If not for information, it's for entertainment's sake.

First for 2012

2012-02-01T23:48:00.002+08:00

First update for 2012 and I missed out writing anything for the whole first month of the year. Such a shame! But that's just because as usual, I've been super busy wherein schedules were as crazy as having to work day and night for most parts of December and January.

A bunch of tasks occupied much of my time and it was the first time in my life when I had three dots of acne in my face all at the same time being stress as the culprit. I used to never have any pimples in my face for as long as I can remember but the crazy schedule really took its toll.

2012 will mean so much—I just know it! Plans are laid out and whether things roll out smoothly or even if they don't; even if the wind changes its course, with God's help, I will adjust the sails and get by.

Also, I will TRY to write more here in my blog because like what I said in the past, I want to keep this journal for reference in the future, God willing. May this be a gauge on how much I've grown over time. I'll try to learn much more as I can while I can, and give as much as I could while I could.

Insinuation

2011-12-02T02:02:00.001+08:00

On December 2, 2011

Insinuation is a form of psychological manipulation and harassment. When criticism is done by insinuation rather than directly, I find it purposeless and derogatory; like a verbal maneuvering to hide or lessen the visibility of a direct threat. It is not too far from subtly attacking someone to leave a person uncertain on how to react or wondering whether the subtle attack was intentional or not.

I haven't heard of anything good that came out of this insidious and destructive way of communicating. I haven't heard of anything that was solved through cloaking what you really have to say. There are so much more constructive ways to approach a situation. Insinuation is rather selfish, rude, cowardly, and manipulative.

My two cents about this is that what most people need today is direct correction and instruction, not insinuation.

It's that that Super Bass

2011-11-01T16:13:00.003+08:00

My (failed) attempt to rap Nicki Minaj's "Super Bass" :)

Have a good day ;)

TV stint

2011-10-23T12:38:00.000+08:00

Somebody showed up on TV as the mayor's wife. My mother has been asking the same question over and over again, what the heck have I been doing as she rarely sees me at home. This is one of the many stints I've been up to lately; and no, I did not volunteer for this. :D

So mom, yeah I was on TV. Twice. And oh, I didn't get to see the other episode. :) I love you.

A Better Way of Being Workaholic

2011-10-19T20:53:00.002+08:00

There were a couple of tempting opportunities for vacation since the last time I updated this blog. Out-of-country trips, a week-long island stay, or simply a 3-day/2-nights getaway in the south. Although I've been considering grabbing my travel bag, sunglasses, and go hop on a plane, there are just things I can't leave hanging.

I realized that the way things are going on in my life are a lot better than any island getaway or pleasurable treats in any physical sense. Obligations and duties come in not just one after the other but are even stacking up leaving no room for fancy vacations or even spa days. I realized this is one of the best feelings in the world: When you no longer have time for yourself, when every waking day is an opportunity to do greater things for a greater purpose.

It's true that being busy working on God-given duties saves you from doing stupid things, simply because there's no room for those. When we start to grab every opportunity to be of service to others, or simply making yourself available to work for a noble cause, it's when things start to change significantly in a positive way.

Through this, I feel and see that my prayers are being answered one by one and I start to become less worrisome about matters that used to bother me a lot in the past. I am now least likely to be disheartened when challenges come my way. It's a wonderful feeling. A great sense of well-being, and I hope that my loved ones can discover this kind of feeling too—and appreciate it.

Kismet

2011-09-05T00:43:00.001+08:00

On September 05, 2011

I haven't been updating this blog due to the fact that I've been busy, and another (secret, password-protected) blog is occupying my time now *insert sheepish smile here*. There is a list of priorities being laid down in front of me and I'm very thankful for the tasks, duties, and responsibilities given. I've never felt more alive.

This whole thing started in July; then a whirlwind of events happened. It's all happening fast but I'm enjoying every minute of it. Yours truly is very, very happy.

Kismet or fate, is what I believe this is. It's fascinatingly beautiful.

Older means wiser

2011-08-21T13:09:00.004+08:00

On August 21, 2011

In a few days, I'm turning another year older in flesh. Older should mean wiser although sometimes I doubt myself if I'm really getting any better. However, my reactions to challenging circumstances somewhat tells me that I know better, so that brings relief. Yes, I can say I know better now so, yay.

For someone like me who dreads her birthday, I found sensible reasons as to why I shouldn't bug about aging:

"And even to your old age I am he; and even to hoar hairs will I carry you: I have made, and I will bear; even I will carry, and will deliver you." - Isaiah 46:4 (KJV)

"The hoary head is a crown of glory, if it be found in the way of righteousness." - Proverbs 16:31 (KJV)

Gray hair or "hoary hair" translates to wisdom and knowledge. I'm thankful to God that He has blessed me with another year of living this life. A life that's hardly ever perfect nor comfortable but is pretty, remarkably awesome due to my faith (first and foremost), my family, friends, acquaintances, and many other unspeakable gifts.

