The Ooga Booga Life

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 20:16:00 +0000

TALKING TURKEY OR WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE A MEMBER OF THE PRETENDERS (Part One)

Last night I went out for a drink with a very good friend of mine whose name I've decided to make up. Let's call her Alma. Alma is the only one of my friends who actually lives in my area. She moved here about two years ago when her husband took on a temporary two year work assignment. We were introduced to each other via our husbands. Alma and her husband are moving back to where they came from in four months. I will miss her dearly. Sitting outside in balmy 50 degree weather wrapped in blankets while looking out at the ocean we ordered a couple of Pims No. 1 cocktails and started to talk.

Alma is a screenwriter. She became one after a 25 plus year business career that saw her make upwards of a million dollars annually at the peak of her productivity. It was a career that she thoroughly enjoyed but at the end of the day, when it came time to leave the company after it was sold to a foreign corporation, Alma found herself questioning who she really was if not her job. It was unsettling question, one that she had never asked before, perhaps because she had been so enmeshed her career.

What she decided was to become an actor.

Alma went to an agent to find out what she needed to do to establish herself in the industry. The agent suggested she break into the industry by doing background work. Actors who do background work do things like mill about in crowds, or look animated at cocktail parties, or endlessly cross back and forth across a street. You never really notice these actors unless of course, for example, they get knocked down by the star of the while running after the bad guy. Another example is the gratuitous T&A shot where the camera pans across a body or set of bodies and we never see notice the actors' faces.

Alma worked very hard to establish herself as a working actor. She got a job in a producer's office as an assistant to learn the ins and outs of the business and to establish contacts. She starred in endless numbers of no-pay student films just to hone her craft. She took courses in Improvisation to become better at comedy. In short, Alma grabbed hold of her goal and went after it wholeheartedly. Her efforts began to pay off and she found herself doing very well as an extra. She appeared in big budget films and even had an opportunity to speak a few lines of dialogue. And even though she was starting to see some success she realized that it wasn't was really was she wanted to do over the long-term.

Working with a couple of partners she thought she might try her hand at producing instead. That's how she stumbled upon her second vocational calling in life. Thanks to a dropped ball in trio's partnership she found herself writing a script. She loved it and producing fell by the wayside. The same exuberance and diligence she used in pursuing an acting career served her well when exploring the working world of screenplay writers. She read books. She bought the software to work in the proper format. She queried producers and production companies to learn about what type of screenplays they were looking for. She joined industry organizations and actively participated in meetings. And, although in the past three years she's only made a modest amount of money from her writing, she gets up every day committed to working on what she now considers her passion. She would love to have one of her screenplays produced with a big budget and stars attached but she knows that even if she doesn't, even if it never happens for her, she's doing something in life that truly makes her happy. She doesn't give a crap about how others perceive her efforts or how they measure her success (and for many that is usually about how money you make). First and foremost, she's writing for herself. In so doing, she has won the respect of many.

What we can learn from Alma's story?

1. Identify something you want to do. Initially, for Alma she picked acting.

2. Drop your ego off at an ego shelter station. In her past life Alma ran a highly successful company where she made millions of dollars for herself and for the company's owner. Imagine how humbling it would have been to make less than 50 dollars a day and be treated somewhat poorly because she was now an extra the low person on the acting pole. Imagine how humbling it would have been to be "supervised" at the producer's office by people half her age who had no managerial training. Imagine how humbling it would have been to learn that she wasn't good looking enough or young enough to be considered a serious talent in her chosen field. And none of these humbling experiences deterred her from pursuing her goal.

3. Explore your chosen field thoroughly. Whether she was pursuing acting or screenwriting, Alma took the time to talk to industry experts, inform herself of the industry protocol and processes, make contacts, read industry related magazines and learn ways to self market.

4. Give yourself permission to fail. After spending a couple of years pursuing an acting career, Alma learned that it just wasn't for her. And that was alright. At the very least she had given it a wholehearted effort and so she would never have to suffer a case of the "if only's."

5. Open the door in front of you. When you enter the room it might not be the one you expected but look at it as opportunity to learn something new about yourself. In Alma's case, she only happened upon her passion for screenwriting because she had pursued acting first.

6. Your measure of success is the only one that counts. If you measure success via the opinions of others, you my friend, are screwed. You will never be happy. You want to know why? There are 6 billion people on this planet, give or take a few million. There is only one of you. Now throw in the fact that these people were brought up with different values, in different cultures and in vastly different economic circumstances. How the hell are you possibly going to fulfill all of their expectations, requirements, needs and whatever else it is that they throw at you? If you even think about trying you will end up in a dark corner somewhere, unable to move, dream, want, wish or talk. Not the future you imagined for yourself? Set your own bar. If you don't measure up then figure out if it's the right one or figure out what you need to do to get there. In the end you only you know what you want. Like Alma you'll probably be admired and respected by the people whose judgement you feared in the first place.

7. Nothing happens unless you take action. This is said over and over again for a reason. It's true. Don't you remember high school physics, "for every action, there is an equal reaction." It's a law of the universe.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:47:00 +0000

OOOH, BET I MISS YOU LIKE A HOLE IN THE HEAD!

