The nostalgia.

Midnight rambles

2016-04-19T00:18:00.001+08:00

Pretty sure I no longer have visitors here anymore after such a long hiatus. Which is great because I can now pen down my thoughts without worrying someone will stumble upon it and question me what's wrong. Yes, I could make it private, but part of me doesn't feel like it. Aiya, you won't understand.

Suddenly decided to visit this page again because I was on my new lappy, playing some poker and notice that this keyboard actually is back lit, which means I can do some typing even in the dark! Apparently, my previous laptop failed to have this function, which bums me because I thought it was a basic pre-requisite all laptops should have. TSK. That laptop is now permanently connected to my tele for me to watch my online shows on the big screen. HEHE. And here I am in bed with my new macbook that my beloved bought for me.

Tons of shit has happened since I last updated. Most of the time I ramble on my other private instag account, but sometimes you know, it's the people closest to you that coz you most of the worrying or stress.

That aside, a not so close friends issue. I still cannot understand how shameless some people can get and how fake they are. I mean, up until now, I still don't find fault in whatever I did. Sure, perhaps I didn't do anything right, but neither did i do anything wrong to warrant such a treatment.

No, I'm not the type to initiate meet-ups, or initiate texts, or ask how you're doing. Even if I happened to think of you sometime during the day, I wouldn't drop you a random text to do some catching up. I just don't. But that doesn't mean I don't care about you. If you ask, I always turn up. But just because I don't turn up once, I'm being classified as don't give a shit. And hence, I deserve to be kicked out of the clique. Fuck logic. They shamelessly met up without me, posting it on social media, obviously for me to see. And then send me a text on New Year and say "let's meet up soon". Fuck. Sorry but my obviously high ego cannot swallow such shameless acts. I replied, "Don't you girls already meet up without me?" which led to all the rants.

They obviously felt no remorse leaving me out. But actually expected to me initiate and ASK THEM why they left me out. What the fuck? And claimed that they weren't worth it to me and I didn't care enough because I couldn't confront them. What the fuck? Shouldn't it be the other way round? Sure, ok if I did something wrong (i.e not initiate meet ups, but still turn up every-time someone plans, except ONCE), then shouldn't they be the one confronting my about it instead? And if I don't see eye-to-eye with it, (which i don't) then I guess that warrant you guys to move on without me. NOT MOVE ON AND LET ME SEE YALL HAPPY EVER AFTER AND BLAME ME FOR NOT CONFRONTING BECAUSE I DON'T CARE WHAT THE FUCK.

It has been a year since I last met them. I knew something was off since then. It was only until 4 months ago that this 'confrontation' occured. 4 months later and I am still really affected by it. I just can't seem to let it go.

I always knew I was a horrible person, a horrible friend. And I am so damn thankful to whoever that I have left in my life. I treat them the same though. I don't initiate, and I dao texts all the time. But I'm glad most of them understand and don't hold it against me. Of course, there are people who still can't and they are supposedly the ones who understand me best, which i cannot comprehend. I hate double standards the most. It irks me.

Talk about this another day.

Liars

2015-06-19T14:19:00.001+08:00

How many times have we been lied to?

Countless times.

How many times do we lie each day?

Countless times.

But how many more times can you stand being lied to and over the same things time and time again?

Why make promises you can't keep? Why make promises if you're going to break them anyway? Why hurt the people you claim you love?

How important are they in the first place? For you to lie to them time and time again and still feel no remorse. For you to easily block their texts and block their calls because you are making a big fuss over their lies? You lied, you should be the one apologizing and not the one being angry.

You have done something wrong but you do not apologize. Instead you bring up something from the past and make other people apologize to you instead. Because your ego is so high up you think no one else deserves to be right just because you think you are always giving in when truth be told, you have barely done shit.

Look at all the things you have done. And compare it to what i have done. Scale it since that's what you are best at. You will realize that no matter what you do or what I do wrong will never make up for the faults you have caused and the pain you have caused me.

You're screwed up. You won't succeed.

Cloudy mind

2014-08-08T00:28:00.001+08:00

We make all sorts of decisions everyday.

They could be decisions we want to make, or they could be decisions we're forced to make. More often than not, the latter tends to lead to regret.

But I've made many "want to make' decisions that I end up regretting as well. There are different types of people in this world. The optimist, the realist or the pessimist. I believe I'm more of a pessimist and a little bit of the rest. I feel that every single decision I make, ends up being wrong. Regardless of whether the consequence comes immediate or later in the future. It's like a so far so good scenario. The bad part just hasn't come yet.

I live everyday with this unhealthy mindset. So many things in my life right now that fill me up with regret, and as much as I yearn to fix them, I don't know how to.

Distance

2014-06-03T00:40:00.001+08:00

You may think the closer people are to you, the more likely they'll know you better.

Wrong.

I feel so distant even from the closest people around me. It's like I thought they understand but they don't. And I end up feeling lost and disappointed every single time. I know I shouldn't have expectations and I usually don't. But the more I hang around with people with high expectations and the more I hear about what they expect from me, the more I'm inclined to have those expectations for myself.

Is it that difficult to understand what I go through everyday? Must I really spell out what I'm feeling inside and only then will you guys realize it?

Finally went for a jog today. After 2 months of zero exercise and living life like a sloth, that 5km almost killed me.

But it was just what I needed to clear my head. To focus all that angst energy elsewhere and to calm the fuck down before I ruin anything else.

Just go already

2014-05-30T22:06:00.001+08:00

Nobody understands and nobody cares.

No one in my life is ever really genuinely concerned whenever I'm happy, upset, angry or whatever it is, I feel. They're all just kpo.

My life is a fucking mess.

I'm just a futile object in everyone's lives. One who should just disappear from the face of this Earth.

And probably no one will realize.

Or they all will because the world has finally become a happy place without her and thus celebrate with joy.

Awkward Gap

2014-05-28T21:11:00.002+08:00

What awkward gap?

You know that gap when you take a picture with someone (guys especially) and there's this awkward gap in between and it makes the entire photo awkward and stupid??

What era is it already guys? Just put your arms around her shoulder or stand nearer or something. If you guys are capable of taking a picture together, means there is a certain degree of friendship enough to NOT LOOK AWKWARD right?

I'm surprised no one has talked about this yet, so here I shall.

It's a similar disease to the awkward hand, which everyone knows of. But the Awkward Gap is a higher level of awkward and looks 100x more awkward.

I Googled: "That awkward gap when taking pictures" and I found this. Not really a discussion, but I think it'll speak enough.

Link: http://www.dailystar.co.uk/showbiz/377611/Avril-Lavigne-snubs-fans-with-awkward-rule-at-world-s-cringiest-meet-and-greet

Then I went through my own pictures to see if I could find any references because I can clearly recall this stupid "awkward gap" situation happening to me every single time. And it's not like I can tell the guy, "Eh put your arms over/around me" or "Come closer" or something right?????????????

Don't worry, I blurred your faces. If you can still recognise yourself or recognise who it is then I'm sorry. But take this chance to make it a habit to rid that habit. Or tell your friends if you know of anyone who does this horrible sin.

I just realised most of them were from my 21st birthday last year.

LOL OK SHIT IT'S STILL QUITE OBVIOUS WHO IT IS EVEN WITH THE MOSIAC HAHAHHAHA OH WELL.

I hope I made my point.

Loser

2014-05-26T23:07:00.001+08:00

So it's been a week since my last paper. Well, guess what.
Other than the supper I had Friday night, I stayed at home the rest of the time. Yes, I stayed at home, and basically nua-ed and did nothing for the whole entire week.

I'm bored already to be honest. But I've become so nua that even when someone asks me out, I turn them down because I'm just too lazy to even leave my bed.

Okay no, who am I kidding. No one has asked me out. #thetruth

What a loser.

The people around you make you

2014-05-24T19:26:00.000+08:00

How much do the people around you determine who you are? In my opinion, to a large extent.

1. Parents
What are your parents like? What are you like? Do you see yourself like that in the future? Whatever it may be, good or bad, they will influence your choices, your behaviour and your future self. Eg. I'm gonna be a mum like my mummy in the future; I'm never going to do that to my children when I grow up; I can never be a better father than the one who made me; etc.

I love my parents, no doubt. But the thing is, it sucks because they're barely around. All of the above statements are applicable for my case. I respect my parents, and how they're sacrificing themselves to slog their asses off so I can live a comfortable life, and I appreciate it. We're not rich, but neither are we poor. I'm not a pampered child, neither am I left to stand alone. Although I seem to have everything everyone my age seems to dream off, I'm here to tell you guys what it actually feels like. I have freedom, the fact that I stay alone and there's no one around to stop me from doing what I wanna do; I have my own car; I live in a condominium; I still get allowance; my parents pay for my school fees.