I don't mind getting old and wrinkly for as long as I walk in the path where I know God wants me to be. In the way of righteousness and clinging to His words.

I thank God for His gift to me of being able to easily bounce back from any trying moments. I find it really special. I realized that when I get hurt, I don't really fall apart for so long or lose track of my goals. But even with that said, it doesn't mean I don't feel pain. I still do. I still break down like a little kid sometimes.

I still think of silly thoughts and note that I'm still a child at heart! I'm still all for pop corns and candy bars; and old school cartoons and vintage stuff that reminds me of how it was in the past. But perhaps with age, maturity is defined along with better, broader understanding, deeper meaning of love, and higher pain tolerance.

Thicker and tougher. Yes maybe that's it. To age further is to attain better substance — it's a wonderful thing. Like an ultra-expensive bottle of 1811 Chateau d'Yquem. Precious, valuable, premium, big-ticket. ;)

Remembering Nanay

2011-08-18T20:37:00.004+08:00

On August 18, 2011

Tomorrow, it will be two years already when Nanay lost her battle with cancer. I still awfully miss her so much. I still keep a bottle of her favorite perfume and take a sniff whenever I miss talking to her and whenever I miss her hugs. Her warm embrace is irreplaceable and undeniably exceptional. It's the embrace that tucks me in and keeps me together when I'm about to break down. I haven't found another one that's even close to this.

It felt like a rug was pulled underneath my feet when grandma passed away. Unexpected, painful, and hurtfully ridiculous. It was as if a part of me was amputated and the panic of knowing I can't grow back what I lost is still the same as right after it occurred to me.

I had dreams where I see her face: she looks very radiant and peaceful. That's a dream I wish to see every time I sleep. It's like God's way of reminding me that she's resting well and it would be so selfish of me to feel bad about about us being apart. Nanay's not in pain! Hurray!!!

She's in a long-term slumber and I hope she dreams of me too. I hope God lets her know that I'm doing very well and that I'm happy right now. Oh God, please let Nanay know that I'm very happy despite those tough things that happened to me after we parted ways. It's been a while since I had the chance to tell Nanay about the things that are going on in my life. I hope she only dreams about the good ones. For sure, she would love to know that.

Lola it's me Stacey

Just because I have to

Moving on

When you're gone

Stereo Hearts

2011-08-12T16:03:00.004+08:00

On August 12, 2011

I have a shirt that has a print of a really vintage-looking stereo and underneath, it says "Radio has a humanizing effect". I bought it because the shirt is pink and the old school stereo looks super cool. It looks like a stereo that my grandpa and I enjoyed listening to every morning and during summer afternoons when it's too scorching hot to play outside.

Since I was little and at times when there's something true to my soul but I can't tell anybody about it, I just try to be alone and listen to music. Music that puts the right words for the feelings that are inexpressible.

I used to own those early 90's boom box, transistor, and a handy (yellow and blue) walk man (^_^) oh, those were fun times. I used to have a shelf full of cassette tapes ranging from Ace of Base, New Kids on the Block, Kalapana, The Bread, and many more.

Don't you just hate it when the ribbon gets tangled inside the player? Or when the tape would fast forward and rewind but won't play? Two of my uncles taught me to always have a toothpick handy to gently pull and untangle ribbons and use a panda ball pen to twirl the cassette tape back in shape.

Did you also experience staying in tune to your favorite radio station for hours just to wait for your favorite song and record it? It sucks when the DJ would talk already without finishing the song first because even the DJ's voice gets recorded. Man, I do have a lot of mix tapes then. Fun times. I miss those awesome days of cassette tapes and boom boxes.

And now, it's 2011 and I heard this song from Gym Class Heroes and Adam Levine. I have to say that Travie McCoy + Adam Levine makes a good team. Like what I told my friend the other day, it was LOVE AT FIRST PLAY. I love, love, love this song. It's suits how I'm feeling now. The song is called "Stereo Hearts".

Songwriting

2011-08-01T01:26:00.009+08:00

On August 1, 2011

First for August this year. My oh my, time flies just like that.

This weekend I spent some time writing songs again for my friend who collaborates with a local band in the U.S. and in as much as I would like to name names, I can't while the album is still in the works. And who knows, this project might not get pushed to being heard on their local airwaves but still, I just want to share this happy feeling, knowing that the lyrics I came up with will become actual songs. I'm thrilled!

