the narcissists' diary

The Bird's the Word

2012-02-12T23:05:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure about how I put this outfit together. But I decided to post it anyway. Learning to be more self-confident is a multi-faceted deal (that's why our blog covers different kinds of topics and not just one), and this is part of it!

I saw this bird dress at Forever 21/XXI and fell in love. I have a real thing for birds. I've never had one as a pet but am enthralled with the shape of them...their skinny necks, round bellies, and their wiry widdle wegs and feets. It's the trend now to wear a belt-over-a-cardigan-over-a-dress, but I've always felt like that looks weird on me, even with a narrower belt. So I tried it with the belt on the inside as well.

I was wearing my baby while I was shopping, as usual, so I didn't try it on; I just grabbed it and bought it. When I got home, I saw it had a huge tear in one side of the skirt. The material is sort of flimsy to begin with and isn't sewn that tightly. Fortunately, I hadn't removed the tags and was able to exchange it for a non-torn dress. But you can guess what happened the very first time I wore it out somewhere:

I'm thinking of either sewing it back with some kind of reinforcing fabric behind the seam or leaving it as a slit but hemmed on the edges. Sounds silly, but I just really love the dress.

While on that same mall trip, I'd seen this fabulous stretch belt at Know Style for only $10. It reminds me of one of my mom's from the 80s. I didn't know for sure if I'd get it until I saw the bird dress; I knew it would be perfect with it! I felt sooo stylish with this epiphany. Although I have to say, it looks much better with it in person than in the photos. I had a surprise after getting the belt home as well: a label saying it may contain lead and not to mouth or chew it. I know it was only $10, but good grief! Lead?!

I always seem to find that photos can wash out an outfit without enough accessories, so I thought, "I'm gonna go all out with this one!" Not so sure that was the right choice. I feel like it all looks a bit much. Maybe it should be either the belt or headband but not both? Or is it just the cowboy boots that cause the whole thing to be over the top? I wanted to be different from my go-to brown boots, but I think they just work better. In addition to trying different boots, I thought I'd try it with my orange cardigan as well to be different, sans belt. But I don't think it works as well. Not bad but not great.

Just curious what your thoughts are - what works and what doesn't?

Do you ever feel really cute in something and then get disappointed about it when you see pictures? Should that matter?

P.S. If you have the song "Surfin' Bird" in your head from the post title...you're welcome. Cuz it never fails to make me cackle.

OUTFIT POST: Relaxed 70s Style

2012-02-02T22:41:00.000-05:00

As promised, this is the way cool 70s cardigan I scored from Miskabelle. I LOVE IT. I knew I'd love it when I saw the pictures of it, but when it arrived, it was even better than my expectations. The bell sleeves are really different and fun. I like to imagine its original owner wearing it in some really funky way as they head out to go somewhere...well, funky. But I decided to do a casual, relaxed outfit around it this time. I don't know what it is, but this outfit makes me want to do errands and window shop on a crisp day.

It has orange and purple stripes, so of course I had to bring out my Airborne Unicorn lipstick by Lime Crime. Gotta add a little bit of fun even to a casual outfit!

Somebody stop me; I'm on a roll here! Actually, hubs and I did 3 outfits for the little afternoon photoshoot...I figured, why not do everything at once or they might not get done at all! I happily live on my daughter's schedule now. :) You may have noticed I've become a big fan of wearing low side ponytails and not just because we did multiple shoots. At least I'm wearing different pants than usual. ;)

Cardigan: Miskabelle

Lipstick: Airborne Unicorn by Lime Crime

Bird T-Shirt: Target (last year)

Pants: yep...still maternity for a while

Boots: yep...you know the ones

Moccasins: Target (and for the record, I hate thinking they're probably real suede)

Necklace: Smart Glass as part of the package when I bought Doria Roberts' album,

which you really owe it to yourself to check out - actually, her latest CD would be the perfect music for strolling the park with my baby girl in this outfit :)

OUTFIT: Channeling Rashida Jones on "Parks & Rec"

2012-02-02T00:05:00.002-05:00

I recently scored two new things from one of my very favorite etsy shops, Miskabelle. One of my new finds is a really cool 70s cardigan, which I'll feature soon in an upcoming post, and the other is the maroon and green button-up shirt you'll see below that I got for 15 bucks. The night after I ordered the shirt, I happened to turn on the TV to "Parks and Recreation," and Rashida Jones was wearing a very similar shirt. I got so excited that I had to pause it on the TiVo and take a picture of the screen. Fortunately, I found a better image on the web site. The episode is where Amy Poehler is campaigning and does a bowling night, and this is what Rashida's character wears to bowling:

I got my husband to do a little outfit photoshoot for me, and I've finally realized what the trick is to turning him into a good photographer: he just needed his own iPhone. lol I admit I felt kind of selfish as a new mom doing it until I thought about it. He was wearing our baby, so she was in the wrap, outside, and being walked around - pretty much her favorite things, and the dogs were running around in the yard with us. Everyone was happy. I am trying to remind myself that it wouldn't have been selfish anyway. But I am still struggling with that a little. Now if I could just finish this blog post...

I always feel validated style-wise when I buy something from Miskabelle because Jayme and Amanda are really stylish gals who have a true eye for unique but wearable fashion (not to mention a really interesting and stylish blog with loads of outfit ideas). I honestly feel like if something is in their store, it passes the style test, and I don't even have to think about it. Then when I saw a similar shirt on the gorgeous Rashida, I felt even more stylish.

I decided to first do the outfit somewhat similar to Rashida's. I don't have brownish pants like that (I think they are brown - ?) or a gray cardigan...or bowling shoes...so I improvised with my gray hoodie, trusty Heidi Klum maternity jeans (good thing I like them; I will still be wearing them for a while yet, methinks), and my also-trusty tall boots. I feel like I take blog pictures in these jeans and boots all the time. But they just seem to work with everything. I like layering and wanted some extra length, so I used a white lace-trimmed tank. I like this outfit for its casual feel. It's very fall-ish. Goes well with our unraked yard even though it's winter. ;)

You are looking at my necklace...right?? ;)

And now my spin on it to add some color and pep – or prep? – it up a little. This teal cardigan is also becoming somewhat of a trusty piece for me. You've seen it before, and you'll see it again. It's soft and lightweight, and the shape of it goes inward at the waist just so and really flatters your shape, and I always feel good in teal.

Do you also notice the little details of what characters are wearing on TV? I have several outfits and other things that I share with characters on "Raising Hope," one of my all-time favorite comedies, and my baby has two outfits and the bouncer seen on recent episodes of "Parenthood." I'm constantly noticing things we own from IKEA on shows. Is it just me, or isn't that really validating to your sense of style? Not that much matters besides what you think yourself, but it's still kinda neat to say, "Hey! I have that!"

Plaid shirt: Miskabelle (I got some of my vintage maternity wear from them too.)

Jeans: Heidi Klum for Motherhood

Lace-trimmed white tank: who knows

Boots: a bargain from Ross a couple years ago

Gray hoodie: Target last year

Teal cardigan: Target a couple months ago

Bottlecap confidence necklace: Us! (Get yours here.)

Headband: another coveted creation by Garlands of Grace

What a "babe!" hehe

2012-01-30T12:08:00.000-05:00

My baby learned real quick where to look when the camera was pointed at her. Now where did she get that from?! Actually, it's probably more the shape and movement that attract her attention. (She's also pretty into ceiling fans and her mobiles and anything else that moves.) She is so irresistible with those chubbalicious cheeks o'hers. She lights up every moment of my life!

