The Next Phase: Living On His Terms

Effortless and Authentic Rapport Building for Introverts

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:51:00 +0000

For a long time, I bought into the belief that it's hard for introverts to relate to people, especially people they don't know.

In the last couple of days, I have busted that myth not once but TWICE.

On Friday, I was at Dale Beaumont and Dr John Demartini's seminar at the Melbourne Convention Centre. I went with an open heart to learn and to engage with anyone who might cross my path.

The whole morning, I felt a little left out because the lady on my left seemed to click so well with the lady on her left, and the lady on my right discovered a fellow Demartini fan in the guy on her right. Everyone seemed to have someone to talk with except me.

Yet when lunchtime came, I found myself saying to the lady on my right, "So where do you plan to do lunch?"

And she mentioned a couple of places around the corner and ended with, "Why don't you just follow me?"

Lunchtime became such a gift because I discovered how much we had in common, which made conversation easy and effortless.

I even built rapport with the guy at the counter and discovered he's Malaysian and has been in AUS for just 6 months. When he brought our food, I thanked him with "Terima Kasih", which tickled my lunch partner because she's been to Bali and she says everyone goes "Terima Kasih" all the time.

Yesterday, while waiting for Beth to finish her drum class, a young guy with a guitar came in. He sat down near me and we made eye contact. Quite extraordinary for me because I don't usually look strangers in the eye like that. But we did.

And proceeded to have the most delightful conversation about guitar, the gigs he does when he's not being an IT guy, how the teenage girl in the guitar class puts him to shame with her amazing rendition of Sweet Home Alabama.

At the end of our little chat, he introduced himself and asked me my name.

Simple ordinary and unexpected occasions like this, I'm discovering, are perfect for practising rapport building skills and expanding my comfort zone. You never know when you'll make a new friend.

Ask and you shall receive

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 00:36:00 +0000

How many times have I held back on what I wanted because I didn't dare to ask?

How many times have I let precious opportunities slip away because I was afraid the answer might be no?

Yesterday, I took my fear in hand...and asked.

I ASKED the receptionist at Wyndham Vale CLC if she would accept flyers for my March workshops at Tarneit CLC.

She got up from her seat, took my flyers and went over to the table where brochures and flyers are laid out for the people to browse, and personally found a spot for them.

I couldn't resist going past the table afterwards to see for myself that my flyers were there.

Here's a quick snap.

I ASKED the founder of Beth's drum school if the school's parents might benefit from knowing about my workshops.

His response: "Sure, go ahead! We've got 200 families. If you want to advertise something, just go for it."

I got Beth to pin up the flyer for me on USM's notice board, right in between their band workshop registration form and a flyer of Lauren Elizabeth's upcoming gig in St Kilda.

I ASKED Beth's piano teacher if she would like some flyers for the parents of her students, so they would have something different to read while waiting. She said sure, and yesterday I handed her 20 flyers.

And all because I said yes to myself and worked out how, backed myself to the hilt, and let my desire be greater than my fear - and asked.

What would/would not have happened if I hadn't asked?

Happy Dance

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Fri, 10 Feb 2012 01:37:00 +0000

To reasons to shout "TGIF!" today...

Tarneit Community Learning Centre emailed to say they have put up my flyer on their notice board. Also, they are happy for me to pop by any time during office hours to tour the place and get a feel of the room where I will be conducting the workshops.
Received an email enquiry through my website. The writer is based in Brisbane and going through a career change. Have sent her Client Profile and list of available time slots for the initial call.

Cool Stats

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 09:14:00 +0000

Did a quick check-in on my stats for this month and loved what's showing up.

Even better, there's been a constant stream of new leads from my free report download "Top Five Principles For Sustainable Success" on the website.

Next, to figure out how best to engage these leads and convert them.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 09:31:00 +0000

So excited last night I couldn't sleep.