Since I'm not a writer (of any kind) by profession, this has been a good learning process for me. In this gig I figured writing songs can be as simple as just throwing words from any form of inspiration you have or as complex as meticulously finding words that rhyme. I find writing rhythmic poetry the most effective (for me).

It could be painstaking and it gets frustrating when there seems to be no word that rhymes for the thought you want, or if the composition of a line can't fit the number of syllables needed. But like most things in the world, the most difficult tasks are often the most rewarding too. I get in a state of euphoria after every piece finished. And I know a piece is finished when after rechecking all the lines, I get that "this is it" feeling.

I hope I get to write more. I get busy most of the time as I'm working on two jobs plus I'm taking up a short course program too. That's it for now. Ciao!

Love Song

2011-07-25T15:00:00.003+08:00

On July 25, 2011

"A Love Song"

by Stacey Tee

If romantic love doesn't favor you, it's doing a great favor by being elusive

When there is no romance, there is more time in your hands

Some search for it high and low, crawl down the trenches of the earth and swim the depth of seas

But we were told not to look for it, so calm your nerves and let go

There's love in the embrace of a child, and in the spark of their laughter

Love is when a friend needs a healing ear for her ailing heart

There's love in reaching out to a stranger outside the raging weather

In a dining table where mother, father, and siblings are present for dinner

Love is found in time spent caring for elders

For it could be the only happiness and love they'll feel before the sun sets on their eyes

There is love in working hard for money and using it for others in need, for souls in thirst

There is love in so many places, so many acts, other than romance

There are more ways to love other than that seen in sappy movies

There's love in a parent's discipline and in a reminder of a friend

Love comes along with sacrifices and selflessness, and in the spirit of camaraderie

And in lifting up a comrade who falls during battle

Most of all, there is love whenever I hear God's words

No other words than can bring delight to my soul and tears of joy to my eyes than His

For He is a God who cannot lie; for without Him there is no love

I could be peeled down to nothing yet with Him, I will still have love

Schadenfreude

2011-07-05T15:02:00.002+08:00

On July 5, 2011

Sometimes, we obtain enjoyment (if not satisfaction) from the troubles of others. They call it schadenfreude; which on several occasions I have been guilty of as well. There is no "to whom it may concern" for this message. This applies to us all.

Last night I was chatting with my friend Gen about blogging as he is interested in starting his own too. We were discussing his options on concepts and topics that his blog will focus on. Then he asked me of a successful blog that raked in millions of dollars and the first in mind was that of Perez Hilton's gossip blog, perezhilton.com. It's true—Perez Hilton is a success story. The mishaps, misadventures, and misfortunes of the fortunate people is what people like to read and watch about. What raked in millions of dollars are blog ads that surrounded the chock-full of celebrity intrigue stories and photos which are mostly unfavorable to the subjects of criticism. To many, that's what sells.

However, we decided we can't be Perez Hilton wannabes as we aren't that much into showbiz news. So he decided he'll try out a blog about everything with regard to food. Sounds better. A lot better.

Upon realization of what seemed to be just another ordinary scenario, I decided to write this as my means of an outlet or confession, or simply a message conveyed by someone who is passionate enough to share her ideas if she feels like it would help herself and others to improve.

Like what a song says: "Even the best fall down sometimes..." this is true because we all fall sometimes and we do it unintentionally. When we see others fail or fall apart, instead of picking hard on it, why don't we transcend back to the time when we did the same and remember how it feels? I was lucky enough to be taught how to feel mercy for others, and that mercy shall be paid back to you when time comes you badly needed it.

I don't intend to sound like some freak preaching girl but if you think that I am, I won't feel awful. I just wanted to get things across and use this medium to reach even just one soul. There are a lot of stories where people completely lost faith only because they feel like nobody understands, or they have already been harshly judged by the mistakes they made. Depression leads to many awful things like substance abuse or even death so it's never a laughing matter. We all owe it to God to help each other out when things go haywire so when time comes we need help, we will get it.

May I be corrected if in time I will forget this good thing that I know and fall into the pits of schadenfreude. It's not easy to walk in a straight path where many people don't want to take but if we have each other to be reminded that we're not alone in life, things will be easier.

Seventeen Messages Received

2011-06-12T17:42:00.001+08:00

On June 12, 2011

I turned off the alarm, it's 6AM. It's Sunday and I woke up with seventeen messages received.

Aiah said hello, Danny wants a chance.

Kylie is asking about what to wear for her dance.

Lara's feeling low, Annie needs advice.

Christie wants to know when will she ever be wise.

Carlos said hi, he even sent it twice.

