The Original Shri

1MM from LOVE - 2

2013-01-15T01:28:00.000-08:00

Him: Hey. Hi sweetu.

Her: Hey. Hiiiiiiiiiiii. I was just about to call you.

Him: Yeah right!! How was your afternoon?

Her: What happened? Why do you sound so....upset?

Him: HOW was your afternoon?

Her: The same as usual.

Him: Don't fucking lie to me. Where were you?

Her: Bachcha, what happened? Why are you behaving this way?

Him: Just bloody tell me. Where were you?

Her: Relax babie. Cool down.

Him: Just fucking tell me. You were with him, weren't you?

Her: Ohh...bachcha..... We still work at the same place; it is natural for us to bump into each other.

Him: Bumping into each other is one thing. Having lunch together is entirely another.

Her: (After a few seconds silence) Who told you we have lunch together? Did she call you? You still talk to her?

Him: She cares for me. Unlike you. Having fucking lunch with him!!

Her: Oh fuck you. Fuck your attitude. Why are you still talking to her? I thought it was all over. You promised me that it is all over.

Him: Don't bloody divert.

Her: You don't bloody divert.

Him: Screw you.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By evening, his bitterness is dissolved and he decides to make up for his volcanic display of possessiveness. He cooks, lays the dinner and awaits her arrival, awaits the fragrance....

An hour passes by. He tries her number several times and is unable to connect to her. The lava of obsession begins to swirl within his inners and begins forming mirages in his mindscape. Their afternoon lunch looms back into focus.

Another hour passes by. He is flustered imagining naughty things being done to her-by her lunch buddy.

The sound to keys getting into a lock's keyhole gets to his ears and kicking the door open, she walks in.

Him: Hey look who's home! Sweetu! I thought you might have forgotten our address.

Her: Well, I tried. And I think I should too. Please suggest me something nice.

Him: Yeah right. Shoot someone with a bullet and then come and ask them 'How do I live?'

Her: Just shut up. Whats this smell? Is it karela fry?

Him: Ohh. Still not over your lunch is it?

Her: When we have charming men around, it is very difficult for us women not to be enchanted; albeit for a little while.

Him: Nice. Keep thinking about him. Don't disturb me.

Her: Good. Recoil into your own bloody 'zone of silence' with that 'I-m-b-l-o-o-d-y-m-e-d-i-t-a-t-i-n-g' look of yours.

Him: Whats with your legs? Are you wearing stockings or did you wax?

Her: Why don't you call your fucking ex and check out her legs?

Him: Just shut up! You think she called me up to bitch about you? She didn't. But good that she did. I'm not going to tolerate this fucking shit.

Her: You think I met him to have sex with him?

Him: Oh! sweetu is sad! That part of the date didn't happen, is it?

Her: Wow, you are really interested on knowing what happened?

Him: (Kicking the beanbag in his way like he hated it the most in the world) Like stinking pigs I'm interested!

Her: Oh yeah! Like horny dogs you better be! I got a call from him....

Him: And you felt like butter melting on hot toast. And then you went mushy and said, "Honey. Lets have lunch..."

Her: Cock-up and listen.

Him: Mind your fucking language.

Her: Just fucking shut up and listen.

Him: I said, mind your bloody....

Her: Here. These are their names and numbers.

Him: What?

Her: These are the names and numbers of the contacts you've been desperately searching for. To initiate your sales pitches. He called me up to inform that he had this list and he wanted to hand it over. My friends are not immoral bitches like yours!! Calling up to bitch about me!! (with this she throws her purse away like it didn't have a make-up kit.

Him: Come here and notice the coffee table.

Her: I'm sure she would've told you all the details, even those that weren't there. And I'm sure you would've said, "Oh baby! Look how I'm suffering..."

Him: Just fucking come here and take a look...

Her: Don't goddamn digress.

Him: Your ruby necklace is here.

Her: What?

Him: Here. This is it. The people who designed this happen to be her family jewelers. She was there today afternoon and he informed her that this piece is ready. She...

Her: (with wild admiration scripted all over her face) Wow!! This is beautiful.

Him: She just called up to tell me to collect it. In matter of conversation, your lunch came up...

Her: Wouldn't the jewelers call you up themselves? That bitch!! Looking for excuses to talk to you!

Him: Pramod had called me up and said that this list is ready. He was going to send it to me anyways. Your ex had no reason to become an intermediary!!

Her: This does smell like karela fry! (Walking towards the dining table) Ohh....bachcha, you cooked for me?

Him: (Flashing his trademark smile) Well, I thought I should make up for today afternoon....

Her: Honey, I love you.

Him: (Approaching her) I do too.(Running his forefinger over her skirt-exposed knee caps) You really waxed!

Her: (Flashing all her teeth) Well, I thought I should make up for today afternoon....

Him: Oh sweetu, I love you.

Her: I do too baby.

1 Million Magics from LOVE.

[Originally published Jun 2010]
I refuse to give up, I refuse to give in.

Come travel with me....-2

2012-09-03T23:30:00.000-07:00

My last working day at office was finally here. I didn't really like going out there and meeting people with whom I hadn't connected, although I spent over an year with 'em. How I wish I was still that tantrum throwing innocent kid. Alas! There has been some maturity in me over the past couple of years, having experience corporate world first-hand. I knew that however difficult it was going to turn out for me, I just had to put myself through it.

What my self-obsessed head didn't quite realize was that there were mature people in the office as well. They bid me farewell in quite a decent way. It wasn't the farewell that I had received in Reliance where folks were crying and heartbroken that I was leaving. It was a simple farewell with curt 'goodbyes-keep in touches', befitting the almost average time that I spent out there.

Finally the time had come. The time for the planned trip. I knew that a new phase in my life was going to begin wherein I was going to stand alone. I knew that I needed the blessings of Lord Venkateswara before I began my war with the world.

Unlike the custom, this time I didn't have any last-minute rushes. I had booked my ticket well in advance, got necessary things in place by evening time and even packed my luggage a good couple of hours prior to departure. By 22.30, I got to the designated boarding point. I hadn't expected the bus to be on time and bus company didn't disappoint me.

Having gotten there earlier, I found a spot to get seated and took out a smoke. In a couple of minutes, I was approached by a guy with wallets in his hand. He started saying, "Wallet Sir, Wallet. Genuine leather wallet, Italian wallet. Only 50 bucks sir." I simply gave a long gaze. In a couple of seconds, he understood and walked away to the next person. I couldn't help but ponder about the lifestyle of people like him.

My torrent of thoughts was disturbed by someone touching my sweatshirt and feeling the material. Once I glanced at him, he smiled and asked, "Is this a sweater?" I told him "Yeah sweater and raincoat." He then smiled and asked, "How much does it cost?" I had to think a bit 'coz it was nearly five years old and I hadn't remembered the price point I bought it at. Filling in the silence he asked, "5000?" I immediately said, "No No, must be 2000." He then smiled and asked, "So, where are you headed?" I answered, "Tirupathi."

He was intrigued that a young guy was heading out to a religious spot all by himself and he asked, "Why?" I told him that I was going to seek his blessing as I was embarking upon a new phase in life, that of trying to start on my own. He smiled and said, "If you try to do business, you should do it without capital." I laughed and exchanged a couple more words. Then I asked him what he did for a living. He told me that he sinned. He continued after a brief pause, "I run my own business. Which means I commit sins." This conversation was getting interesting. However the announcement for my bus was made and I bid my strange friend adieu. I got to my seat and settled in. After about 15 minutes, the bus started.

My journey had begin.

There was some random Allari Naresh movie playing. I like the chap as he does some very unconventional movies, however I ain't a die hard fan. I attempted watching the movie and in a couple of minutes I saw one of the best executed scenes in Telugu cinema. A whole fight sequence was shown in animation, sketched animation - black and white with only the blood being shown in red. Now that's some creative thinking. Appreciating this effort, I tried engaging in the plotline. I found the story also quite interesting - there is a dreaded goon family who wants to marry off their daughter. Given their infamy, it becomes increasingly difficult to find matches for the girl. The girl however confesses her love for the hero (Allari Naresh), who is already in love with someone else. The complication is the fact that Allari Naresh doesn't bow down to the threats of the girls brothers and insists that he'll marry only the one he loves. But given the sorry state of direction in Telugu cinema, I quickly lost interest in the proceedings.

Thus reclining my semi-sleeper seat, I attempted to cajole sleep. But even that wouldn't come easy. The guy seated next to me was enjoying the movie for everyone else in the bus laughing at the slightest jokes. After about an hour after departure, some bored guy went over the bus driver and asked him to switch the darned television off. With the only source of light in the bus being switched off, I attempted to cajole sleep yet again. The guy next to me, luckily fell asleep quite fast. Unluckily for me, the bloody bastard was snoring. I don't know when I slept; but I did fall asleep eventually.

Having succeeded in semi-sleeping, I saw that I had reached Tirupathi when I opened my eyes to the peering daylight. Once the bus stopped at the Balaji bus-stand, I alighted and collected my luggage. I quickly took out the first cigarette of the day and lit it. As it happens, I was swarmed with middlemen promising me a ride, promising a hotel and that kind of stuff. After smoking to my heart's fill, I asked to be taken to an economical hotel. In two minutes, I was taken to a place called Sandeep Residency. I quickly inspected the room and booked the lowest possible room for rent. Getting to my room, I sat on the bed, switched on the television and lazed around for a bit.

As I hadn't gotten enough stretching during my sleep, I decided to stretch out and lay down. In a couple of minutes I was fast asleep.

I don't remember what I had dreamed about, but I remembered only one thing. While I was checking into the room, I had asked the guy ushering me in if it was okay to smoke in the room. He smiled and said that not just smoking, I could do anything in the room.

As if I was biologically programmed, I woke up with a start at about 12:40 in the afternoon. I remembered that I had prayed that I'd be climbing the hills on foot. I knew that it was already quite late in the day and that I should begin doing that. I got up, sat down and in an attempt to clear the haze in my mind, I lit a cigarette. I switched on the television. I began watching something without paying any attention whatsoever and before I knew it, I had already smoked four cigarettes in the past 40 minutes or so. Finally getting a grip over my thoughts, I got out of bed and bathed. I got dressed, took the copy of 'The Krishna Key', my goggles and started out.

At the hotel reception I made the quick inquiries regarding the time until which darshan would be open and details about getting the free darshan. I got out an took the bus to Alipiri, the place where the steps began.

As I alighted the bus, I realized that I still had a cigarette on me. I looked all around me and immediately spotted the coconut vendor. I ordered for, drank it and had the malai too, all while smoking the last cigarette. In minutes, I began my vow to Lord Venkateswara.

I might have climbed about 300 odd steps without any difficulty. Additionally, I began reading 'The Krishna Key' by Ashwin Sanghi. This guy is a good researcher, but he is not a good writer. That is such a shameful excuse for a thriller novel. Though I wanted to get to the end of it, it wasn't because I wanted to know what happened to the characters; it was because I wanted to know what were the research elements in the book.

However, after reaching that point, the struggle actually began. As the stairs took on a steep ascent, gravity started it's devious pull on me. I climbed the next 50 stairs and simply had to sit down. I just couldn't go any further. They say that the 'Cross-trainer' is a simulation of climbing stairs; but it's no fucking match to gravity. I pitied myself that I was subjecting my body to so many tortures. But I knew that this was the toughest part. Once I got to the horizontal road, life would be easier.