I thought it would be fun to showcase some of her "message" onesies that definitely fit the vibe of The Closet Narcissist. You gotta start ingraining self-confidence when they're young, right? This is all tongue-in-cheek, like all our narcissism, of course. (Does me explaining that take the spark out of it? Hmm.)

Onesie from Auntie Kam #1...

Onesie from Auntie KameraWhore #2. Of course...who else?!!

This one was a gift from Daddy. haha I kept trying to get a picture of her smiling, but I ended up going with this one because it kinda looks like she's got an attitude that goes well with the outfit. ;) She's about 3.5 months old now - I can't believe how much she has changed comparing this photo to the others when she was about 2 months.

And here are some other pictures just for fun. She really can out cute ANY of you bitches. heehee

We were having a little too much fun with iPhone's reversible camera and playing copycat.

The fun trompe l'oeil ballerina socks for me were a lovely surprise gift from my friend Ally of Shybiker. I realized my daughter had similar socks and of course had to get a picture. Wook at her tiny widdle feets!!

My lil love and me. She gets more and more wonderful each and every day!

Baby weight blues? Nah. Okay, sometimes.

2012-01-12T18:32:00.000-05:00

First, a quick catch-up...a very belated Happy Holidays and Happy New Year from the Narcissisters to you now that it's January 12th. ;)

I love the first pic of KameraWhore so much...doesn't she look so 70s chic? The compact mirror was a gift from her daughter that reads: "Mirror, mirror, in my hand, I'm the fairest in the land." Does she know her mom or what?!

I got this vintage polyester dress for $15 from a thrift shop that's moving! SCORE! It's not maternity, it FITS me, and the waist is adjustable because it ties in the back. Don't know if you can tell, but the belt is lace. Only problem is - it's very hot being thick polyester. And you'll notice our family Christmas portrait there on the right. That's me (Bella), Renesmee, and Edward. haha NO, I did not name my daughter that, don't worry. But I couldn't resist, what with that pacifier and all. P.S. My awesome headband came from Garlands of Grace, an etsy shop I absolutely adore.

So if you haven't gathered this already, having a newborn pretty much takes over your life...in the best of ways! My little girl is 3 months old this week; I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I miss when she was so brand new and tiny. But now...now, you see, she SMILES and coos. She has always smiled, and not from gas or a reflex as people would like you to believe, but once the smiles became a more direct response, pitter-patter goes my heart. It's the best thing ever when her face breaks out into a huge grin just because I'm looking at her. It's like no other feeling in the world. My husband and I spend a lot of time pacing. She is a girl who likes to be on the move! Even while she's sleeping, she knows if we sit down and will sometimes wake up and start fussing...we stand up and start walking again, and she goes back to sleep. Sometimes I go to bed with my feet so sore, and sometimes it feels impossible to get anything done (like get dressed or brush my teeth), but you know, it's just not that big of a deal. I'd do anything for her. And it's getting easier over time. Frankly, I'm glad she wants to be held close so much. I want to be close to her as much as possible too.

How I look on an average day. Can't even see my shirt. lol
Thanks to some "mom blogs," I saved a ton of money on wraps by
buying T-shirt fabric on sale. You get about 5 yards, cut it down
the middle length-wise, and then you have two!

I obviously haven't had the time to blog like I used to, but I still think about TCN often and the purpose behind it. We sold a necklace a couple weeks ago, and even though we haven't sold that many, every time we mail one off, it makes me happy...we send it off with a wish that the recipient will feel better about herself because of it. I am human, and it's not like I have amazing self-confidence every single day. I work from home, so most days you won't find me in real clothes but pajamas. My hair will probably not be brushed but just stuffed in a quick ponytail, and I definitely won't have on makeup. I will probably choose my glasses in favor of contacts instead of purposefully wearing my glasses with certain outfits. I will definitely be wearing my baby wrap, whether my baby is even in it or not, because it's easier to leave it on when she suddenly decides she needs to be inside it. I don't think too much about my appearance or my weight then (and, actually, for a while, I thought I might never care a flip about how I looked again because everything seems so trivial compared to my daughter...but you do reach a point, hopefully, where you recognize you still need a "self" and not just a "mom self"). Going out, though, sometimes presents me with challenges. I dropped 20 pounds almost immediately after giving birth but have about 20 more before I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Realistically, that weight is not gonna fall off quickly, nor should it if I'm being healthy about it. As they say, it takes you 9 months to put it on and potentially 9, or more, to get it off. Sometimes I want to exercise just for the feel-good factor of it, but it's hard to find the time, and plus, it means being away from my baby. I know at some point I will need to start taking more "me" time. But I'm not there yet. I love being with her too much. I do go places and walk with her sometimes, and good God, you'd think all the pacing around the house and yard would melt the pounds off :), but sometimes I miss the toning feel of the machines at Curves, where I've been a member for several years.

I usually shy away from talking about weight on this blog other than to express that you can and should feel good about yourself at any weight. Not in spite of your weight but embracing yourself and making the most of your unique body. I don't think it's wrong if you want to lose weight for the right reasons. But I don't think you should despise yourself as you wait to reach a certain number or jeans size. And I don't want to get caught up in "fat talk." Fat talk has rightly been the subject of several blogs over the last year or so, and it basically means what women do when they get together. You meet a friend for lunch, and she says, "Hey, you look great!" and instead of just saying thanks, you say, "You're crazy, look at this pooch hanging over my pants and the bags under my eyes." Then she says, "No, YOU look great; look at me. You're so much thinner than I am." And on it goes. We all do it. I do it when I'm not making a conscious effort not to. It's not healthy or beneficial, but it's what we do, for many reasons. I think it's partly a female bonding thing, sadly. But, like I said, I'm human. And sometimes the post-pregnancy weight can get to me. But, actually, it's not really the weight...

One day, I threw on some clothes and took my daughter on a stroll around some local shops. I was feeling pretty good until this girl walking behind me got tired of how slow I was walking and circled around me. When she got in front of me, I saw how cute and stylish she was...and, okay, small. I kind of hate myself for saying that. But I'm not going to try and present myself as some super-human with no issues to you guys; this blog is about being real. What it took me a while to realize it's not even the actual weight that bothers me...it's 1) the fact that my body looks different from before or during pregnancy and 2) I'm just tired of wearing maternity clothes and hate that I have a whole closet full stuff I can't fit into. I lost about 30 pounds a few years ago to get to a healthy weight, and I even had to adjust to that even though it was a loss, not a gain, because I looked different. I also struggled in the beginning of my pregnancy with how fast my body started changing and then toward the end just because I was so swollen. The point is, every time my body has changed, I've struggled to adjust to it, whether the weight has gone up or down. The only time I didn't was when my baby belly reached its fullest, because, get real, I looked awesome. heehee So I think it is more about the change than the weight for me. And after buying a couple thrift shop dresses and some basic cute things at Forever 21 with some Christmas money, when I actually have on mostly normal clothes - even though chances are you will still find me in maternity pants - and find a few minutes to put on some makeup, I feel good. Doesn't matter that the baby wraps cover up most of my clothing. I know what's under there. :)

My body changed to grow my baby. It may or may not ever go back to the way it used to look, even if I lose the 20 pounds. But as Kam told me, now I am the "new and improved me." Ultimately, I am proud of my body. It is powerful and strong. And as another new mom friend of mine and I have discussed, the extra belly really makes a useful shelf for holding the little ones. haha I got a new tattoo on the side of my belly in honor of my daughter, but I think it also honors the belly that changed to accommodate her so she could be housed so cozy for so long.

