The Movie Oracle

Hacking Democracy (2006)

2009-06-22T20:15:00.009+09:00

Ares, god of war: Why is everybody having a hissy fit about the Iran election fraud? Isn't it to be expected from terrorist Muslims? Who needs a flick about voting?--I vote with my spear. Thumbs down.

Athena, goddess of wisdom: Yikes! And with that introduction, my war-happy friend, allow me to comment. First of all, to be fair, Iranian fraud is only suspected at this point. Second, not all Muslims are terrorists. And finally, are you forgetting what happened not so long ago in the elections of the supposed champion of democracy, the United States of America? Questions are still unanswered. One strand of that tangled web is unraveled in this documentary. Thumbs up

Hephaestus, craftsman of the gods: I admit I'm handier with a hammer than a keyboard, but machines are my deal. Can the voting machines used in U.S. presidential elections be hacked? Or is fraud just a third world problem? This team's work concerns me. Thumbs up.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

HACKING DEMOCRACY
In this documentary, Bev and her team of activists investigate the super-secret software used by American electronic voting machines to discover whether it can be hacked. The results are telling.
Director: Simon Ardizzone, Russell Michaels
Cast: Bev Harris, Kathleen Wynne, Andy Stephenson, Harri Hursti, Herbert Hugh Thompson, Ion Sancho
Rotten Tomatoes rating: N/A

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A Crude Awakening: The Oil Crash

2009-05-01T16:07:00.007+09:00

Athena, protectress of the city: Virtually everything in modern society depends, directly or indirectly, on one thing: oil. What happens when the oil runs out? That's the question in this eye-opening documentary. Thumbs up.

Hermes, god of commerce: Nothing the free market can't fix! Necessity is the mother of invention, and the forces that drive commerce will spur people to find new sources of energy to sustain their current way of life. This Peak Oil scare is a bunch of fuss over nothing. Thumbs down.

Orion, the great hunter: I'm not so sure. I once had that same attitude. I thought I could hunt and hunt and never make a dent in the abundance of mother nature. But when my overly-successful lifestyle led to the near-extinction of wildlife, Gaia got righteously pissed and sent a scorpion after me. Now look at me: a constellation in the night sky, barely visible what with the lights of the big city and all. Modern civilization could end up the same way, as a mere relic and reminder to future civilizations of what not to do. Thumbs up.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down
A CRUDE AWAKENING: THE OIL CRASH
Peak Oil experts introduce the problem, the reality of the current situation, and speculate on the future. For a note of hope, see The Power of Community: How Cuba Survived Peak Oil.

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Chad Vader

2009-04-29T23:05:00.000+09:00

Dionysos, god of wine: Well, we here at The Movie Oracle have cut back on reviewing movies proper, but we're not giving up on movies altogether. Certainly not on b-movies. No way! So here is a real treat for you. Darth Vader's younger, less-talented brother is the day shift manager at Empire food market. I laughed so hard wine came out my nose. Thumbs up.

Zeus, Lord of Olympos: The mighty Zeus feels for this Lord Chad. His insolent subjects talk back to him, his attempts to impress the check-out girl fall flat... There was a day when all it took was a lightning bolt to whip mortals into submission. Alas! Poor Zeus. Er, I mean... poor Chad. Thumbs up.

Demeter, goddess of agriculture: Aww, Zeusie. Sounds like somebody needs a hug. You can fertilize my furrows with your tears anytime. As for the videos, wow... is that what the produce section looks like these days? I hadn't really paid attention since people stopped dedicating the first fruits of the harvest to me. It used to be that you could only get ripe fruits like that in season, when I wasn't pissed at my daughter Persephone for shacking up with Hades. Now you can get them all year long? Gosh, I guess I'm not needed much anymore. Now I need a hug. Thumbs up.

Three thumbs up

CHAD VADER
Chad Vader is a low-budget series of shorts published on Youtube by Blame Society. At present there are two seasons, several training videos, and Vader after the dentist. Visit BlameSociety.net and their Youtube channel for more fun.

Dear Gods! #2

2009-04-27T21:44:00.000+09:00

Dionysos, god of comedy: And now, let us present the second installment in our exclusive comic strip of mythic proportions!

Where the gods have you been?!

2009-04-25T19:27:00.008+09:00

Dionysos, god of wine: Hey, guys. What's up?

Athena, goddess of wisdom: Dio? Where have you been?! It's been, like, two months since our last post!

Dionysos: It has? Oh. Uh... Yeah, ha ha. I was just takin' care of... um... stuff. I just woke up actually.

Athena: Argh! (facepalm) Why did I ever choose to work with a god of intoxicants?

Dionysos: So... what did I miss?

Athena: Well, for one thing, we can't keep this up.

Ares, god of war: It turns out they have this new thing called overhead, and it's really important. I still don't quite understand.

Hermes, god of commerce: I explained it to you, like, five times! Sheesh! If you're paying more for the movies you review than you get back in advertising profits, you lose money. Gods! Didn't you have to pay an obol for anything back in the day?

Ares: Yeah, I usually just sacked cities and took what I wanted.

Athena: That's not really going to fly in this modern age. We're going to have to make some changes to The Movie Oracle.

Dionysos: What?! Man, this is goat sh*t!

Athena: But it's better, really! Look, it's like this. Instead of only movies, we can also comment on other stuff. Stuff that's a little more, well... free.

Ares: Like boobies?

Hermes: (ahem) Usually not free these days either.

Apo ll o, god of music: I want a column on musical composers!

Hephaestus, god of the forge: No way! Science and technology comes first!

