The Neon Mouse

Life is like a box of blah

2012-01-05T16:00:00.005-05:00

To sum up almost a year of no posts -

I made the decision to put my rabbit Ravi down and ever since I've been pretty focused on death itself and also my decision. Ravi was not eating and I was going to have to force feed him. It was a tough choice and I am still beating myself up about it 5 months later.

I had a pivotal birthday a few months back and realize that I'm not ever going to get younger. A statement from my mom that she is almost halfway through her life scared the crap out of me! I really need to come to terms with this stuff before it all makes me crazy. I choose not to think about it but then it seems to eat at my subconscious self. I suppose I can't be the only one scared to death of death... I realize that my faith is weak and I wonder if that is a cause, but I do not want to push myself into believing something that I'm not certain is true. I'm not a follower. I like to form my own opinions and beliefs. I just need to learn how to deal with the facts that I've got, be ok with them, and move on.

Work hasn't been much better...

Sometimes I wish I could go back to elementary school again where it was so easy to make friends. I am finding that friends are hard to find in the corporate playground.

Sorry for such a Poopie Post... Hopefully nicer happier ones to come. :) OMG, did I just manage a smile?

Please Go Away and Let Me Sleep for the Love of God!

2011-02-04T13:42:00.008-05:00

So last night my night was like this: I'm laying there trying to sleep - oh i forgot to feed the fish... back in bed - forgot to turn on my humidifier... lay back down - forgot to take my pills and no water... finally back to bed - forgot that the tv is on and the remote is like 5 feet away... argh, back in bed - what i have to go to the bathroom now?! Double argh and back to bed - what's that noise? Oh, it's a branch hitting my window... back to bed!! Then my dog wakes me up at 4am with her insistent crying. I got her a new bed and apparently she doesn't like it.

I read somewhere that you can't appreciate the good things in life without having experienced the bad.

I suppose bad nights like this help me appreciate the awesome nights full of sleep - like tonight!

Whattdya know?

2011-01-19T09:10:00.006-05:00

So my rabbit Ravi is still alive. He was supposed to die 8 months ago according to the vet. He has a cancerous tumor which they cannot remove because it is in his jaw bone. So far it only seems to cause his teeth to grow funny and have to be cut every once in a while. Other than that he's just fine. I am amazed that he has made it this long. Maybe a miracle? Who knows... But I'm happy to have him around as long as he is not in pain, which he does not seem to be.

Outside of my rabbit, life has been pretty good to me. Got a small promotion at work, working on a rental unit and getting it ready to rent out. A lot of my friends are having babies and that's always a positive thing. My dog is actually starting to listen to me a little (just a little), but it's a step in the right direction. I met my penpal from Bosnia. I have known her for a long time and I seriously need to dedicate a whole post to her. It was like seeing my friend in 3-D, nothing new, just more dimension to her now. She's a great friend! I am still with the same boyfriend and it's been a year and a half of a great time! I've become a better crocheter and even got a sewing machine for Christmas.

Lol, I seriously never thought I'd be excited by a sewing machine. I always thought that it was what the nerdy girls or the grandma's did. Never thought it was a "cool" thing to do. Still don't think it is but never realized how relaxing it can be or how accomplished I can feel after I finish a project. Friends are also amazed at the handmade quality of gifts I give. It's a win-win. Just wish I had a little more time and/or motivation to work on the projects instead of them taking me months to finish. Guess that's just how it works with those types of projects. It's not like painting a bedroom that takes a day or two to finish. It's definitely not immediate gratification.

Not wanting to be too negative, I will quickly mention that I've been sick for the past few weeks. Some bug I guess. At this point I am so completely exhausted from being sick, but I think realizing all of these positive things in my life helps me to get through the difficult times. I expect to make a full recovery really soon.

More to come...

Mood Ring

2010-08-31T12:48:00.004-04:00

I'm like a mood ring. Whenever I am near someone (anyone) having a bad day - I start to turn red. Ok, I don't exactly turn red, but I am totally affected by their mood. If someone is sad, I feel sad. Angry, angry. Happy, happy. I don't know that I like being affected like this. I feel like a chameleon. I can't stay happy when I know someone else is sad. And when someone is slamming things around and cursing under their breath it is almost impossible for me to ignore it and keep my cool attitude. Sometimes I feel offended by some one's being angry. It's like they are trying to ruin my day because they are having a bad day. Hmmm... perhaps I just take things too personally.

