The musings of Autolicus

Lifexrs

2020-05-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

Shameful behaviour from shameless people

Life xrs

You would be wise to avoid these people.

THE QUEEN AND THE LONGEST REIGNING MONARCH

2015-09-06T15:19:00.004-07:00

I am not at all anti Monarchist and I offer congratulations the the Queen on being the longest reigning monarch in the UK's history ( come Wednesday ) but quite honestly thats enough on the matter. We really shouldn't be having constant news bulletins that report on it and countless TV and Radio programmes marking the event in an almost obituary like manner. It is true, I am sure, that The Queen has devoted her entire adult life to one of service in the occupation she had no say over. It is a very privileged position which she occupies, however. I sincerely doubt she has ever been forced to go without food or been threatened in any way by the establishment or the authorities and she certainly has never had to go without. I doubt that her life is arduous in any sense. It simply isn't true that she cannot retire - she can abdicate at any point in favour of her son, Charles. The precedent has already been set by other European monarchs. She may have made a speech when she was 21 ( which she did not write herself ) in which she said that she would devote her entire life, whether it be long or short, to the mservice of her country - that doesn't mean she need renain the current Monarch to do so. She could easily continue to "serve" as the King's Mother, something her own Mother did rather well according to popular opinion. To be frank The Royal family are probably the most pampered people in the World.

MIGRANTS

2015-09-06T15:06:00.002-07:00

The many thousands of migrants fleeing to Europe from strife and war torn areas around the world cannot fail to tug at heart strings and the sudden generosity of many is staggering. I wonder where the United Nations istands on this issue however? In fact where is the UN involved in this issue? I have seen nothing reported regarding the UN about the situation nor any help reported that the UN has given. Is this because it goes unreported or it simply doesn't exist? One wonders equally though why such generosity of the various populations of Europe has never, to my knowledge, been extended to the thousands of homeless European individuals in European countries and why many European Governments have forced millions of its inhabitants into abject poverty. The Governments and the hundreds of thousands of comfortably well off people who are European residents don't seem to find it in their hearts to extend that generosity in the same way to the homeless, the poor and the elderly. Its a terrible hypocrisy on so many levels

OUTSOURCED CALL CENTRES

2015-01-27T05:57:00.000-08:00

Surely its time for business to re-think the craze for out sourcing call centre work.

in the last three months I have fallen foul of Indian Call Centres which I had contacted to cancel a service.

In each instance I was answered by someone in India. They confirmed it. Dilip in Bangalore was quite happy to confirm it.

In each instance I was assured that the request I made would be expedited. In each instance nothing has been done.

In the case of BT a service was not cancelled which now means I have to pay for a service I have not received nor wanted since last October. BT deny that any cancellation request has ever taken place although that response came just 30 mimutes after informing them so I doubt that they had a chance to even check.

Virgin denied they have a call centre in India at first and its taken weeks to get them to admit they were wrong and to stop their process of harrassment.They finally have but the stress of dealing with them let alone the cost in both time and money is deplorable. Even sending a letter by signed for post which shows it has been received holds no sway. They merely claim they didn't receive it.

Its nigh on impossible to cancel anything these days and it seems that companies have taken a stance where, in the past, a retention team would try and keep you as a customer, but now they just simply ignore you.

I am sure its not just a problem with Indian call centres but with all call centres - just in my case they were located in India.

Am I amongst many who suffer this way or am I just unlucky?

TOMATO SOUP

2015-01-24T14:58:00.001-08:00

Its so cold this evening and has been all day (well since around half past three when the sun started to go down) that I thought I would buy some comforting tomato soup on my way home from work - I was always being given it as a child ( many decades ago admittedly ) as a comforting and warming mug to sip from.

I wish I hadn't!

Why is it so orange and tastes of anything other than tomato?

It has 84% percent of its volume listed as tomato but does have skimmed milk powder in it so I suppose thats why its an orange colour but where on earth does the metallic taste come from?

I've learnt my lesson - its home made soup from now on. One of my customers bought me a second hand cookery book published years ago because I'd not been well and she thought it would cheer me up and teach me how to make a good soup which I readily agree I'm not all that skilled at. It was a sweet gesture and I have used it to inspire some home made soups already which were delicious. I just didn't have the time or ingredients this evening so resorted to a can.

No more.

CRIME FIGURES

2015-01-22T12:36:00.000-08:00

Today, UK crime statistics were released which report that crime is "down" by two thirds within our country. Did I hear right? Two thirds reduction in crime. I don't believe it.