Jimmy sent his regards to my parents and sisters thrice.

One is from Rica, she asked me how I'm doing.

Two are from Inna persuading me to a networking.

As I reach the bottom, I started to feel empty.

How could one know many people and still feel so lonely?

There's one from Cathy, about work and a file.

Two are from numbers not saved in my mobile.

I laid down my phone, it's quarter past six. It's Sunday and I replied to seventeen messages received.

(Real names not cited)

Iris

2011-06-08T16:16:00.004+08:00

On June 8, 2011

City of Angels. John Rzeznik. Performed to raise money for the victims of 2001 terrorist attacks. Guitar riffs, mandolin, violins, cellos. Steady drum beat beneath. And don't forget the lyrics.

It broke my heart when it didn't win a Grammy in the 41st Grammy Awards. I always thought it deserved one. However, it may have not won a Grammy but this song sure won millions of hearts.

So there you go. Life is fair. A package may arrive in a different box than what was expected but the content may even be more awesome.

Real Girl

2011-06-03T03:03:00.004+08:00

On June 3, 2011

This is about a song from a band I liked so much back in the late 90s. Two of my favorites from them are "Teenage Dirtbag" and their version of Erasure's "A Little Respect".

We all have days when we search high and low (mostly via youtube) to find a new song that could possibly express how we feel about a certain thing. For me today, nothing came closer to this one from Wheatus.

The video isn't exactly spectacular. You might even find it odd. But it's perfectly the closest thing to what a real girl is than starring some hot chick from a modeling agency. The words to the song are almost perfect too.

Real girls come in different forms: smart-ass, pretty, not-so-pretty, tough cookie, bob-heads, weirdo (and yes, I'm definitely a weirdo). Real girls aren't exactly your type of dream girls.

But real girls — they are better than your dream girls because they exist. They're real. And today, I'm feeling sort of sentimental just like a real girl who would also like to meet the real boy.

"Real Girl" by Wheatus

It has been a while

Since I have met a real girl

Since I have met somebody who I wanted to tell

All my secrets to

And I was never perfect

I don't think I ever will be

But I will try to fix myself and stay here

Just in case you come along

And all of these perfect, dancing, soul-mate lovers

How did they ever find each other?

Will I know that when I know you know me?

So the day when I die

I can die with a smile

If I know that I was everything you needed

Real girl

I had a dream that you were spinning

High above the city

I watched you from the darkness of the suburbs

In the far unlit unknown

And I was just a kid then

But you were a superhero

Too smart for all the villains in their emerald towers

Gunning for your soul

You were the perfect colour

Bright green lady

When they hear this they'll know I'm crazy

But all that I am crazy for is you

And the day when I die

I can die with a smile

If I know that I was everything you needed

Real girl

And all of the mistakes I made

They write the dreams that sometimes fade

Before I wake up to this life

That I was sure would have no wife in it

Unless you came along

In the miracle you prove me wrong

And we become unstuck in time

The universe would be all yours and mine

But it has been a while

Since I have met a real girl

Since I have met somebody who I wanted to tell

All my secrets to

Blessings

2011-06-02T10:34:00.006+08:00

On June 2, 2011

True happiness comes not by our temporary achievements but by the sacrifices we make by doing what is right. I also learned that the hardships we undergo for doing what is right are the best things in the world because that's when real blessings follow.

I hope you find comfort and inspiration in these verses as much as I do. Matthew 5:3-12

3Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.
6Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.
10Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.
12Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

Word for the day: Coincidence

2011-06-01T22:03:00.004+08:00

On June 1, 2011

Over a bowl of cream soup, a plate of spaghetti bolognese, and a glass of cold tea, a friend and I coincidentally solved a puzzle we didn't intend to come across. The prize is like a giant red box with glittery gold ribbon. Something that the exterior is good enough to look at, yet is exciting to unwrap and explore what the interior unfolds.

Isn't it quite fascinating how fate works? How one day you're bored to death and the next, you feel like a star in a movie? That's exactly how I feel today — a star. I am celebrating this feeling for a short while because tomorrow, I may be back to the hay sack, back to mediocrity, back to being just another pedestrian.

Celebration stops now. Don't be too happy. Save some for tomorrow. Now sleep, and sleep well because you need it. Your immune system is tapping out already with runny nose. Now pop a pill and remember: Coincidence. That's all there is to it.

Be careful.

Let's tweet!

2011-06-01T17:51:00.001+08:00

On June 1, 2011

http://twitter.com/thestaceytee

Brain farts for May 31, 2011

2011-05-31T19:17:00.003+08:00

I am mortified and terrified; even if I was smiling all the time while my eyes were fixed on the luminescent window.