My dad always says: "You choose your own attitude. Don't let people have your day." That's a tough one for me, but I will keep repeating it to myself when I am in these situations where I am being affected by someone else's mood (a negative one).

I wonder why it is so difficult to transfer a positive mood to others? I try to say positive things and try to offer little things like a piece of chocolate to help brighten their day, but I don't think it works. I'm not a good cheerer uper. I suppose at least I try. And just because it doesn't seem to work, I'm not going to stop because maybe I am making some one's day a little nicer. Maybe.

I Was Wrong

2010-07-12T10:11:00.002-04:00

Not often am I wrong... but --- Ha, I kid!

Ok, so I was wrong. A few posts ago I was complaining about a pregnant woman smoking but I have found that there are actually reasons for pregnant women to smoke. I know, sounds crazy right? But it's true. Women who are smokers who become pregnant but are considered high risk pregnancies are told to keep smoking because if they quit, it will be too stressful and they could lose their baby. I guess my stance is, don't smoke in the first place. But yeah, pretty awful that you have a situation like that. I feel bad, but this is just one more reason I hate cigarettes and smoking!

Purpose

2010-06-29T15:14:00.004-04:00

So...

I know the purpose of the cement posts are to keep people from crashing into the gas pumps, but I think that their secondary purpose is for people to smack their car doors on them. Thankfully I haven't done this recently but I have done it in the past and enough times to learn never to do it again and I have seen other people do it. Just the other day I was admiring all of the scuff marks on a nice red post. I just think it's sad that those posts are so close to where you open your car door. I would be curious to find out what the statistics are for how many times those are hit by car doors on a daily basis. I'm also wondering why no one has come up with a better solution because from what I can see, these are a problem for most people. Including Tommy Boy!! Hah. Just thought of that. That was great! "What'd you do?"

Volunteer

2010-06-28T15:47:00.011-04:00

The message was plain, simple, and clear. Volunteer. I think the message was meant to get people out there to help the needy or those who are less fortunate but here is my take on the message:

It's pretty simple really. Assist people. It doesn't take much to offer someone your assistance. You don't have to be a part of a volunteer group. The person or people don't have to be super needy either. I think that it is a different kind of volunteering. It doesn't take much effort or money. It's the kind of volunteering that if more people did it, well, it could just make the world a slightly happier place. Maybe?

Examples:

person with hands full - open the door for them
person can't reach item on shelf - ask if you can get item for them
hold the door for the person behind you
allow people to merge in front of you in traffic
when someone doesn't have enough to buy something - offer spare change
tell someone when they leave something behind (ie, keys sitting on a counter)
someone trips and falls - offer to help them up!

I really think it's the little things that count when it comes to living in harmony with other people. When I do nice things for other people it makes me happy. In all honesty, I do get upset when other people don't do these things for me, but I realize that I'm not their focus in life. I'm just in their peripheral. And that's ok, but I think that when we start to focus on the people around us (even though they are not our main focus in life) that somehow it helps everyone. When you pay attention to people and what's going on around you, it makes things easier for everyone.

Safety precautions:

Because this world is not always a safe place, be careful when and how you assist people. Be sure it is in a public area. Do not walk up to people's cars when giving directions. Do not open your door to strangers. Do not help people on the side of the road, instead call the police to assist.

Sorry, just felt like doling out advice today, love it or leave it (you better gain way)....

Living In a Van DOWN BY THE RIVER!

2010-05-06T16:49:00.005-04:00

Sorry, the title is a Chris Farely throw back. Watch his SNL skits... they are great!

Anyway, I just wanted to give props to Denise Austin today. She is my motivator. She doesn't just get me motivated to exercise, but to eat healthy and try to enjoy life. I don't know how it works for me but it does. She says something and I start thinking, "Ok, you know what, she's right; and I totally want to do what she says; and I like to do what she says." I think it's just her attitude, it's so cool and mellow and it helps me chill out and dig deep to find the strength I need when I am having even the crappiest of days. I love the energy she puts into everything she does and says. I like that she actually takes her own advice and shows you that she's doing it so you can too. So kudos to you Denise Austin. You are one of my top motivators and I want you to know that. Thank you!!

