The not so fat Fat chick

POF vs OkCupid

2012-03-26T11:38:00.006-07:00

I don’t know how many of you have actually tried online dating but I have noticed a distinct difference in some of the sites. I would like to share my perception of the sites that oi have been on. In all fairness I have joined these sites out of sheer curiosity so don’t judge me too harshly LOL . There are too many sites to give an overview at once so I’ll do a couple at a time.. First up POF vs Ok Cupid

POF – Plenty of Fish
This site should be called plenty of fucks and or plenty of STDs

I have to admit I get my most entertaining emails from this site. I feel like I should have at least one nipple out and a vagina shot to even be considered relevant on this site. I have met a few nice young men that I have developed an online friendship with but I have found more freaks than gentleman.

My Favorite POF personalities I have met are:

The Pornstar ( I have seen his videos LOL)
The guy who likes me to watch him Jack off on Skype
The Ex Mormon that loves Vegas
The Vegas DJ

My synopsis of POF is.. this is a site for people looking to hook up, older gentleman that are trying to hang onto their youth and want to objectify women, young cubs looking for a cougar (if being in your late 20’s makes you a cougar I’m in trouble) and over the hill men that want a sugar baby but are too cheap to join sugardaddy.com

Pros: Hours of free entertainment
Cons: I feel like a I need a trip to the free clinic almost every time I get an email from there LOL

OKCupid

I have only been on this site for a few days but I have found that its kinda like E-Harmony and Match.com. They make you answer all these ridiculous questions and send you “Quivers” based on the questions you have answered. People seem to be a little more relationship oriented on this site. I have not gotten any requests for sex or naked pictures yet. What I don’t like about this site is it tells people how likely you are to respond I apparently respond “Selectively” . I don’t really know how I feel about being called out. If I want to be a picky bitch that should be information I decide to share not that dumbass OkCupid robot. OHHHH the robot I could write an entire post on him alone! So when you answer these questions it makes you rate the importance of the answer a potential mate would choose. I marked most of my irrelevant because Im not really as judgmental as I probably come off. Everyone is entitled to their opinion even if its wrong ( Or different than mine seems all the same to me lol ) Im still getting my feet wet on here and trying to gage how lame this potentially could be.

Pros: Has a lot of the same features the pay sites use (Personality tests, giving you matches, GPS stalker option)
I met a really nice guy that’s not a douche so far, hes funny, equally as sarcastic, has a semi sissy dog but lives on the east coast :) oh and hes kinda handsome I guess :)

It sends you emails to tell you how awesome you are!

Cons: The lamest questions ever! and you have to complete certain tasks to have your profile marked complete ( Rate 100 people, answer 150 questions, msg 10 random strangers)
Maybe its because I don’t like being told what to do by a smarmy little robot!
I have declined every Quiver match I was sent … Stupid Robot isn’t very good at his job.

HE said that FOR REAL FOR REAL!

2012-03-26T10:18:00.008-07:00

So I have been blessed with attracting the Crème de la Crème of the dating world. I have decided to share some of my favorite emails that I couldn’t bring myself to respond to because I couldn’t find the words. I hope you enjoy these as much as I do.

All photos attached are pics from the users profile LOL.

ineedLOVElikell
3/23/2012 4:39:14 AM
In all seriousness would you have my baby?

* No I can not have your baby because you're clearly a slob that cant keep his bathroom mirror clean... get your life together!

Jcast22
3/7/2012 9:47:48 PM
Hi I'm Jose your profile is very interesting to say the least lol liked your pics

Jcast22
3/9/2012 1:12:58 PM
Don't be mean write back to me you won't regret it I promise lol

*I used to respond back to people with a polite "Thanks but No Thanks... good luck!" Then I got 10 emails asking my why whats wrong... so I have found it much easier to take the cowards way out and juts not respond... you would think you would get the hint sir.

roydiesel
3/10/2012 10:33:51 PM
can i have you?????????????????

*To work on your track? ummm I don't recall submitting an application to walk the hoe track... just saying

Soon2BDeleting has been deleted
3/11/2012 8:21:53 PM
You should be given a citation for being Too Damn Attractive.. lol.. I've ended up at your page sevral times now.... so now my chocolatey ass is moonwalking by waving hello!.. visualize that.. lol.. good evening miss! =)

ad
3/13/2012 12:06:39 PM
you have nice tits

* Seriously you're holding a baby! WTF! Super creepy ewwwww... I feel like he could have been on a episode of "To catch a predator"

Southbay

3/15/2012 5:14:18 PM
You seem really fun to be around and your cute, especially in the nerd glasses lol... But why is grammar so import. Don't u know some ppl in the medical ind. can't spell...

*If you're in the medical industry you should know how to spell... anyone that went to school should know how to spell! Get out of here with your sheer laziness!

