A generation ago, Ringo and his pals reminded us “we get by with a a little help from our friends?” Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At this point in our lives, no one has to tell us that our friends are vital – a lifeline, a source of comfort, compassion and humor. But it’s hard to find time to connect with our friends and when we do, we often feel guilty for putting off our family responsibilities. Feel guilty no more. Abundant research shows that friends are good not just for our sanity bur for our health and our families.

In one recent study, women with good friends were less likely to be depressed, had fewer problems with their weight, and had lower rates of smoking, diabetes and high blood pressure than women without them. It turns out that having good close friendships benefits our kids, too, affecting their healthy development, and our marriages. Women with good friends are less likely to be emotionally needy and so put less stress on their partners. Friends provide support that keeps us emotionally centered, because above all, friendship is about reciprocity, something we’re unlikely to get from our kids, much as they love us. Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote that one purpose of friendship is to equip us for solitude, something good to remember when we’re feeling especially isolated at home. While we usually think of friendship’s ability to nurture and sustain us, really good friends also afford us opportunities to engage and stretch our minds – think book groups, community problem solving, or political action as well as one on one engaged and stimulating talk about ideas.

So ditch the guilt. Schedule a dinner date, arrange a morning for coffee and conversation with an old friend or cultivate a new one. If you choose carefully, your friends can amuse you, support you, help define you and, as it turns out, keep you well.

SO

Think of something you’ve been curious to know more about. In those rare spare moments, research the topic. It could be Renaissance painting; the life of Coco Chanel; how to grow orchids - whatever. There’s no time limit and you can do this in as little as ten minute spurts. If you’ve picked the right subject, the more you learn, the more you’ll want to find out.

If you’ve already made time for a book group, suggest that the next selection be something totally different. Make sure it’s a book no one in the group has read. If the group typically chooses to read fiction, opt for a biography or history or work of popular science. If you don’t already have a leader, either consider getting one (try calling the local community college English department for a recommendation or posting a sign in the nearest independent bookstore) or appoint one of your members to lead the discussion, doing background research and formulating some questions to focus your conversation. The point is to up the ante, change the format, deepen the discussions. If you don’t belong to a book group, consider starting one. If your book group won’t cooperate, do this on your own. At the very least, make time to read.

Can you even imagine go to the library for yourself these days? Yes, the internet delivers all the information in the world to our laps, but if you’ve only visited your branch library for story hour, sneak an hour of your own to poke around. You’ll be amazed at the resources of even the smallest community library, another place, by the way, to post a request for a leader for that book group.

Or what about starting an informal investment club. Really. Especially if you have little or no interest in or knowledge of the stock market, this is a terrific (and very sociable) way to become familiar with something we all should know a little about. The group only needs to meet once every month or two - with one or two people researching a company and its stock to see whether it would be a wise investment for the group. The obvious payoff here is that if the group picks well, there’s money to be earned. But watching these stocks over time takes only five minutes with the morning paper and pays its own dividends.

And these last few ideas are really do-able even for the most hectic of lives. Start a journal in which you focus on ideas that intrigue you and write for only five minutes each day. Attend a lecture or book reading. Go to a museum exhibit and read the catalogue that goes with it. Find even a little time to cultivate an intellectual life. You deserve it.

Far from that in fact, I was pregnant-twice-for close to seven months before my partner and I could agree on names for our girls. Part of the issue is that he was pretty insistent on naming them for one of the Washington Redskins, most notably Clinton Portis. On the positive side, she’d be the only Clinton Portis in her class. On the negative side…well, no. Just no.

So I did what any mother would do in the same situation (besides considering temporary separation until I could get something reasonably cute down on that birth certificate); I turned to the vast baby naming resources on the web to help inspire some ideas.

Google “baby names” and you get 13,000,000 results, which is almost the number of possible spellings of the name Jaden these days. So while indeed, there is online help out there for you, navigating it can be overwhelming. I remember clicking from link to link, wasting far too much time on sites with faulty technology or on those so inundated with flashing ads and sponsored text links the content was clearly an afterthought.

One site that calls itself “the most popular website for baby names” gave me the opportunity to “browse by albhabet.” Yikes.

Fortunately there are plenty of resources to help you find the name that’s right for your little angel, from Amanda to Zeus.

But please don’t call your kid Zeus. That’s just wrong.