Will you believe me if I tell you I was kept awake visualizing myself actually delivering my workshop, engaging the participants, using all my coaching tools, fielding questions, doing the open/close, handing out the contact form (it will have four columns: name, email address, space for participants to write what topics interest them, I forget what the last one was...), inviting people to bring their friends to the next workshop, having the event professionally videoed and producing my first DVD product for sale...

It was like watching myself in a movie starring myself. Exactly what we've been taught to do in NLP. I was seeing/hearing/feeling exactly everything as if it was already taking place.

Woke up with prominent eye bags and a feeling of fatigue. Not the best way to prepare for our 9 am meeting with the Sunday School leadership team.

And yet, such a sense of anticipation too, to know - in advance, at an unconscious level - that I CAN DO THIS.

Why We Can Handle Anything

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 10:34:00 +0000

1 Corinthians 10:13

The Message (MSG)

¹³No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit; he'll always be there to help you come through it.

Say Yes, Then Work Out How

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 08:37:00 +0000

Took to heart Brendon Burchard's teaching on productivity and handling emails.

Today's focus was on sending out action emails to create connections and initiate action that will help me move a step closer to my 2012 goals.

Said yes to Mark E/DDT's request that I assist my pastor with the communications plan for our new church.

Emailed Council's Biz Devt Officer, whom I met last year, to suggest several ways ATC can partner with Council this year on the ideas that surfaced in the Dec 2011 Biz Breakfast Business Leaders' Forum.

Wrote a character reference for a sister who is saying yes to God's call on her life to be an advocate/speaker/fundraiser for a Christian charity that rescues girls caught up in the sex trade.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 05:16:00 +0000

Love love love love LOVE this!

Alice is the NLP trainer I studied under in Nov/Dec 2011 and the epitome of the professional, inspirational trainer I aspire to be...

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 03:48:00 +0000

Had a super Happy New Year/catch-up chat with my best friend in SG that went from around midnight to one plus in the morning.

A meaningful phone conversation. It's the next best thing to being there in person.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 01:27:00 +0000

Had a fantastic evening at C's place last night.

While Calvin, C's hubby and their boys and our girls had a ball in the toy room, C and I talked about her goals for 2012. The importance of the 'why'. How to ensure her goals don't go the way of most New Year's resolutions.

At the end of the two hours, I showed her what the available options were and took her through each of them. She asked how much private coaching would cost and I named the figure.

Speaking out my value with confidence reinforced my perception of what my work is all about. Perception is reality. Whatever we name takes on a life of its own, for good or ill. So why not speak what adds to the quality of life and choices of others?

I have now completed two Make 2012 Your Best Year Yet presentations, which means I am halfway through the challenge my NLP trainer Alice set us.

In Jan, I will do at least one more free workshop, maybe at the Plaza library and/or Point Cook library.

Then on to the next phase of my 2012 one-to-many strategy...

Paid workshops. Small group parent coaching. Private coaching.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 10:28:00 +0000

A month ago, I was wondering how I would fit it all in: hosting 3 groups of visitors from SG who were to be our house guests over a period of 3 weeks, which overlapped with my commitment to crew at the Dec Intake weekend at TCI and my 7-day NLP Practitioner training.

Tomorrow, the last of the visitors goes home.

And I managed to keep faith with my commitments.

The past 3 weeks have delivered so many valuable lessons about integrity, serving, generosity, behavioural flexibility, being true to self...

I've made new friends through my NLP training and crewing with TCI, and I know our lives will continue to intersect in meaningful ways.

Our house has gone strangely quiet, the Christmas tree and presents have been sorted, and we are looking forward to a well-deserved break. The kids are revelling in sleep-ins, play dates and fond memories of our visitors, especially their cousin Chloe. The most memorable time for the girls is when she came to stay.

Put two four year-old girls together and imagine the amount of mischief and joyful noise...

Miss J keeps wanting to go to SG to visit Chloe, while Chloe's mum tells us she wants to come back to Aus, haha. We are tentatively planning to holiday together next year or 2013.