Did you ever hear the term "begging music." I did, about three years ago. It refers to songs with lyrics laced with desperate pleas to a partner who has left or was left. The term came from a guy's mouth. Apparently he had little use for the genre. He thought that it emasculated men. Scientists got it wrong. The neanderthal is alive and well.

My take is somewhat different. I wonder why people want to go back to a memory of what once was and that can never exist in that same form again. That's what these songs are all about. Going back to what once was but that isn't necessarily right cause it would probably still be intact if it were. My belief is that the only way to keep it going on with a former lover who did you wrong or to whom you did wrong is to forge something entirely new. You've got to pry your eyes wide open baby. Give yourself room for an adult relationship that can leave you open to experience giving and receiving unconditional love.

Lessons I've learned or am in the middle of learning. Here's how they might be applicable to you and your life. Warning! They take a lot of work and practice. No quick fixes here.

1. Do the Self Work

Did you do some before you got involved? Have you done it since you've gone your separate ways? Something was happening to make one of you unhappy enough to take the drastic step of breaking up, straying, hiding, separating or cutting off hair. Have you any clue as to what it was? And if you do, what have you done to figure out how to correct it? Look, blaming the other person is always an option on the checklist of what went wrong. Save it for one of those "I'm too tired to do the work" days. Keep the whining to yourself though. We've all been there and we know that you're rationalizing. Instead do something self empowering. Look at the ways you might have contributed to the distance creep or intimacy breach. Maybe your relationship template is slightly off kilter and it caused you to attract the wrong person in the first place. This is the time to ask yourself tough questions about personal beliefs and self censure. What are you willing to tolerate and compromise, if anything and why? Learn to live in integrity. It's all good. You'll grow a way better relationship than you used to have with your former partner whether it becomes romantic again or not and you'll be way more lovable all around, to others and most importantly to yourself.

2. Practice Forgiveness - Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah

This is a great and fabulous concept, if you can pull it off successfully, without an undercurrent of seething discontent, or festering anger brilliantly hidden behind a placid demeanor which is only slightly marred by a 24/7 twitch in your right eye. Yes, forgiveness is possible. And it's desirable. You can't hold a transgression over someone's else's head or even yours over the course of your lifetime. That's a surefire way to erode any sense of happiness you've been harboring in that delicate soul of yours. I know someone who took her husband back after he spent several years living with another woman that he had had an affair with for several years prior to leaving her in the first place. They are desperately unhappy. She has never forgiven him. She tells everyone, usually when she meets them for the first time, that he had an affair. He snaps at her because frankly he's sorry he came back. It's his only form of retaliation. Passive aggression all because he feels whipped and is old so he wants his family (children, grandchildren) around him as he heads towards the end of his life. This is sad for both of them. Enough already. Give it a rest. She took him back. Either she figures out how to forgive him or she forgives herself for taking him back. As for him, he's got to forgive her for taking him back. No way are either of them going to live out a happy life unless both of them get real and let each other off of the hook. Pay attention to that story. They've created a prison for themselves. Make sure you've got a locksmith's number on speed dial.

3. Get a Life

Surf. Draw. Cook. Attend Classes. Travel. Do it with others. You need the company of people who think you are wonderful and that you think are wonderful too.

4. Meditate

Your spirit has been whipped and thrown against some walls. Your ego is defending itself like nobody's business because it feels like it's been under attack and won't let go of some crazy image of perfection. Your worry levels are working on overdrive. You have five million decisions to make:
- where to live;
- how to pay the bills;
- join Peace Corps or just hibernate and stay in bed for a day or three.

Rein it in. Meditation is a great way to do it. Lots of info everywhere about how to do it. I don't need to explain but I will endorse. It works people. It works.

5. Exercise

You know.

Want to hear a real begging song? Listen no further than one by a singer named AYO. It's called "Down on My Knees." It's the epitome of plaintive. I don't know who wrote it but I figure it was the day after someone left them and about a full year before they finally figured out how wonderful they truly were. After, that is, they did the work.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 05:39:00 +0000

DEFIANT - NOT WAITING ON THE WORLD TO CHANGE

Glamorous. Jet setter. Fawned over by buff men with deep pockets. Deployer of UN peacekeeping troops. Saver of millions. Soon to be nominee for a Nobel Prize for some altruistic or intellectual deed. Kind of sounds like Angelina Jolie , doesn't it? Lucky woman. No doubt she's having regular sex with Brad. Hell she's having regular sex with a warm body.

Want to join me in breaking out the streamers? I think I might be headed to a pity party. Like the lyrics to "Mama Told Me Not to Come" say, "that ain't the way to have fun." Actually I'm too busy being overwhelmed by having to change every single thing in my life. Oh, and I'm also trying to become a card carrying member of the self actualized.

