The Nanny's advice to Parents

Back to business

2011-07-23T13:55:00.001-07:00

So it has been a LONG time since I wrote a post. I am going to hop back onto the wagon, get my butt in gear and write.
Now that I AM a mother myself, I can safely say that I practice what I preach with my own little angle.
Please let me know what you would like to hear.

Get off your I phone!

2010-09-07T17:12:00.001-07:00

In this wonderful world of technology it's easy as an adult to get abscessed with your smart phones, laptops, I pads, ect. Paying attention to this technology more then your child will cause them to act out with bad behavior. They want you to play with them and pay attention to them. I do believe it is important for them to play by themselves but it is just as important for you to play with them. Even if they are doing their personal play time if they want to show you something they made or they learned to do you should put the technology down and look the you can get back to what you were doing. You children need to know they are more important then the I phone or TV.
Like all things with children an life it's a mater of balance. Not to much, not to little.

Manners all the time not just in front of people for a show

2010-08-10T18:42:00.000-07:00

We all know manners are a very important and frustrating thing to teach young citizens of the world. It is not something that can be accomplished overnight or even in a week. It is a process that takes constant and consistent effort from a very young age. As soon as they can speck it should be encourage to have please and thank you be among there first words. With older children work on the sentence aspect of it. If they want something don't give it to them unless they say "please may I have...." and then when they receive it should be followed with a "thank you". I have practiced this method and have always found to have good results. I even make them say these things when they are having fits, because whining gets you nothing but please and thank you'd get you almost anything. And if you always expect it from them and make them expect they won't get something if they don't say these things then you will notice you have to remind them less often and they will say it on their own and to strangers without promptings. People find that more impressive then when you say the famous sentence use around friends or witnesses but never in privet "what's the magic word". Yes that will get somewhat polite kids but if you always make them say it even when no one else is watching you will see the difference and your friends and family will see it to.

It is a lot of work but it is like all things with children, constant and consistent effort will pay off in the end.

Than you!

Eating tips

2010-06-15T05:54:00.001-07:00

All humans need to eat, we as adults know this and understand the

importance of a balanced health diet of veggies, fruit, carbs,

and meat proteins. But let's face not every child cares for the healthy stuff or even anything that isn't full of sugar and crap.

I have a few tips that should help you get some healthy meals into

your little one.

1- remember that a child will not starve themselves. If they're

hungry thy will eat. Sometimes we try to get little ones to eat on

a set schedule but sometimes you need to let them show you their

schedule.

2- Children's Stomachs are only as big as their little hands clasped together. They will not eat a meal that is the same size as a you or even an older sibling. If they eat only a hot dog and a yogurt for a meal they are most likely full.

3- don't allow yourself to fall into the trap of desperation where

you give them anything do they will eat. This will only teach them

that if they don't eat the good stuff and hold out long enough thy

will get the sugary stuff they like. Why eat peas when you can have

a cereal bar or puffs.

4- snacks are a necessary part of your child's day. They can have two

small snacks a day. Some children LOVE snacks more then regular

meals so they will want to eat only the snacks. If you notice them

not eating lunch and then 15 minuets after you take them down

from the table they are asking for a snack that means thy didn't eat

because they wanted a snack all along. I would suggest playing the

tough love card and say "if you are hungry then you should eat more

at lunch" and make them wait until dinner. This point is much like

#3. "why eat corn when I can have cerrios?"

5- a lot of toddlers go through phases of not eating. You hear it

all the time "she just doesn't eat..." when they seem to be doing

this they could have something upsetting their stomach. It's

important to talk with their doctor about it and try not to fall

into the traps of #3 and #4. and to always remember they will never

starve themselves when they are really hungry they will eat.

6- eat as a family. I cannot emphasize enough how important this is. It

teaches children so many good things. It helps them learn good eating

habits as far as what it good for them to eat so they will be less

Lilly to have earring disorders or obesity problems. It also helps them

to know they can come and talk to you. There have been so many studies

on the benefits of eating as a family. I will be writing a posted

dedicated it this later on.

Happy Eating!

Date night and taking time for yourself.

