Just this week, I put myself out on a limb and asked for advice. It was a situation when a huge decision needed to be made. The kind of decision where I wasn’t sure if I needed to take the left fork or the right. 

It was also the kind of decision where I would have to expose my heart, dumping out all the pieces. Reflecting fears and vulnerabilities. So I took a deep breath and jumped. I asked an another woman to mentor me in this decision and laid my heart bare. And what I found was this:

1. Mentors lead you on the smoothest path.

Choosing to ask another experienced woman for help doesn’t make you look foolish; instead it brings you wisdom, support, encouragement and grace. Having a mentor doesn’t mean she can solve the problem for you or tell you what to do. But her perspective brings your clarity to your mess. She can see different angles that you can’t. Often when you and I are facing situations, challenges or problems–it’s right under our nose. And when we invite another woman to view it, she has a bird’s eye view! And the best part, because she has probably “been there,” she lends her experiences to help avoid heartache. 

2. She’s willing to ask you the hard questions. 

We all have the “Tell me I look good, even though I gained 10 pounds friend,” and we all have the “I’m here when you need me friend,” and the “Let’s distract you from the issue friend,” yet the most valuable is the one who’s willing to pose the questions we don’t want to hear. No one likes to ask the hard questions, and we certainly don’t like dealing with it–but like I said before, I want to grow in my walk as a woman, so I NEED a woman who is willing to “go there” with me. 

And after taking the risk to ask for help, I’ve found that I have amazing and encouraging support from her, pushing me to be my best while still loving me for ME.

3.  She sees your potential. 

We have blind spots and we are certainly aware of our flaws but having a mentor helps us see our potential when we can’t see in ourselves. Think of it this way, even the best athletes in the world have a coach. Bestselling authors have editors. And the best photographers have critics. 

We need someone who can see outside our view, to help us consider our weaknesses and support our strengths. 

4. You have a place to fit in.

One of the hardest aspects of being a mom is the different stages of motherhood and having to rely on me, myself and I, all day long. Often times, motherhood is overwhelming and we wonder if we are doing this mom thing right. Some times we feel isolated and alone. Having a mentor reassures us that are aren’t messing up our kids enough for therapy and makes us realize we aren’t alone. 

Now back to that decision…I spent the evening firing off my thoughts, my questions, and my fears. And I walked away with a deeper conviction in the decision I made….

Feature photo: Freedigitalphoto.net

Out of playdough? No problem! Here is an easy, fun recipe the kids can help with! Make sure to keep this one handy!

1-cup salt, 2-cups flour, 2-cups water,

1/4-cup vegetable oil, 1-tablespoon cream of tartar

Place ingredients in pan, add your favorite food coloring, stir over low heat until dough is  not sticky,  looks and feels like playdough. Enjoy playing with your kids!

Isaiah 64:8  But now, O Lord, You are our Father, we are the clay, and You our potter; and all of us are the work of your hand.

Enjoy your weekend!

Tara Dovenbarger,        come visit on  facebook

come

When my sons were young, I caught myself doing it over and over again. Saying NO without really thinking about what they were asking.

NO just seemed to slip from my lips before I thought it through.

I knew I needed to listen, think and then respond, but I just kept saying NO.

I had become a NO Mom.

Giving a knee-jerk NO to whatever they asked for was definitely not on the “Good Mom” list and I knew it was time to carefully consider my comebacks to their questions.

It’s not that NO is always a bad thing. It’s definitely a necessary part of parenting well.

“NO, you can’t eat another candy bar.”

“NO, you can’t take the television apart so you can see how it works.” (That really was a question my son asked!)

“NO, you can’t stay over night at your friend’s house when his parents aren’t home.“

But some NO’s are definitely a NO-NO.

NO’s like…

“NO, Momma doesn’t have time.”

“NO, we can’t go out and play.”

“NO, you can’t help momma cook, I’m in a hurry.”

NO Mom meant Grumpy Mom, Stick-in-the-Mud Mom, Uninterested Mom, Uncaring Mom.

That’s not the kind of mom I wanted to be.

So I became one NO Mom who was bound to turn over a new leaf.

Things started to change around the Shott house and momma began to think before she spoke. For years, I was determined to parent with a purpose and to carefully consider what my kids were asking, so I could say what I meant, mean what I said, and have good reason for it.

