The Musings of A Colored Man

Chic Ain't Chic

2012-11-25T18:55:00.001-05:00

Dear Readers,
It's been about 7 months, but the Colored Man is back!!! Special thanks to my old college friend, for giving me that extra little kick to get things rolling again. Here goes....

The Colored Man works from home quite alot, and one of my vices is television, and the morning shows. Many years ago, I seriously considered law school, but just did not have the courage to follow through, thinking that I didn't have what it took, academically, to be successful, even though years later I took a law class, and earned an A-. So I guess in reality, I just needed a little push and some self-confidence.

One of my favorite programs to watch is In Session, which provides live and taped, gavel-to-gavel coverage of court cases around the country. In an earlier life, it was called Court TV, and is where people like Star Jones first got her feet wet in mass media, providing expert legal commentary on the cases. All last week they featured the case of West Virginia v. Chic-Colbert.

Ethan Chic-Colbert, 21, was the on-again, off-again romantic liasion of Ms. Lynitrah Woodson, 32.

The long story is this....Ms. Woodson took her son, Jahlil Clements, 11, to the new skating rink in town, along with her infant child by Mr. Chic-Colbert, as well as two of Jahlil's best buds. Mr. Colbert got upset with Ms. Woodson while at the rink, due to the fact that she was talking to another man and his wife. On the way home, Mr. Colbert began to violently punch Ms. Woodson in the face and head, while she was driving on the busy interstate. She stopped the vehicle in the middle of the highway, and Mr. Colbert, got out of the vehicle, drug Ms. Woodson out, body slammed her onto the ground and began to kick and stomp her in the head.

Witnessing all of this, Jahlil jumps out of the car, and goes into the middle of the interstate, and attempts to flag someone down to help his mother. Jahlil is hit by a car, and is killed. Mr. Colbert runs away, and is subsequently arrested, and charged with domestic battery, kidnapping, felony murder, child neglect leading to death, and child endangerment. The judge throws out the kidnapping and felony murder charges, but sentences Mr. Colbert to consecutive terms for the other charges. He will be eligible for parole in 6 years, but could serve up to 30 years. Additionally, when released, he has 25 years of extended probation.

Now the short story is this.....cougarette-in-training meets young thug. Young thug eventually shows his true colors, and changes cougarette's life forever.

Mr. Chic-Colbert is definitely where he belongs, but the Colored Man believes that Ms. Woodson needs to take some responsibility for her actions, and for putting her family in this situation. You see, Ms. Woodson made a fatal error in dealing with her thug....she got dick-matized. Dick-matized is just like being hypnotized, except you're lured into a state of not thinking via a dick, versus by a watch on a chain. It happens all the time. Watch television in the morning like the Colored Man, and you will see it on all the judge shows. Damn, they have all become millionaires due to people like Ms. Woodson becoming dick-matized. It's an epidemic!!! Last week, Judge Milian heard a case of a woman who moved in with a guy, three weeks after meeting him on an online dating site. She was suing him, because guess what? Things didn't work out, and he threw her stuff away. Her reason for this rash behavior?..., at 27 years old, she was getting old, and wanted a man. The next case being featured on In Session is a double murder case, South Carolina v. Lynch, involving a good 'ole church lady who hooks up with a "wolf in sheep's clothing." She and her five-year old granddaughter are dead. Where are the bodies? Only the wolf knows, and guess what? He ain't talking.

Ms. Woodson knew that Mr. Colbert was a thug. All she had to do was look at the tattoed tear drops on his face, the gang symbols on his neck, arms and hands, and immediately know that this is someone who I should not get involved with on an extended level. Why bring this type of man into your household to influence your son negatively, and to make matters worse, why have a child by this thug? I mean, be a Dreamgirl...."one night only, one night only...that's all I have to give," and keep it moving. Even young Jahlil knew that Mr. Colbert was no good, and had recently told his mother that he didn't want him around anymore. But once you've been dick-matized, it's hard to break the spell.

I fully understand why someone like Ms. Woodson would fall under the spell. It's all about loneliness and low self-esteem. For some, it's also about economic security/insecurity. 26 million women have trouble buying food each month; 32 million have trouble paying rent each month; 1 in 10, between the ages of 18-64 rely on Medicaid; children of single mothers are 5x's more likely to live in poverty.

Did you know that every 15 seconds a woman is battered in her home?

Did you know that battery is the single major cause of injury to women?

Did you know that 2,000-4,000 women are beaten to death yearly? (www.strengthenoursisters.org)

The Colored Man just brought up two issues that need to be examined: loneliness and economics. Trust me ladies, it doesn't matter if you are old, young, fat, short, tall or whatever....you are beautiful in your own right, and your Prince Charming will come along someday. The economic situation is in your hands, and the solution is pretty simple. Get an education, so that you can make enough money to take care of yourselves, without needing a thug in the picture.

Ms. Woodson has finally gotten out from her dream involving Chic-Colbert, the man who she testified she wanted around to be a role model for her son. But man, what a price she had to pay to break his hold on her. The Colored Man would say that perhaps it was a price too high to pay. An unnecessary cost. An avoidable cost.

We all learn from life, and the message that we all should get from this tale is that, "all that glitters is not gold". To paraphrase Pheobe Taylor Wallingford, a fictional character on the long-running daytime soap opera, All My Children, "Brooke, a bad man is worse than no man at all."

The Glamorous Life

2012-04-15T20:40:00.000-04:00

This past week much has been discussed and analyzed regarding Hillary Rosen's statement that Anne Rommey has never worked a day of her life. The Colored Man really doesn't understand what all of the fuss is about, and why The White House residents and employees jumped to Mrs. Romney's defense. I know that I am going to upset some of my reader's with the following statement, but this is my blog, so I can write what I want to write.

Hillary Rosen didn't lie, and I will tell you why she didn't lie. In my humble opinion, staying at home and raising kids is not all that hard to do, and I don't think that it really should be equaled with the work that women do outside of the home, and the struggles that many face in trying to juggle career and family. Most of the women that I know who don't work, actually lead quite glamorous lives.....shopping, lunching, volunteering, early morning walks/runs in expensive jogging clothes with babies in even more expensive strollers, play dates, cooking dinner and cleaning house. This is not real work. This is actually trading your services for the security of a house and some spending money, and hoping and praying that your support system doesn't decide to trade you in for a newer, less-saggy model.

Real work consists of receiving a paycheck for working in an office from 9am-5pm, and having to meet deadlines, write reports, conduct meetings, participate in training classes, and deal with people that you don't really give two poops about. Real work requires being able to juggle getting yourself dressed in the morning, as well as the children, feeding them, getting them on the bus, and then getting yourself to the job on time. Real work is having a sick child at home and still having to field calls from work, or finish that report, or having to travel out of town for work while your child has the chicken pox.

If Anne Romney's work is real work, then damn, the Colored Man needs to be re-born as a woman, cause I am tired as hell of having to work. Y'all know I like the glamorous life and with a husband like Mittens who brings in $20 million per year, I could definitely do some cooking, cleaning, and shuttling. Taggart, Matthew, Joshua, Benjamin, and Craig would have each had their own individual nanny, chaffeur, homework helper, and I would have supervised in between my shopping, and horseback riding. Can't you just see me in my manse with the elevators for cars supervising the domestic staff, while making arrangements for Oribe to fly in on the private jet for my daily hair appointment? When people would ask me if I enjoyed being at home all day with my six boys, I would reply, "I don't work, I am doing my life-calling, and it's my passion!"

My mother worked all of her life making the journey from cotton fields to first-grade classrooms, and I think that if she were still living and I asked her if she ever wanted to be a housewife, she would probably look at me like I was crazy. She probably would go on to tell me that I am not sitting at home and waiting for "man-support," when I can go out and earn my own money and do with it as I please. I am quite sure that at some point while talking with my sister, she warned her to never be dependent on a man for survival.

Her attitude is the opinion of most modern women in today's world, who have no desire to harken back to the days of June Cleaver who was always elegantly dressed and coiffed just to cook breakfast and wash dishes. But most women have never had the opportunity to play June, particularly women of color, so I know that this notion of housewifery is completely alien to my black, brown, and yellow sisters. They may dream about it, but I know my fellow colored brothers and we are just not going for that my sisters. If you got 2 legs, 2 arms, 2 eyes, 2 hands, 2 feet....if you got 2 of anything, you need to be bringing some money into the house. Our mothers raised children and worked jobs, you can do the same.

A woman who works and brings in a paycheck is actually setting herself up for security in the future. How many older women are living in poverty because they trusted a man to love and support "'til death do us part." only to be disillusioned when they are served with divorce papers and left with absolutely nothing. They are left with no marketable skills, no education or irrelevant education, and are barely surviving. The choice to stay at home and raise your kids is an individual family choice, but women need to recognize that it comes with potential perils.

The big picture in all of this is the fact that Mitt Romney wishes to cut support programs that will have a drastic and negative impact on women. The picture is much bigger than Ann and her so-called, "work," because she will never, ever have to rely on social programs for survival. It's about women being financially independent, and able to have proper health care, food, and educational opportunities for themselves and their children. Staying at home and raising children and waiting for "man-support" every two weeks, puts you at great risk. Is that a gamble that women should take? I say, NO!!!

Well, it's time for the Colored Man to go. I have some work to do, and I need to do some reading on re-incarnation. Do you think I should come back as a brunette or blonde? I am thinking blonde like Anne Romney, as she seems to live the glamorous life!!!

....And The 2012 Pulitzer-Prize for Fiction...Goes To......

2012-04-01T21:25:00.000-04:00

The Colored Man is no writer. I just pretend to be one. I will never win any prizes. It seems that I am not capable of creating chapter after chapter of words, that when put together create a cohesive body of written entertainment. But who knows, they say that everyone has a great novel in them, so maybe I do as well.

In order to be a great writer, one must have a vivid imagination, and be able to convince people that your fictional account is actually something that they should read and imagine that it just could possibly be a true story. The characters that the authors create are interesting, intriguing, and bring a new viewpoint to the reader. The written word creates a visual for the reader and carries the reader's imagination away from their everyday lives. The story can be completely created in the writers mind, or as E. L. Doctorow styles his writing, created based upon fiction and non-fiction; a combination of actual people, places, and events, stirred together with imaginary occurrences.

There have been some great writers of fiction throughout history, names such as, Morrison, Baldwin, Dumas, Wilde, Wharton and a host of others easily come to mind. The latest to join the pantheon of great fiction writers is George Zimmerman, who has created a fantastical tale of mythic proportion, and international notoriety.

Mr. Zimmerman comes to the world of fiction by way of "murder most foul" to coin a phrase penned by Agatha Christie. As the main character in his own tale of flasehoods, Mr. Zimmerman has penned an unbelievable saga that started on a dark, rainy Florida evening. His story pits him against a young, black teenager, named Trayvon Martin. Mr. Zimmerman was armed with a gun, while performing his duties as a Barney Fife-esque neighborhood watch commando. Mr. Martin, was armed with a bag of Skittles, and an Arizona ice-tea. The evening ends with Mr. Martin shot in the chest and dead, with Mr. Zimmerman claiming self-defense.

As with any great piece of fiction, all of the action happens between the first and last pages, and this story is no different, except that the main character and his words and actions don't create a cohesive story. Alot has been deliberately left out of the story, so as to confuse the reader and give one a false sense of great honesty.

Mr. Zimmerman would want us to believe that an unarmed teenager who weighed about 150lbs, was able to knock his muscular, slightly pumped-up body to the ground, pin him down, punch him repeatedly in the face, and bash his head against a cement sidewalk. Hours later when Mr. Zimmerman exits the polie car quite easily, the cameras show not a trace of any type of trauma to his face or his head. As a matter of fact, his clothes don't even appear to be disheveled in the least bit. He's talking and acting quite confident after murdering someone' child.

Dear readers, please do not take the Colored Man's word....I want each of you to find someone who will aggressively and viciously throw you to the ground, punch you in the face, and bash your head onto the sidewalk. I guarantee you that you will have blood everywhere. In fact, if you don't have any bruises or a possible headache, or black eyes, or blood on your clothes, then send me a picture and I will send you a grand prize of nothing. Nothing, because you would be telling a damn lie, and I am not rewarding liars.

Most characters have a sidekick. D'Artagnan had Aramis and Pathos. Scarlett had Mammy. Silas Marner had Eppie. George Zimmerman had the Sanford Police Department. Sidekicks are the ones who aide and abet the main character. Sometimes they are the protagonists, while other times they provide insight into the story. Now the Sanford Police Department is very important to Mr. Zimmerman's story in that they seemed to have automatically believed his story from start to finish. We subsequently find out after reading a few more chapters, that Mr. Martin's body was tested for drugs and alcohol, while Mr. Zimmerman was allowed to return home without so much as a urine test.

All great writers do research before they write. Even the lowly Colored Man does research before he quotes information in his blog. I do it because I want to make sure that what I am asking you to read is factual, and research based. Mr. Zimmerman did no research, and it is evident because his fairy-tale is slowly unraveling. Since he was negligent in covering his lies, he didn't know that the voices on the tape could be analyzed. Remember he told us to believe that it was him yelling for help in the 911 call. Well guess what, folks? Independent voice-analysts have confirmed with over 90% accuracy that the voice screaming for help is not George Zimmerman. Also remember, that according to his story, there were only two people at the altercation, himself and Trayvon. So, whose voice is it yelling for help? The analysts have said that at the present time they cannot say that it was Trayvon, only because they do not have a sample of his voice. But the Colored Man would bet money that his mother still has his cellphone with his voice saying hello, leave a message, and it will be compared to the voice on the tape. It seems that perhaps that chapter of this story will need the editor's red pen!!