2010-06-09T04:58:00.001-07:00

It is so important to take time for yourself and for your marriage (or relationship or to date). Your children demand a lot from you and you will give it all, but you need to remember to take time to recharge your batteries. Please do not feel guilt over taking time for yourself. Like all things in life it needs to be done in moderation. If you take a few hours everyday to read a book or watch a TV show or even go out and get a manicure it doesn’t make you a bad parent, it makes you a smart one who understands your limits and respects yourself enough to take the time you need. But like I said everything in moderation, if you begin to get manicures every week and start to ignore your children to watch soap operas 5 hours a day you may be taking a little to much time. You will see that you are a better, kinder and more patient parent if you take this time.

Date nights are equally important to you a d your partner. You need to keep your passion and connexion with each other. One day in about 18 years you will be alone again with your partner and you want to be able to have something in common with them other then the raising of kids. You don't want to allow your children to come between you. Spend time together with out the kids at least twice a month, go on short (or long if you can) get always to re-light the fire you once had. Take a day trip to the big city you leave near and discover it together. Take a dance class or learn a language together. All of these thing will help your relationship to stay alive. Again making you a better parent and partner. Your children will be better off if they see that their parents love each other. It will show them love, respect and bounders.

Just like in the 2010 Movie Date Night go and have fun!

When should your toddle start deciding what he wants to do.

2010-06-09T04:53:00.000-07:00

We all want our toddlers to become independent thinkers. This is something to strive for as a parent. You want them to be able to decide and to tell you what they really want to do. There are a couple of areas kids can decide on their own with no painful consequences.

1- Clothing, yes as painful as it is to see them mismatching their socks it shows their independence in thinking and they want to express themselves accordingly. I do believe if you are going some where special (church, weddings, grandmas house, picture,ect) you should do one of two things. Pick their outfit for them or give them two options "would you like to wear the blue shirt or green shirt?"

2- Eating, you can learn what your child preferences are and try asking him what he would like for a meal may save some stress for you in preparation. Start out with giving them two choices "would you like a hot dog or hamburger for dinner?" they feel like they have some control of their life with this small choice. It will help them be better eaters.

3- Friends, thy will start to have favorite play date friends around 2. You want them to have these friendships but remember to keep introducing them to other kids. By them knowing and playing with a lot of different kids they will adjust better to pre school. If they say they don't want to play with someone ask them why, if it is just a matter of "I don't want to" I would say keep the play date. If they say "he bits me or is mean to me" I would say address the problem at the next play date, keep an eye on the mean kid and if he is mean try to solve the problem. If it can't be solved no play dates with him would be suggested.

4- Activities, your toddler will have their own interest and activities that they like to got to but thy also need to be introduced to activities that will help them in school. Story times, swimming, gymnastic type classes (gymboree, My Gym, ect). These activities help them learn to follow instructions and listen to a teacher, it also helps them learn to interact with kids in a class environment. Somedays they may be very enthusiastic about their activities and other day not as much. On their days they say they don't want to go ask why. And just like they play date if they just say "because I don't want to" that is not a good reason and they may go and have a great time. If they say they don't want to go after a temperer tantrum take them, again they will most likely have a great time once they get there. I feel the only reason to skip is in the case of sickness.

Kids love to have their independence but it needs to be given slowly and within reason. By no means should your two year old be telling you how, what, or when to do things.

Will and Jada Smith and how they raise good kids, even in Hollywood

2010-06-02T04:10:00.000-07:00

I have always been a big fan of Will and Jada Smith. They show the world you can be a celebrity and be good people and stay happily married AND raise good kids.

I have a lot of respect for them and the example they are to the world. They were recently on the Oprah show and they were asked about how they punish their children and this was what they said.

Quote from Oprah show

"Another common question among parents is what punishment looks like in the Smith home. "That's one of the really difficult struggles because we don't exactly believe in punishment, per se. We believe in restriction, that you can have as much freedom as you can handle," Will says. "You can cut your hair. You can put stuff on your wall. And as soon as you do something that is detrimental to yourself, and when you can't be trusted with your freedom, then you have to be pulled back. But it's not about punishing you for what you did???it's about protecting you from the potential damage that you could do to yourself."

This makes so much sense and I must say I will be something I practice from now on. Children need bounders and thy need to learn what they can handle but as parents you need to protect them from themselves sometimes.

