photo credit: DonkeyHotey

Most parents have heard of the “time out” – a technique for achieving obedience and reducing bad behaviour in your children by separating them from the family group or problem activity for a short period of time. There are people who oppose time outs for children on the basis that “isolation” can harm their overall well-being by making them feel unloved and unwanted. Based upon my own experience I disagree with this assessment.

Like most children, mine are intelligent, curious, playful, good-natured and kind. Also, like most children, mine lack world experience due to their very young age. They don’t know what can and can’t hurt them; therefore it is my job as a parent to keep them safe while providing them an abundance of opportunity to be independent and explore their environment. It’s a tough line to walk but for me the standard is “parent first, friend second”.

So I warn them but let them climb the chair knowing that they don’t have perfect balance and are going to fall off. I let them fight (just a little, before it gets out of control) so they learn how to resolve conflicts without adult intervention. I gently provide as much guidance as they are willing to accept and then I let them learn from the outcome of their own decisions.

But sometimes a firm hand is needed. That fight gets out of control, or they insist on climbing a less-than-sturdy table, or they’re overtired and can’t control their screaming and thrashing. At the end of the day my kids aren’t yet stable, independent adults – they’re just on their way there. Which mean it’s time for me to step in and control the situation.

The time out is a terrific tool because it is calm and authoritative without being an outright punishment. When one of my kids loses control of himself, I walk him to the corner of the room – away from toys and out of sight of the television and any distractions – tell him what he did to be put on a time out, and have him sit for 1-2 minutes to calm down.

Since toddlers can sometimes get into tantrums of extreme flailing rage, I stick around to make sure he doesn’t hurt himself. The thing to remember is that young children lack the mental capacity to handle their frustrations, and often the only way they can express their frustration is by crying, screaming, and being physically violent. I don’t buy into people who say you can “talk it out” in every situation – children sometimes need to be given an opportunity to get their emotions out of their system before any reasonable conversation can take place. This is a major difference between a young child and a grown-up.

After he has been calm for those minutes we hug it out and talk about why we needed to take a time out. What is the underlying cause of this frustration or behaviour? If the conflict was with another child, we can get together and work through how to share, or play nicely, or whatever it was that caused the unwanted behaviour.

I’m finding as my oldest is approaching 4 years old, just warning him of a timeout is enough to have him stop and correct his behaviour, or at least have a conversation about why he is misbehaving. Very often it falls into one of three causes:

1. Jealous over attention given to a sibling
2. Being over-tired and in need of rest
3. A desire to become more independent, therefore testing his boundaries

In all cases it’s fine to be understanding, but as parents it is our job to maintain a safe and harmonious household. If the kids refuse to do as they’re told, you need to take immediate action to correct that. It may be something as harmless as playing in the living room where you can see them today, rather than in the hallway. But tomorrow, it may be something serious, such as telling them to stay close to you in a parking lot so they don’t get hit by a car. If they don’t listen to you now, why would they do it in a truly dangerous situation? Answer: They won’t.

So be prepared to back up what you say with discipline, and don’t ask them to do anything you aren’t willing to fight to get them to do because at some point your bluff will be called. That’s why I try to be as laid back as possible with my kids and I try to only tell them to do things when I’m really serious about having those things done. It’s hard work, but our children rely on us to be strong, consistent, and provide structure.

They’re growing up really fast, and I will always be that rock, that pillar of strength for my kids. I’ll pick my battles. And I’ll enjoy every minute of time I get with them.

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photo credit: Gonmi

We were outside raking and suddenly my daughter picked a mushroom from the ground and popped it into her mouth before we could say ‘NO!’. Sometimes being within arms reach just isn’t enough – those little people are fast!

Don’t panic. In our case we were raking around a pine tree and the mushrooms we have a probably not poisonous. But it’s impossible to tell unless you’re a mycologist, and even then it is common for poisonous and non-poisonous species to grow in the same area. The toxic spores can get metabolized inside a child’s body rapidly, and some fungi are capable of killing within hours.

