
Thank you for all that you do, I am so glad you're here for all of us,

and in turn we can all be here for you! ~Hannele

(You're welcome!! And thank you!! ~TM:I)

(Awesome shot!)

So you see...breastfeeding is what kids do. It's why you have breasts and why they make milk. They aren't there just for holding out your shirt. They actually have a job. Stop flipping out when you see a breast do its job. If you have breasts and a baby, try nursing and see if you like it. Don't just assume you won't or can't.

The Mom: Informed

A Child Has No Rights.

The Pearls Suck...End Of Story.

I Lost My A/P Parenting Card To Honey Boo Boo

My UNcensored thoughts(*WARNING* Foul language and bound to offend)

Newtown, Connecticut Tribute 12/14/12

GUEST POST!!! That Mama Gretchen ~ "Why We Will Be Waiving the Hepatitis B Vaccine"

GUEST POST!!! That Mama Gretchen ~ "The Placenta Report"

GUEST POST!! That Mama Gretchen!!! "TIPS FOR CREATING A BIRTH GUIDE"

Nursing covers...just because you want to wear one, doesn't mean it needs to look like Omar the Tent Maker made it.

GUEST POST!!!!! "The Mommy Wars" ~ Teresa Graham Brett

GUEST POST!!! "Children Are The Mirror" ~ Teresa Graham Brett

A TM:I, Community Built Website

When it comes to AP parenting, ignorance knows no bounds

Our Website Is Up and Running

F*CK you FB and all you D*MBA$$ people that report pictures wrongly!!

Gallery Of Babywearing

BABY IN THE CAUL PICTURE!!!!!

What NOT To Say...

THE PROBLEM WITH KIDS TODAY

Want something better than "What To Expect"?....

The Other Baby Book

"This ain't your mama's baby book"

Why no one breastfeeds anymore...

Gallery Of Extended Rear Facing Kids (Our Attempt At Making ERF The Norm)

Parenting Series: TTC

Parenting Series: Preconception

Gallery Of Nursing Moms and Babies(Our attempt to make breastfeeding the norm and not the feared)

My UNcensored thoughts(WARNING Foul language and bound to offend)

FCK you FB and all you DMBA$$ people that report pictures wrongly!!