Pampered kid right there you must be thinking, so what's missing? Parental love. Parental presence. Parental warmth. Family. I don't get showered with the love I deserve. Even my brother gets more love than I do. As much as I have all the materialistic riches, I'm lacking it psychologically. I myself don't treat people with warmth, I don't know how to. Because I've never felt the need to. How am I supposed to provide warmth for anybody when this girl here is frozen inside out?

2. Siblings
The person I talk to the most in my entire family would definitely be my brother. He's also the one who knows me best. Even though we're not the super close kind, we managed to grow up and learnt to live better with each other.

We've been on our own in SG for almost 8 years (7 years for him) and stayed alone at home for 6 years. Previously, we stayed in separate hostels. During those 6 years, we fought for 4+ and barely talked to each other even though we only had each other. We had physical fights which no one at home would stop since there wasn't anyone, and would end up both lying on the floor crying and wailing our asses of for no one to hear. We basically lived in our own world like the other party wasn't there. But we grew out of that soon enough and at least now learnt the importance of getting along with each other. Sharing our stories and gossips or what not. Even though most of the time he's not interested, I still blabber non-stop anyway.

We're both shy and introverted to some extent. His case is more serious. Besides that, he knows how to treat my parents better, and talk to them nicer, which is probably why they dote on him more. Such that even when he does something wrong, I'm the one who gets scolded. Meh.

But I guess it's one of those good things you get from staying alone. It forced us to getting closer to each other. He's serving the nation now, so I literally go home or wake up to nobody these days.

3. Friends
Let's leave out the friends I met in Papua New Guinea, that's like 14 years of friends gone. So starting from the age of 15, when I first moved to Singapore alone, and had to start afresh, alone.

I met my first "best friend" in sec 2 back then. We were always together, no matter where we went. She was someone who I thought would still be there for me till the day I died kind. Someone even said, "Stop hanging around with F1 all the time, go make more friends." But we stuck because I felt so comfortable. Unfortunately, we didn't get into the same class in sec 3. F1 actually had another "bester" friend who was her friend since primary school, and they were neighbours and all. Bester friend was in another class during sec 2 and she had her own clique. So F1 and bester friend would meet quite often so we some how formed a "clique". In sec 3, I knew nobody close who was going to the same class as me. But one of the girls in bester friend's clique was, so F2 and I somehow just sat together. To be honest, I never talked to her at all before that, but thank goodness we managed to click.

Gonna save the rest of the details and cut the story short. For some reason, F1 and I started to drift (because of some guy) but up until now, I still don't know the exact reason why. We just slowly stopped talking, and now it's like we're strangers and were never close in the first place. At that time, I was with F2 more often since we were in the same class, which definitely was not the reason why F1 and I drifted. F1 was in the same class as bester friend by the way. Still, it hit me hard since I kind of lost a best friend and she she was really important to me at that time, but I decided to let it pass and just move on. Towards the end of sec 3, F2 somehow got attached to a guy from our class. At first it was still fine, but in sec 4, I ended up joining other girls because she was always with her BF. F2 and I stayed very near each other so we go home together and we told each other everything. I trusted her so I believed she would trust me too. But no, because of this GUY, she started to stay away from me, and I even caught her giving me death stares. What?

We stopped talking since. What was amazing then, was what happened afterwards, which I'll save for next time.

So after losing F1 and F2, who were the closest people to me at that point in time, I kinda lost faith in the idea of being close to anyone. They'll just end up leaving me anyway so what for I bother trying to stay close to anyone? In the end, I'll still be alone.

The people around you make you.
The people around me made me.
Lonely.

Immature pricks

2014-05-22T15:36:00.000+08:00

A day has passed but I'm still so affected by what's going on behind my back. I usually don't give 2 fucks about what people who don't matter talk about but this is seriously growing onto me.

What the fuck did I do to deserve any of this shit from you guys? This is exactly the reason why I say I hate you guys. Do us all a favour and leave me out of your lives, stop talking about me and go find something better to do.

In the meantime, grow some balls losers.

Blogging

2014-05-21T15:02:00.001+08:00

I'm back from a shower, but still mind-blank.

Blogging.

It holds a different meaning to different individuals. For many, it may just be a personal space for them to share their lives, their thoughts. For others, it can be an occupation - "bloggers" in this case, where they're paid when they blog, and do advertorials and all since they have a large traffic of readers. For the rest it's a place where they strive to inspire others, to bring positive/negative influence whatever it may.

For me, blogging started in secondary school. Just a girl following the trend and typing out her everyday life, even though nobody read it. I'm sure many started this way. It was plenty routine. I go to school, I did badly for tests, I saw the guy I had a crush on, the guy I had a crush on smiled at me, etc.

Then the genre started to shift. My readers grew, yet my posts became more private, ironically. The more I talked about how much shit I was going through, the more my readers enjoyed reading my posts. Blogger tracks my page views. And long before blogger had this function, nuffnang tracked it for me. So I had a fair idea how many people actually visited this page.

Sometimes I ask myself whether I'm blogging for myself - which is how it should be - or whether I'm blogging for you guys. I know I shouldn't let public opinion affect my personal values but statistics are out there, words are out there, things we want to ignore are out there, but we don't ignore them and it affects us much more than it should.

Are people really that curious about my life? If so, why not just ask me personally and directly? If I can blog about it, I'm sure I can talk about it if you ask.

Which leads to me to ask.fm. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy receiving questions, and answering them. It has weirdly become one of my favourite past time. What's weird to me is that why are people curious about MY LIFE? Not that I don't want them to be, but why are they? It's not like I'm someone from the high society or neither am I good looking and I'm so unfriendly to top it off. But because of it's anonymity function, I have no way of seeing who it is that's asking me questions. Some I can decipher from the way they type, or the questions they ask, but many are very general and very weird.

I follow a few high profile people, and I see that there are a few questions that are exactly the same - obviously from the same person, which makes me go huh again.

Who are you guys? Are you guys my friends? Or strangers who really want to know about me? Or are you just bored and ask.fm hopping asking everyone the same thing? And why me?

But still, it's fun answering you guys, so don't stop. /wink.

Anyway, chanced upon this article which speaks exactly what I feel most of the time.

Why The Best Ones Are Alone

It happens all the time and maybe, if you’re that kind of girl, it’s happens to you. You find yourself sitting at home, alone, wondering why you have no one. No one has texted you tonight. No one’s called within the last few days. You’re not snuggled up with your boyfriend watching a movie or getting ready for a date with the butterflies in your stomach that signify endless outcomes. You’re at home, in your bed, checking your phone every two minutes for absolutely nothing while watching a pointless and plot-lacking movie. Why? You ask yourself, why am I all alone?

Nua?

2014-05-20T18:18:00.001+08:00

Until We Die - Gentle Bones

So exams are finally over and what better time or reason is there for me to finally blog again. Okay to be honest I'm as bored as fuck. Like sure my exams have ended and during exam period I keep getting questions like, "So what are your post exam plans?" Then I'm just thinking like need to make plans one meh? Sure, I'm stoked for the holidays, and can't wait to just nua my life away. But here I am, nua-ing and just... I don't know, feeling lost. Don't get me wrong, I love nua-ing. It's just that I just checked my schedule this morning to realise that I've got zero plans until like the end of next month. Which is like........ what? So 1 month of nua-ing, is that what I really want and am going to do?

Soo sooo many people around me are going for post exam trips or planning to party all day and all night while here I am, having my own version of "partying". But then these people happen to not fall into my circle of friends, hahahahahah so looks like we're all just going to nua aren't we? Nua party yay.

Anyway, my last post was in November last year, and that's like half a year gone. Wow. I didn't even get to wish you guys Merry Christmas or Happy New Year or Happy Chinese New Year or Happy Valentines Day or Happy [Insert Public Holiday].

Now that I'm here, I'm kinda lost for words. I always craft out blog posts in the shower but never got to typing them out. I even tried to vlog once hahaha but no, so don't worry guys, your eyes shall be spared. I can barely think of anything to talk about now.

So I'm outta here, till the next time I shower.

Just leave me alone already

2013-11-27T16:54:00.002+08:00

Earlier in June this year, I posted a video about Bitchy Resting Face. You can watch it again below.

You see, my face looks like I'm in a bad mood 24/7 but it's really just my default face and there really is nothing I can do about it. It is soooooooooooooooooooooooo annoying whenever someone tells me to smile or asks me why I'm in a bad mood when I'm just sitting around thinking about stuff (or thinking about nothing even).

Watch this.

So you want me to have a permanent blank smile while I'm "Faking It?"