Okay five ways to break out of this:

1. Write a book about an obscure meditation practice previously only known to indigenous peoples living in a heretofore (always wanted to use that in a sentence) undiscovered region of a southern hemisphere based rainforest.
2. Learn to knit sweaters for the important pets in my life. Wait. Note to self -"get a pet."
3. Buy a bowling ball and get it engraved. When I throw at my ex's head it will be sure to leave a permanent impression. Another note to self - "don't try this at home."
4. Surf a music site looking for songs with my name in the title. Buy only those that don't refer to me as a hooker or a loser.
5. Save two hundred bucks by not signing up for a skydiving class. Who among the midlife crowd would want air currents to leave stretch marks on their faces?

I feel the love.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 16:11:00 +0000

WHOSE SELF IS IT ANYWAY?

Someone I met back in July happened to be cycling by the other day two blocks from my home. Given that he had a helmet and sunglasses on and lives 2,000 miles from me it was pretty surprising I recognized him. There was no where to pullover but I stopped my car anyway to shout out, "meet me at the next corner". Turns out that this acquaintance is on a bike trip that is taking him down the eastern seaboard and along roads he's never travelled. This is an adventure that he's capturing both on film and in a blog.

There are roads not travelled in my life that I'm wondering about. I still have time to call on the self inside who's been adventurous and have her take over for awhile. So what's stopping me?

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Sun, 11 Nov 2007 13:30:00 +0000

SHE'S 68 FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

Doesn't this shit ever end?

Front page link on Yahoo - November 10th 2007:

"How do I get over this person? My friends tell me that he was the wrong person for me, as we broke up numerous times in our year-long relationship. I really do love him and can't get him out of my mind. Every day something reminds me of him. I was kind of the one who asked, 'Are we calling it quits?' to which he replied, 'Since you brought the question up, yes.' He told me that he didn't want any more emails or calls from me, but I just can't resist sneaking in an email once in awhile.

"My head says to 'get over him' but my heart tells me I love him. How does one get over someone who you continue to love but who apparently does not love you back? How do I get on with my life and get him out of my mind? I've tried dating other people, but the dates are a complete failure because I would rather be with HIM." -- Elda T., 68, Venice, Florida

HERE'S ONE OF THREE ANSWERS FROM EXPERTS TO THE LETTER ABOVE.

G.J. DePillis answers:
Okay, Elda! Buckle up, this troubleshooting may get bumpy:

1. Examine the Symptoms:
For a year, you have been in a rollercoaster relationship.
Your friends dislike your mate.
Your heart and head give you conflicting messages.
You want to control the situation.
Your other dates have been unsatisfactory because you compare them to "him" and they fall short.
You act obsessed with this man, but are searching to get rid of him.

2. Find the Root Cause:
For you, this man is a symptom that reveals a deeper problem. What is your motivation for wanting a man who is ambivalent toward you? Is your "must-have-husband clock" ticking too fast? Your letter indicates that he conveys, "You are not quite good enough to be seen with me." This shows that he is only receiving and judging, but not contributing to the relationship.

If you were really in love with him, your head and heart would agree. You wouldn't want to strive to be in control by sending him emails, finding excuses to keep in touch, and then suggesting a breakup. I suspect you are obsessed with manipulating him instead.

An obsession is something that persistently dominates your thoughts even against your better judgment. You feel the target is elusive but almost within your grasp. It reveals that you are focusing on controlling the target. What sort of void is there in your life that you are trying to fill by controlling this ambivalent, judgmental man?

3. Apply the Resolution:
Respect. Stop dating men to erase the image of your ex. Respect your dates by focusing on them when you are with them. Respect yourself by improving your own talents via workshops and classes. Respect your ex by leaving him alone. You have destroyed your own credibility by saying you will break up, but then you don't follow through.
Work on having the integrity to keep your word so people will take you seriously. A lot of this drama seems to be created by you. Why? Is your life boring otherwise? Talk it over with a close friend, counselor or clergy, and get busy becoming a better you!

G.J. dePillis' book "How to Troubleshoot Your Mate" shows how to apply principles from engineering, the second oldest profession, to create a more satisfying love relationship. Sign up for G.J.'s free newsletter at pure-force.com.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 12:40:00 +0000

NO ONE IS EXEMPT

Anita Roddick died last month. Both an activist and entrepreneur, Ms. Roddick created a company, the Body Shop, that seemed a model of social responsibility. She used the platform of a successful business enterprise to raise awareness for issues like violence against women and fair trade. Profiles written before and after her death cast a dark shadow on her motives by pointing out her missteps along the way to building a global enterprise from a base of 15 hair products and body creams. Scott Simon at NPR did a posthumous piece entitled, Roddick's Body Shop: An Empire Built on a Ruse? that took exception to Roddick's reputation as a business "Mother Teresa" and suggested that her business ethics were tenuous at best. For example, apparently she modeled her business on an existing one in California, even going so far as to use the name and then suggest later that she had dreamt it up on her own. As well, although she claimed that her products were not tested on animals, it turned out the ingredients she originally used to formulate the products were. So she changed her claims to "Against Animal Testing."

