Aquarian Jewel

Something Different

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 05:15:00 +0000

Do you ever get the feeling that you aren't doing what you are supposed to be doing? That is what I have been feeling lately, but only just recently. Okay, I guess it comes in waves. I think that maybe it's when I take a moment from my day to reflect on what it is I am really doing.

Working in the corporate world was never where I wanted to be. Why am I here? Because I am good at administrative tasks? Because I am good with people? There has got to be something better. I am not really happy doing this - but I think I am stuck in the daily routine and salary. Don't get me wrong... I am happy. I mean life is good. I love my family, my home, my friends... it's just work. I think I just want to be happy with work. And I guess it is kind of hard for me to think that I have worked to be better at what I am doing, and still feel that it's not good enough.

I need a change, but with what? A new job? A new career? A new hobby? I need to figure this out. I need to make some kind of change. I know it's not going to come without me doing something about it. I need to do something about it.

What's next? I have no clue... but something's gotta happen...

'Tis My Favorite Time 'O the Year

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 01:32:00 +0000

Yes indeedy, it's that time of year again. My FAVORITE time of year! And to celebrate it's coming, here are some awesome ideas I found on bhg.com (one of the best sites ever!).

I love black & white decorations - and I love the Mad Scientist looking stuff. So obviously you see why I like this Anatomy Lesson...

I like the next idea, but I don't have steps or stairs to use this Double Meaning on...

These pumpkins are lovely and remind me of Alice in Wonderland... Heads Have It...

And I do love me a good pumpkin idea! Check out these Bat Pumpkins...

I did this next Mouse Chase idea in my own house. With all the rats running around, we've had guests wonder why we haven't fired our cat...

Since the mice were so successful, I think I might try these next Scary Silhouettes...

These silhouette will have guests wondering Who's At The Window?

Well, that's it for today... I'll post more as I find them. :)

Still Great Ideas for Halloween...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sun, 03 Oct 2010 16:33:00 +0000

I am really excited about Halloween coming up. I've been searching for inexpensive ways to decorate, since our budget is near non-existent. I found a few things that I totally want to try that I found on BHG.com
(click on the pics to learn more).

1. The Webbed Chandelier
(made of an old, recycled umbrella, a little black spray paint, rope, webbing and plastic spiders)

I love this idea bc it's cheap, easy and unique - but also creepy.

2. Ghostly Gathering
(hanging painted gourds):

I love the way they look like they are dripping or melting just because of the natural shape of the gourds.

3. A Dreadful View
(blow up a b/w photo of a graveyard and tape to a window)

So creative & creepy.

4. Creepy Container
(re-purposed birdcage, and spooky raven guards your party snacks)

I just love this idea!

5. Bottled Spirits
(reuse wine bottles to bottle your own spooky concoctions)

Instead of boo-tinis, I would bottle my own famous "apple-pie" recipe. Sounds sweet, but it's very sinister... bwah ha ha ha!

6. Tabletop Spooks
(an old mirror and a b/w photograph make for a spooky surprise)

This would be great if you can find an old mirror at a garage sale or thrift shop. I really wanted to do a spooky mirror trick over my mantle, and the how-to on this one is perfect. I love the idea of haunting "reflections" in the mirror. Also note the coasters in the picture. These were done with poster board and felt designs. I want to do this in red instead of yellow.

7. Deadly Night Shadows
(some frightfully wonderful materials and ribbons tied to glasses)

So simple yet so cool.

8. Haunted Centerpiece
(a little black spray paint and some dry ice can go a long way)

Spooky.

9. Junk O'Lantern
(old scrap pieces used the right way can make a big pumpkin statement)

LOVE it!

10. Spooky Inspiration
(white pumpkin, top hat and a spooky name)

The Legend of Sleepy Hollow is one of my favorite Halloween tales.
I love how this makes me think of the story immediately.

Well, that is all for this post. I will post again as I get more and more inspired.
Hope you all enjoy as well.

I Know How It Feels To Be a Stay-At-Home Mom... That's Why I Work!

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 17:36:00 +0000

I saw this article today and loved it! I was a stay-at-home mom for several years and just couldn't deal with the endless cycle of cooking, cleaning & wiping butts. Don't get me wrong, it is very rewarding... just not for me... at least not at that time.