Every time someone comments about my default face, I have to hold back the urge to just say that, "That's what my face looks like, and you can fuck off."

Doing this post should explain how deeply annoyed I am and how frustrating and disturbing it is every time it happens. So guys, do me a favour, please stop.

----------------------------------------------

Chanced upon this article on Facebook:
15 Texting Mistakes That Stop You From Getting The Date (Link)

Sharing it here with my readers because I find this really relevant, judging from the guys that approach me. LOL yes, even a girl with an ugly unapproachable cb fuck face like mine gets suitors too. Not a lot definitely, but enough to judge.

Unnecessary apologies. Stop saying sorry for taking time to text back — you did nothing wrong. You barely know each other and you aren’t obligated to explain yourself. It comes off awkward and like you need to make sure she likes you. Just roll back into conversation.

If you’re really taking that long to respond, are you…
Artificially waiting to respond. Replying in a normal timeframe only comes off desperate when you’re flooding her with consecutive unanswered messages. But, not responding for half a day because you think it’ll make you look cool is desperate.

Women want men who are unashamed of what they want. By delaying, you’re only going to frustrate her or make her feel like you’re uninterested — putting her on the defensive. Women will often pull away to protect themselves and act distant as well.

If you don’t want a girl to play games with you, you shouldn’t be playing games with her.
Sharing too many useless details. She probably doesn’t care about a play-by-play of your day. Unless you can make a joke from it or use it to ask her a question about herself — save it for the date. Pare down your texts to the core message and remove all filler. Brevity is key.

Say she asks you what your plans are for the night. Many guys respond with something like…

“I’m gonna take a nap. Then around 5 I’m going to meet up with my friend John who’s back from the military. I haven’t seen him in over a year. We’ll probably hang out for a little and then we’re going to watch a metal show at the DCU center in Worcester — it’s going to be awesome.”

Is the nap pertinent? Do you really need the timestamps? Is John being in the military relevant right now? Do you need to explain that you’re hanging out? Does the location of the show make a difference? Or the fact that it’s going to be awesome — that’s hopefully implied by you investing your time there.

“I’m meeting an old friend and heading to a metal show. What’s your favorite type of live music?”
Not evoking positive emotions. Texting is a poor way to get to know someone — that’s what the real world is for. It should be a fun way to harmlessly flirt and banter. Avoid dry, mundane, or purely factual exchanges.

I’m always lighthearted over text with new women. A girl wants to pick up her phone and smile or laugh. She doesn’t want to go back and forth about her or your schoolwork, job schedule, or stresses unless you can make light of them.

The overall tone should be fun, flirtatious, playful, or just downright silly. You don’t have to be over the top, but always go back to this…

How are you making her feel?

Read over your statements and questions as if you were her. Do they make you feel warm? Are you smiling at them? Or are they neutral and flat? Do they only require an emotionless, one word answer?
Talking about how bored you are, that you have nothing to do, or downplaying your interests. You’re admitting you have nothing engaging happening in your life. Saying how uninteresting your day is won’t get her excited to hang out with you. And if you can’t even enjoy your own day, how can she expect you to show her an awesome experience?

Conversely, when you do have plans, don’t bash them. “I have tennis practice tonight, but I don’t want to go, it’s lame.” If it’s lame, then why the hell are you doing it in the first place?

And if you find yourself always bored or miserable with what you’re doing, maybe it’s time to pick up a new hobby. Self-pity and laziness is a turn-off.
Going for the date before you’ve gotten a positive response. The best time to suggest a date is right after you receive a happy response, laugh, or emoticon. This ensures the highest chance of getting a yes.

Why? Because meeting up with a new guy can be stressful. A girl is nervous about things not going so well or being awkward. She needs to be reminded of the initial spark she felt for you and why she gave you her number.

“He makes me laugh and is so easy to talk to. This date is going to be stress-free and fun.”

That said, you shouldn’t be…
Waiting way too long to invite her for the date. This is by far the #1 reason you’re not meeting up with women. Always go for a date within the first or second day of texting.

I know it feels amazing to keep texting. You think you’re building a stronger connection and she’s more likely to agree. You’re wrong. The window of opportunity closes with each passing day.

The truth is you’re scared of hearing the potential rejection. But women make up their minds quickly. She already knows her answer and you’re just delaying the inevitable

If she likes you, she wants to hang out with you — especially if you had a great first interaction. And if she doesn’t, you want to know early on so you can focus on other people.
Asking for a date rather than suggesting. She gave you her number and is replying back. Assume she wants to see you unless she states otherwise.

Women want men who lead and take charge. Timidly asking, “would you ever want to go out on a date sometime?” sounds like you’re expecting her to say no. It also sounds like you’re inexperienced.

Instead use “we” or “let’s” statements. “Let’s grab drinks and catch up. How’s Thursday?” “We should go to that museum on Friday.” This makes it feel mutual and shows you’re confident with your intentions. If she doesn’t want to go, she’ll let you know or decline your offer.
Overselling how great hanging out with you will be. If you need to convince a woman she should see you, you’re doing it wrong. She should come to that conclusion herself through genuinely fun conversation (step #4). Avoid excessive exclamation marks, smileys, and grand statements.

Don’t say, “We should go to this cute italian place! It overlooks the water and has the most incredible view ever! Their in-house wine and lasagna are the best in the city. You’re going to love and it have so much fun — I promise ”

Do say, “Let’s grab Italian at this cute place on the water.”

Otherwise, you’re…
Leaving no room for intrigue. Stop giving away all the details for your upcoming date. Putting pressure on her to commit to the entire ordeal before she’s even gone out with you is overwhelming. It also spoils the surprise for the adventure you’re planning.

Don’t text, “We’re going to start at the winery, drink a glass of red, then have dinner at my favorite Thai place. Then we’ll finish off with a long walk through the best park.” Instead try, “Let’s kick off at the winery and see where the night takes us.”

Just like a movie, we want to be taken for an unexpected journey. Spontaneity is sexy.
Giving too many options. Too many choices say you’re uncertain of what you want and force her to figure things out. Suggest a specific day rather than listing all the times you have available (which also makes it seem like you have nothing better to do).

For the date idea, don’t say “What do you want to do? Get Chinese food? Or maybe Italian instead? Or we could just get a drink if that’s more comfortable for you.” Make a recommendation and if she wants something else, she can speak up — she’s not helpless.

This applies to the logistics as well. Choose how you want to meet up. Don’t give her 5 choices of picking her up from her house, picking her up from the train station, or telling her to meet you there. Convey a plan and specific time. She’ll say if she prefers something different.
Checking to see if they received your message. Unless her phone is broken, out of battery, or her service is cancelled — she got your text. She chose not to respond yet. And if she didn’t get it, then she’s not getting the immediate follow-up, either.

Regardless, go focus on something else in your life. If you don’t hear back, send her a message in a couple of days (not about the previous text). If this happens multiple times, she’s likely not interested and you should move onto other girls.
Texting them about their lack of response. Nothing says intense like confronting a girl and asking why they haven’t replied. Guys try to play it off by adding in “haha” or “lols” but the message is still clear: you’re frustrated and pissed about why she’s distant.

Putting her on the spot won’t make her say “Oh my god, he’s right…I should be texting him!” It’ll only push her away further.

Try to re-spark conversation in a couple days with a lighthearted text. If she continues to ignore you, go find other women.
Not pinging them within 48 hours of the date. If you schedule a date more than a few days in advance, send her a reminder. Sometimes girls forget or get cold feet.

A flirty statement about the date is enough to confirm and reassure her of the fun you’ll have. Something like, “You better bring your A game on Thursday ” or “Are you ready to get your butt kicked in pool?” You can even be more forward with, “So, did you pick out a cute outfit for Thursday yet?”
Not pinging them within a few hours of the date. Always send a quick check-in before heading to a date. Because sadly, sometimes when a girl is going to cancel, she won’t let you know. Then you end up somewhere waiting like a fool for a no-show.

A simple confirmation of logistics will do. “Hey, I’m heading out in an hour, see you at 7!” or “Should be at your place by 7, can’t wait.”

Be bold, let loose, and go for the date already!

Most importantly, stop clinging on to girls that don’t invest back in you. Give attention to those that do. That’s how you’ll get more dates.

Highlighted in RED are the points I agree the most strongly to, of course I still agree to all 15. Guilty of number 5 myself. I'm always lazy, always saying I'm lazy (like now) and doing things that don't really interest me, but not sure why I'm still doing them anyway. Maybe I'm just being responsible, maybe I don't know how to get myself out of it, maybe I haven't realised what I enjoy doing, or maybe I do enjoy it but I just haven't realised yet.