Artemis, goddess of wilderness: Hey, don't forget recycling and the environment!

Athena: We can all have our piece. As for myself, I'd like to report more directly on current affairs and social issues. For example, did you know this month is Genocide Prevention Month?

Dionysos: Woah, hold up. Are you guys trying to crowd me out? I started this site! This is my thing, remember? I'm gonna sulk now. ... Okay, I'm done sulking. Can I still review movies?

Hermes: Of course. Just keep your receipts. And don't use any credit cards.

Dionysos: This is gonna rock. I'm gonna make an encyclopedia of dead rock star idols. Right after I finish my game of Halo on Xbox...

The Devil Came on Horseback (2007)

2009-02-15T19:58:00.002+09:00

Athena, Protectress of the City: So after I made a deal with Dionysos to watch Darfur Now in exchange for watching his blood-strewn b-movie, Machine Girl, we decided to continue the trade. Actually it was Dio that suggested it. He said he had more b-movies to promote, but even more so he wanted to see more on Darfur. And to tell the truth I was, in spite of myself, perked at the thought of more ridiculous b-movies.

So here is the first in our trade: a story told by Brian Steidle, a former U.S. marine working as an unarmed military observer in Sudan. He witnessed, photographed, and reported on the atrocities, in the faith that the African Union and the U.N. would act. When they did not, he went public with his work in the U.S., in the faith that America would act. A grassroots movement has sprung up, but to date there has been little concrete effect on the ground for the Darfuri people. This film also gives more concrete details of the situation than Darfur Now. Thumbs up.

Dionysos, of the Wine: I am of course the god of parties, but who can party knowing this is going on, and that there is a chance to stop it? Even the god of revelry is not that indifferent. Just as the vine calls one back to nitty-gritty sensual existence, so does it call one down to the earthy realities of suffering. Another good one, Athena. Thanks. Thumbs up.

Ares, Lord of War: Suffering and death are necessary parts of war. There's no denying that. A soldier can't go into battle with a bleeding heart for the enemy--it just won't work. But there's also honor, and respect for your opponent. These Janjaweed militiamen have neither. They burn children, and use rape as a tool of fear. Nor is it them alone--the Sudanese government certainly appears to have funded and trained them. This god of war turns his back on both. The movie opened my eyes. Thumbs up.

Three thumbs up.

THE DEVIL CAME ON HORSEBACK
Brian Steidle worked as an unnarmed military observer for the African Union. His job was to monitor the ceasefire in Sudan. What he found was ongoing atrocities, systematic attacks by the Arab Janjaweed against the African Darfuri people. Testimonies by Janjaweed as well as eyewitness accounts indicate intimate connection with the Sudanese government. The film is partnered with Global Grassroots, training Darfuri women survivors, and Three Generations, preserving the stories of genocide survivors. Both are accepting donations. Proceeds from the film go directly to Global Grassroots. Click here to join Global Grassroots' Facebook cause, or to learn how to host a screening in your area.
Director: Ricki Stern, Annie Sundberg
Cast: Brian Steidle, Gretchen Steidle
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 98% fresh
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The Machine Girl (2008)

2009-02-02T21:21:00.010+09:00

Athena, of Victory: Okay, so I struck a deal. In order to get Dionysos to watch Darfur Now, the deal was he could pick a B-movie, any B-movie, as violent and absurd as he wanted. He made me swear on oath on the waters of the river Styx, then he picked this one. One look at the trailer and I flat out refused. But to avoid the Furies that punish oathbreakers, I watched it. There is no reason I should have liked this movie, but somehow... Dio, I think I'm finally starting to get what you see in B-movies. Gods, I can't believing I'm doing this, but... Thumbs up.

Dionysos, of the Bacchic Frenzy: Ah-ha! Indeed, the art of the B-movie is subtle and profound, is it not? It's based on the ancient wisdom of yin and yang. Listen up: that which is extremely yang is so far out of balance that it becomes yin, and rights itself. Likewise, the extremely yin becomes yang. Now violence and gore are yang, and when carried over the top they ruin a movie. But when they are carried far, far over the top, they become yin. The universe balances itself, and the movie becomes good again. Let us meditate on this harmony. Thumbs up.

Apollo, Leader of Muses: So you're leaving me to comment on the movie itself? What do you expect me to say? A pacifist high school girl gets mad fighting skills out of nowhere, carries a gatling gun arm that weighs twice what she does, and goes on a rampage of vengeance--blood spraying everywhere, corny special effects, acting that wreaks of goat cheese... this is your idea of a good film? Gods, get me back to Mount Helicon and my lovely muses! I'll never understand. Thumbs down.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

THE MACHINE GIRL
A school girl who promised her dead parents never to kill changes her mind when her little brother is killed by ninja yakuza. A murderous rampage of gory, over-the-top violence ensues. Although the special effects are intentionally poor, the film and sound quality is high. There is a certain resemblance to Planet Terror, insofar as bullet-spewing limbs are concerned, but otherwise the movie is quite different. The overall style falls somewhere between Kung Fu Hustle and the Toxic Avenger, but with a lot more blood.
Language: English dub
Director: Noboru Iguchi
Cast: Minase Yashiro, Asami, Ryosuke Kawamura, Kentaro Kishi, Ryoji Okamoto, Kentaro Shimazu, Taro Suwa
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 63% fresh
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Meet the Spartans (2008)

2009-01-30T20:52:00.003+09:00

Apollo, of the oracle: Just one word: unwatchable. Thumbs down.