My Ravi

2010-04-30T13:44:00.009-04:00

I just found out that he (my rabbit) has a tumor. A cancerous tumor. Once again, cancer sucks!! I was told that they can't operate because it is on his jaw and they would have to take too much of his jaw out. I have to say that I was in a pretty good mood today - being that it's Friday - but right now I feel like crying. I am trying to choke back tears as I write this because I am at work (writing this in between my calls of course). I do not like to be looked at as unprofessional and crying at work (in my opinion) is unprofessional... Ugh. He only has 4-6 weeks left to live. Not good. Not fair. I am going to pray. This time I will not be selfish and pray that my rabbit lives longer. I am afraid he will live in pain. This time I am going to pray that there is something better after. Very unlike me.

I'm sorry Ravi. I'm sorry that I am not able to help you. I'm sorry that I selfishly cannot put you down now for my fear of death and what would happen to you and the possibility that you might have a soul and what will happen to it. I'm sorry I didn't catch the tumor in time. I'm sorry that I didn't let you outside in the sun as much as I should have. I'm so sorry.

You know, I think death is overrated... I need some options here...

Butt Wiping Irrational

2010-04-30T08:37:00.023-04:00

My compassion for animals has rendered me just a little bit irrational. It is nothing new, I have always been this way. When it comes to the life of almost any thing, there is no price to me. I have to laugh at myself... I was really upset last night and told my boyfriend that money was just paper and that I could wipe my butt with money. I'm a little embarrassed that I said that; however, I am very distraught over my ailing rabbit. I've had him for about 5 years now and although I am not as attached to him as I was to my previous rabbit or my dog for that matter, I still feel in my heart that I should do everything I possibly can (or possibly can't) for this rabbit in order to prolong his life. I feel responsible for the animals that I take in. And, even though I feel responsible, I understand that spending hundreds or thousands of dollars on a rabbit is kind of nuts. What's more nuts is that I would feel the same and want to spend hundreds or thousands on a rat or a frog or even a hamster. Oh and don't even ask about a dog! Oh what do I do? So far, I only have a prognosis and so I will try my best to think rationally when we know exactly what is wrong with my Ravi - that's his name. I got him from a cute little Indian girl and had kept the name she gave him. I asked her his name as I was loading him in my car and she called it to me through thick tears. She didn't want to give him up and I felt really bad for taking him - but her parents thought it was a bit too much responsibility for her at the time. I totally understood the girl's pain and took the rabbits (there are 2) as quickly as possible so that maybe it would have a band-aid type affect...? I am hoping that she is now able to have and care for a rabbit or two. She deserves them. But I also hope that it's a long while before she has to worry about what I'm dealing with right now. It's just so incredibly sad and can make any animal lover down right butt wiping irrational.

Seriously Hooked

2010-04-16T10:51:00.005-04:00

I saw a pregnant woman smoking yesterday. Does that seriously still happen??! Come on people. Times have changed, and now there is a wealth of information about the harmful things that it can do to an unborn child and yet people still do it? I don't understand. I don't care what you do to yourself, but the child has no choice in the matter. It is not my place to tell someone else what to do, but I just find it very old fashioned and ignorant - scratch that - STUPID. What was even more upsetting was that the woman seemed to be trying to hide it like she knew better... I will never understand the hook of a cigarette and for that I am grateful.

Weight Loss

2010-04-13T13:43:00.004-04:00

This is probably on a few more minds than my own as summer is right around the corner. I have 3 "tricks" to weight loss that seem to work for me. Ready?

1. Drink more water. When you feel hungry, drink water - sometimes when I think I'm hungry it's actually that I'm thirsty. I think I mistake my thirst for being hungry most of the time and that is why I snack a lot and do not drink enough. Now I know better and keep a large cup of water on my desk and drink when I think I'm hungry. If after I've had a few sips of water and I'm still feeling hungry, then I'll eat something.

2. Sleep. I know... I know... Who has time for that?! Well, I notice that when I am well rested and feeling good that I have way more energy to do my normal activities whereas on the days I don't sleep well I tend to feel more like loafing on the couch in front of the tv. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it's ok loaf on the couch, but not all of the time.

3. And finally, get up and DO something. With my type of work, I sit on my butt ALL DAY so when I go home, I try not to sit down right away - even though mentally I'm tired and feel like I need to sit. I try to play with my dogs or do a load of laundry or take a walk. I set a goal of getting so many things done before I sit down because I know that once I sit... I'm done for.

"The best advice is also taken by the giver" - I just made that up. Note that I am not saying I take my own advice... but I'm sure it would be best if I did...

Connecting the Dots

2010-04-06T13:23:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I am so slow... Not sure what is wrong with me, but I just don't put things together. I think it's just that when I start to think about something my mind wanders and I start to think about other things and I never get back to the original subject to fully think it through.