Here’s what to do when your child has eaten an unknown mushroom:

1. Don’t panic. Rushing and getting upset will not help the situation, could scare your child, and could lead to hazardous mistakes. Even the most deadly mushrooms take time to do their work, and hallucinogenic spores will make your child loopy but you will reach the hospital in time to prevent serious complications. Don’t panic.
2. Only if your child is in distress – call 911. If your child is having trouble breathing, their pulse is weak or jumpy, or they are suddenly lethargic, this is a medical emergency and you are right to call the paramedics. If your child is business-as-usual so far, you can prepare to bring them to the hospital yourself.
3. Call poison control (not 911). Notify poison control that your child has swallowed a potentially harmful fungus and that you are proceeding to the nearest hospital. They will assess the situation and will call the hospital on your behalf to announce your arrival. If you are in Canada, the provincial poison control phone numbers can be found here.
4. Load your child into the car and drive to the nearest hospital. Monitor your child’s condition and if a medical emergency develops pull over and call 911 for help.
5. Do not present any food or water to the child until the doctor gives the green light.

Everything worked out well with my daughter. Since we live in the country it took a good 45 minutes to drive to the hospital where they were waiting to rush us through triage and straight to see the doctor. I had to hold her down while they administered charcoal, which binds to any toxins that might have been ingested with the mushrooms so they get passed rather than absorbed into her body. It was horrible, thick, messy stuff – but despite gagging and struggling she didn’t have any trouble keeping it down. Afterward we stayed for a few hours for observation and were released with no further problems.

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It feels weird to be sitting here thinking about the changes that went by in the last year, and how much has changed in some regards while very little has changed in others. Last year at this time I was sitting 5 feet away from this spot, on the couch, facing east while reminiscing, this time I am facing south, but the room is unchanged aside from a new couch where the old once was.

I’m thinking about what it was like to share in my wife’s third pregnancy; after the second felt so very rushed, the third seemed more real to me in a lot of ways because I was able to slow down and take in all of the sights and sounds as it were. There were some scary moments but we had a beautiful baby boy in February, got ejected from the hospital during the worst snowstorm of the year (it took hours to drive home) and went back that night when I experienced a kidney stone – a horrifyingly painful experience I don’t wish upon anybody. Now Ben is almost a year old, starting to walk, slowly switching to milk and food; and I’m taking advantage of the rare quiet of a nap time to go over my thoughts and appreciate just how fast the year has gone by.

Before the birth, I thought about what might be useful to parents who need a babysitter – the result was Babysitter Buddy – a website that prompts parents for emergency contact numbers and other important details that a babysitter should know; it’s a useful way to make sure nothing gets forgotten so you can go have fun and know that the person that you’ve left your children in the care of will know everything your kids need to get through the night. Next year I want to re-visit it and improve the interface, make it a bit friendlier and easier to use, now that I’ve had some time away and can approach it objectively again.

2011 had a lot of highs and lows. There were the cute moments that put everything into perspective and remind us why growing a family is so important. There were the nights of frustration and lost sleep that make you want to start scratching days into the wall to count down the time before they turn 18 and move out. We tried new things like having the kids help out with chores and revisited our old standby, the cloth diaper. We’re back on disposables now; cloth is a lot of work when you have three non-stop potty machines on the go.

What’s next for 2012? All three kids will be walking, the oldest may finally be big enough to fit into a booster seat, and we’re going to look for ways to get more involved in our community. By focusing on the core five of us and contributing to the neighbourhood, I want to strengthen our family bonds and give our kids a healthier and happy foundation to begin their school careers (in 2013!).

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Recently, she has taken an interested in Clean Eating and has begun publishing her fast and healthy recipes to her new web site: Fast, Healthy and Clean.

Check out Rachelle’s site, and treat your family to an easy and delicious healthy dinner tonight!

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photo credit: MissMessie

When Mike and I had our first child we decided to try using cloth diapers. It lasted a few weeks (and that’s being generous) before deciding that it was not worth it and we went back to the disposable diapers. Now fast forward 2 years and you guessed it we are back to cloth diapers.