14 Reasons why I'm Single

2013-11-14T15:13:00.000+08:00

So wake me up when it's all over, when I'm wiser and I'm older. All this time I was finding myself, and I didn't know I was lost.

That's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Lost.

Everyday I wake up and realise what an asshole I am, and how I'm constantly reminded that people like me are the crux to the problems in this world.

The thing is, I know. I know that I'm a bad person. I know I should change, and believe me I've tried and I'm still trying. But no one sees it. People don't see/notice the good things you do. Flaws surface easier, and that's the only thing everyone sees. Pick anyone around me and ask them to name 3 good points about me. Trust me, they won't even be able to list 1.

I'm not pin-pointing my friends now to say that they're bad friends and they don't even know me. NO. I'm just saying that I don't even have anything good about myself for them to list out. I myself don't even know the answer to my own question. If I don't see any good in myself, who can?

Thus, being a bored bitch right now, here's 14 Reasons why I'm Single.

1. I'm not approachable. Many people have a misconception that I'm oh-so-friendly, but once you know me or meet me, you realise I'm not. I'm actually very very very quiet. And if you're the quiet type too then I guess we'll both just awkwardly sit there facing each other and turn our heads whenever a pin drops. If you don't talk or if the things you talk about don't interest me, please don't approach me. I won't entertain you.

2. I'm mean. That's why I won't entertain you. (Point 1) I'm nice enough to give everyone a chance at the start. So don't get the wrong idea if I was nice in the beginning but I'm suddenly being distant now. You still think you can save this relationship and bring it back to how it was like at the start? Wrong. Once I enter the 2nd stage, there's no going back. You have been eliminated.

3. I suck a being a friend. Basically I suck at being a human being la. I don't care about basically everything that's going on. If it doesn't entertain me or if I feel like it's useless for me to know, I honestly don't give 2 shits. Which also equates to me bring a bad girlfriend if I ever become one.

4. I'm fat and ugly. Word.

5. People don't trust me. They look down on me and don't believe in me. Everything looks like it's going to screw up whenever it's in my hands. To them, I'm just a useless piece of shit that's in everyone's way. That I should just do everyone a favour and rot away and disappear somewhere.

6. I'm awkward. Similar to point 1. I can't hold a proper conversation with anyone. There's always that awkwardness there.

7. I'm flawed. And I'm so flawed it's almost impossible to have anyone love me. Why would you love someone who possesses zero positive traits. It's hard not to notice mine, because I talk about them so frequently.

8. I'm lazy. I'm a lazy texter, a lazy talker, a lazy thinker, a lazy sleeper. I basically laze my days away. I read texts and I don't even feel like replying. I see missed calls and I don't call back. I see undone work and I don't do them. I know I have lectures but I don't go. I see my bed and I throw myself onto it.

9. I am a boring person. Being around me is a bore. You will die of boredom if you were stranded in a room with me.

10. I have very low self esteem. This post explains it all.

11. I'm weird. I don't know why but I just think I'm weird. This post explains it all.

12. I'm difficult to please. Or rather, I need to constantly be pleased. So if you don't know the right things to say please just don't say anything. Because saying the wrong thing gives off a worse impression than not knowing what to say.

13. Everyone has the misconception that I'm after guys with looks. They think I like botak guys and handsome and lean and tan and hot guys. I mean yeahhhhhhh I do, of course. But at the end of the day, I don't fall in love with looks, I fall in love with the man I like.

14. But the main reason why I'm still single, would be because I just haven't found the right guy. I mean yes, there are times when I do feel that empty hollowness inside, that lonely feeling. But that doesn't mean I desperately need anyone right now. If I were that desperate I can just pick up and meet any random guy or flirt my way through into a relationship. But no, so if I say I'm lonely, it doesn't mean I'm desperate.

If it happens, it happens.

Losing them all.

2013-11-07T23:14:00.002+08:00

I think it's been almost 1 month plus since I actually went to school for lectures. I've been going to school for Odac meetings and training, but it seems like I've forgotten the main purpose of going to school. Finally going to attend a lecture tomorrow.

-

The process of growing up - meeting new people, old friends leaving, catching up with old friends, new friends leaving. So who actually stays? In my life so far, I feel as though I've lost most of my old friends, regardless of how close we used to be. Is it a curse? Or is it me?

I know I suck at being a friend. Heck, I don't even remember anyone's birthday. Unless you constantly remind me that your birthday is coming up or I happen to see someone wish you on Facebook. Otherwise, I forget all together and don't wish you happy birthday which probably results in you thinking I don't love you at all. But I do..... I just can't remember things like these anymore.

Ever since I started living in Singapore, Secondary 2 that is, I've met a lot of awesome people. Some, still in my life. Many, long gone. Even those still around now seem to be on the brink of leaving.

Went for Nike Run 10k last week and it was my longest run in a long time. I took 1 hour 5 mins to complete. You can stalk everyone's timing here: http://results.werunsg10k.com/2013/werun/sg/result/ Just type in there name. Apparently, if you search "Megan Tay", there's someone who took 1 hour 46 mins to complete. THAT'S NOT ME!!!!!!!! Hahahahhahaha just wanted to tell you guys that I may be fat and weak but it's not that serious. Please search "TAY MUAN TING" instead for your future stalking needs. I was actually targeting to hit below 1 hour despite zero training and preparation but oh well.

Going for the Great Eastern Womens' 21k this coming Sunday and I'm very nervous right now, especially after hearing about the 25 year old that died during the Nike Run. Besides the GE run, I also signed up for the Standard Chartered Full Marathon, 42k on the 1st of December, and it's right after a kayaking expedition where we have to kayak for about 18k. I think I'm next to make the headlines.

-

Not exactly lonely and all but just wondering where my White Horse Prince (Direct translation for 白马王子) has died to. Totally zero interest in anybody in my life right now, and not meeting anyone new even. Am I going to really die single?

Okay fine, I'm lonely.

xx

I know you've missed me

2013-10-22T15:29:00.001+08:00

Looks like it's been 4 months since my last post so here I am, back for a short update.

So what have I been busy with these 4 months? Having no life.

1. Work. I've been working during all the free days and free time I have. I'm almost like a full-timer. But what's the point of all the commitment when the company doesn't even give us staff welfare. I honestly feel that our welfare sucks. I don't even know why I'm still here. I finally stopped working this week. Haven't quitted, just stopped working for now. The only reason why I'm still here is probably because working hours are flexible. I mean, all the friends I've met are now gone. There's barely anyone left.

2. School. I know I should be going to school and attending lessons since I screwed up my first year but I'm still being a lazy ass and skipping lessons like my father owns UOL. Oh, just realised I didn't update about my results. I failed Intro to Econs, so now I need to retake it this year. Which means I'm taking 5 modules now: Managerial Accounting, Financial Management, Introduction to Business Management, Managerial Science Mathematics and Intro to Econs. I was expecting more failures, so it's kinda like a blessing in disguise, and I promised I'd work harder but what the hell is happening right now.

3. Odac. This is the what's taking up most of my time. I basically see my ODAC Exco members almost everyday in a week. Meetings, training, etc.

Just got back from White Water Rafting and hell yeah it was bloody fun. It rained so the water level was high and the rapids were fast. I flew off the raft at the start which was quite epic coz it barely just started and I was already in the water. I swear at the moment I thought I was going to die. The rapids were just carrying me away and I just floated there and hoped for someone to save me. But I survived la hahahhhahahahhaha too bad haters.

Flew off the 2nd time where the rapids weren't even strong. We just bumped into a rock and I flew off. THE WATER WAS BLOODY SHALLOW. So I ended up bumping every single rock below my ass and I swear my ass is covered in bruises right now.

Other than all these, I basically have no other life. I don't even go out. I'm serious.

Shit what the hell, I don't even remember when's the last time I actually left home to meet anyone for a movie, dinner, or retail therapy.

Feeling useless as hell after everything I've gone through.

I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt in the 21 years I've been alive. I just hope for someone or something to come by to bring back some light to my mundane life.

Till then xx

Meet Nu'est

2013-06-23T21:56:00.002+08:00

Why the sudden interest in this group?

They were having a fan-meeting at Bugis+ earlier today while I was working. It was damn rowdy and loud with all the girls screaming and all. But honestly, I don't even know who they are and today was actually the first time I heard of this group. On the way to work, I saw their banner and thought to myself, "Hmmmm, not bad quite cute."

After they performed on stage or I don't know what they did because I couldn't see since I was working, they actually had to take the escalator down to get out, and there was a crowd at the bottom of the escalator. I decided to kpo and went out to see what they look like because I had a pretty clear view from the side of the escalator.