Mr. Martin has given us an unfinished novel, so he has asked others to finish it for him, and they seem to be on the same path of dishonesty that he is on. His brother can't explain the blatantly racist sotto voce "f....ing coon" statement heard on the 911 tape, except to say that perhaps the tape was doctored by the media. His father relates, "oh no, George can't be racist, he was raised in a multi-cultural house, and he's white Hispanic". Notice how the Hispanic part is qualified as being white, rather than just Hispanic? Interesting. The right-wing media has taken up his cause with their usual veiled racism, even though this story is so much bigger than race. Others have attempted to blame the victim, "he shouldn't have been wearing a hoodie."

If there are any high-points to this story, they would be that it has opened up dialogue on so many issues that affect America; gun control, laws enacted based upon the "stand your ground doctrine", racial profiling, law-enforcement collusion and ineptitude, and citizen activism.

What ever happens with Mr. Zimmerman, one thing we can all count on is that he will not win the Pulitzer Prize for Fiction. But the Colored Man believes that he will win an award, and that award will be....(drum roll, please) .................

Florida's Best White-Hispanic Prison Bitch for 2012 and many years to follow.

Dear Mom and Dad........Love, Trayvon

2012-03-21T19:36:00.000-04:00

Dear Mom and Dad,
I am no longer with you, and I miss you all so much. I know you know what happened to me...I was murdered by someone who mistook me for a thug. He didn't realize that you all had raised me to be an honest young man, who loved his family and God. He couldn't have known that I was an A and B student in school. That I had dreams and goals. He didn't know me, so he had no idea that I loved football, baseball, basketball, horseback riding, math, and science. I loved hanging out with my family and friends, listening to music and talking for hours on the phone with my girlfriend.

I was walking back from the store and was talking on the phone. I had a feeling that this man was following me, so I slowed down a little bit, and he slowed down. I got a little scared, but I didn't want to run because I thought that running would only make him follow me more. So, I started walking faster, and he eventually caught up with me. I turned around, and asked him why was he following me. He asked me what was I doing here? I said that I am going home, and then he reached for me and grabbed me. I swing away from him, and started yelling for help, hoping and praying that someone would hear me, and come out and get me away from this crazy man. He pulled out a gun, and shot me. No one came to my aid.

When the bullet hit me, it felt like a truck had hit me while going about 100 miles per hour. I could feel my chest exploding, and felt my blood oozing. I tried to breathe, but I just couldn't seem to catch my breath. Eventually nothing came out...and my eyes rolled back into my head, and I remember falling. But I didn't hit the hard ground.

Mommy and Dad, there were angels all around me in beautiful, pure white robes. They slowly lifted me and I began to feel as if my inner core, my soul was rising up with them. They were singing this beautiful song that could have only come from some celestial place. Some place of perfect peace. All my pain and hurt disappeared. I am in Heaven now.

Mom, I see you every night crying when you lay down to go to sleep. I see you too, Dad. Don't cry for me, I am doing fine. Heaven is a wonderful place, and everyday is a day of joy and happiness. I know that you and everybody misses me, but I will see you all one day. I am counting on it. I know that you all wanted to see me graduate from high school and college, and get married. I wanted that too. I wanted to go to the prom this year. I wanted to play on the football team at school. I wanted so much, but God wanted me too.

I do have some requests of you all and everyone who reads this letter that I am writing to you. Please, please, please do not let what happened to me, happen to any other 17 year-old African-American male. In fact, don't let this happen to anyone. Create a movement that will make people not judge us by the color of our skin. Create a movement that will cause our nation to look at how they treat people. Create a love movement. Create a justice movement. Create something that makes people remember me forever and a day. My life may have been short, but make it stand for something.

I love you Mom and Dad, and thank you for everything. Remember my smile, remember my laugh, remember me as your loving son. I may be gone, but my spirit is with you.

Love,

Trayvon

The Proust Questionnaire: Rick Santorum

2012-02-27T00:07:00.000-05:00

The Proust Questionnaire is a monthly feature in the magazine Vanity Fair. So, for this posting, the Colored Man decided to interview Rick Santorum and get his answers to a few Proust questions. Now I must admit that Mr. Santorum's response to all of my questions was, "no comment" so I was forced to provide answers that I thought he might give to the questions. So here goes.

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
Fooling my fellow Republican voters, and making them think that Americans will vote for my crazy ass to be president. That, and being everyone's God and morality dictator.
What is your greatest fear?
Having to relinquish the key to my daughters chastity belts when they get married.
Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Well, Colored Man, I can't just chose just one, so I have a few. Hitler, because he was crazier than I will ever be allowed to be. Sadaam Hussein, because he killed all of the infidels, which is something that I would like to do here in America, and finally, anyone who didn't go to college, because college brainwashes students.
What is your greatest extravagance?
Purchasing birth control pills for my wife, since she has a medical condition and needs them for her health. But I do use my health insurance to cut down on the cost.
What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
Talking incessantly and not knowing when to shut-up. I usually just can't answer a question with a simple response. I have a tendency ro go on and on, and really express my true feelings and beliefs, which makes me look ignorant. America has a president whose theology is devilish, and colleges brain- wash students, and sometimes you have to go along with the team, even when you don't agree. I don't know why i wear sweater-vests, but they make me look sexy. Speaking of sex, people should only have sex when they want to have a baby. People should home-school their children. My grandfather was a coal miner, so I am a coal miner's son. Believe it or not, I went to law school. And black people shouldn't be on food stamps. I am like Mitt Romney, I believe that corporations are people, and I don't care about the poor either. See how I just go on and on.
What do you consider the most overrated virtue?
Having an open mind.
On what occasion do you lie?
Whenever I am talking about President Barack Obama.
What is your greatest regret?
That I allowed Dan Savage to define my name, before I had a chance to define it. You can visit http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/ to read how he defines me. He is actually not very far off the mark to be honest.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
Anyone who wants their country back.
Which talent would you most like to have?
The talent to lead this country as president.
What is your current state of mind?
Crazy, neurotic, psychotic....definitely in need of some medication. Can birth control pills help me?
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
Well, my wife and I have perfected the "rhythm" method pretty well, which is why we have seven children, and my wife had her last child at age 48. Your rhythm gets better as you get older. I know first-hand that birth control should be illegal. Not getting pregnant is all about the rhythm and women keeping an aspirin between their knees.
What is your most treasured possession?
The keys to my daughters chastity belts.
What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
I can only imagine that it will be on January 21, 2013, as I sit at home and watch President Obama being inagurated for a second term. The world will be safe for four more years.
Where would you like to live?
Now Colored Man, that is a silly question. You know where I would like to live, 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Northwest, Washington, DC. We all have dreams, right? Do you know any genie's that grant wishes?
What is your favorite occupation?
Being the stuff that Dan Savage said I was. That, and being a world-class fool.
What is your most marked characteristic?
My pearly-white teeth.
Who are your favorite writers?
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. The only book that I have read since law school, is the Bible. All other books were written by unholy people, who are a bunch of devils.
Who are your heroes in real life?
My 3-year old daughter, Isabella, who has Edwards Syndrome, a genetic disorder that gives her about a 10% life span after one year. When the doctors told my wife and I that our fetus had some serious problems that would be life-threatening, we chose to continue on with the pregnancy, rather then sit down like millions of American parents do everyday and make a private decision to abort the fetus. Instead we went ahead and gave birth to a child who doesn't live the most optimal level of life. What else could we do? We don't believe in abortion even in the case of rape and incest.
What are your favorite names?
Barack, Michelle, Malia, and Sasha. Oh, I almost forgot one....Bo.
If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
A piece of toilet paper or tissue that would be used to clean up santorum.
What is your motto?
I got rhythm, I got rhythm, I got rhythm, who could ask for anything more.

The Show-Horse That Refuses To Jump

2012-02-20T00:19:00.000-05:00

The Colored Man is one of those people who likes all kinds of different and unusual sporting events. I watched all of the recent Australian Open, and will watch all of the other tennis Grand Slams that come on television. Last week I watched an indoor track and field event. But I really wish that the television folks would show more equestrian events-jumping, dressage, eventing.

The Colored Man has always wanted to learn how to ride a horse, and go on a fox hunt, or jump some fences, or something. For many years I worked with kids who rode horses, some English-style, and others Western-style, and I always seemed to enjoy the English more. I think it was the refinement and the clothes - tweed hunt-jackets and breeches, riding boots, gloves, and the handy riding crop in hand.

Horse-riding can be a dangerous sport, particularly jumping. Remember, a spill while jumping is what landed Christopher Reeves in a wheelchair. Now I am unsure if the horse refused to take the jump, which in horse language, is considered a balk, or whether Mr. Reeves simply lost his control of the horse and his seating and flew off the horse. I am equally unsure why the horse balked at the jump. Could it have been the color of the fencing, or maybe it was the unseen water on the other side of the jump. Maybe Mr. Reeves needed to crack his crop on the horse's rump, and let the horse know that we are fully committed to this jump. There is no turning back. No funny business. Whatever the reason, Superman never rode a horse again.

Many of us are like show-horses. We've been primped and primed for performance, but when it comes time to jump the fence, we balk. We balk at anything that takes us out of our comfort zones, that asks us to jump to an unknown landing. Show-jumping is alot like life. There are patterns that must be maintained, things must be completed in a timely manner, you have to listen and take directions, sometimes you have to lead, but most of all you have to be fearless.

Just like horses, some of us need to be in a constant state of tranquilization, as we feel it makes us perform better. You also have the Olympic-level show-horse that feels it's important to always be seen and heard. Least we forget that there is the horse that refuses to go into a traveling trailer; this is the horse that refuses to travel to other pastures and taste a different grass, sugar cube or carrot.

Horses are considered smart animals, just like us. But, occasionally you have the one-trick pony. The one-trick pony is like some of us who refuse to read, watch anything educational on television, is adverse to the arts, music, culture or anything that will bring knowledge to us, and give us inspiration to jump the fence. Some of us are afraid of being the only show-horse in a pasture of nags, therefore, we don't do things in life because we are afraid of being lonely, and standing out in the crowd.

The bronco-type horse is the horse that is constantly fighting and complaining, hating life, and never, ever happy. Another type of horse is the selfish horse, who balks at sharing their gifts with others-If you ain't beggin', they ain't givin'. One final horse is the my-shit-don't-stink horse - this is the horse who thinks that they are God's gift to mankind, womankind and the horse world.

The Colored Man recognizes himself in several of these show-horses, but one thing that I can tell you is that I don't balk when it comes to a jump. I am all about standing out in a crowd, being the only one in the group, jumping into unknown pastures and tasting life. I approach the obstacle and do my best to sail through and land upright. There have been times that I have jumped and had to stop in mid-air, and times that I have jumped and then wished that I hadn't.

Be warned!!! The Colored Man is ready for the show ring. I am ready for a good dressage competition - LIFE!!!, and I don't need to be whacked with the riding crop to get going. Are you ready?

Tally-Ho!!!!

Liar, Liar, Jan Brewer is on Fire!!!

2012-02-01T19:16:00.000-05:00

I know!, I know!!, I know!!!! The Colored Man has been absent for awhile and you all have missed him. And guess what? I have missed you all too. But I have really been focusing on work, and really haven't had anything to write about. That is until I saw the picture of Jan Brewer, the governor of Arizona, pointing her bony-ass finger into the face of President Obama.

Ms. Brewer arrived at the tarmac in Arizona on a mission to supposedly welcome the President to her state, but in actually she arrived looking for a fight, because in her hand was a hand-addressed letter to the President. I don't know what exactly was written in the letter, but knowing Ms. Brewer from her past, it was probably filled with her diatribe about immigration and undocumented residents in Arizona. The boney-fingered Nazi attempted to "play" the President in a public manner before cameras and media outlets, and ended up pointing her finger in the President's face. Of course the next day, she retreated to the old "black men scare me" mentality and claimed that she felt intimitated by the President, and was afraid of what he might do. In actuality the President should have stuffed her finger down her throat and chocked that heifer. But the Colored Man has a little street in him, while the President is pure 100% class and sophistication.

Why is it that our European-American sisters and brothers are always afraid of men of color? I can't tell you the number of times that I have walked into an office building or a school for a meeting, and had the troops come out from all directions to ask what I wanted. I mean, they will come out of their offices and be waiting to greet me at the door, before I even make it to the secretary or receptionist. Oh, and what really gets me, is when I am in the supermarket walking down an aisle, and there are some little European kids in the aisle. Their mother's will look up, and see me, and immediately tell their little babies to come here. I get so tired of my fellow American's staring, and clutching when I walk into a room. It has gotten to the point, that my response depends on their attitudes towards me....if it is funky, then mine is even funkier, and I have noticed that when you get a little assertive with their asses, they have a tendency to change their attitudes and aggressive behavior rather quickly.