So I carried on. But I could carry on only for another 100 stairs. I just had to sit and catch my breath. That's when I noticed two ladies bending down at each and every step and applying some kind of tilak or something. Man, these ladies were going to do it all the way until the very last step!! Devotion.
What brings about such faith in people?

After reading a bit more of the book, I carried on. Of course, I carried on only in bursts of 50 steps or 100 steps. Adding to the trouble was me being hungry since morning.

While I seated to catch my breath, I saw a kid climbing the stairs along with his family. As he passed me, he looked at me curiously, the way you would look at a creature in a zoo. I was in total contrast to his world - with a book in hand, goggles on my face and look of utter fatigue written all over me. Just as his curiosity had come, it went away.

I got up and started yet again. Finally after about a hour and a half, I got to Gogaligopuram, which is the starting of the third hill. Life was about to get easy again. I got to the counter to get my coupon of free darshan. I was surprised to see that those folks out there actually took a snap of me and immediately handed me a coupon. Of course, we are AP. Of course, we are the software state! I had seen Tirupathi transform over the years. Gone were the wrist bands that were put on us which functioned as our darshan tokens. Now, it was all IT driven.

After having collected my coupon, I went to one of the numerous stalls and ordered for a dosa. I had just gotten into the discipline of avoiding oil at home. But out there, my deliriousness taking over me with every passing second, I gave into what was available. After a short break, I resumed my journey. The rest of the journey was quite easy and passed away without any event.

As I got to the top of the hills, I was finally happy. My free darshan also included a free stay at Madhava Nilayam and a free meal (Don't know where). I inquired at one of those enquiry counters and finally got to Madhava Nilayam, hoping to check into a room and freshen up before hitting the Vaikuntam Complex queues for the darsahn.

But damn me! Damn me to think that I would actually get a room to myself! Madhava Nilayam is a place for everyone - mostly the ones who can't afford the paid accommodation that the economy of TTD thrives on! This Nilayam had a couple of large halls with numerous lockers, where all one had to do was roll out a mattress and settle in for the night. Although dejected, I quickly took a locker and placed all my things in there and set out for the darshan. It was probably 6:45PM then.

After more walking, I joined the queue for my darshan. Within minutes, I got to one of those stair-cased waiting rooms. I knew that the wait will be for some duration. I sat down and went off into my dreamland. After about 20 minutes, I couldn't take it any more. I found a convenient spot and just dozed off. Memories from childhood came floating back. I had been in one of those halls long back with my granny, my aunt, my parents, my cousins. And we had seen the screening of some religious movie - bhakta prahalada i think. I don't the legend neither can I recall it at ease.

As if I was biologically programmed, I woke up. I didn't have my cellphone on me and I had left the habit of wearing a wristwatch. So I had no clue what the time was. However all the people I saw before dozing off were still around me and I knew that it couldn't have been too long. Within minutes of me waking up, the gates were opened.

The devotees thronged out to get a darshan of their master. This queue took a good hour or maybe more. Of course, we all chimed and shouted 'Govinda Govinda' a couple of times. What always fascinates me is the wide array of languages one gets to hear at these religious places. Irrespective of our race, our creed, our state, our culture, our language, our habits - one thing unifies us and unifies us so damn well - our HERITAGE, OUR RELIGION. Finally, I entered the golden gopuram of the famous Lord Venkateswara. In minutes, I got the darshan which obviously lasted for no more than a couple of seconds. Finally, I was out. I remembered that I was forced to buy token for laddus while I was in the queue. I looked at the token and thought about going to get the laddus.

But by then, my deliriousness was getting to me and I decided to head out and eat something. After collecting my flip-flops, which I obviously had to deposit before getting into the complex, I enquired for Woodlands. The guy at the counter encouraged me to go to Annapurna, which in his opinion was equally good. Unable to walk any further, I simply set out in the given directions. While walking I realized that unless I returned with Tirupathi laddus, my visit would be considered incomplete. So reluctantly I turned and traced my way back to the gopuram complex and made it to the laddu complex. After battling some crazy crowds, I finally managed to get my share of 2 laddus. With a tinge of victory, I set out and got to Annapurna mess.

I simply ordered for full meals as I expected them to be good. To my dismay, it was horrible. But having ordered it, I just endured. Almost at 11.15 I was finally done with the first leg of my journey.

Bibliography:

First Come Travel With Me (Written during my visits to IIMB to appear for the IIM selection interviews, travelling from IIT Chennai)

1MM From Love - 6

2012-05-07T15:57:00.000-07:00

Title: But the vibe is wrong!

-----
Quick Prologue:
The very sight of her, would bring a smile to his face and could energize him for the day.
His very smile, would melt her heart and could brighten her world.

When their paths crossed, neither stopped. But, both knew that the other's world had come to a standstill.
Despite indulging in their mundane lives, every now and then, their eyes would scout the surroundings for the other.
And when the eyes met, fireworks went off in their heads and waves of thoughts thrashed the shores of their imaginations.

For a while, each religiously followed this rumdum routine.

If ever anyone would have noticed; they would not have understood the reason behind that stupid smile on their faces (all the frigging time!), which spilled joy all around 'em.

Alas! Like all good things, this routine of theirs was heading towards it's end point.
The guy had decided to make a move.

-----
Quick Chapter 1:
Despite a thousands rehearsals in his head, and prepared witticisms; he was bound to fail.
For one simple reason: BUT THE VIBE WAS WRONG.

The bloke was tall, dark and well, Madrasi machcha.
The dame was well-endowed, fair and well, Kanpuri mirchi.

Now you see, why 'but the vibe was wrong'!

-----
Quick Chapter 2:
In all the mysterious searches their vision had conducted for each other, they both had come to know the other's routine, quite well. We could say, they had it by heart!

The coffee machine.
The next day.
Is what our bloke decided.
He knew she wanted him. She knew he wanted her. Pitbull's song played for a bit in his head.
Then he got back to his rehearsals and prepared witticisms.
Tomorrow was going to be a big day for him! May her too!

As always, by 11 she got into office. She plugged in, booted up, checked her mails, started preparing a mental to-do list, while walking towards the coffee machine.

-----
Quick Chapter 3 A:
She got to the coffee machine, took the glass and hit the button.
He approached from back, went to the adjacent coffee machine.

They both turned their heads. All at once: Love was in the air; Surprise was in her head; and confidence was in our guy.

He said, "Hi, how are you?"
She said, "Dum dum, diga diga"
He: Oh! I'm sorry. My name is ABCD (name changed, on request for anonymity)
She: Dum dum, diga diga
He: See, you do know me.
She: Dum dum, diga diga
He: I was wanting to correct that. Where do you want me to start?
She: Dum dum, diga diga
He: [Having the expression when a lazy elephant, lazily thumps you into the ground, with a lazy stroke of it's trunk] I didn't think this would be easy.
She: Dum dum, diga diga.
He: Challenges a tide too tough and unreasonable; tire everyone. Tata!

They both turned their heads. All at once: Air was in the love; confidence was in her; and surprise was in our guy.

-----
Quick Chapter 3 B:
She got to the coffee machine, took the glass and hit the button.
He approached from back, went to the adjacent coffee machine.

They both turned their heads. All at once: Love was in the air; Surprise was in her head; and confidence was in our guy.

He said, "Illo pillo, illo dillo"
She said, "Am sorry, do I know you"
He: Illo pillo, illo dillo. Illo Pillo dillo (name changed, on request for anonymity).
She: Oh yeah! You are the guy on that side of the floor
He: Illo pillo, illo dillo .
She: I recognize you, I don't know you.
He: Illo pillo, illo dillo.
She: Why do you presume, I'd let you start.
He: [Having the expression when a lazy elephant, lazily thumps you into the ground, with a lazy stroke of it's trunk] Illo pillo, illo dillo.
She: Don't you like challenges? Bye then!
He: Illo pillo, illo dillo!

They both turned their heads. All at once: Air was in the love; confidence was in her; and surprise was in our guy.

The End.
----

The Thri.L Mantra
Laugh, Love, Live
Shriesh.

Love Games

2012-01-27T21:54:00.000-08:00

Series: This tail's got a wrong spin - 1

"God**** f*****g b**c*!" exlcaimed Lingesh, punching the air with his fist. To ensure that his agony was made clearer, he shouted again, "God**** f**..."

"Uff! Are we still on Ricks?! And please stop cussing Linga! Swear words won't get you anywhere with a woman", pleaded Sati, angrily.

Linga: How can I not cuss! What on earth does she want?!

Sati: Maybe she doesn't want anything! Stop expecting the world to revolve around you! Anyways, what happened now? Why are you getting pulled back into that blackhole?

Linga: She was talking to that guy again, the same chap who made his impressions in that office game. She knew I'd notice. She knew, I'd be bugged with that!

Sati: Ah! Despite all your 'let's make this a better place by collaborating, why compete..." delusions, you are competitive!

Linga: Compete...What that Madrasi! Please don't insult me!

Sati: Oh! C'mon. He atleast has an image in the office space. What did you do to attract anyone's attention? And besides, I gotta to admit myself; he has a good body.

Linga: Body! Now, we are shooting off on a random tangent!

Sati: How is it random?! He made his mark, he has a good body. Any lady in office will make small talk with him! And you! Gosh! Do you even know that there is bounce when you walk! If not a body, you gotta get rid of those man-boobs of yours!

Linga: Okay fine, she likes him. I don't care about that. And no! I'll never downgrade myself by competing with a Madrasi. That's going South in life, literally!

Sati: Then, what is this sudden fuss about!

Linga: I don't know. I'm not able to put her out of my head! Why the hell did she throw all those signals my way. I made verbal contact! Well, not in the sweetest of ways; but I did make up for it! What's her problem, why isn't she reciprocating...

Sati: Alright baby...Slow down. Slow down now. Let's take it bit by bit. Throw all those signals my way! You take that 'Alchemist' book a bit too much to heart! Maybe they were not signals! Maybe she was just going about her life; and you saw something that didn't exist!

Linga: Ah! Look who's talking. How many times have you tried selling the concept of 'The Secret' to me! And in anycase, you yourself pointed out that the lady was trying to grab my attention!

Sati: Well, I agree. Some of instances were a bit too uncanny to ignore. But, after considerable thought - I mean it's been over 3 months you've been trying for this girl - I think that they were no signals! Period!

Linga: Oh! Did I tell you? The other day her friends gheraoed me at the coffee machine.

Sati: Gheraoed! Stop being paranoid! I'm sure they didn't corner you with even so much as a word! I'm telling you, you are chasing a ghost!

Linga: This isn't paranoia! This is self-obsession. Everyone in the world is entitled to their share of that. Fine, lets discount the gheraoing bit. What do you say to all those eye-locking games? What do you make of her appearing to take coffee as the same time as me, so many days at a stretch?

Sati: Linga! Seriously! I'm spelling it out for you - T-H-E-R-E-W-E-R-E-N-O-S-I-G-N-A-L-S! You gave her attention, she enjoyed it a bit. She played you for a while. She got bored. She forgot all about it.

Linga: I'm telling you there were....

Sati: Now, moving onto the next bit. You made verbal contact!

Linga: Oh yeah! I expected her to make the move. She didn't. Fine, being in the guy, I did!

Sati: Think about it Linga. You are smart. Why do you think she never made the move?

Linga: She doesn't have the courage!

Sati: You chauvinist. Don't be so disparaging of a women!

Linga: So, what are you telling me! She never wanted to make a move?

Sati: If a women did want to make conversation with you, she would have done it. Trust me, I know how these things work.

Linga: F*** ya! Just a couple of weeks back you were saying "Oh! C'mon. You should say Hi. Don't expect her to start a conversation. She is already dropping hints all over the place...."