On Sat night, our two families got together on Skype and it was hilarious watching the two girls 'messaging' each other - with a good deal of help from the mums. "How to spell ____?" And so on.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 01:10:00 +0000

HXUC held church council elections on 13 Nov and I am now Secretary.

It's v strange how it happened.

My good friend Kat nominated for the Asst Sec position, and asked if I would consider being Sec.

I had been dead set against being considered for CC because I heartily disapprove of meetings. Meetings are the worst time wasters, and don't I have enough on my plate with coaching triads, webinars, p/t work and ferrying the girls to and from school and after-school activities?

But when a respected brother who had nominated for Treasurer announced, "I propose Serena Tan for Secretary", and someone else said, "I second", I had to quickly decide.

I turned to confer with hubby. As usual, he said it was my decision to make. How helpful is that?!

I decided - against all logic and reason - to say yes. [Say Yes, Then Work Out How is one of our coaching mantras.]

Afterwards, my boss asked if I had felt "ambushed".

I reframed it to him (and myself) thus: secretarial work is an extension of the admin work I'm already doing for HXUC. It's something I can do. And it involves minute taking and dissemination once a month (or less, if my boss has his way and meetings are held only six times a year).

So...one more facet of my post-migration identity falls into place.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 00:54:00 +0000

Am grateful for the opportunity to step outside my comfort zone this week.

First, our regular house guest Annie brought her friend C for the trip. Have surprised myself by stepping easily into the role of hostess and helping her settle in and get acquainted with our household routine. It certainly helps that C is one of those very easygoing types who prefer following to leading.

My inner coach has also stepped up to the plate, noticing things C says, how she says them, asking for clarification, always curious, non-judging and ready to challenge surface comments for the intent behind them. Annie has commented that I've asked some very interesting questions.

Second...since starting J at Paul Sadler, I've yet to form a bond with any of the mums there. They all seem to know each other and to stay in their little cliques. The weekly routine of meet-and-greet at the pool can make the quieter ones feel left out.

But today, I finally met someone I could click with.

A Lebanese mum whose youngest daughter joined J's class for a make-up lesson. She sat two seats away from me, and when our eyes met, she smiled. That gave me the courage to smile back and initiate conversation.

Before I knew it, we were chatting easily about school, daycare, raising teen and pre-teen daughters, strict moral and parenting standards, languages...The stuff parents bond readily over.

I looked over at J and her classmates in the pool...and discovered she was chatting with my new friend's daughter. Felt so proud of J and so in awe. At her age, I would never have dared to talk to someone I'd never met. And there they were, chatting naturally like they were already friends.

Don't know if I'll ever see the family again, but one thing's for sure. When we do, we'll just take up the thread of the conversation and carry on from where we paused.

And it'll be effortless.

Who is my boss?

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 08:20:00 +0000

God Owns My Business
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
10-09-2011"So if you have not been trustworthy in handling worldly wealth, who will trust you with true riches? (Luke 16:11).

Although he was an innovator in the reclamation of silver in the photographic process, Stanley Tam of Lima, Ohio, is best known for his commitment to Jesus Christ. A large sign adorning the home of United States Plastic Corporation proclaims "Christ Is the Answer," and Tam's widely read book, God Owns My Business, describes how he arrived at the conviction that he should legally make God the literal owner of his business.

Tam, who has traveled throughout the country and world to testify about his Christian faith, is one who is willing to "put his money where his mouth is." Although his business success could have made him a millionaire many times over, he and his wife, Juanita, draw only modest salaries from U.S. Plastics. All profits are channeled through the Stanita Foundation, with those funds designated for a variety of Christian ministries, primarily overseas missions.

In the fall of 1954, Tam was speaking at a revival meeting in Medellin, Colombia when God confronted him in a supernatural way. God let him know He wanted him to turn the business over to Him completely and become His employee. So, on January 15, 1955, Stanley Tam ceased being a stockholder in either of his companies, States Smelting and Refining Corporation or United States Plastic Corporation.