There are times when I think about going back to that, but for the most part, I am happy working. I do, however, recognize the dedication and strength it takes to be an SAHM. If you have any doubts, please read the following article...

As seen in the Washington Post - column by Carolyn Hax: Tell Me About It

Carolyn:

Best friend has child. Her: exhausted, busy, no time for self, no time for me, etc. Me (no kids): Wow. Sorry. What'd you do today? Her: Park, play group . . .

Okay. I've done Internet searches, I've talked to parents. I don't get it. What do stay-at-home moms do all day? Please no lists of library, grocery store, dry cleaners . . . I do all those things, too, and I don't do them EVERY DAY. I guess what I'm asking is: What is a typical day and why don't moms have time for a call or e-mail? I work and am away from home nine hours a day (plus a few late work events) and I manage to get it all done. I'm feeling like the kid is an excuse to relax and enjoy -- not a bad thing at all -- but if so, why won't my friend tell me the truth? Is this a peeing contest ("My life is so much harder than yours")? What's the deal? I've got friends with and without kids and all us child-free folks get the same story and have the same questions.

Tacoma, Wash.

Relax and enjoy. You're funny.

Or you're lying about having friends with kids.

Or you're taking them at their word that they actually have kids, because you haven't personally been in the same room with them.

Internet searches?

I keep wavering between giving you a straight answer and giving my forehead some keyboard. To claim you want to understand, while in the same breath implying that the only logical conclusions are that your mom-friends are either lying or competing with you, is disingenuous indeed.

So, since it's validation you seem to want, the real answer is what you get. In list form. When you have young kids, your typical day is: constant attention, from getting them out of bed, fed, clean, dressed; to keeping them out of harm's way; to answering their coos, cries, questions; to having two arms and carrying one kid, one set of car keys, and supplies for even the quickest trips, including the latest-to-be-declared-essential piece of molded plastic gear; to keeping them from unshelving books at the library; to enforcing rest times; to staying one step ahead of them lest they get too hungry, tired or bored, any one of which produces the kind of checkout-line screaming that gets the checkout line shaking its head.

It's needing 45 minutes to do what takes others 15.

It's constant vigilance, constant touch, constant use of your voice, constant relegation of your needs to the second tier.

It's constant scrutiny and second-guessing from family and friends, well-meaning and otherwise. It's resisting constant temptation to seek short-term relief at everyone's long-term expense.

It's doing all this while concurrently teaching virtually everything -- language, manners, safety, resourcefulness, discipline, curiosity, creativity. Empathy. Everything.

It's also a choice, yes. And a joy. But if you spent all day, every day, with this brand of joy, and then, when you got your first 10 minutes to yourself, wanted to be alone with your thoughts instead of calling a good friend, a good friend wouldn't judge you, complain about you to mutual friends, or marvel how much more productively she uses her time. Either make a sincere effort to understand or keep your snit to yourself.

Awesome, right? I hope you agree. =) And if you do not - you either don't know what it's like to have kids or you live in a magical world where you do not have to do any mothering or parenting yourself.

<3,
AquarianJwl

Dye-Hards for Charity

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 04:31:00 +0000

Two years ago I decided to participate in this charity event held by Stone Brewing Co. called Dye-Hards for Charity. I set out to raise money for 4 charities:

I thought it would be a fun way to raise money - I could get my friends, family and people I work with to pay money to see me dye my hair blue. I thought that it would give me a way to be kind of like a kid again, to be able to have a darn good reason to do something crazy to my hair (which, btw I am super conservative about) - I got to dye it BLUE!

It was AWESOME! The people around me paid for the irrevocable right to laugh at me profusely every time they saw me. I had the right to be proud of my electric-blue hair. My CEO pretended to not see me every time he walked by my office. And the best part was - I surpassed my $500 goal and raised over $1000!

What I wasn't expecting was that I would end up loving the opportunity to raise so much money. I realized what a great cause it was and that 100% of the money goes towards these charities. I realized that 3 of those charities are local, that 3 of the charities are for kids. I realized that I personally knew kids that would benefit directly from this fundraiser. I fell in love with the cause. And more than that - I fell in love with the brewing company that set it up. Stone Brewing Co. to be exact.