This can't be happening. (But it already had, stupid.) And you're still breathing... and amazed. And frazzled. And frozen.

Geez what's wrong with you?

Chop-chop now you silly girl. And pray that of all the billion things one can play with, your feelings won't be one of them. You shouldn't allow it.

Glib

2011-05-30T15:48:00.002+08:00

On May 30, 2011

Some things are better off without comprehension...

It's high time I find you again, old self. Don't let yourself roam around the woods. The bony silhouette of dead trees will frighten you and the sharp-edged creatures will scrape and tear your skin. And while we're at it, remember these:

Caustic and melancholy is not a good combination, darling. It kills the humor and nobody loves cynicism.

Snarky self, you have been so stoic — blow after blow. What's happening here? You will meet adrift gnomes that whisper in your ear that they would love to know you more and not mean it. They will trap and engage you to what seem to be a flurry whip of clouds, and dissolve just like cheap cologne in thin air. How do they sleep at night? Or do they sleep at all? They hunt night and day for the next stranger with cinnamon and cappuccino dream.

Between Casanova and Saccharine, choose none. By this phase, you should know better. Yes, that's it darling. Ignore. And don't let anyone or anything get the best of you. Meet acquaintances and be wary and vigilant if not cunning. Under the sky it is all volatile, so smell the earth and the wind because it reaches out with a warning.

By and by, the lucid light will illuminate your path back to the tracks so I guess I'll see you there.

Boulders

2011-05-20T19:45:00.004+08:00

"Boulders"

by Stacey Tee

It was not so long ago

When I was expected to falter

Supposed I should have

Why do I still shine - I wonder

Since the day it was undone

Not a single teardrop fell from my eye

Like a dead faucet

I unintentionally did not cry

If I were to turn around

And prance to make you see

You would figure out

That I'm quite happy

Nobody would believe

When I say I saw it coming

I guarded this heart of mine

And crushed all the longing

Alone, I am whole

With you, I was merely a role

Now we're done, there's no more fear

But you could have made yourself clear

To choose this path

Is to choose independence

A well-thought move

Not a fluky coincidence

No storm can break my shell

As I surround myself with boulders

Believe me, I wish you no hell

But loving arms around your shoulders

Friendster Backup

2011-05-05T15:23:00.015+08:00

On May 05, 2011

So I heard that Friendster.com is shutting down its social networking services including the blogs. Finally.

I became a member of Friendster on January 2004. That's seven long years ago. Hearing about their decision to eventually end their seemingly nonstop attempt to copy Facebook's style didn't sadden me because I haven't been active in Friendster for a couple of years now. However, it still is a good idea to backup all the files I have saved in there. After all, it still was a part of my internet life and I can't deny the fact that I found it rad back in its glory days.

It has also been an instrument to connect with people I never thought I would still find like my classmates from kindergarten, far-away relatives, and acquaintances. I also can't deny that there was a time that I constantly checked on shout-outs and testimonials from certain people that doesn't seem to be important to me now. Memories. That's all.

Therefore, if you want to save your pictures, comments, testimonials, and export your blogs from Friendster to Wordpress or Blogger, you may do so here: http://widgets.friendster.com/exporter.

P.S. You only have until May 31, 2011 to use the export application. Cheers!

I'm re-posting some of the blogs that I wrote there years back.

A Letter to Portia

{ August 4, 2007 @ 12:15 pm } ·

By: Kits

Portia is a single parent whose child was in the next room from my grandma’s spot in the hospital. The first time I saw this woman, I knew right there that she’s the type who wouldn’t cry over petty things that I find myself being bothered about. You know, little things like stress and broken promises. She’s just so different that I sort of enjoyed observing her quietly from the glass window. Her hair has natural waves that fall to her shoulders. She’s just the right fit for a mother of two. Her skin reminds me of olives and Mediterranean beauty. Her face is a billboard of integrity, declaring how a single parent should be. Nothing about her is seemingly flirty. Her aura commands respect.

And so I thought this is going to be an ordinary day. I, doing the same thing I do… observing people and fascinating myself with each and everyone’s differences.

My grandma was asleep so I got bored and stepped outside, walking anywhere but away from the crucifix installed against the corner wall of the long corridor. Portia greeted me with a smile so I smiled back. She stroke up a conversation by confirming if I was the lady visiting the next-door patient. I said yes, that’s my grandma. I told her that I saw her attending to a child in the next room so that’s when she expressed it was her second child with gastroenteritis.