NytoCali
3/16/2012 9:40:11 AM
You have the most amazing lips..you should do some Twizzler commercials ;)

*hahaha this just made me laugh more because of the photo than the actual message

3/19/2012 7:13:11 PM
love ur eyes they are beautiful u already have exotic look what nationality are u I hope your personality matches ur look hi my name is ryan and I'm so down to earth i should have been born a midget lol.hit me up ur cute

Email of the week

2012-03-19T10:56:00.003-07:00

So this has been my favorite email of the week so far... and yes he is sweet and you may think Im a jerk for putting him on blast.. but when someone tells me "I have the STD and all I need is U" How could I not share!

Hey there (:

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your profile an and i feel we would have alotta fun getting to know each other, you have a great smile, so do I! :p hahah I Think we have a bit in common.

so, I am as you can see, a big dude. just want to be straight up. i have a plethora of pics, including full body shots so you can see i have nothing to hide (: but don't think I'm lazy and unmotivated. I'm definitely active, and athletic as well as in great shape.

let me elaborate further, I used to weigh 760 pounds. I almost died. I changed my life and after 5 hard years of training, I'm an MMA fighter btw, I am now 360 pounds, and about 100 pounds away from my goal weight. I carry my current weight well, at 6'4, I train very hard, and have the ability to throw high roundhouse kicks over the heads of guys my height and even taller. anyway, in my current state, my appearance is obvious, I'm fat. so please, by all means feel free to stop reading. (:

but if you dare to continue on...I have to let you know!

I put the S-T-D in STUD! all I need is U :p

hahah I'm kidding, actually look at your keyboard! see the J? its right next to the K, so jk(:hahah but above the JK... you'll find that U and I are together :p LOL

im joey, and despite being an ultimate badass,I am a softy deep down, a Teddy bear. I quote movies all the time and I'm a sarcastic goofball, who truly believes that, even though tears cleanse the soul, laughter enriches it. I truly am honest in saying I think we will get along greatly, I would love to take you out sometime, so take a chance and find out how good of a guy I am (:

PS.

I'm sure you get called cute an hot all the time... but straight up, you have such kind eyes.

Joey (:

Did you laugh as hard as I did?

Online Dating... again

2012-03-19T10:37:00.002-07:00

So as I find myself single again.. mostly by my own doing... I have decided to venture back into the always entertaining world of online dating. Do I really think Im going to find my Prince Charming that is going to sweep me off my feet? Nope not a chance in HELL. Is it a temporary fix to boost my ego for the time being? ABSOLUTELY! Its better than drinking away my self pity or having a ton of NSA sex and becoming some fluze with a laundry list of STDs. And who knows maybe by chance I will meet a nice guy... but i dont have a stellar track record so Im not holding my breath. I do have a question I would like to pose to anyone that reads this... Does my profile scream "Desperate Chick willing to take any douche bag, unattractive, broke single male please apply?" If so I clearly need to make some edits! I have decided to share some of the online emails i have gotten over the last few days because they are so terrible and they have me questioning what kind of guy i really deserve LOL I suppose i should share mt online profile first and let you judge the "Vibe" I send out.... maybe Im sending the wrong message... you be the judge... Not too harshly Im still human with feelings. And Im a total girl and will cry at the drop of a dime. I know I know what a sissy...

Here is the link to my profile:
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=13874349
And my main picture...

10 things I can do now that Im not so fat

2011-03-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

1. I can wrap a standard towel around my body and walk around and not scare small children.

2. I can buckel my own strappy heels! woot woot Thank you fife (Shmonica) for all those times you buckeled my shoes

3. See my feet

4. I can wear Shmitzis mustache ring on my ring finger... yes that skinny skonk wears it on her index finger im getting there.