Sati: I admit, I did. I'll also admit, I made a mistake. I could hear and read only your perspectives. But now that I put my women's heart to work and digest all that, I'm giving an updated perspective. The real perspectives.

Linga: So, you are telling me that every woman out there; who is interested in a guy - will make the first move.

Sati: Don't generalise. Lets talk only about Ricks. You've noticed her in office. She does seem to be the ambitious type. You've noticed her make conversation with a lot of male colleagues too. You have seen her smile, in generous measure in those conversations. If she wanted to make conversation with you, she would have!

Linga: Yeah, we did go over this line of argument earlier. Didn't we agree earlier that she didn't have the context to make a conversation with me?

Sati: Yes, so you created a context. That facebook message. Cornering her in the night, late in the day, on a bloody weekend - to claim ownership of your facebook stalking! Yes, you created a context. I'd say it was a criminal context, at best.

Linga: Yes, I admit. We didn't start off on a great note. But, what could I've done?

Sati: Okay, I'm going to spell this out again for you P-R-E-S-E-N-C-E-O-F-M-I-N-D. In all those instances that you said she was throwing signals your way, all you had to do was 'pick 'em up, smiled and danced on the chance!'

Linga: Now again! You admit there were signals!

Sati: Moron. I'm just preparing you for future blackholes!

Linga: Oh shaddup...

Sati: Now, there remains the last thread. You made conversation, she didn't reciprocate.

Linga: Yeah! I still don't get it!

Sati: How on earth did you get so entrenched in her charm! When she didn't even spin it on you!

Linga: What are you talking about?!

Sati: Are you the dumbest person on the planet!! Who doesn't reciprocate?!

Linga: Someone who gets nervous, when you catch 'em off-guard!

Sati: Linga, weren't you the one who noticed the ring on her finger!?

Linga: So, you think that her committment or whatever that ring signifies is holding her back!?

Sati: No, you idiot! I'm telling you that you don't matter to her!

Linga: God**** f****n* ***ch!

Sati: Oh c'mon

Linga: Not Ricks, you!

Sati: What the hell! I have come here to help you out and this is how you treat your wellwishers?

Linga: That's precisely the point. You are here to help me, not stab me with dollops of logic and rationale!

Sati: Linga, we can keep playing this game for a while longer. But, then eventually I'll have to break it out to you. I'm just avoiding the delay, which in my opinion reduces the pain!

Linga: (laughing) You are speaking as if I had a crush on her or something!

Sati: You should hear yourself talk Linga. Not me, every girl in the world will think the same.

Linga: Well, I don't want to. Anyways, given that you are high on logic and reason - hypothetically - if a girl doesn't respond / reciprocate, what should a guy do? Assuming that he can't get her out of his head?

Sati: Two things. First - maintain contact consistently, repeating only those instances where her response was favourably. That means, no facebook messaging!

Linga: Ok, I've blocked her on fb anyways.

Sati: What on earth!!!

Linga: Anyways, what's the second thing?

Sati: Why did you block her on facebook?

Linga: How does it matter? Haven't you just lawyered me that she isn't interested in me? She probably doesn't even know it.

Sati: You need psychiatric care.

Linga: C'mon what's the second thing?

Sati: Be shameless

Linga: What do you mean?

Sati: Keep trying. Don't get battered down by the failures. Persistence, constant attention - these are a couple of things women don't mind at all.

Linga: Copy that. Anyways, it's a weekend. What are your plans for the night?

Sati: When you called me and asked me to meet you in the breakout area; I assumed you had a plan with me in mind....

Linga: My plans always revolve around you, you know that?

Sati: I can see that, Linga.

Linga: Well, they do have the scope to involve others as well. But that doesn't mean that you aren't in 'em too. Anyways, a new club is opening in town tonight, we have the invites.

---------

An hour later:

Friend: So Linga, what says she?

Linga: Yo bro! Imprint these in your head - be shameless; keep trying; make your impressions in office; appear as that high-potential person; have a good body; display strong presence of mind; and yeah don't send her message on fb!

Friend: What on earth man! I don't want to woo her you know! I just want to befriend her.

Linga: Dude, this is all for that only. Mind you, she is the ambitious type. It'll take a lot more that what I just told you; to actually woo her.

Friend: So, how do you think I should proceed?

Linga: We will be going out to the new club tonight. Thanks for giving us the invites. I'll introduce you.

Friend: What on earth! We went through this long drama, of over 3 months - for what! - for you to introduce us! You could have done it, without any of this dramarama!

Linga: I could have. But, now you know what it takes to succeed with her. I don't like seeing failures in my friends.

Friend: Screw you dude! You speak like I'm in love with here or something!

Linga: You should hear yourself talk about her, you'll know. Oh btw, thank Ricks. I'll thank her from my end too, for putting up this facade. It worked.

----------

Themes of our life: 1. That Chick.....

2012-01-13T06:50:00.001-08:00

Darn it! Darn it! Darn it!

Those kajal-lined eyes....That mysterious dimpled smile...That killer supermodel dressing sense...That innocuous sexual innuendo...Those shy stealing glances.....The subtle torque with which her body moves...That inadvertently revealed clumsiness....That all-understanding expression....That peacock like grace....That tantalizing fragrance.....

A million flowers blossom at once in my heart, at her very sight; imprisoning me in that moment.

And the moment keeps playing in my head, over and over and over again, like a stuck record....

I don't want this. The explosion of those lugubrious questions in my otherwise zen-state mind.

I don't want this. The waves of incomprehension, soaking me wet with anguish.

I dont want this. The audacious willful step taken, only to end up in an infinity of self reproach.

I don't want this. An end to a thriller, without having written even a single chapter.

And the moment keeps playing in my head, over and over and over again, like a stuck record....

The explosion of those lugubrious questions in my otherwise zen-state mind.

Was it for me? Does she like me? What does she want of me? Wow, she noticed me? Is she thinking about me? Was it directed at me? Was that a hint? What should I do? Why is she looking at me like that? Why does she smile at my jokes? Wow, is that adoration I see in her eyes? We'd be good together? Is that what I should aim for? When did she start liking me? When did I start liking her?

What should I do? How should I do?

I don't want this.

The waves of incomprehension, soaking me wet with anguish.

Got to initiate contact, but how?

Maybe I just walk up to her and say 'Hi'. Gosh! Don't even know how she talks like!?

Maybe I buy a rose and give it to her. Gosh! Don't even know what her likes are!?

Maybe I write a letter to her. Gosh! Don't even know what sort of books she reads!?

Maybe I start talking to one of her guy friends. Gosh! Don't even know how close she is to guys!?

Maybe I add her on facebook. Gosh! Don't even know if she entertains such cheap things!?

Maybe I find her number and send her an sms. Gosh! Don't even know whom all she talks to!?

Maybe I ask one of her colleagues to give me that intro. Gosh! No courgae to talk to one, how do I talk to the rest!?

Got to initiate contact, but how?

Hmm...I'll do this.

I don't want this.

The audacious willful step taken, only to end up in an infinity of self reproach.

Darn it! Why the blank expression on her face!!!!

Shit!

Will she tell her family? Will they tell my parents? I might get bashed up...

Will she tell her friends / colleagues? I might be ridiculed...

Will my colleagues / friends get to know? They might take my case forever...

Why didn't I just scratch my itch and forget it!?

Shit!

What will she do now...Why did I have to be so foolish!?

Who all will know...Why did I not think this before!?

What all will happen....Why didn't I consider the consequences!?

Darn this emptiness!

Darn this blankness!

Why does time have to pass so slowly!?

Why does my life suck!?

Fish! Shit! Darn it!

I dont want this.

An end to a thriller, without having written even a single chapter.

Maybe we could have been great friends! Stringing together treasured memories along this journey....

Or Maybe we could have perhaps dated for a while! Allowed the intoxication of love to spin it's magic in our heads...

Or Maybe we could have been married. Facing the trials and tribulations of life together....

But now, I'm just another guy in her life....

Not even sure if I am even in her life...

I'm probably not even a footnote or even a referenced superscript in her life...

I don't want this.

Darn it. Darn it. Darn it!

- - -

A few days later....

Those kajal-lined eyes....That mysterious dimpled smile.............

And the cycle begins again!

Laugh, Love, Live

Shriesh

Teenage Jazz - 1

2011-11-29T05:21:00.000-08:00

Snippets from the Indian Concrete Jungle - "At least, they try!"

Friday 10:56PM, Rain, Close to Cyberabad.

It was an office party. Being five vodkas down and hearing the DJ chrun out Fedde Le Grand; my feet dragged me onto the dance floor. Who cared if I could dance or not? I was feeling good and the music was groove-worthy..."Are you m***** f*****s having a good time.....steal this damn record...."!

With only 3 more audacious people on the floor, I wouldn't have been missed by anyone!

He didn't. He noticed me...as much as his eyes pleased.

Monday 11:35AM, Office, Cyberabad.

Monday morning blues. Grumpy hues. I was in no mood to work. But, I ain't married to no prince!

I got to my desk and noticed a diary milk lying there. I looked to my neighbor, "Hey what's this? Something special today?"

Neighbor: "What? The diary milk? Why do you get one. Why didn't I get one. Hey Tina, come here, take a look at this"

Tina and the neighbor, their eyes glittering with envy, looked at me expectingly. I took the diary milk into my hand and noticed the small slip of paper hiding beneath it. '"Have a sweet day" - AK.'

"AK?" I looked at my neighbor and Tina. The eyes of envy zoomed in onto the slip. Their glances bounced from the slip to each other, back to the slip and then back to me. Determinedly, back onto me.

I shrugged, "No clue!"

And both of them went, "Oooooooo...secret admirer!!!"

Just then, my boss came out his cabinet and shouted, "Sakshi, can you get in here for a minute. We need to talk about XYZ client".

For now, I left the chocolate on my desk and decided to return to my mundane life.

Monday 6:49PM, Office. Cyberabad.

All my blues had vanished. The XYZ Client work had engrossed me, so bad that I had to skip lunch. But, at this hour, I decided it was enough for a day. The client could wait, my bed musn't! I was about to bang shut my laptop cover, when I saw a ping.

Unknown: Hi Sakshi. Had a sweet day?

[The diary milk swam back into conscious memory. Yes, the logs. Wheres the fire?] Sakshi: Hmm..Is this AK?

Unknown: You want it to be?

Sakshi: How do you make your name appear as Unknown"

Unknown: Coffee? I'll see you in Barista @9. Game on?

Sakshi: What?! You are asking me out already?

Unknown: Should I have waited till you asked me out?

Sakshi: What makes you think I want to go with you?

Unknown: What makes you think you shouldn't gimme a chance!

Sakshi: Hello!!!!

Unknown: Lets continue talking @ Barista, Ciao.

He went offline.

I looked for Tina and couldn't find her. I went over to my neighbor's desk and narrated the surreal chat with my secret admirer. She looked at me, winked and said, "So, you are going right?"

I said, "Hmm....if he doesn't have the balls to come face to face and say Hi, whats the point? We ain't teenagers anymore!"

At 8:50PM that night, almost in a programmed way, I started walking towards Barista, before reason knocked hard on my conscience. What the hell was I doing? I turned away, hitched onto a rick and went home.

Tuesday 11:23AM, Office. Cyberabad.

I got into office and was half expecting to see a diary milk on my desk.

Predictably, I did see one.

Although I anticipated this stalker's steps, I couldn't help but feel good about myself. I lifted to get to the note. The text put a smile on my face instantly, '"Everyone deserves a second change - AK"'. Tina walked over, she looked at our neighbor and winked at her.