I know, sounds a little strange right? No, I am not an alcoholic. Yes, I do love this brewing company, though. Really. I have realized in the past few years what a socially conscious company this is. So much so that I even tried to get a job there. I wanted to work for the Original Arrogant Bastard himself! *sigh* That did not work out, but that's alright. I still believe in the company's philosophy regarding how they make beer, how they make food, and how they market themselves.

So, yes - I'm a die hard dye-hard, baby. This year, the color is GREEN! Yes, I am nervous about donning the green for the rest of the month. But dammit - I'm gonna do it! And my goal this year? I'm starting with $1000 this time. Let's see where I end up.

Not sure if people will be as willing to pay to see me dye my hair - since it's already been done. I've already asked, and the response I am getting is... "again?"

*sigh*

It's been 2 years...

It's for a good cause...

And you will have the right to laugh at me - every time you see me! =)

If you would like to donate money to the cause - you can go online here and pledge for me. Don't forget to enter my ID # 0060 when making the donation so I can get credit for the pledge.

Thanks so much to everyone who has supported me - past and present. This beer-drinking humanitarian greatly appreciates all your kindness and generosity!

CHEERS!

AquarianJwl

Perspective...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sat, 22 May 2010 17:17:00 +0000

There are times in your life when you come to mini (or not so mini) realizations. Life, no matter how stressful it can be, is sweet. Treasure each moment you get to spend with your loved ones. Appreciate all that you have, instead of focusing on what you don't have. No matter how crazy your life can get - know that it could always be much worse.

Sometimes I feel that I am far behind where I should be. Going from having a fun life, to being a stay-at-home mom, to being homeless, to going into a domestic violence shelter... then having start all over, with 3 little girls and nothing. Going to school, again. Getting a job as a receptionist. Then working my way up to HR Generalist. I have accomplished so much, even if it was a little later than I would have liked.

So as little as I sometimes feel I have, I have to remind myself how much it really is - because it is so easy to forget. It's so easy to get wrapped in the small stresses of bills, deadlines, projects and well, life. It's easy to lose your perspective. It's easy to forget how hard it really could be and how much worse it could get.

I have so much to be thankful for... and thankfully, I am.

Mani/Pedi/Sushi Saturdays

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 03:49:00 +0000

So my cousin & I have this great idea... Let's have a mani/pedi/sushi day!! I mean, what could be better, right? Having sushi, then going to get pampered = pure bliss. Well, that was the plan, anyway.

So we go to sushi. Eh, it was alright. Nothing fantastic. The presentation was nice, but the taste was just o.k.

So, still a good day.

We head on over to get our manis/pedis. This was a nice place, the best chairs I had ever sat in. I had high hopes. But the service stunk. :( We left upset and overcharged - all of us. Instead of feeling blissfully relaxed, we were all pissed off and regretful. Such a waste of money and a fine Saturday afternoon.

*sigh*

This was not the way it was supposed to be. We were supposed to be happy. We were supposed to have a great night after this.

Well, eventually it did turn into a great night - after 4 bottles of almond champagne and 2 bottles of chocolate port (Almond Joys). ;)

Yay for Mani/Pedi/Sushi Saturdays! Can't wait for the next one...

So I received this email...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 01:12:00 +0000

I usually do not post these sorts of things, but I thought it was great...

My BFF sent this email to me:

******************************************************
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

******************************************************
Dear Desperate:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.

We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support

P.S.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY RECOMMENDATIONS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH HEADACHE 2.0 OR
SHOE SHOPPING 3.1?

2010 - Here We Go...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 05:53:00 +0000

Okay, I know I haven't been making any great appearances lately. Having 4 kids does not necessarily lend itself to a lot of free time, especially during the holiday season. Throw a nice size cold on top of that, and well - I have my hands full enough - of kleenex & baby wipes & gift wrap - oh my!

Not to mention I am still holdin' down that full-time job trying to save the world...

um, yeah... ok, so I work in HR... I guess it's not all that heroic or glamorous.

*sigh*

A woman can dream, can't she?

So... I guess like most of the masses, I do have some resolutions of my own... so here goes...

My Top 10 Resolutions of 2010:

10. Clean my damn house - all of it - every little spec of it.

9. Make more pieces, and get some sold. (I haven't been doing it lately at all.) :(

8. Get a raise... or a new job.

7. Volunteer to educate about domestic violence.

6. Not being so high-strung. (I am not my mother.)

5. Get the boy potty trained.

4. Spend more quality time with the children. Note to self: Watching TV is not quality time.

3. Have real birthday parties for the kids... even if it kills me and my anti-social, anti-materialistic, non-conformist nature. It's not about me - it's about them.