But somewhere along the way the pendulum started swinging the opposite way. Perhaps it’s because the teen years have a way of changing everything. Or maybe because it was easier to say YES. But I caught myself saying YES far too often.

I had to rethink what I had learned oh-so-many years before and begin implementing some of those early parenting principles and decided that I was going to become a YES Mom who said NO when necessary.

Life is hard and parenting isn’t easy and a mother’s role is ever-evolving. Mommas can find themselves feeling weary, worn out and overwhelmed and YES may be easier to say than NO because there is no conflict – no battle – no consequences to follow up with…just YES.

But YES isn’t always a bad thing. In fact, YES also has the power to bring fun into the life of your family. Yes often means you’re engaged with your kids and involved in their lives.

“YES, Mommy will play with you!”

“YES, we can go to the beach!”

“YES, we can make a birdhouse together!”

Saying YES and NO prayerfully, carefully and wisely is the key to parenting on purpose.

So, how do you know if you’re a YES Mom or a No Mom?

1. You know you’re a NO Mom when you say NO before even thinking about what your child asked.

2. You know you’re a NO Mom when your children tell you that you never have any fun with them or never let them do anything.

3. You know you’re a NO Mom when you think you can make them become wise adults by just doing what you say.

4. You know you’re a YES Mom when you’re willing to play in the rain, make a tent in your living room and make Mickey Mouse pancakes with your kids.

5. You know you’re a YES Mom when you want your children to learn to not just do what you say, but think things through for themselves.

6. You know you’re a YES Mom when you’re willing to explain why you have to say NO so your children can understand that your purpose for saying NO is because you love them and is for their good.

Parenting can be very messy. There are no pat answers to every situation. But a momma can’t go wrong when she determines to be a YES Mom who says NO when it’s necessary and is willing to help her children understand why.

So, how about you? Are you a YES Mom or a NO Mom? Have you caught yourself saying NO without really considering why? Do you say YES too much because you don’t want to deal with the conflict of NO?

Hi, my name is Christen, and I’m a mother of twins.

Before I had children, I had heard rumors that motherhood was the most challenging and rewarding job on the face of the planet. I was the newlywed that thought I could handle the challenge of being a mom; that it couldn’t be that hard. I had illusions that the reward part of motherhood would be more often than the challenge and my children would be well behaved, athletic, musically-talented, smart, and successful from a very early age.

Now, I can imagine God and his chorus of angels laughing at my naivety.  “Just you wait,” is what they were saying to each other.

Having twins has changed my life in so many ways. Here are just five ways twins can change your life:

1. The biggest lesson that I’ve learned so far from being a mother of multiples is expect the unexpected.  I’m naturally a Type-A girl that likes for things to be done my way.  I plan, I organize. It’s just part of my DNA.  When life doesn’t go according to my plans, I usually freak out in a not so nice manner (it usually involves tears, chocolate, and a reality t.v. show…not always in that exact order). But, the twins have been God’s way of teaching me to trust in his plans, his times, his ways.

And, you know what? His plans might come as a surprise to me but he sure knows how to throw one amazing surprise party.

Like, when we found out we were having twins.  It was a shock, yet he also answered a desire of my heart.

Or, how the twins came three months early weighing only two pounds each.  God used those 83 days in the NICU to change my perspective on faith in a radical way.

2. The best advice I have for any mother expecting twins is to embrace the journey.  You will be different from your friends with singleton births.  Your family will not always have answers to your questions.  You pediatrician visits will take an extremely long time. The little old ladies at the grocery store will always ask you if they are twins.  Your stroller will be bigger, you will go through more diapers, and if you have to use formula, you will cherish your $5 off coupons.

3. After my twins were home from the hospital, I wanted so desperately for life to be normal.  But, I had to adapt to a new version of normal.  It was really hard not to compare my children to others, especially since they were born premature.  My twins were three months behind developmentally. They were still in newborn clothes at six months old and could barely crawl by the time they turned one.  Their first year was so very challenging and God taught me humility; how the high expectations I set for my children before they were born were false forms of pride.  Yet through the challenge of their developmentally-delayed first year, we reaped bountiful amounts of reward.  Each day was truly a gift that we weren’t sure we would receive when they were born premature.  Each milestone met was an abundant accomplishment; comparisons were discarded and expectations became less exaggerated. We found our normal and I was so happy it looked completely different from everyone else.