5. Wear jeans without the waist band trying to sever my body in half

6. Wear my cute Dodgers jacket and ZIP it up over my boobs

7. I can take one picture instead of 10 trying to find my "skinny" pose

8. Wear all my cute underwear without them rolling down my ass

9. I can stop eating when Im full

10. Buy skinny heels that wont break the first night I wear them.

Week 3

2011-03-29T17:32:00.000-07:00

YAY! I made it half way! Im used to my diet and Im not feeling hungry between meals. I bought 80 chocolate bars and didn’t eat them all. My BFF Shmay introduced his Fat friends to his Fit friends. This was going to be a weekend of celebration and new friendships. Shmay decided Bottle service @ the Shore, why? Because that’s how we roll! Not only am I on this Diet we are in the midst of Lent. My work Skonkas decided we should have a lent off. Yes a lent off you can see our lent off hijinks @ www.cosbysweaters.com What did I give up for lent? Well I have already given up all good food so I gave up the next best thing VODAK what a bad idea! Shamy calls me and asks to get a table with Vodka… really? FML I make the call and what dose my friend tell me.. “Oh Grey Goose is on sale $150” woo hoo! Like I really care I cant drink it anyways. Fast forward to Saturday night my BFF’s or Bitches haven’t seen me in weeks so I was excited to see if they noticed that I have lost any weight. As usual Shmonica with her positive outlook on dieting tells me how much smaller I look. I knew that I had really lost some weight when Shamy said “ughhh you skinny bitch” followed by his signature cackle. So we walk into the club, escorted to our table and the server brings out the bottle of Goose. Tear no food and no vodka I definitely liked being fat much better! I had to say no thanks Goose.. . skipped over to the bar. Yes I skipped you know why because Im less fat and my heel wont break from all the extra weight. I asked the bartender to make me a sweet drink sans Vodka she gave me the most peculiar look and I had to explain the lent off she then laughed and made me some whiskey concoction. I then asked for a shot of Soco and Peach Schnapps.. NO soco in the outside bar.. FAIL I sipped my whiskey concoction but it did lack the sweet luster of a Kettle and Cran. After a few house shots we met “the owner” and he brought us across the street to another “bar” This “bar” was really a restraint with a DJ and an old guy on the couch asleep with a huge glass of wine. As the night drags on Im sobering up BOO! It was time to go home the real diet battle was about to begin. We usually hit up the Shorehouse for drunken grubb….this was not going to be the case tonight! Im going straight home and to bed hungry and almost sober. My week in a nutshell had a couple peanut butter bars, cocktails and fought the urge to eat late night. Through all of this I STILL lost weight! Screw you fat cells… I don’t know where youre going but youre not welcome back her!

Weight loss:5lbs
Total weight loss: 18lbs
Weight:192

Week 2

2011-03-29T17:07:00.000-07:00

So week 2 was much more trying then week 1. I think Shmevor is tired of me bargaining for just one bite or one piece of something that im not supposed to be eating. This weeks trials and tribulations:
1) The tacklers birthday party
2) Family get together in Palm Springs

One of my Skonkas invited me to her kids birthday party. Heres a little note about Shmezlie… she LOVES Wingstop! Naturally the menu for the birthday party Pizza and Wingstop! FML Before going to the party and torturing myself I ate my delicious 4oz of meat and veggies so I would be full and wouldn’t want to eat all her delicious Fatty McFatfat food. I walk into her place only to see 20 boxes of pizza and trays of wingstop! A green salad and fruit salad. As my kid and Shmevor devour their pizza and wingstop I sat at the table and quietly ate my grapes and strawberries. The real food smelled so good I wanted to lick the pizza of their faces. I know so disgusting but after 2 weeks of no carbs and no sugar I’d eat a twinkie out a NY dumpster. Clearly the trip to skinnydom is not going to be a pleasant trip. I made it through the party unscathed until there was cake! Oh Torrance bakery why are you so delicious! As baldy as I wanted a piece of cake I kept passing it on until I got to my kids piece. Some frosting found its way to my finger, before anyone could give me a napkin I had my finger in my mouth like a teething baby. Even though the taste was only there for a few seconds I would gladly have gained 3 lbs for one slice of cake.
And the week goes on…..

Off to Palm Springs we went… Me Shemvor and the kid, don’t forget my super fancy shmancy diet! So I packed up the usual traveling things plus a cooler of food! Yes I have turned into one of those people that bring my own food when I go places! Ughhhhh how annoying. I am now convinced that everyone liked me as the funny fat chick and so they have secretly been keeping me fat… ok I don’t really believe that but I sont really want to blame myself for turning into “Big Bertha”. So we went to Palm Springs to paint my Aunts living room as a gift. Next year im just buying her something. After 10 hours of painting it was dinner time. I had cooked my 4 oz of meat and veggies while everyone else was going to enoy some nice warm cheesy pizza. Really? What jerks! So I broke I had pizza just 2 slices… pepperoni and pineapple. I figured that was my meat and veggies/fruit for my meal. I tried I turned down the meatlovers pizza! It was soooooooooo worth it. The next morning I woke not feeling guilty for taking a day off but I was surprisingly anxious to get back on my diet. Week 2 survived with a few bumps in the road all and all I still list weight . Screw you baby weight!

Weigh loss week 2: 6lbs
Total Weight: 13 lbs
Weight: 197

Week 1

2011-03-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

So this is the first week of my diet. I feel like Im in this exclusive club for temporary anorexics. That’s not a dig to anyone I may know with an eating disorder, I clearly suffer my own eating disorder OVER EATING . If we could combined our eating habits we could both break even. Anyways back to my journey to skinnydom. My entire caloric intake for 7 days is 3500 total for the week. I miss the days that I could eat that in one sitting… I know so gross but if you have ever been to North Woods in you could see how it can be done. So its good bye to bread, candy, ice cream, and pretty much anything that’s covered in cheese which is what most of my current diet consists of…. So heres a quick peek at what my meals will be like for the next 6 weeks… FML

7am:Breakfast:

Iced tea w/splenda

11am Lunch:

4oz of meat or chicken 1 cup of veggies (usually broccoli) 1 cup of fruit (strawberries or an orange) 1 piece of toast 20 calories

6pm Dinner:

4oz of meat or chicken 1 cup of veggies (usually broccoli) 1 cup of fruit (strawberries or an orange) 1 piece of toast 20 calories