In order to do this God had to deal with one area in his life.

"I have always enjoyed making money, and God knew that. Had He left me undisturbed in this area, I could have become a proud, materialistic, self-centered spiritual misfit. In asking of me the submission of the greatest drive of my life, He removed a blighting influence and replaced it with an inner peace and satisfaction such as I could never have known otherwise. I don't think there is such a thing as a part-time Christian; we are all in full-time ministry. We each need to ask God to take our vocation and make it a ministry. And if we ask Him, He will do it."*

Does God own your business or your work life? If not, why not make that decision today and let Him use your work life for His glory.

*Adapted from "The Complete Christian Businessman" an interview with Stanley Tam Wolgemuth & Hyatt, Publishers, Inc.

Today God Is First (TGIF) devotional message, Copyright by Os Hillman, Marketplace Leaders.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 13:31:00 +0000

Just had an incredible lightbulb moment while listening to Marcia Wieder.

My focus for the past 3 months has been about how can I get paying clients, how can I have recurring and abundant income, how can I market myself and reach more people who are looking for what I can give.

And by the way, did I mention that my job is making a positive difference in the quality of people's lives?

What if it was the other way around...

"I help people fulfill their dreams, and in taking care of them, my own dreams are fulfilled."

As vocal awareness expert Arthur Joseph puts it, the right order is SURRENDER - SERVE - SOAR, not SERVE - SOAR - SURRENDER.

Why Did I Bother?

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 01:46:00 +0000

On Tue, I went to my first ever Wyndham Biznet function.

My accountant encouraged me to go.

So did a school mum whose accounting firm is represented.

And a bank executive I met at the Small Biz Festival last month.

And the Biz Devt Officer at council, who even explained what to expect on the night and how to make the most of networking opportunities.

Trouble was: I had no idea how to dress up for the occasion.

It's been 6 years since I've had to present myself as a professional person. Since coming to Aus, I've attended ONE wedding, and that occasion caused me quite a few internal dramas too because I realized all the young people were naturals at the eyeshadow, mascara and hair curling/straightening stuff. And I'm clueless.

10 minutes to leaving time, I was still fussing over outfits and trying to get my face to look made up and my hair to behave.

Why did I never pay attention to these important life skills when I was in my 20's?

Oh but wait, I wouldn't have known who to ask anyway. And my job didn't require me to put my best face forward too much.

Hubby told me to just relax and go have a good time.

And in the end, that's just what I did.

My coaching muscles got a pretty rigorous workout too.

I practised my listening skills (very hard when you're doing the "Do I look okay?" "Wonder what they think of me?" self-talk) and focussed on being 100% present.

I asked questions that showed curiosity about the other person.

I embraced the fear of not belonging, and ended the night making some fantastic one-on-one connections with people who looked friendly and approachable.

When they asked who was new, I raised my hand, took the mic and introduced myself and my coaching business. I could feel my face burning as I spoke, but I made the effort to be as articulate and authentic as possible and to let my conviction shine through.

Afterwards, several people told me I had spoken really well and that the issues I had raised were common problems we experience and they could think of friends etc who could really use my services.

One of the highlights of the evening was discovering that the guest speaker - retired minister of the church and author Noel McCrea - was someone I knew.

We'd met 2 years ago at the gym and were in the same Body Balance class every week for several months.

I loved his friendly smiles, his energy and attitude, his friendliness towards the other members, and the way he fully participated in every class.

Until I dropped out.

Noel never forgot it, and when he rose to deliver his speech, he made it a point to acknowledge his friend "Serena - the gym dropout".

Instant notoriety!

It was great to be able to go over to his table and say hi to him, his wife and friends, and to see the fantastic support and encouragement they gave him: positive feedback on his speech; helping him collect the money for book sales... What a great way to live at 82!

If I do no other business networking, I think showing up regularly to Biznet and contributing through it would be a very doable way to establish my presence in the community.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 02:36:00 +0000

My triad with VO and LM has just wrapped up.