Tuesday 8:49PM, Office. Cyberabad.

I was prepared to give 'whoever' this was, a piece of my mind, for all this teenage jazz. I shut work off my mind and was waiting for the 'unknown' to ping me.

Tuesday 9:15PM, Office. Cyberabad.

Was still waiting.

I decided I'd wait for a couple more minutes. I opened up my facebook profile and tried to think, who it could be. After a couple more minutes, some logical thinking and no answers, I decided to call it a day. Just when I was shutting my lappy, I saw a dialog box. I hurriedly opened, with my best presence of mind at hand.

D*** it! It was just the regular daily 'backup' reminder!

Tuesday 11:12PM, Office. Cyberabad.

Back into my life, I was going through the fb updates when I got a new message.

From: Unknown

Sub: Hello

Message: Still can't catch me?

The sweet whispers of the 'anticipated unknown' were beginning to dissolve. I shut my laptop, went to the balcony and lit my last cigarette for the day. Who on earth was this f*****???

As I stubbed the ciggy, I decided that if the guy wouldn't make himself known by tomorrow; I'd go straight to the HR.

Wednesday 11:10AM, Office. Cyberabad

I decided that I'd not eat the diary milk today, despite my intense love for chocolate. I got to my desk, but there was no diary milk there today.

I glanced through the whole workspace, including the shelf.

Tina was looking at me with a smile. With suspicion in my heart and a smile on my face, I asked, "Did you take it?"

Tina, with a look of insult on her face said, "No!"

Wednesday 11:36AM, Office. Cyberabad.

I was trying to get back to my work, but the b***** f***** was ruining it for me. I decided to use fb to blast him into outer space. I logged in.

The message had been deleted.

Wednesday 9:45PM, Office. Cyberabad.

Almost like an habit, I had been waiting for the 'unknown's' ping. It was 25 minutes already. Even fb updates can't keep you hooked for that long! Another 10 minutes, I decided.

Nothing happened.

I was wrapping up my day, when I saw my neighbor typing away to glory on her computer. From my place, I asked, "Hey, late night huh?"

My neighbor replied half-mindedly, "Yeah! BS! Ciao"

And all I could say was, "Ciao. Wow, you are getting cool eh!"

--------------------------------------------------------

Friday 11:24AM, Office. Cyberabad.

The 'diary milks of my desk', were a distant joke now. I had completely gotten back into my normal routine.

Saturday 10:38PM, The Club. Cyberabad.

A week had gone by after the office party and 'house' was calling me again. I had to pay my visits to my temple afterall, my religion! Along with some of my colleagues, I entered into The Club and started my rituals - Vodka and apple juice.

Half an hour later, while downing my third peg for the night, I noticed my neighbor getting 'jiggy' with some guy I had never seen.

I immediately messaged Tina, "Hey, wassup with Prerna?"

After 10 long minutes, I got the response from her "Prerna...oh yeah...she has started someone..."

I replied, "Who?"

I waited for the response. Kept waiting before Guetta's "Getting Over You" started playing....

Monday 10:45AM, Office. Cyberabad.

I was getting to my desk when I noticed Tina standing at Prerna's desk. I got closer and noticed that Prerna was smiling away to glory, trying to catch the melting and dripping diary milk....

Laugh, Love, Live

Shriesh.

Pardon Me Not!

2011-03-28T14:22:00.000-07:00

I just got off a call with her. She had screwed with my head, completely, every second of the hour-long conversation. All the aspersions she cast! No matter how I looked at it; she was utterly incapable, incorrigibly immature to realize that she was responsible for me being heartburnt and heartbroken as well!

I didn't know what to do. With my eyes open, I was in a daze. Unconsciously, I picked up the remote in front of me and switched the idiot box on. Godd***** fate!! Of all songs that could have been playing, this had to be playing on. This fact and the sheer volume of the TV snapped me back into reality. Swiftly, I turned down the volume and started surfing.

Subconsciously again, I entered into the role of the 'idiot box vagabond'.

But, I'm an indulgent vagabond! Three hours later, with three distinct memories boxing around in my mindscape, I wondered who was more wrong.....

----

(3 hours ago)

Channel VOI:

Guy: This joke is awesome! Look, the cat is showing it's middle finger! Hahahaha...

Lady: Oh darn it! You good for nothing idiot. This is simply not working out!

Guy: Honey! What are you saying?

Lady: Gosh! Now you can't even follow simple English? I want to break up with you!

Guy: Why? Why all of a sudden?

Lady: All of a sudden? You are gifted you to be dumb, aren't you?!

Guy: (in tears) What did I do wrong?

Lady: Wrong?!?!? What did you do right? It has been three years since our prom, since your first mistake! The day you came and proved that your IQ was as big as a peanut! Remember when you asked my dad if you could marry me?!! We were going for a bloody prom and you came in with a proposal!!

Guy: Is it my fault that I was in love with you since then?!

Lady: Love is great honey! You are a great lover! I'll give that much to you. Some use of all that gyming! But, why can't you use your head! Three years back, I had hoped that you'd change. You'd begin using your head!

Guy: Me trying to keep you happy pisses you off!!

Lady: For heaven's sake man, go buy a bloody head, a bloody mind, a bloody intellect!

Guy: What do you mean, get a bloody intellect?

Lady: This is what pissed me off! You like this sofa, Why, you have no clue?! You want to watch the game, Why, you have no clue?! You want to go to the movies, Why, you have no frigging clue!? You'll vote for him, Why, he looks good! You want to start a garage sale company, why, you think it is a brilliant idea! You want to do it that way, why, you saw it on the porno!!

Guy: You've always been like this!! Insulting my intellect, insulting my decisions, insulting my thoughts, insulting my ideas, insulting my opinions, insulting my intellect!!

Lady: You don't have a bloody intellect!!

[Me] This is insane. How sissy can a guy get! But, isn't the lady wrong? Looking at his face, hearing the pain in his voice; it ain't difficult to see that his love has some substance. But, why does this lady ignore his love, violate his intelligence?!?! Is 'violation of intellect' pardonable in love? Is 'violation of intellect' pardonable in any relationship?

Subconsciously, the trigger went again and I was onto this other Channel.

(2 hours ago)

Channel VOB:

Co-ordinator: Thank you Sharon! Thank you for sharing your woes. I hope you are feeling better. I'd do the same if I were in your place.

(The group mumbles approval of Sharon's actions and claps in chorus)

Co-ordinator: Glad that we all agree. Now, dear (looking the lady next to Sharon), would you like to share something with us.

Lady: My name is Sujatha. I got married in India and he helped me get here. For the first two months, I felt like a princess from a fairy tale. Everything was so hunky-dory. He treated me so well. Then that night....I still remember, he said that he'd heard from his friends that this....this particular form of sex......was wonderful. At first I was horrified!! I heard from my friends that insertion into the behind is the most painful thing!!....He was husband, I was naive and we were in love. Yes! He was also in love with me. So, I was acquiescent.

It hurt.

But the love in his eye and the soothing magic in his voice pacified all my agony. I didn't realise that it was just the beginning. (Tears swell out of her eyes) Then he got some toys. There was only one reason I played along: LOVE.

But this was a form that left scars and marks on me. Scars that'll take a lifetime to heal. Marks that become part of my identity. So long as the 'love' marks could be hidden, it was okay. But, his lust took over him like a madness. Before I realised.......(Breaks down, sobbing)

(Group sighs together. Some of the women are in tears...)

Co-ordinator: Love is a powerful force and it makes us do almost everything. But some of us misuse the charm it can hold. At times, things might go too far. I don't want to press you into revealing anything....

Lady: (Trying to recover) Thanks. I'm feeling a little better. The worse part of it was, he'd make up for his monstrosities the next day. Flowers, 'I love yous', kisses....everything. The whole bargain. It was difficult for me to match the guy whom I saw in the night and whom I saw in the day. Infact one day he picked up a fight up a friend because he made a lewd comment at me. I was sure that he was in love with me. But his fantasies got wilder by the day. (Lifts her sleeves upto shoulder length. The gore remains of that lustful werewolf, sting the spectators eyes. Some of the women gasp in horror!) One day, I decided to stand up. I decided to reason. I knew my love could heard. But that night....that night....he re....re.........rapped me (Her cheeks are wet with tears)

Co-ordinator (in tears herself): He re....he........he really did that?

Lady: He loved me!

Co-ordinator (struggling to regain her composure): Even in love, is violation of the body permissible? Scars heals, marks can be covered; true. But, is the very violation of the integrity of the physical existence pardonable?

[Me] All the titillation that was pumping blood to my organ; tided away with that last statement! I started thinking....how inhuman is rape, whether in love or not? For that matter, how inhuman is the violation of the body? Before I could dive deeper into this abyss, I realised that I had switched the channels again.

(One hour earlier)

Channel VOH:

Guy: Hey sweetheart. [Gives the red rose to her]

Lady: (With a thoroughly bored expression) Hi.

Guy: Hey, whats wrong? Why are you so dull?

Lady: Ahh...thanks for the rose. I need to tell something to you...there is no sweet way to do it...I'll just come straight....I'm done.

Guy: Huh?

Lady: I'm done with you.

Guy: What?

Lady: We are done. We are over. This is the last time I'm meeting you.

Guy: What happened? Why all of a sudden?

Lady: I got what I wanted. I have no more interest in you.

Guy: What? You got what you wanted? What the hell was that?

Lady: Access to the C-Suite.

Guy: What? Then, why this whole drama of liking me?

Lady: Think of it as courtesy. Think of it as politeness.

Guy: Why? Why did you have to play with my feelings, if all you wanted was to get access to them!!

Lady: Well, you can keep going on and on about it. Why are you behaving like we are a couple!

Guy: What! We aren't a couple? What about all the roses? What about all the night long conversations? What about all the kisses? What about all the love-you's?! What about all the plans for our marriage?? What about all those 'house-decking' conversations!?

Lady: C'mon. If you didn't think, we were a couple; I wouldn't have gotten what I wanted! Grow up. You aren't rich. You aren't the most good-looking. Neither are the most powerful. But you do have access to the most powerful in the organization. Thank you for inviting me to the dinner last week.

Guy: You could have thrown this darned bomb on last week itself.

Lady: I did. I was subtle. In retrospect, I think I shouldn't have been.

Guy: Darn it! You can't get away by playing with my emotions. Making me think that you are the sweetest angel on this planet. Letting me weave dreams around us. Driving me so crazy about you. Allowing me to bask in your fragrance!

Lady: Watch me!

With this she got up. Shouted out to the waiter, "Can you help me out! This guy here is harassing me!"

[Me] What on earth! She just played him! Darn it! She should be stoned to death in a public square! How can anyone do that! Is this violation of the heart, permissible?

-----

The phone started ringing. I took the call, "Sorry. I'm so sorry!"

The anger in me started dispersing like the pollen in the gentle autumn breeze....

Small to Big

2010-07-31T12:34:00.000-07:00

Like everyday; she picked out the newspaper and settled down to read it. She got to the business segment and momentarily froze. In bold; written across the page was the headline "Shankar's small ideas hit big time"

Memories from a distant lifetime started streaming back in...

--------------------

20 years ago

Sati: Hey ma! I'm going to Shankar's place. I want to play with him...

Sati's mom: You should play with girls of your age. Why don't you go to Geeta's house instead.

Sati: Oh mom. We all play together. Hey they are calling, I'm going.

With this she rushed out and jumped across the compound wall into Shankar's house.