Now back to Ms. Brewer....she is just the latest racist who deems it her obligated duty to be disrespectful to the President. Whether it's yelling "you lie" during the State of The Union address, or rejecting an invitation to dinner at the White House, or, speaking meanfully about the First Lady and the First Daughters, or consistently referring to him as Obama versus President Obama, or calling him the "food-stamp President," or painting a crayola picture of him as "un-American, socialist, Muslim, aloof, not an American citizen.... it's never-ending the disrespect that this president has had to endure, and it is time for it to stop. You may not like President Obama, but the office that he holds deserves the upmost respect from one and all. But then again, this is our first black president, and some people refuse to accept the fact that he is the most powerful man in the world. Yes, a black man who is the most powerful man in the world!!!!!!!!! Yes, a black man who is a graduate of one of the most prestigious law schools in the world, Harvard, and who was elected president of the Harvard Law Review. Yes, a black man who eats, sleeps and sits in a house that was built by slave labor, and hosts dignitaries from around the world in the Oval Office.

A week later, Ms. Brewer has changed her story, but only after much condemnation and the fact that the two Republican mayors who accompanied her, did not support her story, or rather her lie. Now she claims the she wanted to discuss Arizona's economic uptick, while the President wanted to talk about the book that she wrote. Trust me, the President is not concerned about her piece of nothing-ness, the she supposedly wrote.

But it seems that Arizona's home-dyed blonde governor, has a taste for lying. Her lastest is that her father died in WWII, when in fact, he died 10 years ago from cancer. Further, she told one story to the press about her meeting with the President last year at the White House, but tells a completely different story in her book. The lesson here is that if she would lie about her father, then you know she will lie about President Obama.

And one more thing....Mitt Romney has a law degree, and Newt Gingrich has a Ph.d, but no one has asked to see their grades, while President Obama is constantly berated for not releasing his grade reports. Oh, but I forgot, Newt and Mitt are white men who have carte blanche - anything and everything that they do and say is accepted as gospel, while President Obama, a man of color, has to constantly prove, re-prove, and be approved.

The only advice that the Colored Man can give anybody is to stand up for yourself, and show them some teeth as my friend JB always says. Just as importantly, is start to use your economic power to let people know who is in charge, which means NO vacations in Arizona. Finally and most importantly, vote in November.

It also might be a good idea to carry a bucket of water, just in case you need to put out the fire of some liar.

Pots and Pages

2011-10-26T08:01:00.000-04:00

Well folks, Fall is just about here. Here in The Dirty Nati, evenings are getting really cool and chilly. It's time for some heat! Of course, you all know the Colored Man, and I am thinking about good comforting stews and soups, and some pages to turn in a book or two.

As far as the soup is concerned, I have a recipe for a Columbian soup called puchero, featuring spare ribs, beef brisket, chicken and cassava. I have never eaten the South American and African staple cassava, but this is definitely one recipe that I will be preparing some weekend as the months get even colder. Since we all will be spending alot of time indoors watching cable and reading, I thought that I would share with you some books that I think will keep you quite occupied during the upcoming cold season, just as they have keep me entertained in the past few months.

The first book that I am recommending is entitled, Wench, and written by Dolen Perkins-Valdez. I recently met Mrs. Valdez at a book fair, and asked her what inspired her to write the book. She explained that she was reading an autobiography about W.E.B. Dubois, and there was a sentence about a summer resort in Ohio, named Tawawa House, where Southern plantation owners brought there female slaves for vacation. This sparked her interest and she began researching. What I really like about this book is the fact that it provides new information about something that I never even imagined happened.
At times, both brutal and chilling to read, Ms.Valdez steadily delivers a powerful punch in her first book, that is soon destined for the big screen. A Must Read.

Ms. Valdez, at the Cincinnati By the Banks Book Fair

My next selection, is The Warmth of Other Suns: The Epic Story of America's Great Migration, written by Pulitzer-prize winning writer, Isabel Wilkerson. I cannot praise this book enough. Ms. Wilkerson has written a scholarly tome that focuses on the migration of African-Americans from the South to the North from 1915 to 1970. The Colored Man finds it very engaging that Ms. Wilkerson interviewed over 1,200 subjects for the book, and narrowed her story down to three individuals - Robert Joseph Pershing Foster, who migrated to California, and became the physician to the entertainer, Ray Charles; George Swanson Starling, who migrated to New York and became disillusioned when his children became trapped in the vices of the big city, despite the hardships and sacrifices that he had endured; and finally, Ida Mae Gladney, who migrated to Chicago, and remembered meeting Barack Obama when he was running to become her district representative in the Illinois state senate. This is a book that mixes real-life struggles and courage, along with historical documentation. Many of us can relate to the migration saga within our own families, and this book deserves your time and attention. The Colored Man would not lead you astray. Trust me.

If you can't tell by now, the Colored Man reads quite alot. This is something that I have done my entire life. I mainly read American authors, and only recently started reading books by authors of different cultures. With that said, I am not into romance-type books, but the next book is kinda "romancy", but also has a good story. The book is entitled, Conquistadora, and written by Esmeralda Santiago, a writer of Puerto Rican heritage. The novel is set in the mid-1800's, and is the story of a young Spanish girl, Ana Larragoity Cubillas, who dreams of traveling to Puerto Rico and owning a sugar plantation. She gets her wish, but you know the old saying, "be careful what you wish for." According to the author, this is just the beginning of what will be a trilogy of books about the conquistadora, Ana.

My final recommendation to keep you toasty this winter, is entitled, Slavery by Another Name:The Re-Enslavement of Black Americans from the Civil War to World War II, written by Douglas A. Blackmon, a prize-winning writer for the Wall Street Journal, and author of several critically-acclaimed books. Mr. Blackmon weaves a historical tome that focuses on Black men being rounded up from the roads and settlements in the South, and being placed in modern-day concentration camps to provide labor to plantations and companies throughout the South. This was a predicament that not only befell many men, but also quite a number of women, who were forced to work as cooks, laundresses, and sex slaves at the various camps located in the South. This type of slave labor was used to make the bricks that were used on the streets and sidewalks of Atlanta, mined natural resources for Alcoa, and helped several insurance companies become the business giants that they are today. Two adjectives can accurately describe this book - Enlightening and Maddening.

Well there you have it, Ladies and Gentlemen, about 3,000 pages of various words put together to create a story, or share some history. These are the books that the Colored Man is recommending for the upcoming frigid days and nights. I have provided the entertaining, exciting reading material, now the succulent, lip-smacking stews are up to you to come up with.

Slick Rick Meets The Rock

2011-10-09T19:58:00.000-04:00

Recently, the Colored Man had to go to Chicago for job training along with two of my co-workers, one White, and one African-American. My white co-worker drove, which meant that he had a certain control over how fast we got there, as well as what music we listened to while on the trip. It was a beautiful day to travel, so I got in the back seat and enjoyed the ride. I knew that my younger colleagues musical tastes were not exactly the same as the Colored Man's, but hey, I like all types of music and figured that the entertainment would not be that bad.

One of the modern miracles in today's cars is satellite radio. Satellite radio allows you the opportunity to listen to whatever genre or news program that you find enlightening during your travels. I feel in deep-like with satellite when I had a rental car after some lady back into my vehicle and tore the door and side-mirror off. I was able to begin watching my favorite morning show while getting dressed and then get into the car and continue to listen to it while driving to work.

As I stated earlier, my co-workers are younger than me and probably don't have the life experiences that I do, so it was no surprise that they chose to listen to gangsta' rap while riding along. I listened for quite some time, until finally I had had enough of the bitches, ho's, and nigga's, and told me that it was time to change the station to something else. They changed it, but only to more rap, but this time to old-school rap which the Colored Man can handle a little bit better.

It wasn't so much the rap music that did it in for me, it was really the fact that I just could not bear to be in a situation with a white person, and listening to words that denegrate me, my family, my friends and my neighbors. It just didn't sit right with me, and I had to say something. You could say that I was somewhat between a rock and a hard place, because my co-worker could have very easily have told me that it was his car and that he could listen to any type of music that he chose to.

Rick Perry, the delusional governor of Texas has found himself between a rock and a hard place as well. His situation concerns an actual rock that announced the name of his family's hunting lodge at the entrance to the compound. The name of the compound is Niggerhead.

Now at first thought the Colored Man was surprised that anyone would have this type of language so blatantly visible for all of the world to see. But then, I began to do some research and found that there are over 750 names on geographical locations across America that use some variation of the word negro. Some are based on the Spanish word for black, and not necessarily racist, while the majority are a derivation of Mr. Perry's rock.

In 1963 the Federal Government mandated that the offensive term be replaced with "Negro" which was the term used to identify African-Americans at that time. The only other time that the government has stepped in was to mandate that the word "Jap" be removed and replaced with "Japanese."

America's love-affair with derogatory names and images is long-standing. Just picture Uncle Ben, Aunt Jemima, The Washington Redskins, The Cleveland Browns.

Now why would Mr. Perry associate himself with someplace that brazenly flaunts its' racist intentions? Probably because he is an unabashed fool. He proclaims his foolery from the hallowed halls of academia, telling students at Yale, that he was proud of the dismal grades that he received while in college. He further let them in on his foolishness by telling them he even got a D in a physical education class.

Secondly, and probably most important in this examination of Perry's actions, is that he is a racist. He attempts to portray himself as the enlightened tough-love governor, who is able to present himself as a home-spun local-yocal, but deep-down Mr. Perry holds the sentiments of his many tea bag followers. The only real difference between the two is that Mr. Perry attended college, and they barely made it out of high school. Deep down inside, Perry secretly claps and jumps for joy, whenever his friends hoist signs with deragatory images of President Obama. He talks a good game about immigration, but he really views Hispanics only as maids and lawn company employees, and not as equals.

Unlike the Colored Man who was able to extract himself from between the rock and hard place that he found himself in, Mr. Perry has chosen to ignore his situation as if it doesn't matter. He thinks that he is the slickest guy on the podium, and will be able to easily slide from between these two hard spots. But that is not the case, particularly when you aspire to the most powerful position in the world, President of The United States.

The position of President takes forethought, vision, emphathy, negotiation skills, scholarship, leadership. Mr. Perry lacks all of these necessary skills, for if he had them he would have used them all, the moment he arrive at the hunting lodge and saw that despicable rock. What was he thinking? What messages has he taught his children? Only a fool ignores the obvious, and repeats the same mistake year after year, drive-by and drive-by.

Something tells the Colored Man that this stone is gathering a lot of moss as it begins its' roll down the hill. Don't be surprised to see pictures of Perry smiling proudly beside the rock. As we well know from watching previous fools, they always seem to have a penchant for documenting their foolery, and Perry is a first-rate, top-draw fool.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock.........Next!!!!!!

2011-09-21T19:26:00.001-04:00

7:00p.m. - Scheduled time for Troy Davis' execution by lethal injection

America has long had a love-affair with violence and killing.

America has long had a love-affair with violence and killing towards men of color.

America has long had a love-affair with violence and killing towards men of color throughout history, and in 2011 the historical legacy continues.

Troy Davis is awaiting his execution for the murder of a Georgia police officer 20 years ago. But like so many other men of color, it appears that Mr. Davis is innocent of the crime, but may still have to pay the ultimate price. Death.

There was a period in American history where lynchings of black men were considered a time for a family retreat, complete with picnic baskets filled with fried chicken and cold ham sandwiches. Young white children were hoisted upon their father's shoulders to witness the brutality with a better view. People danced and shouted vulgarities as if they were at a football game. These lynchings could occur just because a black man did not step off the sidewalk as a white person approached them. It would definitely occur if some supposed infraction involved a delicate white Southern belle.

7:53p.m. - Mr. Davis' case has been sent to the United States Supreme Court for a Stay of Execution

Last week during the Republican presidential candidates debate, a overall majority white audience enthusiatiscally applauded when Rick Perry was questioned about the state of Texas' death penalty record, and if he had any problems with possibly putting an innocent man to death.

I had no idea that lynchings were such fodder for public joy until a friend took me to an artists' home, whose work she felt that I would enjoy. While perusing his beautiful canvases, I happened to view some photos of lynchings. I inquired about them, and he told me that they were postcards that were quite popular at one time in America, and that he collected them. I found it very interesting that anyone would want to send a picture of someone mutilated and dead to someone else. Well, the postcards are no longer in vogue, but the killing of black men is still quite the sport.

8:58p.m. - Mr. Davis still awaits his fate

Since 1976, Texas has executed 474 people, followed by Virginia at 109. Across the country, 439 blacks have been executed, while 711 whites have been executed. Sixteen white defendants have been executed when the victims have been black. 253 blacks have been executed when the victims have been white. The disparity of the latter statistic could cause one to ask themselves "is taking a black life less worthy of punishment than taking a white life?" 85 people have been released from death-row after being found not guilty.

Two executions were scheduled for today, and 1is scheduled for tomorrow, September 22nd.

Ten executions were scheduled for the month of September, and 4 of the men were African-American. Four white men had their executions stayed, while only 2 men of color had their executions stayed.

In many ways a black life has always been worth less than a white life. History speaks for itself. We have been chained, whipped, shackled, beaten, raped, molested, attacked by dogs, spit upon, kicked, treated as second-class citizens. Alot of this happened before the Civil Rights movement which ended the brutalization of black people for the most part, but now they rely on the legal system to dole out death sentences, heavy-handed punishments, and unfair sentences.

In the Troy Davis case, witnesses have recanted statements, there is no DNA evidence linking him to the crime, the district attorney took all of the witnesses to the crime scene and let them figure out amongst themselves where each person was standing and what happened, and the shenanigans continue.

The Colored Man is somewhat ambivalent about the death penalty. I feel that at times it is justified, but ONLY when it has been reached based on fully accountable evidence, and ONLY after all means to exonerate a person have been pursued. The making up of stuff, intimidating witnesses, and twisting and withholding evidence just does not fly with me, which is why I am a strong supporter of groups like The Innocence Project, founded by Barry Scheck, famous for his DNA expertise during the OJ Simpson trial.

