The One Who Does Not Exist

Dream-to Reality- Unusual Behaviour

2012-02-02T15:05:00.000+11:00

If schools in force discipline then Universities may be the place for a strong sense of discipline. This is true for the students more so than on that of the institute. In my dream there was naked man in a University lecture theatre and I had read this as the student exposing himself and being reprimanded. On my day out in the city I felt like shouting at certain places like the Museum and the library to see and feel the vibes that come from the ambience of the space and the buildings I came across.

As I got to the mall I saw a chick playing violin and I chose to walk in the opposite direction. I began to throw out my full vocal capacity and as I walked I heard a man crack up with laughter. Moment’s later a security guard came charging toward me as though a soldier in a war battle with a mission. Obviously I had not conformed to some Stalin-like-Communist ideals that he was trying to enforce. The crazy thing is he was jus an Australian guard in a democratic country. All I could do was see the connection to some kind of duty.

Just as in the dream it was a in fact I who was reprimanded (with a warning) for my creative exposure was seen as disturbing the peace.

Dream- Now Reality - Good Times Roll

2012-02-02T14:56:00.003+11:00

My wife MJ is in Melbourne, Victoria. Two nights ago I had a very vivid dream. It appeared MJ was in my dream and we went out for a special occasion. Yesterday I went for a bus trip to the city here in Adelaide, South Australia (my hometown). First thing in the morning, as I pondered the meaning of the dream: I tried to write down the main events of the dream. As I reached the city I began to have déjà vu experiences similar to that of the dream.

As I walked through the Central Market a Chinese woman grabbed my attention. She was shouting and raving about her cheap $1.50 pastries that were currently on special and half price. Her magnetism was quite strong but I tried to focus on other things. I purchased one of her pastries and left. Mind you, as I walked I didn’t get far before I found this snack just blew me away. It was so good. So tasty in fact that I went back for more.

Then, I kept walking around I searched for some inspiration for my next sketch. It wasn’t long before I found myself back to this Chinese woman’s shop to sit and have a coffee. As I prepared to sit down she greeted me with warmth and kindness. She worked on making me a coffee and I sat on a stool facing her over a counter that had enough room to set up my sketch pad. There was no need for me to say much, for she had spotted my eraser and the chit-chat quickly flowed into her asking me to do her sketch.

In fact she was quite overjoyed, both before and after I had completed the sketch. During the sketch I sipped my coffee and had the pleasure of her delightful company as she continued to work right in front of me. We chatted as though we had known each other for years; like old friends who were catching up. On completing the sketch she humbly, accepted the sketch: beaming with energy and excitement. She was so happy as though my validation of her was almost equally expressed as she validated me. In fact I’d never had such a compliment before. Telling me things like how great I am for bringing happiness in to other people’s lives just though my talent and kindness. It has really encouraged me to keep sketching others more often, especially if it brings people such joy and happiness.

It was as though this woman was equal is someway to my feelings and experience with MJ. Not to mention that this was a very special part of my experience downtown. Similar in many ways to the message that my dream had alluded.

X-Ta-C

2012-01-24T17:35:00.001+11:00

Tree energy with atomic vibrations, come to me, come to me

Tree energy from vibes so free, some energy, some energy

Troubled by icy water so livid, so wild

Troubled by enticement to be bathed, andcontrived

Cumbersome delight takes to the sky

Beasts in boardrooms written and blind

Justice to be, the feeling is nigh

Breasts so tasty and true find

Crimple with disgust the ailments to know

This kind of raucous is failing the show

X-Trap: U Late!