2. Don't stress out... don't stress out... don't stress out... it's going to be alright.

1. Lose 45 lbs by May.

There it is... my top 10 resolutions. I don't know if I can do it, but I'm gonna try.

Man, I'm tired already.

Beautiful

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 05:57:00 +0000

"One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful"
– Sigmund Freud

But Why?

I read this quote, and there was something about it that struck a chord with me. I couldn't pin point it, couldn't figure it out. I kept thinking about it - I knew in my heart that it was true, or at the very least there was some truth to it.

Maybe it's because during those years of struggle you find out what is most important. You find out who you are, and what you - at your core - really need in your life.

Maybe it's because during those years of struggle you are forced to grow. Grow or give up. I choose to grow. And most of us do, whether we realize it or not.

Maybe it's because during those years of struggle you find out how strong you are. I thought that I could be strong if it came down to it, but it didn't stop me from being scared. What I learned/realized is that during times of struggle, you often do not think about how strong you are. You are just trying to survive. Survive and make it through the day to the next. Looking back, I almost can't believe how strong I was.

Maybe it's because after those years of struggle you can really and truly appreciate everything you have in your life. You can appreciate how far you've come and how much you've grown.

Maybe it's because after those years of struggle you can appreciate the little things in life that you may have forgotten. You appreciate your family. Your friends. Your LIFE.

Maybe it's because after the years of struggle you realize what life is really about, and you learn to love it and appreciate it for all it's worth.

And for some reason, I suppose that even though there are times when I get caught up in the daily stuff that is my life, I do appreciate all of it. I really do.

And that's what makes it beautiful. Truly. Beautiful.

Transitioning Out of Halloween

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 22:31:00 +0000

Falling for Fall... Part 2

Okay, so today we are transitioning from Halloween to Thanksgiving decorations in our house. So, since I am a procrastinator - I have been looking for some good (& cheap) ways to dress up the home. Here is what I found... click on the pics to link back to the sites with the instructions.

1. Welcome Message: So simple.

2. Fall Hanging Vase Arrangement: I love this because you can change for any season. :)

3. Repeat, Repeat, Repeat: Not sure why I love this, but I do.

4. Pumpkins & Roses: We have a craft pumpkin leftover, so this is what I am going to do with it.

5. Pumpkin Candle Centerpiece: Cute & Creative.

6. Mushroom Wall Art: I Loooooooove Mushrooms! I have to do this! :)

7. Seasonal Tags: Very cool.

8. Leaves & Light: I do love me a good candle project.

9. A cake stand, a lamp shade, a candle & a wreath = an awesome centerpiece! I love this because it can flow seamlessly into Christmas... just change the flowers & color of the candle.

10. Autumn table setting: I love this - gorgeous!

Well, I better get my butt off the couch and get to it, then. :)

Happy Fall!

Random & Short...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 06:00:00 +0000

- This is a fun website that has some makeup tutorials. www.makeupgeek.com
Another cool site for beaty stuff is: www.dailymakeover.com
Oh man, do I love makeup, and I just love this new MAC makeup line/look of the season...

- I love it when the little guy wins! Congrats to Rock Art Brewery for their victory over a corporate "monster"! I even left a nice little complaint for Monster about it, just because I can't believe what they tried to do.

- I love MMA - LOVE IT! We are going to have Fight Night at our house this Saturday, and I cannot wait! woohoo!

- And last but not least, I graduate the HR Management Certificate program next Tuesday! Finally. I couldn't double up on the classes like some of the other people, so it took me almost 2 years, but I am finally getting my certificate! Woohoo!!!

I am tired... but happy. =)

The Things I Miss...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 01:41:00 +0000

.
These are things that I miss...

sleeping in.
me time.
having spending money.
going for a drive by myself just to think - just because I felt like it.
having energy.

and things I would never give up to get them back...

waking up to adorable baby kisses.
having the time of my life.
having the biggest loves of my life.
always having my little monkey-bears around to cheer me up.
giving my all for my family's happiness.

Sooo worth it...

Drabby to Fabby Friday!!!