I think the following needs to be taken into consideration.

1. Reported crime is recorded differently than in the past.

2. Many crimes are simply not reported at all as we all know that some crimes ( anti social behaviour, petty theft, shoplifting etc ) will never be followed up by the Police.

3. Serious sexual crimes are on the increase - they say because more and more people are coming forward to report it - even from 40 years ago. In this country we seem obsessed by it.

4. Police funding has been so severely cut over the last few years that there are fewer in the Police Force and less resource to record, let alone investigate crime.

5. I do not believe corporate crime is included in the figures and corporate crime is, by and large, unchecked and unpunished. Do you know of anyone in the banking industry who has been brought to account? What about Pay Day lenders and loan sharks sending out false solicitor letters from fictitious companies? Thats a crime. Its been dealt with by legislation but is it included in crime statistics? - I think not. Each time a company sends out a false and fraudulent letter it commits a crime numbered by the recipients it has harrassed. A watchdog fining a company does not punish the perpetrators and the cost is simply passed on by the company, in one form or another, to its customers or users. Are these instances counted in crime statistics?

6. Cyber crime and petty fraud are often not reported for the shame of having fallen foul of it ( the stigma of having been taken in ) An attempted cyber crime incident that achieves no success for its perpetrators is still a crime.

7. Benefit fraud is a crime.

8. The Police have an ever increasing burden of stepping in where mental health issues and domestic violence crime issues cannot be dealt with by social services or the health service. Mental health issue patients are frequently taken away by the Police in police vehicles and housed in police stations whilst waiting for heath professionals or the social services to step in. These are often the result of criminal behaviour having taken place. I do not believe these are included in crime statistics.

A patient with mental health issues who commits a crime is, no matter the mitigating circumstances of his/her mental health condition, still committing a crime. Patients with mental health issues DO know the difference between right and wrong. The Police should not have to step in when the health and social services cannot.

There must be so many more issues that contribute but......................

Perhaps, when one in four UK residents will suffer from, have suffered from or currently do suffer from a mental health condition, we need a different and separately funded force to deal with the public whose behaviour, criminal or merely anti social, requires authority and facilities to deal with. It won't happen because it costs money and the Police will continue to be called upon to step in whilst seeing funding decrease.

The whole issue really does need to be looked at for the future.

Filet of Fish

2015-01-22T08:09:00.000-08:00

Talking of Customer Service and being told to go away, I also wrote to a well know American Burger retailer some time go suggesting that they change the name of their "Filet of Fish" offering to "Fish McShanty" just because I thought it was a better name and fitted in with the rest of their offerings.

They didn't agree

THE WORLD'S OLDEST PEOPLE

2015-01-21T09:24:00.000-08:00

I read somewhere that Japan has a reputation for some of the longest living inhabitants in the world and it is certainly something I have heard before with all sorts of suggestions regarding diet and lifestyle being used as a reason for such longevity but recently its been said, cynically, and perhaps with no proof at all, that the two following reasons are possibly responsible.

I wonder?

1. Japanese people are very respectful and private and seldom inform the authorities when an elderly loved one dies. Funeral rites are legally arranged privately and the family carries on as if the relative is still around, frequently treating their home as if they are still residents.The ancestors are a very important part of Japanese culture and like many cultures around the world, the dead are treated as if still around, playing a part in the family's everyday life, even if bodily they have passed on.

2. By not informing the authorities, they continue to collect their departed loved one's pensions and benefits for a number of years.

An internal audit in Japan showed a very large number of pension payouts, medication prescriptions, benefit payments etc were still being paid to the families of the deceased who had infact died many years previously.

is it just an urban myth or is their some truth to it?

CUSTOMER SERVICE

2015-01-19T12:09:00.000-08:00

Many, many years ago, when I thought it was amusing to write to companies with rather silly comments or questions about their products in order to see what their response was ( I don't do it anymore - I matured last Summer ) I once wrote to a famous manufacturer of a fibre based cereal with the following question.......

Dear (famous fibre based cereal manufacturer)

Might I suggest that you could sell far more of your excellent cardboard flavoured product which keeps an irregular but frequent purchaser , like me, more regular than he has reason to expect, if you could introduce a Strawberry or Banana flavoured (famous fibre based cereal) which I am sure would appeal to the very young and fussy eater who might need a bit of regularity and equally, the very elderly who frequently require regularity rather than favour it?