An example of dressing for your body shape, not to be confused with being ashamed of it.
The empire waist and cardigan kind of help camouflage and shape my belly and hips,
and the bright colors are happy. These are the same maternity jeans you've seen me in before.

Am I expecting again?? lol Nope. That's just how my belly looks from the side by the end of the day.

Because I'm human, I usually pick out the most flatteringly angled pics to post.
This one is more representative.

Tell me something about your body that makes you proud. Pretty please? Even if it's something small. I want to know.

Wear a piece of self-love everywhere.

2011-12-09T13:42:00.000-05:00

30% off all our handmade necklaces this month! Grab one or two for a friend, or better yet, for yourself! ;)

www.theclosetnarcissist.etsy.com

And while you're perusing etsy, you can snap up some cute winter gear (scarves, fingerless gloves, hats) at my other shop, www.juniperandclover.etsy.com, at newly discounted prices.

Happy shopping!!

And we hope to be back soon with some "real" blogging again soon! ;)

Confidence in Being a New Mom

2011-11-11T19:43:00.000-05:00

You've probably read about my struggles with confidence before...you know the journey I was on to get to where I got. Well, let me assure you, nothing has ever tested my confidence level quite so much as being a mom!

I second-guess every decision I make. I constantly wonder am I good enough for what this perfect little baby deserves. I feel helpless and inadequate sometimes and wonder why the hell I ever thought I could be a mom. But then some days I feel like the best mom ever (besides my own) and rest in the knowledge that I will make mistakes but that she will be okay because no one will ever love her the way I love her. She's one month old already now, and we're still learning each other and figuring out our routines. Between a scare about her weight dropping too much at one point and breastfeeding challenges, I can really work myself into a frenzy of "mom guilt," feeling like I'm failing her. But, really, when I step back and look, I am doing a good job. All new moms go through a slightly crazy period the first two or three weeks after delivery. Your whole life has changed in an instant (or, in my case, after 39 hours of labor, lol), and not only that, but you suddenly have this tiny little person that you love so much you can hardly bear it. You feel pressures you never knew before and would do anything, anything, just to make them happy, healthy, and safe. I'm learning as I go, as all new moms do. Some days are filled with crying - mine, not hers! - because I'm so scared of everything. Others are calm and peaceful as I just hold her and watch her face because it's so lovely that I can't look away. It's up and down but all amazing. I've officially done the one thing in my life that I couldn't have lived without, and that in itself gives me confidence if I think about it. I can hardly believe she's here; every action I made my whole life has been leading up to her, and now, here she is. So many choices that I made in life were because I was thinking of my future daughter.

Whenever I start feeling really scared and overwhelmed, my husband reminds me of my pregnancy, labor, and delivery. It's definitely something I should mentally call upon any time I feel like I can't do something from now on. If I could do that, I can do anything! If you're interested in this sort of thing, here's the short version. I think I mentioned before that I was planning on a water birth and had taken a HypnoBirthing class. HypnoBirthing is self-hypnosis (essentially very deep relaxation) that centers around delivering your baby calmly and with as few interventions as possible. It goes on the premise that birth doesn't have to hurt like we are taught in our culture. We expect it to hurt, so it does because our bodies tense up, and the tension causes the pain and actually hinders the baby's progress coming out. I'd been practicing with the relaxation exercises almost daily for months, to the point where it became completely ingrained in me and I could get myself in that zone anytime. I wasn't scared about giving birth at all. I knew we would have a calm, relaxed labor and birth...and yes, I know, "calm" and "relaxed" are not typically words you hear to describe giving birth! But I can honestly say that's exactly how it was. Anyway, I was planning on an all-natural birth, and I almost got it. The first sign my labor had started was my water breaking. I started having contractions (called "surges" in HypnoBirthing, which sounds less scary!) not long after that and started playing the HypnoBirthing exercises on my iPhone. When the contractions were about a minute apart, my midwife asked me to come into the office to get checked out to make sure I wouldn't get admitted into the hospital too soon. I was 4 cm then, so we went ahead to the hospital. I was talking through my contractions. We all thought it would be a pretty fast labor...but baby girl had other plans. I labored in the shower, in the water birth tub, standing up leaning against a chair...I had no concept of how much time had passed, as I was completely in my zone of relaxation, and nothing could interrupt it. No one could even tell when I was having a contraction unless I held my hand up for them to be quiet during it.

Eventually, over 30 hours had passed, and she was very low but not getting any lower. My body started to give out; it was most comfortable at that point to labor standing up and rocking from side to side (I had to give up my water birth because her heart rate had increased enough to where there was a risk for infection), and my legs were shaking and could barely hold me up anymore. I had the incredible urge to bear down, but it wasn't accomplishing anything. I developed a slight fever, and at that point, we needed to help her out a little. I was 9.5 cm then and not in pain...I mean, I wouldn't say labor is the most comfortable thing I've ever done, but I can honestly say it was not painful. We made the decision to induce just a little and get an epidural - again, not for pain but because my body was completely worn out! When it was time to push my little one out, the epidural had worn off enough where I could feel almost everything. It took a lot of energy, and having the epidural had given me time to rest and try to recharge some. I continued using my HypnoBirthing techniques throughout. Just when I thought I had expended all my energy again, my husband said, "Your dream is about to come true!" and that gave me the last burst of energy I needed. And then, suddenly, there she was! They put her on my chest, and I can't even describe the feeling of looking into her face for the first time. I didn't get the natural birth I'd planned on, but I have no regrets. And if I can labor for that long with no drugs until the very end and keep myself absolutely calm and relaxed throughout, good God, I can do anything! And, I might add, any woman who has birthed a human being out of her body, whether she did it naturally, with drugs, or had a C-section, should feel like she can do anything in life as well! Carrying a baby for 40 weeks, give or take, and then giving birth is nothing short of an amazing feat no matter how you do it.

There's actually nothing special or different about me that enabled me to do it that way any more than anyone else; I'm not more brave. I just have knowledge and resolve going for me. And, okay, I admit I'm one of THE stubbornest people I know, and when I want something, there is absolutely no stopping me. But the ability to birth this way is not unique to me or anyone else...anyone can do it! I learned everything I could, made a decision, took the class and read the book, practiced the relaxation exercises regularly, and, most importantly, believed it's possible. I'm really happy with the way things went; it's our own unique birth story, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

So I'm now trying to regain that same sense of calm and confidence as a mom, and I'm getting there! I've started listening to HypnoParenting relaxation exercises and affirmations, and they really help me calm down when I'm freaking out. I had gotten so used to doing the HypnoBirthing exercises every day and then suddenly had nothing like it anymore, and as dramatic as it sounds, I really felt a big hole not having relaxation exercises anymore. HypnoBirthing principles can work for any situation in daily life, and the basic ideas are quite ingrained in me, but I needed something to listen to that was tailored to being a mom rather than birthin' a baby. I felt so different after listening to HypnoParenting. My whole perspective has shifted into something much more positive and less fearful. Some things in particular about it really stuck out to me. One is the part where she has you visualizing hugging and appreciating your inner little girl, which was powerful. It might sound a little cheesy at first, but it's quite healing. That was actually one part of a hypnotherapy session I had years ago that I had kind of forgotten about. It made me see myself the way my mom did, LOVEABLE and WORTHY. Seeing myself as a child, I could see myself similar to how I see my daughter...perfect and wonderful...and there's no reason I wouldn't still be that way now that I'm an adult. Besides, if something so perfect and wonderful came from me, I must be pretty darn awesome. :) Before having a baby, I was one of the most confident, self-assured gals I knew (well, most of the time, anyway), trying to show other girls how to be the same through this blog. But being a new mom has challenged every ounce of my confidence. Most of the calm and "centeredness" I'd had in pregnancy and labor went out the window when my baby cried. It just breaks your heart and takes a while to adjust to hearing it. I feel now like I'm on the right path towards gaining that confidence back, now not just confident as a woman but as a mama. I am deciding to stop doubting myself and chill out. Lately, I've seen some of my mom instincts paying off, even little things like stuff I bought before she was born that we are finding out we need now. It's reaffirming. I'm choosing to focus on the positive things I know I'm doing right and give myself the freedom to just do my best and remember that I don't want to teach her that making mistakes in life is a bad thing and does not make you "less than."