Can't believe we've actually done 9 sessions and had 2 mentors listen in. What a journey it's been coming up with a realistic coaching scenario every week for 9 weeks.

So I've just said yes to LB who recently put out a call for help, and will be coaching her triad. We start on Monday.

My triad with NB and JN has just completed its 3rd session after several interval breaks, and this Fri, we'll have our first mentor coach on board. Exciting.

My other triad with JW and YH - which has been the most challenging and uncomfortable for me - will complete its 6th session tomorrow and then a new mentor coach comes on.

To prepare for Friday's 4-way call, I've finally joined the iPhone club. My iPhone 4 arrived yesterday after a week of playing tag with TNT. Got my new micro SIM card from Vodaphone at the Plaza and rang Three to get it activated. The customer service guy says my iPhone will be in service after an hour. After that comes the fun part: playing with my new phone. Might need the help of my teenage friends to get it up asap.

I realize I'm loving this coaching triad busyness. Saying yes to coaching another triad will give me an additional 9 hours of skills practice.

Hubby says I should be getting more paid clients instead of pro bonos. That's easy for him to say!!

The Magic of Not Knowing

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 03:18:00 +0000

I love serendipity.

I love the magic that happens when you let go and just trust in the right people and opportunities to flow to you.

On Wed, I was due to meet with the rep of a local newspaper to discuss a possible spot in a feature they are doing. Had no idea what it was about or even how he found me but said yes anyway.

So I rock up to Werribee Baptist before 2 pm and no one's there. I chat with the admin lady, who like me works p/t for the church, and start forming a lovely rapport with a lovely individual. Our conversation ends with her inviting me over for a cuppa the next time I'm at work.

I wait another 15 mins, and conclude that said person must be stuck in traffic or lost his way in the rain or maybe in an accident (oh dear!). When I get home, I call and leave a voice message for the person asking if he's okay.

I also decide that I'm going to let go of the outcome of this and not try to chase up on the matter.

Today, I get a call from said rep to find out what happened on Wed. Turns out he went to the Anglican Church on Synnot St and wondered why it was closed! We had a good laugh and right there on the line I felt a warm fuzzy feeling and the beginnings of rapport forming.

We've now made an appointment to meet up next Wed. Same time, same place, and this time he promises to look up the address and have my mobile number with him.

I finally got to ask him The Question: how'd you get my number?

"Oh, from the Council database."

"The Business Directory?"

"Yep, that's the one."

There's a good reason why the Business Development Officer at the Council kept encouraging me to get on the database, and I've emailed to let her know she was right!

Accomplishments and Fun Things To Come

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 11:20:00 +0000

This week, I...

had a chat with a dear lady who came to see me about coaching because she thinks she can do more with her life (did I mention she's 70+ yo??)
called two people to account over their personal and business standards (when I normally would have shrugged it off because I wanted to avoid being confrontational)
opened my business bank account
connected with various lovely business owners on FB and bought a birthday present off one of them for my BFF (hope she loves it!)
offered a free Personal Goal Setting session to all my FB likers (just another way to reach out!)
received a surprise thank-you gift from an overseas client, to say she appreciated the pro bono coaching I've given her
attended an ATO seminar, acted as if I was the host and initiated conversation, gave away biz cards, made my 30-second elevator pitch in new ways and got to know some local womenpreneurs
got Jim's Mowers in to remove the weeds and tidy the backyard so it looks much more presentable and inviting
finished in the office today so I have tomorrow afternoon off while Miss J is at kindy...yay :)
had a surprise accountability call from TCI which made me feel so validated and positive about my biz
signed up to crew for the Dec intake with TCI (a huge step because there's no changing your mind once you say yes, it's gonna mean 3 11-hour days, I'll need solid childcare arrangements, and I am thinking of stepping up enough to drive myself to the city and home since it's daylight savings)
added my details to the I Am A Business Owner In Victoria group on FB

I am excited about...

coffee chat tomorrow with a delightful young friend who has shown a great interest in my coaching journey
appointment with Wyndham Council on Mon to see the biz devt officer about all the resources and opportunities available to new biz
tomorrow night's needs assessment phone session with someone I met at a seminar more than 2 months ago and developed a rapport with
working out my biz vision and mission statement after tonight's webinar with the ever-helpful and generous coach Meg Filip.