I'd like to suggest that Roddick, like any entrepreneur, oftentimes blindly felt her way through the maze of business decisions that spur growth. A need to put food on the table for herself, her family, and as her business grew, on the tables of her employees, vendors, suppliers and stakeholders may have led her to make some bad even ethically compromised choices. And yet she also made smart, ethically sound choices. As Ms. Roddick matured personally and professionally so did the objectives and business practices of her company. She demonstrated to the business community that doing good or taking a stand on the side of good could also be profitable. She used her voice and growing clout to publicize a myriad of causes that had once been considered taboo or best left to the largesse of philanthropists or government programs.

We don't always do the right thing in every circumstance. We make mistakes and hopefully, when we realize we've made them or when we see another way of doing things, we forgive ourselves, move on or do our best to rectify the situation. Unfortunately for Ms. Roddick her mistakes were writ large because of the enormous business success that she achieved. They are a matter of public record and will forever be trotted out for as long as her story remains topical or illustrative. This is as it should be since it shows her humanity. The cynics will always point a finger and shout "hypocrite." Others will look at the totality of her life and achievements to see flaws and contradictions but also great courage. Yes, she created an enterprise that she sold for $130 million dollars in 2006. More importanly, she inspired a whole generation to speak out, take action, and understand that no matter their beginnings, no matter what mistakes they make along the way, it will always be possible to effect positive change for themselves, their community and the world at large.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 14:15:00 +0000

OH BROTHER

Three days later my brother calls.

ME: Hello
BROTHER: Is everything alright?
ME: I told Dad.
BROTHER: Yeah, you told him. Well is everything alright?
ME: Yes, okay.
BROTHER: Listen when are you coming home?
ME: What do you mean?
BROTHER: You know coming home.
ME: Wait a second. Did you decide when you're coming here? I've been holding off...
BROTHER: I'm not. I told Dad that you had invited me... all of us to come down for a visit. I'm not going to do it.
ME: Oh okay.
BROTHER: So when are you coming home?
ME: December for about...
BROTHER: Do you need some help?
ME: What do you mean? Did Dad say something to you?
BROTHER: Moving.
ME: What. I haven't decided...
BROTHER: Aren't you moving home?
ME: No. I'm not moving home.
BROTHER: Oh. You're not. Do you have a job?
ME: No.
BROTHER: What are you going to do there?
ME: I told you. I don't know yet. Listen, Dad told me you're getting married.
BROTHER: What are you talking about? He didn't tell you that.
ME: Yes. He did. He told me you're getting married.
BROTHER: He never said any such thing.
ME: Yes. He told me you were getting married.
BROTHER: I don't believe he told you that.
ME: What exactly would I get for making this up? What's the point?
BROTHER: I'm not getting married.
ME: Well, maybe Dad just misunderstood.
BROTHER: Maybe... I don't think so. Are you alright?
ME: Yes, did Dad say something else to you?
BROTHER: He's just concerned. You better get a job.

They're both concerned.

I feel like I can't breathe.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 03:58:00 +0000

BEAUTY IS IN THE ATTITUDE

Whereas yesterday I was in a funk and isolated, today consisted of flirtations, meditations, yoga, a stroll, a mani, a pedi and a haircut.

My hair stylist, a man, told me that he felt sorry for women. I quote, "They have to worry about their boobs sagging, their bottoms dropping, not to mention losing their sex appeal. They're under tremendous pressure to try to stay looking young for a very long time. It's sad really. I mean men are very visual they want the woman who is ten or twenty years younger."

It's not lost on me that it seems like I'm buying into the upkeep program my stylist guy is talking about. While I like to fluff there is much more to it than keeping the free radicals at bay. It's the lure of being fawned over that draws me to the salon especially since I spend a lot of my days alone. A head massage or hand massage is healing. It's all about that ever nagging skin hunger that I talked about before.

What's also healing is meditation though I'm not very disciplined about practicing. However, to quell anxiety and create some clarity around my new status as a soon to be single woman, I'm meditating a little more often lately. Who out there doesn't think figuring out a whole new life might call for some meditation? It's that or medication which in my case has been a bowl of popcorn and whatever's on television. Watching television leaves me feeling numb without having to suffer through a hangover the next day. But like any addiction I'm having to consume more and more viewing just to get the right blend of numbness. What the bleep am I going to do? At least I have choices. Maybe sooner or later meditation, hypnosis, therapy, and the support of friends will help me chip away at the old beliefs that keep me tethered to a maypole in a poolside home. It takes a village -- people -- or perhaps, when the metaphysical dust clears, just a cattle prod.

On to a shallow moment: A guy in a Ferrari tried to pick me up today while we were both waiting for a light to change. He was a lot younger than I am. That was before the primping session but after the meditation. Maybe he looked past the wrinkles and saw the aura instead. I'd like to think so. Fie to you, hairdresser - with lots of peace and light.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Sun, 04 Nov 2007 00:56:00 +0000

WHEN DO WE BECOME ADULTS?

I finally told my father that my husband moved out three and a half months ago. I had held off because I wasn't yet ready to face the fact that my marriage is over. I took off my wedding ring two weeks ago. Now I've spoken to my father.