So I take these drops 3x a day. They don’t taste like anything so I could verily easily be paying $100 for 6 weeks for 2 bottles of water. So the first 2 days were so bad because I could eat whatever I wanted! YAY and I took full advantage of these days. On my first day Shmevor took me to Black Angus and I ordered everything I wanted… Baked Potato soup, Grilled artichoke, Wedge salad, bread, steak, cocktails… if I thought it looked good I ordered it! On day two I finally made it to 5 Guys burgers, I opted for a mini burger (500 cals) and no french-fries (1500 cals) I savored every last bite knowing that I was about to embark on this treacherous diet. April 8th 2011 could be further away! I knew that if I couldn’t lose weight on 500 cals a day God intended for me to be FATabulous!

My co-workers whom I adoringly refer to as “skonkas” have not so great eating habits that the Fat me liked while the less fat me had to sit back during week one as they ordered had their pizza Fridays, Wingstop Weds, Food truck Tuesdays, and china buffet breakfast EVERYDAY! Yes that’s you Lapanya, Shmaravsha and Brosis. I would like to say thank you for letting me smell your food soi can “feel” full. I would like a special thanks to Shmavarsha for always bringing me back that order of light air! Week 1 has been a rollercoaster of emotions, but the drive to not be the token FAT friend won over all my cravings of the Fatty Mc Fatfat food. Beginning weight: 210 End Weight: 207 To see the weight just melt away was so rewarding that I treated myself to a Girl Scout think mint! It’s a THIN mint how many calories could it be! Ha ha

I weigh as much as....

2011-03-26T09:23:00.000-07:00

So I promised to post my weight for two reasons , 1) So I can brag about how much weight I have lost and 2)because I don’t think think I look as fat as my number. Like I have always said mentally Im a skinny person. The time has finally come that my mental state and my physical self meet somewhere in the middle. Id prefer they would be a complete match set LOL. So I have decided to give some examples of what my weigh is equal to in a song like version of The 12 Days of Christmas….

On the 12th day of Fatness the cheeseburgers and French fires gave to me… 12 Model 2004 Accordions

On the 11th day of Fatness the pizza and bread sticks gave to me… 11 “Romeo” Indian Body builders

On the 10th day of Fatness the soda and chips gave to me… 10 Pontoon Boat power winches

On the 9th day of Fatness the breakfast burritos with extra cheese gave me… 9 labradoodle puppies

On the 8th day of Fatness the chili cheese fries gave to me… 8 stock e36 windsheilds

On the 7th day of Fatness the banana splits and chocolate shakes gave me …7 jars of loose change

On the 6th day of Fatness the Oktoberfest beer and polish sausages gave to me… 6 travel scoots

On the 5 day of Fatness the Cotton candy and fries twinkies gave to me…5 boxes of apples straight from the farm

On the 4th day of Fatness the Disneyland corndogs, churros and popcorn gave to me… 4 stes of adjustable dumb bells

On the 3rd day of Fatness the lumpia and sticky rice gave to me…3 copies of the World Largest Atlas

On the 2nd day of Fatness the Dodgers dogs, nachos, ice cream in a helmet and blue margaritas gave to me …. Canadian super models that are too fat for the runway

On the 1st day of fatness my love of eating whatever the hell I want as long as they make stretchy close and plus size garments gave me … 1 Fatty Mc Fatfat that starting weight is 210 lbs!

The magic diet

2011-03-23T14:59:00.001-07:00

So as you all know I have been trying to lose weight :I I have been battling the bulge for the last 6 years ( Thank you Dylan) So one of my best friends went on this “Diet drop” diet. This broad lost 40 lbs in just a few months. After my initial thought of “that skinny bitch… I’m jealous” I immediately thought I cant be the token FAT friend! So I googled Diet Drops and of course 8 million websites popped up. After about an hour of who to choose? … who to choose? And reading testimonial after testimonial I finally settled on the brand with the trusted stamp of approval AS SEEN ON TV. I was sold! So as I started to investigate what was allowed on this diet I almost ran away screaming out of fear of starvation. So my entire menu fit on one page 8.5 x 11 minus the 1/3 I don’t eat, seafood. So ladies and gentleman I was contemplating on embarking on a 500 calorie a day diet. Yes I said 500 calories. I thought to myself of course I’m going to lose weight I’m going to pay someone money to starve myself which I could do for free. The site state you could lose up to 60 lbs in 6 weeks of course because your temporarily turning yourself into an anorexic, who wouldn’t lose weight. Besides being what seems like a crazy hard core diet I have one more thing counting against me. My INABILITY to stay on a diet and NOT CHEAT. My BFF Shmonica has been a witness to my many failed attempts at dieting. Lets take a brief calorie free trip down my dietary downfalls.

2 day Celebrity Juice diet. Lose 10 lbs in 2 days
I lasted all of 6 hours before I was eating a sandwich. FAIL

Nutrisystem Eat cardboard and get skinny
This lasted about a week before I was eating In & Out saying screw you and you’re weird food that doesn’t need to go in the fridge.