Step Up!

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Wed, 27 Jul 2011 23:24:00 +0000

Throughout my training with TCI, we coaches have been exhorted to Step Up.

This is a phrase that hasn't been part of my vocab till now. Just another thing I've never really thought about.

Then yesterday when I was in the office, my boss came up to me to deliver his last-minute instructions before taking off for the next five weeks. And he said I had to Step Up To The Plate now that I'm paid staff. His idea of stepping up includes chasing people to make sure they follow through with what they are supposed to be doing. (And I thought I'd signed up just to do filing, produce the weekly newsletter and arrange duty rosters!)

I can tell you right off that telling people what to do is one of those things in my Don't Like folder, from back when I was in a leadership position at work. I'd much rather work on my own and accomplish my own goals, thank you.

But now I find myself Stepping Up in new ways.

This week, a fellow coach raved about how she loves my career website because it's so organized and informative and thorough. We got talking about how I might be able to help someone like her who is time-poor and doesn't write effortlessly. So tonight we're having a further chat to discuss how I can provide her with content for her new website.

For me, Stepping Up means not just saying yes to the opportunity to turn my writing skills into a possible niche, but also recognizing that if I want to help my friend create an effective online presence, I have to start learning all about social media and SEO and all the techie stuff I've put on my Someday list.

It's not enough to be just a good writer of content; I need to be a great writer - one who knows all about which keyword to use and where - for the benefit of my clients.

And guess what happened?

As I went through my inbox last night, I clicked on an email by David Riklan of SelfGrowth.com, and it was a video presentation by Ryan Deiss about his partner Kate Buck Jr, some successful Social Media Manager. Riveting story...but the best thing about it was its timeliness. I'm being offered an opportunity to learn all about social media marketing and to even have my own biz if I want. All the templates, audios, videos and support I need come with the package if I say yes.

So what did I do?

Said yes of course.

I want to learn about FB marketing and how to position myself and my brand so I can be found online. Last I looked, my new FB biz fan page had just 11 likes. Not enough to have my own username (you need 25 likes at least). Very sad. This is feedback (not failure!), so what do Ineed to do about it to become someone that others would happily click the Like button for even if they don't know me?

That's partly why I said yes to Kate.

And if I can succeed at creating a strong FB and Twitter etc presence for myself, imagine what I could do for my clients!

A coach who also provides writing services and helps her clients create a strong online presence so their businesses can soar.

How cool is that?

Then this morning, I received an email from an ex-client asking if I could teach her how to pray.

And I thought, wow, spiritual coaching - another niche?

And I am having to Step Up again.

Because other than the Lord's Prayer and what I've learned from years of being a Christian, what do I really know about prayer?

So I did the next best thing. I made a time to chat more fully over the phone, and meanwhile you can be sure I'll be reading up everything I can about prayer and how to pray effectively.

That's my definition of Stepping Up.

What Does Success Mean To You?

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 12:57:00 +0000

On tonight's Conversations With A Master Coach webinar, the facilitator asked how we celebrate the successes and little milestones on our coaching journey.

I'll just blog about mine here.

I can think of at least two successes I want to give myself a pat on the back for today.

One. I had a Parent-Teacher Interview this afternoon and couldn't really think of what to ask Beth's teacher, except to give her a heads up about the possibility that we might be changing schools next year.

She was understandably taken aback, concerned and sorry at the prospect of losing an academically inclined student, but fully understood that there are some decisions we just have to make.

Confession: I am and have always been a sook. The kind of person who cries over other people's sad stories, when watching sad movies, or because the other person is crying. I can't trust myself to hold it in and maintain a dignified appearance, however hard I try to program myself internally. I'm just wired that way.