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 05:00:00 +0000

Okay... I thought I would join in my friend

Cheapskate Mom's

Drabby to Fabby Friday.

I mean, I love make-up so how could I resist a
Fabby Eye Friday?
So here is my attempt at Fabbiness...

The fabby eye theme, I think, was smokey eyes.
I thought I would do some really dramatic -

"you NEED to take me out" eyes...

Alright now - prepare yourself for the ultimate
(and 2 wine glass deep)
drabby eyes...

Don't judge! I did this after the kids got sent to bed!

I swear!

I am fully allowed to imbibe in vino happiness after the children are down...

Anyways...

A little of make-up fun (magic?) later and...

Kapow!

and...

Yeah, yeah - I know I am an absolute DORK!

That's okay. I am fully comfortable with my dorkiness!!!

But come on, these are "let's go out to dinner eyes", right???

"Honey...!"

Oh, right - we already had dinner.

(Crickets...)

Dessert & more wine, then?

_________________________________

Okay, at the request of Cheapskate Mom,
here's the list of products I used:

BTW - I did my own makeup - *taking bow*

Mikki is probably out doing something utterly fabulous
(at least I hope so - I do live vicariously through her).

Product List:

Foundation - Maybelline Pure Makeup
(I like it bc it's H20 based & oil free.)

Base - MAC Paint, Bare Canvas
(it makes the eye makeup stay put)

Lid - some random cheap silvery shadow
(honestly, I think it was a Target dollar aisle find -
there's not even a brand name or anything on it LOL)

Lashline & Crease - Cover Girl Eye Enhancers Shadow, Shimmering Onyx
(I like it bc it's a sparkly black.)

Highlight/Browbone - Bare Minerals I.D., Opal
(a teeny bit goes a long way)

Liner - N.Y.C. Liquid Eyeliner, Pearlized Black
(again - I love sparkly black. Also, it's awesome liquid liner and only costs, like $1.79 at Target)
and...
Covergirl Perfect Blend Pencil, basic black
(inner bottom lashline)

Lashes - Normally, I ONLY use Maybelline Lash Discovery - but since I needed strong lashes to stand out with all the black shadow I used Maybelline Volum' Express Turbo Boost Mascara, Very Black.

Brows - Cover Girl Brow & Eye Makers Pencil, soft brown
(It's all I ever use)

-------------------------------------------

I have to say, also - I try to use good brushes for all my makeup. It truly does make a world of difference. ESPECIALLY when you cannot afford a ton of expensive makeup. I found that at Target, you can find pretty darn decent brushes by Sonia Kashuk. There are 2 types, a high end and a low end. I got the low end brushes at about $5 each. They are awesome! And really? It is so convenient to be able to get them when I am already at Target anyways!

I do invest in some really good stuff when I get a chance (or a Nordstrom's gift card). I LOVE MAC Makeup!!! Eyeshadows in particular. And the paint is FABulous for making the eyes stay put!

Let me know if I missed anything.

My Guilty Pleasure...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 05:33:00 +0000

Okay, I am exhausted. I've had many things come up in the past couple of weeks, so since I don't feel like "talking" about them I am simply going to be totally & utterly selfish and talk about the things that I would love to have right now...

1. An hour of massage therapy. Oh hell - how about a day at the spa, no wait, a weekend. I need some time to decompress...

2. A guilt (and credit) free shopping spree. Wait... a FREE shopping spree! Yes!

3. A maid to clean my house.

4. A cook.

5. Winning Lottery Ticket (what?!? Just saying.)

6. A vacation...

7. A vacation without kids waking me up...

8. Sleep

9. More energy

10. A great bottle of wine & a glass...

That's it.

Hey, I never said it would be realistic. =)

Soul Search

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:43:00 +0000

I tend to do a lot of soul-searching. I guess that is the way I have always been. Sometimes I feel that in doing so I am being counter-productive. I mean, I seem to get on a path that is going somewhere only to find myself re-evaluating whether or not I am on the right path.

Am I crazy? Am I ungrateful? Should I just go with the flow - or is this a good thing?

I guess I have been thinking that "checking myself" was a good thing so that I don't go down the "wrong" path too far before realizing it's the wrong path. I guess I just didn't want to wake up one day and find that I am doing the exact opposite of what I really want to be doing.

Problem is - how do you come to terms with being on the wrong path, but doing what you are good at? I guess what I am trying to say is, am I doing the right thing just because I am good at it?