Shankar: Good. The three of us have been waiting for you to begin 3D Ludo.

Sati: Oh Shankar, once again. Not those 3D games again. Why can't we play 'house house' again. It'll be sweet. I'll play the wife and you play husband...

Shankar: After my game sweetheart.

Sati: You always say that...

--------------------

Sati brushed those thoughts away and started reading the report.

3D Games company 'Dimensionz' has hit big time. The opening IPO reception was completely unexpected. Experts at the dalal street are flabberghasted that a toys and games company could have such pull over investors. The owner of the company, Shankar has what it takes to become the next equity king. His opening speech had removed whatever few doubts that remained in the future of his company. Whether it is the company or his words that the investors trust; it is hard to say...

The pull of the thoughts in her head was too strong and she couldn't resist any longer....

--------------------

15 years ago

Shankar: So, thats it Sati. Thats why I'm being sent off to boarding school.

Sati: But, Shankar!! Your father is in terrible shape already. The absence of your mom will kill him. If you leave too...

Shankar: He is the one who took the decision to send me there you know.

Sati: But, Shankar!! You are so good at convincing people. Why can't you talk him out of it. What will I do without you?

Shankar: Sweetheart. I'm only a child and so are you. I might be good at convincing people, but don't forget; he is my Dad! If I'm good at it, he is god at it. I've heard they got a swimming pool and swimming is a compulsory course at the school.

Sati: You will forget me. You'll meet new people. You'll forget me. You are starting a completely new life. You'll forget me.

Shankar: Oh Shaddup. I'll not forget you or Geeta or Chintu or any of you. You are all my friends.

Sati: That's what Madhav had told us two years back before going to boarding school remember.

Shankar: Hey yeah. Madhav is also there. I almost forgot!

Sati: You'll forget me...

Shankar: Oh dear. I'll write to you often. Okay?

Sati: Oh Shankar. I'll miss you..

--------------------

Pushing the thoughts aside, she returned to her paper....

Dimensionz had humble beginnings. Four years ago; armed with a MBA from IIM Lucknow, Shankar refused lucrative offers of placement on campus to start off on his own. He started with a meagre 5 lakhs to set-up his first manufacturing unit. With only his peers to help and his dreams to power him; he set out marketing 3D chess. He struggled like most others and would've abandoned his dreams if not for the Indian Chess Championships. A small module was introduced in the championships for 3D games and it ended up garnering more attention than the normal games. There was no looking back after that...

--------------------

4 years ago

Shankar (over the phone): Hi Sati. I'm in town. Want to catch up?

Sati: Where have you been all these years? You said, you'd write. You never did.....

Shankar: I know dear. I never got the time. I was too caught up in my curriculum.

Sati: We are not children anymore.

Shankar: And that's what interests me even further.

Sati: I have a date with someone, Shankar.

Shankar: Wow. Nice. So, can't we meet up after that?

Sati: There is no looking back Shankar. I am committed to him.

--------------------

[Newspaper Report]

Shankar then released most of the known games in 3D format. It didn't take long for me-too companies to start manufacturing products like Dimensionz. Ready for this; Shankar had already started his gaming community.

It works on a very simple basis. Every Dimensionz game board is loaded with an automatic system updater. Every individual playing on the board and winning can track their score online amongst the community of over a million-children. In summers; the 'Dimensionz zone' all-India championships then invites the top 10 children from every city for over a 100 variety of games. The children from all over India battle it out with the best across the country and parts of this are streamed online. Says Eashwar, VP Finance at Dimensionz; "When Shankar proposed this idea to all of us, we all laughed it out. To us, this was a one-time work and investment. We didn't realize that there was so much potential in things as simple as Snakes & Ladders.

--------------------

1 year ago

Sati: Hey dear, what is that you are reading.

Sati's husband: It is about a company by name Dimensionz. It makes those 3D games, you know. The owner Shankar is quite a charmer.

Sati: So what are you reading about?

Sati's husband: He has come to us. He wants us to work on the IPO. I don't believe he thinks investors will be interested in things like this.

Sati: Oh c'mon. You know the craze. Actually, I never believed in it either. But, look a the potential. People throng to those 'Dimensionz Zone' Championships.

Sati's husband: Hey I think there is an interview today. Lets listen to what he has to say.

[On the television]

Host: So, Mr. Shankar. The 3D gamer. Your games are a craze amongst children. So, how did this whole idea about games come about?

Shankar: I don't think it is the games that are a craze. I think it is the competition that gets them going. All of us are competitive by nature. The competition pool could be as small as the local community or the skool. But, by enlarging the competition pool; the competitive spirit is tempted. The whole idea was to give these ordinary games an extra-ordinary presence. I realized at the very beginning that merely making 3D games was not sustainable. So, we had to attach some service aspect to it. Put the competitive spirit and this service aspect together and bingo; you have a sustainable business model.

--------------------

Sati folded the newspaper and realized that her dirty clothes had to be washed. She couldn't help smiling thinking of how big her Shankar had made by taking small ideas.

3 years ago

Sati: Hey Shankar. This is Sati.

Shankar: That's a voice I'd recognize even if I were in another life.

Sati: Oh you flirt! We barely talk and you say such things.

Shankar: Hunee, I'm waiting to go in for the chess championships. Our company's games can hit big time if we get this thing right. So, if you don't mind; can I buzz you later.

Sati: You always say that, but you never call. Anyways, I am getting married.

Shankar: Wow, congrats. Babie. I need to rush. But, I'll call you in a short while. I want to know all the details....

Sati: Shankar, do you really believe that such small ideas of yours can hit big time?

Shankar: Babie, skepticism doesn't get anyone anywhere.

Sati: Foolish dreaming neither does...

The line went blank.

--------------------

MM from Love - 3

2010-07-20T11:18:00.000-07:00

She was at the wheel. Pure adrenaline was dancing on her face. She was wild and as it happens; on such long highways whenever they are just driving to neverland, she gets all kinds of ideas.

Her: Why do you think Rohan left her?

Him: Rohan would be a better person to answer this honey. He is coming over next weekend.

Her: You men! What are you scared of telling me?

Him: Goddamnit! That's a speed-breaker. Its for you to break your speed.

[[Kicking harder on the accelerator, with mischief in her smile]]

Her: Shaddup. Now, tell me why do you THINK he left her?

Him: Well, I think he was not getting good enough sex...

Her: Ah! Can you men think of something elz?

Him: We can, if you women can listen. I THINK he was getting bored. And in any case, they aren't married yet.

Her: Will you get bored with me?

Him: The universe always has to revolve around you, shouldn't it?

Her: Hey look; the river. I'm stopping over.

Before he could voice his agreement. The brakes bring the speeding monster to an abrupt halt.

Before he could voice his plan; the angel was out of the car.

Spreading her arms; taking in the serenity, she beckons him with her eyes to come. To join in enjoying the moment.

As it happens, happiness bubbled up to his eyes and his legs just started walking in her direction.

Reaching the shore full of meadows, they halted in the moment. Embracing the announcing pleasantness as well as his treasure, her...

Him: Babie, I don't think I'll ever be bored of you.

Her: Why?

Him: Every action of yours, every part of you, every inch of you keeps me occupied.

Her: That's all I wanted to hear. I like my universe revolving around me.

Him: How about we shift the centre of gravity to me?

Her: Okay, so hows your friend from office?

Him: How about I talk about my sweetest friend and do...

The touch of her lips always aroused the animal in him. And her responding and accepting lips; urged the animal to seek more.

After a few enchanting moments, glently pushing him away; she is about to say something when he...

Him: Honey, I know I want to get married to you.

[[Unable to control her blush]] Her: So; what's all this? Live-in?

Him: Holy Jeez. Yes, it is.

Her: Jeez? When did you turn christian?

Him: Holy Krishna. Alright?!!

Her: Shiva Shiva. I need a baby exactly like you.

Him: Then, what will you do to me?

Her: Discard.

Him: Nicest try. Forget the baby. Make do with me.

Her: Ain't I already.

With this before they knew; their lips were in touch with each other. Tongues touched like two fighting swords; exploring the potency of each other.

That's when the phone buzzed.

Her: Wow. It is you sweetie from office.

Him: No, babie. Not sweetie. Mr. Papa from work. Boss calling.

Her: Yeah, yeah go on and indulge in your work; leaving me...leaving the urgency of this moment...

Him: Babe, just shaddup.

While he got engaged in some fire-fighting with his 'Papa'; she turned towards the gushing waters. She tried remembering when was the last time she felt bliss. The realization drenched her like the inviting monsoon rains bringing in showers of joy. She turned around again and gazed into his eyes. His eyes locked with hers.

Him: That's it boss. In anycase boss; if you don't mind can we take this up tomorrow.

And then after a few short courtesies; like a cupids' arrow had been shot through him, he leapt towards her.

Him: God babie. You know I should start working again; I really need to. I've taken it too damn easy.

Her: Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not important at all.

Him: Sweetheart. You know how screwed up I'm getting at work. U know it babie. Why can't you be supportive for awhile.

Her: My sweetheart is damn good. I know he'll catch up.

With this she swung her arms around him.

Him: Babie. I also know your sweetheart is good. But in this cruel world; we need to keep proving it.

Her: What boring stuff you keep talking about. Lets buy that house. I really loved it.

And with this; imagination crept up onto her face and she started using her hands and eyes to begin describing her future abode, her heaven.

Her: In that living room, lets have purple colour. No pink. No no, purple. No. Wait, there'll be a sofa like the one we saw at HomeTown; the red coloured ones. And then there'll be the plasma TV in that north-easter corner. Also, one coffee table. We'll keep only Vogue on it. No boring educational stuff. Only leisure. Cream colour it would...

Him: Babie. Will you marry me?

He was down on one knee and he had produced that saffire ring gleaming in the gold...

Million Magics from LOVE

Brownian Motion.

2010-05-29T14:26:00.000-07:00

For the sake of anonymous reference; let address 'em as 'BS', 'GA', 'the Gang' and 'A'.

'BS' keeps teasing me about 'GA'.
'the Gang' thinks that I got hots for 'GA'.
'A' is now in the loop of primary circuit and knows about all these things.

I've confessed openly in front of the 'the Gang' that I don't like 'GA'.
'GA' used to think that I got it jiggy with 'BS'
'A' hates the fact that I have given "BS' attention.

'the Gang' used to tease me about 'GA'
'BS' knows how uncomfortable I am with 'the Gang'.
'A' is here to be.

Gotta shift to town.
Gotta buy a car.
Gotta buy a house.
'A' will be with me shortly.

Diary Entry-2

2010-04-18T09:02:00.000-07:00

BANISHED!

This is not the first time it has happened. This is not the first person it has happened with.