"Are you doing alright?" he asked. This is the first time he's asked me a personal question in quite a while. Usually it's just chit chat or lots of discussion about his health problems. So here was my opening.

ME: "No"
DAD: "Life is hard. It has good times and bad times. You just have to get through the bad."
ME: "Yes I know. Dad I'm very sad. My husband is no longer living with me."
DAD: "What do you mean? How long ago did this happen?"
ME: "July."
DAD: "Was this something that happened when you and he were back here for a visit? Does it have to do with me?"

That's exactly the kind of question he would ask.

ME: "Dad the breakdown of my marriage has nothing to do with a visit to you."
DAD: "Oh my gawd, I wish that you had never told me. What's the matter with you?"
ME: "How long was I supposed to keep it a secret? Till I filed divorce papers or always."
DAD: "Look, I've got plenty up here you can come back here. I'll take care of you."
ME: "I'm just feeling sad and lonely Dad. Just like you. You know what it's like."
DAD: "Oh my gawd, I wish that you had never told me."
ME: "Okay, well I have."
DAD: "I think your brother is getting married."
ME: "That's good. Does he love her?"
DAD: "I don't know. I don't ask those questions."
ME: "It's important that he love her. It's important. He should love her. We all deserve to be loved."
DAD: "Your husband would never have left you if he loved you. He's an unhappy man. He will always be unhappy. No one is happy."
PAUSE
DAD: "There are only two people in the world who love you. Your mother loved you. I love you. Oh yes, and your brother, he loves you too but he's busy right now. You are my daughter."
ME: " Dad, I just didn't think that I would be here again. I'm just sad. I thought this marriage was it."
DAD: "Be careful. Don't go with another man right away."
ME: "Another man is the last thing on my mind. Dad, I have other things to do. Start a business, or get a job, an apartment,... a life. I obviously don't choose men very well. From my experience men don't honor their marriage vows. You with mom. My brother with his wife and his girlfriends. My first husband and now... We haven't even talked about a divorce yet. Another man is not a priority right now."
...

I was crying the whole time.

For once my father's reaction was the least of my worries. I had always tiptoed around him; his moods and his attitudes. Today, I didn't care whether he supported, criticized or deflected. What he said didn't matter. I wasn't concerned about making it alright for him. I'm trying to make it alright for me.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 21:49:00 +0000

DEFINING YOURSELF

I listen to people talk about defining yourself apart from the roles that you play in life. You are more than your job, your parenthood and any other labels that apply to the life you lead. Well, what does that leave? Someone, I think it was Deborah Norville stumping her new book, intimated that if you are solid inside then you are like kevlar on the outside, able to deflect any criticism or barbs that come your way. This indefatigable strength comes from knowing and defining yourself. Separating yourself from roles is the easy part. The hard part is determining what your beliefs are. In your head are the nasty little voices that attack at any time whether you are feeling weak or strong. They work to undermine your free will. We forget that we have free will, that we can make choices that reside outside those that the people in our lives try to dictate must be taken. Even worse, the nasty little voices who have the ability to rattle around 24/7, also try to convince us that we have limited choices. Choices that are based on self limiting beliefs like "you're not good enough, or smart enough or anything enough." Enough already with the enoughs. Maybe the first step to defining ourselves is to shut those voices up for good and cast off the shoulds that have been imposed on us by circumstances and people that no longer have any relevance to our lives.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 04:01:00 +0000

SEX AND ATTITUDE

I saw some amazing Hallowe'en costumes tonight.

The top 5 costumes for women were:
1. Marie Antoinette,
2. Nurse,
3. Wench,
4. Bikini clad bunny, and
5. harem or belly dancer girl.

As for the men the top 5 costumes were:
1. Marie Antoinette,
2. Glamor Puss,
3. Naked Guy with well oiled body wearing a brief,
4. the Scream, and
5. Superhero.

Are these all alter egos? If I were to classify I'd say that sex and fear were top of mind when people decked themselves out in their costume personas tonight. Then again maybe sex and fear are just at the top of my mind.

Most of the people wearing these costumes were youngish with hot bodies. Yet there were others who would never be referred to as hot by conventional measures. These people had wobbly bits, wrinkles and droopy buns or boobs which they proudly displayed. They didn't think these were issues to be worried about. Their attitudes declared, "Look at me. Feel my power. I know that you can't help but be attracted." Whether they were with someone special or on the prowl I'll wager they had sex when they got home. The best sex comes from abandoning thoughts of cellulite, paunchy stomachs or perfect positions and embracing this compelling attitude instead. It also helps to be detached from the outcome. Whether or not you orgasm or you give an orgasm is beside the point. It'll happen simply because you get caught up in the pure sensuality of it all. It's not about control, it's about abandonment. That's right, abandoning the inane and useless rules that bring shame to the bedroom. Like someone once said, confidence is a proven aphrodisiac.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 06:09:00 +0000

THE FEELING

Someone attempted to seduce me. Luscious. I drank in the compliments. I savored his declaration of lust. "You're the first woman I've had the feeling for in a long time" he said while looking me directly in the eye.

