My name is Beth and I’ve been c diff free for… Weeks now.  (I’m bad with remembering details, such as the passage of time.)

I faithfully took my $133 (after insurance) liquid antibiotic that was supposed to taste like cherries. (Ha!).  I could have gotten the pill form but that would have been $1,000.  ($4,000 before insurance.)  So I now have a new appreciation for the nasty stuff children have to swallow.

I also got a probiotic from the local grocery store with a billion live cultures per serving and took it three times a day.  With store bought kefir.  But I was still getting sick.

So, I took more drastic measure and bought myself some heavy duty probiotics from the local natural foods store.  87 billion live cultures per dose.  Once a day.  And around this time I was home again and able to make my own raw milk kefir.  Bonus probiotics.  Been healthy has a horse every since.

I’ve been declared “cured” of the c diff by medical professionals.  But from what I’ve read and been told, that just means the live and active c diff bacteria has been eradicated.  The hardier, impossible-to-kill spores that it hid all over my digestive tract are still there.  But they’ll just stay dormant as long as they aren’t threatened.  And the only thing that will really awaken them is antibiotics.  So as much as I questioned the purpose of antibiotics before, you can bet I’ll be even harder on the poor doctors now.

Really.  I’m not an easy patient.

And that’s the end (Please, God) of my story on c diff.

It really would be too corny to say “C ya, c diff” at this point.  So I won’t.  But know that I’m thinking it.

When we went to urgent care, Josh mentioned to the doctor that we drink raw milk and asked if that’s what could be causing this.  I was, I admit, partially afraid he might be right.  I mean, our FDA makes drinking raw milk feel like the equivalent of drinking rat poison.  No benefits, only diseases and death.  And it’s scary going against the FDA, so yeah, I was afraid I might be wrong and they might be right.

But then, why was I the only one sick?  My kids were fine, my husband was fine… we all drink the same milk.  However the doctor really picked up on that factoid about our lives and lectured me on how raw milk is bad, especially for pregnant women.  I felt like I’d put my body and my baby in danger in my quest to make us both healthier.  Then I waited 48 hours for cultures to come back, dreading what I would hear.

Well, I found out today.  It’s a bacteria called C. diff.  The first thing I did was look up what causes C. diff.  What did I do to myself to put my baby and body at such risk?

The answer?  I took an antibiotic.

C. diff is everywhere.  Air, dirt, water, grocery stores… But don’t get too scared – healthy people can fight off C. diff with ease.  God made your gut prepared with healthy bacteria to fight off the bad stuff like C. diff.  But after you take, say, clindamycin for, say, an infected cyst under your arm, your gut gets cleaned out.  And I had an infected cyst under my arm.  So I was prescribed clindamycin.  Finished my prescription about a week before I got sick.  Oh… wait…

When I look up clindamycin on teh interwebz?  The most common side affect is C. diff.

So my question is this, Mr. Urgent Care Doctor:

I told you I had been on an antibiotic for an infected cyst.  I also told you I drank raw milk.  The number one side affect of raw milk is… NOTHING.  General good health.  Honest to goodness sicknesses caused by raw milk is rare.  In fact, the CDC even admits that not a single person has died from raw milk in 11 years!  I’m actually laughing now, remembering, Mr. Urgent Care Doctor, that you asked me if I’d had a specific brand of cheese that had been causing listeria locally.  I know for a fact, that particular brand pasteurizes their milk and cheeses.  Yet it causes more sickness than well-cared for raw milk.

Right, back to my question: Why did you focus on the raw milk, then?  Why did you leave me feeling like I had failed my body and risked my baby?  It was a medicine prescribed by another doctor that had ended up causing me the harm.  Harm that could have been avoided by an accompanying probiotic.  I ate yogurt with every dosage, but not knowing my antibiotic was a top offender, I’m positive I didn’t eat enough.  And I should have continued after my prescription ran out.

Mr. Urgent Care Doctor was not a mean man.  He was genuinely concerned for me.  He was afraid for my health.  He was acting in the way he’d been taught.  I guess I’m more upset at what they teach him.  Why do natural health and hospital health have to be so polarized?  Why can’t they work together?

Mr. Urgent Care Doctor, I’m not perfect either.  You assume the worst about me… and I assume the worst about you.  You prescribed me another antibiotic to take care of my C. diff.  But I’m not taking it just because you tell me to.  I’m going to do my research first and see if there is a more natural way to cure this.  I’m going to research the prescription you gave me and see what the top side affects are.