2012-01-22T11:29:00.001+11:00

Attitude trickles into vacuous crave to be

Trivial aims to justify this plight

Lessen the pace by each decree

A desolate nature to get it right

Liberated yet insulate is this old boy

Disintegrated vision so hesitant and cool

Testicles busted with pain and joy

Sentenced to life as a fool

Nancy complex, succumbs to brute like might

Corridors of justice: tormented like whore

Insecure desire to get it right

Laughter without a need to withdraw

B-Carb

2012-01-21T10:39:00.000+11:00

Group sex in the back seat of mini

Clear as mud, read my name

Haste of some given to many

Fortuitous viewpoints all in vein

Cry through the rectum of distaste

Cucumbers had while travelling in France

All is blessed with eternal waste

Enter the circle for here’s your chance

Crippled by intoxicated dreams

Free to roam so eloquently

D-funked

2012-01-20T16:59:00.006+11:00

A snake works overtime to wash dishes

Threesomes had by ex-nuns on heat

Livid dreams harbored by an orangutan begin to hatch

Forced sexual acts, flooded with pop-culture’s beat

Energy lost through anxious turnip-faced Koalas

Particularly subjective to troll like insight

In and out of sex-therapy’s pallor

Craters form on anal retentive plight

Acts of nature plastered and dormant

Thrills that alleviate modernity’s stress

The Moon

2012-01-11T10:02:00.001+11:00

The moon, bright and full does radiate

Pure glow of yellow beauty does elate

As a warmth of such delight comes here

All is well in my heart 'cos she's near

Free to be and live this way

All the dogs and wolves do stray

Yet in their soul they do howl

That chance to be close here and now

Longing for the thirst she does bring

All night long this wolf does sing

Rudikuous

2012-01-05T22:53:00.000+11:00

Internal thrust blows my mind
Hard right now and night long
Peculiar like action taken to hold
This plight I strike to be bold
Fright from some crusty not understood
Life a luxury so good
Sultry three feet thick
Love of life stubborn and wrong

In Sight

2011-12-27T16:29:00.002+11:00

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Settled in shadows to break free this and dance

Endless spasms of an empty like trance

Bounce in lightening flash clouds of madness

This desire to end motions turmoil for balance

Greet insecure wishes for everlasting grimace

Driven to blast out a wait for end to malace

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Settled in shadows to break free this and dance

Endless spasms of an empty like trance

Colour lost in shades of grey

People see black and white anyway

To bring me life I need to die again and again

The body that conitnues to walk another day has no recolection

Unable to perceive a life not empty

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Settled in shadows to break free this and dance

Endless spasms of an empty like trance

When dances in banana feels take offence

Errect that bossom child's brain-eaten plight

Just to never take solice on that Mountain of consequence

Rivers will take me out of here as long as I have you in sight

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Wings from fingers engage in flight

Settled in shadows to break free this and dance

Endless spasms of an empty like trance

Left With, Not Without!

2011-12-23T21:38:00.000+11:00

Thumble with great due care

Rumble this finite stare

That dismal fate does take plight

These ailments thrust throughout the night

Rustle and bend the now due

Substance depends on a point of view

Rice is plastered in my mind

The essence here so devine

Left out in offensive reward

This painstaken desire so cold, yet now thawed

The Dream is not Real but the Dreamer Is

2011-12-22T11:29:00.000+11:00

When strength desires reason fiction can surpass logic

Rectify the stature of greatness as lice take their toll

Feet are sublimed in wooden barrels of herbal tea

As last year’s methods dissolve and dissipate

Cradle the left over intensions of kind bliss

It appears the greatness too is just heartache

Feed tempers now till the last straw does take hold

Breathe as thoughts run in opposite directions to any comprehension of bliss

Kinaesthetics explodes into a thrust like action of freaks driving to a supermarket

Passive indigestible crafts now beating the wrong man to a pulp

Fast till the breath of life knows not why

As lipstick tells of the drunken passion of fast cash

Fucked Up Belief

2011-12-19T22:40:00.002+11:00

Monopods batter wings of an angelic night

Moons away and out of sight

thrust that vial incumbersome act

this desire to use performance art to attack

Hipster grabs the ailment of not to be

all these fortitude valleys are empty

Since all quite faint, yet some erect it huge

While in the demise, bastard like stooge

Crave it through sultry like essence to beg

This laughter is hot right out of her bed

Beautified luxuries take mountains to seek

Yet, without some drive to be: how bleak

Teach me the meaning of philosophy

One as empty as you must have something on me: Bullshit

beat up altitude of eternal bliss

This fucked up belief that reins like piss

Grasp the lost Insecurity.

2011-12-02T16:21:00.000+11:00

Wasp gun powdered short-sighted points of view

Incarcerated by malicious sounds

Water falling becomes that of hands clapping in radical applaud

Thrusts of maniacal insipid diaphragm expulsions fit for a full moon night

While secular reprimand shortcuts the brainwaves of androids on heat

A large ostrich chooses to jump off a multi-level skyscraper in fear society’s isolation

On the last means of installed fear of antibiotics an orangutan becomes anemic

Given one in five chance of a healthy life Darwinian’s elite hybrids lack soul….

twist of faith

2011-10-16T13:46:00.000+11:00

gentle symmetry divides my heart into a jar of hatred
functional disrespect discolours my vision of animosity
field of hybrid concern overthrows my disposition
given a viral resentment towards gullible intuition
whitened before death and sexually aroused before dawn
it retells the fortitude sentiment of aligned meandered foxtrot
positioned by such finer qualities of thrrow away drones

here we empty the senile monotone reprimand
as fear of empitness of emptiness takes the solid and turns it to liquid
here we know not why and ask each other when
for as much as we drive the notion of togetherness it can still be lost
here if four fingers lokk like five then the importance is perceived as justified angst

built on rocks of lust the wild turns it's head to the hightened howl of a wolf
it wilts as the lust sends out remorseful vibes of discontent

built on justice it allows fright to speak about reprimand of out of body experiences

Gesture because you can

2011-09-11T15:35:00.000+10:00

Spun from some kind of vortex that leads to a parallel universe not quite perceived as desirable most

On the upside the last quest for insecure mind altering giraffe low-neck sweaters are on sale

As would be expected when tall poppy syndrome has the last word on the best way to suck breasts

But why wouldn’t the sight of a molecule be ridiculed by telescopes on vacation?