The Social Security Administration Website - This is a good place to start, particularly if you already have an idea in mind. What it lacks in cute graphics (really, not even cute in the least) it makes up for in excellent functionality, helping you identify the most popular names all the way back to the 1880s. You can also find the top names by state, by decade, or track how popular the name on your list is over the years. But it has to be in the top 1000 - so if you want to name your kid something wacky like Vaseline or Mxyplyzyk, don’t count on finding any census data on it here.

The Baby Name Wizard - This is the home of the NameVoyager, a super fun application that lets you visualize trends in names by year on an animated pink and blue graph. It works alphabetically so as you start typing a name, the graph changes to show you how many babies sported the moniker. Warning: It’s addictive. Pregnant women have been known to come here and never return.

Babycenter’s Popular Baby Names Category - considering you’re probably already on this site devouring every pregnancy milestone, click over to their Popular Baby Names category for the 100 top names by decade. There are also articles on topics like celebrity naming trends as well as a baby name playbook that tracks naming trends with stats that would make Bob Costas proud.

Baby Names on Alpha Mom - While new and still evolving, this baby name wiki is set to be one of the best ones out there. You can browse lists of names, get a quick glimpse of derivation and meaning, and sort by readers’ top picks. I particularly like that you can create your own list of favorites as a resource to return to. And because the site is a little more urban than most, you won’t have to weed through a field of Madysynnes and Codees to get to one you like.

Babies Named a Bad Bad Thing - If you want to know what not to name the baby, this site is a hilarious catalog of naming questions and suggestions found on message boards. It’s brutally snarky and at times laugh-out-loud funny. At minimum, it will make you feel better about the name you’ve got in mind, whatever your mother-in-law says about it. Unless you’re the chick that wanted to name her kid Bow Hunter.

It is indeed possible to pack delicious lunches with a minimum of fuss and waste. Here are a few tips passed along by Parent Hacks readers over the years:

Send your kids on a spy mission. I ask my kids to report back to me what their friends are eating that looks good. I’m often surprised by what they tell me. Some of the ideas that came back from last year’s recognizance: hard-boiled eggs, lasagna, skewered apple chunks.

Freeze a week’s worth of sandwiches. Build your sandwiches assembly-line style on good quality bread, then pack them back into the thick plastic bread wrapper and pop the whole package in the freezer. Works well for peanut butter and jelly, many lunch meats, and cream cheese on raisin bread, and cuts down on the morning rush. (This trick works for muffins, too.)

Think hot lunch. Pick up a stainless steel insulated food jar (Thermos Funtainers come in kid-friendly patterns) and send hot lunch to school. Soup, pasta, chili…all good on a chilly fall day. Add a few crackers and a piece of fruit and you’re done.

Freeze juice boxes and water bottles to use as ice packs. The drink will thaw by lunchtime, but will keep everything cool in the meantime.

Keep in mind that most kids love repetition. Several wise readers reminded me that my goal for my kids’ lunches — healthy, delicious variety — was likely different from my kids’ goals: filling their bellies quickly so they could get out to recess. Beyond the thrill of the odd treat or note here and there, most kids aren’t sitting around savoring their lunches. As long as the lunch you pack includes a balance of protein, grains, fruits and vegies, you’re doing pretty well.

For more great ideas, read the comments of this Parent Hacks post, and scan the Parent Hacks Feeding/Nursing archive.

In the inspiration department, prepare to be amazed by Vegan Lunch Box.

by Asha Dornfest, Parent Hacks

When it comes to dressing my preschoolers, I’m sort of a snob.  

The daughter wears smocked dresses like playclothes; the son sports the preppiest duds this side of Bermuda.

My secret?  95% of their wardrobes are secondhand. 

And why not, when you can buy Kitestrings for less than K-mart? 

Recycling clothing eliminates waste and teaches kids that expensive is not necessarily better.

Here are 4 places to score quality kids clothes for pennies on the dollar:

Consignment stores (like Kid-To-Kid and Once Upon A Child):

You can browse through their racks just like any boutique, but you’ll find tags from every store imaginable.  Most items are priced $8 or less, with clearance prices as low as $1 an item.  Store buyers check carefully for stains and flaws.

Seasonal consignment sales are similar, but with a rushed, get-the-good-stuff feel that can leave a newcomer reeling.  Best left to early risers, assertive shoppers, and those don’t mind working a volunteer shift for the first crack at the merchandise.

Thrift stores like Goodwill and Salvation Army:

When you learn the art of flipping through crowded racks, thrift stores yield hidden treasure.  Haven’t you ever dropped off a bag of great stuff when the closets started closing in?