Even if you're not a mom or planning to be one soon, something you can take from this is that even when you've built up a healthy self-confidence level, sometimes things in your life might crop up that challenge it all over again, and that's okay. Just remember how you've drawn strength from within yourself in past situations, and above all, try to get yourself in a relaxed state of mind so that you can calm down and view the situation more objectively. That will help you to know what to do and have the confidence to do it and be your best you. And remember, everyone messes up from time to time. You can beat yourself up for it forever, or you can plunge on and do your best from that point forward.

Happy Halloween from the Narcissisters' offspring :)

2011-11-03T19:37:00.000-04:00

Here we have KameraWhore's beautiful 11-year-old daughter, E-Bug, dressed up as a lion for Halloween (fabulous facepainting done by Kam)...she knows how to work the camera just like her mama. hehe Kam dropped her camera and broke it, by the way, and she feels like half herself right now! :(

And here's my beautiful new baby girl, J-Bug, dressed as the lil punkin she is!! Not quite 3 weeks old that day, and already she knows exactly where to look at the camera like her mama too! ;)

My baby girl is here!

2011-10-22T13:53:00.001-04:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

New belly pics - 38 weeks

2011-10-08T20:12:00.000-04:00

KameraWhore (a/k/a Kam) came over today to take some belly pics of me. I'm 38 weeks along now (out of 40)! It was just what I needed, truly. I hate to say it, but I have been feeling so frumpy and puffy the last couple of weeks...I felt like I had lost my pregnancy glow and was just kind of down on myself. It happens to most women toward the end, I think, because you're so uncomfy. Except for the belly...I LOVE MY BELLY, and that never changed. :) When she first got here, I just didn't know if I'd like any of the pictures we'd end up taking (no reflection on her skills). But when I looked at the pictures she took, I realized it hadn't gone anywhere at all. I think I've only been feeling that way because of the swelling and the lack of clothes/shoes that fit anymore. But seeing the pictures makes me feel like the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world again. She's a very talented photographer in addition to being one of the best friends I could ever have. And regardless of how I feel about my appearance, nothing matters except that soon my baby daughter will be here in my arms.

Karaoke Night with the Narcissisters

2011-10-07T18:22:00.000-04:00

You didn't know the Narcissisters were also awesome singers in addition to just being plain awesome, did ya?? hehe My birthday was a couple months ago, and the gals took me out a-karaoke-ing, so we thought we'd share! I had never been before, and the place we went to was really neat. It was a place with private rooms (so no embarrassment) and mics that make you sound good. They played funny, random videos on the screen that had nothing to do with the songs. We spent about 3-1/2 hours there! I highly recommend it as a confidence-booster!! No joke. If you actually watch the whole video of us singing, you are a super devotee. ;) I apologize in advance for the chafing reference. lol "Two Best Friends Singing About Two Best Friends."

Jen, Bonnie, Kam, and Alana

You can tell we didn't know this song very well...

Post of the Year Nomination

2011-09-19T17:38:00.000-04:00

If you've been hanging out with us at TCN for any length of time, you probably know how fond I am of Ally's blog, Shybiker. She is doing a really nice service to bloggers right now with her "Post of the Year" contest, where oldies-but-goodies posts get resurrected out of the woodwork when they might otherwise get overlooked by readers since they aren't brand new. An older post of mine called "Jenarcissist Bares All: a History of Insecurity" has made it into the top six nominees! That was the first reeeeeally personal post I wrote for our blog and detailed a lot of things I went through to become the [more-often-than-not] confident person I am today. It took a lot for me to write it, but I've never regretted it. I would love if you'd take a quick sec to vote for me if you liked it.

Even if you don't vote for mine, and I mean this sincerely, I hope that you get something out of it that you can use in healing your own perspective of yourself. And no matter who wins, I must say, I am really enjoying seeing people vote for themselves - yeah, narcissists!! ;)

You can vote here: http://shybiker.blogspot.com/2011/09/its-time-to-vote-poty.html

Does Wearing Lipstick Make You More Confident? Lip Noir Might!

2011-09-06T15:29:00.000-04:00

For me, my confidence no longer depends on whether I have on makeup or not. But I'd be lying if I said it didn't give me a little boost. :) Especially when I'm wearing a fabulous shade of lipstick; there's just something about it.

I came across this little article saying that "seventy five percent of women believe that lipstick makes them more confident, according to a L'Oréal survey." Now, the fact that the survey was conducted by one of the most prominent lipstick-makers in the world does kind of make you wonder about the statistic. hehe But I know for a lot of women, it's true. I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with lipstick/makeup boosting your confidence as long as you're not dependent on it for the way you view yourself. Makeup is fun and creative and allows you to express yourself.

So, if you haven't heard yet, my favorite lipstick brand, Lime Crime, has just released a new collection called LIP NOIR that includes some really gorgeous colors for fall. I'm especially intrigued by the gray Chinchilla color! I have all 10 original Lime Crime lipsticks and am eager to add this one to my collection (and Mint to Be before time runs out!). They go on just like they appear in the tube...creamy, opaque, and smooth but without feeling too lipstick-y.

The weather here has cooled off substantially all of a sudden - we'll see if it lasts, but the drizzly, cool weather definitely makes me want to don a new fall lipstick...and a jean jacket over a dress and tall boots...yeahhhh...

Click here to shop this collection or to see all the colors Lime Crime has to offer!

What’s your take on lipstick/makeup and confidence?

A Shower for Baby Narcissist

2011-09-01T21:23:00.000-04:00

No, that's not what we're naming her. lol Let me tell you, this was the best shower I could've hoped for but felt rather surreal...it really sank in that I was not a guest at someone else's but was there because I'M the one having the baby!!

Of course Rob was there to cheerfully greet all the guests at the door.

The gorgeous hostesses: Kam, Alana, and Bonnie...thank you, my lovely
and generous friends, for making it a perfect day!

Kam was extremely proud that she won the "guess-the-circumference-of-Jen's-belly" game!

I got a perfect score on guessing all the melted candy bars in the diapers.
Do I know my chocolate or what!

Kam handmade this beautiful baby blanket!

The aftermath! We got so much stuff that it took up more than half our living room.
The cats and dogs had to investigate.

And last, but not least, this is our baby girl! If you look closely, you can make out her
chubby cheeks and chin, curled fist, her button nose, and lips like her mama's!!
I can hardly wait to meet her in person. :) 7 weeks to go!