It appears natural and right for gestations to be harbored

Grasp the lost Insecurity

2011-09-10T20:26:00.000+10:00

A Virus You Could Not Cure!

2011-07-26T21:35:00.000+10:00

I am the virus you could not cure

I am the angel you allure

Fill my taste with acid

All in stages I must stand this

Time to watch all is justice

Time to smash as I grunt this

Filled with all that can be, all we do and what we see

Filled with passion all is just

Now it’s time

This time I must

Found feverish; all cold

All these things told

Seen through eyes now deceived

This time is now

And now I must

To fill my wits with all I trust

Is it true being schizo sucks?

But why know me of all these peeps

Is talent just art or a picture puzzle

A puzzle in parts without a fixture

Three of me and what to do

Heart of gold does feel blue

But still in time I must be bold

Sink my stance

Now I must

For time is here

And this time I must

Koan thoughts on the Here and Now: Relevant to Taste in Music

2011-07-22T16:56:00.000+10:00

To be quite frank: I don't feel a connection with any cherished memories. Nor any great memories that I've share with others. My experience is more along the lines of live life to the fullest now (live for the moment) without a connection to the past. For the past no longer exists and even the memory is not quite real. The memory can be distorted and full of aspects that we perhaps wish we could live through again. Thus, I'd rather live that moment again in a real way than dream about an experience that no longer exists.

So too, my music experience reflects all these aspects and a little more. Although we can learn from a past experience: usually that does not imply that we need to value that experience any greater than today's experience. Having said that: I do believe it's important to reflect on past experiences. This is healthy and can add to the quality of one’s point of view in life. Reflecting on the otherhand is quite different from trying to recapture something that doesn't exist. Or something that exists as a distorted memory.

Thus, my music taste stems from a kind that does not harbor on elitist ideals and thoughts of being empowered by some kind of ideal that is not as black and white as we first thought it was....

People need to be able to enjoy the music they listen to: for in the end, if they are able to enjoy it, then it's beneficial and worthwhile. Such an experience can't be taken away from them by anyone. Instead it's something that is very special.

Emo Eskimo Thrill

2011-07-22T15:34:00.000+10:00

An Eskimo girl sits next to me on a bus

I’m dying to feast my eyes on her sensual face

Beneath the fury hood I can only make out the slightest amount of softness

Tender features of nose and lips

As soft as her fury hood

Silent Bliss from sensual experience

2011-07-22T15:30:00.000+10:00

We were nameless when I first enjoyed sexual pleasure with you.

Neither of us knew each other’s names and yet our sense of intimacy has blown my mind.

Nothing could appear to top the erotic peak felt with you.

A sense of peace and inner calm: along with a feeling of silent bliss takes hold of my feelings of completeness.

This beautiful sensation stays with me for hours.

I’ll sleep well tonight.

Do do Art or Not to do Art....What was the Question? Art vs Science

2011-07-22T15:23:00.000+10:00

I don't see art and science so distinctly different as such. As a child of seven my parents gave me my first drum kit. I went to drum lessons for five years until the age of twelve. My dad was fresh from Italy and I knew he was happy because he sang Italian songs and played the piano accordion everyday. So, I grew up in an arts/culturally warm and loving environment. However, I too enjoyed maths. Through my teens I thrived more on the fun that my maths studies brought me than that of my art. I too knew that there’s more money and a greater future in science than art. I produced top grades in maths and science in my high school days. At that time I dreamed of being a doctor or lawyer but it was slightly an influence from my parents to go along that path.

At the age of 11-12 I taught myself to draw and found a great deal of satisfaction from this hobby. In my Uni days I first began studying a Bachelor of Science. But then I found this was too stressful and not as rewarding as I had first thought. I chose to change my career path and went to the School of Arts in South Aust to study by BA in Visual Arts.

Here I discovered that maths is not the only thing that can help to solve problems. In fact art can also do that and for me Art has been a means of discovering who I am and how to achieve a balance between satisfying my needs and desires while at the same time enjoying life.