Anyway... Today (after how many years? ) I just learned that people buy Lobsters (to eat) while they are still alive. My family doesn't do it and I think that's the biggest reason I never realized that they can be bought live. But now I totally understand the aquariums of lobsters with the rubber bands on their claws. I always assumed that it was just for show and you pick the one that looks the healthiest or whatever and then they kill it there and you take the carcass home. Well, no, you pick a live one and take a live one home and (I had to ask) you boil it to kill it. If only I was a normal predator who thought there was nothing wrong with this...

Connect the dots... la, la...la,la....

Early April Fool

2010-04-01T13:38:00.008-04:00

So, yesterday I was standing in a convenience store getting my money out to pay for a drink and I looked down and saw a $5 dollar bill. Sweet! Whoever it belonged to was long gone... I looked around to make sure no one was looking... I can't help but feel slightly guilty about taking money that didn't belong to me, but finders keepers, right?! No one was looking so I grabbed it up quick. Then when I was adding it to my wad of cash I realized that the wad of cash was a bit slimmer and that this $5 dollar bill was folded the way I would have folded it to fit in my wallet. Then it hit me, I had dropped the bill when I was getting my money out. As my uncle would say "Say Duh...."

Earthworm Massacre

2010-03-26T11:10:00.003-04:00

At least it looks like one today...

Why do worms have to slither onto the driveway and sidewalks after it rains? Stupid worms! Where are their natural insticts to survive? I try to save them if I can by putting them back into the grass, but I can't save all of them... especially not today!! I had to tiptoe to my car to avoid stepping on them there were so many. And then... I don't even want to think about how many I probably drove over! Good grief...

Healthcare Debate

2010-03-23T15:35:00.016-04:00

At the risk of any sort of discord, I am just going to say it: I think the new Healthcare plan is going to be great. (Note: that I did not say perfect.) I am having a hard time relating to the other side of this argument. To me it seems a bit selfish to think that healthcare should be available to only those who can afford it. That healthcare can be discriminating.

I want to tell you a story.

I used to work at a bank a few years back and I would take care of IRA rollovers and distributions. Anyway, there was a nice lady who was not quite at her retirement age who came into the bank to take money out of her IRA. Of course she would be penalized for it because she was a little less than a year away from the penalty-free withdraw. I was afraid to ask her why she wasn't waiting because it was certainly none of my business but I did make a point to tell her that if she could wait just a few more months the withdraws would be penalty-free. Well, I opened up a floodgate and the tears began pouring from her face. I handed her my box of tissues as she started to explain... She didn't have enough money to keep up with the prescriptions she needed and she had no one to help her and no other way to pay for the drugs. She had no family to help her because they had all passed on and she didn't have any kids. Now I could feel a stinging in my eyes. I somehow managed to hold it together while I listened to her. She had no choice. She couldn't afford better healthcare which would cover the drugs she needed (I think she said she was on medicare). She needed the drugs. She was in a lot of pain. And using the IRA money to pay for the drugs was cheaper than getting a better healthcare plan.

All I heard was - cut off my foot now or cut off my foot later. It was incredibly sad. I had no answers for her. I left the office in a pretty somber mood that day. This was about 5 years ago but I still hear her sweet voice and I still see the tears. My eyes still sting when I think about it. I wonder what ever happened to her. I wonder if things could possibly have gotten better for her as the economy got worse. I don't want to think about the alternative.

People need healthcare. America needs healthcare. It is not something to be debated about. Not everyone can afford healthcare, but are we to ignore them? Whatever happened to humanity? I don't completely understand what this will do with the power of government, but something had to be done about the healthcare of this country. We can worry about the checks and balances later, can't we?

A quote from Vice President Biden: "This is a big f***ing deal." I concur.

Have a Cry... It's On Me...

2010-03-11T13:57:00.009-05:00

Sometimes you just have to cry it out. But then you have to move on. Life isn't always as you expect it. It really isn't. Oh and along with not having the life you expected comes my dear old friend jealousy who is a horrid little thing and if you don't admit to ever being jealous well then I seriously don't believe you. I admit it... I've been jealous... probably more times than I care to count... but you know, it's a part of life. We all want things we can't or don't have. Perhaps that should be motivation to make some positive life changes. Motivation to work harder, be healthier, communicate better, be a better listener. And during your escapades to build a better life for yourself, you will start to notice that sometimes the unexpected can be so much better than what you were hoping for. So much so that you have to sit back and take it in. I have a deep appreciation for the fact that life is so much bigger than just me...or you... So what I'm trying to say is... you can feel bad about not being where you want to be (I am totally there with you), but then move on. And just keep moving. Or Swimming if you are Dori fan.