Athena, the gorgon-crested: It progressed in phases for me. First, I thought it was stupid. Then I started to laugh. Then I laughed a lot. Then I felt like I was giving birth to a Medusa. Then I just thought it was stupid again. Thumbs down.

Dionysos, of the street: What? Come on! You didn't like the Spartans marching to war singing "I Will Survive"? The Yo' Mama battle with the Persians? The... the... Oh, who am I kidding? Despite some good gags, Friedberg and Seltzer don't pull it off. This is one to save for a last resort on silly movie night. Thumbs down.

Three thumbs down

MEET THE SPARTANS
This parody tears up the tore-up Spartan abs of the movie 300. It also parodies a number of other films, from Rocky 3 to Transformers, as well as game shows like American Idol. It was honored with several nominations at the 29th Golden Raspberry Awards: Worst Picture, Worst Supporting Actress (Electra), Worst Director, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off, or Sequel.
Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Cast: Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Ken Davitian, Kevin Sorbo, Diedrich Bader, Method Man, Nicole Parker
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 2% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? The Greek cult of heroes developed in no small part due to the war with Persia. It was felt that great heroes of the Iliad, like Achilles and Ajax, fought in the war with them, along with many other heroes of history and legend. After the war, heroes received great honor and were prayed to for protection and healing much like saints in later Catholicism.

Darfur Now (2007)

2009-01-27T20:06:00.005+09:00

Dionysos, god of wine: Athena fought to get us to review this movie. Now I'm glad I listened to her. I knew bad things were happening, but I had no idea how bad. Don Cheadle of Hotel Rwanda and George Clooney have my undying respect for bringing this story to light. The same goes for all the others involved. Thumbs up.

Athena, goddess of heroism: Activist Adam Sterling says it all when he remarks that unlike previous genocides, this one is going on right now, and we finally have a chance to stop it. Unfortunately, certain wealthier nations have not gone crusading into Darfur as they have into certain other oil-rich countries. The fight to stop this atrocity has been long and hard, and this film makes known the struggle. It should be required viewing in all high school social studies classes. The only thing I disliked was that it came to a sort of "happy ending" with the California legislation and ICC decision, giving the impression we don't need to be concerned anymore. Darfur still desperately needs our help. Thumbs up.

Hestia, goddess of the hearth: Goodness, I just don't understand why people can't share the same hearth in peace. I don't get out much, so Athena showed me this thing they have now... called the Internet... and the ways people can help out. One is giving to Amnesty International and another is sending a postcard to that nice new American president, Barack Obama, to remind him of his promise to act. She tried to show me more ways but then an indecent image popped up and I just couldn't bear to look! Anyway, the film was interesting. Thumbs up.

Three thumbs up

DARFUR NOW
This documentary tells the stories of six people struggling to save Darfur in different ways. Adam Sterling, a 24 year-old waiter and activist, campaigns tirelesly to pass legislation in California, while Actors Don Cheadle (Hotel Rwanda) and George Clooney (Burn After Reading) use their celebrity as political clout. Meanwhile in Sudan, Hejewa Adam joins the rebel forces after her baby is beaten to death, Ahmed Mohammed Abaka struggles to hold together a camp of some 47,000 displaced Darfurians, and Pablo Recalde braves the violence to get World Food Program aid to the people. While all this is going on, prosecutor of the International Criminal Court (ICC) Luis Moreno-Ocampo slowly builds an undeniable case.

Darfur is a region of western Sudan embroiled in conflict since 2003. The following year, the UN's outgoing Humanitarian Coordinator for Sudan called it "the world's greatest humanitarian crisis."
Director: Ted Braun
Cast: Don Cheadle, Luis Moreno-Ocampo, Adam Sterling, Sheikh Ahmad Mohammed Abakar, Hejewa Adam, George Clooney
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 69%
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DID YOU KNOW? Although Classical Greece gave birth to some of today's most esteemed values, like democracy and the study of ethics, it was unfortunately also a place of what we would today view as human rights violations. For example, the male head of the family had the legal right to expose an unwanted child unto death. If we have progressed since Classical times, it is due to constant effort, necessary today as much as ever.

Introducing: Dear Gods! #1

2009-01-25T16:20:00.008+09:00

Dionysos, god of wine: So Athena and I were were playing Truth or Dare the other night, trading embarrassing stories, when we realized no one ever hears about all the divine bloopers. Mythology is like watching a DVD without the outtakes!

Athena, goddess of wisdom: For even Zeus is not above the Fates, and they do have a sense of humor.

Besides, what is wisdom without wit?

Dionysos, god of comedy: So we decided to share these moments (the other gods may not like it, but oh well--I was never known for my tact!). After many hours at the drawing board, we are proud to present an original comic strip. This is the first in a new series hosted right here at The Movie Oracle. The comic features us--all your favorite deities--striving to make it in the modern day. Follow our off-color lives in full color!

So without further ado, we give you the first edition of:
Dear Gods!

Semi-pro (2008)

2009-01-12T22:12:00.009+09:00

Ares, god of war: Is this supposed to be funny? I can't tell. Except for the bear-wrestling scene and the dirty hippie, of course. Thumbs down.

Dionysos, god of wine: Not much for subtlety, are you, Ares? The humor here, as Ares points out, is not heavy on crude slapstick. Rather, it's filled to bursting with Will Farrell's signature style: dry, situational absurdity. For example, witness the dramatic, emotional scene where the players "fire" their coach. This while dressed as seahorses. Or consider the situation between NBA star Ed Monix, his former-girlfriend Lynn, and her new husband. It's a classic love triangle, except that the husband is such a fanatic fan of Monix, he'll do anything for him. The movie is chock full of this kind of humor. Critics scorned it, but in my opinion this is Mr. Farrell's opus. Thumbs up.