I suggest Strawberry and/or Banana flavours only as the first of many fruit based flavours that might appeal.

Might you consider my request and let me know your thoughts and/or intentions?

Yours sncerely

etc.

THEY DID.............

Dear regular (famous fibre based cereal) purchaser,

Thank you for your suggestions which you have obviously given much consideration to. However, market research reveals that cardboard flavoured (famous fibre based cereal) is a perennial favourite and we have no plans to add any of your fruit based suggestions.

To avoid disappointment, however, we have sent you a free packet of (famous fibre based cereal) and enclosed is a postal order for 10 shillings ( shows how long ago it all was ) for you to buy any fruit of of your choice which we suggest you add to your daily breakfast bowl to achieve the desired result.

Yours sincerely

etc

NOW THATS WHAT I CALL CUSTOMER SERVICE!

and - now they do sell it with some of my suggestions and I'm still eating it for breakfast

BP - A Truly British Company

2015-01-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

What with oil prices plummeting and pump prices falling - does anyone know why BP is consistently more expensive, by quite a long way in some instances, than all the other garages?

One, on the Dunstan Hill Road in South London is, today, selling unleaded at £1.25 per litre whilst most others are somewhere between £1.08 and £1.12!

I am perplexed. I know the people in the garage in question to talk to and they know where I work - one has even been to my offices to visit me ( Even I wondered why - he's very friendly! ) and when I asked them what the reason was, I was expecting an answer like overheads or staffing expenses.

I was slightly surprised to receive the answer "FxxK Off!"

Needless to say I did - sharpishly and having only bought a bar of chocolate! I haven't been told to "FxxK Off" in years!

ABE's SAYINGS

2014-04-28T14:05:00.001-07:00

Abe Lincoln having a bad hair day

Abe once said something to the effect ......................

It is better to be thought a fool and keep silent than confirm the fact by speaking!

I wonder if he was thinking then, when he said it,of as many acquaintances as I am currently thinking of the many acquaintances of mine to whom, i feel, it applies

probably not!

New Bank of England Notes

2013-07-26T06:19:00.000-07:00

I don't quite understand the fuss over English banknotes and the current trend for complaining that there are not enough women represented on the resverse side of them. I have heard so called pundits remarking that only men being represented sends a subliminal message (and a powerful one we are reminded constantly) that women don't matter and are under achievers. The new set of notes being issued has Jane Austen replacing Elizabeth Fry on the £10 note which seems to have pleased many but disgruntled a few.

Two things occur to me...............

Is it inconceivable and completely impractical to have, say 5 different five pound notes, 10, different ten pound notes and 20 different twenty pound notes ( forget the fifty pound note for the moment ) where the obverse is always the same ( the queen and all the rest ) and the reverse features 5 different, engineers/scientists of note for the £5 and 10 different literary figures and artists for the £10 note and 20 different politicians/changers of society/the great and the good for the £20 note.

That way, for a start, many more women would be represented if thats an important thing to try and achieve (I am not so sure) and, more importantly perhaps, many more individuals would be represented making our currency more colourful and interesting and if its celebratory to have and mark the achievements of individuals then more candidates will be represented.

Lastly I conducted a poll ( amateurish I must admit ) in my shop this last week and have asked 100 customers the question "who is represented on any of our bank notes?". Apart from general amusement and some bewilderment, all 100 people asked, all of them, got it wrong. I contend that people by a large are much more concerned with what their money buys them than what is represented as an image upon any of it and as far as subliminal messages go with regard to the lack of women being represented, I doubt if my little poll would show a change of opinions or awareness if every bank note had a woman represented on the reverse and no men were represnted at all.

Surely there are more important things to try and achieve for this country than argue so spuriously about women's roles and representations in society today where bank notes are concerned.

2013-04-18T07:26:00.000-07:00

I like my IPad and I like my IPhone. I even like ITunes. God knows it took me long enough to save up for them. What I don't like is the amount of updates that I am prompted to install, from App updates that occasionally just hang and end up with you having to uninstall them completely and start all over again to the slightly more irritating operating system updates which take forever to download and install on each item. I spend more time updating them than I do in using them and I use them every other day on average.

Magazine app updates frequently won't allow you to download the latest issue if you move to another application whilst you are downloading it so you have to wait and their app updates often archive even the most frequently downloaded edition so although you haven't lost it - you have to download it again in order to read it or look something up.