Read more about the Smith families ideas, they have a lot of really great ways of raising their kids and how they work on their marriage.

Parks, helicopters and boo-boos

2010-05-23T16:59:00.001-07:00

So many wonderful lessons are learned at the local park.

Children learn the art of sharing with unknown children and turning unknown children into friends for an afternoon and maybe longer. They learn peer conflict and resolutions, and peer pressure They also learn their physical boundaries and the human fact of getting hurt. The park is also a wonderful place for them to flex their imagination muscles along with every other muscle.

I have a few suggestion to help make the most of your park experience for everyone.

1- The park place for children to play and discover. Some parents feel they need to "help" their child along the way of discovering "how about we do the slide... Now let go swing... Let's go to the see-saw.... This... That... The other". Children have a very different sense of time. They could be happy to play on the see-saw for 30 minutes or two. Thy may want to do the same thing over and over again. Let them discover what they like to do in their time.

2- Children will also get hurt at the park. Even if you are right there next to them they could bump, scrap and even break some part of their body. We all have memories as a child hurting ourselves but we all lived. Please don't be a helicopter over your children. This will not keep them safer they will depend on you to help them do things and then not know how to do it by themselves later on and that is when they will get hurt. When you first start taking them to the park as young as 1.5 years give them some space and as they get more comfortable and confident let have more space. You will be amazed at what your child can do on their own.

If they do get hurt remember to remain calm, most tires come from thinking there is something really wrong with them when their parent flies at them screaming "oh my God are you okay?!?!?". Keep it calm and soft spoken " are you okay?"

3- keep an eye on them. Unfortunately the world isn't alway full of wonderful people. Their are people out there who may try to hurt or take your children. Keep an eye on your children and help others around you by keeping an eye on suspicious looking people. A helpful way to keep you child safe is to have them in a bold color or a hat that will stay on and stand out. Have a recent picture with you and take notes of those around you.

The park is wonderful. Let your children grow and discover their works of fun and you will be able to enjoy it with them.

Independence and Sticking With Choices

2010-05-15T05:35:00.000-07:00

Independence is a wonderful thing for children. As young as 1 they want to do things on their own. You notice their independence more when they get a little older around 2 and 3. Independence should be encouraged. Let them put on their own cloths and shoes. Show them an easy way to put on their coat (put the coat on the floor face top of coat furthest away then have your child stick their hands in the sleeves and flip it over their head and they did it on their own!). Show them the proper way to brush their teeth and let them do it, And of course their is learning to go on the big kid potty (that's a post all on it's own). To help them with their independence plan things accordingly, it will most likely take three times as long to get their shoes on but they need to learn how to do it on theirs own. Plan ahead so they are not rushed. This will help them and help your sanity.

Let your child start making their own decisions I would only suggest two options at first. Example "would you rather go to the park or to the farm?" or "would you rather have peas or corn with your dinner?".

However you will notice that they can sometimes be indecisive and then they can flip flop on their answers "Farm! Park! Farm! Park!" help them make a choice and then stick with it. Especially for food if they choice peas and you make it then serve the and they then say corn, please do no go make corn. Simply and Nicely remind them they said thy wanted peas. Then you can suggest corn for another meal later. If they have a fit, let them, BUT don't give in. It will not help them and it will only drive you crazy, it will show them they just need to have a fit to get what they want.

Looking at the process at the beginning will seem endless and horrible, BUT if you let them do things on their own and hold them to their decisions in the long run you will have smart, independent, decisive children who can think for themselves and learn what they like and don't like.

Kids Testing Limits

2010-05-15T05:33:00.000-07:00

Every parent knows what I am talking about and if you don't let me tell you what it means when a child tests there limits or bounders. A good example would be a two year old being told not to touch something and then with a mischievous smile they slowly reach out their hand to touch again. So you say "don't touch or you'll get a time out" and then... They touch it!! At this point you need to follow through with your threat just like in the earlier post rewards and threats you need to follow through. All children will test their limits at different points in their life 2 year old test a lo and if you want to prevent the future testing to be less and safer you need to nip it in the butt at an early age. They will most likely test when they start school also. They also test when things change in their lives such as a new home, nanny or parents marital or dating status.

Every time they test you want them to fail and you to pass.