I remember the feeling. It's that jittery leap of the stomach accompanied by a tiny tremor in the body just as you catch sight of the person you've got the feeling for. I don't have "the feeling" for the man who made the declaration but I was close to allowing my brain to believe that I did.

I've been starved for affection for a long time. My husband cut off sexual initmacy as he headed into the craze of a midlife crisis. While we haven't lived together for about three and a half months, the love drought I suffered during the two and a half year period of his indecision and my dogged determination to hang in until it all sorted itself out, cast a severe cloud over my sexuality and my confidence.

Does it seem like some men have the misguided belief that they have access to the remote controls of our libidos? Listen sometime. They will say. " I'm in crisis. If I am to suffer then so too are you. I'm in love. If I'm in love then so too are you. I'm in lust. If I'm in lust then so too are you." Ring. Ring. Hello, do you hear me, or see me, or know me, or care about me? Pick up the direct line, please and thank you.

Sometimes, it's not their fault. We often don't tell them what we want, or even who we are.

As much as I crave someone wanting me again, it would have been wrong to give in to the man's desire just because I long for a momentary satiation of my skin hunger. We both want the same thing. He wants a relationship with me and so do I. I want a relationship with me. I'm working on the latter. I want to become self determining and self sufficient again before I can entertain thoughts of an involvement, no matter what the duration. That said, I was tempted.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Tue, 30 Oct 2007 16:12:00 +0000

HIDING OUR POWER

Why is that we keep ourselves buried in the wake of rules that have never fit us or what we really want to do? So many of us devote ourselves to keeping a low profile within our relationships. No one knows how brightly our lights shine. We keep ourselves under wraps, worried that someone will find out how much we rage against the roles we've assumed or were forced to adopt because we are nice, because we are the social caretakers. Our partners, our parents, our children, even our friends - their wants and needs rank above us on our own priority scale. Speak up?! No. Not even if we know that they can't see us. Fear lurks trying to keep us isolated and out of touch with how powerful we really are. We possess the kind of power that would keep a city alight for years. What we really want we've deemed irrelevant to the greater good of keeping the peace at all costs.

The bill is high. Health issues, stress, forgotten dreams and watching through a self imposed window as others lead the lives we want for ourselves while we merely tolerate our own. Even worse, we think that it's all for the best; rationalizing that our sacrifices are actually contributing to so much that is right in our world. Who cares if we have to suck on a Tums to stop the reflux from burning away the insides of our throats? We are victimized by beliefs imposed on us by people who died long ago. We are victimized by beliefs we hold to steadfastly even though we long to break free. Mostly we are victimized by ourselves and our payoffs for remaining silent. We are paid off with assessments like "good girl," "nice girl," "well liked girl," and even "popular girl." Those anxiety soothing words put us off from accessing the difficult road of declaring, "I am a force to be reckoned with."

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 05:55:00 +0000

LOOK BEYOND THE TIGHT BUNS

A great skill to have would be the ability to see through the haze of chemical attraction and learn if someone is honorable when they are pitching woo. Huh? Look when you're romancing and they're romancing and the butterflies are flying free in your stomach all seems wonderful and right. When the time comes to make a commitment, (do the laundry together, move in, get married, go to Venice) deciphering the hidden agendas between you should be a priority. Many people aren't present to their true intentions and sell the ones they purport to love a bill of goods that comes due a few years down the road. Look inside your heart and encourage your partner to do the same. If either of you is afraid to be alone or is looking at the other as a means of daily ego gratification take the time to find this out before you're sorting through socks. Learning about your vulnerabilities will make your bond stronger or will direct you away from a situation that is not right for you in the first place.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 05:38:00 +0000

JUST ASK

A networking social is fascinating. Talking to people whose paths you would not cross under normal circumstances is a great way to expand your world. Yeah you've heard this before from lots of different people. I wonder though how many people take the time to ask questions that go beyond job titles, addresses or hobbies. Next time you're out mingling ask someone what moment in their lives they can cite as the one they are most proud of. You never know you might just learn a few things about character, compassion and duplicity.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 07:06:00 +0000

LOT OF COWS FARTING IN THIS VICINITY

The ozone layer over my life needs a hole.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 07:25:00 +0000

INSIDE INSIGHT

In the middle of a two and a half year long stalemate. I've been living in the House of Hope. It's closing it's doors. Not forever but in this neighborhood.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Tue, 11 Jul 2006 14:46:00 +0000

INTERNAL MEDICINE
Time for serious. So much has been written about our bodies that anything I would deign to add would be a very light treatment of the subject. What is most fascinating right now for me is the impact that food and nutrients have on our overall health. We can exercise ourselves to the ninety ninth degree but if it's all falling apart internally -- there's no amount of treadmill time that's going to keep up us really healthy. Chronic inflammation, cardiac disease, loss of skin elasticity, cirrhosis, even bad breath -- all stem from the neglect of our inner health. I'm not a nutritionist. I am an avid researcher, learner, seeker and advocate and I will share what I've discovered and continue to discover. Some of it will be mainstream but some of it will be ferreted out of dusty archives or eccentric scientists filing cabinets. Just remember that no matter what I place on this site, it's up to you to do your own homework -- to determine if it is meaningful and/or applicable. I am not endorsing treatments, products, or a way of life, just bringing material to your attention as well as my own personal take on it. I don't suggest that you take what I share as absolute truth -- get someone else to comment or read before you ramp up a new regime; a medical professional or other well-informed or accredited individual is probably a good starting point. Ultimately though it's up to you to make your own choices.