It was peculiar how she found it so easy to open up her life story to me. I normally get an impression of having my nose stuck up and / or introverted. But this one is talking about her broken marriage and how her life is like as a dutiful working mom of two. I was left with no other emotion but sympathy. Portia claimed to be a Catholic and she said she stopped praying for a while when her struggles poured in. Her husband left her for another woman, and that she’s risking even her job to be here beside her sickly little one. Like a story in a movie, it went.

We weren’t able to speak much after that since she needed to check on her child for scheduled medications while I have to go back to my grandma. Teary-eyed, she embraced me like an old friend; and I felt like crying.

Going back to this day’s experience, I felt her pain and sorrow. God does weave each life form with full complexity, an ordinary mind won’t be able to comprehend. Why among all people, you were chosen for a certain task. Why among all people, you were given a baggage that seemed heavier than the rest. I’m no genius, nor will I deliver answers to enlighten anyone. But to the best of my knowledge, to the best of my faith I wanted to let anyone like Portia know that there will always be a reason to hold on, and a reason to have faith.

The pain is inexplicable when inflicted by someone we love. Nothing hurts worse than that… it is hands down, pain at its finest. I could imagine Portia burying her head in a pillow sobbing her way to sleep every night. I know how painful that is. Portia probably still can’t figure how the man she trusted with her life and exchanged vows with left. There must be so many questions in her head unanswered still. But life is a waiting game. It sucks when you've given up and yet, answers still aren’t available.

I am writing for the hope that someone will meet Portia too. And for the hope there’s someone who’ll also listen. It doesn’t have to be me. What’s important is that we listen to each other, we listen and feel each other’s pain. I have this little theory why our country is over populated… given that we’ve so much wasted resources and that poverty rate is high. Oppression rate is high. Maybe there’s too many of us so that anywhere we go, there’s someone we can turn to. Someone to serve as an outlet for our heartaches.

Tonight I’m signing off with thoughts of finding my friends who are in pain and giving them all big warm hugs. It’s not any big of a help but it’s a way of letting them know that somone cares. Someone gives a damn. Someone cares for a life falling apart. That someone needs not to be alone in times of trials. We don’t have to act blind or pretend not to feel just to secure our emotions for the world not to see. It’s a matter of getting your message across… and feeling.

Kits today

{ August 16, 2007 @ 1:15 pm }

"Bereavement" is the subject line of my office “Personal Time Off” at work tonight. I’m thankful that I’m still keeping it altogether. Still intact even if losing someone means a whole new chapter in one’s life.

But a chapter where you start incomplete, working your way to be whole again isn’t very easy. Whether losing someone means that person has to go or that someone no longer wants to stay. Either way is difficult, especially when he or she is dear to you… a family member, a friend, an object of affection or sweet downfall. How does one find empowerment through adversity?

It’s always easier to advise when you’re not in the actual situation because you yourself become helpless if not, clueless when you get there. No rational mind is always ready for loss. Emotionally strong people became how they are right now because they’ve shed tears in the past. No warrior grieves not after a death of a comrade.

Pain has its way of disabling us of seeing anything but questions. Its depth triggers you to ask them over again and even more… only to find out that there are no answers to any of these questions. And without faith in God, it's difficult to see the light.

My past heartaches and the lessons God taught me are what made me the compassionate and strong person that I am today. And in fact, I don’t think I would want to be somebody who knows no hardships. Therefore I thank God for all the humbling hardships and heartaches that I experience.

It’s because of these hardships that I treasure everything that I have right now, even those that most people take for granted.

This post is dedicated to my uncle Rudolfo… who had been an instrument for my first sight
of death and loss.

My best gig ever =)

{ June 7, 2008 @ 1:32 pm }

Being an aunt probably is one of my best gigs. During the time when my elder sister’s bump was so huge, she would let my younger sister & I feel the fetus’ heartbeat & its "kick". The life inside her tummy was kind of moving a lot. My sister said the fetus moves as if it’s whining when she gets hungry, so the baby probably feels it as well & therefore, raises the issue. Hmm… Was the fetus’ insinuations normal response to hunger? Or a remarkable clue that it has an attitude? Haha.. Cool. The first ultrasound image of it confirmed it’s a boy & the soon-to-be-mom let us name and rename the fetus. I think I’ve even kept our lists - always divided into two columns, suppose it would be a boy or a girl since we’re still skeptic about the creature’s gender. None of our suggestions made it to the cut because I think it was the baby’s dad who filled-out & signed in the nursery registry sheet.