While they were coming down, my colleague pointed to them and told me they were coming down, so I was like, "Ohhhhhhhhh......." I must have looked damn interested because one of them decided to wave at me. I was in shock and didn't know how to respond so I bowed at him and he bowed back. I felt quite happy for no reason and ran back to the counter. HAHAHAHA LAME LA I KNOW.

I only remember he wasn't that cute and had blond hair. So I googled, and I think it's this guy.

But nah, I'm not a fan of them now just because he waved at me. Not the type of idol group I go after anyway hahahhahahaha. If it were G-Dragon or TOP on the other hand, I think I would have fainted on the spot.

Still, a Korean idol waved at me leh hurhur I must have looked cute with my working hat and apron.

Bitchy Resting Face

2013-06-22T23:30:00.000+08:00

Me.

I suffer from something similar. I'm not sure if I have that bitchy look but I know I have that 24/7 tired and shagged look.

I have that default face when I'm happy or stoning or sad or staring into space and a lot of times people see it as "Wahlao, why her face so black." I'm actually feeling perfectly fine, but my face decides to show otherwise.

Sometimes, I'm just stoning and in a daze and people ask me if I'm okay, and why I look so tired.

It's just my face guys, I'm not tired, and I'm not a bitch.

----

On Wednesday, I went to attend this Leadership Talk help by SIMSports at Resorts World Sentosa. It was supposed to be a camp, but somehow changed into a talk instead. To be honest, I was expecting a lecture environment, and just sitting there for the whole day for the talk, and I was dreading it since I mahjong-ed till 3am the previous night, and only managed 3 hours of sleep.

The talk was held at the Convention Hall at RWS so it was qutie atas. They served us 2 tea-breaks and a lunch buffet, y'know the wedding buffet kind. Omg, the dessert section was heaven for me.

They even gave us complimentary day passes to the Sea Aquarium. I'm not exactly the type who know's how to appreciate fishes or nature or animals, so there wasn't really anything of an eye-opener for me. Not something I would pay to go for to be honest. Anyway, we had this mini picture taking amazing race which we did quite badly, since we didn't listen to instructions. LOL.

Here's a few pictures of my team.

It was a leadership talk so most of the people we met here were leaders of their various CCAs. Quite funny and interesting how everyone kept trying to promote their own CCA.

Not sure if I'll ever meet this bunch of people again but it was great meeting new people still. Hope I recognise your faces if I see y'all around in school!

After lunch, I literally slept through the rest of the talk. I was so tired I couldn't take it.

Usually on Wednesdays, there's training for the Stong Trek next week, but didn't have time to travel back, so I decided to attend Steph's 21st instead. Her chalet was at Coasta Sands Sentosa, and since I was already nearby, there was no reason for me not to go.

We basically nua-ed in the room because it was so hazy outside and we were too lazy to move our asses. Only went down when it was time to cut the cake.

HAPPY 21ST BIRTHDAY YAYA! :)

Initially planned to leave after cutting cake, but her friends seemed to start dispersing one by one and soon, we were the only ones left. So we just stayed around and helped her clean up the area.

By the time we were done, it was already 12 midnight, and there was no more transport back to the city. Was walking down halfway, when a staff van drove down and stopped for us. IT WAS A LONG DRIVE DOWN, cannot imagine if we actually had to walk that distance. So thankful.

---

Met 17th last night for an impromptu movie. Watched Pee Mak, which I thought would be horror, but it turned out to be a comedy. Been damn long since I last watched a movie, the last movie I watched was actually ABTM2. Haha.

Then went Swee Choon for supper after. And we all know how much I love dimsum and cannot resist it whenever dimsum is infront of me.

Was trying out the Instagram Video function with Wanjing and I realised how round my face was. What have I been doing myself???

Got home and actually took another video of myself just to see how fat I looked. Damn sian but totally no motivation to do anything about it. http://instagram.com/p/a1cneFPUL7/

-----

Feel like crap these few days and have been stuffing myself with food even when I'm not hungry. I know at the end of the day, the only harm inflicted will be on myself but I just can't be bothered right now.

My life is starting to screw up and honestly, I know that nobody gives a god-bloody-damn but I just wish it was otherwise. Too many times I wonder how I could have been better but then I think again, and realise nothing would change even if I were anything different.

People will still get bored, and people will still leave.

----
http://ask.fm/megantayy

4 Days 3 Nights BKK Heaven!

2013-06-21T10:00:00.000+08:00

I've finally been to BKK! If you've seen my haul, it looks as though I have enough clothes to last me forever la, but I still want to go back! I'm totally broke right now, with no money left to spare at all. Which explains why I'm back working at GI.

Anyway, no one requested this la, I mean who would request for something from a "No name" like myself, but I'm going to do an itinerary post for you guys still. So this post will be about the places we visited and my personal tips for those of you who have not yet been there.

Days before the trip:

Our booking was rather last minute but we managed to get tickets at around $300 each from Tiger Airways. We also booked Baiyoke Suite Hotel. I was the one who did the bookings so I kinda thought all the Baiyoke Hotels were the same, so just chose one of the cheaper options. Joyce also insisted on Baiyoke because it's claimed to be one of the better hotels around the area. After having done all the bookings and all, Dawn decided to go read reviews on Baiyoke Suite and WTF they sucked.

The reviews said,... "There are a lot of little cockroaches. Especially inside the toilet, yes ridiculously gross."...... "The bed sheets and blankets are a bit itchy. I suggest that you bring your own blanket or bed sheet just like I did." ....."It was the worst thing I did in Bangkok. Terrible rooms, they fool you in the name of suite. Two rooms with worst cooling system, sealed kitchen sink without any kitchen stuff."

The shit ass reviews made us so worried we were considering whether we should just pay the penalty for cancellation and find another hotel. It was only around S$50 per night for 2 pax and that's like bloody cheap. We initially planned to just get a room for 2, and the other 2 to just sneak in, but nope plan didn't work. Anyway, we decided to stick to the hotel despite the bad reviews and thank-goodness it wasn't as bad as we had expected.

Day 1:

We managed to get an afternoon flight at 12:30pm which was good because we'd still have time to shop when we landed, so it means a non-wasted day. Met up at the airport 2 hours before the flight.

EXCITED GIRLS.

Didn't do any duty free shopping at the airport because we might end up over-spending and have nothing left in BKK hahaha!

Since it's only a 2 hours flight, budget airlines would be recommended la, no point paying so much for the normal SG Airlines or ThaiAirways. Better comfort and hospitality but so much more pricey. Just take Budget and sleep the 2 hours away or something.

Upon arrival, we immediately visited the 7-11 there and got ourselves 3G SIM cards for 299baht (~S$12). They didn't sell iPhone 5 supported sim cards so if you use and iPhone 5, you'd have to visit their retail shops to get yours.

We then took the train from Suvarnabhumi airport to our hotel (Rachaprarop). Taking the MRT is recommended because if you cab, you'll just get stuck in the jam.

See how cute their train token is!!! It's like an ezlink card, except it's not a card! (I didn't actually take a picture of a lot of things, some pictures are stolen from google lolol)

The train ride took around 20mins? Baiyoke Suite was almost like a 10 mins walk away, and it felt pretty long since we were pulling along our luggage (and mine was damn huge if you didn't realise) and the sun was super hot.

Finally reached Baiyoke Suite and were greeted by their Bellboys, they then led us to take the lift up to the lobby reception.

Wasn't sure whether to heave a sigh of relief or not because their lobby didn't look that bad, and hoped the room would be of similar standard. Like I mentioned earlier, we booked the hotel room for 2 and were actually planning to sneak the other 2 in. Did the check-in procedures with Dawn while Yuzhen and Joyce hid somewhere, then when we were about to get our room, the receptionist told us that the guards informed them that we actually had more than 2 people travelling together. Meh. So didn't have a choice la, we had to pay for 2 extra beds. The room is huge, so it can actually fit 2 more beds. 1 extra bed is 500baht (S$21) per pax for a night.

Went to have their complimentary welcome drink while waiting for them to prepare our room.

Got quite sian coz we felt like we were wasting time so we told them we wanted to go up to leave our stuff in the room and set-out. AND I FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF THE ROOM. Basically, it isn't as bad as described la. Just like getting what we paid for? Cheap and lousy lor. But nothing terrible.

This was taken on the last day I think. This is just the room, there's a living area also, which was equally spacious. Even though we paid for 2 extra beds, we ended up squeezing the 4 of us onto these 2 beds anyway. HAHA.

We were starving, so we went up to the top floor of Platinum Mall to grab lunch. You need to purchase their Foodcourt prepaid card which you use to pay when you order food. After that, they return you the balance remaining inside the card.