Let's start with a study that has been scattered about many of the media outlets when it was published at the beginning of June. Here's a link to where it originally came from Annals of Internal Medicine

The scuttlebutt: People who were placed on a diet that included fat (Virgin Olive Oil, Walnuts, Hazelnuts, and Almonds) were found to have improved cholesterol, blood pressure, and blood sugar levels. In addition, in all likelihood they also managed to descrease the fat storage levels in their livers, which would mean a potential staving off of chronic liver disease. High fat storage levels in the liver is an indication of Non Alcholic Liver Disease (NALD). NALD could potentially lead to chronic liver disease. And, you thought you were safe because you cut back on your martini intake -- ha! Nothing is simple -- food is a powerful weapon. Use it wisely.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Tue, 02 May 2006 20:09:00 +0000

I was at the gym a couple of weeks ago, when a fellow "gymite" mentioned that everyone is using botox and fillers. Let me explain. She's a dermatologist. It's her world. It's her livelihood. "Not me," said I. "Ah but you will," Dr. Derm exclaimed gleefully. "All your friends are doing it. You might not know it, but they are. I'm 100% percent certain that they are." Under my breath, to the guy doing crunches next to me, I said, "Not me. I don't want to. Tell me I don't have to." "You don't, you won't - you look great," he said. "It's unnecessary and ridiculous." (Yes, these kind of guys do exist.) "I heard that," the dermatologist snapped, "Don't kid yourself, your face has an expiration date. It'll be just a matter of a few years until you'll break down and get an injection." Heavy sigh.

Fast forward a couple of weeks later and I overhear Dr. Derm plying her trade yet again. A really lovely woman -- 62 and in the most amazing shape -- has walked in telling a tale of a broken heart. Her boyfriend of a year has chosen to two-time her with a friend. (Not a younger woman and not a male, but yes, her best friend.) This sweet woman is truly suffering. Red rimmed eyes and shoulders stooped so low you could ski off of them. What does Dr. Derm advise? "Come to my office late in the day tomorrow and we'll play. I've got lots of things to get your skin and face looking younger and younger. We'll round it off with a couple of injections." Empathy, it seems, now comes packaged in single dose syringes. Who needs talk therapy?

Age well. Drink plenty of water. Exercise. Eat wholesome organic food/avoid highly processed food. Take supplements to nourish and support the body and brain in ways that lead to agility and independence as you age. Practice deep breathing to calm any anxiety you might feel. Be kind.

My best to Dr. Derm.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 01:30:00 +0000

WOMODO no more.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 00:55:00 +0000

How did I ever miss this? I enjoy trolling for new, if at times, whacky inventions because they amuse me. Somehow this product escaped my notice when it was first introduced in Japan earlier this year. A Hello Kitty breath tester.

Hello hello Bono, what kind of kids are begging mom and dad to buy this, dare I call it, a toy? How about a school bully, using it as a way to wear the disguise of a kind, gentle, pink kitten loving innocent?

Picture this. You're five. It's snacktime. You spy a potential victim. Bradley. He stole your cookie, a Mallobar, precious because it's only sold in the cold winter months when it has a snowball's chance of staying fresh and crisp unlike the summer months when it goes soggy and limp. But I digress. You know Bradley has Halitosis, you saw him chewing on Lester Kelly's salami earlier. So, instead of hurling the tired but old school, "who cut the cheese, snicker snicker," at Bradley, an allegation that can be blatantly denied because of the difficulty of obtaining rock solid evidence, you surreptiously pull out the Hello Kitty BT from under your blankie. Bradley will pay, you say to your little developing brain. Not with a pointing finger, not with a knock over the noggin, but with an ego shattering accusation made ever more poignant and wounding by the grimace on sweet little Hello Kitty's face. "Ewww," you shout, "Bradley. Bradley has stinky breath. Bradley has stinky breath. Bradley's breath smells like poo. Poo breath. Poo breath." The other kids join in the chant driving Quasimodo, I mean Bradley, over and into the cloak room. The teacher, sensing her tenous hold on what could turn into a food fight, hestitates just long enough to do a quick breath in-to-the-hand check before she intervenes.

Fast forward twenty years later. There's Bradley, lying on a couch, talking to his therapist about the key traumatizing moment in his life and how it led him to swear off ever dating anyone who loves pink or cats.

Check out Medgadget if you want to find out how to get one in time for the holidays.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 20:54:00 +0000

From a European report on marketing to women, entitled Women Over 45 in the UK, published by Key Note.

"However, when most marketers think of older women they do not see glamorous social rebels, they see frumpy middle-aged women or little old ladies."