Diet pills from Mexico the weight melts off
This was never a go because I couldn’t bring myself to smuggle the diet pills in my vagazzle and chance the drug sniffing dog to b all up in my lady parts

Chinese Diet pills lose weight have energy and run a mile in 3 mins
I took these for about a month until My Obese took them to her Dr. and he told her if she doesn’t want to DIE she should discontinue them immediately. DAMN IT these were working!

So after my numerous attempts to diet I have decided to commit my slightly chubbier then the skinny girl ass to this 500 calorie a day diet. I have decided to update about once a week about my journey to Skinnydom. FYI Skinnydom is where those guys and gals live that get to go shopping and not trying things on, not have to pay more for the same dress just because the size tag has a letter and a number, and they get to eat half a cheeseburger and can stop when they are full.

I would just like you to know I love my curvy guys and gals I just want to be a little less curvy not all Shmitzi status…. She makes me kinda hate naturally skinny people her only saving grace besides being my work BFF she cant eat much more then me ha ha

So I have listed the top 10 reason I want to be less fat or Skinner then my current self.

1. I don’t want to buy two seats on the airplane.
2. Im crossing my fingers that my boobs will go down at least 1 cup size (40 DDD that’s too much)
3. Im tired of buying clothes with size tags that have letters and numbers
4. Fat clothes cost more then not so fat clothes
5. All my friends are getting skinny yeah that’s you Skonka, Shmason, Shmellar
6. Now that Dylan is getting bigger sitting 3 in a car on Big Thunder mountain is getting tighter and tighter every trip
7. I want to weigh less then my fusband
8. Im hoping not eating out will save me money for all those new skinny clothes I’m going to buy
9. I don’t want to feel my stomach on the tops of my thighs while I’m sitting at my desk
10. I like to be able to take a group pic we can fit in and not have to stand 20 feet away

So…. My beginning weight is…. On my next post oh what a nightmare

im just saying....

2010-03-11T16:34:00.000-08:00

These are things I see on a daily basis and it makes me shake my head in utter confusion... so please....

-Dont pick your nose in the car because EVERYONE can see you no matter how much your windows are rolled up

-Dont wear socks with sandals and or MANdals

-Dont have pictures of yourself with all your goods hanging out and wonder why people make "rude " comments

-Dont drink out of a strangers fishbowl at Sharkeez

-Dont be platinum blond and not keep up your roots, its just looks like someone took a big dump in your hair

-Dont be a vegan and have a leather handbag and shoes

-Dont eat something and make the caca face and then ask me to try some

-Dont carry your dog in your purse

-Dont walk your dog in the mall and then look confused when it shits in the store

-Dont let your kids scream and cry and tune them out because I cant

-Dont sit in your car and reapply your make up make 10 phone calls and brush your hair when you see me behind you with my blinker on.

Im just saying.

"wide calf boots"

2010-03-05T20:48:00.000-08:00

I often wonder if summer is my favorite season because its all about the open toe shoes and flip flops. If you opened my closet you would think I LOVE LOVE LOVE winter. I have tons of outerwear, sweaters, and hoodies. I wear jeans almost everyday and I love to be cozy. My true fashion nemesis is any boot that has to fit over my calf! I dont have fat legs I have often been told that I have skinny girl legs. Thank you my nameless BFF. So why cant I find a boot that fits over my calf! Who wants toothpick legs? Which by the way are the only kind of legs that can fit into boots. I can rock a an ankle boot! and if I had toothpick legs I could rock a knee/calf/thigh high boot too! Now I'm determined to find a "plus size" boot. My search leads me to every ugly flat sloppy boot. What the hell! Big girls love fashion just as much as the size 0! And I hate to say it, but the skinny girl is slowly becoming the minority. FAT GIRLS UNITE and DEMAND some cute boots. From what I have found online if you have muscular calves AKA wide calves your apparently only allowed to wear slouchy boots. A slouchy boot does not go with every outfit. A heel does magically take off 30 lbs! LOL So why would I wear a boot that makes me look squat and fat! I'm just saying... I want a sexy heeled boot that can fit over my damn calf that i can zip up, pull up and not have a fat leg roll spilling over the top! Does my leg look like it should be forced to wear a flat slouchy boot?

The day I found out I was FAT!