Thrift stores have mom-friendly hours (mine’s open till and put out fresh clothing of all seasons throughout the week.  Keep your eyes open for that Hanna Andersson fleece when it’s broiling in August, or find Lily Pulitzer just in time for a winter cruise.

It helps to recognize the better brands, know your kid’s sizes, and be willing to buy ahead for a truly special piece.

Yard sales or Craig’s List:

Buying directly from another family has its advantages.  Narrow your search to better neighborhoods.  Look for families with kids a little older than your own.  

Prices are likely to be lowest in someone’s driveway, but Craig’s List  (another local shopping venue) is worth checking out for all-in-one wardrobe swaps.

Ebay:

I can’t omit the world’s largest secondhand marketplace, but honestly, shipping prices make deals not so great. 

Handiest when you’re looking for something specific–like the ideal L.L. Bean winter coat my son lost.  We replaced it with an identical version for only $12.

Shopping secondhand is an adventure, but the savings are sweet. 

Trust me:  once you’ve paid less for an Anavini frock than the TAX on a department store Bonnie Jean, you’ll never look back!

Let’s imagine a familiar scenario. You are scheduled to work in your kindergartener’s classroom in the morning, then pick up your baby at the sitter and take her for her six month’s checkup before school lets out.. When it does, you’ve promised to take your two and your neighbor’s toddler to the playground. After that, it’s absolutely crucial that you take the car in for the oil change it’s been needing for at least a month. In the midst of all this, your partner, who usually does grocery duty, gets called out of town on business before making it to the market, As you’re all too aware, the fridge is empty, but you’ve taken the kids out for pizza one too many times this week.

What’s a busy mom to do?

We know you’re a conscientious parent seriously concerned with your kids’ health as well as with making dinnertime a significant patch of family together time. But tonight, a gourmet child -friendly dinner is just not in the stars. Let it go. Don’t think of what your mother\or the helicopter moms at school would do or say. This is the time to consider the virtues of the backwards dinner. Breakfast for dinner. It’s quick, it’s economical, it’s easy. Most of the ingredients are likely to be in the barest of cupboards and the most barren of freezers, and best of all, your kids will think it’s very cool. If you play it right, it can even be nutritious.

Mix and Match from this Backwards Dinner Buffet:

* Instant Oatmeal
* Whole grain Cold Cereal (no added sugar, please)
* Scrambled Eggs
* Pancakes
* French Toast
* Side of Fruit
* Waffles
* Yogurt
* Blueberry or Banana Muffin
* Smoothie
* Box of Raisins
* Toast with butter, jam, peanut butter or some combination
* Milk
* Juice
* Hot Chocolate with Marshmallows

There’s a catch to this, of course. Aside from making sure that the cupboard stays stocked with cereal and peanut butter and you’ve always got at least a quart of milk and three eggs left in the frig, you can’t pull this trick too often. Novelty is what makes it work. So if you’re running on empty right this minute, buy some extras, at least of the dry stuff, next time you do make it to the store.

I wouldn’t classify myself as particularly organized or systematic, but I do consider meal planning to be the backbone of my domestic week. The fifteen minutes I spend mapping out the week’s meals save me hours of time I’d lose dashing around my house trying to scare up dinner, or running back to the store for an overpriced item from the deli case.

I’m here to reassure you that meal planning does not have to include seven days’ worth of perfectly balanced meals, nor does it require a lot of work or time. Just a few minutes and the willingness to sit down with a cookbook and a grocery list.

Keep it simple. No one’s going to call the Betty Crocker police if you serve a side dish of bagged raw baby carrots, or if you declare “Cereal night.” Think about balancing your meals over the week instead of every day, and you’ll have a lot more flexibility.

Use a single cookbook for the week. Saves lots of time planning. Plus, when I restrict myself to a single book, I find I’m a more adventurous cook because I try recipes I might skip over at first glance.

Plan at least two tried-and-true, no-recipe meals per week. Our favorites are spaghetti with tomato sauce, vegie burgers, tofu-vegetable stir fry, and “breakfast for dinner.” My family never minds the repetition, and it makes for much quicker planning.

Plan for a weekly “scrounge buffet.” Ours is usually on the weekend when I don’t feel like cooking. We take everything out of the fridge, heat up what’s necessary, then eat little bits for dinner. We use everything up, and the fridge is clean and ready to be filled on grocery day. 