Even ITunes version updates are frequent and not always successfuly installed.

In many instances the updates concerned are for trivial "fixes" and "improvements" such as help now available in Japanese! I don't want that particularly.

Am I the only one to be frustrated by these constant updates?

MARGARET THATCHER

2013-04-15T08:55:00.000-07:00

It is the ceremonial funeral of Margaret Thatcher this Wednesday which, to all itents and purposes is, in fact, a state funeral by another name.

I feel a little uncomfortable with the amount of public money being spent on the affair in this time of austerity but feel far more uncomfortable that there is a prospect of some people, who opposed her political views and actions as a former UK Prime Minister, deliberately setting out to disrupt the funeral cortege along the route.

To turn one's back as the funeral passes is disrespectful but hardly more than that and shows the marked lack of respect for anyone's passing, whoever they might be or whatever views they may have held in life, that seems to be the norm nowdays but there are rumours that a small faction of extremists will attempt to actually disrupt the progression of the funeral by throwing things at the funeral cortege and shouting abuse as it passes.

I sincerely hope that this does not happen - it would be far from acceptable behaviour and a sad reflection upon the lack of respect, in general, our current broken society, displays all too often.

The time for critical analysis, harsh or kind words, is after the funeral has taken place - Not during it.

SO AFGHANS DON'T WANT TO GROW COTTON?

2013-04-15T06:28:00.000-07:00

For years the West has tried to force Afghan farmers to abandon the growing of Opium Poppies as a crop in favour of growing crops like cotton instead, in an effort to reduce the harm that opium and its derivatives, one of which would be Heroin, do in the recreational drug usage of Western addicts.

Why should some of the poorest people on the Globe be forced to abandon a profitable crop in favour of a crop which they have to sell largely at a loss?

Instead of imposing Western morals and standards on a people who have no time for them and cannot see the logic ( for there is none ) why don't Western Governements, in a spirit of co-operation, force the Ciba Ceigy and Pfizer group of pharmaceutical companies along with all the other players in this field, to take the entire Afghan crop of Opium in order to make their Opium based derivatives like Morphine. The world will always want and need Morphine, let alone the myriad of other Opium based derivative pharmaceutical products.

The billions of dollars being pumped into Afghanistan to coerce the farming population to grow something unpopular and non profitable would surely be much better spent with the Pharmaceutical companies who are no strangers to Government subsidy and eagerly seek more and more profitability from their products whilst avaoiding discloure and transparency. The subsidy having one and one only overiding proviso that the money provided by Government subsidy be used to buy up the entire Afghan crop of Opium for the manufacture of legitimate pharmaceutical drugs.

No more money need be provided. Auditing the process would be relatively easy. Less Opium based recreational drug material would be available to dealers. The Afghans would make a decent profit. The Pharmaceutical companies would increase their bottom line.

Am I being Naive?

POSTAGE CONUNDRUMS

2013-03-05T03:44:00.000-08:00

A woman phoned this morning indignant because her package had just been delivered by the postman but she insisted we had used second hand packaging. We have never used second hand anything let alone packaging and its difficult to know what the postal system might have done to the appearance of the packaging surrounding her parcel ( which was all secure by the way )

When asked what led her to believe the packaging was second hand she said.................

"Its got a return address on the back."
"And what does that say?"
"It says - oh its difficult to read - it say Luminescents..............."

and then she read out our address!

"That would be our address for returns for non delivery or in case you want to return something - its on all parcels"
"Why?"
"I just told you - for returns - its really quite normal and actually desirable to put an address of the sender on anything you are sending in the post."
"Oh"

and then she hung up. Some people should stay in bed!

AM I BOTHERED?

2013-03-03T04:01:00.001-08:00

Its funny what bothers us isn't it? we are lucky enough to have a really good "spit and sawdust" cafe here amongst the "gravy and gristle in a bowl joints" and the cook who opens it early in the mornings was upset enough by the sight of a man admiring his reflection some forty feet away in a large piece of perspex yesterday to consider calling the Police. Now its true he had pulled down his trackies and was wiggling his hips and was wearing a far from fetching thong at the time ( well he didn't keep his thong on for long whilst he was wiggling apparently and had little to show for his effort) and he soon got fed up with his reflection.