9:35p.m. - The waiting continues

I can only imagine what must be going through Mr. Davis' mind right about now. It's nightmarish - the waiting, the anticipation....is he counting every breath, is his heart racing at breath-taking speed? Is he calm? Are childhood memories streaming through his mind, or is he too distraught to really think about anything coherent? How many times has he wished he could turn back the hands of time, and start all over again? Does he wish that his mother could hold his face in her calloused hands one more second? Would the kiss of a soft pair of lips calm him, and take him to another place and time, to that Eden of momentary peace and serenity? If he is executed, has he thought about his last words?

Mr. Davis is facing the fate that too many black men in America have faced, either through the justice system or vigilantes. The time has come to end this barbarism in the land of freedom, justice and equality. It's time to stop railroading innocent men to the death chamber. It is un-American and the Colored Man must speak out loud and proud. In fact, all of us should have had enough of the killing.

Oh, and by the way, all of those people who were outside the courtroom protesting the Casey Anthony verdict, where are they now? Justice is justice, or does it depend on person who needs to be defended?

10:21p.m. - The Supreme Court rejects the Stay of Execution

10:53p.m. - The execution process begins

10:58p.m. - Conciousness check

11:12p.m. - Announced that Troy Davis was pronounced dead at 11:08p.m.

Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock,Tick-Tock

May God have mercy on your souls, May God bless your souls - Troy Davis' last words

Primetime Slavery

2011-03-27T19:57:00.000-04:00

First the Colored Man must apologize to one and all for not keeping up with my posts during the past few months. But things have really been hectic, with a new job and responsibilities and travel. So please bear with me....I promise to improve over the upcoming months. Now on to business......

It seems that everyone is enthralled with college basketball these past few weeks. Many offices have betting pools, and even President Obama has gotten into the action with his own brackets of winners and losers. Personally, the Colored Man is not really a fan of college sports. If I watch a game, it's usually the last 5-10 minutes of the game, but I must admit, that some of the games can be extremely exciting towards the end. The players are really pumped and the fans are excited beyond what you might experience at a professional basketball game. But, the Colored Man will stick with his Boston Celtics!!!!!!and Washington Redskins!!!(by the way, I also have a problem with mascot names such as Redskins, Braves, Indians, etc.)

I have a problem with the atmosphere of football and basketball, whether they be collegiate or professional level games. It seems to me that each has a plantation mentality to them. You have a majority of players who are of color, but most of the coaches, at least the head coaches are not of color. Then you have the bouncy cheerleaders, the Ms. Scarlet's of the plantation cheering the "bucks" from the sidelines. In professional sports, the players are not allowed to fraternize with the cheerleaders. But at least the professional athletes are being paid, and being paid well. Collegiate athletes don't get paid, but they supposedly attain a college degree through their athleticism, which paves the road to middle-class success.

Many of the universities whose teams play at the level of NCAA championships are sitting on billion-dollar endowments, and pay their coaches millions of dollars in salaries and bonuses. They are able to pay them that type of money due to television fees, merchandise sales, tickets prices, and a plethora of other financial schemes too many to mention. On the other hand, college professors don't make a tenth of what the coaches make, and don't have the seemingly endless list of assistants to help them. But college professors work to graduate students, while it would seem that sports coaches work to win games, not necessarily to produce college graduates.

If you visit http://www.ncaa.org/ you will find an interesting piece of research information that was released in 2010. Based upon this research the Graduation Success Rate (GSR) for Division I students in the years 2000-2003 for Men's Basketball was 65%. African-American males had a GSR of 60%. Overall in 2003, only 64% of all men's basketball players graduated from their respective colleges. From 1995 - 2003 the graduation for basketball improved by almost 11%.

As of this past Tuesday, everyone knew who would be in the round of Sweet Sixteen. But the Colored Man is confident that not too many people paid any attention to their graduation rates. If the basketball teams were seeded based on graduation rates, then the complete seeding would be (team's overall GSR is in parentheses after the school's name):

Men's
BYU (100%)
Marquette (91%)
North Carolina (88%)
(tie) Butler (83%)
(tie) Richmond (83%)
(tie) Duke (83%)
Kansas (80%)
Florida State (73%)
Wisconsin (70%)
Ohio State (64%)
San Diego State (58%)
VCU(56%)
(tie) Kentucky (44%)
(tie) Florida (44%)
UConn (31%)
Arizona (20%)

For rates on the women's teams, please visit http://www.tidesport.org/

As I am writing this post, UNC and Kentucky are playing. Each team has 4 African-American players on the court playing. Based on statistics, Kentucky will only graduate 2 players, while UNC will graduate about 4 players. But remember, African-American players have a 60% graduation rate, so really the rate for them is less than their white teammates. These numbers are dismal and pathetic, which is why the Colored Man is in favor of these college players being paid for their athletic prowess.

Universities are making too much damn money not to set up trust funds or retirement accounts for these players, so that when they are academically dismissed from these various universities after four years of player eligibility, they at least have something to show for all of their blood, sweat, and tears, besides memories and tee-shirts. As I stated earlier, this is a plantation system, based upon free labor put high output, which equals high financial gain for the plantation owner. Many of these athletes would not even be at their respective universities were it not for their skill on the court, because academically they are not prepared to attend these institutions of higher learning, which leads to a discussion about unequal educational opportunities in America. Add to that the pressure of sports at this level, and you have a match that is geared towards the student athlete losing. Forget about the pros, because less than 5% will even get a tryout, let alone actually become a team member.

So, over the next few days as you yell and scream for your favorite team and check out your brackets and dream of how you are going to spend your pool winnings, think about the bigger situation of students earning money for colleges and not leaving the schools with degrees in hand, and no viable future career path. Ask yourself what is more important; dribbling a basketball or having a college degree? I am sure that you will agree with the Colored Man....it's better to have a college degree and be able to earn a good living and own a plantation, rather than to work for free on one.

TMI

2011-03-06T23:21:00.000-05:00

The Colored Man has to confess that I am the biggest fan of reality television. Just about all of the Real Housewives http://www.bravotv.com/, particularly Atlanta and New York. Million Dollar Listings, The Matchmaker, Tabitha's Salon Treatment, and the list goes on and on. I guess it's the voyeur in me that causes me to be glued to the television when this silly mess is playing. I love Phaedra Parks from Real Housewives of Atlanta. The Colored Man loves a woman who is smart, intelligent, has a Southern upbringing, and has no shame telling the world that she loves an ex-con named Apollo. The majority of the people on any of the reality shows really have nothing to offer other than expensive shopping habits, potty mouths, public fights, plastic surgery, and alot of ego.

The Basketball Wives on VH1http://www.vh1.com/, seems to offer the opportunity to view women whose proud claim to fame is making the rounds with pro basketball players. None of them really work, but always have time for lunch, drinks, and public fights.

The one show that I am a bit envious of is, Millon Dollar Listings. Those boys are making serious money selling bricks, and the Colored Man ain't mad at 'em.

It seems that I am not the only one who is addicted to this dribble. Bravo Television has made a franchise out of the Real Housewives shows, with New Jersey, Orange County, Beverly Hills, New York, Atlanta, and now Miami, each offering pretty much the same scenario, just in different locations. It seems that these rich and wanna-be rich women have no problem exposing every little sordid detail of their lives with people like you and I. Too much information is an understatement.

There are no boundaries that have not been filmed on any of these particular shows or any of the other 1,001 reality television shows that proliferate on cable television. But it is not just television that offers the voyeur like myself the opportunity to peek into other worlds. Facebook, YouTube, XTube and the rest have all allowed us to see without being seen.

Pamela Anderson seems to have started all of this public proclamation with her sex-tape with Tommy Lee. Then along came Kim Kardashian who became famous for sleeping with Brandy's little brother Ray J, but has parlayed her sexcapades into a multi-million dollar pile of nothingness.

Now comes Chris Brown, the young, handsome, woman-beater who possesses limited singing capabilities. Pictures intended for his girlfriend, have mysteriously made their way to the web, and for all of my fellow inquisitive minds, the Colored Man has included the infamous image for your edification. For some readers this is a chance to see your heartthrob in full regalia, while others will have the chance to see how they stack up next to a celebrity. In either case, do we really need to see all of this?

Of course not, but it is fun and a bit dirty, sitting in the comfort of your living room and being able to be just plain 'ole nosy. And why not, when it seems that everyone is so enamored with blasting their information on Main Street, Front Street, and any and every other street. I mean, no one asks for this stuff, it just shows up unexpectantly.

As Andy Warhol said, "everyone will have their 15 minutes of fame." The Colored Man thinks that it is just unfortunate that some choose the wrong 15 minutes within the hour to garner that fame.

To Gay or Not to Gay? That is the Question

2011-02-27T18:05:00.002-05:00

Recently someone who is one of my Facebook friends, posted an innocent little blurb saying that he didn't understand why men turn gay, and that with all of the women in the world to choose from he just couldn't understand why two men with hairy legs and two dicks would want to lay in the bed together. I say innocent, because I am quite sure that he meant no harm in his statement, and I know that perhaps he has not been exposed to divergent thought and opinions concerning the subject matter. But the bigger issue with his statement, is that some people take this as an opportunity to showcase their hatred towards gays and lesbians, and this time was no different.

So the Colored Man could not let a chance go by to offer some enlightenment and the chance to encourage him to do some serious thought about gays and lesbians, and not to rely on locker room banter to form his opinions. I countered back that people are born gay, just like people are born straight, and that I didn't think that anyone would chose to be gay, when you look at all of the hatred, violence, and disdain that gay people are subjected to.

"I agree brother! I do not think when a child is born they know at the age of 0-6 months that they are gay. That is something that they see or are taught. All in all, at the end of the day its an abomination to God. I am not trying to offend anyone, just not compromising with the enemy. God Speed!!! No sin is greater than the next, just calling a spade a spade!" This was the response that came in immediately after my post. Needless to say, the Colored Man just could not resist a good fight and thus began a back and forth exchange, that eventually caused the original poster to remove his post.

I firmly believe that each of us is entitled to our opinions about various issues. After all, opinions are like assholes.....everybody has one. But do not approach me with opinions and attitudes that are based on biblical words, when I know that the Bible has been used for centuries as a tool against people, and to justify negative attitudes and behavior. Bring me information and opinions that are based on fact and scholarly research, not hate and bigotry that you gleaned from some screaming preacher on Sunday morning or from your home and environment.

Slavery in America was justified with quotes from the Bible. Women being beaten by their husbands was justified with quotes from the Bible. Gays and lesbians are beaten and killed daily because someone uses a Bible verse to justify their hatred. All kinds of shit goes on because someone uses a Bible verse to say that it's okay. When does the madness stop?

Let's look at her assinine statement. First of all a baby doesn't know anything except when it's time to eat, and when it's time to sleep. Is she saying that gay people are pedophiles who have sex with babies? If so, the myth has been debunked long ago. So the absurdity of her statement is beyond belief. Is this coming from someone who is college-educated, and supposedly working to obtain a PhD? Her second sentence is just as crazy as the first. Are there groups of gays and lesbians who work for some company that go around in a van and teach children how to have same-sex sex? Or perhaps there are summer camps that specialize in teaching children how to be gay - the first day of camp young boys are given hands-on opportunities to learn how to suck a dick properly, and the girls are taught how to perform cunnilingus. And of course they are given badges when they master each sex act, and told to go home and practice their newly learned skills as often as possible. One question that I can't resist asking is, are heterosexual children taught how to have heterosexual sex, or is this just a special program for gay children? Do not step to the Colored Man with such country, backwoods ignorance!!

Her references to the "enemy" are what all Bible-thumpers resort to when they seek to impose their non-sensical rhetoric. If you don't agree with them, then you automatically become the "enemy." In other words, we are at war, and when at war, enemies are killed, ie....gay people and their supporters.

Unfortunately, the African-American church has become one of the most homophobic, mysoginistic places in America. Go to any church on a Sunday, and you will hear some of the most vile, hateful statements imaginable coming from the pulpit. Make a homophobic statement during service, and the congregation just goes wild, as if they were at a rock concert and the headliner just hit the stage. One of the pastors at my late mother's church once made the statement "that he didn't want any women up in his pulpit because they were nasty with their blood dripping". Imagine the nerve and balls to say that, when 80% of your congregation is female, and they basically pay your salary. Even worse is said about gays and lesbians. Couldn't and shouldn't that time used to promote hate and intolerance be used to open up some food pantries, or offer after-school tutoring to neighborhood students, or something that uplifts rather than downgrades? But that takes real effort, focus and work, while hate-filled words only take a tongue, teeth and a pair of lips.

As African-Americans we should be acutely aware of how discrimination and hatred work against people, or have we forgotten from whence we came? As a race we have been denied, killed, hung, raped, tortured, whipped, jailed, beaten. It seems that these same atrocities are okay for gay people, because after all, they choose to be gay, and our hate towards them is supported by the Bible.

Michael Eric Dyson, the noted scholar once served on a panel discussion during Tavis Smiley's now-defunct "State of Black America" conference. The subject for that particular year's conference was the Black church, and this particular panel was focusing on women and gays and lesbians in the Black church. Dr. Dyson who is part of the new order of black intelligentsia, is very outspoken, and one comment that he made has stuck with me. He said," I can appreciate the rappers who call women bitches and other deragatory terms, because you know exactly where they are coming from, while in the Black church they don't call women names, they just treat them like bitches and whores." How many gay men sit in church Sunday after Sunday, plunking on a piano or pumping an organ, and listen to speech after speech calling them abhorrent and an abomination? All of this makes the Colored Man sick to his stomach.