Science is actually an integral part of art and can be an aspect that can bring about a greater sense of clarity in the expression of my artwork.
This to me answers: why I chose art? When in actual fact I've never stopped using Science as an important aspect of my creative expression and the benefits of my pondering mind there in.
Art Vs Science

Anxiety and adrenalin rush from Post-traumatic stress

2011-07-20T16:26:00.000+10:00

When one’s expression is highly powered by emotive intent: the inner-child can feel compelled to enjoy confronting the source of such immense anxiety. This can be a condition that may be denied by the repeat offender who is obsessed with a desire to keep alive ailments, which really over time are non-existent. Post-traumatic stress symptoms can thrive within an overstressed and extremely sensitive inner-child. The adrenalin rush keeping this crisis-like ailment alive can appear more enticing and hold a greater sense of self-worth for the anxious and troubled inner-child.

Beast so Wild Yet Civilized

2011-07-10T01:09:00.000+10:00

I’ve developed compassion for those around me that supersedes any aspects of deluded thoughts that continue to disrupt my interpretation of reality.

Am I a beast or a boy? Able to tame Evil dogs and make them gentle beasts are all aspects of desire within me that had been too overbearing because of of traumatic and deluded reprimand.

People I’ve disappointed wait on the other side of reality in hope of something but I don’t succeed in offering such things and instead disappoint.

A woman depends on someone they love. Yet, I’ve been incompetent due to my own sense of carelessness.

Somehow, this can be both bad and good. A relationship that demands and expects from the other person is one that is bound to fail. Emotional independence and financial independence is something we all need to establish for ourselves. We can help each other to take steps to get closer to such stability but we will only be a burden to others (and they to us) if this dependency is too overbearing.

a Surreal Crime

2011-07-09T21:50:00.000+10:00

As a police officer stands on a bus in China: he is oblivious to the scent of a criminal who sits on the same bus only a short distance away. The criminal is aware of the officer’s ignorance and takes out his phone, to note this strange occurrence. He writes about his great ability to commit a crime but go untouched by the law. As he writes the police officer is oblivious to the fact that the criminal is writing evidence to his own crime.

The Animal within us... Becoming Acquainted with Chinese Uni Students

2011-07-09T18:44:00.001+10:00

The nature of a healthy dog is friendly, kind and playful. They have a high level of yang or positive energy. The energy of someone with a high level of stress is one of excess yin or negative energy. If in close proximity of people’s stress or if confronted by it then a dog will be in a mode to fight or flight.

Last night I went for a walk and as stressed as I was I tried to resist the temptation of shouting on campus. As I walked off campus I felt I didn’t want to shout unless I had a reason to do so. I remembered the character Don Choate. He was considered quite eccentric for getting angry and wanting to fight windmills. This is funny because of the nuttiness of wanting to fight harmless windmills. However, he was convinced they were evil and was obsessed with trying to attack them. There was a sense of passion that added to the fruitiness of this behavior.

As I walked I thought about what obscure thing I could shout at as a means of drawing a parallel with Don Choate. In a way that would be whimsical, funny and surreal. I continued to walk and felt a dog would be the most appropriate thing I could confront with my voice. Then I began shouting as I walked along the main road. The aim was to call out to any dogs in the surrounding area. I couldn’t hear any response at first. Then I came across a large, white haired husky. As I began to shout it did stir some reaction of excitement as the dog had my attention. The dog’s owner was the one to choose a sense of avoiding this confrontation and took the dog back in the opposite direction. At that point I chose to quietly walk back to the campus.

I reflected on this encounter trying to see more meaning in what happened but there was none. At this point I wanted to remain quiet as walked back to my room. Before reaching the campus I saw another dog on a leash with its owner. I shouted quite loudly and although the dog was only medium in size it sparked a strong reaction. It became apprehensive, playful and it appeared it took on an adrenaline rush, which made it want to attack me. I couldn’t take this seriously: the dog was on a leash, it was small and it was wagging its tail.

I felt a great deal of good happy energy in this dog (yang energy). It was also apparent the dog had picked up on my negative vibes (yin energy). Here I began to associate the nature of this animal with the animal like nature within people. I felt people’s animal like instinct had made me a victim. My yin energy could be construed as bad vibes; dodgy and it made people afraid of me but at the same time excited enough to want to play fight with me. This behavior I felt was overridden with other people’s desire to win. This can be both a good and a bad thing but at the same time is quite healthy.

As I was walking on the campus many thoughts and ideas began to flow in my mind. Walking near the library the night was dark but peaceful and quiet. Students walked near me but I continued to resist the need to shout. It became apparent to me that many students have a positive vibe (yang energy)) but others may also feel a slightly stressed (yin energy). It was obvious this subject has many shades of grey. I began to believe if I did shout it may be beneficial to some students. At that moment I did shout. It was loud and had frightened one of the female students who jumped out of her skin with a yell. However, as I spoke to the students the girl became more settled and tranquil (relieved that I was harmless). I became slightly acquainted with these students who wanted to hear me shout again and I knew they did enjoy it very much.