Jen's Vintage Outdoor Wedding

2011-08-21T23:57:00.003-04:00

Considering I tied the knot 10 months ago, I guess this post is a little overdue! I've been meaning to post about our wedding for forever. My brother-in-law (my husband's brother) just married one of my closest friends last Friday, and of course it just takes me back to all the magic and splendor of ours. I was a bridesmaid for them and also did the bride's makeup, which was obviously really exciting for me. Their pictures won't be ready for about a month, but lots were taken of her makeup getting applied, which I plan to share with you later. I'm a lover of all things wedding and always have been; I just love looking at pictures of anyone's wedding whether I know them or not, so I thought you might want to see some of mine. (Same goes for pregnant gals; I can't get enough of belly pics, and I hope you can't either since I like to post mine here!) Despite the tongue-in-cheek title of our blog, my purpose here isn't to show off but just to share some of my very happiest memories. The only sad part of the day was that my mom wasn't physically there...but I know she was literally there in spirit and sent plenty of little signs to let me know.

Brief history...hubs and I had been together for about six years prior to the wedding and lived together for four, not as a "trial run" but as a "marriage is inevitable, so we're doin' this." We intended to do the actual ceremony a lot sooner, but as he would often joke, we had "the other M-word" tying us together pretty tightly: mortgage! ;) He would've gone to the courthouse ages ago and done the deed, but I wanted an outdoor ceremony. I'd been married before, you know, but this time it's to the right guy and was a long time coming, and I wanted to really celebrate it big! And I also thrive on creating, decorating, planning, the works, which worked out well for us because we had a super limited budget. 2010 just somehow felt like the right year to do it, so we started planning in January. He still managed to surprise me with a ring somehow even though it's not like the engagement was a surprise. We wanted to get married in the fall since we wanted it outside and it gets dreadfully hot in Georgia in the summer (thank God the other wedding Friday was indoors). So we got married on 10-10-10...I mean, if you're gonna get married in the fall of 2010, how could you not? The weather turned out beautifully. It was much more like a spring day than a fall one, which worked out well with our springlike colors.

First on the list was: where to get married. We both agreed we'd like an outdoor ceremony, somewhere with trees. Twinkle lights and candles. A big, open field with a barn. Not expensive. One night when I was hanging out with KameraWhore at her house in the country, her daughter asked why we didn't just do it at their house...they have an open field with a barn and surrounding trees, and, as she pointed out to really get to me (she's a smart kid, that one), it was free. We kind of chuckled at first, but then as I looked out the window to their barn, which is actually more like a workshop made to look like a barn, I realized...well, why not?!? Their field is divided into two sections by wire fencing - perfect for using one side for the ceremony, one for the reception. I don't know that any of us, least of all Kam and her husband, knew what we would be getting ourselves into at the time. :) DIY weddings can be quite stressful because of the time and energy involved in, well, doing it yourself. But everything couldn't have been more perfect! It even turned out they had the perfect tree to get married under that was dead center for where the aisle went, like it had been planted right there just for us. A lot of people thought I was completely nuts for thinking I could transform the area into a wedding site, not because her house is in bad shape or anything like that at all but because they just couldn't see the vision I had in my head and were used to people getting married mostly at ready-made venues. People would whisper to my husband, "Is she sure she wants to get married here?" and he would reply, "I don't know how she's gonna pull it off; I just know that she can!" I'm really glad for his faith in me, and of course Kam, who never doubted! Anytime I've gone through some self-doubt since then, I will think back and decide if I could pull that off, I can do anything. I'm sure giving birth will trump the wedding, however. ;)

Not spending too much money was a major priority. I think the biggest expense we had was probably my dress, but before you assume anything, it may be designer but was bought on sample sale for a reasonable price, and I maintain to this day that it was worth it. I had gone into it thinking I'd wear a pretty, thrifted vintage number...until I saw THE dress in a bridal magazine, and nothing else held a candle to it after that. I wouldn't have been able to get it if it weren't for one local store, Kelly's Closet, carrying it and giving it to me at sample price. It needed some custom alterations, mostly to the top because it originally had sleeves, but was mostly a perfect fit to my body already, like it was made for me. I told you, vision boards work!

Ceremony seating was a combo of mismatched benches, hay bales, and my grandma's handmade quilts.
Tablecloths were mostly vintage sheets with some of my grandma's old textiles thrown in, with burlap runners.
The four wooden poles with string lights created our dance floor (so pretty at night!), and the canopy area was the kids' play area.
We also had a croquet set and fire pit set up.

We had SO much help along the way...too much to even list here, too many people to thank for helping us create the wedding of our dreams, and I hope I'm not leaving anyone out. The vision may have been mostly mine, but the end result was truly a family-and-friends affair. People not only worked hard that whole day but that whole month helping us prepare everything, at least. They moved heavy things, cleaned out the barn, dug holes, wired electricity...not to mention cleanup the day after. One of my fathers-in-law (my hubs' stepdad) even got ordained just so he could marry us. :) That was incredibly special. And my other father-in-law, his dad, built the kissing booth and wooden tables. Kam and I painted the booth, and few things are more fun to me than doing an art project with her.

We had a favorite local restaurant called Urban Cannibals cater an all-vegetarian menu for us, and I don't know what else to say about them besides that they're amazingly nice people and amazingly fabulous chefs (not to mention one half of the duo is Doria Roberts, a very gifted singer). We already had a super talented photographer in the family, a good friend who is an awesome singer/songwriter that we asked to be our reception band, another friend in the independent film industry who agreed to video for us, another from a local band who was our pre-ceremony guitarist (ceremony music was all 60s tunes!), and yet another good friend to do my hair who's been my hairstylist for several years now. We gratefully borrowed some things (and some wonderful ideas) from a friend who runs an event planning company. For everything that we had to rent, such as the outdoor bathroom, chairs, etc., and buying the flowers, I found places that were as close to Kam's house as possible to save on delivery costs, and let me tell you, that really saves tons of money. Kam made our beautiful and scrumptious wedding cake and groom's cake, and a pro baker couldn't have done any better, and she did so much other stuff to help as well. I got 175 yards of fabric to drape on the walls of the barn for $1 a yard because it was "seconds" fabric, which means it supposedly had some sort of defect that caused them to be unable to sell it retail, and you know, we never found a single thing wrong with it.

Wow, talk about havin' the hookup!! I feel so fortunate to be surrounded by such talent!

I did my own makeup (there might be a video tutorial in the future). I made our save-the-date magnets and vintage-style hankie invitations (with help ironing from hubs and family), plus the ringbearers' bowties, the framed silhouettes, and can't even remember what else. lol If it was crafty, I probably made it, with a few exceptions. I bought most of the vintage china we used on eBay and Craigslist. The barn chandeliers and silver table candelabras, as well as some other things, came from my crafty designer pal Sarah of Rusty Bluebird, who was also sweet enough to take me estate sale-ing. A friend made our ringbearer pillows. I don't think any of the bridesmaid dresses were more than $20, and their necklaces were inexpensive brooches on ribbon. My hairpiece and earrings were purchased from two friends who have an etsy shop full of handmade beauties made from vintage bits - they also sell gorgeous handmade wedding dresses. (I also sell custom-made save-the-dates and invitations on my other etsy shop, though, at present, I will need lots of advance notice because of our upcoming bundle of joy!)

Our friend Bon, whom I think you'll be meeting soon, is the one to my right in the group photos.

Notice how Kam's looking at me in the 3rd one down on the right - representative of our faux competitive spirit. ;)

You might notice my tattoo is repeated in several places throughout the wedding.

There are so many ways to pull off a beautiful wedding without spending too much. I admit, we still ended up spending more than we would've liked, but I can't say I regret anything either. It was very "us." And I ended up making friends with so many new people just during the planning, kindred spirits who just felt like they were supposed to come into my path to stay long after the wedding was over.