It’s been more than a year and a half now since my nephew added to our family. He gets heavier each time I carry him. He walks cutely as if he’s going to trip over. I never expect that I would fall in love this way. It would probably break my heart when time comes his friends will occupy his time, and would no longer be as enthusiastic to see Tita (aunt) anymore. Well, that sure is inevitable. But for now while he’s still "ours", I can snuggle, cuddle, giggle with munchkin, teach him stupid jokes, make him wear shirts that says "Tita Kits is #1!" Haha! I enjoy taking lots and lots of pictures of him too. It’s always fun shopping for his cute clothes, shoes, all the noisy toys, toys that needs batteries, toys he would disassemble & never put back intact again, crayons & sheets of paper, music cds, & kiddie videos. His grafitti on the wall is a work of art. He loves to draw circles. When my sister & nephew come home for overnight visits, munchkin would climb up to my bed, plant me a kiss in the nose & calls me "Tita" — I can stay all day hearing the young boy’s very soft and loving voice calling me "Tita".

Maybe the kid got too sweet, don’t you think? He’s now an avid fan of Barney & friends, Mickey Mouse, Winnie the Pooh, crayons & walls, camera poses, more Barney and friends’ cds… Isn’t it true that Barney influence kids to be gay? Oh well, even if he’d turn out gay, I’d still love him & I promise to be the worst threat to whoever’s gonna bully my sweet little munchkin. But of course I still think my nephew’s gonna learn how to kick butt. My dad — his grandpa is a toughie so he’ll learn all the best moves and attitude from him. Naturally, I was planning to give him the first three seasons of Southpark. Or maybe orient him to The Simpsons at the very least. But now I’m thinking it over ‘coz I don’t want any problems with my sister. You see, my sister is an educator & is currently facilitating a study center for toddlers. So aside from her being the mother of my munchkin & his personal educator too, she might not tolerate Southpark, or The Simpsons, or Beavis and Butthead dvds loitering on their shelves. But! I’ll tell that kiddo all about how his mommy was. Bwa-ha-ha! And brainwash him thinking I’m the good one. Haha.. His mom knows all of this already & is on the planning stage for her defense. Let’s get ready to rumble!

Being an aunt has its perks, you know. You can carry and cuddle munchkin but when he cries real loud, you can always hand him back to his real parents. I really panic whenever he is upset. Being an aunt is a job I think I can be good at ‘coz it’s too much fun. =)

I fell from a 60-ft. tree

2011-05-03T14:14:00.002+08:00

On May 03, 2011

Hi bored readers of my blog! Greetings from the scorching hot summer here in Manila, Philippines! It's currently at 36 degrees Celsius where I'm at and the temperature spells M-U-G-G-Y in every possible way. I can still feel the hot and humid weather even inside an AC'd room which is why I wish I can fit in our freezer.

What have we been up to? Nothing much, just plenty of tan lines from repetitive sun exposure over the past couple of weeks. I have also started training real hard for an 8-kilometer run so I'm in the process of making myself stronger.

But what I'm really happy about this summer is that I get to experience something I haven't tried before which is rappelling. Last Sunday (May 1), a bunch of friends and I went to Subic, Zambales where we went road-tripping, trekking, and playing high up in trees :D here's a video of my first ever rappelling experience:

Happy is she with a great personality.

2011-04-19T00:53:00.002+08:00

On April 18, 2011

It's a pretty awesome Monday and I feel compelled to write about this so I had to do it before the gusto slips away. I guess it's a writer's disease. (Elkkk for using the term "writer" because I'm not.) I mean, I guess bloggers can relate about how thoughts come in and out of us. At one point, the topics or stories to write about rush in like an overflowing basin under a neglected, running faucet. And the next minute, it's already empty as if someone drained all of your thoughts down the sink.

So what happened last week? We celebrated Del's birthday at a resort with some good old friends and we had so much laugh. There's a bottomless pit of things to chat about and an overnight stay out of town seriously isn't enough to catch up with each other. There were observations, opinions, and facts discussed. Lots and lots.

One of those was this girl we know who can't pin a man down and can't even keep her friends because of her attitude. She isn't pretty, not that ugly either but perhaps with a little makeover, she's going to look OK. The thing is, my friends and I agreed that it isn't always about the way the person looks like. We've seen numerous girls whose arrow in the beauty compass doesn't point north but can keep a great relationship with everybody.

Here are a few things this girl is known for doing: when she gets insecure, jealous, or threatened, she badmouths and makes up stories even if she doesn't know who she's talking about, personally. She's verbally rude, talks like she has no breeding, and is desperate. Desperate to a point of asking a married guy to make her his other woman because the clock is ticking and she still can't even get a guy to ask her out.

She doesn't listen to real concerned people's advice, rather, she's obsessed with her own version of fantasy. No matter how people would like to help her out, if she doesn't face the reality that she needs to change, nothing's going to change.