Remember ***you want to teach and train them not them training and teaching you***.

You are never to busy to handle a small situation with your children. Make time to help your children learn there are limits. They will be safer and more respectful because of this lesson.

Good Sleeping Habits Start Young

2010-05-13T04:34:00.000-07:00

We all want it and some parents have it and some don't. Some parents have to work on getting their children to sleep and others are just blessed with good kids that sleep without any extra help.

To the less fortunate parents I have a tip. It won't sound nice or loving but I have sleep trained many kids with this technic.

Let them cry it out. I know it sounds heartless and it kind of is but it is a sure way for you to get your sleep and your baby will learn how to self sooth, a very important skill for any child.

You can start this training as soon as you know your child can sleep threw the night, most children start around 4 or 5 months. Some parents feel more comfortable waiting until their child is older to take aggressive actions like this but I must say the soon the better and easier.

How you start is like anything with kids slowly take it away. It should take about a week of crying to get them to sleep on their own.

On the first night it will be filling out the situation if they start to cry go in and let them know you are there but don't pick them up. I they start to cry again you just let them cry. You know your child's cry, by now you will most likely know how their cry is sounds for food, board, tiered, hurt, ect. If they become historical (hyperventilating) you go and comfort them try not to pick them up. Keep doing this and slowly they will stop crying as long. If you keep your “checking” short and avoid picking them up they will learn to self sooth, and will cry out less and less. Give them something small to cuddle with that will be safe to keep in their crib, like one of those small 12” x 12” soft blanket and animal mix or with a "Taggie".

Each night after the first try going in less and less and after about 3 or 4 days of “checking” on them try not going in at all and see how they do. You will most likely be surprised at how fast they learn to go down by themselves.

This will help two part of sleeping problems.

~ Going to sleep on their own without you rocking or soothing them

~ When they wake in the middle of the night for no reason they can put themselves back to sleep with out you and without disturbing you.

It will be hard, I have seen many moms cry while their doing this but it is a worthy cause for your sleep. You will be a better parent if you get a good night sleep.

If you would like more information the best book I have found that supports this method is ‘Solve your child’s sleep problems, By Dr. Richard Ferber’.

Secret to diaper rash

2010-05-10T04:54:00.000-07:00

All children will at some point have a bad diaper rash. I'm not talking about the little red butt kind. I'm talking about the big red, bumpy, sometimes bloody diaper rash that breaks your heart every time you change them.

The solution is simple it is a little time consuming but I works every time.

1-Start by changing often this not only prevents but it helps heal faster. Change after one or two pees and ASAP after poop.

2- make a warm tub of water your child can sit in and add 2 packs of 'Domenoro' it is a astringent solution. Let them sock in the mix for 30 minutes.

3- air and towel dry. Try to let them go without a diaper as long as your time allows, the longer the better. I let them play with some sweat pants on with no diaper.

4- desitin and lots of it. After you've dried them off and it's time to put diapers back on put desitin on their rash and I mean came it on like frosting, don't be shy about using to much, for a few times a day thy need a lot of desitin to help them heal. Once the rash is starting to get better you can use less desitin.

If you do these things a few times a day or at least in the morning and night their rash will get better.

Happy Hinnies!

Rewards and threats

2010-04-24T10:18:00.001-07:00

A wonderful way to help kids learn is with rewards for good and threats for bad. This are only good tactic is they are user appropriately.

Rewards- let's go off of the example of eating. "if you eat all of your peas you can have a cookie." yes it is a bribe, some would say bribes are bad. I am not one of those people. However, it should be done correctly. If you tell them they will get a cookie for eating all of their peas, then they should eat ALL of their peas to get the cookie. If they start to whine or throw food or if they do not eat all o their peas, they DO NOT get the cookie. It is a simple mistake a lot of parents make. They think I want them to really do X. But if you are saying they have to do something to get a reward and they don't follow through they should not get it. Otherwise the next time you try this tactic it will not work. Stick to your word. DO NOT GIVE IN. It will teach them to push your buttons to get what they want.