When we had the one child it seemed like such a chore to use the cloth diapers but with three little ones it seems so much easier. I also did more research this time around and found out that there is 2 ways to keep your soiled diapers. There is the wet method where you have a diaper pail with water, baking soda and vinegar or the dry method where you simply toss the soiled diapers in a pail close the lid and forget about it. When using the dry method if you do have a poop-filled diaper you do need to either swish the dirty diaper in the toilet of throw it on a rinse cycle in the washer.

I also find that if you put down a paper liner in the diaper most of the poop stays on there and you just toss it into the trash. I prefer the dry method to the wet method. It’s easier to lug the laundry downstairs and I don’t need to worry about the kids getting into the dirty diaper water.

I also chose to use different diapers this time around. With our first born I tried the pre-fold with a cover and found it too time consuming between folding the diapers right and getting the baby to sit still it was more or a challenge then it needed to be. This time around I decided to try all-in-ones and also diapers that need a cover but no folding. I am still navigating the world of cloth diapers and trust me there are more kinds than you could ever possibly need.

If you are considering using cloth diapers then I would suggest 2 things.

1. If you don’t want all the work involved in caring for the diapers then look into a diapering service.
2. Go to a local store that sells diapers and ask if they have a trial package so you can test a variety of cloth diapers( I wish I would have).

The great thing about a trial package is most places let you keep the diapers for 2 weeks you try all types of diapers and covers available and you can choose whether or not cloth diapering is for you. I wish I would have done cloth diapers from the beginning cause it is so much better for my little ones bottoms but in life we live and learn.

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photo credit: Laurel Fan

So today I decided I was going to throw caution to the wind and let my almost three year old help me with my housework. You know my hat goes off to mothers that take the time to include their kids in this but I am not one of those women cut out to redo a chore multiple times.

It started with cleaning of the table after breakfast. I asked my son to put the bowls and cups in the sink. While I was busy changing my 14 month olds diaper I had not realized he put everything in the trash. So out of the trash and into the sink the dishes went. Then it was off to sort some clothes. Oh boy I need to warn you I hate doing laundry every aspect of it in fact whenever possible hubby does it for me. Everything was folded just needed to be sorted and put into the appropriate room. Well we got to sorting it then I closed the door and went back to the chore later on cause every item that was once folded was now unfolded.

We also attempted the clean up game for his toys and then I gave up. So maybe once he’s a little older I can try again or maybe I should start small like helping me clean the windows but I will definitely only let him help me with one task a day till he gets the hang of things. I will remember to have lots of time for the chore and not be in a rush as well as have an extra patch of patience.

So to all you moms and dads out there, it’s an adventure when your child wants to help with housework but it makes then happy and there’s nothing like a smile on their face.

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photo credit: nicasaurusrex

It’s 7:30 and you find yourself wanting to say to your child: “I’m tired. You should go to bed.” It’s not easy keeping up with the boundless energy of a two-year-old. All of a sudden their temperament changes, and you find yourself fighting with them to get back into their bed.

After our third pregnancy, my son and daughter are adjusting to our new routine. Everything seemed fine while I was off work but as soon as I went back to the office Dylan began a new phase of separation anxiety. Whereas he would go to sleep by 7pm every night and stay in bed until 7am the next day on a routine that was perfectly matched to his body’s needs, he decided his new routine should be not going to sleep ever.

This was an exercise in frustration for everybody. Our first step was to put him back in his bed and calmly tell him to stay there. This technique works for time outs but it did not bring us any success keeping him in his room. Next we tried closing the door and keeping him in his room while we talked to him from the other side. My wife tried sleeping on the floor of his room so that he would see she was there and stay put – no luck. We even tried letting him nap with us in our bed, but nothing seemed to work. My son did not want to soothe, he wanted to scream himself to sleep and there was nothing we could do about it.