4. Another way twins have changed me for the better is I’ve realized that I need help.  Bad. Before, I was much too prideful to admit that I couldn’t do this motherhood thing on my own.  Asking for help has not only changed my perspective on pride, but it has also strengthened my relationship with Jesus, my husband, my family, and my friends.  Daily, Jesus and my husband help me get through the day as a mom of twins.  Without Jesus, I would have no peace.  Without my husband, I would have no clean clothes (among other things ) This past year, we moved back to our hometown to raise our children closer to family. I have no shame in dropping the twins off at their grandparents house so I can run errands, write, or have a date with my husband. It’s fabulous. Before I had the girls, I was very private, even with my friends.  It wasn’t that I was trying to be secretive, but I didn’t always like to talk about the tough stuff.  Now, I’m much more vulnerable, authentic, and open in my friendships, online and in real life.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  It’s actually a form of strength.

5. And, mothers of twins need some strength. Especially in the toddler years.  Twin toddlers has caught me completely off-balance.  One goes this way, while the other goes that way. I know now where the term double trouble comes from. Keeping up with twin toddlers has been the most challenging part of motherhood for me so far.  I’m emotionally and physically exhausted after our days filled with tantrums, potty-training, and fierce independence.  My house is always a wreck and food always gets stolen off my plate.  Naps are {almost} a thing of the past and bedtime couldn’t come any sooner.  I wonder daily how I’m going to make it raising twin toddlers.

But, then my twin toddlers say how much they love me.  Or, they will twirl around in their princess dress exclaiming, “I’m so happy!”  They aren’t my babies anymore but they still love to cuddle in the early and late hours of the day.  Watching them run, use their manners, and hug each other is the reward during this challenging stage of life.

Twins are always a double blessing and sometimes double trouble.  God gives some moms twins because he believes we are up for the challenge. Or, maybe its because we need a challenge.  Whatever the reason may be for the challenge, I urge you to rest in the reward; the double portion of God’s grace.

Question: If you are a mother of twins, what has been your hardest challenge and what has brought you the most reward?

Till next time, let your light shine!

Blessings, christen

Did my children see me?

1. … read my Bible enough?
2. … smile often?
3. … hug their daddy?
4. … ignore my phone while driving?
5. … make dinner?
6. … call my own mom?
7. … drink 8 glasses of water a day?
8. … be active instead of a couch potato?
9. … make the bed most days?
10. … read good books?

On this graduation week, I am keenly aware I was not meant to keep my children with me for a lifetime. I was supposed to graduate to a new season of mothering.  And I will … whether or not I’m ready. Pulling out pictures of pre-school and braces and sleepovers (to decorate for our Open House) stirred up lots of joy and smiles and gratitude. How thankful I am for the daughter I see trying on her cap and gown in front of the mirror upstairs; she delights my heart. But from somewhere deep in my mom-heart, doubts and regrets arise, like wondering if I could’ve done extra credit before the semester was over.  I laid a lot of “what if’s” and “wish I woulda’s” and “maybe I shoulda’s” on my myself. 

And then I read Isaiah 53:6, “All we like sheep have gone astray;we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” 

To a mom in any stage who wonders if she did well enough or even did enough, the perfect, heavenly Parent says, “I know you’ve been imperfect. You all have, and I knew you would. I never expected you to be a perfect mother. I have taken all of your parenting failures, moments of inadequacy, bad mommy-moments, and human habits, and I have laid that on top of my Son who took them away for you. Be free to celebrate the person I am making your child to be, because I am working in their life and in yours too. My Son the Lamb has carried off your blunders. Enjoy.”

Perfection is not a requirement for graduations from pre-school or high school or college … or seasons of motherhood. Let’s not let doubts or regrets rob us of the joy purchased for us by our heavenly Daddy who invites us to dance through our mothering journey with a free and confident heart.

By Julie Sanders

You know we love to bless you sweet moms with giveaways and to share great resources with you….and today we get the opportunity to do both!