She's a hefty and game old South London bird and you wouldn't want to mess with her normally so I was surprised to hear that this had bothered her - There are drug takers who would do you over as soon as sniff your Salt and Vinegar crisps using the toilets that belong to the premises, a seriously damaged young homeless man who sleeps in the covered cafe area each night and when he's not sleeping he's aggressively shouting about injustice and calling upon the wrath of God and a large contingent of drunks who, for the most part, do no damage but can behave inappropriately at times (never thong attired though I would imagine) and only occasionally get moved on by the Police. None of these bother her at all.

All human life is here!

UPDATE ON KNIFE WIELDING LOONY NEIGHBOUR

2013-02-19T07:32:00.001-08:00

No doubt inspired by the recent exhumation of the body of King Richard the Third, my neighbour has decided to dig up his kitchen floor, under which, he firmly believes reside the three dead bodies of the people whose voices he hears in his head and from whom he takes his daily intructions on whether to pray, take his medication or launch an attack on those who live around him. Sometimes they tell him to walk the streets, day and night for a week or so. Not quite often enough if you ask me.

We have all known about the the three deceased persons under his kitchen floor for some time. we refer to them as Wilson Keppel and Betty ( who I think were music hall sand dancers! )

He has dug down around three feet so far with no evidence of bodies. I suppose he has another three feet to go if the average burial depth is to be reached.

He's not happy!

TEWKESBURY NONSENSE

2013-02-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

So an unemployed woman from Tewkesbury with 11 kids and no spouse is to have a custom built mansion especially built for her by Tewkesbury Council so she no longer has to live in two houses knocked together and according to reports she has said that " If I don't like it or its too small then they will just have to build me another one."

She is allegedly supposed to have stated that she is often called a "slag" and has been accused of renting out her womb but she loves all her kids, the oldest being 22 and a mother herself.

I am sure she does love all her kids. I suspect she has loved well, but probably unwisely, the men from whom she begot them. She loves her kids just enough to let the State pick up the tab for every penny paid to support their existence. It must be impossible to work with so many kids to look after. And, easy, allegedly, to complain about it at worst and be ungrateful for it at best. One must be thankful that illness has now made her sterile.

I wonder why Tewkesbury council feel the need to build her a new £400,000 house so she doesn't have to live in a perfectly adequate house albeit one made up of a conversion of two previous dwellings? The Council have a statutory duty of care to house those who are or about to be homeless within their jurisdiction. She isn't homeless or............

is she about to become so because Government capping of benefits due to be implemented soon will mean that the council cannot pay her current rent for her let alone Council Tax benefits and all the rest? Will it be cheaper in the long run to re-house her in a custom built and Council owned house?

In austere times like the rest of us are being forced to experience one would have thought The Council would persuade her to make do - after all her perfectly adequate housing is already being met by the public purse along with all her other needs. There must be a way to make her a special case without this expense to the public purse. Her children could be cared for each day whilst she does go out to work to help meet her bills perhaps. Would that cost so much? It would employ someone to do so. Perhaps a philanthropic banker might meet her bills from his or her own bonus for a period. Perhaps charity needs to be extended.

There must be hundreds of thousands of pensioners existing only on bare rations and without the money to heat their homes who are seething and resentful at this news and who probably get little or nothing from their local authorities.

There must be hundreds of thousands of hard working couples and single parents attempting to provide the best for their children and themselves without help. What does this message give them?

Whatever happened to the Workhouse?

WHY IS BUBBLEWRAP SO EXPENSIVE?

2013-02-17T03:31:00.000-08:00

It costs a fortune so I investigated other light fillers for parcels that provide insulation and protection and the best solution, by far and above, the best solution was - POPCORN! Not old crumpled up newspapers or, God forbid, those polystyrene clumps that fly everywhere and won't go away.

Popcorn is light, biodegradable in no time at all, compact to store before using it, provides great cushioning, and the recipient can eat if they want ( although I don't recommend it as cold popcorn thats been in the postal system for a few days does not taste of anything other than cardboard!)

Buttering it would probably be unwise however!

The reaction when I used it ( even though I put a note explaining the reason why in each parcel ) was...............

"Why the XXXX have you filled my parcel with this rubbish?

The world doesn't seem quite ready for eco friendly packaging it seems to me. Back to the drawing board and the bubblwrap! I think people just like to pop the bubbles on bubblewrap and such joy restricts their acceptance of better methods. Seriously bonkers!