But today, as I watched the panorama of emotion unfold on the teacher's face and read in it compassion, kindness and sincerity from one human to another, I felt a surge of power from within.

The imbalance that usually puts me on edge when I'm in the presence of an authoritative figure...Gone.

The physical tremors and feeling of coldness that usually come over me when I feel I have to defend or justify my actions...Gone.

The tears that automatically well up when I'm on the receiving end of someone's pity, which somehow triggers a "Poor me" reaction which makes me feel even more helpless and hopeless...Gone.

In its place was a sense of personal power, purpose and focus. I was actually able to manage my state and communicate as one equal to another. That to me is amazing because I tend to be easily overawed by others, especially authority figures like teachers, officials, religious leaders, and just anyone who seems supremely confident and certain of themselves.

Our little 15-minute chat went overtime because we were both so intensely in sync - for the first time all year - talking not only about Beth, but also about what I am doing in terms of career and studies. The teacher's curiosity gave me the opportunity to share about my coaching training and what coaching means and how it helps others. I was even able to give her a link to where I post the articles I write.

Two. I decided to email the teacher to say thank you.

But I didn't stop there, as I normally do.

I decided to make a reference to what we'd discussed by inserting two little 'P.S.'es: a link to my career website with a request for feedback, and an invitation to chat further about how my coaching knowledge might help the school community.

That latter bit, the call to action and the implied putting myself out there ("This is me, Serena Tan, doing what I love and looking to share it with those who are ready and willing to change"), is another milestone for me.

I have spent most of my life being invisible by choice, for fear of being in the spotlight. But I know I am doing myself and others a disservice if I fail to let my light shine. So even though I feel the fear (of the unknown, of not being good enough etc etc), I am doing it anyway.

Embracing the uncertainty.

Saying yes and working out how as I go along.

Forcing the ripple effect with one conscious, purposeful act.

Just to see where it leads.

Because I want to know where playing at 100% will take me to.

And if it doesn't work out, it's not failure. It's only feedback, nothing personal.

Two simple acts inspired in part by the life-changing training and resources TCI has given me.

This - to me - is Success.

What is your definition of Success?

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 14:09:00 +0000

Business Directory listing for AGNOSCO TRAINING AND COACHING

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 14:04:00 +0000

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 13:19:00 +0000

Received some positive feedback from my boss and our Church Council chairman over the weekend.

It's a great feeling and makes me want to keep doing better in my new job.

My boss is going to be overseas the next couple of weeks, which I means I'm in charge of publishing the newsletter and running the office.

I've started compiling manuals and procedures to help me keep track of where everything important is, so everything continues to run smoothly in his absence.

Lots of gray areas and new questions keep popping up. Steep learning curve. But with God's help and the help of my church family, I know I can nail this. I'm gonna focus on the opportunities in the challenge and on making a difference in the wellbeing of our leaders and the running of our church.

noreply@blogger.com (ShanMing 善明) — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 08:00:00 +0000

Meeting mortgage broker next week to sign docs for refinancing of home loan.

Had some misgivings after we gave him the green light to go ahead with loan application. After all the reading we've done, realized we (still) didn't really understand x-collateralization, line of credit vs offset vs redraw, standalone loans, implications of mixing personal funds with investment funds...

In the midst of getting a second opinion from a mortgage broker who is himself a property investor.

On the home front, bro-in-law and real estate agent called today to say they were at HDB for the first appointment. As our sale is a 'negative sales proceeds' transaction, we have to refund the $5k downpayment and deposit to HDB. Am getting BIL to pay first and we'll ETF him the money.

Buyers have asked to have the flat early to begin renovation. The agent has advised that we say yes subject to buyers assume responsibility for anything that might go wrong before settlement, and also get their contractors to clear any belongings still there that they don't want.

It's great to have a professional and ethical RE agent on our side for a change!