If it weren't for the cost and the way that planning a wedding can completely run your life for several months :), I would do it over and over again every single year! (To the same guy, of course!) And on my worst day when I feel like I look as bad as I could possibly look, I can always look back on that day as the day I felt completely, indisputably beautiful. As it should be for every bride. Of course, now I'm pregnant, and I don't care how it sounds; I think I'm the cutest pregnant gal who ever was!! ;)

There was a special, palpable feeling in the air the whole day and evening of our wedding; we even had several people comment on that. It was just this feeling of everything happening at just the right time and place and being surrounded by love and support from people who were just as excited about our marriage as we were. And no matter what type of wedding a person has or how much or how little is spent, what's more important than that? So many people get so caught up in the dress, the stress, the details, and "making everything perfect" that they lose sight of why they're doing this. We did get stressed out the day before while we were frantically trying to finish up some things, but overall, we kept the process fun and light; at the end of the day, it was about celebrating each other and nothing more. The same feeling, I am very happy but not surprised to say, permeated my brother- and sister-in-law's wedding.

Hope you've enjoyed this peek into our wedding day as much as I do every time I reminisce! Thank you again to Kam for hosting - and helping me create - the wedding of our dreams.

An update on Rob's whereabouts!

2011-08-15T13:08:00.000-04:00

Rob is a true animal lover.

My new carpool buddy.

My hot new intern at work. It's been a LOT of fun scaring the crap out of people. :)

And notice my shirt...that was the other b'day present from my hubs. In "Breaking Dawn," Bella calls the baby her little nudger when she feels her starting to kick, and I thought that was really cute, and my husband remembered. :) 10 weeks left to wear it til my own lil nudger arrives!

Don't worry, this is not going to turn into a Twilight/Rob blog...but sometimes ya just gotta have some fun!! ;) But don't be surprised if you see him with us at the Grand Canyon or something.

Happy birthday to meeee!!

2011-08-13T10:11:00.002-04:00

I've been so focused on the birthday coming up in October (when our baby will be born) that I hadn't given a whole lot of thought to my own birthday this year...other than to not-so-subtly hint around that I wanted something Twilight-related since today is the anniversary of Edward and Bella's wedding. lol I didn't think anyone had taken me too seriously; I mean, there is the fact that I'm turning 31...

But my hubby, wonderful guy that he is, listened to my cries - and this is what I woke up to near the bed this morning. I'm surprised it didn't scare me, but after all, I guess most girls are happy to find a vampire at the foot of their bed? Who has the best husband ever - >THIS GIRL!<

You know how much weirdo fun I have with the Rob iPhone apps where you can put him in pictures with you, but this is way more fun!! I can actually take him places and freak people out! If you've ever heard of Flat Stanley, this is my version!

I've already decided we can legally travel in the HOV lane. And I think he will make a very comforting fixture in the nursery (okay, I'm kidding about that one). We are trying to sell our house, and I think Rob makes a great welcoming committee right when people walk in the door, don't ya think??

Oh, Rob, wherever will you go next...stay tuned!! ;)

And here's a funny video of one of our dogs barking at Rob while another one stands next to him like, "What's the big deal?"

The Perfect Pick-Me-Up

2011-07-25T15:46:00.009-04:00

Do you ever feel like you look younger than your actual age? Do people tell you that you could pass for a teenager? Okay, maybe a college student. I have told Jenarcissist several times that I would love to go on that show where they put you in a glass box in the middle of the city and have people guess your age. Oh, what was the name of that show? Anyway, it was a makeover show and the people who went on it were always in dire need of help. The ages guessed would always be well over their actual ages. It was quite sad, but they would make a complete turn around by the end of the episode! Anyway, my motivation for wanting to go on the show is quite narcissistic indeed- I want to hear how young people think I am. Terrible I know! But I am just being honest, and my perception of how old I look may be way off. That's okay, because I feel good about myself and that's what is important.

Well, I came across a couple of websites that will post your photo and have random people (guests to their website) vote on how old they think you look. Needless to say, I couldn't get my pics uploaded fast enough. I tried to pick a flattering photo, but I didn't make any edits to it aside from cropping it. It took several weeks before enough people had voted to see the average of their guesses, but boy was it worth it! I now have the perfect pick-me-up for when I'm feeling down about getting older. I averaged 19.6 and 23.3! I'm actually 31.6...Woo Hoo! It's also a lot of fun to vote on other people's pictures too! Check out these screenshots from the two websites, How Old Are You? and Guess My Age.

Take a look and see what you think. Let us know if you upload your pics and how it comes out!

http://www.howoldareyou.net

http://www.guessmyage.net

Is Shyness a Form of Narcissism?

2011-07-25T13:14:00.024-04:00

“Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people."

-Andre Dubus

I came across this quote while randomly reading about narcissism and self-love. It really made me stop and think, as I have been terribly shy since childhood. I have never, however, made any connections between my shyness and narcissism. It really does make perfect sense, though, that the two are connected in some way. When I was younger, my shyness was certainly more extreme and even debilitating at times. I remember feeling like a complete outsider during the second grade. I think I maybe had one, possibly two friends that year. My dad had moved my sister and I from California to New Mexico, so everything was different and unknown to us. I felt like everyone was watching me all of the time and judging me. I had always been shy prior to this, but in school I had been fairly social and relaxed. The next year Dad moved us to Georgia, and my shyness continued to be a painful part of my life.

As I entered Middle School, it just got worse. I felt as though I was being filmed, and everything I did or said was being watched by everyone. Everything I wore was being scrutinized. I was all anyone saw and they were judging me hard. It didn't help when I started working in the 8th grade and a popular cheerleader shouted at me amidst a huge crowd of kids, "Do you like pancakes?" She knew I was working at IHOP and for some reason she found pleasure in mortifying me in front of what seemed like hundreds of kids. To this day I would like to tell her how belittled she made me feel that day. I would like to tell her that my family had no money, and that if I had any intention of buying new clothes or owning a car when I was 16, that it was on me. What blows my mind is that she didn't even know me, as we had never spoken. She was just one of the popular kids and a big bully. I was just a random target, I guess. But boy did it hurt.

Up until that time, I don't think my shyness was narcissistic at all. I had had a really rough childhood and we moved around a lot. My sister and I lived with uncertainties and an unknowing of what to expect at home and for our futures. As far as I'm concerned, my shyness was a protective blanket from the existence that was my life.

I came into my own a bit more during High School. My family life was quite a bit more stable, though still pretty messed up in comparison to the norm...whatever that may be. My friends and I weren't popular but we also weren't the "geeks". We were pretty much the ones who got by without much notice. I was involved in art and the drama club, as well as some other activities. I continued to be shy, but now my shyness was more connected to how I felt others viewed me. Did my hair look okay? Were my boobs big enough? Were my clothes cute? Is that hot boy talking about me? Was I prettier than that popular girl who gets any guy she wants? These were the type of questions fueling my shyness and inadequacies. This is certainly when my shyness made a turn towards narcissism and never looked back.

I became a changed person during High School. I began to believe in myself. I knew that I was smart and felt that I could accomplish anything in life that I wanted. I could be anything, despite where I had come from. I realized that I was no longer that awkward kid and I had grown into a pretty cute girl. I was nice too, unlike some people I had encountered through the years. Even back then, I knew that who you were on the inside was a great measure of one's beauty. Overall, I thought I was a great package...I still do. So is my beautiful sister who survived with me, along with a couple of extra bumps in her road. And my wonderful best friends...they made it through their own trials and tribulations. We all grew up enveloped in our shyness, and we all eventually transitioned, or might I say, blossomed, into the "narcissistically shy" women that we are today.