Like always; the cascade of events was the same:

That person and I are introduced to each other. We leave the first meeting with 'just about okay' sort of impressions.
After a while; that person and I begin 'collaborating' a little more closely.
As it happens in the nature of collaboration; adversity comes and hits us as a pair. As it happens; I lower my personal guard and gates to my personal existence are wide open. That person may walk in innocently, unknowing or deliberately to soothe my troubled soul.
Once in, that person begins taking liberties that haven't been sanctioned (innocently or deliberately). I tolerate such unwelcome advances for the sake of friendship. This is where my 'self-respect begins eroding.
That person unaware of my emotional turmoil keeps taking liberties, unwarranted liberties: saying things that shouldn't be said, doing things that shouldn't be done and behaving in a manner which is not creditable. Of course; I am no saint. In the name of friendship; even I do take some liberties.
But the difference between that person and me taking liberties is the scale and magnitude. I cannot disrespect humans. My mother has groomed me quite well and I do know where to draw the line.
So far the story reads: that person is taking unnecessary liberties. I am suppressing the out roar of my self-respect and tolerating such advances in the name of friendship.
But, I have my breakpoints. At times that person may say things or do things or behave in a manner that is completely unacceptable to me. All their slights; all their snubs; all their insults and all their frivolities can be ignored; except those that are not acceptable to me.
Once that unacceptable thing is done, once the cut on my heart has been and once my faith has been violated ; I recoil back into my world. I close the gates of my life to that other person. I BANISH them from my existence.
And worse of it all; I don't even let them know why I would be behaving in such a bizarre manner.
So, at first they try to reconcile. I just don't talk.
Then they try a little harder; I start my rebuttal. After I've been scarred; I need my revenge. So, I might say things that shouldn't be said. I might do things that shouldn't be done. I might behave in a manner that is not creditable.
This pisses that person off. That person is being nice to me and all that; instead of co-operating, I start hurting them.
Then, they reach their breakpoints.
So they stop talking to me. They stop interacting with me. So now, they BANISH me from their existence.

This is not the first time it has happened. This is not the first person it has happened with.

The last time it had happened; it had hurt me very very gravely. The emotional turmoil had wrecked my happiness. Friendship broken cannot be mended. I wept in my heart trying to answer the question, "Why can't that person understand? Why can't that person look at things my way?" I cursed my blood trying to think what that person might be up to; what we both would be up to if we were spending time together. I spent unending hours waiting for that person to come and say "Hey Shri, just tell me what went wrong...?"

But then; the silence remains and the darkness grows. When I look back, I earnestly feel I could've have made it different. I honestly feel; may be self-respect is not as important as friendship. When the memory of that person surfaces back; there is an emotional pinch at my heart. And for a few mesmerized minutes I think: "Ahh....What could have been?..."

In the near past, there has been one more person with whom the cascade of events was repeated. This time I don't want to think..."Ahh...what could have been?..."

I will not be able to toast to my self respect; but I'll definitely be able toast to my friend.

Dear diary, pray for me.

Laugh, Love, Live
Shriesh.

Goddamn Bitch

2010-04-18T08:54:00.000-07:00

Goddamn Bitch!!
She lives in her own bloody fucking dreamworld.
Assumedly a stinking place; where thoughts are only cloudy never condensing.
Assumedly an uncouth place; where feelings are in only disarray,always!
Assumedly an uncomforting place; where tones of expression are never modulated.
Goddamn Fucking Bitch.

Goddamn Bitch!!
She draws mundance inferences from her own damned reality.
Apparently foolish inferences; which can only hurt someone.
Apparently sexist inferences; for she rallies around people of her sex based on such inferences.
Goddamn Fucking Bitch.

Goddamn Bitch!!
She behaves like she is unimpeachable princess of her neverland.
Evidently stupid!
Goddamn Fucking Bitch.

Goddamn Bitch!!
Why can't the goddamn bitch stop fucking around?!
Goddamn Fucking Bitch.

The Fours(e) in my Life

2010-04-13T15:27:00.000-07:00

.
My mornings begin only with the ring of your voice.
The clock in my day ticks only with the chime of your voice.
The sunset dances in my mind only to the tunes of your voice.
The melody of the night is cacophony as compared to the sweetness your voice.

My summers are only as hot as your love.
The rains can pour down only as much happiness as your love.
The winters can chill the anger only as easily as your love.
The fragrance of the spring is pungent compared to the aroma of your love.

All my hungers are satisfied in your nurturing embrace.
The heart keeps throbbing in your warm embrance.
The mind keeps thinking in your dynamic embrace.
The soul derives purpose only from your revitalizing embrace.

All my fires are ignited only in your divine presence.
The thirst for water ends in your quenching presence.
The air breathes in life in your lively presence.
The earth is an arid desert without your prolific presence.

P.S: This is only the beginning. No where close to poetry. But an attempt to describe my poetic emotions.

1 mm from LOVE

2010-02-22T12:10:00.000-08:00

1 MILLI METER FROM LOVE.
CATEGORY : FUCTION
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Dated: A guy's 24th birthday
Location: Don't want to disclose.
Company: Definitely won't disclose.
Time: 21:48

My 24th birthday and I am all alone. I am in despair. Utter, hopeless, bottomless shit-lined pungent pitted despair.

I did everything. I played by all the rules of the game.
I courted her. I flirted with her. I cared for her. I supported her. I pampered her. I heard all her woes. I shared all her happiness. I made her smile again. I did everything. I played by all the rules of the game.

But, 1 mm. That's how close she let me. She let me only 1 mm close to love. Yes, Love.

I was there. Almost there. I was ready to sign the deal for handing over my soul for all glorious eternity. Almost there.

Goddamn it! She didn't wish me on my birthday!!

Just 1 mm from LOVE. I failed. I failed by 1 mm.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: Some local 'restaurant aani baar'
Company: Still won't disclose.
Time: 22:28

Just 1 mm from LOVE.

I did everything. I played by all the rules.
I tried my level best to be there for her whenever she required me. I even pardoned her when she wasn't there for me (which was like always).

I walked beside her, never knowing that she wasn't walking next to me.
I caressed her, never knowing that my touch didn't reach her.

She was shattered. I gathered all her pieces and put her back in one.

And how did she pay me back? Kept me 1 mm away.

Failure. Not acceptable. I had never failed earlier! This just wasn't acceptable.

It was never my intention to hand over soul, to begin with. But the gravitating influence of LOVE pulls at all sorts of strings within you. It makes your inners reverberate with joy and makes them explode with passion. It has the power to hypnotize you. It has the power to swerve you from your chosen path.

I was pretending, pretending to do everything for her 'coz I wanted something. Unfortunately, somewhere in the pretence; I lost track of what was real and what was make belief. That's when LOVE started its gravitating influence on me. Goddamn, cupid!

1 mm away from LOVE. I was getting desperate by the minute. I decided that I would visit one of those women.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: Outside that same 'restaurant aani baar'
Company: Still won't disclose.
Time: 23:08

Goddamn Cupid!! Once mesmerized; I was being pulled in, ferociously, viciously. Funny thing about this black hole: you don't feel anger or agony when being pulled in. You actually feel ecstacy; orgasmic ecstacy.

Once mesmerized; I stopped pretending. Miserably for me; she didn't notice it. She drew her judgements early on and was hell bent on not dissolving her inscrutable opinions.

Yet my magic played onto her.
Maybe she was as hungry for caring as I was. Maybe she was just too confused and let herself flow with the stream. Maybe she was just dumb. Maybe, maybe she just happened to notice the change in my emotional integrity and sincerity towards her. Maybe she felt that this was getting real, evolving from the teenage peppermint love to something more tangible. Maybe, just maybe.
Whichever it was; she let me close to achieving my something.

When I got close to achieving it; somehow the hunger disappeared. May be that's why I didn't put up a fight. When I got close to achieving it; she realised that she couldn't do it to her heart; may be. When I got close to achieving it; I realised that this wasn't what I actually wanted; may be. When I got close to achieving it; she probably couldn't do it. May be she had a medical problem; may be.

Whichever may be it is; I just got close to achieving it. I had to withdrew whence I was 1 mm away.

Defeat. It stings.

I got a number of one of those women. I called up. I fixed it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Location: In a rick on my way to those women
Company: None.
Time: 23:42

Despair. Pitch black despair. I was desperately trying to cling onto something; anything. Defeat stings. Although things probably happened because we intended them to be like that; it still stung me.

Once 1 mm away and not being allowed to taste it; all my pretences came back to me. All the beginnings, all the trappings came back to me. I remembered the primary objective of undertaking this journey. Fuck the love. Fuck the confusion. Fuck everything. I wanted the result for taking all the pain.

Defeat. Failure. No, not acceptable. Not after the shitload I had to go through!!

Where was my life headed?
Why hadn't I handed over my soul already to her? (why did I wait so long?)
How could I leave my heart unguarded?
How could I let myself lose?

The phone buzzed. I took the call. "Happy birthday sweetu..."

Despair started dissolving.....

LOVE. Her voice, the sweetness, the concern, the LOVE.

It brought my mother into living memory. It brought my sister into living memory. It brought my father into living memory. It brought all the people who loved me into living memory.
LOVE.

I wasn't 1 mm away from LOVE. I was already deep into it. It was already enveloping me in a veil of protection. I was there already. LOVE.

If there was one thing that my sweetu would never want me to do; then it was going to those women. The POWER of LOVE. Just her voice pulled me out of despair. Catapulted me out of Utter, hopeless, bottomless shit-lined pungent pitted despair.

Just her voice. LOVE.

Something strong within me reciprocated.

Sense rushed into living memory.
If there was one thing that people who loved me would loathe seeing me do; then it was spending my birthday in that fashion.
If there was one thing that my mother would despise about me; then it was letting her down. My mother had groomed me well, she had taught me where and when to draw the line. I knew a line had to be drawn. I spoke to the rick driver and asked him to take me to my home.

Once home; all the answers came rushing to my head with crystal clarity.

Where was my life headed? -- I knew where I wanted it to head.
Why hadn't I handed over my soul already? -- I didn't have my soul with me, sweetu had it.
How could I leave my heart unguarded? -- My heart was well guarded and well protected with sweetu.
How could I let myself lose? -- Without a heart, without a soul; without sweetu; I could only lose.

Once home, I decided. Never again will I spend a birthday of mine alone.

Definitely not without love.

1 MILLION MAGICS FROM LOVE.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Laugh, Love, Live
The Original Shri

Diary Entry-1

2010-01-28T08:07:00.000-08:00

Note: This is purely a diary entry. You can read it; but it wont make much sense to you. If parts of it do make sense to you; then I'd hate to admit my vulnerability to you.

Life.

By goodness. I want to know how my parents were when they were of my age. May be things were not the same between now and then; but I am sure human emotions wouldn't have been dramatically different.

I think, rather believe I; that got have I faculty of such emotions; my mother from. Emotions. Twisting and turning and bashing and bathing me stinging me, tossing me and whole set of verbs which connote some sort of dramatic movement. I can't help but feel elated when she sits next to me and we discuss things earnestly. I can't but feel joy on listening to her voice. I can't bear the thought that she is happy without me. I am annoyed at the thought that he is ditching me, betraying me and not guiding me. I loathe the feeling that he won't budge till I say sorry for his mistake. I cannot but feel. I cannot but emote. I cannot but be trapped in this web of emotion.

I guess, rather believe I; that got have I this thinking prowess; my father from. Thoughts-zooming into space, thundering across my mindscape, taking me from this end of the universe to the other, traversing within my synapses; conjuring images full of magical power; and a whole of set of unearthly metaphors. I can't stop thinking why we strive so hard when we realise that there isn't much to gain. I can't stop brooding over the trivialty of our existence. I can't stop boarding that train to the future. I can't stop thinking. I just cannot switch my mind off.

Why do I write? Why do I read? Why do I tolerate mediocrity around me? Why do I tolerate pathetic leadership? Why do I feel so gullible? Why do I feel so vulnerable? Why the sinosuidal curve of elation and sorrow; swinging me in a stationary wave?

I realise that in this age; a million individuals around the world might be going through the same phases as me. I realise that my thoughts, my needs are not very exclusive. I realise that I am just ordinary.
Then, why don't I act like that?

People at the workplace have formed opinions about me. I don't give a damn about it. I know I should, but I don't.