Nik e, goddess of victory: No team ever worked so hard for fourth place. That alone is enough to make me laugh. Thumbs up.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

SEMI-PRO
Jackie Moon (Farrell), a one-hit wonder for his single "Love Me Sexy", leads the Flint Tropics, a bottom-of-the-barrel team in the American Basketball Association (ABA). When word comes down that the second-rate ABA will be merging with the pro NBA, and only four teams will be allowed into the NBA, the Tropics are in trouble. Jackie Moon does everything in his power to turn his team around, including trading their washing machine for washed-up NBA star Ed Monix (Harrelson). Absurdities ensue as the Tropics vie to make it into the top four.
Director: Kent Alterman
Cast: Will Ferrell, Woody Harrelson, André Benjamin, Maura Tierney, David Koechner, Will Arnett, Andrew Daly, Andy Richter, Rob Corddry, Matt Walsh
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 20%.
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DID YOU KNOW? In his poem Works and Days, Hesiod teaches two kinds of strife, one bad and one good. The good kind of strife encourages excellence by striving against one another in competition. The Greeks were deeply fond of competitive games, and held them at funerals to honor the dead. In fact, the first stirrings of a united "Greek" culture found expression in the great games in which all the tribes participated. The games at Olympia, fore-runners of the modern Olympics, were one of these great pan-Greek events.

WALL-E (2008)

2009-01-11T00:01:00.002+09:00

Prometheus, bringer of fire: Little WALL-E, a robot built to compact trash into cubes, is left all alone centuries after humans have abandoned the waste-strewn Earth. I guess they forgot to turn him off, and now he spends eternity cubing trash and finding useful little trinkets. I loved following around this pitiable product of science. Thumbs up.

Artemis, goddess of wilderness: Not only was this movie cute, but the theme of ecological disaster raises awareness among youth. I've stood by and watched the wilderness fill with trash for too long. My wrath is at the kindling point. But this movie gives me some hope. I hope it inspires recycling, reusing, and waste reduction among children. Thumbs up.

Dionysos, god of wine: Humans go off on a five-year pleasure cruise around the solar system while robots clean up the planet, but centuries later the Earth still isn't re-habitable. Gods, even I couldn't stand a party that lasted seven-hundred years! I usually cringe at "family" movies, but this one was pretty good. Pixar's animation is top-notch as usual. The junk-planet trashscapes are particularly luscious. At points I could hardly tell if they were animated or not. Thumbs up.

Three thumbs up.

WALL-E
When the world-dominating Buy n Large corporation covers the planet with unrecycled trash, they propose to send humanity on a pleasure cruise while WALL-E robots clean up the Earth. But after five years, the planet is deemed a lost cause and humans are left on perpetual vacation. Seven-hundred years later, micro-gravity and luxury have turned them into obese Jabba the Hutts. Meanwhile, only one robot remains functional on Earth, a lonely WALL-E unit that goes around cubing trashing and collecting curiosities. This pitiful existence is interrupted one day when an egg-shaped, feminine EVE robot appears, apparently searching for life on Earth.
Director: Andrew Stanton
Cast: Ben Burtt, Elissa Knight, Jeff Garlin, Fred Willard, John Ratzenberger, Kathy Najimy, Sigourney Weaver
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 96%
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DID YOU KNOW? While the Greeks did not tell stories of man's industrial waste (not surprisingly), they did have a myth of ecological calamity. The great hunter Orion was so successful that he threatened to kill all the creatures on the earth. This angered the earth goddess Gaia, who sent a scorpion that slew him. Thereafter Artemis, goddess of the hunt, placed her companion Orion in the stars, producing the constellation we know today.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)

2009-01-06T13:20:00.009+09:00

Dionysos, god of wine: I liked this movie the first time, when it was called Forrest Gump. It even has a similar-sounding catch phrase: "You never know what's comin' at ya," which replaces Gump's box of chocolates metaphor, "You never know what yer gonna git." Pitt, Blanchett, and Swinton--an all-star cast--deliver great performances, which makes it all the more pitiable that it wasn't more original. Thumbs down.

Athena, goddess of wisdom: Dionysos, I don't see how you can praise B-movies while criticizing quality films like this one. I see the similarities, but I appreciate them. Like Forrest Gump, this movie delightfully portrays the changing eras of the 20th century. The true hero of the story is time itself. Thumbs up.

H est i a, goddess of the hearth: Gee, you two always have such articulate opinions! As for me, I just plain liked it. It was cute. You know, as goddess of the hearth in the home, I see things. Families grow up around me. I love to watch them grow and change, part and reunite. The people change but the story's the same. That's what this movie reminded me of. Golly, would you listen to me--that was almost articulate! I'll to tire myself out at this rate. Anyway, thumbs up.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

THE CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON
This film, loosely based on the short story by F. Scott Fitzgerald, tells the magical tale of a man who ages backward. On November 11, 1918, the eve of the end of the First World War, a most unusual child is born. Benjamin (Pitt) is born wrinkled and old. After his mother dies in labor and his father abandons him as a freak of nature, he is taken in by Queenie (Henson), a black woman who works at a nursing home. Inexplicably, Benjamin's body gradually grows younger. The story follows his extraordinary life through the decades of the twentieth century, up till modern day.
Director: David Fincher
Cast: Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, Tilda Swinton, Taraji P. Henson, Julia Ormond, Mahershalalhashbaz Ali, Jared Harris, Jason Flemyng
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 72%
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DID YOU KNOW? Aging was one of the distinctions between mortals and the ageless gods. Hebe, the goddess of youth, bore the cup of ambrosia that kept the gods eternally young. Her counterpart was Geras, Old Age, one of the malevolent spirits spawned by the goddess Nyx (Night). The goddess of dawn, Eos, once asked Zeus to grant immortality to her lover Tithonus, but she forgot to also ask for agelessness. Now he lies aged and bedridden, babbling endlessdly, unable to move but unable to die.