2010-03-03T08:33:00.000-08:00

Have you ever come across an old skinny picture of yourself and said "Damn I looked good" and then looked in the mirror and wondered who was looking back at you? Like I said, I have self diagnosed myself with body dysmorphia (I think Im still skinny) until the day my skinny heel lost the battle. It was a sad sad day that I had to release my favorite heels back to skinny girl heaven. I was working at a hotel as the GM, as I was walking down the hall with my BFF and the devil(Im sure there will be stories about her later) walking the property to make sure nothing was going array. I was taking my last few steps down the carpeted hallway and I heard an epic SNAP... I took my next step and almost fell ass backwards. Why? you ask, because my entire heel snapped off and I was left with a broken shoe. At first I thought it was just a fluke maybe I had just worn these heel so much that I had worn them out. So the next day I took the shoes back to the Asian shoe store and exchanged them for a new pair. I was so elated. The next night as was Oktoberfest,beer, polish sausage,and the chicken dance what more could a girl ask for! As I got dresses in my German beer wench costume I pulled out the perfect heel and slipped them on my not so fat feet, or so I thought LOL We walked into Oktoberfest made out usual rounds and took tons of pictures. After posing for picture after picture I was starving and couldnt possibly leave Oktoberfest with out my polish sausage. As I walked towards the food area I heard an eerily familiar snap. Could it be that i bought another pair of faulty shoes? Or is the reality that I am SO fat that My skinny heel could no longer support my weight! Of course I still got my sausage, but as I sat at the long picnic style table enjoying the deliciousness of my polish sausage I realized I REALLY AM FAT!

summer time...the livin's easy..not so much for my fat neck

2010-03-02T12:27:00.000-08:00

Soooo summer is right around the corner. WOO HOO I am so happy, summer time is my favorite time of the year. You would think because im NOT a size 2 that I would wish away the season all together. Summer time is the Best weight loss secret I have in my arsenal. I dont know what it is but the more i lay out the sun just melts my fat away. I get smaller and turn a beautiful bronze color =) Oh yeah! there is one thing that I struggle with every summer and that is my neck fat role. I dont know if any of you ladies have this problem but i practically have to lay out with my head hanging over the chair or else i get that white line across my throat. Its like a giant billboard that screams "hey Mr. Serial killer please wrap the rope in this area for optimal strangulation" or it says i eat way too much ice cream and the fat has no where else to go except around my throat in hopes the fat will choke myself and prevent me from eating LOL Im crossing my fingers that I will win the battle of the neck fat this summer =)

how big am I?

2010-02-25T17:02:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been somewhere and felt like you would fit in the seat or the space and then someone said something to you or looked at you sideways and you know in their mind theyre saying " haha what were you thinking?" WELL if you havent lucky you! So me, my asain BFF and the boy(my son) went to Disneyland for the 10th time this year. We have spent way too much money to be annual pass holders so we try to go at least once a month. We always hot the old favorites, haunted mansion, thunder mountain, pirates, Matterhorn, and of course small world. Its a small world was our first stop, we get to the front of the line and the ride operator asks "how many?" I answer 3 and she looks us up and down and then asks do you think you can fit in one row? EXCUSE ME! you could fit 3 baby elephants in those damn boats! i know im not a size 2 but i think 2 normal sized women and pipsqueak 3 yr old can fit on one row! I was so shocked all i could do was laugh. By the end of the ride i was furious! Mind you the ride operator was no skinny mini herself, she was bigger them me so it was even more insulting. First of all who asks do you think youll all fit on one row? besides being a poor choice of words, it was just so rude with the added stare down she gave us. Just so you know we survived the ride, didnt sink the boat, and did not need the jaws of life to pry us out of the boat. After that insulting ride on its a small world the boy wanted to go on something fast and i wanted to eat a churro! So we made our way over to big thunder mountain, i figured these seats are half the size of the boat so we probably would have to spilt up. Just like the last ride we get to the front and the guy asks how many, looks at us and instructs us to stand in one lane. With hesitation i ask can we all fit in one car? he said of course why not? them offered to spilt us up if we would be more comfortable. I wanted to jump on him wrap my arms and legs around him and give him a HUGE kiss. For that small moment he made me feel like a size 2 LOL oh and he was skinny! so this makes me think are bigger women more judgemental of other big women? to we hold each other to a higher standard or more strict expectations? Are bigger women prejudice against their own kind?

conductor of the crazy train

2010-02-25T14:57:00.000-08:00

i know that i am not the only person in the world that suffers from irrational fears and weird quirks. Some of my "fears" are slightly ridiculous and when i hear myself say them out loud i think "damn that sounds crazy" but i just cant help myself... so i thought i would share some of my "fears" and quirks so maybe you wont feel like youre on the crazy train alone... there is a good chance i am the conductor LOL I was hanging out with a friend and sharing some of my weird quirks/fears and he looked at me like i was crazy so i thought i would share to see if i really am crazy or just eccentric =)

*I have to wear a hood on any amusement park rides because im scared the person before me has head lice and theyll give it to me.

*I dont like my food to touch when there are different sauces or flavors can be transferred macaroni and mashed potatoes must be in separate bowls.

*I think that most white guys that are "average" could potentially be a serial killer

*If your 2nd toes is longer then your big toes you should never wear open toed shoes

*I dont like to cuddle, please stay on your own side. I dont want you sweating all over me ewwwww!