If my PhD seeking friend had taken an opportunity to educate herself about gay and lesbian issues, she would find that homosexuality has been in cultures across the spectrum. Native-Americans valued their fellow tribe-members who were gay, and considered them to have both "spirits" within them, and were revered in the culture. Of course this all changed when the Great White Father came along, and forced his European value system on them. The same thing can be seen in the Hispanic culture, until European colonization and the forceful conversion to Catholicism. Most people may not be aware of this, but most African's brought to America on slave ships were Muslim. This can be evidenced if you visit some of the South Carolina and Georgia islands, where you will see cemetery symbols and church practices directly connected to the Islamic faith. African-American women are well-known for their "church hats," which is an interpretation of the Islamic practice of a woman keeping her hair covered when in public. We have followed the Judeo-Christian religions without knowing what our own religious heritage is, and even worse, not taking the time to investigate and research our heritage.

In another post, my "thumper" said that she has gay friends, but they keep that part of themselves away from her. Haven't we heard this before....."I have black friends" so I am not a racist. I have gay friends, so I am not homophobic, but my gay friends just can't discuss their relationships with me, or invite me to a gay party or club. They have to keep that stuff away from me. Talk about being a hypocrite, this beats the band. Why can't we all just accept people for who and what they are, and not but parameters on our relationships with them? Thumper wants to be this high and holy persona, but she forgets that God loves her unconditionally, and who is she to love with conditions and barriers?, when God himself never mentioned one single word against homosexuality?

The whole back-and-forth ended with her calling me a dog and telling me that she no longer wanted to communicate with me, and that she would return the wedding present that I gave her, since I happened to mention that her etiquette was lacking, and that I received no type of thank you for my gift. She said that I was being petty about the thank-you card, but petty will help me to purchase a flat-screen television!!! So bring it on baby. Just leave all of your hate and venom at the door.

Well, the Colored Man could go on and on about this, but I did learn a few things. Sometimes it's best to just let ignorance speak for itself; sometimes a college education doesn't mean that a person is learned and able to present a legitimate argument; and that sometimes you just have to speak out and confront bigotry and hatred head-on, whether it's coming from friend, family or foe.

Last Sunday I went to see a video-feed of the Broadway musical Fela, which is about the life and times of Fela Keti, the Nigerian singer/musician and political activist. One of the last lines from him in the musical asks the question, "Whose coffin are you willing to carry?"

The Colored Man asks you the same question.

The Sphinx Awakens

2011-02-14T21:09:00.001-05:00

An Egyptian Sphinx cat

Hello folks!!! So much has been going on in the world that the Colored Man is dumbfounded, well almost, at least. Where do I begin.........

It seems that the sphinx has risen in Egypt. The people are tired of being tired, and decided to rise up and say, "no more." Last week when it all began, I checked out Al Jazeera on-line. I was very surprised at the English version - this is not the syrupy news program that we Americans are used to. The reporters ask hard questions, and have no problem letting people know that they did not answer the questions posed. I also attempted to contact an Egyptian living in the United States, so that I could get a better understanding of how conditions are for Egyptians, but no one responded, however, I have had hits on the blog from Saudi Arabia, Tunisia, and Turkey, so perhaps someone from one of those countries will contact me. I hope so.

One thing that the Colored Man has noticed about the protestors in Egypt, is that many of them look very similar to people that the Colored Man knows here in the States. Familiar skin tones, hair textures, full lips and noses. In relation, I have noticed that the people in power are lighter skinned Egyptians, and seem to have a much looser, straighter hair texture, and thinner lips and noses. Hosni Mubarak's daughter-in-law, Khadija-Mona looks sun-kissed, blonde European. His son Gamal looks Latin-heartthrob, while his other son, Ala'a is a dead-ringer for Jon Hamm from the televison show, Mad Men. Is it just me? Have you noticed the same thing? Today, while leaving work, I heard a story on National Public Radio, that confirmed my suspicions. It seems that the darker Egyptian tribes have been relegated to second-class citizenry. But as we all know, things in Egypt have changed.

Hosni Mubarek has resigned and is esconsed in his seaside villa in Sharm El-Sheikh, while his billions stashed in Swiss bank accounts have been frozen. So I guess he will have to do with his million dollar pocket change. Rumors are swirling that he has suffered a stroke, but one thing is for sure. He is no longer president of the Republic of Egypt. The Colored Man is truly amazed that these people think that they can pass power down to their offspring, similar to an heirloom chair or table. They view their homelands as places of business, whose sole purpose is to make themselves, their family members and trusted friends rich. Damn the citizenry, many who are literally starving to death.

America has always portrayed itself as the beacon of freedom and democracy around the world. But the beacon seems to be dim when it comes to these tyrannical leaders in the Middle East. America seems to be blinded by the sand, and turns a blind eye towards the atrocities that are committed. In fact, these atrocities against people are encouraged - Egypt was the go-to country for getting information by any means necessary from kidnapped people who had suspected ties to Islamic terrorists. But the terror was also allowed due to Egypt's hands-off relationship with Israel. But will this continue, now that Mubarak has gone? Perhaps the hens are coming home to roost, as Reverend Jeremiah Wright put it.

Will Jordan continue to imprison citizens who speak badly of the royal family? Will Saudi Arabia continue to entertain its citizens with public beheadings, and the stoning of women?, will they work on labor issues in a country that is wealthy beyond measure?, but where 44% of its college-educated men are unemployed, and 88% of its college-educated women are unemployed. Some of the autocrats have tried to get a jump-start before things get out of hand, and have made some limited reforms, but so much more needs to be done.

The prologue of this play has been thrilling, and Act I promises to be just as exciting. The sphinx has risen, and he is tired to laying around. The Colored Man predicts that this theatrical production will be a traveling show, sure to hit many desert stages.

Dinner for Eight

2011-01-23T22:53:00.000-05:00

Last Sunday evening the Colored Man hosted a little get-together for a few friends at his new "villa-ette." It had been awhile since I had entertained, so I was really excited tht everything go wll. Of course, to me the most important aspectsof entertaining is the right mix of people and the food. Both of them were in perfect order. The food was especially different and quite international; Jewish tomato and cabbage soup, a last-minute Asian-inspired soup with good old Ramen noodles, fresh American ham and turkey sandwiches on artisanal bread, and salad. Desserts were global as well, featuring English trifle, German Black Forest cake, Belgian chocolates, and a delicious blueberry coffee-cake type confection.

There were lots of laughs, and everyone really enjoyed the showing of Cabin in The Sky, the great Vincente Minelli directed movie featuring Ethel Waters, Lena Horne, and Eddie Rochester, with Louis Armstrong as one of the devil's minions, and Duke Ellington and his band. After the movie, the conversation turned to New Age religions, angels, and people who can communicate with the spirits, which I really do believe in, even though some people would say that it is part of the devil's world.

Overall, the evening was a great success, and plans are being made for the next soiree at someone else's house. Many years ago Donna Summer, the disco queen sang that she wanted to have dinner with Gershwin. That got the Colored Man to thinking, who would he want to have dinner with? Someone who changed history, been inspirational, a leader, or someone with some type of notoriety-good or bad? Planning for this event is right down the Colored Man's alley; I do love a great and grand celebration!!!

I'm thinking that I wouldn't want to have this dinner indoors, but rather outside in a field, perhaps at a beautiful country estate, surrounded by all types of fauna and flora. Fresh flowes and lots of candles would adorn the table, along with fresh bowls of seasonal fruit. Dinner would have to be prepared by chefs who have an appreciation for sustainable agriculture and be well-versed in farm-to-table culinary practices. Maybe Tabari Campbell, sous chef at the White House for the savory foods, and Gale Gund, co-owner of Tru in Chicago, as pastry chef. The menu would be multi-coursed, and would definitely have to focus on American regional foods. And I think that a full bar is in order as well, with wines paired with each course. (As a side note, did you know that until Bill and Hilary Clinton entered the White House, French cuisine was served at State dinners? With all of the American culinary traditions, you would think that that would not have been the case, but it was.)

Entertainment would consist of someone tinkling the ivories, and a small combo for after dinner, in case someone wanted to "cut the rug".

Now comes the really hard part.....trying to figure out 8 people to invite to this dinner. Some names just pop up like rockets.....Barack Obama, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. - imagine their conversations over a good cigarette, while others really cause me to think about who would be someone that I would just love to meet. Josephine Baker - international star, who at one point received over 10,000 fan letters a day, Toni Morrison, Duke Ellington, Lena Horne, August Wilson, and George Gershwin. There are several names on the list that could be removed, but there are three that are a must-keep.

Any good party must have the right mix of people, who may not have anything in common, but at a minimum, common interest in intelligent conversation and good times. Of course with this hallowed imaginery group, one must think about things such as who will sit to the host's right, and left, and all of that minutaea which can really bog one down.

Just as last Sunday brought a diverse group of people together who are leaders within their own right, this imaginary dinner will bring together people who I feel have also changed history. But everytime people get together it changes history, blossoms new friendships, new understandings, and new memories. It's not really about the food, the flowers, or any of those mundane things. It's all about the people, conversations, hearty laughs, building relationships, and just enjoying life.

Cheers!

The Colored Man

Dandy, Dandified, Dandification

2011-01-09T19:24:00.000-05:00

Nick Cannon, a modern-day dandy. Notice the three-piece suit.

Matt Lauer, a daily fashion must-see. Light-blue shirt, and very simple, understated cufflinks.

The Colored Man loves fashion and stylish people. My father gave me a great example to follow, and to this day, he always turns out very nicely dressed. In the 50+ years that I have known him, I have never seen him wear jeans, shorts, sweatpants or athletic-type pants, sneakers, baseball caps, or anything else that might not be considered stylish. My father comes from a time period when men dressed in the manner that they wanted to be perceived in. His generation of colored men dressed elegantly in an effort to shield themselves from the wolves that they had to face when they went out into the world. They viewed dressing as a way of representing the greater African-American race, and perhaps it's a mind-set that we need to revisit.

Clothes truly do make the man, or at the least, announce the man to the world. The past few weeks I have been searching for a pair of brown dress shoes. It seems impossible to find them. Brown is not a big color in men's suiting, and went out of style when some presidental candidate made the comment "beware of the man in the brown suit," about 70 years ago. Ronald Reagan brought the brown suit back into vogue during his reign in the White House. Much to every fashion follower's disappointment, Barack Obama has not proven to be a fashion-setter like his wife, but he has brought flip-flops to the attention of people. But please be aware, flip-flops are a podiatrists' nightmare, or maybe I should say dream, because if you wear them often, eventually you will end up in their office with foot or bone damage. The President looks good in his clothes, but imagine what a little tailoring, and a different suit cut could do for someone with his height and leanness?

I did find some brown Ferragamo's, but as with alot of men's fashion, they are made with a European slant; men with long, narrow feet. The Colored Man has low-arches, so the Ferragamo's look good on my foot when I am sitting down, but the minute that I stand up, the spread out around the ankles like butter on hot bread. Of course, I have found a few pair of brown shoes, but the price point is a little bit out of my range, but I have been known to suffer for the sake of fashion, and purchasing them will put the Colored Man on a whole nutha' level of fashion.

Recently, I attended an event with some friends. I wore a grey flannel suit with side-vents, a purple checked shirt which I had shipped overnight(and believe me getting that shirt is a story unto itself), brown suede shoes, and a pocket square that picked up the purple, grey and brown. I thought that I was looking sharp, but it's always good to hear it from someone else's lips. This particular suit must be a winner, because the first time that I wore it, a male business colleague told me that I looked sexy!!! The whole scene was interesting, and the Colored Man never turns down a compliment, but it would have been better if it came from someone that I would've wanted that particular compliment to come from.

I love mixing colors and patterns, and putting stuff together simply because I think that it looks good. I am a gender-bender, and have purchased ladies socks because I liked the pattern, and it is extremely hard to find exciting men's socks. Sometimes a pop of color at the foot, just gives an outfit that added bump. I get excited thinking about my outfit before an event, and will lay everything out on the bed to make sure it's worthy of the Colored Man. Shoes have to be polished, and top hat ready to go.

Now, there are rules that I follow when dressing, and advise others to follow. Here we go.....

1. T-shirts underneath shirts during the summer. Especially dress shirts-nothing looks worse than a shirt plastered to someone's sweaty back.
2. No socks with sandals.
3. Use an iron - you should not step out of your house with clothes that are wrinkled. There is no excuse for this faux pas. It looks down-right tacky and "bamaly".
4. Buy quality. Don't be afraid to purchase items at high-end stores and boutiques. Particularly when they have a sale. Mix price-points.
5. Set the trend. Don't follow the trend.
6. Wear all black occasionally.
7. Black, brown, navy blue, red, orange shirts do not look good with suits, however, white, lite blue, pale pink look great, and preferably with French cuffs.
8. Sweaters - cashmere, cashmere, cashmere!!!!!!!
9. Get rid of stuff - if it is not couture and possibly vintage and collectible, it is not worth anything, so take it to Goodwill and free up space in your closet for new items.
10. Read men's fashion magazines and blogs for information and inspiration. Use the internet to shop.
11. Know what looks good on you and what doesn't. The same idea goes for colors-know which ones work, and which ones don't.
12. Shop with a keen eye at discount stores. There is a reason that they exist and the buyer has to always be aware.
13. Have at least one dark suit in your closet, and one summer fabric suit in your closet.
14. Wear evening shoes with a tuxedo.