Nothing awesome but still recommended if you're sourcing for authentic Thai food. They have almost everything there.

We then shopped along the stretch outside platinum mall. Vendors would set up their stuff on the floor at night outside the mall, usually always different every night.

Did quite a bit of shopping there, then took a cab to Asiatique.

One thing about BKK cabs is that they don't like going by Meter, even though they're Meter cabs. Usually it's because of the jam, since their meter jumps like 2 bahts every I don't know 2 minutes? It was quite hard to bargain for a 200baht trip.

Asiatique is a damn awesome place to chill. We didn't have our dinner there since we were still full from lunch, but if I ever go back, their cafes will be somewhere I'll definitely visit. A lot of Bistros and Pubs with live bands! Must go next time I visit! Mojito only $5 a cup leh!!! There's a lot of things to window shop there, but you usually won't get anything unless it's something you really like/want. Their prices are around S$20 for a top, which you might as well stay in SG and shop la.

Couldn't resist their Gelato though. SO CHEAP AND YUMS.

Walked around a bit, then took their free shuttle ferry back to land.

Took the Train to Siam, then walked back to the hotel from there.

Here's my loots for the day. Only shopped from the vendors outside Platinum Mall, not much shopping done.

(I'm getting really bored of blogging, I hope you're not bored of reading hahahahha)

Day 2.
Waking up in order of who needed to more time to prepare. Obviously, Dawn, Joyce, Me then Yuzhen. Couldn't really get much sleep, not sure why. None of us managed to sleep enough, except Joyce the pig. She sleeps like a log. Trust me, even if you punch and kick her she won't wake up.

Girls, being girls....

Yuzhen unwillingly getting her brows drawn by Joyce. HAHA.

Can you see ghostly Joyce at the back!?!??!!?!?!?

Finally left the hotel at around 9am and took a cab down to Chatuchak.
Chatuchak is a weekend market, and it's a must go! I had a misconception that Chatuchak sells really cheap stuff, so I was actually quite excited. Only when I reached then I realised they're prices are actually higher than I expected. Usually 200baht or more. That's almost like $10 bugis street. But can't deny they do have a lot of pretty stuff and I honestly regret not buying a lot of things. Tip: If you see anything pretty at Chatuchak, buy it. Chatuchak has more trendy items as compared to that in Pratunam Market. I was afraid I'd see the same thing at Pratunam Market for a lower price, so I ended up not buying a lot of things.

Anyway, when we reached, the shops were not yet open. They usually start at around 11pm, so we decided to get breakfast first. The sun was ridiculous, so we settled for this Air-conditioned place. Chatuchak is pretty big, with a few sections, so make sure you grab a MAP to guide yourself.

The food at the restaurant we ate is quite pricey for BKK, but still cheap if compared to SG. And yes, we had Phad Thai for almost every meal.

Food here - average.

After leaving the air-conditioned place, we started feeling the heat again. Then we saw........ COCONUT ICE-CREAM! I honestly miss this so so so so so much.

Saw this sewing stapler, and it looked damn useful and cute and easy to use, so I bought 2! If I didn't remember wrongly, it's only 80baht for one. I've yet to try it though, and the Aunty made it look damn easy. Have a lot of skirts and dresses that are too long for my height, and have always want to alter them, but I still can't figure out how to use the sewing machine. I hope this comes in useful!

I was on a 100baht mission so I didn't really settle for anything more than 100baht. I bought a bag for 300baht and a few 150baht clothes but nothing more.

After Chatuchak, we took a train down Union Mall (Pathon Yotin Station). Felt so blissful to be inside air-con. Spent quite a while at Watsons, then moved on to check out the mall. Price-range, slightly higher than Chatuchak, but still cheaper than Asiatique. LOTS OF PRETTY STUFF, but was afraid I'd find anything cheaper so ended up not buying again.

Spotted Sukishi on the first floor and it looked too good to resist. It's a Korean BBQ + Sushi buffet Restaurant. Imagine, all you can eat Korean BBQ and all you can eat Sushi for just S$15!?!?!?!?!??!?!

Took a cab back to the hotel to leave our stuffs, then walked to Siam Square. Did some grocery shopping at the Gourmet Market.

Actually bought these cute cotton candies back for my friends, but I didn't manage to give any to anyone. Why? Coz I left them in my room, and they're all melted already. In the end, I've nothing to give anybody. Waste my money coz I really bought A LOT.

I spent around 1700baht on groceries. That's like almost S$70. CRAZY WOMAN.

Spotted a Nike shop and I was soooooooo happy because I thought I'd be able to get my Nike shoes here cheap cheap, and be a happy girl again. But nope, it's actually more expensive there. Sian.

Was about to head back when it started drizzling, so we decided to take a Tuk Tuk back to the hotel instead of walking.

I sound like I didn't buy much, but here's my loots for Day 2!

Day 3:
Forced ourselves to wake up super early, just to go for Pratunam's morning market. Initially planned to wake up at 5am then head down but we only managed to set out around 6:30am. If I'm not wrong, Pratunam's morning market is from 4am - 7am. They sell at wholesale prices. Even more cheaper than the day market. We did a fair bit of shopping, but since it's sold in wholesale prices, you have to buy around 3 pieces to get 100baht per piece. But still worth it!

Headed back to the hotel around 830am, and initially planned to leave out things in our room then head up to the top floor to pay for their breakfast buffet. In the end.................................... we all knocked out and fell asleep. Deep sleep. Dawn woke up earlier and couldn't stand it and finally woke us up at 12noon. We finally got ready, and cabbed down to Chinatown. If you're planning to add this to your itinerary, which I think you should, just tell the cabbie to bring you to Simpang. Else, you end up like us wondering around like lost sheep because we weren't really familiar with the place.

When we reached Chinatown, again we randomly selected a restaurant to have lunch. I don't even remember where it is la, but they sell bird's nest as well and they serve awesome Chrysanthemum Tea, which is free flow! SO PERFECT FOR THE WEATHER LA. Chinatown is popular for selling bird's nest as well, so if you're a bird's nest fan, maybe you can give them a try. We didn't try though, not enough expenses.

The dishes here are honestly better than I expected. Happy tummy. And yes, we had Phad Thai again.

After that, we asked around for directions to Simpang. They sell wholesale shoes and bags. Make sure you set aside enough cash if you're a bag lover because a bag is around 200baht (~S$9) while is dirt cheap in my opinion la. A lot of bags I've seen online and they're selling at ridiculously sky high prices and trust me, a lot of these 200baht bags are actually of very good quality. But to get the 200baht price, you'll have to buy around 6 bags from them la. It's best if you go in groups because it's not easy choosing 6 bags from the same shop.

As for shoes, they sell in wholesale as well. But, you have to buy 6 of the same design and colour to get the wholesale price which is.......... lame. Good for those who are planning to resell but a total turn-off for us. We tried a few shoe shops and got the same responses, so gave up sourcing for shoes. Didn't get any shoes at all during my whole BKK trip.

After a day at Chinatown, we cabbed back to our hotel, left our things nua-ed a bit more.....

Then set of to Platinum mall to do more shopping!!!!!!! Here, Dawn and I somehow lost Joyce and Yuzhen and we ended up doing our own shopping. We managed to complete the whole of the 3rd floor before the mall closed. Most shops usually close by 9pm.

Went back to the hotel to leave our stuffs again. So convenient how our hotel is so near the shopping paradises because we can just shop like crazy then head back to leave our stuffs then leave again for more shopping.

Went out again, and walked to Big C shopping mall to grab dinner. Settled for a ramen shop there. Not the type of authentic ramen I love, but still good.

THEN WENT TO THE SUPERMARKET TO GET OURSELVES MAGNUM. ONLY 49baht FOR MAGNUM. Singapore is seriously too overpriced.

On the walk back to the hotel, we stopped for a foot massage. Can't believe we didn't get one every night. I HIGHLY SUGGEST Y'ALL FOOT MASSAGE EVERY NIGHT OR SOMETHING. Damn shiok.

Finally headed back to the hotel, and ended the day.
Here's the loots for Day 3!

Day 4:
I honestly cannot believe we left Pranunam market and Platinum mall to the last day. It's the only flaw in our itinerary. Why? Because Pratunam Market has the cheapest stuff I've seen during the whole trip, and it's bloody huge!!! Take my advice, visit Pratunam Market FIRST. It's okay if you see something you like and don't buy, because you can always go back. Provided you're hotel is nearby la, which is of course RECOMMENDED. Then, if you see anything you like else where, you can buy with ease, because you're actually quite sure that Pratunam Market does not sell it! Platinum mall is also relatively cheap, so make sure these 2 places are the first few places in your itinerary, as well as the last few. IT'S OK TO HAVE A PACKED SCHEDULE WHEN YOU'RE OVERSEAS.