Random Little Things...

2010-02-26T10:12:00.013-05:00

that REALLY bug me...

- Weird spots on toilet paper, like glue or a seed a bug fossil? what is that?!

- When every station on the radio is playing commercials and there is NO music on any of the channels I listen to!!! Do they plan this?

- That I can't find the lid to my favorite travel tea mug

- When the pump handle at the gas station doesn't click and I have to hold it the entire time in the bitter, freezing cold and on a day that I conveniently forgot my gloves at home

- That there is even a remote possibility that you can get your eyelashes so stuck in an eyelash curler that you have to rip your eyelashes out to get them unstuck... OWWWW! OW! OW! OWWWWWWWWW! (eyes watering to oblivion)

- When you see the (1) to show you there is a message waiting in your inbox and it's just junk mail... such a let down

- When you type an email message and then re-read it AFTER you've sent it only to find that you look like you can't speak your own language. IdiOT!

- Knowing that someone else found a hair or a bug or some other non-food item in the same food I am eating... did I already eat one of what they just found?!! Yuck, spit!

- Driving behind a smoker and having their smoke come into my car through the vents... EWWWWW! Grossssss!

- When someone calls you in err and then after you explain that this is the wrong number they dial it right back... STILL the wrong number! And even a third time... YES IT'S THE WROOOONG NUMBER!

- When you take your shoes off and your socks come off with them - crap! QUICK cover feet, hide feet...dry feet! Chipped nail-polish... hiiiiide toes!

- When you wash your hands in a public bathroom only to realize there is no way to dry them, great ...shake shake shake, shake shake shake... shake your booty... or ha-ands...shake your ha-ands...

- When there is NO toilet paper and you've already gone and there is NO ONE to spare a square ...let's just say the booty song does NOT apply

- When you are in the bathroom and you hear someone actually GOing and then you don't hear any water running and they are gone when you come out of the stall... HMMMmmmm... don't think I'll be touching that door handle...

- When your coworker notices a BIIIIG clump of your hair under the wheels of your office chair - "boy, you shed like a dog!!" Um...it was big foot... yeah... You know Harry... he's the nice one from that movie...and he sheds like no other!

- When you think it's Friday all day and you are having a fantastic day because the weekend is here, only to realize it's Thursday! ?!

- When you try out a new lotion that smells alright and then later starts to smell so bad that you think there may have been some sort of dead animal in that lotion.... OMG, OMG! need to wash hands....scrub ...to... get...SMELL...OFF!

- That there are so many of these things in my head on a daily basis that I hate to end the post here...

Pete and Repeat Were on a Boat...

2010-02-16T09:39:00.009-05:00

Is there anything more annoying than having to repeat yourself or asking someone else to repeat themselves?! I tend to think not. I have a lot of patience but very little when I have to repeat something for the third time or FOURTH TIME! And don't you love that by then you are yelling it not only because you need the volume but because you are thoroughly annoyed... I have to laugh at myself for getting so irritated so quickly at something so stupid. The only way to combat my asking someone to repeat themselves more than once (at the risk of annoying them) is to protect the hearing I have now so that it doesn't get worse. I heard on the radio that if you start to turn your music or tv down, that eventually you will get used to the lower volume and that you can protect your hearing this way. I've been trying it but I'm not so sure it is working, maybe it just takes a loooong time. I'm sorry but when an AC/DC song comes on I just have to turn it up. I can't listen to it on a lower volume... it's like eating one potato chip, you just can't do it... it's weird. So as my efforts are totally failing, I'm thinking about changing my choice of music for a while until I can get used to the lower volumes so that when my dad is talking to me from another room at least I will be able to hear him when he is asking me to repeat myself for the FIFTH TIME!!

Big Bad Bowl

2010-02-08T07:42:00.007-05:00

Speaking of snickers commercials... there were some interesting commercials last night during the Super Bowl XLIV. But I want to talk about the game! I mean, WOW!!! Did you see that?! Just amazing. Amazing plays by both teams. And I couldn't believe the interception, that was absolutely crazy! Congratulations to the Saints on their win! You made history last night...

Tracy Porter's interview - so humble:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aI7W3T_Q7XM

I'm Batman

2010-02-04T13:00:00.004-05:00

Thoroughly enjoying a Snickers bar right now because there are no Milky Ways around. Totally bad for me, but it's gym night...so...