Threats- another very useful way to get children to behave accordingly. Like rewards it only works as good as your ability to follow through. Let's us this example "if you don't stop hitting the wall with that toy I'm going to take it away." they WILL test you! If you say it, DO IT. if they test by just tapping the wall. Take it away. This will let them know you mean what you say. If you say you're going to take it away 100 times their going to keep up what ever bad behavior they're doing. Follow through. If they have a temper tantrum because you did follow through simple respond with the truth " I told you if you kept hitting the wall I was going to take it away." if they keep up tantrum ignore them.

Rewards and threats can be useful BUT they are only effective if you follow through with what you are saying.

Entertainment Committee

2010-04-21T17:26:00.000-07:00

A lot of patents ask what can 'I' do to entertain my kids. The best thing you can do for your kids is let them learn how to use their imagination. This starts at a very young age. Babies start learning to 'Entertain' themselves as young at 3 months old.

3 months to 6 months- At this age you should be able to lay them on a play mate with something hanging over them with lights music and sound to catch their attention. At first they may only be able to be by themselves for a short time. Try to push them to play a little longer. If they start to fuss a little let them, see if thy can work it out themselves to grab onto the hanging objects. Once you let them stay there a little longer they start to learn (yes at 3 months they start to learn) how to entertain themselves. It is important at this age to let them fuss if you know they have all of their needs filled (food, warmth, sleep, clean diaper) then let then fuss. ****Remember you want to train them not them training you.****

6 month to 9 months- they are mobile at this point and if you started letting them play at 3 months they should be good to play by themselves longer. Put them on a soft area and let them sit up and play with a few toys. They love putting things in their mouths so make sure you keep anything you don't want in their mouth up high, and keep toys and area clean.

9 months to 1 year- walking! Get them a walking toy, something to push around. By this time they should be fine for around 15 minutes minimum and 30 max. You can let them play by themselves a few times a day. Get them a fun jumping toy, either one that sits on the ground or hangs in the door way. Again sit them on a play mat ( if you can get them to sit, they'll probably want to be moving) and let them have a few toys, some easy puzzles and blocks.

1 year to 18 months- they are walking crazy little people now. Keep letting them explore their world make a special cupboard in the kitchen that is filled with none breakable pots, pans, tupperware an lids to help them explore. They can make music and learn about putti things in and out. This is also good for younger ages but it is really great for this age. Let them have a space that is theirs for their toys teach them that is were they go if you are busy doing stuff. Try to keep this space if possible in you sight where they can see you and more importantly you can see them so they don't hurt themselves.

18 months to 2 years- around this age you will notice the wonderful time of tantrums have started. DO NOT GIVE IN!!!!! they will test you many times and if you hold your ground every time the tests will happen less often and then stop almost interlay. Now I'm no saying they will never have tantrums but it is important once they start showing you signs o them not to give in. They can and should play by themselves. They will like to play with things like what you have. Real keys, kitchen toy, tools, dolls, glasses, and old cell phones. They like to be like you, they notice the difference between their toys and your real stuff. If you can give them your old or broken(safe) items. They do still like regular toys also. They should be able to play on their own for 30+ minutes. They should also be able to play outside with supervision but not need to he entertained.

2 to 3 years- keep them playing with what ever they are interested in. I they like tools get tool like toys and benches to work on. If they like kitchen pretend set up a kitchen and a grocery store to shop in. Boys and girls like dolls, let them pretend to be mom or dad. This is also a great age for puzzle and books. Coloring on their own is great to

build the attention for school.

3 to 5- years- at this age you child should do great on his own. If you have not let them learn to play on their own introduce them to it slowly. Make them play for 15 minuets without you. If they insist on having you just ignore them eventually they will get bird of bugging you and go and play. Remember DO NOT GIVE IN. if you want ten to learn the very important skill of playing on their own don't give in. You can handle the sort tantrum for a long term goal.

5 and up- by this time the kids have probably stopped taking a nap and it is a great time to introduce 'quite time' this Is a good time to let them sit in their own room and play quietly or when there older work on homework. I would suggest at first for a 5 year old around 30 minute and then move up with there age to about an hour. Set a timer in their room so they learn time management and how to keep themselves busy.

It us great for you as a parent to help your child learn the skill of entertaining themselves it will help you have time to get stuff done and help them grow. You also need to remember to give then alone time in moderation. It is good for them to learn this but they also need playing time with you.