HORSE MEAT

2013-02-16T07:49:00.002-08:00

I don't quite understand the outrage and moral indignation that the current horse meat scandal throughout Europe is generating by those who have been affected or the media coverage hysteria nor, for that matter, the direction in which this scandal appears to be heading. I understand fully and sympathise with those who have found out that food they have been eating which has been labelled as beef turns out to have horse DNA contamination. It has become obvious that this is not a mistake nor an unintended action by the meat producers that the food manufacturers and supermarkets use.

It is a fraud and nothing else. It is criminal undoubtedly and should be investigated and those responsible pursued.

Are the supermarkets to be blamed? - probably not for it having taken place but surely so for their relentless pursuit of lower costs to increase their profits which has screwed manufacturers into cutting standards and corners and, it seems, honest moral principles.

What about the public? How can someone not suspect, at most, or even consider, at least, that the reason the food they can and frequently do buy is so cheap for a reason? There are all sorts of valid reasons for seeking food that is cheap in today's ugly and poverty stricken world but only one reason it is available cheaply from otherwise reputable sources. It is because the manufacturers have been forced to scrimp and cut corners in pursuit of profit. Nothing in the commercial world is cheap because of altruism or philanthropic motives.

In the case of food, it is cheap because the ingredients are cheap which sometimes means that the ingredients have been rejected elsewhere, are sub standard, added to merely add bulk or plainly not what they purport to be. Some would argue, as I do, that it is the all poweful supermarkets that cause the manufacturers to seek cheaper alternatives, rightly or wrongly, to satisfy the demands of the supermarkets and yet stay in business themselces.

It seems that Horse is one of those meats which is currently cheap.

What next? Is spinal cord material which is currently banned also leeching into cheap foodstuffs?

PEPPERMINT CREAMS

2013-02-16T04:33:00.000-08:00

A woman came in the other day and asked where the peppermint creams were. I told her that I didn't sell chocolates let alone peppermint creams and she responded by telling me off because she had come a long way just to buy them.

Here's how the conversation went ( not helped by me I fully acknowledge!)

"Where are the peppermint creams?"
"I don't sell chocolates let alone peppermint creams"
"But I've come a long way"
"Why?"
"I just told you - to buy peppermint creams."
"But I just told you that I don't sell them."
"Why not?"
"Principally because I am a herbs and spices shop although I do sell perfume and oils too."
"Why don't you sell sweets?"
"Because of the reason I just told you."
"But I've come a long way."
"How far?" ( here I admit I was prolonging the agony )
"From Colliers Wood."
"Thats just up the road - hardly far away."
"Its a long way for me."
"That may be but its a wasted journey if you've come to see me"
"Why?"
"Because I don't sell and have never sold what you've come all of half a mile but which you feel is a long way to buy something I don't sell from me."
"it IS a long way."
"Thats as may be but it doesn't get you your peppermint creams."
"I don't know why you don't sell them - I've come a long way."
"I don't sell them because I am not a sweet shop and I understand that you think you've come a long way but thats your affair not mine."
"Why would I come so far to buy peppermint creams?"
"More importantly why would you come so far to buy peppermint creams from someone who doesn't sell them?"
"Because you should sell them. What a wasted journey!"
"tell me about it. Try Sainsbury's."
"where are they?"
"Right infront of you on the opposite side of the road"
"I could have gone to my local Sainsbury's."
"If you've come all the way from Colliers Wood - then that is your local Sainsbury's."
"is it?"
"Yes."
"I'll try there then but you should really sell them - people come a long way to see you."
"I'll consider it."
"You should."

And then she left.

Aint life grand!

Olympic Cycling Events

2012-07-29T04:52:00.007-07:00

The Mens Cycling Event went right past my house yesterday and whilst I am not a particularly ardent enthusiast, as the roads were all closed off for the ENTIRE day from 04:00 to around 19:00, I was forced to take a day away from work!

I live between, and, therefore sandwiched by, two loonies. The one on my left having lost his marbles when his wife turned lesbian some years ago and left him. He is now a dangerous knife weilding psychopath about whom, our esteemed local constabulary is constantly vigilant. He hears voices, particularly those from the three dead bodies he believes are under his kitchen floor, who, when coherent, apparently tell him I don't like him much!

He assumes their personalities throughout his less lucid periods ( when he doesn't take his meditation in other words )He hates cycling ( or the souls of the three dead entities don't like cycling much - its very difficult to tell which of the voices my neighbour yells with is actually him ) and he or they were yelling abuse at the passing lycra clad hoardes yesterday. He/They did so long after the cyclists had passed.