How I look and how I perform is important to me. I do care what others think because I am trying hard to be a beautiful person in every way. Maybe I shouldn't care, but to me it's a positive because it encourages me to be my best. When I am feeling shy, my mind is telling me that people are watching me and judging me. Well, I want them to see a person who respects and loves her body, and who takes care of herself because she deserves it. Just as any person should. I want others to see a woman that they can look up to. I want young girls, my daughter especially, to see that inner beauty is what shines the brightest.

As I grow older, I can see that my shyness is slowly fading. I am becoming more sure of myself with each passing day. I now aspire to be different and would rather not fit the mold of what people expect of me, a 31 year-old married teacher with an 11 year-old daughter. I don't think I'll ever live without a lingering bit of shyness, however. It is who I am. And I'm okay with that, because I am pretty awesome despite it.

"What to Expect" at an Open Casting Call :)

2011-07-09T19:52:00.000-04:00

Today I did something totally different from anything I've ever done: I went to an open casting call for a movie! "What to Expect When You're Expecting" - I mean, what else would they name a movie about pregnancy than the classic manual? :) They actually film a lot of movies here in Atlanta these days, and several have been close by enough where I could go to the casting calls, but, for whatever reason, I never did, even though I thought about it. Well, when my incredible mother-in-law sent me this article from the newspaper, I knew I had to go to this one since they were calling for pregnant women and babies!

Hubs couldn't go, and I was a tad nervous going alone in case I couldn't figure out where to park and where to go. But then I decided I'm not alone; little baby girl is always with me. ;) That gave me a huge boost of confidence, and off she and I went. I'm ALL about my baby belly, and any chance to show it off is where you will find me!

I got there a little after 1:00, and there were still hundreds of people waiting! I can only imagine how many actually went since they started at 10 am. Never having done anything like this before, I assumed someone would ask you questions and maybe even shoot a quick video of you to see how you appear on camera. I waited in line about two hours - thankfully, it was indoors in the A/C, and there were seats now and then so I could sit and rest, although it didn't take long for my hungry baby to tell me I should've packed a granola bar. (I should know better by now.) I was so glad I wore comfortable shoes. I chatted with the gals in front and behind me in line. The one in front of me had been an extra before and was there with her beautiful baby girl, and the ones behind us were not pregnant but go to extra casting calls regularly, which I thought was neat. We wound and wound our way through the hotel in line and finally got downstairs. Someone took the little paper I filled out with my info and wrote a number on it, and then I got one picture taken by a guy with a regular digital camera while I held up my number. And that was it! As the article says, you can also submit a photo to them via email or text in lieu of going in person, and now I know it wouldn't have upped my chances to be there. But I'm glad I went in person; just the experience of doing it made me feel so good about myself and was really interesting. It was total and complete cuteness overload with all those adorable babies and children and the equally adorable pregnant women everywhere! I'd hate to have to be the person to decide who makes the cut!

Here's what I wore...I thought maybe they wanted natural-looking people more than dressed to the nines.
I'm assuming they need extras for things like doctor's office waiting rooms and birthing classes. (?)

25 weeks along now (a little over 5 months)!!

I've heard they start filming next weekend and will be shooting the next several weeks, so I have no idea when I'll be contacted if I'm chosen. It's just casting for extras, so you probably won't see me with a speaking role anytime soon...though they do say they might feature some extras with one-liners. But how neat would it be to be on the screen in a movie for even a fraction of a second, especially with my baby belly? Even if we had to pause at just the right moment to catch a glimpse of me, I could tell her someday, "Look, there we are in the movie!"

After I left, I texted Kam to tell her I had done it...I hadn't mentioned anything about it to her before then. She responded that she had just submitted pictures of her and her husband (Vain Shane) for a different movie filming locally! We always seem to be on the same wavelength and do the same things at the same time, even when we're unaware the other is doing it. :)

All in all, it was a really neat experience! Thanks, mom-in-law! And now I have this song stuck in my head. hehe

Well, I bet you I'm gonna be a big star

Might win an Oscar; you never can tell

The movies gonna make me a big star

Cause I can play the part so well

- The Beatles, "Act Naturally"

Please Vote for Kam's Video!!!

2011-07-05T15:16:00.000-04:00

I am SOOO excited today because our very own Kam (a/k/a KameraWhore) has made it to the Top 5 in a video creation contest for one of our fave singers, Langhorne Slim! Won't you please check it out and vote for hers?? She's unable to post right now, and I wanted to get the news out as soon as possible. She did ALL the drawings and animation herself! She's so talented. Hers is the only animated one and by far the most creative!! Watch it above and then GO HERE TO VOTE! And please tell your friends!

Kam meeting Langhorne

How to Talk to Little Girls from Miskabelly

2011-07-01T14:14:00.000-04:00

Flickr image by Krista Kruger

Hoping you'll check out this post on one of my fave blogs and let us/them know your thoughts on the subject. Whether you have kids of your own or not, I'm sure each of you knows at least one little girl. :) I left my thoughts in a (long, of course - I don't know any other way to be!!) comment on their blog.

How to Talk To Little Girls

There has been a lot of buzz on the interwebs this week surrounding this Huff Post article about the way we interact with young girls, which makes an extremely valuable point:

"Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. It sets them up for dieting at age 5 and foundation at age 11 and boob jobs at 17 and Botox at 23. As our cultural imperative for girls to be hot 24/7 has become the new normal, American women have become increasingly unhappy. What's missing? A life of meaning, a life of ideas and reading books and being valued for our thoughts and accomplishments."

You can find Miskabelly's post here. And I will say I think Amanda's position on the subject is much healthier and balanced than the article writer's seemingly all-or-nothing approach, though I completely get where she’s coming from.

http://miskabellyvintage.blogspot.com/2011/07/how-to-talk-to-little-girls.html

P.S. HAPPY FRIDAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! And a happy and safe 4^th for those of y’all in the States.

- Jenarcissist

Bathroom Stall Inspiration in Atlanta

2011-06-26T15:18:00.003-04:00

Using Vision Boards to Achieve Self-Love

2011-06-24T17:06:00.000-04:00

Don’t ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive and go out and do it.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Howard Thurman

So many times, I will write someone an email or leave a comment on someone else's blog, and then I realize I'm formulating a new blog post without realizing it! That's how this one got started as well. Here's the proof. This is a comment I left on my pal Ally's blog to our mutual pal Ashelle as she was asking for some advice on how to achieve her goals toward self-love:

Something that helps me tremendously is my vision board. I made one a year and a half ago and have achieved almost everything on it except for one. When I look at it now and realize that, I marvel. Mine was all life stuff I wanted to achieve, but you could just as easily make one for goals like these. Just steer clear of adding magazine photos that have to do with appearance or "how you wish you looked" unless those images constitute health and vitality. Inspiring phrases and quotes are especially helpful. If a board seems like too big of a project, try cutting a notch in the top of a shoe box and dropping clippings or notes in it as you're inspired. I just read about the box idea yesterday. It doesn't matter how you go about it; the idea is that the physical act of doing it is your way of stating to the Universe that you believe your goals are going to happen. When you really believe it...they do. Uh-oh, I feel a blog post coming on. ;)

Maybe you have seemingly lofty goals of learning to love yourself more too but aren't quite sure how to get there or maybe even how to begin. This post isn't necessarily the answer for everybody, but it is me telling you what has proven to work in my life. When you speak something into existence, that's half the battle of getting there. And when you have something concrete and tangible ever-present to remind you of your goals, no matter what those goals are, you're 10 times more likely to actually achieve them. I just made up that statistic, but whatever. ;) Visualization works. I believe in it so strongly that I am using Hypnobirthing techniques, not just when I have our baby but all throughout the rest of my pregnancy. (If you're interested, the gist of it is removing the fear from labor, thereby removing tension, thereby removing pain, and using exercises that use powerful visualization.) I know I sound like I'm only one step away from becoming a motivational speaker for The Secret, but when something has worked so powerfully for me, I wanna share it with you!