Before I end, I feel that it is my duty to give you a heads up on the trends for Men Spring 2011. Look for flared jeans-no more of those skinny jeans where you need an ass about as wide as a pencil to wear, and another trend to be on the lookout for is motorcycle jackets crafted in very lightweight, buttery leather. Now, while you are looking out for these trends, I will continue to search for a pair of brown dress shoes, and we will meet somewhere in the aisle of a good men's clothing store.

The Colored Man
Thecoloredman@gmail.com
coloredm@yahoo.com

Dave Patania, Start Counting!!!!

2011-01-05T20:52:00.000-05:00

The Colored Man came to a realization the other day. Well, actually not a realization, just cold hard facts. I am morbidly obese. This is something that I have known for quite some time, but it really hits hard when it's staring you in the face in black and white print. Being morbidly obese means that I face diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and host of other maladies that a healthier person might not face. To compound the issue, I also have the fact that I am the Colored Man, which puts me at a higher risk than other groups, and some of these health issues run in my family.

As I stated earlier, this is not new to me. I have had an unhealthy relationship with food for quite some time. It's gotten worse in the past few years. And the time has come to kick this relationship to the curb. With that in mind, I hooked up with an old friend by the name of Dave Pataniahttp://www.davepatania.wordpress.com/. I had met Dave a number of years ago, when I got on the fitness bandwagon and saw great results working with him and his trusty assistant, Ms. Amy. Dave is a noted fitness/health expert who has a personality that can be loud and abrasive at times, and quiet and encouraging the next when he is training you. He is a little bit of Jillian and Bob from The Biggest Loser.

Dave and I starting meeting at the gym once-a-week to work out. Of course, it had been some time since the Colored Man had worked out and after our first session I was quite sore, but ready to keep going. I remember the first day that we got together. Dave had been talking stuff all week, "I'm going to have you crying," "I can't wait to kill you," and other pieces of trash. He even started purposely mispronouncing my name, giving it an extra long e sound - typical jock boy stuff. One of his funniest bon mots was when he told me, "I am not going to be your cabana boy and count reps for you." Those of you who know me really well, know that I have a penchant for nicknames, so that little speech earned him a nickname.

Dave also gave me a meal plan which consisted of five meals per day, starting with oatmeal and egg whites in the morning, and ending with chicken or fish, a small salad, and baked white or sweet potato for dinner. I also had to focus and give up sodas, and hamburgers, and other fattening, unhealthy foods. The Colored Man must be honest, and tell you that I did not do the egg whites for breakfast, as I just didn't have time in the morning for all that. I also found that for me to stay on pointe, I needed to prepare as much food at one time as I possibly could, because if it was not readily available, then all hell would break loose, and I would begin to resort back to old habits.

Working out with Dave was always fun. It was something that I looked forward to every Saturday or Sunday. I knew that he was really helping me out, when he didn't have to. I wanted to make sure that he saw how serious I was about reaching my goals. We talked about different things and shared private stuff with each other, and of course, he talked "smack" and I gave it back to him, word for word. He always found it interesting that when I got to about the tenth or so rep, I would always want to stop, particularly with upper-body exercises. Shit, my damn arms would be burning. Eventually, I kinda learned how to embrace the burn and keep going. And occasionally I would surprise him, like the time I did 30 minutes straight on the StairMaster. I love the StairMaster!!!! Dave continued to have this fantasy that he was going to make me cry, and I had my fantasy that he was going to count reps for me.

But all good things come to an end.

Dave got offered a job in the Northwest and decided to move. At first, I was really pissed, and thought what am I going to do? One day Dave wrote something on his blog and it really hit home. I realized that I had been using him as a crutch, and that the power was really within me to reach my fitness goals. But even still, it's been somewhat hard to stay focused when you don't have someone encouraging and pushing you. I say that I can stay focused, but on the other hand I know that I need somebody behind me with a stick to get my ass moving. It just won't be Dave Patania with the stick!, and all his mouth, but I still can get inspiration from him through his blog at http://www.davepatania.wordpress.com/.

Be warned, that he is NOT going to count reps for you, but he will give you some good information, like "it's about the work, not the talk."

By the way, the Colored Man has lost 20 pounds, and looking forward to the next 20.

The Colored Man
Thecoloredman@gmail.com
Coloredm@yahoo.com

(Wink-Wink)

2010-12-26T20:45:00.001-05:00

The Colored Man is pissed!!!!! I am boiling like a pot of hot water, waiting to be poured into a cup with a teabag in it!!! The President and First Lady are just dumb. Plain ole' dumb. That's right, the Colored Man said it, D....U....M....B, DUMB!!!!! (wink-wink)

How dare President Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama give a damn about the health and well-being of American citizens, in particular, its children?

See, the Colored Man knew that they were going to move up into the White House and start doing some crazy shit!!! I knew it!!! Just as soon as they saw the lay of the land - maids and butlers, chefs, fresh flowers, antiques, limousines, parties, travel, beautiful gowns - they would come out with the ignorant. We just can't take them anywhere. And to make matters even worse, Comrade Obama isn't even an American citizen!!! Damn the Hawaiian birth certificate!!! I am too smart to believe that official document!!! (wink-wink)

About a week ago, the President signed into law the Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act, which is basically a continuation of the School Nutrition Act, which provides schools across the country with food and commodities to serve their school populations breakfast and lunch. What is different about this new act is that the food being offered is focused on being healthy, nutritious, and relies on non-fattening cooking methods, such as baking and broiling. It also will offer more fresh fruits and vegetables, nutritionally sound menus, low-fat condiments, and will provide incentives for schools that have gardening projects, and seek to purchase locally grown foods. This new act will also allow for the creation of better nutrition standards (remember Ronald Reagan and ketchup?), and training for cafeteria staff.

Most people are not aware that school cafeterias are run just like you would run a privately-owned restaurant. Your favorite restaurant is there to make a profit, such is the case with school cafeterias. Food service operations do not get money from tax levies or other local/state government financial support. They are self-supported entities within the school district. What they do get is food commodities from the federal government to supplement what they purchase from local vendors. The government plays a big role in school nutrition.

Over 31 million children receive meals through the school lunch program and many children receive most, if not all, of their meals at school. With over seventeen million children living in food insecure households and one out of every three children in America now considered overweight or obese, schools often are on the front lines of our national challenge to combat childhood obesity and improve children's overall health.

One out of every three chidren in America considered overweight or obese. Damn!!!!

This is powerful information, and the strategies to deal with it are best left to really smart, intellectual, "real" Americans, like Sarah "Caribou Barbie" Palin, Glenn "Theatrics" Beck, and Rush "I Love the Betty Ford Clinic" Limbaugh, who know how to feed American children: give them tea by the cupful. No sooner than the bill was signed by our no-knowing Mr. President (wink-wink), out comes the trio of smarty-pants nerds-ready to save the day, talking about food police, and the government regulating what parents should feed their little fat, chubby, cherubic, corpulent, oleaginous children.

Since the First Lady was the one who came up with this less-than-stellar idea (wink-wink), about exercise and nutrition, and talking about Let's Move!, and gardening, and other such nonsense, she has received the most attention from the trio and their fellow MENSA-member followers. One devotee who goes by the wanna-be hip moniker of Granny Jan, has made a video featuring the First Lady forcing a carrot down Sesame Street character Elmo's throat, and dragging a little chubby boy away from a cheeseburger, french fries, and soda, while dressed as a cop. The now removed video ends with a picture of another little fat boy, and a caption reading, "Please help me." In other words, The Obama Food Police are after me, but I am too big to run, so I need your assistance to get away. The Oscar-worthy cinematic tour-de-force by Granny J is designed to convince the other uninformed Rhodes Scholars that the school nutrition bill and Let's Move! both herald the Apocalypse for freedom of choice in food. Another government conspiracy theory that is due to the actions of Comrade Obama and Mata Hara.

I don't know about you, but the Colored Man is tired of these pretenders in the White House coming up with ideas that are fresh and original. (wink-wink) Who cares if our children don't eat healthy food and exercise. They can't be expected to learn and excel in school like their counterparts in other developed nations, AND be fit to lead the future. Who cares if our children have life-threatening diseases at an early age. Who cares the the First Lady is using her power and position to help America be all that it can be.

I want those really smart people to run things. The Palins, Limbaughs, and Becks. Oh...., and Granny Jan too. They have original thoughts and designs. They rely on scholarship and research to make decisions. They use their energy and trumped up celibritant-ness to build not destroy. They love diversity and inclusiveness. The have the best interests of our children in mind. They value education - after going to 4 different colleges, you would too (wink-wink). They believe that a healthy America equals a healthy economy. They respect President Obama and what he is attempting to accomplish. They listen and comprehend, even when a fellow tea-potter like Mike Huckabee tells them that the Let's Move! program is good for America, and that Mrs. Obama is right on target. They are the kind of people one would definitely want on their side, when things got a little rough. They really know how to bash a troublesome Alaskan fish across the head or how to give it some drugs to quiet down (wink-wink). They practice what they preach-at least after 9 months, they do. (wink-wink)

In fact, believe it or not, THEY LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE THE COLORED MAN!!!!! Sarah, Rush, and Glenn think that I am smart like they are. But I have to inform them that I have never been smart. I'm dumb too, and think that I will stick with my kind of people. (wink-wink)

Who's ready for a meatless dinner, made with locally grown vegetables, after a good brisk five-mile walk? It's time to move baby!!!!!!

Redemption of the Pagans

2010-12-19T19:32:00.001-05:00

Everyone is in the holiday spirit, and the Colored Man is no exception. Bells are ringing, children are singing, and the stores are packed with holiday shoppers. My culinary juices are starting to bubble and boil. But have you ever wondered how all of this Christmas stuff began? Exactly what are we celebrating? Just as I did for Thanksgiving, the Colored Man is going to give you a brief bit of information regarding this biggest of all holiday's, which has connections to paganism.

This particular history lesson was inspired by an article in The New York Times a few days ago. The article was about wealthy people hiring holiday house "fluffers". And no, these are not x-rated movie set fluffers. These are trained interior designers hired to specifically decorate a townhouse or country retreat for the holidays. They are hired to give the residents and residences a sense of a Hallmark Christmas. A very expensive sense of belonging and Victorian memories, all swags and boughs.

The origin of the word Christmas is from the Middle English Christemasse and Old English Cristes maesse. Cristes is from Greek Christos and maesse is from Latin missa, the holy mass. In Greek, the letter X (chi), is the first letter of Christ, and it, or the similar Roman letter X, has been used as an abbreviation for Christ since the mid-16th century. This explains the use of Xmas as an abbreviation for Christmas.

The date of December 25 as the birth of Christ is quite interesting, as this is also the celebration of the Roman solar holiday Dies Natalis Solis Invicti, which also has a relation with the Winter Solstice, a pagan celebration. Some scholars argue that church leaders based this choice of December 25 on the spring equinox, which would have occured around March 25, now known as Annunciation and as the anniversary of Mary's conception, which would have meant that Jesus was born nine months later on December 25. These theories do get complicated, so I encourage you to go out and do some research to learn more.

Throughout history, trees and flowers have been used for celebrations, and Christmas is lush with flora. The Romans brought greenery inside during their winter holidays, and greenery was also part of Jewish tradition. The heart-shaped leaves of ivy are said to symbolize the coming to earth of Jesus, as well as, the clinging to tradition and belief. Holly represents protection against pagans and witches, its thorns and red berries symbolic of the crown of thorns worn by Jesus at the cruxcifixion and the blood he shed. The buds of the poinsettia, a native plant of Mexico, is said to represent the crown of the thorns, while its red leaves the blood.

We can thank the Germans for Christmas trees, which during pagan times were worshipped for all of the resources that they gave man - shelter, warmth, cool, food, beauty.  However, Christmas trees in America and Britian did not become the household necessity that they are today, until Prince Albert, German-born royal consort of Queen Victoria, decided that the British royal family should have a tree in their castle. Once the picture of the family in front of a Christmas tree was printed in the newspapers around the world in the mid-1800's, the Christmas tree quickly became a household must-have on both shores. Christmas decorations can also be attributed to the Germans, inspired by paper chains made by children.  The first ornaments in America were sold at F.W. Woolworth's, the store that would later play a pivotal role in the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960's.  These were German-made and to this day, German-made Christmas ornaments are considered to be the finest-made in the world. Check out Christopher Radko ornaments at http://www.christopherradko.com/.

The colors red and green also have symbolic meaning. The Paradise Play was presented in the 1300's to tell the story of Adam and Eve, who brought sin to the world. The birth of Jesus brought redemption. In order to show illiterate citizens the Tree of Life, presenters used a green pine tree and tied red apples to its branches. Additionally, red is symbolic of celebration, while green proclaims new life, new beginning, and eternal life. The use of purple denotes royalty, as in the birth of Jesus, King of the World.

Gift-giving began with God's gift of Jesus to the world. The Three Wise Men gave the baby Jesus gifts. And we are supposed to give gifts to show God's bounty and blessings.  At some point the Catholic Church banned gift-giving due to its connection to pagan holidays, such as the Roman holiday, Saturnalia. However, they later reversed their decision due to the holiday's association with Saint Nicholas, a patron saint of children, and the gifts of the Magi to the baby Christ.