On the other side of me is a much less dangerous but self harming individual who has a morbid fascination with castration, eunuchs and the Pope. He doesn't like cyclists at all either. He runs out of his house to stick unpleasant messages he has created on his pc on the car windows of those cyclists that have the temerity to park their cars near his house and leave their cars in situ all day whilst taking their bikes for an away day of mud spattered exercise on Ranmore or Leith Hill. When he is feeling a little less brave than usual, he will just hang out of his bedroom window shouting "wankers" at the passing bicyclists!

Yesterday was a chorus of livid and unceasing abuse shouted at the Olympic competitors from one side and staccato rounds of "wanker" being shouted from the other whilst I, well I watched it on the TV!

However, a knife weilding psycho and an individual fascinated by castration begs whether an introduction might be advisable! I could have new neighbours soon.

SHAME ON ME IT SEEMS

2010-08-25T09:11:00.000-07:00

Apparently I am a reprehensible creature because I don't say on my website what Cayenne Pepper is on the Scoville scale. The Scoville scale, for those that don't happen to know, is a measure of the heat of chilli peppers ( Cayenne is between 30,000 and 50,000. If its any hotter - then its been "cut" with another substance to artificially increase its heat)

Apparently such an ommission on my part is scandalous according to the whingeing man who berated me by phone this afternoon and who simply wouldn't accept that I am a retailer not an educator and apparently it didn't occur to him that he could have googled the information had he been so inclined.

I listened to his outrage for a few minutes and then hung up - exhausted from the effort of keeping quiet (seldom is such restraint witnessed I must add) whilst he raged on and on but afterwards it struck me that it seems to be commonplace now that people take no responsibility for finding out things for themselves but expect to be told by whomsoever they verbally assault. I am constantly being asked by colleagues how to spell something - they never look it up and I am sure I have an invisible sign over the top of my head ( invisible to me that is ) which must say something like "toilet attendant" as despite an extremely large sign just above where the toilets are located - I am constantly asked ( even when I happen to be talking to a customer) where they might be.

I must have the kind of face that says " He'll know"

Some People!

2010-08-07T11:01:00.000-07:00

You know it amuses and irritates me in almost equal measure that at least once a week someone e-mails me or drops by the shop wanting to argue or make a point about something pretty un-related to my business (but in their head anything they have a gripe about seems to be related to what I do for a living) and then they get upset when I happen to point out that their argument is based on something such as rumour, is out of context or with no perspective.

For instance a woman started quoting some sensationalist article about Indian Restaurants (57% of them) using illegal amounts of food colourants in their dishes according to "Media Reports" when all she originally wanted to know, when she contacted me, was did Beetroot make her food red? (doh!!) I mean if she had bothered to read the page about beetroot on my website, from which she originally contacted me, she might have just read that it is used as a food colourant for just that purpose but mail after mail arrived going on and on about tartrazine ( which happens to be yellow ) and when put in her place - well she seems to have managed to understand that.

Are people so stupid that they don't recognise that the term "media reports" is a euphamism for rumour and that scientific evidence or at least a source for the information they so blithely bandy about needs to be quoted for anyone capable of reason or logic to take seriously. Media reports stated that Bill Cosby had died this week - for the third time in his career - apparently he's none to pleased about it! So much for media reports.

I am sure that many a company involved in catering ( which I am not ) occasionally flouts the guidelines and maybe even the law but does this woman honestly believe that a Bangladeshee cook in a two bit takeaway is tactically sitting there with a pipette measuring out tartrazine by the micron to make a single dish of Chicken Tikka Masala more colourful just for her? Does it not occur to her that he might be so busy that he was much more likely to have chucked in a touch more turmeric ( E 100 by the way )He will probably not even know what Tartrazine is or what a pipette is for that matter. Catering and processed food companies will know so M&S and Sainsbury's and all other fine food outlets might very well add "lashings" of e-colours to their own brand, over processed foods from which it is perfectly possible to end up being malnourished if one eats them all the time but, really - how does this woman manage to still be alive?

Did she buy the beetroot - all of £3? - no she didn't not even before she started her nonsense.

Does this surprise me? NO. It seems to me that people have too little to do in their lives - I hope that this particular sad creature never manages to exert any influence over anything - especially a jury - she'd be a nightmare.

Has this new coalition government closed down all the care homes for the terminally bewildered for lack of funding and to save money to pay off the national debt? - 'cos all the loonies seem to be on the loose.