(Funny how the side effects you can find on Google don’t match the ones on the warning sheet that come with the prescription.  Just read the one I got with my clindamycin.  C. diff isn’t mentioned on there at all. But it’s in the first sentence of the second paragraph in this Wikipedia article.)

If I can’t find anything credible and effective, then yes, I will take the prescription.  I still need hospital health.  I just wish you worked more hand-in-hand with natural health.

Instead of assuming the worst of it.

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Image source

For lunch,

“Benjamin, do you want your sandwich heated up so that the meat and cheese is melty?”

“But… is it not cold?”

“No, it’s heated up.”

“But… is it hot?”

“It will be heated up, yes.”

“But… is it warm?”

“It will be heated up.  It won’t be hot, it won’t be cold.  It will be warm.”

I always knew he asked a lot of questions, but I didn’t notice this particular trend until earlier this week.  Every time.  Three follow-up questions.  It makes me laugh, and that’s good.  Because I’m less likely to become frustrated when I’m laughing.

In case you didn’t see the description (what all do they show you when I embed a video?):

We gave our children some exciting news… And this is how they reacted.

Back story: This is what my husband said, at age ten, when he was told his littlest sister was coming. So, no, this isn’t their actual response. It was just a fun way to tell family.

My laptop is broken.  AGAIN.  The extended warranty is up on the 24th, too, I think.  So I made the video on my phone.  Impressive, no?!

PICTURES BELOW!!!  (For those of you who don’t like lots of words… )

I thrive in routine.  My children thrive in routine.  When there’s a big change, it takes me (and them) a couple weeks at best to adjust and find my new normal.  Given this past year… I feel like I’ve barely righted myself before I’m turned on my head all over again!

Three months in Illinois with my mother, three months back home after her funeral where I felt I worked the role of “single mother” pretty hard while Josh finished his prelims, then three months in San Diego, and now back, only to move all our belongings to a different (though mold free! and beautiful!) house.

Whew!

Every weekend since we “moved” has been taken up with relocating our stuff to the new place and then finding room for it all.  We threw a lot out.  It was refreshing.  We still have a huge Goodwill pile in our garage, but as I’m left car-less during the day, that may take awhile to get rid of!  Mostly, though, except for pictures, the house is organized and completely unpacked.

This past weekend was our first non-moving weekend and Josh’s mom, sister, and sister’s roommate came to visit! They helped to celebrate my birthday.  It was a blast, and given it was my first birthday since my mom’s death, I welcomed the happy distractions.

After they left on Monday, we started school.  This is new territory for me, teaching two at once, but it seems to be working itself out pretty well.  So far, I can teach Benjamin most of his school while Olivia does handwriting and spelling which doesn’t require much attention.  When his school starts to take longer, I’ll probably throw Math into her morning school too, since she excels in that. They were both ready, eager, and willing to start school, which made it so much fun.

So we’re finding our new Normal.  Again. I have so many times throughout the day where I just turn in circles trying to figure out what I should be doing and when.  I’m such a “feeler”, not so much a “planner”.  I feel my day out, and when I find something that works, I keep with it.  Sometimes I wish I would just sit down and schedule out my day.  Maybe soon I’ll have a good enough feeling for what I’m doing that I can attempt something like that.

I also need to get my camera fixed!  It’s been illegally long since I’ve posted a picture on here of my gorgeous children.  I have some on my phone.  I suppose I could use those to hold you over.

Here’s Levi at our apartment in San Diego.  He got innovative trying to get water from the fountain on his own.

Here’s Lucy in San Diego.  The big city life changed her.

Here’s Levi again.  Proof of the mess he presents me with At. Every. Meal.

Here are all three of my kids plus two of their third cousins at the Air and Space Museum in San Diego.  They loved the helicopter.

We went for a walk just about every day in San Diego.  Here’s the San Diego River, which we had to cross to get to Target.  And yes, those are two umbrella strollers connected together.  It was the best purchase I made all summer.

This was one of our last days at the San Diego apartment.  That was the life.

Here’s Levi in his shorty wetsuit!  The Pacific ocean is CO-OO-OLD, people.  (At least where we were.) Wetsuits were crucial.