Tyndale House has offered to provide 3 books for today’s giveaway and I want to share a little about the latest book in the Adventure In Odyssey’s series, Imagination Station, entitled, The Hunt for the Devil’s Dragon.

I’ve always loved the resources from Adventures in Odyssey and I especially appreciate the variety of character lessons intentionally threaded through the fabric of each book. Their new book is no different.

Character lessons: Honesty, Courage, Taking a stand no matter what, dealing with bullies, helping others and forgiveness

It’s set in the 1,300′s and cousins, Patrick and Beth are in Libya in an obscure village called Silene where sheep have been mysteriously disappearing from the family farms. Insisting that they are being eaten by some devilish dragon, the towns people decide to begin offering human sacrifices to appease it in hopes that it will go away.

When Beth stepped in to help a friend, the people decided she would be the next sacrifice. But a Roman Soldier who had recently become a Christian stepped in to save her. He also wanted to help save the town from the dragon, but discovered it was a saber-tooth tiger that had been killing the sheep. Not the dragon in the cave who was guarding her baby.

It is written well, with short chapters, lots of adventure and lots of lessons to learn and puzzles at the end.

*As a mom, the only thing I would add is that the age range says 6 – 9. This is a book I would read to my kids when they were 8 – 12 because of the concept of human sacrifices and devilish dragons. But it’s definitely a great addition to Adventures In Odyssey’s Imagination Station series!

Now it’s time to start entering for your chance to win one of the 3 giveaways!

ANSWER THIS QUESTION AS ONE OF THE WAYS TO ENTER TO WIN: DO YOU READ ADVENTURES IN ODYSSEY’S IMAGINATION STATION WITH YOUR KIDS? If so, which is your favorite?

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I know that you and I can get on each other’s nerves.  But I want you to know that I love you and that God is showing me so much about Himself, and about myself, just by you being here.  I am a better person having known you and I want you to know I am so thankful that God has put you in my life. I know that sometimes It doesn’t seem as though I am thankful.  But I am.  Please forgive me for not expressing that often enough.

You are treasured, sweet moms and we are honored to do life with you! SO…THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all you do to mold the heart of the next generation! YOU are making a difference every day…even when no one else sees it and you feel like you’re ready to collapse under the weight of the mounds of laundry, piles of dishes and relentless tugs at your heart!

SO…for fun, I thought I’d share this super cute and funny video to add a little laughter to your day. I LOVE this video…well…except the throwing the baby doll part, but it’s still worth watching!

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY!

NOW FOR OUR NEWS….

THE NEWS:

The M.O.M. Initiative is a ministry dedicated to taking Titus 2 to the streets and reaching the moms of this generations so we can reach the heart of the next generation. We are super excited to share with you that we are opening The M.O.M. Store with a beautiful line of custom made jewelry called, Jewels Around Mom’s Heart, and we will be adding other items in the future.

THE JEWELRY:

Because a mom is always a mom and her love for her kids is undaunted, we wanted to share something that would reflect the heart of a mother. No matter how old your children are, you’re still their mom and you will always love them like no one else. The custom designed and custom made line of jewelry has a signature MOM heart on every piece and you have the option to add birthstone color jewels for each child or the color(s) of your choice.

When you visit our store and click on the link, it will take you to Krafty Max’s website. We have contracted with a professional jeweler who creates quality jewelry that comes with a guarantee and she will handle all the orders as well as the shipping through her online store at Artfire Studios.

THE REASON:

The M.O.M. Initiative exists to help make the body of Christ intentionally missional about mentoring and to bridge the gap between a young mom’s need for a mentor and the church’s need for resources and support. Our desire from the beginning has to be a self-sustaining ministry and we are asking for your help.

The proceeds from all items sold in The M.O.M. Store will not only help us with ministry expenses, printing, outreaches, conferences and other areas of need, but a portion of all proceeds will go to help victims of sex trafficking as well as to help young moms in local shelters.

VISIT OUR STORE:

Our website has a page where you can find the MOM goodies from The M.O.M. Initiative . Click here to visit The M.O.M. Store.

SOME OF MY FAVORITE PIECES: (Oh…and I am SO NOT into jewelry, but I do love these!)

THE BEAUTIFUL M.O.M. BEADED BRACELET!