Valkyrie (2008)

2008-12-28T11:42:00.003+09:00

Athena, goddess of wisdom: There was outrage over the casting of Cruise due to his involvement in Scientology. While I cannot call Scientology wisdom in any respect, I am also appalled by its blatant persecution in a society which prides itself on religious tolerance. As for the movie itself, I was pleased by the concept. Even 60 years after the war, it's still rare to find an American movie that humanizes the Germans. This one joins the likes of Schindler's List in portraying the moral struggles of the Germans themselves. Next I would love to see a movie about Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Thumbs up.

Ares, god of war: I don't really know who that is, but one thing I do know about is loyalty. When a soldier's gotta decide between loyalty to leader and loyalty to country, it's nothing easy. There could have been more action, but the suspense makes up. Thumbs up.

Dionysos, god of wine: I risk unpopularity here, but I wanted more. Tom Cruise's character, Col. Staffenberg, is too confident in his treason. An opportunity for deeper character development is sorely missed. Portrayal of Jewish suffering is also left out, apart from a mention at the beginning. This makes the film less a moving drama like Schindler's List than a suspense thriller like The Manchurian Candidate. The tragic failure of the assassination thus fails to provoke an emotional catharsis. A thriller is what director Singer set out to make, and if that's what you want then it's fine. But as for me, thumbs down.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

VALKYRIE
There were over fifteen attempts on Hitler's life by his own German people. This is the story of one of them. Claus von Stauffenberg (Cruise), a colonel in the Nazi army, becomes involved in a secret circle committed to saving Germany and Europe from destruction at the hands of the Allies. To establish a truce, they must kill the Führer.
Based on historical events.
Director: Bryan Singer
Cast: Tom Cruise, Christian Berkel, Kenneth Branagh, Kevin McNally, Carice van Houten, Bill Nighy, David Schofield, Terence Stamp, Eddie Izzard
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 63%
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DID YOU KNOW? Homer's Iliad, one the great epics of the Greeks, actually portrays their enemies in a far better light than the Greeks themselves. Hector, the Trojan hero, is a paragon of virtue, while Achilles, the Greeks' best fighter, is ruled by resentment.

Thunder Over Reno (2008)

2008-12-26T08:43:00.001+09:00

Ares, god of war: I can't believe with all those fighter planes they don't show a single crash. What else do you go to the races to see? No boobies, either. I sat through that acting for nothing! Thumbs down.

Dionysos, god of wine: Keep in mind this is no high-budget Hollywood production. The excellent film and sound quality are deceptive--this was made by a bunch of cockpit-jockies with a dream to make their own flick. You have to respect that. The dialogue and plot left me perplexed on occasion, sometimes to comedic effect. It's too bad--if they had gone for a cheesier B-movie style, they might have attracted a cult following. Still, respect for making their vision a reality wins me over. Thumbs up.

Poseidon, god of horses: No greater heir to the war horse is there than the P-51 Mustang. Poseidon cares not what else the movie is or isn't. The Lord of Horses gloried in these warbirds screaming round the pylons. Thumbs up.

Watch the trailer at the official site
Two thumbs up, one thumb down

THUNDER OVER RENO
When young pilot Butch Bandi (Younkins) decides the family cropdusting business isn't enough for him, a shady deal-maker shows up with an offer to compete in the Reno Air Races. Bandi finds himself a rookie in a league of tough racers, including the sexy Marti Jackman (Natasha Yi). Billed as the "world's fastest love story," this homemade flick delivers horspower in Hollywood-quality film and sound.
Based on the real Reno Air Races and filmed with privately-owned restored combat aircraft. Currently available for order from the official web site, while negotiating major distribution.
Director: Mitch Carley
Cast: Hawk Younkins, Natasha Yi, Bobby Aranofsky, Izabella St. James
Rotten Tomatoes rating: N/A
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DID YOU KNOW? Poseidon, best known today as god of the sea, was also god of horses and earthquakes.

The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)

2008-12-24T03:32:00.022+09:00

Ares, god of war: Aw, man, what a drag. I go to a movie about aliens wiping out the planet, and all I get is a sphere and this hokey giant robot that looks like a Sentinel from the old X-Men comics. They could've at least given it some wicked claws like Wolverine. And what's up with the military trying to wipe out the sphere with piddly sidewinder missiles? I don't understand why they don't just nuke the thing. Thumbs down.

Artemis, goddess of wilderness: Well, besides the fact that it was in the center of Manhattan, nuclear radiation would have pushed the ecological crisis over the edge--which was the point of the whole movie. The environmental angle, new in this version, was the movie's saving grace. For that, I congratulate it. Thumbs up.

Dionysos, god of wine: As for the sphere and the giant robot, you know they were remaking a 1951 movie, right? They kept the same imagery for the robot, while updating the theme. In the original, the aliens were concerned about humans' development of the atomic bomb. In this one, it's ecological disaster. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, they should have left the old movie dead and buried. Kathy Bates gives the only worthy performance. Jennifer Connelly is hot as always, but that can't balance out Keanu Reeves at his most boring. Thumbs down.

