The Offside Rules

Whack Psuedo Administrative Stuff

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 21:00:00 +0000

'Sup ya'll. As I am working on the company dime this weekend most of my stuff will be at MLS Insider. I'll drop a few things here or there here but I'll be "working" until Monday. Holler.

Your 2009 FC Dallas Goals Mixtape

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 16:23:00 +0000

Sing it with me y'all (to the tune of Motley Crue's pole-dancer anthem "Girls, Girls, Girls")

Goals, goals, goals!

SF x Rancid's Lars Frederiksen

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:47:00 +0000

FINALLY on the ground in Seattle no thanks to 2 hours sitting on the runway upon departure (damn you crashing air traffic control computers!). I've got to run downstairs and try to catch the Galaxy arriving at the hotel but I didn't want to forget that punk rock business I mentioned earlier in the day so here you go. And I'll have even more hot, soccer-rocker talk tomorrow at MLSInsiderBlog.

Viva Futbol #43

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 19:11:00 +0000

Y'all know I love Alarazboy but......."Shake Yo Tailfeather"? Really? You gonna try and bring that back? Puffy and Murphy Lee? C'mon now. That's not even old enough to be old school yet, it's just that awkward in-between phase. Whatevs though. At least the cuts (in the editing & on the field) are tight.

Vampire Weekend's Footie Fashion

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 16:34:00 +0000

This is the video for "Cousins", the first single from Vampire Weekend's upcoming Contra album. Any of you kit whores out there have a clue what club's jersey the drummer is wearing? I'd be dead curious to know.

I'm on a Plane, Listen to Jason Kreis

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:06:00 +0000

I'm typing this post from the rear seat of a town car on my way to the airport for MLS Cup madness 2009*. So while float over the country and plot my assault on Jet City may I suggest you listen to RSL skipper Jason Kreis talk coach stuff. Then later when my feet are back on the ground we can talk punk rock stuff. Mmmkay?

*I think I now understand why geriatrics drive town cars; these things are really comfy. In fact, sitting here is much more comfortable than my couch

Interview With a Stadium King

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:51:00 +0000

There is a great piece over at The Original Winger; an interview with Gino Rossetti of Rossetti Architects. Get inside the head of one of the people who is shaping --somewhat literally-- how soccer is perceived in America.

Real Talk With Nick Rimando

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:14:00 +0000

If you'll pardon the double dip, allow me to re-purpose something I knocked out for MLS Insider yesterday. I got to talking to Nick Rimando for a minute and he pointed out something that I didn't think of; he basically closed out his buddy Brandon Prideaux's career with that save in the shootout (they were teammates at D.C. United).

That's something has got to be tough in a world as small as American soccer. It would seem like almost everyone would know everyone else and that could sometimes get awkward, even painful. Perhaps that's just a part of being a professional that a fan can never really understand.

The other thing that came out of that convo was that RSL lost the conference to RBNY last year and are now in the final. So place your bets now that the circle will remain unbroken and that 2010 will see Chicago in MLS Cup.

The Most Crazyiest Soccer Story In the World, Today

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:27:00 +0000

From the country that brought you “Maradona, the coach”, even greater wisdom has now conceived the Plan for Argentina to Win the World Cup™: a virtual petition demanding Messi get the perm job Maradona wore to the ’86 Final. I love this; the best people's movement since the petition to bring back Family Guy when it got canceled.

This website gives both scientific (aerodynamics, mainly) and mythological (self-evident, really) explanations in the “por que?” section, as well as compelling testimonials from some dude named Rugelio who claims to have given Diego his luscious, luxurious curls back in ’85, after convincing him that blowin’ it straight just wasn’t the right look. Add a mustache and a clarinet to Messi in this rendering and you’d have the start of a great Klezmer band.

Do You Party? Do You Wanna Party With Me & My Friends?

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:13:00 +0000

It's on. The first ever full meeting of the 5 Designated Players families is finally set to happen at MLS Cup. Ives, Bruce, Adam, Beans, Dunny & the rest of the TOW crew will be posted up along with yours truly at Kells Pub from 9pm on Friday night. If you're in town and have $5 to spare (they charge a cover on Friday nights, out of our control) come through and hang, drink & talk trash with us; we're looking to make some new friends and meet some old ones.

Fat Fashion: When Your Love of Soccerwear & Butter Collide

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:36:00 +0000

Can I take a minute to testify? Thank you. I'm now 33 years old with little time for exercise and a penchant for rich cheeses and savory meats. It is for this very reason that I possess a body type that could be described as "rotund" and why many soccer jersey's come off like meat casing on my frame.

So tomorrow when I root, root, root for the Yanks I will not be wearing a U.S. kit but the shirt above: it conveys the message that I am A) a U.S. soccer supporter and B) somewhat fashionable while leaving something about my burgeoning belly to the imagination. I know I am not alone in my love of all things U.S. Soccer and bacon-wrapped______ so if you find yourself embroiled in the same struggle as your man SF, go to Soccerpro.com and get yourself sorted with one of these Nike “Don’t Tread on Me” shirts (or perhaps another one of their soccer shirts if you have an irrational fear of snakes printed on 100% cotton).

Now if you'll excuse me, I think there is a cake in the office pantry that needs my attention. Don't you judge me.

MLS Final Kick: Conference Finals

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 19:17:00 +0000

The video really says it all so I have nothing to add.

Studio 90 From Denmark

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 17:02:00 +0000

You know how when you are really, really cold --so cold that you don't even shiver-- you just get so still that if you are not talking you might be mistaken for dead? I think that's what's going on here with Kammarman. Dude looks like he is in real pain. Somebody get that man a parka.