I'm no life coach. I'm not in Dr.Phil's line of business but I do know that lighthearted and happy people are fun to be with. And they attract like magnets. I couldn't remember a course in school that teaches how to have a positive attitude or a great personality but I do believe that it can be possessed by anyone.

Maybe with a little practice in simple things such as being polite and respectful, or watching your mouth when you talk or minding your manners. Respecting yourself as well as respecting others. Maybe remembering what good values are and practically applying it to appropriate situations would help. Maybe it would also do wonders if you don't try too hard to be liked. Be natural and funny, but if you're not funny, at least have an appreciation for good humor. The best people I know also don't get caught up in themselves, brag, or try too hard to fit in.

Maybe we can always still be ourselves. Positive, yet warm selves that can connect to others. Maybe that's what makes a great personality.

Grass-Lovin' with Easy Pha-Max Wheatgrass Drink!

2011-04-14T00:39:00.012+08:00

On April 14, 2011

This date marks my 10th day of drinking Easy Pha-Max wheatgrass with honey and I'm pretty impressed with its effects in my body. What I'm going to talk about are some basic information about wheatgrass, and my observations regarding the effects of this drink in my body.

Since each of us may react differently to any kind of food or drink, it's still recommended that you consult your physician first before trying out anything especially if you're taking medications.

To start off, I first got curious about Easy Pha-Max Wheatgrass since I've been hearing a lot of buzz about its great benefits which can potentially aid some of my concerns. I'm acidic and I would love to detoxify due to my stressful lifestyle. I thought this drink would be perfect because when I did my research about wheatgrass, I found out that it helps in cleansing, alkalizing, and nourishing the body. It's also loaded with antioxidants that counter free radicals and fight aging.

About Wheatgrass:

Wheatgrass (among all greens) have the highest chlorophyll content. What is chlorophyll, you may ask. Chlorophyll is responsible for the green pigmentation in plants and chlorophyll to plants is like blood to humans.

When taken by humans as a food supplement, chlorophyll helps repair damaged tissues, promotes proper oxygen circulation, neutralizes the pollution that we breathe (advisable for smokers), deodorizes the body, arrests growth and development of bad bacteria, and substantially protects against toxins due to its antimutagenic and anti-carcinogenic properties. Sounds impressive? Wait 'til you find out that wheatgrass is 70% crude chlorophyll which means wheatgrass juice is basically a liquid form of chlorophyll.

If that's not awesome enough, I also read that 15 pounds of wheatgrass is the equivalent if 350 pounds of carrot, lettuce, celery, and other good vegetables. This just makes wheatgrass a very practical and convenient drink to make up for the leefy greens we've been missing (or dissin') everyday.

Wheatgrass is called the "King of Alkaline foods" because it has more alkaline minerals than other greens. To wrap it up, wheatgrass is a super complete food for it contains carbohydrates, fatty acids (nope this doesn't make you fat), 13 vitamins, 17 amino acids, 10 minerals, various trace minerals, fiber, more than 100 types of enzymes, chlorophyll, and phytochemicals.

My Observation:

I noticed a difference as early as my third day of drinking wheatgrass juice with honey. My mood in the morning as I wake up has improved dramatically because I feel a lot rested and more revitalized compared in the past where I still feel tired even after an 8-hr sleep. I also noticed that I don't have the usual morning breath! Pretty cool, huh?

As advised by Easy Pha-Max Philippines' Wellness Counselor Marie Jezzamynn Estenor, RN, I drink wheatgrass juice twice a day. She called me up one morning and discussed the recommended intake which is first thing in the morning and before dozing off at night for better absorption. After drinking wheatgrass juice in the morning, I wait for 30 minutes to an hour before I eat breakfast so that I'm sure it's well-absorbed by my body. At night, I drink it 1 to 2 hours after having dinner. But since the wheatgrass juice with honey tastes so good, I started drinking it three times a day! :D

My digestion also improved, especially I topped it off with a high-fiber diet. I feel a lot lighter and more energetic.

By the fifth day, I noticed that my skin feels more supple and it looks a lot healthier. By the 8th day, I can tell that my skin is glowing because I can go out running errands without having to dab on any face powder or concealer under my eyes. I guess it also helps that I drink lots of water and natural fruit juice aside from wheatgrass.

Like I said, this is only my 10th day of drinking wheatgrass and I'm very happy with it. All in all, I like how wheatgrass juice improved my health in general and I would definitely keep drinking it until maybe when something better comes along! Until then, my faithfulness can be expected.

To know more about how you can purchase this product, visit Easy Pha-Max Phils. website at http://wheatgrasscan.com and like them on Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/EPPIwheatgrass).