One thumb up, two thumbs down

THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL
When alien visitor Klaatu (Reeves) plops down in Manhattan's Central Park in a stadium-sized sphere, humans are reasonably alarmed. Apparently offering peace, Klaatu is shot by a nervous soldier. Humans struggle to prove they are a race worth saving, despite their violence and environmental negligence.
Director: Scott Derrickson
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Jennifer Connelly, Jaden Smith, John Cleese, Kathy Bates
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 20% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? According to Hesiod, the end of mankind will come when Shame and Retribution depart from the world, leaving only sorrows and no help against evil.

The Love Guru (2008)

2008-12-22T00:01:00.002+09:00

Apollo, god of music: After the ruinous critical reception this movie got, I feel anything I might say would be beating a dead horse. Thumbs down.

Dion ysos, god of wine: What? Come on! Can't anybody take a joke these days? This guru is so cliched and ridiculous, no one could seriously think it represents Indians. And the low brow humor is classic Mike Meyers material that you loved in Wayne's World and Austin Powers. Was I the only one who found this movie hilarious? Thumbs up. Well, Athena, you're up next, so let's have it. Just how bad is The Love Guru?

Athena, goddess of wisdom: On the contrary, I rather enjoyed it. Critics lambasted Meyers for his portrayal of Hinduism, but for the record, the Hindu American Foundation concluded it was not anti-Hindu. But that's not why I like this movie. I like it because it lampoons certain annoying authors. Some are pop gurus, some New Agers, some self-helpers, but they all use clever-sounding phrases to cover up a lack of content. As a goddess of wisdom, it turns my stomach to see substance-less ideas puffed up as real enlightenment. Socrates accused the Sophists of this very crime. For making these authors the butt of the joke, I say to Meyers "good for you." Thumbs up.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

THE LOVE GURU
The Love Guru follows Guru Pitka (Meyers) as he tries to help floundering hockey star Darren Roanoke (Malco) get his game back. His holiness puts him through a five-point program reminiscent of any number of self-help coaches whose books line today's bookstore shelves. The five points are D.R.A.M.A. (Distraction, Regression, Adjustment, Maturity, and Action). In this way he hopes to help Roanoke go from "nowhere" to "now-here," and learn that "intimacy" is really "into-me-I-see." Deepak Chopra makes a cameo appearance as himself.
Director: Marco Schnabel
Cast: Mike Meyers, Jessica Alba, Romany Malco, Meagan Good, Verne Troyer, Stephen Colbert, Justin Timberlake
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 14% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? The Greeks had a legend that Dionysos, in his young wanderings, made an expedition to India. After this he returned to Greece and introduced his cult of the vine.

Run Fatboy Run (2007)

2008-12-20T00:01:00.001+09:00

Ares, god of war: Simon Pegg couldn't pull off his role. His acting? No, I mean, he wasn't fat. If I go to a movie to see fatboys run, they gotta be real tubbies, you know? Thumbs down.

He ra, goddess of marriage: Ares! You may be a war god, but you're still my son. Be civil! I thought the movie was cute. I could easily identify with Thandie Newton's character. After Pegg's character leaves her at the altar--pregnant, no less!--she turns to the successful business man, of course. But some men, no matter how many times they mess up, somehow still manage a certain charm. Now if you'll excuse me, Zeus and I are going dancing tonight. Thumbs up.

D ion ysos, god of wine: After Hot Fuzz and the TV series Spaced, I was expecting more. Where is that signature fast-paced humor and wicked irony? This is fine for a feel-good comedy, but it's just not Pegg quality standard. Also, I missed his long-time sidekick, Nick Frost. Sorry, Simon. I hate to do this to you, but... Thumbs down.

One thumb up, two thumbs down

RUN FATBOY RUN
After leaving his fiance at the altar, Dennis Doyle (Pegg) struggles to pay his rent and keep his son from slipping out of his life. But when Libby (Newton) finds a new boyfriend, this certified screw-up swears he can change. He enters the same marathon as his vastly more successful counterpart. The only thing between him and the finish line: a few pounds, a smoking habit, and the fact that he's never run a race before in his life.
Director: David Schwimmer
Cast: Simon Pegg, Thandie Newton, Harish Patel, Dylan Moran, Hank Azaria
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 48% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? The term marathon comes from legendary events of ancient Greece. According to one version of the story, the messenger Pheidippides ran all the way from Marathon to Athens to announce the outcome of the battle against the Persians. He exclaimed "We have won, " then fell down dead.

Burn After Reading (2008)

2008-12-18T01:01:00.002+09:00

Hermes: As patron of thieves, I couldn't help but laugh watching these bumblers in action. Thumbs up.

H est i a: Dear me! The language is atrocious, and the characters are all obsessed with sex. I feel dirty having watched it. Thumbs down.

Dionysos: Yes, well, it is a black comedy after all. For those with a taste for the twisted, this is a real treat. With an all-star cast, the acting is superb. I'd point out Pitt's on-point idiocy, but then I'd also have to mention McDormand's hypertension, Swinton's frigidity, and Clooney's inexhaustible womanizing energy. The whole cast is at the top of their game in this one. Thumbs up.

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

BURN AFTER READING
When fitness gym nitwits mistake an ex-CIA man's memoirs for top secret information, their attempt at blackmail unleashes a cluster bomb of confusion. Love affairs augment the paranoia, and soon the CIA is scrambling to track down the truth in this unlikely story.
Directors: Joel and Ethan Coen
Cast: George Clooney, Frances McDormand, John Malkovich, Tilda Swinton, Brad Pitt
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 79% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? Hermes, patron of thieves, is said to have stolen the cattle of Apollo when he was still but a toddler.