I have blogged about making a vision board before, but our BFF Bon emailed me about an alternate that she feels fits her a little better than the traditional board: a vision box, as I mentioned in the above comment to Ashelle. (Here's the article about them, which I strongly suggest you look at!) Instead of cutting out pictures and phrases and gluing them to a board, you drop them in a box with the belief that they will happen. One major upside to the box is there's not as much preparation involved...who doesn't have a shoe box lying around somewhere? You don't even have to decorate it if you don't want to; you just put "Whatever is contained in this box—IS!" somewhere on it and drop things in as you're inspired by something. Personally, I prefer the board, but that's just me...there was something very cathartic about the whole process of gathering magazines and craft supplies, poring through them searching for just the right pictures and words, gluing them on and feeling the weight of their purpose, and then having something to look at anytime I want, which helps with the visualization. Try whichever option resonates with you more, or come up with your own variation. We made a party out of creating our vision boards and burned little pieces of paper with our fears written on them at the end, and wow, was it ever healing for me, not to mention, I GOT RESULTS!! And I mean right down to the details. I ended up wearing the exact wedding dress on my vision board - it was way too expensive new, but I was so bent on getting it, and it ended up falling into my lap via a sample sale for a much lower price just when I'd almost given up hope. The only major thing left to achieve on my board now is learning to play guitar; everything else has virtually been checked off. If I could "conjure up" achieving some pretty big ole life goals by believing in my board, why couldn't you do the very same thing with your goals toward loving yourself more?

By the way, Bon always sends me the best emails in the world; she's the one who got me hooked on "Notes from the Universe" and gratefulness.org. If you're not already a subscriber to these daily emails, oh, you HAVE to do it today!! My day is no longer complete without starting out with them. In that vein, another thing I seem to be leaving in comments on other blogs lately is my firm belief that gratefulness is the absolute #1 key to everything: it’s the key to being happier, more secure in yourself and your relationships, attracting more and more things in life to be grateful for, on and on and on. People who have a truly grateful heart and live that way have the ultimate secret to contentment and self-love. When gratefulness is really a lifestyle for you, something that becomes so much a part of you that you even do it unconsciously, it's pretty damn hard not to also live in a state of self-love. You're far too appreciative of what you have to dwell too long on hating yourself. (You still have off days, sure, but we're only human, after all.) So when you make your board or box, if you really want it to work, you have to go into it with a sense of gratefulness that you will achieve those things...you believe it so strongly that you're already grateful for them happening even before they have! This is part of the original vision board post I wrote on gratefulness:

Another tip I'd like to share concerning resolutions is to change your phrasing. Instead of saying, "I resolve to..." or "I will no longer..." and the like (because we all know it almost always fizzles out eventually), try switching up your wording to something like, "I am so thankful that I..." This is basic law of attraction/The Secret type of stuff. But trust me, it really works! The key to getting anything you want out of life is first being grateful for what you already have. The more grateful you are, the more you open yourself up to receiving even more of what you want. If you thank God/the Universe/your own self that you have already accomplished whatever it is, even though you haven't, you're more likely to believe that it's possible and therefore end up doing it. Just try it!

And, finally, something else Bon has taught me (she's so incredible) that really helps me is a very simple exercise you can do anytime, anywhere. I mostly use it for stress release and fear/anxiety release. But the principle could easily be used for increasing your confidence and sense of self-worth. She just repeats the words "release and relax" to herself as she focuses on her breathing. I reverse the phrase and say "relax" as I inhale and "release" as I exhale; as I exhale, it feels like I am literally releasing the stress or fear. For self-love purposes, you could use this to calm your spiraling negative self-talk and release it away from your mind. You could even change the words to something else that works for you.

I hope some of these things will help all of you on your self-love quest! One more thing, since I'm kinda link-happy today...this is a must-read post over on "Looking in the Mirror":

5 Tips for Getting Out of a Body Image Rut

If you end up making a board or box or otherwise have suggestions for things that would help achieve the same results, we'd love to hear about 'em!

Celebrate Friday and laugh with me (or at me)!

2011-06-10T17:24:00.000-04:00

Our dear, dear readers...the time has come to make a confession to you. I can't pretend anymore. It is time for you to meet my baby daddy.

This is a picture of us when we first met. I know, I know, I tried not to make a dumb goober "fan face." But, you know, he's a big movie star, and I was more than a little starstruck, what with his five o'clock shadow and those dreamy bedroom eyes. I mean, you see the way he's looking at me, right? You would've been equally powerless if he looked at you like that!

Celebritize - RP version

Fast forward approximately 5 months, and this is us now. Sometimes these things just happen. As you can see, he is very excited about the baby, and, in fact, in the second one, he is looking at me with the exact same adoring expression on his face as the day we met...actually, he's even in the same clothes... Hmm, totally a coincidence, I'm sure. So now you know the real reason he's never really admitted to a relationship with Kristen! I tried to convince him to get in the pool with me, but you know, he has a thing about his hair. 90 degrees outside, and the guy still wears a suit. Um, two suits. But I forgot all about it once he leaned in for the kiss. When you look like that, who cares.

Celebritize - RP version

And, finally, here is our new publicity shot. I know it may look like we copied a magazine shoot they did, but, again, just another coincidence.

FaceReplace

Now, I did show these photos to my husband; after all, it's only fair that he finds out first before the press gets ahold of these photos and runs amok! Do you know that when he saw them, he just laughed at me?!? It was almost like he didn't believe me!! The nerve. And I wanted to break the exclusive to our loyal readers before you all see it on TMZ or something.

And to top it all off, there's that new 3D and 4D ultrasound technology that shows you exactly what your baby looks like! It's just amazing; she looks just like me, doesn't she? I would like to know how she already has that nose ring, though...

FaceReplace

Okay, okay, hope you had a good laugh, cuz I sure did while I was making these pics!! heehee When I made the baby one, I actually had tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. They are all courtesy of 3 new fun iPhone apps I recently discovered (talk about someone running amok), if you didn't figure that out already based on the fact that I put the names of the apps under the pics. :)

Photofunia

I wouldn't actually take the time to Photoshop myself into pics of him, for God's sake...I mean, that would be crazy!!! ;) So if you also don't want to feel like a stalker, just install these apps on your phone and get instant results. By the way, Photofunia and FaceReplace have much more stuff than you see here...there are tons more options, like putting your gorgeous face on a vintage TV screen or as David Beckham's tattoo (as Kam did here), and you can even see what you'd look like as a mulleted MacGyver! So much fun to be had!

Photofunia

Here's a Twilight-y one I made on the Photofunia web site - so if you don't have a touchscreen phone or can't find the app, you can still have access to the TONS of fun effects on the web site! I really need to use a pic of me that is much more painfully angsty, though...

Photofunia

And I thought this one was rather fitting for a "closet narcissist"!

Photofunia

Aaaaaaand I wouldn't be me if I didn't add a little something about confidence in a blog post. :) I gotta say, I have never felt so confident and awesome about my body as I do now with my big ole pregnant belly out there for all the world to see. I mean, I posted swimsuit pics online, which ought to tell you something. Cellulite and all, I am proud and would strut my stuff down any runway!

Have fun, and have a happy, "app-y" weekend!!