Levi, Benjamin, and Olivia with their Great-Oma (Josh’s grandma)!  This was their first ice cream cone, too.  I’m the mean mom who makes them get their ice cream in bowls because it’s neater.  :-)  That’s what grandmas are for!

Here’s Lucy.  Benjamin wouldn’t get in his seat, so we demoted him.  And promoted Lucy.

Here’s Olivia with her lose bottom tooth!  It has since fallen out, but apparently I haven’t gotten those pictures off my phone yet.  Sorry!

This was our first lunch at the new house.  The kids love the back porch.  I love not having to clean up a lunch mess off our carpeted dining room floor. Win/Win!

Well that’s all the pictures for now.  The family wants to go for a walk.

What all have you guys been up to this past summer?  I have NOT been keeping up on your blogs at ALL.  {bows head in shame} Sorry…

“Move your milk!” I cried desperately as I remembered that there was nothing protecting the carpet under his chair.

He looked up at me, reached out, grabbed his cup, and wiggled it.

“Levi!” Frustration was creeping in.  ”Stop! You’re going to spill!”

He didn’t have a devious look on his face.  It was a wide-eyed look of trying to take in as much information as possible.  What didn’t he understand?

“Move your cup, Levi,” I tried again.

Again, he made his cup dance on the table top.

“Levi!  Why –”

“I move my cup.”

“What?”

“I move my cup.”

“Oooooh!  You’re moving your milk!”

And we all got a good laugh.  And I felt guilty for yelling.  After all, he was obeying… I just didn’t understand!

But I was thinking about it today, and as cute as it was, that incident makes me so grateful that I have a Father who understands me. The Holy Spirit intercedes on my behalf, just to make sure!

He knows my heart and I believe He blesses my efforts, as feeble as they may be.

Thank you, Abba, Father!

So I decided to have an object lesson on what “wanting” alone gets us in life.

I put out my empty hands and told everyone to “want” the power cord with all their might.  We closed our eyes in effort.  When we opened them, lo and behold, my hands were still empty.

So I asked, “What can we *do* to help us remember to get it next time?”

We all decided I should write it on the list.  And I did.

Just another life lesson I teach myself along with my children.  Wanting is less than half the battle.  Remembering is probably 75%.  Oh, and effort goes in there somewhere, too…

The area has always had very high moisture levels, due to the forest of mature oak trees, nearby creek, and underground river.  That’s why we had a dehumidifier.  We meant to have it run continuously while we were gone, but in the chaos of leaving, it was forgotten.  We called and emailed the landlord to have her do it for us, but when she finally got back to us, she said she didn’t think it was necessary.  She’s always been in a bit of a denial about the amount of humidity in the area.  :-P

We finally convinced her to go hook it up, and explained how to take the bucket out so it wouldn’t turn off when it was full, but I guess she forgot that part.  It was still in when we got back, and the unit had turned off so we figure it ran for all of one day.  And given the storms and high temperatures and open window…. it needed to run for longer than that.

So.  Mold.  Everywhere.  On the walls.  In the couch.  On the hardwood floor under the living room carpet.  On our pots and pans.  On our dresser.  We cleaned as much as we could and spent the night there, but slept horribly and woke up sniffly and sneezy.  I spent the day looking for rental houses, made an appointment to see one, filled out the application, got in the deposit, checked into a hotel and waited.  The next day we set up utilities, signed the lease, got keys, and moved in!

It’s a beautiful little 1500 sq ft house.  Our first ever without neighbors sharing at least one wall!  My first full-sized dishwasher in three years!  First ever laundry room!  And garage door opener!  We’re thrilled.  It’s newer, nicer, cleaner, and not located in a forest on top of an underground river!  We couldn’t find a trace of mold anywhere.

So Josh and a friend moved over beds and the table that first night, and we’ve been going back every night and filling up canvas shopping bags.  We have no boxes.  But this is working well so far!  We plan on moving more big stuff (chest freezer! treadmill!) Saturday.  We’ll be completely moved out by the 31st.

Luckily the landlord was perfectly okay with us moving out on such short notice.  We weren’t under a lease anymore, and she had had a lot of requests for 3 bedroom duplexes, so it worked out well for both of us.