My wife got desperate and called the public health nurse for advice She suggested another tactic that seems to be working, and it involves a new way of approaching the situation with positivity. Here’s what we’ve done:

1. Turn off the TV at dinner time and don’t put it on again before bed.
2. Start giving the baby his bath at his former bed time. (Yes, that means he’s going to bed later, but he is older now so it’s OK).
3. After the bad, put on his PJs.
4. Put him in his bed, sit net to him, and read a complex chapter book.

I’m pleased that my son is old enough to appreciate reading time. It’s turned into an amazing way for us to spend some downtime together and he really enjoys the one-on-one time with his dad, so much so that during the day he keeps asking his mom when dad is going to come home and read to him. The best part is that he loses the fight and is asleep by 7:30 now with no screaming or yelling.

There are a lot of reasons why children have difficulty getting to sleep. In our case, my son was craving special attention and this was his way of communicating his needs to us. Now that we’ve wised up and understand the message, we’ve earned our evenings back and added a fulfilling new ritual to our daily routine.

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3. The Child’s Eyes

Dylan: Mommy, turn on the lights.
Mom: We don’t need to turn on the lights, because the sun is a big lamp that lights up the inside and the outside.
Dylan: Where is the switch?

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photo credit: kthypryn

We’ve been busy! I’m proud to announce the launch of Babysitter Buddy, a tool for parents to help caregivers understand the best routines as well as food and medical needs for their children.

We’ve all written out lists of phone numbers, food preparation instructions and bedtime habits – Babysitter Buddy makes this process better by prompting with common information babysitters might need. Parents can be sure they haven’t gone away and forgotten some critical piece of information.

Check it out at http://www.babysitterbuddy.com – if you choose to sign up be sure to sign up for the mailing list for more hints, tips and safety advice.

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In some ways, it feels like we’re becoming old hands at this. Milestones that were huge surprises with the first and second are now met with a “been there, done that” feeling. The first two pregnancies were polar opposite, this third one is a lot like a mixture of the first two.

In other ways, having a third child is giving us a new baseline to compare the growth of our first two children. My son and daughter are already learning different things at different speeds, so I am really looking forward to seeing what areas the new baby will excel in and in which they will advance more slowly than their siblings.

One thing that I’ve really learned through all this is: There is no “normal”. Depending on the moment, “professional” opinions about my first two kid’s development have been radically different, from “your child is slow” to “your child is well ahead of the curve”. On the third go, we’re a lot more comfortable going with our own sensibilities rather than letting other people dictate how we should raise our children.

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photo credit: shaymus22

It seemed like a neat bonding activity. As I drove by a truck my son would point and say “Play with that truck!”, so I would exit my vehicle, smash the window of the truck and climb in. He encouraged me to do everything from tearing down straight roads as fast as possible, performing trick jumps, and fantastically crashing into other vehicles.

The next day I noticed a big change in my son. His regular car play had changed from driving them gently back and forth across his toy box to throwing them at the wall and yelling “Boom, boom, boom! Like dad!” When it came to playing with other children, his new game was to take their toys cars only to throw them at the wall. In a single session, I had taught my son to play aggressively.

Is the game studio who developed the game responsible for my son’s behaviour? I would say NO. As parents we need to be aware of how our children understand and process what they see and hear on television and from us.

As for our own video games, we’re taking more time to explain and make sure my son understands what he is witnessing. When we play cars, the emphasis is on sharing and understanding how other people feel when we behave certain ways. I’m happy to say my son is rehabilitated; but I’ve learned that some things that are just entertainment for me are subtle templates of understanding for my son. I can only hope I fill his head with enough positive lessons while he’s still young enough and interested enough in what I am doing.

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photo credit: hunterseakerhk

Not surprisingly, our son reacts more favorably when we take this approach. If there’s one thing a toddler doesn’t like to hear, it’s the word “NO”. When you tell your child they can’t do something, it’s up to them to figure out what they can do; a young child doesn’t have the capacity to figure that out on their own, so they are more likely to act out.

Telling our son what he can do has made all the difference in the world. When we say “We keep our hands to ourselves” he knows exactly what’s expected of him. “We sit on the couch” is much more understandable than “Don’t stand on the couch”. By including an acceptable action (sitting), we’re implicitly excluding actions we don’t want him doing (like jumping, dancing or standing).