Four Christmases (2008)

2008-12-16T23:35:00.001+09:00

Her a: How can this couple dodge their own family gatherings for a vacation in Fiji? Their comeuppance is delicious. Of course, Olympus can get a bit tense when you-know-who starts throwing his thunderbolts around the living room. Thumbs up.

Zeus: Oh, so I'm to blame now? It couldn't have anything to do with all your conniving, twisted schemes to get back at me, could it? No wonder the kids never call anymore! Thumbs up.

Dionysos: Yikes. I can identify with this one. When Hera found out that Zeus had an illegitimate child (me) by a mortal lover, she was so furious she struck me with madness. You can imagine what kind of family gatherings we have up in Olympus. The humor in this movie is funny because it's true. Honestly, everyone should watch this as a catharsis. They can get all the stress out and then enjoy the holidays with their families.Thumbs up.

three thumbs up
FOUR CHRISTMASES
When the couple who avoids family gatherings finds their flight to Fiji canceled, and themselves broadcast live on TV news for all their families to see, they are left with no choice: they must go to four Christmas gatherings in one day. Both come from divorced parents, hence four. Their relationship is tested as they go through their own personal hell.
Director: Seth Gordon
Cast: Vince Vaughn, Reese Witherspoon, Sissy Spacek, Robert Duvall, Kristin Chenoweth
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 24% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? Aristotle first proposed the idea of "catharsis" as an emotional cleansing experienced by viewers of tragic theater.

Noam Chomsky: Rebel Without a Pause (2003)

2008-12-14T17:57:00.025+09:00

Hestia: He seems like a nice man, but why does he have to say all those bad things about the government? He should be more patriotic. Thumbs down.

Athena: Dissent is patriotism! Doesn't anybody remember our democratic responsibility to civil disobedience? As for myself, I was in awe. This man reads six newspapers a day and eighty journals, and the Arts and Humanities Citation Index ranked him eighth in the list of most-often cited authorities. I deeply respect his courage to stand up for the truth, come what may. Thumbs up.

Dionysos: I particularly admired his clarity and ease of speech. Even though this movie has very little for cinematic eye candy, I was rapt with attention. The man is a gifted speaker with an unassuming charisma. His views are sure to offend just about everybody in some respect, and to make them think as well. Thumbs up.

two thumbs up, one thumb down
NOAM CHOMSKY: REBEL WITHOUT A PAUSE
World-famous dissident Noam Chomsky gives his candid opinions on September 11th, the war in Iraq, the media, activism, and more. Meanwhile, his wife and tour manager Carol divulges what it's like to lead the lives they've chosen. Chomsky, the "father of modern linguistics", is an outspoken critic of American foreign policy. From his protest against the Vietnam war in the 60's to his recent controversial book, 9-11, he has inspired millions while also drawing sharp criticism.
Director: Will Pascoe
Cast: Noam Chomsky, Carol Chomsky
Rotten Tomatoes rating: N/A
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DID YOU KNOW? Athena, goddess of wisdom, sprang fully-formed from the head of Zeus, after he swallowed the goddess Metis (Thought).

What the Bleep Do We Know!? (2004)

2008-12-12T21:51:00.000+09:00

One thumb up, two thumbs down

Prometheus: Due to advances in quantum physics, scientists now recommend disregarding established physical laws and leaping off the nearest cliff in the belief you can fly. Hmm... Just because quantum physics poses some mysteries doesn't mean you can do whatever you want with your mind. Nice wish-fulfillment fantasy. Thumbs down.

Hephaestus: I never understood much beyond what you can hammer out with your own hands. Even so, the "science" here smells awfully fishy to me. I think I'll stick with forging metals and leave forging reality to cleverer folks. Thumbs down.

Dionysos: Am I the only one here who liked this movie? There's no question about the scientific arguments--the public's general ignorance of quantum physics is clearly being exploited to sell a New Age agenda--but as cinema, it's done well. The computer animated receptor-blobs are hilarious. The content may be weak, but the delivery is strong. It's good for a laugh. Thumbs up.

What the Bleep Do We know!?, also written What tнe #$*! Dө ωΣ (k)πow!? and What the #$*! Do We Know!?, dramatizes the Law of Attraction, the notion that our thoughts create our reality. In this respect it resembles its younger cousin, The Secret. It takes basic principles of quantum physics (which only apply to particles on the subatomic level, by the way) and runs with them into a realm of mystic consciousness. The conclusion is that we create our own reality. If bad things happen to you, it's your fault because you attracted them. Conversely, good things can be attracted through good thoughts. All three of the directors are students of Ramtha's School of Enlightenment. An extended DVD version with over 15 hours of material was released in 2006 under the name What the BLEEP - Down the Rabbit Hole, Quantum Edition.
Directors: William Arntz, Betsy Chasse, Mark Vicente
Cast: Marlee Matlin, Elaine Hendrix, FrankRobert Bailey Jr., John Ross Bowie, Armin Shimerman, Robert Blanche
Interviewees: David Albert, Joseph Dispenza, Masaru Emoto, Amit Goswami, John Hagelin, Stuart Hameroff, Miceal Ledwith, Daniel Monti, Andrew B. Newberg, Candace Pert, Ramtha, Jeffrey Satinover, William Tiller, Fred Alan Wolf
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 34% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? Prometheus, famed as the bringer of fire to mankind, later became an icon of scientific progress.