Wrapping paper, which you can get in any color of the rainbow that you desire is another Christmas tradition. Originally handmade gifts were not wrapped and placed at the foot of the decorated tree. Instead, gifts were placed inside the branches. It wasn't until the Civil War and the need for mass production that store-bought gifts came into vogue. During this time gifts were wrapped in twine, ribbon, tree bark or tissue paper. As the story goes, around World War II, a milliner ran out of white tissue paper to wrap gifts, so decided to use colored paper. Her boss saw what she was doing, and went on to create the Hallmark Company and decorative wrapping papers.

Gingerbread houses are also a staple of the holiday season, and lend themselves to contests, public displays, and even have a home in the public rooms of The White House. Ginger was highly popular in Asian countries, and in fact, was one of the most widely used spices in the world.  Trade ships from around the world docked in Nuremburg, Germany, and in the 1500's local bakers began using ginger in their baked food items. This led to the creation of gingerbread houses.

Other foods include nuts, which mirrors life and having to crack it open to see what's inside. Apples represent freshness, and oranges denote the bright sunshine of a new day. Egg nog is a British creation, and just leads to getting drunk and a trip to your private throne room.

The first Christmas tree lights were developed by the Thomas Edison Company. The Colored Man thinks that this concept has it good and bad sides. Of course the electric lights got rid of the burning candles on the tree, but on the other hand it caused some people to not follow the old adage of "less is more" when it comes to decorating their house.

Of course nowadays, Christmas has become too commercial. Just after Halloween I began to see stores with holiday decorations already up and blazing. We can thank good old American commercialism and Lord & Taylor department store, which was the first store to devote space to holiday displays in 1938, for the Christmas season starting in July.

So with these bits of information, I hope that each of you enjoys a very merry holiday season, and that you will use the information that I have given you, to hold fascinting conversations at all of those fabulous holiday parties that you will be attending and hosting.

Some of my readers don't celebrate Christmas, so I wish you continued health and happiness.

Bye the bye, the Colored Man really likes the gift-giving part, and I am still in need of a good 35mm camera!!!!, or an all-expense paid vacation to someplace warm and exotic:). I have been a good boy all year!!!!

The Colored Man
coloredm@yahoo.com
thecoloredman@gmail.com

Winter Blooms

2010-12-14T20:05:00.002-05:00

The Colored Man loves winter and the coldness that it brings. However, I also love to garden. It would seem that the two loves would not go well together, but they really fit together like two peas in a pod.

For instance, look at the picture of this beautiful amaryllis, which is normally a plant that grows in tropical climes. It was a very welcomed gift from my girl, Ms. Loveheart, and it is sitting on my kitchen

table with about 4 blooms in full glory. How did this happen in 10 degree weather, you ask? Well, through a process called "forcing," you trick the bulb into thinking that it is 80 degrees and time for it to wake up and grow. Forcing can be done with pretty much any bulb plant-tulips, narcissus, hyacinth and so forth and so on. In order to force a bulb, you need to get yourself a decorative shallow bowl or planter, preferably clear in color, some pea stones or natural-colored rocks, and some bulbs of your choice.

Once you have the stones in the dish, place the bulbs into the dish, and then add more stones until the bulbs are covered about two-thirds up. Your bulbs should not be submerged in large amounts of water,as this will cause them to rot. You only want the root part to actually touch the water. Place the dish in a cool, dark location. Once you begin to see green sprouting from the bulb, relocate them to somewhere they will get lots of sunshine, and with a combination of heat and light from the sun and heat from your furnace, plus water, and you will have vibrant flowers in about 3-4 weeks. They will eventually die back, and when they do, continue to keep them feed with water and sun, and when it gets warm enough outside, take them out and plant them directly into the ground. Be warned: they may grow or they may not grow.

I guess that the Colored Man's love of plants and landscapes started when I was just a young lad. My great-grandmother had a gladiola garden in the backtard, and one day yours truly decided to go and play in it, breaking a few plants (well, maybe a little bit more than a few). Trust me, I learned to respect a person's garden after that incident, and thus I still have that feeling towards them some 20, oops 30, well actually 40+ years later. I must have some talent in the area, having won certificates and ribbons for my horticultural expertise, and at one point was a certified and active Master Gardener. So it's a good thing.

Any avid gardener will tell you that gardening is time consuming and year-round. But I have always loved getting up around 5:30am on a hot Saturday morning in August, and just spending time walking around the yard and looking at the plants, making mental notes to myself to divide this one, or to deadhead another plant. Or asking myself why did I buy this plant? Or this plant is not working here in this spot. Being in the garden is meditative for me, and there have been times that I have worked in the yard from 8 in the morning, to 3 or 4 o'clock in the early evening. It is my chance to escape and get away, and to be honest, I love when neighbors come by and admire your handiwork, or engage you in conversation regarding your vision. During the winter months i enjoy perusing plant catalogs, watching programs on television, and looking for unusual plants.

Of course, there have been some miscues, like the time that I purchased these outstanding topiary rose bushes, only to have them not come back the following year. I paid good money for those plants so I raised some hell and got a full refund. Then there is the time that I decided to compost, only to have the worms die out, because I hadn't taken the time to fully read about what I was doing. Only this time I did not get my money back. I was dealing with the U.S. Department of Agriculture, and figured that I had better not fuck with them too much.

Gardening is also a way of honoring people, for instance, I love portulaca, which blooms in full sun, but closes up when the sun goes down. This is a plant that my mother grew. Another plant that she grew was verbena, which I have tried to grow, but it is susceptible to powdery mildew in my part of the country.

Visual beauty is also another great part of gardening, and I love visiting great gardens. I can't wait to go back to the Biltmore to witness the imagination of Frederick Law Olmstead. My favorite city for gardens is Chicago. It seems that in the Windy City, no expense is spared in their public garden spaces. Most cities usually only plant annuals, trees, and shrubs, but in Chicago, it's all of that plus roses, succulents, grasses, perennials, and vegetables. In Chicago, even the roof of City Hall is a garden. I have often wondered how much money do they spend on their gardens? and will things continue to grow when the city elects a new mayor? We shall see.

My ultimate gardening dream would be to have a space with about 10 acres, so that I could create cutting gardens, dozens of rose varieties, do some espaliered fruit trees, a few grape vines, specimen plantings, wide and deep plantings throughout the space, a pool surrounded by lush tropical plants, lots of potted plants, color galore, bee hives, a greenhouse, French vegetable knots.............................................

Wake up, Colored Man, WAKE UP!!!! Oh...I'm sorry, I feel asleep there for a moment. Excuse me.

So outside it may be frigid, but inside the Colored Man's mind it is as warm and sunshiny as a blazing summer day,when the garden is in full bodacious bloom. I'm going back to sleep, perchace to dream some more about dirt and shovels, and roots, and mulch, and color combinations, and retaining walls, and slugs, and.......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

The Colored Man

Moving Around

2010-12-07T18:16:00.001-05:00

First, let me apologize for being late with my post this week, but it has been a whirwind past few days for The Colored Man. Where shall I start?

Well, most importantly, I moved into a brand-new living environment, one that has a spacious kitchen, large bathroom, hardwood floors, and 10ft. ceilings, gas stove, and did I mention that the new villa-ette has "welfare heat." For those of you who don't know, welfare heat is steam heat that has a tendency to overheat. It's 17 degrees outside as I write this, but I am sitting here in shorts and a tee-shirt with the window open. And best of all the heat is FREE! The neighborhood is in transition, and is becoming quite the artistic haven. About three blocks down the street, I have a 6-mile walk/run trail, so there are no excuses for not getting out and exercising.

I am already enjoying this new place, which is a good ways from my old stomping grounds, but offers me the opportunity to do what I want, when I want, how I want. Eventually, I will purchase another house, but for right now, this is the place to be and it's where I chose to call home, and I am lovin' it.

On Sunday, my good "judy" girlfriend, Ms. Loveheart, invited me to a grand opening party for Dhani Jones' new coffee shop, Bow Tie Cafe. Dhani Jones is a professional athlete who is also the star of Dhani Tackles the Globe on the Travel Channel, and is an all-around bon vivant and philanthropist. The reason that the coffee shop is called Bow Tie Cafe, is because he designs and sells bowties, with the profits assisting various charities, such as Juvenile Diabetes.

Ms. Loveheart was looking quite stunning in a purplish knit dress, which featured sculpted, draped shoulders and just enough cleavage to not be vulgar. Kim Kardashian ain't got nothing on Ms. Loveheart. She was in that dress, which highlighted her hour-glass figure. Her legs were covered in purplish-brown tights, and she strutted in suede 4-inch heels. Yours truly, the Colored Man wore a pair of jeans that had shrunk a few years ago (wink-wink), a black and white gingham shirt, black sweater-jacket with a faux fur collar, and grey suede wingtips. We were quite fashionable if I say so myself.

The party was quite a melange of people - business people, hanger-ons, black, white, Asian, Middle Eastern, pro athletes, hoochie mommas, older, younger, straight, gay, half-way crooked, invited and party-crashers, Rolex, Timex, and Cartier watch wearers. The food offered was sushi, sliders -made with very good beef, assorted cheeses and charcuterie. Wine, beer and sodas washed the delicious lite fare down.

The highlight of the evening was a mini-concert by a pianist named Eric Lewis, or ELew as he calls himself. If you can imagine Yanni and John Tesh on steroids, than you have ELew. His styles range from New Age, Punk, Rock, jazz to the Delfonics' LaLaLaLaLa......Means I Love You. He is a fourth-generation musician, and grew up in a home in Camden, New Jersey that also served as a music school.
He makes the piano rumble like thunder, and does it all while crouch down in a runner's starting gate position. When I inquired why he played in that position versus sitting on a bench, he told me that he likes the "lines" that his body creates while he plays. I will be honest, his music is not for everyone's taste. Personally, the Colored Man tended to gravitate more towards his jazz and pop interpretations versus his rendition of Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana. Of course, Ms. Loveheart who is the Colored Man's junior by 20 years loved all of the rock and punk music renditions. All that I could do was ask her who the song was by, and reply, "I've never heard of them." There were rumours that Terrell Owens was giving a party on Monday night, but we were not able to get full details, or else we would have been there also, and I would have a full report for you. I guess his orbit is just a little bit more rarified than Dhani's. All in all it was a very enjoyable evening.

The party ended for me around 12 midnite. Of course the youngster Ms. Loveheart went to the "afterglow," and had plenty of stories to tell me the next afternoon.

So, as you can see, that between packing and unpacking, hanging out, and living life, it has been quite a busy week for the Colored Man. I am tired, and ready to sit back and enjoy a good book surrounded by welfare heat.

The Colored Man
I would like to just take a moment to say hello to my readers in Nepal, Singapore, and Vietnam. Thank you for reading my blog!!!!!

Momma, Who Is That Man?

2010-11-29T17:57:00.000-05:00

The Colored Man loves music of just about any genre, with the exception of rock, heavy metal, and perhaps country and western, even though I do like country swing, and have been known to purchase a bluegrass cd. I grew up in a household with lots of music - jazz, soul, gospel, and was exposed to classical music in school. At the age of around 7, my brother and I had our own small collection of jazz recordings. This was back in the day when albums were made in different colors, and I remember my favorite was a Dave Brubeck album in red. I think that I played that thing daily, so much that the grooves of the album became worn down.

Music was a big part of my earlier years. My mother loved music, but she also had a secret that would not be revealed until I was around 11 years old. The secret was that she could sing, and sing very well. At one point during her college years, she sang with Louis Farrakhan before he became the leader of the Nation of Islam. After she began to sing again, her humming and soft singing was a staple around the house and in the car. Although gospel music was her staple, she would occasionally sing some jazz, and could scat like Ella, and do vocalese like Sarah.

As a result of my mother and her incredible singing voice, the Colored Man has always had an appreciation for the female singer, however, I also like a good male voice, just not as much. Oprah has her favorite things, where she gives out expensive gifts to her studio audience. It's called, Oprah's Favorite Things.

So here are the Colored Man's Favorite Male Singers, and in no particular order:

Alejandro Sanz - I don't speak a word of Spanish, except a very basic hello. So, when Mr. Sanz sings, I don't know what he is saying, but I can hear the heart and soul that he puts into his music, which is something that I can understand.

Luciano Pavorotti - classical music's gift to the world of opera. King of the High C's.

Johnny Mathis - I was listening to him the other day, and it is amazing how he took a simple song like Wonderful, Wonderful and used it to showcase his perfect diction and his vocal range, particularly at the end of the song. By the way, a great Mathis album is Open Fire, Two Guitars. Every time that I have played this album, someone always asks, "who is that?" and then want to know the album name.

Isaac Douglas - an overlooked gospel music singer, who always sang with conviction and honesty. His gospelized version of Anne Murray's You Believed in Me, shows his versatility and well as the influences in his musical life. His albums are very hard to get, but there are videos of him on youtube.

Donny Hathaway - Donny, Donny, Donny!!! Gone too soon. Gritty, down-home, and soulful.

Jimmy Scott - a jazz pioneer with an extremely unusual male voice, who never fails to surprise with his phrasing and musicality. When others would go from major to minor, he goes from minor to major.

Jonny Lang - rocking, soulful, blue-eyed and able to wail on a guitar. He mainly sings rock, but also has been known to rock the mic with a little gospel too.

Glenn Jones - I had to give a shout out to one of D.C.'s greatest. Beautiful, hard-driving tenor voice, and it's magical when he goes up into his falsetto.