How old are these marketers? If young, do they have or personally know mothers, aunts, friends, coworkers and so on over the age of 45, or do they exist in a vaccuum? If they're part of the baby boom generation, are they looking at themselves and their friends, or are they themselves frumpy and little? Maybe, as marketers, it's time to get out amongst the people instead of sitting in the office reading a report.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 20:30:00 +0000

Okay, neophyte blogger discovers the name of her blog may lead to heaven. Who knew a made up name would ever be affliated with a rapture bible studies site sponsored by Circuit City no less? Not me. In this world of copycat/me too'ers one little slip of the "b" button fast forwards readers to logspot.com and prophecies about the end of the world. Well here's a new prophecy I'm adding to the mix. I predict that my blog will have a new name by sundown.

By the way if you got here by accident here's the link to get you back to the bible site womodo.logspot.com.

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Sun, 11 Dec 2005 06:12:00 +0000

At the San Antonio Breast Cancer Symposium Dr. Leslie Bernstein, PHD, from the University of Southern California Norris Comprehensive Cancer Center, said that risk factors that may lead to breast cancer can be modified. Two of the changes cited were physical activity and dietary considerations.

Below is an excerpt from the Symposium press release posted December 10th at 20:27 on PR Newswire:

Risk factors for breast cancer can generally be divided into those that cannot be changed and those that can. Risk factors that cannot be changed include age, gender, race/ethnicity, early noncancerous changes in the breast,family history of breast cancer, age at first menstrual period, and age at menopause. Those that can be changed include pregnancy history (number of births, no births), removal of the ovaries prior to menopause, lactation, density of the breasts as shown during mammography, past radiation treatment, physical activity, postmenopausal obesity/adult weight gain, hormone therapy, and alcohol intake."

"Many women would prefer to consider lifestyle changes. Obesity in postmenopausal women (usually defined as a body mass index >27) is associated with increased risk, with about 7.6% of breast cancers in the United States attributable to obesity. Thus, simple weight loss is a feasible strategy. Exercise in women of reproductive age, especially in younger women and teenagers, can have a significant effect on the occurrence of breast cancer, possibly due to disturbances in the menstrual cycle that result in reduced hormone levels. Lifetime physical activity is associated with lower risk of invasive breast cancer among women in Europe and Asia and among Asian-American and Hispanic-American women. In contrast to the risk associated with obesity, in this case risk reduction is greater among women without a first degree family history of breast cancer.

There are also dietary factors that may affect breast cancer risk. For example, biologically active compounds from green tea have been shown to suppress the growth of human breast cancer cells injected into mice, and consumption of green tea is associated with reduced breast cancer risk in Asian-American women.

Dr. Bernstein pointed out that, as opposed to pharmacological and surgical strategies, these lifestyle changes have the advantage of being cost-effective and likely to meet with greater patient acceptance. Further research needs to address questions about the importance of age of exposure, duration of exposure, and exposure intensity, as well as the size of the benefit that can be obtained from lifestyle changes."

It would be nice if someone would release new information rather than a rehash of that already available. Aren't symposiums supposed to be about sharing and disseminating cutting edge research?

noreply@blogger.com (Bean) — Sat, 10 Dec 2005 02:54:00 +0000

Machu Picchu. I 've never been there. My backpack has. It's black leather with a single opening and two very wide leather shoulder straps adjusted the old fashioned way, with buckles. It's a rugged good looking backpack, the kind that might have persuaded Ernest Hemingway to drag it around the globe as he travelled, wrote and was photographed for those pictures that bars in Cuba and Italy use to verify that he drank there. I think there may be a photograph of my backpack buried in my friend Laurel's photo albums.

Laurel went to Peru with her parents about nine or ten years ago. I loaned her the backpack for her trip. I think I was vaguely trying to start a trend that only I would ultimately appreciate, one akin to the lawn dwarf stolen by pranksters whose intent was to pose it in front of recognizable landmarks and then send the ensuing pics back to the dwarf's owner. In my case, Laurel dragged that pack up the steps to the ruins of fabled Machu Picchu and I think she may have even touched it to the sacred Intihuatana stone. So, instead of a worldwind global tour my backpack went, in effect, on a spiritual pilgrimage. Did it return changed? On the surface it had a few new scratches that added character to the hide. What was odd, what was hard to explain was that for some reason when I started to carry it around again it seemed heavier, even when empty of contents. My back hurt, my shoulders ached and I couldn't remember if this had always been the case, or if suddenly it truly was heavier. I want to say that there was a profound reason for the perceived additional weight. I want to say that it foreshadowed a new life that I was about to embark upon sans a husband. I want to say that the cliche of "carrying around one's baggage" had gone from symbol to concrete application. But I won't. What I will say is that this was a bag that went on a trip that I would have liked to have gone on.

Meanwhile if you haven't been to Peru, this site, Raingod, has a virtual tour of the Inca trail leading up to Machu Picchu that might nudge you into booking a trip there. And, Culture Focus has many interesting links and photos of the area, the people, and the sites along with links to book travel or explore other regions of Peru.