A lady at my workplace is screwing up things for me. I know I should try to make up with her. But I wont.

My leader is not guiding me properly. I don't feel safe with him. I don't trust him. I won't confide in him. I know I'll have to leave him for my own good. But I know I will not.

My girl wants me back. I want to go back. But, I wont.

Why the inaction, when it is needed the most? Why the paradox?

Way too many questions. Way too little answers.

Hitting mid-twenties. When the see-saw shall swing to the wrong side; probably I'd have answers. At least, I hope.

Life.

The Corporate Jungle Book

2010-01-12T11:21:00.000-08:00

Chapter 0.5 : Sex, Sense and the People
-------------------------------------------------------------------
1
Having received a warning from my boss a day earlier; I was keen on getting to office on time. But as old habits die hard; I ended up in front of office with barely a minute to go. I was just about to swipe my card in when I heard that sweet voice. It the had the effect of singing sirens on me. I stood transfixed. I was turning to face the direction of such sweetness when a voice ahead of me boomed in my ears, "So Niranjan. Finally managed to be time eh?!". I said, "Oh yes Boss! After that lecture yesterday...". "Swipe in already. Come take a look at this file." With this a crescent smile spread across his cheeks.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
2
We were sitting in our cafetaria and chatting away to glory even after our lunch had finished. We were discussing the controversy about the sexual harrassment of a particular lady that had taken the office by storm. Everybody was chipping in with their gossiping prowess. I had already contributed to the GD and was a little relaxed just listening to my colleagues. When in my mindscape, a fragrance struck like a lightning bolt. It was the first time I felt, "Dear God! Thank you for blessing me with a nose and such keen olfactory senses". That fragrance magically transported me to a utopian neverland. Just when I was turning my head, my colleague said, "Hey Eshwar; did you hear she is going public today?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
3
I was yawning away to glory sitting in that compulsory HR session on 'Management of Sexual Advances'. I wondered why on earth was my organization trying to be so progressive for an Indian soceity. I tried to recollect the last time one of my lady colleagues had made a sexual advance onto me. Even before an image could play in mind's eye; the sight in front of me arrested me in the moment. Onto the stage, she walked. All my desire had manifested itself into that divine form. She was a glorious piece of God's work and perhaps the best that my eyes had ever seen....
-------------------------------------------------------------------
4
He had tasted the best wines in the world. He had tasted the greatest deserts ever prepared. He had tasted the most appetising edible mushrooms and fungi nature had to offer. He had tasted the best of the foods on the planet. But with her; he realised for the very first time the true power of gustation. The sumptuous feeling that food could provide was no match to it. The thrilling sense of edible mushrooms and fungi appeared grey in front of it. The sweet of deserts would taste like salt in comparison to her. The intoxication of wine crumpled to pieces in front of her. She had tasted like the divinity topped with chocolate syrup. She tasted like the cosmic majesty spiced with Ecstasy. She tasted like....
-------------------------------------------------------------------
5
Kamagni, famous as the nymph in her college; was not new to the pleasures of touch. But his touch opened up the gateway to existence in a different dimension altogether. Until his hand had explored certain parts of her body; she had never even realized that they had existed. In his touch; she felt like purring like a cub. In his touch; she felt the fresh drops of season's first rains. His touch enveloped her existence like a veil of satin. His touch...
--------------------------------
5
kamagni had always chosen her partners. But with him; it was different. Being morally challenged and ethically challenged; she knew that she would climb the career ladder very fast. She had accepted all ramifications of that. But his advances; somehow put her off track. But once in the comfort of a bed with him; she couldn't recollect any partner being that brilliant. She finally found what her soul was searching for. But, the day that he did that to her; all her dreams shattered. The lioness was hurt and she was going to come for blood.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
4
She tasted like the very elixir of life. The last time he had felt like that about a woman; he had conquered her world and declared her to be his within the sanctity of matrimony. After all these years, after building his repute with delicate care, after having groomed his children on ideal virtues; there was no ruddy way on earth he could afford to be drowning in Kamagni's magic. He was always an amorous idiot. He had numerous conquests that swirled his pride and several disasters which blunted his confidence. This was the first time it was going to be a combination of the two. He loved spending time with her but he had to put an end to it. He had to hurt the lioness.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
3
She was a glorious piece of God's work and perhaps the best that my eyes had ever seen. She was mastery of divine sculpturing skills. She suspended me within between life and death and I was having trouble grasping everything she was saying...."... said.....could.....promoted....also... would introduce..............elite club...I....a newcomer and foolishly believed everything...". The sight of tears in her eyes made me stop swaying in the universal dance that she had condensed upon me. An eruption of anger made the blood in my veins boil. My friend sitting next to me was perhaps enchanted similarly and he resonated my thoughts, "Shit! Rudra! How can any man do that to her!?!?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
2
Just when I was turning my head, my colleague said, "Hey Eshwar; did you hear she is going public today?". I turned my head and Kamagni's fragrance assaulted my senses immediately. But something else crept up into my living memory and raw loathe sprinkled itself upon my senses. I turned to my colleague and said, "Bitch! Apparently she threatened him. Niranjan was telling me. You know how he is into the thick of it. Apparently she wanted him to marry her and stuff. How these bitches play with men's emotions?!?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------
1
"Swipe in already. Come take a look at this file." With this a crescent smile spread across his cheeks. Niranjan's boss, Mr. Basu was only saying that to get his sub-ordinate out of his line of sight. The newcomer's voice had evidently reverberated within his mindscape spreading confetti all over. She looked like God's perfect gift to mankind. Her smell tantalized his olfactory senses. He couldn't wait to taste her...to touch her....to do her. Being in his position, it wasn't very difficult to find out that she was Kamagni; a newcomer, an ideal prey.
-------------------------------------------------------------------

P.S: A work of pure fiction. A clap is sounded only with BOTH hands.

Shriesh - A Prisoner in Azkaban

2010-01-03T02:55:00.000-08:00

Shriesh - A Prisoner in Azkaban

I still remember sitting; with my hands cuffed in that steel chair with all eyes of the Wizengamot on me. A ragged memory…the cold that penetrated my spine….the chill that enveloped my existence…sapping all happiness out of me…still haunts my mindscape. That angry look on those old faces; the twisted wrinkles wrinkling even further when my charges were declared - the crime of attempting to break one of the most ancient; most powerful; most bewitching of magics known to wizardkind....

Has it already been almost 20 years since then?

The tattered memories of my past identity still stab at the remnants of my conscience...the swift and angry desertion of my friends...the agony in the heart of my master...the stain of disappointment in my sister's eyes...the look of horror on my mother's face...the trace of shame in my father's demeanor...the shock of betrayal on her face...the torturing despair of my heart burning...

The swift and angry desertion of my friends at the display of weak parts of my character...the swift and angry desertion of my friends at my shameless betrayal and insult of their friendship...the swift and angry desertion of my friends at my adamancy and ego...the swift and angry desertion of my friends when they saw my own family loathe me...the swift and angry desertion of my friends when I befriended her...the swift and angry desertion of my friends when they realized that I aimed at breaking The sacred charm...
That swift and angry desertion of my friends...

The agony in the heart of my master when I let down his confidence and displayed my incompetence...the agony in the heart of my master when he saw his chosen pupil stray down the path of infamy...the agony in the heart of my master when he realized that his greatest mistake in life was me...the agony in the heart of my master when he failed to groom me to become a good family person...the agony in the heart of my master when I decided to walk beside her for the rest of my life...the agony in the heart of my master when he saw me fail at attempting to break The sacred charm...
That agony in the heart of my master...

The stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes when I declined to buy her the bewitched jewels...the stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes on my refusal to make it to her special day...the stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes when I wouldn't stand by her side...the stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes when her friends ridiculed her for my behavior...the stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes when she her as my choice...the stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes when I went to break The sacred charm...
That stain of disappointment in my sister’s eyes...

The look of horror on mother’s face when she realized that her son had become an utterly hopeless destitute...the look of horror on my mother’s face when she saw my friends zooming past me with accolades that I deserved...the look of horror on mother’s face when her son staggered despite his Himalayan capabilities...the look of horror on my mother’s face when her friends taunted her at my failures...the look of horror on my mother’s face when I first mentioned her...the look of horror on my mother’s face when she realized that I had attempted at breaking The sacred charm…
That look of horror on my mother’s face…

The trace of shame in my father's demeanor when I chose not to walk the path of his desire...the trace of shame in my father's demeanor when he saw his hopelessly miserable son swerving into the path of darkness...the trace of shame in my father's demeanor when I splintered my family with disgraceful deeds...the trace of shame in my father's demeanor when his dearest friends made a mockery of me... the trace of shame in my father's demeanor on me choosing her...the trace of shame in my father's demeanor when I attempted to break The sacred charm...
That trace of shame in my father’s demeanor…

The shock of betrayal on her face when her choice failed pathetically....the shock of betrayal on her face when she saw the veracity of my claims....the shock of betrayal on her face when I disrespected everything she loved...the shock of betrayal on her face when she saw my true, cunning and manipulative self...the shock of betrayal on her face when I decided to leave behind all the world...the shock of betrayal on her face at the moment when I resolved to break The sacred charm of ‘Love’....
That shock of betrayal on her face...

The torturing despair of my heart burning at the swift and angry desertion of my friends...the torturing despair of my heart burning at the agony in the heart of my master...the torturing despair of my heart burning at that stain of disappointment in my sister's eyes...the torturing despair of my heart burning at that look of horror on my mother's face...the torturing despair of my heart burning at that trace of shame in my father's demeanor............the torturing despair of my heart burning at the shock of betrayal on her face....
That torturing despair of my heart burning....

I am ready for the Dementor’s kiss. Come; take me. I am not worth space I occupy.
[As the dementors were approaching their needy victim; a shrill shout could be heard]

Did I just hear “EXPECTO PATRONUM”??

“Hey Shriesh; come lets escape….” and then she embraced me back into life with The sacred charm.

Reprise

2009-05-11T11:52:00.000-07:00

Its been long since I sat down and refined my thoughts by practising one of the most sacred arts: The art of writing.

I still remember those days when I used to sit up for hours together, go to answers.com and thesaurus.com; learn new words and cook up short stories.

I now intend to pick up this habit again.

I think it would be good for me.

When I try to recollect what really hindered me, I think it was IIM Lucknow. When I think further, I think it was IIM.

After an IIT, an IIM is a downgrade. An absolute downgrade.

Not seeing excellent infrastructure is one thing. Not having professors who can actually profess wisdom in various aspects of life and living is one thing. Not having an extremely sharp mind displaying the vibrance of his/her mindscape for you to go agape is one thing. But, having to bear it all for two years and keep up a smile saying that you consider it all wonderful is one bloody hell of an another thing.

IIM sapped the life out of me.

And then came Reliance. It is a very good company. Actually, in my consideration it is one of the best business organisations in INDIA to be working for. But, one person screwed up the beauty fo the whole thing for me. He sapped a little more life out of me.

And then there was a chick who betrayed me. It didnt just sap the life out of me, it nearly killed me.

But, then I came to Mumbai one night after doing something I consider derogatory. I went into this place called BLUE FROG.

That one night refilled me with pep and jazz and vitality and well, whatever elz you can think.

YOU MIGHT PUT ME DOWN, BUT I'LL GET UP AGAIN.
FUCK YOU, BITCHY LIFE.

Nascence of Youth

2007-09-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

Note:This aint poetry. It is simply badly rhyming verses strung together to make some sense.

Presently in this phase of life.

Nascence of Youth

Composed: Sept 22, 2007.