Make room for seasonal produce. If it’s summer, make a no-cook pasta sauce with fresh tomatoes and basil, followed up with melon spears and blueberries. During the winter, make root vegetable stew with orange wedges for dessert. Let the seasons inform your cooking.

Cook a little extra for the freezer. Once a week, cook a double portion of your meal and freeze the extra. Having readymade meals in the freezer is like having money in the bank — they can cover those evenings when you just don’t feel like cooking.

It seemed to me from the Baby Book That Shall Not Be Named that parenting had nothing to do with love or commitment or even instinct, but one’s ability to memorize the 14 pediatrician-approved breastfeeding holds or dedication to creating a perfect germ-free home.

I was going to be a total and complete failure as a parent.

And so, like tons of parents-maybe even like you–I turned to the web. I couldn’t believe what I found: Message boards, blogs, websites, and online communities filled with people like me who were admitting that they too were freaked out. Plus advice. Oh boy, was there advice. But not from experts who seemed to have no understanding of the constraints and limitations of real-life moms– more like moms themselves who were willing to contribute their own experiences to the community and see if it might benefit anyone. Less the “ask an expert” approach to parenting and more “ask the chick from your new moms group, the one with the bangs and the cool sling.”

It was awesome.

Now, three years into this parenting thing I’m still looking to fellow moms online to pick me up when I’m down, talk me through the sleep issues, help me figure out what to do on rainy days, or simply make me laugh.

Of course not every person with a keyboard and a uterus makes for a savvy advice-giver. You have to consider your sources and pick and choose from among the nutjobs. (I hear there are a few of these nutjobs on the internet. Is that true?)

In doing so, I’ve found some truly remarkable voices whom I check in with often.
The following are a list of just some of my favorites. Some I’ve met in person and some I only feel like I know. All are worth a bookmark:

Mommytrack’d, Parenthacks and Savvy Source - Yes, they’re contributors to The Mom Speak too, but I swear no one put me up to it. All of these sites are outstanding resources. We especially love it when the comment threads on ParentHacks get feisty.

RookieMoms.com - Heather and Whitney are self-proclaimed “geeky girls” with the best suggestions for activities to help you survive the first year of parenthood, all organized in categories like crafts, indoors, silly and free/cheap.

Kids Off The Couch - Once your kids (and you) have survived the first year, check out this site run two moms with an endless stream of ideas for fun activities and outings to help bring family friendly-movies, new and old, to life. Their free emails are great too.

MommyDocs.com - This is an excellent site for pediatric advice for moms, by moms. Moms who also happen to be practicing physicians. Their attitude is on the easy-going, common sense side of things, and I find their advice talks me off a ledge more often than it talks me up on one.

SafeMama.com - I love this site for product recos on essentials like bpa-free baby bottles, plus their easy access to product recall alerts and FDA press releases right on the homepage.

BabyGizmo.com - This is a truly excellent resource for gear reviews by real, although very savvy, parents who’ve been in the trenches with unwashable high chairs and useless diaper bags themselves. There’s also a feature to help you see which online retailer has the best prices on any given item. Score.

Vegan Lunchbox - This blog from mom Jennifer McCann documents every impressive lunch she’s ever packed for her kid, with links to the recipes and how well they went over. Don’t be scared by the vegan part - there are plenty of outstanding ideas to be loved by card-carrying bologna-eaters too.

The Zero to Forty Pregnancy Calendar on Alphamom - Readers of columnist Amy Storch’s personal blog, Amalah, won’t be surprised that this pregnancy guide-cum-journal is hilarious (From the 27 week entry: You are officially in the third trimester! Feel free to celebrate/panic at will.). But it’s informative too, with comprehensive tips on things like traveling when pregnant, and prenatal massage. So much more fun that The Baby Book That Shall Not Be Named.

CoolMomPicks.com - I kid! I kid! No, I don’t kid. We’re awesome. Stop by sometime, won’t you?

Which online mom experts do you rely on? We’re always looking for great new resources for parents.

Along with ever rising gas prices, the price of milk is headed for the stratosphere, salaries seem to be shrinking, credit card balances rising - let’s not talk about keeping our kids in clothes. Still, even as we struggle and squeak the budget til it screams, it’s hard to ignore others who have far less than we do and suffer from far bigger troubles. We want to give back, especially to teach our children the value of thinking about others, but most of us have as little time as we do extra money. What to do?