Anyhow, I was still satisfied because I went crazy buying all my 100baht clothes 3 pieces at once. HAHA. Oh, and there's this super cute aunty who walks around with drinks. See if you get to see her too!

Make sure you get your Fried Chicken and Cup Corn too!

Our hotel check-out timing was at 3pm, even though our flight that night was a 9pm flight. That's why at around 2pm, we rushed back to the hotel to do some last minute packing.

Went there with empty luggage and going home with extra bags. CRAZY GIRLS.

We then left our luggage at the lobby, booked a cab and set off for more shopping! I was whining for the past few days about trying the famous Wanton Mee everyone keeps talking about. Almost missed it coz everyone kinda felt lazy but still very glad I kept insisting I wanted to have it. AND WE FOUND THE SHOP!

How to find: Screenshot a picture of the Wonton Mee in your phone. Show a random local and ask them where it is. They will guide you. HAHA.

Dry/soup - Both also yums! The pig trotters are also supper good. I wanna go back for this right now!!!

After lunch, headed over to Platinum Mall for serious last minute shopping. Again..... Dawn and I wondered off and we literally did speedy shopping. Still amazed that we managed to cover the whole of Platinum Mall in less than 3 hours. We zoomed in and out of shops with happy buys! Went back to meet the rest a little late because we were quite engrossed and sort of lost track of time.

We booked a cab for 700baht, which is quite pricey la, but considering the amount of luggage we had, and the traffic jam, okay lah, money that should be spent.

So sad to be leaving..

Spent the last of my Thai Baht on Duty Free at the airport.

We touched down Singapore at around 1am, and sorted out our stuff before saying good-bye. Look at our mess, and my obviously rounder face.

Miss BKK so so so much, but I can't go back anytime soon because I spent all my money there. TOTALLY BROKE NOW. I'm borrowing money from my brother again for survival, and I owe so many people money.

Here's all the loots I got from this trip. Everything mine except the first 2 rows on the left which I got for my brother. Usually people take loots pictures with a clear view of the clothes they bought, whereas I stacked mine quite packed-ly because my room floor not enough space! Otherwise, it'd definitely look more than this.

I spent $1000 on shopping alone. Which I think I overspent la. Don't be like me guys, manage your money wisely HAHAHAHAH. Or at least try to.

Overall, I'd recommend you guys visit all the places I went. But don't forget to have Pratunam Market and Platinum Mall on the top of your itinerary as well as the last!

HAVE FUN IF YOU'RE GOING TO BKK!
Maybe in another 3 months, I'd have save enough for a 2nd trip. Jio me, we go together!

Hope I didn't bore you with this post. It's 3am now and I'm finally done!!

21 Things To Look For in a Boyfriend

2013-06-13T14:56:00.000+08:00

Hello, here's a mid-day post for anyone hungry for a read.

Just a little introduction of a few features on my blog.
On the right panel, there are Nuffnang and Adsense Ads, help me click whenever you see any Ads, since it can help me earn a little cash. Been years already and I've still yet to cheque out anything from Nuffnang. Also, under the nuffnang section is a poll. It's a poll for me to get to know my readers more, so if it isn't too much of a chore, just help me answer the few questions. Thanks!

On the left panel, there's just my various social networks. Add/follow me for live updates! Ask me questions too, I love answering them! Ask me anything - How I look like without eyebrows? How my toes look like? How often I shower? What colour bra I'm wearing? Am I even wearing a bra? LOL ANYTHING LA.

So that's that. Few months ago, I chanced upon and article on Thought Catalog, and I thought I'd like to share it again here.

21 Things To Look For in a Boyfriend (Link) - //16 Nov 2012 By Chelsea Fagan

1. Regardless of his height, he is comfortable with the way he looks around you. You don’t have to date a guy who is taller than most, but he can’t be someone who is threatened to be seen with you.

2. He genuinely makes you laugh (because he is funny, not because you think he is attractive and want to flatter him), and not a self-conscious little giggle, either. He makes you belly laugh and choke on your own laughter and tear up with laughter and laugh so hard you think you’re going to pee yourself.

3. He loves your laugh, even your “ugly” laugh.

4. He remembers little things about you, even things that other people might consider unimportant or too minor. He knows what your favorite dish at the Thai place is. He knows what movie you two watched on your first date. He knows the blanket you love to curl up with when you’re reading.

5. Whether or not he has the same taste in music or movies as you, he is always willing to try something new that you really like, or that neither of you have seen before.

6. He doesn’t put you down for liking what you like.

7. You always feel welcome around his friends, even if they aren’t the people that you would hang out with every day, and they are always friendly and open to you. There is never a point at which you feel like there is “your boyfriend” and then “the person he is around his friends.”

8. His family is not perfect, because no one is, but they try their best and are good people and you feel comfortable around them.

9. He does not cheat on you, would never cheat on you, and doesn’t even give the vague, nagging suspicion that he might cheat on you at some point in the future. Regardless of the problems you may encounter, being betrayed like is simply not a possibility.

10. His vision of the future is very similar to yours, or at least is flexible enough to adjust to what you both may end up wanting. (Wasting time with someone who does not want what you want, and never will, is unfair to both of you.)

11. He has a healthy relationship with going out, drinking, and socializing. He is neither completely dependent or absolutely uncomfortable with either of those things.

12. With him you are comfortable both going out together and spending time separately with your individual groups of friends — there is no need to be constantly joined at the hip, for fear that he may stray or any other reason.

13. He is willing to consider long-distance if it has to be done for a certain period of time, but at least ultimately has plans to be near you (because no matter how good it is, long-distance can’t last forever).

14. He doesn’t have hang-ups or judgments about your body, and shows all of it affection and attention. You don’t feel ugly or uncomfortable around him, nor that you are not good enough for him physically.

15. He has similar religious views to you — or lack thereof — or is willing to accept that you’re both different. Few things manifest in more ugly ways than the small seeds of disagreement over fundamental beliefs like religion.

16. He is open-minded, and not just about things that he doesn’t really care about. Even for more important subjects like politics or culture, he is able to listen to others and give meaningful responses without being petty or childish.

17. He is mature and comfortable about the human body and all of its weird functions, and doesn’t make a big deal out of things that happen naturally. Instead of feeling uncomfortable when something weird happens during sex, for example, you both just laugh.

18. He doesn’t make fun of you if you say you are offended or upset by something he says. He is actually capable of thinking about the consequences of his words and understanding that not all hurt is inflicted physically.

19. He votes, and understands why it’s important.

20. He is attractive (to your own individual standard), but the vast majority of your interest in him stems from things other than what he looks like.

21. He respects himself enough to want all of these things from you, too.

---

The ideal guy, definitely. But we all know it's not possible to find someone like that anymore. At least, I'm certain I won't. Let's say I do, I won't take him. Why? Because then, he'll be too good for me. I need to be good enough for someone so perfect right?

Broke but still alive

2013-06-12T01:17:00.001+08:00

//明明就他比较温柔, 也许他能给你更多, 不用抉择我会自动变朋友.

Ever since I got back from BKK, I've been low on cash. Got back at midnight on Tuesday, rested on Wednesday, and Thursday I was already back at working shouting, "Gelato, Free Tasting~!" That's how broke and how desperately I needed money. Borrowing here and there and it's still not enough for me to tank until I get my pathetic pay at the end of the month. Even after getting my pay, I still have to repay all my debts, which leads to me still being cashless.

I wanna join races, and travel, and shop (more), and just chill around, but everything needs money!!! Totally broke now because I spent all the money I have left on my Trekking stuff and I bought myself my Nike shoes that previously got stolen.

Anyway, this is totally random, and weird but.......................... HELLO FANS!
I've got an ask.fm question/comment from a stranger telling me he reads my blog, as well as a comment from another stranger on my previous post. Feeling so cool now because I have readers. HOHOHO.

I'm still in the midst of doing up my BKK post. I think I've been editing it for 3 days now but I'm still at Day 1. I feel bored even doing that post, so I think it'll be a boring read too, so don't anticipate much. It'll just be an update of the places I visited, and maybe a few tips for those of you who haven't yet been there.

These few days have been............................................ tiring.
Sometimes, you really don't know what you've got till it's gone. Everywhere I go, I see things I don't want to see, and hear things I don't want to hear. But there isn't any way for me to avoid anything. I don't know how to face it except rant to the whole world about how shitty I'm feeling, not like the world gives a shit la, but who knows, maybe the mosquito that frequents my room is listening.