That does and doesn't make sense to me. It's like saying that a car thief is doing the right thing because he is good at it. Just because you are good at something doesn't mean it's what you are meant to do.

It doesn't mean that you will be happy and it doesn't mean that you will find fullfillment in it.

I have always thought that I didn't want to work in Corporate America. I didn't want to be a part of it. I didn't want to have to conform, and be a drone - driving to work every morning, missing out on my family's life - missing out on MY life. All to make someone else rich. I didn't want that. But this is where I find myself now. And what's worse - I work in the department that seems to enforce all this (whether we really do or not). I use to hate corporations. I used to think that if they wanted to get rid of someone all they had to do was to whip out their big book of policies and find out which one that person was violating and then fire them. This is how I felt at one point. But that was when I was young and had bad work ethics and a lack of understanding of why policies are made and enforced, as well as how the whole process works. Not that I feel that much better about it today - I just understand it better now.

Like a parent that now understands why their own parents had rules.

I still wish I wasn't busting my ass to make someone else rich. It's hard to hope and pray that somehow things will be okay and I won't lose my house and have to uproot my children, once again, while at the same time seeing the top-level management go on vacations and fix up their houses wondering why their employees need a paycheck advance. It's hard to feel that I am doing right by my family.

I feel that my heart is heavy. I feel like this is not what I am supposed to be doing. What's worse is that I know what I would like to do, if we had enough income for me to quit my job. In a perfect world, where my husband wasn't struggling because of the industry he is in, I would be able to leave my job, be there more for my children while also having time to pursue my own dreams.

In a perfect world.

I want to help in some way with domestic violence. I want to go and talk to these women that feel like they are alone, that feel like their lives will never be good again. I want to tell them they can change their lives - that they are worth it. I want to tell them that if I can do it, anyone can do it.

I want to help. So badly do I want to help.

But I work so hard, and go to school, and take care of my own children. At the end of the day, I am drained and exhausted. I feel like I cannot do much more than what I am doing right now.

But I know that I should be able to.

I know that there are others out there doing 100 times more than I am.

Am I putting too much pressure on myself? Possibly. But why not? Should we not push ourselves to do more, to become better people? Am I just crazy?

So the question is: Are you doing what you feel you are meant to do?

Spooky Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 05:07:00 +0000

Does Size Really Matter?

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:40:00 +0000

Is this what the world is coming to, really?

So I read this article today. Now, we all have heard the stories about strange things that people show up at the emergency room for. What I am talking about, specifically, are the strange sexual things that people show up for in the e-rooms or have to call 911 for.

Apparently all us hatin' women throughout the world have driven men to a whole new level of making their *ahem* junk larger. I have to tell ya - I am REALLY getting sick of those damn commercials for the special pills - just the pharmaceutical companies trying to squeeze more money out of people by playing on the insecure masses. But hey - cosmetic companies prey on our female insecurities just as much. Not only that, there is a whole industry dedicated to penis enlargement.

Anyways - so I came across this news article today about a man who was trying to enlarge his penis. How, you may ask? Well - the same way any normal human being would think. He decided that sticking weights on his man parts would do the trick. And when I say weights, I mean a STEEL DUMBELL! His only problem? It worked, somewhat. His genitals swelled to 5 times the normal size.

Ouch!

The E-room had to call Firefighters to the hospital to cut the gym weights from him. Even more unbelievable is that they actually had to convince him to do it. Only when he found out that his man flesh would die did he consent to them cutting the metal away releasing his pitiful parts.

It makes me wonder how much guys are really obsessed with their size. I mean, come on. I think that if a guys got skills in the bedroom, that means a hell of a lot more to me than size. But how does it get so bad that a man has to feel like he needs to go out and strap steel weights on in an attempt to make himself feel better.

Where does this come from? Were these guys not loved by their mamas? Is it from exes talking smack? Is it from other guys talking smack?

I don't know.

What I do know is that it never ceases to amaze me what lengths guys will go to to improve their size. Yes, pun intended. ;)

One Less Thing On My Crazy List

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:08:00 +0000

I thought I was a little crazy for thinking that brand new towels just don't seem like they work very well. I love how soft they feel, but no matter how plushy they are, it always seemed like they aren't doing their job - drying. I mean, this is what they are supposed to do, right?