The internet has made giving easy and inexpensive, with sites such as www.KIVA.org , which lets you make small business loans to people all over the world who want to start a business but need help. You can donate as little as $25.00 to someone you choose from an array of profiles. Best of all, the loan is repaid once the business gets underway. Heifer International (www.heifer.org) is another terrific site also dedicated to helping people help themselves out of poverty.  For as little as $10.00 you and your kids can buy a share of a dairy goat (or pig or sheep), something that will supply a family with several quarts of milk a day or enable them to add protein to their diets and even begin a small dairy or weaving business. Closer to home, www.kitzforkids.org lists organizations all over the country that for $12.00 will get packages of school supplies to kids who can’t afford them. This one’s especially nice right now.  These worthy organizations make giving really easy. But they’ve established a real presence already.  What about the small local programs working hard every day to make a difference without getting much publicity or attention?

Here’s an idea, originated by a San Francisco Bay Area woman, Karen Lassen. Get a group of friends together and each spend a little time discovering an organization or two in your community that does its work under the radar, without recognition. Decide how much each of you can afford to give. Then gather several times a year, choose which organization will get a small windfall, write them a letter thanking them for their work and enclose a check. If you’ve got 8 people, each giving as little as $20 or $25 each time, that’s enough to give a boost to a local food bank or a group that offers new school clothes to kids living in shelters. It’s a chance to gather and bond with like-minded friends and to do some small bit of good in your own part of the world. Karen Lassen calls her group “The Fairy Godmother Society” and would love to start a movement. You can contact her at karenllassen@comcast.net. But even if you just take this idea and reshape it in your own image, it’s a winner. When we’re feeling pinched ourselves, it’s good to remember not just that others are less fortunate, but that there are people out there trying to make things better a little bit at a time and that we can be even a small part of their efforts.

Plan your meals. This one’s obvious, but may feel overwhelming if you’re not one who likes to cook (or plan). Any meal planning you can do — even if it’s for three dinners during the week — will help you buy only what you need, and, in the process, save you money. You can also build in time to defrost meats you’ve purchased on sale or cook dried beans (rather than having to buy more expensive canned beans). Another option: sign up for a meal-planning service such as savingdinner.com or thescramble.com. For a subscription fee, you’ll get meal plans and grocery lists emailed to you each week.

Post a list. Let your family help track what has run out, what needs replacing, and what foods are favorites. You’ll save money by buying food that will actually get eaten. Important rule: you have veto power over what gets purchased (yogurt: yes. Cocoa Puffs: no.).

Raid your pantry. If you’re like me, you stock up on staples and canned foods, and then forget about them once they’re tucked away in the pantry. Resolve to use up what you have before you buy more. It can be a gradual process; go to your pantry right now, take out one item, and resolve to cook a meal using that item this week.

Same goes for the fridge and freezer. Use up frozen vegetables in soup (pureed if that makes them goes down easier for the kids). Defrost and poach that frozen chicken and make some enchiladas or a chicken salad.

Bring reusable grocery totes. Win-win-win: easier on the planet, easier to carry, and you may get a few cents off of your grocery bill. Chances are you’ve already got bags sitting around the house which will work just fine. (I seem to have amassed a collection of canvas totes given away at conferences.) If not, most grocery stores sell the bags cheaply.

Bring a cup measure to the bulk bins. I always overbuy at the bulk bins because I have trouble eyeballing “two cups of bulgur.” Measure two cups of bulgur at the store — you’ll avoid waste and you won’t have to re-measure at home when you start cooking.

Buy bulk spices. You’ll save a bunch of money if you bypass the bottled spices. In fact, for seldom-used spices, shop with your teaspoon in hand and only buy what you need for the recipe you’re using.

Buy small amounts of cheeses, vegetables and fruits from the salad or deli bar. If the recipe calls for a half-cup of feta cheese, why buy an entire pound?

Store baked goods in the freezer. Bread tastes fresher and keeps longer when stored in the freezer. I make lunchbox sandwiches on still-frozen bread, and by the time lunch rolls around, the thawed bread is soft and fresh. Works well for sliced bagels (toast them while frozen), cookies (already-baked, or pre-portioned cookie dough), and most other baked goods.

Eat simpler foods. Not every meal has to be gourmet, nor does every breakfast have to start with $4-per box packaged cereal. How about a once-a-week breakfast of oatmeal (from the bulk bin, not the Quaker box)? Or a once-a-week dinner of rice and beans (dried and cooked, not canned)? You’ll save money and support your health at the same time. It’s also a great way to educate your kids about the basic foods the majority of people in the world eat every day.

by Asha Dornfest, Parent Hacks