Jewels Around Mom’s Heart Custom Line by Krafty Max Originals
This image © KraftyMax 2013

I’m sure it’s pretty obvious why this is my FAVE, but I wish you could see it in person! It’s absolutely beautiful and perfect for every mom! And notice the MOM heart at the end of the bracelet… Yeah…that’s where you add the jewels of your choice! 

I also LOVE the CELL PHONE CHARM! My hubby and I have the same phone, so now I can tell them apart…AND my phone is cute now with its custom made Jewels Around Mom’s Heart!

AND…you can unclasp it from the cell phone pin and attach it to your child’s DIAPER BAG, or the zipper on your PURSE or BIBLE COVER. LOVE IT!

And I LOVE this custom made JEWELS AROUND MOM’S HEART NECKLACE!

I wore a similar one to church and got lots of compliments and lots of moms asking where they could get one! It also has the signature MOM HEART where you clasp it in the back and it dangles down the back of your neck. It really is pretty. Just sayin’!

So, that’s the exciting news for us at The M.O.M. Initiative! We know you ladies will be getting your jewelry somewhere…we hope you will help support The M.O.M. Initiative as well as helping us provide funds to help sex trafficking victims and young moms in local shelters by choosing to get your custom made MOM jewelry here.

My 15-year-old daughter has been talking to me for years about the kind of wedding she wants. She even has a Pinterest board filled with ideas. The girl’s got good taste.

It used to annoy me when she would interrupt me what felt like every five minutes to show me a wedding dress on the Internet. I thought about it and decided I’d rather have her dream about her future wedding than sit in a corner worried whether or not some guy likes her.

Think about it. A girls wedding is one of the highest points in her life. She dreams about it. She wonders what her dress will look like and how she will wear her hair. She dreams of all the eyes watching her as she elegantly floats down the aisle on her daddy’s arm. She imagines the look on her grooms face when he first sees her, his beautiful bride.

Then, there is the reception. My girl wants a big outdoor tent for dinner and dancing with lots of candles and white twinkle lights. There will be a band, delicious food, a stunning cake and guests will throw sprinkles at her and her man as they leave, instead of rice. It will be her special dream come true night.

I want my daughter, and yours, to be so in love with and protective of the plans God has for her life that the cheap imitations the world offers would pale in comparison. I want our girls to be so secure and sure of God’s plan that they don’t say yes to the first boy who shows an interest in them.  That they would trust that the right guy will come along in God’s timing.

In contrast…

Have you ever taken your kids to the store with you and they’re hungry and their own money is burning a hole in their pocket? It almost never fails. My daughter will ask me if she can buy herself a soda or a candy bar with her money.  And it always happens at the weirdest places like the fabric store, where candy bars and sodas couldn’t possibly be any more expensive. Who pays over a dollar for a regular sized candy bar? I digress.

The conversations usually go something like this:

“I thought you were saving your money for that shirt at the mall,” I ask.

“Oh yeah. I changed my mind about it ” or “Yeah, but I’m hungry”. Rarely does she agree with me and ends up buying that treat anyway. Most often, though, she ends up wishing she had saved her money for that shirt after all.

The same principle is true with boy girl relationships. Their friends have boyfriends, the girls at the mall have boyfriends, she sees a boy at school give his girlfriend roses and she longs for that attention and affection. It’s completely normal to want what we don’t have, and to want to fit in. We were designed to crave masculine attention.

But. If we empower and encourage our daughters to hold their hands open wide to receive the bounty of blessings God is just waiting to give her, (because you don’t have to chase after God; He’s waiting for you to ask) I daresay she will spend the rest of her life repeating prayers of gratitude to the Lord for that bounty of blessings in the man she waited for. God wants to lavish our kids with His love and gift them with His perfect plan for marriage.

This is how we’re doing it in our home. What about you?

Does your daughter dream of her wedding? Did you dream of yours?

I’d love to share a Whatever Girls resource with you. “The Importance of the Father Daughter Relationship”, something to keep in mind and close to your heart. Especially if you’re raising a daughter.