I thought it was just me. Kind of like how I love LOVE worn in t-shirts and jeans. But I just read an article on how to make new towels more absorbant.

Yay!!! It's not just me!!! =)

If you want to read the article yourself you can go here.

I just love finding out that what I think is a weird quirkiness I have, is actually a legitimate thing. One more thing I can cross off the Crazy List. hahahaha Yippee!

I Am So Boring

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 15:25:00 +0000

I am having some *ahem* feelings about the whole bloggy thing. One one hand, I love it - having a place to post vents, rants, feelings, fun stuff, self promotions, etc. On the other hand, it can make one feel lacking at times. I think that for me, this is what it is begining to boil down to, and I should just make it known now.

I am not the type to post something every. single. day. Sometimes, I really don't even feel like posting for a whole week. It doesn't mean that I don't visit everyday, or read your wonderful comments (and totally appreciate every. single. one.). It doesn't even mean that I am not visiting your pages. It simply means this:

I just don't have anything interesting to say or post on that particular day.

That's it.

I am not the type of person that will say something JUST to say something.

How does that quote go?

"A wise man speaks because he has something to say. A fool speaks because he has to say something."

Hmm... says a lot, right?

Anyways... Sorry if my blog is not as super fantastically exciting as others are. I guess I am not that exciting in real life. Although - my life has been pretty freaking exciting (not in the awesome way, but oh well). I guess I am just happy to have a nice semi-boring life right now. I try to find excitement in the little things.

Like my little man sleeping in his newly converted crib/toddler bed for the first time this weekend. Or remaking an antique butler's bar into my new crafting cart (Woohoo! Super stoked about that one!) Or making 3 new pieces of jewelry last night. Or being able to wear a Chargers T-Shirt to work because I was able to have a Spirit Day at my work.

These are much more exciting things to me than having "movie" type things happen. Believe me, those types of things can take a toll on your life. And every time I hear someone complain that nothing ever happens to them... or "I wish something exciting would happen." I just think -

Be careful what you wish for - you just may get it.

I Love This Time of Year!

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 07:20:00 +0000

So it's that time of year. The kids are back at school. The weather is getting cooler. Wardrobes are slowly changing (not too much in sunny San Diego, but you know). There is a certain scent in the air.

I love this time of year!

I am super excited for Halloween! I swear it has to be my favorite holiday! I love decorating for it, and dressing up for it. I am especially excited for Halloween being on a Saturday night this year!

I have been wanting to have a Halloween Party
FOR. EV. ER!

I had a plan last year of what I was going to be this year. However, I think that I am going to switch it up because I came up with, what I think, is an awesome idea. Now - to pull it off...

No, I can't tell you! It's a total secret! GOSH!

Yes, I know that I am a total dork. But that's okay, because this is what these fun holidays are for, right? Just enjoying our lives and the many seasons within.

This is what remains. Not the money, not the career, not the stupid drama.... these moments.

The ones you share with your dearest friends and family. This is what we bust our asses making a living for, right? RIGHT!

So, I would love to hear what everyone is planning for their Halloweens! Anything and everything! I love sharing ideas (even though it's still a secret what I am doing for my costume).

And for just a little bit of sh*ts and giggles - check out my little man's costume from last year!

Sooooo adorable, he is!

And yes, people still call him Yoda to this day. =)

Thank God

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 04:49:00 +0000

Thank God this week is over.

Had the last class of the course I was taking, and a presentation to do on Thursday.

I have to say, before taking these classes, I have never had to give a presentation. I mean, I've had to do "oral reports", but this is different. I get so super nervous when I have to get up and talk in front of a bunch of people. I think it's because I am so self conscious.

I can't help but feel like everyone is STARING at me... judging me, picking me apart.

I hate that feeling.

But what started as a hate/fear... turned into something good. I have grown more comfortable with it, and now I am glad for the opportunity.

I was at Walmart the last night after school, shopping for the girls' emergency packs for school. When I was leaving, I was looking at the sky, and thinking about how it felt so nice.

And by "it", I mean everything - my life now.

It made me think, shopping at Walmart... buying a bunch of groceries, including a bottle of wine for myself (okay, I know it's not great wine, but you know - it's convenient)...
anyways... it made me think about some things -

I remember knowing that Walmart opened at 6am. I knew that I could fit in there... a mom with 3 children. I would put my littlest one in the stroller, and take us all into the bathroom to clean up. Use the bathroom, wash faces, wash hands, etc.