*I wont stop at the gas station if its on the opposite side of the street

*when i buy clothes i always ask if they have my size in the back because i dont know what dirty person has tried it on before me

*I am terrified of getting any kind STD so making out with a stranger or going home with a guy from the bar is a big NO NO!

*I dont like strangers to touch me or hug me because they might have the swine flu

*I wont try on hats in stores again because of the lice

*Im terrified of squirrels because i think they all have rabies and theyre going to bite me and im going to die

*I hate my huge boobs because i think they make me look fatter then i really am

*Im scared to be alone in my house because i have a ghost but i only like scary movies

*I ask all my friends to not have public pics of my kid on their profile because i think the internet is just full of pedophiles that want to kidnap my kid

*i dont like having pictures of me in front of my house because i might have a stalker and they might come to my house and kill me.

*I have to make my bed before i can go to sleep

*my closet is color coded

*i cant fall asleep with my feet sticking out of the blankets

Being chubTastic!

2010-02-25T09:58:00.000-08:00

So its been almost 4 years since my son was born and i have slowly come to accept the fact i can no longer use his birth as an excuse for the chub. Hes not a baby anymore, hes becoming a little boy =( Other them shear laziness and bad eating habits there is no reason for me to still be a member of club chub. I was cleaning out some drawers yesterday and came across some of my "skinny" pictures and for 2.2 seconds i was inspired and driven to go to the gym and lose the weight. Then reality set in and the thought of giving up food that tastes good, having to go to the gym ughhhhhh and actually being held accountable for my actions became an all too daunting task. I once again turn to my nameless BFF that has this amazing drive to work out 5-6 times a week and i wish i could be that dedicated, but as many have told me before i seem to have this fear of commitment to apparently to everything not just men LOL I dont know if i just have really good self esteem and love myself no matter what size i am or if i have just found this really amazing place called delusion and denial. i do believe i have opposite body dis morphia...what is this you ask? well as you know most people look at themselves and think oh man i am so fat... not me i look at myself in the mirror and think damn i look good! then i see a picture of me in that same skinny outfit and say... ohhhh maybe i didnt look so good. I totally think i am smaller then i really am. I cant stick to a diet because i have no self control, so i believe in mind over matter. So if i think like a skinny person i will become a skinny person. My favorite most effective form of exercise is... laying out! laugh and scoff all you want but my nameless bff can attest to the fact the more tan the pounds just fall off. Im not saying its 20 pounds or anything but its enough to make me feel good enough to take a picture of myself in a bikini. Now i have had a child so i know that i shouldnt be wearing a bikini ever again i mean lets face it im no heidi klum , im just saying. More power to you if your a mom that has a little chub and you can sport a bikini. I aspire to be you one day, oh and the guy that runs in the sand with his shoes on and his trash bag outfit. Clearly i am still struggling with my eternal plight of being self confident and loving myself or being lazy and hiding under a heavy layer of denial and delusion my two best friends that shan't remain nameless LOL

internet dating...scares me

2010-02-24T15:39:00.001-08:00

In this day and age where does one find a date other then the Internet? the grocery store is no longer an ample hunting ground thanks to online ordering. Damn you Internet for disconnecting basic human in person interaction. The bar scene,well its filled with douche bags that are just looking for their next one night stand or as i like to think about it their next STD receptacle. Its scary to think that 1 in 3 people have an std and dont tell their partners because they re using a condom. Clearly the condom is not as effective as we would like to believe, hence the 1 in 3 infected strangers or people dont use them which baffles me. SEX can kill you, you wear a seat belt while you drive you dont share needles to do drugs so why not wear a condom? As i mentioned before i have joined a few dating websites in my life time. In the beginning it was all in good fun because what did i have to lose? As i get older it seems like this Internet dating a necessary tool to meet men. Now what caliber of men i am still researching but in my own personal experience the Internet harbors liars, flakes, doucehbags, cheaters,cheapskates, and gay guys that wish they were straight. Dont get me wrong there is an occasional nice guy which i usually end up being super good friends with instead of having some romantic connection. But as the good lord knows i dont need anymore friends i would like to find a nice guy to settle down with. Im sure that i have not had the worst of the worst dates, i do have a BFF that shall remain nameless that has had some doosezies herself. One thing i have learned on these dating sites, fat and skinny, is your main picture really matters... thanks to all my personal experience and my BFFs stories we have cracked the code of Internet dating :

Body type: a few extra pounds really means up to 20 lbs.
Living with roommates: I live at home with my parents (thank you grandma's boy")
5'8 really means 5'6
Do you have kids? A:prefer not to say means baby mama drama or dead beat dad
Im an honest normal guy:means im a liar and probably have a gf or lots of girls that think their my gf im just collecting a harem.
Very pretty/handsome: means no matter how ugly i am i think im gods gift and youre not worthy of my time or money unless you look like barbie.

I would like to know when dating became lets meet on line, split the bill and have sex in the car without knowing each others last name! Where do i find the guys that want to treat a woman like a woman? when did this 50/50 crap become the standard? i still believe that on a first date the guy should meet the woman on her turf and do what needs to be done to make her feel comfortable. IF youre not willing to put in the work why should we give up the goods?