How is it that absolutely nothing has happened, but your heart still hurts. Or is it hurting because nothing has happened?

xx

This is me. I guess.

2013-06-01T21:37:00.003+08:00

Hi guys. I'm Muanting. Aka Megan.

I do a lot of stupid things and always end up regretting and upset. Getting over it after awhile, then similar stupid things happen again.

Is it because I secretly enjoy it? Or am I doing it for attention? I always wake up the following day, and look at the person in the mirror, then end up crying and scolding her. We both end up crying really hard then come out of the shower forgetting it happened.

Sometimes, I'm not really sure who's the real me. There are times when I'm socially awkward, then there are times where I can totally blend in even though it's the first time we're meeting. Usually, after a few drinks, I'm never socially awkward. I become loud. And annoying.

Why?

Who's the real Muanting?

I love partying, and I really need a girlfriend who loves partying as much as me so that I have someone to bring whenever I'm in the mood for it. I have a few girls who party, and we go together once in a while. But I guess I'm the problem? They're never really willing to go with me leh. No one so far has agreed to go with me alone, without another girl to accompany her. I guess I'm really a nuisance and too much of a burden.

But it still hurts. So fucking much. I'm never important/significant enough for anybody.

I always have to beg them to accompany me, and even after so much begging, they still end up unwilling. Sian.

Even on days when I'm not in the mood to party, and a friend BEGS me to accompany her, I'd still go. Not because I love clubs but because I know she needs someone.

How come I never have anyone around for me?

I always think that I'm a really good friend because I'm willing to go all out for anyone who needs me. I'm serious. I always feel that I've gone that extra mile. But at the end of the day, I realise that I'm the only one who feels that way. The receiver feels nothing at all. Then I realise I'm actually still just nothing. People tell me what a shitty person I am. I agree. But is it really that bad? Do I not possess any good elements at all?

I try. I try so hard to be there for everyone. But who tries to be around for me?

People always find someone better than me and move on. Without me. They meet up, and do everything together.

I know I'm the problem. I just don't know what. Or how. Don't know how I'm the problem and don't
know how I'm supposed to overcome it.

My guy friends often come to me with GL and ask me to jio my girlfriends along. At the beginning, I'd ask most of my group chats, and they usually always turn me down, sometimes I'm lucky. Subsequently, they didn't even bother replying. And subsequently, I didn't even bother asking anymore.

How is it that I can't even find one person to be there for me when I need someone?

I guess I'll always be alone.

I'm twenty-one!

2013-05-31T01:15:00.000+08:00

I finally turned 21 last month, on the 20th of April.

This post is dedicated to my family and friends, especially those who came for my party to celebrate my birthday.

I love polkadots! And few months before my birthday, I was asking my friends for theme suggestions, and Yixuan (BITCH DIDN'T COME) randomly mentioned Polkadots. I couldn't think of a reason to turn that down.

And hence, I planned a POLKA DOTTY 21ST!

Sending out my invites, counting the number of people to cater for, trying to plan an after party (with the help of a committee, thank later), trying to persuade everyone to come in polkadots, ordering the cake. Didn't seem like much but I felt damn stressed and tired. I was so frustrated I vexed out on random people.

But the day itself turned out fine. Better than I had expected.
Everyone looked so cute when they kept complaining they didn't have polkadots to wear, and how they couldn't find any. I was damn happy when they told me they specially went to hunt for polkadots to wear. So much love.

So here's me thanking each and every single one of you:

1. My Mum: The main reason why the day went smoothly. Thank you for planning this. Love you always.

2. The BBGs: Thank you for being around. Although y'all disappeared during the party itself, but still thank you because I know you guys will always be around. Special Thank-You to the SLEEPING CHAT MEMBERS for all your effort in helping my prep for the party. Thanks Qianyi & Weiyi for doing my shopping, Qianyi for coming earlier and Weiyi again for baking the Cake Pops for my door gifts. Really appreciate it all. <3 nbsp="">

3. The B4s: Thank you for being my extra legs that day, for running around like mad women helping me get things done. Thank you for making sure my cake reached me safely, and thank-you Dawn for rushing home to get me candles. Thankful for the 3 of you who were my Camera Women + Receptionists that day. I HONESTLY CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU GIRLS. Just got back from a BKK trip with these girls (next post) and this trip definitely brought us closer together. <3 nbsp="">

3. After Party Committee: Ron, Moby, Brandon. Thank you guys for planning my after party, and even though it didn't turn out as great as planned, it was still awesome, and I'm thankful for whatever I got. Thankful for you guys! No group picture of us, but love you guys still.

4. 17th: Thank you guys for brightening up the atmosphere with all your liveliness and weirdness hahaha. Loved the Polka-dotted Megan on the back of your shirts, and the "Muanting" (One Thing) song you guys sang for me. Although the hairs on every part of my body stands every time I hear this song. Even deleted it from my playlist.

5. Everyone else, thank-you for coming! Sorry I wasn't really available to entertain you guys!

Family:

E1s:

Bros+:

S09s:

The Normal People (LL crew):

Hulkies:

Imperfection 7: If y'all still remember this name.

Gelato Free Tasting:

Hope I didn't miss out anyone!

I ordered my Cake from Shiberty's Sweets, and yes you guys may have heard of Jessica. Didn't get a chance to see her or her BF in real life because I didn't go collect the cake. Anyway, her cake tasted damn awesome. I ordered Chocolate Flavored Cake with Cream Cheese frosting.

Yup, after that we cleaned up and headed over to Butter Factory for the after party. And no, I didn't get drunk. Didn't even get high. Haha.

Nothing glamorous, nothing extraordinary. Just a simple party, simple night with my friends. Thank you for being a part of the past 21 years of my life. Although my life in SG only started when I was 15, but these 6 years has already given me so much.

Bloody thief

2013-05-16T00:42:00.001+08:00

Y'all know how much I loved these shoes right? I was so happy when I was opening my presents and I saw this. I even wore it around my house and slept with it. I'm serious. But guess what guys, it's gone. Stolen gone.

I always leave my shoes outside the house. There hasn't been any problem of theft before so I didn't really give it much thought la. But hell no, wanted to go gym this afternoon and was gonna wear my shoes and I couldn't freaking find it!!!!!!!! I last wore it for a run on Sunday, and I'm not sure if I saw it Tuesday morning, but it definitely wasn't there Tuesday night when B4s came over for MJ and left. But I didn't really notice it.

I was so angry I cried. Really cried damn hard. I was literally screaming and shouting on my own at home and tears just kept on falling. My eyes are still swollen and puffy up until now, and I tear every single time I think of it. Lame meh, it just shows how attached I was to it.

Getting attached. Too attached. That's just how I always am. Getting attached to people or things and feeling hurt on my own when they're gone. Making me so afraid of getting closer to people, or even if we're close, having so many questions and doubts.

I've really zero motivation to exercise now. I told myself I'd do serious working out after my exams but wtf it's only been the first day of my holidays and look what has already happened. I even put a note on my door and I know it's not gonna work and my shoes won't come back but I don't know what else I can do. I have a few suspects in mind, it's either the cleaner or my China neighbors. My unit is right at the corner, and no one would even walk over to this side unless they're doing a delivery to my house or going to the house opposite.

I even considered whether I should write my note in Mandarin just in case it really was my China neighbors and they can't read English.

Fuck man, it totally ruined my day.

Liberation

2013-05-15T01:28:00.002+08:00

Just spare me 17 mins of your time, and watch this.

Finals has finally come to and end! Now I need a life. Ask me out!

Will definitely be back very soon for another update since I'm probably going to be damn free. Should I go back to work?

Anyway, had only 2 hours of sleep last night so I'm too tired to say too much.

Messed up

2013-05-11T01:46:00.001+08:00

Pink - Just Give Me A Reason

It's only been a few hours since my last post but hah I'm back.

I'm so lost. I don't know what to do.

I really should be studying. Really. But I've spent the whole day in bed. And yes, sleeping. Don't even know why or how I'm so tired. It's 1:40am right now and I swear I'm gonna go crash after this lame/irrelevant post and wake up at 8-ish tomorrow morning, skip a lil and really hit the books. Don't have anymore time to waste.

This is your last lap Muanting, just hold in there.

Sian, but I'm still feeling like crap and I don't know who to turn to coz no one's gonna understand. I don't dare to open up to anyone coz they'll probably just judge.

Why am I not perfect? Why do I suck at everything I do? Why do I always do things that make me regret? Then do it again like I've not learnt my lesson? What the fuck is wrong with me? Enlighten me please, someone.

I need a reason for everything.
And I think I really need someone right now.
Read: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/6-reasons-you-fall-in-love-with-someone/

Goodnight everyone
xoxo