In the meantime, I’m hunting couches on Craigslist.  We may resort to a futon.  Or leave the living room bare and just recline like ancient Greeks.  There are also a couple dressers I’ve got my eye on.  Honestly, I’m thoroughly enjoying this redecoration.

And through it all, I’ve felt God’s grace.  He protected us from destruction of this magnitude until he knew we could financially handle it. It feel almost like I have His permission to redecorate!  :-D

However, when this is over, it’s back to saving up, big time, for a down payment on a house in San Diego.  Those things aren’t cheap!

Levi is such a tactile little boy. He mushes his food. He tears paper. He eats dirt. And sand. And mulch.

He pushes and shoves and bites and hits and takes what he wants. He spends half his day in time out.

He’s definitely action-oriented.

He’s a smart thing, he really is. He learned to talk at a remarkably young age, and he talks really well! Sometimes…

Earlier this morning, I couldn’t find him.

Me: Levi!

Levi: (Muffled) Mama! I in da cwoset!

Me: Are you in the closet?

L: Yes!

Me: Are you stuck?

L: Yes!

Me: Would you like out?

L: Yes!

It was a very well communicated conversation for a two-year-old, I thought.

But then, five minutes ago, while cleaning his abominably messy diaper:

Me: Do you have poopy on your hands?

Levi: (Hands in mouth) Yes.

Me: Are you eating poop?

L: Yes.

Me: Does it taste good?

L: Yes.

Me: (Sigh) Levi, are you an elephant?

L: Yes.

Not so much with the communicating. Just brainlessly saying “Yes”. I’d better never introduce him to ESPN or his future wife’ll hate me…

He also makes me laugh more and laughs easier himself than my other two. It seems he is free from the burden of thought – well, forethought and afterthought. He lives in the moment.

Olivia is observant, silent, and thoughtful. She won’t try anything unless she’s sure she’ll succeed.

Benjamin was not too terribly different: contemplative, communicative, and sensitive. He doesn’t like change. Or messy.

Levi is tactile, action oriented, smart when he wants to be, capable… In some ways, he is so different from my other two, I find myself simply staring at him trying to figure him out!

Obviously, I’m more like the older two…

Does anyone else have a little boy (or girl) like this? Any lessons you’ve learned that you care to pass on? I’d definitely appreciate them!

Of course I haven’t mentioned it. Because I don’t like to type hundreds of words using only my thumbs. But you guys deserve an explanation, so here I am on my iPhone typing away.

The wireless on my laptop didn’t work for weeks after arriving here. In Indiana? Fine. Here? Nothing.

So I was taking beautiful pictures and not being able to post them. It was frustrating. We chatted online with HP, since it’s hard to talk on the phone to people with heavy accents while three children play in a two bedroom apartment. We did everything they told us to do, including a complete factory reset of my computer. And when nothing worked, they hung up on us.

Yeah, I’m not buying HP again.

Then, about two weeks ago, thanks to Facebook and fabulous friends, I finally had the wireless working on the laptop because I had reset the router. For a couple days, I had both working laptop and camera. Hence the previous picture post. But our Internet wasn’t secure.

While Josh’s family was visiting I asked his dad to set up a password again. But the wireless on my lappy wouldn’t work whenever he had a password set up. Then he found something that said earlier versions of xp had problems with passwords that weren’t all caps. And since we had done the factory reset, my lappy was an earlier version of xp. I had installed the updates but not the updates to the updates.

Only… Once he figured this all out, he went to turn on my lappy and it refused. It was all, “You think you got me figured out?! Well take THIS!!”. And died.

So, in short, the lappy was being a typical HP lappy.

The very same week, my camera died.

We were taking a short hike on a dirt trail. My camera was in the stroller since a certain little boy didn’t want to be in the stroller. Olivia was pushing the stroller. And, by the way, the camera was in its case. Anyway, she went to push the stroller down a <12″ step and the camera fell <12″. I wasn’t worried. It was in its case. But afterword, it wouldn’t take pictures.

I looked at the SD card slot and the little door was completely broken. Like someone had taken the camera out of its case and stomped on it. To this day, I have no clue how that could have happened. So something in there is broken and the repair guy said it could be $300 or $30 to fix it. We haven’t given the go-ahead yet.

So yeah. We must be meant to live the summer technology free. I’m a little afraid for the fate of my phone.

And that’s why you haven’t heard from me lately. Now excuse me while I go stretch my thumbs.