Aside from our son’s improved behaviour, we’re finding the positivity floats into other areas of our lives with our langing shifting to phrases like “We should get something else” rather than “We can’t afford that”. Overall, it’s improved our moods and reactions to everything around us; the change has been extraordinary.

Next time you’re about to tell your child not to dump sand out of the sandbox, take a second to think about the way you’re expressing your wishes. You’re really asking is for your child to keep the sand inside the sandbox. Before long, this kind of thinking and the benefits it can bring will come naturally.

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We had this delima and decided on a few things we wanted to accomplish: First, don’t surprise the child with a new sibling – start talking about it as soon as possible; second, don’t move the child to a new room when the baby comes because it will confuse them and make them feel like they’ve lost their comfort zone; finally, make the child feel included in the new baby process so they (hopefully) aren’t resentful when you come home with your new bundle of joy.

Preparations

In our case, the first thing I did was clear out the room I had been using as my office and I painted it a deep relaxing blue for my son. We were moving him to the bigger room because his old room (the nursery) is attached to our own and we would definitely be needing it for the baby. This was done around the 5th month of the pregnancy, so Dylan was able to see changes starting in his mom and start to get to know his new room.

It took about two weeks to do the room since I had a number of repairs to make and wasn’t in a particular rush; it was a fun adventure for him to see the unfolding progress. Finally, I moved his crib and belongings over and let him take a nap in the crib. He was a little confused at first b ut because the situation was non-confrontational it ended up being quite relaxinbg for him.

Next I started on the nursery; tearing down the old decorations and painting it bright and girly. My son was more upset over these changes because it was starting to hit home that the older, smaller room was no longer his. At some point it hit home for him – the change was real.

Meanwhile my wife’s tummy was getting bigger and she was beginning to transition into carrying him less. That was a harder battle to fight because he began to sense that something big was happening and he wanted to be comforted; however, we knew she soon would be physically unable to spend time carrying him – it turned out to be a good decision in the end.

The Delivery

When it was finally time for the new baby to arrive, I had my mother come down and watch my son so we could focus our energy on the labour and know that Dylan was safe. My wife’s parents would also have been more than happy to take him for us, but it was important to us that he remain home in his comfortable environment. We’re very fortunate to have such a close and supportive family.

Brother and Sister Finally Meet

Aside from meeting his sister, we made sure to have a present ready for him so he would know he was still important to us. Overall it was a very smooth experience.

Settling In

It wasn’t all fun and games, of course. Once we brought the baby home there was an adjustment period. It was one thing to meet his sister in the hospital but Dylan wasn’t so pleased with the situation once there was a screaming baby sharing the house (and mom and dad) with him. Three days away from his parents took a toll and while he was very well behaved for my mother, he was generally inconsolable once we returned. Remember that he is only two years old – he was so happy to have us home but didn’t know how to control his emotions.

It’s been a few weeks now, and we’ve largely settled back to routine. Dylan has accepted Katrina as a permanent fixture of the house and treats her carefully and compassionately. When she cries, he seeks us to soothe her. When we feed her, he gently kisses her forehead. Adding a new member to the family is a major life event but it doesn’t have to be traumatic.

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photo credit: suzukiQ

becomes even more challenging. What do you give to your little one who either can’t keep food down or has lost interest in eating because of the pain in their tummy?

Staying Hydrated is More Important Than Staying Fed
The first thing to remember: It’s much more important to drink plenty of fluids when your child (or you) becomes ill. Between fevers, diarrhea and vomiting, the body needs all of the water it can get in order to fight off the infection. If your child is able to drink but refuses to eat food, you may be best letting their system continue to work.

Stock Up on Pedialyte
Pedialyte – and other “noname” brands that offer the exact same product at half the price – is an excellent aid for a parent with a sick child. Especially in cases where the child seems to be throwing up everything that is going down, this medicine will help your child slowly absorb additional electrolytes which will help their immune system fight off the virus.