I don't know how I made it through those times. Parts of these memories escape me. It's not that I want to remember, but sometimes I wonder how I did it. I mean, it's just so amazing what you can do to get through things. I don't know how my kids felt or thought during these times. They were so much younger then. I knew at the time that I had to do something to change our situation so I could make life "normal" for them. I had to do it quick enough so that they didn't have to feel like they were different. So they didn't have to think that there was something wrong with our life.

I think that when you are forced to go through certain situations, you go into survival mode. We literally were surviving. I would buy a soda for 45 cents, and make it last for the day. I would have the girls drink from any water fountain we came across. I would get us food for $3 that would last us the whole day. And we survived on this.

I spend more than that on my lunches now.

Hell, sometimes I spend more than that on my morning coffee .

I don't know how people reading this will react. I know it sounds awful. When I read this myself, it sounds wrong. I mean, how could a mother do this?

In between Walmart, and the dollar menu, I would take the kids to the park, to the beach - anywhere that would make them feel like we were on some kind of day trip. I tried my hardest to make them feel like we were having fun and things were alright.

But those nights - those couple of nights when we had nowhere to stay, and their father did not come through with a place for us to sleep that night... those were the worst. I don't even know how I got through those nights. I mean, how did I? I don't know. Sleeping in the car... How is it that not one of my children needed to use the bathroom? How is it that my baby didn't completely freak out waking up in the carseat? How is it that none of them freaked out? How is it that I didn't completely freak out?

Survival Mode.

I can't even try to understand it now, writing it here - without crying.

People have told me how strong I am. I know that I was - but sometimes I don't feel that way. I didn't have a choice back then. What was I supposed to do? Give up? I couldn't do that. If I did, who would take care of my kids? Who would love them? Who would make sure they were happy? Who would protect them? That is my job.

I know that I should be proud of myself, but sometime I feel so much guilt for letting my life get like that. For putting my faith in someone that clearly did not deserve it. I should have put more faith in myself.

Sorry - did not mean to turn this into a whine-fest. I guess I didn't know how powerful that one memory could be. If you are still reading, thanks, I think. Either you are intrigued - or disgusted. But I guess you are free to think what you want. For me - this is just another form of therapy.

For what it's worth - thanks for listening.

Bloggy Fun

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Tue, 01 Sep 2009 04:55:00 +0000

This a test of the emergency AquarianJwl system...

This is only a test.

Okay - so I've been messing around with bloggy stuff. I love this stuff! Okay, that's my geeky side coming out. Yes, I am a geek to the core for sure.

Sooo....

I made a new button (top right). Are you proud of me yet? I totally am!

And I made a super-cute (at least I think so) signature... check it:

What'ya think? Good? Well, it'll do for now, at least. You see...
I am growing up in this bloggy world of ours. ;)

Finally - Woohoo!

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sun, 30 Aug 2009 01:36:00 +0000

I am so proud of me! LOL

{Doing the happy dance around the house right now.}

I finally got my Etsy shop up!!!

Woohoo!!!!

I don't have many pieces on there yet. I need to take more photos so I can post more items. But this is a huge step for me (The first step is always the hardest, right?) So, here is a sneak peak!

Etsy: Your place to buy & sell all things handmade
aquarianjwl.etsy.com

So, thank you, thank you, thank you everyone for all the encouragement!

I've gotta eat something, and then take some more pictures... maybe make more pieces now that I am all super stoked and motivated and inspired! =)

Busy Bee...

noreply@blogger.com (AquarianJwl) — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 18:42:00 +0000

Okay, so I would love so much to be able to post something witty, clever, humorous or touching today... but unfortunately I need to push myself to get my Etsy shop going...

Thank you everyone - my 3 fans (LOL!) - for your words of encouragement.

I will leave you with this video of my littlest Monkey-Bear singing (in his best piratey voice) along with the Sponge Bob theme song. [and if you are wondering: the weird look he is giving is bc he is wondering why Daddy isn't singing with him and the camera is shaking bc I am laughing soooo damn hard, while trying to stay quiet] Oh, and excuse the mess - I do have 4 Monkey-Bears & a husband. ;)