“I have a message for the people who have been spending your tax dollars like drunken sailors: there’s a 50-gallon drum of whoop-ass waiting at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue,” said Obama, “and I’m gonna be doling out force-fed tap hits from here on out. The Chairman of BP, Rush Limbaugh, hell, Chuck Norris too. Anybody wants a piece of this, I’m right here, baby.”"

Obama went on to note that his administration has been way out in front on the issues of ass-kickings, beatdowns, thrashings, pummelings, and smackdowns, as well as overspending and rising debt.

“We have held multiple high-level meetings at the White Hosue with a distinguished team of financial experts from all different ideological perspectives,” said the president. “Simultaneously, we have convened a multi-disciplinary team of badass motherf****s to deal with those responsible for this country’s economic troubles.”

While Obama refused to release full preliminary findings, he did allow that the main culprit’s name “rhymes with Forge Zubayoo Mush.”

Upon checking my e-mail on the morning of 5/26/10, I was interested to find your correspondence entitled High Class Boner Pills. The opportunity to purchase “high class boner pills” is indeed rare. Your competitors offer me run-of-the-mill boner pills daily, it seems, and try to confuse me with technical jargon such as “erectile dysfunction” and with blatant product plugs such as “Viagara.”

I truly appreciate your use of plain language. As a 46 year old “regular Joe”, I don’t have the time to decipher fancy medical terminology. Reading your ad I felt comfortable that I knew exactly what I was being offered; boner pills. Moreover, I am confident that you thoroughly inspect each boner pill to insure it meets your quality standards, and can be categorized as a “high class boner pill.”

I have begun to question whether my current boner pills are classy enough to meet my needs. Please provide more information and references. I may be ready for a boner pill upgrade.

Regards,

Chaff Wheatley, TNOYF Correspondent
New York

We even have an awesome, updated slogan: “Hope and Change.” I think it’s really going to take off.

Telling him required massive effort.  We’ve become good friends over the past 4 years, and I’m quite proud of some of the work we’ve done together.  That 2 guys with demanding day jobs and families could cobble together some of the work we’ve done, get linked by everyone from Mark Steyn to Ann Coulter, and even get featured on the Huckabee Show, says a lot about how the ambitious amateur can use the internet to chase a dream.

But that chase has its price.  Over the past six months, I’ve been nagged by the realization that I’m watching my daughters grow up over the top edge of my laptop.  That if not for my wife’s bizarre appreciation of my oddness, she could divorce me for neglect.  That there’s a perfect imprint of my ass in the left cushion of the sofa, cookie crumbs in my keyboard, and I’m pretty sure I’ve developed some low-grade curvature of the spine.

All things considered and given the limited hours in a day, I need to choose the job that comes with a paycheck, and make sure I’m fully present in the lives of the people I love.

Those of you who supported us over the years– thank you.  I hope you’ll continue to support Buckley as he takes TNOYF into this next phase.

RH Potfry/March 31, 2010

“Every person has his price, and it seems President Obama has found Mr. Kucinich’s,” said one Beltway insider. “I guess I just find it a bit disturbing that the Constitution is being trampled, and 1/6 of the American economy is being nationalized, for some Star Trek paraphernalia.”

Kucinich’s office was quick to reply to these charges.

“First of all, Representative Kucinich believes wholeheartedly that this bill is in the best interest of the American people,” said Kucinich spokesman Zaphod Beeblebrox. “And second, if you call an authentic replica of Captain Kirk’s chair, and an autographed topless picture of William Shatner–Star Trek era Shatner, not Boston Legal Shatner–just ‘Star Trek paraphernalia’, then we have nothing to say to you.”

I’m the man…

The man I am.

That Man I am, that Man I am!

I do not like that Man I am!

Do you like my health care plan?

I do not like it Man I am, I do not like

your health care plan.

Would you like me to orate more,

perhaps upon the senate floor?

I would not like you to orate,

I would not like it on any date.

I do not like your health care plan,

I do not like it Man I am.

Would you like another speech?
Do you like to hear me preach?

I cannot take another speech.

Oh please I beg you, do not preach!

I would not like you to orate,

I would not like it on any date.
I do not like your health care plan,

I do not want it Man I am.

Would you like me on TV?

Should I pimp it from a tree?

Not on TV.

Not in a tree.

Not another speech.

Please don’t preach.

I would not like you to orate,

I would not like it on any date.
I do not like your health care plan,

I do not like it Man I am.

What if I went on Oprah’s show?

What if I talked ever so slow?

What I used very small words,

And say the experts have concurred?

Not on her show,

No need to speak slow.

I get all the words,

Stop being absurd!

You do not like it so you say,

But what if I push it all through May?

What if I push it all through May, on TV each and every day?

Dude. Seriously. Are you listening at all?

Do not orate. On any date.

Not one more speech. Don’t freakin’ preach.

I do not want your f***ing plan. I do not want social-ism.