In my book, Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? A Companion Guide for Couples on the Infertility Journey, my own daughter wrote about her painful Mother’s Day experience:

Dear God,

It’s almost Mother’s Day and I don’t know if I can handle seeing all those happy moms at church and brunch. I’m trying to focus on my mom and not think about how I’m missing out on being a mommy on yet another Mother’s Day. This year is especially hard since we’ve been trying to be parents for so long and so hard, only to be repeatedly disappointed. At the store looking for a card for my mom, I see the cute cards at the end of the aisle “To Mommy”…oh God, I wish I were someone’s mommy! I look away and continue focusing at the task ahead, getting my mom and mothers-in-law their cards.

Today’s the day, it’s Mother’s Day. I don’t think I can bear it. It’s just begun and already I want this day over. I pull myself out of bed and get ready for church. I’m not looking forward to the sermon about children being a blessing and honoring mothers. God, help me focus on my mom.

We met my parents at church and I put on my happy face, when inside I was crying watching all the mothers with big smiles dressed in pretty spring dresses and children running all around. This was a day of celebration and I just wanted to go back to bed. The pastor started the message with asking all the mothers to stand up. Hundreds of women stood and everyone applauded. I couldn’t take it any longer and sat slouched over in my seat quietly crying. Toby put his arm around me and my mom held my hand, but nothing took away the pain. I barely heard the rest of the message.

After brunch, I came home, collapsed on my bed, and cried myself to sleep where I remained the rest of the day. God, please don’t make me go through another Mother’s Day with this hole in my heart. I want to stand up in church with all those other mothers beaming from ear to ear and have everyone applaud me. God, please let me stand up next year.

Mother’s Day is especially hard for mommies-in-waiting, but for most of these women, every day is hard. With 1 in 6 couples experiencing infertility, you are, or know, a woman experiencing this heartache. Often we don’t know what to say to them, so we say nothing, or maybe unintentionally say something that makes them feel worse. Kris, who I mentioned in the opening paragraph, says, “We cannot ignore them [women longing for a child]. I know how hard it was for people to talk to me. But I would have loved it if they did.”

In Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby?, I offer tools to help you know the “Top Fifteen Things Not to Say or Do And To Say or Do to Someone Experiencing Infertility.” This list is also on the Infertility Support page on my website.

When I was writing the book, women often told me that the place they felt the loneliest was the church. That breaks my heart.  Jesus said he came for the sick, and that includes heartsick. The church should be a safe place for the hurting, not a place where they feel shunned or outcast.  How does your church comfort mommies-in-waiting on Mother’s Day and every day?

Mothers of Prodigals

Another group of women who will be hurting on Mother’s Day are the mothers of prodigals. They may not even know where there child is, or know all too well where they are and what they are doing that breaks a mother’s heart and the heart of God. These moms also need comforting, a hug, a reminder that this day is for them too and they are not forgotten or ignored.

I was that hurting mom and in Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter: Hope, Help & Encouragement for Hurting Parents, I tell the story of praying daily that my daughter would find her way back to God, and six years later, she did. This Mother’s Day weekend she and I will be sharing our story at a Mother/Daughter tea. I’ve had a vision of us doing this for many years and prayed expectantly that God would bring my dream to life, and He has.

And Kim who was that heartsick mommy-in-waiting on Mother’s Day is now blessed with a family, but when we speak to the women God brings to this Mother’s Day Tea, neither of us will ever forget what it felt like to be hurting on Mother’s Day. We will speak with caring and compassion a comforting message of hope in God’s plan and timing. We won’t ignore these women, we will love on them!

I hope that you will do the same for the mommies-in-waiting, the moms of prodigals, or the moms who have lost a daughter or a son who may need a shoulder to cry on . . . a prayer . . . an understanding hug. If you’ve been where they’re at, mentor them like only someone who has been in their shoes can. If you haven’t been in their shoes, just let them know you can’t possibly understand, but you’re there for them and God is too!

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”—1 Thessalonians 5:11 (NLT)

NOTE: Besides not knowing what to say, many of us don’t know what to give a mommy-in-waiting or a mom of a prodigal, and so we usually give them nothing. The books I have written for these women are full of hope and encouragement from the voices of other women who have walked the same journey, as well as from God’s Love Letter.  So for the month of May I’m running a sale on my website for Dear God, Why Can’t I Have a Baby? and Praying for Your Prodigal Daughter. Another helpful book might be Face-to-Face with Sarah, Rachel, and Hannah: Pleading with God. I will sign and personalize each book.