Iron Man (2008)

2008-12-10T16:30:00.004+09:00

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

Hephaestus: A suit that turns a guy with a bad heart into a one-man army? Why didn't I think of that! Maybe I can finally do something with this lame leg of mine. If you need me, I'll be in the smithy. Thumbs up.

Dion ysos: Billionaire playboy Tony Stark was always an arrogant hotshot in the comics, and Robert Downey Jr. embodies that perfectly on screen. The villain could have been more interesting, but otherwise this was one of the best in the recent spate of superhero movies. Thumbs up.

A rtem is: Techno-gizmos, steel, and servo-asssisted uppercuts? (sigh) This wilderness girl was bored. Gwynneth Paltrow was interesting as Pepper Pots, the devoted assistant whom Stark largely ignores. But overall the movie left me wondering... when are they going to make a new Wonder Woman? Thumbs down.

Iron Man, based on the comic book, tells how Tony Stark goes from a morally shiftless weapons manufacturer to a world-saving superhero. When a weapons test in Pakistan is attacked by terrorists, Stark is wounded by one of his own company's bombs. Only an electromagnet implanted in his chest keeps a piece of shrapnel from piercing his heart and killing him. Captured by the terrorists, he is forced to make weapons for them, but Stark has other plans.
Director: Jon Favreau
Cast: Robert Downey Jr., Gwynneth Paltrow, Jeff Bridges, Terrence Howard
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 93% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? Hephaestus, the lame-legged god of fire, was also the smith of the gods, fastening among other things the armor of Achilles and the first woman, Pandora.

The Celestine Prophecy (2006)

2008-12-08T21:56:00.000+09:00

Two thumbs up, one thumb down

Athe na: It's nice to be told your little intuitions are meaningful, and that the universe is conspiring to help you. And in many ways it can be helpful to believe that, whether or not it is finally true. The real test, though, is whether you can apply it without falling into self-absorption. And this movie is one big invitation to self-absorption. Did you notice that not one of the characters stopped to help the local Peruvians with their poverty or political turmoil? In the end, this movie is inspirational and may start you out on a beneficial path, but to face the hard questions something more substantial is needed. Thumbs down.

Dionysos: The characters are thin and the plot is familiar. As cinema, this movie is a disaster. But I do appreciate the Nine Insights themselves. You don't necessarily need wine to see the world as it truly is, aglow with radiance. The Greeks worshiped me for taking away their cares. This is one more way to do it. Why not see where it leads? Thumbs up.

Psyc he: I agree with Athena that the reality is not nearly as rosy as this movie portrays. In my bittersweet love affair with Eros, I endured hardship and disillusionment. But I also learned that love is a power that grants meaning even to suffering. Honestly, this movie could be a lot worse. For example, it doesn't simply focus on money, like The Secret. It actually encourages warm and loving behavior between humans. Simplistic? Yes. Hopeless? No. Thumbs up.

The Celestine Prophecy is based on the bestselling novel by James Redfield. A young teacher, laid off at his school, finds himself adrift. Synchronicities lead him to Peru where a small group has unearthed a set of ancient scrolls. Meanwhile, the powers that be try to suppress the scrolls' prophecy at gunpoint.
Director: Armand Mastroianni
Cast: Mathew Settle, Thomas Kretschmann, Sarah Wayne Callies, Jürgen Prochnow
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 4% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? The myth of Psyche and Eros is well-known as an ancient allegory of the soul's journey. The name Psyche itself means "breath" or "soul."

Sukiyaki Western Django (2008)

2008-12-06T14:28:00.001+09:00

Ares: How could I not like a samurai Western? Bullet-slicing katana blades, a gatling gun in a coffin... I was in war god heaven. But why was everybody talking so slow and weird? Thumbs up.

Athe na: Maybe it was because apart from Quentin Tarantino, every actor was Japanese. They must have spent months practicing those English lines. The whole cast deserves ten points for effort. But the glut for violence went over the line when Tarantino's character hit his wife for making poor sukiyaki. Thumbs down.

Diony sos: I admit gratuitous violence and some tedious dialogue, but it's made up for by Miike's filmmaking genius. His playful mix of Japanese and Western motifs, at once gritty and flamboyant, comes out on top. Witness the gangsters hanged from a Shinto torii gate, and the Mojave Desert-scene with Mt Fuji in the background. What's more, the colors are nothing short of luscious. There's hardly a shot that isn't a work of art in itself. I was delighted by this quirky genre film, whose style reminded me of Tarantino's own Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction.

Sukiyaki Western Django is the story of a town torn by rival gangs, the Reds and Whites. Into this hell comes a half-blood gunman in black. Rumors of gold persist, a young couple dares to cross Red-White lines, and legends lurk of the great gunslinger Bloody Benten. The movie gets its name from the 1966 Django, called a "spaghetti" Western because it was made in Italy. Hence Miike's film becomes a "sukiyaki" Western, after the popular Japanese soup. Django motifs such as the machine-gun toting coffin are mixed with themes from Yojimbo, A Fistful of Dollars, and Shakespeare's Henry VI. Language: English
Director: Takashi Miike
Cast: Hideaki ito, Yusuke Iseya, Kaori Mamoi, Yoshino Kimura, Masanobu Ando, Shun Ogori, Quentin Tarantino
Rotten Tomatoes rating: 59% fresh
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DID YOU KNOW? The motif of an eagle carrying a snake in its talons, featured in the opening scene, was a favored omen of Zeus. In Homer's Iliad, it augurs ill for the Trojans.