Bobby Darin - what makes Bobby Darin a great singer, in my opinion, is that he had a great voice, but could also sell the hell out of a song. He also recorded at a time when great music was being made.

So, this is my short and sweet list of favorite things. Unfortunately, this is not Oprah's ultra-luxe list, but I guarantee you that if you listen to some of these great singers, you will holler with delight just like Oprah's guests when her favorite things show is announced.

The Colored Man

Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader?

2010-11-21T17:39:00.000-05:00

The Colored Man was much perplexed when the President Obama haters raised hell because he made a video encouraging school students to study and work hard in school. I was even more perplexed when school districts put up restrictions and barriers in allowing their students to watch the video. I believe that this type of brouhaha was uncalled for, and completely out of line. All President Obama was doing was giving some much needed wisdom and encouragement to students. Trust me it is much needed.

The Colored Man has the privilege of going into alot of schools in the county in which I live. These schools encompass public, private, parochial, and charter schools. They run the gamut from urban to suburban. I see well-to-do schools, where the PTA raises $150,000 per year, and I see schools where the teacher never meets a child's parents. The contrasts are like night and day, and the academic performance at these various schools could be like comparing hot to cold, or sweet to sour. The Colored Man sees it all-I see schools with large minority student populations, and no minority teachers; I see academically superior schools with all white school staffs; I see one minority school superintendent, no minority food service directors or facilities managers; I see schools with a plethora of extended educational opportunities for their students, and schools with very little to offer their students. I see outstanding teachers, and teachers who really need another career. In a days time, what I witness and hear in the schools can be dizzying and depressing.

In my state, all students must pass a graduation test in order to receive a diploma, the exception being students with special needs. Students begin to take the test in the 10th grade, and can continue to retake any failed tests, until after they finish the 12th grade. Since we all know that the Colored Man is perpetually poor, I took on a part-time job grading the graduation tests. I was assigned math questions to grade, and after qualifying to grade the questions, I could have closed my eyes and just continually clicked the zero score with my mouse, as only about 20% of the students taking the test were able to correctly answer the question. Here is the first question that I graded.....

While attending a meeting, John needs to park his car from 10:00am - 4:30pm. The three parking lots nearest the meeting charge the rates shown below.
Parking Lot                                First Hour                              Additional Hour
A                                                   $3.00                                        $2.30
B                                                   $4.00                                        $2.00
C                                                   $5.00                                        $1.70
In your Answer Document, determine which parking lot would charge John the smallest amount. Show your work or provide an explanation for your answer.

The next question that I graded was a geometry problem that should have been covered in the 8th grade. The question dealt with isococles triangles. Once again, I could have closed my eyes, and just clicked zero over, and over, and over.

In a recently released assessment, the National Assesment of Educational Progress tested 52,000 students in reading and 49,000 in math across 1,670 school districts in 2009. In reading, students scored below the 1992 average of 292. Thirty-eight percent of 12th grade students were classified as at or above the "proficient" level, while 74 percent were considered at or above "basic." A big achievement gap still remains across racial and ethnic groups. There was no significant change in the score or gap in reading for black and or Hispanic students since 1992. White and Asian students both scored higher than they did in 2005.

Asian students scored an average of 298 points in reading in 2009, higher than any other group. Overall math scores rose from 150 to 153, an improvement, but still nothing to brag about. In the 11 states that volunteered to participate, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire and South Dakota had higher scores in both subjects than the national average. Two states, Idaho and Illinois, had scores that were higher in reading but not significantly different in math. New Jersey had a higher math score but a similar national reading score. Three states scored lower in both subjects: Arkansas, Florida and West Virginia.

Barry McGraw, of the International Organization for Cooperation and Development, says, "the US remains atop the "knowledge economy," one that uses information to produce economic benefits. But, education's contribution to that economy is weaking, and you ought to be worrying." The report based its conclusions about achievement mainly on international test scores. They show that compared with their peers in Europe, Asia and elsewhere, 15-year-olds in the United States are below average.

Below Average!!!!!!!! and some of us have the audicity to reject the President's message, simply because we don't like his political positions and philosophies. But the truth cannot be denied, as one only needs to get a job grading achievement tests to see first-hand, just how far behind our students truly are. Our students are losing and lagging, and in years to come this position will have great effect on our economy. In fact, it's already happening. Ask yourself, what economy is booming, while ours is busting? Answer that question, then look at the achievement levels of their students.

The Colored Man says, speak on Mr. President, you ain't never lied!!!, and encourages everyone to get involved in their local school district. After all, a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Now, let's see if you are smarter than a 5th grader, or in this case, a 10th, 11th. or 12th grader. Send your answers to the above-referenced question to thecoloredman@gmail.com. The first person with the correct answer will receive a present chosen especially for them!!!, and the rights to brag about being just as smart as 20% of high school students in the Colored Man's state!!!!

The Colored Man

Treating Mr. Tom Like A Lady

2010-11-14T14:26:00.000-05:00

As Thanksgiving is approaching, the Colored Man's heart turns to being extra thankful and my stomach is beginning to rumble, and my mouth is starting to salivate just thinking about all of the delicious food that we be spread on the table. But, the Colored Man realizes that he must approach the table and its' delicacies with trepidation and moderation, or else his friend Cabana Showboat will seek vengeance.

So in order to slow the process down, I have decided to give you a quick primer on the history of Thanksgiving in America, even though a day of thanks is celebrated in many countries across the world. After that we will go into some of the unctuousness of the holiday.

We all know the story of the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag Indians, and how the Wampanoag saved the Pilgrims asses, by feeding them, which led to the first day of Thanksgiving in America. I do wonder however, if the Wampanoag would have offered the hand of kindness if they knew that the Pilgrims and their progeny would kill them, take their land, and use their culture and symbols in the derogatory manner that some of us do?-but, that is a post for another day.

Eventually, this day of thanksgiving caught the eye of Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who thought that moving the day to later in the month of November, would increase the push to go Christmas shopping, and fire up the economic engines. Thus, on December 26, 1941, he signed into law a bill, making Thanksgiving a national holiday and settling it to the fourth Thursday in November.

Thanksgiving has always been a day to show gratitude, but it has also been used to show prosperity of a household, which led to enormous amounts of food being cooked and served. In my family, my paternal grandmother was a prosperous business owner and could afford oysters for her dressing while her neighbors could not, so her house received lots of visitors to taste "Pigs" oyster dressing.

Now, let's move on to the eating.

The Colored Man doesn't really like to buy his turkey from the supermarket, as I prefer to go to my local turkey farmer and purchase one. There are several reasons why. Mainly, I like the option of weights available, the turkey is fresh and ready to go into the oven, and thirdly, I like the drive out to the country to purchase it. Of course, one could always order an heirloom turkey, which is rather expensive, but quite trendy at the present moment. Now once you get the turkey home you can bake it, brine it, braise it, fry or barbecue it. You can even smoke Mr. Turkey. I prefer to cook mine in the oven, but first it needs to "marijinate" a little bit, so I use a prep method that I call, "trash-bag turkey."

First, I take some Dijon mustard, some fresh chopped sage, rosemary, oregano, thyme, some fresh lemon juice, salt and pepper, and place all the ingredients into a food processor. Once everything is well blended, I slowly drizzle in olive oil until the mixture is emulsified. Then I taste and adjust my seasonings. Next, I very gently use my fingers to go under the skin of the turkey, and work my way around to the thighs, to lift the skin from the meat of the turkey. Yes, this may be a tom, but he likes being treated like a lady!!!!!, so go gently or you will tear the skin!!!!! Next, I generously slather the marinade inside and outside the turkey. Then I truss it, and put it into a trash bag, and let is sit in the fridge for at least 24 hours.

Trussing is the process of tying the turkey up, so that the meat is keep tight and compact, which allows for even cooking. Another reason to truss, is so that the legs of the turkey are not splayed open when you take it out of the oven. Yes, the Colored Man does get perverse delight in practicing his knot-making skills, but this time it is for the sake of presentation and not titillation. A gap-legged turkey completely downgrades the presentation score - what could have been a perfect 10, quickly loses points when presentation is less than stellar. So please truss Mr. Tom. He will appreciate it and your guests will ohh and ahh!!!

Stuffing or dressing, whichever name you prefer to use is one of the Colored Man's specialties, and I can only blame it on my grandmother's influences. I make my dressing in a separate pan, mainly due to the fact that stuffing a turkey can be culinary poison. Stuffing a turkey or any poultry for that matter, poses health risks if it does not reach the proper temperature inside the breast meat. It must reach the correct temperature in order to kill bacteria and other culprits. Personally, I do not want my guests going home sick, and I know that you don't either.

We can thank our Victorian-era brothers and sisters for the addition of cranberry sauce to the Thanksgiving table. For some reason, their taste buds ran toward the sweet and savory side of the street, thus, we have the sweetness and tartness of the cranberry sauce served alongside the savoriness of turkey and dressing. In some regional American homes, cooks will also serve sauerkraut with their turkey.

Speaking of cranberry sauce, I cannot stand the gelatinous, fake-colored canned concoction that has become a staple in too many damn households at this time of year. Why serve canned, when it is so simple and easy to make fresh cranberry sauce. My mantra is "fresh trumps canned." I fully realize that some of my readers may be challenged in the kitchen, but fear not, the Colored Man is here to help. Here goes.....
Buy a bag of fresh cranberries, rinse and remove any berries that don't look too good
Place them in a small pot and add one cup of water, and say, a half-cup sugar
Bring to a rolling boil. The cranberries will begin to pop. Remove from the heat, let the sauce cool to room temperature, then refrigerate.
For a variation, you could add chopped apple, pear, lemon or orange zest, or reconstituted dried cherries or apricots that have been soaked in brandy or cognac. Cranberry sauce is one dish that you cannot mess up. Give it a try!!!

Of course no Thanksgiving would be complete without some dessert, and the Colored Man's stomach has a weakness for good old-fashioned, made from scratch coconut cake, or some sweet potato pie. Since living in Cincinnati, I have also grown quite fond of chess pie as well. I am totally in love with the layered British dessert called trifle, which I kick up a notch or two with roasted pears and Amaretto. Trifle requires a special serving dish, which just adds to the panache of the dish and gives it visual electricity and sizzle.

As you can tell and taste, the Thanksgiving harvest is plentiful, and each one of us would be remiss if we didn't take a few moments to say thank you to our Higher Beings for blessing us. Blessing us throughout the days, months, and years. This is a time of great stress for so many families across the world. Please take a few moments to think about the little old lady who lives up the street by herself, and if you do nothing else, at least take her a plate of food. In fact, just go to the store and purchase food for her to fill her cupboards. To whom much is given, much is required.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my readers around the world!! Enjoy the day with your family and friends.

The Colored Man

Can I have Some Change, Please?

2010-11-07T12:26:00.000-05:00

This past week has been full of changes and new beginnings.

It started on Sunday morning when my walk/run partner, confidante and brother, the Negro Man, a friend that I have run/walk with for about 10 years, told me that he had been forced to make some changes in his life. We talked about the changes, and of course, the Colored Man gave him his opinions about the change. For the Negro Man, it is a devastating life change, one that I really feel he knows deep down inside is needed for him to grow and to have full control over his life, and the things that really make him happy.

When I arrived home, I received news that I was going to have to make some changes as well. My change is something that I knew needed to be made, and being forced to take those necessary steps, is just what the Colored Man needed, as I do suffer occasionally from the dreaded disease named procrastination. As I thought about my morning, I had to laugh and think to myself, "all this shit before 12 noon."

Change is the ever-evolving component of life. It is a necessary part of all of our lives, and makes life just a little bit more exciting. What is really challenging is how we accept the difficult challenge of change, and how we learn and grow while making those changes. When I analyze my situation, I am in it simply because I did not listen to what people were telling me, and instead chose to follow a path that I thought was so noble. I made mistakes. It wasn't until I got myself into an untractable situation that I remembered what my barber told me one time. His words were, "when you give everything to someone, you create a monster." Another friend told me that "sometimes you need to change to get away from people who need to change". Both statements are so true. The untractable situation landed me in a position that just seemed to snowball, which lead to being somewhere that I did not want to be. It put me in an environment that was down-right funky to say the lest, and completely not to my level of taste, sophistication, and personal satisfaction.

But change is good. Change causes you to reach deep-down and pull out those reserves that you thought weren't there. It allows you the opportunity to learn, listen and grow, and to realize and understand that this is just a passing storm, that you are fully capable of paddling through, faster and stronger than before . It also lets you know who your real friends are, and those who are just around to ride the good-times wave, and gives you the chance to "trim the fat", so to speak.

The Colored Man and his confidante/brother, the Negro Man, are both having to face a storm, that neither was expecting or really prepared to deal with right now. Basically, we settled and got complacent, when we should have been preparing all along for this storm. But guess what?, we are both strong men of color, who were raised to believe in ourselves and to take charge, and we don't allow others to dictate to us how our lives will operate. We are respected, not disrespected. We stand strong and tall, like mighty oaks.

So in reality, these readjustments are just what we both needed to reassert ourselves as leaders of our lives, who are ready to step up to the plate, face Mr. Change directly in the face and say, "Make My Day!"

The Colored Man says to all: be strong, be brave, be courageous.

Footnote: A week later, the Negro Man was visited by a surprise. I know that these special bundles of joy just reaffirmed that he is loved and cared for, and has a special place in people's lives. My brother, this is all a blessing in disguise and the best is yet to come. Let it flow.