Sparkling skies, bewildered moon,
Reached here a bit too soon.
Entangled in the veil of maturity,
Preparing to take a stance of surety.
In grip of duties, caught accidentally,
Discovering fresh freedoms, unhurriedly.

Scintillating skies, perplexed moon,
Arrived here a bit too soon.
Snake in the pants, fire in the hearts,
Bombarded constantly by cupid’s darts.
Enchanted by unlocked imagination,
Spreading our unbounded ambition.

Sparkling skies, bewildered moon,
Reached here a bit too soon.
Wraped in mists of uncertainity,
Wondering about our destiny.
This heart full of desire can only sing,
Upon commencing these days of srping.

Insti Party

2007-08-19T12:59:00.000-07:00

Hell Sagas: Vol II
Interesting Naughty Sliver Toxicating Intoxication Party

Insti Parties

We have a ritual out here. We need to listen to BC sutta and/or GMD at the end of each insti party. I cant make out if it is an elaborate attempt at being a rebel or if it is just down right dismal choice. Insti party, an acronym for Interesting Naughty Sliver Toxicating Intoxication party; are a hit with the students body of IIM Lucknow.

I am not a regular at these. The ones I have attended are diluted in the intoxication part of it all. But people tell me all about that madness that alcohol sprinkles in the minds of these bright young minds on these occasions.

Master Of puppets I'm pulling your strings
Twisting your mind and smashing your dreams

Music.

Several forms of communication have developed as group ability in the evolution of the human race through the centuries. The finest form of them all, Music is also evolving. Long time ago, mermaids played the harp symphonies for the ship wrecked on lonely islands; who somehow seem to have lost all hope and in a trance not trying to enjoy the ongoing harmony.

Well, nothing of that sort happens at our insti parties. We have those regular acts that defame the very name of alcohol. Dramas, useless foolish trivial dramas. However, if you take another perspective which is mine too; these acts are what add the fizz to the celebration of youth, spirit, energy and life.

We have a heavy dose of Punjabi Music. I got to admit, living in this part of the country you get to hear different tastes and likes. I, a traveler, can’t resist these however hard I try to retain my own identity of being a south Indian. In the sweet enchanting company of whiskey, the body moves ungracefully to the beats in the music.

This might not sound like party to you. You might have witnessed parties in glossy setting with babes displayed as trophies by wealthy fat men. On second thoughts, I think that is totally filmy. So, lets try something again. You might have witnessed parties with UBGB kind of women showing what they got to the gyrations of the country music. On second thoughts again, that doesn’t sound good either. Lets give it one more shot. Oh! What the heck. The point is we don’t have many women. The ones who are ‘well, you know what’ kinds, come only for a short while. The other few who are ‘well, again you know what’ kinds don’t come at all. Well, getting back to more important things.

Music is the third reason I go to these parties once in a while. Alcohol is the second reason. Madness is the first.

Going out of control. We know that it will all be forgotten or forgiven sooner or later. We like to throw all inhibitions outside the window. We love Insti Party.

OXYMORON

2007-08-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

Simply Shri buddies........

Walking on this road all alone,
Laden with burning pieces of coal ,
Cant avoid this lasting moan,

2*****
I saw a star twinkling in the sky.
It asked me “Have u seen anything brighter than me?”
I said, “Yes”

1*****

I can hear the sulking of my soul.
Look ahead I, to see only mist,
Punchbag of excuses search I,

2*****

I saw the rose early one morning.
It asked me “Have u seen anything more beautiful than me?”
I said, “Yes”

1****

Gather my agony in my fist,
Punch the air and curse the sky.
Wonder if all this were only a dream,

2****
I heard the breeze whistle in my ears.
It asked me “Have u seen anything more playful than me?”
I said “Yes”

1****

Adding to that, this aura so mystical,
I wish i can wake up and scream,
Trapped in reality so very magical!

2****
I saw a deer playing in a meadow.
It asked me “Have u seen anything more cheerful than me?”
I said “Yes”

1****

Aint easy, swimming against the tide,
Leaving friends and loved ones,
Now, frustration taking me on a ride,

2*****

I saw the golden light of the early morning sun.
It asked me “Have u seen anything lovelier than me?”
I said “Yes”

1****

Mocking me, the truth making funce!
But, reacheth i my Goal surely,
For i havent sold my self-pride,

2****

I saw the earth all around me.
It asked me “Have u seen anything more magnificent than me?”
I said “Yes”

1****

To this falsifying world cheaply,
My consicous shall not chide.
Creed of experimenters, I belong to,

2*****

I saw love.
It asked me “Have u seen anything better than me?”
I said “NO”.

1*****
Life was never easy for us,
Fight with might, inch by inch we move,
Although the world shall cuss.

Jargonated

2007-07-23T11:22:00.000-07:00

Excerpts from The Shreez Chronicles

Jargon-ate-'d
“No, try to understand this. The rate of return on the intellectual capital invested in this place is shockingly low” said Anne Fic assertively and started showing an imaginary pie chart that had pretty little % figures as a legend.

Marte King calmly replied with vivid gestures “Oh Wait. Wait. How can you just say that! First try to understand the tangible and the intangible return. This place is more about the latter. What is happening to you out here is that you are turning into an asset. You use the SWOT analysis on yourself. It is your S’s that make you an asset. The W’s add the dimension of risk. You are going to perform efficiently as your acid test would show to a prospective company. The cash flows of your life are simply going to bloom. “

Anne Fic smiled, “Marte King. You seem to be in a good mood to globe.”

Marte King smiled too and said, “That how, I make my life.”

A tune suddenly shook the comfortable numbness that had swept the room. Marte King tried to reach for the cell phone on the table. The ring tone was that of Floyd. It was Comfortably Numb. Marte King realized that the numbness would continue for a while. If it is urgent, people would call again anyway.

Anne Fic frowned. “Bloody freeriders”.

Marte King was about to defend. But dropped the thought. Instead started with “Have you ever segmented the IIM Lucknow market based on psychographic variables?”

Anne Fic said, “I have COR VAL paper in a week. But what you suggest is a little more interesting. Tell me about it.”

Marte King got a little bit energetic breaking out of the numb shell and started, “Firstly the committee thing. One could clearly identify the two segments – The committee wale and the non-committee wale. Ofcourse there are some outliers here and there, ones who are in one and actually belong to the other. Each cluster has it’s own characteristics. “

Anne Fic was quick to react, “Now. Now. Don’t get into the details, we all know about it. What about using ‘wanting one of the other sex’ as the discriminating variable amongst students, professors and others. (Chuckles) Think about it. Which group would you allot me to?”

Marte King pondered for a while and replied, “Nopes buddy. Married or unmarried, single or couple, studying or teaching; that cannot be a discriminating variable. Everybody will score very high on that variable.”

“You mean to say that everybody would tick ‘Agree Strongly’?” said Anne Fic.

“I thought that we were using the other scale, not this one. Well, that’s what I mean. By the way, how do you think IIM should be positioned to the incoming batch” said Marte King.

That’s when Shukla Madam walked into the room and said, “MBAs. You people know only jargon!!”

Hell Sagas - Vol2

2007-06-16T15:58:00.000-07:00

Day One - Year Two : : Hell Sagas.

People were talking to each other with a childish enthusiasm. The topics of conversation ranged from their summers experiences to their new rooms. The smiles on their faces were a testimony to their happiness on being back to what they lovingly referred to as 'Hell'.

I too was smiling. I too was shaking hands. I too was hugging. I too was talking. But, amidst all that make belief; my eyes were searching for her. From the minute I landed on campus to the one I went to classes, all through; my eyes were searching for her.

I met my old buddy. For a few moments, my mind got diverted. He was my closest pal on campus and knew most of my secrets. It was actually a delight meeting him and talking to him after such a while. He then asks, "I hope you are over her!"

Bang.

Bang.

Back to her.

His last statement hurt me like the kick of a thousand elephants. He was the first I shared this crush of mine with. Of all people, I expected him to understand it, 'coz he too had a similar thing for another female on campus.

It didnt matter, if she reciprocated his feelings. It didnt matter, if she smiled at him. It didnt matter, if she talked to him. It didnt matter, if she knew of his existence. All that mattered was his liking for her. All that mattered was his feeling for her.

My friend chose to tag my crush as different from his. He wants me to get over her. They want me to get over her. How can I tell them, I cant. I never can. Even if she gets married, even if I get married; the feeling I have for her shall never die. Even if she loathes me to her guts, I can never cease loving her.

Did i hear you laughing ?

Unconditional Love.

Try it sometime.
Each day is spring.
Each moment is filled with music.
Each whisper is a melody.
Each sight is a miracle.
Each thing you do is fun.
Life becomes beautiful.
Try it sometime.

I wish I could etch my love on each and every stone on this planet, if not her heart. I wish I could sing my love to each and every bird on this planet, if not her eyes. I wish I could paint my love on each passing cloud, if not her thoughts. I wish I could.....

I just smiled back at my friend. He understood. We started walking towards the classes. And there she was....

There she was, smiling. She was with some of my other friends. They were walking in a direction opposite to us. They noticed us. They waved to us.

She noticed us. She turned and noticed some other friends walking towads her from another direction.

Silence.

Darkness.

I was choking. I was falling. I felt pain. I felt agony. I felt despair.

She knew how i felt about her. She doesnt care.

Silence.

Darkness.

Despair.

I walk an empty street, on the boulevard of broken dreams.

-- -- Shriesh

Laugh, Love, Live.

Reality vs Illusion

2007-06-15T10:22:00.000-07:00

Is reality an illusion?

Or does something called 'reality' actually exist ?

Are we in a matrix? Did we take the blue pill ? Did the spoon actually bend ?

Is one capable of witnessing and understanding reality?

What is reality in the first place?

Let me try a definition. It is what the world is like when you are in a state of zero desire, zero feeling. In such a state, you are simply receptive without bias, prejudice, expectation and opinion. You are completely devoid of emotion - the catalyst to perception. You witness the environment in it's true form - the naked truth, the horrible reality.

With that definition in mind, let me try to answer the queries posed before it.

'State of zero desire' is and always will be a hypothetical concept. Let us for a while, assume that such a state is achievable. You do spend sometime in such a stage. But after a while, in such a beautiful, wonderful and mystical world you are bound to be susceptible to desire. But, you persist to keep your present state of zero desire intact. Thus, you begin desiring not to have any further desires. There ! You are no more in a state of zero desire. Reality, ceases to exist.

Reality is nothing but a myriad of perceptions. Your reality is not mine and mine is not yours, simply for the reason that our perceptions are different.

I dont know if I am in a matrix or not. It sure seems to be one.

I wish I could strip all my inhibitions, my feelings, relations and witness the world in it's truest form.

Summer Stories - 6

2007-06-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

The last chapter.

On June 11th, I'll be entering the fences again that I have imprisoned myself in. For quite some more time.
No more madness. No more insanity. No more whacky stuff. No more listening to the heart. The mind shall take control of this soul. Why?

Survival.

My last week, I am spending it in Delhi. I had to make my final presentation to the HR ppl out here in Delhi.

After two days in Delhi, i realised DELHI GIRLS ROCK thumbs down in comparison to Mumbai.

I was trying to explain my crush on the chick to my friend. She happens to be a very good friend of his. He couldnt help laughing. No one can. It is funny, i gotta nod in agreement to that.

Stability scares me. I dont want to get stable as long as the blood in my veins is hot with youth.
Movement. Transition. Innovation.

Life shall take a turn at this corner.

Dated: 09-06-07