The Most Crazyiest Soccer Story In the World, Today

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:45:00 +0000

Whilst skimming the business section of the Times of London this morning (because that's what baller-assed suits such as myself do in between Powerpoint presentations and breakfasts of California Condor eggs over easy) I accidentally spit mimosa all over my keyboard when I read the following about the alleged recent purchase of the New York Cosmos name by former Tottenham Vice-Chairman Paul Kemsley:

"Pele will be president of the company. Simon Greenberg, Chelsea football club’s departing communications and public affairs director, is also said to be on board. It is unclear whether there will be any role for Kemsley’s other pals, including Sports Direct founder Mike Ashley or Topshop’s Sir Philip Green.

The club’s first game under new management will be held next summer in Central Park. It will see the Cosmos play Kemsley’s beloved Spurs."

Feel free to read this and incredulously spit up your own breakfast beverage of choice. Should you feel the need to discuss your feelings on "President Pele", Mike Ashley, any club not known as Central Park Rangers playing in Manhattan's oasis, the specter of the Cosmos and it's place in American soccer history or the need to put said ghost in a grave once and for all please feel free to do so.

Extra Time: Episode 39 Act 1

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 15:35:00 +0000

Shep seems to think that Bruce Arena's performance this season is proof that the coach RBNY should hire one that they already fired. He also believes that set pieces win the game and that fly-away cuffs are the look for fall/winter 2009.

MLS Cup and MVP: Allen Hopkins' Breaks It Down Like James Brown

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 01:26:00 +0000

I'm putting my money on Shalrie Joseph for MVP; as Al Hopkins says, he played out of position, scored goals and put his team in the playoffs. Who are you putting your money on?

Day Job Update: SF is the MLS Insider

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 00:02:00 +0000

There is something I should tell you. It shouldn't come as a surprise but I'm cheating on you. But it's purely professional...you understand, right baby? Just 'cause I love her doesn't mean I don't love you too.*

*Don't ever try to say sh*t like this to your girl in real life. It'll only end in your car being keyed and crank calls to your momma's phone (and you know your momma don't like anybody playin' on her phone).

Landon Donovan: Can't Stop Me Now

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 19:54:00 +0000

Now this is what I'm talking 'bout. It's very rare that we get a hot mixtape dedicated to someone with a blue passport but BBianchi9 did us all a solid and gave Lando the flossy & glossy treatment usually reserved for Zlatan, Eto'o et al. How long do think it will be before ESPN hires one of these guys to do promos?

Scotland: Help Us Stuart Holden, You're Our Only Hope

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 15:59:00 +0000

What do you guys think? Should there be a concert effort to get the Scottish football following public behind Scotsman Stuart Holden and the U.S. at the World Cup? Or is it too hokey to play the ethnic card? Discuss.

Big, Quasi-Secretive Doings Atop The Space Needle

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:09:00 +0000

WTF is going with the Space Needle? It's a mystery...but I know the answer. I can't say right now because I would be fired --and that would so not be a good look when I am on the cusp of a trip to MLS Cup on the company dime-- but here's a peek. All will be revealed in due time though kids so keep it locked.

Video: LA Is Ready Y'all

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:18:00 +0000

Tonight, tonight, to-ni-ight
Oh-oooooh
We could make it right tonight, to-ni-ight
Oh-oooooh

I already have loads of respect for the Riot Squad because of the hospitality that they showed the New York supporters at MLS Cup last year; anyone who treats me to tacos, beer and bike jousting after such a crushing defeat are my people for life.

But I will love, love, love you guys even more if you brush up on your Genesis in time to sing the hook from this song during tonight's game. I'm not taking sides or anything (publicly) but I just think it's high time that the Phil Collins oeuvre contained at least one terrace anthem.

Alarazboy X NBC's Heroes X Messi, Ronaldinho Et Al

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 16:35:00 +0000

All-out footie mixtape king Alarazboy has figured out exactly why the likes of Zlatan, Henry & Messi are so rigoddamndiculous; they're all mutants. Surely FIFA has something in the rule books about that right? If not they will just as soon as "Super Baby" Benjamin Aguerro, son of Sergio Aguerro/grandson of Diego Maradona, reveals to the world in an Argentine U-3s match that he has the ability to both levitate during set pieces and disappear/reappear at will a la Nightcrawler.

Until then you shouldn't think about it too much or your head will explode. Just entertain yourself with the director's cut of the video above: 8+ minutes futbol freakishness.

Video: The Press Pass Mail Bag

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:01:00 +0000

You know what's great about soccer? I will tell you what's great about soccer. That a man named "Iygor" who is from Nigeria is concerned about a club in west London and has his questions answered by an Irishman in Connecticut. You just do NOT get that in pointyball people.

This Just In: Ireland v. France & a Potential International Incident

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:43:00 +0000

There's some really incredible stuff coming out of the Ireland-France World Cup 2010 Playoff game slated for Saturday. I've no idea if this is a hoax or not --and there is a fat-Ronaldo sized chance that it is-- but either way it's comedy gold. Read on about what could be the origin of the Gaelic-Gallic soccer war at Irish Soccer Insider.

Video: Top Skills Number 17

noreply@blogger.com (SF) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:47:00 +0000

Ignore what this fool says about taking your shirt off; you will receive a yellow card and most likely be reported to Human Resources. I would just suggest you nod your head and drop your jaw instead as it's by far the safer course of action.