Im just saying ladies when you go on these online dates make sure you tell a friend just in case hes a serial killer rapist or just plain crazy and wants to chris brown you. its always a good idea to text a friend the make and model of the car if he picks you up just in case we need to know what kind of car to look for heaven forbid you go missing.

*actual dating website picture.

how rude!

2010-02-24T15:33:00.001-08:00

We have all run into these people. SELFISH! Some of our bestfriends and worst enemies fall into this category. If you know me Im not always the nicest person but if I love you then I will give you the shirt off my back. So I went to a movie at 9:30pm on a Monday night and this couple walks in with a baby no older then 6 months…. As soon as they walk in the husband or baby daddy's cell phone rings and this FOOL answers it and has a 5 min conversation at the top of his lungs with no regard for the other 50 people that paid an outrageous $11.00 to sit in the dark! WHAT A JERK! It only gets better… then the baby wont shut up! The kid is fussy then pukes all over, at this point you would think that any decent human being that DOESN'T walk with their knuckles dragging on the ground would have take this choking puking baby out of the theater…. No no no not these parents of the year, they just let the kid puke and sat back and enjoyed the movie. I'm glad someone did. I have a kid and its easy to tune your kids out and ignore all the annoying sounds they make, but let me tell you it is IMPOSSIBLE to ignore someone else's kid. So I felt the need to say" if you wanted to watch movies late at night you should have never had kids! " I really don't think that was too harsh. I understand if some of you disagree! So then I have to come back to work after being on vacation! That was a nightmare in itself. But to have to come back to some BULLSHIT! Is it really that hard to say "hey, I was wondering if I could go to lunch early today, I just want to make sure you didn't have plans or anything to do since you do go to lunch practically at the same time everyday" I would have no problem with that… but to walk by and say ok bye 20 mins before I usually go to lunch and rush out the door to avoid whatever conflict you thought may have come from this inconsiderate act is insulting. I don't have a problem with you not even now but it is annoying and a little rude to be so inconsiderate. This week has been full of inconsiderate selfish acts and I'm so over selfish ass people! BTW jealous people SUCK too!

www.ilovefatchicks.com

2010-02-24T14:45:00.000-08:00

As you know there are dating sites for EVERYONE, fat people, "beautiful people",gold diggers, single parents, std positive people blah blah blah the list can go on for days. So anyways I have a best friend that shall remain nameless but she has had tremendous success at this whole Internet dating. She gives me hope for finding love online. As if being "plus sized" was bad enough I am a single , according to my friends sans kids they dont think its that big of a deal but i still feel weird about the whole thing. So with that huge insecurity on my plate i stay away from single parent dating websites mostly because i dont want to date someone that has kids of their own i know i know double standard. The way I see it i have a super awesome kid with no behavioral of health issues and no baby daddy issues what are the chances that i can find the same in a partner? Slim to none! so i steer clear of single dads... sorry dads nothing against you but i still havent come to terms with being a single parent myself. SO anyways i joined this plus sized dating website... which i adoringly call the ilovefatchicks.com which to my knowledge it not a real website LOL Im thinking finally a place where my not so size 2 body will be appreciated and ill clean up and have dates up the ying yang.... Oh really? not so much!

Apparently i am not fat enough for a lot of these chubby chasers! im sorry? but i wear clothes that have letters and numbers on the size tag, my pants and skirts are all double digits... i have all my teeth and real hair no extensions ... real boobs... and i wear make up not a ton but enough to look pretty. SO what the hell! how much do i have to weigh to get a decent date. Seeing as i hate the gym and my boobs make it hard for me to run losing a ton of weight is not a reality LOL oh and i like to eat real food. I guess all the rejections that include well i wish you were bigger and i wish there was more to hold on to, would make me feel better but it doesnt. My favorite is well you have a pretty face but i just like my women bigger.

When i go out to the bars and clubs in LA i get looked at and smiled at but thats the end of that. I also get the you have a pretty a face, but youre a little too voluptuous for me.... thanks for saying i have a pretty face for a fat girl! too bad im not fat enough for the fatty lovers! Seriously i feel like im in fat girl limbo! it looks like im going to have to fast for 2 yrs or eat enough french friend and ice cream until i can only fit into a moo moo. i dont know about the other "little fat girls" but im pissed mostly at society LOL thanks for setting such unreachable standards and leaving us not so fat fat chicks in the lurch! id love to hear your " im sorry but youre not fat enough stories." so please share

the not so fat fat chick...

2010-02-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

hello ladies. Welcome to my blog where I will vent about everything and anything but mostly about the doucheiest douche bags and my horros of internet dating... being a plus sized single mother has forced me to turn to internet dating woo hoo lucky me! I am also fighting the battle of not being fat enough for the cubby chasers and not skinny enough for "hollywood" size issue. I hope you enjoy my blogs and feel free to share your stories and comments.