Tip: Gatorade – among other sports drinks – has a similar effect for adults (but contains too much sugar for younger children). In our household we call this our secret weapon and stock up every time one of us starts to get sick.

The BRAT Diet
BRAT (Bananas, Rice, Apple sauce, Toast) is an acronym you can use to remember the foods that will help to settle your child’s stomach while giving them the best chance to regain nutrients in order to get better faster. These foods are good sources of minerals and vitamins but are neutral enough that they offer the best chances at staying down in an upset tummy.

The CRAM Diet – More Protein
A similar diet involves Cereal and Milk in order to boost the amount of protein your child receives. Depending on the tastes of your child, offer these foods if your child will have them (ours won’t eat bananas, for example).

When to Seek Medical Help
Call your doctor if your child is disoriented, lethargic, difficult to wake, or has a fever higher than 102 fahrenheit. In most cases your child will be better served resting at home – resting in bed is more comfortable than waiting in a strange place for a doctor; going to the hospital will expose your children to more disease (as it turns out, some of those other people in the waiting room could be sick).

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photo credit: lamcopphis

If you use a wood stove to keep your family warm in the winter – particularly if you have a small wood stove with a low ceiling – you may well have gotten used to waking up out of bed during the night to keep the fire going. It’s not as big a deal to wake up to a cold house once the children are older, but babies are less tolerant of extreme temperature changes which means, yes, another source of sleep deprivation for you.

A top-down – sometimes called front-back – fire is a new-ish (depending on who you ask) technique for building fires. The idea is to burn the fire from the top of the pile down to the bottom; rather than burning all of your wood at the same time, this method will burn a single log which will crumble away as the next starts to burn. With a large enough stove and proper home insulation, this can keep your house comfortably warm all night while you stay in bed.

The way I was shown to build fires goes something like this:

1. Place two large logs next to each other with space in the middle for newsprint
2. Crumple as much newsprint as will comfortably fit between the two logs
3. Lay 4-5 pieces of small wood strips across like a grill in order to catch the heat from the newsprint while at allowing for good airflow
4. Place 2-3 smaller logs on top of the whole apparatus to collect heat from the kindling as it warms up; again allowing lots of space all around for airflow so the fire won’t smother
5. Light the newsprint in a few places and watch the whole thing take off; as long as you’ve left a nice amount of room for air to flow around, you can’t miss. The fire will take off quickly
6. Watch everything fall into a smoldering mess – poke and position the embers and put more wood on top – fire will not die until all fuel is extinguished

I still use this method during the day because it keeps the house nice and hot. The only downside is it requires a lot of maintenance with a small wood stove such as mine, and will smoke badly if not given enough air so constant attention to the airflow and flue is needed. At night, I prefer to use the top-down method:

1. Start at the back of the stove and stack large logs in a tight cluster with as little space between as possible
2. Place 2-3 pieces of dry kindling/wood scraps on top
3. Take 3-4 pieces of newsprint, roll each tightly and tie in a knot, place on top of the kindling
4. Light the newsprint, close the door and walk away

photo credit: ryanovineyards

The fire will burn steadily all night. I like to tie the newsprint as if I were tying a shoelace, because there is no kindling to hold it down and this technique will prevent it from blowing away or falling off the wood pile.

The most amazing part of top-down fires is the lack of smoke. Most people are accustomed to the idea of bottom-up fires because as the heat from the flame rises it warms up the larger wood and increases the temperature of the fire. The problem is the air around the wood is not heated as quickly, so when the wood catches it will smoke at first. Top-down flames are pure heat and do not smoke; they won’t leave as much creosote in your chimney and they burn the wood much more completely.

The best part about owning a wood stove is the sense of connectivity you experience with the heating in your home. It’s one thing to flip a switch and have a furnace come on; it’s quite another to gain some level of mastery over the ability to make fire for your own comfort. Everyone who burns wood ultimately figures out their own method for best results; with so many different approaches and models of stoves you can literally spend your whole life improving your technique.

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