Made me think of this commercial from way back. My family has made references to this commercial for years after...now that's a good commercial!

What Heats Up Must Calm Down

2010-02-03T13:54:00.004-05:00

That is all.

Unless you were expecting something more... in which case...

I like tea.

Hot tea. Decaffinated tea. Sweet tea. Iced tea. Herbal tea. Chai tea. Sun tea. Peppermint tea. White tea. Not green tea. Lemon tea. Brisk tea. Not Nestea. Nestea = Nas-ty. Blueberry tea. Lipton's tea. Orange tea. Mr. T. - oh, sorry - Fresh brewed tea. Peach tea. Black tea. English breakfast tea.

Ok...that is all. You can go back to your regularly scheduled lives now.

Angry Beaver

2010-02-02T14:38:00.006-05:00

Today I can just feel the steam coming out of my ears. It usually takes a lot to make me angry and today I'm angry. I feel that talking about it will help me calm down. I do not feel like I can confront the person who has angered me. This is usually my dilemma. Probably like most people I do not like confrontation. I hate it. I would rather let the anger fester in my gut for years than even begin to tell someone I am mad at them. For some reason I understand that with family I should let them know that I am upset - otherwise I would probably lose it - but I can't seem to do the same for anyone else. Instead of burying this anger inside, I am letting it out... right here. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAA HHHHHHHH HHHHHHH!!!!!! AHH AAAAHHHHH AAAH! AH! Ok, I think I feel better. Ok, no, not really... but I will. I usually get all worked up and then someone close to me talks me through it and makes me look at the bigger picture and I find that I'm usually over reacting or I am not putting things in the right perspective. Sometimes I just want to be mad though, but really it's not healthy... so I'm gonna go home and de-stress. Watch a cartoon or two. Perhaps some Angry Beavers - that cartoon is great! Everything will be ok. Worse things have happened. Anyone have any party cake ice cream? After eating a big bowl of that I know everything is just fine... That stuff is every happy birthday rolled into one big bowl of happiness!! Ok, OK, food as therapy = not good. I guess I'll just hit the gym instead... then if I still feel so inclined, I'll go ahead and have that big bowl of the most awesome childhood memories ever.

Ok, I'll quit my whinin! Sorry!

I Don't Care...

2010-01-28T14:56:00.012-05:00

So, recently, I suggested to someone that they shouldn't care what other people think. But I should admit that I am seriously not taking my own advice. When suggesting the idea, I thought why should one person worry about a multitude of other people? It's just not fair. That's just too much to think about. But on second thought, is that being rude? Perhaps the key to being nice is worrying about everyone else and so I (already having been deemed "nice") must worry about saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing and possibly upsetting even one single person out of many many people. But for Pete's sake!!... I think I need to take my own advice sometimes. However... and yes I totally had to throw that in there... I am not keen on rude people and do not ever want to be considered rude, by anyone, anywhere, for any reason. But if you think I'm rude... well I guess I'll have to live with it... because right now I don't care.

Ha, I am starting to think this rambling makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Oh well. Still not caring...

Feels good to say the words "I-don't-care." Kind of like that feeling you get when someone else says something to get a rise out of you and you reply with an indifferent "so?" and it just makes them even more mad at you.

Speak no Evil

2010-01-21T13:53:00.010-05:00

Today I have come to the realization that I am not a speaker. Nothing in particular sparked this thought, just a random thought. I think I've known this for a long time but haven't really thought about it until now. I guess I kept thinking that something would change and all of a sudden I would enjoy speaking and the words would just flow effortlessly from my mouth and I would have so much to say and all of it interesting and absolutely everyone would want to listen. In the past I have challenged myself with public speaking and have tried to become an "on-my-feet-thinker," but I am just not cut out for it! I'm sure I could get used to it and become a more eloquent speaker over time, but I know that it is not my calling. It feels good to realize something like this about yourself so fully. I will still tell you that I have no idea what I want to do with my life or who I want to be, but to be able to rule something out helps a little. Perhaps I would be better as a writer... haha. For some reason I think the words come from my fingers faster than from my mouth. I have always told people that I can type faster than I can talk and I truly believe it. There must be a name for something like this... It's a pretty strange phenomenon. Phenomenon...do dooo doo doo doo... phenomenon... do doo doo doo.... Oh, crap! Not that song!!

Here is Kermit and Sandra Bullock's version: